remuda
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ÂTRANSCRIPT
Remuda
A play byWilliam Donnelly
Contact:Mark OrsiniBret Adams Ltd.448 W. 44th St.New York, NY 10036(212)[email protected]
Characters
KEITH, young man, twentiesCRAIG, his brother, year or two older
FAY, a woman, forties
Setting
The basement of a small house in a small town.
RemudaCopyright © 2003 by William Donnelly
remuda (ri-'mü-da): n. the herd of horses from which those to be used
for the day are chosen
ACT ONE1.
(Basement. Wood-panel walls, drop ceiling, water damaged carpet, staircasealong back, bathroom under the stairs. There are two doors: one opens into abedroom, one leads to the unfinished part of the cellar. There is a couch, a coffeetable, and a Formica table that used to be in the kitchen, and a bookshelfcrammed with old books, videotapes, board games. A small basement windowlooks out onto ground level. There is a dart board, a beaten dorm fridge, and anold TV rigged with a video game console. Stacks of games sit under the TV. Oldmusic magazines litter the space. At rise, CRAIG is seated at the table eatingpowdered donuts, drinking orange soda, reading an old music magazine. In time,KEITH enters, walks past CRAIG, and enters the bathroom. He flips a lightswitch and closes the door behind him. CRAIG pulls a subscription card out ofthe magazine he’s reading and drops it on the floor. KEITH emerges from thebathroom, stares at CRAIG and the donuts. CRAIG reads throughout.)
KEITHThose yours?
CRAIGYeah.
KEITHYou buy ‘em?
CRAIGNo.
KEITHWho did?
CRAIGDad.
KEITHHe gave ‘em to you?
CRAIGNo.
KEITHHow’d you get ‘em?
Remuda 2
Craig.
Did you find ‘em?Were they in the cupboard?Were they behind something?Dude, if he hid those and now you’re eating them—
You are fucked my friend.
What were they behind?
CRAIG—table.
KEITHThey were behind the table?
CRAIGOn.
KEITHWhat’s that supposed to mean?
Craig . . .
You get up this morning—I’m just trying to understand—you come out, you’re yawning,scratching, doing your thing, you look at the table and these are sitting there?
CRAIGYeah.
KEITHFrom Dad.
CRAIGYeah.
KEITHOur Dad.
CRAIGYeah.
(Mouth full, nearly inaudible.) There was a note.
Remuda 3
KEITHWhat?
CRAIGThere was a note by the box.
KEITHWhat did it say?
CRAIG“Boys comma enjoy them.”
KEITHWas it signed?
CRAIGNo.
KEITHAh, so there was no signature.
CRAIGThey’re good.
KEITHWhat?
CRAIGI say they’re good. They taste good.
KEITHDid I say they don’t? Anybody can see they taste good. They’re a quality product.And they’re not just for you.
CRAIGNever thought so.
KEITHIf there was a note, as you said, and it specified “boys” that means more than one—
CRAIGPlural. I know.
KEITHSo they’re not just yours.
Remuda 4
CRAIGNever thought so, never said so.
KEITHGood. ‘Cause that’s not the case.
(KEITH reaches for a donut, CRAIG stops him.)
CRAIGThat one’s mine.
2.
(CRAIG is reading a different old music magazine from the one in scene one.KEITH is stretched out on the couch tossing a Nerf ball above his head.)
KEITHWhat do you feel like doing?
You feel like doing something?
Hey, remember that time you were Out West?
CRAIGYeah.
KEITHWhat did you do out there?
(CRAIG stops reading.)
CRAIGI did some things I guess.
(Pause.)
KEITHYou ever think about Death?
CRAIGNo.
(Long pause.)
Remuda 5
3.
(KEITH and CRAIG are playing video games. They play with no talk betweenthem, no expressions on their faces. We hear the sound of the game. They do thisfor some time.)
4.
(CRAIG is reading still another old music magazine. KEITH is on the couch.)
KEITHSo why do you think Dad got those donuts?Doesn’t seem like something he’d do, you know?I can see other guys doing it.Guys with sweaters.Guys with nice jackets.Just doesn’t seem to be his thing.
CRAIGMaybe he’s happy.
KEITHYou think?
CRAIGMaybe he’s happy about something. Decided to do something nice.
KEITHWhat would he be happy about?
CRAIGI don’t know.
KEITHSee, I’d be with you if you said, he won ‘em.Like, he won the donuts.But I don’t see Dad buying them.
I can see someone giving them to him.Like his friend who’s always going to the day-old bakery.
CRAIGThe what?
Remuda 6
KEITH—those seemed pretty fresh, though. The day old-bakery. The place with the leftovers.The remnants. The stuff that got fucked up in the machines. The wrong-looking stuff.The cut-out bakery.
CRAIGI never heard of such a thing.
KEITHIt’s right there. Over by the guy with the bug sign.
CRAIGWhat bug sign?
KEITHFor the guy who kills bugs. The exterminator. He’s got a sign that says what the pest ofthe month is.
CRAIGWhat’s the pest of the month?
KEITHI think it’s carpet beetles.
CRAIGNo, I mean what is he doing with a pest of the month sign? Who decides?
KEITHWho decides?
CRAIGWhat’s the criteria for who gets pest of the month? Is this something he comes up with oris it determined on some kind of national level?
KEITHI don’t know.
CRAIGIs it something that gets voted on?
KEITHI don’t know.
CRAIGI’ve never heard of such a thing.
Remuda 7
KEITHIt’s right there.
CRAIGAre you sure?
KEITHRight next to the day-old bakery.
CRAIGAre we talking about the same town?
KEITHI think so.
This one.
Right?
CRAIGI don’t think we pay attention to the same things.
(CRAIG goes back to his magazine.)
KEITHMaybe he found them.
CRAIGWho?
KEITHDad.Maybe they were on the side of the road or something.Maybe someone was throwing them out.
CRAIGWhy is it so impossible to think he’s happy?
(Long pause.)
KEITHMaybe he stole ‘em.
Remuda 8
5.
(CRAIG is stretched out on the couch reading an old music magazine. KEITH isat the table fucking around with an old version of the board game “Trouble.”KEITH looks out the small window that looks out onto ground level. He goes tothe dart board, picks up a handful of darts, prepares to throw. With his firstthrow, he misses the board low—the dart sticks in the wall. With his second, hemisses the board high. He looks at CRAIG. He moves closer to the target. Withhis third throw, he misses the board low again. He retrieves the darts and pressesone into the bullseye. He lifts up his shirt and scratches his belly.)
KEITHDude, I’m hungry.We should call for food.Chinese maybe.Little sesame chicken.Pork fried rice.Lobster sauce.Crab rangoon.Boneless spare ribs.Beef teriyaki.Moo goo gai pan.Scallion pancakes.Chicken lo-mein.Those little dumpling things.
CRAIGYou got money?
KEITHLittle.
CRAIGI could eat.
(KEITH walks to the telephone table, opens the drawer, and starts to rifle throughpapers, batteries—anything you might find in a junk drawer.)
KEITHWhere’s the Panda menu?
CRAIGIt’s in there.
KEITHDid you put it somewhere else?
Remuda 9
CRAIGNo.
KEITHDid you?
CRAIGNo.
KEITHHow come I can’t find it?
CRAIGMaybe you’re looking too hard.
KEITHHow can you look too hard?
CRAIGYou can be so wound up about finding something that your eye looks right past it. It’syour mind telling you that you’re being stupid.
KEITHAre you saying I’m stupid?
CRAIGNo, your mind is.
KEITHDude—even if I am stupid, don’t fuckin call me that. I hate being called shit. Itdepreciates the soul.
Stupid. Trashy. Tacky. Fat. Humorless. Boring. Fugly. These are all very damagingwords.
CRAIGYou’re not fat.
KEITHDon’t even say it. Even if I’m not. You throw words around like that—it pulls everyonedown, like a big fucking anchor.
CRAIGI didn’t mean “stupid” like stupid. I meant it like . . . over-stimulated.
Remuda 10
KEITHSee, that I can see. Your mind starts working so hard in one direction . . . here it is.
See how that worked? I start to investigate the Stimulation Question and the menu jumpsinto my hand. That’s like a psychological phenomenon, don’t you think? ‘Causeseriously, it’s not like it wasn’t there the whole time. It’s not like it was actually absentand then suddenly reappeared and jumped into my hand.
CRAIGMaybe it did.
KEITHNo.
CRAIGMaybe . . . it did.
KEITH(Nearly a whisper.) No.
(KEITH goes to the phone. CRAIG goes back to reading. KEITH brings the phoneand the menu to CRAIG.)
CRAIGWhat’s this?
KEITHPhone. Panda menu.
CRAIGWhy are you giving them to me?
KEITHTo call.
CRAIGWhy don’t you call?
KEITHI already did my bit.
CRAIGYou said, “I’m hungry, how ‘bout Chinese.” That’s “your bit”?
KEITHIt’s my brainchild.
Remuda 11
CRAIG(Handing back phone.) Make your own call.
KEITHWhy me?
CRAIGWhy me? No. See. You always do this.
KEITHWe’re sharing. We’re job sharing.
CRAIGYou didn’t do anything.
KEITHI did everything. I brainstormed the whole idea. I got the menu. I got the phone. I’ll evendial for you.
CRAIGAnd while you’re doing that you can place the order.
KEITHWhat’ll you do?
CRAIGWhen it gets here, I’ll eat.
KEITHHow fair is that?
CRAIGWhat “fair”? How fair is it for me?
KEITHJust fuckin call.
CRAIGYou fuckin call.
KEITHYou’re better at it.
CRAIGHow do you figure?
Remuda 12
KEITHYou have a way about you. With phone people. You have an inner poise.
CRAIGYou could have poise.
KEITHI don’t want poise, I want some fucking Chinese food.
CRAIGWhy does everything have to be an ordeal?
KEITHPlease call.
I don’t like to call.I’m afraid to.It makes me anxious.If they ask me questions.If I don’t understand them.It really gets to me.Please.
CRAIGYou don’t think it gets to me?When there’s yelling in the background?Or when they ask for directions?When they want to know which door to come to?Gets to me, too, man.
(They face each other for some time—stalemate. CRAIG grabs the phone, themenu, and puts them back on the telephone table. He sits and starts to read hismagazine. KEITH stares at him.)
6.
(KEITH is at the table, head down, fucking around with the board game. CRAIGis reading. In time, KEITH looks towards the telephone and the menu.)
KEITHI’m fuckin hungry.
Remuda 13
7.
(No one on stage. CRAIG enters, hair sticking up. He crosses to the bathroom andcloses the door. KEITH enters. The toilet flushes. KEITH heads back towards thebedroom. Upstage, a note flies in clipped to a wire. The wire is a permanentfixture in the room. It runs from the top of the stairs to the bottom and operates ona pulley. A clip on the wire holds notes, bills, whatever upstairs wants to senddownstairs. KEITH goes to the wire, takes the note off the clip, reads it. CRAIGenters from the bathroom and goes toward the table.)
KEITHYou’re not gonna believe this.
(He hands CRAIG the note. CRAIG reads it, hands it back, goes to the table, picksup one of the old music magazines strewn about.)
Did you read it?
CRAIGYeah.
KEITHAnd you have nothing to say?
CRAIGNot really.
KEITH(Reading.) “Boys comma there are cinnamon buns up here if you want them.”That doesn’t mean anything to you?
CRAIGGo get ‘em if you want.
KEITHThat’s hardly the issue.Going up and getting them is not what’s at stake.Don’t you understand what’s happening here?Yesterday it’s donuts.Today it’s cinnamon buns.If this isn’t troubling to you . . .
CRAIGIt’s breakfast.
Remuda 14
KEITHIf only it were.Something’s going on up there.Something is definitely afoot.When does he do this?When was the last time Dad brought us breakfast?When was the last time he went out in the morning?I’m telling you. This is a marked contrast.
This could be the onset of something.A sudden change in behavior like that?This could be brain cancer.Or could be that other thing.Where you can’t remember shit?This has all the earmarks of something catastrophic.We should call somebody.
CRAIGI’m not calling.
KEITHI can’t believe you can just sit there. He’s probably in trouble. Probably wanderingaround in his slippers, getting on buses for no good reason. Getting off at the dog track,roaming around the parking lot. Shrugging off the aid of concerned security personnel.And you’re just sitting there like it’s another fucking day.
CRAIGIt is another fucking day.
KEITHNot just.
CRAIGJust. Shitty sunrise. Shitty taste in the mouth. Shitty look in the mirror. Cold floor. Coldwater. Everything that needs cleaning. Teeth. Hair. Ears. Neck. Pits. Toes. Cracks.Nooks. Crannies. Another fucking day.
Go check on him, you’re so concerned.
Go.
(KEITH goes to the stairs, looks up, contemplates. He goes to the small fridge,pulls out an orange soda and starts to drink.)
Remuda 15
KEITHIf I’m right, you’re gonna feel like a dick.
8.
(CRAIG and KEITH are playing video games—same as scene three. We hear thesound of the game. After about fifteen seconds of playing, we hear the door at thetop of the stairs open. Light from upstairs hits the basement wall. The boys stopplaying and look at each other. They pause the game. They look at the stairs. Apair of cowboy boots descends the stairs. We see FAY carrying a white cardboardbox. The boys stand bolt upright.)
FAYHope I’m not interrupting.Thought maybe you didn’t get the note.You boys must be hungry.
(She shows them the contents of the box—cinnamon buns.)
They’re not warm anymore, but they should still be good.When I got them they were right out of the oven.You could see the steam.And the icing was running down the sides.I almost didn’t want to take them they looked so perfect.I almost hated the thought of eating them.But then I said: “That’s what they’re for. They wouldn’t be doing their job just sittingthere looking pretty. They are made to be eaten.”
I had this whole conversation as I was standing there.Not out loud, just—you know—internally.
(She closes the box and puts them on the table.)
You would’ve loved the smell in there.They were just opening, and the whole place was— (She breathes in.)It was a garden.But for pastries.It was something.
If you like the smell of bakeries.
I can’t really imagine someone not liking the smell of bakeries, but at the same time Iwouldn’t be surprised. Everybody doesn’t like something. And everything has somebodythat doesn’t like it.
Remuda 16
That sounds like I’m saying the same thing, but I’m not.If you think about it.Are you thinking about it now?
CRAIGWho are you?
FAYFay.
(Pause.)
KEITHDoes our Dad have brain cancer?
9.
(CRAIG and KEITH are eating cinnamon buns.)
FAYSo your father hasn’t mentioned me?
KEITHNot unless he said something on the clip and I just didn’t see it.
CRAIGHe was probably waiting to bring you up in person.
KEITHProbably. Or he was drafting up a note. (Of cinnamon buns.) So, clearly these aren’t fromthe day old place.
FAYThe day old place?
KEITHOut by the bug guy?
FAYOh, no. This was a totally different place. Exact opposite direction.
CRAIGWhat do you know about the pest of the month?
Remuda 17
FAYIt think it’s carpet beetles.
CRAIGDo you know how that gets determined?
FAYI imagine it’s whatever strikes his fancy. Whatever the exterminator feels like promotingthat month. That’s what we did when I worked at the nursery. December would rollaround, we’d say—plant of the month: poinsettia. Wasn’t any more scientific than that.
KEITHBut that would make sense. Poinsettias in December. That’s when people would wantthem. That’s when you’d want to feature them.
FAYMaybe that’s what he’s doing with his pests. Maybe this is a particularly strong month forcarpet beetles.
KEITHYou know what? It probably is. We’re probably smack in the middle of carpet beetleseason.
So you worked at a nursery?
FAYFor a time.
KEITHDid you know that if a dog eats a poinsettia he could die?
FAYI did know that.
KEITHThat was probably in your training.
FAYWhat do you boys do for work?
(They look at each other.)
KEITHWe don’t really—
Remuda 18
CRAIGAs it stands—
KEITHWe’re unemployed.
CRAIGGainfully.
FAYIs that possible?
CRAIGPardon?
FAYCan you be gainfully unemployed?
(Again, they look at each other.)
CRAIGYeah.
KEITHI guess.
CRAIGI mean—
KEITHWe are if that’s what you mean.
FAYI suppose I just don’t understand.
KEITHWe hit the lottery together.
CRAIGNot totally.
KEITHNo, not completely.
Remuda 19
CRAIGWe got five out of six.
KEITHBunch of other people did, too.
CRAIGA few others.
KEITHIt was a pretty synched-up week.
CRAIGSo it wasn’t like a tidal wave of cash.
KEITHNo—
CRAIGIt was more like—
KEITHYeah—
CRAIGIt was a handsome sum.
KEITHNot really. Handsome makes it sound—
CRAIGIt was decent.
KEITHDecent isn’t handsome—
CRAIGIt was a chunk.
KEITHA moderate chunk.
FAYEnough to live off.
Remuda 20
KEITHYeah.
CRAIGWell.
KEITHNo.
CRAIGSorta.
KEITHEnough for us.
CRAIGRight, for us it’s good. For the time being. But for the average person—
KEITHYeah, the average person probably wouldn’t feel comfortable—
CRAIG—average person would probably feel a little hemmed in by the amount.
KEITHRight, but for us . . .
CRAIGYeah . . .
KEITH. . . for us it’s pretty good.
CRAIGFor the time being.
(Pause.)
KEITHYou ever win the lottery?
FAYNo.
KEITHIt’s pretty cool.
Remuda 21
We don’t even normally play. We were just hanging out at Downtown News. You knowthat place? The one downtown? We used to go in there pretty regularly. We knew the guybehind the counter. He’d let us read stuff and put it back—
CRAIG(For FAY.) This is the story of how we won the lottery.
KEITHSo every once in a while, we’d play around and pick numbers for the drawing . . . just forfun, you know . . . we’d darken up the boxes, throw the things out . . . we didn’t want toactually part with the money . . .
CRAIGWe’re not really big gamblers.
KEITHAnd Craig is pretty tight with a dollar.
CRAIGI can be.
FAYSome find it an admirable quality.
CRAIGThank you.
KEITHSo, anyway, this one Wednesday we’re picking the numbers . . .
CRAIGJust for fun . . .
KEITHAnd Clarkey says . . .
CRAIGThat’s our guy behind the counter . . .
KEITHYeah . . . Clarkey says, “Gimme them numbers.”
CRAIGI almost thought he was mad.
Remuda 22
KEITHThat’s his whole thing, though . . . you think he’s mad, but he’s just being Clarkey.Anyway: “Gimme them numbers,” so I hand ‘em over.
CRAIGDid you?
KEITHThat’s the story.
CRAIGThink about it.
KEITH(Beat.) Yeah, Craig here hands ‘em over.
CRAIGI was always handing stuff to Clarkey.
KEITHSo, he takes the ticket and he goes to the lottery machine and puts the thing in the slot andhe punches the keys or whatever and he hands us back a receipt . . .
CRAIGHe bought the ticket for us as a freebie!
KEITHI wanted to tell that part.
CRAIGYou were taking too long.
KEITHI was suspensing it up.
CRAIGSorry.
KEITHSo Clarkey bought us the ticket and later that night they drew the numbers on TV and wegot five out of six and we walked away with a nice chunk of change.
CRAIGA moderate chunk.
Remuda 23
FAYYou must’ve been excited.
KEITHOh yeah.
FAYAnd Clarkey must have been thrilled.
KEITHYeah.
CRAIGHe seemed he was.
FAYHow much did he get?
KEITHWhat do you mean?
FAYHow much did you give him . . . for buying you the ticket?
Or is that a bad question?
KEITHNo, that’s a good question.
CRAIGThat’s a really good question.
KEITHDidn’t even occur to me.
CRAIGMe either.
KEITHWhat a tool I am.
CRAIGNot just you.
KEITHMostly.
Remuda 24
CRAIGNo, this is definitely a double-edged tool situation.
FAYIt’s not like you had to give him something. It’s not like he picked the numbers.
CRAIGHe did give us that one number.
KEITHThat’s right.
CRAIGHe said, “How ‘bout seventeen, that’s my nana’s birthday.”
KEITHWHY DO WE HAVE TO SUCK?
FAYYou know, you could still give him something. You could give him a cut now.If you wanted to.
(The boys look at each other.)
KEITHNo, we’re not gonna do that.
CRAIGNo.
KEITHThat would seem . . .
CRAIG. . . disingenuous.
KEITHExactly.
FAYWell that’s fine, too. It’s not like he picked the numbers.
CRAIGJust that one.
Remuda 25
KEITHWhich . . . let’s face it . . . without that one, we’re four out of six, we’re walking out ofthere with maybe a free ticket.
CRAIGMaybe.
FAYMaybe I shouldn’t have said anything.
KEITHNo, I feel pretty positive about the whole thing coming up how it did.
CRAIGIt was good to make that realization.
KEITHWe need to learn . . .
CRAIG. . . for the next time we win the lottery.
(Silence.)
FAYSo neither of you work?
KEITHNo.
CRAIGNot really.
FAYSo what do you do all day?
KEITHSee, now, that’s a really interesting question.
10.
(KEITH and FAY are playing video games. CRAIG is watching. CRAIG tries tocoach FAY behind KEITH’s back. She ignores him. After about twenty fiveseconds, FAY wins, KEITH pouts, and CRAIG laughs to himself. KEITH pushesCRAIG over.)
Remuda 26
11.
(FAY is standing at the bottom of the stairs. CRAIG and KEITH are facing her.)
FAYWell. Thank you.
KEITHCome back anytime.
CRAIGYeah. Absolutely.
KEITHSo . . . what . . . you’re going to be around now?
FAYIt’s looking that way.
CRAIGSo you and Dad are . . .
FAYYeah.
KEITHYou’re like a whole couple and everything?
FAYWe are.
KEITHHow? I mean. Where did you meet?
FAYHickey’s Diner. I work there.
KEITHI thought you worked in a nursery.
CRAIGShe said she used to work in a nursery. (To FAY.) He doesn’t always pay attention.
Remuda 27
KEITHI try to.
CRAIGSo what happened? He went in . . . you were working . . . you started talking . . .
KEITHYou’re talking about Dad?
CRAIGYeah.
KEITHI pay attention.
FAYI’ve been there a little while now. He’s a regular, your father. We never really had toomuch to say to each other. Just stuck to business, really. Club sandwich. Side of fries.Yankee Pot Roast if we had it. The occasional coffee frappe.
KEITHAnd when you say he’s quite a regular . . . ?
FAYOh, yeah. They tell me he’s been coming in for years.
KEITHAnd this is for lunch?
FAYLunch and dinner. Either or.
Is something wrong?
KEITHNever knew that. That he was eating out. Did you?
CRAIGNo.
KEITHI thought he was eating at home.
CRAIGMe too.
Remuda 28
FAYOh no. He eats out quite a bit.
KEITHHuh. So, he’s a regular, and you never had too much to say . . .
FAYNot until recently.
KEITHWhat happened recently?
FAYHe said he liked my boots.
(She shows her boots. Pause.)
I have to say . . .I really don’t know where any of this is going.I like your father.We went out a couple times. Seemed to hit it off.I’m just seeing what develops.
KEITHOkay.
CRAIGSure.
FAYYou’re both very sweet. I suppose I’ll be seeing you.
KEITHThanks for the cinnamon buns.
CRAIGAnd the donuts.
KEITHYeah, did you bring the donuts?
FAYYes.
KEITHThank you.
Remuda 29
FAYOkay.
(She ascends the stairs and disappears. The door closes behind her. Long pause.)
KEITHWell I like her.
CRAIGYeah.
KEITHWhat do you think of those boots?
12.
(CRAIG is reading, KEITH is stretched out on the couch.)
KEITHYou know what I like about her?She has a softness about her.She’s got this whole gentleness.And that’s not something you find in everybody.Especially a waitress.I’ve seen some pretty hard waitresses, boy.I’ve seen some real hard waitresses.Remember that one at Bickford’s?When we were kids?Big tough hands. Pointy glasses. And the hair . . . fuckin extra-crispy.You know what I used to think:“Here’s a woman who smokes brown cigarettes.”“Here’s a woman who eats sardines.”Just trying to get my pancakes. God.Used to dread ordering through her.My palms would clam up.I’d sweat my church shirt.Never got used to that one.And we went a lot.Every Sunday.Me, you, Dad, Mom . . .
You ever think about Mom?
Remuda 30
CRAIG(Stops reading.) Sometimes.
KEITHWhat do you think?
CRAIGHow I miss her.
KEITHYeah.
CRAIGI think how she used to clean our faces in a pinch.If we had shit on us.How she would make us stick out our tongue. Dampen the hankie.Blot out whatever filth we had on us.Lots of moms wouldn’t do that.Lots of moms would use their own spit.I like how ours sort of left it up to our own spit.That’s pretty considerate.
(Pause.)
KEITHYou think Fay might end up . . .I mean—if things go that way . . .She could be our new mom.
CRAIGI don’t think she’d try to clean our face.
KEITHNo, but. Things might go that way.
CRAIGThey might.I don’t know, I like her.
KEITHShe has a softness about her.
And you know what else . . . ?
Remuda 31
13.
(FAY enters from the stairs with a paper bag, plastic glasses, and a carton oforange juice. She begins to straighten up the table and takes from the bag paperplates, napkins, and Pop-Tarts. Before long, CRAIG enters, shirtless, rubbing hiseyes. He notices FAY before she does him. He darts back into the room andreturns wearing a t-shirt.)
CRAIGHow’s it going.
FAYGood morning.
CRAIGIs it?
FAYNot really. Afternoon.
CRAIGBreakfast, huh?
FAYJust a little something.Hope you like it.
CRAIGOh yeah.
(He sits.)
FAYJuice?
CRAIGSure.
FAYIt’s orange.
CRAIGEven better.
FAYSay “when”.
Remuda 32
(He watches her pour. She gets right to the top.)
You didn’t say “when”.
CRAIGI thought that was just a phrase.
FAYOh no. I pour and when you have as much as you like you say when.
CRAIGThat’s a good system.
FAY(Displaying Pop Tarts.) Would you like strawberry or blueberry?
CRAIGEither one. You know what, though? If you’ll excuse me . . .
FAYIs everything all right?
CRAIGOh yeah, I just—I have a routine I guess you’d call it.
(He exits into the bathroom.)
FAYSo blueberry’s all right, then?
CRAIG(Off.) Sure.
FAYI’m gonna give you that one, then, since I think most people would prefer strawberry andif you don’t mind either way, we’ll leave strawberry for your brother and just hope forthe best. Does that sound okay?
Craig?
CRAIG(Off.) Um . . . I’m in the bathroom.
Remuda 33
FAYSo you’d rather I not talk to you right now?
CRAIG(Off.) Is that okay?
FAYAbsolutely.
CRAIG(Off.) Appreciate it.
(FAY waits in silence. The toilet flushes. CRAIG emerges then ducks back in tothe bathroom. He sprays air freshener, then comes back to the table.)
CRAIGAll set.
FAYI didn’t mean to disturb you.
CRAIGNot at all. I was just . . .I’m used to that being alone time.
FAYUnderstood.
(CRAIG sits at the table. FAY remains standing.)
CRAIGWell this looks just super.
FAYDig in.
(FAY sits. CRAIG starts to eat. FAY watches.)
CRAIGWould you like to join me?
FAYOh, I already ate. You know. Couple hours back.
So tell me about your father.
Remuda 34
CRAIGWho . . . Dad?
What do you mean, like, details?
FAYYeah. What can you tell me about him?
CRAIGWell.
That’s kind of an intricate matter.
He’s a good guy . . .
That’s all I got.
FAYThat can’t be all.
CRAIGI’m kinda feeling the squeeze here.
FAYThere’s no pressure.
CRAIGYou know, when you say that, it kinda feels like there’s more pressure.
FAYNot in the least.
CRAIGOkay . . .
He likes race car driving.Not doing it. Watching it.I guess you need some real cash to do it.And you have to able to drive pretty good.Not that he’s a bad driver.I just don’t know how he’d do at race driving.He likes detective shows.War books.Waylon Jennings.Walter Brennan.Wayne Cashman.
Remuda 35
FAYI don’t know who that is.
CRAIGThat’s okay. Probably won’t come up.Is that the kind of stuff you mean, though?I don’t really know what else to say.
FAYThat’s fine.Has he had many girlfriends?
CRAIGIn his life?
FAYSince he’s been alone.
CRAIGNot that I know about.
FAYMust be pretty lonesome.
CRAIGI guess.
FAYDo you have a girlfriend?
CRAIGNah.
FAYBut you have in the past.
CRAIGSure. When I was in school.Didn’t last though.And it’s tough when you’re out of school.When you’re in life.It’s easier to meet people when you’re forced to be around them all day.
FAYHow long were you together?
Remuda 36
CRAIGFor a while. Or maybe I should say, “For a time.”
FAYWhat happened?
CRAIGI don’t really know. Things got messy.
FAYHow do you mean?
CRAIGShe’d want me to call even if I didn’t want to call.She’d want me to go to things even when I didn’t feel like it.She’d want me to talk to her friends.To meet her family.To listen to her music.Just got messy.
FAYThat doesn’t sound so bad . . . sounds fairly typical, really.
CRAIGMaybe. Still beats you up pretty good when you’re living it, though.
FAYSo you broke it off?
CRAIGShe did. I didn’t want to be a jerk about it.
FAYAnd since then . . . ?
(CRAIG shrugs.)
That’s sad.
CRAIGIt’s not really.
FAYI just think it’s sad when people are alone.
Remuda 37
CRAIGI’m not alone.
FAYNo, but . . .
CRAIGI’m not sad, either . . .
FAYNo, I know . . .
CRAIGI’m doing all right.
FAYYou’re doing fine, it was wrong of me to say differently.
I guess I just like to see people together.
CRAIGYeah, that’s kind of a nice thought.Just that the reality gets to be so messy.
(Pause.)
FAYSo what are you boys up to today?
CRAIGNo plan, really. We usually just see how we feel.
FAYWell, I have the whole day off, I was thinking we could all take in a movie.
CRAIGIs there something you want to see?
FAYI don’t know. Do you have a paper?
CRAIGA what?
FAYA . . . newspaper.
Remuda 38
CRAIGYeah, that’s what I thought.
(KEITH enters sleepily. He sees FAY and heads for the video game.)
Do we get the paper?
KEITHThe what?
CRAIGNewspaper?
KEITHNo. What do I need to know? That everybody hates us and the whole world’s on fire andwe’re all gonna die one way or the other? I know that already. I need details, too? I getdetails they’re just gonna stick in my head and play over and over when I’m trying tosleep. I don’t need that. Don’t need to pay an extra fifty-cents a day to feel doomed. Whatare all these questions, I just woke up. (To CRAIG.) You playing?
(CRAIG joins KEITH. FAY hovers behind.)
FAYSo what’s on the docket?
(No response.)
Anybody up for the park? Pack a lunch . . . get some sun.
KEITH(Still playing.) Which park?
FAYWith the duck pond. Across from the church.
KEITHIs that even still open?
FAYOf course it is.
CRAIGAre you sure? I heard they closed it.
Remuda 39
FAYWhy would they close it?
CRAIGI heard all the ducks started turning red and losing feathers.
KEITHI heard that, too.
CRAIGI probably heard it from you.
FAYWhat do you mean they started turning red?
KEITHNot the whole duck. Just the feet and the beaks.
CRAIGBills.
KEITHProbably some kind of parasite or something. Some kind of beak irritant.
CRAIGBill.
KEITHWhy do you keep saying that?
CRAIGDucks don’t have beaks they have bills.
KEITHIs that true?
CRAIGYes.
KEITH(To FAY.) Is that true?
FAYI think so.
Remuda 40
KEITHI’ll have to look that up.
FAYSo we don’t have to go to the park. We can go the woods. We can go to the mall. We cango bowling.
KEITHWe have bowling. Or we used to anyway.
(He starts to sort through a pile of video games.)
Do we still have bowling?
CRAIG(Still playing.) I don’t know. I’m still kicking your ass up here.
KEITHPause it.
CRAIGIs that one of the ones we sold that time?
KEITHIt might be. Why would we do that?
CRAIG‘Cause it wasn’t any good.
KEITHFuck.
FAYNo, I was thinking we could actually go bowling. Go to the alley. Rent a lane. Keepscore.
KEITHDon’t you have to belong or something?
FAYTo what?
KEITHDon’t you have to be in a league or something?
Remuda 41
FAYNo. Anyone can go.
CRAIGBut you have to wear their shoes, right?
FAYYes.
CRAIGYeah, I don’t know about that.
FAYSo we don’t have to bowl, I just thought we could do something . . . get to know eachother.
KEITHDo we have to leave, though? That’s the part I’m not getting. Why can’t we get to knowyou here where I know where everything is?
(Pause. FAY turns off the television.)
FAYHave you ever considered that you might be agoraphobics?
KEITHNot really.
CRAIGNo.
FAYDo you know what agoraphobia is?
CRAIGNot really.
KEITHNo. I’m just saying I’m more comfortable hanging around here.
FAYOkay. So how do we get to know each other?
KEITHWe could tell stories.
Remuda 42
FAYThat’s perfect. Do you have a story you’d like to tell?
KEITHNo.
(They turn their attention to CRAIG.)
CRAIGI have fewer stories than him.
KEITHI tend to be the chatty one.
FAYHas that always been the case?
CRAIGYeah. Since he started talking. I said more at first because I was older so I could talkearlier, but once he figured it out. . .
KEITHThat’s pretty much all it took. For me to figure out how to talk.
FAYAnd now you’re the chatty one?
KEITHYup.
Yup.
(Pause.)
FAYI don’t want to make anyone self-conscious here, but I don’t think this is going very well.
KEITHYou don’t think so?
FAYI just thought we could get a nice, easy back and forth going . . . get a sense of whatwe’re all about . . . likes and dislikes . . .
Remuda 43
KEITHI like stuff.
CRAIGWhy don’t you tell us what you like?
KEITHYeah, Fay . . . tell us what you like.
FAYOkay.
I like . . . cowboys.
(Lights change. Music.)
I like their hats.Their weathered faces.Their thick, rope-chapped hands.Their coppery belt buckles.I like how they’re good with animals.It shows a sensitivity.A respect for nature.I like their shirts.Tight and dusty.Hiding work-strong arms.I like the way their jeans wear smooth along the inner thigh.And their eyes . . .Always colored like the sky . . .Always looking out to an endless horizon.
I used to have these books about a cowboy who rode from town to town, differentsettlements out on the prairie. Wherever he’d wind up there was always something goingon—someone poisoning the water, trying to chase off the settlers, some railroad or cattlebaron trying to take the land from the Little Guy. And this cowboy would come in—scarunder his eye and a tattoo over his heart—riding into town on his sandy palomino. He’dhelp out the townsfolk, get mixed up with a spinster or widow, and then ride on off to thenext town, to the next batch of trouble.
(Lights change back. Music stops.)
I have a tattoo myself.It’s not over my heart, though.Would you like to see it?
Remuda 44
KEITHSure.
(FAY faces the audience and pulls her pants down in the back. The boys take inthe tattoo just below the small of her back.)
FAYDo you see it?
KEITHYeah.
FAYDo you like it?
KEITHYeah.
FAYSometimes I think it’s a little strange, going through all the money and pain to getmarked up and then to have it in a place that I can’t even see. But I don’t know.Somehow it feels like a source of strength. Does that sound weird?
KEITHNo.
(She pulls up her pants and faces them.)
FAYI suppose there are worse places I could’ve gotten it.Don’t you think?
Boys?
(They don’t respond. The lights fade to black.)
Remuda 45
ACT TWO1.
(KEITH is standing front and center in full cowboy garb. He is trying to performa rope trick—and failing. A book on rope tricks sits on the table beside him.CRAIG enters sleepily, rubbing his eyes.)
CRAIG—fuck is this?
KEITHI can’t get the butterfly loop.
CRAIGWhere’d you get this stuff?
KEITHI bought it.
CRAIGFrom where?
KEITHThere are places.
CRAIGHow much did you spend?
KEITHIt’s taken care of.
CRAIGHow much did you spend?
KEITHDon’t worry about it.
CRAIGYeah, but, see, I am worried.
KEITHTake it easy. Do me a favor . . . let me lasso you.
CRAIGWhat?
Remuda 46
KEITHJust so I get the hang of it.
CRAIGDo the chair.
KEITHI need a live target.
CRAIGYou’re not gonna lasso me.
KEITHYou can do me after.
CRAIGI don’t wanna do you.
Where did this come from?
KEITH—wanted to do something different.
CRAIGDifferent from what?
KEITHFrom everything. From the whole . . . routine.
CRAIGOh man.
KEITHWhat?
CRAIGThis is about her.
KEITHWho her?
CRAIGShe says she likes cowboys so you run out and buy this whole get-up?
Remuda 47
KEITHI’ve been thinking about going Western for a while now.
CRAIGThat a fact.
KEITHLet me lasso you.
CRAIGFuck off.What is wrong with you?You really think this will make her like you?Why do you want her to like you anyway?
(Pause.)
KEITHThere’s something about her.
CRAIGWhat? What is there about her?
This is about her ass.
KEITHNo— What?
CRAIGShe showed her tattoo, you saw part of her ass, and now you’re all steamed up over her.
KEITHThat’s ridiculous.
CRAIGOh yeah?
KEITHAnd cheap.
CRAIGIs it? I saw it, too, man . . . I was right there with ya.
KEITHYou really think I’m that cheap?
Remuda 48
CRAIGI know what seeing part of someone’s ass can do to a guy.
KEITHThat is really insulting. I don’t even think you realize how insulting that is.
CRAIGOh, okay, I’m sorry. Clearly, this isn’t about Fay’s backside. Clearly, you’ve beenthinking about becoming a cowboy for a long time now and just today the whole thinglocked into place for you. That’s a far more plausible explanation.
(Pause.)
KEITHYou can never just be supportive.
CRAIGOh, c’mon . . .
KEITHNo, I know it. I always knew it. But I still hold out hope that one day you’ll come around.Shame on me. Shame on you to start, but really, at this point, shame on me.
CRAIGDon’t be like that.I’m supportive.
KEITHAnd when is this? Never. You’ve never been supportive. And I should know better bynow.
(KEITH sits and pouts.)
CRAIGC’mon, man.
Hey . . . you can be a cowboy if you want.
I don’t care why.
You wanna lasso me?
Lasso me if you want to, it’s cool.
(Pause. KEITH stands and grabs the rope. He sets CRAIG up as a target. Heturns on a nearby tape player—it plays the theme from “Rawhide.” KEITH takes
Remuda 49
CRAIG’s hands and places them at CRAIG’s temples as two horns. KEITH jumpsback, spins the rope some and tosses it at CRAIG. The rope hits CRAIG in thechest and falls to the floor. KEITH gathers it up and starts the process again. Upat the stairs, the clip and cable rig flies into its resting place with a note attached.KEITH goes to it and retrieves the note.)
KEITH“Boys comma cupcakes.”
2.
(KEITH is straddling a chair trying to tie it up. FAY enters from the stairscarrying a white cardboard box.)
FAYIs everybody decent?
KEITHCome on down.
FAY(Seeing him on the chair.) Are you all right?
KEITHJust doing a little . . . calf roping. Getting a little practice in, you know.
FAYI didn’t know you did that.
KEITHOn occasion. I’ve been known to rope a calf or two.
FAYI like your outfit.
KEITHThis? Yeah. It’s all right I guess.
FAYIs your brother around?
KEITHNo. He took off. He does that sometimes. Just disappears. He’s kind of unreliable thatway.
Remuda 50
FAYReally.
KEITHYeah, he ducked out the bulkhead. Does a lot of strange things that guy.
FAYWell, I have cupcakes. I don’t know if you got the note.
KEITHOh yeah. Those look fantastic.So what are you up to today?
FAYI have a dentist appointment.
KEITHOh yeah? The ol’ DDS?
FAYIt’s just a cleaning. Thought your dad might want to go. I hate to go alone. Sitting there inthe waiting room. Everything so quiet. People turning pages. Breathing. And then whenit’s not quiet, it’s only because you can hear the drill behind the door. Whirring away.Then that smell floats in through the receptionist’s window: fillings and mouthwash andtooth-smoke. I prefer to be with somebody. It’s tough to face those things alone.
KEITHI could go with you.
FAYThat’s all right.
KEITHNo, I’d like to. I kinda like the dentist. They give out those free toothbrushes.
FAYThat’s very sweet of you, but— Why would we be together?
KEITHI could be your son.
FAYI . . . don’t think you could be my son.
Remuda 51
KEITHHow old are you?
FAYThat’s not a very polite question.
KEITH(Pause.) How old are you, please?
FAYYou couldn’t be my son.
KEITHSo then we’re a couple.
FAYMeaning what?
KEITHWe could go and have all the waiting room people think we’re involved.
FAYIn what way?
KEITHIn whatever way. Is it so strange to picture us a couple?
FAYI think I’ll just wait for your father.
(Pause.)
KEITHYou kinda like him, huh?
FAYI do.
KEITHHe’s nice to you?
FAYYeah.
KEITHHe talks to you and stuff?
Remuda 52
FAYHe makes me laugh.
KEITHOn purpose?
FAYYes.
KEITHThat’s a talent.
That’s good, though. That’s . . . what is that . . . that’s nice. Must be nice.
FAYIt is.
KEITHYeah. (Beat.) But I don’t know, though. I mean, I don’t want to get into a whole thinghere, but . . . do you really see yourselves going someplace with this?
FAYHow do you mean?
KEITHI’m just asking. Not that it has any effect on me directly or indirectly, but I just don’tthink I can see you guys together. There are things you see and things you don’t, and youtwo— I don’t know. When I see two people, I get a picture in my mind—can I see thesepeople waiting at the airport together, waiting for a cash machine to open up. Can I seethem on line for a roller coaster. Sometimes I see it, sometimes not. And when I don’t—which is most of the time—it just leads me to believe that, at some point, the thing’sgonna stop. And I’m not saying I have hundred percent accuracy or anything, but I knowwhat I know, and with you two—renewing your driver’s licenses, waiting for a train,going to the dentist—I just don’t see it. But what does that mean. One cowboy’s opinion.
(Pause.)
FAYI’m not trying to be anybody’s replacement.
KEITHOkay . . . .
FAYI’m sure you have very strong feelings for your mother—
Remuda 53
KEITHYeaahhh . . .
FAYI just want to make that apparent . . . I understand if you feel threatened.
KEITHThreatened? By you? No. That’s like the complete backwards—You I get. It’s him I’m kinda shaky on.
No, you’re fine.
You’re perfect.
You’re beautiful.
You’re staggering.You’re lit from within.You’re like a sun.
You know the other day . . . when you showed your tattoo . . . did you know what elsewas going on there?
FAYWhat else was going on?
KEITHThat in showing us . . .In pulling down your jeans like that . . .That you were showing us . . .
. . . not just your tattoo?
FAYWhat else was I showing you?
KEITHNot to say too much, but . . .Below your back.
FAYBelow my back.
KEITHYeah.
Remuda 54
To the top of . . .Below your back.
Did you know what you were showing when you showed us that?
FAYWell . . .If you were to show me a tattoo on that spot . . .On top of below your back . . .Would you know what you were showing me?
KEITHI think I would.
What time’s your appointment?
3.
(CRAIG enters carrying a small bag. He goes to the TV, takes a video gamecartridge out of the bag, and inserts it into the game console. He starts to play. Intime, KEITH enters from the bedroom in just his t-shirt and cowboy pants.)
KEITHWhat’cha got?
CRAIGBowling. I went and bought it back. After we were talking about it, I started thinkingmaybe we shouldn’t’ve have sold it. It wasn’t the worst game we ever had. I sorta startedto miss it. So I went down to the used guy, flipped through the bin . . . of course he soldit. So I had to buy it again, full price. I don’t know. Maybe that’s frivolous.
KEITHYou do what you gotta do.So how is it? Better than you remember?
CRAIGYeah.
I don’t know.
(Throwing down the control down.)
No! Fucker! This game is terrible! Of course it is, it’s fucking bowling! Regular bowlingisn’t even that good, why would the fake version be any better? Fuckup! What do I dothese things?
Remuda 55
Maybe I can sell it back.
(He turns and faces KEITH for the first time.)
You feel all right?
KEITHYeah . . .
CRAIGYou look all fevery.
KEITHDo I?
CRAIGWhere’s your hat?
(FAY enters from the bedroom in KEITH’s t-shirt and a cowboy hat.)
There it is.
4.
(KEITH is seated. CRAIG paces.)
CRAIGHow could you?
KEITHI know.
CRAIGIn the middle of the day . . .
KEITHI know. What do you want me to say?
CRAIGI think I want you to apologize.
KEITHI’m sorry.
Remuda 56
CRAIGNot to me.
KEITHOh.
To her?
CRAIGTo Dad.
KEITHDad’s not here.
CRAIGThank God.
How did this happen?
KEITHI don’t know.
CRAIGWell it didn’t just . . . happen.
KEITHIt kinda did, though.
CRAIGHow can that be?
KEITHI don’t know. We were talking . . . one thing led to another . . .I can’t really remember . . .Wish I could, though . . . it was pretty stellar.
CRAIGI can’t believe you.I can’t believe you can just . . .In the middle of the day.
KEITHNo one was here.
CRAIGDoes that make it all right?
Remuda 57
KEITHIt makes it better.
CRAIGDon’t say things like that! That’s just wrong! I forbid you from making remarks like that!
KEITHYou forbid me?
CRAIGNo more—
KEITHWho are you to forbid me?
CRAIGRight there. Shut it. Put a stopper on that right now.You are fucked my friend.You are fucking fucked.I don’t even want to contemplate to what extent you’re fucked.
KEITHIt’s just something that happened. There’s no use getting all fired up about it now.
CRAIGThere’s every use getting fired up about it now! If only to prevent you from doing itagain!
Do you even recognize what you did?In my room?I have to sleep in there, too, you know!
KEITHOhhhhh okay. Okay.I know what this is about.
CRAIGWhat?
KEITHOh, don’t worry. I got it all right here.
CRAIGWhat are you talking about?
Remuda 58
KEITHYou’re JEALOUS!
CRAIG. . . kuh . . .
KEITHYou are. You’re green with it. You wanted the gravy and I got it first.
(CRAIG grabs KEITH by the shirt.)
ALRIGHT ALRIGHT! I’M SORRY I SAID YOU WANTED THE GRAVY!
(CRAIG lets go.)
CRAIGWhat are you gonna tell Dad?It better be good.And it better be honest.And it better be full of shame and sensitivity and regret and good grammar.
KEITHCan I draft something first?
5.
(CRAIG is reading a music magazine. FAY enters from the stairs with a whitecardboard box.)
FAYApple turnovers.They’re more like dessert but you can eat them anytime.
What’cha got there?
(He shows her the magazine.)
That’s an old one, huh?Why do you always read old magazines?
CRAIGHindsight.
FAYIs your brother around?
Remuda 59
CRAIGHe went to work on something.
An apology.
(Pause.)
FAYYou probably have some questions.
CRAIGNot really.
FAYNot any?
CRAIGNot that I can think of.
FAYDo you think I’m a bad person?
(No response.)
I don’t think I am.For what it’s worth.
I just . . .. . . do things sometimes.Without really thinking about them.And then the things are done and I have to deal with the consequences.
But I don’t try to be bad.I just try to live.Or I am trying, is probably more accurate.It’s a fairly new development, really.Not “being alive” obviously.The actual “living” part.Does that make sense?
I don’t suppose it would help if I said I’d been lonely.
I’ve been on my own for I don’t know how long.Years.
Remuda 60
I married bad.Married young.It wasn’t anything monumentally horrible.Just one of those things that didn’t work and wasn’t ever gonna work but you keepholding on because . . . why?
Sometimes I wonder if it’s the same instinct that has us moving the same unopened boxinto every new apartment.
We went around for way too long and when it was finally over—I was exhausted.Hollowed out.Like coming out of the other side of some illness.And lost like that, too.Like, “What do I fight now?” y’know?Started bouncing from job to job.Nursery.Paint store.Flower shop.Chiropractor’s office.Nothing fit.
And all those places, I didn’t really talk to anybody.Didn’t go out after work.Didn’t socialize.I had no taste for it.
Then there I am at the restaurant—And it’s just a regular day.Nothing great, nothing terrible.I’m staring out the window, looking at this little gray bird in a greasy little puddle, and Ihear this voice . . .
“Like your boots.”
It was like clearing cobwebs.
And it’s not like people hadn’t tried before.I hadn’t been ignored.Maybe I’d been ignoring them.
Whatever the case, the way your father spoke, there was something in his voice . . .maybe something in my ears . . . I opened to it. I guess I was ready.
Things just happen like that sometimes.There’s nothing and then there’s something.
Remuda 61
That’s how the world started, supposedly.I don’t know.
And since then—Don’t get me wrong. I really like your father. I’m very thankful for him, and he’s good totalk to, but he’s not exactly—
He’s good to talk to.
That’s no excuse, I know.And I’m not really trying to make an excuse.I hate the thought of hurting him, but, at the same time . . .It’s tough to live and not hurt.
I don’t expect you to say it’s okay.I know it’s not.
I just used to spend a lot of time doing nothing, because I couldn’t figure out which wayto point myself. So I’m not really trying to figure it out anymore. I’m just floating along.Taking things in. Seeing where I end up.
Just wanted you to know that I’m not a bad person.
(Pause. She begins to exit.)
CRAIGI used to have this book called Sleepy Black. It was about this horse. Written from thehorse’s perspective. He talked all about what his day was like, what kind of saddle hehad, how they broke him. All kinds of horse stuff that a real horse guy could probably tellyou a lot more about, but . . . there was this one part where the ranch hands are comingdown to the corral to change horses, and Sleepy Black starts talking about how he reallywants to go. He really wants one of the hands to pick him.
I never used to feel that way.
I’d usually prefer people to just pass me by.
(CRAIG reaches into the box and takes out an apple turnover. He eats it. FAYwatches.)
6.
(KEITH enters from the stairs with a thick book.)
Remuda 62
KEITHDude!Craig!Check this out!Craig!
(He plops the book down on the table and opens it to a previously marked page.CRAIG enters from the bedroom in a t-shirt, hair sticking up.)
KEITHDude, c’mere.
So I’m at the library, right, drafting my apology to Dad like we talked about. I thinkbetter there. The books are helpful. They get me thinking about words. Anyway, I’msitting there trying to work something up, I even go looking around for transcripts offamous apologies, just for ideas, y’know? So while I’m looking, just by chance I comeacross this book.
CRAIG(Reading.) “Agoraphobia: Coping with the World Outside.”
KEITHDo you know what it says?
CRAIGNot really.
KEITHIt says it’s a condition which develops when a person begins to avoid spaces or situationsassociated with anxiety.
CRAIGOkay.
KEITHThat’s what she said about us.That we were agoraphobics.That we were avoiding spaces or situations associated with anxiety.
CRAIGSo?
KEITHThat doesn’t bother you?
Remuda 63
CRAIGIsn’t that what we’re doing?
KEITHIt’s not what I’m doing. I find the whole thing kind of insulting. That’d she’d come inhere and lay this whole psychological bullshit term on us like we were some kind of . . .case study or something . . . without really getting to know anything about us. I mean,what does she really know about us? Coming in here passing judgment like that. I’mstarting to pass a little judgment of my own quite frankly. For instance—
What is she doing coming down here at all? Dad doesn’t have to come down. Dad getsby using the clip. What is she trying to pull? And then she’s all telling us personal shitabout herself. How she used to work in a nursery. How she’s got this thing for cowboys.And then she’s flashing her tattoo around. And not just the tattoo I might remind you. Ithink it’s safe to say that we both saw quite a bit more than just a tattoo. And then she’sgot the nerve to start throwing around psycho-pathological labels on us? I could just aseasily return the favor. How about . . . uh . . . extrovert? How about . . . nymphomaniac?
And what’s with her always bringing us shit?Donuts and pop-tarts and such?Isn’t that kinda like what child molesters do?
I don’t know, man.
(He notices the box on the table.)
What’s this?
(He opens the box.)
Strudel . . . ?
CRAIGApple turnover.
(FAY enters in CRAIG’s t-shirt.)
KEITHOh.Okay.So you two guys—Cool.That’s cool.
CRAIGKeith . . .
Remuda 64
KEITHNo. Obviously this is a situation where one party thought one thing and another thoughtsomething altogether different.
(CRAIG and FAY look at each other.)
CRAIG FAYI don’t think that’s it. No, I wouldn’t say that.
KEITHYeah, whatever. Either way it’s clear to me now that I was right.
CRAIGAbout what?
KEITHThat she’s a fucking case.And you wanted the gravy.
CRAIGWell that’s talking like a dick.
KEITHOh, I’m a dick now.
CRAIGNo, you just talk like one.
KEITHThat’s real nice—
FAYBoys—
KEITHDON’T ADDRESS US LIKE THAT!
That’s not the way to address us.
There are two people who can address us that way and one’s our father and the other’sfucking dead—
We’re not “boys”.
