respondins—really responding—^to other kudents' … · "responding really...
TRANSCRIPT
Straub, Richard. "Responding Really Responding—to Other Students'Writing." The
Subject Is Writing: Essays by Teachers and Students. Ed. Wendy Bishop. 3"* cd.
Portsmouth, NH: Boyton/CookHeinemann, 2003. 16272.
Respondins—Really Responding—^to Other kudents' Writing
Richard Straub
Richard Straub taught courses in writing, rhetoric, and literature at Florida State University. A specialist on reading, evaluating, and responding to student writing, he was from Dunmore, Pennsylvania.
Okay. You've got a student paper you have to read and make comments on for Thursday. It 's not something you're looking forward to. But that's alright, you think. There isn't really all that much to it. Just keep it simple. Read it quickly and mark whatever you see. Say something about the introduction. Something about details and examples. Ideas you can say you like. Mark any typos and spelling errors. Make your comments brief. Abbreviate where possible: awk. good inim, give ex, frag. Try to imitate the t e a c h e r . , ^ r k what he 'd mark and sound like he 'd sound. But be cool about it. Don ' t praise anything really, but no need to get harsh o r cut throat either. Get in and gel out. You're okay, I 'm okay. Everybody's happy. What ' s the problem?
This is, no doubt, a way o f getting through the assignment. Satisfy the teacher'and no surprises for the writer. It might jus t do the trick. But say you want to d o a good job. Say you're willing to put in the time and effort—though t ime is tight and you know it's not going to be easy—and help the writer look back on the paper and revise it. And maybe in the process learn something more yourself about writing. What d o you look for? How d o you sound? How
Responding—Really Responding—to Other Studenls" Writing 163
much d o you take up? What exactly are you trying to accomplish? Here are some ideas.
Should You Look at Yourself As a Responder? Consider yourself a friendly reader. A test pilot. A roommate who ' s been asked to look over the paper and tell the writer what you think. Except you don ' t jus t take on the role o f The Nice Roommate o r The Everfaithful Friend and tell he r what she wants to hear. This al t looks good. I wouldn't change a thing. There are a couple places that I think h e might not like, but I can .see what you 're doing there. I ' d g o with it. Good stuff. You're supportive. You give her the benefit o f the doubt and look to sec the good in her writing. But friends don ' t let friends think their writing is the best thing since The Great Gatthy and they don ' t lead them to think that all is fine and weU 'when it 's not. Look to help this friend, this roommate writer—okay, this person in your class—to get a better piece o f writing. Point to prpblcms and areas for improvement but do it in a constructive way. See what you can do to push her to do even more than she 's done and stretch herself as a writer.
What Are Your Goals? First, don ' t se t ou t to seek and destroy all errors and problems in the writing. You're not an editor. You're not a teacher. You're not a cruise mi.ssile. And don ' t rewrite any parts o f the paper. You're not the writer; you ' re a reader. One o f many. The paper is not yours; it's the writer's. She writes. You read. She is in charge o f what she docs to her writing. That doesn ' t mean you can ' t make suggestions. It doesn ' t mean you can ' t offer a few .sample rewrites here and there, as models. But make it c lear they're .samples, models. Not rewrites. Not edits. Not corrections. Be reluctant at first even to say what you would d o if the paper were yours. It's not yours. Again: Writers write, readers read and show what they 're understanding and maybe make suggestions. What to d o instead: Look at your task as a s imple one. You're there to play back to the writer how you read the paper: what you got from it; what you found interesting; where you were confused; where you wanted more. With this done, you can g o on to point out problems, ask que.stions, offer advice, and wonder out loud with the wri ter about her ideas. Look to help her improve the writing o r encourage her to work on some things as a writer.
How Do You Get Started? Before you up and start reading the paper, take a minute (alright, thirty seconds) to make a mental checklist about the circumstances o f the writing, the context. You're not going to jus t read a text. You're going to read a text within
166 Behind the Scenes
How Much to Comment? Don't be stingy. Write most o f your comments out in fulJ statements. Instead o f writing two o r three words, write seven o r eight. Instead o f making only one brief comment and moving on, say what you have to say and then g o back over the statement and explain what you mean o r why you said it o r note other alternatives. Let the writer know again and again how you are understanding her paper, what you take her to be saying. And elaborate on your key comments. Explain your interpretation.s, prpblems, questions, and advice.
Is It Okay to Be Short and Sweet? No. At least not most o f the time. Get specific. Don ' t rely on general statements alone. How much have generic comments helped you as a writer? "Add detail," "Needs better structure." "Unclcar." Try to let the writer know what exactly the problem is. Refer specifically to the writer's words and make them a part o f your comments. "Add some detail on what it was like working at the beach." "I think we'l l need to know more about your high school crowd before we can understand the way you 've changed." ' T h i s sentence is not cle^r. Were you disappointed o r were ihey disappointed?" This way the writer will see what you're talking about, and she ' l l have a better idea what to work on.
Do You Praise or Criticize or What? Be always o f two (or three) minds about your response to the paper. You like the paper, but it could use some more interesting detail. You found this .statement interesting, but these ideas in the second paragraph arc not so hot. It 's an alright paper, but it could be outstanding if the writer said what was really bothering her. Always be ready to praise. But always look to point to places that are not working well o r that are not yet working as well as they might. Always be ready to expect more from the writer.
How to Present Your Comments? Don't steer away from being critical. Feel free—in fact, feel obliged—to tell the writer what you like and don ' t like, what is and is not working, and where you think it can be made to work better. But u.se some other strategies, too. Try to engage the writer in considering her choices and thinking about possible ways to improve the paper. Make it a goal to write two o r three comments that look to summarize o r paraphrase what the writer is saying. Instead o f teHing the reader what to do. suggest what she might do. Identify the questions that are raised for you as you reader:
Responding—Really Reiiponding—to Other S(iident.<!' Writing 167
� Play back your way o f understanding the writing: This seems to be the real focus o f the paper, the issue you .seem
most interested irt. So you ' re saying that you really weren ' t interested in her
romantically?
� Temper your criticisms: This sentence is a bit hard to follow. I 'm not sure this paragraph is necessary.
� Offer advice; It might help to add an example here. Maybe save this sentence for the end o f the paper.
� Ask questions, especially real questions; What else were you feeling at the t ime? What kind o f friend? Would it help to say? Do you need this opening sentence? In what ways were you "a daddy's little girl"?
Explain and follow up o n your initial comments: You might present this episode first. This way we can see what you
mean when you say that he was always too busy. How did you react? Did you cry o r yell? Did you walk away? This makes her sound cold and calculating.Is that what you want?
Offer some praise, and then explain to the writer why the writing works; Good opening paragraph. You've got m y attention. Good detail. It tells me a lot about the place. I like the descriptions you provide—for instance, about your
grandmother cooking, at the bottom o f page I; about he r house, in the middle o f page 2; and about how she said her rosary at night: "quick but almost pleading, like crying without tears."
How Much Criticism? How Much Praise? Challenge youreelf to write as mgny praise comments as criticisms. When you praise, praise well. Think about it. Sincerity and specificity are everything when it comes to a compliment. ^
How Much Should You Be Influenced by What You Know About the Writer?
Consider the person behind the writer when you msSke your comments. I f she 's not done so well in class lately, maybe you can give her a pickmeup in your comments. I f she 's shy and seems reluctant to g o into the kind o f personal
168 Behind ihe Scenes
detail the paper seems to need, encourage her. Make some suggestions o r tell her what you would do. I f she 's confident and going on arrogant, see what you can do to challenge her with the ideas she presents in the paper. Look for other views she may not have thought about, and find ways to lead he'r to consider them. Always be ready to look at the text in terms o f the writer behind the text.
Good comments , this listing shows, require a loj f rom a reader. But you don ' t have to make a checklist out o f these suggestions and g o through each one methodically as you read. It's ama7.ing how they all start coming together when you look at your response as a way o f talking with the writer seriously about the writing, recording how you experience the words on the page and giving the writer something to think about for revision. The more you see examples o f thoughtful commentary and the more you try to do it yourself, the more you'l l get a feel for 'how it's done.
Here's a set o f s tudent comments on a student paper. They were done in the last third o f a course that focused on the personal essay and concentrated on helping students develop the content and thought o f their writing. The class had been working on Tmding ways to develop and extend the key statements o f their essays (by using short, representative details, fullblown examples, dialogue, and multiple perspectives) and getting more careful about selecting and .shaping parts o f their writing. The assignment called on students to write an e.ssay o r an autobiographical story where they looked to capture how they see (or have seen) something about one o r both o f their parent.s—some habits, attitudes, o r traits their parents have taken on. They were encouraged to give shape to their ideas and experiences in ways that went beyond their previous understandings and try things they hadn ' t tried in their writing. More a personal narrative than an essay, Todd's paper looks to capture one distinct difference in the way his mother and father disciplined their children. It is a rough draft that will be taken through one o r possibly two more revisions. Readers were asked to offer whatever feedback they could that might help the writer with the next stage o f writing (Figure 171).
This is a full and thoughtful set o f comments. The rcsponder. Jeremy, creates himself not as a teacher o r critic but first o f all as a reader, one who is intent on saying how he takes the writing and what he 'd like to hear more about:
Good point. Makes it mo re unlikely that you shou ld be the one lo get caught .
Great passage. Real ly let.s the reader know wha t you were thinking. Was there a reason you we re first o r did it j u s t happen that w ay ? Would h e punish you anyway o r could you ju s t get away with th ings?
He makes twentytwo comments on the paper—seventeen statements in the margins and five more in the end note. The comments are written out in full statements, and they are detailed and specific. They make his re.sponse into a lively exchar^e with the writer, one person talking with another about what he ' s said. Well over ha l f o f the comments are followup comments that explain, iliusttnte. o r qualify other respon.ses.
Responding—Really Responding—to Other Students' Writing 169
The cofriments focus on the content anddevelopment o f the writing, in line with the assignment, the stage o f d r a f t i ng and the work o f the course. They also view the writing rhetorically, in tenps. o f how the text has certain effects on readers. Although there are over two dozen wording o r sentencelevel errors in the paper, he decides, wisely, to stick with the larger matters o f writing. Yet even as he offers a pretty full set o f comments he doesn ' t ever take control over the text. His comments are placed unobtrusively on the page, and he doesn ' t try to close things down o r decidc things for the writer. H e offers praise, encouragement, and direction. What 's more, he pushes the writer to d o
Figure 171
Todd ^ 1 Rick £ t r a u b Asaignment 8b
�Uh. o h "
Khen I c a l l e d home from t h e p o l i c e a t a c i o n r waa p r a y i n g J i . ehac my f a t h e r would anB%'cr t h e phone. He would l i a c e n t o whac had t o a ay and would r e a c t comely, l o g i c a l , and i n a manner t h a t would k e e p my mother from acreaming h e r head o f f . I f my Mother waa t o answer t h e phone 1 would have t o e x p l a i n myae l f q u i c k l y i n ^ o r d e r t o keep h e r from hav ing a h e a r t a t t a c k .
when 1 waa e l e v e n y e a r a o l d 1 hung o u t w i t h a g r oup of^boya t h a t were a lmos t t h r e e y e a r a o l d e r t h a n me. The f i v e o f ua d i d a l l Che t h i n g s t h a t young e n e r g e t i c k i d a d i d p l a c i n g b a l l , r i d i n g b i k e a , and g e t t i n g i n t o t r o u b l e . [ ^ e c a u s e t h e y were o l d e r t h e y wo r r i e d l e a a abou t g e t t i n g i n t r o u b l e and t h e consequencea of t h e r e a c t iM i a t h an l d l d . j c—'
� . 6« y t eK.3*t J « ^ f r i e n d a and t would always come home from s c hoo l , d r o p
o u r baclcpacka o f f and head o u t i n t h e ne ighborhood t o f i n d agweth ing t o d p y Our f a v o r i t e t h i n g t o do waa t o f i n d
e>*vkic? c o n s t r u c t i o n c i t e s and s t e a l wood : o make t r e e f o r t a i n t h e woods o r s k a t e b o a r d ramps. So one day. coming home from s c hoo l , we n o t i c e d a coup l e new houaea b e i n g b u i l t n e a r o u r ne ighborhood . I t waa a p r l n e c i t e f o r wood, n a i l s , a nd a n y t h i n g e l s e we cou ld g e t o u r hands on . Ue d i s c u s s e d o u r p l a n on t h e bus and dec i ded t h a t w« ifould a l l meet t h e r e a f t e r d r opp i ng o u r e t u f f o f f a t home. ( l remember b e i n g a l i t t l e a t h e s i t a n t f i r s t because i t was c l o s e t o my house b u t beyond t h e b ound a r i e s my p a r e n t s had a e t
w e . ' » 0 £ c ou r s e I went because I d i d n ' t want t o b e t h e odd nan o u t and have t o p u t up w i t h a l l t h e name c a l l i n g O I dropped my
. b ag o f f and I headed t o t h e c o n s t r u c t i o n c i t e .
CVMOK I meet ny f r i e n d s t h e r e and we began co e e a r c h t h e d i f f e r e n t . J houaes f o r wood and what n o t . He a l l p i c k e d up a c oup l e of
t h i n g a and were about t o l e a v e when one o f my f r i e n d a n o t i c e d a what looked t o be a b i g t o o l s h ed o f f b eh ind one o f t h e h o u s e s . Zt looked p romi s ing s o we dec i ded t h a t we s h o u l d check i t o u t . Two o f t h e boys i n t h e g roup s a i d t h a t t h e y had a l l t h e wood t h e y cou ld c a r r y and s a i d t h e y were go ing home. The r e a t o f ua headed down t o t h e ahed t o t a k e a l o o k .
Once t h e r e we n o t i c e d t h a t t h e ahed had been b roken i n t o p r e v i o u a l y . The l o ck on i t had been b u s t e d on t h e h l ng e e were
iXKc. b en t z opened t h e d o o r t o t h e ahed and s t e pp ed i n a i d e co t a k e a loojd a round wh i l e my f r i e n d a wa i t e d o u t s i d e , i t waa d a r k i n s i d e b u t I c o u l d t e l l t h e p l a c e had been r an sacked , t h e r e wee n o t h i n g
.%j<'*>>to t a k e a o 1 d e c i d ed t o l e a v e . I h e a r d my t o f r i e n d a a ay some t h i n g s o t u r n e d back a round t o s i t e o f them r unn i ng away. I t hough t t h a t Chey were p l a y i n g a j o k e on me a o 1 c a a u a l l y walked
coniinucx
170 Beh ind t he Scenes
continued Figure 171
ou t o n l y t o «ee > cop c » r p . r k e d n e . r one o f t h e h o u e e . under c o n . t r u c l i o n . As soon a s I saw c h a t cop c a r I t o o k o f f b u t » . » s t opped when a 619 hand p u l l e d a t t h a t t a c k o f pjy s h i r t . I watched my I r i e n d s r u n u n t i l t h e y were o u t o l c i t e and t h en I t u r n ed »round.
The cop had ne s i c Ir. t h e t q u i d c a r wh i l e he a eked Ques t ion# . He asked a e i f I knew t h o s e k i d s t h a t r a n o f f and I � a i d "Hnnnnoooooooo" He a sked me I f I had b roken i n c o ^ t h a t shed and : e a i d Hnnnnoooooo. The co ? wro t e down what wa» s ay i ng a l l t h e wh i l e shak ing h i e h e ad . Then he t o l d ne c h a t I w a s n ' t b e i n g a r r e s t e d b u t I would h a v e . t o 30 down t o t h e s t a t i o n t o c a l l p a r e n t s and have them p i c k me up. Upon h e a r i n g t h a t I n e a r l y s o i l e d my u n d e r s h o r t s . "My God, I 'm dead . My mom i s go i ng t o k i l l nse"
At t h e s t a t i o n t h e o f f i c e r showed me t h e whole s t a t i o n . i a i l ' c e l l s and e v e r y t h i n g . An obv ious t a c t i c t o t r y and s c a r e me which worked. Tha t p l u s t h e t hough t o f my nom answer ing t h e 1 phone and me t r y i n g t o e x p l a i n what happened n e a r l y made me s l c ^
�Mwwwhhhaatttt! You ' r e where?* She would s a y .
'The p o l i c e s t a t i o n rnvn,
' ' s o loud
uh oh . h e a r i t comes.
would have �Ooooohhhh «y God, my son i s c r im i n a l , t o p u l l t h e phone away from my e a r .
She had t h i s uncanny a b i l i t y t o blow t h i n g s o u t of p r o p o r t i o n r i g h t from t h e s t a r t . She would assume t h e worse and t hen go from t h e r e . Th i s was a c l a s s i c example o f why i c o u l d n eve r go t o h e r i f I had any b»d news. She would s t a r t ? . _ J MA ar Mv My f a t h e r " sc reaming , g e t u p s e t , and t h e n 90 b i t c h a t my f a t h e r . My^fati i a 4 p r e t t y l a i d back b u t when e v e r my mother s t a r t e d y e l l i n g him about ne. he would g e t ang ry and come chew me o u t worse t h a n i f J had j u s t gone t o him i n t h e f i r s t p l a c e .
I f my f a t h e r were t o answer t h e phone h e would respond w i t h o u t r a i s i n g h i a v o i c e . He would ewamine t h e s i t u a t i o n i n a l o g i c a l Tianner and make a d e c i s i o n form t h e r e .
�Uhhmmmtlong p a u s e ) . You ' r e a t t h e p o l i c e s t a t i o n . "
"Yeah dad. r d i d n ' t g e t a r r e s t e d t h e y j u s t had m come down h e r e s o I had t o t e l l y o u . "
J <
P .
^ a
? J
�Uhm, s o you d i d n ' t g e t a r r e s t e d d o n g p a u s e ) . VfelKlong p a u s e ) . I ' l l come p i c k you up and w i l l t a l k abou t t h e n " .
_ I j e e l l i k e I can r e l a t e t o «r.y f a t h e r much b e t t e r t h e n 1 10 m y mother . He h a s a c oo l and c o l l e c t i v e v o i c e t h a t c a r t a k e
^ command o f any s i t u a t i o n . I a lways f e e l l i k e he u nd e r s t a n d s me h e knows what I ' m t h i n k i n g a l l t h e t i n e . T h i s comes m r e a i i
Vi handy when I g e t i n t r d u b l e . j p
r ' t.h. ' y ' " v i '�"'i
e . \ e a l
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' I J i { J H
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more than he has already done, to extend the boundaries o f his examination. In keeping with the assignment and the larger goals o f the coursc, he calls on Todd in several comments to explore the mo t i v a t i o n ^ ^d personalities behind his parents' different ways o f disciplining;
Maybe you could s ay more a s to w h y you think y ou r m om is like this . Did you r dad get into t rouble a s a kid so h e know wha t i t ' s l ike? Explain w h y
h e reacts as h e doe.s.
He is careful, though, not to get presumptuous and make decisions for the writer. Instead, he offers options and points to possibilities:
Perhap.s more o n your unders tanding o f w h y y o u r parents react a,'! they d o .
What o ther things did you d o to ge l into trouble? O r is it irrelevant?
Responding—Real ly Responding—to Othe r Students" Wri t ing 171
continued Figure 171
: c a l l e d hon«. sweet beading on ny ILp.
"Hel lo*, my mom s a i d . Oh geez, I 'm dead .
"Horn can 1 t a l k t o dad?*
"Nhy. wh a t ' s wrong?*
"Oh, no th ing . I j u s t need t a l k t o him." yea . t h i s i s going t o work I
"Hold on , " she s a i d .
' H e l l o , ' my f a t h e r s a i d .
'Dad, I 'm a t t h e p o l i c e s t a t i o n . " I t o l d h l ^ t h e whole s t o r y o f what happened. He r e a c t e d e x a c t l y a s 1 expec t he would
"Uhhiirm<long p au s e ! . You' re a t t h e p o l i c e s t a t i o n
J_ !'''�<� tlx. n 6 / ! j
O ^ iT' s b ' f . J t *p . 6oo^. I OSr c> / v \ o ^ o / l ^nttr\C
From Stan to finish h e takes on tHe task o f reading and responding and leaves the work o f writing and revising to Todd.
Jeremy's response is not in a class by itself. A set o f comments to end all commentary on Todd 's paper. He might have done well, for instance, to recognize how much this paper works because o f the way Todd arranges the story. He could have done more to point to what 's not working in the writing o r what could be made to work better. He might have asked Todd for more details about his state o f mind when he got caught by the policeman and while he was being held at the police station. He might have urged him more to make certain changes. H e might even have said, i f only in a brief warning, something about the number o f errors across the writing. But this is moot and jus t . Different readers a re always going to pick up on different things and respond in different ways, and no one reading o r response is going to address everything that might well be addressed, in the way it might best be addressed. All responses are incomplete and provisional—one reader 's way o f reading and reacting to the text in front o f him. And any number o f other responses, presented in any number o f different ways, might be as useful o r maybe even more useful to Todd a s he takes u p his work with the writing.
All this notwithstanding, Jeremy's comments are .solid. They are full. They are thoughtful. And they are respectful. They take the writing and the writer seriously and address the issues that are raised responsibly. His comments do what commentary on student writing should optimally do. They turn the writer back into his writing and lead him to reflect on his choices and aim.s.
172 Beh ind the S c en e s
to consider and reconsider his intentions a s a wri ter and the effects the words o n the page will have o n readers. They he lp h im see what hc^can work o n in revision and what he might deal with in his ongoing work as a writer.
Sharing Ideas I
� What a re you r exper iences with responding to o the r s tudents ' writ ing? Have you d on e s o in o the r clas.ses? How d id that work ou t? Were you able to discuss your responses? In small groups o r large g roups? Wh i ch si tuation d id you like bes t ?
� D o you have any papers where others have responded to you r wri t ing? Collect o n e ' o r mo rq and s e e how the responses stack u p against R i ck ' s guidelines. Hav ing read his essay, what would you say you r respondent d id well and needs t o l e a rn to d o better?
� In the s ame way. after everyone in your small g roup re.sponds to a first paper, g o ove r those papers / responses together in a g roup a nd look at what wa s done and what cou ld b e done to improve the qual i ty o f responses. In addition, you might try t o characterize each o f you as a responder; Wha t a re you r habits? Wha t character /persona d o you take 'on? Would you l ike to b e responded to b y the responder you find you a r e through this g r oup analysis?
� Look at Hint Sheet J in this collection. How d o m y suggest ions for response to student writers sound the s ame ' o r different f rom Rick ' s suggestions? D o we c om e f rom the same "school" o f responding o r d o w e suggest different approaches? Character ize the differences o r similarit ies you find.
� R ick shows you a responder—Jeremy—and the c ommen t s h e wrote on Todd ' s paper. I f you were Todd, how would you feel about J e r emy ' s responses? D o you agree with Rick ' s analysis o f J e r emy ' s c ommen t s ? Wha t three o r four additional things would you tell Todd abou t his paper?
� What a re y o u r insights into re.sponding? Wha t has worked for you? What d o you wish people wou ld d o o r not d o when they respond to you r writing? Wha t wou ld make you mos t inclined to listen to responses and use t hem to change you r wo rk?