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ProjectGutenberg'sReveriesofaSchoolmaster,byFrancisB.Pearson

ThiseBookisfortheuseofanyoneanywhereatnocostandwithalmostnorestrictionswhatsoever.Youmaycopyit,giveitawayorre-useitunderthetermsoftheProjectGutenbergLicenseincludedwiththiseBookoronlineatwww.gutenberg.net

Title:ReveriesofaSchoolmaster

Author:FrancisB.Pearson

ReleaseDate:July29,2004[EBook#13049]

Language:English

***STARTOFTHISPROJECTGUTENBERGEBOOKREVERIESOFASCHOOLMASTER***

ProducedbyAlHaines

REVERIESOFASCHOOLMASTER

BY

FRANCISB.PEARSON

STATESUPERINTENDENTOFPUBLICINSTRUCTIONFOROHIO

AUTHOROF"THEEVOLUTIONOFTHETEACHER,""THEHIGH-SCHOOLPROBLEM,""THEVITALIZEDSCHOOL."

CHARLESSCRIBNER'SSONS

NEWYORKCHICAGOBOSTON

COPYRIGHT,1917,BY

CHARLESSCRIBNER'SSONS

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CONTENTS

CHAPTER

I.INMEDIASRESII.RETROSPECTIII.BROWNIV.PSYCHOLOGICALV.BALKINGVI.LANTERNSVII.COMPLETELIVINGVIII.MYSPEECHIX.SCHOOL-TEACHINGX.BEEFSTEAKXI.FREEDOMXII.THINGSXIII.TARGETSXIV.SINNERSXV.HOEINGPOTATOESXVI.CHANGINGTHEMIND

XVII.THEPOINTOFVIEWXVIII.PICNICSXIX.MAKE-BELIEVEXX.BEHAVIORXXI.FOREFINGERSXXII.STORY-TELLINGXXIII.GRANDMOTHERXXIV.MYWORLDXXV.THISORTHATXXVI.RABBITPEDAGOGYXXVII.PERSPECTIVEXXVIII.PURELYPEDAGOGICALXXIX.LONGEVITY

XXX.FOUR-LEAFCLOVERXXXI.MOUNTAIN-CLIMBING

REVERIESOFASCHOOLMASTER

CHAPTERI

INMEDIASRES

IamrathergladnowthatItookalittledip(onecouldscarcecallitabaptism)intotheLatin,andespeciallyintoHorace,forthatgoodsoulgavemetheexpression_inmediasres_.Thatisaforcefulexpression,righttotheheartofthings,andappliesequallywelltothewritingofacompositionortheeatingofawatermelon.ThosewhohavecrossedtheChannel,fromFolkstonetoBoulogne,knowthatthestanchlittleship_Invicta_hadscarcelyleftdockwhentheywere_inmediasres_.Theywereconsciousofit,too,ifindeedthey

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wereconsciousofanythingnotstrictlypersonaltothemselves.Thisexpressionadmitsusatoncetothelightandwarmth(ifsuchtherebe)oftheinnertemplenorkeepsusshiveringoutinthevestibule.

Writersofbiographyarewonttokeepuswaitingtoolongforhappeningsthatarereallyworthourwhile.Theytellusthatsomeonewasbornatsuchatime,asifthatwerereallyimportant.Why,anybodycanbeborn,butitrequiressomeyearstodeterminewhetherhisbeingbornwasamatterofimportanceeithertohimselfortoothers.WhenIwritemybiographicalsketchofWilliamShakespeareIshallsaythatinacertainyearhewrote"Hamlet,"whichfactclearlyjustifiedhisbeingbornsomanyyearsearlier.

Thegoodoldladysaidofherpastor:"Heentersthepulpit,takeshistext,andthenthedearmanjustgoeseverywherepreachingtheGospel."Thatmanhadaspecialaptitudeforthe_inmediasres_ methodofprocedure.ManychildreninschoolwhoarenotversedinLatinwouldbegladtohavetheirteachersendowedwiththisaptitude.Theyareimpatientofpreliminaries,bothintheschoolandatthedinner-table.Anditisprettydifficulttodiscoverjustwherechildhoodleavesoffinthisrespect.

SoIamgratefultoHoracefortheexpression.Havingstartedrightinthemidstofthings,onecannevergetoffthesubject,andthat

isagreatcomfort.Sometimescollegegraduatesconfess(orperhapsboast)thattheyhaveforgottentheirLatin.Ifeartofollowtheirexamplelestmyneighbor,whooftendropsinforafriendlychat,mightgettowonderingwhetherIhavenotalsoforgottenmuchoftheEnglishIamsupposedtohaveacquiredincollege.HemightregardmyEnglishasquiteasfeeblewhencomparedwithShakespeareorMiltonasmyLatinwhencomparedwithCiceroorVirgil.SoItakecounselwithprudenceandkeepsilentonthesubjectofLatin.

WhenIamtakingastrollinthewoods,asIdelighttodointheautumn-time,launderingmysoulwiththegorgeouscolors,themusicoftherustlingleaves,themajesticsilences,andthesoundsthatarelessandmorethansounds,Ioftenwonder,whenItakeone

bypath,whatexperiencesImighthavehadifIhadtakentheother.I'llneverknow,ofcourse,butIkeeponwondering.SoitiswiththisLatin.IwonderhowmuchworsematterscouldorwouldhavebeenifIhadneverstudieditatall.Astheoldmansaidtotheyoungfellowwhoconsultedhimastogettingmarried:"You'llbesorryifyoudo,andsorryifyoudon't."Iusedtofeelasortofpityformypupilstothinkhowtheywouldhavehadnoeducationatalliftheyhadnothadmeastheirteacher;nowIambeginningtowonderhowmuchfurtheralongtheymighthavebeeniftheyhadhadsomeotherteacher.Butprobablymostofthemisfitsinlifeareintheimagination,afterall.Weallthinkthehuckleberriesaremoreabundantontheotherbush.

Hoeingpotatoesisacalm,serene,dignified,andphilosophicalenterprise.Butatbottomitismuchthesameinprincipleasteachingschool.Inmypotato-patchIammerelytryingtocreatesituationsthatarefavorabletogrowth,andintheschoolIcandoneithermorenorbetter.Icannotcauseeitherboysorpotatoestogrow.IfIcould,I'dcertainlyhavetheprocesspatented.IknownomoreabouthowpotatoesgrowthanIdoaboutthefourthdimensionortheunearnedincrement.Buttheygrowinspiteofmyignorance,andIknowthattherearecertainconditionsinwhichtheyflourish.SothebestIcandoistomakeconditionsfavorable.NordoI

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botherabouttheweeds.Ijustcentremyattentionandmyhoeuponlooseningthesoilandlettheweedslookoutforthemselves.Hoeingpotatoesisasyntheticprocess,butcuttingweedsisanalytic,andsynthesisisbetter,bothforpotatoesandforboys.Ingoodtime,iftheboyiskeptgrowing,hewillhaveoutgrownhisstone-bruises,hischappedhands,hisfreckles,hiswarts,andhisphysicalandspiritualawkwardness.Theweedswillhavedisappeared.

Thepotato-patchisyourtruepedagogicallaboratoryandconservatory.Ifonecannotlearnpedagogythereitisnofaultofthepotato-patch.Horacemusthavethoughtof_inmediasres_whilehoeingpotatoes.Thereisnootherwaytodoit,andthatisbed-rockpedagogy.Justtogetrightattheworkanddoit,that'stheverythingtheteacherisstrivingtoward.HereamongmypotatoesIamactuatedbymotives,Iinvestthesubjectwithhumaninterest,Iexperiencemotoractivities,Ireact,Ifunction,andIgosofarastoevaluate.Indeed,Iruntheentiregamut.Andthen,whenIamlyingbeneaththecanopyofthewide-spreadingtree,Idoabitofresearchworkintryingtolocatethesorestmuscle.And,astoefficiency,well,Igivemyselfahighgradeinthatandshallpass_cumlaude_itthematterislefttome.Ifourgradingwerebaseduponeffortratherthanachievement,Icouldbringmyachingbackintocourt,ifnotmypotatoes.Butoursystemofgradingintheschoolsdemandspotatoes,nomattermuchhowobtained,withscant

creditforbackaches.

Wehavefarmballadsandfarmarithmetics,butasyetnoonehaswrittenforusabookonfarmpedagogy.I'ddoitmyselfbutforthefeelingthatsomeStrayer,orMcMurry,orO'Sheawillgetrightatitassoonashehascomeuponthissuggestion.That'smyonegreattrouble.TheotherfellowhasthethingdonebeforeIcangetaroundtoit.Iwouldhavewritten"TheMessagetoGarcia,"butMr.Hubbardanticipatedme.Then,IwasjustreadytowritealuminousdescriptionofYellowstoneFallswhenIhappenedupontheonethatDeWittTalmagewrote,andIcouldseenoreasonforwritinganother.Soitis.Iseemalwaystobejusttoolate.IwishnowthatIhadwritten"Recessional"beforeKiplinggottoit.Nodoubt,thesame

thingwillhappenwithmyfarmpedagogy.Ifonecouldonlystakeaclaiminallthismatterofwritingastheydointheminingregions,thewholethingwouldbesimplified.I'dstakemyclaimonfarmpedagogyandthengoonhoeingmypotatoeswhilethinkingoutwhattosayonthesubject.

Whoeverwritesthebookwilldowelltoshowhowcatchingaboyisanalogoustocatchingacoltoutinthepasture.Bothfeatsrequiretactand,attheveryleast,horse-sense.TheotherdayIwantedtocatchmycoltandwentouttothepastureforthatpurpose.Thereisahillinthepasture,andIwenttothetopofthisandsawthecoltatthefarsideofthepastureinwhatwecalltheswale--low,wetground,whereweedsabound.Ididn'twanttogetmyshoessoiled,so

Istoodonthehillandcalledandcalled.Thecoltlookedupnowandthenandthenwentonwithhisownaffairs.InmychagrinIwasjustaboutreadytogetangrywhenitoccurredtomethatthecoltwasn'tangry,andthatIoughttoshowasgoodsenseasamerehorse.Thatreflectionrelievedthetensionsomewhat,andIthoughtitwisetomeditateabit.HereamI;yonderisthecolt.Iwanthim;hedoesn'twantme.Hewillnotcometome;soImustgotohim.Then,what?Oh,yes,nativeinterests--that'sit,nativeinterests.I'mmuchobligedtoProfessorJamesforremindingme.Now,justwhatarethenativeinterestsofacolt?Why,oats,ofcourse.So,Imust

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returntothebarnandgetapailofoats.Anemptypailmightdoonce,butneveragain.SoImusthaveoatsinmypail.Eitheracoltoraboybecomesshyafterhehasoncebeendeceived.Theboywhofailstogetoatsintheclassroomto-day,willshyofffromtheteacherto-morrow.Hewillnotevenacceptherstatementthatthereisoatsinthepail,foryesterdaythepailwasempty--nothingbutsound.

ButevenwithpailandoatsIhadtogotothecolt,gettingmyshoessoiledandmyclothestorn,buttherewasnootherway.Imustbeginwherethecolt(orboy)is,asthebookonpedagogysays.Iwantedtostayonthehillwhereeverythingwasagreeable,butthatwouldn'tgetthecolt.Now,ifMr.CharlesH.Juddcarestoelaboratethisoutline,Iurgenoobjectionandshallnotclaimtheprotectionofcopyright.Ishallbeonlytoogladtohavehimmakecleartoallofusthepedagogicalrecipeforcatchingcoltsandboys.

CHAPTERII

RETROSPECT

Mr.PatrickHenrywasprobablycorrectinsayingthatthereisnowayofjudgingthefuturebutbythepast,and,tomythinking,hemightwellhaveincludedthepresentalongwiththefuture.Todayisbetterorworsethanyesterdayorsomeotherdayinthepast,justasthischerrypieisbetterorworsethansomepastcherrypie.Buteventhispiemayseemabitlessgloriousthanthepiesofthepast,becauseofmyjadedappetite--afactthatiseasilylostsightof.Folkswhoextolthegloriesofthegoodoldtimesmaybeforgettingthattheyarenotabletorelivetheemotionsthatputthezestintothosepastevents.Weusedtogoto"bigmeeting"inatwo-horsesled,withthewagon-bodyhalffilledwithhayandheapedhighwithblanketsandrobes.Themercurymightbelowinthetube,butwereckednotofthat.Ourindifferencetoclimaticconditionswasnot

duealonetothewealthofrobesandblankets,buttheproximityofanothermemberofthehumanfamilymayhavehadsomethingtodowithit.Ifwecouldreconstructtheemotionallifeofthosegoodoldtimes,thephysicalconditionswouldtaketheirrightfulplaceasabackground.

Ifwecouldonlybringbacktheappetiteofformeryearswemightfindthispiebetterthanthepiesofold.Thegoodbrotherwhoseemstothinkthetextbooksofhisboyhooddayswerebetterthanthemodernonesforgetsthatalongwiththeold-timetextbookswentskating,rabbit-hunting,snowballing,coasting,fishing,sock-up,bull-pen,two-old-cat,townball,andshinny-on-the-ice.Heisprobablyconfusingthosemajorswiththetext-bookminor.His

criticismofthingsandbooksmodernisprobablyavoicingofhisregretthathehaslosthiszealforthefunandfrolicofyouth.IfhecouldbutdrinkafewcopiousdraftsfromtheFountainofYouth,thebooksofthepresentmightnotseemsoinferiorafterall.Thebreadandapple-butterstageofourhero'scareermayseemtodimthelustreofthelaterporterhousesteak,butwithallthegloryofthehalcyondaysofyoreitistobenotedthatheridesinanautomobileandnotinanox-cart,andpreferselectricitytothegoodoldoil-lamp.

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Iconcedewithenthusiasmthejoysofbygonedays,andwouldbegladtorepeatthoseexperienceswithsundryveryspecificreservationsandexceptions.Thatthickbreadwithitsgenerousanointingofapplebutterdiscountedallthenectarandambrosiaofthebooksandleftitsmarksuponthecharacteraswellasthefeaturesoftherecipient.ThemouthwatersevennowasIrecallthebilloffareplustheappetite.ButifIweregoingbacktothegoodolddaysI'dliketotakesomeofthemodernimprovementsalongwithme.Itthrillsmetoconsiderthemodernschoolcreditsforhomeworkwithallthe"57varieties"asanintegralfeatureofthegoodolddays.Alas,howmuchwemissedbynotknowingaboutallthis!Whatmiraclesmighthavebeenwroughthadweandourteachersonlyknown!Poor,ignorantteachers!Littledidtheydreamthatsuchwondrousthingscouldeverbe.Lifemighthavebeenmadeaglad,sweetsongforushaditbeensuppliedwiththesemodernattachments.IspentmanywearyhoursoverpartialpaymentsinRay'sThirdPart,whenImighthavebeenbrushingmyteethorcombingmyhairinstead.Then,insteadofthreadingthemazesofGreene'sAnalysisandparsing"Thanatopsis,"Imightjustaswellhavebeenasleepinthehaymow,whereventilationwassuper-abundant.HowproudlycouldIhaveproducedthehomecertificateastomyhaymowexperienceandreceivedanexhilaratinggradeingrammar!

JusthereIinterruptmyselftolettheimaginationfollowme

homewardonthedayswhengradeswereissued.ThetriumphalprocessionsoftheRomanswouldhavebeenmildbycomparison.Thearchlookuponmyface,themartialmien,andtheflashingeyeallbetokentherealhero.Thentheprideofthathome,thesumptuousfeastofchickenandangel-foodcake,andtheparentalacclaim--allbefittingthestanchupholderofthefamilyhonor.Ofcourse,nothinglikethiseverreallyhappened,whichgoestoprovethatIwasbornyearstooearlyintheworld'shistory.ThemoreIthinkofthisthemoreacuteismysympathywithMaudMuller.ThatgirlandIcouldsighaduetthinkingwhatmighthavebeen.Why,Imighthavehadmycollegedegreewhilestillwearingshorttrousers.Iwassomethingofanadeptatmilkingcowsandcouldsoonhaveeliminatedtheentirealgebrabythemethodofsubstitution.Milkingthecows

wasoneofmyregulartasks,anyhow,andIcouldthushavecombinedbusinesswithpleasure.AndifbyridingahorsetowaterIcouldhavegainedimmunityfromthe_Commentaries_byoneJuliusCaesar,fulllustilywouldIhaveshouted,_ala_RichardIII:"Ahorse!Ahorse!Mykingdomforahorse!"

Onemanadvocatestheplanofpromotingpupilsintheschoolsonthebasisofcharacter,andthisplanstronglyappealstomeasright,plausible,andaltogetherfeasible.HadthisbeenproposedwhenIwasaschoolboyIprobablyshouldhavemadeafewconditions,oratleasthaveaskedafewquestions.Ishouldcertainlyhavewantedtoknowwhowastobethejudgeinthematter,andwhatwashisdefinitionofcharacter.Muchwouldhavedependeduponthat.Ifhe

haddecreedthatcrueltytoanimalsindicatesalackofcharacterandthenproceededtodenominateascrueltytoanimalssuchinnocentdiversionsasshootingwoodpeckersinacherry-treewithaFlobertrifle,orsmokingchipmunksoutfromahollowlog,ortyingastripofredflanneltoahen'stailtotakehermindoffthetaskoftryingtohatchadoor-knob,ortyingatincantoadog'stailtoencouragehiminhislaudableenterpriseofdemonstratingtheprincipleofuniformlyacceleratedmotion--ifhehadincludedtheseandothersuchlikeharmlessantidotesforennuiinhiscategory,Ishouldcertainlyhaveaskedtobeexcusedfromhischaracter

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curriculumandshouldhavepursuedtheeventenorofmyways,splittingkindling,curryingthehorse,washingthebuggy,carryingwaterfromthepumptothekitchenandsaying,"Thankyou,"tomyeldersasthemoreagreeableavenueofpromotion.

IfwehadhadcharactercreditsinthegoodolddaysImighthavewondistinctioninschoolandbeensavedmuchembarrassmentinlateryears.InsteadoflearningthelatitudeandlongitudeofMadagascar,Chattahoochee,andKamchatka,Imighthavereceivedhighgradesingeographybyabstainingfromthechewingofgum,bynotwearingmyhandsinmytrousers-pockets,bywalkinginsteadofamblingorslouching,bywipingthemudfrommyshoesbeforeenteringthehouse,byapersonallyconductedtourthroughtherealmsofmanicuring,andbylearningthepositionanduseofthehat-rack.Gettingnoschoolcreditsforsuchincidentalminorsinthegreatschemeoflife,IgrewcarelessandindifferentandacquiredareputationthatIdonotcaretodwellupon.Ifthosewhohadmeincharge,orthoughttheyhad,hadonlybeenwiseandgivenmeschoolcreditsforallthesethings,whatamodelboyImighthavebeen!

Why,Iwouldhaveswallowedmypride,donnedakitchenapron,andwashedthesupperdishes,andnonormalboyenjoysthatceremony.BymakingpassesoverthedishesIshouldhavebeenexorcisingthespooksofcuberoot,andthatwouldhavebeenworthsomepersonal

sacrifice.Whataboonitwouldhavebeenforthehomefolkstoo!Theycouldhaveindulgedtheirpenchantforliteraryexercises,sittingintheparlormakingoutcertificatesformetocarrytomyteachernextday,andsoalltheroughplacesinthehomewouldhavebeenmadesmooth.Butthecrowningachievementwouldhavebeenmygraduationfromcollege.Icanseethepicture.Iamhuskingcorninthelowerfield.Toreachthisfieldonemustgothelengthoftheorchardandthenwalkacrossthemeadow.Itisacrispautumnday,aboutteno'clockinthemorning,andthesunisshining.Thegoldenearsarepilingupundermymagicskill,andthereispeace.AsItakedownanotherbundlefromtheshockIdescrywhatseemstobeasortofprocessionwendingitswaythroughtheorchard.Thentherailfenceissurmounted,andtheprocessionsolemnlymoves

acrossthemeadow.Intimethepresidentandanassortmentoffacultymembersstandbeforeme,bedightincapsandgowns.InotethattheirgownsareliberallygarnishedwithSpanishneedlesandcockleburs,andtheirshoesgiveevidenceofcontactwithelementalmud.Butthenandtheretheyconferuponmethedegreeofbachelorofarts_magnacumlaude_.ButforthisinterruptionIcouldhavefinishedhuskingthatrowbeforethedinner-hornblew.

CHAPTERIII

BROWN

Myneighborcameinagainthisevening,notforanythinginparticular,butunconsciouslyprovingthatmenaregregariousanimals.Ilikethisneighbor.HisnameisBrown.IlikethenameBrown,too.Itiseasytopronounce.Byagentlecrescendoyougotothesummitandthencoasttothebottom.ThenameBrown,whenpronounced,isacircumflexaccent.Now,ifhisnamehadhappenedtobeMoriarityInevercouldbequitesurewhenIcametotheendinpronouncingit.I'mgladhisnameisnotMoriarity--notbecauseit

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isIrish,forIliketheIrish;sodoesBrown,forheismarriedtooneofthem.AnyonewhohasbeeninCorkandheardthefineoldIrishmansayinhismusicalandinimitablevoice,"Tisalovelydye,"suchaonewilleverafterhaveasnugplaceinhisaffectionsfortheIrish,whetherhehaskissedthe"Blarneystone"ornot.Ifhehasheardthissamedriverofajaunting-carrhapsodizeabout"ShandonBells"andtheauthor,FatherProut,hisadmirationforthingsandpeopleIrishwillbecomewell-nighapassion.Hewillnotneedtoaddtohismentalpicture,forthesakeofemphasisorcolor,thecherry-cheekedmaidswholeadtheirmitesofdonkeysalongleafyroads,thecartsheapedhighwithcabbages.EvenwithoutthisadditionhewillbecomeexpansivewhenhespeaksofIrelandandtheIrish.

But,asIwassaying,Browncameinthiseveningjusttobartersmalltalk,asweoftendo.Now,inphysicalbuildBrownissomewherebetweenFalstaffandCassius,whileinmentalqualitiesheisanadmixtureofPlato,Solomon,andBillNye.

Whenhedropsinwedonotdiscussmatters,norevenconverse;wetalk.Ourtalkjustoozesoutandflowswhitheritwills,orlittlewispsoftalkdriftintothesilences,andnowandthenadashofhomelyphilosophysplashesintothetalking.Brownisarealcomfort.Heisnevercryptic,norenigmatic,atleastconsciously

so,nordoesheevertrytobeimpressive.Ifhewereateacherhewouldattracthispupilsbyhisgoodsense,hissincerity,hissimplicity,andhisfreedomfrompose.Icannotthinkofhimaseverbecomingteachery,withahigh-pitchedvoiceandahystericmanner.Hehastoomuchpoiseforthat.Hewouldneverdiscussthingswithchildren.Hewouldtalkwiththem.Browncannotwalkonstilts,norhastheair-shiptheleastfascinationforhim.

OneofmyteachersforatimewasDoctorT.C.Mendenhall,andhewasagreatteacher.Hecouldsoundtheverydepthsofhissubjectandsimplytalkit.Heledustothink,andthinkingisnotanoisyprocess.Truthtotell,histalksoftencausedmypoorheadtoachefromoverwork.ButIhavebeeninclasseswheretheoasesofthought

werefarapartandonecoulddozeanddreamonthejourneyfromonetotheother.DoctorMendenhall'steachingwasallwhitemeat,sweettothetaste,andaltogethernourishing.HeisthemanwhomadethefirstcorrectcopyofShakespeare'sepitaphthereinthechurchatStratford-on-Avon.IsentacopyofDoctorMendenhall'sversiontoMr.Brassinger,thelibrarianintheMemorialBuilding,andhaveoftenwonderedwhathiscommentwas.Henevertoldme.Therearethose"who,havingeyes,seenot."Therehadbeenthousandsofpeoplewhohadlookedatthatepitaphwiththeprintedcopyinhand,andyethadnevernoticedthediscrepancy,anditremainedforanAmericantopointoutthemistake.ButthatisDoctorMendenhall'sway.Heisnothingifnotthorough,andthatproveshisscientificmind.

Well,BrownfelltotalkingabouttheIsleofPines,inthecourseofourverbalexchanges,andIdrewhimoutabit,receivingaliberaleducationonthesubjectsofgrapefruit,pineapples,andbananas.Frommyschool-daysIhavecarriedoverthenotionthattheCaribbeanSeaisoneofthemanygeographicalmythswithwhichtheschool-teacheriswonttointimidateboyswhowouldfarratherbescaringrabbitsoutfromunderabrushheap.ButheresitsamanwhohastravelledupontheCaribbeanSea,andthereforetheremustbesuchaplace.Ouryouthfulfanciesdogetseverejolts!Frommyown

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experienceIinferthatmuchofourteachingintheschoolsdoesn'ttakehold,thattheboysandgirlstolerateitbutdonotbelieve.IcannotrecalljustwhenIfirstbegantobelieveinMt.Vesuvius,butIamquitecertainthatitwasnotinmyschool-days.Itmayhavebeeninmyteaching-days,butI'mnotquitecertain.Ihaveoftenwonderedwhetherweteachersreallybelieveallwetrytoteach.IfeelapityforpoorSisyphus,poorfellow,rollingthatstonetothetopofthehill,andthenhavingtodotheworkalloverwhenthestonerolledtothebottom.ButthatisnotmuchworsethantryingtoteachCaribbeanSeaandMt.Vesuvius,ifwecan'treallybelieveinthem.ButhereisBrown,metamorphosedintoapsychologistwhobeginswiththeknown,yea,delightfullyknowngrapefruitwhichIhadatbreakfast,andtakesmeonafascinatingexcursiontillIarrive,byalluringstages,attherelatedunknown,theCaribbeanSea.ToobadthatBrownisn'tateacher.

Brownhasthegiftofholdingontoathingtillhiscravingforknowledgeissatisfied.Somewherehehadcomeuponsomequestiontouchingacampanileor,possibly,_the_Campanile,asitseemedtohim.NorwouldherestcontentuntilIhadextractedwhatthebookshavetosayonthesubject.HehadinmindtheCampanileatVenice,notknowingthattheonebesidetheDuomoatFlorenceishigherthantheoneatVenice,andthattheLeaningToweratPisaisacampanile,orbell-tower,also.WhenItoldhimthatoneofmyfriendssawthe

CampanileatVenicecrumbletoaheapofruinsonthatSundaymorningbackin1907,andthatanotherfriendhadbeenofthelastpartytogotothetopofittheeveningbefore,hebecamequiteexcited,andthenIknewthatIhadsucceededininvestingthesubjectwithhumaninterest,andIfeltquitetheschoolmaster.NothingofthisdidImentiontoBrown,forthereisnoneedtoexploitthementalmachineryifonlyyougetresults.

Manypeoplewhotravelabroadbuypostcardsbythescore,andseemtofeelthattheyaretheoriginaldiscoverersoftheplaceswhichthesecardsportray,andyettheseveryplaceswerethebackgroundofmuchoftheirhistoryandgeographyintheschools.Canitbethattheirteachersfailedtoinvesttheseplaceswithhumaninterest,thatthey

werebutwordsinabookandnotrealtothematall?MustItravelallthewaytoYellowstoneParktoknowageyser?Alas!inthatcase,manyofuspoorschool-teachersmustgothroughlifegeyserless.WondroustalesandoftheardIinmyschool-daysofglacier,iceberg,canyon,snow-coveredmountain,grotto,causeway,andvolcano,butnottillIcametoGrindelwalddidIreallyknowwhataglacieris.There'smanyaDoubtingThomasintheschools.

CHAPTERIV

PSYCHOLOGICAL

Thepsychologistissoinsistentinproclaiminghisdoctrineofnegativeself-feelingandpositiveself-feelingthatoneisimpelledtolistenoutofcuriosity,ifnothingelse.Then,justasyouarebeginningtogetalittleglimmeringastohismeaning,anotheronebeginstoassailyourearswithadealofsesquipedalianEnglishabouttheemotionofsubjectionandtheemotionofelation.JustasIbegantothinkIwasgettingagripofthethingacollegechapcameinandproceededtoenlightenmebysayingthatthesetwo

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emotionsmaybegeneratedonlybypersonalrelations,andnotbyrelationsofpersonsandthings.Iwasthinkingofmyemotionofsubjectioninthepresenceofanoriginalproblemingeometry,butthiscollegepersontellsmethatthisnegativeself-feeling,accordingtopsychology,isexperiencedonlyinthepresenceofanotherperson.Well,Ihavehadthatexperience,too.Infact,mynegativeself-feelingisoffrequentoccurrence.JacobmusthavehadarathersevereattackoftheemotionofsubjectionwhenhewastryingtoescapefromthewrathofEsau.But,afterhisexperienceatBethel,wherehereceivedablessingandapromise,therewasashiftingfromthenegativeself-feelingtothepositive--fromtheemotionofsubjectiontothatofelation.

ThestonewhichJacobusedthatnightasapillow,sowearetold,iscalledtheStoneofScone,andistobeseeninthebodyoftheCoronationChairinWestminsterAbbey.Theuseofthatstoneasapartofthechairmightseemtobeapsychologicalcoincidence,unless,indeed,wecanconceivethatthefabricatorsofthechaircombinedaknowledgeofpsychologyandalsooftheBibleinitsconstruction.Itisaninterestingconceit,atanyrate,thatthestonemightbringtokingsandqueensablessingandapromise,asithaddoneforJacob,avertingtheemotionofsubjectionandperpetuatingtheemotionofelation.

Now,there'sHazzard,thebig,gloriousHazzard.ImethimfirstonthedeckoftheS.S._Campania_,andIgladlyagreedtohisproposalthatwetraveltogether.Heisalargeman(oneneednotbemorespecific)andaveritablesteam-engineofactivityandenergy.Itwasaltogethernatural,therefore,thatheshouldassumetheleadershipofourpartyoftwoinallmatterstouchingplaces,modesoftravel,hotels,andotherdetailslargeandsmall,whileItrailedalonginhiswake.Thisordercontinuedforsomedays,andI,ofcourse,experiencedallthewhiletheemotionofsubjectioninsomedegree.WhenwecametotheIsleofManwepuzzledourheadsnolittleoverthecuriouscoatofarmsofthatquaintlittlecountry.Thiscoatofarmsisthreehumanlegs,equidistantfromoneanother.AtPeelwemadenumerousinquiries,andalsoatRamsey,buttono

avail.Intheevening,however,inthehotelatDouglasIsawapictureofthiscoatofarms,accompaniedbytheinscription, _Quocumquejecerisstabit_,andgavesomesortoftranslationofit.Thenandtherecamemyemancipation,forafterthatIwasconsultedanddeferredtoduringalltheweeksweweretogether.ItisquiteimprobablethatHazzardhimselfrealizedanychangeinourrelations,butunconsciouslypaidthatsubtletributetomysmallknowledgeofLatin.WhenwecametoStratfordIdidnotcalluponMissMarieCorelli,forIhadheardthatsheisquiteaversetomenasaclass,andIfearedImightsufferanemotionalcollapse.IwassocomfortableinmynewlyacquaintedemotionofelationthatIdecidedtorunnorisks.

WhenatlengthIresumedmyschoolmasteringIdeterminedtogivetheboysandgirlsthebenefitofmyrecentdiscovery.IsawthatImustgenerateineachone,ifpossible,theemotionofelation,thatImustsoarrangeschoolsituationsthatmasterywouldbecomeahabitwiththemiftheyweretobecome"mastersinthekingdomoflife,"asmyfriendLongsaysit.Isawatoncethatthedifficultiesmustbemadeonlyhighenoughtoincitethemtoeffort,butnotsohighastocausediscouragement.IrecalledthesentenceinHarvey'sGrammar:"Milobegantolifttheoxwhenhewasacalf."Afterwehadsucceededinlocatingtheantecedentof"he"welearnedfromthis

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sentencealessonofvalue,andIrecalledthislessoninmyeffortstoinculcateprogressivemasteryintheboysandgirlsofmyschool.Isometimesdeferredadifficultproblemforafewdaystilltheyhadliftedthegrowingcalfafewmoretimes,andthenreturnedtoit.Someonesaysthateverythingisinfinitelyhighthatwecan'tseeover,soIwascarefultoarrangethebarriersjustabitlowerthantheeye-lineofmypupils,andthenraisethematrifleoneachsucceedingday.InthiswayIstrovetogeneratethepositiveself-feelingsothatthereshouldbenodepressionandnowhiteflag.AndthatsurelywasworthatriptotheIsleofMan,evenifonefailedtoseeoneoftheirtaillesscats.

Ihadoccasionor,rather,Itookoccasionatonetimetopunishaboywithafairdegreeofseverity(maytheLordforgiveme),andnow.IknowthatinsodoingIwasguiltyofagraveerror.WhatIinterpretedasmisconductwasbutastrainingathisleashinanefforttoextricatehimselffromtheincubusofthenegativeself-feeling.Hewas,andprobablyis,adullfellowandrealizedthathecouldnotcopewiththeotherboysintheschoolstudies,andsowasbuttryingtowinsomenoticeinotherfieldsofactivity.Tohimnotorietywaspreferabletoobscurity.IfIhadonlybeenwiseIwouldhaveturnedhisinclinationtogoodaccountandmighthavehelpedhimtoself-mastery,ifnottothemasteryofalgebra.Heyearnedfortheemotionofelation,andIwastryingtoperpetuate

hisemotionofsubjection.IfMethuselahhadbeenaschoolmasterhemighthaveattainedproficiencybythetimehereachedtheageofninehundredandsixty-eightyearsifhehadbeenacloseobserver,aclosestudentofmethods,andhadbeenwillingandabletoprofitbyhisownmistakes.

FriendVirgilsayssomethinglikethis:"Theycanbecausetheythinktheycan,"andIheartilyconcur.SomeonetellsusthatKentin"KingLear"gothisnamefromtheAnglo-Saxonwordcanandhewasaptlynamed,inviewofVirgil'sstatement.ButcanIcausemyboysandgirlstothinktheycan?Why,mostassuredly,ifIamanysortofteacher.OtherwiseIoughttobedealingwithinanimatethingsandleavetheschoolworktothosewhocan.Icertainlycanhelp

youngfolkstoshiftfromtheemotionofsubjectiontotheemotionofelation.IhadapuppythatwecalledNickandthoughtI'dliketoteachhimtogoup-stairs.Whenhecametothefirststairhecriedandcoweredandsaid,inhislanguage,thatitwastoohigh,andthathecouldneverdoit.So,inasoothingway,IquotedVirgilathimandplacedhisfrontpawsuponthestep.Thenhelaughedabitandsaidthestepwasn'tashighasthemoon,afterall.SoIpattedhimandcalledhimabravelittlechap,andhegainedthehigherlevel.Thenwerestedforabitandspentthetimeinbeingglad,forNickandIhadreadour"Pollyanna"andhadlearnedthetrickofgladness.Well,beforethedaywasoverthatpuppycouldgoupthestairswithouttheaidofateacher,andagladderdogneverwas.IfIhadtakenasmuchpainswiththatboyasIdidwithNickI'dfeelfar

morecomfortablerightnow,andtheboywouldhavefeltmorecomfortableboththenandafter.Oschoolmastering!Howmanysinsarecommittedinthyname!Isucceededwiththepuppy,butfailedwiththeboy.Aboydoesnotgotoschooltostudyalgebra,butstudiesalgebratolearnmastery.Iknowthisnow,butdidnotknowitthen,more'sthepity!

IhadanothervaluablelessoninthisphaseofpedagogythedaymyfriendVanceandIsojournedtoIndianapolistocalluponMr.BenjaminHarrison,whohadsomewhatrecentlycompletedhistermas

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PresidentoftheUnitedStates.Wewerefortifiedwithampleandsatisfactorycredentialsandhadaveryfortunateintroduction;butforallthatwewereinclinedtowalksoftlyintothepresenceofgreatness,andhadasomewhatacuteattackofnegativeself-feeling.However,afterdueexchangeofcivilities,wesucceededsomehowinpreferringtherequestthathadbroughtusintohispresence,andMr.Harrison'sreplyservedtoreassureus.Saidhe:"Oh,no,boys,Icouldn'tdothat;lastyearIpromisedBoktowritesomearticlesforhisjournal,andIdidn'thaveanyfunallsummer."Histwowords,"boys"and"fun,"werethemagiconesthatcausedthetensiontorelaxandgeneratedtheemotionofelation.Wethensatbackinourchairsand,possibly,crossedourlegs--Ican'tbecertainastothat.Atanyrate,inasinglesentencethismanhadmadeushisco-ordinatesandcausedthenegativeself-feelingtovanish.Thenforagoodhalf-hourhetalkedinafamiliarwayaboutgreataffairs,andinastylethatcharmed.HetoldusofacallhehadthedaybeforefromDavidStarr.Jordan,whocametoreporthisexperienceasamemberofthecommissionthathadbeenappointedtoadjudicatethecontroversybetweentheUnitedStatesandEnglandtouchingseal-fishingintheBehringSea.ItmayberecalledthatthiscommissionconsistedoftwoAmericans,twoEnglishmen,andKingOscarofSweden.Mr.Harrisontoldusquitefranklythathefeltamistakehadbeenmadeinmakingupthecommission,for,withtwoAmericansandtwoEnglishmenonthecommission,thesolearbiterinrealitywas

KingOscar,sincetheotherfourwerereducedtotheplaneofmereadvocates;but,hadtherebeenthreeAmericansandtwoEnglishmen,ortwoAmericansandthreeEnglishmen,thefunctionofallwouldhavebeenclearlyjudicial.Sufficeittosaythatthisgreatmanmadeusforgetouremotionofsubjection,andsomadeusfeelthathewouldhavebeenagreatteacher,justashewasagreatstatesman.Ishallalwaysbegratefulforthelessonhetaughtmeand,besides,Iamgladthatthecollegechapcameinandgavemethatpsychologicalmassage.

CHAPTERV

BALKING

WhenIwritemybookonfarmpedagogyIshallcertainlymakelargeuseofthehorseinillustratingthefundamentalprinciples,forheisanobleanimalandaltogetherworthyofthefullestrecognition.Weoftenusetheexpression"horse-sense"somewhatflippantly,butIhaveoftenseenadriverwhowouldhavebeenamoreusefulmemberofsocietyifhehadhadasmuchsenseasthehorseshewasdriving.IfIweremakingacatalogueofthe"loweranimals"I'dcertainlyincludethemanwhoabusesahorse.Why,thecelebratedGermantrick-horse,Hans,hadeventhepsychologistsbaffledforalong

time,butfinallyhetaughtthemabigchapterinpsychology.Theyfinallydiscoveredthathismarvelloustrickswereaccomplishedthroughthepowerofcloseobservation.Facialexpression,twitchingofamuscle,movementsofthehead,thesewerethethingshewatchedforashiscueinansweringquestionsbyindicatingtherightcard.Therewasateacherinourschooloncewhoworeold-fashionedspectacles.Whenhewantedustoansweraquestioninacertainwayheunconsciouslylookedoverhisspectacles;butwhenhewantedadifferentanswerheraisedhisspectaclestohisforehead.Sowerankedhighinourdailygrades,butmetourWaterloowhenthe

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examinationcamearound.Thatteacher,ofcourse,hadneverheardofthehorseHans,andsowasnotawarethatintheprocessofwatchinghismovementsweweremerelyprovingthatwehadhorse-sense.Heprobablyattributedourreadyanswerstothesuperiorityofhisteaching,notrealizingthatourmindswereconcentrateduponthesubjectofspectacles.

Ofcourse,ahorsebalksnowandthen,andsodoesaboy.Ididabitofbalkingmyselfasaboy,andIamnotquitecertainthatIhaveevenyetbecomeimmune.DoctorJamesWallace(whoseeditionof"Anabasis"someofushaveread,haltingandstumblingalongthroughtheparasangs)withthreecompanionswentouttoMarathononedayfromAthens.Thedistance,asIrecallit,isabouttwenty-twomiles,andtheyleftearlyinthemorning,soastoreturnthesameday.Theirconveyancewasanopenwagonwithtwohorsesattached.Whentheyhadgoneamileortwooutoftownoneofthehorsesbalkedandrefusedtoproceed.Thenandthereeachmemberofthepartydrewuponhispastexperiences,seekingapanaceafortheequinedelinquency.Onesuggestedtheplanofbuildingafireundertherecalcitranthorse,whileanothersuggestedpouringsandintohisears.DoctorWallacediscouragedtheseremediesasbeingcruelandfinallytoldtheotherstotaketheirplacesinthewagonandhewouldtrythemeritsofaplanhehadinmind.Accordingly,whentheywereseated,heclamberedoverthedash,walkedalongthe

wagon-pole,andsuddenlyplumpedhimselfdownuponthehorse'sback.Thenawaytheywent,JohnGilpinlike,DoctorWallace'scoat-tailsandhairstreamingoutbehind.

Therewasnomorebalkinginthecourseofthetrip,andnoone(save,possibly,thehorse)hadanytwingesofconsciencetokeephimawakethatnight.Theincidentisbrimfulofpedagogyinthatitshowsthat,inordertocureahorseofanattackofbalking,youhavebuttodistracthismindfromhisbalkingandgethimtothinkingofsomethingelse.Beforethisoccurrencetaughtmethebetterway,Iwasquiteprone,indealingwithabalkingboy,toholdhisminduponthesubjectofbalking.Itoldhimhowunseemlyitwas,howhumiliatedhisfatherandmotherwouldbe,howhecouldnot

growuptobeausefulcitizenifheyieldedtosuchtantrums;inshort,Iranthegamutofallthepedagogicalbromides,andsokepthismindcentreduponbalking.NowthatIhavelearnedbetter,Istrivetodiverthismindtosomethingeke,andmayaskhimtogouponsomepleasanterrandthathemaygainsomenewexperiences.Whenhereturnshehasforgottenthathewasbalkingandrecountshisexperiencesmostdelightfully.

EdwasoneofthebalkiestboysIeverhadinmyschool.Hisattackswouldoftenlastfordays,andthemoreattentionyoupaidtohimtheworsehebalked.Inthemidstofoneoftheseviolentandprolongedattacksaladycametoschoolwho,inthekindnessofhergenerousnature,wasproposingtogiveaboyJoe(nowacityalderman)a

Christmaspresentofanewhat.ShecametoinvokemyaidintryingtodiscoverthesizeofJoe'shead.Ireadilyundertookthetask,whichloomedlargerandlargerasIcamefullytorealizethatIwasthesolememberofthecommitteeofwaysandmeans.InmydireperplexityIsawEdgrouchingalongthehall.Callinghimtooneside,Iexplainedtothelastdetailthewholecase,andconfessedthatIdidnotknowhowtoproceed.Atoncehisfacebrightened,andhereadilyagreedtomakethediscoveryforme;andinhalfanhourIhadtheinformationIneededandEd'sfacewasluminous.Yes,JoegotthehatandEdquitbalking.IfDoctorWallacehadnotgoneto

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MarathonthatdayIcanscarcelyimaginewhatmighthavehappenedtoEd;andJoemightnothavereceivedanewhat.

Ihaveoftenwonderedwhetherahorsehasasenseofhumor.Iknowaboyhas,andIverystronglysuspectthatthehorsehas.Itwasoneofmytasksinboyhoodtotakethehorsesdowntothecreekforwater.Amongotherswehadaroantwo-year-oldcoltthatwecalledDick,andevenyetIthinkofhimasquitecapableoflaughteratsomeofhisownmischievouspranks.OnedayItookhimtowater,dispensingwiththeformalitiesofabridle,andridinghimdownthroughtheorchardwithnootherhabilimentsthanaropehalter.Intheorchardwereseveraltreesofthebellflowervariety,whosebranchessaggedneartotheground.Dickwasgoingalongverydecorouslyandsedately,asifhewerestudyingthegoldentextorsomethingequallyabsorbing,when,allatonce,somespiritofmischiefseemedtopossesshimandawayhebolted,willy-nilly,rightunderthelow-hangingbranchesofoneofthosetrees.Ofcourse,Iwasrakedforeandaft,and,whileIdidnotimitatetheexampleofAbsalom,Iaffordedafairlygoodimitation,withthedifferencethat,throughmanytrialsandtribulations,Ifinallyreachedtheground.NeedlesstosaythatIwasagooddealofawreck,withmyclothingmuchtornandmyhandsandfacenotonlymuchtornbutalsobleeding.Afterrelievinghimselfofhisburden,Dickmeanderedondowntothecreekinleisurelyfashion,whereIcameuponhimindue

timeenjoyingalunchofgrass.

Walkingtowardthecreek,soreinbodyandspirit,Ifullymadeupmymindtohaveatalkwiththatcoltthathewouldnotsoonforget.Hehadputshameuponme,andIdeterminedtotellhimso.ButwhenIcameuponhimlookingsolamblikeinhisinnocence,andwhenIimaginedthatIheardhimchuckleatmyplight,myresolutionevaporated,andIrealizedthatinatrialofwitshehadgotthebetterofme.Moreover,Iconcededrighttherethathehadarighttolaugh,andespeciallywhenhesawmesosuperlativelyscrambled.Hehadbeatenmeonmyowngroundandconvictedmeofknowinglessthanahorse,soIcouldbutyieldthepalmtohimwithwhatgraceIcouldcommand.ManyatimesincethatdayhaveIbeenunhorsed,and

byamereboywholaughedatmydiscomfiture.ButIlearnedmylessonfromDickandhavealwaystried,thoughgrimly,toapplaudthevictorinthetournamentofwits.OnlysocouldIholdtherespectoftheboy,nottomentionmyown.IfaboysetsatrapformeandIwalkintoit,well,ifhedoesn'tlaughatmeheisn'tmuchofaboy;andifIcan'tlaughwithhimIamnotmuchofaschoolmaster.

CHAPTERVI

LANTERNS

Imaybemistaken,butmyimpressionisthat"TheLightoftheWorld,"byHolmanHunt,istheonlycelebratedpictureintheworldofwhichtherearetwooriginals.OneofthesemaybeseenatOxfordandtheotherinSt.Paul's,London.Neitherisacopyoftheother,andyettheyarebothalike,sofarasonemayjudgewithouthavingthemsidebyside.ThepicturerepresentsChriststandingatadoorknocking,withalanterninonehandfromwhichlightisstreaming.WhenIthinkofalanternthemindinstantlyflashestothispicture,toDiogenesandhislantern,andtotheoldtinlanternwithits

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perforatedcylinderwhichIusedtocarryouttothebarntoarrangethebed-chambersforthehorses.AllmylifehaveIbeenhearingfolksspeakoftheassociationofideasasifoneideacouldconjureupinnumerableothers.ThelanternthatIcarriedtothebarnnevercouldhavebeenassociatedwithDiogenesifIhadnotreadofthephilosopher,norwiththepictureatOxfordifIhadneverseenorheardofit.Inorderthatwehaveassociationofideas,wemustfirsthavetheideas,accordingtomywayofthinking.

ThusitchancedthatwhenIcameuponsomereferencetoHolmanHuntandhisgreatmasterpiece,mymindglancedovertothecynicalphilosopherandhislantern.ThemoreIponderoverthatlanternthemorepuzzledIbecomeastoitsrealsignificance.Thepopularnotionisthatitismeanttoshowhowdifficultitwasinhisdaytofindanhonestman.Butpopularconceptionsaresometimessuperficialones,andifDiogeneswasthephilosopherwetakehimtohavebeentheremusthavebeenmoretothatlanternthanthemereeccentricityofthemanwhocarriedit.Ifwecouldgobackofthelanternwemightfindthecynic'sdefinitionofhonesty,andthatwouldbeworthknowing.Backhomeweusedtosaythatanhonestmanisonewhopayshisdebtsandhasduerespectforpropertyrights.PerhapsDiogeneshadgonemoredeeplyintothematterofpayingdebtsasamarkofhonestythanthosewhogonofurtherintheirthinkingthanthegrocer,thebutcher,andthetax-man.

Thisalltendstosetmethinkingofmyowndebtsandthepossibilityoffullpayment.I'mjustaschoolmasterandpeopleratherexpectmetobesomewhatvisionaryorevenfantasticinmynotions.But,withdueallowanceformyvagaries,IcannotridmyselfofthefeelingthatIamdeeplyindebttosomebodyfortheVenusdeMilo.Shehasthereputationofbeingtheveryacmeofsculpture,andcertainlytheParisianssoregardherortheywouldnotpayhersuchahightributeinthewayofspaceandposition.Sheisthefocusofthatwholewonderfulgallery.Noonehaseverhadtheboldnesstogiveheraplaceinthemarketquotations,butIcanregalemyselfwithherbeautyforamerepittance.Thispittancedoesnotatallcancelmyindebtedness,andIcomeawayfeelingthatIstillowesomethingto

somebody,withoutintheleastknowingwhoitisorhowIamtopay.Ican'tevenhavethepoorsatisfactionofmakingproperacknowledgmenttothesculptor.

IcanacknowledgemyobligationtoMichaelAngelofortheSistineceiling,butthatdoesn'tcancelmyindebtednessbyanymeans.IttookmefifteenyearstofindtheCumaeanSibyl.Ihadseenareproductionofthisladyinsomebook,andhadbecomemuchinterestedinhergenerousphysique,herbrawnyarms,herwide-spreadingtoes,andherlookofconcentrationasshedelvesintothemysteriesofthemassivevolumebeforeher.NaturallyIbecamecuriousastotheoriginal,andwonderedifIshouldevermeetherfacetoface.ThenonedayIwaslyingonmybackonawoodenbench

intheSistineChapel,havingdulyapologizedformyviolationoftheconventions,when,wonderofwonders,therewastheCumaeanSibylinfullgloryrightbeforemyeyes,andthequestofallthoseyearswasendedintriumph.True,theSibyldoesnotcompareingreatnesswiththe"CreationofAdam"inoneofthecentralpanels,butforallthatIwasgladtohaveherdefinitelylocalized.

Ihavenevergotitclearlyfiguredoutjusthowthelettersofthealphabetwereevolved,norwhodidthework,butIgorightonusingthemasifIhadevolvedthemmyself.Theyseemtobemyown

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personalproperty,andIjostlethemaboutquitecarelessofthefactthatsomeonegavethemtome.Ican'tseehowIcouldgetonwithoutthem,andyetIhaveneveradmittedanyobligationtotheirauthor.Thesameistrueofthedigits.Imakeconstantuseofthem,andsometimesevenabusethem,asifIhadacleartitletothem.Ihaveoftenwonderedwhoworkedoutthetableoflogarithms,andhavethoughthowmuchmoreagreeablelifehasbeenformanypeoplebecauseofhiswork.Iknowmyowndebttohimislarge,andIdaresaymanyothershavealikefeeling.Eventheeighth-gradeboysintheCastleRoadschool,London,sharethisfeeling,doubtless,forinatestinarithmeticthatIsawthereInotedthatinfourofthetwelveproblemssetforsolutiontheyhadpermissiontousetheirtableoflogarithms.Theyprobablygothomeearlierforsupperbytheiruseofthistable.

IherebymakemyhumbleapologiestoMr.ThomasA.Edisonformythoughtlessnessinnotwritingtohimbeforethistothankhimforhismanyactsofkindnesstome.Ihavebeenexceedinglycarelessinthematter.Iowehimforthecomfortandconvenienceofthisbeautifulelectriclight,andyethavenevermentionedthemattertohim.Hehasarighttothinkmeaningrate.IhavebeensobusyenjoyingthegiftshehassentmethatIhavebeennegligentofthegiver.AsIthinkofallmydebtstoscientists,inventors,artists,poets,andstatesmen,andconsiderhowimpossibleitisformetopay

allmydebtstoallthese,tryasImay,IbegintoseehowdifficultitwasforDiogenestofindamanwhopaidallhisdebtsinfull.Hence,thelantern.

Itseemstomethat,ofthevarietiesoflatepotatoestheCarmenisthepremier.Partofthecharmofhoeingpotatoesliesinanticipatingthejoysofthepotatoproperlybaked.CharlesLambmaywriteofhisroastpig,andtheepicuresamongtheancientsmayexpatiateuponthegloriesofadishofpeacock'stonguesandtheirotherrareandcostlyedibles,buttheyprobablyneverknewtowhatheightsonemayascendinthescaleofgastronomicjoysintheimmediatepresenceofabakedCarmen.Whenitisbrokenopenthesteamascendslikeincensefromanaltar,whileatthemagictouch

thesnowy,flakysubstancebillowsforthupontheplateinadriftthatwouldinspirethepenofapoet.Thefurtherpreliminariesamounttoaceremony.Therecanbe,theremustbenohaste.Thewholesummerliesbackofthismoment.Thereontheplateareweeksofgoldensunshine,interwovenwiththesingingofbirdsandthefragranceofflowers;anditweresacrilegetobecomehurriedattheconsummation.Whenthemeathasbeenmadefinethesaltandpepperareapplied,deliberately,daintily,andthencomesthebutter,likethegoldenglowofsunsetuponabankofflakyclouds.Theartisttriesinvaintorivalthisblendingofcolorsandshades.Butthesuprememomentandtheclimaxcomewhenthefeastisglorifiedandsetapartbyitsbaptismofcream.AtsuchamomentthesenseofmyindebtednesstothemanwhodevelopedtheCarmenbecomesmostacute.

Iftheleadersofcontendingarmiescouldsittogetheratthistableandjoininthisgraciousceremony,theirrancorandenmitywouldcease,theprotocolwouldbesigned,andtherewouldensueaproclamationofpeace.Thenthewholeworldwouldrecognizeitsdebttothemanwhoproducedthispotato.

Havingeatenthepeace-producingpotato,Ifeelstrengthenedtomakeanothertrialataninterpretationofthatlantern.IdonotknowwhetherDiogeneshadanyacquaintancewiththeDecalogue,buthavemydoubts.Infact,historygivesustoofewdataconcerninghis

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attainmentsforaclearexpositionofhischaracter.Butonemayhazardaguessthathewaslookingforamanwhowouldnotsteal,butcouldnotfindhim.Inasensethatwasahighcomplimenttothepeopleofhisday,forthereisasortofstealingthattakesrankamongthefinearts.Infact,stealingisthegreatestsubjectthatistaughtintheschool.Icannotrecallateacherwhodidnotencouragemetostriveformasteryinthisart.Everyoneofthemapplaudedmyeverysuccessinthisline.Oneofmyearlytriumphswasreciting"HoratiusattheBridge,"andmyteacheralmostsmotheredmewithpraise.IsimplytookwhatMacaulayhadwrittenandmadeitmyown.IhadsomedifficultyinmakingoffwiththeconjugationoftheGreekverb,butthemoreItookofitthemoremyteacherseemedpleased.AllalongthelineIhavebeenencouragedtoappropriatewhatothershaveproducedandtotakejoyinmypilfering.Mr.Carnegiehaslenthissanctiontothissortofthingbyfosteringlibraries.Shakespearewasarrestedforstealingadeer,butextolledforstealingtheplotsof"RomeoandJuliet,""ComedyofErrors,"andothersofhisplays.Itseemsquiteallrighttostealideas,oreventhoughts,andthismayaccountagainfortheoldman'slantern.But,evenso,itwouldseemquiteiconoclastictosaythateducationistheprocessofremindingpeopleoftheirdebtsandoftrainingthemtosteal.

CHAPTERVII

COMPLETELIVING

InmyquietwayIhavebeenmakinginquiriesamongmyacquaintancesforalongtime,tryingtofindoutwhateducationreallyis.AsaschoolmasterImusttrytomakeitappearthatIknow.Infact,IamquiteaSirOracleonthesubjectofeducationinmyschool.But,inthequietofmyden,aftertheday'sworkisdone,Ioftenlongforsomeonetocomeinandtellmejustwhatitis.Iamfairlyconversantwiththemultiplicationtableandcandistinguishbetween

activeandpassiveverbs,butevenwiththeseattainmentsIsomehowfeelthatIhavenotgonetotheextremelimitsofthemeaningofeducation.Inreality,Idon'tknowwhatitisorwhatitisfor.Idowishthatthemanwhosaysinhisbookthateducationisapreparationforcompletelivingwouldcomeintothisroomrightnow,sitdowninthatchair,andtellme,mantoman,whatcompletelivingis.IwanttoknowandthinkIhavearighttoknow.Besides,hehasnorighttowithholdthisinformationfromme.Hehadnorighttogetmeallstirredupwithhisdefinition,andthengoawayandleavemedanglingintheair.IfhewerehereI'daskhimafewpointedquestions.I'daskhimtotellmejusthowthefactthatseventimesnineissixty-threeisconnectedupwithcompleteliving.I'dwanthimtoexplain,too,whatthebinomialtheoremhastodo

withcompleteliving,andalsothedativeofreference.Igotthenotion,whenIwasstrugglingwiththatbinomialtheorem,thatitwouldultimatelyleadontofameorfortune;butithasn'tdoneeither,sofarasIcanmakeout.

TherewasatimewhenIcouldsolveanequationofthreeunknownquantities,andcouldevenjimmyaquantityoutfromunderaradicalsign,andhadthefeelingthatIwasquiteafellow.ThenonedayIwentintoabookstoretobuyabook.Ihadquiteenoughmoneytopayforone,andhadsomehowgotthenotionthataboyofmyattainments

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oughttohaveabook.But,inthepresenceoftheblondchapbehindthecounter,Iwasquiteabashed,forIdidnotintheleastknowwhatbookIwanted.Iknewitwasn'taBible,forwehadoneathome,butfurtherthanthatIcouldnotgo.Now,ifknowinghowtobuyabookisapartofcompleteliving,then,inthatblondpresence,Iwashopelesslyadrift.Ihadbeentaughtthatgamblingiswrong,buttherewasasituationwhereIhadtotakeachanceorshowthewhitefeather.Ofcourse,Itookthechanceandwasrelievedofmymoneybyablondwhomayormaynothavebeenabletosolveradicals.IshallnotgivethetitleofthebookIdrewinthatlottery,forthisisneitherthetimenortheplaceforconfessions.

Iwasabook-agentforonesummer,butamtryingtoliveitdown.HopingtosellacopyofthebookwhoseglowingdescriptionIhadmemorized,Icalledatthehomeofawealthyfarmer.Thehousewasspaciousandemboweredinbeautifultreesandshrubbery.Therewasanobledrivewaythatledupfromthecountryroad,andeverythingbetokenedgreatprosperity.Onceinsidethehouse,Itookasurveyofthefittingsandcouldseeatoncethatthefarmerhadlavishedmoneyuponthehometomakeitdistinctiveintheneighborhoodasasuitablebackgroundforhiswifeanddaughters.Thepianoalonemusthavecostasmallfortune,anditwasbutoneofthemanyinstrumentstobeseen.Therewerecarpets,rugs,andcurtainsingreat

profusion,andabewilderingarrayofallsortsofbric-a-brac.Intimethefatheraskedoneofthedaughterstoplay,andsherespondedwithratherunbecomingalacrity.WhatsheplayedIshallneverknow,butitseemedtometobeafive-fingerexercise.Whateveritwas,itwasnotmusic.Ilostinterestatonceandsohadtimetomakeamorecriticalinspectionofthedecorations.WhatIsawwasabattleroyal.Therewastheutmostlackofharmony.Therugsfoughtthecarpets,andbothwereatthethroatsofthecurtains.Thenthewall-paperjoinedinthefray,andthedinandconfusionwastorturetothespirit.Eventhefurniturecaughtthespiritofdiscordandmadefierceattacksuponeverythingelseintheroom.Thereds,andyellows,andblues,andgreenswhirledandswirledaboutinsuchadizzyandbelligerentfashionthatIwonderedhowthepeopleever

managedtoescapenervousprostration.Butthedaughterwentrightonwiththefive-fingerexerciseasifnothingelsewerehappening.Ishallcertainlycitethiscasewhenthemancomesintoexplainwhathemeansbycompleteliving.

Thisallremindsmeofthemanofwealthwhothoughtitincumbentuponhimtogivehisneighborssomebenefitofhismoneyinthewayofpleasure.SohewenttoEuropeandboughtagreatquantityofmarblestatuaryandhadthepiecesplacedinthespaciousgroundsabouthishome.Whentheopeningdaycamethereensuedmuchsuppressedtitteringand,nowandthen,anuncontrollableguffaw.Diana,Venus,Vulcan,Apollo,Jove,andMercuryhadevidentlystumbledintoaconventionofnymphs,satyrs,fairies,sprites,

furies,harpies,gargoyles,giants,pygmies,muses,andfates.Theresultwasbedlam.Parenthetically,Ihaveoftenwonderedhowmuchmoneyitcostthatmantomakethediscoverythathewasnotaconnoisseurofart,andalsowhatprocessofeducationmighthavefittedhimforawiseexpenditureofallthatmoney.

SoIgoonwonderingwhateducationis,andnobodyseemsquitewillingtotellme.Iboughtsomewall-paperonce,andwhenithadbeenhungtherewassomuchlaughteratmytaste,orlackofit,that,inmychagrin,Iselectedanotherpatterntocoverupthe

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evidenceofmyignorance.Butthatisexpensive,andaschoolmastercanillaffordsuchluxuriousignorance.Peoplewereunkindenoughtosaythatthebarewallwouldhavebeenpreferabletomyfirstselectionofpaper,Iwasmadeconsciousthatcompletelivingwasimpossiblesolongasthatpaperwasvisible.ButevenwhentheoriginalhadbeencoveredupIlookedatthewallsuspiciouslytoseewhetheritwouldshowthroughasasortofsubduedaccusationagainstme.Idon'tpretendtoknowwhethertasteintheselectionofwall-paperisinherentoracquired.Ifitcanbeacquired,thenIwonder,again,justhowcuberoothelpsitalong.

Idon'tknowwhateducationis,butIdoknowthatitisexpensive.IhadsomepicturesinmydenthatseemedwellenoughtillIcametolookatsomeothers,andthentheyseemedcheapandinadequate.Itriedtoarguemyselfoutofthisfeeling,butdidnotsucceed.Asaresult,theoldpictureshavebeensupplantedbynewones,andIampoorerinconsequence.But,inspiteofmydepletedpurse,Itakemuchpleasureinmynewpossessionsandfeelthattheyareindicationsofprogress.Iwonder,though,howlongitwillbetillIshallwantstillotherandbetterones.Educationmaybeagoodthing,butitdoesincreaseandmultiplyone'swants.Then,inabrieftime,thesewantsbecomeneeds,andthereyouhaveperpetualmotion.WhentheagentcametomefirsttotrytogetmeinterestedinanencyclopaediaIcouldscarcerefrainfromsmiling.Butlater

onIbegantowantanencyclopaedia,andnowtheoneIhaveranksasahouseholdnecessitythesameasbathtub,coffee-pot,andtooth-brush.

But,tryasImay,Ican'tclearlydistinguishbetweenwantsandneeds.IseeathingthatIwant,andtheverynextdayIbegintowonderhowIcanpossiblygetonwithoutit.Thismustsurelybethepsychologyofshow-windowsandshow-cases.IfIdidn'tseethearticleIshouldfeelnowantofit,ofcourse.ButassoonasIseeitIbegintowantit,andthenIthinkIneedit.Thecountyfairisagreatpsychologicalinstitution,becauseitcausespeopletowantthingsandthentothinktheyneedthem.TheworstofitisthelessableIamtobuyathingthemoreIwantitandseemtoneedit.

I'dliketohavemoneyenoughtomakeanexperimentonmyselfjusttoseeifIcouldeverreachthepoint,asdidtheCaliph,wheretheonlywantI'dhavewouldbeawant.Possibly,that'swhatthemanmeansbycompleteliving.Iwonder.

CHAPTERVIII

MYSPEECH

ForsometimeIhavehaditinmindtomakeaspeech.Idon'tknow

whatIwouldsaynorwhereIcouldpossiblyfindanaudience,but,inspiteofallthat,IfeelthatI'dliketotrymyselfoutonaspeech.Ican'ttracethisfeelingbacktoitssource.ItmayhavestartedwhenIheardagoodspeech,somewhere,or,itmayhavestartedwhenIheardapoorone.Ican'trecall.WhenIhearagoodspeechIfeelthatI'dliketodoaswell;and,whenIhearapoorone,IfeelthatI'dliketodobetter.Theonlythingthatissettled,asyet,aboutthisspeechthatIwanttomakeisthesubject,andeventhatisnotmyown.Itisjustnearenoughmyown,however,toobviatetheuseofquotation-marks.Thehardestpartof

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thetaskofwritingorspeakingistogaincreditforwhatsomeoneelsehassaidorwritten,andstillbeabletoomitquotation-marks.Thatcallsforbothmentalandethicaldexterityofahighorder.

Buttothespeech.ThesubjectisDialecticEfficiency--withoutquotation-marks,beitnoted.Thewayofitisthis:Ihavebeenreading,or,rather,tryingtoreadthemasterlybookbyDoctorFletcherDurell,whosetitleis"FundamentalSourcesofEfficiency."Thisisoneofthemostreconditebooksthathascomefromthepressinageneration,anditisnoreflectionuponthebookformetosaythatIhavebeentryingtoreadit.Itissobig,sodeep,sohigh,andsowidethatIcanonlysplasharoundinitabit.But"thewater'sfine."Atanyrate,Ihavebeendippingintothisbookquitealittle,andthatishowIcameuponthecaptionofmyspeech.Ofcourse,Igettheword"efficiency"fromthetitleofthebook,and,besides,everybodyusesthatwordnowadays.Then,theauthorofthisbookhasachapteron"Dialectic,"andsoIcombinethesetwowordsandthusgetridofthequotation-marks.

Andthatcertainlyisanimposingsubjectforaspeech.Ifitshouldeverbeprintedonaprogramme,itwouldproveawe-inspiring.Nexttomakingagoodspeech,I'dliketobeskilledinsleight-of-handaffairs.I'dliketofishuparabbitfromthedepthsofanoldgentleman'ssilktile,orextractadozeneggsfromalady's

hand-bag,ortransmuteacanaryintoagoldfish.I'dliketoseethelooksofwonderonthefacesoftheaudienceandhearthemgasp.ThedifficultywithsuchasubjectasIhavechosen,though,istofilltheframe.IwentintoashopinParisoncetomakesomesmallpurchase,expectingtofindagreatemporium,but,tomysurprise,foundthatallthegoodswereintheshow-window.That'sonetroublewithmysubject--allthegoodsseemtobeintheshow-window.But,I'lldothebestIcanwithit,evenifIamcompelledtopilferfromthepagesofthebook.

IntheintroductionofthespeechIshallbecomeexpansiveupontheterm_Dialectic_,andtrytoimpressmyhearers(ifthereareany)withmythoroughacquaintancewithallthingswhichtheterm

suggests.IfIcontinueexpatiatinguponthewordlongenoughtheymaycometothinkthatIactuallycoinedtheword,forIshallnotemphasizeDoctorDurellespecially--justenoughtokeepmysouluntarnished.Inareviewofthisbookonemantranslatesthefirstword"luck."Idon'tlikehiswordandfortworeasons:Inthefirstplace,itisashortword,andeverybodyknowsthatlongwordsarebetterforspeechmakingpurposes.Ifhehadusedtheword"accidental"or"incidental"I'dthinkmoreofhistranslationandofhisreview.I'mgoingtousemywordasifDoctorDurellhadsaid _Incidental_.

Somuchfortheintroduction;nowforthespeech.FromthispointforwardIshalldrawlargelyuponthebookbutshallsoturnand

twistwhatthedoctorsaysastomakeitseemmyown.Withsomethingofaflourish,Ishalltellhowintheyear1856ayoungchemist,namedPerkin,whiletryingtoproducequininesynthetically,hitupontheprocessofproducinganilinedyes.Hisincidentaldiscoveryledtotheestablishmentoftheartificial-dyeindustry,andwehavehereanexampleofdialecticefficiency.Thismustimpressmyintelligentandculturedauditors,andtheywillbewonderingifIcanproduceanotherillustrationequallygood.Ican,ofcourse,forthisbookisrichinillustrations.Icansee,asitwere,theoldfellowonthethirdseat,whohasbeensittingthereasstiffandstraightasa

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ramrod,limberupjustamite,andwithmynextpointIhopetoinducehimtoleanforwardaninch,atleast,outoftheperpendicular.

ThenIshallproceedtorecounttothemhowChristopherColumbus,inanefforttocircumnavigatetheglobeandreachtheeasterncoastofAsia,failedinthisundertaking,butmadeafargreaterachievementinthediscoveryofAmerica.If,atthispoint,theoldmanisleaningforwardtwoorthreeinchesinsteadofone,Imayask,indramaticstyle,whereweshouldallbeto-dayifColumbushadreachedAsiainsteadofAmerica--inotherwords,ifthisprincipleofdialecticefficiencyhadnotbeeninfullforce.Justhere,togiveopportunityforpossibleapplause,Ishalltakethehandkerchieffrommypocketwithmuchdeliberation,unfolditcarefully,andwipemyfaceandforeheadasanevidencethatdispensingsecond-handthoughtsisasweat-producingprocess.

Then,inasortofsublimatedfrenzy,Ishallfairlydelugethemwithillustrations,tellinghowtheestablishmentofruralmail-routesledtoimprovedroadsandthese,inturn,toconsolidatedschoolsandbetterconditionsoflivinginthecountry;howthepotato-beetle,whichseemsatfirsttobeascourge,wasreallyablessingindisguiseinthatitsetfarmerstostudyingimprovedmethodsresultinginlargelyincreasedcrops,andhowthescalehasdonea

likeserviceforfruit-growers;howafriendofminewasdrillingforoilandfoundwaterinstead,andnowhasanartesianwellthatsupplieswateringreatabundance,andhowoneMr.Hellriegel,backin1886,madetheincidentaldiscoverythatleguminousplantsfixatenitrogen,and,hence,ourfieldsofclover,alfalfa,cow-peas,andsoybeans.

ItwillnotseemoutofplaceifIrecalltothemhowtheRevolutiongaveusWashington,theAdamses,Hancock,Madison,Franklin,Jefferson,andHamilton;howslaverygaveusClay,Calhoun,andWebster;andhowtheCivilWargaveusLincoln,Seward,Stanton,Grant,Lee,Sherman,Sheridan,and"Stonewall"Jackson.Ifthereshould,bychance,beanyteacherspresentI'llprobablyenlargeupon

thishistoricalphaseofthesubjectifIcanthinkofanyotherillustrations.Ishallcertainlyemphasizethefactthattheincidentalphasesofschoolworkmayprovetobemoreimportantthantheobjectsdirectlyaimedat,thatwhiletheteacherisstrivingtoinculcateaknowledgeofarithmeticshemaybeinculcatingmanhoodandwomanhood,andthattheby-productsofherteachingmaybecomeworld-wideinfluences.

Asaperoration,Ishallexpanduponthesubjectofpleasureasanincidentalofwork--showinghowthemerepleasure-seekerneverfindswhatheisseeking,butthatthemanwhoworksistheonewhofindspleasure.IthinkIshallbeabletofindsomeaptquotationfromEmersonbeforethetimeforthespeechcomesaround.Ifso,Ishall

useitsoastotaketheirmindsoffthefactthatIamtakingthespeechfromDoctorDurell'sbook.

CHAPTERIX

SCHOOL-TEACHING

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ThefirstschoolthatIevertriedtoteachwas,indeed,fearfullyandwonderfullytaught.Theteachingwasofthesortthatmightwellbecalledelemental.Iftherewasanypedagogyconnectedwiththework,itwaspurelyaccidental.Iwasnotconsciouseitherofitspresenceoritsabsence,andsodeserveneitherpraisenorcensure.Ihadonepupilwhowasnineyearsmysenior,andIdidnotevenknowthathewasretarded.Irecallquitedistinctlythathehadaluxuriantcropofchin-whiskersbuteventhesedidnotdisturbtheprocedureofthatschool.Weacceptedhimashewas,whiskersincluded,andwentonourcomplacentway.Hewasblindinoneeyeandsomewhatdeaf,butnooneeverthoughtofhimasabnormalorsubnormal.Evenifwehadknownthesewordsweshouldhavebeentoopolitetoapplythemtohim.Infact,wehadnoblack-list,ofanysort,inthatschool.Ihaveneverbeenabletodeterminewhethertheabsenceofsuchalistwasduetoignorance,orinnocence,orboth.Solongashefoundtheschoolanagreeableplaceinwhichtospendthewinter,anddidnotinterferewiththeworkofothers,Icouldseenogoodreasonwhyheshouldnotbethereandgetwhathecouldfromthelessonsinspelling,geography,andarithmetic.Idonotmentiongrammarforthatwasquitebeyondhim.Theagreementofsubjectandverbwasoneoflife'sgreatmysteriestohim.SoIpermittedhimtobrowsearoundinsuchpasturesasseemedfinitetohim,andlettheinfinitegrammargobydefaultsofarashewasconcerned.

Ihavebutthemostmeagreacquaintancewiththepedagogicaldictaofthebooks--amerebowingacquaintance--but,atthattime,Ihadnotevenbeenintroducedtoanyofthese.But,asthesayinggoes,"TheLordtakescareoffoolsandchildren,"and,so,somehow,bysheerblindluck,IinstinctivelyveeredawayfromtheProcrusteanbedidea,andfoundsomeworkformybewhiskereddisciplethatconnectedwithhisnativedispositions.HadanyonetoldmeIwasdoinganysuchthingsIthinkIshould,probably,haveaskedhimhowtospellthewordshewasusing.Ionlyknewthatthisman-childwasthereyearningforknowledge,andIwasgladtosharemymeagrestoreofcrumbswithhim.Hisgratitudeformysmallgiftswasreallypathetic,andrightthereIlearnedthejoysoftheteacher.That

mansoughtmeoutonourwayhomefromschoolandaskedquestionsthatwouldhavepuzzledSocrates,butforgotmyignoranceofhardquestionsinhisjoyatmyanswersofeasyones.Whensomelightwouldbreakinuponhimhecavortedaboutmelikeagladdog,andbecameasecondColumbus,discoveringanewworld.

Ialmostlosepatiencewithmyself,attimes,whenIcatchmyselfpreeningmyfeathersbeforesomepedagogicalmirror,asifIweregettingreadytoappearinpublicasanaccreditedschoolmaster.Atsuchatime,Ilongtogobacktothecountryroadandsaunteralongbesidesomepupil,eitherwithorwithoutwhiskers,andgivehimofmylittlestorewithoutrulesorfrillsandwithnopomporparade.Inthatlittleschoolatthecrossroadswenevermadeanypreparation

forsomepossiblevisitorwhomightcomeintosurveyusorapplysomeefficiencytest,orgiveusaratingeitherasindividualsorasaschool.Weweretoobusyandhappyforthat.Wekeptrightonatourworkwithourdoorsandourheartswideopenforeverygoodthingthatcameourway,whetherknowledgeorpeople.AsIhavesaid,ourworkwaselemental.

IamgladIcameacrossthislittlebookofWilliamJames,"OnSomeofLife'sIdeals,"forittakesmeback,inferentially,tothatelementalschool,especiallyinthisparagraphwhichsays:"Lifeis

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alwaysworthliving,ifonehavesuchresponsivesensibilities.Butweofthehighlyeducatedclasses(so-called)havemostofusgotfar,farawayfromNature.Wearetrainedtoseekthechoice,therare,theexquisiteexclusivelyandtooverlookthecommon.Wearestuffedwithabstractconceptions,andglibwithverbalitiesandverbosities;andinthecultureofthesehigherfunctionsthepeculiarsourcesofjoyconnectedwithoursimplerfunctionsoftendryup,andwegrowstone-blindandinsensibletolife'smoreelementaryandgeneralgoodsandjoys."

IwishImightgohomefromschooloneeveningbywayofthetopofMt.Vesuvius,anotherbywayofMt.Rigi,and,another,bywayofLauterbrunnen.ThenthenexteveningIshouldliketospendanhourortwoalongthebordersofYellowstoneCanyon,andthenext,watchaneruptionortwoofOldFaithfulgeyser.Then,onstillanotherevening,I'dliketoridefortwohoursontopofabusinLondon.I'dliketohavetheseexperiencesasanantidoteforemptiness.Itwouldpreparemefarbetterforto-morrowworkthanponderingJohnny'sdefections,orhisgrades,whetherhighorlow,ormarkingsillypaperswithmarksthatarestillsillier.IlikeWaltWhitmanbecausehewassuchasublimeloafer.Hisloafinggavehimtimetogrowbiginside,andso,hehadbigelementalthoughtsthatweregoodforhimandgoodformewhenIthinkthemoverafterhim.

IfIshouldevergetapositioninanormalschoolI'dwanttogiveacourseinWilliamJ.Locke's"TheBelovedVagabond,"soastogivetheyoungfolksaconceptionofbigelementalteaching.IfIweregivingacourseinethics,I'dprobablyselectanotherbook,but,inpedagogy,I'dcertainlyincludethatone.I'dlosesomestudents,tobesure,forsomeofthemwouldbeshocked;butapersonwhoisnotbigenoughtoprofitbyreadingthatbookneveroughttoteachschool--Imeanfortheschool'ssake.Ifwecouldonlylosetheconsciousnessofthefactthatweareschoolmastersforafewhourseachday,itwouldbeagreathelptousandtoourboysandgirls.

Iamquitepartialtothe"MadonnaoftheChair,"andwishImightvisitthePittiGalleryfrequentlyjusttogazeather.Sheisso

wholesomeandgivesonethefeelingthatabigsoullooksoutthroughhereyes.Shewouldbeasuperbteacher.Shewouldfilltheschoolwithherpresenceandstilldoitallunconsciously.Thecentreoftheroomwouldbewhereshehappenedtobe.Shewouldneverbemistakenforoneofthepupils.Herpupilswouldlearnarithmeticbutthearithmeticwouldbeladenwithherbigspirit,andthatwouldbebetterforthemthanthearithmeticcouldpossiblybe.IfIhadtobeawomanI'dwanttobesuchasthisMadonna--serene,majestic,andbig-souled.

Ihaveoftenwonderedwhetherbignessofsoulcanbecultivated,andmyoptimisminclinestoavoteintheaffirmative.Ispentapartofonesummerinthepinewoodsfarawayfromthehauntsofmen.WhenI

hadtoleavethissylvanretreatitrequiredelevenhoursbystagetoreachtherailway-station.ThereforsomeweeksIlivedinalogcabin,accompaniedbyacookandaprofessionalwoodsman.Iwasnottheretocamp,tofish,ortoloaf,andyetIdidallthese.Thereweresomedutiesandworkconnectedwiththeenterpriseandthesegavezesttothefishingandtheloafing.Gianttrees,space,andskyweremymostintimateassociates,andtheytoldmeonlyofbigthings.Theyhadneverawordtosayofstylesofclothingorbecomingshadesofneckwearorhosiery.InallthattimeIwasneverdisturbedbythenumberanddiversityofspoonsandforksbesidemy

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plateatthedinner-table.ManyanoblemealIateasIsatuponalogsupportedinforkedstakes,andmanyabigthoughtdidIgleanfromthetalkofloggersaboutmeintheirpicturesquecostumes.IntheeveningIsatuponagreatloginfrontofthecabinorafriendlystump,andforgotsuchthingsashammocksandporch-swings.Insteadofgazingatstreet-lampsonlyafewyardsawayIwasgazingatstarsmillionsofmilesaway,and,somehow,thesoulseemedtogainfreedom.

AndIhadluxury,too.Ihadaroomwithbath.Thebathwasatthestreamsomefiftyyardsaway,butsuchdiscrepanciesareminoraffairsinthemidstofsuchbigelementalthingsaswereallaboutme.Mymattresswasofyoungcherryshoots,andneverdidkinghaveamoreroyalbed,oreversuchrefreshingsleep.And,whileIslept,Igrewinside,forthesoftmusicofthepineslulledmetorest,andthesubduedripplingofmybath-streamseemedtowashmysoulclean.WhenIaroseIhadnobadtasteinmymouthorinmysoul,andeachmorninghadformethegloryofaresurrection.Mytreesweretheretobidmegoodmorning,thebigspacesspoketomeintheirowninspiritinglanguage,andthebigsun,playinghide-and-seekamongthegreatbolesofthetreesashemountedfromthehorizon,gavemeapanoramaunrivalledamongthescenesofearth.

WhenIreturnedtowhatmencalledcivilization,Iexperienceda

poignantlongingformybigtrees,mysky,andmyspaces,andfeltthatIhadexchangedthemformanythingsthatarepettyandfutile.Ifmyschoolwereonlyoutintheheartofthatbigforest,IfeelthatmyworkwouldbemoreeffectiveandthatIwouldnothavetopotteraboutamonglittlethingstoobeythewhimsofconventionandthedictatesoftechnicalities,butthatthesoulwouldbefreetorevelinthetruththatskyandspaceproclaim.IdohopeImayneverknowsomuchabouttechnicalpedagogythatIshallnotknowanythingelse.Thismaybewhatthosepeoplemeanwhospeakofthe"revoltoftheego."

CHAPTERX

BEEFSTEAK

Iamjustnowquiteinthemoodtojointheband;Imeanthevocational-educationband.Theexcitementhascarriedmeoffmyfeet.Ican'tendurethelooksofsuspicionorpitythatIseeonthefacesofmycolleagues.TheystareatmeasifIwerewearingatieorahatoracoatthatisabitbelowstandard.Iwanttoseem,ifnotbe,modernandup-to-date,andnotoddandpeculiar.SoIshalljointheband.IamnotcaringmuchwhetherIbeatthedrum,carrytheflag,orleadthetrick-bear.Imayevenrideinthe

gaudilypaintedwagonbehindaspottedponyandcalloutinraucoustonestoallandsundrytohurryaroundtothemaintenttogettheireducationbeforetherush.Intimespast,whenthesevocationalfolkshavepipeduntomeIhavenotdanced;butInowseetheerrorofmywaysandshallproceedatoncetotakedancinglessons.WhenthesefolksleadinthemillenniumIwanttobesittingwellupinfront;andwhentheygetthepotofgoldattheendoftherainbowIwanttoparticipateinthedistribution.Idohope,though,thatImaynotexhaustmyresourcesonthebandandhavenoneleftfortheboysandgirls.IhopeImaynotimitateMarkTwain'ssteamboatthat

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stoppeddeadstillwhenthewhistleblew,becauseblowingthewhistlerequiredallthesteam.

Isuspectthat,liketheIrishman,IshallhavetowearmynewbootsawhilebeforeIcangetthemon,forthisnewroleiscertaintoentailmanychangesinmyplansandinmywaysofdoingthings.Icanseethatitwillbeawrenchformetothinkoftheboysandgirlsaspedagogicalspecimensandnotpersons.Ihavecontractedthehabitofthinkingofthemaspersons,anditwillnotbeeasytocometothinkingofthemasmereobjectstopractiseon.Thefolksinthehospitalspeakoftheirpatientsas"cases,"butI'dratherkeepalooffromthehospitalplaninmyschoolmastering.But,beingamemberoftheband,IsupposethatI'llfeelitmydutytoconformanddomyutmosttohelpprovethatourculthasdiscoveredthegreatanduniversalpanacea,thebalminGilead.

Asamemberoftheband,ingoodandregularstanding,Ishallfindmyselfsayingthattheschoolshouldhavetheboysandgirlspursuesuchstudiesaswillfitthemfortheirlife-work.Thishasapleasingsound.Now,ifIcanonlyfindout,somehow,whatthelife-workofeachoneofmypupilsistobe,I'llbeallright,andshallproceedtofiteachoneoutwithhisbelongings.Ihaveaskedthemtotellmewhattheirlife-workistobe,buttheytellmetheydonotknow.SoIsuspectthatImustvisitalltheirparentsin

ordertogetthisinformation.UntilIgetthisinformationIcannotbeginonmycourseofstudy.IftheirparentscannottellmeIhardlyknowwhatIshalldo,unlessIhaverecoursetotheirmaidenaunts.Theyoughttoknow.ButiftheydeclinetotellImustbeginonalongseriesofguesses,unless,inthemeantime,Iamendowedwithomniscience.

Thiswholeplanfascinatesme;Idoteuponit.Itissopliable,sodreamy,andsoopalescentthatIcanscarcerestrainmyenthusiasm.ButifIshouldfitoneofmyboysoutwiththeequipmentnecessaryforablacksmith,andthenheshouldbecomeapreacher,I'dfindthesituationembarrassing.Myreputationasaprophetwouldcertainlydecline.IfIcouldknowthatthisboyislookingforwardtothe

ministryashislife-work,thematterwouldbesimple.I'dproceedtofithimoutwithafire-proofsuitofGreek,Hebrew,andtheologyandhavethethingdone.ButeventhensomeofmycolleaguesmightprotestontheassumptionthatGreekandHebrewarenotvocationalstudies.Thepreachermightassertthattheyarevocationalforhiswork,inwhichcaseI'dfindmyselfinthemidstofanargument.Iknowayoungmanwhoisastudentinacollegeofmedicine.Heispayinghiswaybymeansofhismusic.Hebothplaysandsings,andcanthuspayhisbills.Inthecollegehestudieschemistry,anatomy,andthelike.I'mtryingtofigureoutwhetherornot,inhiscase,eitherhismusicorhischemistryisvocational.

Ihavebeenperusingthecitydirectorytofindouthowmanyandwhat

vocationsthereare,thatImayplanmycourseofstudyaccordinglywhenIdiscoverwhatthelife-workofeachofmypupilsistobe.IfIfindthatoneboyexpectstobeanundertakerheoughttotakethedeadlanguages,ofcourse.Ifanotherboyexpectstobeajockeyhemighttakethesesamelanguageswiththeaidofa"pony."Ifagirldecidesuponmarriageashervocation,I'llhavehertakehomeeconomics,ofcourse,butshallhavedifficultyindecidinguponherotherstudies.IfIomitLatin,history,andalgebra,shemayreproachmelateronbecauseoftheseomissions.Shemayfindthatsuchstudiesastheseareessentialtosuccessinthevocationof

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wifeandmother.Shemayhaveaboyofherownwhowillinvokeheraidinhisquestforthevalueofx,andamotherhesitatestoenterapleaofignorancetoherownchild.

Icanfitoutthedancing-mastereasilyenough,butamnotsocertainaboutthebarber,thechauffeur,andtheaviator.Theaviatorwouldgivemenoendoftrouble,especiallyifIshoulddeemitnecessarytoteachhimbythelaboratorymethod.Then,again,ifoneboydecidestobecomeapharmacist,Imayfinditnecessarytoattendnightclassesinthissubjectmyselfinordertomeetthesituationwithafairdegreeofcomplacency.NordoIseemywayclearinprovidingforthesteeple-climber,theequilibrist,therailroadpresident,orthetea-taster.I'llprobablyhavemytroubles,too,withthenovel-writer,thepoet,thepolitician,andthebarebackrider.ButImustmanagesomehowifIhopetoretainmymembershipintheband.

IseethatIshallhavetoservequiteanapprenticeshipinthebandbeforeIwritemytreatiseonthesubjectofpedagogicalpredestination.Theworldneedsthatessay,andImustgetaroundtoitjustassoonaspossible.Ofcourse,thatwillbeagreatstepbeyondthepresentplanoffindingoutwhataboyexpectstodo,andthenteachinghimaccordingly.Mypredestinationplancontemplatestheprocessofarrangingsuchacourseofstudyforhimaswillmake

himwhatwewanthimtobe.Anaturalisttellsmethatwhenaqueenbeediestheswarmsettoworkmakinganotherqueenbyfeedingoneofthecommonworkingbeessomequeenstuff.Hefailedtotellmejustwhatthisqueenstuffis.Thatprocessofproducingaqueenbeeiswhatgavemethenotionastomytreatise.IftheparentswanttheirboytobecomealawyerIshallfeedhimlawyerstuff;ifapreacher,thenpreacherstuff,andsoon.

Thiswillnecessitateadealofresearchwork,forIshallhavetogobackintohistory,firstofall,tofindoutthecourseofstudythatproducedNewton,Humboldt,Darwin,Shakespeare,Dante,Edison,ClaraBarton,andtherestofthem.Ifaroast-beefdietisresponsibleforShakespeare,surelyweoughttoproduceanotherShakespeare,

consideringtheexcellenceofthecattleweraise.IcaneasilydiscovertheconstituentelementsofthebeefpuddingofwhichSamuelJohnsonwassofondbywritingtotheoldCheshireCheeseinLondon.Ofcourse,thisplanofmineseemsnottotakeintoaccounttheLord'sworktoanylargeextent.Butthatseemstobethewayofusvocationalists.WeseemtothinkwecandocertainthingsinspiteofwhattheLordhasorhasnotdone.

TheonedangerthatIforeseeinallthisworkthatIhaveplannedisthatitmayproduceoverstimulation.SomeonewastellingmethatthetreesontheEmbankmentthereinLondonaredyingofarborealinsomnia.Thelightofthesunkeepsthemawakeallday,andtheelectriclightskeepthemawakeallnight.Sothepoorthingsare

dyingfromlackofsleep.Macbethhadsometroubleofthatsort,too,asIrecallit.I'mgoingtoholdontothevocationalstimulationunlessIfinditisproducingpedagogicalinsomnia.ThenI'llresignfromthebandandtakealongnap.I'llcontinuetoadvocatepudding,pastry,andpieuntilIfindthattheyarenotproducingthesortofmenandwomentheworldneeds,andthenI'llbeataningloriousretreatandagainespousethecauseoforthodoxbeefsteak.

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CHAPTERXI

FREEDOM

Ihaveoftenwonderedwhatconjunctionofthestarscausedmetobecomeaschoolmaster,if,indeed,thestars,luckyorotherwise,hadanythingtodowithit.Itmayhavebeenthesalarythatluredme,forthirty-fivedollarsamonthbulkslargeonaboy'shorizon.Possiblythefactthatinthosedaystherewasnoanteroomtotheteachingbusinessmayhavebeenthedecidingfactor.Onehadbuttoexchangehishickoryshirtforawhiteone,andthetrickwasdone.Therewasnotevenafencebetweenthecorn-fieldandtheschoolhouse.Imightjustaseasilyhavebeenapreacherbutforthebarrierintheshapeofatheologicalseminary,orahod-carrierbutforthebarrieroflearninghow.Asitwas,IcoulddrawmypayforhuskingcornonSaturdaynight,andbeginaccumulatingsalaryasaschoolmasteronMonday.Theplanwassimplicityitself,andthatmayaccountformychoiceofavocation.

Ihavesometimestriedtoimaginemyselfapreacher,butwithpoorsuccess.Thesermonwouldbothermenolittle,tomakenomentionoftheotherfunctions.IthinkInevercouldgetthroughwitha

marriageceremony,andatachristeningI'dbeonnettlesallthewhile,fearingthebabywouldcryandthusdisturbthesolemnityoftheoccasionandofthepreacher.I'dwanttotakethebabyintomyownarmsandhavearompwithhim--andsowouldforgetaboutthebaptizing.Incastingaboutforapossibletextforthisimpossiblepreacher,IhavefoundonlyonethatIthinkImightdosomethingwith.Hence,mypreachingwouldendurebutasingleweek,andevenatthatwe'dhavetohaveasongserviceonSundayeveninginlieuofasermon.

Myonetextwouldbe:"Yeshallknowthetruthandthetruthshallmakeyoufree."Idonotknowhowbigtruthis,butitmustbequiteextensiveifscience,mathematics,history,andliteraturearebut

smallpartsofit.Ihaveneverexploredthesepartsveryfarinland,buttheyseemtomylimitedgazetoextendalongdistancebeforeme;andwhenIgettothinkingthateachoftheseisbutapartofsomethingthatiscalledtruthIbegintofeelthattruthisaprettylargeaffair.Isuspectthetextmeansthatthemoreofthistruthweknowthegreaterfreedomwehave.MyfriendBrownhasanautomobile,andsometimeshetakesmeoutriding.Ononeoftheseoccasionswehadapuncture,withtheusualattendantcircumstances.WhileBrownmadetheneedfulrepairs,Isatuponthegrassybank.Thepassers-byprobablyregardedmeasalazychapwhodisdainedworkofallsorts,andperhapsthoughtofmeasenjoyingmyselfwhileBrowndidthework.Inthistheyweregrosslymistaken,forBrownwashavingthegoodtime,whileIwasboredanduncomfortable.Why,

Brownactuallywhistledasherepairedthatpuncture.Hehadfreedombecauseheknewwhichtooltouse,wheretofindit,andhowtouseit.ButthereIsatinignoranceandthraldom--notknowingthetruthaboutthetoolsortheprocesses.

InthepresenceofthatepisodeIfeltlikeoneinaforeigncountrywhoisignorantofthelanguage,whileBrownwastheconciergewhounderstandsmanylanguages.Heknewthetruthandsohadfreedom.Ihaveoftenwonderedwhethermendonotsometimesgetdrunktowinarespitefromthethraldomandboredomoftheirignoranceofthe

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truth.Itmustbeaverytryingexperiencenottounderstandthelanguagethatisspokenallaboutone.IhavesomethingofthatfeelingwhenIgointoadrug-storeandfindmyselfincompleteignoranceofthecontentsofthebottlesbecauseIcannotreadthelabels.IhavenofreedombecauseIdonotknowthetruth.Thedapperclerkwhotakesdownonebottleafteranotherwithrefreshingfreedomrelegatesmetothekindergarten,andIcertainlyfeelandactthepart.

Ihadthissamefeeling,too,whenIwasmakingreadytosowmylittlefieldwithalfalfa.Iwantedtohavealfalfagrowinginthefieldnexttotheroadformyownpleasureandforthepleasureofthepassers-by.Afieldofalfalfaisanornamenttoanylandscape,andIliketohavemylandscapesornamental,evenifImustpayforitintermsofmanualtoil.Ihadneverevenseenalfalfaseedanddidnotintheleastknowhowtoproceedinpreparingthesoil.IfIeverexpectedtohaveanyfreedomImustfirstlearnthetruth,andacertainmodicumoffreedomnecessarilyprecedesthejoyofalfalfa.

ThusitcametopassthatIsetaboutlearningthetruth.Ihadtolearnaboutthenatureofthesoil,aboutdrainage,abouttherightkindsoffertilizer,andallthat,beforeIcouldevenhitchtheteamtoaplough.SomeofthistruthIgleanedfrombooksandmagazines,butmoreofitIobtainedfrommyneighborJohn,wholivesabouttwo

hundredyardsupthepikefrommylittleplace.Johnisaveritableencyclopediaoftruthwhenitcomestothesubjectofalfalfa.ThereIwouldsitatthefeetofthisalfalfaGamaliel.BeitsaidinfavorofmyreactionsthatIlearnedthetrickofalfalfaandnowhaveafieldthatisadelighttotheeye.AndInowfeelqualifiedtogivelessonsinalfalfaculturetoallandsundry,sogreatismysenseoffreedom.

Icameuponaforlorn-lookingwomanonceinalargerailway-stationwhowasingreatdistress.Shewantedtogetatrain,butdidnotknowthroughwhichgatetogonorwheretoobtainthenecessaryinformation.Shewasoverburdenedwithluggageandalittlegirlwastuggingatherdressandcryingpitifully.Thatwomanwasasreally

inbondageasifshehadbeeninprisonlookingoutthroughthebarredwindows.Whenshehadfinallybeenpilotedtothetrainthejoyoffreedommanifesteditselfineverylineamentofherface.Shehadcometoknowthetruth,andthetruthhadsetherfree.

Iknowhowshefelt,foronenightIworkedformorethantwohoursonwhat,tome,wasadifficultproblem,andwhenatlastIhaditsolvedthemanifestationsofjoycausedconsternationtothefamilyanddamagetothefurniture.Ineverwasinjailforanylengthoftime,butIthinkIknow,frommyexperiencewiththatproblem,justhowaprisonerfeelswhenheissetfree.Thebigout-of-doorsmustseeminexpressiblygoodtohim.MyneighborJohntaughtmehowtospraymytrees,andnow,whenIwalkthroughmyorchardandseethe

smoothtrunksandpickthebeautiful,smooth,perfectapples,Ifeelthatsenseoffreedomthatcancomeonlythroughaknowledgeofthetruth.

Ihaven'tlookeduptheetymologyof_grippe_,buttheworditselfseemstotellitsownstory.Itseemstomeanrestriction,subjection,slavery.Itcertainlyspellslackoffreedom.Ihaveseenmanyboysandgirlswhoseemedafflictedwitharithmetical,grammatical,andgeographicalgrippe,andIhavesoughttofreethemfromitstyrannyandleadthemforthintothesunlightandpureair

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offreedom.IfIonlyknewjusthowtodothiseffectivelyIthinkI'dbequitereconciledtotheworkofaschoolmaster.

CHAPTERXII

THINGS

Ikeepresolvingandresolvingtoreformandleadthesimplelife,butsomethingalwayshappensthatpreventstheexecutionofmyplans.WhenIamgrubbingoutwillowsalongtheravine,thegrubbing-hoe,alunch-basketwellfilled,andajugofwaterfromthedeepwellupthereunderthetreesseemtobethesumtotalofthenecessaryappliancesforalifeofusefulnessandcontentment.Thereisafriendlymaple-treenearthesceneofthegrubbingactivities,andanhouratnoonbeneaththattreewithfreeaccesstothebasketandthejugseemstomeettheutmostdemandsoflife.Thegrassisluxuriant,theshadeisall-embracing,andthewillowscanwait.So,whatadditionscanpossiblybeneeded?Iliethereintheshade,myhungerandthirstabundantlysatisfied,andcontemplatetheresultsofmyforenoon'stoilwiththeveryacmeofsatisfaction.Thereisnowalarge,clearspacewherethismorningtherewasajungleof

willows.Thewillowshavebeengrubbedout_imissedibus_,asourfriendVirgilwouldsayit,andnotmerelychoppedoff;andthethoroughnessoftheworkgivesemphasistothesatisfaction.

Theoveralls,theheavyshoes,andthesunshadehatallbelonginthepicture.ButtheentirewardrobecostslessthanthehatIwearonSunday.Thenthecomfortoftheseinexpensivehabiliments!Ineednotbefastidiousinsuchagarb,butcanlollonthegrasswithoutcompunction.WhenIgetmuduponmybigshoesIsimplyscrapeitoffwithachip,andthat'sallthereistoit.Thedirtonmyoverallsishonestdirt,andhonestlycomeby,andsoneedsnoapology.IcantalktomyneighborJohnofthebigthingsoflifeandfeelnoshamebecauseofoveralls.

Then,intheevening,whenrestingfrommytoil,Isitoutundertheleafycanopyandrevelinthesoundsthatcanbeheardonlyinthecountry--thecroakingofthefrogs,thesofttwitteringofthebirdssomewherenear,yetoutofsight,thecoseycrooningofthechickensastheysettleupontheirperchesforthenight,andthelonelyhootingoftheowlsomewhereinthebigtreedowninthepasture.Ineednotmovefrommyseatnorbartermymoneyforaconcertinsomemajestichallablazewithlightswhensuchmusicasthismaybehadforthelistening.Underthemagicofsuchmusicthebodyrelaxesandthesoulexpands.Thesoftbreezescaressthebrow,andthemoonmakesshimmeringpatternsonthegrass.

ButwhenIreturntothetowntoresumemyschool-mastering,thenthestrainbegins,andthenthereignofcomplexitiesisrenewed.WhenIamfullygarbedinmytownclothingIfindmyselfthepossessorofnineteenpockets.WhattheyareallforismorethanIcanmakeout.IfIhadthemallinuseI'dhavetohaveadetectivealongwithmetohelpmefindthings.Outthereonthefarmtwopocketsquitesuffice,butinthetownImusthaveseventeenmore.Thedifferencebetweentownandcountryseemstobeaboutthedifferencebetweengrubbingwillowsandschoolmastering.AmongthewillowsIfindtwopocketsareallIrequire;butamongthechildrenImustneedshave

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nineteen,whetherIhaveanythinginthemornot.

Oneoftheseseemstobedesignedforacollegedegree;anotherisanefficiencypocket;anotheradisciplinepocket;anotherapocketformethods;anotherforprofessionalspirit;anotherforloyaltytoallthefolkswhoareinneedofloyalty,andsoon.Ireallydonotknowallthelabels.WhenIwasexaminedforalicensetoteachtheycountedmypockets,and,findingIhadtherequisitenineteen,theybestoweduponmethecoveteddocumentwithsomethingapproaching _eclat_.InmyteachingIbecomesobewilderedransackingthesepockets,tryingtofindsomethingthatwillbearsomeresemblancetothelabel,thatIcomenearforgettingtheboysandgirls.Buttheyareveryniceandpoliteaboutit,andseemtofeelsorrythatImustlookafterallmypocketswhenI'dsomuchratherbeteaching.

OutinthewillowthicketIcangorightonwithmyworkwithoutsomuchcareorperplexity.Why,Idon'tneedtodoanytalkingoutthere,andsohavetimetodosomethinking.ButhereIdosomuchtalkingthatneitherInormypupilshaveanychanceforthinking.Iknowitisnottherightway,but,somehow,Ikeepondoingit.Ithinkitmustbeabadhabit,butIdon'tdoitwhenIamgrubbingwillows.Iseemtogettothebottomofthingsouttherewithouttalking,andIcan'tmakeoutwhyIdon'tdothesamehereintheschool.OutthereIdothings;inhereIsaythings.Idowonderif

thereisanyforgivenessforaschoolmasterwhousessomanywordsandgetssuchmeagreresults.

AndthenthewordsIuseherearesuchponderousthings.Theyarenotthesortofhuman,flesh-and-bloodwordsthatIusewhentalkingtoneighborJohnaswesitontopoftherailfence.Theseallseemsolikewordsinabook,asifIhadrehearsedtheminadvance.Itmaybejustthetownatmosphere,but,whateveritis,IdowishIcouldtalktothesechildrenaboutdecimalsinthesamesortofwordsthatIusewhenIamtalkingwithJohn.Heseemstounderstandme,andIthinktheycould.

Possiblyitisjustthetensionoftownlife.IknowthatIseemto

getkeyedupassoonasIcomeintothetown.Therearesomanythingshere,andmanyofthemaresoartificialthatIseemunabletorelaxasIdoouttherewheretherearejustfrogs,andmoon,andchickens,andcows.WhenIamhereIseemtohaveasortofcrazeforthings.Theshop-windowsarefullofthings,andIseemtowantallofthem.IknowIhavenouseforthem,andyetIgetthem.MyneighborBrownboughtapercolator,andwithinaweekIhadone.Ihadgoneonforyearswithoutapercolator,notevenknowingaboutsuchathing,butnosoonerhadBrownboughtonethaneverysoundIheardseemedtobeinquiring:"Whatishomewithoutapercolator?"

SoIgoonaccumulatingthings,andmydenisaveritablemedleyofthings.Theydon'tmakemeanyhappier,andtheyareagreatbother.

Therearefifty-seventhingsrighthereinmyden,andIdon'tneedmorethansixorsevenofthem.Therearetwenty-twopictures,largeandsmall,inthisroom,butIcouldn'thavenamedfiveofthemhadInotjustcountedthem.WhyIhavethemisbeyondmycomprehension.Iinveighagainstthemaniaofpeoplefordrugsandnarcotics,butmymaniaforthingsonlydiffersinkindfromtheirs.Ihavealittlebookcalled"ThingsoftheMind,"andIliketoreadit.Now,ifmymindonlyhadasmanythingsinitasmyden,I'dbeafarmoreagreeableassociateforBrownandmyneighborJohn.Or,ifIwereascarefulaboutgettingthingsformymindasIaminaccumulating

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uselessbric-a-brac,itwouldbefarmoretomycredit.

Ifthegermsthatarelurkinginandaboutthesefifty-seventhingsshouldsuddenlybecomeaslargeasspiders,I'dcertainlybetheunhappypossessorofaflourishingmenagerie,andIthinkmyprogresstowardthesimplelifewouldbeverypromptlyhastened.

CHAPTERXIII

TARGETS

InmyworkasaschoolmasterIfinditwelltokeepmymindopenandnotgettothinkingthatmywayistheonlyway,oreventhebestway.IthinkIlearnmorefrommyboysandgirlsthantheylearnfromme,andsolongasIcankeepanopenmindIamcertaintogetsomevaluablelessonsfromthem.Igottotellingthecollegechapaboutahenthattaughtmeagoodlesson,andthefirstthingIknewIwasgoingtoschooltothiscollegeyouth,andhewasenlighteningmeonthesubjectofanimalpsychology,andespeciallyuponthetrial-and-errortheory.Thatsetmewonderinghowmanytrialsanderrorsthathenmadebeforeshefinallysucceededinsurmountingthat

fence.Atanyrate,thehentaughtmeanotherlessonbesidesthelessonofperseverance.

Ihaveahighwirefenceenclosingthechicken-yard,andinordertomakesteadythepoststowhichthegateisattached,Ijoinedthematthetopbynailingaboardacross.Thehenthattaughtmethelessonmustbebothambitiousandathletic,fortimeaftertimehaveIfoundheroutsidethechicken-yard.Isearcheddiligentlyfortheplaceofexit,butcouldnotfindit.So,indesperation,Ideterminedonemorningtodiscoverhowthathengainedherfreedomifittookallday.SoIfoundacomfortableseatandwaited.Inanhourorsothehencameoutintotheopenandtookasurveyofthesituation.Then,presently,withskillbornofexperience,shesidledthiswayand

that,advancedalittleandthenretreateduntilshefoundtheexactlocationshesought,poisedherselfforamoment,andwentsailingrightovertheboardthatconnectedtheposts.Havingmadethisdiscovery,Iremovedtheboardandusedwireinstead,andthusreducedthehentotheplaneofobedience.

Justassoonasthehenlackedsomethingtoaimat,shecouldnotgetoverthewirebarrier,andshetaughtmetheimportanceofgivingmypupilssomethingtoaimat.Ilikemyboysandgirls,andbelievetheyarejustassmartasanyhenthateverwas,andthat,ifI'llonlysupplythingsforthemtoaimat,theywillgohighandfar.EverytimeIseethathenIamthesubjectofdiverseemotions.Ifeelhalfangryatmyselfforbeingsodullthatamerehencanteach

me,andthenIfeelgladthatshetaughtmesuchausefullesson.BeforelearningthislessonIseemedtoexpectmypupilstotakealltheirschoolworkonfaith,todoitbecauseItoldthemitwouldbegoodforthem.ButInowseethereisabetterway.Inmyboyhooddayswealwayswenttothecountyfair,andthatwasoneoftherealeventsoftheyear.Onthemorningofthatdaytherewasnooccasionforanyonetocallmeasecondtime.Iwasoutofbedinatrice,atthefirstcall,andsoonhadmychoresdonereadyforthestart.Ihadmoneyinmypocket,too,forvisionsofpinklemonade,peanuts,ice-cream,candy,andcoloredballoonshadluredmeonfrom

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achievementtoachievementthroughtheprecedingweeks,andthrifthadclaimedmeforitsown.SoIhadmoneybecause,allthewhile,Ihadbeenaimingatthecountyfair.

Weusedtolayoutcorngroundwithasingle-shovelplough,andtookgreatprideinmarkingoutastraightfurrowacrossthefield.Therewasonemanintheneighborhoodwhowasthechampioninthisart,andIwonderedhowhecoulddoit.SoIsetaboutwatchinghimtotrytolearnhisart.Ateitherendofthefieldhehadastakeseveralfeethigh,bedeckedatthetopwithawhiterag.Thisheplantedattheproperdistancefromtheprecedingfurrowand,ingoingacrossthefield,kepthisgazefixeduponthewhiteragthattoppedthestake.Withafirmgripupontheplough,andhiseyesriveteduponthewhitesignal,hemovedacrossthefieldinaperfectlystraightline.IhadthoughtittherightwaytokeepmyeyesfixedupontheploughuntilhispracticeshowedmethatIhadpursuedthewrongcourse.Myfurrowswerecrookedandzigzag,whilehiswerestraight.Inowseethathisskillcamefromhishavingsomethingtoaimat.

Iamtryingtoprofitbytheexampleofthatfarmerinmyteaching.I'mallthewhileinquestofstakesandwhiteragstoplaceattheothersideofthefieldtodirecttheprogressoftheladsandlassesinastraightcourse,andraisetheireyesawayfromtheploughthattheyhappentobeusing.Iwanttokeepthemthinkingofthingsthat

arebiggerandfurtheralongthangrades.Thegradeswillcomeasamatterofcourse,iftheycankeeptheireyesontheobjectacrossthefield.Iwantthemtobetoobigtoworkformeregrades.Wenevergiveprizesinourschool,especiallymoneyprizes.Itwouldseemratheracheapenterprisetomyfineboysandgirlstogetapieceofmoneyforcommittingtomemorythe"GettysburgSpeech."WerespectourselvesandLincolntoomuchforthat.Itwouldgrievemetoknowthatoneofmygirlscouldbehiredtoreadabookforanhourintheeveningtoasickneighbor.Iwanthertohaveherpayinabetterandmoreenduringmediumthanthat.I'dhopeshewouldaimatsomethinghigherthanthat.

IfIcanarrangethewhiterag,Iknowthepupilswilldothework.

TherewasJim,forexample,whosaidtohisfatherthathejustcouldn'tdohisarithmetic,andwishedhe'dneverhavetogotoschoolanotherday.WhenhisfathertoldmeaboutitIbeganatoncetohuntforawhiterag.AndIfoundit,too.Wecangenerallyfindwhatwearelookingfor,ifwelookindeadearnest.Well,thenextmorningtherewasJiminthearithmeticclassalongwithTomandCharley.IexplainedtheabsenceofHarrybytellingthemabouthisfallingontheicethenightbeforeandbreakinghisrightarm.Itoldthemhowhecouldgetonwellenoughwithhisotherstudies,butwouldhavetroublewithhisarithmeticbecausehecouldn'tusehisarm.Now,TomandCharleyarequickinarithmetic,andIaskedTomtogoovertoHarry'safterschoolandhelpwiththearithmetic,andCharleytogooverthenextday,andJimthethirdday.Now,anybody

canseethatwhiteragflutteringatthetopofthestakeacrossthefieldtwodaysahead.So,myworkwasdone,andIwentonwithmydailyduties.Tomreportedthenextday,andhisreportmadeourmouthswaterashetoldofthegoodthingsthatHarry'smotherhadsetoutforthemtoeat.ThereportofCharleythenextdaywasequallyalluring.ThenJimreported,andonhisdaythatgoodmotherhadevidentlyreachedtheclimaxinculinaryaffairs.Jim'seyesandfaceshoneasifhehadbeencommuningwiththesupernals.

ThatwasthelastIeverheardofJim'stroublewitharithmetic.His

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fatherwaseagertoknowhowthechangehadbeenbroughtabout,andIexplainedonthescoreoftheangel-foodcakeandice-creamhehadhadoveratHarry's,withnoslightmentionofmygloriouswhiterag.Thebooks,Ibelieve,callthissocialco-operation,orsomethinglikethat,butIcarelittlewhattheycallitsolongasJim'sallright.Andheisallright.Why,thereisn'tmoneyenoughinthebanktohavebroughtthatlooktoJim'sfacewhenhereportedthatmorning,andanyoffertopayhimforhishelptoHarry,eitherinmoneyorschoolcredits,wouldhaveseemedaninsult.MyneighborJohntellsmemanythingsaboutsheepandthewaytodrivethem.Hesayswhenheisdrivingtwentysheepalongtheroadhedoesn'tbotheraboutthetwowhofriskbacktotherearoftheflocksolongashekeepstheothereighteengoingalong.Hesaysthosetwowilljointheothers,allingoodtime.Thathelpedmewiththosethreeboys.IknewthatTomandCharleywouldgoalongallright,soaskedthemtogoovertoHarry'sbeforeImentionedthemattertoJim.WhenIdidaskhimhecameleapingandfriskingintotheflockasifhewereafraidwemightoverlookhim.Whatabeautifulstraightfurrowheploughed,too.Hisarithmeticworknowmustmaketheangelssmile.Ishallcertainlymentionsheep,thehen,andthewhiteraginmybookonfarmpedagogy.

CHAPTERXIV

SINNERS

Itakeunctiontomyself,sometimes,inthereflectionthatIhaveasoultosave,andincertainmomentsofupliftitseemstometobeworthsaving.Somefolksprobablycallmeasinner,ifnotadreadfulsinner,andIadmitthefactwithoutcontroversy.Idonothaveathandalistofthecardinalsins,butIsuspectImightproveanalibiastosomeofthem.Idon'tgetdrunk;Idon'tswear;Igotochurch;andIcontribute,mildly,tocharity.But,forallthat,I'mfreetoconfessmyselfasinner.Yet,Istilldon'tknowwhat

sinis,orwhatisthewayofsalvationeitherformyselforformypupils.Igropearoundallthewhiletryingtofindthisway.Attimes,Ithinktheymayfindsalvationwhiletheyarefindingthevalueof_x_inanalgebraicequation,andpossiblythisistrue.Icannottell.Iftheyfailtofindthevalueof_x_,Ifalltowonderingwhethertheyhavesinnedortheteacherthattheycannotfind_x_.

Ihaveattendedrevivalsinmytime,andhavehadgoodfromthem.IntheirpureandrarefiedatmosphereIfindmyselfinastateofexaltation.ButIfindmyselfinneedofacontinuousrevivaltokeepmeatmybest.So,inmyschoolwork,IfeelthatImustbearevivalistormypupilswillsagback,justasIdo.Ifindthatthe

revivalofyesterdaywillnotsufficeforto-day.Likethefolksofold,Imustgatherafreshsupplyofmannaeachday.Stalemannaisnotwholesome.Isuspectthatoneofmymanysinsismylazinessinthematterofmanna.Ifoundthevalueof_x_intheproblemyesterday,andsoaminclinedtorestto-dayandcelebratethevictory.IfIhadtoclassifymyself,I'dsaythatIamanintermittent.Ieatmannaoneday,andthenwanttofastforadayorso.Isuspectthat'swhatfolksmeanbyabesettingsin.

DuringmyfastingIfindmyselftalkingalmostfluentlyaboutmy

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skillandindustryasagathererofmanna,IsuspectIamtryingtomakemyselfbelievethatI'mworkinginthemannafieldto-day,bykeepingmymindonmyachievementyesterday.That'sanothersintomydiscredit,andanotheroccasionforarevival.WhenIamfastingIdothemosttalkingabouthowbusyIam.IfIwereharvestingmannaI'dnothavetimeforsomuchtalk.IshouldnotneedtotellhowbusyIam,forfolkscouldseeforthemselves.IhavetriedtoanalyzethistalkofmineaboutbeingsobusyjusttoseewhetherIamtryingtodeceivemyselformyneighbors.IfelltotalkingaboutthistheotherdaytomyneighborJohn,anddetectedafaintsmileonhisfacewhichIinterpretedtobeaqueryastowhatIhavetoshowforallmysupposedindustry.Well,Ichangedthesubject.ThatsmileonJohn'sfacemademethinkofrevivals.

IreadHenderson'snovel,"JohnPercyfield,"andenjoyeditsomuchthatwhenIcameuponhisotherbook,"EducationandtheLargerLife,"Iboughtandreadit.Butithasgivenmemuchdiscomfort.Inthatbookhesaysthatitisimmoralforanyonetodolessthanhisbest.IcanscarcelythinkofthatstatementwithoutfeelingthatIoughttobesenttojail.I'mactuallyburdenedwithimmorality,andfindmyselfallthewhilebetweenthe"devilandthedeepsea,"the"devil"ofwork,andthe"deepsea"ofimmorality.Isupposethat'swhyItalksomuchaboutbeingbusy,tryingtofreemyselffromthechargeofimmorality.IthinkitwasVirgilwhosaid

_FacilisdescensusAverno_,andIsupposeMr.Henderson,inhisstatement,istryingtosavemefromtheinconveniencesofthistrip.IsupposeIoughttobegratefultohimforthehint,butIjustcan'tgetanygreatcomfortinsuchaclosesituation.

IknowImustworkorgohungry,andIcanstandacertainamountoffasting,buttobestampedasimmoralbecauseIamfastingratherhurtsmypride.I'dmuchratherhavemygoinghungryaccountedavirtue,andreceivepraiseandbouquets.WhenIaminaloungingmooditisn'tanyfuntohavesomeHendersoncomealongandtellmethatIaminneedofarevival.Acopyof"Baedeker"inhand,Ihavegonethroughagalleryofstatuesbutdidnotfindasinnerintheentirecompany.Theoriginalsmayhavebeensinners,butnotthese

marblestatues.Thatissomecomfort.Tobeasinneronemustbeanimateattheveryleast.I'dratherbeasinner,even,thanamummyorastatue.St.PaulwrotetoTimothy:"Ihavefoughtagoodfight,Ihavefinishedmycourse,Ihavekeptthefaith."Therewasnothingofthemummyorthestatueinhim.Hewasjustastraight-awaysinfulman,andaglorioussinnerhewas.

IliketothinkofTitianandMichaelAngelo.Whentheirworkwasdoneandtheystooduponthesummitoftheirachievementstheywereupsohighthatalltheyhadtodowastosteprightintoheaven,withoutanylongjourney.Tennysondidthesame.Inhispoem,"CrossingtheBar,"hefilledallthespace,andsohehadtocrossoverintoheaventogetmoreroom.AndRiley's"OldAuntMary"was

anotherone.Shehadbeenworkingouthersalvationmakingjelly,andjam,andmarmalade,andjustbeaminggoodnessuponthoseboyssothattheyhadnomoredoubtsaboutgoodnessthantheyhadofthepeachpreservestheywereeating.Why,therejusthadtobeaheavenforoldAuntMary.Shegatheredmannaeveryday,andhadsomefortheboys,too,butneversaidawordaboutbeingbusy.

WhenIwasreadingthe_Georgics_withmyboys,wecameupontheword _bufo_(toad),andItoldthemwithmuchgustothatthatwastheonlyplaceinthelanguagewherethewordoccurs.Ihadcomeuponthis

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statementinabookthattheydidnothave.Theirlooksspoketheiradmirationfortheschoolmasterwhocouldspeakwithauthority.Aftertheyhadgonetheirways,twotoPortoRico,onetoChili,anothertoBrazil,andotherselsewhere,Icameupontheword_bufo_ againinOvid.Iamstillwonderingwhataschoolmasteroughttodoinacaselikethat.EvenifIhadwrittentoallthosefellowsacknowledgingmyerror,itwouldhavebeentoolate,fortheywould,longbefore,havecirculatedthereportalloverSouthAmericaandtheUnitedStatesthatthereisbutonetoadintheLatinlanguage.IfIhadn'tbelievedeverythingIseeinprint,hadn'tbeensocock-sure,andhadn'tbeensoreadytoparadeborrowedplumageasmyown,allthislinguisticcoilwouldhavebeenaverted.IsupposeMr.Hendersonwouldsendmetojailagainforthis.Icertainlydidn'tdomybest,andthereforeIamimmoral,andthereforeasinner;_quaderatdemonstrandum_.

So,Isuppose,ifI'mtosavemysoul,Imustgathermannaeveryday,andifIfindthevalueof_x_to-day,Imustfindthevalueofabigger_x_to-morrow.Then,too,IsupposeI'llhavetochoosebetweenMrs.WiggsandEmerson,betweentheKatzenjammersandShakespeare,andbetweenragtimeandgrandopera.IamverycertaingrowingcorngivesforthasoundonlyIcan'thearit.IfmyhearingwereonlyacuteenoughI'dhearitandrejoiceinit.ItisverytryingtomissthesoundwhenIamsocertainthatitisthere.The

birdsinmytreesunderstandoneanother,andyetIcan'tunderstandwhattheyaresayingintheleast.Thissimplyprovesmyownlimitations.IfIcouldbutknowtheirlanguage,andallthelanguagesofthecows,thesheep,thehorses,andthechickens,whatagoodtimeIcouldhavewiththem.Ifmypowersofsightandhearingwereincreasedonlytenfold,I'dsurelyfindadifferentworldaboutme.Here,again,Ican'tfindthevalueof_x_,tryasIwill.

ThedisquietingthingaboutallthisisthatIdonotusetotheutmostthepowersIhave.IcouldseemanymorethingsthanIdoifI'donlyusemyeyes,andhearthings,too,ifI'dtrymore.TheworldofnatureasitrevealsitselftoJohnBurroughsisathousand

timeslargerthanmyworld,nodoubt,andthisfactconvictsmeofdoinglessthanmybest,andagainthejailinvitesme.

CHAPTERXV

HOEINGPOTATOES

AsIwaslyingintheshadeofthemaple-treedowntherebytheravine,yesterday,Ifelltothinkingaboutmyrights,andthelongerIlaytherethemorepuzzledIbecame.Beingacitizenina

democracy,IhavemanyrightsthatareguaranteedtomebytheConstitution,notablylife,liberty,andthepursuitofhappiness.InmyschoolIbecomeexpansiveinextollingtheserightstomypupils.Butunderthatmaple-treeIfoundmyselfraisingmanyquestionsastotheserights,andmanyothers.Ihavearighttosingtenor,butIcan'tsingtenoratall,andwhenItryitIdisturbmyneighbors.RightthereIbumpagainstasituation.Ihavearighttousemyknifeattableinsteadofafork,andwhoistogainsaymyusingmyfingers?QueenElizabethdid.Icertainlyhavearighttolieintheshadeofthemaple-treefortwohours

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to-dayinsteadofonehour,asIdidyesterday.Iwonderifrecliningonthegrassunderamaple-treeisnotapartofthepursuitofhappinessthatisspecificallysetoutintheConstitution?Ihopeso,forI'dliketohavethatwonderfulConstitutionbackingmeupinthethingsIliketodo.ThesunissohotandhoeingpotatoesissuchatiringtaskthatIprefertoloungeintheshadewithmybackagainsttheConstitution.

InthinkingofthepursuitofhappinessIaminclinedtopersonifyhappinessandthenwatchthechase,wonderingwhetherthepursuerwilleverovertakeher,andwhathe'lldowhenhedoes.InotethattheConstitutiondoesnotguaranteethatthepursuerwillevercatchher--butjustgiveshimanopenfieldandnofavors.Hemayrunjustasfastashelikes,andaslongashisenduranceholdsout.Isuspectthat'swherethelibertycomesin.IwonderifthemakersoftheConstitutionevervisualizedthatchase.Ifso,theymusthavelaughed,atleastintheirsleeves,solemncrowdthattheywere.IfIwerecertainthatIcouldovertakehappinessI'dgladlyjoininthepursuit,evenonsuchawarmdayasthis,butthedreaduncertaintymakesmeprefertolollhereintheshade.Besides,I'mnotquitecertainthatIcouldrecognizeherevenifIcouldcatchher.ThephotographsthatIhaveseenaresoverydifferentthatImightmistakehappinessforsomeoneelse,andthatwouldbeembarrassing.

IfIshouldconcludethatIwashappy,andthendiscoverthatIwasn't,IscarcelyseehowIcouldexplainmyselftomyself,muchlesstoothers.SoIshallgoonhoeingmypotatoesandnotbothermypoorheadabouthappiness.ItisjustpossiblethatIshallfinditoverthereinthepotato-patch,foritslatitudeandlongitudehaveneverbeendefinitelydetermined,sofarasIamaware.IknowIshallfindsomesatisfactionoverthereatwork,andIamconvincedthatsatisfactionandhappinessarekinsfolk.Possiblymypotatoeswillprovetheanswertosomemother'sprayerforfoodforherlittleonesnextwinter.Whoknows?AsIloosenthesoilaboutthevinesIcanlookdownthevistaofthemonths,andseesomelittleoneinhishighchairsmilingthroughhistearsasmotherpreparesoneofmybeautifulpotatoesforhim,andIthinkIcandetectsomemoisturein

mother'seyes,too.Itisjustpossiblethathertearsaretheconsecratedincenseuponthealtarofthanksgiving.

IliketoseesuchpicturesasIplymyhoe,fortheygivemerespitefromweariness,andgivefreshardortomyhoeing.Ifeachoneofmypotatoesshallonlyassuagethehungerofsomelittleone,andcausethemother'seyestodistiltearsofjoy,Ishallbeintheborder-landofhappiness,tosaytheleast.Ihadfullyintendedtoexercisemyinalienablerightsandlieintheshadefortwohoursto-day,butwhenIcaughtaglimpseofthatlittlechapinthehighchair,andheardhispitifulpleaforpotatoes,Imadeforthepotato-patchpost-haste,asifIwererespondingtoahurrycall.Isupposethereisnomoreheart-breakingsoundinnaturethanthe

cryingofahungrychild.Ihavebeenwhistlingalltheafternoonalongwithmyhoeing,andnowthatIthinkofit,Imustbewhistlingbecausemypotatoesaregoingtomakethatbabylaugh.

Well,iftheydo,thenIshallelevatethehoeingofpotatoestotherankofaprivilege.Oh,I'vereadmy"TomSawyer,"andknowabouthisenterpriseingettingthefencewhitewashedbymakingthetaskseemaprivilege.ButTomwasindulginginfiction,andhoeingpotatoesisnofiction.StillthosewhitewashartistshadsomethingofthefeelingthatIexperiencerightnow,onlytherewasnobabyin

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theirpictureasthereisinmine,andsoIhavethebabyasanadditionalprivilege.IwishIknewhowtomakealltheschooltasksrankasprivilegestomyboysandgirls.IfIcouldonlydothat,theywouldhavegonefartowardaliberaleducation.IfIcouldonlygetababytocryingsomewhereoutbeyondcuberootI'msuretheywouldstrugglethroughthemazesofthatsubject,somehow,soastogettothebabytochangeitscryingintolaughter.'Tisworthtrying.

Iwonder,afterall,whethereducationisnottheprocessofshiftingtheemphasisfromrightstoprivileges.Ihavearight,whenIgointothetown,tokeepmyseatinthecarandlettheoldladyusethestrap.IfIinsistuponthatrightIfeelmyselfaboor,lackingthesenseandsensibilitiesofagentleman.ButwhenIrelinquishmyseatIfeelthatIhaveexercisedmyprivilegetobeconsiderateandcourteous.Ihavearighttopermitweedsandbrierstooverrunmyfences,andthefencesthemselvestogotorack,andsooffendthesightofmyneighbors;butIesteemitaprivilegetomakethepremisescleanandbeautiful,soastoaddsomuchtothesumtotalofpleasure.Ihavearighttostayonmyownsideoftheroadandkeeptomyself;butitisagreatprivilegetogoupforahalf-hour'sexchangeoftalkwithmyneighborJohn.Healwaysclearsthecobwebsfrommyeyesandfrommysoul,andIreturntomyworkrefreshed.

Ihavearight,too,toporeoverthecoloredsupplementforanhourorso,butwhenIamabletorisetomyprivilegesandtaketheBookofJobinstead,IfeelthatIhavemadeagaininself-respect,andcanstandmorenearlyerect.Ihavearight,whenIgotochurch,tositsilentandlookbored;but,whenIavailmyselfoftheprivilegeofjoiningintheresponsesandthesinging,IfeelthatIamfertilizingmyspiritforthetruththatisproclaimed.AsacitizenIhavecertainrights,butwhenIcometothinkofmyprivilegesmyrightsseempunyincomparison.Then,too,myrightsaresuchcoldthings,butmyprivilegesarefullofsunshineandofjoy.Myrightsseemmathematical,whilemyprivilegesseemcurvesofbeauty.

InhisscientificlaboratoryatPrinceton,ononeoccasion,thecelebratedDoctorHodge,inpreparingforanexperimentsaidtosomestudentswhoweregatheredabouthim:"Gentlemen,pleaseremoveyourhats;IamabouttoaskGodaquestion."Soitiswitheveryonewhoesteemshisprivileges.HeisaskingGodquestionsaboutthegloryofthesunrise,thefragranceoftheflowers,thecolorsoftherainbow,themusicofthebrook,andthemeaningofthestars.ButIhearababycryingandmustgetbacktomypotatoes.

CHAPTERXVI

CHANGINGTHEMIND

Ihavebeenreading,inthisbook,ofamanwhocouldn'tchangehismindbecausehisintellectualwardrobewasnotsufficienttowarrantachange.IwasfeelingdownrightsorryforthepoorfellowtillIgottowonderinghowmanypeoplearefeelingsorryformeforthesamereason.Thatreflectionchangedthesituationgreatly,andIbegantofeelsomeresentmentagainstthebluntstatementinthebookasbeingrathertoopersonal.JustasIbegintothinkthatwehave

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standardizedalotofthings,alongcomessomeoneinabook,orelsewhere,andcompletelyupsetsmyfineandcomfortingtheoriesandprojectsmeintochaosagain.NosoonerdoIgetalotoffactsallnicelysettled,andbegintoenjoycomplacency,thansomedisturberofthepeaceknocksallmyfactstopsy-turvy,andsaystheyarenotfactsatall,butthemerestfiction.ThenIcryaloudwithmyoldfriendCicero,_Ubinamgentiumsumus_,which,beingtranslatedinthelanguageoftheboys,means,"Whereintheworld(ornation)areweat?"Theyareactuallytryingtoreformmyspelling.Idowishthesereformershadcomearoundsooner,whenIwaslearningtospell _phthisic_,_syzygy_,_daguerreotype_,and_caoutchouc_.Theymighthavesavedmeadealoftroubleandhelpedmeoversomeofthehighplacesattheold-fashionedspelling-bees.

Ihaveafriendwhoisquiteversedinscience,andhetellsmethatanybookonsciencethatismorethantenyearsoldisobsolete.Now,thatpuzzlesmenolittle.Ifthatistrue,whydon'ttheywaittillmattersscientificaresettled,andthenwritetheirbooks?Whywriteabookatallwhenyouknowthatdayaftertomorrowsomeonewillcomealongandrefuteallthetheoriesandmanglethefacts?Thesesciencechapsmustspendagreatdealoftheirtimechangingtheirintellectualclothing.Itwouldbegreatfuntocomebackahundredyearsfromnowandreadthebooksonscience,psychology,andpedagogy.Isupposethebookswehavenowwillseemlikejokebooks

toourgreat-grandchildren,ifpeoplearecompelledtochangetheirmentalgarmentseverydayfromnowon.Iwonderhowlongitwilltakeushumancoralinsects,togetourbuildinguptothetopofthewater.

Whoeveritwasthatsaidthatconsistencyisajewelwouldneedtotaketreatmentforhiseyesinthesedays.IfImustchangemymentalgarbeachdayIdon'tseehowIcanbeconsistent.IfIsaidyesterdaythatsometheoryofscienceisthetruth,thewholetruth,andnothingbutthetruth,andthenfindarevisionofthestatementnecessaryto-day,Icertainlyaminconsistent.Thisjewelofconsistencycertainlylosesitslustre,ifnotitsidentity,insuchaprocessofshifting.Idohopethesechameleonartistswillleave

usthemultiplicationtable,theyardstick,andtheablativeabsolute.I'mnotsoparticularaboutthewine-gallon,forprohibitionwillprobablydoawaywiththatanyhow.WhenIwasinschoolIcouldtelltoafoottheequatorialandthepolardiameteroftheearth,andwhatmakesthedifference.Why,Iknewallaboutthatflatteningatthepoles,andhowitcameabout.ThenMr.Pearywentupthereandtrampedalloverthenorthpole,andneversaidawordabouttheflatteningwhenhecameback.IwasverymuchdisappointedinMr.Peary.

Iknow,quiteaswellasIknowmyownname,thatthelengthoftheyearisthreehundredandsixty-fivedays,fivehours,forty-eightminutes,andforty-eightseconds,andifIfindanyonetryingtolop

offevenonesecondofmyhard-learnedyear,Ishalllookuponhimasameddler.Thatisoneofmysettledfacts,andIdon'tcaretohaveitdisturbed.Ifanyonecomesalongtryingtochangethelengthofmyyear,IshallbegintotrembleforthesafetyoftheTenCommandments.IfIbelievethatagrasshopperisaquadruped,whatsatisfactioncouldIpossiblytakeindiscoveringthathehassixlegs?Itwouldmerelydisturboneofmysettledfacts,andIammoreinterestedinmyfactsthanIaminthegrasshopper.Thetroubleis,though,thatmyneighborJohnkeepsreferringtothegrasshopper'ssixlegs;soIsupposeIshall,intheend,getmeagrasshoppersuit

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ofclothessoastobeinthefashion.

Thisdiscardingofmyfour-leggedgrasshopperandsupplyingmyselfwithonethathassixlegsmaybewhatthepoetmeanswhenhespeaksofourdeadselves.HemayrefertothenewsuitofmentalclothingthatIamsupposedtogeteachday,tothechangeofmindthatIamsupposedtoundergoasregularlyasadailybath.PossiblyMr.Holmesmeantsomethinglikethatwhenhewrotehis"ChamberedNautilus."Ateachadvancefromoneofthesecompartmentstoanother,IsupposeIacquireanewsuitofclothes,or,inotherwords,changemymind.Let'ssee,wasn'titTheseuswhoseeternalpunishmentinHadeswasjusttositthereforever?Thatseemssomewhatheavenlytome.ButhereonearthIsupposeImusttrytokeepupwiththestyles,andchangemymentalgeardaybyday.

IthinkImightcometoenjoyachangeofsuitseverydayifonlysomeonewouldprovidethemforme;but,ifImustearnthemmyself,thecaseisdifferent.I'dliketohavesomeonebestowuponmeabeautifulGreeksuitforMonday,withitselegance,grace,anddignity,aRomansuitforTuesday,asciencesuitforWednesday,asuitofpoetryforThursday,andsoon,dayafterday.ButwhenImustreadallofHomerbeforeIcanhavetheGreeksuit,thepriceseemsabitstiff,andI'mnotsoavidaboutchangingmymind.Wehadatownshippicnicbackhome,once,anditseemedtomethatIwas

attendingacongressofnations,fortherewerepeopletherewhohaddrivenfiveorsixmilesfromtheutmostboundsofthetownship.Thatwasarealmentaladventure,andittooksometimeformetoadjustmyselftomynewsuit.ThenIwenttothecountyfair,whereweregatheredpeoplefromallthetownships,andmypoormindhadamightystruggletryingtograsptheimmensityofthething.IfeltmuchthesameaswhenIwastryingtounderstandthemathematicalsignofinfinity.AndwhenIcameuponthestatement,inmygeography,thatthereareeighty-eightcountiesinourState,themindbalkedabsolutelyandrefusedtogoon.Ifeltasdidtheoldgentlemanwhosawanaeroplaneforthefirsttime.Afterwatchingitsgyrationsforsometimehefinallyexclaimed:"Theyain'tnosichthing."

Mycollegeroommate,Mack,wentovertoLondon,once,onsomeerrand,andofcoursewenttotheBritishMuseum.NeartheentrancehecameupontheRosettaStone,andstoodinthralled.Hereflectedthathewasstandinginthepresenceofamonumentthatmarksthebeginningofrecordedhistory,thatbackofthatallwasdark,andthatallthebooksinallthelibrariesemanatefromthatbeginning.Thethoughtwassobig,soovermastering,thattherewasnoroominhismindforanythingelse,soheturnedaboutandleftwithoutseeinganythingelseintheMuseum.SincethenwehavehadmanyabiglaughtogetherasherecountstomehiswonderfulvisittotheRosettaStone.Iseeclearlythatinthepresenceofthatmodeststonehegotallthementalclothinghecouldpossiblywearatthetime.Changingthe

mindsometimesseemstoamountalmosttosurgery.

Sometime,ifIcangetmystubpenlimberedupIshalltrymyhandatwritingabitofacompositiononthesubjectof"TheInequalityofEquals."IknowthattheDeclarationtellsusthatallmenarebornfreeandequal,andIshallexplaininmyessaythatitmeansustounderstandthatwhiletheyarebornequal,theybegintobecomeunequalthedayaftertheyareborn,andbecomemoresoasonechangeshismindandtheotheronedoesnot.Itry,allthewhile,tomakemyselfbelievethatIamtheequalofmyneighbor,thejudge,

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andthenIfeelfoolishtothinkthatIevertriedit.Theneighborsallknowitisn'ttrue,andsodoIwhenIquitarguingwithmyself.HehassuchalongstartofmenowthatIwonderifIcaneverovertakehim.Onething,though,I'mresolvedupon,andthatistochangemymindasoftenaspossible.

CHAPTERXVII

THEPOINTOFVIEW

Justwhyaboyisaversetowashinghisneckandearsisoneofthedeepproblemsofsocialpsychology,andyetthepsychologistshaveveeredawayfromthesubject.Theremustbeareason,andthesemindexpertsoughttobeableandwillingtofindit,soastorelievetheanxietyoftherestofus.Itiseasyformetosay,withafull-armgesture,thataboyisoftheearthearthy,butthatonlybegsthequestion,asfull-armgesturesarewonttodo.Manyaboyhasshedcopioustearsashesatonabenchoutsidethekitchendoorremoving,undercompulsion,theday'saccumulationsfromhisfeetasaprerequisiteforretiring.Hewouldmuchprefertosleeponthefloortoescapethefoot-washingordeal.Why,pray,shouldhewash

hisfeetwhenheknowsfullwellthattomorrownightwillfindtheminthesamecondition?Whyallthebotherandtroubleaboutalittlethinglikethat?Whycan'tfolksletafellowalone,anyhow?And,besides,hewentinswimmingthisafternoon,andthatsurelyoughttomeetalltheexactionsofcapriciousparents.Heexhibitshisfeetasanevidenceofthevirtueofgoingswimming,forheisarrangingthepreliminariesforanotherswimmingexpeditionto-morrow.

IrecallverydistinctlyhowstrangeitseemedthatmyfathercouldsitthereandcalmlytalkaboutbeingaDemocrat,oraRepublican,oraBaptist,oraMethodist,oraboutsomeone'sdiscoveringthenorthpole,oraboutthePresident'smessagewhenthedoghadaratcorneredunderthecorn-cribandwasbarkinglikemad.But,then,

parentscan'tseethingsintheirrightrelationsandproportions.Andtheresatmother,too,darningstockings,andthedogjuststarkcrazyaboutthatrat.'Tisenoughtomakeaboylosefaithinparentsforevermore.Adog,arat,andaboy--there'sacombinationthatrecksnotofthefallofempiresorthetotteringofthrones.Evenchicken-noodlesmusttakesecondplaceinsuchaschemeofworldactivities.Andyetamotherwouldholdaboybackfromtheforefrontofsuchanenterprisetowashhisneck.Oh,thesemothers!

Ihaveread"Adam'sDiary,"byMarkTwain,inwhichhetellswhateventswereforwardinEdenonMonday,whatonTuesday,andsoonthroughouttheweektillhecametoSunday,andhisonlycommentonthatdaywas"Pulledthrough."IntheNewEnglandPrimerwegather

thesolemninformationthat"InAdam'sfall,wesinnedall."Iadmitthefactfreely,butbegtobepermittedtopleadextenuatingcircumstances.Adamcouldgotochurchjustashewas,butIhadtoberenovatedand,attimes,almostparboiledand,inadditiontotheseindignities,hadtowearshoesandstockings;andthestockingsscratchedmylegs,andtheshoesweretootight.IfAdamcouldbarelymanagetopullthrough,justthinkofme.Besides,Adamdidn'thavetowearapapercollarthatdisintegratedandsmearedhisneck.ThemoreIthinkofAdam'ssituation,themoresorryIfeelformyself.Why,hecouldjustreachoutandplucksomefruitto

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helphimthroughtheservices,butIhadtowalkamileafterchurch,inthosetightshoes,andthenwaitanhourfordinner.AndIwassupposedtofeelandactreligiouswhileIwaswaiting,butIdidn't.

IfIcouldonlyhavegonetochurchbarefoot,withmyshirtopenatthethroat,andwithapocketfullofcookiestomunch_adlib_ throughouttheservices,Iamsurethatthespiritualupliftwouldhavebeengreater.Thesoulofaboydoesn'texpandviolentlywhenencasedinastarchedshirtandapapercollar,andthesesurmountedbyathickcoat,withthemercuryatninety-sevenintheshade.IthinkIcantracemyreligiousretardationbacktothosehungrySundays,thosetightshoes,thatwarmcoat,andthosefrequentjabsinmyribswhenIfainwouldhaveslept.

Inmychildhoodtherewassuchahostofpeoplewhowerepushingandpullingmeaboutinanefforttomakemegoodthat,evenyet,Ishyawayfromtheirstyleofgoodness.ThewonderisthatIhaveanystandingatallinpoliteanduprightsociety.SomanyfolkssaidIwasbadandnaughty,andappliedsomanyothernolessapprobriousepithetstomethat,intime,Icametobelievethem,andtriedsomewhatdiligentlytoliveuptothereputationtheygaveme.Irecallthatoneofmyauntscameinonedayand,seeingmeoutintheyardmostingloriouslytousled,askedmygoodmother:"Isthatyourchild?"Poormother!Ihaveoftenwonderedhowmuchtravailof

spirititmusthavecosthertoacknowledgemeasherveryown.Onethumb,onegreattoe,andanankleweredecoratedwithgreasyrags,andIwasfarfrombeingornamental.Ihadbeenhullingwalnuts,too,andmystainedhandsservedtoaccentuatethehumanscenery.

Thissameaunthadthreeboysofherown,lateron,andamoredisreputable-lookingcrewitwouldbehardtofind.IconfessthatItookadealofgrimsatisfactionintheirdilapidatedensemble,justformyaunt'sbenefit,ofcourse.Theywerefine,wholesome,naturalboysinspiteoftheirparentage,andIlikedthemevenwhileIgloriedintheircuts,bruises,anddirt.AtthattimeIwaswearinganecktieandhadmyshoespolishedbut,evenso,Iyearnedtojoinwiththemintheirdebauchofsand,mud,andgeneralindifferenceto

convention.Theyarefine,upstandingyoungchapsnow,andofcoursetheirmotherthinksthatherscolding,nagging,andbaitingmadethemso.Theyknowbetter,butaretookindandconsideratetorevealthetruthtotheirmother.

EvenyetIhavesomethinglikeadmirationfortheingenuityofmyeldersinconjuringupspooks,hob-goblins,andbugabooswithwhichtoscaremeintosubmission.Iconformed,ofcourse,butInevergavethemahighgradeinveracity.Iyieldedsimplytogaintime,forIknewwheretherewasachipmunkinahole,andwaseagertogettodigginghimoutjustassoonasmyapparentsubmissionforabrieftimehadprovedmycompleteregeneration.Theyusedtotellmethatchildrenshouldbeseenbutnotheard,andIknewtheywantedtodo

thetalking.IoftenwonderwhethertheirnotionofagoodchildwouldhavebeensatisfactorilymetifIhadsuddenlybecomeparalyzed,orossified,orpetrified.IneitherofthesecasesIcouldhavebeenseenbutnotheard.Oneday,notlongago,whenIfeltatpeacewithalltheworldandwascomfortablyfreefromcare,asmall,thumb-suckingseven-year-oldasked:"Howlongsincetheworldwasborn?"AfterItoldhimthatitwasaboutfourthousandyearsheworkedvigorouslyathisthumbforatime,andthensaid:"Thatisn'tverylong."ThenIwishedIhadsaidfourmillions,soastoreducehimtosilence,foronedoesn'tenjoybeingroutedand

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puttoconfusionbyaseven-year-old.

Afterquiteasilenceheaskedagain:"Whatwastherebeforetheworldwasborn?"Thatwasaneasyone;soIsaidinatoneoffinality:"Therewasn'tanything."ThenIwentonwithmymeditations,thinkingIhadusedthesoftpedaleffectively.Silencereignedsupremeforsomeminutes,andthenwasrudelyshattered.Histhumbflewfromhismouth,andhelaughedsolustilythathecouldbeheardthroughoutthehouse.Whenhislaughterhadspentitselfsomewhat,Iaskedmeekly:"Whatareyoulaughingat?"Hisanswercameontheinstant,butstillpunctuatedwithlaughter:"Iwaslaughingtoseehowfunnyitwaswhentherewasn'tanything."Nowonderthatfolkswantchildrentobeseenbutnotheard.Andsomefolksarescandalizedbecauseachaplikethatdoesn'tliketowashhisneckandears.

CHAPTERXVIII

PICNICS

Thecodeoftableetiquetteinthedaysofmyboyhood,asInow

recallit,wasexpressedsomethinglike:"Eatwhatissetbeforeyouandasknoquestions."Weheededthisinjunctionwithreligiousfidelity,butyearnedtoaskwhytheydidn'tsetmorebeforeus.Abouttheonlytimethatarealboygetsenoughtoeatiswhenhegoestoapicnicand,eventhereandthen,theroundingoutoftheprogrammeisconnectedwithclandestinevisitstothebasketsaftertheformalceremonieshavebeenconcluded.Atapicnicthereisnosuchexpressionas"fromsouptonuts,"forthereisnosoup,andperhapsnonuts,butthereiseverythingelseintantalizingabundance.IfIfindaplateofdeviledeggsnearme,Ibeginwithdeviledeggs;or,ifthecoldtongueisnearer,Ibeginwiththat.InthiswayIreveal,forthepleasureofthehostesses,myunrestrictedanddemocraticappetite.Or,inordertoobviateany

possibleembarrassmentduringtheprogressofthechickentowardme,Imaytakeapieceofpieorasliceofcake,thinkingthattheymaynotreturnoncetheyhavebeenputincirculation.CertainlyItakejellywhenitpassesalong,aswellaspickles,olives,andcheese.Thereisnoincongruity,atsuchatime,inhavingasliceofbakedhamandasliceofangel-foodcakeonone'splateorinone'shands.Theyharmonizebeautifullybothinthecolorschemeandinthegastronomicscheme.Atapicnicmyboyhoodtrainingreachesitsfullfruition:"Eatwhatissetbeforeyouandasknoquestions."ThesethingsIdo.

That'sagoodruleforreading,too,justtoreadwhatissetbeforeyouandasknoquestions.I'mthinkingnowofthereadermemberof

mydualnature,notthestudentmember.Iliketocatersomewhattoboththesemembers.Whenthereadermemberishavinghisinning,Iliketogivehimfreereinandnothamperhimbyanylock-steporstereotypedmethodorcourse.Iliketoleadhimtoapicnictableanddismisshimwiththemerestatementthat"Heavenhelpsthosewhohelpthemselves,"andthusleavehimtohisowndevices.IfSouthey's,"TheCurseofKehama,"happenstobenearesthisplate,hewillnaturallybeginwiththatasIdidwiththedeviledeggs.Orhemaynibbleat"TheHouse-BoatontheStyx"whilesomeoneispassingtheShakespearealong.HemaylikeEmerson,andaskforasecond

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helping,andthat'sallright,too,forthat'sanourishingsortoffood.Havingpartakenofthisgenerously,hewillenjoyallthemorethejellywhenitcomesalongintheformof"NonsenseAnthology."ThemoreIthinkofitthemoreIseethatreadingisverylikeapicnicdinner.Itisallgood,andonetakesthefoodwhichisnearesthim,whetherpieorpickles.

WhenanyoneasksmewhatIamreading,Ibecomemuchembarrassed.Imaybereadingacatalogueofbooksatthetime,orthebooknoticesinsomemagazine,butsuchreadingmaynotseemorthodoxatalltotheonewhoasksthequestion.Myreadingmaybetoodesultoryortoopersonaltobeparadedinpublic.Idon'tmakeitapracticetotellalltheneighborswhatIateforbreakfast.IliketosaunteralongthroughthebookjustasIrideinagondolawheninVenice.I'mnotgoinganywhere,butgetmyenjoymentfrommerelybeingontheway.Ipaythegondolierandthenlethimhavehisownwaywithme.Sowiththebook.Ipaythemoneyandthenabandonmyselftoit.Ifitcanmakemelaugh,why,wellandgood,andI'lllaugh.Ifitcausesmetoshedtears,why,letthetearsflow.Theymaydomegood.IfIeverbecomeconsciousofthenumberofthepageofthebookIamreading,Iknowthereissomethingthematterwiththatbookorelsewithme.IfIeverbecomeconsciousofthepagenumberinDavidGrayson's"AdventuresinContentment,"or"TheFriendlyRoad,"Ishallcertainlyconsultaphysician.Idobecome

semiconsciousattimesthatIamapproachingtheendofthefeast,andfeelregretthatthebookisnotlarger.

Ihavespasmsandenjoythem.Sometimes,IhaveaDickensspasm,andreadsomeofhisbooksforthe_n_thtime.Ihavefritteredawaymuchtimeinmylifetryingtodiscoverwhetherabookisworthasecondreading.Ifitisn't,itishardlyworthafirstreading,Idon'tgettiredofmyfriendBrown,sowhyshouldIputDickensoffwithameresocietycall?IfIdidn'tenjoyBrownI'dnotvisithimsofrequently;but,likinghim,Igoagainandagain.SowithDickens,MarkTwain,andShakespeare.ThestorygoesthatasecondUncleRemuswassittingonastumpinthedepthsofaforestsawingawayonanolddiscordantviolin.Aman,whochancedtocomeupon

him,askedwhathewasdoing.Withnointerruptionofhismusicalactivities,heanswered:"Boss,I'seserenadin'm'soul."Bookorviolin,'tisallthesame.UncleRemusandIareserenadingoursoulsandtheexerciseisgoodforus.

Iwaslaidbywithtyphoidfeverforafewweeksonce,andthedoctorcameateleveno'clockinthemorningandatfiveo'clockintheafternoon.IfhehappenedtobeabitlateIgrewimpatient,andmyfeverincreased.Hediscoveredthisfact,andwasnomoretardy.Hewasreading"JohnFiske"atthetime,andGrant's"Memoirs,"andateachvisitreviewedformewhathehadreadsincethepreviousvisit.HemusthavebeengladwhenInolongerneededtotakemyhistorybyproxy,forIkepthimuptothemark,andbulliedhimintoreciting

twiceaday.Idon'tknowwhatdrugshegaveme,butIdoknowthat"Fiske"and"Grant"aregoodfortyphoid,andheartilycommendthemtothegeneralpublic.IamrathergladnowthatIhadtyphoidfever.

Ilistenwithamusedtolerancetopeoplewhogrowvolubleontheweatherandtheirsymptoms,andoftenwishtheywouldaskmetoprescribeforthem.I'dprobablytellthemtobecomereadersofWilliamJ.Locke.But,perhaps,theirsymptomsmightseempreferabletotheremedy.Aneighborcameintoborrowabook,andIgaveher"LesMiserables,"whichshereturnedinadayorso,sayingthatshe

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couldnotreadit.IknewthatIhadoverestimatedher,andthatIdidn'thaveabookaroundofhersize.Ihadloanedmy"RobinHood,""RudderGrange,""UncleRemus,"and"Sonny"tothechildrenroundabout.

Iliketobrowsearoundamongmybooks,andamtryingtohavemyboysandgirlsacquirethesamehabit.Readingforpureenjoymentisn'taformalaffairanymorethaneating.SometimesIfeelinthemoodforagrapefruitforbreakfast,sometimesforanorange,andsometimesforneither.I'mgladnottoboardataplacewheretheyhavestandardizedbreakfastsandreading.IfIfeelinthemoodforanorangeIwantanorange,evenifmyneighborhasacasabamelon.So,ifIwantmy"Middlemarch,"I'mquiteeagerforthatbook,andamquitewillingformyneighbortohavehis"HenryEsmond."Theappetiteforbooksisvariable,thesameasforfood,andI'dratherconsultmyappetitethanmyneighborwhenchoosingabookasacompanionthroughalazyafternoonbeneaththemaple-tree,Irefusetotrytosupervisethereadingofmypupils.Why,Icouldn'tsupervisetheireating.I'dhavetofindoutwhethertheboywasyearningforporterhousesteakorice-cream,first;thenImighthelphimmakeaselection.ThebestIcandoistohaveplentyofsteak,potatoes,pie,andice-creamaround,andallowhimtohelphimself.

CHAPTERXIX

MAKE-BELIEVE

Thetextmaybefoundin"OverBemerton's,"byE.V.Lucas,andreadsasfollows:"Agentlehypocrisyisnotonlythebasisbutthesaltofcivilizedlife."Thisstatementstartledmeabitatfirst;butwhenIgottothinkingofmyexperienceinhavingaphotographofmyselfmadeIsawthatMr.Lucashassomewarrantforhisstatement.TherehasbeenonlyoneOliverCromwelltosay:"PaintmeasIam."Therestofushumansprefertohavethewartomitted.Ifmyphotograph

istruetolifeIdon'twantit.I'mgoingtosenditaway,andIdon'twantthefolkswhogetittothinkIlooklikethat.IfIwereawomanandcouldwearadisguiseofcosmeticswhensittingforapicturethecasemightnotbequitesobad.Thesubtleflatteryofthephotographisverygratefultousmortalswhetherweadmititornot.MyfriendBaxterintroducedmeonceasamanwhoisnottwo-faced,andwentontoexplainthatifIhadhadtwofacesI'dhavebroughttheotherinsteadofthisone.Andthat'strue.Iexpectthephotographertoevokeanotherfaceforme,andhencemygenerousgiftofmoneytohim.Ilikethatchapimmensely.Hetakesmymoney,givesmeanotherface,bowsmeoutwiththegraceofafinishedcourtier,andnever,bywordorlook,revealshisknowledgeofmyhypocrisy.

AsaboyIhadafullsuitofcompanymannerswhichIworeonlywhenguestswerepresent,andsowasalwayssorrytohaveguestscome.Isatbackonthechairinsteadofonitsedge;Ididn'tswingmylegsunlessIhadalapseofmemory;Isaid,"Yes,ma'am,"and,"No,ma'am,"likeanyotherparrot,justasIdidatrehearsal;and,inshort,Iwasamostexemplarychildsaveforoccasionalreactionstounlooked-forsituations.ThefolksknewIwasposing,andwereonnettlesallthewhilefromfearofabreakdown;theguestsknewIwasposing,andIknewIwasposing.Butweallpretendedtooneanother

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thatthatwastheregularorderofprocedureinourhouse.Sowehadaverygratifyingconcertexerciseinhypocrisy.Wesaidourprayersthatnightjustasusual.

WithsuchthoroughtraininginmyyouthitisnotatallstrangethatInowconsidermyselfratheranadeptintheprevailingsocialusages.AtamusicaleIapplaudfittoblistermyhands,eventhoughIfeelpositivelypugnacious.ButIknowthesingerhasanencoreprepared,andIfeelthatitwouldbeungracioustodisappointher.Besides,IarguewithmyselfthatIcanstanditforfiveminutesmoreiftheotherscan.ProfessorJames,Ithinkitis,saysthatweoughttodoatleastonedisagreeablethingeachdayasanaidinthedevelopmentofcharacter.Beingratherkeenoncharacterdevelopment,Idecideonadoubledoseofthedisagreeablewhileopportunityfavors.Hencemyvigorousapplauding.Then,too,Irealizethatthetimeandplacearenotopportuneforanexpressionofmyhonestconvictions;soIchoosethelineofleastresistanceandwell-nighblistermyhandstoemphasizemyhypocrisy.

AtaformaldinnerIhavebeenknowntosinksolowintothedepthsofhypocrisyastoeatshrimpsalad.Butwhenoneissittingnexttoaladywhoseemsaconfirmedcelibate,andwhoseemstofindnothingbetterthantobecomevolubleonthesubjectofherdistinguishedancestors,evenshrimpsaladhasitsuses.Now,undernormal

conditionsmypervertedandplebeiantasteregardsshrimpsaladasabanality,butatthatdinnerIateitwithapparentrelish,andtriednottomakeawryface.But,worstofall,Icomplimentedthehostessupontheexcellenceofthedinner,andextolledthesaladparticularly,althoughwebothknewthatthesaladwasafailure,andthatthedinneritselfconvictedthecookofalackofexperienceorelseofasuperfluityofpotations.

WhentherefreshmentsareservedItakeathimblefulofice-creamandanattenuatedwafer,andthensolemnlydeclaretothemaidthatIhavebeenabundantlyserved.InthehallowedprecinctsthatIcallmydenIcouldabsorbninerationssuchastheyservedandneverbataneye.Andyet,inmakingmyadieustothehostess,Ithankher

mosteffusivelyforadelightfulevening,refreshmentsincluded,andthenhurrygrumblinghometogetsomethingtoeat.Sucharesomeofthemanifestationsofsocialhypocrisy.Theseallpasscurrentattheirfacevalue,andyetweallknowthatnobodyisdeceived.Stillitisgreatfuntoplaymake-believe,andtheworldwouldhaveconvulsionsifwedidnotindulgeinthesepleasingdeceptions.Inthecleverlittlebook"MollyMake-Believe"thegirlpretendsatfirstthatshelovestheman,andlateroncomestolovehimtodistraction,andshelivedhappyeverafter,too.When,inmyfever,Iwouldaskaboutmytemperature,thenursewouldgiveanumeralabouttwodegreesbelowtherealrecordtoencourageme,andIcan'tthinkthatSt.Peterwillbarheroutjustforthat.

Thepsychologistsgivemildassenttothetheorythataphysicalattitudemaygenerateanemotion.IfIassumeabelligerentattitude,theyclaimthat,intime,Ishallfeelreallybelligerent;thatinaloafingattitudeIshallpresentlybeloafing;andthat,ifIassumetheattitudeofalistener,Ishallsoonbelisteningmostintently.ThisseemstobejustifiedbytheexperiencesofEdwinBoothonthestage.Hecouldfeignfightingforatime,andthenitbecamerealfighting,andgreatcarehadtobetakentoavertdisastrousconsequenceswhenhisswordfullystruckitsgait.Ibelievethepsychologistshaveneverfullyagreedonthequestion

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whetherthemanisrunningfromthebearbecauseheisscaredorisscaredbecauseheisrunning.

IdaresayMr.Shakespearewastryingtoexpressthistheorywhenhesaid:"Assumeavirtue,thoughyouhaveitnot."That'sexactlywhatI'mtryingtohavemypupilsdoallthewhile.I'mtryingtohavethemweartheircompanymannerscontinually,sothat,ingoodtime,theywillbecometheirregularworkinggarb.I'mgladtohavethemassumetheattitudesofdiligenceandpoliteness,thinkingthattheirattitudesmaygeneratethecorrespondingemotions.Itisaseverestrainonaboyattimestoseempolitewhenhefeelslikehurlingmissiles.Webothknowthathispolitenessismeremake-believe,butwepretendnottoknow,andsomovealongourwaysofhypocrisyhopingthatgoodmaycome.

Thereisatelephone-girloverinthecentralstation,whereverthatis,whocertainlyisbeautifulifthevoiceisatrueindex.Hertonesaredulcet,andhervoiceissomellowandwellmodulatedthatIvisualizeherasanotherVenus.Isuspectthat,whenshebeganherwork,someonetoldherthathertenureofpositiondependeduponthequalityofhervoice.So,Iimagine,sheassumedatonalqualityofvoicethatwasreallyasublimatedhypocrisy,andpersistedinthisuntilnowthatqualityofvoiceisentirelynatural.Ican'tthinkthatShakespearehadherspeciallyinmind,but,ifIeverhavethe

goodfortunetomeether,IshallcertainlyaskherifshereadsShakespeare.NowthatIthinkofit,Ishalltrythistreatmentonmyownvoice,foritsorelyneedstreatment.PossiblyIoughttotakeacourseoftrainingatthetelephone-station.

IamnowthoroughlypersuadedthatMr.Lucasgaveexpressiontoagreatprincipleofpedagogyinwhathesaidabouthypocrisy,andIshalltrytobediligentinapplyingit.IfIcangetmyboystoassumeanarithmeticalattitude,theymaycometohaveanarithmeticalfeeling,andthatwouldgivemegreatjoy.Idon'tcaretohavethemexpresstheirhonestfeelingseitheraboutmeorthework,butwouldratherhavethemlookpoliteandinterested,evenifitishypocrisy.I'dliketohaveallmyboysandgirlsactasif

theyconsidermeabsolutelyfair,just,andupright,aswellasthemostkind,courteous,generous,scholarly,skillful,andcomplaisantschoolmasterthateverlived,nomatterwhattheyreallythink.

CHAPTERXX

BEHAVIOR

IfIonlyknewhowtoteachEnglish,I'dhavefarmoreconfidenceinmyschoolmastering.ButIdon'tseemtogeton.Thesystembreaks

downtoooftentosuitme.JustwhenIthinkIhavesomeladinoculatedwithelegantEnglishthroughtheprocessofreadingfromsomeclassic,hesays,"mightofcame,"andIbecomeobfuscatedagain.IhaveabookhereinwhichIreadthatitisthebusinessoftheteachersotoorganizetheactivitiesoftheschoolthattheywillfunctioninbehavior.Well,myboys'behaviorintheuseofEnglishindicatesthatIhaven'torganizedtheactivitiesofmyEnglishclassveryeffectively.Iseemtobemoreofasuccessinacherry-orchardthaninanEnglishclass.Mycherriesarelargeandround,ajoytotheeyeanddelightfultothetaste.Thefruit

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experttellsmetheyareperfect,andsoIfeelthatIorganizedtheactivitiesinthatorchardefficiently.Infact,thebehaviorofmycherry-treesismostgratifying.ButwhenIhearmypupilstalkorreadtheiressays,andfindadealofimperfectfruitinthewayofsolecismsandmisspelledwords,Ifeelinclinedtodiscreditmyskillinorganizingtheactivitiesinthishumanorchard.

Ithinkmytroubleis(anditistrouble),thatIproceedupontheagreeableassumptionthatmypupilscan"catch"Englishastheydothemeaslesifonlytheyareexposedtoit.SoIexposethemtotheobjectivecomplementandthecompellative,andthenstandaghastattheirbehaviorwhentheymakeallthemistakesthatcanpossiblybemadeinusingagivennumberofwords.IhaveoccasiontowonderwhetherIjugglethesebigwordsmerelybecauseIhappentoseetheminabook,orwhetherIamtryingtobeimpressive.IrecallhowoftenIhavefeltathrillofprideasIhaveladledoutdeliberativesubjunctives,ethicaldatives,andhysteronproterontomy(supposedly)admiringLatinpupils.IfIwereasoldierIshouldwanttowearoneofthoseenormousthree-storymilitaryhatstorendermetallandimpressive.Ihavenodesiretoseeadrum-majorminushisplumage.Thedisillusionmentwouldprobablybedepressing.Likingtowearmyshako,ImustcontinuetotalkofobjectivecomplementsinsteadofusingsimpleEnglish.

Ihadwatchedmenmakeahundredbarrels,butwhenItriedmyskillIdidn'tproducemuchofabarrel.ThenIknewmakingbarrelsisnotviolentlyinfectious.ButIsuspectthatitisquitethesameasEnglishinthisrespect.Mybehaviorinthatcooper-shop,foratime,wasquitedestructiveofmaterials,untilIhadacquiredskillbymuchpractice.

IfIcouldonlyorganizetheactivitiesinmyEnglishclasssothattheywouldfunctioninsuchbehaviorasLincoln's"LettertoMrs.Bixby,"IshouldfeelthatImightcontinuemyteachinginsteadofdevotingallmytimetomycherry-orchard.Or,ifIcouldseethatmypupilswereacquiringthehabitofcorrectEnglishastheresultofmywork,I'dgivemyselfahighergradeasaschoolmaster.My

neighboroverhereteachesagriculture,andoneofhisboysproducedonehundredandfiftybushelsofcornonanacreofground.That'swhatIcallexcellentbehavior,andthatschoolmastercertainlyknowshowtoorganizetheactivitiesofhisclass.Myboy'syieldofthirty-sevenbushels,mostlynubbins,doesnotcomparefavorablywiththeyieldofhisboy,andIfeelthatIoughttoreform,orelsewearamask.Hereismyboysaying"mightofcame,"andhisboyisraisingahundredandfiftybushelsofcornperacre.

IfIcouldonlyassembleallmyboysandgirlstwentyyearshenceandhavethemgiveanaccountofthemselvesforalltheyearsaftertheyleftschool,IcouldgradethemwithgreateraccuracythanIcanpossiblydonow.Ofcourse,I'dsimplygradethemonbehavior,and

ifIcouldmusterupcourage,Imightaskthemtogrademine.IwonderhowI'dfeelifI'dfindamongthemsuchfolksasEdison,Burbank,Goethals,ClaraBarton,andFrancesWillard.MyneighborJohnsaysthemosthumiliatingexperiencethatamancanhaveistowearapairofhisson'strousersthathavebeencutdowntofithim.Imighthavesomesuchfeelingsasthatinthepresenceofpupilswhohadmadesuchnotableachievements.But,shouldtheytellmethattheseachievementsweredue,insomegoodmeasure,totheworkoftheschool,well,thatwouldbegloryenoughforme.Oneofmyboyswastellingmeonlyyesterdayofabitofworkhedidthedaybeforein

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thewayofrevealingaprocessinchemistrytoafirmofjewellersandhearingthesuperintendentsaythatthatbitofinformationisworthathousanddollarstotheestablishment.IfhekeepsondoingthingslikethatIshallgradehisbehavioroneofthesedays.

IsupposeMr.Goethalsmusthavelearnedthemultiplicationtable,onceuponatime,andusedit,too,inconstructingthePanamaCanal.Hecertainlymadeiteffective,andtheactivitiesofthatclassinarithmeticcertainlydidfunction.ItellmyboysthatthismultiplicationtableisthesameonethatMr.Goethalshasbeenusingallthewhile,andthenaskthemwhatusetheyexpecttomakeofit.OnemanmadeuseofthistableintunnellingtheAlps,andanotherinbuildingtheBrooklynBridge,anditseemstobegoodformanymorebridgesandtunnelsifIcanonlyorganizetheactivitiesaright.

IwasstandinginfrontofSt.Marks,thereinVenice,onemorning,regalingmyselfwiththebeautyofthefestivescene,andtalkingtoafriend,whenfourofmyboyscamestrollingup,andtheyseemedmoremyboysthaneverbefore.Whatareunionwehad!Thefolksallaboutusdidn'tunderstanditintheleast,butwedid,andthatwasenough.Iforgotmycoarseclothes,mywell-nighemptypockets,myinabilitytobuythemanybeautifulthingsthatkepttantalizingme,andthemeagrenessofmysalary.Thesewereallswallowedupinthejoyofseeingtheboys,andIwantedtoproclaimtoallandsundry;

"Thesearemyjewels."Thoseboysarenoble,clean,upstandingfellows,andnoschoolmastercouldhelpbeingproudofthem.Suchastheynestledownintheheartoftheschoolmasterandcausehimtoknowthatlifeisgood.

Iwassorrynottobeabletosharemyjoywithmyfriendwhostoodnear,butthatcouldnotbe.Imighthaveusedwordstohim,buthewouldnothaveunderstood.Hehadneveryearnedoverthosefellowsandwatchedthem,daybyday,hopingthattheymightgrowuptobeanhonortotheirschool.Hehadneverhadtheexperienceofwatchingfromtheschoolhousewindow,ferventlywishingthatnoharmmightcometothem,andthatnoshadowsmightcomeovertheirlives.Hehadneverknownthejoyofsittingupfarintothenighttoprepare

forthecomingofthoseboysthenextday.Hehadneverseentheireyessparkleintheclassroomwhen,forthem,truthbecameillumined.Ofcourse,hestoodaloof,forhecouldn'tknow.Onlytheschoolmastercaneverknowhowthosefourboysbecamethefocusofallthatwondrousbeautyonthatsplendidmorning.IfIhadhadmygrade-bookalongIwouldhaverecordedtheirgradesinbehavior,forasIlookeduponthosegloriouschapsandheardthemrecounttheirexperiencesIhadafeelingofexaltation,knowingthattheactivitiesofourschoolhadfunctionedinrightbehavior.

CHAPTERXXI

FOREFINGERS

Thisleftforefingerofmineiscertainlyacuriosity.Itlookslikeaminiaturetotem-pole,andIwishIhadbeforemeitslifehistory.I'dliketoknowjusthowalltheseseventeenscarswereacquired.Itseemstohavecomeincontactwithaboutallsortsandsizesofcutlery.Ifonlyteachersorparentshadbeenwiseenoughtomakearecordofallmybloodlettingmishaps,withoccasions,causes,and

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effects,thatrecordwouldaffordafruitfulstudyforstudentsofeducation.Thepityofitisthatwetakenoaccountofsuchmattersasphasesorfactorsofeducation.Wekeepsayingthatexperienceisthebestteacher,andthenignorethiseloquentforefinger.Icallthatcriminalneglectarisingfromcrassignorance.Why,thesescarsthatadornmanypartsofmybodyarethefoot-printsofevolution,if,indeed,evolutionmakestracks.ThescarsonthefacesofthosestudentsatHeidelbergareaccountedbadgesofhonor,buttheycannotcomparewiththebigscaronmyleftkneethatcametomeasthefreegiftofacorn-knife.Thosestudentswantedtheirscarstotakehometoshowtheirmothers.Ididn'twantmine,andmadeeveryefforttoconcealit,aswellastheholeinmytrousers.Igotmyscarasawarning.Iprofitedbyit,too,forneverweretheretwocutsinexactlythesameplace.Infact,theywerewidely,ifnotwisely,distributed.Theyaretheindicesofthesoaringsenseofmyyouthfulaudacity.Andyetneitherparentsnorteachersevergradedmyscars.

Irecallquitedistinctlythat,atonetime,Iproclaimedboldlyoveroneentirepageofacopy-book,thatknowledgeispower,andbecamesoenthusiasticinthesenumerousproclamationsthatIwroteonthebias,andzigzaggedoverthepagewithfineabandon.ButnoteachereverevenhintedtomethattheknowledgeIacquiredfrommycontestwithanestofbelligerentbumblebeeshadtheslightestconnection

withpower.WhenIgropedmywayhomewithbotheyesswollenshutIwasneverlionized.Indeed,no!Anythingbutthat!Icouldn'tmilkthecowsthatevening,andcouldn'tstudymylesson,andtherefore,mynewlyacquiredknowledgewascalledweaknessinsteadofpower.Theydidnotseemtorealizethatmyswollenfacewasprominentintheschemeofeducation,northatbumblebeesandyellow-jacketsmaybeameansofgrace.Theywantedmetobesolvingproblemsincommon(sometimescalledvulgar)fractions.Idon'tfightbumblebeesanymore,whichprovesthatmyknowledgegeneratedpower.Theemotionsofmyboyhoodpresentedasceneofgranddisorder,andthosebumblebeeshelpedtoorganizethem,andtoclarifyanddefinemysenseofvalues.IcanphilosophizeaboutabumblebeefarmorejudiciallynowthanIcouldwhenmyeyeswereswollenshut.

Iwenttothetowntoattendacircusoneday,andconcludedI'dcelebratethedaywitheclatbygettingmyhaircut.AttheconclusionofthisceremonythetonsorialBeauBrummel,inthemostseductivetones,suggestedashampoo.Ijustcouldn'tresisthisblandishments,andsoconsented.Thenhesuggestedtonic,andgrewquiteeloquentinrecountingthebenefitstothescalp,andItooktonic.Ifeltquiteafellow,tillIcametopaythebill,andthendiscoveredthatIhadbutfifteencentsleftfromallmywealth.That,ofcourse,wasnotsufficientforatickettothecircus,soIboughtabagofpeanutsandwalkedhome,fivemiles,meditating,thewhile,upontheproblemoflife.Myscalpwasallright,butjustunderthatscalpwasaseething,soundlesshubbub.Ilearnedthings

thatdaythatarenotsetdowninthebooks,evenifIdidgetmyselflaughedat.WhenIgettogivingschoolcreditsforhomeworkIshallcertainlyexcusetheboywhohashadsuchanexperienceasthatfromsolvingatleastfourproblemsinvulgarfractions,andIshallincludethatexperienceinmydefinitionofeducation,too.

Ihavetriedtoback-trackPaulLaurenceDunbar,nowandthen,andhavefounditgoodfun.OnceIstartedwithhisexpression,"thewholeskyoverheadandthewholeearthunderneath,"andtriedtogetbacktowherethatstarted.Hemusthavebeenlyingonhisbackon

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somegrass-plot,rightinthecentreofeverything,withthatwholehalf-sphereofskyluringhisspiritouttowardtheinfinite,withapillowthatwaseightthousandmilesthick.IfIhadbeenhisteacherImighthavecalledhimlazyandshiftlessashelaythere,becausehewasnotfindinghowtoplaceadecimalpoint,I'mglad,onthewhole,thatIwasnothisteacher,forI'dhavetwingesofconscienceeverytimeIreadoneofhisbigthoughts.I'dfeelthat,whilehewaslyingtheregrowingbig,Iwasdoingmybesttomakehimlittle.WhenIwaslyingonmybackthereinthePantheoninRome,lookingupthroughthatwideopening,andwatchingamoving-pictureshowthathasnorival,thefleecycloudsintheirever-changingformsagainstthatbluebackgroundofmatchlessItaliansky,thosegendarmesdebatedthequestionofarrestingmefordisorderlyconduct.Myconductwasdisorderlybecausetheycouldn'tunderstandit.But,ifRaphaelcouldhaverisenfromhistombonlyafewyardsaway,hewouldhavetoldthosefellowsnottodisturbmewhileIwasbeingsoliberallyeducated.Then,thatothertime,whenmyfriendReubenandIstoodontheveryprowoftheshipwhentheseawasrollinghigh,swingingusupintotheheights,andthendownintothedepths,withtheroardrowningoutallpossibilityoftalk--well,somehow,Ithoughtofthatcopy-bookbackyonderwithitsmessagethat"Knowledgeispower."AndIneverthinkofpowerwithoutrecallingthatexperienceasIwatchedthatbattleroyalbetweenthepoweroftheseaandthepoweroftheshipthatcouldwithstandthe

angrybuffetingofthewaves,andlaughingleeasitrodethemdown.Iknowthatsixtimesninearefifty-four,butIconfessthatIforgotthisfactoutthereontheprowofthatship.SomefolksmightsaythatReubenandIwerewastingourtime,butIcan'tthinkso.Ilike,evennow,tostandoutintheclearduringathunder-storm.Iwanttheheaduncovered,too,thatthewindmaytossmyhairaboutwhileIlookthelightning-flashesstraightintheeyeandstanderectandunafraidasthethundercrashesandrollsandreverberatesaboutme.Iliketowatchthetreesswayingtoandfro,keepingtimetothemajesticrhythmoftheelements.TomesuchanexperienceiswhatmyneighborJohncalls"growingweather,"andatsuchatimethebignessoftheaffaircausesmetoforgetforthetimethattherearesuchthingsasdoubledatives.

OnetimeIspentthegreaterpartofaforenoonwatchinglogsgooveradam.Itseemsasimplethingtotell,andhardlyworththetelling,butitwasagreatmorninginactualexperience.Intimethosehugelogsbecamethingsoflife,andwhentheyarosefromtheirmightyplungeintothewaterydeepstheyseemedtoshakethemselvesfreeandlaughintheirfreedom.Andtherewerebattles,too.Theystruggledandfoughtandrodeoveroneanother,andtheirmightycollisionsproducedaverythunderofsound.ItriedtoreadthebookwhichIhadwithme,butcouldnot.InthepresenceofsuchasceneonecannotreadabookunlessitisoneofVictorHugo's.Thatcopy-bookloomsupagainasIthinkofthoselogs,andIwonderwhetherknowledgeispower,andwhetherexperienceisthebest

teacher.But,dearme!HereI'vebeenfritteringawayallthisgoodtime,andthesepapersnotgradedyet!

CHAPTERXXII

STORY-TELLING

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Myboysliketohavemetellthemstories,and,ifthestoriesaretrueones,theylikethemallthebetter.SoIsometimesbecomereminiscentwhentheygatheraboutmeandletthemleadmealongasifIcouldn'thelpmyselfwhentheyaresointerested.InthiswayIbecomeoneofthem.IliketowhittleanicepinestickwhileItalk,forthenthetalkseemsincidentaltothewhittlingandsotakesholdofthemallthemore.Inthemidstofthetalkingaboywillsometimesslipintomyhandafreshstick,whenIhaveaboutexhaustedthewhittlingresourcesoftheother.That'saboutthefinestencoreIhaveeverreceived.Aboyknowshowtopayacomplimentinadelicatewaywhenthemoodforcomplimentsisonhim,andifthatmoodofhisishandledwithequaldelicacygreatthingsmaybeaccomplished.

Well,theotherdayasIwhittledtheinevitablepinestickIletthemlurefrommethestoryofSant.Now,Santwasmyseatmateinthevillageschoolbackyonder,andInowknowthatIlovedhimwhole-heartedly.Ididn'tknowthisatthetime,forItookhimasamatterofcourse,justasIdidmyrighthand.HisnamewasSanford,butboysdon'tcalloneanotherbytheirrightnames.Theysoonfindaffectionatenicknames.Ihavequiteacollectionofthesenicknamesmyself,buthaveonlyahazynotionofhoworwheretheywereacquired.Whensomeonecallsmebyoneofthesenames,Icanreadilylocatehimintimeandplace,forIwellknowthathemust

belonginacertaingrouporthatnamewouldnotcometohislips.Thesenicknamesthatweallhavearereallyhistorical.Well,wecalledhimSant,andthatnameconjuresupbeforemeoneofthemostwholesomeboysIhaveeverknown.Hewasbrimfuloffun.Aheartier,moresincerelaughaboyneverhad,andmyaffectionforhimwasasnaturalasmybreathing.HeknewIlikedhim,thoughInevertoldhimso.HadItoldhim,thecharmwouldhavebeenbroken.

Inthosedaysspellingwasoneofthehighlightsofschoolwork,andwewereincitedtoexcellenceinthisbranchoflearningbyheadtickets,whichwereapromiseofstillgreaterhonor,intheformofaprize,tothewinner.Theonewhostoodattheheadoftheclassatthecloseofthelessonreceivedaticket,andtheholderofthe

greatestnumberoftheseticketsattheendoftheschoolyearborehomeintriumphthemuch-covetedprizeintheshapeofabookasavisibletokenofsuperiority.Iwantedthatprize,andworkedforit.Ticketswereaccumulatinginmylittleboxwithexhilaratingregularity,andIwasnoblyupholdingthefamilynamewhenIwasstrickenwithpneumonia,andmyvictoriouscareerhadarudecheck.MynearestcompetitorwasSam,whoalmostexultedinmyillnessbecauseoftheopportunityitaffordedhimforarichharvestofheadtickets.Intheexuberanceofhisjoyhemadesomeremarktothiseffect,whichSantoverheard.UptothistimeSanthadtakennointerestinthecontestsinspelling,butSam'sremarkgalvanizedhimintovigorouslife,andspellingbecamehisovermasteringpassion.Indeed,hebecamethewonderoftheschool,andinconsequencepoor

Sam'santicipationswerenotrealized.DayafterdaySantcaughtthewordthatSammissed,andthusaddedanothertickettohiscollection.SoitwentuntilItookmyplaceagain,andthenSantlapsedbackintohisindifference,leavingmetolookafterSammyself.WhenItriedtofacehimdownwithcircumstantialevidenceheseemedpainedtothinkthatIcouldeverconsiderhimcapableofsuchdesigning.Themerrytwinkleinhiseyewastheonlyconfessionheevermade.SmallwonderthatIlovedSant.IfIwerewritingatestimonialformyselfIshouldsaythatitwasmuchtomycreditthatIlovedaboylikethat.

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Asaboymyrisibilitieswereeasilyexcited,andI'mgladthat,evenyet,Ihavenotentirelyovercomethatweakness.IfIcouldn'thaveabiglaugh,nowandthen,I'dfeelthatIoughttoconsultaphysician.MyboysandgirlsandIoftenlaughtogether,butneveratoneanother.Santhadadealoffunwithmypropensitytolaugh.Whenwewereconningourgeographylesson,hewouldmakepunsuponsuchnamesasChattahoocheeandAppalachicola,andIwouldpromptlyexplode.Then,entertheteacher.ButIdropthemantleofcharityoverthenextscene,forhisschool-teachingwasaltogetherpersonal,andnotpedagogical.Hedidn'tknowthatpunsandlaughterwerethereactionsonthepartofusboysthatcausedustoknowthefactsofthebook.Buthewantedustolearnthosefactsinhisway,andnotinourown.Poorfellow!_Requiescatinpace_,ifhecan.

Santwasthefirstoneofourcrowdtogotocollege,andwewereallproudofhim,andpredictedgreatthingsforhim.Weallknewhewasbrilliantandfeltcertainthatthegreatonesinthecollegewouldsoonfinditout.Andtheydid;foreverandanonsomenewswouldfilterthroughtousthatSantwasbatteninguponLatin,Greek,mathematics,science,andhistory.Ofcourse,wegaveallthecredittoourlittleschool,andseemedtoforgetthattheLordmayhavehadsomethingtodowithit.WhenweprovedbySant'sachievementsthatourschoolwas_neplusultra_,Inoticedthattheirascibleteacher

joinedheartilyinthechorus.IintendtogetallthegloryIcanfromtheachievementsofmypupils,butIdohopethattheymaynotbemysoledependenceatthedistributionofglory.Yes,Santgraduated,andhisnamewaswrittenhighuponthescroll.Buthecouldnotdeliverhisoration,forhewassick,andafriendreaditforhim.Andwhenhearosetoreceivehisdiplomahehadtostandoncrutches.Theytookhimhomeinacarriage,andwithinaweekhewasdead.Thefiresofgeniushadburnedbrightlyforatimeandthenwentoutindarkness,becausehisfatherandmotherwerefirstcousins.

Attheconclusionofthisstory,theboysweresilentforalongtime,andIknewthestorywashavingitseffect.Thentherewasa

slightmovement,andoneofthemputintomyhandanotherpinestick.Iwhittledinsilenceforatime,andthentoldthemofawomanIknowwhoiswell-knownandhighlyesteemedinmorethanoneStatebecauseofherdistinctiveachievements.OnedayIsawhergoingalongthestreetleadingbythehandalittlefour-year-oldboy.Hewasthepictureofhealth,androllickedalongasonlysuchahealthylittlechapcan.Hewaseagertoseeallthethingsthatweredisplayedinthewindows,buttomeheandtheproudmotherwerethefinestshowonthestreet.ShebeameduponhimlikeanotherMadonna,anditseemedtomethattheMastermusthavebeenlookingatsomesuchgloriouschildasthatwhenhesaid;"Sufferthelittlechildrentocomeuntome."

AfewweekslaterIwasridingonthetrainwiththatmother,andshewastellingmethatthelittlefellowhadbeenill,andtoldhowanxiousshehadbeenthroughseveraldaysandnightsbecausethephysicianscouldnotdiscoverthecauseofhisillness.Thenshetoldhowhappyshewasthathehadaboutrecovered,andhowbrightheseemedwhenshekissedhimgood-bythatmorning.Isawherseveraltimesthatweekandateachmeetingshegavemegoodnewsofthelittleboyathome.

Insideofanothermonththatnoblelittlefellowwasdead.

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Apparentlyhewashisownhealthy,happylittleself,andthenwasstrickenashehadbeenbefore.Thepastorofthechurchofwhichtheparentsarememberstoldmeofthedeathscene.Itoccurredataboutoneo'clockinthemorning,andthemotherwaswornandhaggardfromanxietyanddaysofwatching.Themembersofthefamily,thephysician,andthepastorwerestandingaroundthebed,butthemotherwasonherkneesclosebesidethelittleone,whowaswrithinginthemostawfulconvulsions.ThenthestrickenmotherlookedstraightintoheavenandmadeapersonalappealtoGodtocomeandrelievethelittlefellow'ssufferings.Againandagainsheprayed:"Oh,God,docomeandtakemylittleboy."AndtheAngelofDeath,inanswertothatprayer,cameinandtouchedthebaby,andhewasstill.

Themotherofthatchildmayormaynotknowthatthegrandfatherofthatchildcameintothatroomthatnight,thoughhehadbeenlonginhisgrave,andmurderedherbaby--murderedhimwithtaintedblood.Thatgrandfatherhadnotlivedacleanlife,andsobrokeamother'sheartandforcedherinagonytoprayforthedeathofherownchild.

WhenIhadfinishedIwalkedquietlyaway,leavingtheboystotheirownthoughts,andasIwalkedIbreathedthewishthatmyboysmaylivesuchclean,wholesome,upright,temperatelivesthatnochildorgrandchildmayeverhaveoccasiontoreproachthem,orpointthe

fingerofscornatthem,andthatnomothermayeverprayfordeathtocometoherbabybecauseofataintintheirblood.

CHAPTERXXIII

GRANDMOTHER

Mygrandmotherwasaboutthenicestgrandmotherthataboyeverhad,andinmemoryofher,Iamquitepartialtoallthegrandmothers.IlikeWhistler'sportraitofhismotherthereintheLuxembourg--the

sereneface,thecapandstrings,andthefoldedhands--becauseittakesmebacktothedaysandtothepresenceofmygrandmother.ShegotintomyheartwhenIwasaboy,andsheisthereyet;andthereshewillstay.Thebreadandbutterthatshesomehowcontrivedtogettousboysbetweenmealsmadeusfeelthatshecouldreadourminds.Iattendedabanquettheothernight,buttheyhadnosuchbreadandbutterasweboyshadthereintheshadeofthatapple-tree.Itwasrealbreadandrealbutter,andtheappetitewasreal,too,andthathelpedtoinvestgrandmotherwithahalo.Sometimesshewouldaddjelly,andthatcausedourcupofjoytorunover.Shejustcouldnotbearahungrylookonthefaceofaboy,andwhensuchalookappearedsheexorciseditinthewaythataboylikes.WhatIlikedaboutherwasthatsheneverattachedany

conditionstoherbreadandbutter--no,notevenwhensheaddedjelly,buthergiftswereasfreeassalvation.ThemoreIthinkofthematter,themoreIamconvincedthathergiftsweresalvation,forIknow,byexperience,thatahungryboyisneveragoodboy,atleast,nottoexcess.

Whateverthevicissitudesoflifemightbetome,IknewthatIhadacityofrefugebesidegrandmother'sbigarmchair,andwhentroublecameIinstinctivelysoughtthathaven,oftenwithrarecelerity.Inthathallowedplacetherecouldbenohunger,northirst,nor

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persecution.Inthatplacetherewaspeaceandplenty,whatevertheremightbeelsewhere.Ioftenusedtowonderhowshecouldknowaboysowell.IwouldbeachingtogoovertoplaywithTom,andthefirstthingIknewgrandmotherwassendingmeoverthereonsomeerrand,tellingmetherewasnospecialhurryaboutcomingback.Myfathermightsethisfootdownuponsomeplanofmineeversofirmly,butgrandmotherhadonlytosmileathimandhewasreducedtoadegreeoflimpnessthatcontributedtomyescape.Ihaveoftenwonderedwhetherthatsmileonthefaceofgrandmotherdidnotremindhim,ofsomeofhisownboyishpranks.

Weboysknew,somehow,whatsheexpectedofus,andherexpectationwasthemeasuringrodwithwhichwetestedourconduct.Boy-like,weoftenwanderedawayintoafarcountry,butwhenwereturned,shehadthefattedcalfreadyforus,withneveraquestionastoourtravelsabroad.Inthatwayforeigntravellostsomethingofitsglamour,andthehomelifemadeastrongerappeal.Shemadeherownbilloffaresoappetizingthatwelostallourrelishforhusksandthetablecompanionsconnectedwiththem.Sheneveraskedhoworwhereweacquiredthecherry-stainsonourshirts,butweknewthatsherecognizedcherry-stainswhenshesawthem.Thenextdayourshirtswereinnocentofforeigncherry-stains,andweexperiencedafeelingofrighteousness.Shemadeusfeelthatwewereequalpartnerswithherintheenterpriseoflife,andthathoeingthegardenandeating

thecookieswereourpartofthecompact.

Whenwewenttostaywithherforaweekortwowecarriedwithusabookorsooftheluridsort,butreturnedhomeleavingthembehind,generallyintheformofashes.Shefoundthebook,ofcourse,beneaththepillow,andreplaceditwhenshemadethebed,butnevermentionedthemattertous.Then,intheafternoon,whilewemunchedcookiesshewouldreadtousfromsomebookthatmadeourownbookseemtameandunprofitable.Shenevercompletedthestory,however,butleftthebookonthetablewherewecouldfinditeasily.Noneedtotellthatwefinishedthestory,withouthelp,intheevening,andthenextdaycrematedtheotherbook,havingfoundsomethingmoretoourliking.Oneevening,aswesattogether,she

saidshewishedsheknewthenameofJephthah'sdaughter,andthenwentonwithherknittingasifshehadforgottenherwish.Atthatageweboyswerenotspeciallyinterestedindaughters,nomatterwhosetheywere;butthatchallengetoourcuriositywastoomuchforus,andbeforewewenttobedweknewallthatisknownofthatfinegirl.

Thatwasthebeginningofourintimate,personalknowledgeofBiblecharacters--Ruth,Esther,David,andtherest;butgrandmothermadeusfeelthatwehadknownaboutthemallalong.Iknow,evenyet,justhowtallRuthwas,andwhatwasthecolorofhereyesandhair;andEstheristhestandardbywhichImeasureallthequeensofearth,whethertheywearcrownsornot.

OnedaywhenwewentovertoplaywithTomwesawapeacockforthefirsttime,andatsupperbecameenthusiasticoverthediscovery.Inthemidstofourrhapsodizinggrandmotheraskedusifweknewhowthosebeautifulspotscametobeinthefeathersofthepeacock.Weconfessedourignorance,andlikeAjax,prayedforlight.Butwesoonbecameawarethatourprayerwouldnotbeanswereduntilafterthesupperdisheshadbeenwashed.Ouralacrityinprofferingourservicesisconclusiveevidencethatgrandmotherknewaboutmotivationwhethersheknewthewordornot.Wesuggestedthe

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omissionoftheskilletsandpansforthatnightonly,butthesuggestionfelluponbarrensoil,andtheregularorderofbusinesswasstrictlyobserved.

Thencamethestory,andthenarratormadethecharactersseemlifeliketousastheypassedinreview.TherewereJupiterandJuno;therewereArguswithhishundredeyes,thebeautifulheiferthatwasIo,andthecraftyMercury.InraptattentionwelisteneduntilthoseeyesofArgusweretransferredtothefeathersofthepeacock.IfMercury'sstoryofhismusicalpipeclosedtheeyesofArgus,grandmother'sstoryopenedourswide,andweclamoredforanother,asboyswilldo.Nordidweaskinvain,andweweresoonlearningoftheFlyingMercury,andhowlightandairyMercurywas,seeingthataninfant'sbreathcouldsupporthim.AftertellingofthewildrideofPhaetonandhisoverthrow,shequotedfromJohnG.Saxe:

"Don'tsetitdowninyourtableofforcesThatanyonemanequalsanyfourhorses.Don'tswearbytheStyx!ItisoneofoldNick'sDiabolicaltricksTogetpeopleintoaregular'fix,'Andhold'emthereasfastasbricks!"

Beitsaidtoourcreditthataftersuchaneveningdish-washingwasnolongeratask,butratheradelightfulpreludetoanothermythologicalfeast.WewanderedwithUlyssesandshudderedatPolyphemus;wewentinquestoftheGoldenFleece,andwatchedthesackofTroy;wecametoknowOrpheusandEurydiceandPyramusandThisbe;andwesoweddragon'steethandsawarmedmenspringupbeforeus.Sincethosegloriouseveningswithgrandmothertheclassicmythshavebeenamongmykeenestdelights.IreadagainandagainLowell'sextravaganzauponthestoryofDaphne,andcanheargrandmother'slaughoverhisdeliciouspuns.IcanhearhervoiceasshereadsShelley'smusicalArethusa,andthenturnstohisSkylarktocomparetheirmusicalqualities.Ifeeldownrightsorryforthe

boywhohasnosuchgrandmothertoteachhimthesepoems,butnotmoresorrythanIdoforthoseboyswhotookthatDiamondDickbookwiththemwhentheywentvisiting.Evennow,whenpeopletalktomeofomniscienceIalwaysthinkofgrandmother.

CHAPTERXXIV

MYWORLD

"Theworldistoomuchwithus;lateandsoon,

Gettingandspending,welaywasteourpowers;Littleweseeinnaturethatisours;Wehavegivenourheartsaway,asordidboon!Thisseathatbaresherbosomtothemoon,ThewindsthatwillbehowlingatallhoursAndareup-gather'dnowlikesleepingflowers,Forthis,foreverything,weareoutoftune;Itmovesusnot.GreatGod!I'dratherbeApagansuckledinacreedout-worn--SomightI,standingonthispleasantlea,

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Haveglimpsesthatwouldmakemelessforlorn;HavesightofProteusrisingfromthesea;AndhearoldTritonblowhiswreathedhorn."

--_Wordsworth_.

IhaveheardmanytimesthatthisisoneofthebestofWordsworth'smanysonnets,andinthematterofsonnets,Ifindmyselfcompelledtodependuponothersformyopinions.I'msorrythatsuchisthecase,forI'drathernotdealinsecond-handjudgmentsifIcouldhelpit.Aboutthemostthissonnetcandoformeistomakemewonderwhatmyworldis.Isupposethatthesizeofmyworldisthemeasureofmyself,andthatinmyschoolmasteringIamsimplytryingtoenlargetheworldofmypupils.Isawagang-ploughtheotherdaythatisdrawnbyamotor,andthatsetmetothinkingofploughsingeneralandtheirevolution;and,bytracingtheploughbackward,Isawthattheoriginalonemusthavebeentheforefingerofsomecave-dweller.

Whenhisforefingergotsore,hegotaforkedstickandusedthatinstead;thenhegotalargeroneandusedbothhands;thenastilllargerone,andusedoxenasthemotivepower;andthenhefittedhandlestoit,andotherpartstillhefinallyproducedaplough.

Buttheprinciplehasnotbeenchanged,andthegang-ploughisbutamultifoldforefinger.Itisgreatfuntoloosethetetherofthemindandletitgoracingalong,inandout,tillitrunstoearththeoriginalplough.Whetherthesolutionisthecorrectonemakesbutlittledifference.IffriendBrowncannotdisprovemytheory,Iamonsafeground,andhavemyfunwhetherheacceptsorrejectsmyfindings.

Thisisonewayofenlargingone'sworld,Itakeit,andifthissortofthingisapartoftheprocessofeducation,Iaminfavorofit,andwishIknewhowtosetmyboysandgirlsgoingonsuchexcursions.IwishImighthavegonetoschooltoAgassizjusttogetmyeyesopened.IfIhad,I'dprobablyassigntomypupilssuch

subjectsastheevolutionofasnowflake,thetravelsofasunbeam,themechanismofabird'swing,thehistoryofadewdrop,thechangesinabladeofgrass,andtheevolutionofagrainofsand.IfIcouldonlytakethemawayfrombooksforamonthorso,they'dprobablybeabletoreadthebookstobetteradvantagewhentheycameback.I'dliketotakethemonawalkingtripovertheAlpsandthroughruralEnglandandScotlandforafewweeks.

Iftheycouldonlygatherbroom,heather,shamrock,andedelweiss,theywouldbeabletoseeclover,alfalfa,arbutus,andmignonettewhentheycamebackhome.IftheycouldseeblackrobinsinWalesandGermany,therobinredbreasthereathomewouldsurelybethoughtworthyofnotice.Iftheycouldseestalactitesandstalagmitesin

LurayCave,theirworldwouldthenincludetheseformations.OneofmyboyswasamemberofanexploringexpeditionintheAndes,andonenighttheywereencampednearaglacier.Thisglacierprotrudedintoalake,andonthatparticularnighttheendofthatriveroficebrokeoffandthusformedaniceberg.Theglacierwasnearlyamilewide,andwhentheendbrokeoffthesoundwassuchastomaketheloudestthunderseemawhisperbycomparison.Itwasarareexperienceforthisyoungfellowtobearoundwhereicebergsaremade,andvicariouslyIsharedhisexperience.

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Iwanttoknowthepriceofeggs,bacon,andcoffee,butIneednotgointocampontheprice-list.Havingpurchasedmybaconandeggs,Iliketomovealongtowheremyfriendissitting,andhearhimtellofhisexperienceswithglaciersandicebergs,andsobecomeinoculatedwiththeworld-enlargingvirus.Or,ifhecomesintosharemybaconandeggs,thesemundanedelightslosenoneoftheirflavorbybeinggarnishedwithconversationonAndeanthemes.I'mgladtohavemyfriendpushthatgreatestofmonuments,"TheChristoftheAndes,"overintomyworld.IarisefromthetablefeelingthatIhavehadfullvalueforthemoneyIexpendedforeggsandbacon.

I'dliketohaveinmyworldaliberalsprinklingofstars,forwhenIamlookingatstarsIgetawayfromsordidthings,foratime,andgetmysoulrenovated.IthinkSt.PaulmusthavebeenassociatingwithstarryspacejustbeforehewrotethelasttwoversesofthateighthchapterofRomans.Ican'tseehowhecouldhavewrittensuchmightythoughtsifhehadbeendwellinguponclothesorsymptoms.Thereadingofapatent-medicinecircularisnotspeciallyconducivetothoughtsofinfinity.SoIlike,inmymeditations,totaketripsfromstartostar,andfromplanettoplanet.Iliketowonderwhethertheseplanetswererightlynamed--whetherVenusisasbeautifulasthenameimplies,andwhethertheMartiansarereallydisciplesofthewarlikeMars.Iliketodriftalonguponthecanals

ontheplanetMars,withheroicMartiansplyingtheoars.Ihavegreatfunonsuchspatialexcursions,andamgladthatIeverannexedtheseplanetstomyworld.Icantakethesestellarcompanionswithmetomypotato-patch,andtheyhelpthedayalong.

Iwantpicturesinmyworld,too,andstatues;fortheyshowmetheheartsoftheartists,andthatisasortofbaptism.SometimesIgrowabitimpatienttoseehowslowlysomeworkofmineproceeds.ThenIthinkofGhiberti,whoworkedforforty-twoyearsonthebronzedoorsoftheBaptistrythereinFlorence,whichMichaelAngelodeclaredtobeworthyofparadise.ThenIreflectthatitwasworthalifetimeofworktowinthepraiseofsuchasAngelo.Thisreflectioncalmsme,andIplodonmoreserenely,gladofthefact

thatIcancountGhibertiandthebronzedoorsasapartofmyworld.WhenIcanhaveTitian,Rembrandt,LeonardodaVinci,AndreadelSarto,Raphael,andRosaBonheuraround,IfeelthatIhavegoodcompanyandmustbeonmygoodbehavior.IfCorot,Reynolds,Leighton,Watts,andLandseershouldbebanishedfrommyworldI'dfeelthatIhadsufferedagreatloss.Iliketohobnobwithsuchfolksasthese,bothformyownpleasureandalsoforthereputationIgainthroughsuchassociations.

Imusthavepeopleinmyworld,also,oritwouldn'tbemuchofaworld.AndImustbecarefulinmyselectionofpeople,ifIamtoachieveanydistinctionasaworldbuilder.Ijustcan'tleaveCordeliaout,forshehelpstomakemyworldluminous.Butshemust

havecompanions;soIshallselectAntigone,Evangeline,Miranda,Mary,andMarthaifshecansparethetime.AmongthemalecontingentIshallwantJob,Erasmus,Petrarch,Dante,Goethe,Shakespeare,Milton,andBurns.IwantmenandwomeninwhosepresenceImuststanduncoveredtopreservemyself-respect.Iwantbigpeople,wisepeople,anddynamicpeopleinmyworld,peoplewhowillteachmehowtoworkandhowtolive.

IfIcangetmyworldmadeandpeopledtomyliking,IshallrefuteMr.Wordsworth'sstatementthattheworldistoomuchwithus.IfI

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canhavetherightsortoffolksaboutme,theywillseetoitthatIdonotwastemypowers,forIshallbecompelledtousemypowersinordertoavertexpulsionfromtheirgoodcompany.IfIgetmyworldbuilttosuitme,Ishallhavenooccasiontoimitatethepoet'splaint.Isuspectthereisnobetterfuninlifethaninbuildingaworldofone'sown.

CHAPTERXXV

THISORTHAT

OnedayinLondonafriendtoldmethatonthemarketinthatcitytheyhaveeggsoffivegrades--new-laideggs,fresheggs,importedfresheggs,goodeggs,andeggs.AfewdayslaterwewereintheTateGallerylookingattheTurnercollectionwhenhetoldmeastoryofTurner.Itseemsthatafriendoftheartistwasinhisstudiowatchinghimathiswork,whensuddenlythisfriendsaid:"Really,Mr.Turner,Ican'tseeinnaturethecolorsthatyouportrayoncanvas."Theartistlookedathimsteadilyforamoment,andthenreplied:"Don'tyouwishyoucould?"Life,evenatitsbest,certainlyisamaze.Ifindmyselfinthelabyrinth,allthewhile

gropingabout,butquiteunabletofindtheexit.TheseuswasmostfortunateinhavinganAriadnetofurnishhimwiththethreadtoguidehim.ButthereseemstobenosecondAriadneforme,andImustcontinuetogropewithnothreadtoguide.ThereintheTateGalleryIwasstandingenthralledbeforepicturesbyWattsandLeighton,andpayingsmallheedtotheTurners,whenthestoryofmyfriendheldamirrorbeforeme,andasIlookedIaskedmyselfthequestion:"Don'tyouwishyoucould?"

ThoseBarbizonchaps,artiststhattheywere,usedtolaughatCorotandtellhimhewasparodyingnature,buthewentrightonpaintingthefoliageofhistreessilver-grayuntil,finally,theotherartistsdiscoveredthathewastheonlyonewhowastellingthetruth

oncanvas.Everyoneofmydilemmasseemstohaveatleastadozenhorns,andIstandhelplessbeforethem,fearfulthatImaylayholdofthewrongone.Iwasreadinginabooktheotherdaythestatementofamanwhosayshe'dratherhavebeenLouisAgassizthantherichestmaninAmerica.Inanotherlittlebook,"TheKingdomofLight,"theauthor,whoisalawyer,saysthatConcord,Massachusetts,hasinfluencedAmericatoagreaterdegreethanNewYorkandChicagocombined.IthinkI'llblotoutthesuperlativedegreeinmygrammar,forthecomparativegivesmeallthetroubleIcanstand.

Everythingseemstobebetterorworsethansomethingelse,andtheredoesn'tseemtobeanybestorworst.SoI'lldispensewiththe

superlativedegree.WhetherIbuynew-laideggs,orjusteggs,Ican'tbecertainthatIhavethebestortheworsteggsthatcanbefound.IfIgoovertoParisImayfindothergradesofeggs.OurSunday-schoolteacherwantedagenerouscontributionofmoneyoneday,and,bywayofcausingpurse-stringstorelax,toldofaboywhowasputtingasidechoicebitsofmeatasheatehisdinner.Uponbeingaskedbyhisfatherwhyhewasdoingso,herepliedthathewassavingthebitsforRover.HewasremindedthatRovercoulddowithscrapsandbones,andthathehimselfshouldeatthebitshehadputaside.WhenhewentouttoRoverwiththeplateofleavings,he

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pattedhimaffectionatelyandsaid:

"Poordoggie!Iwasgoingtobringyouanofferingto-day;butIguessyou'llhavetoputupwithacollection."

IlikeRobertBurnsandthinkhis"ToMaryinHeaven"ishisfinestpoem.Butthecriticsseemtopreferhis"HighlandMary."SoIsupposethesecriticswilllookatme,withsomethingakintopityinthelook,andsay:"Don'tyouwishyoucould?"Yearsagosomeoneplantedtreesaboutmyhouseforshade,andselectedpoplar.Nowtherootsofthesetreesinvadethecellarandthecistern,andprovethemselvesaltogetheranuisance.Ofcourse,Icancutoutthetrees,butthenIshouldhavenoshade.Thatman,whoeverhewas,mightjustaswellhaveplantedelmsormaples,but,bysomesortofperversityorignorance,plantedpoplars,andhereamI,yearsafterward,inastateofperturbationaboutthesafetyofcellarandcisternonaccountofthosepeskyroots.Idowishthatmanhadtakenacourseinarboriculturebeforeheplantedthosetrees.Itmighthavesavedmeadealofbother,andbeennoworseforhim.

Backhome,afterwehadpassedthroughtheautograph-albumstageofdevelopment,webecameinterestedinanothersortofliterarycomposition.Itwasabookinwhichwerecordedthenamesofourfavoritebook,author,poem,statesman,flower,name,place,musical

instrument,andsoonthroughoutanentirepage.Thatexperiencewasreallyvaluableandcausedustodosomethinking.Itwouldbewell,Ithink,tousesuchabookasthatintheexaminationofteachersandpupils.IwishImightcomeupononeofthebooksnowinwhichIsetdowntherecordofmyfavorites.Itwouldaffordmesomeinterestingifnotvaluableinformation.

IfIwerecalledupontonamemyfavoriteflowernowI'dscarcelyknowwhattosay.InonemoodI'dcertainlysaylily-of-the-valley,butinanothermoodImightsaytherose.Idowonderif,inthosebooksbackyonder,Ieversaidsunflower,dandelion,dahlia,fuchsia,ordaisy.IfIshouldfindthatIsaidheliotrope,I'dgivemyadolescenceaprettyhighgrade.IfIwereusingoneofthesebooks

inmyschool,andsomeboyshouldnamethesunflowerashisfavorite,I'dfindmyselffacingabigproblemtogethimconvertedtothelily-of-the-valley,andIreallydonotknowquitehowIshouldproceed.Itmightnothelphimmuchformetoaskhim:"Don'tyouwishyoucould?"IfIshouldlethimknowthatmyfavoriteisthelily-of-the-valley,hemightnamethatflowerasthelineofleastresistancetomyapprovalandahighgrade,withthementalreservationthatthesunfloweristhemostbeautifulplantthatgrows.Suchacoursemightgratifyme,butitcertainlywouldnotmakeforhisprogresstowardthelily-of-the-valley,noryetforthesalvationofhissoul.

Ihaveaboyofmyown,buthaveneverhadthecouragetoaskhim

whatkindoffatherhethinkshehas.Hemighttellme.AgainIamfacingadilemma.Dilemmasarequiteplentifulhereabouts.Imustdeterminewhethertoregardhimasanassetoraliability.But,thatisnottheworstofmytroubles.Iplainlyseethatsoonerorlaterheisgoingtodecidewhetherhisfatherisanassetoraliability.Wemustgooverourbookssomedaysoastofindoutwhichofusisindebttotheother.IknowthatIowehimhischance,butparentsoftenseembackwardaboutpayingtheirdebtstotheirchildren,andI'mwonderingwhetherIshallbeabletocancelthatdebt,tohispresentandultimatesatisfaction.I'dbe

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decidedlyuncomfortable,yearshence,tofindhimbut"theruntofsomethinggood"becauseIhadfailedtopaythatdebt.WhenIwasaladtheyusedtosaythatIwasstubborn,butthatmayhavebeenmyunsophisticatedwayoftryingtocollectadebt.Itakesomecomfort,intheselaterdays,inknowingthatthefolksathomecreditmewiththevirtueofperseverance,andIwishtheyhadusedthemilderwordwhenIwasaboy.

Thereisapictureshowjustaroundthecorner,andI'minaquandary,rightnow,whethertofollowthecrowdtothatshoworsithereandreadRuskin's"SesameandLilies."IfIgotoseethepicturefilmI'llprobablyseeanexhibitionofcowboyequestriandexterity,witha"happyeverafter"finale,andmayalsoacquirethereputationamongtheneighborsofbeinguptodate.But,ifIspendtheeveningwithRuskin,IshallhavesomethingworththinkingoverasIgoaboutmyworkto-morrow.Sohereisanotherdilemma,andthereisnoonetodecidethematterforme.Thisbeingafreemoralagentisnotthefunthatsomefolkstrytomakeitappear.Idon'treallyseehowIshallevergetonunlessIsubscribetoSamWalterFoss'slines:

"NoothersonghasvitalbreathThroughendlesstimetofightwithdeath,Thanthatthesingersingsapart

Topleasehissolitaryheart."

CHAPTERXXVI

RABBITPEDAGOGY

AsIthinkbackovermypastlifeasaschoolmasterIkeepwonderinghowmanyinebriatesIhaveproducedinmycareer.I'dbegladtothinkthatIhavenotasingleonetomydiscredit,butthatseemsbeyondthewildesthope,consideringthecharacterofmyteaching.I

amafirmbelieverintemperanceinallthings;but,inthematterofpedagogy,mypracticecannotbemadetosquarewithmytheory.Infact,Ifind,uponreflection,thatIhavebeenteachingintemperanceallthewhile.I'mgladtheofficersofmychurchdonotknowofmypedagogicalpractice.Iftheydid,theywouldcertainlytakeactionagainstme,andinthatcaseIcannotseewhatadequatedefenseIcouldoffer.Beingaschoolmaster,Icouldscarcelybringmyselftopleadignorance,forsuchapleaasthatmightabrogatemylicense.SoIshalljustkeepquietandlookasnearlywiseaspossible.Itisembarrassingtometoreflecthowlongithastakenmetoseetheerrorofmypractice.IfIhadaskedoneofmyboyshecouldhavetoldmeofthebetterway.

Whenwegotthenewdesksinourschool,backhome,ourteacherseemedveryanxioustohavethemkeptintheirvirginstate,andbecamequiteanimatedashewalkedupanddowntheaislefulminatingagainstthepossibleoffender.Inthecourseofhissulphuryremarkshethreatenedcondignpunishmentuponthebasemiscreantwhoshoulddareusehispenknifeononeofthosedesks.Hisaddresswasequaltoacoursein"ParadiseLost,"norwasitwithoutitseffectupontheaudience.Everyboyintheroomfeltinhispockettomakesurethatitcontainedhisknife,andeveryonebegantowonderjustwherehewouldfindthewhetstonewhenhewenthome.Wewerealleagerfor

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schooltocloseforthedaythatwemightsetabouttheimportantmatterofwhettingourknives.Henceforthwood-carvingwasapartoftheregularorderinourschool,butitwasdonewithoutspecialsupervision.Ofcourse,eachboycouldproveanalibiwhenhisowndeskwasunderinvestigation.Itwouldnotbeseemly,inthisconnection,togiveaverbatimreportoftheconversationsofusboyswhenweassembledatourrendezvousafterschool.Sufficeittosaythattheteacher'searsmusthaveburned.Theconsensusofopinionwasthat,iftheteacherdidn'twantthedeskscarved,heshouldnothavetoldustocarvethem.Weseemedtothinkthathehadsaid,insubstance,thatheknewwewereagangofyoungrascallions,andthat,ifhedidn'tintimidateus,we'dsurelybeguiltyofsomeformofvandalism.Thenheproceededtopointoutthewaybysuggestingpenknives;andthetrickwasdone.Wewereeveropentosuggestions.

Wehadanotherteacherwhosepetaversionwasmatchheads.CiceroandDemostheneswouldhaveapologizedtohimcouldtheyhavecomeinwhenhewasdeliveringoneofhiseloquentorationsuponthisengagingtheme.Hisvituperativevocabularyseemedunlimited,inexhaustible,andcumulative.Heraved,andranted,andexudedepithetswiththemostlavishprodigality.Itseemedtousthathedidn'tcaremuchwhathesaid,ifhecouldonlysayitrapidlyandforcibly.Intheverymidstofaneloquentperiodanothermatchheadwouldexplodeunderhisfoot,andthatseemedtoanswerthepurpose

ofanencore.Theclassinarithmeticdidnotrecitethatafternoon.Therewasnotimeforarithmeticwhenmatchheadsweretothefore.IsometimesfeelabitguiltythatIwasadmittedtosuchagoodshowonafreepass.Thenextday,ofcourse,theGatlinggunsresumedtheiractivity;thegirlsscreechedastheywalkedtowardthewater-pailtogetadrink;weboysstudiedourgeographylessonwithfacesgarbedinalookofinnocenceandwonder;ourmothersathomewerewonderingwhathadbecomeofallthematches;andtheteacher--butthelesssaidofhimthebetter.

Weboysneededonlythemerestsuggestiontosetusinmotion,andlikeDameRumorintheAeneid,wegatheredstrengthbythegoing.Onedaytheteacherbecamesomewhatfacetiousandrecounteda

red-pepperepisodeintheschoolofhisboyhood.Thatwasenoughforus;andthenextday,inourschool,wasadaylongtoberemembered.Irecallintheschoolreaderthestoryof"MeddlesomeMatty."HernamewasreallyMatilda.Onedayhercuriositygotthebetterofher,andsheremovedthelidfromhergrandmother'ssnuff-box.Thestorygoesontosay:

"Pooreyes,andnose,andmouth,andchinAdismalsightpresented;AndasthesnuffgotfurtherinSincerelysherepented."

Barringtheelementofrepentance,theredpepperwasequally

provocativeofresultsinourschool.

Icertainlycannotlayclaimtoanygreatdegreeofdocility,for,inspiteofalltheexperiencesofmyboyhood,IfellintotheevilwaysofmyteacherswhenIbeganmyschoolmastering,andsuggestedtomypupilsnumberlessshortcutstowrong-doing.Irailedagainstintoxicants,andthusmadethemcurious.That'swhyIamledtowonderifIhaveincitedanyofmyboystostrongdrinkasmyteachersincitedmetodesk-carving,matchheads,andredpepper.

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Ihavecometothinkthatarabbitexcelsmeinthematterofpedagogy.Thetar-babystorythatJoelChandlerHarrishasgivenusabundantlyprovesmystatement.Therabbithadsooftenoutwittedthefoxthat,indesperation,thelatterfixedupatar-babyandsetitupintheroadforthebenefitoftherabbit.Inhiseffortstodisciplinethetar-babyforimpoliteness,therabbitbecameenmeshedinthetar,tohisgreatdiscomfortandchagrin.However,BrerRabbit'sknowledgeofpedagogyshinesforthinthefollowingdialogue:

W'enBrerFoxfineBrerRabbitmixtupwiddeTar-Babyhefeelmightygood,enherollondegroun'enlaff.Bimebyheup'nsay,sezee:

"Well,IspeckIgotyoudistime,BrerRabbit,"sezee."MaybeIain't,butIspeckIis.Youbeenrunnin'roun'heresassin'attermeamightylongtime,butIspeckyoudonecometerdeeen'erderow.Youbincuttin'upyo'capersenbouncin''roun'indisneighborhoodontwelyoucometerb'leeveyo'se'fdebosserdewholegang.Endenyouerallerssome'rswharyougotnobizness,"sezBrerFox,sezee."Whoaxyoufertercomeenstrikeupa'quaintancewiddishyerTar-Baby?Enwhostuckyouupdarwharyouis?Nobodyinderoun'worril.Youdestuckenjamyo'se'fondatTar-Babywidoutwatin'ferennyinvite,"sezBrerFox,sezee,"endaryouis,endaryou'llstaytwelIfixesupabresh-pileandfiresherup,kazeI'm

gwineterbobby-cueyoudisday,sho,"sezBrerFox,sezee.

DenBrerRabbittalkmighty'umble.

"Idon'tkeerw'atyoudowidme,BrerFox,"sezee,"soyoudon'tflingmeindatbrier-patch.Roas'me,BrerFox,"sezee,"butdon'tflingmeindatbrier-patch,"sezee.

"Hit'ssomuchtroubleferterkindleafier,"sezBrerFox,sezee,"datIspeckI'llhatterhangyou,"sezee.

"Hangmedesezhighasyouplease,BrerFox,"sezBrerRabbit,sezee,"butdoferdeLord'ssakedon'tflingmeindatbrier-patch,"

sezee.

"Iain'tgotnostring,"sezBrerFos,sezee,"ennowIspeckI'llhatterdrownyou,"sezee.

"Drownmedesezdeepezyouplease,BrerFox,"sezBrerRabbit,sezee,"butdodon'tflingmeindatbrier-patch,"sezee.

"Deyain'tnowaternigh,"sezBrerFox,sezee,"ennowIspeckI'llhatterskinyou,"sezee.

"Skinme,BrerFox,"sezBrerRabbit,sezee,"snatchoutmyeyeballs,t'aroutmyyearsbyderoots,encutoffmylegs,"sezee,"butdo

please,BrerFox,don'tflingmeindatbrier-patch,"sezee.

Co'seBrerFoxwanterhurtBrerRabbitbadezhekin,sohecotch'imbydebehimelegsenslung'imrightindemiddleerdebrier-patch.DarwuzaconsiderbulflutterwharBrerRabbitstruckdebushes,enBrerFoxsorterhang'roun'ferterseew'atwuzgwineterhappen.Bimebyhehearsomebodycall'im,enwayupdehillheseeBrerRabbitsettin'cross-leggedonachinkapinlogkoamin'depitchoutenhisharwidachip.DenBrerFoxknowdathebinswopoffmightybad.BrerRabbitwasbleedzedferterflingbacksomeerhissass,

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enhehollerout:

"Bredenbawninabrier-patch,BrerFox--bredenbawninabrier-patch!"enwiddatheskipoutdesezlivelyezacricketindeembers.

CHAPTERXXVII

PERSPECTIVE

IwishIcouldevergetthequestionofmajorsandminorssettledtomycompletesatisfaction.Ithoughtmycollegecoursewouldsettlethematterforalltime,butitdidn't.Isuspectthatthoseeruditeprofessorsthoughttheyweregettingmefittedoutwithenduringhabitsofmajorsandminors,buttheyseemtohavemadenoallowanceforchangesofstylesnorforgrowth.WhenIreceivedmydiplomatheyseemedtothinkIwasfinished,andwouldstayjustastheyhadfixedme.Theyusedtotalknolittleaboutfinishedproducts,and,oncommencementday,appearedtolookuponmeasoneofthem.Onthewhole,I'mgladthatIdidn'tfulfiltheirapparentexpectations.Ihaveneverbeenabletomakeoutwhethertheirattentions,on

commencementday,weremanifestationsofprideorrelief.IcanseenowthatImusthavebeenasoretrialtothem.Inmycallowdays,whentheyoccupiedpedestals,Ibentthekneetothembywayofpropitiatingthem,butIgotbravelyoverthat.Atfirst,whattheytaughtandwhattheyrepresentedweremymajors,butwhenIcametoshiftandreconstructvalues,someofthemclimbeddownofftheirpedestals,andmykneelostsomeofitsflexibility.

Wehadonelittleprofessorwhoaffordedusnoendofamusementbyhistakinghimselfsoseriously.Theboysusedtosaythathewrotelettersandsentflowerstohimself.Hewouldstrutaboutthecampusasproudlyasapouter-pigeon,neverrealizing,apparently,thatwewerelaughingathim.Atfirst,heimpressedusgreatlywithhis

grandairandhisclothes,butafterwediscoveredthat,inhiscaseatleast,clothesdonotmaketheman,werefusedtobeimpressed.Hecouldsplithairswithinfiniteprecision,andsmokeacigaretteinthemostapprovedstyle,butIneverheardanyoftheboysexpressawishtobecomethatsortofman.Hadthereoccurredameeting,onthecampus,betweenhimandZeushewouldhavebeenoffended,Iamsure,ifZeushadfailedtosetoffafewthunderboltsinhishonor.Weusedtohaveathomeabantamroosterthatcouldcreatenoendofflutterinthechickenyard,andcouldcrowmightily;butwhenIreflectedthathecouldneitherlayeggsnoroccupymuchspaceinafrying-pan,Idemotedhim,inmythinking,frommajorranktoalowminor,andawardedthepalmtooneofthelessbumptiousbutmoreusefulfowls.Ourlittleprofessorhaddegrees,ofcourse,andhas

themyet,Isuspect;butnooneeverdiscoveredthatheputthemtoanygooduse.Forthatreasonweboyslostinterestinthemanaswellashisgarnishments.

Ourprofessorofchemistrywasdifferent.Hewasneverondress-parade;hedidnotpose;hewasnosnob.Welovedhimbecausehewassogenuine.Hehaddegrees,too,buttheyweresoobscuredbythemanthatweforgottheminourcontemplationofhim.Weknewthattheydonotmakedegreesbigenoughforhim.IoftenwonderwhatdegreesthecollegeswouldwanttoconferuponWilliam

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Shakespeareifhecouldcomeback.Then,too,IoftenthinkwhatawonderfulletterAbrahamLincolncouldandmighthavewrittentoMrs.Bixby,ifhehadonlyhadadegree.Agassizmayhavehaddegrees,buthedidn'treallyneedthem.LikeBrowning,hewasbigenough,evenlackingdegrees,tobeknownwithouttheidentificationofhisothernames.Ifpeopleneeddegreestheyoughttohavethem,especiallyiftheycanliveuptothem.Possiblythetimemaycomewhendegreeswillbegivenforthingsdone,ratherthanforthingshopedfor;givenforatleastonestageofthejourneyaccomplishedratherthanformerelypackingatravelling-bag.IfthistimeevercomesThomasA.Edisonwillbankruptthealphabet.

Inthiscoilofdegreesandtheabsenceofthem,Ibecomemoreandmoreconfusedastomajorsandminors.Thereincollegewerethosetwoprofessorsbothwearingdegreesofthesamesize.Judgedbythatcriteriontheyshouldhavebeenofequalsizeandinfluence.Buttheyweren't.Intheonecaseyoucouldn'tseethemanforthedegree;intheotheryoucouldn'tseethedegreefortheman.SmallwonderthatIfindmyselfinsuchahopelessmuddle.Ioncethought,inmyinnocence,thattherewasasortofmetricscaleindegrees--thatanA.M.wastentimesthesizeofanA.B.;thataPh.D.wasequaltotenA.M.'s;andthattheLL.D.degreecouldbehadonlyonthetopofMt.Olympus.ButhereIam,stumblingaboutamongfolks,andcan'ttellaPh.D.fromanA.B.Idowishallthese

degreechapswouldweartagssothatwewayfaringfolkscouldtellthemapart.Itwouldsimplifymattersiftherailwaypeoplewouldarrangecompartmentsontheirtrainsforthesevariousdegrees.ThePh.D.crowdwouldcertainlyfeelmorecomfortableiftheycouldherdtogether,sothattheyneednotdemeanthemselvesbyassociatingwithmereA.M.'sorthemorelowlyA.B.'s.Wemighthope,too,thatbywayofdiversiontheywouldputtheirheadstogetherandcompoundsomeprescriptionbytheuseofwhichtheworldmightavertwar,reducethehighcostofliving,banishawoman'stears,orsaveasoulfromperdition.

Beitsaidtomyshame,thatIdonotknowwhatevenanA.B.means,muchlesstheotherdegreehieroglyphics.SometimesIreceivea

letterhavingthewriter'snameprintedatthetopwithanA.B.annex;butIdonotknowwhatthewriteristryingtosaytomebymeansoftheprinting.Heprobablywantsmetoknowthatheisagraduateofsomesort,buthefailstomakeitcleartomewhetherhisdegreewasconferredbyahighschool,anormalschool,acollege,orauniversity.Iknowofonehighschoolthatconfersthisdegree,aswellasmanynormalschoolsandcolleges.Therearestillotherinstitutionswherethissamedegreemaybehad,thatfreelyadmitthattheyarecolleges,whethertheycanproveitornot.I'llbegladtosendastampedenvelopeforreply,ifsomeonewillonlybegoodenoughtotellmewhatA.B.doesreallymean.

Idohopethattheearthmayneverbescourgedwithcelibacy,butthe

ever-increasingvarietyofbachelors,maleandfemale,createsinmeafeelingofapprehension.NorcanImakeoutwhetherabachelorofartsisbiggerandbetterthanbachelorsofscienceandpedagogy.Theartsfolksclaimthattheyare,andproceedtoproveitbyoneanother.Ioftenwonderwhatabachelorofartscandothattheotherbachelorscannotdo,or_viceversa_.Theyshouldallberequiredtosubmitalistoftheiraccomplishments,sothat,whenanyoftherestofuswantabitofworkdone,wemaybeabletoselectwiselyfromamongthesedifferentiatedbachelors.Ifwewantabridgebuilt,abeefsteakbroiled,amountaintunnelled,aloafof

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breadbaked,arailroadconstructed,ahattrimmed,orabookwritten,weoughttoknowwhichclassofbachelorswillserveourpurposebest.Someoneaskedmejustafewdaysagotocitehimtosomemanorwomanwhocanwriteaprize-winningshortstory,butIcouldn'tdecidewhethertoreferhimtothebachelorsofartsorthebachelorsofpedagogy.ImighthaveturnedtotheLitt.D.'s,butIdidn'tsupposetheywouldcaretobotherwithalittlethinglikethat.

IncollegeIstudiedGreekand,infact,wonagoldmedalformyagilityinrampingthroughMr.Xenophon'sparasangs.Thatmedalislost,sofarasIknow,andnoonenowhastheremotestsuspicionthatIeverevenhaltedalongthroughthoseparasangs,nottomentionramping,orthatIevermadetheacquaintanceofox-eyedJuno.ButIneednomedaltoremindroeofthoseexperiencesintheGreekclass.EverybluebirdIseedoesthatforme.Thegoodolddoctor,onemorninginearlyspring,rhapsodizedforfiveminutesonthesingingofabluebirdhehadheardonhiswaytoclass,tellinghowthelittlefellowwaspouringforthamelodythatmadetheworldandalllifeseemmorebeautifulandblessed.Welovedhimforthat,becauseitprovedthathewasabig-souledhumanbeing;andpupilsliketodiscoverhumanqualitiesintheirteachers.Thelittleprofessormayhaveheardthebluebird'ssinging,too;butifhedid,heprobablythoughtitwasserenadinghim.Ifcollegesofeducationandnormal

schoolswouldselectteacherswhocandelightinthesongofabluebirdtheiracademicattainmentswouldbeennobledandglorified,andtheirstudentsmightcometoloveinsteadoffearingthem.Onlyamanorawomanwithabigsoulcansocializeandvitalizetheworkoftheschools.Themereacademiciancanneverdoit.

ThemoreIthinkofallthesedegreedecorationsinmyeffortstodeterminewhatismajorinlifeandwhatisminor,themoreIthinkofGeorge.Hewasanearnestschoolmaster,andwashappiestwhenhisboysandgirlswerearoundhim,busyattheirtasks.Oneyeartherewerefourteenboysinhisschool,fifteenincludinghimself,forhewasoneofthem.Theschooldaywasnotlongenough,sotheymetingroupsintheevening,atthevarioushomes,andcontinuedthework

oftheday.Theseboysabsorbedhistime,hisstrength,andhisheart.Theirsuccessintheirworkwashisgreatestjoy.Ofthosefourteenboysoneisnomore.Oftheotherthirteenoneisastateofficialofhighrank,fiveareattorneys,twoareministersoftheGospel,twoarebankers,oneisasuccessfulbusinessman,andtwoareengineersofprominence.Georgeistheidealofthosemen.Theyallsayhegavethemtheirstartintherightdirection,andalwaysspeakhisnamewithreverence.GeorgehasthesethirteenstarsinhiscrownthatIknowof.Hehadnodegrees,butIamthinkingthatsometimehewillheartheplaudit:"Welldone,goodandfaithfulservant."

CHAPTERXXVIII

PURELYPEDAGOGICAL

Itwasadark,cold,rainynightinNovember.Thewindwhistledaboutthehouse,therainbeatatattooagainstthewindow-panesandfloodedthesills.Thebigbase-burner,filledwithanthracitecoal,wasilluminatingtheroomthroughitsmicawindows,onallsides,and

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dispensingawarmththatsmiledatthestormandcoldoutside.Therewasabookinthepicture,also;andapairofslippers;andasmoking-jacket;andanarmchair.Fromtheceilingwassuspendedagreatlampthatjoinedgloriouslyinthechorusoflightandcheer.Themanwhosatinthearmchair,readingthebook,wasaschoolmaster--acollegeprofessortobeexact.Softmusicfloatedupfrombelowstairsasasoothingaccompanimenttohisreading.Subconsciously,asheturnedthepages,hefeltapityforthepoorfellowsontopoffreight-trainswhomustendurethepitilessbuffetingofthestorm.Hecouldseethembracingthemselvesagainsttheblaststhattriedtowrestthemfromtheirmoorings.Hefeltapityforthebelatedtravellerwhotries,well-nighinvain,tourgehishorsesagainstthedrivingrainonwardtowardfoodandshelter.Buttheleavesofthebookcontinuedtoturnatintervals;forthestorywasanengagingone,andtheschoolmasterwaseverresponsivetowell-toldstories.

Itwasnineo'clockorafter,andthefuryofthestormwasincreasing.Asifrespondingtothechallengeoutside,heopenedthedraftofthestoveandthensettledback,thinkinghewouldbeabletocompletethestorybeforeretiring.Inthemidstofoneofthemanycompellingpassagesheheardabelltoll,orimaginedhedid.Broughttocheckbythisstartlingsensation,helookedbackoverthepagetodiscoverapossibleexplanation.Findingnone,hesmiledat

hisownfancy,andthenproceededwithhisreading.But,again,thebelltolled,andhewonderedwhetheranythinghehadeatenatdinnercouldbeheldresponsibleforthehallucination.Scarcelyhadheresumedhisreadingwhenthebellagaintolled.Hecouldstanditnolonger,andmustcomeuponthesolutionofthemystery.Bellsdonottollatnineo'clock,andtheweirdnessoftheaffairdisconcertedhim.Thenearerhedrewtothefootofthestair,inhisquestforinformation,themorefoolishhefelthisquestionwouldseemtothemembersofthefamily.Butthequestionhadscarcebeenaskedwhentheboyofthehouseburstforth:"Yes,beentollingforhalfanhour."Meeklyheasked:"Whyaretheytollingthebell?""Childlost.""Whosechild?""LittlegirlbelongingtotheNorwegianswholiveintheshackdowntherebythewoods."

So,thatwasit!Well,itwassomesatisfactiontohavethematterclearedup,andnowhecouldgobacktohisbook.Hehadnoticedtheshackinquestion,whichwasmadeofslabssetupright,withaprecariousroofoftarredpaper;andhadheard,vaguely,thatagangofNorwegiansweretheretomakearoadthroughthewoodstoMinnehahaFalls.Beyondthesebarefactshehadneverthoughttoinquire.Thesepeopleandtheirdoingswereoutsideofhisworld.Besides,thebookandthecheeryroomwereawaitinghisreturn.Butthereadingdidnotgetonwell.Thetollingbellbrokeinuponitandbroughtbeforehismindthepictureofalittlegirlwanderingaboutinthestormandcryingforhermother.HetriedtoarguewithhimselfthattheseNorwegiansdidnotbelonginhisclass,andthat

theyoughttolookaftertheirownchildren.Hewasundernoobligationstothem--infact,didnotevenknowthem.Theyhadnoright,therefore,tobreakinupontheserenityofhisevening.

Butthebelltolledon.Ifhecouldhavewrenchedtheclapperfromoutthatbell,thepageofhisbookmightnothaveblurredbeforehiseyes.Asthewindmoanedaboutthehousehethoughtheheardachildcrying,andstartedtohisfeet.Itwasinconceivable,heargued,thathe,agrownman,shouldpermitsuchincidentalmattersinlifetosodisturbhiscomposure.Therewerescores,perhapshundreds,of

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childrenlostsomewhereintheworld,forwhomregimentsofpeopleweresearching,andbellsweretolling,too.Sowhynotbephilosophicalandreadthebook?Butthewordswouldnotkeeptheirplaces,andthepageyieldedforthnocoherentthought.Hecouldendurethetensionnolonger.Hebecameawhirlwind--slammingthebookuponthetable,kickingofftheslippers,throwingthesmoking-jacketatrandom,andrushingtotheclosetforhisgear.Atteno'clockhewasready--hip-boots,slouch-hat,rubbercoat,andlantern,andwentforthintothestorm.

Arrivingatthescene,hetookhisplaceinthesearchingpartyofabouttwentymen.Theyweretosearchthewoods,firstofall,eachmantoberesponsibleforaspaceabouttwoorthreerodswideandextendingtotheroadahalf-miledistant.Lanterninhand,hescrutinizedeachstoneandstump,hopingandfearingthatitmightprovetobethelittleone.Inthedarknesshestumbledoverlogsandvines,becameentangledinbriersandbrambles,andoftenwasdelugedwithwaterfromtreesashecameincontactwithoverhangingboughs.Buthisbloodwasup,forhewasseekingalostbaby.Whenhefellfull-lengthintheswale,hegottohisfeetthebesthecouldandwenton.Bookandroomwereforgottenintheglowofalargerpurpose.Sofortwohourshesplashedandstruggled,buthadneverathoughtofabandoningthequestuntilthechildshouldbefound.

Attwelveo'clocktheyhadreachedtheroadandwereabouttobeginthesearchinanothersectionofthewoodwhenthechurch-bellrang.Thiswasthesignalthattheyshouldreturntothestarting-pointtohearanytidingsthatmighthavecomeinthemeantime.Scarcelyhadtheyheardthatamessagehadcomefrompoliceheadquartersinthecity,andthatinformationcouldbehadthereconcerningalostchildwhentheschoolmastercalledout:"Comeon,Craig!"Andawaywentthesetwotowardthebarntoarouseold"Blackie"outofherslumberandhitchhertoabuggy.Littledidthatoldnageverdream,eveninherpalmiestdays,thatshecouldshowsuchspeedasshedevelopedinthatfour-miledrive.Theschoolmasterwastoomuchwroughtuptositsupinelybyandseeanotherdothedriving;sohedidithimself.

Andhedroveastothemannerborn.

Theinformationtheyobtainedatthepolicestationwasmeagreenough,butitfurnishedthemaclew.Alittlegirlhadbeenfoundwanderingabout,andcouldbelocatedonacertainstreetatsuchanumber.Thenameofthefamilywasnotknown.Withthisslenderclewtheybegantheirsearchforthestreetandhouse.Themapofstreetswhichtheyhadhastilysketchedseemedhopelesslyinadequatetoguidetheminandoutofby-streetsandaroundzigzagcorners.Theyhadadventuresaplentyinpoundingupondoorsofwronghousesandthusarousingthefuryofsleepymenandsleeplessdogs.Oneofthelattertoreawayaquarter-sectionoftheschoolmaster'srubbercoat,andbecamesointerestedinthisthattheownerescapedwithno

furtherdamage.Afteranhourfilledwithsuchexperiencestheyfinallycametotherighthouse.Joyfloodedtheirheartsasthemaninsidecalledout:"Yes,waitaminute."Onceinside,questionsandanswersflewbackandforthlikeashuttle.Yes,alittlegirl--aboutfiveyearsold--lighthair--braidedandhangingdownherback--checkapron."She'stheone--andwewanttotakeherhome."Thentheladyappeared,andsaiditwastoobadtotakethelittleoneoutintosuchanight.Buttheschoolmasterboreherargumentdownwiththeword-pictureofthelittleone'smotherpacingbackandforthinfrontoftheshack,herhairhanginginstrings,her

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clothingdrenchedwithrainandclingingtoherbody,hereyesupturned,andherfaceexpressingthemostpoignantagony.Whentheyleftshehadthusbeenpacingtoandfroforsevenhoursandwas,nodoubt,doingsoyet.Themother-heartofthewomancouldnotwithstandsuchanappeal,andsoonshewasbusyinthedifficulttaskoftryingtogetthelittlearmsintothesleevesofdressandapron.Meanwhile,thetwobedraggledmenwereontheirkneesstrivingwiththatacmeofawkwardnessofwhichonlymenarecapable,toensconcethelittlefeetinstockingsandshoes.ThedressingofthatchildwasworthythebrushofRaphaelorthesmileofangels.Atthreeo'clockinthemorningtheschoolmastersteppedfromthebuggyandplacedthesleepingbabyinthemother'sarms,andonlytheheavenlyFatherknowsthelanguageshespokeasshecroonedoverherlittleone.Astheschoolmasterwendedhiswayhomeward,cold,hungry,andwornhewasbuoyantinspirittothepointofecstasy.Buthewaschastened,forhehadstoodupontheMountofTransfigurationandknewasneverbeforethatthemissionoftheschoolmasteristofindandrestorethelostchild.

CHAPTERXXIX

LONGEVITY

I'mquiteinthenotionofplayingapracticaljokeonAtropos,and,perhaps,onMethuselah,whileI'maboutit.I'mnotpartialtoAtroposatthebest.She'ssuchareckless,uppish,heedlesssortoftyrant.Sherushesintohuts,palaces,andevenintothegrandstand,andlaysaboutherwithherscissors,snippingoffthreadswiththeutmostabandon.Shewieldshershearswithoutanysortofapologyorbyyourleave.Notevenacheck-bookcanstayherravages.Herdevastationknowsneitherruthnorgentleness.Idon'tlikeher,andhavenocompunctionaboutplayingajokeatherexpense.Idon'timagineitwilldaunther,intheleast,butIcanhavemyfun,atanyrate.

Itisnowjustseveno'clockintheevening,andIshallnotretirebeforeteno'clockattheearliest.Soherearethreegoodhoursformetodisposeof;andIamthesolearbiterinthematterofdisposingofthem.MyneighborJohnhasacow,andheisapplyingtheefficiencytesttoher.Hechargesherwitheverypoundofcorn,bran,fodder,andhaythatsheeats,anddoctor'sbills,too,Isuppose,ifthereareany.Thenhecreditsherwithallthemilkshefurnishes.Thereisquiteabook-accountinhername,andJohnhasagoodtimefiguringoutwhether,judgedbynetresults,sheisaconsumeroraproducer.IfIcanresurrectsufficientmathematicallore,IthinkIshalltrytoapplythisefficiencytesttomythreehoursjusttoseeifIcanprovethathoursareasimportantascows.

Ioughttobeable,somehow,todeterminewhetherthesehoursareconsumersorproducers.

Ireadabooktheothereveningwhosetitleis"StoriesofThriftforYoungAmericans,"anditmademefeelthatIoughttoapplytheefficiencytesttomyself,andrepeattheprocesseverywakinghouroftheday.But,inordertodothis,Imustapplythetesttothesethreehours.Inmydreamymoods,IliketopersonifyanHourandspellitwithacapital.IliketothinkofanhourasthesingularofHouriwhichtheMohammedanscallnymphsofparadise,becausethey

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were,orare,beautiful-eyed.MyHourthenbecomesagoddesswalkingthroughmylife,and,asthepoetsays,_etveraincessupatuitdea_.IfIshowherthatIappreciatehershecomesagainjustaftertheclockstrikes,informevenmorewinsomethanbefore,andsmilesuponmeasonlyagoddesscan.Once,inasullenmood,Ilookeduponherasifshewereahag.Whenshereturnedshewasahag;andnottillafterIhaddonefullpenancedidshebecomemybeautifulgoddessagain.

Ayoungmanwhohadbeenspendingtheeveninginthehomeofaneighborcomplainedthattheydidnotplayanygames,anddidnothingbuttalk.Icouldnotaskwhatgameshemeant,fearingthatImightsmileinhisfaceifheshouldsaycrokinole,tiddledy-winks,orbutton-button.LateronIlearnedthatmuchofthetalkingwasdonethateveningbyaverycultivatedmanwhohastravelledwidelyandintelligently,andhasamostengagingmannerinhisfluentdiscussionsofart,literature,archaeology,architecture,places,andpeoples.Iwassorrytomisssuchanevening,andthinkIcouldforegotiddledywinkswithafairdegreeofamiabilityif,instead,Icouldhearsuchamantalk.Ihaveseenpeopleyawninanartgallery.Ifeartoplaytiddledywinkslestmyhourmayresumetheguiseofahag.ButthatmakesmethinkofAtroposagain,andthejokeIamplanningtoplayonher.Still,IseethatIshallnotsoongetaroundtothatjokeifIpersistinthesedimgeneralities,

asaschoolmasterissoapttodo.

Well,asIwassaying,thesethreehoursareatmydisposal,andImustdecidewhattodowiththemhereandnow.IndecidingconcerninghoursImustsitinthejudgment-seatwhetherIlikeitornot.TomorroweveningIshallhaveotherthreehourstodisposeofthesameasthese,andthenexteveningthreeothers,andmydecisionto-nightmaybefar-reaching.InsixdaysIshallhaveeighteensuchhours,andinfiftyweeksninehundred.Isupposethatagenerousestimateofacollegeyearwouldbetenhoursadayforonehundredandeightydays,oreighteenhundredhoursinall.Iamquiteawarethatsomecollegeboyswillfeelinclinedtoapplyaliberaldiscounttothisestimate,butIamnotconsideringthosefellowswhotryto

doamonth'sworkintheweekofexamination,andspendtheirfathers'moneyforcoaching.Now,ifeighteenhundredhoursconstituteacollegeyearthenmyninehundredhoursareone-halfacollegeyear,anditmakesadealofdifferencewhatIdowiththesethreehours.

IfIhadonlystartedthisjokeonAtroposearlierandhadappliedtheseninehundredhoursonmycollegework,Icouldhavegraduatedinthreeyearsinsteadoffour,andthatsurelywouldhavebeeninthelineofefficiency.ButinthosedaysIwasdevotingmoretimeandattentiontoClothothantoAtropos.IwouldfainhaveignoredLachesisaltogether,butshemademepainfullyconsciousofherpresence,especiallyduringthefinalswhen,itseemedtome,shewas

unnecessarilydiligentinhervocation.Icouldhavedispensedwithmuchofhertorsionwithgreatequanimity.IsupposethatnowIamtryingtosquareaccountswithherbyplayingthisjokeonhersister.

SoIhavedecidedthatIshallreadaplayofShakespeareto-night,anotheroneto-morrowevening,andcontinuethisuntilIhavereadallthathewrote.InthefiftyweeksoftheyearIcaneasilydothisandthenrereadsomeofthemmanytimes.Ioughttobeabletocommittomemoryseveraloftheplays,too,andthatwouldbegoodfun.IfthosechapsbackyondercouldrecitetheKoranwordforword

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Ishallcertainlybeabletolearnequallywellsomeoftheseplays.Itwouldbeworthwhiletorecite"KingLear,""Macbeth,""Othello,""Hamlet,""TheTempest,"and"AsYouLikeIt,"thelastweekoftheyearjustbeforeItakemyvacationoftwoweeks.IfIcanreciteeventhesesixplaysinthosesixeveningsIshallfeelthatIdidwellindecidingforShakespeareinsteadoftiddledywinks.

NextyearIshallreadhistory,andthatwillberarefun,too.IntheninehundredhoursIshallcertainlybeabletoreadallofFiske,Mommsen,Rhodes,Bancroft,McMaster,Channing,Bryce,Hart,Motley,Gibbon,andvonHolstnottomentionAmericanstatesmen.AbouttheIdesofDecemberIshallholdaleveeandsitinstateasthecharactersofhistoryfileby.Ishallbeabletocallthemallbyname,totellofthethingstheydidandwhytheydidthem,andtoconnecttheirdeedswiththeworldasitnowis.Ican'tconceiveofanypicture-showequaltothat,andallthroughmyyearwithShakespeareIshallbelookingforwardeagerlytomyyearwiththehistorians.Iplainlyseethattheneighborswillnotneedtobringinanyplaythingstoamuseandentertainme,though,ofcourse,Ishallbegratefultothemfortheirkindlyinterest.Then,thenextyearIshalldevotetomusic,andif,bypractisingforninehundredhours,Icannotacquireagooddegreeoffacilityinmanipulatingapianooraviolin,ImustbetoodulltoeveraspiretothefavorofTerpsichore.IfIbutmeasureuptomyhopesduringthisyearI

shallbesavedtheexpenseofbuyingmymusicready-made.ThenextyearIshalldevotetoart,andbyspendingoneentireeveningwithasingleartistIshallthusbecomeacquaintedwiththreehundredofthem.IfIbecomeintimatewiththisnumberIshallnotbelonesome,evenifIdonotknowtheothers.IthinkIshallgiveanartpartyattheholidaytimeofthatyear,andhavethreehundredpeopleimpersonatetheseartists.Thiswillaffordmeagoodreviewofmystudiesinart.Itmaydiminishthegatereceiptsofthepicture-showforafewevenings,butIsuspecttheworldwillbeabletowagalong.

ThenthenextyearIshallstudypoetry,thenextastronomy,andthenextbotany.ThusIshallcometoknowtheplantsofearth,the

starsofheaven,andtheemotionsofmen.Thatoughttowardoffennuiandaffordentertainmentwithouttheaidofthesaloon.InthesucceedingtwelveyearsIshallwanttoacquireasmanylanguages,forIameagertoexcelElihuBurrittinlinguisticattainmentsevenifImustyieldtohimasadiscipleofVulcan.IfIcanlearnalanguageandreadtheliteratureofthatlanguageeachyear,possiblysomecollegemaybewillingtograntmeadegreeforwork_inabsentia_.Ifnot,IshallpokealongthebestIcanandtrytodrownmygriefinmorecopiousdraftsofwork.

AndIshallhavequiteenoughtodo,formathematics,thesciences,andtheartsandcraftsalllieaheadofmeinmyprogramme.IplainlyseethatIhaveplayedmylastgameoftiddledywinksand

solitaire.ButI'llhavefunanyhow.IfIgainahalf-yearineachtwelve-monthasIhavemyprogrammemappedout,inseventyyearsIshallhaveanetgainofthirty-fiveyears.Then,whenAtroposcomesalongwithherscissorstosnipthethread,thinkingIhavereachedmythreescoreandten,Ishalllaughinherfaceandletherknow,betweenlaughs,thatIamreallyonehundredandfive,andhaveplayedathirty-five-yearjokeonher.ThenIshallquoteBaconathertoclinchthejoke:"Amanmaybeyounginyearsbutoldinhoursifhehavelostnotime."

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CHAPTERXXX

FOUR-LEAFCLOVER

Ihavenoambitiontobecomeeitheracynic,apessimist,oraniconoclast.Toaspireineitherofthesedirectionsisbadforthedigestion,andgooddigestionisthefoundationandsourceofmuchthatisdesirableinhumanaffairs.Introspectionhasitsuses,tobesure,butthestomachshouldhaveexemptionasanobjective.Astomachisavaluableassetifonlyoneisnotconsciousofit.Oneoftheemolumentsofschoolmasteringistheopportunityitaffordsforcommuningwithelectsoulswhoseverypresenceisatonic.Willisoneofthese.Hehasawayofshuntingmyintrospectionovertothetrackoftheheadortheheart.HejusttalksalongandthefirstthingIknowtheheartissingingitswaythroughandabovethestorm,whiletheheadhasbeenconnecteduptotheheart,andtheyaredoingteam-workthatisgoodformeandgoodforallwhomeetme.AtchurchIliketohavethemsingthehymnwhoseclosingcoupletis:

"I'lldropmyburdenathisfeetAndbearasongaway."

Icomeoutstronginsingingthatcouplet,forIlikeit.Inahumansense,thatisjustwhathappenswhenIchatwithWillforanhour.WhenIaskhimforbread,henevergivesmeastone.Onthecontrary,hegivesmegood,whitebread,andabitofcake,besides.

InoneofourchatstheotherdayhewasdilatinguponHenryvanDyke'sfourrules,andverysoonhadbanishedallmylittlecloudsandmademymentalskyclearandbright.WhenIgetaroundtoevolvingadefinitionofeducationIthinkIshallsaythatitistheprocessoffurnishingpeoplewithresourcesforprofitableandpleasantconversation.Why,thosefourrulesjustoozedintothetalk,withoutanysortofflutterorformality,andmadeourchat

bothagreeableandfruitful.HenryWardBeechersaidmanygoodthings.HereisonethatIcaughtintheschoolreaderinmyboyhood:"Themanwhocarriesalanternonadarknightcanhavefriendsallabouthim,walkingsafelybythehelpofitsraysandhebenotdefrauded."Educationisjustsuchalanternandthisschoolmaster,Will,knowshowtocarryitthatitmayaffordlighttothefriendsabouthim.

Well,thefirstofvanDyke'srulesis:"Youshalllearntodesirenothingintheworldsomuchbutthatyoucanbehappywithoutit."IdowonderifhehadbeenreadinginProverbs:"Betterisadinnerofherbswhereloveisthanastalledoxandhatredtherewith."OrhemayhavebeenreadingthestatementofSt.Paul:"ForIhavelearned,

inwhateverstateIam,therewithtobecontent."Or,possibly,hemayhavebeenthinkingofthelinesofPaulLaurenceDunbar,

"Sometimesthesun,unkindlyhot,Mygardenmakesadesertspot;SometimestheblightuponthetreeTakesallmyfruitawayfromme;AndthenwiththroesofbitterpainRebelliouspassionsriseandswell--Butlifeismorethanfruitorgrain,

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AndsoIsing,andalliswell."

Iamplebeianenoughtobefondofmilkandcrackersasaluncheon;butIhavejustadashofthepatricianinmymake-upandpreferthemilkunskimmed.Sometimes,Ifindthatthecreamhasbeendevotedtoother,ifnothigher,usesandthatmycrackersmustassociateperforcewithmilkofceruleanhue.Suchasituationisaseveretestofcharacter,andIamhopingthatatsuchjuncturesalonglife'shighwayImayfindsomesupportinthephilosophyofMr.vanDyke.

Isuspectthatheistryingtomakemeunderstandthathappinessissubjectiveratherthanobjective--thathappinessdependsnotuponwhatwehave,butuponwhatwedowithwhatwehave.Icouldn'tbeananarchistifI'dtry.Idon'tgrudgethemillionairehisturtlesoupandcaviar.ButIdofeelabitsorryforhimthathedoesnotknowwhataroyalfeastcrackersandunskimmedmilkafford.IfthekingandtheanarchistwouldbutjoinmeinsuchafeastIthinkthekingwouldsoonforgethiscrownandtheanarchisthisplots,andwe'dbejustthreegoodfellowstogether,livingattheverysummitoflifeandwishingthatallmencouldbeashappyaswe.

Thenextruleisacondensedmoralcode:"Youshallseekthatwhichyoudesireonlybysuchmeansasarefairandlawful,andthiswill

leaveyouwithoutbitternesstowardmenorshamebeforeGod."Noonecouldpossiblydissentfromthisrule,unlessitmightbeaburglar.IknowthegrocermakesaprofitonthethingsIbuyfromhim,andIamgladhedoes.Otherwise,hewouldhavetoclosehisgroceryandthatwouldinconveniencemegreatly.HethanksmewhenIpayhim,butIfeelthatIoughttothankhimforsupplyingmyneeds,forhavinghisgoodsarrangedsoinvitingly,andforwaitinguponmesopromptlyandsopolitely.Ican'treallyseehowanycustomercanfeelanybitternesstowardhim.Hegivesfullweight,tellstheexacttruthastothequalityofthegoods,andinallthingsisfairandlawful.Ihavenoquarrelwithhimandcannotunderstandwhyothersshould,unlesstheyarelessfair,lawful,andagreeablethanthegrocerhimself.Isuspectthatthegrocerandthebutchertake

onthecoloroftheglasseswehappentobewearing,andthatMr.vanDykeisadmonishingustowearclearglassesandtokeepthemclean.

Thethirdruleneedstobereadatleasttwiceifnotoftener:"Youshalltakepleasureinthetimewhileyouareseeking,eventhoughyouobtainnotimmediatelythatwhichyouseek;forthepurposeofajourneyisnotonlytoarriveatthegoal,butalsotofindenjoymentbytheway."Ihaveseenpeoplerushingalonginautomobilesatthemadrateofthirtyorfortymilesanhour,missingaltogetherthemillion-dollarsceneryalongtheway,intheirhastetogettotheendoftheirjourney,whereafive-centbagofpeanutsawaitedthem.HadIbeenridinginanautomobilethroughthestreetsofTacomaImightnothaveseenthatgloriousclusteroffivebeautifulroseson

asinglebranchinthatattractivelawn.BecauseofthemIalwaysthinkofTacomaasthecityofroses,forIstoppedtolookatthem.Ihavequiteforgottentheobjectivepointofmystroll;Irecollecttheroses.WhenwewereridingoutfromFlorenceonatram-cartoseetheancientFiesoleIpluckedabranchfromanolive-treefromtheplatformofthecar.Onthatbranchwereatleastadozenyoungolives,thefirstIhadeverseen.IhavebutthehaziestrecollectionoftheoldtheatreandthesubterraneanpassageswhereCatilineandhiscrowdhadtheirrendezvous;butIdorecallthatolivebranchmostdistinctly.IcannotimproveuponDoctorvan

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Dyke'sstatementoftherule,butIcaninterpretitintermsofmyownexperiencesbywayofverifyingit.Iamsurehehasitright.

Thefourthruleisworthyofmeditationandprayer;"Whenyouattainthatwhichyouhavedesired,youshallthinkmoreofthekindnessofyourfortunethanofthegreatnessofyourskill.ThiswillmakeyougratefulandreadytosharewithothersthatwhichProvidencehathbestoweduponyou;andtrulythisisbothreasonableandprofitable,foritisbutlittlethatanyofuswouldcatchinthisworldwerenotourluckbetterthanourdeserts."Ishallomitthelessoninarithmeticto-morrowandhave,instead,alessoninlifeandliving,usingthesefourrulesasthebasisofourlesson.Myboysandgirlsaretohavemanyyearsoflife,Ihope,andI'dliketohelpthemtoarightstartifIcan.Someofmymanymistakesmighthavebeenavoidedifmyteachershadgivenmesomelessonsintheartofliving,foritisanartandmustbelearned.Theseruleswouldhavehelped,couldIhaveknownthem.Iamgladtoknowthatmypupilshavefaithinme.WhenIpointedoutanettletothemoneday,theyavoidedit;whenIshowedthemamushroomthatisedible,theyacceptedthestatementwithoutquestion.SoI'llseewhatIcandoforthemto-morrowwiththesefourrules.Then,ifwehavetime,weshalllearnthelinesofMrs.Higginson:

"Iknowaplacewherethesunislikegold,

Andthecherrybloomsburstwithsnow,Anddownunderneathistheloveliestnook,Wherethefour-leafcloversgrow.

Oneleafisforhope,andoneisforfaith,Andoneisforlove,youknow,AndGodputanotherinforluck--Ifyousearch,youwillfindwheretheygrow.

Butyoumusthavehope,andyoumusthavefaith,Youmustloveandbestrong--andso,Ifyouwork,ifyouwait,youwillfindtheplaceWherethefour-leafcloversgrow."

CHAPTERXXXI

MOUNTAIN-CLIMBING

Mountain-climbingisraresport.Anditissportifonlyonehasthecouragetodoit.WehadgonetothetopofVesuviusonthefunicularrailway;butonemandecidedtomaketheclimb.Weforgotthevolcanoinouradmirationoftheclimber.Footbyfoothemadehiswayzigzaggingthiswayandthat,slipping,falling,and

strugglingtillatlasthereachedthesummit.Then,fiftythroatspouredforthalustycheertodohimhonor.Hewasnotgoodtolookat,forhisclothingwascrumpledandsoiled,theveinsstoodoutonhisneck,hishairwastousled,hisfacewasredandstreamingwithsweat;yet,forallthat,wecheeredhimandmeantit,too.Heacknowledgedourapplauseinanhonest,simpleway,andthendisappearedinthecrowd.Hewasnotposingasaheroicfigure,butwasjustanhonestmountain-climberwhoacceptedthechallengeofthemountainandwon.Inourcheeringwedidjustwhattheworlddoes:wegavethelaurelwreathtothemanwhowinsinatestofcourage.

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Ithink"Excelsior"isprettygoodstuffinthewayofdepictingmountain-climbing,andIalwayswanttocheerthatyoungchapashefightshiswaytowardthetop.Hecouldhavestoppeddownthereinthevalley,whereeverythingwassnugandcomfortable,buthechosetoclimbsoastohavealookaround.IthoughtofhimonedayatScheidegg.Therewewere,nearlyamileandahalfabovesea-level,shiveringinthemidstoficeandsnowinmid-July,butwehadalookaroundthatmadeusgladinspiteofthecold.AsVirgilsays:"Itwillbepleasingtorememberthesethingshereafter."Ihaveoftennoticedthattheoldsoldiersseemtorecallthehardestmarches,themostseverebattles,andthegreatestprivationsmorevividlythantheirevery-dayexperiences.

Sothemountain-climbingthatIhavebeendoingwithmyboysandgirlsstandsoutlikeacameoinmyretrospectiveview.Sometimeswelookedbacktowardthevalley,anditseemedsopeacefulandbeautifulthatitcausedthemountainbeforeustoseemominous.Atsuchtimes,whencourageseemedtobeoozing,weneededtoreinforceoneanotherwithwordsofcheer.Thesteepplacesseemedperilouslyroughattimes,andIcouldhearastifledsobsomewhereinmylittlecompany.AtsuchtimesIwouldurgemyselfalongatamorerapidpace,thatImightreachahigherlevelandcallouttotheminhearteningtonestohurryonuptoourresting-place.Wewouldoften

singabitinthemidstofourresting,andwhenthesobhadbeenchangedtoalaughIfeltthatlifewaswellworthwhile.

AswetoiledupwardIwaseveronthelookoutforapatchofsunlightinthemidstoftheshadowsthatitmightlurethemon.Anditneverfailed.Likemagicthatsun-spotalwaysquickenedtheirpace,andtheyoftenhaileditwithashout.Theywouldevenracetowardthatsunnyplace,theirwearinessallgone.Whenabirdsangwealwaysstoppedtolisten;andthesongacteduponthemasthemusicofabandactsupondroopingsoldiers.Onthenextstageofthejourneytheireyessparkled,andtheirstepwasmoreelastic.Whenonestumbledandfell,wehelpedhimtohisfeetandpraisedhiseffort,whollyignoringthefall.Sometimesonewouldbecomediscouragedand

wouldwanttodropoutofthecompanyandreturnhome.Whenthishappened,wewouldgatherabouthimandtellhimhowgooditwastohavehimwithus,howhehelpeduson,andhowsorryweshouldbetohavehimabsentwhenwereachedthetop.Whenhedecidedtokeeponwithus,wegaveamightycheerandthenwentwhistlingonourupwardway.

Weconstantlyviedwithoneanotherindiscoveringchastebitsofsceneryalongtheway,andwewereevertoogeneroustowithholdpraiseortoappropriatetoourselvesthecreditthatbelongedtoanother.Ifonefoundthenestofabirdhiddenawayinthefoliage,weallstoppedinadmiration.Whenanotherdiscoveredaspringgushingoutfrombeneaththerocks,weallrefreshedourselveswith

thelimpidwaterandpouredoutourthankstothediscoverer.Whenarareflowerwasfound,wetooktimetoexamineitminutelytillweallfeltjoyintheflowerandinthefinder.Tousnothingwaseversmallornegligiblethatanyoneofourcompanydiscovered.Ifonestartedasongwealljoinedinheartilyasifwehadbeenwaitingforthatonetoleadusinthesinging.Thuseachone,accordingtohisgiftsandinclinations,becamealeaderononeoranotheroftheenterprisesconnectedwithourjourney.

So,intime,itseemedtousthatthebigtreecametomeetusin

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ordertogiveitskindlyshadeforourcomfort;thatthebirdpouredforthitssongasaspecialgifttoustogiveusnewcourage;thattheflowermetusattherighttimeandplacetosmileitsbeautyintoourlives;thateachstreamlaugheditswaytoourfeettoquenchourthirst,andtosharewithusitscoolness;thatthemossybankgaveusaspecialinvitationtoenjoyitshospitality;thatthecloudhadheardourwishesandcametoshieldusfromthesun,andthatthepathcameforthfromamongthethicketstoguideusonourway.Becausewewerewinning,allnatureseemedtobecheeringusonasthepeoplecheeredthemanatVesuvius.

Havingreachedthesummit,wesattogetherineloquentsilence.Wehadtoiled,andstruggled,andsufferedtogether,andsohadlearnedtothinkandfeelinunison.Ourspiritshadbecomefusedinacommonpurpose,andwecouldsitinsilenceandnotbeabashed.Wehadbecomehonestwithoursurroundings,honestwithoneanother,andhonestwithourselves,andsocouldsmileatmereconventionsandfindjoyinoneanotherwithoutwords.Wehadencounteredhonestdifficulties--rocks,trees,streams,sloughs,tangles,sand,andsun,andhadovercomethembyhonesteffortandsohadachievedhonesty.Wehadmetandovercomebigthings,too,andindoingsohadgrownbig.Nolongerdidourheartsflutterinthepresenceoflittlethings,forwehadwonpoiseandserenity.

Thefogshadbeenbanishedfromourminds;oursighthadbecomeclear;ourspiritshadbeenenlarged;ourcouragehadbeenmadestrong,andourfaithwasliftedup.Anewhorizonopenedupbeforeusthatstretchedonandonandmadeusknowthatlifeisabigthing.Theskybecameourcompanionwithallitsmyriadstars;theseabecameourneighborwithallthelifeitholds,andthelandscapebecameourdooryard,withallitsvariedbeautyandgrandeur.Theshipsupontheseaandthetrainsuponthelandbecameourmessengersofservice.Thewiresandtheairspedourthoughtsabroadandlinkedustotheworld.Welookedstraightintothefacesofthebigelementalthingsoflifeandwerenotafraid.

Whenwecamebackamongourownpeople,theyseemedtoknowthatsome

changehadtakenplaceandlovedusallthemore.Theycametousforcounselandcomfort,payingsilenttributetothewisdomthathadcometousfromthemountain.Theylookeduponusnotassuperiors,butaslargerequals.Wehadlearnedanotherlanguage,buthadnotforgottentheirs.Wenestleddownintheiraffectionsandtoldthemofourmountain,andtheywereglad.

*****

AndnowIsitbeforethefireandwatchthepicturesintheflickeringflames.InmyreverieIseemyboysandgirls,companionsinthemountain-climbing,goingupontheirappointedways.Iseethemhealingandcomfortingthesick,relievingdistress,ministering

totheneedy,andsupplantingdarknesswithlight.Iseethemintheireffortstomaketheworldbetterandmorebeautiful,andlifemoreblessed.Iseethembringinghopeandcourageandcheerintomanylives.Theyarebringingthespiritofthemountaindownintothevalley,andmenrejoice.Seeingthemthusengaged,andhearingthemsingingastheygo,Icanbutsmileandsmile.

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