Global RevisionGlobal Revision

Writing PromptWriting Prompt

Take the next five minutes and write about the following:

What would you like your life to be like five years from now in the year 2017? What steps are you taking to make this happen?

RevisionRevision

What does revision mean? To See AgainWhere does revision take place in the Writing

Process? After drafting and before editingWhy is revision so important? We learn to write by rewriting. Revision

gives us the opportunity to construct the “perfect” piece of communication.

Why do we call it “global” Revision? We are looking at the “big picture” of the

paper.

UnityUnity

Unity refers to each part of the essay and the larger whole

A unified paper shows a clear relationship between the thesis statement and topic sentences and between the topic sentences and supporting sentences in the paragraph.

An entire paper focused on supporting a central

point is a unified paper.

UnityUnity

How do we check for unity?

Read over each of the topic sentences (the main idea and usually first sentence in the paragraph), and see if the topic sentences support or amplify the thesis statement.

Also, check the “internal unity” of the paper. In each paragraph, do the supporting sentences or detail sentences relate back to the topic sentence?

UnityUnity

A unified essay will have all the elements of an essay, including:

1.Introduction paragraph with a thesis statement

2.Body paragraphs with topic sentences connected back to the thesis statement

3.A conclusion paragraph connected back to the thesis statement

Introduction ParagraphsIntroduction Paragraphs

Coherent introduction paragraphs typically use the following model:

1.Begin with an “attention grabber” first sentence

2.Explain the question or topic being explored3.Provide background information

4.Use a clear thesis statement to give your readers an overview of your paper

CoherenceCoherence

Coherence in writing is the clear relationship between one sentence and the next. Each sentence should lead to the next sentence.

Coherence is achieved through the logical ordering of the sentences within the paragraphs and through the creation of smooth transitions between the sentences and paragraphs.

CoherenceCoherence

Ask yourself…

1. Does this point unmistakably follow from the previous idea?

2. Is this point really clear?

3. Should the ideas be ordered in a different way?

Old/New Contract

An effective way to create coherence in your writing is to follow something called the old/new contract. This “contract” asks that as a writer you begin your sentences with something old—something that links to what was previously stated—and then to end with something new.

Adapted from the following book:Ramage, John, John Bean, June Johnson. The Allyn & Bacon Guide to Writing. New York: Longman, 2003. Print.

Old/New Contract

How do you connect old ideas to new ideas? 1. Repeat a key word2. Use a pronoun to substitute for a key word

3. Summarize or restate an earlier concept.

Old/New Contract

Which sentence follows the old/new contract? Remember, this means that old information is followed by new information.

1.College students have many responsibilities. These responsibilities include attending class, completing assignments, and maintaining a high GPA, all of which are characteristics of successful students.

2. College students have many responsibilities. Attending class, completing assignments, and maintaining a high GPA are characteristics of successful students.

Old/New Contract

Which sentence follows the old/new contract? Remember, this means that old information is followed by new information.

1.College students have many responsibilities. These responsibilities include attending class, completing assignments, and maintaining a high GPA, all of which are characteristics of successful students.

2. College students have many responsibilities. Attending class, completing assignments, and maintaining a high GPA are characteristics of successful students.

Old/New Contract Exercise

Compare the two sample paragraphs. 

1.Which paragraph is easier to understand?

2.Which paragraph follows the old/new contract?

3.Underline the key words, pronouns, or restatements of earlier concepts in the

paragraph that follows the old/new contract.

Old New Contract

Another principle for writing coherent essays is the old/new contract. The old/new contract asks writers to begin sentences with something old—something that links to what has gone on before—and then end sentences with new information that advances their argument. This principle creates an effect called coherence, which is closely related to unity. Whereas unity refers to the clear relationship between the body of a paragraph and its topic sentence and between the parts and the whole, coherence refers to the clear relationship between one sentence and the next, between part and part.

Adapted from the following book:Ramage, John, John Bean, June Johnson. The Allyn & Bacon Guide to Writing. New York: Longman, 2003. Print.

Old/New Contract

Old/New Contract

An often-overlooked dimension of being good fathers is play. From their children’s birth through adolescence, fathers tend to emphasize play more than caretaking. This may be troubling to egalitarian feminists, and it would indeed be wise for most fathers to spend more time caretaking. Although caretaking is important, the father’s style of play seems to have unusual significance as well. It is likely to be both physically stimulating and exciting. Being physically stimulating and exciting involves teamwork that requires the competitive testing of physical and mental skills with older children. This form of play frequently resembles an apprenticeship or teaching relationship: Come on, let me show you how.

Adapted from the following book:Ramage, John, John Bean, June Johnson. The Allyn & Bacon Guide to Writing. New York: Longman, 2003. Print.

Checklist for Structural RevisionChecklist for Structural Revision

__ Are there clear introduction, body, and conclusion paragraphs?

__Does the introduction provide enough background for the reader?

__Is there a clear thesis statement?__Is the essay unified? Do the topic

sentences support the thesis statement? Do the detail sentences support the topic sentence?

__Is the essay coherent? Do the sentences in the paragraph follow the old/new contract?

Revising your FreewriteRevising your Freewrite

Now that you’ve had practice with revision for unity and coherence, take a look at your free write and make sure that your sentences are coherent, that they follow the old/new contract!

Sources Sources

Fawcett, Susan and Alvin Sandberg. Grassroots with Readings. New York:

Houghton Mifflin 1998. Print.

Neman, Beth. Teaching Students to Write. New York: Oxford Press, 1980. Print.

Ramage, John, John Bean, June Johnson. The Allyn & Bacon Guide to Writing.

New York: Longman, 2003. Print.