+

Revision Strategies

Testing for cohesiveness:

Get out your essay and a pen!

+Check your essay for order

Find the summary (paragraph one) Underline the most significant sentence

Find your analysis (paragraph two) Underline a sentence in which you used a good example, followed by

analysis.

Find your transition (paragraph three) Underline your thesis (last sentence of paragraph three). Make sure it has

both a topic and a controlling idea: I want a ---------- because 1________ , 2___________, and 3______________

+Body Paragraphs

Find body paragraph 1 Underline your topic sentence. It should connect to #1 in your thesis

statement!

Find body paragraph 2 Underline your topic sentence. It should connect to #2 in your thesis

statement!

Find body paragraph 3 Underline your topic sentence. It should connect to #3 in your thesis

statement!

+Conclusion

Find your conclusion: This should connect your wants and Brady’s wants to some universal theme!Underline the most significant sentence in

your conclusion

+Does it work together?

Now write all of the underlined sentences in a single paragraph. Read your paragraph to yourself Next, read your paragraph aloud to someone

sitting near you. See if it makes sense! If it does not flow smoothly, you need to

revise significant sentences in your essay. Mark them so you can change them later.

+Now return to your summary paragraph:

Have you included overarching themes rather than specific details?

Have you included the title of the essay?

Do you have several sentences of summary? and the author’s name?

Do you have a transition to your analysis paragraph?

+Now, go to your analysis paragraph.

Make sure you have at least two examples and two explanations for why you used those examples. Underline them just to make sure. Read them to your neighbor.

+Check your transition paragraph.

Does it move you from the intro about Brady’s essay to your own essay?

Can you make it smoother?

Read it to your partner. Ask for suggestions!

+

+

Read your thesis aloud. Does it make sense? Have your partner explain to you what you want and why you want it?

What I really want is a ____________________ because _______________, ____________________, _____________________.

Click icon to add picture

Click icon to add picture

+Your Body Paragraphs!

Body paragraph one Your topic sentence should be clear

and connect to your thesis. Now, check your support: do you have a definition? Reasons? Explanation? Facts? Statistics? Quotations? Comparisons? Analysis? Mark them in your paragraph.

Body paragraph two Your topic sentence should be clear

and connect to your thesis. Now, check your support: do you have a definition? Reasons? Explanation? Facts? Statistics? Quotations? Comparisons? Analysis? Mark them in your paragraph.

Body paragraph three Your topic sentence should be clear

and connect to your thesis. Now, check your support: do you have a definition? Reasons? Explanation? Facts? Statistics? Quotations? Comparisons? Analysis? Mark them in your paragraph.

Now find your concluding/transition sentence in each paragraph. Does it move you away from this paragraph and to the next?

+The Conclusion

Bring your essay back to Brady’s by comparing wants and desires of people. Say something clever to wrap it up

The Title

Go back and read your essay. Find a really great line that captures the essence of your paper topic. Steal it for your title!

+MLA Formatting StyleHapi Tobia Student

+

1” all around Go to “Layout” and adjust

margins or use custom settings Times New Roman 12 Indent body paragraphs ½ inch

from the margin

Double Click in Header Area Type your last name Justify right Go to “insert” and click on

“page number”

Margins and Formatting Header: Last Name 1

+

Your Name Dr. Kim Palmore EWRT 211 20 January 2012

Original Title (not the title of the essay we read)

No italics, bold, underline, or quotation marks

Centered on the page No extra spaces (just double

spaced after your heading and before the body of your text)

Heading: Double Spaced Title

+Content

1. Put the name of Brady’s (not Judy’s) essay (not story or article) in quotation marks.2. Put quotation marks around quoted material.3. Make sure you integrate quoted material with the text. For example, “Brady claims that “………..” Do not use quoted material as an isolated sentence.

+

Common Writing Errors

1. Wordiness2. Misused Words

Wordiness: using more words than necessary to express thought. Many people write wordy papers because they are trying to make their ideas sound important by using long words and intricate sentences. They think that their writing must be complicated to seem professional. Although these writers are trying to impress their readers, they often end up confusing them. The best writing is clear, concise, and easy to understand. Your ideas are much more impressive when your reader does not have to fight to understand you.

+ Often writers use several words for ideas that can be expressed in one. This leads to unnecessarily complex sentences and genuine redundancy as the following examples show:

Redundant

The printer is located adjacent to the computer

The printer is located in the immediate vicinity of the computer

The user can visibly see the image moving

He wore a shirt that was blue in color

The input is suitably processed

Not Redundant

The printer is adjacent to the computer

The printer is near the computer

The user can see the image moving

He wore a blue shirt.

The input is processed

+ Now you try it. Write this sentence in as few words as possible without changing the meaning!

The available receptacle, in any case, was of insufficient size to contain the total quantity of unnecessary waste.

+How to reduce wordiness!

1. Reduce Long Clauses

When editing, try to reduce long clauses to shorter phrases:

Wordy: The clown who was in the center ring was riding a tricycle.

Revised: The clown in the center ring was riding a tricycle.

2. Reduce Phrases

Likewise, try to reduce phrases to single words:

Wordy: The clown at the end of the line tried to sweep up the spotlight.

Revised: The last clown tried to sweep up the spotlight.

+Eliminating Wordiness Strategies 3. Avoid Empty Openers

Avoid There is, There are, and There were as sentence openers when There adds nothing to the meaning of a sentence:

Wordy: There is a prize in every box of Quacko cereal.

Revised: A prize is in every box of Quacko cereal.

Wordy: There are two security guards at the gate.

Revised: Two security guards stand at the gate.

4. Don’t Overwork Modifiers

Do not overwork very, really, totally, and other modifiers that add little or nothing to the meaning of a sentence.

Wordy: By the time she got home, Merdine was very tired.

Revised: By the time she got home, Merdine was exhausted

Wordy: She was also really hungry.

Revised: She was also hungry [or famished].

+Eliminating Wordiness

5. Avoid Redundancies

Replace redundant expressions (phrases that use more words than necessary to make a point) with precise words. Remember: needless words are those that add nothing (or nothing significant) to the meaning of our writing. They bore the reader and distract from our ideas. So cut them out!

Wordy: At this point in time, we should edit our work.

Revised: Now we should edit our work.

+Try these!

1. He dropped out of school on account of the fact that it was necessary for him to help support his family.

2. It is expected that the new schedule will be announced by the bus company within the next few days.

3. There are many ways in which a student who is interested in meeting foreign students may come to know one.

4. It is very unusual to find someone who has never told a deliberate lie on purpose.

5. Trouble is caused when people disobey rules that have been established for the safety of all.

+Possible Answers

1. He dropped out of school to support his family.

2. The bus company will probably announce its schedule during the next few days.

3. Any student who wants to meet foreign students can do so in many ways.

4. Rarely will you find someone who has never told a deliberate lie.

5. Disobeying safety regulations causes trouble.

+Misused word:

Wrong-word errors can involve using a word with the wrong shade of meaning, a word with a completely wrong meaning, or a wrong preposition or word in an idiom. Selecting a word from a thesaurus without being certain of its meaning or allowing a spell checker to correct your spelling automatically can lead to wrong-word errors, so use these tools with care. If you have trouble with prepositions and idioms, memorize the standard usage.

+Homonyms

Affect is usually a verb meaning to influence.  Effect is usually a noun meaning result. The drug did not affect the disease, and it had several adverse side effects. Effect can also be a verb meaning to bring about. Only the president can effect such a dramatic change.

Accept is a verb meaning to receive. Except is usually a preposition meaning excluding. I will accept all the packages except that one. Except is also a verb meaning to exclude. Please except that item from the list.

Affect, Effect: Accept, Except:

+Homonyms

Than is a conjunction used in comparisons; then is an adverb denoting time. That pizza is more than I can eat. Tom laughed, and then we recognized him.

Hints:

Than is used to compare; both words have the letter a in them.

Then tells when; both are spelled the same, except for the first letter.

To is a preposition; too is an adverb; two is a number.  Too many of your shots slice to the left, but the last two were right on the mark.

Hints:

If you are trying to spell out the number, it is always t-w-o.   Two has a w which is the first letter in word. The opposite of word is number.

Too is usually used as  also when adding or including some additional information. Whenever you want to include something else, think of it as adding;  therefore youalso need to add an extra  o.

Than, Then: To, Too, Two:

+

Your is a possessive pronoun; you're is a contraction of you are. You're going to catch a cold if you don't wear your coat.

Sound out you are in the sentence. If it works in the sentence it can be written as you're. If it sounds awkward, it is probably supposed to be   Your.

EXAMPLE: You're shoes are muddy. "You are shoes are muddy" does not work, so it should be written as: Your shoes are muddy.

There is an adverb specifying place; it is also an expletive. Adverb:   Sylvia is lying there unconscious. Expletive: There are two plums left. Their is a possessive pronoun. They're is a contraction of they are. Fred and Jane finally washed their car. They're later than usual today.

If you are using there to tell the reader where, both words have h-e-r-e. Here is also a place.

If you are using their as a possessive pronoun, you are telling the reader what"they own. Their has h-e-i-r, which also means heir, as in someone who inherits something. Both words have to do with ownership.

They're is a contraction of they are. Sound out they are in the sentence and see if it works. If it does not, it must be one of the previous versions.

Your, You're: There, Their, They're:

+Words that don't sound alike but confuse us anyway: Lie, lay

Lie is an intransitive verb meaning to recline or rest on a surface. Its principal parts are lie, lay, lain. Lay is a transitive verb meaning to put or place. Its principal parts are lay, laid.

Hint: Chickens lay eggs. I lie down when I am tired.

Set, Sit:

Set is a transitive verb meaning to put or to place. Its principal parts are set, set, set. Sit is an intransitive verb meaning to be seated. Its principal parts are sit, sat, sat. She set the dough in a warm corner of the kitchen. The cat sat in the warmest part of the room.

+Problem phrases:

Supposed to: Do not omit the d. Suppose to is incorrect.

Used to: Same as above. Do not write use to.

Toward: There is no s at the end of the word.

Anyway: Also has no ending s. Anyways is nonstandard.

Couldn't care less: Be sure to make it negative. (Not I could care less.)

For all intents and purposes: Not intensive purposes.

 

+HOMEWORK FOR THURSDAY:

Writing: Finish essay 1. Remember to check for cohesiveness, wordiness, and misused words.

Post your final draft on the website

Reading: How to Write a Cover Letter