rick warren, purpose driven life: section 20

Restoring Broken Fellowship

Section 20pages 152-159

Sunday 10 October 2010

What is the correct biblical

way to restore a broken

relationship?


Would you try to restore relationships with the following

people differently?Your pastor

Your best friendA person in church whom you accidentally offended

A Non-Christian work colleague


Devise a process of relationship restoration for the following:

A pastor who has had an argument with one of his

congregation



A husband and wife who say that they are no

longer in love and want to separate



Two friends at work - one of whom is a non-

Christian - they are now not talking with one

another


Devise a process of relationship restoration for the following:Two students at Bible college who ‘hate’ one

another


Relationships are always

worth restoring


God wants us to value relationships and work at maintaining them

If you've gotten anything at all out of following Christ, if his love has made any difference in your life, if being in a community of the Spirit means anything to you, if you have a heart, if you care— then do me a favor: Agree with each other, love each other, be deep-spirited friends

Php 2:1-2 TM


Broken relationships are therefore a disgraceful testimony to non-Christians. Paul was embarrassed by the breakdown in relationships at Corinth - in fact they were taking one another to court to settle disputes - he could not understand their immaturity in getting along with one another.

1 Cor 6:5 - I say this to shame you. Is it possible that there is nobody among you wise enough to judge a dispute between believers?

1 Cor 1:10


I appeal to you, brothers, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that all of you agree with one another so that there may be no divisions among you and that you may be perfectly united in mind and thought.

1 Cor 1:10

Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God.

Matt 5:9


Such people are rare - it is hard work!

Yet it is a great skill to develop - resolving (not avoiding) conflict is important.

In fact Jesus (the prince of peace) did not avoid conflict - often he caused it


Do you know how to act when conflict is taking place:

Create? Avoid? Resolve?

Does the Holy Spirit guide you - or do you just blunder in regardless of his leading?

Do you always give in or back down?


How to restore a relationship

7 biblical stepsRemember: there are more ways than one to skin a cat!


Talk to God before talking to the other person

Maybe God will change your heart.

Let Him know how you feel before you tell anyone else, which might be gossip.

Maybe your expectations are wrong and can only be met by God


Always take the initiative

Whether you are the offender or offended - God expects you to act first.

"Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift.

Matt 5:23-24


Always take the initiative - dont procrastinate

Do it face to face if at all possible - choose the right (best) time and right place

“In conflict, time heals nothing; it causes hurt to fester”

Warren p.155


Sympathise with their feelings

Ears more than mouth - listen to how they feel,

Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.

Php 2:4

Look out for = Gk. skopos = telescope, microscope = to pay close attention


Focus on their feelings at first - not facts - let them unload, it might not be logical, hurt does distort our feelings

A man's wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense.

Prov 19:11

In effect you say “I value our relationship”


Each of us should please his neighbor for his good, to build him up.

Rom 15:2

Each one of us needs to look after the good of the people around us, asking ourselves, "How can I help?"

Rom 15:2 TM


3For even Christ did not please himself but, as it is written: "The insults of those who insult you have fallen on me."

Rom 15:3

That's exactly what Jesus did. He didn't make it easy for himself by avoiding people's troubles, but waded right in and helped out. "I took on the troubles of the troubled,"

Rom 15:2 TM


Confess your part in the conflict

Admit your own mistakes

You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye.

Matt 7:5

Maybe ask someone else what they think - allow God to search your heart and mind


Humbly admitting your mistakes defuses anger and disarms an attack

Don’t make excuses or shift the blame - accept responsibility and ask for forgiveness


Attack the problem not the person

A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.

Prov. 15:1

Fix the problem - don’t apportion blame

Choose words wisely

Watch how you say things - not just what you say


The wise in heart are called discerning, and pleasant words promote instruction. Prov 16:21

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. Eph 4:29


Cooperate as much as possibleIf it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Rom 12:18

The price of peace = loss of pride, loss of...

"You're blessed when you can show people how to cooperate instead of compete or fight. That's when you discover who you really are, and your place in God's family. Matt 5:9


Emphasise reconciliation not resolution

Don’t expect to agree about everything - focus on the relationship then the problem loses its significance

Disagree without being disagreeable

Don’t give up on finding a solution - just do it in a good way

Turn away from evil and do good.Search for peace, and work to maintain it. 1 Pet 3:11


Point to Ponder

Relationships are always worth restoring


Verse to rememberIf it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.

Rom 12:18


Question to consider

Who do I need to restore a broken relationship with today?


rick warren, purpose driven life: section 20

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