ring the alarm!_preview
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A Zero to Five Parenting Guide for Low-Income Caregivers (PREVIEW)TRANSCRIPT
Ring the Alarm: The Hope of Our Community is in Our Babies A Zero to Five Parenting Guide for Low-Income Black and Latino Caregivers Nikolai Pizarro
First Edition
Front Cover illustration by Brandon Gines
Copyright © 2010 by Nikolai Pizarro
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in
retrieval systems or transmitted in any form, by any means, including
mechanical, electronic, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without
prior permission of the publisher.
Printed in the United States of America
Table of Contents
Acknowledgments
Introduction<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<1
Part I
1. Ring the Alarm!...........................................................................................................12
2. Let’s Lay the Foundation<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<................30
3. The Four Horsemen<<<<<<<<<<<<<<...<<<<<<<<<<.44
4. Timing is Everything & Hear from the Experts<<<<<<<<<<<<......51
Part II
5. Five Steps to Success<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<...<<<<<<<<<83
6. The Wrong Things<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<...89
7. The Right Things<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<...<<<<<<<105
8. More from the Experts
Part III
9. Prenatal Care<<<<<<<<...<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<...141
10. Feeding Your Baby<<<<<<<<...<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<.148
11. Environment<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<...156
12. Emotions & Attachment Development<<...<<<<<<<<<<<<<...165
13. Language Development<<<<<<<<<...<<<<<<<<<<<<<170
14. Everyday Math Connections<<<<<<<<<<...<<<<<<<<<<189
15. Science & Nature<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<...<<<<<<<<<<183
16. World & Culture<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<186
17. Character<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<.187
18. Art<<<<<<<<<<<<<..<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<..191
19. Movement<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<...194
20. Art, Music, & Book Libraries in Every Home<<<...<<<<<<<<<<198
Final Thoughts<<<<<...<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<206
Free Online Resources<<...<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<...208
Bonus Kinder-Readiness Guide<<<<<...<<<<<<<<<<<<<...210
Acknowledgements
A single mom can’t go out and do this work much less buckle
down, research, and create without people to support her. It
really does take a village. My mother, brother, and sister-in-law
are my village.
I am so grateful for the series of people and events that have
made this book, and more importantly, my vision possible.
I could never thank field professionals like Wendy Young and
Linda Hahner enough. They graciously answered my questions
early on and encouraged me to write this book. I don’t think
they will ever understand how instrumental they were in my
process.
Twitter-strangers-turned-friends like Michael Josefowicz and
Anderson Fils-Aime, who read my choppy first draft as long as a
year ago and said, ‚you have something, keep going‛ are as
responsible for this book as I am. They gave me wings.
My sister Dr. Adia Winfrey has breathed life into me and this
project almost daily for a year. She is an amazing mother of four
with a loud voice for our youth and community. Her model
works: put your children first and love your community as
much as you love your children. I hope that my work makes her
as proud of me as I am of her.
Of course, I thank you Louis. You have given me the greatest gift
of my life, our son, my healing. Nicholas is everything to me.
Therefore, you are everything to me.
To Linda, baby wherever you are, I hope someday you read this
and know before Nicholas I was already a mother. There isn’t a
day that I don’t think and pray for you and my grandbaby. You
are written on every page of this book. I wrote this book for you.
Of course, I have to acknowledge my prince, Nicholas and every
person, event, and force that conspired with God to grant me
such a wonderful gift. Thank you for teaching me everything I
know about myself and what is important in life baby. I live to
make you proud.
Finally, I salute every mother, father, and caregiver out here,
reading this book, looking for a better way. I love you. I
appreciate you. I believe in you. So much so, that I now live for
you and your babies. I cannot wait to build with you. You make
me so proud.
1
Introduction
There are thousands of baby parenting books in print, another
thousand programs. None like this one. I’ve looked. For one,
parenting books and programs aren’t written or created for poor
black and Latino mothers. This one is. Realistically, they are
written and created for middle income and wealthy,
predominantly, white moms.
‚A parenting book written specifically for low income black and
Latino parents and caregivers? Why would you write that?‛
Some have asked. ‚ More importantly, who would read it?‛
For starters, low income, poor, hood, welfare, urban, and ghetto
are not hypothetical places or an abstract reality. It’s real life.
And, the mothers, mommas, mamas, madres, teen moms, grand
mommas, abuelas, god mommas, madrinas, tias, titis, aunts,
aunties, sisters, cousins, primas, hermanas, and, yes, dads,
fathers, and daddies, that live there aren’t case study caregivers
and parents, they are also real people. Children from low
income households are not ‚those‛ children, at least not to me.
Yet, often, in the world of parenting and early education books
and programs, this ‚arms length‛ disconnection with poverty is
present. I have always been uncomfortable with that.
Granted, in a world of developing babies, many things are
Universal, but our conditions are different. Our pain is different.
Our worry is different. Our history is different. Our babies’
odds are different. The schools they will go to are different.
What things our children will face and endure are different.
If the conditions are different, why should the books be the
same? How could a parenting book help a mother meet the
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needs of her baby, if it dismisses her experience as the mother and
the community she is a part of?
This is why this book, or rather this movement, is different. It is
about babies. And it is about parenting. But, at its core, it’s
about addressing our pain, empowering our caregivers, and in
the process changing our destiny.
Our Pain
Ask any black or Latino person and they will tell you, our
collective community is in crisis. We are poorer, sicker, and less
hopeful than ever. Though our situation in this country has
always been a story of struggle for the last three decades that
struggle has reached new lows. In this very moment, there are
people across the country wondering, how do we make sense of
this experience and how do we begin to fix problems that taunt
us? When does it end? How do we break free?
We have a men problem. We have a women problem. We have
a boy problem. A girl problem. A school problem. A job
problem. A health problem. A housing problem. A credit
problem. A literacy problem. The list is long. Where do we
start?
I can’t give you a simple solution. There isn’t one. But as it often
turns out, sometimes it’s best to start at the beginning.
3
Baby-Oriented Solutions
What if there was something out there, and there is, scientifically
proven to break prison and poverty cycles, wouldn’t the people
most likely to be imprisoned and impoverished want to know
about it? Of course they would.
Believe it or not, this ‚thing‛ is what scientists and academics
refer to as ‚Early Childhood Education‛ or ‚Early Brain
Development.‛ Early Brain Development teaches us that there
is a direct cause and effect relationship between what people
experience inside the womb and during the first 5 years of life,
and their behaviors and health as adults.
In fact, a lacking foundation the first five years is linked to
prison and poverty in many ways. To use a direct example,
children who do not have certain pre-literacy experiences before
kindergarten, come to school unprepared to learn to read and as
a result are rarely able to catch up to reading level. And
wouldn’t you know that in the United States over 75% of
inmates have problems reading!
Additionally, not developing pre-literacy skills the first years
shapes the brain of a child and impacts his/her ability to think,
communicate, and process information throughout life. Yet most
black and Latino mothers and caregivers particularly within the
low income community are unaware of the importance of pre-
literacy experiences. Many don’t know what pre-literacy skills
look like to begin with!
As previously stated, one of the reasons this information has not
made it into our communities is that while low income black and
Latino parents may need the information, we don’t fit the
perfect “customer” description. Parenting books and programs
4
are developed mostly for parents who buy and read books as
well as pay for seminars, programs, and educational materials.
Business follows money. I understand that. But babies headed
towards prison and poverty because their moms don’t know a
few songs and games? It’s tragic.
In a nutshell, the experiences of the first years shape a person’s
brain, body function, and behavior for life. We can either
suppress or release a person’s potential by age 5. Not in some
hypothetical way either. The body of work and research is well
documented. Technology today allows us to look at brains, cells,
organ tissue, and DNA in detail. We know the impact of the first
years is factual. When we change how we care for pregnant
women and babies years 0-5, therefore, we also change what
adults and society look like. Perhaps, the solution is the
problem.
Too much of the wrong things and too little of the right things
during the first five years of life equals higher chances of
developing learning disabilities, heart disease and cancer,
tendencies towards violence or depression, and other
unfortunate side-effects. The instant I got a hold of this
knowledge, I understood that most of my community wasn’t
even aware of this information. I certainly knew I’d never heard
of it before. But, what exactly are the wrong and right things?
You’ll find those answers in this book.
While upper middle class and wealthy mothers are now being
told to trust their instincts and stop ‚over enriching‛ their
babies’ environment, poor black and Latino mothers, have been
left out of the ‚enrichment‛ conversation altogether.
5
This system has taken our misinformation, lack of knowledge,
and history of pain, and categorized it as bad, irresponsible,
careless parenting. I know better. Moms and caregivers do what
they know to do according to their own experience and the
resources they have available. I have yet to meet a mom whose
desire is for her baby to fail. It just doesn’t work that way.
When it comes to prenatal care and the impact of the first five
years, our communities are in the dark. The last thing a
pregnant woman eating fast food or arguing with her partner is
thinking about is harming the baby inside of her. Learning
disabilities are not what the parent giving a toddler a hot dog for
breakfast or letting him stay up and watch cartoons is setting out
to create. And neither of them is thinking about prison, poverty,
or illness. This much I know. It is why I’ve created these
resources. My desire is to bring us into the parenting
conversation, with urgency but no judgment.
This book is designed to be a one stop guide that provides both
insightful explanations and clear guidelines for caregivers to
follow. In the end, it delivers a parenting experience that is fun,
rewarding, and most of all, empowering.
About Me: My Agenda
I’m not a brain specialist or a behavior therapist or a doctor, so
why should you trust me?
For one, my work is based on research. I will quote and link you
to the most widely accepted resources in the world and give you
every tool you need to verify the information. The subject of the
book is not some ‚new theory,‛ it is just new to many of us.
Once you get into it, its validity will speak for itself.
6
But, me, who am I? Why do I care?
It is fair to say that in some areas of school and business, I have
been successful. I received a full scholarship to a top business
program at the age of 20, and have a master’s in business
administration. I would never discount my degrees. They have
their merits. However, reality is not lived on the paper and ink
of a resume. In its own way, education had always been my
‚ticket out,‛ but it was motherhood, that gave me a ‚ticket in.‛
I am, by any definition, a single, low income Puerto Rican mom.
I was raised by my low income single mom, who was raised by
her low income single mom in the projects of Spanish Harlem. I
have lived out-of-state, without any family, all of my adult life.
My son’s father, a black man, is in federal prison. And in three
years, both my son and I have moved three times between East
St. Louis, IL and Carolina, PR. You can fill the gaps or as I often
quote, ‚I have already paid for all my future sins.‛ Technically,
my son is an ‚at-risk‛ child; born into an ‚at-risk‛ environment.
My expertise in early brain development, started when I was
pregnant, and has grown alongside my son’s development.
Through him, I’ve seen the science work. Before he was even a
year old, people would often observe how bright, alert, and
independent he was. As a toddler his vocabulary and over all
thinking skills always stood out. Before he was 3 he was
constructing words with loose letters - he was spelling. By 3, he
was sounding out words. He can count, sort, and group. And
in spite of his very big emotions and strength has positives ways
to channel his feelings. He is focused, loves nature, learning,
and cares about people. Not just the people he loves, he cares
about others in general. He is observant and above all he is
7
happy to the core. Multiple sources, including preschool and
Head Start teachers have referred to my son’s advancement and
potential ‚giftedness.‛ But, my son is not ‚gifted;‛ he is far from
a ‚genius.‛
My son is who he is because he is securely attached, well
adjusted, and properly developing. I breastfed him and held
him often as an infant. I’ve kept a clean organized home and
exposed him to range of experiences. I give him nutrients that
support and strengthen his brain. I talk to him all the time and
always have. I’ve done the ‚right‛ things and avoided the
‚wrong‛ ones. As a result, his brain (and body) has responded.
He is the result of a mother that ‚knows what to do.‛ There is
only one problem: my son’s experience should not be the
exception. It can and should be the norm.
The fact that I knew anything about ‚enriched‛ environments
and early brain development was a stroke of luck. During the
first weeks of my pregnancy, through my insurance gap and
transition into a clinic that serviced Medicaid patients, I was seen
and went through testing through a private doctor in an upscale,
elite practice. There I picked up some information, magazines,
and recommendations, which changed the course of my life. In
that space, brain enrichment, early brain development, nutrition,
stress management, exercise, and even school readiness where
all over the magazines and handouts. Prenatal vitamins with
Omega 3 for brain development were immediately
recommended as was adequate sleep, exercise, a balanced diet,
and a list of books. There was almost a competitive and urgent
feel to the process: strong, smart babies must be created.
Though I received, wonderful friendly care, at what would
become ‚my clinic,‛ the information and approach to pre-natal
care and parenting was completely different than the private
8
office I barely experienced. No one ever mentioned Omega 3
vitamins or brain enrichment, not once. My diet was only talked
about relative to weight gain. The objective of that clinic was
‚full term, no surprise birth defects, normal growth, and staying
out of the high-risk
group within the
clinic.‛ Provided those
things were in place,
everything was
wonderful.
Experiencing the
contrast of the two
types of cares,
motivated me to do my
own research,
following the
guidelines that I was
first given, at least most
of the time.
By the time, I had my baby I was already on my way to being
well-versed in early brain development. To my surprise, again,
none of my very kind and lovely doctors and nurses, talked
about reading to a child, mental health, enriched environments,
dangers of television, and so on. Even the occasional handouts
about ‚baby games‛ never talked about why they were
important. There were no scientific explanations. No magazines
to motivate parents. My baby was healthy, had healthy reflexes,
and was gaining weight and growing at a healthy rate.
Everything was wonderful.
I couldn’t help but constantly wonder, ‚Wait, these moms don’t
know what I know. What if I had never been to that office when
As an added support, I have
developed a FREE internet
community complete with chat
rooms, online discussions,
videos, and many other features.
The tools for your child to beat
the odds are available. It is up to
you, to read, apply yourself, and
share the information with
others. Together we will make
the difference in our children’s
lives and the future of our
community.
9
I first got pregnant? Would I really not know any of this? How
would have I found out?‛
There is so much more to pre-natal care and early child
development than going full term and monitoring healthy
growth! Showing parents and caregivers how to create that
‚right‛ environment for babies early in their years is a real big
deal. In my opinion, and that of many scientists, educators and
economists, it is the single top priority we have as a nation. But
that message is not reaching low income black and Latina moms
and caregivers fast enough. Heck, it almost missed me!
Earlier I stated, education was my ticket out but motherhood my
ticket in. Growing up, I had always been an exception. I was an
effortless over-achiever. While my school experience,
scholarships, and career opportunities were my out, they also
separated me. Sitting in that clinic, waiting for prenatal care,
with other black and Latino expectant moms, every month, on
the other hand, married me to my community.
As I waited my turn, I was not my degree. I, along with the other
expectant moms, was United States’ history. Slavery in this
country was abolished just 140 years ago and kept alive through
sharecropping until 80 years ago. Eighty years! That was just
the other day. The Jim Crowe laws that enforced the oppression,
beating, and lynching of blacks were in legal effect up to 1965 or
46 years ago. And the Tuskegee Syphilis Experiment, which
infected rural poor black men with syphilis and resulted in the
further infection of their wives and unborn babies was
terminated as recent as 1972. If at the time just 35 years prior, a
government could infect black men, women, and babies with
disease, could I be genuinely surprised that we were not being
taught true prenatal care and early brain development? I
couldn’t.
10
Whether I had ever realized it before, the mothers in that waiting
area, their babies, my baby, and I all shared a bond. That bond
has a name: poor, black, and brown. All of the good intentions
in the world, on behalf of doctors, nurses, public workers, and
private advocates don’t change a country’s history. Pregnant
women, their unborn babies, and young children are the most
vulnerable recipients of that history. Being preoccupied with the
idea of creating a good life for my own son was my ticket to
caring for my sisters’ children and our collective well-being.
When it comes to early childhood and brain development, the
clock works against us. There is no time. And we, as a
community, cannot afford to live in ignorance. This book and
accompanying resources are products of me reading hundreds
of books and papers, taking courses, dedicating hours of studies,
interviewing professionals, working with moms, and learning
through my son. I share them with the same passion that
motherhood affords me with my own son.
Think of This as You Read the Book
I once heard a woman from South Africa speak on the Ubuntu
mindset. She said, ‚If your neighbor is hungry and there is food
in your pantry, don’t go to bed without giving him a plate. I am
what I am because of who we all are. Recognizing that reality is
how we have survived.‛
While, many of us do not know the type of hunger the woman
was speaking on, everyday in my community, I see hungry
mothers. I see hungry children. They are hungry for the
answers that science can give them. Hungry for a way to make it
out of the struggle.
11
I have found answers. My pantry is full. My efforts are my way
of feeding my neighbors, wherever they may live. My only hope
is once their own pantry is full, they do the same. Ubuntu.
Community distribution is the HEART of this
movement. If we can buy sickness in our
community, it is only right that we also be able to
purchase the cure with the same ease.
From beauty shops to churches, ask your local
businesses and non-profit organizations to carry this
book for sale. Become an independent sales agent.
Start a parenting group or class using the book as the
resource. Suggest your pre-natal or pediatric clinic
have complimentary copies in the waiting area. Be
creative. Let’s flood our communities with solutions.
12
For the purposes of this book, I define:
Poverty and low income: Any household that cannot
afford private or home school and lives in struggling
public school district, receives earned income credit
on their tax return, and/or receives any type of
government food, health, or financial assistance.
Babies: Children under the age of 5, unless
otherwise specified.
Part I
1
Ring the Alarm!
Let’s talk about some relationships we know exist in this
country:
Poverty Mental Illnesses
Mental Illness Education Gap
Mental Illness *Prison
Poverty Learning Disabilities and Education Gap
Learning Disabilities and Education Gap Prison
Prison Poverty
Poverty Physical Illness
*Juvenile corrections included in prison population
Poor or low income families are more likely to be sick, have
learning disabilities, suffer from mental illness, drop out of
school, go to prison, and remain in poverty. A common
denominator to all of these is race. 2010 census revealed blacks
and Hispanic household incomes are the lowest in of the
population.
13
Here is a limited snapshot of what some of those relationships
look like:
88% of black fourth-grade boys are NOT proficient in
reading.
The dropout rate for black males in some states is as high
as 61%.
75% of state prison inmates and 59% of federal inmates
are high-school dropouts
o One out of three black women jailed did not
complete high school, were unemployed, or had
incomes below the poverty level at the time of
their arrest.
o Hispanic federal inmates have a lower education
level than both whites and blacks
Black males represent 4% of population yet 30% of prison
population. Hispanic men are almost four times as likely
to go to prison.
Black women make up nearly half of the nation’s female
prison population. Trailing behind are Hispanic women.
Hispanic women make up 15% of the state and 32% of
the federal prison (female) populations. Black women
are 8 times more likely and Hispanic women 4 times
more likely to go to prison than white women.
Estimates suggest that as many as two million
incarcerated men and women suffer from mental health
problems.
14
Continued
In the juvenile justice system, approximately 70% suffer
from mental disorders, with 25% experiencing disorders
so severe that their ability to function is significantly
impaired. Mental health and learning disabilities are
displayed through moderate to severe depression,
ADHD, bipolarity, anxiety disorders, among others
48-88% of women inmates experienced sexual or physical
abuse before coming to prison, and suffer from post-
traumatic stress disorder.
Blacks die nearly twice as often from hypertension than
whites and make up about 30% of patients on dialysis
due to kidney failure.
Most of you reading this are black or Latino and therefore, these
are not just hypothetical facts to you, they are a part of your
reality.
Now for the good news<most of this can be avoided.
The groundwork for mental health, physical health, learning
abilities, and school readiness is established the first five years of
a child’s life, starting in the womb. Research studies have shown
that a baby’s brain begins to develop within the first weeks after
conception and certain parts are fully developed during the first
two trimesters. During the first 10 months of infancy, the
foundation of life’s mental health and overall well being is laid
down. At 18 months, language differences in children from
wealthy versus low income families are evident. Predispositions
15
for physical illness like high blood pressure, or mental illnesses
such as anxiety and depression also happen during the first
years, starting with the first months.
In reality, it’s not the poverty (lack of income) launching these
destructive triggers. It’s the environment and experiences that
children in poverty have during the first years. I will show you,
using scientific fact, that as you change the environment factors
and experiences a child has, regardless of socioeconomic levels,
you can also maximize the brain and body’s potential for
success. You can break destructive cycles.
Parents and caregivers dictate the home environment and early
experiences of a child. Therefore, in order to change the
environment our kids are living in and what our communities
look like, it is my belief you must empower parents and
caregivers. You have to ring the alarm. Parents need to
understand the level of impact that they have on their children
and society as a whole. Just as importantly, they have to know
how to create a healthy environment.
Not teaching low income parents the relationship between the
early years and poverty, prison, education gaps, and disease
supports their permanency. Alternatively, teaching parents
threatens their existence.
16
Reality Check
Today, millions of inner city public school students can’t read,
write, and/or do math at a level that will qualify them to get into
or thrive in college; much less the job market. The socio-
emotional skills of our youth are just as sad. Many of them are
discouraged, angry, violent, and hopeless. The same goes for
rural schools. In a country, that exports factory and service jobs,
what’s left for the low literate, low skilled citizen?
Our grandparent’s and parent’s factory, government, military,
and teaching jobs as an exit out of poverty are long gone.
Without a good education, critical thinking and communication
skills, the ability to relate to others and build a network, and
good mental and physical health, there is no go-to exit strategy.
All that is left is poverty, prison, oppression, and disease.
The future, and the present, has opportunities for innovators,
service businesses, technology based businesses, culturally
relevant products, medicine, law, international business,
engineering, and a thing called intellectual property. Short of a
miracle, many of our children will never actualize their
potential. Without some major intervention, planning, and effort,
what you see outside your window is as good as it gets and
might not be there long.
Ask yourself: Do I have those skills required of me to succeed?
Did my community and school experiences prepare me to have
them? If I don’t have them myself, and my community and
schools aren’t equipped how will my child receive them? Are
the experiences I am creating for my baby giving her the skills
and health she will need to succeed? Most likely, the answer to
these questions is no. Your child is your hope. Are you willing
17
to just sit back and trust that same system that handed you your
odds with your hope?
Our problems aren’t just about reading rates and diplomas
either, as I referenced earlier, our communities are sicker, poorer,
and suffering from a lack of mental health in record numbers.
This system is broken. Broken systems create broken people.
Broken people become broken parents. Broken parents rear broken
children.
Unless you couple the love you have for your child with the
right foundation, that baby you love so much is going to be
working with even less than you in a world that will require
even more! What are his or her chances? Success or poverty? A
career or prison? Health or illness? Earlier, I wrote the phrase
‚without some major intervention, planning, and effort.‛ You
are your child’s major intervention. The book you are reading is
more than printed words on paper. It is your vehicle to
improving your child’s odds.
The sooner you understand the topics in this book, the sooner
you can take steps to implement them. You and your child can
beat whatever grim circumstances you face. Once you read this
book and hopefully join our online community, you will
discover that the first 5 years of life are powerful years, which
can create conditions for lifelong success or failure. As the
caregiver of a child, you are the ‚gatekeeper‛ of that power.
Using science, you can shape your children’s future.
Being aware and staying committed to change are the biggest
hurdles. The rest is easily done. My hope for you is that you use
this knowledge to change and prompt others to change with
you.
18
Why? Matters
Have you ever walked by an electrical fence? As dangerous as
they are, no one would think to put a sign on them that simply
said ‚DON’T TOUCH.‛ Instead, there’s an explanation.
‚CAUTION: ELECTRIC SHOCK IS DEADLY.‛ There is even a
picture. There is a reason for that. It has to do with the way our
brains process information. Brains are wired to take in and pay
attention to information that is relevant to our survival. It is
how and why it ‚sorts‛ information. When we are given
information without an explanation or a ‚why‛ our brain
categorizes the information as irrelevant and treats it
accordingly. Poof! It forgets it! ‚Whys‛ matter; they make us
pay attention.
Parenting knowledge, instruction, or common wisdom that
comes with a ‚why‛ is important to have. A parent who doesn’t
understand that a baby not getting enough sleep can impact his
brain in ways that can affect his life forever, for example, might not
put a baby to bed early. Coincidentally, that’s why our kids are
up at all times of the night. The same goes with letting kids
watch TV and eat junk food or not reading, talking, playing,
climbing, crawling, touching, breastfeeding, playing with paint
and so on. If our moms knew better they would do better. But,
for many no one has ever taken the time to teach them the
‚whys.‛
Often, I hear people talking about low income parents, even
loving ones, doing a terrible job. My answer: ‚Has anyone
taught them differently? Have those parents been shown the
impact early childhood has on mental health and achievement?
Do they understand the links between early childhood and adult
disease and prison? Who is teaching them? Us?‛
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Read this carefully:
The difference between a high achieving, professional
and a low skilled or unskilled member of the poor can
come down to a 12-18 point difference in IQ and non-IQ
related intelligence. This difference is mostly influenced
by one thing aside from a person’s genes---his
experiences as a child ages 0-5!
The difference between being physically and mentally
healthy for an entire lifetime is highly determined by
one thing other than genes---his experiences as child
ages 0-5. This is especially true of the first months
through secure attachment.
The ability to have skills that contribute to our success
such as delaying gratification and thinking critically are
developed early on through our experiences as children,
ages 0-5.
You won’t have to take my word on this. Later, I will include
direct quotes and excerpts from a number of experts that
validate these points.
When is the last time you heard anyone around you paying that
much attention to the experiences of babies, 0-5? To what they
eat? To what they hear? To what they see? To what they feel?
Many of you reading this book have probably never linked your
baby’s experiences now to a potential life of struggle; much less
the prenatal period. As a culture, we don’t understand the
importance of the first five years. Because of this, without ever
knowing, we limit our children’s lives, and our communities, from the
crib.
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This isn’t a question of love. Our love doesn’t change the truth
behind science. Not knowing and knowing changes how science
affects us. Parents that are taught how to shape the experience of
a developing brain, which includes: what to do, what not to do,
and most importantly, why and how it all works, are privileged; as
a result, so are their kids. The opposite is also true. Parents not
being taught the same thing are hopelessly clueless. Their kids
are often not prepared if not damaged through life. One group
thrives. One group suffers.
One of my main goals as a parent advocate is to teach parents the
hows and the whys because knowing them matters.
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It’s Not the Children, It’s Their Brains!
Walk into a public school today and you’ll soon find out there
are babies 6 and 7 years old already labeled ‚poor readers‛ and
‚problem children.‛ Some are even repeating kindergarten and
1st grade. By middle school, many feel indifferent towards
learning. In many cities, dropping out is now the norm.
Unfortunately, whether our children drop out in the 10th grade
or finish the 12th doesn’t matter if they’ve checked out mentally
years before.
Equally as tragic are the children who, finish school full of hope,
and still walk out lacking the skills to make it through college,
trade school, or the workplace. Our children all over the country
are being robbed daily of their right to an education or even the
pursuit of happiness. Not to mention, millions are clinically
depressed and mentally ill; many of them never diagnosed or
treated.
While this process does have something to do with the way the
school and justice systems are set up that’s not where the process
starts. The process begins while our children’s brains are first
developing. An improperly wired brain can result in a lifetime of
severe academic difficulties, lack of motivation, behavior
problems, overall challenge, and illness (more on brain wiring
later.) It’s not the children that are the problem; they are the
casualty of war. It’s their brains.
Our brains control everything we do and most of what we are
capable of. If we are going to improve our children’s ability to
read, write, think, create, feel, and do, it only makes sense that
we also study the thing that’s responsible for those processes.
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About 50% of our brain’s capabilities (includes intelligence,
emotions, personality, overall health) are determined by genes
and the other 50% by the environment in which the brain
develops, starting in the womb. Along those lines, up to 80% of
a person’s brain develops the first 3 years of life and another 10%
the next two years. In other words, 90% of a person’s brain
development takes place during the first 5 years, before
kindergarten; and half of that is directly impacted by the
environment and adult relationships in a child’s life! Although
the brain will continue to develop and be affected throughout
life, those first years carry the bulk of a lifetime’s development.
Let’s try to visualize this process. During the first months, a
brain develops by having its physical needs met and using its
senses to gather meaning from its surrounding. Humans are
hard-wired with a need to be touched and comforted as infants.
By working with a child’s instincts and tending to its needs,
adults create what is called ‚secure attachment‛ in an infant.
Secure attachment assures a defenseless infant that ‚the world is
a safe, loving place.‛ This process is the foundation for thinking,
analyzing, communicating, reading, and feeling safe enough to
express feelings, develop trust, and seek out new experiences.
Attachment is the most basic building block in life and begins
with our very first relationships with caregivers, usually
mothers, the moment we arrive. The brain systems that process
safety and emotions are first to develop because ‚safety and
emotions‛ is what the brain first taps into before it can think,
learn, and make decisions. If there is any dysfunction or hiccups
while these systems develop, there will always be a chance of
potential dysfunction in our actions, thinking, learning, and
relationships. A child without secure attachment might lack
perspective, tend to overreact, struggle with anger management
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or learning disabilities, suffer from depression or anxiety, or lack
empathy throughout his life.
What does this mean for parents? Babies need our love, our
affection, and care at all times. It’s not just a ‘nice’ thing to do. It
is literately what brains need in order to grow and be healthy.
As a baby’s needs are met, its brain registers love, affection,
comfort and above all safety. The message which a baby
receives is ‚I matter.‛ This becomes its cue to learn, grow, and
develop.
Have you ever heard someone say ‚don’t pick up the baby too
much you are going to spoil him‛ or ‚let him cry it’s good for his
lungs?‛ Of course you have. These well intended pieces of
advice are responsible for millions of negatively impacted
brains. A baby cannot be ‚spoiled‛ the first months of life. It is
impossible. While babies are born capable of many amazing
things, manipulation is not one of them.
A baby cries because it’s one of the only ways he can
communicate. Therefore, if when a baby is left to cry
unattended for long periods of time, the experience semi-
permanently damages his brain. The fact that a baby might stop
crying or is able to fall asleep after 15-20 minutes of crying does
not mean he was able to ‚soothe‛ himself but instead, that he
gave up on the comfort and safety of his world and the adults he
was supposed to trust.
Semi-permanently? Well, sort of. Our brains are ‚plastic,‛ they
adapt. Should that baby’s neglectful environment change, with
repeated positive experiences the brain will make new
‚connections.‛ The earlier, richer, and more consistent the
environment changes, the better, of course. If the environment
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The effects of neglect and rejection the first months
aren’t always evident early but can and often do
last a lifetime.
From shutting down in school, to bullying kids in
the yard, to picking abusive partners or becoming
an abuser years down the line, as a brain is
challenged, problems rooted in infancy have a way
of showing up!
stays the same, however, as it often does, that brain is impacted
for life.
Question: How many homes in our communities are learning
about early brain development and changing their environment?
Answer: Not nearly enough. Urgency is called for.
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Brain Wiring, the Olympics, and Gridlock
As mentioned, your brain is the headquarters of your existence.
The brain is broken down into a few major parts and several
sub-parts. Each part has a different function. The brain is made
up mostly of brain cells, called neurons, and water. Neurons
connect to each other, with branch-like arms or dendrites, in
order to create a net or a web for information to travel through.
This web is what is referred to as brain wiring. Information
travels through the brain’s wiring, from side to side, front to
back, and throughout the body in order to process thoughts,
feelings, and actions. The better each part of the brain is
developed and is able to communicate, the better the brain
function. The opposite is also true.
In talking about information traveling through the brain, it
might be helpful to think of the inside of a brain as a living space
such as a city and its brain wiring as the transportation and
housing system the city relies on. Now, imagine that our
journey through life is the equivalent of a city hosting the
Olympics.
When a city hosts the Olympics there is an enormous amount of
economic growth. Money is made not just for the event but
years before and after. Jobs are created, hotels and homes are
built, and marketing materials are sold. Tourism booms. New
families move into the city and make it their permanent
residence. One of the reasons Atlanta is what is today is what
the Olympics did to that city more than 15 years ago! The
activity and financial benefit is endless. Hosting the Olympics is
a really big deal. It is one of if not a city’s biggest opportunities
for growth and why countries must bid and campaign to be
selected.
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Yet, the Olympics committee must choose and notify a hosting
city years ahead of the actual Olympic event because cities aren’t
equipped for the Olympics by design; they need to build
themselves up. It takes time, manpower, and skill to handle the
people, security requirements, traffic, and events. Sidewalks,
stadiums, airports, roads and highways all need to be upgraded
to handle the increased volume of activity. Hospitals,
ambulances, police and fire departments must be trained and
coordinated to handle a security emergency. Complex operations
need complex systems of transportation, lodging, and distribution. In
fact, in order to win the Olympics’ bid, a country must prove
that it can prepare itself by a deadline.
What would happen if the Mayor, highway workers, city
planner, Department of Health, and Department of Tourism all
started making moves at the same time, without ever speaking
to one another or following the guidelines of the Olympics
committee? What if they started using cheap material to build or
hired unskilled contractors? There would be chaos. Once
finished, the city would most likely face things not working,
being in conflict with each other, and simply being insufficient.
In one word: gridlock. With such an important project, there
needs to be a plan in place, a city needs to have the materials and
skilled workers, actions must be coordinated, and in the end,
everything must be finished on time.
Forget morning traffic. What does a real gridlock situation look
like? Think about the scenes just before Katrina hit New
Orleans. Do you remember the images on the news as storms of
cars headed out? How about after the levies broke? Without a
plan or alternative routes, volumes of people attempting to get
in or out of the city proved impossible. When complex
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situations meet non-complex systems, gridlock is more than
inconvenient, it is tragic. This is exactly how the brain and life work.
While the fetus is in the womb, brain development begins. This
is one of the reasons pre-natal care is so important. When a baby
is born, however only the very basic functions are connected or
‚hard wired.‛ To keep using our example, at birth, your baby’s
transportation and distribution system is made up of a very
short, narrow, two-way road used to communicate basic needs
such as food, rest, or touching as well as pick up information or
learn.
In order for brain parts and functions to develop, nurture or
environment comes into play. Moment by moment, every
experience stimulates the brain so that it makes a ‚connection.‛
When experiences are repeated ‚connections‛ related with those
experiences are strengthened. Weak connections are constantly
pruned off or eliminated. Strong connections become permanent
brain wiring. Permanent connections or wiring are equal to ‚the
highways, hotels, stadiums, hospitals, sidewalks and airports‛ of
a city. With each connection, the transportation and lodging
system expands. The more connections, the more complex the
brain structure, the more fit it is for the Olympics, or say, a
hurricane.
This is where it gets really interesting. Just like with the
Olympics, there is a deadline. Host cities have to pull off all
operations by a particular date. This is why a city will hire the
best people and buy the best materials needed to get the job
done on time. Similarly, 75-80% of a person’s brain development
must happen by the age of 3! Another 10-15% happens from
ages 3-5! That is 90% of the brain’s wiring created by the age of
5. These ages are the equivalent of those Olympic committee
deadlines. I’m going to remind you of that every chance I get,
because it’s a major detail.
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Many of our children today are facing complex circumstances
with a brain structure that lacks complexity. One of the first
places we see this inadequacy is literacy. There is nothing
simple about the English language, much less reading and
writing it. Literacy is about putting sound to the feelings and
thoughts that are inside a person using a common language.
Then combining ‚symbols or letters‛ to represent those sounds.
Following that, we use rules (front to back, left to right, top to
bottom, commas, periods, capital and lower case letters, and
spelling) to put words into sentences and sentences into
paragraphs. Add to this, metaphors (cold as ice) and idiomatic
expressions (‚what’s up?‛). Children are expected to have these
skills by the whopping age of six! The same can be said of the
wonderful world of math.
As children move up in grades, texts become harder.
Vocabulary and language structure more demanding. Math gets
more abstract. Science and history are introduced. The overall
amount of work and pressure to produce increases each year.
Social factors, like hormones and physical changes, are added to
the mix. The complexity snowballs quickly. As the complexity
grows, a brain’s capacity is challenged. If the capacity is
insufficient, highways back up, structures crumble. Gridlock
happens.
Gridlock in a person show ups as frustration, loss of interest,
excess difficulty completing age appropriate tasks, confusion,
stress, mental health deficiencies, depression, aggression, being
‚disconnected,‛ hopelessness, and lack of compassion, to name a
few. Society has a way of labeling our youth (who then grow up
right?) as ‚bad,‛ ‚violent,‛ ‚lost,‛ ‚slow,‛ and even ‚trifling,‛
without ever noting that what we are actually seeing is mental
gridlock.
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