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Sagedom

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“I promise this is as dark as it’ll ever get.”

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PART I

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The Enemy.

To The Sage From The Cool

He looks for it sometimes

The Bear

He looks for the pain

The hurt

And I know he knows it’s bad

That it’ll hurt us

It’s like he’s addicted to it

Addicted to the hurt

Why

Why is he like this?

Why can’t he see?

How can we know better and he still have such a hold over us…

Misery is not ours

We must leave it.

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Unreal.

To The Bear from The Sage

Will you worry about actions you haven’t seen?

Actions that haven’t happened?

How?

Why would you do that to us?

Why must we hurt over abstract things?

Things that don’t exist.

I die from fantasizes

Nightmares

Unreal things.

Attacking myself from the inside

No...

This must stop.

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Another Way.

To The Sage from The Cool

I thought

Maybe

I could fix everything he breaks

Every problem he brings up

Find a cure for it.

But they keep coming

Every time we win

He’ll find something else

or bring something back

This is not how we’ll beat him

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Rebel.

To The Bear from The Sage

I will not let you destroy us

I will save us

I will save myself

Every time you complain

Or whine

Or try to lead us into the dark

I will break you

I will crush you

I will be happy

I will not live a miserable life

That is not my lot

And if that’s what you want

Then I will lock you up

Somewhere deep in my mind.

With time, you will not affect

Me

Your childish chattering

Your provocations

Your hate

Your bullshit excuses

They will not rouse me

I will transcend this

I will evolve

You will not infect my life

Your blight ends here

And if you manifest yourself in

My children’s children

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They will only destroy you

Faster than I did

And I will

I will destroy you.

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Monster.

To The Sage from The Bear

Doesn’t it feel like you’re screaming

To a mountain,

Telling it to move.

Screaming.

Over and Over again..

Haha.

Your lies

The lies you tell yourself

That you can

“Transcend” this.

Please…

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Devil.

To The Sage from The Cool

He tells me the worst things

The Bear

He’s so eloquent

And smooth

I only ever catch myself listening to

Him

Never able

To recall when he began.

He tells only the darkest things

Unreal things

But he wants us to dwell in them.

I can fight it most times

But sometimes I’m weak

And he wins

And when he wins

All I can do is die

Die

Until he stops.

How it feels when I’m dying

I haven’t the words

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Believe.

From The Sage

I will save us.

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Breath.

To The Sage From The Cool

Where is

My

Oxygen

Why am I

Being

Denied

My Oxygen.

Let me breath

I want to breath

How do I

Breath

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Hope.

To The Cool from The Sage

Stop fighting it

We should acknowledge

That

We are in a state

Of Disarray

We need each other

The 3 of us

But we lack harmony

The Bear is at fault

But so are you and I

This isn’t a war.

It’s an adjustment

Some sort of process

A re-alignment.

I remember a time before this

When things were..

Better.

Before introspection

Before opinions.

But I believe

This is necessary

We must be

Broken

Beaten

Torn

Crushed

To be rebuilt, Stronger;

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Like a muscle.

This is not a wrong turn

We are going the right way.

At least, I hope so.

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Falling.

To The Sage from The Cool

I’m falling again

I can feel

A darkness

Enveloping a part of us

I’m not sure I wanna fight it

Have you noticed?

Only when we

Fall

Out of sync

That is the only time the 3 of us

Exist.

In harmony, it is only CoolsBear

I think his existence is too good

Too peaceful

He can’t sustain it.

But I can only talk through the pain

If I can call it that.

Is The Bear responsible for all this?

Is this a curse?

Is this crisis vain?

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Anguish.

To The Sage From The Cool

I don’t

Want to see

The dark

Anymore

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Push.

From The Sage

I am weary

Oh

Or am I?

I am not sure

But I cannot give in

I cannot falter

I must push on

No matter the feeling

No matter the screams and shouts

From The Bear

No matter the victimhood that has

Found The Cool

Or my own, the pain of my own thoughts

No matter, I must push on

Or it will win

The dark side

Of all of us

This collective evil

Whose only goal is to destroy us.

I must push on

The two will follow eventually

I know it.

We must find our Self

We must find CoolsBear.

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Bea..

From CoolsBear

The self is dying

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PART II

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Dismay.

From The Bear

I want to pull out my hair

I want to erase any trace of my

Weirdness

I want to disappear

I want out of my head

Out of myself

I am the only one inside

The only audience

Watching a show that has not the words

To describe it

It’s an agony and despair that I want none of

But it takes me

Now and again

Consumes me

Cripples me

And I don’t know how to escape it

I don’t know what causes it

It eats me up when I’m alone

But I despise the company of others,

I foster an environment ideal for my own destruction.

Am I crazy now? Can I stop this?

What caused it? Have I always been like this?

Will I spend every waking moment battling this madness?

Trying to keep my cool, trying to seem normal..

My existence is excruciating.

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Breaking Point.

From The Bear

Why do I feel like this

Anguish

I don’t know where it stems from

I don’t know what to cut off

I don’t know

Save me

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Crisis.

To The Sage from The Cool

What’s this feeling?

It’s uncomfortable

In my chest

And then all over..

When I try to find the cause

It gets worse.

I wanna scream

Maybe

If I had a place to just

Scream.

Why?

Why do I feel like this?

So awkward

So uncomfortable

Like I don’t fit in

No matter how hard I try

I’m not a natural at “normal”

Always out of the loop

Always out of sync with the rest of the world.

If I am aware of anything

At any moment

It is that I do not fully understand

What anyone is saying.

Are all these feelings made up?

Am I worse than The Bear?

Will I be what ultimately destroys us?

Am I killing us?

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Dear God…

How can I not be this

How can I not be me…

What am I?

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Crashing.

To The Sage From The Cool

I think

I’m crashing.

Confused

So confused.

I don’t know

What He wants

He leaves me

Lost.

How

How do I deal with Him

How do I even describe Him.

And why

Do I feel so much?

Do you feel this way?

Does everything hurt for you too?

No reason

For no reason.

Help.

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Pain.

To The Sage From The Cool

Embrace it?

I can’t embrace the pain

It’s hot

So hot

It burns.

I can only

Acknowledge it

Be aware of it

And not fight it,

But I can’t embrace it

I can’t touch it

I hate it

I want it gone

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The Darkest Place.

From The Bear

Hell,

I’ve been there;

The feeling

I can’t describe

But it envelopes you

Your entire existence

You can’t escape

You can’t breathe.

Like drowning

But everyone around you

Is breathing just fine

So you’re not making any sense

No one gets it

No one sees it.

What do you do with that?

What?

Ugh

Why am I asking you

You wouldn’t know, you’ve never been there

Have you?

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Sensitive.

To The Sage From The Cool

Why do I

Feel.

Why do I

Feel so much.

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iScream.

From The Bear

I want to scream

I want to scream

I want to scream

I want to scream

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Real.

To The Bear From The Cool

But how must I manage

To deal

With You

And

All the intricacies of our real life.

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Reason.

From The Sage

It’s either

I let this pain

And madness

Eat my soul

Or I exploit it

Express it.

And maybe eventually it’ll stop.

Maybe…

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Monster II.

To The Cool From The Bear

No one is coming to save you

You’re all alone

This work you do

No one cares

Not really

No one thinks of it as much as you do

No one gets it.

All your efforts

Their pointless

Your madness

It’s yours

It’s yours and yours alone to deal with.

Now feel that, feel that despair

It’ll consume you

You think it’ll kill you?

No

You will only suffer.

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Weary.

To The Bear to The Sage

Weary

I am weary

Of running from you

Of fighting you

Of being you

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Futile Resistance.

From The Sage

I

I find the answers

But once we interact with other

People

It all fails

It all fails..

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Shine.

From The Bear to The Sage

I’m sure you’ve realized it

By now

I’m stronger than the both of you,

Bigger.

I’m important!

How unlucky for you.

I’ll always be the obstacle you have to work around.

But I will tell you Sage,

What is asked of me is like

Trying to hide the sun in my pocket,

It can’t be done

I can’t be contained..

I will shine

Ignore me all you want

I will shine.

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Defeat.

From The Cool

Somebody

Somebody turn it off

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Surrender.

To The Cool from The Sage

And so

There is no way

No way out of the mind

We Cannot

Escape

This suffering that we inflict

On ourselves.

Let us begin to accept it

Let our mind do what it wants to do

Let us not spend any bit of energy

Trying to fight The Bear

Let us instead use all our power to

Cultivate the best thoughts when we can

When WE think, let us be happy and grateful

When it is The Bears turn

Then let us be sad.

And if this sadness reflects on the surface

Well, that is natural, why should it be any other way?

Let us be sad when The Bear wills it.

Perhaps it is when we try to fight it,

That is when we become

Angry

Irrational

And make the worst decisions.

Does this sound like madness?

Haha, it must

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But oh

How tired I am

Tired of fighting myself.

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Beast.

To The Sage From The Bear

Tell me

Sage

Is this transcendence

Or

Have you simply failed to face our

Humanity

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Resilient.

To The Bear From The Sage

You

Are crushing me

But I won’t

I won’t give in

Without a fight

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Satori?

To The Sage from The Cool

But

We’ve seen the light

We’ve been to the surface

We’ve breathed

As CoolsBear.

So why

Why

Now and then

Am I still here?

Why can I still hear the Bear?

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Surrender II.

From The Sage to The Cool

This is where we are right Now

Confused

Imperfect

Indecisive

Insecure

Paranoid

Lazy

Detached

Depressed

Angry

Sad

Self-destructive

Blah

Blah

Blah

Not okay

This is not okay

But

This is where we are right Now.

Do you understand?

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Beautiful..

From CoolsBear

The self is dying

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PART III

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Monster III.

To The Cool & The Sage From The Bear

Can’t you see!

We’ve been wronged!

We don’t belong here

In this world

We’re strange

We’re odd.

I feel

So much

So sensitive

I feel!

We’ve been screwed

We can’t be like the others

Do what they do

Think how they think

Live how they live

But we want to

Don’t we.

I won’t ever let you forget

How strange we are.

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Last ditch.

From The Bear

Thos two

They don’t know

They don’t Feel like I do.

You can’t swallow all these emotions

You can’t

They possess you

Leave you in a trance

And by the time you wake up

It’s too late.

You’ve broken things

Things you love

I don’t want this!

But I can’t help it..

So I will crash everything

The universe will pay

If I can’t have happiness

No one will..

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Faith.

To The Cool From The Sage

Come now

We will be fine

We will learn

To hear him

Less and less

Every day.

A tiny bit

Every day.

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Ego Death.

To The Sage From The Cool

Maybe

It is you

That must unhear us

And then

Unhear yourself.

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Surrender III.

From The Sage

Truly

This must be

The only way;

Acceptance.

We do not win this

By fighting it

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Love.

To The Bear From The Cool

I

Used to hate

You

But I realize

This is your

Nature.

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Beautiful Death.

From CoolsBear

The self is dying

The walls are cracking

An inner demolition

An inner shading

The death of some

Premature Phoenix.

Let it die

Let it die

Let the self die,

The false self

Let it die.

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From Me to The Reader

So this is what I had to do to keep from killing myself.

Lol nah I’m too squeamish for that.

I called it Sagedom because I think all the mental turmoil can force someone to seek wisdom and find it (become a Sage), once they can

accept that drugs, alcohol, fake love, sex, compulsive internet use, and whatever distraction won’t help.

All that pressure, if you let it, can make a diamond. I think, or maybe I really am just crazy.

Well in case you haven’t figured it out, the 3 are different versions of the same mind and CoolsBear (Coolsagebear – TheCoolTheSageTheBear) is a state of harmony, when the 3 fall in sync, cause in a way I don’t

think one can actually exist without any of them, even The Bear, everything in moderation right?

So the three, on their own are a false self.

Now the 3 never exist at the same time, a mind is only ever the bear or the sage or the cool. That’s why they write letters to each other, cause they can’t really come face to face. However, they still are

one, doesn’t The Sage sometimes sound like The Bear? The Cool like The Sage? The Bear like The Cool?

You’re in Bear mode when you’re doing something self destructive even though you know you shouldn’t be doing it, or when you’re possessed by

a feeling like lust or anger.

Sage mode is your voice of reason; ultimately there’s always that little voice in your head that knows what to do, even if you

procrastinate by trying to seek advice or something, ultimately when it comes to your soul you always know what to do, well I think so

anyway.

So what’s The Cool? Your purity, your sensitive side, that part of you that’s impacted the most by your actions.

Now CoolsBear. CoolsBear is a big deal, that’s like Jesus level, Buddha level, whatever you wanna call it. Mastery of the mind. I think we all reach that level now and then, but it’s pretty hard sustain.

Anyway you take what you want form this. This is MY interpretation by the way, maybe the 3 and CoolsBear mean something else for you.

Thank you for reading :)

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