Anti-Bullying

Sara Hay, School CounselorKelly Blair, Counseling Intern

Bullying: What Parents Need to KnowAgendaIntroductionWhat is Bullying/TypesGirl vs. Boy BullyingWhy do students bully?Signs that watch out forWhat can you do to help?What is A.G. Bell doing?Resources!

Post-it Question:What is one thing you would like to know about bullying?

Case Study #1:Each day, 10-year-old Seth asked his mom for more and more lunch money. Yet he seemed skinnier than ever and came home from school hungry. It turned out that Seth was handing his lunch money to a fifth-grader, who was threatening to beat him up if he didn't pay.

Pretend for a minute that you are the parent of this child:How would you respond?What would you say to your child?What could you do to help? Pretend for a minute, that you are the parent of one of these students:How would you respond?What would you say to your child?What could you do to help?4

Case Study #2Kayla, 13, thought things were going well at her new school, since all the popular girls were being so nice to her. But then she found out that one of them had posted mean rumors about her on a website. Kayla cried herself to sleep that night and started going to the nurse's office complaining of a stomachache to avoid the girls in study hall.

Pretend for a minute that you are the parent of this child:How would you respond?What would you say to your child?What could you do to help?

What is Bullying?Bullying is unfair and one-sided. It happens when someone keeps hurting, frightening, threatening, or leaving someone out on purpose.

(Steps to Respect, 2001)

Most kids have been teased by a sibling or a friend at some point. And it's not usually harmful when done in a playful, friendly, and mutual way, and both kids find it funny. But when teasing becomes hurtful, unkind, and constant, it crosses the line into bullying and needs to stop.

So whats the difference between bullying and horseplay? - Bullying is hurtful, often repeated, and one person has more power than the other.

Examples of what I mean when I say one person has more power include: one student is older than the other or quite a bit larger, one student is fluent in English and one speaks only a little English, and one student has many friends while the other student might not have any.

6Types of BullyingVerbal: (Name-calling, teasing)Physical: (Hitting, punching, shoving)Social: (Spreading rumors, leaving people out on purpose, breaking up friendships)Cyberbullying:(Using the Internet, mobile phones or other digital technologies to harm others)

7Girl Bullying vs. Boy BullyingHow girls bully and boys bullying is very different

Boys tend to get physical, threatening bodily harm to their victims. (face to face bullying)Easier to recognize and defuse

Girls tend to go for the emotions. By socially isolating or ostracizing, calling names, spreading rumors, and humiliating their victims. (behind the back bullying)Harder to recognize and stop

Why Does Bullying Occur?Establish a social orderDominance/powerControl resourcesKeep others way

Kids bully for a variety of reasons. Sometimes they pick on kids because they need a victim someone who seems emotionally or physically weaker, or just acts or appears different in some way to feel more important, popular, or in control. Although some bullies are bigger or stronger than their victims, that's not always the case.

Sometimes kids torment others because that's the way theyve been treated. They may think their behavior is normal because they come from families or other settings where everyone regularly gets angry, shouts, or calls names. Some popular TV shows even seem to promote meanness people are "voted off," shunned, or ridiculed for their appearance or lack of talent.

9Children who are bullied tend to:Experience further rejection from peers.Have lower self-esteem than other children.Feel more lonely, anxious, and insecure.Avoid and dislike school.

(Steps to Respect, 2001)

10Signs that your student might be getting bullied:Complains frequently of headaches, stomachaches, or feeling sickHas changes in eating habits/trouble sleepingLoses interest in visiting or talking with friendsIs afraid of going to school or other activities with peersLoses interest or begins to do poorly in schoolAppears sad, moody, angry, anxious or depressedTalks about suicide/hurts themselvesFeels helplessOften feels like they are not good enoughBlames themselves for their problemsAvoids certain places(Stopbullying.gov)Signs that your student might be bullying others:Becomes violent with othersGets into physical or verbal fights with othersGets sent to the principals office or detention a lotHas extra money or new belongings that cannot be explainedIs quick to blame othersWill not accept responsibility for their actionsHas friends who bully othersNeeds to win or be best at everything(Stopbullying.gov)What can you do to help?Research shows that when adults become actively involved in handling bullying situations, bullying behaviors decrease.

CNN Video(Steps to Respect, 2001)

What can you do if your student is being bullied?Never tell your student to ignore the bullying.Dont blame your student for the bullying.Talk with your student. Empathize with your student. If you disagree with how your student handled the bullying situation, dont criticize him or her. Document ongoing bullying. Do not encourage physical retaliation.Work together to find solutions. If you suspect bullying but your child is reluctant to open up, find opportunities to bring up the issue in a more roundabout way. For instance, you might see a situation on a TV show and use it as a conversation starter, asking "What do you think of this?" or "What do you think that person should have done?" This might lead to questions like: "Have you ever seen this happen?" or "Have you ever experienced this?" You might want to talk about any experiences you or another family member had at that age.

Let your kids know that if they're being bullied or see it happening to someone else it's important to talk to someone about it, whether it's you, another adult (a teacher, school counselor, or family friend), or a sibling.14What can you do if your student is being bullied? (CONT)Check your emotions. Contact a teacher, school counselor, or principal at your school immediately. Encourage your student to make contact with friendly students in his or her class.Help your student develop strategies and skills for handling bullying. (Ways to respond to bullying to follow).If you or your student need additional help, seek help from a school counselor and/or mental health professional.(United States Department of Health and Human Services, 2011)

Ways a student can respond to bullying?Speak up against bullying: Say something like, stop it.Avoid the bully and use the buddy system: Staying with a group might help.Hold the anger: use cool down strategies like counting to 10, taking breaths or walking awayAct brave, walk away, and ignore the bully: firmly and clearly tell the bully to stop, then walk away. Act like you do not care, even if you really do.Tell an adult you trust: They may have ideas about what you can do.Remove the incentives: If someone is taking their money, start bringing lunch. Remind them: They are not alone.

(United States Department of Health and Human Services, 2011)

Avoid the bully and use the buddy system. Use a different bathroom if a bully is nearby and don't go to your locker when there is nobody around. Make sure you have someone with you so that you're not alone with the bully. Buddy up with a friend on the bus, in the hallways, or at recess wherever the bully is. Offer to do the same for a friend.Hold the anger. It's natural to get upset by the bully, but that's what bullies thrive on. It makes them feel more powerful. Practice not reacting by crying or looking red or upset. It takes a lot of practice, but it's a useful skill for keeping off of a bully's radar. Sometimes kids find it useful to practice "cool down" strategies such as counting to 10, writing down their angry words, taking deep breaths or walking away. Sometimes the best thing to do is to teach kids to wear a "poker face" until they are clear of any danger (smiling or laughing may provoke the bully).Act brave, walk away, and ignore the bully. Firmly and clearly tell the bully to stop, then walk away. Practice ways to ignore the hurtful remarks, like acting uninterested or texting someone on your cell phone. By ignoring the bully, you're showing that you don't care. Eventually, the bully will probably get bored with trying to bother you.Tell an adult. Teachers, principals, parents, and lunchroom personnel at school can all help stop bullying.Talk about it. Talk to someone you trust, such as a guidance counselor, teacher, sibling, or friend. They may offer some helpful suggestions, and even if they can't fix the situation, it may help you feel a little less alone.Remove the incentives. If the bully is demanding your lunch money, start bringing your lunch. If he's trying to get your music player, don't bring it to school.

16LWSD/A.G. Bell School PolicyHarassment, intimidation, or bullying means any intentional electronic, written, verbal, or physical act, including but not limited to one shown to be motivated because of his/her perceptions of the victims race, color, religion, ancestry, national origin, gender, sexual orientation, or mental, physical, or sensory handicap or other distinguishing characteristics, when the intentional electronic, written, verbal, or physical act:Physically harms a student or damages the students propertyHas the effect of substantially interfering with a students educationIs so severe, persistent, or pervasive that it creates an intimidating or threatening educational environmentHas the effect of substantially disrupting the orderly operation of the school

How Do We Identify & Respond to Bullying in Our School?Bullying is often identified at A.G. Bell through student, parent, or teacher report

When bullying is reported, Mr. Madsen and/or Mrs. Hay will start an investigation.Depending on the severity of the situation, different types of conflict resolution may happen.1. Conflict Mediation2. Loss of recess3. Phone call home to parents4. In school suspension5. Out of school suspension

Our goal is to make A.G. Bell a bully-free zone!We do this by:Teaching students to recognize, refuse, and report bullying.KELSORecognizing students through our Living the Bulldog Way program.Refuse, Report, etc19Resources:Books and websites to learn more about BullyingWebsites to Check Out:Stopbullying.govA website that provides information how kids, teens, adults, educators, and community members can prevent or stop bullying. Bullying.org A project for kids by kids. Youth can contribute their personal reflections, poems, music, drawings, photographs, and even films.Finding Kind, findingkind.indieflix.comA documentary about girl bullying. Click on the link above to find a screening near you.

Children's Books We Recommend:Stop Picking on Me: A first look at bullying, by Pat ThomasHoward B. Wigglebottom Learns about Bullies, by Howard BinkowSimons Hook: A story about teases and put-downs, by Karen G. BurnettSay Something, by Peggy MossEnemy Pie, by Derek MunsonThe Recess Queen, by Alexis ONeill & Laura Huliska-BeithInformational Books about BullyingQueen Bees & Wannabees, by: Rosalind WisemanThe Bully, the Bullied, and the Bystander, by Barbara ColorosoOdd Girl Out: The hidden culture of aggression in girls, by Rachel Simmons Little Girls Can Be Mean: Four steps to bully-proof girls in the early grades, by Michelle Anthony & Reyna Lindert

Wrap-up Question:What is one thing you will take home with you today and use with your children?Questions