schools out the musical

THE FAIRLY ODDPARENTS

“School’s Out: The Musical”

#217-220

Written by:

Butch Hartman and Steve Marmel

As Broadcast Script: 8.30.04

Nickelodeon Animation Studio

C2003 Viacom International Inc.

The Fairly OddParents: “School’s Out – The Musical” As Broadcast Script 8.30.04 2

FLUNKYOh Flooky! Up ahead! We don't have much time.

FLOOKYOh, Flunky! Are you sure there's no other way?

FLUNKYI'm a clown. The only thing I'm sure of is that seltzer is funny. Ha ha ha. We don't have much time. We don't have much time. We have to save our son if we want him to carry on our super hilarious --

FLOOKYAnd kind of creepy --

FLUNKYClown heritage!

EVEL KNIEVELHey! This is my bullet!

BABY FLAPPYMama. Goo goo.

SANDERSONWell, H.P., once again our 37-year anti-fun plan to take over Fairyworld has been thwarted.

H.P.Yes, Sanderson. It seems that as long as there are Fairies on Earth, we will never get the upper hand.

SANDERSONI can't believe they're making us drive home this time.

FLUNKY AND FLOOKYGoodbye, Flappy! We love you!!!!

FLUNKY AND FLOOKY


Ahhhh!

FLUNKYI knew I should have finished law school!

FLUNKYDidn't see that turn there.

FLOOKYMe neither.

FLOOKY AND FLUNKY(beat; then)

OUR BABY!!!

FLOOKYI thought you said there was no other way!

FLUNKY(incredulous)

I'm a CLOWN!!!

SANDERSONWant to stop for a corn dog? Nachos? Perhaps a slushy?

H.P.No. What I want is to find an unwitting human pawn. Perhaps a baby. We could take 37 years to mold it into our ultimate weapon. But what are the odds of that?

EVEL KNIEVELWhew! Good thing I was wearing my helmet! Ahhh! (beat) I'm OK!

BABY FLAPPY<<GIGGLES>>

H.P.Sanderson? I think this is the beginning of a beautiful new 37-year plan...

H.P. AND SANDERSON<<laugh maniacally>>

TIMMY (V.O.)


Come on...come on...

TIMMY...be 3:00 already! Be the first day of summer already!

AJTimmy, you can't manipulate the fabric of time by staring at the clock. Time bends for no man.

CHESTERYeah, but we're boys! It's worth a try!

(glares at clock)BE THE FIRST DAY OF SUMMER ALREADY!

SFX: <CLOCK TICK>

CHESTERI DID IT! I am the Lord of Time!!!

WANDAOh, hurry up, clock! It's almost summer!

COSMOYay! Summer is the time of year when we get to constantly use our magic and hang with Timmy without the annoying interruption of the educational system!

(SCREAMS AT CLOCK)Come on already!

H.P.Yes. Come on already. It's been 37 years. Now it's time to put our plan into action. And this is the year, finally, all the magic will be ours. In five...

ALL KIDS IN CLASSFOUR!

MOMTHREE!!! <GASP!>

DADTWO!!! <GASP!>

ALL FAIRIES


One!

ALL FAIRIESWAHOOOO!!!!!

SFX: <THE SCHOOL BELL RINGS!!!>

KIDSWAHOOOO!!!

SONG #1 - "KIDS JUST BEING KIDS"

TIMMYThe bell rings! School's done! Time for eight straight weeks of sun and fun!

CHESTERNo shirts! No shoes!

KIDSEw!

FRANCISBeatin' kids up any time I choose!

VERONICAThe beach!The mall!

SANJAYFamily visits to the Taj Mahal!

TIMMYYou can do the things your parents forbid...

CHESTER(spoken) Like streak!

KIDS'Cause Summer's not a bummer 'cuz we're kids just bein' kids!


COSMOIt's time! It's here!

COSMO AND WANDAMy very, very favorite time of year!

WANDANo school! Just play!

COSMOGranting wishes the entire day!

WANDAAre you really sure that this is allowed?

SANDERSONWe should help them be destructive and loud!

KIDSCause we're kids just being kids! Running wild and running free! Kids just being kids!

CHESTERWhat can I TP?

KIDSKids just being kids! Close your eyes and count to three!

MOM AND DADThere's nowhere safe for you and me with those kids just being kids!

MOMMy house! My yard!

SANJAY'S DAD


Who bought rockets with my credit card?

SFX: <BOOM!>

SFX: <BAM!>

DINKLEBERGMy Porsche!

MS. DINKLEBERGMy word!

CROCKERIt's not my problem 'til September third!

MAYOR (O.S.)My town!

CHOMPYBaaaa!

MAYORRight! Something horrible is going down!

ADULTSThey can do those things That their parents forbid!

CHESTERLike streak!

ADULTSThey'll kill themselves this summer 'cuz they're kids just being kids!

FINAL CHORUS

ADULTSKids just being kids! Wrecking things and ruining stuff! Kids just being kids!

SANDERSONAre you sure that this is enough?


TIMMYNo!!

ADULTSKids just being kids,taking risks, we must act tough! And save our kids from all the stuff...taking risks, we must act tough and save our kids from all the stuff...of kids just being kids!

END OF SONG.

CROCKERIt's not supposed to be my problem until September 3rd!

MAYORLook at those kids!

(to O.S.)What do you think I should do?

CHOMPY<<BAAAAA!!!!>>

MAYORNo, no...our military's spread too thin as it is.

CHOMPY<<BAAAA!!!!>>

MAYORA town meeting...that's a great idea!

MAYORThis your worst idea ever!

CHET UBETCHAGet OFF you little--I mean equally-sized--brats!!!

CHET UBETCHA


I'm Chet UBetcha and I demand to talk to--I mean blame--the Mayor for everything that's happened!!

CROWD<<walla>>

MAYOR(panicked)

Wait! He's the Mayor! I'm the goat! See? I'm eating a tin can! BAAAAA!!

CHOMPY<<BAAAA!!!>>

DADHow can you just sit there "Baaaaaaing" when our children are injuring themselves and, more importantly, our stuff?

CHOMPY<<BAAAAAA!!!>>

MOMI don't speak goat, but I don't like the tone or smell of our new goat mayor!

CROCKERIsn't he technically naked?

CHOMPY<<Nervous bleat!!!>>

MAYORWhat are you coming after me for?!! He's the Mayor!

(screamsCHOMPY! WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO?!

FLAPPY BOB (O.S.)STOP!!!

ALL ADULTS (V.O.)FLAPPY BOB?!?!

FLAPPY BOB


That's right, folks. It's me - Flappy Bob! Owner, proprietor and Chief Operating Officer of Flappy Bob's Learnatorium!

SFX: <<CLOWN HORN HONK>>

FLAPPY BOBHA HA HA!

(catches self)Sorry! Terribly sorry.

DADFlappy Bob? I always thought you were a clown!

FLAPPY BOBI'm no clown...

FLAPPY BOBI'm the guy with the answer to all your summertime problems. Allow me to present...

FLAPPY BOB...Camp Learnatorium! A brand new, 24-hours-a-day, all-summer-long day care center and educational camp!

DADWe can't put them in the Learnatorium all summer, can we?

FLAPPY BOBOf course you can! With a major credit card!

(happily again)Gary? Betty?

SONG #2 - "GET FLAPPY"

FLAPPY BOBYou're sitting here complaining! 'Bout all that you've been through. With the whole summer remaining, you must be asking "Who...?" ...can protect your little darlings from the bad things you abhor.


Let me tell you Flappy Bob's the clown you're looking for!

Before they skin their knees! Get Flappy! Before they're black and blue! Get Flappy! Before they've caught TB! Get Flappy! Or keep annoying you!

Before they break their necks! Get Flappy! Before they break their arms! Before they're all but wrecks, Get Flappy! Before they do more harm!

GARY AND BETTY (cheering)

Flap flap flap flap flappity doo! Flappy is the clown for you! Flap flap flap flap flappity die! He's the clown for you and I! Flap Flappity Oh! Flappy is the way to go!

TIMMYDo you hear what I'm hearing? No! This cannot be true! That clown's about to take summer away from me and you!

FRANCISNo more engine sling shots?

CHESTERNo more naked runs?

TIMMYNo! If we don't act nowwe'll be trapped atCamp Learnatorium!Before he steals our summer! Before it's check and mate! We've gotta stop that Flappy BobBefore it's way too late!


FLAPPY BOBWhy sit here just complaining? Why even take the chance? Leave your kiddies with the chap who wears the polka-dotted pants!I know that it seems harsh!

KIDSIt is!

FLAPPY BOBAnd a little bit unfair!

KIDSYou're right!

FLAPPY BOBBut someone's gotta be there when you know you can't be there!

DADOr don't wanna be!

FLAPPY BOBIt might be a tad expensive! But let me ask of you! Won't it cost more down the line... If the cops are blaming you! For the injuries incurred while your children wreck the town! You can learn to love your cell mate, or just learn to love this clown! Get Flappyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy....

GARY AND BETTYFlap flap flap flap flappity doo!!! flap flap flap flappity dee!

FLAPPY BOB AND ADULTSGet Flappyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!

GARY AND BETTYFlap flap flap flap flappity die!! Flap flap flap flappity doh!

ALL ADULTSGET FLAPPY!!!


END OF SONG.

CHET UBETCHAYou heard it here first, folks!This is Chet UBetcha saying that starting tomorrow, every kid in Dimmsdale is to report to Flappy Bob's Camp Learnatorium... for the rest of the summer! HA! HA! HA!

(beat)I mean, for their own good!

KIDSNo!

FLAPPY BOB<<laughs>> Sorry. Sorry.

END OF ACT ONE.

ACT TWO

MOMWow! For a second there, I thought the kids might not enjoy spending the summer at Camp Learnatorium, and then I thought...WHO CARES?

DADRight! I'll bet the kids have a great time! And if they don't? WHO CARES?

MOM AND DAD


Yay!

FLAPPY BOBHave a nice summer!

KID #1How am I supposed to pee in this?

GARYEverything looks safe and sound! I'll go get the padded encyclopedia!

BETTYNeat! I'll get the broccoli! And the funnel!

TIMMYI can't take spending the whole summer here! I've only been here five minutes and I'm ready to pull my hair out!

COSMOWell, don't give it to me, I'll just cough it back up! <<HACK!>>

COSMO AND WANDAAHHH! PIXIES!

TIMMYWhat do you cone domes want? It's already boring enough here!

COSMO<<HACK!>>

H.P.Oh! Hi, Turner. Don't mind us, we're just enjoying the show.

SANDERSONYour misery is like going to the movies for us. Want some popcorn?

H.P.It's unsalted and unbuttered, right?

SANDERSONAnd unpopped!


H.P.You know, Turner. All your misery has one common denominator...adults.

TIMMYWait a minute... What do you mean adults?

SONG #3 - "ADULTS RUIN EVERYTHING!"

H.P.Who shuts the mall down early?

SANDERSONWho wants you in by dark?

TIMMYYeah! Who gets all mad and surly... ...when we make a smart remark?

Who do we have to hide from from Dimmsdale to old Beijing? They're taking away our summer adults ruin everything!

TIMMYAdults ruin everything! With all their rules and laws! Adults ruin everything! We must fight back because! Adults ruin everything! Time and time again! Adults ruin everything! Trust no one over ten!

CHESTERI'd feed the whole world ice cream!

VERONICAI'd super-size the mall!

AJI'd melt stuff with my heat beam!

H.P.(to Timmy)

Too bad it's not your call.


TIMMYBut I've got two magic Fairies!

COSMOWands waiting to be twirled!

TIMMYAdults could not ruin everything if us kids ran the world!

ALL KIDSAdults ruin everything! But kids would run things right! Adults ruin everything, but we know we can fight! Adults ruin everything! That's how this day unfurled! But that won't happen if I wish That kids could rule the world!

TIMMYWho gets to set the curfews?

ALL KIDSKIDS!

TIMMYWho gets to make the laws?

ALL KIDSKIDS!

TIMMYThere's one adult left we all trust! And his name is Santa Claus!

ALL KIDSKIDS!

TIMMYWho gets to run the country?

ALL KIDSKIDS!

TIMMYWho gets to say what's cool?


ALL KIDSKIDS!

TIMMYHow can I put it bluntly?

ALL KIDSKIDS!

TIMMYNow it's kids who rule!!!

KIDSAdults ruin everything and now it's kids who rule!

END OF SONG.

CHESTERHeads down!

GARYThis is scary. Kids are ruling the earth. Hold me!

BETTYBut I don't like you like that!

GARYBut I need to be held!

FLAPPY BOBNo. She doesn't like you like that.

SANDERSON (V.O.)Phase Two is complete, H.P.

H.P.Yes, Sanderson. It's almost as though we're finally unstoppable, Sanderson. How is that possible?

SANDERSONMust I break it down for you?

H.P.Yes. Break it down. It would be criminal if you didn't.


SONG #4 - "WE'RE PIXIES!"

SANDERSONYeah! We're Pixies! Yeah!We're Pixies! We're Pixies! Check out our mad, wicked mixies! We've got square heads! Big pointy caps! Clean out your ears and hear my rap!You're H.P., yo! You are in charge!

H.P.I may be small, but my goals are large! I'm not a hater, but I must cater, to my mission, to be the wishin'administrator!

SANDERSONI'm Sanderson! I'm anti-fun! And all those Fairies can bite my bun! With my boss H.P., we're gonna be the big time rulers

H.P.You got that, G!

ALL THREEWe're Pixies! Yeah Pixies!

SANDERSON AND H.P.And since the 1960s! We've raised that clown, to be our tool, to beat the Fairies so we can rule!


H.P. AND SANDERSONWe're Pixies! We're Pixies!

H.P.I can't help but feel conflixies! It's going just as we predixies.

SANDERSONYou can't stop now, the time is near; When Fairyworld, and this one here, are ruled by us,

H.P. AND SANDERSONby us you hear? By Pixies! We're Pixies! Strong like Bill Bixby! We're Pixies! Pixies!

END OF SONG.

TIMMYAwesome! Kids rule and adults are powerless!

YVETTE UBETCHAI'm Yvette Ubetcha with the news. This fall is all about chocolate, and homework has been officially declared super yucky.

TIMMYWhich means I guess it's time for me to go to work!

(to Cosmo and Wanda)Where do I work?

TIMMYThe White House? Wait a minute, I'm the President of Kid World?

COSMOWell, everywhere but Florida! They're still voting!


WANDADon't get too cocky, Timmy! Being the president is a big job!

TIMMYBig job, schmig job. I'm the President! It's not like I have to answer to anybody!

SFX: <<FLASHBULBS GOING OFF>>

KID REPORTERSMr. President! Mr. President!

KID REPORTER #3(re: two girl reporters)

Oooh! Ooh! Mr. President! Who do you like better? Her? Or her?

KID REPORTER #4Hey! Hey! I can't see!

TIMMY(to Wanda)

What do I do? What do I do?!

WANDAWhatever you want! You're in charge!

TIMMYI'm in charge...

SONG #5 - "TIMMY'S SONG"

TIMMYThat kids had no power, I had to correct. We kids are the boss now, and you can expect, that things'll be different with me at the wheel!

TIMMYI'm ten and in charge now! And here's what I feel...

TIMMYI made a place that the kids now are running!


The view from our treehouse is really quite stunning!

H.P.Our plan. Look. It's working.

SANDERSONWe're really quite cunning.

H.P.To Jorgen Von Strangle we go.

SANDERSONNice hat!

TIMMYIt's candy for breakfast, and ice cream for lunch,it's candy for dinner and I've got a hunch that it's dandy we run things, don't act like a mob!There's plenty to do and we've all got a job!

TIMMYYou get to be the police chief!

TOOTIECan I flash the big red light?

TIMMY(to Chester)

You go to the Learnatorium and break everything in sight!

CHESTERAt last!

TIMMY(to AJ)

You get to lead all my armies! All over the map! You clean my room up and you wash my clothes

TIMMY (ON MONITOR)...while I stay here and nap!


H.P. AND SANDERSONWe're Pixies! We're Pixies!Check out our mad wicked mixies! Have you checked out the planet? We know you didn't plan it, ...but the kids have the power and the Fairies...

JORGENDAGNABBIT!

H.P. AND SANDERSONWe're Pixies! We're Pixies! And we're about to affix these! Notes of eviction!

JORGENEarth is my jurisdiction!!

H.P. AND SANDERSONThe power balance needs a' fixin' like our magical prediction!

H.PWe're Pixies! We're Pixies! And if you open "Da Rules," seein Section F, Subsection O, amendment I... A loophole, Yo...

SANDERSON(reading)

"If Pixies, yes Pixies, are the last magic creatures on Earth, G... When the kids have too much power and the Fairies get retired then we Pixies can grant wishes and make the whole world what we desire!"

(Note: We hear "We're Pixies! We're Pixies! Check out our mad wicked mixies!" beneath the last two verses of this song.)

TIMMYEverything's going tremendous.


I finally have the reigns. Trixie's bringing me pizza and Crocker is in chains...

CROCKER<<gasp>>

TIMMYMom and Dad have homeworkAnd Vicky baby sits I make the rules and I call the shots

WANDAAnd you know I must admit...

WANDAWow, things are running quite smoothly! With kids there are no wars!

COSMOYeah but I don't think that it's groovy, that we're stuck with all the chores!

TIMMYHow can you be disapproving, this gets better by the hour! No worries, no strife, Baby this is the life!!!!

SFX: <<BOOM!!!!>>

JORGENYou have too much power!

END OF SONG.

TIMMY(after a beat)

Uh oh.

END OF ACT TWO.

ACT THREE

COSMO (V.O.)Let us go! Timmy needs us!


JORGENNo he does not! Nor does any other child! According to Da Rules, fairies can only be assigned to children in need!

WANDABut there are extenuating circumstances!

COSMOI know this is probably a bad time, but what does "extenuating" mean?

JORGENOh, I'm sorry. Here is what it means!

SFX: <<BLAST>>

COSMOI'd rather learn by phonics.

JORGEN(calmly)

I know you're upset, and also on fire, but let me explain something to you:

SONG #6 - "The Jorgen Polka" (think: "Beer Barrel Polka")

JORGENWith my muscles! I will tussles! With all those who dare discussels a clear and present threat-sles to my authority

To my knuckles! You will buckles! Like a chicken you will cluck-sles! For I so do love Da Rules-les and I know "Da Rules" love me!

You will learn to fear my mighty fist! If my song won't help you get the gist! And though you fools might disagree! But you will all answer to me!

With this Polka! I won't Joke-a!


But first, this Frappe Mocha! (mm!)I was shocked when I awoke-a! To a world where kids all ruled!

With my bi-ceps! I must try-cepts!To see that kids are now denied-ceps!The magic we supplied-cepts!For your jobs must be retooled!

Oh I love to get to draw the line!And you morons make me all the time!For "Da Rules" are very clear!And now the time is here!For me to...

JORGEN...pull back the Fairies!

HP AND SANDERSONPull 'em back, pull 'em back, pull 'em back.

JORGENBring them all home one by one!Pull back the Fairies!


JORGENNow that my mocha is done!Pull back the Fairies!


JORGENNow that the kids have the reins!Now we're pulling, pulling pulling back the Fairies!So I can bring them pain!

END OF SONG.


WANDAOh no! We're in a Fairy dungeon! And we're wandless!

COSMOWell, nothing left to do now except some pull ups!

COSMO(out of breath; to Wanda)

Whew! Now what do you wanna do?

TIMMYOkay... Cosmo and Wanda might be gone... But everything's great! After all! I'm the President! And I get all these free pens!

TIMMYYOU!!!

FLAPPY BOBThat's right, "President Turner!" Ah, circus peanuts! That's right, it's me! Did you really think you'd be able to get away with sending your kid armies to destroy Camp Learnatorium?

TIMMYYeah. That's why we tore it down. And here's a commemorative pen from the bill I signed endorsing the action.

FLAPPY BOBHey, thank - oh, darn it! That place was great!

TIMMYDude! That place was lame!

FLAPPY BOB(gasp)

It can't be lame! Everything I knew about fun went into that place! <<laugh>>

FLAPPY BOB


Oh confetti! Sorry about that!

264A TIMMY<<APPLAUDS>>

TIMMYNo! No! That was fun! That was great! You should do more stuff like that!

FLAPPY BOBBut I wasn't taught that THIS was awesome! Or fun! I was taught that boring was fun! That dull was fun!

TIMMYWho would tell you that dull and boring was fun?

SFX: <PING!!!>

H.P.Hello. Son.

FLAPPY BOB<<gasp>>

TIMMYSon? What the heck is going on here?

H.P.Montage please.

H.P. (V.O.)Since the days we found him in the untamed wilds of Kansas, we have been secretly watching over Flappy Bob.

H.P. (V.O.)Whether it was as a baby...

H.P. (V.O.)Or as a young man. We always made sure we delivered our special brand of Pixie caregiving to see that Flappy was taken care of even if he didn't know how.

SANDERSON (V.O.)


We made sure he had everything he needed to live our... I mean, his dream.

FLAPPY BOB(reading)

"Learnatorium..."

H.P.A 37 year-long dream you destroyed, Turner!

FLAPPY BOBYeah, he did destroy my dream! Who are you guys, anyway? Long lost cousins? Distant uncles, what? And what's with the floating?

H.P.We have that kind of money.

SANDERSONWalking is for poor people.

H.P.We like to think of ourselves as your godparents.

TIMMYGodparents? Oh no! That means they can grant a wish!

H.P.Godparents with the money to give you anything you want!

H.P.If you just sign here. As part of the contract you get to make the world exactly as you want to. All we want in return are certain merchandising rights, a few royalties, and absolute control of Fairy world.

290A TIMMY<<GASPS>>

TIMMY


Oh my gosh! I know what they're up to! No! You have to listen to me! I know they're the guys who've given you everything you ever wanted and I'm just the guy who destroyed your lifelong dream, but you have to listen to me. (beat) Boy, that came out wrong.

TIMMYBut I gave you the pen.

FLAPPY BOBForget it, kid. I know who my friends are, and I'm signing that contract!

TIMMYWait!!!

Song # 7 - "Where is the Fun?"

TIMMYHey Flappy Bob! Can't you see what they've done? They needed a pawnand clearly you were the one! They took away your clowny clothes! Your floppy shoes and big red nose! Just look around! How could you say this is fun?

Since you were born, they decided your fate! From the style of your car, down to the foods that you ate! I know it seems they gave a lot, but I'm telling you it's part of a plot! A plot that you can stop, Stop it before it's too late!

PIXIESHey Flappy Bob, you hear what he was spreading? The lies that he was telling? I know where this is heading. Toward turning you against us! To resent us


and present us as the gents who are the villains, yeah, but don't you be forgetting!

It was you, Flappy Bob!Yeah you were the one! We protected and respected As though you were a son! And now you're in the middle! You can fiddle with this riddle Or you can sign this deal and trust us that your wishes will be done!

TIMMYWhere is the fun?

FLAPPYWho should I turn to?

PIXIESWhere is the fun?

FLAPPYHow can I learn who?

TIMMYWho is the one...

FLAPPYThe one I can trust to tell me what's fun.


FLAPPYWhy should I trust you?

PIXIESHe was the one.

FLAPPYYou were the one who


wanted to shun, everything that Ialways thought fun!

[Note: The Pixies rap under Timmy's singing.]

TIMMYHey, Flappy Bob, can't you see in your heart? There's a role that you play, and dude this just aint the part! I know my actions Weren't ideal but how'd your clowny parents feel 'bout the path that you chose, and whether or not it was smart?

PIXIESFlappy!Flappy! Flappy! Don't listen! If you're going To trust someone then trust this one! Or this one! We're the ones that raised you! We're the ones who praised you! He thinks that he's your friend now? Come on doesn't that amaze you?


FLAPPYWhy should I trust you?

PIXIES


He was the one.

FLAPPYYou were the one who wanted to shun, everything that Ialways thought fun!


FLAPPYI'm so conflicted...

PIXIESBut he was the one.

FLAPPYThe one who restricted

PIXIESYour vision of fun!

FLAPPYAnd with this pen, I'll sign this, by line item one!

TIMMY(SPOKEN)

NO!!!

FLAPPYMaybe you're right! It could be a giant mistake! But changing my life'sa risk I'm not ready to take!This nose, pants, hair and shoes! They're all my past, and now I choose! To wish for a world, a world that fits all my views!

FLAPPY BOB (CONT'D)A world where I'm safe!


PIXIESIt's over, Turner. You lose.

TIMMYAhhh!

FLAPPY BOBThanks for the pen.

TIMMYAhh! Oh no!

DADI'm happy peppy Dad!

MOMI'm happy peppy Mom!

JORGEN (V.O.)Don't make this any more painful than it has to be...

WANDAUh...isn't there supposed to be a good cop and a bad cop?

JORGENWe had some cutbacks. Now...do you want to stay in Fairy jail for the rest of your Fairy life? Or do you want to blame Cosmo?

WANDANo!

JORGENPlease!

WANDANo!

JORGENOK, good cop over. Blame Cosmo!

WANDABlame Cosmo?

SONG #8 - "FLOATING WITH YOU"


WANDAI was lost, til he found me, and although, he confounds me. By his crownis where I know I should be.

Yes I know he's a moron, with a brainmade of boron! And yet I'm drawn to him magically!

And through every moment of turmoil,and moment of pain. All of our misadventures, one thing remains. Facing Pixies, Bullies and JarheadsI'll never be blue. As long as I'm floating... With you.

COSMOI saw her and no other, I still lived with my mother when I spotted her swirly pink hair!

COSMOThough my shoes smell like tarpitsand I don't wash my armpits I like monkeys too much, but I know she doesn't care!

And I know that I'm forgetful! I know I'm dim! And even though I've just eaten, I know I'll swim!


I know it doesn't matter If I can't count to two! As long as I'm floating... with you.

COSMO AND WANDAEven though we're in deep here,and they might make us sleep here, here with you, dear, is where we both make our stand.

WANDAI am braced for attack and...

COSMO...knowing she has my back and

COSMO AND WANDAAll I need is her (his) hand in my hand!

WANDABaby I know I can be nagging!

COSMOI know you're naggy too!

WANDAI know that I'm demanding!

COSMOOh man is that true!

COSMO AND WANDABut one thing I'm understandingno matter what we go through I'd rather go through it I know I'll get through it if I'm floating through it... with you.

END OF SONG.

COSMOYou really are kind of naggy.


WANDADid you get the handcuff key?

COSMOYep! Operation "Distract Jorgen with a Stupid Gooey Love Song" works every time!

JORGEN(crying)

"I saw her and no other?" Oh, and that part with the fingerprints? Fingers aren't shaped like that - it was love!

WANDACome on! We've got to get down to Earth!

SANDERSONWell, HP. Now that Flappy has given us total control over Fairy World, what do you want to do with it?

H.P.I'm thinking dull and gray.

SANDERSONI was thinking gray and dull. But that's why you're the boss.

FAIRIESAhhhhhh!

APRIL FOOLDid you hear the one about --

COSMOAAAH! Pixie magic!! It's sucking away all the fun!

WANDAOh! We're never going to make it!

COSMOThere's still enough pretty color left for one of us to slide down the rainbow bridge!


(re: previous sentence)Wow! There wasn't a manly word in that sentence!

(to Wanda)You have to go and find Timmy!!

WANDAWe need a magic wand!

BINKYOh no! Pixie magic! Ahhh! I still have my wand. Maybe I can stop this! (beat) Ahhh! No! Ahhh!

COSMOYeah, but you heard the song! I'm also the idiot! If anybody has a chance of saving the world and saving summer, it's you!

BINKYHey!

350A COSMO<<SMOOCH>>

WANDAOh, Cosmo!

COSMOGO!!! Ah! Wanda!

WANDA (V.O.)Cosmo!

WANDAWeeeeeeeeeee!! Cosmo!!

(re: sliding down the bridge, totally happy)

WEEEE!!

WANDACOSMO!!! I am not naggy!

END OF ACT THREE.


ACT FOUR

BINKYThis stinks! We can't float! WE can't do magic. And this suit! I can't wear gray, I'm a fairy!

FEMALE FAIRYBinky! No!

BINKYLOOK AT ME! I'm colorful! COLORFUL! I'm... AUGGGGH!!!!!

Song #9 - "Un-Fundamentals"

COSMOThis used to be a fun place! But now we wear a sad face! Since Pixies all have replaced! The way that things are done!

JORGENThere's no more granting wishes! And you can't turn into fishes! Now pipe down and do the dishes! Come on now, everyone!

ALL FAIRIESThese are the... un-Fundamentals! For us


Fairy Godparentals! Who are now devoid of whimsy and of mirth! We're certifiably demental 'cuz these unfundamentals make being a Fairy 'bout as fun as giving birth!

COSMOI'll bet it's even worsedown there on Earth!

WANDATimmy? Timmy? Timmy? Timmy? Timmy?

FLAPPY BOB(somewhat concerned)

All the arcades now close at three the trampolines are bouncy free And there's a pad on every knee! Everything's fine far as I see...

FLAPPY BOBBut I can't help but think aloud the things that kid had said somehowmy Mom and Dad would not be proud of the path I've taken in life.

FLAPPY BOBHave I been wrong, have I been used? Should I embrace my nose and shoes?

FLAPPY BOBAccept these gifts


I once refused...

GARY AND BETTYIiiiiiiiiiiiii'm Happy Peppy...

FLAPPY BOBNot now.

TIMMYOur heads must be protected! And our bodies, disinfected! This is just as I suspected what would happen if the world was ruled with...

TIMMYUnfundamentals! Surely, all you parentals! Must see how devoid of fun this truly is!

DADBut all these unfundamentals! Seem quite instrumental! To keep all of yourowdy kids in line!

DADIf you need us we'll be playingthe back nine!

H.P.


Well, Sanderson, we've done it. One of our 37-year plans has finally given us control over all the magic.

SANDERSONYes, H.P. If this place were any less fun it would need a librarian. Ha ha ha.

FLAPPY BOBWell, floppy shoes, big red nose...I guess this is goodbye.

HP AND SANDERSONHa ha ha ha!

FLAPPY BOBHey! My floating rich friends!

H.P.Just think. All we had to do to beat our fairy enemies was rip a clown son away from his super hilarious destiny and convince him that fun wasn't fun and that boring was fun.

SANDERSONYou'd have to be a clown to fall for that.

H.P.A really dumb clown. Ha ha ha ha ha.

FLAPPY BOBThat kid was right. They were using me. I'll show them who's a dumb clown!

TIMMYUch. I'm going to have to do this by myself.

WANDA (O.S.)Timmy!!!

WANDAIt's horrible! Pixies have taken control of Fairyworld!

TIMMY


Wanda! Wow! For a quarter second there I thought I was in big trouble!

WANDAThey're not letting us do anything fun!

TIMMYI know! Let's make it go away! I WISH THE WORLD WAS BACK TO NORMAL!

WANDAOh no! Because of that Pixie contract, there's nothing I can do to break the wish!

FLAPPY BOB (V.O.)I don't know who said that...

FLAPPY BOB...but with the right amount of fun, anything's possible!

TIMMYFLAPPY BOB!?!?

FLAPPY BOBThat's right. Flappy Bob. <<laughs>> CLOWN.

FLAPPY BOBI was a clown at birth. But those two rich guys...

FLAPPY BOB...raised me to be a boring businessman! And if there's one thing boring businessmen know...

FLAPPY BOB...it's how to find a loophole.

TIMMYOh. Oh, that's good.

FLAPPY BOBYou get those cone domes down here, and I'll do the rest!


TIMMYAnd there's only one way to do that!

(dramatic)Let's get fun.

FLAPPY BOBI like fun! I'm all about the fun now!

SONG #10 - EVERYTHING WRAPS UP - BASICALLY, A HUGE MEDLEY OF EVERY SONG WE'VE ALREADY SEEN. SAME TUNES, DIFFERENT LYRICS.

TIMMYHey Flappy Bob, can't you see what they've done?

FLAPPY BOBIt might reek now, but it can all be undone.

TIMMYSo grab your kites, and water guns!

SANJAYMy bike!

AJMy clones!

CHESTERThis sticky bun!

TIMMYIt's not a crimeto have your time in the sun!

HAPPY PEPPY BETTY AND GARYKids just being kids! Acting up and eating dirt! Kids just being kids! *GASP!* They could all get hurt!

TIMMY


If kids just being kids, can keep those goons off all our butts, we'll get this town out of its rut by us kids just being kids!

H.P.Yo! We're Pixies! We're Pixies! We finally rule all the tricks, see? The time has come!The deal's gone through!

SFX: <BA-RING! BA-RING! BA-RING!>

SANDERSONThere's fun? Stay there! We'll come to you!

H.P.We're Pixies! We're Pixies! This is how we get our kicksies! Our plan has worked!And they have lost! Let's ping on down and show who's the boss! The Pixies!! The Pixies! The Pixies! The Pixies!

TIMMYYou two shout real loudly!

FLAPPY BOBIt's your turn now to roar!

SFX: <<INCREDIBLY LOUD "TRUCK" HONK>>

SFX: <<WINDOWS SHATTER>>

TIMMYYou get to parade proudly With this drum and bugle corp!

TIMMYYou find the kids and rile them!


I'll give them what they need!

FLAPPY BOB(spoken) How?

TIMMY(spoken) Internet!

FLAPPY BOBWith this much fun, those coneheads should be here at breakneck speed!

TIMMYAdults ruined everything, at least that's what I thought!

FLAPPY BOBYou kids ruined everything, that's the lie I bought!

TIMMY AND FLAPPY But someone else was pulling strings, far as we could tell!

FLAPPY BOBBut you and me can set us free everything ends well!

END OF SONG.

SFX: <BOOM!!!!>

SANDERSONThat's quite enough, Flappy.

FLAPPY BOBYou lied to me! You lied to me for 37 years! You tricked me and kept me from being the super hilarious, if not somewhat creepy, clown I was destined to be!

H.P.Yes. Yes we did. Duh.

SANDERSONBut we have an ironclad contract!


FLAPPY BOBOh, I agree. Every word in this contract is totally binding. Which is why I'd like to turn your attention...

FLAPPY BOB...to this.

H.P.(reading)

In return for making the world what you want... Yadda yadda yadda... We get the power yadda yadda yadda... Earth will be safe and fun...

H.P. AND SANDERSON...as defined by Flappy Bob.

FLAPPY BOBAnd guess what I define as fun now? Everything being exactly the way it's supposed to be!

SANDERSONOh, Smoof.

TIMMYYou know, you probably shouldn't have sent him to law school!

H.P.You might have thwarted us this time, Turner. But mark my words: our next 37 year plan will not fail. When you're 47, you'll pay.

COSMOMy stupid pointy hat! It's a crown again! (beat) And still not a manly word to be found. Wow, that was extenuatingly manly!

TIMMYWay to go, Flappy! You did it! You brought fun back to Dimmsdale!

FLAPPY BOB


Yeah. I just wish my clown mother and clown father were here to see this.

TIMMYI'm sure wherever they are, they're proud.

CLOWN PARENTS (V.O.)WE'RE SO PROUD!

FLAPPY BOB AND TIMMYHUH?!?!?

FLUNKY AND FLOOKYFlappy! We've been looking everywhere for you!

FLUNKYExcept, well, this spot right here!

FLUNKYWe looked everywhere there could be clowns! Fast food restaurants. That hotel in Las Vegas!

(aside)We spent a lot of time in Vegas.

FLOOKYThirty six years!

FLUNKYThey comped our room! We even checked the U.S. Congress! It was full of clowns, but none of them were fun!

FLAPPY BOBMOM! DAD!

SFX: <<CLOWN HONK!!!>>

FLAPPY BOB AND PARENTSYay!

FLUNKYAnd we'll never lose you again! But if we do, let's all agree to meet in Vegas!


TIMMYYou found his parents for him?

WANDAHey, he said he wanted everything the way it should be! Well, Pixies aren't the only ones who can exploit a loophole, you know!

WANDACOSMO!

COSMOHere's your wand back. Oh, you saved the day, and the fun! Which is weird, because normally you're the one killing it.

WANDAStop it, Cosmo!

COSMOSee?

TIMMYAnd best of all, with the Pixies defeated, and Flappy Bob on the path to fun, that means no more Camp Learnatorium! Right?

GARYHey there, special guests! Welcome to Gary and Betty's Learnatorium!

BETTYYou're going to have the most funducational, educarriffic summer of your lives!

TIMMYUh, guys? Fun time?

COSMO AND WANDA Fun time!

COSMOUh, this is fun. I'll handle it.


FINALE SONG.

GARYMy ears!

BETTYMy heart!

GARYSomething's tearing our whole world apart!

COSMOThat wish

WANDAWe'll grant.

COSMO AND WANDAThere's nothing boring that we can't enchant.

SANDERSONMy legs. We should have known.

H.P.They made us pedal all the way home.

TIMMYDoing all the things we thought we couldn't do

CHESTERLike streaking!

TIMMYSummer's really fun and made for

KIDSKids just being kids!

KIDSKids just being kids. Running wild and running free. Kids just being kids. I think we all agree. Kids just being kids. Close our eyes and count to three...


MOM AND DADWith some control parentally...

EVERYONEAnywhere's the place to be My friends and family next to me These kids just being Kids just being kids!

END SONG.

H.P.Maybe we should try a six week plan next time.

IRIS OUT.

THE END.

schools out the musical

Documents

time of year

cosmoits time

time bends

fabric of time

lord of time

favorite time of y

year plan

bein kids