Senior Learning Opportunities

Use these notes to help improve your writing.

“Breaking Gods” commentary (9/4)

• Good use of textual details

• Generally well-structured

• Continue to focus on the notion of development.

• The following commentary has the right approach to development (especially for the first try): observation, analysis, interpretation.

Arguable thesis statement example

Arguable thesis statement example

Specific to this writing assignment

• Kambili is the narrator, but she rarely “says” anything. Your use of anchor verbs should reflect this (notes, observes, explains, relates, interprets, etc.).

• Purple Hibiscus has no chapters, just sections whose titles should be placed in quotation marks.

• Capitalize “Papa,” as an example, when it is used as a proper noun. Leave it lower-case when it is used as a common noun.• Why are you such a jerk, Papa?

• He is a really mean papa.

Anchoring, citing, and quotations

• Review anchoring rules.

• Be sure that you are editing quotations so that they make sense.

• Be sure that your anchor and your quotation work to form a complete sentence.

General writing notes

• Always use present tense to discuss the events of a novel.

• There vs. their vs. they’re

• Avoid using contractions in academic writing.

• Avoid informal and idiomatic language in academic writing.

• Always punctuate the titles of literary works. Novel and full-length play titles are italicized.

• Reread your writing to help with wording issues.

• Title your essays.

One last thing:

• Foils

• Foils are contrasting characters, but they also serve a purpose.

• When a reader observes the contrast between characters, that contrast has to reveal something about the more major of the two characters.

• According to Shmoop, foils “set off and accentuate the main character and are convenient ways to complicate and deepen the characterization of the protagonist.”

• Kambili is the protagonist of this bildungsroman.

Purple Hibiscus Commentary (9/17)

• Effect vs. affect

• Then vs. than

• Italicize foreign terms.

• Italicize the title of the novel.

• Do not punctuate or italicize the title of your essay.

• Continue working on consistently using present tense.

• Continue to eliminate contractions.

Anchoring notes:

• Incorrect: Kambili observes, “She [Ifeoma] is tall” (Adichie 55).• The pronoun followed by the bracketed editing of the quotation is redundant.

• Correct: Kambili observes that Ifeoma “is tall” (Adichie 55).

• Review anchoring and citing rules as needed.

Observe, analyze, interpret

• Take your commentary a step further to explore the impact of what you have analyzed.

• Example: To note that Beatrice and Ifeoma have contrasting characters and to cite evidence to that effect is observational and analytical, not interpretive.

• Interpretation begins when you explore the IMPACT or EFFECT the contrast between those two characters have on another narrative aspect (for example, to highlight how Kambili’s views begin to change).

Observe, analyze, interpret (cont.)

• The following are examples of this pattern of observation, analysis, and interpretation as illustrated through the introduction.

• The last one is an example of a conclusion where the same pattern can be observed.

Note the title of the commentary.

Note the title of the commentary.

Note the title of the commentary.

Note the title to the commentary.

Conclusion: See the pattern of observation, analysis, and interpretation.

Collaborative Analysis (52-109) 9/19

• Indent the first line of each paragraph.

• Be more conscious of paragraph unity (concluding lines).

• Foil (n) – Amaka is a foil to Kambili• Focus more on showing how Amaka’s presence highlights, reveals, or

emphasizes certain aspects of Kambili’s personality.

• Not as fluent: Kambili describes Amaka, noting, “She wore lipstick” (56).

• More fluent: Kambili describes Amaka as she notes, “She wore lipstick” (56).

• Or: Kambili describes Amaka by noting, “She wore lipstick.”

Commentary (PH 110-205; 9/25)

• Be sure to avoid summary.

• Paragraph unity: one topic = one paragraph

• Amaka contrasts with Kambili. (use of correct preposition)

• That vs. Which• Use “that” when the connecting clause is essential to the sentence.

• Example: Kambili thinks to herself that she does not know how to respond.

• Use “which” when the connecting clause is not essential to the sentence.

• Example: She struggles to free herself from her father’s control, which results in external conflict.

• ** “Which” is preceded by a comma.

Make an effort to use literary terminology.

Examples from your writing:

-Struggle/problem = internal or external conflict

-story = narrative

-places = setting

-atmosphere = mood

The following commentary employs excellent textual analysis and details. It is also well-developed.

Cont.

This commentary also uses close textual details to develop the essay.

Cont.

Individual analysis (PH 110-205)

• Indent the first line of each paragraph.

• Spelling: privilege

• Discuss rising action (specific conflict) and turning point (how the conflict changes or intensifies).

Collaborative analysis (PH 206-91)

• #2 – internal change in Kambili

• #3 – “love sip” (8)

• Paragraph: Kambili’s actualization

Individual analysis (PH 206-91)

• #2 – speech/irony/silence --- Kambili

• #3 – spelling of “compliment”

• #3 – Validation from someone other than a man with power

• #4 – Sisi’s role

PH Culminating Formal Outline (10/5)

• Attain vs. obtain

• Avoid language like, “This quote shows…”

Instead, contextualize the episode being referenced using language specific to the narrative: “When Kambili challenges Amaka, it shows that…”

In regard to #4 – “Explain how your evidence supports your thesis statement”:

• Be more pointed, precise, and specific about connecting your analysis to the interpretation you suggest in your thesis.

• If you use literary terminology as part of your thesis (which you should), be sure to use that same terminology when you discuss your evidence.

Refine your thesis statement.

• Thesis statement should be one sentence.

• Generally, you should not include the hook, preview of your sub-assertions, or other elements of the intro in your thesis statement.

• Instead, build your literary argument:• Based on observation…

• …through close analysis…

• …{BLANK} can be concluded.

Reevaluate the wording of your thesis statement:

• Examine verbs in your working thesis.

• Eliminate linking verbs (is, was, has been, should be, etc.) and avoid forms of to be (are, were, is, was, etc.)

• Instead, substitute strong action verbs.

Ask yourself questions:

• Extend your analysis to interpretation and to create an arguable thesis statement.

• What is the impact/effect this symbol has on the narrative?

• What is the impact/effect of Kambili’s character changing?

• What is the impact/effect of Kambili’s conflicts?

It works with non-literary theses, too:

• Working thesis: Inner city high schools are not equipped with up-to-date computers.

• “Are,” a linking verb, is a clue that this writer needs to think more carefully about her topic. Asking herself questions can help this writer strengthen her thesis. What is the impact or effect of the high schools not having current equipment?

• Revised thesis: Inner city schools without up-to-date computer labs fail to prepare students for college and the work place in a world increasingly dependent on computer literacy.

Use qualifying language to strengthen the wording of your thesis:• Not only…but also

• Primarily

• Essential

• Most important Bold adjectives (that are still

• Indispensable appropriate to the tone of the

• None more so writing) are another tool.

• Sole, only, singular

• Because…then

Examples of arguable thesis statements that use qualifying language:• “Symbolism acts as the most important aspect in the novel and is the

strongest literary device in revealing the characterization of Kambiliand the unfamiliar world around her.”

• “Kambili Achike confronts many conflicts throughout her Bildungsroman, but none more so than the internal struggle she has with anxiety.”

Hedda Gabler Act 1 commentary (11/16)

A lot of the same old stuff:

• Integrate meaningful literary and theatrical terminology into your writing.

• Be conscious of using idiomatic language while writing.

• Avoid contractions while writing.

• Extend into interpretation of your ideas in order to build arguability, and in turn, persuasiveness.

• Support each idea with textual evidence, not retelling of the story and details.

• Do not quote back my notes to me.

• Stage directions need to be italicized (as they are in the text and in all the notes I’ve given you).

• If you are quoting a single line of dialogue (as opposed to an exchange between two or more characters), format and anchor the quote as you normally would.

• Be careful to avoid generalizations about the time period.

• The following is a good model of well-supported analysis and interpretation.