Training Up Dragons of Life!

Powerful Parenting for World Changers

Agenda

➔Welcome

➔Review of Our Ground Rules

➔Check In

➔Experiencing Our Situations

◆ Our Role

◆ Beautiful Questions

◆ Practice Makes Perfect

◆ Engage & Express

Sessions 3-Experiencing our Situations Through Powerful

Questions

● Keep Confidentiality.

(What’s said here stays here.)

● No Judgement

● Let someone finish their thought

(don’t talk over each other)

● No Yelling. No Criticism

● Honor each other, Accept each other

● No Fixing

● No Advice unless it is asked for

● Tell only your own story

● Be listening hearts with empathy and

compassion

Course OverviewWhere There Is No Vision

Learning to Encounter by Listening

Learning to Experience by Asking

Questions

Learning to Engage by Making

Decisions

Learning to Express by Supporting

Here and Now Check-in

What’s been going on in the last month?

Five minutes to share your family

life joys and challenges in last

month

Share your Upset Resolution

Chart

ExperienceThe primary goal is to help our kids

learn for themselves by asking

questions as they walk through the

situation.Directly living through a situation as a basis of

knowledge.

Our Current Paradigm for Experiencing

You child comes home with the following

grades:

Algebra A

History A

English F

Science C

Which grade did your parents focus on?

75%Of parents stated they would focus on the F

Dualistic Thinking

Leads to Death of Possibilities

➔ Either/or

◆ This is good, that is bad

◆ I am right, you are wrong

◆ All or nothing

➔ Focus on weaknesses,

problems, what’s wrong

➔ Focus on overcoming

Time for a Paradigm Shift

Holistic Thinking

Leads to Life-More Possibilities

➔Being present to the situation

with no value judgment.

◆ Reduce fear, increase love

➔Focus on strengths, options,

and solutions.

➔Focus on being and becoming

and what brings life.

Our RoleAs Parent (Coach)

➔Acceptance

◆ Unique and Distinct Individuals

◆ We Are Where We Are

● Offense & Forgiveness

➔Believe In Them

➔Problem or Opportunity?

➔Whose Is it? Ownership

➔Get Curious

◆ Where could we be?

◆ What are all the possibilities?

Beginner’s Mind/No Value

Judgments

Experiencing our Kids

Being Present to Our Stuff

➔Encounter

◆ Assess the situation

● Upset Resolution Chart

● Own Your Stuff

➔ Experience

◆ Offense & Forgiveness-Release

them from your judgment

◆ Options

➔Engage

◆ What are YOU going to do?

➔Express

◆ How will you lower anxiety, and

increase love so their best can

show up?

Recent SituationLearning to Process the Upset

for Ourselves First

Encounter➔ Describe the situation you are facing.

➔ What could you learn about yourself from this

situation? Why is this upsetting to you?

➔ How might your actions have contributed to

the situation?

➔ What could change about you that would make

things better?

Experience➔ If you had no limitations, what are the options

available to resolve this and their possible

outcomes?

➔ Put yourself in your kid’s shoes, what can you

see from their perspective?

Engage➔ What is the best possible outcome?

➔ How will you get there?

Express➔ What are you going to do? Do it!

Beautiful QuestionsProvoke ~ Reveal ~ Motivate ~ Activate

Our Transformation Model & Beautiful Questions

Encounter-Provoking Questions-Where

are we now? No judgment! Safe space.

➔ Open/Probing◆ Questions that let the individual lead by

allowing them to answer in any way they

choose

➔ Asking Permission◆ Opens the door to entering a new area or

broaching a sensitive subject.

Our Transformation Model & Beautiful Questions

Experience-Revealing Questions. Where

could we be? What’s going on in your

heart?

➔ Revealing Questions◆ Questions that change viewpoint or help

get out of a box and think creatively.

➔ Ownership Questions◆ Questions that focus on taking

responsibility and being proactive in order

to make things better.

➔ Direct Questions◆ Questions that cut to the heart of the issue

Our Transformation Model & Beautiful Questions

Engage-Motivate. Where will we go?

➔ Choosing an Agenda◆ What to ask when starting a new change

goal.

➔ Decision Making Questions◆ Questions to ask in a decision making

process.

Our Transformation Model & Beautiful Questions

Express-Activate. What are we going to

do? Do it!

➔ Taking Action◆ Questions that turn ideas into committed

action steps

➔ Life Purpose◆ Questions that help people identify and

pursue their purpose.

Encounter

Goal is to create a space that the

individual feels safe and accepted

exactly as they are, where they are.

Decrease fear, increase love, so that

the best in them can be provoked.

➔Acceptance

◆ I am not you. You are not me.

◆ We are where we are

➔Let go of offense, forgive.

➔Believe in them!

Beautiful Questions to Provoke

Open/Probing vs Closed QuestionsSurface vs Getting to the Heart

Closed Questions-Can only be

answered with “yes” or “no.”

Open Questions-Questions that

can’t be answered with a “yes” or

“no” and allow the individual to

answer in whatever way they want.

Converting Closed Questions

Closed

➔ Did the call to your uncle go well?

➔ Did that make you feel hurt?

➔ Do you want to take action on this option?

➔ Could you talk to someone about that?

➔ Is there a timeline for that project?

➔ Will that take long?

Open

➔ How did the call to your uncle go?

➔ How did that make you feel?

➔ What do you want to do about this?

➔ Who could you talk to about that?

➔ When do you want to finish this?

➔ How long will that take?

Open vs Closed Questions

Role Play

➔Speaker-share a challenge

➔Listener-ask only closed

questions. (Yes or No answers)

➔Reverse, only this time Listener

ask only open questions?

No Solution-Oriented Questions

Solution Oriented Questions

➔ Closed Question

➔ Proposing a solution in the form of a

question.

➔ It asks for agreement with a proposition-

would you, could you, shouldn’t you.

➔ Subtract a few words from the front and

you get a statement.

Examples

➔ Could you find that information on the

Internet?

➔ How about if you took a class in that?

➔ Would it work if you gave both options and

let her choose?

Replacing Solution-Oriented Questions with Open Questions

Solution-Oriented Questions

➔ Have you thought about sending her a

card or some flowers to get back on her

good side?

➔ Would it work to take a day off and finish

your homework?

➔ Couldn’t you sell your Playstation and be

done with it?

➔ If you'd take a continuing ed class, would

that get you started?

Open Questions

➔ What could you do to get back on her

good side?

➔ What would help you get your homework

finished?

➔ What do you think the solution is with your

Playstation?

➔ What’s the best way to get moving toward

this goal?

Crafting Beautiful Open/Probing Questions

Goal

To help the individual fully explore, extend

their thinking, and gather information on a

given situation.

Basic strategy-Listen for the most important

thing the individual is saying (emotions are

good clues), then ask the individual a question

that asks them to expand on that point.

Observation + Question

Characteristics

➔ Use the individual’s own words. ◆ Don’t paraphrase, inserting your own

thoughts

➔ Are succinct

➔ Are neutral

Beautiful Probing

Questions

Scenario 1-The individual says, “I wish I could

go to school and get something out of it. This

drudgery is killing me.”

➔ “You said the drudgery at school is killing you. What

at school feels like drudgery?” Or, “You said you

wished you could get something out of school. Tell

me some things you like and don’t like about

school.

Scenario 2-”It’s been a difficult week. I guess

I’ll just have to push through the

disappointment again.”

➔ “You mentioned that it’s been a difficult week.

What made it difficult?” Or, “You talked about

pushing through your disappointment again. Say

more about what’s going on there.”

Observation + Question

Beautiful Open/Probing Questions-Examples

➔ Tell me a little more about that.

➔ What do you think led up to this situation?

➔ When you think about that situation, what

kind of feelings do you have?

➔ You mentioned that….Say more about

that.

➔ When you said...what did you mean?

➔ What was most significant to you in this

situation?

➔ What would be most important for us to

Practicing Beautiful Probing Questions

Speaker-Share a challenge you are

facing.

Listener-Use the observation and

question technique through the

whole conversation.

Switch roles and repeat.

Debrief

Using Our Model to Ask Beautiful QuestionsEncounter Probing, Open, Ownership Questions➔ Where are we now?

◆ Describe the problem you are facing.

◆ Give me some background-what led up to

this situation?

◆ How might your actions have contributed

to the situation?

◆ What’s most important for us to focus on?

◆ Since we can’t change the other person,

what could change about you that would

make things better?

◆ Let’s say this is an opportunity to learn or

grow something in you. What do you think

that something could be?

Using Our Model to Ask Beautiful QuestionsExperience Revealing, Permission Questions➔ Where could we be?

◆ What are all the options available to you?

◆ What are all the different possible

outcomes?

◆ If you removed that limitation, then what

would you do?

◆ If money, time resources, energy wasn’t an

issue, what would you do?

◆ What worked for you in similar situations

in the past?

◆ Put yourself in the other person’s shoes-

what can you see from their perspective?

◆ What would be the best possible

outcome?

Engage & Express

What was one “take away” from today’s session?

What’s one concrete action you will take to live it out?

Declare it! “I will…”