session 5 the pressure of conflict - clover...

session 5

the Pressure of ConfliCt

5 8 S E S S I O N 5 © 2013 LifeWay© 2013 LifeWay

The PointOvercome the pressure of conflict by humbly submitting to Christ.

The Bible Meets LifeMost of us do not like conflict. We often see conflict as originating from the

pressure of others for us to conform to their plans or opinions, but often that

pressure comes from our plans. We create the conflict because we don’t want

to follow any plan but our own. This internal conflict often leads to conflict with

others. While we are not necessarily called to resolve the conflict simply by

giving in to the other person’s desires, we are called to humble ourselves under

God’s desires.

The PassageJames 4:1-10

The SettingEven the early church experienced dissension within the body, and James

identified the source of their conflicts and pointed to the need for humility

before God.

B i B l e S t u d i e S f o r l i f e 59© 2013 LifeWay© 2013 LifeWay

James 4:1-10 (HCSB)

1 What is the source of wars and fights among you? Don’t they come from the cravings that are at war within you?

2 you desire and do not have. you murder and covet and cannot obtain. you fight and war. you do not have because you do not ask.

3 you ask and don’t receive because you ask with wrong motives, so that you may spend it on your evil desires.

4 adulteresses! Don’t you know that friendship with the world is hostility toward God? so whoever wants to be the world’s friend becomes God’s enemy.

5 or do you think it’s without reason the scripture says that the spirit who lives in us yearns jealously?

6 But he gives greater grace. therefore he says: God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble.

7 therefore, submit to God. But resist the Devil, and he will flee from you.

8 Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, sinners, and purify your hearts, double-minded people!

9 Be miserable and mourn and weep. your laughter must change to mourning and your joy to sorrow.

10 humble yourselves before the lord, and he will exalt you.

Key Words

adulteresses (v. 4) – In spiritual adultery people choose substitutes over God.

the proud (v. 6) – The term refers to those who align their hearts with anyone or anything other than God, thus making Him their rival.

humble (v. 6) – The term conveys an attitude of lowliness, poverty, lack of power. Humble people have the right view of God and themselves. Rather than align themselves against God they learn from Him, trusting His leadership and will.

What does the Bible say?


GEt iNto thE StuDYDISCUSS: The opening question on

page 49 of the PSG: “What conflicts

and competitions do you find com-

pelling?”

READ: Call on a group member to read

the Roosevelt quote under “The Bible

Meets Life” section on page 50 of the

Personal Study Guide (PSG). Ask for a

show of hands on who agrees with that

statement.

GUIDE: Refer to “The Bible Meets Life” on page 50 in the PSG. Direct group members

to identify the reasons we often fight and are in conflict.

ENHANCEMENT: To prompt insight into the hows and whys of fights, use Pack

Item 4: “Bent Toward Conflict.”

GUIDE: Point out that instead of focusing on conflict between people, we will con-

sider the conflict that happens inside each of us. The most basic conflict we face is an

internal, spiritual one.

ENHANCEMENT: Use Pack Item 1: “Pressure Points” to hone in on conflict that

happens inside each of us.

PRAY: Ask God to show us what to do with the pressure of conflict.

TRANSITION: To understand the solution to conflict we must first consider the

source of conflict.

Notes

10 minutes

tip: The opening question guides group members to feel the conflict so they find more interest in studying it.

B i B l e S t u d i e S f o r l i f e 61

thE PoiNt Overcome the pressure of conflict by humbly submitting to Christ.

© 2013 LifeWay© 2013 LifeWay

Notes

James 4:1-5

1 What is the source of wars and fights among you? Don’t they come from

the cravings that are at war within you? 2 You desire and do not have. You

murder and covet and cannot obtain. You fight and war. You do not have

because you do not ask. 3 You ask and don’t receive because you ask with

wrong motives, so that you may spend it on your evil desires. 4 Adulteresses!

Don’t you know that friendship with the world is hostility toward God? So

whoever wants to be the world’s friend becomes God’s enemy. 5 Or do you

think it’s without reason the Scripture says that the Spirit who lives in us

yearns jealously?

READ: Call on a volunteer to read James 4:1-5 on page 51 of the PSG.

SAY: “Conflict is more about what’s in us than about what’s happening around us.”

DISCUSS: Question #2 on page 52 of the PSG: “What cravings most often

lead you into conflict?”

GUIDE: Explore sources of conflict in the “James 4:1-5” section on page 52 of the

PSG. Point out that even when we pray, we might pray with wrong motives.

DO: Examine motives using “Check Your Motives” on page 53 of the PSG.

When praying for more money, a selfish motive would be __________ but a

Christ-centered motive would be __________.

When praying for a car, a selfish motive would be __________ but a

Christ-centered motive would be __________.

When praying for someone’s salvation, a selfish motive would be _________

but a Christ-centered motive would be __________.

DISCUSS: Question #3 on page 53 of the PSG: “How do motives relate

to conflict?”

TRANSITION: Next we’ll examine five practical ways to overcome conflict.

StuDY thE BiBLE

tip: Be authentic. Group members need to see someone who lives out what is being studied.

15 minutes

62 S E S S I O N 5 © 2013 LifeWay© 2013 LifeWay

James 4:1-5 Commentary

James got right to the point. Believers were warring and fighting, resulting in strife, struggles, disputes,

and quarrels. The plural form of the words stress the persistent nature of the interpersonal clashes.

James offered godly insights into the root cause of conflicts. Simply put, conflict arises when we don’t

get what we want. Pressure merely uncovers the origins of conflict. Conflicts can have their source in

self-centeredness, prayerlessness, and worldliness. Constant interplay exists between self-centeredness,

worldliness, and motives behind our prayers. Each weaves its ugly web into the trap of conflict.

Conflict happens when we allow our selfish nature to rule. James exposed three aspects of self-

centeredness: cravings, desire, and covetousness. Cravings reflect a sinful, self-indulgent attitude

of excess, focusing on physical gratifications. While these may not come with evil intentions, they create

internal angst. The English word “hedonism,” the philosophy that values satisfying self above all else,

comes from this word. The Bible is not against pleasure; it is against us finding pleasure in wrong things

or in wrong ways. Desire is lust for something or someone, setting our hearts on what does not belong

to us. Covetousness is to be moved with envy, often using evil means to get what one wants, including

murder. When we covet we steal what does not belong to us. We set our desire on an earthly object

and pursue it at all costs, including running over people and hurting them to accomplish our purpose.

Prayerlessness is either not praying or making requests of God with wrong motives. Prayer petitions

can attempt to control God. They can be for convenience, pleasure, gain, or worse. The phrase wrong

motives, is often translated as “diseased” or “sick.” Such prayers use God as a means to gain benefits

treating God as a genie. Praying consistently with God’s agenda, we will not utter selfish requests.

Prayerlessness is a form of selfishness, revealing that our hearts are not focused on God. When we are in

relational conflict, too often we scheme, tell our side of the story, or align allies. God is not glorified by

wars and fights, quarreling and strife. He is not magnified by constant conflict.

Worldliness describes a life separated from God, a lifestyle of pursuing a selfish agenda devoid of God’s

desires. When we live such a life, we become spiritual adulteresses—turning away from God to be friends

with the world. James wanted believers to drop their excuses and squarely face their sin. They were

playing politics in the church, attacking one another, and rallying others to their cause. They squabbled

among themselves, and shrugged it off as just normal behavior. When we engage in selfish conflict we

do not act like God’s people. To resolve conflict we correctly identify its source. If we blame others, we

probably have not identified the source. Even if one party is only five percent responsible he or she needs

to face what’s inside and follow God’s instructions. Deal with the source and most conflict will cease.




Notes

James 4:6-10

6 But He gives greater grace. Therefore He says: God resists the proud, but

gives grace to the humble. 7 Therefore, submit to God. But resist the Devil,

and he will flee from you. 8 Draw near to God, and He will draw near to you.

Cleanse your hands, sinners, and purify your hearts, double-minded people! 9 Be miserable and mourn and weep. Your laughter must change to mourning

and your joy to sorrow. 10 Humble yourselves before the Lord, and He will

exalt you.

READ: James 4:6-10 on page 51 of the PSG.

GUIDE: Point attention to the first three of five conflict-solving actions with

insights from the “James 4:6-10” section on pages 54-55 of the PSG:

> Humble yourself.

> Submit to God.

> Resist the Devil.

SUMMARIZE: Three ways to resist Satan are to take every thought captive to

Christ, to put on the armor of God, and to hide God’s word in your heart.

DISCUSS: Question #4 on page 54 of the PSG: “What is involved in

resisting the Devil?”

NOTE: The study of 4:6-10 continues on the next page.

StuDY thE BiBLE10 minutes



James, a practical writer, transitioned from the cause of conflict to actions that resolve conflict. We

overcome the pressure of conflict through humility, submission to God, resisting the devil, drawing near

to God, and getting rid of our sin. As the three primary causes of conflict—selfishness, prayerlessness,

and worldliness—are woven together and inseparable, so too are the actions to resolve conflict.

These powerful remedies are not progressive actions that come one after another. They are needed

ingredients in the recipe toward resolving the pressure of conflict.

James underscored the need for humility. James quoted Proverbs 3:34. Pride is at the heart of all

disobedience to God and of almost all relational conflicts. If God resists the proud, but gives grace

to the humble, then we want to make sure we do not make ourselves God’s opponents. The proud

seek to live their lives without God’s intervention and help; the humble solve conflicts.

We submit our wills to God’s. This military term describes responding according to one’s rank. God

knows better. He guides more lovingly. So why don’t we acknowledge His authority? Submission to

Christ does not necessarily remove conflict, but it removes the pressure we can feel because of conflict.

Since all conflict begins internally we have to resolve the inward conflict before we reach outward peace.

The real conflict is inside of us. Who’s in charge? Don’t pass over this command too quickly. Conflict

cannot and will not be resolved simply by praying about it—though prayer is needed in any conflict

resolution; nor will conflict be resolved by talking about it—though talking is required by the parties

involved. All conflict resolution necessitates a renewed submission to God. Believers can easily drift

from God. If we are engaged in continuing quarrels and conflicts, it might be because we are close

to God. We’ve drifted. He calls us to draw near to Him, with the promise that He is ready and waiting

to draw near to us. If we think we are close to God, but we are angry and bitter, we deceive ourselves.

To resist the Devil is to actively oppose or withstand Satan. Resist is also a military word, meaning

to stand against in war. This is the only proper reaction in dealing with the Devil. Paul used it with

reference to spiritual warfare in Ephesians 6:13. Devil literally means slanderer, speaking falsely against

God and people. Satan uses our selfishness to start and to continue conflict. We need to recognize his

ploy. He loves conflict. He wants to cause confusion, stress, hurt feelings, disappointment, anger, and

chaos. Watch out for his schemes and prepare with the proper tactics for defeating him. We are never

to turn our backs on him. (No armor in Ephesians 6 is for the back.) We resist by standing strong in the

power of Jesus. We refuse to give in. And, when we stand strong, Satan will flee from us.




Notes

James 4:6-10

6 But He gives greater grace. Therefore He says: God resists the proud, but

gives grace to the humble. 7 Therefore, submit to God. But resist the Devil,

and he will flee from you. 8 Draw near to God, and He will draw near to you.

Cleanse your hands, sinners, and purify your hearts, double-minded people! 9 Be miserable and mourn and weep. Your laughter must change to mourning

and your joy to sorrow. 10 Humble yourselves before the Lord, and He will

exalt you.

GUIDE: Point attention to the last two of five conflict-solving actions with insights

from the “James 4:6-10” section on page 55 of the PSG:

> Draw near to God.

> Get rid of your sins.

DISCUSS: Question #5 on page 55 of the PSG: “What helps you draw near

to Christ and humble yourself before Him?”

GUIDE: If you have group members who are not yet believers, point out that

Jesus Christ addressed our greatest conflict and removed the sin that keeps us

from a relationship with Him. Point their attention to the inside cover of the PSG

and lead them to faith in Christ.

TRANSITION: Let’s conclude by considering how we will each personally put this

into practice.

StuDY thE BiBLE5 minutes



Drawing near to God is the act of coming into God’s presence. When we start drawing near to God, He

journeys the rest of the way to be with us. This is the great promise and assurance of His daily, minute-

by-minute presence in our lives. Two corresponding results come by our drawing near to Him: first, we

enter His presence, and second, we lose the pressure of conflict with others.

Getting rid of sin is the act of repenting of our sins and seeking God’s cleansing. Cleanse and purify

are active synonyms—to make pure or holy. These are God’s works in a believer’s life. Hands refer to

outward behavior or conduct while hearts refer to inward behavior or attitudes. James challenged his

readers to clean up their acts, withdraw from evil actions, and stop using hurtful words.

James did not want believers to rejoice until they had earnestly humbled themselves to God and taken

appropriate action to resolve any conflict among them. They were to be miserable and mourn

and weep. These words indicate deep feelings of remorse for any responsibility for conflict. They

call for heartfelt and open repentance, an outward evidence of sorrow. “Laughter must change to

mourning” does not indicate we should wander around dour and hopeless. In Scripture, laughter

often signifies the fool or foolish behavior—ignoring or making light of God’s teaching, choosing to

live according to selfish desires, relishing sin, or scoffing at the notion God will bring judgment. Kent

Hughes tells of an old preacher who received a report of a woman from a service he had conducted.

The messenger said the woman had gotten “joy in the Lord,” or salvation. The preacher asked, “Did she

ever get any sorrow?” To experience joy of sins forgiven, one first has to experience grief over the sins.

(Source: R. Kent Hughes, James: Faith That Works, Wheaton, IL: Crossway Books, 1991; 189)

James concluded the needed actions to conflict resolution by reiterating the need to humble ourselves.

God offers two options when it comes to humility: be humble or be humiliated. It is far better that we

humble ourselves now rather than have God humble us later. The key to developing biblical humility is

in the phrase, before the Lord. Only those with hardened hearts could be proud in the presence of

the Lord. The truly humble person is the one who submits to God, resists the devil, draws near to God,

and has gotten rid of sin. A humble person will seek to resolve conflict and live in peace with others.

Understanding of the causes of conflict and taking actions that resolve are not easy. It requires total

honesty and a deep look within to see one’s own part in the conflict. Once that has been discovered, it

then takes courage to implement the actions necessary to attempt to bring the warring and fighting

to reconciliation. But, the value is indescribable. People live in peace. Believers expand God’s kingdom

through witness. God’s church discovers unity of purpose. And, God’s name is glorified and honored.




Notes

LiVE it outSAY: “When the pressure of conflict begins to rise in your life, take action.”

GUIDE: Prompt group members to choose a “Live It Out” action on page 56.

> Check your motives. Evaluate your desires to determine if they are self-

centered or Christ-centered.

> Submit to Christ. Give up every thought and desire to the lordship of Christ.

> Keep a prayer journal. Keep the proper focus by identifying how each

request can specifically honor Jesus.

Wrap It Up

SAY: “Conflict may be compelling in the sports arena, but not in your life. Quit

competing with God and live humbly under Jesus Christ.”

5 minutes


My group's prayer requests

Additional suggestions for specific groups (women, men, parents, boomers, and singles)

are available at BibleStudiesforLife.com/blog.

Start Here

David felt like he was all alone—with a story no one in our small group could understand.

“Brittany cut her wrists last weekend. I don’t believe she intended to take her life, but I definitely heard the cry for help,” he said. “When I asked her why, she said, ‘It isn’t like you would miss me, Dad. You’ve always been so busy with your career. I’ve felt for a long time that I’m invisible to you.’”

to continue reading “start here” from More Living magazine, visit BibleStudiesforLife.com/articles.

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Healing

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Start Here

David felt like he was all alone — with a story no

one in our small group could understand.

“Brittany cut her wrists last weekend. I don’t

believe she intended to take her life, but I defi-

nitely heard the cry for help,” he said. “When I

asked her why, she said, ‘It isn’t like you would

miss me, Dad. You’ve always been so busy with

your career. I’ve felt for a long time that I’m

invisible to you.’”

To his surprise, David quickly discovered he

was far from alone. John’s relationship with his

son Steven hadn’t reached a crisis point, but it

brought its own share of pained conversations

by Bill Farrel

in songwriter Harry Chapin’s haunting hit “Cat’s

in the Cradle.” How did we end up as the second

verse to the story of a man so busy chasing his

dreams he missed connecting with his young son?

The you-can-have-it-all myth had a lot to do

with it. It’s not just the women of our genera-

tion who bought into the idea that they could

have everything, from bringing home the bacon

to frying it in the pan. Men did, too. Many of us

thought we could find fulfillment by building a

career that would provide personal satisfaction

and material goods. We believed in ourselves and

in our pursuits, and we naively hoped our kids

would understand.

They did not.

They wanted us, our interest, and our interaction

— not just our things. They wanted us to believe in

them as much as we believed in our dreams.

Just as in that Harry Chapin song, we’ve

arrived in the second half of our lives and want a

when John urged Steven to look for a job.

Steven’s response? “Why, so I can be like you,

Dad? You have a lot of great stuff, but I want to

have a better relationship with my kids than I

have with you.”

THE HAVE-IT-ALL MYTH The Boomer parenting style was influenced by

our own distant relationships with our fathers,

whose core anthem was brought to painful light

34 MORE LIVING NOVEMBER 2012 NOVEMBER 2012 MORE LIVING 35

B i B l e S t u d i e S f o r l i f e 69© 2013 LifeWay© 2013 LifeWay

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