Express Innovation2011-2012

Shaarei Mitzvah programPark Slope Jewish Center

ש�ערי מצוה

 Rabbi Carie Carter Elisabeth Albert—Director of Family EducationAaron Weininger—Rabbinic Fellow Judy Greenberg—Rabbinic InternEllen Brickman—Lay leader

Facilitate conversations on Jewish values→ with the entire pre-B’nai Mitzvah class; 26 7th graders (ages 12-13) → with their families→ as a community

Spanning the breadth of Shabbat→ Erev Shabbat→ Shabbat day→ Havadallah

LASHON HARA IN THE DIGITAL AGE:THE ETHICS OF SPEECH IN A WORLD OF TWITTER, FACEBOOK AND TEXTING

Friday night, January 20th, 2012

PRE-SESSION TAKE HOME LEARNING

In a small Eastern European town, a man went through the community slandering the rabbi. One day, feeling suddenly remorseful, he begged the rabbi for forgiveness and offered to undergo any penance to make amends. The rabbi told him to take a feather pillow from his home, cut it open, scatter the feathers to the wind, then return to see him. The man did as he was told, then came to the rabbi and asked, “Am I now forgiven?” “Almost”, came the response. “You just have to do one more thing. Go and gather all the feathers.” “But that’s impossible,” the man protested. “The wind has already scattered them.” “Precisely,” the rabbi answered. “And although you truly wish to correct the evil you have done, it is as impossible to repair the damage done by your words as it is to recover the feathers.”

--A famous Jewish tale as recorded by Joseph Telushkin in his book, Words That Hurt, Words That Heal

**What is your initial reaction to this story?**What do you think about the rabbi's actions and response to the slandered?**Why could the slanderer never “repair the damage done”?**Do you think this is true, or is it possible to take back “mean words” or gossip once shared with others?**Can you relate to this story? If so, which character do you relate to more, and why?**This story refers to someone verbally spreading slander in one community, how does this apply in today’s “Digital World”?

PROGRAM RECAP:After a tuneful Shabbat services and a hearty potluck dinner, we came together for some learning. Our topic for the night was:  Lashon Hara in the Digital Age.  We had great conversations about being mindful in our speech and thoughtful in the way we treat others.  Students and parents collaborated in text study and then shared the texts they learned with the group.  After these creative presentations, we had a thoughtful conversation about how each of us can be more careful in our interaction with others – how each of us can act in ways that honor and respect the dignity of those around us.  We talked about some of the challenges to this ideal behavior– including some unique challenges brought to us by e-mail and other social media.

→ Creatively utilized multiple intelligences: reading texts, discussion, and skits→ The Torah has something to say to us about how we talk today

→ Being quiet and not talking can be a powerful way of using your speech→ Especially with texting and other technology, words can quickly get out of your control

Pirkei Avot 1:15

• Shammai taught: Make the study of Torah your primary occupation; Say little, do much; Greet every person with a cheerful face.

 Often we focus on SAYING nice things and DOING positive actions. What does this text teach about ACTIONS over WORDS?

 Pirkei Avot 2:16

• Rabbi Yehoshua taught: The begrudging eye, the evil impulse, and hatred of one’s fellow human beings will ruin a person’s life.

 This is very extreme language. What do you think the text means when it says “will ruin a person’s life?” Do you think your THOUGHTS and FACIAL EXPRESSIONS can actually have that much power over others?

 

Pirkei Avot 3:16

• Rabbi Yishmael taught: Be obedient with your seniors, be pleasant with your juniors, and greet every person with a cheerful manner.

 Do you act differently towards your peers than

towards those older than you? Why or why not? Do they act differently towards you?

 

Pirkei Avot 4:20

• Rabbi Mattia ben Harash taught: Be the first to extend greeting to every human being. Be a tail to lions rather than a head to foxes.

 Is this text literally telling you to be the FIRST to greet

EVERY human being? If not, what do you think it is teaching? What do you think it means to be a fox? A lion?

POST SESSION TAKE HOME LEARNING

A story is told about 3 people who meet with their rabbi before Yom Kippur to talk about repentance. One did something big and awful. The rabbi tells this person to get the biggest

stone they can possibly carry, and bring it to the rabbi’s office. The man takes the rabbi’s suggestion seriously and picks a small boulder that he can barely carry. He struggles to move

this rock, but eventually gets it there.

The second person did 6 pretty bad things that she feels bad about. The rabbi tells her to go get 6 big stones and bring them back in one trip. The woman finds six sizable stones. Each is

easy to carryon its own, but she has a lot of trouble balancing all of the stones in one trip.

The third person has done many little things over the year. He begins to name a few them, but can’t remember all of them. He just feels badly. The rabbi tells him to fetch 50 pebbles. These

pebbles are quite easy to carry, but he can’t keep track – does he have 48? 51? Did he just drop one? He gets to the rabbi and hope she has 50.

To each of these people, the rabbi says, “Now go put these stones back exactly where you found them. The first person is shocked how much heavier his stone feels now. After much struggle,

he is able to return it, but it doesn’t sit quite right in its spot. The second person, again struggles to balance them all and she is only able to remember 4 places exactly. And the other

two she has to guess. The third person can’t remember which pebble came from where. He just knows a few from here, a few from there. He is unable to return them. These stones

symbolize moments when we hurt others. The boulder is a big mess-up we remember well, but is very hard to fix; it is very hard to mend that relationship. The six medium-sized stones are times when we hurt those around us. They are the times that we are aware of, but can easily

forget and are hard to mend. The pebbles represent all of the small mistakes we make against those we love and those we interact with daily. They are the little times when we could have

been kinder or could have listened more. We can barely count them.

The three people’s struggles to return the stones recall how our relationships cannot be perfect. But we can all strive to not upset stones – we can all strive to treat those in our lives with

honor, love, and respect. And we learn from this story the labor involved in fixing our wrongs.

May we be able to see the effects we can have on others. May we treat everyone in our lives with respect and honor. And may we have the courage to return stones

when we hurt those around us.

MAPPING YOUR JEWISH JOURNEY

Shabbat morning and afternoon, February 11th, 2012

PRE-SESSION TAKE HOME LEARNING

Guiding QuestionsExodus 18:8-10And Moses told his father-in-law all that Adonai had done to Pharaoh and to the Egyptians 

for Israel’s sake, all the travail that had come upon them by the way, and how Adonai delivered  them.    And  Yitro  rejoiced  for  all  the  goodness which  Adonai  had  done  to Israel, in that God had delivered them out of the hand of the Egyptians.  And Yitro said:  “Blessed be Adonai, who has delivered you out of the hand of the Egyptians, and out of  the  hand  of  Pharaoh; who  has  delivered  the  people  from  under  the  hand  of  the Egyptians.  

Exodus 18:13-27And it came to pass on the morrow, that Moses sat to judge the people; and the people stood about 

Moses from the morning until the evening.  And when Moses’ father-in-law saw all that he did to the people, he said:  “What is this thing that you do to the people?  Why do you sit alone, and all the people stand about you from morning until evening? And Moses said to his father-in-law:  “Because the people come to me to inquire of God; When they have a matter, it comes to me; and  I  judge between a man and his neighbor, and  I make them know the statutes of God, and God’s laws.”  And Moses' father-in-law said to him: 'The thing that you are doing is not good.  You shall surely wear away, both you, and this people that is with you; for the thing is too heavy for you; you are not able to perform it yourself alone.  Listen now to my voice, I will give your counsel, and God be with you: you should be there for the people before God, and you will bring the causes unto God.  And you shall teach them the statutes and the laws, and  shall  show  them  the way  in  which  they must walk,  and  the work  that  they must  do.   Moreover you shall provide out of all  the people able men, such as  fear God, men of  truth, hating unjust gain; and place such over them, to be rulers of thousands, rulers of hundreds, rulers of fifties, and rulers of tens.  And let them judge the people at all seasons; and it shall be,  that  every  great matter  they  shall  bring  to  you,  but  every  small matter  they  shall  judge themselves; so shall they make it easier for you and bear the burden with you.  If you do this thing, and God commands you so, then you shall be able to endure, and all this people also shall go to their place in peace.‘  So Moses listened to the voice of his father-in-law, and did all that he had said.  And Moses chose able men out of all Israel, and made them heads over the people, rulers of thousands, rulers of hundreds, rulers of fifties, and rulers of tens.  And they judged the people at all seasons: the hard causes they brought unto Moses, but every small matter they judged themselves.  And Moses let his father-in-law depart; and he went his way into his own land. 

1) How would you characterize Yitro's response to the story of Exodus?  (verses 8-10)

2) What is the problem that Yitro helps Moses solve? (verse13) 

3) What do you think about the way Yitro gives constructive feedback to Moses (verses 14, 17, and 18) and the way Moses responds? (verses 15-16)

4) How would you respond to Yitro's advice if you were Moses?

5) Is there something to learn from Yitro in how we prioritize the many pieces of our Jewish journeys?

6) What does this text teach us about learning from those around us, our families, our teachers and mapping our Jewish journeys?

Program Recap: We played a game we called “Mapping your Jewish Journey.”  Each family received a game board with spaces numbered 1 though 10.  Each family received 18 cards with different Jewish action values on them.  The family’s task was to select and then rank the top ten values that inform their Jewish identity.  The cards included activities like attending services, celebrating holidays, having a bar/bat mitzvah, and creating a Jewish family.  We also included two blank cards for actions for people to fill in.  Passionate discussion ensued, as each family member shared his or her values and listened those of parents, children, spouses, and siblings.  We joined together to reflect on the process.  We hope that many of the conversations from Saturday have continued at home!

→ “That was the most that I’ve talked to my child in weeks.”

→ First times many of these families discussed the value of dating and marrying Jews

→ Students articulated to themselves and to their parents what having a bar/t mitzvah means to them

WHAT ARE ULTIMATE JEWISH VALUES?WHAT MAKES ME JEWISH?

HOW DO WE PRIORITIZE – ESPECIALLY AMONG MANY THINGS THAT ARE IMPORTANT?

"These are the deeds which have benefit now and continue to give benefit in the World to Come: honoring parents; doing deeds of loving kindness; attending the house of study (school, synagogue, etc.) punctually, morning and evening; welcoming guests; visiting the sick; helping the needy bride; attending the dead; probing the meaning of prayer; making peace between one person and another, and between partners. And the study of Torah is equal to them all."

Which of these deeds do you identify with most closely?

Do you sense a prioritizing in the text?What is the value of examining our values?POST SESSION TAKE HOME LEARNING

REPRESENTING OURSELVES, REPRESENTING OUR VALUES

Seudah Shlishit and Havdallah, March 17th, 2012

Between Occupy Wall Street and the current economic situation, issues around wealth have been on our minds and in the news a great deal this year.  We express our values to the world in part by the way we spend our money and the way we share our 

wealth with others.  This is especially true at moments of family/communal celebration.  Bar/Bat Mitzvah is a time when students often receive more money than at any other moment.  So we wanted to think together about the way we use the (financial) gifts that we have.  As we prepare to come together to think about the "meaning behind bar/bat mitzvah", please take a few moments 

to consider and discuss these Jewish texts about wealth.

Pirke Avot 4:1 (found in Siddur Sim Shalom, p. 631) 

"Who is rich? One who is happy with her/his portion, as it is written: 'For you will eat the labor of your hands and you will be happy and all will be well with you.'” (Psalms 128:2)

"Who  is  honored?  The  one who  honors  all  beings,  as  it  is  written: 'Those who honor Me I will honor, but those who scorn Me, will be despised.'”       (I Samuel 2:30).

1. According to this text, are you rich?2. How could you use this text’s lesson to plan a bat/bar mitzvah

that makes you honored?

Mishnah Pe’ah 1:1 (Siddur Sim Shalom, p. 8) 

"These  are  the  things  for which  there  is  no  exact measure:  leaving crops  at  the  corner  of  a  field  for  the  poor  to  collect,  offering first fruits of the harvest as a gift to God, traveling to Jerusalem for  the  three  Festivals,  doing  deeds  of  lovingkindness,  and studying Torah.“

1. “No exact measure” means that you can never finish doing any of these things. What does it mean that these actions cannot be completed?

2. How do the last two actions (doing deeds of lovingkindness and studying Torah) relate to your bat/bar mitzvah?

Consider as well this passage about Shabbat. Shabbat is, according to Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel, "an island in time". It is a special time in our week, a time when we generally set aside the business of the week to "be" in a different way. It is telling that our B'nai Mitzvah generallyt ake place on Shabbat (or a holiday). Here is the text from the Book of Exodus that reminds us of the uniqueness of Shabbat.

V’Shamru (Exodus, 31:16-17)

"The  people  Israel  shall  observe  Shabbat,  to maintain  it  as  an ever  lasting covenant through all generations.    It  is a sign between Me and the people Israel for all time, that  in six days Adonai made the heavens and the earth, and on the seventh day God ceased from work and rested."

1. Why does it make sense to celebrate your bat/bar mitzvah on Shabbat?

2. What does Shabbat mean to you? What do you think it meant to your grandparents and great-grandparents and ancestors before that?

PRE-SESSION TAKE HOME LEARNING

PROGRAM RECAP:

OVER DINNER WE DISCUSSED HOW CELEBRATING B’NAI MITZVAH IS AN OPPORTUNITY TO REPRESENT OUR FAMILY’S VALUES TO OUR SYNAGOGUE AND TO OUR EXTENDED COMMUNITIES. HOW DO WE DECIDE TO SPEND OUR TIME AND MONEY CELEBRATING THIS OCCASION? WHAT PRESSURES DO WE FACE? STUDENTS AND PARENTS SEPARATED FOR A BUDGETING ACTIVITY USING FRESHLY MINTED "CARTER CASH,” AND THEN FAMILIES SHARED HOW THEY CAME TO THEIR DECISIONS. WE SAID GOOD BYE TO SHABBAT TOGETHER WITH A REFLECTIVE AND MUSICAL HAVDALLAH SERVICE. AFTER, WE WATCHED THE ABSURD AND HEARTWARMING MOVIE KEEPING UP WITH THE STEINS, WHICH TELLS THE STORY OF A FAMILY STRUGGLING TO MAKE MEANING AND TO MAKE DECISIONS ABOUT THE CELEBRATION OF BENJAMIN’S BAR MITZVAH. THE MOVIE LED TO SOME GREAT DISCUSSION.

→ Families expressed positive value of a large celebration – a rare opportunity for the family to gather

→ At the same time, asserting: I feel no communal pressure to do so

→ Havdallah was a special time to gather as Shabbat and the year of programming came to a close

→ Film screening (with popcorn!) allowed for social bonding in a relaxed atmosphere

$CARTER CASH$

Discussion questions for after viewing Keeping Up with the Steins 1. What is your initial reaction after seeing this movie?2. Who is this all about? The parents or the kids?3. Where should the focus be? On the “bar” or on the “mitzvah”?4. Do you feel pressure to throw/have a big party?5. What do you “get” out of a bar mitzvah?6. What does the bar mitzvah mean? “It doesn’t matter what happens at the Temple—it’s the party that counts!” 

“Ultimately the education and religious spirit of bar and bat mitzvah can extend beyond the final hymn or prayer at the service. It can permeate the lives of our young, and it can enrich what they take with them into the world. Jewish celebrations that truly celebrate Jewish values implicitly erode the distinctions that so many erect between the ‘Jewish world’ and the ‘real world,’ between our daily lives and the relatively scant amount of time so often devoted to overtly religious issues and rituals. It can help remind us that that “religious” and the “spiritual” are everywhere, and cannot be relegated to certain places and certain times.” --Putting God on the Guest List: How to reclaim the spiritual meaning of your child’s Bar or Bat Mitzvah (p. 89)

“Let young people…be sure that every deed counts, that every word had power, and that we all can do our share to redeem the world in spite of all its absurdities…Let them remember to build a life as if it were a work of art.” – Abraham Joshua Heschel, ABC Interview, 1972 (Putting God on the Guest List, p. 152)

1. One goal of the Shaarei Mitzvah program is to help families identify their own Jewish values. What does your list of values look like?

2. How can parents and children work together in making the bar or bat mitzvah as rich and meaningful as possible?

3. How can these lessons be extended beyond the bar or bat mitzvah season?

POST SESSION TAKE HOME LEARNING

Online surveys followed each program

“Thank you for offering these important and innovative programs that instill greater insight for families into the journey of providing a Jewish education for our children.”

“Great program! We learned a lot and it was nice spending time as a family on thought provoking issues.”

“We appreciated the planning and work that went into the session; thank you all for that!”

“The evening was well-structured, including the emailed material to read and think about beforehand, the general introduction to the theme of lashon hara, focusing on texts in small groups (each group seemed to put a lot of energy into coming up with its skit or presentation), and coming back together for presentations and more discussion.”

“I don't think we would have had a discussion about Jewish values in this way without this program. It was excellent.”

Goals achieved for Express Innovation

√ Explore Jewish values with teenagers

√ Help parents speak to children about meaningful Jewish issues

√ Break down social barriers between day school and public school kids

√ Build community among B’nai Mitzvah families

2012 EXPRESS

INNOVATION-SHAAREI MITZVAH

STUDENTS AND PARENTS