sinbad the sailor and the mystery island

8/7/2019 Sinbad the Sailor and the Mystery Island

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Sinbad the Sailorand the

Mystery Island

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Cast

Sinbad, a sailor

Azura, a princess

Gertrude, Sinbad's mother

Stefan, a handsome sailor

Bob, a cabin boy

Ali, a sailor

Baba, a sailor

Alorana, an evil witch

Hannah, a twin

Montana, a twin

Captain of the Guard, a soldier

Vice-Captain of the Guard, an important soldier

Dodo, a bird

Cave Creatures, peaceful animals

Good Genie, a magical being who speaks in rhyme

Evil Genie, a magical being who hurts people

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Act 1

Scene I

(In front of curtains)

[There is general shouting and screaming going on. Sinbad, Stefan, Bob, Ali and Baba areholding a cardboard ship and sway violently from side to side. Wind whooshing, seacrashing and thunder and lightning.]

Stefan: We're going to crash!

[More shouting and screaming. Ali and Baba hug each other. Enter Good Genie. Everyoneon stage, except Good Genie, freeze]

Good Genie: Abracadabra and Alakazam!Pepperoni no mushrooms and double ham!

That'll be great, thanks a bunch! [Notices audience]Oh, sorry I was ordering lunch!I'm a genie, so I can stop time.Sadly, I have to speak in rhyme!Goodness me, there's a lot of you!I suppose you're wondering what's happening too!Genies must serve you without fail,So I'll explain: this lot all sail.[Walks over to Sinbad]The captain of the ship is Sinbad hereHe's bold and brave; he knows no fear![Walks to Ali and Baba]Next is Ali and Baba too!Best friends but argue is all they do.[Walks to Stefan] This is Stefan, he's Sinbad's first mate,They're best friends too, it must be fate.[Walks to Bob, who is clearly a girl] And this is Bob he's just set sailAs a cabin boy. Yes, boy he's male.They were out sailing and the sun was shining,But on the way home the wind started whining!The wind's whine quickly turned to a shoutThe waves grew high and flung them about.It was blowing and howling and raining and pouring,

Ali and Baba were down below snoring!How could they sleep through terrible weather?Maybe they don't care if they're together!So here's Sinbad and his poor threatened crew,Things look bad what will they do?You'll find out now I've finished my rhyme.I hope you enjoy the pantomime! [Exits]

Sinbad: Prepare to abandon ship!

[Sinbad jumps through the curtains. Next is Stefan and Bob, followed by Ali and Baba, who

are still hugging.]

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AliBaba } Geronimo!

[The sound of gentle waves crashing on a beach as the curtains open. Sinbad, Stefan,Bob, Ali, Baba AND Gertrude are lying on the sand. Oh dear...]

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Act 1

Scene II

The beach

[Sinbad and the crew sit up]

Sinbad: Is everyone all right?

Stefan I think so

Bob Just about

Ali Baba landed on top of me

Baba Ali deliberately stuck his elbow in me.

Ali No I didn't

Baba Yes you did

Ali No I didn't.

Gertrude: Right, that's enough. I am not very happy! It was a bumpy landing, I got verywet and my back hurts!

Sinbad: Mummy! What are you doing here?

Gertrude: Well I'm very sorry dear, but I stowed away.

Sinbad: You stowed away?

Gertrude: Yes, I sneaked on board while you were busy loading the cargo in Bursledon.

Sinbad: But I didn't know you were on board. You could have been drowned!

Gertrude I almost was!

Bob [To Stefan] Sorry, who's this?

Stefan This is Gertrude, Sinbad's mother. She's a bit strict and verysensible.

Bob [To Gertrude] Hello, my name's Bob. I'm on my first voyage with your son. I'mthe cabin boy.

Gertrude The cabin what?

Bob Boy.

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Gertrude Cabin boy?

Bob Yes, cabin boy.

Gertrude [Looking Bob up and down] Well, if you're sure.

Sinbad Well, now you're here, mother, I suppose you want to go home.

Gertrude: I certainly do. And I must say I don't think much of your driving.

Sinbad: What do you mean, my driving?

Gertrude: Well, it was very bumpy, and then you drove us into an island.

Sinbad: I didn't drive us into an island, we were shipwrecked by a storm! And you stillhaven't explained why you were on board my ship.

Gertrude: I couldn't bear to see you going out to sea again! It's far too dangerous!

[Ali and Baba start to giggle.]

Gertrude: And what's gotten into you two?

Ali: You said fart!!

Gertrude: I did not

Baba: Oh yes you did

Gertrude Oh no I didn't

[Continue as necessary]

Gertrude: I would never say a rude word like that

Ali: But you did you said it's FAR Too dangerous!

Gertrude [To audience] Now listen, boys and girls. I don't want to hear you being silly

like these two. They're very rude, and very silly. I only want to see nice, quiet,sensible children. Are you being quiet and sensible? [Gertrude should comedown into the audience and pick on one or two children to see if they arebeing sensible - ideally by pulling faces at them or tickling them.]

Gertrude [To Stefan] Oh dear, Stefan, I'm afraid that these children aren't very sensibleat all. Could you have a word with them please?

Stefan [Stefan speaks with a Zorro-type Spanish accent] Hello, ladies andgentlemen, boys and girls. My name is Stefan. I am a sailor; I have sailed allover the world with many different ships. I do this because [pause, sadly] I

have no home of my own. I was abandoned as a baby. I never knew my

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mother or my father. I have never had a family. So as soon as I could leavethe orphanage I ran away to sea, and I have been sailing ever since. I like tohang out with the boys. And I also like to spend time with the girls. When I amwith the boys, I can forget that I have no family. And when I am with the girls,I can forget that I have no home. But listen, could you help me? I am here onthis strange island, and I am feeling even more lonely than usual. Could all

the boys and also the men in the audience call out to me when you seeme, Hey, Stefan! [Tries this with the audience] Perhaps a little louder youdo not sound so friendly. [Tries again] That is good. And perhaps all the girls and also the ladies in the audience could call out to me when you seeme, Ooh, Stefan! [Tries this]. Hmm. Perhaps you could sound just a littlemore pleased to see me. [Tries again]. And now, boys and girls together.That is good. I am feeling so much better now. You promise you will do thiswhen you see me, yes?

[During the last part of Stefan's speech, the Dodo has started to put its head around thecurtains. It now waddles on]

Baba: Hey, Sinbad. Look! It's one of the locals!

Sinbad: [To audience.]Do you think we should talk to it?

[Audience response.]

Sinbad: Very well. [Walks over to Dodo.]Good day, kind sir. Have you any ideawhere I may find another ship? You see I -

Dodo: [Explanatory voice]Dodo dodododo dododo dodo dodo dodo dodo.

Sinbad: Ah, I see.

Dodo: Dodo dodo dodododo. Dododo dododododo.

Sinbad: Of course, thank you!

[Exit Dodo.]

Ali: What did he say?

Sinbad: I have no idea. But being a gentleman I must pretend I understood everyword.

Ali: What was that, anyway?

Stefan: I believe it was a dodo.

Bob: I've just trodden in something nasty!

Ali: What do you mean, something nasty?

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Baba: [Looks at Bob's foot] It's some [he sees that he's getting a stern look fromGertrude] ...doodoo.

Ali: Eurgh. What kind of doodoo?

Baba: I don't know. I've never seen anything like it before. Maybe it was from that

creature.

Ali: The dodo?

Baba: Yeah. I think this might be... dodo doodoo. Hey, Stefan, you seem to knowabout dodos.

Stefan: I have learned a few things about them on my many travels. What do youwant to know?

Baba: Do dodos do dodo doodoo?

Stefan: Yes, Baba. Dodos do do dodo doodoo.

Gertrude: Oh this is not the time to be silly! Now come along!

[All exit.]

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Act 1

Scene III

In front of curtains

[Enter Hannah and Montana. They are wearing identical face paint, wigs and costumes,and should look as alike as possible]

Hannah: Hello boys and girls

Montana: Hello mums and dads

Hannah: Hello everyone else.

Montana: Welcome to our island.

Hannah: We don't get many visitors here which is a shame because we're all veryfriendly.

Montana: Apart from [looks round] her.

Hannah: Oh yes, well she's horrible. But we don't want to mention her.

Montana: Or else the boys and girls might not come and visit us again.

Hannah: And we don't want that. I'm sorry we should introduce ourselves.

Montana: My name is Montana

Hannah: And my name is Hannah

Montana: I know, I know but our mother was a big fan of an old pop star you've neverheard of called Montana Hannah.

Hannah: We're twins, in case you hadn't noticed.

Montana: We love to play tricks on people, by pretending to be each other.

Hannah: In fact, you're very lucky to see us together. There's a lot of people here onthis island who think that there's only one of us.

Montana: Here comes someone now. I'll hide, you talk to him.

[Exit Montana around L end of curtains]

[Enter Sinbad]

Sinbad: Hello

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Hannah: Hello to you too

Sinbad My name's Sinbad. I'm a sailor.

Hannah Pleased to meet you, Sinbad the sailor.

Sinbad: Can you help me? I've been shipwrecked.

Hannah: Shipwrecked? That's terrible! Let me go and get some help.

[Exit Hannah around R end of curtains, enter Montana at L end]

Montana: Hi

Sinbad: [Spinning round] What? How did you get there?

Montana: What's your name?

Sinbad: I just told you. I'm Sinbad. I'm a sailor.

Montana: Where's your ship then?

Sinbad: What do you mean, where's my ship? I've been shipwrecked.

Montana: Shipwrecked? That's terrible! Let me go and get some help.

[Exit Montana at L, enter Hannah at R]

Sinbad: But you just said that...

Hannah: Just said what?

Sinbad: That you were going to get some help.

Hannah: I know, but I can't find anyone except the dodo, and he's not a lot of help.

Sinbad: But you went that way [points] and then suddenly you were over there[points] and then you were back here again. How did you do that? Is it some

kind of magic?

Hannah: No, nothing like that. Were you alone on your ship?

Sinbad: No there was Stefan, the first mate, Bob, the cabin boy, and two other crew,Ali and Baba. Oh, and my mother.

Hannah: Your mother?

Sinbad: She stowed away.

Hannah Your mother stowed away?

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Sinbad She worries about me.

Hannah: Where are they then?

Sinbad: I don't know. I thought they were just behind me.

Hannah: I'll go and see if I can find them.

[Exit Hannah R, enter Montana L with the Dodo]

Montana: I couldn't find anyone except the Dodo.

Sinbad: What?

Montana: I said I couldn't find anyone except the Dodo.

Sinbad: Well, you didn't look for very long.

Montana: Yes I did.

Sinbad: Oh no you didn't!

Montana: [To audience] I've been gone for ages, haven't I?

[Sinbad gets into an Oh no she hasn't... Oh yes she has exchange with the audience]

Sinbad: Did you find my crew?

Montana: What crew?

Sinbad: I just told you about them.

Montana: Oh no you didn't.

Sinbad: Let's not get into that again!

Montana: So are you looking for your crew?

Sinbad: For the last time, yes I am!

Montana: I'll go and look for them shall I?

[Exit Montana L]

Sinbad: [To Dodo] Oh honestly, she's as useless as you are.

Dodo: [Sadly] Dodo. Dododododo. Dododo.

Sinbad: Oh come on. [Exit Sinbad and Dodo]

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Act 1

Scene IV

Alorana's cave

[Darkness. Cave creatures dance. Enter Alorana.]

Alorana: Go on get lost! No one wants you, you disgusting filthy creatures. [Exit cavecreatures] [To audience] Eurgh! More disgusting creatures! What are you alldoing here? And why are you looking at me like that? Oh yes, because I'mbeautiful! Everyone tells me so. And if they don't, I turn them into frogs! Myname is Alorana, and I am the queen of this island. I only became queen lastmonth, you know. Shall I tell you how I did it? I captured the Princess Azura,and imprisoned her here in my cave. And she'll die here, alone and afraid,while I rule over the island! [Laughs] Guards! Bring in the Princess!

[Enter Captain of the Guard, Vice-Captain of the Guard and Azura. The Captain of theGuard is noticeably taller than the Vice Captain]

Alorana What are you two doing?

Captain Bringing you the Princess, your majesty

Vice-Capt Just as you ordered

Alorana Yes I can see that. But where are the highly skilled ninja assassin SpecialForces guards that I ordered?

Vice-Capt Sorry, your majesty. They all called in sick.

Alorana What?

Vice-Capt Well, the weapons expert dropped his axe on his foot, the sniper has got achill from lying on the cold ground, the strategy expert has got a headachefrom thinking too hard and the poisoner ate something last night that gavehim the...

Alorana Shut up!

Captain Sorry, your majesty. But all those other guards going off sick has left us abit... [looks pointedly down at the Vice-Captain] ...short.

Vice-Capt Oi! That's heightist, that is.

Captain No it isn't. I was just making small talk.

Vice-Capt And again! You're asking for it, you are!

Captain Yeah? Look me in the eye and tell me that.

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[Captain stares straight ahead while Vice-Captain vainly jumps up and down to try and geteye contact.]

Alorana Enough! Bring the Princess to me. [Guards drag her over] So, your formermajesty, how are you today? Still tied up? Fed up of looking at the same four

walls? Because I've been having a wonderful time ruling over your island.Except that it's my island now! [Laughs]

Azura: It will never be your island

Alorana Oh but I'm afraid it already is!

Azura: You may have seized the throne, but you will never have the love of mypeople.

Alorana Of course they will love me! They tell me every day how beautiful I am.

Which reminds me you haven't told me today how beautiful I am!

Azura Must I?

Alorana No, of course not I'm quite happy for you to be a frog!

Azura I can honestly say that you are like no other woman I have ever seen

Alorana I have decided to take that as a compliment. I am truly beautiful, and trulyintelligent and generous. [Laughs]

Azura Laugh while you can. Soon the news of what you have done will reachnearby islands. When the other princes and princesses hear what you done,they will send an army to defeat you.

Alorana Oh I don't think so, princess. In the first place, there will be no news getting tothe other islands. I have made a new law: no ships are allowed to land here,and even if they do, they will not be allowed to leave.

Azura But what will happen to all the fishermen? And the merchants?

Alorana [Dismissively] Oh, I expect they'll starve. And in the second place, no armycan defeat me, because I have the power of magic.

Azura You? You can't do real magic!

Alorana I can now because I have control over a genie! Do you know what this ringis?

Azura Ugly?

Alorana [Ignoring her] This is The Ring of Evil [Whenever The Ring of Evil is

mentioned, there is a thunder and lightning sound effect]

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Azura The what?

Alorana The Ring of Evil! [sound effect] And with it, I control a Genie. [She rubs thering] Genie of evil, I summon you!

[There is a fizzling noise. Enter Dodo]

Dodo Dododododo

Azura [Laughing] I don't think much of your magical genie!

Alorana What? Oh go away, you stupid creature. Genie of evil, I summon you.

[Enter Evil Genie]

Evil Genie Yes, my mistress, what is your command?

Alorana The princess here doesn't believe that I have command over you. It's true,though, isn't it?

Evil Genie Yes, my mistress

Alorana And you will use your magic against my enemies?

Evil Genie If that is your command

Azura You wouldn't really!

Alorana I most certainly would. Genie! [Indicating the Dodo] Torture this creature!

[Evil Genie points at the Dodo, who falls on the floor in agony]

Dodo Dododododo! Dododododo!

Alorana All right, that's enough!

[Evil Genie stops. Dodo gets to its feet and staggers unsteadily off]

Azura That's horrible!

Evil Genie I am an evilgenie. I will do anything, however bad, that I am ordered to do bythe person who wears The Ring of Evil [sound effect].

Alorana And who is wearing the ring?

Evil Genie You are, my mistress

Alorana And who is the most beautiful, the most evil, the most deadly person who has

ever lived?

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Evil Genie You are, my mistress.

Alorana Be gone then. I will call you again when I have need of you. [To Azura] So,what do you think of my genie?

Azura I don't care what you say, or what kind of magic you have. I shall be rescuedand you shall be punished.

Alorana I don't think so, not this time. This time evil is going to win, and I will rule overthis island for ever and ever [Laughs]. Guards! Take her away!

[Exit Captain of the Guard, Vice-Captain of the Guard and Azura]

[To audience] As for you lot if you don't start bowing down to me and tellingme how beautiful I am, I'll have the genie turn you all into frogs.

[Exit Alorana]

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Act 1

Scene V

The Island

[Enter Stefan, Bob, Ali, Baba and Gertrude.]

Ali I told you, Sinbad went this way.

Baba No he didn't, he went that way.

Ali He definitely went this way.

Baba I saw him going that way.

Ali Well if you saw him going that way, why are you going this way.

Baba Because you said Sinbad went this way.

Ali He did

Baba No he didn't.

Ali Well why did you come this way then?

Baba Because you told me to!

Ali No I didn't

Baba Yes you did

Gertrude Right, that's enough. You two are being silly again.

Bob Where can Sinbad have gone? He was just ahead of us, and then when wecame round the corner he'd disappeared.

Stefan Do not worry yourself, young Bob the cabin boy. When you are grown up,

you will not worry about things like that. You will be a man like me.

Bob But that doesn't stop me worrying now.

Stefan Listen, Bob, and I shall tell you a secret. Even I, the brave and heroic Stefan,can sometimes feel just a little lonely and sad.

Bob Really?

Stefan Yes, just sometimes when I think of.. of... of having no family [he sighs sadly]then I go out and have some fun with the boys, and they all say Hey, Stefan

[encourages audience to join in]. Or perhaps I will spend some time with the

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ladies, and they will say Ooh, Stefan [encourages audience].

Bob I'm not sure that would work for me

Stefan Of course it would. You're a boy, aren't you? A night out with the boys is justwhat you need.

Bob If you say so.

Stefan And I bet that if you found the right lady, she would make you feel muchhappier.

Bob Erm... if you say so. To be honest, I just want to find Sinbad so that we canrest and have something to eat.

Baba I'm hungry too.

Ali I'm tired.

Baba I'm hungry and tired.

Ali I'm hungrier and and tireder.

Baba I'm hungrierer and ...erm ...tiredererer.

Stefan Look, why don't we sit down under this tree and have a rest.

[All sit]

Ali [Points] Look, there's an apple growing on this tree. I can have something toeat!

Baba No, I'm going to eat it!

Ali I saw it first! [Ali stands up and grabs the apple from the tree. He sits againbut just as he is about to take a bite, the apple flies out of his hand back upon to the branch.] What!

Baba [Laughing] I told you you weren't meant to have it. It's mine. [Baba stands upand takes the apple, but the same thing happens] What!

[Ali stands up and picks the apple. He walks across the stage and holds the apple verycarefully. Just as he is about to take a bite, the apple flies back across the stage. Babajumps up and tries to take the apple, but it is now stuck firmly]

[Enter Hannah]

Hannah I see you've found our sensible tree.

Gertrude Your what?

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Hannah Our sensible tree.

Stefan What is a sensible tree?

Hannah It's a tree with a small magic spell on it, so that it will only let sensible people

eat the fruit.

Gertrude Ah! That means I will definitely be able to take the apple.

Hannah Why? Are you sensible?

Gertrude I am very sensible indeed.

[Gertrude takes the apple from the tree, and walks across the stage. She holds out theapple on her palm]

There you are. I knew I could do it. [To Ali and Baba] Honestly, you two. Idon't know how I put up with you. I'm far too sensible for the likes of you!

Ali } You said fart!Baba }

[The apple flies from Gertrude's hand back to the tree]

Gertrude Right, that's it! I'm going to find Sinbad and then I'm going to take him home.And I'm never going to go to places where you drive into islands and get allwet and bruised and apples fly around all by themselves.

Hannah Sinbad? Are you his crew?

Ali }Baba } YesStefan}Bob }

Hannah And you must be his mum!

Gertrude Have you met him? Where is he?

Hannah Yes, I met him not long ago. He was looking for you, so I said I'd help.

Ali That was very kind of you.

Hannah No, it's the least I could do.

Ali No, really, you seem like a lovely person.

Hannah Thank you. What's your name?

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Ali Ali. I love your hair.

Hannah Really?

Ali Definitely. I always cut the crew's hair on board ship, and I know lovely hairwhen I see it.

Hannah Thank you.

Ali Not at all. In fact, I think you're quite beautiful.

Hannah Oh. Erm, thanks. I have to say, you're not bad looking yourself.

Ali Really? Listen, once we get things sorted out here, could I maybe style yourhair or something?

Hannah That would be good.

Baba Hey, Ali, who's your friend?

Ali [To Hannah] What's your name?

Hannah I'll tell you later on our date!

Ali [To Baba] I'm not telling you.

Stefan [To Hannah] Hey, gorgeous, how are you? My name is Stefan, but you cancall me Handsome.

Hannah Hello, Stefan.

Stefan How do you fancy getting together with me later?

Hannah No thanks, I'm washing my hair. [Beckons Bob over] Hey, what's your name?

Bob I'm Bob, the cabin boy.

Hannah The cabin what?

Bob Boy.

Hannah If you say so. Listen, Ali says he wants to cut my hair later. Is he any goodat cutting girls' hair?

Bob I don't know. We only have men and boys in the crew.

Hannah But you're...

Bob What?

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Hannah You're a...

Gertrude Look, I've had enough of all this. Are we going to find Sinbad or not?

Bob Yes, if you've seen him we should go to him right now.

Hannah I left him down by the cave on the shore. Let's go down there. [She takes Ali'shand]

[All exit]

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Act 1

Scene VI

Alorana's cave

[Princess Azura is sitting. She sings. Cave creatures gather round. When the song ends,the cave creatures start to slink away]

Azura Don't go! I'm so lonely!

[Cave creatures come closer]

That's it, I won't hurt you.

CC1 We know you won't, Princess.

Azura Thank you. That's very trusting of you.

CC1 Can you understand us?

Azura Of course. The Royal Family of this island have always had a special gift. Wecan understand birds and animals, and talk to them.

CC2 That's wonderful! Alorana never talks to us.

CC3 She just shouts at us.

CC2 And insults us.

CC1 And hits us

Azura You poor things. Why are you here?

CC2 We've always lived in these caves.

CC3 We were happy here until Alorana decided to make this her hideout.

CC2 We are peaceful creatures. We eat only plants and drink only water. Nothinghas ever hunted us, so we have no claws or sharp teeth. We cannot fight.

Azura Could you help me to escape?

CC1 I'm sorry, Princess. We cannot go near to the light it burns our eyes.

CC3 All we want is to be left in peace.

CC2 But wait. [Gestures to the other Cave Creatures, who gather round andwhisper to each other]

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For many years we have had a magic ring. If it will help, then we will give it toyou

Azura Thanks. What exactly does the ring do?

[More whispering among the Cave Creatures]

CC3 We don't know. We've never used it.

Azura Then how do you know it's magical?

CC3 It's a ring. It's been guarded for centuries by a race of cave creatures. You'rea princess in trouble. It's bound to be a magic ring.

Azura Hmm. OK, if you say so.

[One of the Cave Creatures scuttles off. There is some commotion off, and a voice shouts

out No, not my precioussss!. There is a slap and a thud. The Cave Creature returnscarrying a ring, which it gives to Azura]

Azura Right, let's see what we can do with this. [She rubs the ring. Nothinghappens] Hmm. Maybe you have to wear it. [She puts the ring on, and rubs itagain. Still nothing] Er... abracadabra. Alakazam. Expelliamus![Disappointed] Sorry, it looks like it might not be a magic ring at all.

CC1} Sorry Princess.CC2}

CC3 We really thought that would work.

[Enter Dodo]

Azura Dodo! How are you? Did that awful genie hurt you very badly?

Dodo I'm all right, thank you Princess. Just a few burned feathers and a rathernasty ring in my ears.

Azura Talking of nasty rings, the cave creatures found this for me. They thought it

was magical, but I can't get it to do anything.

Dodo Hmm. Did you try rubbing it?

Azura Yes.

Dodo While wearing it?

Azura Yes.

Dodo How about some magic words?

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Azura Tried them.

Dodo How about spitting on it, turning round twice, jumping up in the air andshouting Magic Ring, Magic Ring, hurry up and do your thing!

[Azura follows these instructions but inevitably misses something out. Dodo encourages

the audience to help her get it right. When she finally does, there is a moment's expectantsilence and... still nothing happens]

Dodo Never mind Princess. We'll work out some way to get you out of here. Do youmind if I take the ring? Some strangers have arrived on the island. They aresailors from the faraway land of Bursledon they might know about magicrings.

Azura But how did they get here? Alorana has forbidden any ships to land, or toleave.

Dodo They didn't exactly land. They were shipwrecked.

Azura Of course you can take the ring and show it to them. Tell them that I amimprisoned, and ask them to help... oh.

Dodo What's the matter?

Azura I'm the only one who can understand you.

Dodo Never mind, Princess. I'm sure I'll find a way to communicate somehow.

Azura Dodo?

Dodo Yes, Princess?

Azura How come you can get in and out of this cave?

Dodo The guards don't try to stop me. They think I'm just a stupid bird who saysDodododododo all the time. I can wander in and out as much as I like.

Azura Can't you bring someone here to rescue me?

Dodo How? They can't understand what I'm saying.

[Azura and Dodo both sigh sadly]

Alorana [Off] I can hear voices! Genie, go and investigate! And if anyone is with thePrincess, kill them at once!

Azura Quickly! You must go! [Gives Dodo the ring]

[Exit Dodo and Cave Creatures. Enter Evil Genie]

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Evil Genie What's happening here?

Azura What do you mean?

Evil Genie My mistress heard voices. Someone was in here with you.

Azura No, there was nobody here.

Evil Genie You're lying! I shall torture you until you tell me the truth!

Azura There's no need for that. Why don't you ask them? [Indicates audience]They've been watching the whole time.

Evil Genie [To audience] Was anyone here?

[Azura, behind the Evil Genie, encourages the audience to say No]

Evil Genie Hmm. Something's going on here. I will take you to my mistress perhapsshe will let me torture you anyway.

[Exit Evil Genie and Azura]

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Act 1

Scene VII

In front of curtains

[Enter Hannah and Montana]

Hannah Montana!

Montana Where have you been?

Hannah I've met Sinbad's crew.

Montana Have you told Sinbad?

Hannah No, not yet. We're on our way to him.

Montana What are his crew like?

Hannah They're nice. Especially one boy. He's really good looking and he cuts hair!

Montana Really?

Hannah Yes and he asked me out. Even better, he says he wants to do my hair forme tonight!

Montana Have you told him about me?

Hannah No, not yet.

Montana Can I get to meet him?

Hannah All right, but quickly they're going to be here in a minute. I'll hide, and youpretend to be me. He's the good looking one who's always arguing with hisfriend.

[Exit Hannah. Curtains open. Enter Gertrude]

Gertrude Where has that girl gone? Honestly, people on this island are just not verysensible.

[Enter Bob and Stefan, who greets the audience, and encourages them to call Hey,Stefan and Ooh, Stefan]

[Enter Ali and Baba, arguing]

Baba She went this way!

Ali No, she didn't!

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Baba I saw her!

Ali You couldn't have!

Montana Hi!

Gertrude Oh, there you are. At last. Now where is Sinbad?

Montana [To audience] The good-looking one who's always arguing. OK, so I knowwhich one it is. I just hope my idea of good-looking is the same as mysister's. [She goes over to Baba] Hello again handsome. I thought you weresupposed to be staying close to me.

[Ali is outraged by his new girlfriend flirting with Baba]

Baba Erm... yes, right. Sorry about that.

Montana I've got such a bad memory these days! What did you say your name was?

Baba Baba.

Montana Barber? As in the person who cuts hair?

Baba Yes.

Montana [To audience] It's OK I got the right one!

Ali [To Baba] What are you playing at?

Baba What do you mean?

Ali Why are you flirting with my girlfriend?

Baba She's flirting with me!

Ali I don't believe this!

Baba Hey, I can't help it if I'm irresistible.

Ali Don't talk to me.

Stefan Hey, you two. I'm the one who's irresistible.

Montana Says who?

[Stefan looks crestfallen]

Ali Right, come on then. I'll teach you.

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Baba Yeah. You and whose army?

Ali OK, you asked for it.

[Ali and Baba square up to each other, taking a variety of macho boxing and/or martial artsposes. They suddenly rush at each other, flapping their hands in a completely un-

masculine fashion]

[Enter Sinbad]

Sinbad What's going on here? [He separates Ali and Baba]

[General muttering from the crew]

What's the matter? Ali? Baba?

Ali Don't you mention me in the same breath as him.

Baba I don't want to be associated with that person over there.

Sinbad What is going on? Mummy?

Gertrude I'm sorry dear, I just want to get off this island and get back to be aroundnormal people again. Sensible tree indeed!

Sinbad Tree? What tree? Bob?

Bob Well, there was this apple it was magic I think or the tree was. Anyway,your mum had it and then she said well, she didn't really, but Ali and Babasaid she did and then off went the apple. And then we came here.

Sinbad What? Oh, never mind. Why did I take you on as a cabin boy, Bob?

Bob Well, you said that you'd looked all round Bursledon and I was the only boyyou could find.

Sinbad Oh, yes I remember. I can't believe there are so few boys around these days.I mean [indicating audience] look at this lot. [Sinbad walks along pointing out

boys and men in the audience, describing them as girls, Lovely hair, mydarling but you shouldn't cut it so short, etc.] See this is how come I endup with a cabin boy who can't even put a sentence together. Is there anyonewho can tell me what is going on? Stefan?

Stefan I'm sorry, Sinbad, but I'm feeling a little too emotional to talk to you right now.

Sinbad What? Oh, you're not feeling like nobody loves you again are you? [Toaudience] Come on, you can help me with this. I need to have someone whowill tell me what's been going on round here. [Sinbad encourages audienceto call out to Stefan]

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Stefan OK. I am feeling a little better. But being here like this it is just remindingme of a very dark time in my life.

Sinbad [Hurriedly] Yes, well that's all over and done with now. You've got lots ofpeople who love you hasn't he, boys and girls?

[Audience response]

Right. So what's been going on around here?

Stefan Your mother, she is upset because she keeps trying to be sensible, but a lotof things on this island seem to be very silly and strange. Ali and Baba arefighting.

Sinbad That's not unusual.

Stefan It is over a girl.

Sinbad That is unusual.

Stefan She was trying to help us but she is behaving very strangely. There she is with Baba. [He points out Montana, who is cuddling up to Baba]

Sinbad Her! I've met her. You're right she does seem a bit odd. But she's the onlyliving thing we've met on this island apart from a Dodo, so I suppose we'dbetter get her to help us. [He calls to Montana] Hey! Strange girl! Come herea minute will you?

Montana [Going over to Sinbad] Hello again.

Sinbad Right, listen. I've got places to go and people to see, my mother needs to gethome as soon as possible, my first mate is only happy when he's sailing theworld, the cabin boy doesn't seem to know what's going on and the rest ofmy crew aren't talking to each other, and probably won't until they get awayfrom you, so I'd quite like to get away from here. Where can I find a ship?

Montana Ah. You may have a problem there.

Sinbad Why?

Montana Because the new Queen has forbidden any ships to land or to leave.

Sinbad What! That's completely unjust!

Montana Yes, well that's because she's completely unjust. She's actually a witch,called Alorana.

Sinbad Oh great. A witch. How long has she been Queen?

Montana Only for a month. She captured the real Princess and hid her somewhere.

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Now people are saying that she has an evil genie, and if we don't all bowdown to her and tell her she's beautiful, she'll turn us into frogs.

Sinbad What about the real princess? Does she allow ships to come and go?

Montana Oh yes. We had lots of people visiting before Alorana took the throne.

Sinbad Right. So if we can rescue the Princess and get rid of the evil witch, we canget a ship and get home?

Montana You bet.

Sinbad Right. OK, everyone, stop sulking and gather round. The only way we'regoing to get home is if we rescue a Princess from a witch, so that's whatwe're going to have to do.

Gertrude Oh no! That sounds much too dangerous!

Montana She does have guards.

Stefan Do not fear. I am an expert swordsman. I shall deal with any guards.

Montana She also has a genie.

[Enter Dodo]

Gertrude A genie!

[Dodo crosses to Sinbad and drops the ring at his feet]

Sinbad Great. I'm shipwrecked, I've got to rescue a princess and defeat a witch anda genie, and now the world's stupidest creature is throwing jewellery at me.

Dodo Dododo. Dodo. Dodododododododo dodo dodododo.

Stefan Why don't you try doing something with the ring? You never know, it mightbemagical.

Sinbad [Rubs the ring] Abracadabra. Alakazam. Accio. Wingardium leviosa. Beniciodel toro. No, nothing seems to work.

Gertrude Why don't you try saying the magic word?

Sinbad That's what I was doing.

Gertrude No dear, the magic word.

Sinbad Oh, right. Please?

[Enter Good Genie]

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Good Genie Right boys and girls, I hope you heardIt's important to use the magic wordOK Aladdin, it's Genie timeOh wait, sorry, wrong pantomime.All right Sinbad, do not fear

Things are all right now Genie's here.I'm glad I'm not stuck in that ringNow move aside and I'll do my thing.

Montana The evil genie!

Good Genie If I was evil, then you shouldBe terrified. Don't be I'm good.

Sinbad You're a genie?

Good Genie I am, and here to serveSo bad guys get what they deserve

Bob Do you always speak in rhyme?

Good Genie I'm afraid I must and all the time.

Stefan But why is some kind of curse?

Good Genie Kind of but it could be worse

Sinbad Do you have any magical powers?

Good Genie I can stop time sometimes for hours.

Sinbad OK, that'll do. Come on, everyone let's go rescue this Princess, and thenwe can get a ship out of here and go home.

[Exit all except Good Genie]

Good Genie I know I'm good, and in the right

But the thing I don't do well is... fight. [Exit]

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Act 1

Scene VIII

Alorana's cave

[Captain and Vice-Captain of the Guard are patrolling up and down nervously]

Captain I hate doing this

Vice-Capt What?

Captain Having to guard this cave. It's creepy. And there are things living here.

Vice-Capt What do you mean, things?

Captain Tiny creatures. Horrible little things.

Vice-Capt Oh, yes, that's right. Pick on the little ones.

Captain I'm not picking on the little ones. They're just disgusting, that's all.

Vice-Capt Why must you always look down on anyone smaller than you?

Captain I can't help that.

Vice-Capt You're so stuck up sometimes, walking around with your nose in the air.

Captain Well at least I can see over things last summer when we didn't mow thelawn for a week you got lost in it.

Vice-Capt You're just jealous because I'm a better guard than you are.

Captain How come I'm the Captain then and you're just the Vice-Captain?

Vice-Capt Institutionalised heightism, that's what it is.

Captain Rubbish. It's because they know what they want from a Captain of the Guard,

and you come up short.

Vice-Capt You haven't got a clue what's going on, walking around with your head in theclouds

Captain I know what's going on, thank you very much.

Vice-Capt You don't have your ear to the ground like me.

Captain Well let's face it, it's a lot easier for you.

Vice-Capt You want to make something of it?

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Captain [Holding out hand at eye level] Why don't you come here and say that?

Vice-Capt Right! That's it!

[They both draw their swords, when there is a noise off. They freeze, and then hide

themselves]

[Enter Gertrude and Bob. Guards creep up behind them. Captain hits Gertrude on thehead and she falls to the floor. Vice-Captain attempts to hit Bob on the head but can'treach.]

Bob [Turning round and seeing Vice-Captain] What?

[Captain comes round behind Vice-Captain and lifts him so that he can hit Bob on thehead. She falls to the floor. Captain and Vice-Captain move the unconscious Gertrude andBob. Enter Ali and Baba. Vice-Captain slides on the floor between them; as they turn to

look down at her Captain knocks their heads together and they fall to the floor. They aredragged over to Gertrude and Bob. Enter Stefan, with sword drawn]

Stefan Aha! You will not surprise me, Stefan, the great swordsman, the man whomakes the boys say [audience response] and the girls say [audienceresponse]. I have defeated many guards in my time. You two will be easy.

[Stefan duels with both guards at once. It's evenly matched until Vice-Captain goes behindhim, crouches on the floor and Captain forces Stefan back so that he falls over. Captainand Vice-Captain drag him over to the others]

[Enter Sinbad and Good Genie. Sinbad draws his sword and prepares to fight. EnterAlorana and Evil Genie]

Alorana What have we here? Could this be a rescue party for the Princess?

Sinbad Look, all I want to do is go home. Why don't you just give us a ship so thatwe can all leave?

Alorana Oh no, I don't think so. Guards, lock them all away.

Sinbad Right, then you leave me no alternative. I have a genie, and I'm not afraid touse it.

Alorana You have a genie? Well so do I, and my genie is much worse than yours.

Sinbad You mean that my genie is better?

Alorana No, I mean that my genie is worse. Genie of evil, fry him alive!

Sinbad [To Good Genie] Quick! Say a magic spell or something!

Alorana Genie of Good! My favourite colour is a kind of orange-purple.

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[Good Genie opens his mouth to reply, but can't say anything]

Sinbad What's going on?

Alorana He can't speak a word unless it rhymes with what I've said to him. Oh, you're

pathetic! Guards, take them all away. [Captain and Vice-Captain seizeSinbad] [To Evil Genie] Don't worry, you can torture them later. [To audience]So! You thought that good would win, and I'd be defeated, did you? Well, I'mnot just the most beautiful, and the most evil, I'm also the winner! [Shelaughs]

[Curtain]

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Act 2

Scene I

Front tabs

[Enter Good Genie]

Good Genie Well, I hope you're all OKI'm not having a brilliant day.Just two guards one tall, one short And all my new friends have been caught.Sinbad and crew under lock and keyWith no magical help from me.I have to rhyme, but I just stickOn orange-purple. Nasty trick!Azura is still locked away

She may never see the light of day;Hannah and Montana got it onWith Ali and Baba, but now they're gone.This island was a wonderful placeBefore we saw Alorana's faceBut now the isle is filled with fearOh but wait Montana's here.

[Exit Good Genie]

[Enter Montana, who sits, looking worried. Enter Hannah.]

Hannah Hey, Montana. Did you meet my new boyfriend?

Montana Yeah

Hannah He's gorgeous, isn't he?

Montana Yeah

Hannah And Sinbad's crew seem nice.

Montana Yeah

Hannah His mum's a bit weird though.

Montana Yeah

Hannah Hang on... there's something the matter, isn't there?

Montana Yeah

Hannah What's happened?

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Montana Sinbad said he needed to get home.

Hannah He's gone home?

Montana So I told him that Alorana had stopped all ships from landing or leaving.

Hannah So he's still here?

Montana So he decided to rescue the Princess so that he could go.

Hannah So he's gone?

Montana They all went into Alorana's cave.

Hannah And?

Montana They haven't come out.

Hannah How long ago did they go in?

Montana About two hours ago

Hannah What?

Montana I didn't know what else to do, so I've just been waiting here for them.

Hannah They must have been captured.

Montana But we can't rescue them we'd never beat the guards. And she's got an evilgenie.

Hannah If only we had someone to help us.

[Enter Dodo]

Dodo Dododododo. Dodo. Dododododododo. Do do dodo dodododo.

Montana Yes, if only there was someone who could manage to sneak into the caveand help us.

Dodo Dododododododododo!

Hannah Oh, be quiet, you silly bird. We're trying to think of a plan.

Dodo Dododododo!

Montana Come on, let's go and try to think of something.

[Exit Hannah and Montana]

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Dodo [To audience, exasperated] Dodo! Dododo dododododo dododo dodo do!Dododo dodododo do dodo dodo do! Dodo!

[Exit Dodo]

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Act 2

Scene II

Alorana's cave

[The two guards are still patrolling.]

Captain I'm fed up of this.

Vice-Capt So you keep saying.

Captain Well, it's just not fair. We captured all those strangers who were trying torescue the Princess, and did Alorana thank us? No she didn't. Did she tell usto go and have a few beers to celebrate? No she didn't. Did she tell us tocarry on guarding this rotten cave? Yes she did!

Vice-Capt Look, you can't keep going on about how you've been short-changed by life.

Captain Hah! That's good, coming from you.

Vice-Capt Oh, don't start. [Sings, to the tune of When a felon's not engaged in hisemployment from the Pirates of Penzance]

Oh it's no fun in a world of lanky peopleWhen genetics means that you just never growEvery other guard is built like a church steepleAnd I turn out to be a bungalow.Oh, it's no fun when you have five taller brothersAnd then you grow to not quite five foot oneEven as a guard you get abuse from othersOh a small guard's lot is not a happy one

Captain [Sings] I'm used to being chief guard to the RoyalsBut now a witch is bossing us aboutA genie's magic definitely spoilsA position where I used to have some clout.I had power when I was the top banana

But now all my authority is goneI have to say that under AloranaA Chief Guard's lot is not a happy one

Captain } Our orders must be followed to the letterVice-Capt } Even if it means we're in for a close shave

But we can think of things that are much betterThan watching some old dark and nasty cave.Our environment is not a thing of beautyBut it's hard to know just what else could be doneAs guards we know we have to do our duty

But this guard's lot is not a happy one.

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[Both guards sigh and stand leaning back to back]

Captain Tell you what, I'm starving

Vice-Capt When did we last eat?

Captain Dunno? This morning?

Vice-Capt No, we started on duty before I got a chance to have breakfast.

Captain You're right. No wonder we're hungry.

Vice-Capt What do you fancy?

Captain A proper guards' breakfast, that's what.

Vice-Capt Fried eggs, bacon, sausage

Captain Black pudding, grilled tomatoes, fried bread

Vice-Capt Mushrooms, beans and a mug of tea.

Captain } Ooh yesVice-Capt }

Captain Right, well, no time to waste. Let's get the equipment together. [Exits, andreturns carrying a large frying pan]

Vice-Capt Did you bring mine?

Captain Sorry!

Vice-Capt Oh honestly. [Exits, and returns carrying a very small frying pan]

Captain Right, now we can't desert our post, so you go off and find the ingredients inthe storeroom, and I'll keep watch here.

[Exit Vice-Captain]

Vice-Capt [Off] Eggs... bacon... sausages...

[Enter Dodo behind Captain, carrying a bag of sweets, which he throws over the Captain'shead into the audience. The Captain looks out into the audience, trying to work out what'shappening. Exit Dodo]

Captain Quick, come here!

[Enter Vice-Captain]

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Vice-Capt What?

Captain There's something going on out there.

Vice-Capt What do you mean?

Captain Some kind of disturbance.

Vice-Capt I don't see anything.

Captain Well stay here and keep a look out. I'll go to the store [Exits]

[Enter Dodo]

Captain [Off] Black pudding... tomatoes... bread...

[Dodo repeats the trick with the bag of sweets, then exits]

Vice-Capt Quick! It's happening again!

[Enter Captain]

Captain What?

Vice-Capt Out there!

Captain Where?

Vice-Capt I dunno. It's stopped now.

Captain Hmm. I think someone's trying to play a trick on us. Right, listen to me. [Veryloudly and deliberately] Why don't we both go to the store cupboard and findthings? I'm sure it will be all right if we're away for just a minute.

[Both guards exit. Enter Dodo, looking around cautiously, then more confidently comingdownstage and throwing sweets. Enter guards behind him]

Captain } Aha!

Vice-Capt }

[With a cry of Dododododo the Dodo rushes off the stage into the audience, scatteringsweets as he goes. Guards chase him up and down the aisles, until the Dodo gets back tothe stage ahead of them, where the curtains are now closed, picks up their frying pansfrom in front of the curtains, brandishes them in the air, and exits with a final triumphant cryof Dodododo. Captain and Vice-Captain get back on to the stage and stand therepanting]

Captain Wait! I can't run any more!

Vice-Capt Me neither!

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Captain Let me just get my breath back.

Vice-Capt What's that, Captain? No jokes about being short of breath?

Captain Look, a bit of friendly teasing is all very well, but when it comes down to it,

we've got to be united against our common enemy that nasty, devious,frying-pan-stealing Dodo.

Captain } [Singing] When we needed a big breakfast to keep goingVice-Capt } A Dodo ran off with our frying pan

[Captain] It's hard to stop my angry feelings showing[Vice-Capt] I have to say I'm not a happy manI think that I should just go home to motherThe glamour of this guard's job has all goneTaking one consideration with anotherA Chief} Guard's lot is not a happy one

small}

[In the second half of this verse, Hannah and Montana have entered silently, each holdingone of the guards' frying pans. On the last word, they bring them down together on theguards' heads and then step back. The guards sing the last phrase - Happy one - anoctave either higher or lower (depending on the singer!) and sway slightly. The curtainsopen just wide enough for the two guards to fall back through the opening, and then closeagain]

Montana Right, that's the guards dealt with. Go and see what you can find in the cave,[taking the frying pan from Hannah] and I'll get rid of the evidence.

[Exit Hannah and Montana around different ends of the curtains]

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Act 2

Scene III

The Island

[Enter Montana, with the frying pans]

Montana I can't believe we just knocked two guards out. Playing tricks on people isone thing, but actually attacking someone well, I'm shaking all over. Listen,boys and girls, I'm really worried that Alorana might have heard somethingand be coming to find me. And what if she brings that horrible evil genie?Can you help me please? If you see anyone trying to creep up behind me,can you shout out Behind you?

[Enter Alorana. Audience should hopefully shout out]

Montana Yes that's it, just like that. OK, that will do. I've got to find somewhere to hidethese. Look, if you keep shouting it out now, I won't know when there really issomeone behind me, will I? What? There really is someone behind me?

[Exit Alorana, just as Montana turns to look]

Montana There's nobody there. Now, I've got to find a good place for these.

[Montana walks from one side of the stage to the other, looking for somewhere to put thefrying pans. As she does so, Alorana should follow behind her. As the audience cry out,Montana should turn, but Alorana always moves behind her. Eventually Montana puts thefrying pans off stage, straightens up and turns round to find herself face to face withAlorana]

Montana} Aargh!Alorana } Aha!

Alorana So what are you up to, little girl?

Montana Nothing!

Alorana Nothing, what?

Montana Nothing... at all

Alorana Nothing, Your Majesty!

Montana Nothing, Your Majesty!

Alorana Wait a minute! I've seen you around haven't I?

Montana I don't think so, Your Majesty.

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Alorana Yes, I have. In fact, I've seen you in two different places at the same time.

Montana Oh no, I'm sure that's not right, Your Majesty

Alorana Don't you dare tell me I'm wrong!

Montana Sorry, Your Majesty.

Alorana I know that I'm the only one on this island who can do real magic. But you'replaying some kind of trick, aren't you?

Montana No. Yes! I don't know... maybe. Sometimes.

Alorana Right, that's it. You are behaving in a very suspicious fashion. Show me whatyou were hiding just now.

Montana [Fetching the frying pans] It's nothing. It's... erm... it's the washing up! I didn't

want to do it, so I brought it out here and hid it.

Alorana The washing up, eh?

Montana That's right, the washing up. [To audience] Nobody likes doing the washingup, do they boys and girls?

Alorana [To audience] Silence, you miserable worms! [To Montana] I know that you'relying, because I happen to recognise those frying pans. They belong to mytwo lazy, good-for-nothing guards. And I know that they are so greedy, andeat so much disgusting fried food, that the one thing they would never bewithout is their frying pan. Which means that you have stolen them, and as athief, you need to be punished.

Montana No!

Alorana Yes! Do you know what this is on my finger? This is The Ring of Evil! [Soundeffect]

Montana The what?

Alorana The Ring of Evil! [Sound effect] With this I can summon my Evil Genie.

Montana Please don't!

Alorana Genie of Evil, I summon you!

[Enter Evil Genie]

Evil Genie Yes, my mistress?

Alorana This girl is a liar and a thief. Punish her!

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[Evil Genie raises his hands and Montana collapses in agony]

Alorana More!

[Evil Genie raises his hands, and Montana writhes on the ground]

Alorana And now kill her!

[Enter Dodo, who runs at Alorana, pecking and hitting at her]

Alorana Genie! Never mind the girl! Get this bird off me!

[Alorana pushes the Dodo away, and the Genie points a finger at him. The Dodo goesrigid, and collapses next to Montana]

Alorana Are they dealt with?

Genie Yes, my mistress.

Alorana Good. Then let us go. I need to get back to my cave to check on theprisoners. If that girl managed to get my guards' frying pans away from them,who knows what might have happened to my captives?

[Exit Alorana and Genie. After a moment, the Dodo stands up rather unsteadily, clutchingat his head]

Dodo Do do do dodo. [He prods Montana] Dodo!

[Montana doesn't move]

Dodo Dododo! Dododo! [Worriedly] Do dododododo?

[He bends down and picks Montana up with his wings. She hangs limply]

Dodo [Sadly] Dodo. Dodododo do dodo. [Sighs]

[Exit Dodo and Montana]

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Act 2

Scene IV

Alorana's cave

[Sinbad, Gertrude, Bob, Stefan, Ali and Baba are tied up]

Sinbad Well, that didn't really go according to plan. We got beaten by one and a halfguards and a woman.

Gertrude To be fair, dear, she did have a genie.

Sinbad So did I. Fat lot of good he turned out to be. Give him a word he can't rhymewith, and he just stands there and does nothing. Where's he gone, anyway?

Gertrude Back into the ring, I think dear. He said that orange-purple was giving him a

headache and he needed a lie down.

Sinbad Right, so what are we going to do now? Any ideas?

Ali We'd be better off if some people didn't spend all their time stealing otherpeople's girlfriends.

Baba Hey, I did nothing. She just came to her senses and realised she didn't wantto go out with a man who talks about hair all day.

Ali She wanted me to do her hair. I can only assume that she must have beenhit on the head or something, and that's why she started talking to you.

Baba I'll hit you on the head when I get my hands free!

Sinbad Stop right there! You two were bad enough for arguing before we arrived onthis island, but at least it was mostly banter between friends. Now that you'vemet this girl, you're spending all your time having a go at each other insteadof trying to get us out of this mess. Anyone else got any ideas? Bob?

Bob Sorry, Sinbad, I can't really think of anything. I'm frightened.

Sinbad Come on Bob, you must be a man.

Bob I'm not very good at that.

Sinbad Don't worry one day you'll be a man just like me and Stefan.

Bob [Doubtfully] Well, if you say so.

Sinbad Stefan?

Stefan What?

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Sinbad Got any ideas?

Stefan No

Sinbad What, nothing?

Stefan No

Sinbad You're upset, aren't you?

Stefan I do not want to talk about it.

Sinbad Come on... what is it?

Stefan I cannot believe that I was beaten in a sword fight by those guards.

Sinbad Oh come on. We all have our off days. You were just unlucky.

Stefan No. It is not that. All my life I have searched for something. I did not know myfamily, so I have tried to find my true identity. I have sailed on many ships,and seen many places. I discovered that I had a talent for sword fighting, so Ibegan to study it. I got better and better. And I thought... I thought... I thoughtthat I could become the world's greatest swordsman. I thought perhaps thatwas my destiny, my identity. But now I have been beaten by two guards on alittle island in the middle of nowhere. All my life has been wasted.

Sinbad Oh, come on, it's not so bad. Shall I get the boys and girls to call out to you?That makes you feel better.

Stefan No thank you, Sinbad. Today, even that would not help.

Sinbad Well, how about if we sing you a song? That might take your mind off things.Bob? How about you sing us a song?

Bob [Sings] You're simply the best, better than all the rest...

[Stefan groans loudly]

Bob Sorry! Let me think of something else. Erm... [Sings] Only the lonely knowhow I feel...

[Stefan starts to sob]

Sinbad OK, thanks Bob. Anyone else?

Gertrude [Sings] I want to break free...

[Everyone groans]

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Sinbad You're supposed to be distracting us, not reminding us of the mess we're in.

Gertrude Sorry dear. It just seemed like a sensible song to sing. How about [sings] Evilwoman...

[Everyone groans louder]

Sinbad Mummy! You're not helping! [To Ali and Baba] What about you two?

[Ali and Baba look at each other, think for a moment, and then sing straight at each other]

Ali } [Singing] My girl, I'm talking 'bout my girl...Baba }

[They both realise that they have chosen the same song, stop singing and glare at eachother]

Sinbad Right, well let's forget singing. Anyone got any other way of passing the time?

Bob Well, I've got something that I've never really told anyone about.

Gertrude I think I can guess what it is.

Bob I can do ventriloquism. You know, throwing my voice.

Gertrude Oh. Not what I was expecting you to say.

Sinbad Go on then, show us what you can do.

[Bob opens her mouth]

Hannah [Off] Hello? Is anyone there?

Sinbad Wow! That was amazing.

Gertrude I saw your lips move a bit, dear, but it was very good.

Bob No, no, that was...

Hannah Hello? Anyone?

Gertrude Now that was good. You actually sounded like you interrupted yourself.

Bob But it wasn't me.

Sinbad Not you? [Calling] Hello? Is there anyone there?

[Enter Hannah, who runs to Ali and hugs him. Baba looks disgusted]

Hannah Thank goodness you're safe. I was so worried about you.

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Baba What about me? Were you worried about me?

Hannah Yes, I suppose so.

Baba You suppose so?

Hannah Well, I was worried about all of you.

Gertrude I'm sure that's very nice, dear, but wouldn't it be more sensible to get us outof here?

Hannah Oh, yes of course. [She quickly releases them all] I think that the Princessmust be further along in the cave. This way.

Alorana Where are my guards? Who is watching the prisoners?

Hannah The other way!

[All turn and run the other way. As they cross the stage, Hannah falls. She tries to get up,but falls again, clutching at her ankle]

Hannah Ow!

Ali [Going back to Hannah] What's the matter?

Hannah I've hurt my ankle.

Ali What?

Hannah I know. We're all running away from the evil witch, and the girl falls over andhurts her ankle. What are the chances?

Ali Come on, I'll help you.

Hannah No. You go you'll be quicker without me. Go!

Ali But what if Alorana finds you?

Hannah Don't worry. I'll just pretend to be some silly girl who has wandered in here byaccident. She'll soon let me go, and I'll meet you outside. Go on, now!

[Exit Sinbad, Bob, Gertrude, Stefan, Ali and Baba]

[Enter Alorana and Evil Genie]

Alorana What? What are youdoing here?

Hannah Forgive me, your majesty. I am just a poor peasant girl who has wandered

into this cave by mistake.

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Alorana Don't be ridiculous. I think we've already established that you are a liar and athief. I'm just amazed that the punishment my genie gave you earlier didn'tfinish you off after all.

Hannah What? [Realising what has happened] Oh...

Alorana [Angrily] This is so frustrating! I want to kill you now, but on the other hand Iwant to kill you slowly and painfully. Then again, you have helped myprisoners to escape, so I will have to torture you for information. But I don'thave time to do that now, because they've only just escaped, and if I'm quickI will catch them. Argh! Genie! Put her in the dungeon with the Princess, thencome and help me to track down the others. Quickly!

[Exit Alorana and Evil Genie with Hannah]

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Act 2

Scene V

The Island, by the sensible tree.

[Enter Sinbad, Gertrude, Stefan, Bob, Ali and Baba]

Gertrude All right, I think we've gone far enough. Let's rest for a moment.

Ali [Looking back the way they entered] Come on, come on. Where is she?

Stefan Do not worry, my friend. This girl, she is a little bit odd but I have no doubtthat she will catch up with us soon. Look there is someone coming.

[Enter Dodo carrying Montana]

Ali Oh no!

Gertrude Oh my goodness!

[All gather round Montana]

Dodo Dodo dodo dododo do do. Dododododo!

Sinbad I thought that the witch would just let her go.

Dodo Dodododo do dododo do.

Bob What's happened to her?

Baba Is she...?

Stefan [Bending down to examine Montana] No, she is not dead. But she has beenseriously injured.

Dodo Do dodo dododo do do

Stefan It appears she has been wounded by magic from the Evil Genie.

Ali What can we do?

Stefan In my travels, I have learned much about herbs and healing. We need theherb Avelaf. It has silvery leaves; you may know it by it's country name Bacofoil.

[All search around]

Sinbad [Producing a silvery plant] Is this it?

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Stefan Quickly! Bring it here! [To Ali and Baba] You two hold her head up.

[Ali and Baba kneel either side of Montana and lift her shoulders. Stefan touches the silverherb to Montana's forehead, nose and mouth, then steps back. Nothing happens for amoment then Montana takes a deep breath and opens her eyes. She looks at Ali, andthen at Baba, and then throws her arms around Baba]

Montana You're OK! I was so worried about you!

Baba I'm fine we were more worried about you.

Montana Why, what happened?

Baba Apparently, you were attacked by a genie.

Ali Which, apparently, can lead to sudden personality changes.

Montana What?

Ali [Sulkily] Never mind.

Baba Don't you remember what happened?

Montana It's all a bit of blur...

Ali Well the important thing is that you're safe.

Montana No... there was something I wanted to remember. Something important.

Gertrude Well I often find that the best way to remember something is to stop thinkingabout it.

Bob Does that work?

Gertrude [Thinks] I can't remember!

Sinbad Look, I hate to interrupt, but let's not forget that unless we can rescue thePrincess, we have no way of getting off this island.

Gertrude You've already tried that though, dear. And it didn't go well.

Sinbad Yes, I know. But that was because our genie got lost for words. I'm sure wecan do better, if we could only think of a plan.

Bob Why can't we just think of a rhyme for orange-purple?

Gertrude Yes, why don't we?

Sinbad I don't think that there are any rhymes for those words.

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Stefan Wait... when I sailed on a Welsh ship, there was a man there fromAbergavenny. He used to talk about the hill outside the town, which wascalled The Blorenge

Bob And you believed him?

Stefan I see no reason why he should have lied to me.

Bob Sounds like a complete load of curple to me.

Sinbad A complete load of what?

Bob Curple. It's what we used to call a donkey's bottom.

Gertrude A what?

Bob Donkey. You know, the animal that goes hee-haw.

Stefan Oh. You mean ass.

Bob That's right, it's a donkey's ass.

Gertrude No! It's an ass's... hindquarters.

Bob That's right, a curple is a donkey's hindquarters

Sinbad That's it!

Gertrude What is?

Sinbad The rhyme.

Stefan What rhyme?

Sinbad Well, the... erm... hindquarters of a donkey that lives on a hill outsideAbergavenny in Wales would be a Blorenge curple.

Bob Yes. And?

Sinbad That rhymes with orange-purple

Bob Brilliant!

Montana I've got it!

Bob Yes, I know, I didn't realise at first but it's clever, isn't it?

Montana No! I've remembered what I was trying to remember!

Baba What is it?

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Montana It's something Alorana said. She says that she controls the Evil Genie with...The Ring of Evil [sound effect].

[All look around for the cause of the sound]

Gertrude Did you just do that?

Montana What?

Gertrude That... thing.

Montana No. I think that just happens whenever anyone mentions The Ring of Evil[sound effect]

Ali Ooh. Sounds nasty.

Montana No, that's not the point. If Alorana controls the genie with The Ring... erm,with the ring, then if we can get it away from her she won't control the genieany more.

Baba That's brilliant! You're brilliant!

Montana Thank you. Let's hope it works.

Baba If it does, we're definitely going out tonight to celebrate.

Montana Definitely as soon as you've done my hair.

Baba What?

Montana Didn't you say earlier that you'd do my hair for me tonight? Or am I gettingconfused again?

Baba I don't do hair. That's [with a disgusted look at Ali] him.

Ali And the offer's still there if you want it.

Montana But you said you were the barber!

Baba My name is Baba. But I can't stand fussing about with hair. I much prefersports.

Montana Oh. Right. [Pause] Erm... what kind of sports?

Baba Anything indoors. Darts, table tennis, squash, bowling I love ten pinbowling.

Montana Me too. But we have to go to one of the neighbouring islands to do it.

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Ali So do you want me to cut your hair or not?

Montana Maybe. Wait until later, and we'll just see, OK?

Sinbad Look, can we just get on?

Gertrude Yes, we need to think of a proper plan.

Sinbad We've got a proper plan.

Gertrude No. The sensible thing would be to hide somewhere, and to work out howwe're going to try and get the ring away from Alorana.

Sinbad No, the sensible thing would be to attack straight away, when they don'texpect it.

Gertrude No it wouldn't

Sinbad Oh yes it would

Gertrude Oh no it wouldn't

Sinbad Look, why don't we ask the boys and girls?

[Sinbad and Gertrude divide the audience in half, and each encourages their half to beloudest. After several moments it is obvious that both sides are equally loud]

Montana Wait! There's an easy way to find out which is the most sensible choice.Come and stand under the sensible tree.

Sinbad The what tree?

Gertrude Oh no, not that tree!

Montana Just come here.

[Sinbad and Gertrude come and stand under the tree]

Montana Right. Now each of you say what you think we should do, and we'll see whatthe tree says.

Sinbad See what the tree says?

Gertrude You have no idea...

Montana Come on!

Gertrude All right, all right. We should find somewhere safe, and hide there until we'recompletely ready. [She looks at the apple, which doesn't move]

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Sinbad [Still not really understanding what's going on] We should go back to thecave now, while we still have the element of surprise.

[The apple drops into his hand]

[Taking a bite out of the apple] Well, I suppose that settles it. Let's go!

[Exit all]

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Act 2

Scene VI

Alorana's cave

[Princess Azura is sitting with the Cave Creatures]

CC1 Do not worry, Princess. I'm sure that you will be rescued.

CC2 Perhaps the ring is magical after all.

CC3 Perhaps the strangers will have swords and will fight against Alorana

CC1 And then our caves will be peaceful again.

Azura Look, I know what you said about being peaceful creatures, but you can't just

sit here and wait for something to happen. Sometimes, you have to fight forwhat you want.

[Cave Creatures all draw back in horror]

CC3 We cannot!

Azura Why not?

CC3 We do not fight. We have always run away, and hidden in dark places, andwaited for someone else to sort things out.

CC2 That is our way

CC1 That has always been our way. We run away, we hide, we wait.

Azura But...

CC2 There is no other way.

Azura But...

[Hannah is pushed on and falls face down]

Hannah [Looking up and seeing the Cave Creatures] Aargh! Get away from me!

[Cave Creatures all scuttle away]

Azura Don't upset them. They won't do you any harm.

Hannah How do you know?

Azura Because I have been talking to them.

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Hannah Talking to them? [Realising who Azura is] Your Majesty!

Azura Thank you. I'm glad that not everyone is following Alorana.

Hannah Almost nobody is following Alorana, Your Majesty. But many people are

frightened that she will turn them into frogs unless they obey her.

Azura Surely some of them will stand up to her?

Hannah I don't know if they will, Your Majesty.

Azura They must!

[Cave Creatures go closer to Azura and make hissing noises]

Azura No! It is not the best way! Sometimes the only way to stop being frightened is

to make a stand!

Hannah What did the creatures say, Your Majesty?

Azura They are frightened too. They have always hidden in the dark, and run away.They think that is the only way to live.

Hannah No! Listen to me, creatures. You can't always run away. There is a man whohas been shipwrecked on our island. He wants to go home, to be with hisfamily and his friends, and for that he is willing to take risks. He tried torescue the Princess. He was prepared to fight.

Azura And what happened?

Hannah They got captured.

Azura Oh.

Hannah But I freed them.

Azura And?

Hannah Then I got captured.

Azura Oh.

Hannah But I'm sure they will come to rescue me.

[Cave Creatures all hiss to Azura]

Azura The creatures want to know why you think they will come to rescue you?

Hannah Because... well, because I think that one of them really likes me?

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[Cave Creatures hiss again]

Azura What makes you think that?

Hannah [Patting her wig] Well he said he liked my hair.

[Cave Creatures all roll around hissing with laughter]

Azura [To Cave Creatures] Don't be unkind! [To Hannah] I hope you're right. We'regoing to need all the help we can get.

Montana [Off] Come on! It's this way.

Hannah [Calling] Montana!

[Enter Montana]

Montana Hannah! [Sees the Cave Creatures] Eurgh! What are they?

Hannah It's OK. They're harmless. Just a bit rude. And the Princess has been talkingto them.

Montana What Princess?

Azura This Princess.

Montana [Bowing] Your Majesty! [Calling off] Quick! This way! The Princess is here.

[Enter Sinbad, Stefan, Bob, Gertrude, Ali, Baba and Dodo. Ali and Baba stop and stare atHannah and Montana]

Ali But...

Baba But...

Ali } But... there's two of you.Baba }

Hannah } We know! We thought you'd never work it out.Montana }

[Hannah and Montana run over and embrace Ali and Baba, then turn to each other]

Hannah } What? You fancy [pointing]him?Montana }

[Both burst out laughing]

Ali What's going on?

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Montana I'm sorry. We've been playing this trick for long enough. My name isMontana.

Hannah And my name is Hannah. You've met both of us today, but only one at a time.

Montana You met my sister first, and then she told me about this good looking boy.Apparently, she meant you [pointing to Ali], but when we changed places Iobviously thought it was you [points to Baba].

Baba Obviously

Ali [To Hannah] So you haven't been flirting with the ugly one then?

Hannah No, only with you.

Baba [To Montana] And you don't want to get your hair cut?

Montana Well... I wouldn't mind... but I'd much rather go bowling with you.

[Each couple hug]

Sinbad This is all very nice and in fact explains a lot but where is this Princesswe're supposed to be rescuing?

Azura I'm here and very pleased to see you.

[Azura steps forward and she and Sinbad see each other for the first time. Everyonefreezes while the Love Theme from Romeo and Juliet plays, except Sinbad and Azura,who walk slowly toward each other]

Azura Very pleased indeed.

Sinbad Me too

[They stare into each other's eyes]

Dodo Dododo! Dododo!

Stefan Yes, boss, we ought to get going. What about

[Enter Alorana]

Stefan }Azura } Alorana!Hannah }Montana }

Alorana So you thought you could trick me by coming back here, did you?

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Gertrude I told you it wasn't very sensible!

Sinbad Not now, mummy.

Gertrude [To Hannah and Montana] You and your sensible tree. Silly tree more like!

Alorana Silence! [She looks at Hannah and Montana] So, there are two of you, arethere? Well that explains a lot. But I'm sure that at least one of you shouldhave been killed by my genie.

Montana Yet I'm still here thanks to my friends.

Alorana You! You're nothing but a bunch of washed-up sailors. Which of you couldunderstand magic and healing?

[Everyone turns and looks at Stefan]

Stefan Well... it was not all me. To be honest, the Dodo told me what had happened.I could not have done it without him.

Sinbad What do you mean, the Dodo told you what had happened?

Stefan When he brought the girl to us. He said what had happened. About the genieand everything.

Bob What? Wait a minute. Are you saying you can understand what this bird issaying?

Stefan Of course. Don't you?

Sinbad }Gertrude }Ali } No!Baba }Bob }

Azura You can understand birds?

Stefan Yes, of course. I can understand all kinds of animals. Do you mean that otherpeople can't?

Azura But that means... [she stops hurriedly and looks at Alorana]

Alorana Oh, I know exactly what that means. It means that you [pointing to Stefan]will be my prisoner, and that you [pushing Azura] are going to be killed, rightnow, along with everyone else. For I have The Ring of Evil, and nobody candefeat me! Genie of Evil, I summon you!

[Enter Evil Genie]

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Sinbad Good Genie, I summon you! Please!

[Enter Good Genie]

Alorana Your genie is useless! He'll never think of a rhyme for orange-purple!

Good Genie I think you're talking a load of Blorenge curple.

Alorana Curses! Do you know what? I'm not going to keep anyone captive! I'm goingto destroy you all. And then I shan't hide in a cave any more: I shall move intothe palace, and everyone can come to see my wonderful beauty andamazing powers.

Azura [To Cave Creatures, who are cowering behind Alorana] Please, help us!

Alorana Don't waste your breath. These slimy scum never do anything but run away.In fact, I won't move into the palace. I will fill this nasty, dingy cave with lights

and noise and turn it into a magnificent underground palace. And thousandsof people will come here to tell me how beautiful I am!

[With a yell, all the Cave Creatures throw themselves at Alorana and pull her to theground. She disappears under a pile of bodies, until one stands up, brandishing The Ringof Evil, and all the Cave Creatures run off, leaving Alorana on the ground. From off stagethere is a cry of Preciousssss]

Alorana [Getting to her feet] Filthy, disgusting creatures. I will hunt them all down! [ToEvil Genie] Well? What are you waiting for? Kill them all!

Evil Genie Who commands me?

Alorana I do! I do! I command you to kill them all!

Evil Genie No, you do not. I can only be commanded by the person who wears The Ringof Evil. [All look around, expecting the sound effect, but nothing happens]And since it now appears that the ring is not being worn by anyone, I am freeto do whatever I please.

Alorana No! You must serve me!

Evil Genie [Going close to Alorana and speaking in a low, threatening voice] Do youknow what? I don't like being ordered around. [On each word he points afinger at Alorana, who reacts as though she has been hit] I don't like being ordered around! [Alorana is now on the ground, but still twitching atevery magical blow from the Genie, who is yelling] I don't like being ordered around!

[Alorana gives one last twitch and lies still]

Evil Genie And now for all of you. Prepare to die!

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Sinbad Genie! Help us!

Evil Genie Him? He can't fight!

[Good Genie steps forward and squares up to the Evil Genie. The opening bars toSurvivor's Eye of the Tiger play. The Evil Genie looks contemptuously at the Good Genie

and flicks his little finger. Good Genie falls over as though he has had his feet pulled fromunder him. Music stops abruptly]

Good Genie [Struggling to sit up] I'm sorry, Sinbad, but he's rightI'm really no good in a fight.

Sinbad Come on Genie, you can do it! You must.

Good Genie No, no, Sinbad, I'm afraid it's trueFighting just isn't what I do.

Sinbad Don't be like that. All I wanted to do was to get away from here, so I couldcarry on sailing, and make more money. But I ended up leading a rescueparty, and [he looks at Azura] meeting someone amazing.

Azura Come on Genie. Even the Cave Creatures discovered that they could fightwhen their home was threatened.

Bob Don't listen to that Evil Genie saying you can't fight. Things aren't always asthey seem. Believe me, I know.

Gertrude I stowed away because I wanted to stop Sinbad doing anything dangerous.But I've found out that sometimes the sensible thing to do isn't necessarilythe right thing to do.

Stefan Listen, Genie. I thought I had to be the best in the world, or else I would be anobody. But I discovered that I don't have to be the best; I just have to do mybest.

Ali I've spent the day arguing with my best friend because I was mistaken aboutsomething. Don't believe the Evil Genie!

Baba Come on Genie. We're your friends and if there's one thing I've learned, it'salways stick by your friends.

Hannah Come on Genie. I've spent half my life pretending to be Montana, but nowI've found someone I just want to be myself with.

Montana Come on Genie. I've fallen in love I can't lose that now!

Azura Yes, come on Genie.

Sinbad Come on Genie

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Stefan }Gertrude } Come on Genie!Bob }

Ali }Baba } Come on Genie!

Hannah }Montana }

[Hannah and Montana encourage the audience to join in, and then signal for silence as theGood Genie starts to struggle up]

Dodo Do do dodo!

[Good Genie gets to his feet. Carl Douglas' Kung Fu Fighting starts to play. Genies battle,hand to hand, until finally the Good Genie pulls off a move that knocks the Evil Genie tothe floor. Everyone cheers]

Sinbad [To Azura] And now, Your Majesty, please could we buy, or at least borrow, aship to take us home to Bursledon?

Azura I'm sorry, I can't make that decision.

Sinbad What? Why not?

Azura Because I am not the rightful ruler of this island.

Gertrude Yes you are, dear. I mean, yes, you are, Your Majesty.

Azura No, I am not. I am the youngest daughter of the King and Queen. I had anolder brother, who was lost at sea when he was only a baby. After my parentsdied, I ruled the island, but only on my brother's behalf, until he should return.

Sinbad What! We can't wait around for some lost prince to come back!

Azura You don't have to wait, for he has already come. He is a wonderful, kind,selfless man, who has the royal gift.

Sinbad And what's the royal gift?

Azura The royal gift gives any person of the royal family the ability to talk toanimals.

[Everyone turns to Stefan]

Stefan But, it cannot be me. I was abandoned as a baby.

Azura No, you were lost at sea when our ship sank on holiday. And besides, no oneelse here can talk to animals. Stefan, you are the true ruler of this island.

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Stefan So I do belong somewhere. But I don't know how to rule an island! I needsomeone sensible to advise me.

[Everyone turns to look at Gertrude]

Gertrude Me? A Royal Advisor? Well, I don't know... what about the Princess here?

Won't she be more suited to the job?

Azura I've ruled this island on behalf of my brother for long enough. Besides, I'vefound someone I'd really like to spend some time with... and maybe see theworld.

Sinbad Who?

Azura You, silly!

Sinbad Oh. Right. Excellent. [He attempts a cool laugh, but accidentally snorts

instead. Everyone laughs]

[Sinbad turns to Ali and Baba, who are talking to Hannah and Montana]

Sinbad Come on then, you two. Time to set sail.

Ali Actually, Sinbad...

Baba The thing is...

Ali We'd like to stay here, with the girls.

Baba We've been talking, and we'd quite like to have a break from sailing.

Ali We've got some business ideas

Baba There's no bowling alley on this island, so I'm going to open one.

Ali And I'm going to set up a hairdressers. It's going to be called Ali's Barbers

Baba And mine's going to be called Baba's Alleys

[Pause while everyone works this out]

Sinbad Well, if you're sure. But I'm not sure how we'll manage to sail the ship withonly half a crew.

Good Genie Don't worry, Sinbad, about missing crewWherever you go, I'll go too.

Sinbad Right. It's good to see you where you belong at last, Stefan.

Stefan Do you know, I am feeling really good right now. But just for old times' sake,

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I'd like to hear all the boys and girls say Hey, Stefan and Ooh, Stefan. [Heencourages audience to respond] [He turns to Bob, who has remained silent]What is the matter, young Bob? I do not hear you saying Hey, Stefan.

[Bob looks down at the ground]

Stefan Come on Bob: Hey, Stefan

[Still no response from Bob]

Stefan Bob?

[Bob finally throws off her cap, shakes out her hair and embraces Stefan]

Bob Ooh, Stefan!

[Final song and walk-down]

sinbad the sailor and the mystery island

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