Separate Slip and Pancake Restaurant

Slip: Whats up guys, welcome to Slip Sabroneys Sweeet House of Pancakes. My name is Slip and Im gonna be taking care of you guys. Can I start you all off with something to drink?

Mary: Sure Slip, Ill have unsweet tea.

Slip: Okay, sweeet.

Mary: No, Id like unsweet.

Slip: Yup, I gotcha maam. Everything is sweeet.

Mary: Except my iced-tea. I want un-sweet tea.

Slip: Un-sweeet tea? So like, sad, depressed, the world is a darkening nihilist vacuum, tea?

Mary: Unsweet tea, as in tea with no sugar.

Slip: Ohhhh, so you want unsweet tea, but still sweeeet tea.

Mary: I think so.

Slip: Sweeet. And for you sir?

Darren: (slightly french) Ill have coffee. Cafe (dramatic pause) Au Lait, if you will.

Slip: Au lait? Oh...Im a bull, your a matador, and I charge at you with hot coffee?

Darren: Cafe (dramatic pause) Au Lait is just coffee with a lot of milk in it.

Slip: Sir, it would be my pleasure to charge at you with a cup of hot coffee with a lot of milk in it, really, it would. However, I have strict policies against running, charging customers like bulls, and unwanted drug insertion into customer food.

Darren: Just some coffee mate then, thank you.

Slip: No promblemo, sir. And you maam?

Kate: Ill have Diet Pepsi, please.

Slip: We dont have that miss. We actually only serve R/C Cola products.

Kate: R/C Cola? What is this, a ranch?

Slip: Of sorts miss. This building to be a Chinese opium den, which used to be a Korean opium den, which used to be a ranch.

Kate: So? Why continue to serve RC cola?

Slip: R/C cola is popular among...opium users.

Kate: Oh my goodness. Do you mean to say you serve a lot of opium users?

Slip: This building has a surprisingly strong ties to the Asian mafia, which my dad and I did not know when the lease was signed. So weve worked out a compromise.

Kate: You and the opium users?

Slip: Yup, they get to smoke their opium at the picnic tables out back, and the chinese mafia lets us exist.

Kate: You cant let people smoke opium in here! (Hysterically) What if were all on opium right now! And I dont even have a diet pepsi!

Slip: Thats why theyre outside. Nobodys gonna be getting stoney baloney on opium unless they want to be getting stoney baloney on opium.

Kate: Mr. Sabroney, this is the worst dining experience Ive ever had. I think we should go!(Getting up to leave)

Slip: Wait! Okay, so I cant take drink orders. So there are people using opium out back. So my dad abandoned his dream of owning pancake house and left me in charge of it. So what? I am an adult and I am going to ensure that you have a pleasant dining experience!

Kate: Then please, Slip, bring me a diet pepsi. Or I will be forced to leave a...very negatively worded yelp review!

Slip: Maam Im sorry, but we dont serve Pepsi.

Kate: (dramatically) I can see the post now: restaurant owned by idiot that only serves RC Cola.

Slip: Wait...we have people using a poisonous drug in the outside, strong ties to the mafia, and all youre mad about is RC Cola? Youll be our best review in months!