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Contents

TitlePageCopyrightDedicationPrefaceIntroduction:WhyResolutionsFail

PART1:THESEVENRULESOFMICRORESOLUTIONSChapter1:HowtoMakeaMicroresolutionChapter2:Don’tMakeResolutionsYouCan’tKeepChapter3:DoingItChapter4:InstantGratificationChapter5:MadetoMeasureChapter6:GiveItSomeSpinChapter7:TriggerHappyChapter8:PracticeMakesPermanentChapter9:Test-DrivingYourResolution

PART2:MICRORESOLUTIONSINACTIONChapter10:SleepChapter11:FitnessChapter12:DietandNutritionChapter13:ClutterChapter14:RelationshipsChapter15:SpendingChapter16:PunctualityChapter17:Organization

Afterword:BeyondAutopilotAcknowledgmentsIndex

Preface

It’slateatnightasIheadupthesteepdrivetomyparents’house,thehouseIgrewupin.I’mjustofftheplanefromNewYork,andassoonasIcuttheengineonmyrentalcar Icanhear thecricketschirping in thewarmCalifornianight.Mylongdayof travelatanend, I letmyheadfallbackagainst theseatandIlistenforamoment.I’mhome.Anoutsidelightilluminatesthepathwaytothefrontdoor;inside,thehouseis

dark,myparentsasleep.Irollmybagalongthepebbledpathandslipinside.I’mthirsty, hungry, and tired;myplanewas two hours late getting in.But I don’tstop for a glass ofwater or to checkwhat’s in the fridge. I go straight to thepantry,openthedoor,andhangupmycarkeysonanoldbrassrackwheretwootherkeyringsdangleinthedark.Becoming a licensed driver is a rite of passage in the California suburbs,

where you can’t really get anywherewithout a car. I counted the days tomysixteenthbirthdayandcouldn’twaittogetbehindthewheel.IlearnedtohangupthecarkeysassoonasIcamehomeonthedayIpassedmydrivingtest—overtwenty-five years ago.My new California driver’s licensemeant there wouldnowbethreedriverssharingtwocars.Keyshiddeninpursesorpantspocketsortossedonto abureaumeant frustrationand lost time. “Hangup thekeys!”myparentswouldshoutassoonasIsteppedinthedoor.But tonight I’ve arrived in a rental car only I am authorized to drive. My

parentseachhaveacarparkedinthedriveway.Wearen’tgoingtosharecars,sowhyhangupthekeys?Whybeelineforthehookinthedark?The answer holds the secret to achieving continuous and sustainable self-

improvement.IfonlyIhadknowntheanswerallthoseyearsago,everyoneofmyresolutionssincewouldhavesucceeded.

Introduction:WhyResolutionsFail

Iwillloseweight.Iwillbeneat.

Iwillbeontime.Iwillgetoutofdebt.

Iwillbethinbysummer.Iwillgetaheadatwork.

Iwillbemoreloving.Iwillbeassertive.

Iwillgetinshape.Iwillgetorganized.

Iwillquitsmoking.Iwon’tbedefensive.Iwillbeabetterperson.

Why is it so hard to keep our resolutions?We begin with enthusiasm anddetermination,yetourwillfaltersandourresolutionsfizzle.Andeverytimewebreakaresolution—apromisewemakeourselvestoimproveourlives—wefeeldemoralized,powerlesstomakeprogressandrealizeourgoals.Even highly disciplined and successful individuals—winners—fail at self-

improvement initiatives. We’re all losers when it comes to the New Year’sresolution,ourcollective failure rateaspectacular88percent.Werun inplacelike hamsters on a wheel, renewing and forsaking the same resolutions in anannualcycle,tellingourselvesthatifweonlyhadmoreresolve,morewillpower,morecharacter,wecould forceabreakthrough toabetter self.Webegineachyear (or birthday or season or Monday morning) with fresh determination,muster our willpower, tweak our resolutions, and try again. Over time, thepatternofmakingandbreakingresolutionsbecomesfamiliaranddemoralizing.Wegoonmakingresolutions,butweexpecttofail.What if instead of failing annually at ourNewYear’s resolutions,wemade

strategicandtargetedresolutionsyear-roundthatwereguaranteedtosucceedand

transform us permanently? What if our resolutions brought us immediaterewards,raisedourself-awareness,andenergizedourself-improvementefforts?Whatifeverytimewemadearesolutionweactuallyexpectedtosucceed?SmallMove,BigChangeisaboutmakingresolutionsthatsucceedeverytime.

Byrethinkingwillpower,andrefocusingyourresolutions,youcanmastertheartofinstantandsustainableself-improvement,achievingpersonalgoalsthatonceseemed out of reach. Transparent successes will take the place of mystifyingfailures, optimism will replace hopelessness, confidence will replacehelplessness. You will learn how to succeed instead of fail; indeed, you willlearntoexpectsuccess.Thepurposeofthisbookistoteachyouhowtotranslatebroadpersonalgoals

into microresolutions that can be managed, measured, and kept. Amicroresolution is a compact and powerful commitment designed to nail aprecisebehavioral target exactly anddeliverbenefits immediately.Rather thansufferingacollapseofwillpowerafterweeksofexhaustingeffort,youwilllearnhow to overpower your objective through strategic focus and targeted self-control.Yourresolutionswillpayoffthedayyoustartandaresustainableforalifetime.Microresolutionssucceedineveryself-improvementcategory,whetheryourgoalislosingweight,improvingarelationship,orsavingmoney.Formostofmy life I lived thecommonexperience in resolutionmaking—I

failednearlyallthetime.Thesepersonalfailureswereamysterytome,asIwasvery successful in my career on Wall Street and in nurturing a happy andrewarding family life. I put in long hours running a global departmentnumbering nearly five hundred people, meeting demanding deadlines, andcoaching careers; I was devoted to my family, to the needs of my youngdaughter,husband,andagingparents; Iwasengaged incharitiesandactive inmycommunity.Butdespitemycapacity todeliver forothers and the take-no-prisoners attitude I brought to the most challenging career assignments, IstruggledtokeepthepersonalcommitmentsImadetomyself,fromgoingtothegymregularly to spendingmore timewithmyfamily.Withallmyenergyanddetermination,Iwonderedwhymyresolutionshadsucceededonlyahandfuloftimes.Finally,afteraparticularlypainfulresolutionflop,Itriedsomethingdifferent.

Iassignedmyselfasmallbutmeaningfulbehavioralchange—amicroresolution—andIsucceededinchangingmyselfimmediatelyandpermanently.YetitwasonlyaftersucceedingatseveralmoremicroresolutionsmodeledonthefirstthatIrealized I had stumbled onto amethod formaking targeted commitments thatsucceeded virtually every time. I began reaching goals that had been yearsdeferred:Ilostweightandgotinshape;Ibecametidierandbetterorganized;I

improvedmyrelationshipsandmyfinances.Excitedbymyprogress,Ibegantoshare my system with business colleagues, friends, and family who in turnpassed the system on to others. My thriving test lab led me to a simpleconclusion:Microresolutionswork.We live in the ageof the small andpowerful,wheremicro computer chips,

tablets, iPods, smart phones, and their apps drive productivity at work and athome. Microfinancing is eliminating poverty one family at a time.Nanotechnology is revolutionizingmedicine.Criticalcommunicationsarrive in140-character tweets, hitting global distribution lists in microseconds. Thesetools are targeted, designed to fill a specific need exactly and deliver valueimmediately.So it iswithmicroresolutions—each is designed tohit a specificpersonal-improvementtargetexactlyanddeliverbenefitsimmediately.Ourfast-paced,multitaskingdaysarepackedsofullthatthethoughtofadding

onemoreto-do,meetingonemoreneed,orpursuingonenewpersonalobjectivecan be overwhelming. Microresolutions slip easily into our crowded lives,quietly working their magic while we go on juggling schedules and meetingendless obligations. Indeed, microresolutions make it possible to achievecontinuousself-improvementwithoutbreakingasweat.Microresolutions are fun and easy and take effect immediately. But before

plungingintothemechanicsofmicroresolutions—howandwhytheywork—weshouldfirstaskourselves,whydotraditionalresolutionssooftenendindefeat?

WhyResolutionsFail

We all know someonewho transformed himself through an act ofwill—wentfrom flabby to fit, from spendthrift to investor, from slob to house-proudneatfreak. At one time or another, nearly all of us succeed in reaching someambitiouspersonalgoalsuchasrunningthemarathonorfinishingadegree.ButmorefamiliararetheresolutionswemakeonNewYear’sDayandabandoninMarch,themidnightchampagneadistantmemoryandourforsakenresolutionsalingering and dispiriting hangover. The broken New Year’s resolution is aculturalstaple,fodderforcountlesspunchlinespokingfunattheuniversalfollyofself-improvement.Welaughalong,inonthejoke,yetthepromiseswemakeourselves are serious, not silly.With somuch on the line, why dowe fail sooften?

WeMaketheWrongResolutionsGoogle“NewYear’sresolutions”andyou’llturnupdozensoflinksdevotedtopopularandworthwhilepersonalgoals.MostofthesearewhatIcallwannaberesolutions:Iwillbefit,Iwillbeorganized,Iwillbeassertive.Theseiconicresolutionsareverymuchlikewishesindisguise:IwishIwerebuff,IwishIwereontopofmygame,IwishIweren’tsuchadoormat.Theseresolutionsfocusonbeing,notdoing.YearsagoindramaclassIlearnedfromamasterthattoactmeanstodo,not

tobe.Manyyoungactorsmakethemistakeoftryingtobeonstage,playing“I’mangry,”“I’msad,”“I’mtough.”Butimpersonatingthequalitiesandemotionsofacharacter—“I’manangrytoughguywithaheartofgold”—leavestheseactorslittletodoonstage.Inassumingapersona,theymissoutontherealactionofthedrama, the process by which their character grows and becomes emotional.Greatactorsunderstandthatthesecrettobehavingandfeelinglikeacharacteristo focusonwhat thecharacterdoes.Theyanalyzehowthecharacter’sexplicitactionsrevealhisobjectives,attitudes,andvalues.Theyconcentrateonplayingeach action fully, and the sequence of actions adds up to an authenticcharacterization,atrueexperience,andanemotionalresponsefromthemselvesand from the audience. The acting lesson? If you focus on doing what thecharacterdoes,beingthecharacterwillfollow.*Thesamelessonappliestotheresolutionsyoumakeandhopetokeep.Ifyou

resolve to be organized, you’ll likely find yourself flashing a virtual BEORGANIZED! sign in your head every time you pick up themail or sit down atyourdesk.Butbrowbeatingyourselfto“beorganized”everymomentofthedaywill soon exhaust your will to change. Like an actor onstage trying toimpersonateanangrytoughguy,yourfocus is in thewrongplace.Rather thancommandingyourselftobewhatyouarenot—anorganizedperson—youmustdefine explicit actions to practice, one by one, until you begin to dowhat anorganizedpersondoesautomatically.Microresolutions focus on doing, not being. Being different follows, rather

thanprecedes,deliberateaction.

WeDependSolelyonWillpowertoSucceedWannaberesolutionsarestimulatedbypowerfulfantasiesofafutureself.Imaginingourselveshappier,fitter,ormorefinanciallysecureinspiresusandignitesourwilltochange.Ifourgoalistobeslimandfit,wevisualizeourselveslookingsvelteonthebeachcomesummerandstickabuffpinuponthefridgetobolsterourresolve.Ourdreamselfissoinspiringthatwefeelcertainwecansustainourwillnomatterhowdemandingtheregimenweadopttoreachourgoal.Butbeforeopeningdayat

thebeachourwillcollapses,thwartedbythelong-establishedbehaviorsthatsustainoureverydaylives.Wechastiseourselvesforourlackofself-control,butinfactourwillpowerwassimplyoutmatchedbythetenacityofourhabits,attitudes,androutines.We are each driven by a system of unconscious habits and preferences

nurtured early in life and entrenched through repetition. These establishedbehaviors and attitudes form a kind ofautopilot,which quietly and efficientlymanagesmost of the routine tasks and decisionmaking thatwe perform eachday,preservingpreciousmentalenergyandinitiativefornewlearning,problemsolving, and idea generation.We don’t have to concentrate to tie our shoes—autopilottiesthemforus.Autopilotmakesthecoffee,locksthedoor,anddrivesthecar.Butyourautopilotmayalsoskipthegym,bingeonsweets,overspend,orsnapatyourspouse.Operatinglargelyunnoticed,thedeeplyrootedhabitsofautopilot drive individual outcomes, both good and bad. New behavioralresearchconfirmsthatweareneitherawareofnorincontroloftheroutinesthatgovernourlives.AsBritishresearcherssummarizedinarecentstudypublishedinHealthPsychology,“[habit]automaticitymaybebrokendownintoanumberof features: lack of awareness, mental efficiency, lack of control and lack ofconsciousintent.”*Inotherwords,wedon’t thinkaboutwhatwe’redoing;wejustdoit,unawareofhowourautopilotdrivesustowardsuccessorfailure.Whenwedecide to improveourselves—toshake thingsup—werunstraight

intoresistancefromautopilot.Whiletheautopilotsysteminacarcaneasilybeswitched off so that the driver can resume control, disabling any part of yourpersonalautopilotrequiresrealeffort.Autopilotlikesroutineandresistschange.The more change we impose on ourselves, the more resistance we mustovercome. And yet we nearly always shoot for an instant transformation,resolvingtobeslim,tobeneat,tobeontime.Suchwannaberesolutionsrequirechangingscoresofbehaviorsandputusbroadlyatwarwithautopilot.Resolvingtobeslimmeanschangingyourhabitsinalmosteveryeatingcircumstance:whatyoueat,howoftenyoueat,howmuchyoueat,thewayyoueat.Suddenlyeveryaction,everychoicedemandsscrutiny,consciouseffort,andwillpower.In a seminal 2000 study on the dynamics of willpower, researchers Mark

Muraven and Roy Baumeister demonstrated that self-control is a limited,physiologicalresourcethatiseasilyexhausted:

We found that after an act of self-control, subsequent unrelated self-control operations suffer. . . . After resisting temptations, peopleperformmore poorly on tests of vigilance and are less able to resistsubsequenttemptations.*

The more we draw on our willpower, the sooner it gives out. The broadresolutionswefavorplaceunreasonabledemandsonourself-control.Inordertomuscle throughabehavioralchange,ourwillpowerhas towrestleautopilotalldaylong—nowonderwecryunclebeforewemakeittothebeach!Despiteourdetermination to succeed, after a few weeks of valiant battle our willpowercollapses,outmatchedbytheentrenchedhabitsandpreferencesthatquietlyruleourlives.Thewillpower-drivenresolutionisatop-downapproachtoself-improvement

—we command ourselves to be different and try to force our behavior andattitudesintoline.Themicroresolutionsystemisabottom-upapproach,focusingrelentlessly ononeor two significant behavioral changes until they are drivenintoautopilot,wheretheyrequirenodeliberateeffort—willpower—tosustain.Aground-level perspective offers visibility for the long run; the top-downperspective—the bird’s-eye view of the treetops, not the trees—obscures thepath and seldom produces insights that lead to success the next time. Butworkingfromthegroundupwecanseeindetailexactlywhatisinourway.Byfocusingcloselyon fundamental behaviors andattitudes,we increaseour self-awarenessandaccelerateourprogress.A microresolution is designed to reform a precise autopilot activity and

requireslittlewillpowertosucceed.

We’reTooImpatientThenewyearisatimeofrestlessspirits.Aftersomanyholidaymonthsfilledwithself-indulgence—eatingmore,drinkingmore,spendingmore,lettinggo—we’reeagertojumponthewagonandreformourselvesstraightaway.Weseekoutshortcutsandgimmicksthatpromisetospeedourtransformation,convincedthereissomemagicformulatomakeuswhatwewannabe.Fuelingourimpatienceisthefearthatifittakesustoolongtoachieveagoal,wewillgiveupbeforewesucceed.Ourmindlessrushingblursourvision,andwefailtoobservehowquiethabitsandhiddenattitudeskeepusfromsucceeding.Thenexttimewetrytoself-improve,wemakeexactlythesamemistakes.Transformation is a process, not an event. (Even with the help of a fairy

godmother,Cinderellaendedupstrandedontheroadfromthepalacewhenhercoach turned back into a pumpkin.) And why would you want to skip theprocess?Consciouslynurturingchangemakesussmarter,moreself-aware,andbuilds a powerful foundation for continued growth. Being able to repeat ourstepsfromAtoBisthemagicformulaformakingourachievementspermanent.Thekeytolastingtransformationisnotspeedorforcebutnurture.

WeUnderestimateOurMentalandEmotionalResistancetoChangeFamiliarhabitsandbehaviorssustainandcomfortusinourdailylives.Ourmental,emotional,andphysicalhabitsarecloselytiedtothefamilyvaluesandroutineswelearnedinchildhood.Allthatearlyconditioning—yourparentspesteringyoutohangupyourcoat,chewwithyourmouthclosed,cleanyourplate,andbeagoodsport—establishedbehaviorsandpreferencesthatallowyoutooperateonautopilotwithrespecttomanyoftheactionsanddecisionsyoumakeeachday.Disturbingtheseroutinescreatesawkwardness,mentalfatigue,emotionalstress,andastrongimpulsetoreverttowhatfeelsright—toautopilot.Themorechangewetakeon,themorementalandemotionalresistancewearouseinourselves,suchresistancebrewingoftenjustbeneaththesurfaceofourconsciousness.The intense focusof amicroresolutionhelps exposeourveiledmindset and

thesubtleinterplayamonghabits,attitudes,andvaluesthatblockprogress.Likeascientificexperimentthataltersasinglevariableatatimeinordertopreciselyobservecauseandeffect,thesingle-mindedfocusofamicroresolutionexposesthesourceofourresistancetochange.Onceidentified,anegativemindsetcanbeaddressed,undone,eventurnedinsupportofourobjectives.Microresolutions foster self-awareness and expose the hidden attitudes that

thwartsuccess.

WeExpecttoFailSadly,havingbailedonsomanyself-improvementmissions,we’vecometoanticipatetheinevitablemomentwhenourwilltochangecollapsesandwereverttothecomfortofourpreviousroutines.Theghostsoffailurespasthaunteachnewendeavor,makingitharderforustobelieveinourabilitytosustainprogressandinfluenceoutcomes.Asourwillpowerwanes,weareoddlyconsoledbythefamiliarsensationofgivingupandgivingway.Yes,let’shavethatmilkshake.The way to free ourselves from cynicism and reverse our expectation of

failureistolearnhowtomakeresolutionswecansustain.Amicroresolutioniseasytokeep.

•••

ItwasonlyafterdiscoveringthemicroresolutionthatIbegantounderstandwhysomanyof thepledgeswemakefaithfullyeachyear failover time.Desperateand frustrated in the wake of one such disappointment, I made my firstmicroresolutionandtherebystumbledontoasystemformakingresolutionsthatsucceedonthefirsttryandaresustainableforalifetime.ButIdon’twanttoget

aheadofmyself—asIsaid,itallstartedwithabrokenNewYear’sresolution.

MyFirstMicroresolutionNewYear’sDay.Resolutiontimeagain.WhatdidIresolvelastyear?Oh,yes,Iremember—toloseweightandexercisemore.Howdidthatturnout?Let’ssee...dothemath...waitforit...anetgainofthreepoundsoneyearlater.Itwasn’t hard to remembermy resolution or the one from the year before.

Likethathopelessself-reformerBridgetJones,whobeginshereponymousdiarywith a list ofNewYear’s resolutions that includes “Losing three inches fromthighs,”onlytoacknowledgeherfailurebyMarch21withtheentry,“Right:forcomingyearwill reactivateNewYear’sResolutions,”*myweight-loss pledgehadbecomeperennial.OnthisNewYear’sIstillneededtolosetenpounds,butIshrankfromrenewingmypledge,becauseIcouldn’tfacefailingatitagain.NopointinwastingyetanotherpreciousNewYear’sresolutiononthatintractableten pounds, I reasoned. I had other self-improvement goals to pursue and Iwanted tomake a resolution Iwas sure I could keep—that is, one that didn’trequire eating less or going to the gym. So I picked a new category of self-improvementandresolved:

Tobeorganized

Myresolutionseemedstraightforwardandachievable,mucheasierthanlosingweight. I was energized and determined to succeed. I went out and boughtorganizersformydeskathome,withslotsforbillspendingandbillspaid,itemstofileanditemstoread(notsurprisingly,containerandorganizerstoresdotheirbiggestbusiness justafter theNewYear). Icreatednewfileswithcolor-codedlabels,cleanedupmyworkspace,andcaughtuponoldbusiness.Butsoontheorganizerslotswereoverflowingandmyworkareapiledupagain.IfeltwearyeverytimeIlookedatmydesk.Afterthreemonthsoftrying,Ihadfailed.I was so horrified to realize that I had failed at my easy resolution that I

refusedtoconcedecompletedefeat.IfIcouldn’tachievebeorganized in threemonths,what could I achieve thatwouldmake a difference?To be organizedwas,finally,anabstractgoal.WhatwasoneconcreteandspecificactionIcouldtakethatwouldmakememoreorganizedinameaningfulway?I examined all theways inwhich Iwasdisorganized that causedme stress.

OneissuewasthatIcouldn’talwaysfindnoteswhenIneededthem.Formostofmy life I had been able to rely on my memory alone, recalling discussions,research, important details, upcomingmeetings, and to-do listswith near-total

accuracy.AsIapproachedforty,Ineededtosupplementmymemorywithnotes,butIwasn’tsystematic—mynotetakingwassporadicandincomplete.Athomeandatwork, I hadmultiplenotebooksofvarying sizes that Iwould randomlygrabwhenIneededtowritesomethingdown.Often,Iwouldwritemynotesandfollow-upsdirectlyontheagendaorpresentationforameeting.Icollectednotesthroughout theday,withsomeendingup inmyhandbag, someonmydeskatwork,someonmydeskathome.Ilostvaluabletimehuntingformeetingnotes,animportantphonenumber,areference.Idecidedtofocusmyresolutionsolelyonthissingleorganizationalissue.Iresolved:

Toputallmynotesinonenotebook

I bought a small, serious-looking journal to capture my notes. I wasdetermined to succeedandbreak thecurseof the failedNewYear’s resolutionandconsideredmynewresolutionsomodestthatitwouldbeasnaptokeep.Iwas wrong. Because my habit was to depend on my memory, I didn’tautomatically reach for my notebook before meetings or phone calls; I justplunged in.Once I realized Ididn’thavemynotebook in frontofme, Ididn’twant to break the flow of conversation to fish it out of my bag because Ipreferred to givemyself to the dynamism of themoment. I’d sit down atmydesktotakeaphonecallandrealizethatmynotebookwasonatableacrosstheroom.Withpaperrightinfrontofme,didIreallyneedtotrotaroundmydeskandretrieveit?AteammemberwouldgrabmewitharequestasIwasheadingout the door in a hurry—wouldn’t I just remember all the details withoutstoppingtomakenotes?Ifoundmyresolutionbothboringandirritatingtokeep.Butbecausemyresolutionwasobviouslyfeasible,Ifelttremendouspressure

tosucceed.Becausemyresolutionwasreasonable,Icouldn’tthrowupmyhandsandsay,“Thisisjusttoohard.Thetimingisbad.I’lltryagaininafewmonths.”Becausemyresolutionwasspecific,successwaseasytomeasure—everytimeIignoredthenotebookruleIcouldseemyfailureimmediatelyandcorrectmyself.Because my resolution was limited, I wasn’t overwhelmed and was able todedicate focus and willpower to achieving my goal. The modesty of myresolutionalsoforcedmetofacethefactthatifIcouldn’tfollowthroughwithone very reasonable change in behavior, then my hopes for greater self-improvementweresimplyfantasies.Istuckwithit.Iforcedmyselftoputallmynotesinmylittleredbook.IfI

hadan idea for a client, Iwrote it in thebook.Confirmationnumbers—in thebook.Recommendedarticles,Websites,events—inthebook.RandomcontactsImightneverneedagain—inthebook.Packinglist—inthebook.Prioritiesand

to-do lists—in the book.Bullet points formy next presentation—in the book.Recipefromafriend—inthebook.Afterweeksofremindingmyselftousethenotebook, I noticedmy feelings of resistance and awkwardness fading as thenotebookbecamesecondnature—Ijustdiditwithoutthinking,likebrushingmyteeth. As soon as I sat down in a meeting or at my desk, I reached for thenotebook.NowIcouldlocatewhatIneededalmostimmediately,withoutstressor drama. Notes I once would have deemed throwaways proved significantweekson.ThenotebookrulethatIhadatfirstfoundintrusiveandconstrainingInowexperiencedasempoweringandliberating.Mystressleveldeclined.Ihadbecomemoreorganized.Moreover,Ihadsucceededinkeepingaresolution,buildingagoodhabit,and

improvingmy life.Unlike the resolution to beorganized, where I could havedeclaredsuccessonlyaftersustainingmultiplebehavioralchangesovertimetoreachsomeidealdefinitionoforganized,mynotebookresolutionbroughtmeanimmediateandobviousbenefit,asspecificandconcreteastheresolutionitself:All my notes ended up in one place. Succeeding at my resolution andexperiencingitsrewardsenergizedme,andIlostmysenseofhelplessness.Now I reexaminedmy initial resolution—to be organized—and understood

betterwhyithadn’tsucceeded.Ihadmadeaprojectofit—abig,one-offproject—to clean my desk, catch up, and reorganize my files. I had had a burst oforganizational zeal that resulted in someprogress, similar to going on a crashdiet.ButIhadfailedtodevelopsystematicbehaviors—habits—tomaintainmyorganizational gains over time. I had tried to supersede my ingrained andunconsciousbehaviorsandattitudesbywillingmyself tobeorganizedwithoutreally asking myself what exactly I needed to do differently—forever—tosucceed.ThenotebookresolutionworkedbecauseIhadfocusedexclusivelyonasingleareaofdisorganizationuntil Ihad formedanewhabit andmindset thatallowedme to sustainmy newbehaviorwithoutmental energy.My relentlessfocusonthenotebookhabithaddrivenitintoautopilot.Experiencing my resistance to the notebook rule exposed aspects of my

mindsetthathadneverbeencleartomebefore.ForthefirsttimeIrealizedthatIhad unconsciously associated strict administrative systems with dullbureaucracy, at odds with dynamism, creativity, and the naturally logical andorganizedmind.Itdidn’tfeelrighttomethatsomethingashumdrumastakingnotesshould require tenacityandenergy.Experiencing thebenefitsofmynewhabitcausedmetoplaceahighervalueonsystematicbehaviorandupgradedmyorganizationalinstincts.Asaresultofmyreformedmindset,someofmyotherorganizationalbehaviorsbegantoimprovespontaneously.Inspiredbymysuccess,Idecidedtorevisitthechallengeoflosingweightand

see if I could successfully apply the lessons I had learned frommy notebookresolution.What if, insteadof resolving tobe thinby summer, I examinedmyeating habits and targeted one specific behavioral change that would beachievableandimpactful?AtthattimeIwasworkingataWallStreetfirmthatofferedabundantsnacks

in conference-room settings. During meetings we passed around china plateslinedwithdoiliesandpiledhighwithdeliciousbrownies,blondies,oatmealandchocolatechipcookies.Eatingjustoneoftheserichtreatsproducedasugarhighsopowerfulthatitcouldoutlastthelongestmeeting.Butitwashardtoeatjustone.SometimesIwouldeat two(or three),andeachcookiewasprobably350calories.Ioftenlefttheconferenceroominafoodcoma,overfullandfacingasugarcrashlaterintheday.Iresolved:

Nevertoeataconference-roomcookieagain

Ididn’tresolvenevertoeatacookieagainornevertosnackagainornevertoeat food inaconference roomagain. Instead, I keptmy resolution reasonableand limited and resolved only to forswear the ubiquitous and addictiveconference-roomcookies.Becausemyresolutionwasspecific,successwaseasytomeasure:Iwasintheconferenceroom;thecookieswerepassed;ifIpassedonthecookies,Ihadsucceeded.Itwashardthefirstfewtimestheplatecamemyway; over time it became automatic. I was glad not to leave themeetingfeelingterribleaboutmyselfandmildlysicktomystomach.Eatingthecookiesin theconference roomhadbeenahabit, something I anticipatedevery time Ienteredameeting.Mytargetedresolutionbroke thatbadhabit forever. Ineverate a conference-room cookie again, and my resolution arrested the slow butsteady upward climb of my weight (actually losing weight required moremicroresolutions,asweshallsee).Experiencing the power and benefits of microresolutions taught me that

significant and permanent behavioral change can be achieved with intense,targeted focus; that targeted focus leads to valuable and actionable personalinsights; that limited resolutions can produce immediate and sustainablebenefits; and that succeeding at a reasonable resolution daily is moretransformingthanfailingatanunrealisticresolutionannually.As my understanding of the dynamics of microresolutions grew with

experience,Ilearnedhowtoidentifythebestresolutions,framethem,tunethem,and keep them. I established rules and strategies for making successfulmicroresolutionsthataredetailedinthenextchapters.Mostimportant,Ilearnedthat to sustainprogressover time, a resolutionmust createhabits that become

partofpersonalautopilot.

HabitsRule

Powerfulindeedistheempireofhabit.—PubliliusSyrus,42BC

Habits.Groan.Soundsdullandboring,doesn’tit?Habitsare,well,routine.Andthe part that isn’t routine is negative, as in, “I have a bad habit of bitingmynails.” But a habit is any behavior or attitude you practice without consciousdecision, and that’s just about everything.Yes, habits are routine, but they areanythingbutboring.Eachofushasauniquesystemofhabitsnurturedoveralifetime.Whatyou

do by habit takes very little mental energy. If you brush your teeth everymorning,youdoitwithoutthinking,andifyoudon’tdoit,youdon’tfeelright.Theroutineswelearnedinchildhoodsupportusthroughoutourlives,forbetterorforworse.It’sworktounmakeahabit—healthyorunhealthy—onceit’spartof a routine.Writing in a recent issue of the Journal of Experimental SocialPsychology,researchersWendyWoodandDavidNealdefinedhabitssimplyas“psychologicaldispositionstorepeatpastbehavior.”*Repeatingandperfectingbehavior isefficient—mindlesslyperforming routinesconservescriticalmentalenergyforinitiativeanddecisionmaking.Thehabitslearnedinchildhoodrequirelittleornomentalenergytomaintain.

A very neat person likely learned the dozens of behaviors thatwe think of asneat in childhood, each desired behavior drilled relentlessly until it became amatterofunconscioushabit.Thus,aspiringtobeneatmeansdoingtheworkofchildhood—drillingoneneathabit at a timeuntil it takespermanenthold.Yetmostofusstaystuckinourwannabefantasies,discountingtheeffortrequiredtobuildevena singlehabit—suchasmaking thebedeveryday—toadvanceourgoal.For those who grew up making the bed every morning, bed making is as

simple as breathing; the minute they’re out of bed, they make it. Years ofrepetitionhavefosteredsuchefficiencyandskillthatthebedpracticallymakesitself.Butifyoudidnotgrowupwiththishabit,acquiringittakessomeeffort.Youmightfeeloppressedfromthemomentyouevenstarttothinkaboutmakingthebed.It’sadulltask.Ittakestoomuchtime.Itdoesn’tcomeoutlookingnice.

You’re already late forwork.But if you’ve signed up to amicroresolution tomake the bed each morning before breakfast, you’ll figure out how to get itdone,becauseit’sabsolutelydoable,unlikearesolution tokeepthehouseneatallthetime.You’llgetbetteratiteveryday,sothatittakeslesstimeandcomesout looking better. You’ll become expert at cornering sheets and plumpingpillowssimplybydoingitoverandover.Finally,aftermakingyourbedeverymorning for a couple of months, you won’t be able to stand the sight of itunmade.Thisishowhabitsareformed,standardsraised,andprogressachieved.In addition to demonstrating and drilling behavior patterns, childhood

authorityfiguresalsoinstillinusamindsetofvalues,attitudes,andpreferencesthatconstantlyreinforcethosepatterns.Thusdoesourverycharactergettiedupwith our habits, making even a small change in routine stressful. Improvingoneself by altering any long-standing behavior pattern is a breakthrough, aliberating experience that leads to personal insight and an appetite for greaterpersonalgrowth.Habits also serve as experiential paradigms forminting similar habitsmore

quickly.Forexample,ifyouaregenerallylateandyouresolvetobeontimeforaweeklyevent,say,anexerciseclass,onceyounailbeingontimeforthatclass,your on-time experience will change your mindset and provide a model forimprovingyourpunctualityinotherareas.Thus,asuccessfulmicroresolutionislikelayingabehavioralcornerstonetosupportdozensofgoodhabitstofollow.Someof thesenewhabitswillbe theresultofconsciouseffort,butotherswillemerge spontaneously in response to the fresh perspective and revitalizedmindset thatcomefromnewexperienceandtherewardsfrommakingasinglechangeinpersonalbehavior.What gives habits their lasting power is that they are automatic, mindless.

Thus,tochangeourselveswemustcultivateautopilot’sopposite—mindfulness.Themoreawareweareofthehabitsthatmanageourlives,themorecontrolwehaveoverourfuture.Habitsaren’tboring;theyaretheverystuffwe’remadeof—justaskWesterncivilization’smostcelebratedphilosopher:

We arewhatwe repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act but ahabit.

—Aristotle

Andwhatisself-improvementbutthesearchforexcellence?Let’sbegin.

PART1

THESEVENRULESOFMICRORESOLUTIONS

CHAPTER1

HowtoMakeaMicroresolution

Areyoureadytomakeamicroresolution?Startbyaskingyourselfwhatyou’dliketoimproveaboutyourlife.Sticking

with the examplewe explored in the last chapter, the first expression of yourgoal might be framed in broad terms—“I’d like to be neat”—and that’s areasonableplacetostart.Yetneatisnotastateyoucanadopt;rather,it’sasetofdistinctbehaviorsthatadduptoneataccordingtoyourdefinition—there’sneatandthenthere’sneat.Everypersonal-improvementgoalwithinyourpowercanbereducedtoalistofbehaviors,whetheryourultimateobjectiveistobeneat,loseweight,getfit,benicertoyourspouse,becomeorganized,beontime,savemoney,advanceyourcareer,orgetmoresleep.Sotakingneatasourexample,thefirststepistodeconstructwhatyoumean

byneat.Yourmostpressingneatness issuesmightbe tokeepclotheshungupandtostayontopoflaundry;orperhapseverydraweriscrammedandthebednevergetsmade;ormaybeyouleavedishesovernightandletitemspileuponsurfaces. Don’t bother compiling an exhaustive list; just pinpoint one or twobehavioralchangesyou thinkwouldmakeadifference.Remember,you’renottrying to solve for neat overall; you’re just looking to identify a discretebehavioralchangethatwillmovetheneatdialintherightdirection.If your neatness target is focused onmanaging clutter, your first resolution

mightbeassimpleasresolvingtoallowonlycertainitemsoncertainsurfaces.It’s hard to keep a surface organized when it’s littered with items that havenothing to do with its utility—e.g., coins and a comb and keys on a desk;magazinesandbillsonabureau;mail stackeduponakitchen island. Ifeverysurfaceyouhaveisjustaparkinglotforwhatever,dedicatingsurfacesmightbeagoodfirstresolution(youmightevenwanttostartwithjustonesurface).Onceitemsaresegregatedinlogicalgroupsit’smucheasiertoseewhat’srequiredtokeepaparticularsurfaceorderly.Forexample,ifyourdeskisoverflowingwithpilesofunopenedandunsorted

mail,makingamicroresolution tosortanddiscardmailbeforeyouplace itonyour deskwill probably eliminate three-quarters of your pileup (neatness) and

allowyoutoseeataglancewhatreallyneedshandling(organization).Ifclothessit in a heap on the bedroom chair all week, resulting in a mind-numbingweekend session of hanging up (now very wrinkled) clothing, you mightconsider a resolution tohangupyour clothes as soonasyou take themofforstartwitharesolutionallowinganysetofclothesonlytwenty-fourhoursonthechair.

MindsetMessaging

Whatabout thementalhabits thatkeepyoufromsucceeding inyourgoals?Inthe present case, how might you improve your neatness mindset—values,preferences, and attitudes—to advance your objective? For example, a neatmindsetmightincludetheattitudeit’smoreproductivetoworkatacleandesk.Suchanattitudecanbetaughtthroughpractice,justasonecanteachoneselfaphysical behavior through repetition. You can do this by resolving to giveyourself a microresolution message designed to improve your governingmindset.Achangeinmindsetwilldrivebehavioralchange,justasasuccessfulbehavioral change ultimately alters your mindset through experience. As thenineteenth-century psychologist and pragmatistWilliam James observed, “Thegreatest revelation of our generation is the discovery that human beings, bychangingtheinnerattitudesoftheirminds,canchangetheouteraspectsoftheirlives.”Themechanismforchangingyourmindsetthroughmessagingisthesameas

for changing a physical behavior: a targeted and limited resolution practicedrelentlessly until it becomes automatic. The success of a microresolutionmessageismeasuredsolelybyyourrememberingtogiveyourselfthemessagein the circumstance you’ve selected, and that’s it. It’s like a mental tweetsynchronizedtoaspecifictrigger.For example, someone working on neat might resolve to send himself the

messageIt’sreallyjustasfasttohangitupwhenremovinghiscoat.UsingtheremovalofthecoattocuethemessagewilldisrupttheautopilotattitudeIdon’thavetimetohangituprightnowandlikelylead,overtime,toapreferenceforhanging up the coat. To once again quote James, “The mere thought of abehavior tends to lead to the performance of it,” or as Sigmund Freud put it,“Thethoughtisfathertothedeed.”Someofmymost successfulmicroresolutionshavebeenmindset targeted. I

once resolved to send myself the following message when I was tempted tosnackinthelateafternoon:IenjoydinnersomuchmorewhenI’mhungryforit.Myresolutiondidn’tprohibit an afternoon snack; it simplyposited thegreaterpleasureofsittingdowntodinnerwithgoodappetite.RepeatingthismessagetomyselfwhenIwastemptedbyatreatinthelateafternoonledmetomanagemysnacksmorecloselyandtogiveupnoshingwhilepreparingdinner(youknow,thatlittlepieceofFrenchbread,thatextraglassofwine)anddidindeedresultindeeper enjoyment of the family meal I prepared each night. Repeating thismessage ultimately changedmymindset; I realized that by choosing to snackrichlyIwaschoosing toenjoydinnerless.Ibeganselectinglightersnacksandtimingthemtoresultingreaterappetite.NeverbeforehadI“saved”myappetite;Ihadalwaysbeenanindiscriminatesnacker.Somuchso,infact,thateverydietplanIhadeverdrawnupformyselfhadbeenfocusedonhowmanycaloriesIcouldcarveoutformysnackallowance.TodayIsoprefertosavemyappetiteformealsthatIseldomsnackatall,andit’sallduetothemindsetshiftcreatedbyfaithfullyrepeatingmyhungryfordinnermessagewhentemptedbytreatsintheafternoon.

LivingontheEdge

Microresolutionshelpedmetodiscoverthattherealactioninself-improvementhappensaroundtheedges,atwhatwemightcallthevitalmargin.Drasticactionsthat try to get at the red-hot core of behavioral change (such as crash diets)nearlyalwaysendinfailure,butadiscreteandmeaningfulshiftinbehaviorwillalwayssucceedifgivenenoughfocus.Asinglechangeineatinghabitscanresultin permanent weight loss; a shift in a spending pattern can yield substantialsavings;asubtlechangeincommunicationcanenhancearelationship;achangeinattitudecancreatenewopportunitiesonthejob.Toprovethisyouneedonlyseethatthereverseistrue:Asmallbutnegativeshiftinbehaviorwilltakeyoufurther fromyourgoals.Althoughyoumaynot realize it in real time, a slightchangeinhabitcancauseyoutogainweight,takeondebt,poisonarelationship,orholdyoubackatwork.Itturnsoutthatthemarginalis,inpractice,theveryepicenter of behavioral change. Making a microresolution is about applyingyourselfwithsingle-mindedpurposetoanactionatthemarginthatwillpropelyou forward andmake a positive difference in your life. In self-improvement,it’sworkingthemarginthatgivesyoutheedge.

So this is thework: Identify a discrete change in behavior thatwillmake adifference,anddrill thatbehaviorwithsingle-mindedpurposeuntil itbecomessecondnature.Thechaptersthatfollowaredevotedtoteachingyouhowtousemicroresolutionstotargetandeffectachangeinhabitatthevitalmargin.Ifyousticktothemicroresolutionrules,you’llbeabletomakeinstantprogressinanyself-improvement category, from weight loss to achieving a more lovingrelationship.Themoreyousucceed,themoreyou’llunderstandyourselfandthesmarter your next microresolution will be. A microresolution is a self-improvementadventurethatpaysoff—everytime.

CHAPTER2

Don’tMakeResolutionsYouCan’tKeep

Yourmicroresolutionmust be a pledge you are sure you have the power tokeep—anoexcuses resolution.Tobeabsolutelyachievable, itmustbe limited.Resolutionstowalkeverywhereallthetimeornevereatsweetsagainorgiveuponline shopping don’t qualify. Put aside that familiar temptation to try to fixeverythingallatoncebytomorrowandfocusinsteadonmakingaresolutionthatissoreasonableyouaresureyoucanmakeitstick.Yourmicroresolutionshouldtargetalimitedbehavioralchangethat isreasonableenoughthatyoucanforceyourselftokeepit—don’toverreach.

Rule1:AMicroresolutionIsEasy

Let’stakeacommonresolution,togetinshape,anddefineafitnessmicrothatislimited,achievable, and impactful—easy.Let’s sayyou’d like to increaseyourfitnessbywalking toworkonceaweek.Your resolutioncouldbe towalk theentireway(thirtyminutes), togetoffthebusortraintwostopssooner(fifteenminutes),or toparkfartheraway(tenminutes)—whateveryourcircumstances,juststartwiththeresolutionyouaresureyoucankeep.Ifyou’resedentaryandyour settled routine is to ride to work, suddenly resolving to walk every daywouldn’tbereasonable.Onceyoubeginyourwalkingresolution,you’regoingtodiscoverinternalandexternalobstaclesthatyoumustresolvetomakeitwork.Overcommittingat theoutset towalkallfivedaysjustmultiplies theobstaclesyou’llneedtoovercomeeachweekinordertosucceed.Theweather,yourmood,yourenergylevel,additionalclothingdemands,the

growingboredomofyourroute,andthepressureofyourschedulewillpresentthemselvesasreasonsfornotfollowingthroughonyourfive-daypledge.You’llbegintobargainwithyourselfoverthescopeofyourcommitment,renegotiatingyour resolution on a daily basis.Maybe walking five days is toomuch; howabout three days? Maybe you weren’t able to walk today, but how about

tomorrow?Iftomorrowisasgoodastoday,whynotthedayaftertomorrow?Ifanyday isasgoodas today,prettysoonyouwill findyourselfat theweekendwonderinghowitwasthatyoudidn’tmanagetowalkasingleday.Itisbythiskind of mental calculus that most traditional resolutions devolve and finallyexpire.Constantmental renegotiation—not today but tomorrow, not thisweekbutnext(I’llgladlypayyouTuesdayforahamburgertoday)—putsyouindebttoyour resolutionuntil at lastyouarehopelesslybehind inyourcommitment.Yourshiftingresolutionlosesallcredibilityasapriority,andsoonyouslipbackintoyouroldroutines.Repeatedly pressing the snooze button on your commitment turns out to be

morethanjustdemoralizing.Choosingtodeferorrenegotiateyourresolutionisdecision making, and it turns out that decision making is a very expensivepsychologicalactivity.A2007willpowerstudyconductedbyKathleenVohsandRoy Baumeister found that making decisions taxes the same limited mentalresource as exercising self-control. Themore decisions we have tomake, theweaker our resolve becomes, a phenomenon the two researchers dubbed“decisionfatigue.”*Vohs and Baumeister conducted several experiments in which participants

were required tomake a series of choices andwere then tested for remaininglevels of self-control. In one of these experiments, participating universitystudents designated “Group 1” arrived at the test site and were each given aseriesofclasschoicestomakefromtheuniversitycoursecatalogandaresponsesheetonwhich to formallyrecord theirselections.Subjectsdesignated“Group2”wereinstructedtofamiliarizethemselveswiththecoursecatalogbutweren’tasked tomake choices or given a response sheet.Each participant spent eightminutes onhis assigned catalog activity andwas then told that hewouldnexttake amath test predictive of success in the real world. Each participantwasgivenapacketofstudymaterial,advisedthatfifteenminutesofstudyhadbeenshownto increase the testscore,and then left tostudyfor fifteenminutes inaroom that includedmagazines and video games. Participants were allowed toread themagazinesandplay thevideogames if theyfinishedpreparingbeforethestudyperiodhadelapsed.The researchers found that the students inGroup1,whohadundergone the

decision-making activity, “spent more time playing video games, readingmagazines,anddoingnothingthandidnon-depletedparticipants.”Consideringthisandothersimilarexperiments,theresearchersconcluded:

Thepresentfindingssuggestthatself-regulation,activeinitiative,andeffortful choosingdrawon the samepsychological resource.Making

decisions depletes that resource, thereby weakening the subsequentcapacityforself-controlandactiveinitiative.*

In otherwords, themore decisionmaking your resolution requires, the lessresolveyou’llactuallyhavelefttofollowthrough,becausedecisionmakingandself-control draw on the same limited mental resource. Making unrealisticcommitments inevitably leads to frequent decisions about trade-offs, deferrals,andmakeup sessions that deplete precious self-control reserves.Decisions areconstantlyrequiredincarryingoutaclassicwannaberesolutionsuchasIresolvetobeorganized.Ifyou’redisorganizedandthensuddenlycommandyourselfto“beorganized,”everyactivityyouengage inwill requireyou todecideon thebest,mostorganizedapproach,howtocarryouttheapproach,howorganizedisorganizedenough,etc.Eachtimeyoustopyourselfandask,Okay,whatshouldIbedoingheretobebetterorganized?you’reengaging indecisionmakinganddepletingthelimitedresourceof“self-regulation,activeinitiative,andeffortfulchoosing”definedbyVohsandBaumeisterandacceleratingtowardthemomentwhen you just give up. Small Move, Big Change is focused on buildingbehaviorsthatrunonautopilot,wheredecisionmakingisrarelyinvolved.Themorechallengingyour resolution, themore likely thatyouwill bargain

yourself out of it altogether. The more feasible your commitment, the lesstempted you’ll be to talk yourself out of it and themore self-control youwillconserve for actually performing the action of your resolution. Limit yourcommitmenttowhatyouaresureyoucanaccomplish—thereisnopartialcreditfor(orvaluein)ahalf-completedmicroresolution.Aneasymicroresolutionwouldbetowalktoworkonedayaweek.Walking

onedayisreasonable,achievable,andasignificantsteptowardbecomingfitterand building the habit of walking. Besides, what you believe is easy will beharderthanyouthink.Anychangetoestablishedroutinetakesfocustoachieve.Youmay still be tempted to ignore or defer your resolution, but because it’slimited and reasonable (just one day) you’ll be highly motivated to manageobstaclesoutofyourway.Partofthemagicofamicroresolutionisthatyouenduplookingforsolutions,notexcuses.Becauseifyoucan’tstaredownoneveryreasonableself-improvementresolution,you’llhavetofacethefactthatonlyamiracleorfatefulcosmicjoltcanalterthewayyouliveeveryday.But isn’t itasmarterstrategy,youmightask, to resolve towalk fivedaysa

weekandletitsliptotwodaysratherthansucceedingonjustasingleday?Youmean, trick yourself into a two-day commitment by failing at a five-day one?Absolutely not! Your most important goal is to learn how to make realisticcommitmentsyoucankeep,soyoucanholdyourselfaccountableandcounton

progressevery timeyoumakea resolution.Don’t try to fakeyourselfout; justsetanexpectationyoucanmeet.Aresolutiontowalkonedayaweekdoesn’tmeanyoucan’twalkmorethan

once. A microresolution doesn’t limit what you want to do, only what youcommit to do. If you’re enjoying your once-a-weekwalk and you decide youwant to walk more often, go ahead and walk more; just don’t expand yourresolutiontomoredaysuntilyourone-daywalkisanestablishedhabit.The benefits of sticking with your microresolution will be anything but

limited.Smallchangesbringbigbenefits.Ifyoukeepyourresolutiontowalktowork once a week, you’ll be fitter, arrive with a clearer head, rev yourmetabolism for the day, burn some calories, refresh your perspectivewith thechange of seasons, andmaybe find you enjoy it somuch that you become anavid walker. You’ll experience the satisfaction and empowerment that comefromtargetinganaction, followingthrough,andbuildingapositivenewhabit.Experiencing success builds confidence and motivation and lifts the jinx ofrepeatdefeats.Insteadofanticipatingfailure,you’lllearntoexpectsuccess,andthecycleofmaking,forsaking,andremakingresolutionswillbebrokenforever.Keepyourresolutionlimited,reasonable,andachievable—easy.

CHAPTER3

DoingIt

Amicroresolutionisanaction:notsomethingyoucommittobebutsomethingyoucommittodo.Amicroresolutionisnotawish,aphilosophy,oraresult;itsstraightforwardpurpose is tobuild,change,oreliminateaspecificbehaviororattitude.Theactionofyourresolutionissomethingyouresolvetodoornottodooramessageyouresolvetogiveyourselfinagivencircumstance.

Rule2:AMicroresolutionIsanExplicitandMeasurableAction

Yourmicroresolutionmustbeexplicit,sothere’snoguessingaboutwhattodo,whentodoit,orhowtocarryitout.ResolutionssuchasIwillexercisemoreorIwillsnack less areworthless.Exercisemore thanwhat?Snack less thanwhat?Resolvingnot tobedefensivewhenyouget feedbackatwork?You’llneed tothinkabout the specificcircumstancesunderwhichyoubecomedefensive, theformyourdefensivenesstakes,andwhatexplicitmessageyoucansendyourselfthatwillstopyoufromjustifyingyourselfwithyourfirstbreath.Pledgingtodosomethingtwiceaweek?Whichdays?Whattime?Isonlineshoppingeatingupyourtimeandyourwallet?Takealookathowyourpresentbehaviorleadsyouintounwantedpurchasesandzeroinonaspecificchangeinhabitthatcouldsaveyoumoney,suchasestablishinga“noshopping”periodduringthehoursyou’remost vulnerable tomindless browsing and impulse buying because your self-control has already beendepleted by a day of initiative, decisionmaking, andexerciseofwillpower.Themore explicit your resolution, the easier it will be tomeasure success,

identifyobstacles,andfine-tuneyourcommitmentforgreatereffectiveness.Forexample, if you resolve to handle personal administrative work once a weekwithoutspecifyingtheday,youwon’tbeabletomeasureyoursuccessuntiltheweekhasended,andallweeklongyourundoneresolutionwillloomoveryou,portendingfailure.Andifyoudofail tomake timeforyoursession, itwillbe

difficulttoseeexactlywhatwentwrong,sinceanydaymighthavebeentheday.If your resolution requires a schedule, don’t keep yourself guessing,Will I orwon’t I today? Settle on a day and time and stick to it. It’s not until you getspecificaboutwhenthatyoucangetahandleonyourownresistancetochangeorobserveotherobstaclesthatneedtobeaddressed.Explicitcommitmentsdonotconstrain; to thecontrary, theycreatecertainty

andcomfort.Flexibleorfuzzyresolutions,escapeclauses,andloopholesresultin stress, not greater freedom. Returning to the “walk to work” examplediscussed in rule1, a commitment towalkonMondaymornings establishes aclear benchmark, freeing you from anxiety-provoking decisions and deferrals.Likewise, if you resolve to take care of personal administrative work onWednesday nights,when you see items collecting in the in-basket, youwon’tworryaboutlosingtrackbecauseyou’llknowyou’regoingtotakecareofitonWednesday.Yourinitialschedulingmayrequiresomefine-tuning(seechapter9,“Test-DrivingYourResolution”),butultimatelyyouneedtoestablishascheduleyoucanstickwithnearlyallthetime,oryou’lljustmakeitupasyougoalong,swappingandskippingdaysuntilyoulosefaithinyourselfentirely.Yourresolutionmustfocusonaspecificchangeinbehavior,notaresultthat

canbeachievedinmultipleways.Forexample,ifyoueatatwo-hundred-caloriecandybareveryafternoonasasnack,youmightmakeamicroresolutiontoeathalf a candy bar, substitute a less caloric (and perhaps healthier) treat, oreliminate that particular snack from your diet altogether. The focus is onperformingaspecificaction,andsuccess ismeasuredsolelybywhetherornotyou follow through with that action every day until it becomes establishedbehavior.Comparethatapproachwitharesolutiontoeliminateonehundredcaloriesa

day. You might think such a resolution passes muster because one hundredcaloriesispreciseandmeasurable.Butit’snotaspecificandmeasurableaction,so it fails the test. There are many actions you could take to eliminate onehundredcalories,andyoumightmakeadifferentchoice—takeadifferentaction—onanygivenday.Theonlywaytomeasuresuccessistowaituntilyouhaveconsumedandtotaledyourlastcalorieofthedayandseeifthehundred-caloriereductionhasbeenmet.Amicroresolutiontocutahabitualafternoonsnackofacandybarinhalfisanexplicitandmeasurableaction;apledgetoeliminateonehundred calories daily is a math problem that must be solved every day(decisions,decisions).Aresolutiontogetagoodnight’ssleepisaworthygoalbutatotalfloozyofa

commitment inmicroresolution terms.A good night’s sleep is a result, not anaction.Howdoyoudefineagoodnight’ssleep,andwhatkeepsyoufromgetting

one now? What’s an action you can take that will increase your chances ofgettingabetternight’ssleep?Forexample,aresolution togetreadyforbedat9:00p.m.onnightsathomeisaspecificactionthatwillclearthepathtoagoodnight’s sleepbymaking sure that by the timeyou feel totallywipedyou’ll beabletoheadtobedimmediately.Beabsolutelyspecificinlayingouttheactionofyourresolution—what,when,how.

CuingYourResolution

Once you’ve carefully defined the action of your resolution, you’ll need toestablish a context for your new behavior by linking it to a time, activity, orsituation.Habitsaretriggeredbyspecificcues:saying“thankyou”(habit)whenserved (cue); brushing teeth (habit) at bedtime (cue); saying “I told you so”(habit) when proved right (cue); serving yourself seconds (habit) when yourplateisempty(cue);readinge-mailimmediately(habit)whensittingdownatthecomputer (cue). A strong link between cue and behavior creates a habit withlastingpower.Our responses to cues generally follow an unconscious pattern created over

time throughrepetition. Ina2010studyonhabitautomaticitypublished in thejournal Health Psychology, researchers Sheina Orbell and Bas Verplankenexplainedhowactionsonceguidedbyneedcanresultinalastingcue:responselinking(i.e.,autopilot)divorcedfromanyconsciousgoal:

[A]person’sinitialdecisiontoeatacookiewhendrinkingacupofteamight be guided by an active goal state (e.g., feeling hungry).However,overtimethegoalbecomeslessnecessaryascookieeatingisrepeatedandbecomesintegratedwiththeactofdrinkingteasothatitcanbetriggeredbythecuealone.*

In the same study, the research team established that cues could also bedeliberately created. In one experiment, each subject was given a packet ofdental floss, educated on the benefits of flossing, and asked to fill out aquestionnaire regarding their intention to floss.Half the subjectswere given aquestionnairethatconcludedwiththefollowingstatement:

You are more likely to carry out your intention to perform dentalflossingeverydayifyoumakeadecisionaboutwhenandwhere.Most

peopleperformdentalflossinginthebathroomimmediatelyaftertheybrush their teeth at night.Others prefer todo it in themorning afterbreakfast.Writedownwhereandwhenyouintendtoflossyourteetheverydayforthenext4weeks.

Other than this statement and the space to write down when and where tofloss,thequestionnairegiventobothgroupsofstudysubjectswasidentical.Attheconclusionofthestudytheresearchersassessedtheflossinghabitsof

both groups and found that the subjects in the group that had received the“statement” questionnaire were far more likely to have flossed regularly thanthose subjects who received the “basic” questionnaire. The researchersconcluded that those subjects who were required by their questionnaires tospecifywhenandwhere they intended to floss flossedmore regularlybecausethey had first consciously identified a context, or cue, to trigger their newbehavior.Specifyingacueispartofmakingyourmicroresolutionexplicit.Thecueyou

establish can be calendar based (walk to work on Monday mornings) orcontextual.Insearchingforacontextualcue,oftenthebeststrategyistouseanexistinghabit to trigger thenewbehavior. In the studycitedabove,onegroupreceived instructions suggesting they floss afternightly toothbrushingor afterbreakfast, thus creating a link between the new behavior (flossing) and anexistinghabit(nightlytoothbrushingoreatingbreakfast).Bylinkingtheactionofyourresolutiontooneofyourexistinghabits,youcanspeedthemovementofyournewbehaviorintoautopilot.Forexample,Ioncehadtoidentifyacueforcheckingmyprioritylistseveral

timesadayatwork.AlthoughIkeptaprioritylistinmynotebook,Iwasoftensidetracked by phone calls, e-mails,meetings, and impromptu discussions anddecisions. Hours would fly by before I remembered to review the list I hadbrought toworkwithme.By theendof theday Ihadaccomplisheda lotandcleared roadblocks for others but hadn’t always attended to what was mostimportantformetogetdone.Thisoftenresultedinalatenightor,ifIlosttrackfortoolong,asignificantdelayinfollowingthrough.Isearchedforanexistinghabittoactasaremindertokeepinclosercontactwithmylist.Iresolved:

To review my priority list before checking e-mail at my deskthroughouttheday

Itiedtheactionofmyresolution(reviewmyprioritylist)toanexistinghabit

(readinge-mailatmydesk), therebyensuring Iwouldbecuedseveral timesaday to reviewmy priority list. Reviewingmy priorities before reading e-mailhelpedmetoachieveabetterbalancebetweenmanagingongoingtacticalneedsandadvancingstrategicpriorities.Note thatmyresolutionrequiredmeonly toreviewprioritieswhenreadinge-mailatmydesk,exemptingthequickintradaysmart-phonechecks required tooperate efficiently inmy job. I had solved theproblem of keeping all my priorities in one place when I established thenotebookhabitwithmyfirstmicroresolution;nowIbuiltuponthatsolidhabitwithanewresolutionthatincreasedmyorganizationandeffectiveness.Microresolution messages often require carefully defined cues. One very

successful resolution I made was the microresolution message I used as ahypotheticalexampleinchapter1:sendingmyselfthemessageIt’sreallyjustasfast to hang it up when I slipped offmy coat in the evening. Establishing anexplicitcueforthemessage—theremovalofmycoatwhenIcamehome—madeitpossibletomeasurehowsuccessfulIwasinrememberingtogivemyselfthemessage.Assoonasmycoatwouldslipfrommyshoulders,themessagewouldpop intomyhead.Dayafterday, thecue firingoff themessagekeptme fromdropping my coat in a chair and, over time, undid my bad habit of leavingclothesonthebedroomchair,becauseIcametobelievethatit’sreallyjustasfasttohangitup.Aresolutionfocusedoneliminatinganegativepersonalbehaviorisoftencued

by an impulse that arises internally, as in the case of Janet, who wanted toeliminate a certain curse word from her vocabulary. Janet made amicroresolutiontosubstitutethewordboringeverytimeshewastemptedtousethenastierword. In Janet’s case, the cuewas the impulse to say theoffensiveword—thecuewas,sotospeak,rightonthetipofhertongue.The specificity of your microresolution and its cue makes it possible to

measure your success with accuracy, pinpoint the nature of any resistance tochange, and tune your resolution for maximum effectiveness. Make yourcommitment onlywhen you havemade your resolution explicit—what you’regoingtodo,whenyou’regoingtodoit,andhowitwillbecued.

CHAPTER4

InstantGratification

Amicroresolution’s time frame is today, not someday. A microresolution’spayoff is immediate, obvious, and sustainable forever. Unlike wannaberesolutions, where rewards are promised sometime in the future, eachmicroresolutioncarriesitsownpayload—whatyoupledgetodoiswhatyouget,aslongasyoufollowthrough.

Rule3:AMicroresolutionPaysOffUpFront

Amicroresolution tomake thebed eachmorningbeforebreakfastachieves itsgoal and delivers its benefit as soon and as long as the resolution is kept.Bycontrast,aresolutiontokeepthehouseneatallthetime—madebyapersonwholeavesdishes in the sink, lets surfacespileup, andhasoverflowing laundry, amessy desk, and a bed that never gets made—has very little chance ofsucceeding,asneatnessisafunctionofnumeroushabitsandamindsetthatcan’tberealizedinstantaneously.Sothebenefitsofkeepthehouseneatareprojectedintothefuture,tothesomedaywhenkeepthehouseneatisfinallyachieved.Butamicroresolutiontomakethebedeachmorningbeforebreakfast isachievabletoday and its benefit immediate—amade bed, a neater room, amore relaxingbedtime, perhaps a better sleep. The pristine bed may inspire more generaltidinessinthebedroom,butthemicroresolution’sexclusivetargetisthebed.Amicroresolutiontogiveupsaying“Itoldyouso”benefitsyourrelationship

the very first time you stop yourself from saying it, unlike the generalizedresolutiontogetalongbetterwithmypartner,wherethestrategyisunfixedandthe measurement of success subjective. In trying to get along better with mypartner,theremaybebetterandworsedays,buttherewon’tbeanywaytorelatetheupsanddownstoanyspecificchangeinbehavior.However,ifyouknowthatsaying“Itoldyouso”toyourpartnercreatesfriction,thenitfollowsthatwhenyoustopsayingitinallitsforms,thatfrictionwillvanish.Itwon’tmeanthatall

yourrelationshipissuesaresolved,butitwillmeanthatyou’rerefrainingfromscoringpointsatyourpartner’sexpense,andthat,allonitsown,hasrealvalue.Likewise, if you pledge to end your biweekly one-on-one meeting with yourbossbyaskingforfeedback,you’llinstantlygiveyoursuperioramorefavorableimpression of your maturity and professionalism, build trust, encouragedialogue,andgiveyourselfachancetobenefitfromyoursuperior’sperspective.A New Year’s resolution to lose twenty pounds by summer may find you

recalculatingeveryweekhowyoumightstillbeabletoreachyourgoaldespitethe fact that your progress has plateaued, but amicroresolution to stop eatingafter8:00p.m.deliversaconcretebenefitimmediately.Willitsolveyourweightproblementirely?Maybenot,butitwillreformanegativebehaviorandhaveapositiveresult.Weaningyourselffromeatinglate in theeveningwilleliminatehigh-calorie couch-potato snacking, give your digestion a chance to completeprocessingaday’sworthof food (eight to tenhours),probablygetyou tobedearlier (because we eat to stay awake), improve the quality of your sleep(becauseit’smoredifficulttosleeponafullstomach),optimallybalancethekeyhormones that supportweight control (as these hormones require sleep longerthansixhours toreach ideal levels),andensure thatyouwakeupwithagoodappetitefortheday’smostimportantmeal(settingyourselfupforsteadyenergyuntilnoon).Thebenefitsfromsuchamicroresolutionbeginimmediatelyandareyoursforever.Gettingpaidupfrontforyoureffortshouldleaveyoueagertonailyournext

resolution and its reward, so different from the familiar cycle of constantlyrenewing an ambitious and failed resolution in the hopes that you can finallyachieveanidealoutcomethistime.Ifyourresolutiondeliversonlyaftermonthsof effort and you quit before you succeed, you end up empty-handed. Forexample, ifyou resolve tobeneat,anydayyou’renot completelyneatmeansyou’ve failed, and your frustrationwill lead you to give up before forming asinglehabitwithasustainablebenefit.Sowhenyounextresolvetobeneat,youhavetostartoverattheverybeginning.Theseresolutionmulliganskeepusfromever getting to other areas of self-improvement, becausewe haven’t yetmadeanysustainableprogresswithourtoppriority.Becauseeachmicroresolutionhasanobvious intrinsicvalue, it’spossible to

comparisonshopthebenefitsofpotentialresolutionsandunambiguouslydesignyour progress in a given category of self-improvement. You might decide tofollowupyourresolutiontomakeyourbedeachmorningwithamicroresolutionto hangupyourwork clothes every eveningwhenyou return fromwork, andyoumightthendecidethattheleastneatthingyounowdoistoleavedishesinthe sink long pastmealtime and zero in on that. Part of the fun and dead-on

utilityofmicroresolutionsistheablitytoforgeapersonalgrowthpath.Youmaydecide to stick with neat until you’ve mastered every surface, ordered everycloset, and organized your photo collections, or you may decide that you’rehappy enough with where neat is but that you’d really like to work on yourfitness—whatyoutacklenextdependsonhowyourprioritiesevolve,givenwhatyou’vebeenabletoaccomplishandwhatyoubelievewillbestenhanceyourlifeatagivenmoment.Microresolutionsallowyoutomakeprogressinthesequencethatbenefitsyourlifemost,incontrasttoresolutionsthatkeepyoutreadmillingafter an abstract goal such as to be neat, to be organized,or to be financiallyresponsible.Amicroresolutionbringsanimmediateandvaluablebenefit,bydesign.Never

thinkof yourmicroresolution as an increment,merely a stepping-stoneon thewaytoafuturegoal;thebenefityourmicroresolutiondeliverstodayisthegoal.Rejoiceintherewardsthatyourmicroresolutionprovidestoday,andthefuturewill take care of itself.Once youpermanently lock in the benefits of just onebehavioralchange,you’reonthepathtocontinuousself-improvement.

CHAPTER5

MadetoMeasure

Self-improvementresolutionsareamazinglyconsistentacrossgenerationsanddemographics; theyare, it seems, timeless.Nomatterwhatour region,age,orethnicity, themost importantpromisewemakeourselveseachyear is selectedfrom the same rack of tatty ready-to-wear resolutions that our grandparentsbrowsedthroughtwogenerationsago.Thesegoalsaresogeneralthattheysuitbroad swaths of the population—one-size-fits-all pledges. In contrast, amicroresolution ismade tomeasure foryour individualcircumstances,psyche,andhistory.Amicroresolutionisbespoke,notmassmarket.

Rule4:AMicroresolutionIsPersonal

This book is full of examples to get you thinking, but to be effective, amicroresolutionmustbedesignedbyyou,foryou,basedonobservationofyourown habits, attitudes, and situation.What personal behaviormight you adopt,change, or eliminate to advance your objective? Thoughtfully analyze yourhabits todetermine thesinglechange thatwillhave thebiggest impact inyourparticularcircumstances.Forexample,attheNewYearmanywillresolve tobeontimeforwork,but

solvinglatearrivalwillvarybyindividual.Todesignaresolutionthatgetsyoutoworkontime,examinetheentireseriesofactionsyoutakebeforeyouleavethe house. Missing a train or bus by a second can mean a delay of fifteenminutes; driving into traffic five minutes behind schedule can mean arrivingthirtyminuteslate(asanyonewhocommutesintoAtlantaonI-285cantellyou).Oh, a minute is a lifetime in the morning! Every action counts, and time iswasted looking for keys, hunting for lunchbox items, finding a shoe, locatingpapers,countingoutfaremoney,anddawdlingoverdressingdecisions.Isyourtransitpasspaidup?Doyouneedtogetgas?DoyousometimesneedtostopattheATMonthewaytowork?Ifyouareresponsibleforothersinthemorning,

theopportunitiestolosetimemultiply.Areyouonlyjustrealizingthattodayispicturedayatyourkid’sschool?Wasn’tthereatleastonemorecanofcatfoodyesterday?Every routine morning action represents a unique opportunity to shave off

minutesandgainanon-timeadvantage.Asmallchangeinhabitcanmakeallthedifference. To improvemy on-time recordwithout having to get up earlier, IdesignedaseriesofmicroresolutionsbasedontheactionsItookeachmorningwhilepreparingmyselfandmydaughter forourdailycommute inManhattan,whereIdropheratschoolandthengoontowork.My first “on time” microresolution focused on my activities just before

leaving thehouse,whichwereoften fraught.Asuccessfulmorningexitmeanskeys,cabcash,andafundedtransitcardinhand.Sometimesmykeyswereinacoat pocket, sometimes in a zipper pocket in my handbag, sometimes at thebottom ofmy bag, or sometimes upstairs onmy bureau. Likewise,my transitcardcouldbe inapocketorstuck inwithmycreditcards.Mycashhadoftenbafflinglydwindledbelowcab-fare levels,andat the lastminuteIwouldwindupscrabblingforcoinsinkitchendrawersandgoingthroughcoatpocketsinthehall closet. The exact amount remaining onmy transit cardwas sometimes indoubt,andarefillrequiredadditionalcashandanerve-rackingsessionwiththeticketkiosk(NewYork’sMTAticketmachinestakecreditcards,butthereaderworks only about 20 percent of the time). I can’t tell you howmany times Ifumbledthefundingofmytransitcardasthelast“ontime”trainthunderedbyunderourfeet.SoIresolved:

Topreparemorning cash, keys, and transit cardupon returninghomefromwork

AsIexitedthetrainstationeachevening,Imadesurethatmytransitcardwasfundedforthemorning.IfIwasshortofcash,IstoppedatanATMonmywayhome.AssoonasIsteppedintothehouse,Iputthecash,transitcard,andkeystogetherinadrawernearthefrontdoor.Thisactionshavedminutesoffourexittime,andIwaslessstressedduringtheentiremorningroutinebecauseIstoppedanticipatingmishapsatthegate.Mynewsystemworked,butkeepingontopofcashandtransit fundingwas

highmaintenance.Ididn’thavetorefillmycardorstopattheATMeverysingleday,but Ihad to thinkaboutwhetherornot Ihad todo these things, and thatkeptmynewbehaviorfrombecomingtrulyautopilot.SoItunedmyresolutiontooneIwouldn’thavetothinkaboutmorethanonceaweek.Ibeganusingasmallchangepurseforcashandatransitcarddedicatedsolely

to the morning commute (and I tossed in a spare house key, just in case). ItoppedupthemorningpurseeachFridaynightforthefollowingweekandneverused the cash or card in it for anything but the morning commute. I kept adifferent transit card formymidday, evening, andweekend trips inmywalletwiththerestofmycash.WhenmywalletwasemptyIwenttothecashmachine,eveniftherewasstillcashinthemorningpurse.IfIwasoutoffaresonmy“allpurpose”transitcard,Irefilleditratherthan“borrowing”fromthemorningcard.Mydaughterand Iwerenever lateagaindue tounderfunded travelorMIA

keys.Forsomeoneelse(perhapsaguywithawallet),thewholemorningpurseidea might seem silly, but for me it did the trick. Your microresolution forhelpingyougettoworkontimewillbedifferentfrommine,becauseitwillbepersonaltoyourhabitsandcircumstances.Youropportunitytosavetimemightberelatedtodriving,carpooling,dressing,lunchmaking,child-carehandoffs,ordogwalking;it’sbyexaminingthepersonalsequenceofyourmorningactivitiesthatyou’ll identifyyourfirst target.Orperhapsthegreateron-timecommutingpressureinyourlifeisnotonthewaytoworkbutonthewayhome,whenlast-minute work tasks, socializing, or errands put you behind to relieve yourbabysitter,gettoclass,orstartdinner.Ifso,you’llbeabletodiscoveryourfirstmicroresolutionintheactivitiesleadinguptoyourdepartureandtheactionsyoutakeenroute.Despitethehordesthatswarmthelatestcrashdiet,nothingismorepersonal

thaneatingbehaviors.Theindividualcircumstancesofwhy,how,where,when,what, and with whom we eat determine how many calories we end upconsumingduringtheday.Onepersonmayeatlateintothenight;anotherskipsbreakfast; another eats his entire lunch while waiting in line to pay; anothergrazescontinuouslyinpartyandbarscenes.It’sthesemindlesseatingbehaviorsthat rob us of satisfaction and drive us to overeat. Finding themost effectiveresolutiontobeginreformingeatinghabitsrequirescarefulself-examination.IwasawareformanyyearsthatIatequickly,certainlymuchfasterthanmy

slenderhusband,nottomentionmostofmyotherdiningpartners.Finishedfirst,I feltcheatedandunsatisfiedwhileotherscontinued toenjoy theirmeal,and Itoyedwithmy empty plate, helpedmyself to seconds, or plowed through thebreadbasket.EventhoughIknewthatthebrainneedstwentyminutestoregisterfullness,Igenerallyfinishedeatingintenminutesorless.IwonderedifIcouldbreakmyhabitofeatingtoofastbyfocusingamicroresolutiononit.Iresolved:

Tochewmyfoodslowly

I found complyingwithmy resolution exquisitely difficult. I had to remind

myselfconstantly to slowdown,andas soonasmyconcentrationwandered, Ispedup.BecauseIwasnarrowlyfocusedoneatingslowly,Iwasabletoseeforthe first timehow the restofmydininghabitsposedobstacles tomy success.Fromthevantagepointofmyresolution,Isuddenlyrealizedthatallmydiningactionswererushed—cuttingmyfood,raisingmyforktomymouth,drinking,usingmynapkin. Iwas trying tochewslowly,but ineveryotheraspect Iwasracing.And—talkaboutpersonal—abizarreandanxiousthoughtkeptoccurringtomeeverytimeItriedtoslowmyeating:IfIdon’tspeedup,I’llneverbeabletofinishallthisfood.Clearly, at some point in my life, I had adopted the attitude that it was

importanttofinishall,finishfast,andmaybeevenfinishfirst.Perhapsmychow-it-downapproachwastheupshotofall thosemorningsIrushedawayfromthebreakfast table to catch the school bus or fidgeted through our late familydinners,desperatetogetawaybeforeprimetimewasover.Whateverthesourceofthisattitude,itdrovemyeatingbehaviorandclashedwithmyattemptstoeatlessbecauseunconsciouslyIhadplacedapremiumonthebriskcompletionofmytask.RealizingthatIwasdrivenbythevalueofspeedgavemetheideathattheresolutionwouldbemorepowerfulifIreframedittoemphasizethevalueofslowness.Myreframedresolutionwas:

Todineleisurelyandsavormyfoodanddrink

Insteadoftellingmyselftoslowdown,Itoldmyselftosavorandenjoy.Itookeachbiteasifexpectingatastesensation,evenifallIwaseatingwasabanana.Isavoredthearoma,texture,andflavorofeachbiteandfoundthattheflavorofthe food intensified the longer I took to consume it. Iwouldnibble at a smallpieceofchocolateandmakeitlast,prolongingmyenjoymentandincreasingmysatisfaction.Cultivatingtheluxurioussensationsofeatingrelaxedme,andIbegantoenjoy

the feeling of leisure while dining, especially at dinner. I was reminded howsatisfying it is to eat in France, where the portions are small, the food andatmosphere delightful, and the waitstaff never, ever rushes a diner. I thoughtabout how saying grace shows appreciation for food and how that ritual ofgratitudeanticipatesthepleasureandprivilegeofeating.Isloweddownallmydiningactionsandstretchedmytimeatthetable,ratherthanboltingtoclearupassoonasIhadnothingleftonmyplate.Ipaidmoreattentiontothenonfoodelements of dinnertime—place settings, candles, and the like—so that theatmospherewasaspleasurableasthefood.Thelongerdinnerhourenhancedourtime together as a family, rather than just filling up a slot in a day already

jammedwithactivities.My enjoyment so increased that I often foundmyself feeling fullysatisfied

before I had finishedmy portion. I consumed less, enjoyedmore.ConsuminglessandenjoyingmorebecamethebenchmarkforthedietingmicroresolutionsIsubsequentlymade. Each new resolutionwas guided by the experience of thelastandwasabsolutelypersonal tomycircumstancesandpsychology. Iendedup losing fifteenpounds in about sixmonths.And thekey tomy successwaspersonalobservationfromstarttofinish.The behaviors by which you save money are personal. Cameron and Gail

loved to eat out often but recognized that it was becoming a budget breaker.They didn’t want to give up eating out, so theymade a resolution that whendiningoutontheirown,theywouldskipbottledwaterandcoffee,splitastarterandadessert,buteachhavetheirownmaindish,resultinginasavingsofabout30percentperdiningexcursion.Theirmicroresolutionmadeitpossibleforthemto continue to eat out regularly while spending less money (and consumingfewercalories).Howyourelatetoyourselfispersonal.Inthemidstofapainfuldivorce,Sarah

foundherself suddenly responsible for tasksherhusbandhadmanagedbefore:taxes,billpaying, tripplanning, findingand furnishinganapartment.Forovertwenty years her husband had taken responsibility for these basic survivalactivities.Ashermarriagehadbrokenupwhentheywerelivingabroad,shehadno settled routine to return home to and had to build an entirely new life,includingfindingajobandaplacetolive.On top of all the new practical realities that needed managing, Sarah also

struggledwithlowspiritsandself-esteemfollowingthebreakup.Sheknewsheneeded to galvanizeherself to push through this painful period, but insteadofbolstering herself with can-do messages, she was plagued by a negative,recurring thought.Assoonasshewouldapproacha taskrequired tomovehernew life forward, shewould find herself thinking, I don’t knowwhat to do, Idon’tknowwhattodo,evenifthenextstepwasobvious.Thisnegativemessagemadeherfeelparalyzedandexhaustedwhenshemostneededtofeelempoweredandenergized.Sarahsearchedforamicroresolutionmessagethatcouldimprovehermindsetandcreatemorepositiveenergyaroundherendeavor.SheresolvedtosendherselfthemessageI’mnothelplessandIdoknowwhattodo,whenevershefeltoverwhelmedbyalientasksorwhennegativethoughtsaboutherabilityto cope took possession of her mind.Whenever the I don’t know what to dothoughtwouldoccurtoher,shewouldfirmlyrepeattoherself,Iamnothelplessand I do know what to do. Now completely resettled, Sarah reports that hermicroresolutionmessage has become a kind ofmantra for this new period of

freedom and responsibility. “Of course, I would have figured out how to geteverything done even if I hadn’t been sendingmyself thismessage, because Ihad to,” she says. “Butmymicroresolutionmessagewas important because itkept me from feeling like a victim, unworthy and incompetent, messages Irealized I had been sending myself regularly but unwillingly. The messagehelpedkeepmeontaskandstoppedmefrombrooding,andIgotthroughwhatIhadtodomorequickly.”A microresolution is personal; it should fit like a glove. Or think of

microresolution as a kind of remedy, a prescription you write for yourself.You’rethedoctor—startbyexaminingyourpatient.

CHAPTER6

GiveItSomeSpin

Onceyou’vegotahandleontheeasy,limited,measurable,personalactionofyour microresolution, the next step is to frame your resolution statement.Framingisasemanticexercise,findingthelanguagetoconciselyandaccuratelycapture theactionofyour resolutionand its cue.There’snoexact formula forframingaresolution,butthemostpotentframingsaddperspective—aslant—towhatyou’retryingtoachieve.Theframingshouldengageyourmindset—yourvalues,preferences,andoutlook.Thepointisn’ttobeartyorcleverbuttostriketherightpsychologicalnotebyinvokingmeaningfulvalues.Twopeoplemakingessentiallythesameresolutionwillframeitdifferently,accordingtotheiruniqueperspectivesandpsychologies.

Rule5:AMicroresolutionResonates

Ifyourresolutionisastraightforwardactioncuedbytheclockorcalendar, themost direct framing is the best—there’s probably notmuch point in tinkeringwith I resolve to walk to work on Monday mornings. But resolutions withfrequentandfluidcuescanoftenbemademoreeffective througha thoughtfulandresonantframing.Consideraresolutiondiscussedearlierinthebook:

Iresolvetochewmyfoodslowly.[Yuck.]

Reframedas:

Iresolvetodineleisurelyandsavormyfoodanddrink.[Yum.]

Whichof these tworesolutionswouldyourathersignup for?The reframedresolutionpermanently transformedmyeatingmindsetby focusingmydietingstrategy on behaviors that foster enjoyment and celebration of mealtime. The

newframereplacedatacitadmonishment(Don’teatsofast)withanaffirmation(Dining is a pleasure). Instead of dutifully chewing my food to a slowermetronomicsetting,Icametothetableanticipatingthepleasureofgivingeverymorselluxuriousattention.Myresolutiontosavortaughtmethatitwascriticaltoregisterandenjoytheactofeating,especiallywhentryingtoeatless.ThankstothisreframingIrealizedthat

mindfuleating=greatersatisfaction=lessfoodconsumption

Understandingtheconnectionbetweenmindfulnessandsatisfactionledmetomake a series of mindful-eating resolutions (see chapter 12, “Diet andNutrition”)thatfundamentallyalteredmyeatingbehaviorsandledtopermanentweight loss. On its own, a spot-on framing can produce smart and actionableinsights.Thisrestofthischapterisdevotedtodiscussinghowframingstrategiescanbe

used to create more effective microresolutions. You’ll discover that a cannyframingcanmakeatremendousdifferenceinyouroutlookandmotivation—thatitcanliterallychangeyourframeofmind.

ThePowerofPositiveFraming

Most of us would rather follow a positive directive than a negative one. Aresolution not to snack is pretty dismal; the microresolution message I enjoydinnersomuchmorewhenI’mhungryforitsteersthetemptedsnackertowardamoregratifyinggoal.The reframingexpressesapositivevalue (I enjoy sittingdown to an evening meal with good appetite) rather than simply stressing anegativeone(snackingisbad).Theresolution’sopenframingencouragestakingany and all actions that foster good appetite at mealtime: Limiting snacks,choosing lighter snacks, timing snacks better, eating a moderate lunch, andincreasing exercise all fit within the message frame. Since this is a messageaimedatmindset,successismeasuredsimplybyrememberingtogiveyourselfthemessagewhenyou’re tempted toovereat in thehoursbeforedinner,and ifyouarriveatmealtimehungry,youknowthemessagehasdoneitswork.Let’s examine how youmight frame a resolution that targets yourworking

life. For nearly any professional, learning how to receive and use feedback iscritical to advancement, and defensiveness in the face of negative feedback is

seen as a sign of immaturity.Your first instinctmight be to resolvenot to bedefensivewhenreceivingfeedbackfromtheboss,butthat’ssimplyaprohibition;itdoesn’tencourageamoreconstructiveresponse.Abetterframingmightbetolisten, acknowledge, and give thoughtful consideration to feedback from theboss.Thisrestatementpromotesthepositivevaluesoflistening,acknowledging,and thoughtfulness. If the positive value of thoughtful consideration doesn’tcompletely quash your impulse to justify yourself, you can add to yourresolution thatyouwillwait twenty-fourhoursbeforeresponding.Thewaitingperiodwillstymieyourcompulsiontoplayblockthatfeedbackwhileleavingthedoor open to engage your boss laterwith a considered response. Thewaitingperiodwillalsogiveyou timetoreflectonwhether it’sworthgoingonrecordwithanobjection(mostoften it isn’t).Theframecouldalsobebroadened to Iwilllisten,acknowledge,andgivethoughtfulconsiderationtofeedbackatwork,that is, feedback coming from all quarters: the boss, colleagues, clients, andsubordinates.But if you strugglewith defensiveness in general and knowyouwill find this difficult, keep the frame narrow: Start with the boss and thenexpandyourresolutiononceyougetthehangoflisteninginsteadofarguing(andexplaining is arguing). And cheer yourself with the thought that you’re notalone:

Thetroublewithmostofusisthatwewouldratherberuinedbypraisethansavedbycriticism.

—NormanVincentPeale,ThePowerofPositiveThinking(Simon&Schuster,1952)

Let’sturntoadifferentexamplefromfamilylife.Manyparentswouldliketoincrease the time they devote to meaningful activities with their children. IfSundayisgenerallyyourfamilydaybutoftenjustdissipatesintolatebreakfasts,puttering,andindividualactivities,youmightwanttodesignamicroresolutionthatwillmake Sundays count. Your initial framingmight be simply to spendtime with the kids every Sunday afternoon; yet this resolutionmight bemoreattractively reframed as to plan a fun Sunday outing with the kids on Fridaynight. The reframed resolution is better in several respects—the first framingseems to be all about obligation and compartmentalization, while the secondframingemphasizesgoingoutandhavingagoodtime,andtheFridayplanningsessionwith thekidscouldprove tobea funeventallon itsown.TheFridaynight confab also guarantees that a specific planwill be set inmotion beforeweekendinertiasetsinfirstthingonSaturdaymorning.Castingyourresolutioninapositivelightincreasesmotivationbyhelpingto

dispel thenegativeattitudes that impedeprogress.Seeing theglassashalf fullrather than half empty is a great approach to life and a powerful habit worthcultivating on its own. Framing your resolutions in affirmative languagepromotesthatupbeatspin.

ThePowerofZero-ToleranceFraming

Positivityisnearlyalwaysthebeststrategyforframing,butnotalways.Ifyourresolution focuses on a small action (taken or untaken) that can lead to orprevent a slide into disorder, consider using the language of zero tolerance toframe it.Eachoneofuscanprobablypoint toseemingly trivialactionsofourown thatgetus intodisproportionate trouble.Somepeoplemaybeable toeatjustafewpotatochipsatapartyandthenwalkaway,butforthoseforwhomthesalty, rich taste of one chip leads to eatinghandfuls, a resolution to have zerotolerance for eating chips at partiesmight be in order. Formany the “quick”checkof e-mail at 11:00p.m. canmeannot hitting the sackuntil 1:00 a.m.—once mesmerized by the screen, they free-associate their way around theInternet,Googling facts from theTVprogram they justwatched, logging intoFacebook to see if anex-girlfriend’s statushas changed, startingachatwithafriendspottedonline.Thecomputerrevivesandstimulatesthem,theopportunityfor a goodnight’s sleep slips away, andwhen the alarm rings they awaken tomiseryand remorse.A resolution tohavezero tolerance for leisure computingafter10:00p.m.acknowledges the danger of even a quick prebedtime visit tocyberspace.The“leisure”caveatintheframingrecognizesthatlegitimateworkwillsometimesrequirealate-nightcomputersession.The first time I used the language of zero tolerance in framing a resolution

wasafterImovedfrommyManhattanapartmenttoaBrooklynbrownstone.Thesinkinthemasterbathroomwassetintoaverylargemarblecountertop.Itookonelookatallthatsurfaceandimmediatelyresolvedtohavezerotoleranceforany items left out on the counter. In my previous apartment I’d had just afreestanding sink, somy laziness in returning items to themedicine chest hadbeen checked by the limited surface. Now, face to face with my vast newbathroom counter, I knew that if I didn’tmake a zero-tolerance resolution tokeep its surface clear, soon my moisturizer, hand lotion, sunblock, makeup,toothbrush, toothpaste, dental floss, blow-dryer, and hair-grooming aidswouldtake up permanent residence there. For months I zealously practiced my

resolution,toleratingnotasingleQ-tip,aspirinbottle,orbobbypinonthesinkconsole.EverytimeIwalkedintomybathroomandsawthatbigemptysurface,Ifeltgratified.Theadage“astitchintimesavesnine”iscousintozero-tolerancelogic.For

people who absolutely depend on their cell phones, going to bed withoutrecharging can be disastrous.The small inaction of not plugging in the phoneovernight can blow up the next day—professionally,when clients, colleagues,and superiors can’t get in touch, and personally, when a partner, sitter, child,doctor, or teacherhas anurgentneed tomakecontact.Resolving tohave zerotoleranceforgoingtobedwithoutchargingthecellphonemeansthatifyou’vealreadygone tobed, turnedout the light, and started to fall asleepbeforeyourealizeyouhaven’tpluggedinthephone,youforceyourselftogetupanddoit.(Afriendofminewhooftenneglectedtochargehisphonesolvedhisproblembytossinghisalarmclockandoptinginsteadtodependonhisphonetowakehimin themorning. His solution to the uncharged phonewas to double down onphonedependence.Hestillhadtobuildthehabitofmakingsurehisphonewascharged, but he upped the stakes and picked up a new phone-charging cue—settingthealarmbeforebed.)WhenPeter,whohadalwayslivedoutofhiscar—thebackseatfilledwithbooks,newspapers,half-consumeddrinks,kiditems,andgym clothes—purchased a new car, he resolved to have zero tolerance forleavinganythinginthecarattheendoftheday.Thisframingledhimnotonlytoclearthecarofbooks,files,papers,andthelikeeacheveningbutalsotohuntdowntinyviolationslikegumwrappersandstrayCheeriosthathadescapedhischild’sgraspinthebackseat.Usingthezero-toleranceframingwasmuchmoreeffectiveforhimthansimplyresolving tokeepthecarclean.Acar—someoneelse’scar—withafewthingsitemsinitcanstillbeneat,buttheproudownerofthis new car knew that leaving behind a single item would begin his steepdescentintototalsloth.Use zero-tolerance framing only for situations where such vigilance—even

zealotry—isnecessarytoguardagainstthemisstepthatleadstoindulgence,lackof control, truedisorder. If youknow that eatingonepeanut in thebarmeanseatingthewholebowl,orthatclickingonthesample-salepop-upadwillleadtoa cart full of purchases you can’t afford, or that a dead lightbulbwill be leftunchangeduntilmanymoreburnouts leaveyou in thegloom,considerazero-toleranceapproach.Butuse this framing sparingly, so that it retains itspunch.Zerotoleranceisbestforresolutionsinvolvingactionsthatcanbeaccomplishedveryquickly,probablywithinfiveminutes.Keepitforthestitchthatsavesnine.

ThePowerofSuggestion

Therichimaginationandinnateempathyofhumanbeingsleavethemvulnerableto suggestion. A memorable or resonant phrase heard over and over canpenetrateone’sconsciousnessandalterattitudes,evenvalues.JustasktheMadMenwho spend their days trying to get into your headwith a clever slogan,catchyjingle,ormodishlogo.Politicalcampaignsusesuggestiontounderminepublic confidence in a candidate’s suitability for office. The hypnotist artfullyplants new attitudes in the mind of a patient who is trying to quit smoking.Police use suggestion in interrogation to steer a suspect toward confession—sometimessosuccessfullythataninnocentpersonconfessestoacrimehedidn’tcommit.Childrenareevenmoresuggestiblethanadults,whichiswhychildhoodisa

great training ground for building habits and mindset. We’ve all heard theexpressionchildrenaresponges,meaningthatkidssoakupwhateverisintheirenvironment without a filter. Because children are so easily influenced bysuggestion, the values and attitudes taught by parents have deep and lastingeffects, both positive and negative. Each of us can probably quote dozens ofaphorisms impressedonus inchildhood thatareanactivepartofourmindsettoday:Ifyouwantsomething,youmustworkforit.You’llgetmoreattentionifyousitinthefrontrow.Theearlybirdgetstheworm.Nobodylikesasoreloser.Honestyisthebestpolicy.Don’tbeacrybaby.Cleanyourplate;otherchildrenare starving. Our moral education teaches us not only through example andexhortationbutalsothroughrepetitionofmemorablemaximssuchastheGoldenRule.The aphorisms learned in childhood shape more than the character of

individuals; theyshape thecharacterofentirenations.Keepastiffupper lip—theBritishversionofDon’tbeacrybaby—iscoretoBritishidentity,associatednot just with national stoicism but also with British physiognomy. KristenLinklater,thecelebratedvoiceteacherfromtheUKwhotrainedagenerationofShakespeareanactorsandauthoredtheclassicFreeingtheNaturalVoice,writesaboutthehardworkofunfreezingstiffupperlipsinadultactorswholearnedtomask their emotions by translating this common maxim into physical reality.(One might wonder what effect another famous British expression, “Keepbuggering on,”—referred to by Churchill simply asKBO—had on the Britishpopulation!)Suggestionisapowerfulforcewecanexploitforourselves,notjustusetoinfluenceothers.Amicroresolutionmessageisasuggestionyoudesigntogetinsideyourownheadandchangeyourmindset.Thepurposeofthemessage

istoworkdirectlyonyourvalues,preferences,andattitudes.Sincethepowerofamicroresolutionmessage lies entirely in its suggestive power, its framing iscritical. If themessagehits itsmarkandresonates,over time themessagewillchangeyourmindsetandtransformyouractions.Aswithaslogan,ajingle,orachildhoodlesson,theideaistocomeupwitha

catchydispatchthatresonatesthroughtheartfuluseofsuggestion.Likethemostmemorableaphorismsofchildhood,a snappymessage is themostmemorable.Brevity and acuity help the suggestion—your note to self—get deep into yourheadandpopupinresponsetothecircumstanceyouselectasyourcue.So let’s examine how you might influence yourself through the art of

suggestion.Asdiscussedinanearlierchapter,thefirstmicroresolutionmessageI tried onmyselfwas to say, It’s really just as fast to hang it up,when Iwastaking off my coat in the evening. Seems a straightforward and obviousphrasing,right?ButImighthaveframedthemessageinseveraldifferentways:

1. Oh,justhangitup,forChrist’ssake!2. Don’tbesuchaslob;hangitup!3. You’llonlyhavetohangituplater,sowhynotjustdoitnow?4. Droppingitinthechairandthenhangingituplatertakeslongerthanjust

hangingitupinthefirstplace.5. It’sjustasfasttohangitup.6. It’sreallyjustasfasttohangitup.

Framings 1 and 2 are similar––exhortations to a lazy slob to get with theprogram.Framings3 through6aresimilar in logic(youdon’treallysavetimebydroppingacoatonachair)butdifferentintoneandlength.Framings5and6are almost identical, but the insertion of the word “really” in 6 shades thestatementtomeanthat,allinall,it’svirtuallyasfasttohangitup,and“really”alsocapturesalittleoftheexasperationexpressedinframings1and2.AtthetimeItookupthismicroresolutionmessage,Ihadnotonlythehabitof

droppingmycoatonalivingroomchairwhenIcamehomebutalsothehabitofdropping my clothes on a bedroom chair when I undressed for bed. Thesuggestion that it’s really just as fast to hang it up resulted, over time, in achange in mindset that had multiple results. First, I grew to believe, throughexperience,thatitisreallyjustasfasttohangitup.Thenthesuggestionchippedawayatmyspeedy=efficientmindsetbydemonstrating thatsome“shortcuts”actuallycostmoretime,becausetheyrequireremedialactionlater;andwhilethecuethattriggeredthemessagewastheremovalofmycoatintheeveningwhenIreturnedhome,overtimethemessage’ssuggestivepowerspread,croppingupin

myheadeverytimeIremovedanarticleofclothing,untilthebedroomchairwasstrippeddownto itsbirthdaysuitandIcouldactuallysit in it.The justasfastsuggestionnowpopsupallthetimeinothercontexts,asin:It’sreallyjustasfasttofileit.Asdiscussedintheintroduction,eachnewhabitisamodelthatthemindcan

reuse and build upon. Once you experience that hanging up your coatimmediatelyisactuallyfasterthandroppingitinachairandreturningtohangituplater,it’snotabigleaptoseethatit’sfastertofileareceiptimmediatelythanto toss it in a pile anddealwith it amonthon.One successful newhabit canbreak the hold that general inertia may have on a given area of self-improvement,leadingustolearnfaster,operatemoreintelligently,andprogressmoreswiftly.Now let’s takea lookataworkplaceexampleconcerningapersonwhohas

received feedback that his dismissive attitude toward his colleagues iscontributingtolowmorale.Considerwhichofthefollowingmessageframingswouldbemosteffectiveincurtailingthistoxichabit:

1. Put-downsaren’tnice.2. Put-downsareasignofinsecurity.3. Put-downartistsarepathetic.4. Put-downsareunprofessional.5. There’snosuchthingasaprofessionalput-down.

All of these framings suggest a perspective on the negative value of put-downs.Thefirst framingisprettybland;ofcourseapersonwhocompulsivelyputsothersdownknowsitisn’tnice,sothismessageisn’tlikelytoresonateinawaythatbringsachangeinmindset.Numbers2and3,bysuggestingthatput-downs are a symptom of weakness, undermine the swagger and sense ofsuperioritythatcomewithdismissingothers,and4and5casttheactionofput-downsasunprofessional.Individualswillreactdifferentlytotheframingchoicesabove, and each must shoot the arrow most likely to strike his or herpsychological bull’s-eye. But for me, 5 has the most punch; the notion ofprofessionalismresonateswithme,andthisframing’sfine-tunedsemanticsmakeitplain that there isnoput-down thatqualifies asaprofessional response toacolleague’s idea. Disagreements are professional; insults are not. Again, whatworksforonepersonwon’tworkforanother.Lookforthesuggestionthatreallypushesyourbutton.

SizeMatters

Ifyourmicroresolutioninitiatesanactivitythatyoucanchoosetoschedulemoreor less frequently, consider whether it is more advantageous to batch up theactivity or break it into smaller increments. For example, if you hate doinglaundryand let itpileupuntil itbecomesamountain,youmight find that it’sactually less onerous to follow through if you resolve to do small loads on amorefrequentschedulerather thanleavingitall foramarathonsessiononceamonth.Similarly,youmightneedtopaybillsonlyonceinamonthlycycle,butyoumightprefertosetasideonenighteachweekforadministrativetaskssothatyourhomein-boxstaysemptyandyourmindstressfree.Conversely,somethingyoudoveryfrequentlymightbetterbemanagedinabatch,freeinguptimeslotstoaccomplishothergoals.Playingwiththefrequencyofanactivityoftenleadstosurprisingresults.Nancy’sgoalwastocallherwidowedfatherthreetimesaweek,butsheoften

ended up calling only once. The first five minutes of the call were usuallydevotedtohearingoutherfather’srantsabouthowdifficultlifewasbecoming.Shebegantodreadthesecalls;sheusuallyhungupfeelingguiltyandwipedoutfromabsorbingsomuchanger.Shebeganfindingmoreandmoreexcusestoputthecallsoff,leavinglargergapsinhercallingschedulethanshecouldfeelgoodabout.SoNancymadeamicroresolutiontocallherfathereverydaybuttokeepthecall short, even if thatmeantending thecallwhileherdadwasstill in therantzone.Tohersurprise,thetenorofthecallsimprovedtremendously.Becausevery little time had passed between calls, her father’s list of frustrations wasshorter,andoverallhismoodandtoneweremarkedlymoreupbeat.Becauseshewascallingmorefrequently,shedidn’thavetostruggletoreserveahalfhourforthe call; she just called whenever she had five or ten minutes free. Nancyrealizedafterseveralweeksthatthecomplaintsthatusedtomarkthebeginningofeverychathadbeenaplaceholderforherfather’scorefrustration—hewantedhischildrentocheckinwithhimmoreoften.Shebeganenjoyinghertalkswithherfather,becausethedailycallsmadehimsomuchcheerier.MyfriendEthanmadeamicroresolutiontodoonepush-upaday.Atfirsthis

resolutionworkedwell,asassumingthepositionwasmostofthebattle.Oncehebegan, he often went well beyond his just-one commitment. Soon he foundhimselfdoingtwentypush-upsaday.Successfulmicroresolution?No,becauseEthanstopped.Why?Becauseeventhoughhehadresolvedtodoonlyonedailypush-up,as thatnumbergrew,sodidhisexpectations;hesoonfelthemustdotwenty everyday, a resolutionhe had never committed to.The one push-up a

daywasagreatstratagemforgettingbackintheswingofdoingpush-ups,anddoing just one at first produced value because hewas so out of practice. Butonce he gained in strength and endurance, the one-push-up resolution simplybecameaproxyforamoreambitiousyetundefinedresolution.Fromthatpointon,Ethanwaspracticingaresolutionwithoutlimits,breakingrule1.Don’tletthecan-dospiritfosteredbyyoureasymicroresolutionleadtoscope

creep.Ifyou’vepracticedyourresolutionforawhileandyouwanttodomore,thinkitthroughandrecommit;don’tmakeitupasyougoalong.Keepyourselfoutoftheadhocdecisionspace;makeexplicitcommitmentsyouknowyoucankeep.Ethanmighthavereframedhispush-upresolutionwithrespecttothenumber

ofrepetitionsassoonasherealizedthatasinglepush-upwasnolongerarealgoaldeliveringrealvalue.Hemighthavereformulatedhisresolutionastwentypush-upstwodaysaweek.Thatwouldhavebeenahugeadvanceoverthezeropush-upshehadbeendoingpre–microresolutionandwouldhave left thedooropenfordoingadditionalsetsonotherdaysasthespiritmovedhim.Remember,making a microresolution to do push-ups on Tuesdays and Saturdays beforebreakfastdoesn’tmeanthatyoucan’tdopush-upsmoreoften;itmeansonlythatyou have an ironclad commitment to do twenty push-ups according to yourresolution schedule and that you measure your success only against thatstandard.Whileitmakessensetoreconsiderabatchingstrategyasyougaininefficiencyandexperienceonceyou’repast the test-driveperiod(seechapter9,“Test-DrivingYourResolution”),youshouldstickwitharesolutionforatleastfourweeksbeforerevisitingthesizeofyourcommitment.Andifyoudodecideto up your batch, don’t get carried away by irrational exuberance—rememberrule1andkeepyourmicroresolutioneasy.Adeftframingcanmakeabigdifferenceintheimpactofyourresolution,and

you’ll be surprised how much you learn about yourself in the process ofselecting a frame.Amicroresolution’s cue is alsopart of its framingbut is soimportantatopicthatrule6isdevotedentirelytoit.

CHAPTER7

TriggerHappy

We awake to the sound of the alarm; we perk up at the smell of morningcoffee; we rush through the turnstile when we feel the rumble of the trainapproaching;we grab leftover pizza from an open box on an office desk;weclickonapop-upadforasnazzyphone;wecallout,“I’mhome,”whenwepassthroughthefrontdoor;weheaduptobedwhenthelatenewsbeamsatusfromtheTV screen.We spend our lives reacting to cues, automatically respondingwithalearnedbehaviorpatterntoaspecificsituationorcontext.

Rule6:AMicroresolutionFiresonCue

Cuesarepersonal—twopeoplewhoeachsnackatthesametimeeveryafternoonmayberespondingtoentirelydifferentcues.Thecueforonepersonmaybeahungerpang;foranother,it’spassingthevendingmachineonthewayoutofthegym locker room. The first time you make a purchase from the vendingmachine, youmay feel real hunger, but if you repeat the pattern of gym plusvending-machine purchase enough times, soon themere sight of themachinewillpromptyoutomakeapurchase.Behavioralresearchdemonstratesthatitisthestrongassociationbetweenbehaviorandcuethatcreatesalastinghabit.*Linkingtheactionofyourmicroresolutiontoacueiscriticaltomakingyour

new behavior automatic. Cues are discovered, not invented—the cue for yourresolutionalreadyexists,youjustneedtoidentifyit.Itmaybeinternal(hunger,drowsiness, an impulse to scold) or environmental (the smell of freshly frieddoughnuts, a shoe display in a shop window, criticism received from acoworker).Advertisers have long been expert at identifying cues that entice particular

demographics;nowtheycananalyzeyourInternetbehaviorandserveupacuedesignedexclusivelyforyou.AdvertisersprofilenotonlyyourInternetcontentpreferencesbutalsothevisualsandadvertisingapproachesmostlikelytotrigger

your coveted click. It’s galling to get ads for reducingbelly fat (all those dietarticlesyouclickon,theclothingsizesyouorder)ortohaveanadflashinyourfaceforapairofshoesyourecentlydeletedfromyourshoppingcartinahard-wonactofself-discipline.NowthatpairofshoesfollowsyouwhereveryougoontheWeb,sometimesevenwalkingrighttowardyouinananimationdesignedto capture your attention and your click. Yep, online advertisers have yournumberwhenitcomestothecuesyourespondto,andtheycanserveupcontentin away thatmakes yourmouse finger itch. Themore you click, the smarteradvertisersbecomeaboutwhichcuesarelikelytocatchyoureye.(ItrytoresistclickingontrashyInternetnewsstories—LINDSAYLOHANBACKINJAIL!HALF-TONWOMAN CHARGEDWITHMURDER!—because I can’t bear to think about the sillyprofileIambuildingupincyberspaceandtheonslaughtofhuman-degradationstoriesbuilding in thepipelineespeciallyforme.)Anessentialpartof framingyour resolution is identifying the cue best suited to trigger the action you’vecommittedtoperform.Ifyourresolutionistiedtotheclockorcalendar,thecuewillbe fairlyobvious.Returning toourold favorite,Walk toworkonMondaymornings,ifyou’rewalkingfromhometowork,thecueisleavingthehouseonMondaymorning;ifyou’veresolvedtowalkfromacertainbusstop,thecuetobeginwalkingiswhenthebuspullsupatthedesignatedstop.Ifyoumakethefitness resolution to climb six flights of stairs everyworkday after lunch, thengettingupfromthelunchtableisyourcuetoheadforthestairwell.Noticethatinthesetwoexamples,theactionisn’tcuedsimplybythehandsoftheclockbutby actions already associatedwith the time of day. This gives the cue greaterdefinition and dimension, making it easier to pick up. For example, theresolutiontopluginmycellphonebeforebedwouldworkbetteraspluginmycellphonebeforebrushingmy teethatnight—because thesecondyoupickupyourtoothbrush(cue)youcancheckyourself,ratherthanleavingyourrechargeactiontoshufflearoundintheelastictimezoneknownasbeforebed.Ifyournewbehaviorcan’tbetiedtoadayortimebutistriggeredbycontext,

discoveringtheidealcuemightprovechallenging.Sometimestheeasiestwaytocueanewbehavioristopiggybackitonanestablishedhabit.Theexistinghabitactsasa“stringaroundthefinger,”remindingyouofyourresolutionuntilitinturnbecomesautomatic.Asdiscussedearlierinthisbook,Iusedpiggybackingtolinkanewbehaviortomyhabitofcheckinge-mail;sincethenI’veusedthesamestrategymanytimestoestablishasturdycueforanewhabit.When I first started practicing my notebook habit, the cue to take out my

notebookwastheimpulsetomakeanote,whichmightoccuratanymomentinthe meeting. Pausing to dig out my notebook created an annoying break inmeetingflow,soIbeganusingtheactionofslippingoffmyhandbagasthecue,

thatis,Ipiggybackedthenotebookactiononthehandbagone.HadIeverbeforethoughtoftheactofremovingmyhandbagasahabit?Notatall;Ineverthoughtabout it at all because itwaspart of autopilot.But onceyou start scrutinizingyour established routines for potential cues, you begin to realize just howprogrammedmostofyouractionsare.Anybitofthatprogrammingcanbeusedasananchorforanewbehavioryou’retryingtoestablish.Ifyouwanttoacquirethe habit of drinking eight glasses ofwater a day, youmight decide that eachtimeyouwashyourhands,you’regoingtodrinkaglassofwater.Asmostofuswashourhandseighttimesaday,drinkingaglassofwateraftereachwashingshould easily satisfy an eight-glass quota. The selected cue also makesperformingtheresolutioneasier,aswaterisathandwhenthecuefires.The cuing examples discussed above involve establishing a cue for a new

behavior(organizednotetaking,waterdrinking),andthusthechoiceofthecueis completely discretionary.Butwhen youmake a resolutionwith the goal ofdisruptinganestablishedbehavior suchas snacking,defensiveness,or impulsebuying, cue discovery becomes more complex. You may uncover multipletriggersforyourhabit,andyou’llneedtochooseonetoserveasthecueforyourmicroresolution. Don’t try to include all the possible cues in your framing oryou’llfallintothewannabetrapofthinkingyoucanchangealoadofingrainedbehavioralresponsesovernight.Forexample, ifyourgoal is to limityour snacking,makea listofcues that

triggeryourdesiretosnack.Ifyouseepizzaleftoutafterameeting,doesitcueyoutotakeaslice?Whataboutaboxofchocolatesonacolleague’sdesk?Ifyoucomeintoworksatisfiedfromyourbreakfastandseefreedoughnuts,willyoulikelytakeoneanyway?Assoonasyoubegintoprepareameal,doyoubegintonosh?Whenyouclearupfromameal,doesleftoverfoodontheplatesofotherstrigger a round of snacking right after you’ve just eaten? What about yourresponsetoseeingbarandpartyfoodonceyoubegintodrink?Whenyouhitthesupermarket,doyouimmediatelybeginlookingforfreesamples?Orisyourcueto snack the feeling of absolute lethargy that comes over you at around 3:00p.m.?Ordoyouexperiencehungerpangsaround4:30p.m.?Anorganizedlistofsuchcuesmightlooklikethis:

1. Unsoughtworkplacetreats(doughnuts,chocolates,pizzas)2. Marketsamples3. Foodyouprepareforothers4. Leftoversontheplatesofothers5. Barsnacks6. Partysnacks

7. Afternoonhunger8. Exhaustion

Consideringcues1and2,youmightmakearesolutionnot to indulgewhenyouencountersnackpop-upsattheofficeormarket(resolvingtoforeswearfreefood in these environments and instead always buy your own); cues 3 and 4would help frame a resolution establishing boundaries between the food youserve yourself and the food served to others; cues 5 and 6 invite making aresolution to limit food grazing in the proximity of drinks. The physicallygeneratedcues7and8areentirelydifferent fromthefirstsixenvironmentallygeneratedcues.Cue7requiresastrategyforstavingoffhungerbetweenmealswithoutoverindulging(e.g.,Iresolvetoeatapieceofwholefruitat3:00p.m.);cue8,exhaustion,suggestsanumberofremedies,frommoresleepatnighttoacatnaptoconsumingalimitedchemicalpick-me-upsuchascoffeeandsugar(50calories)ratherthanamoredestructivetreatsuchasabrownie(450calories).Onceyouobservethebreadthofthesesnackingcues,you’llbegintoseehow

large a resolution to stop snacking really is, because our environment isconstantlychurningoutcuestoeat.Tomakearesolutionyouarecertainyoucankeep, focusyour resolutionononespecificcue (or logicalcuepair) at a time.Forexample,youmightfirstresolvenottoeatanysugary,opportunistictreatsattheoffice(preservingtheoptionalityofthepizzaslice)andseveralweekslaterresolvenottoeatofftheplatesofothers.Eachresolutionwillreducethenumberofopportunities tosnackuntilyou’vereacheda levelofcontrol thatworksforyou.Sometimesitmakessensetoabstracttheframingofaresolutiontocovercues

thatareverysimilar.Ioncemadearesolutionnottoeatinline;laterIamendedittonoteatintransit;lateritbecamearesolutiontoeatonlywhensittingdown(with exceptions for ice cream cones and cocktail parties with canapés). Thesituationsthatledmeintomindlesseating—eatinginlinewhilewaitingtopayforfood,wolfingdownlunchwhilerushingtoameeting,eatingwhilecooking,grazinginpartyscenes—weresocloselyrelatedthatframingasingleresolutiontocoverallofthesecuesmadesense.Note,however,thatIstartedwithonecue(waitinginline)andthenaddedcuesovermanyweeksuntilIendedupwitharesolutionthatcoveredallofthesituations:toeatonlywhenseated.The very act of cue discovery often leads to insights worth acting on. For

example,Ioncethoughtaboutaresolutiontobreakmyselfofthehabitofsecondhelpings.I thoughtaboutwhatstimulated thedesire toeatmoreeven thoughIhad already consumed a deliciousmeal. I realized the cue for servingmyselfmorewasnothunger,notdesire,butmyemptyplate.Takingacuefromthecue,

Iresolvedtoalwaysleavesomethingonmyplate.Theportion-controlbattlewasrefocusedonjustthatlastbite,notanotherplateoffoodorsecondscoopoficecream.Even if you serve yourself a slightly larger portion so that you’ll havesomething to leave behind, training yourself not to clean your plate (to saynothing of not licking the plate) will change your mindset by visuallydemonstratingthatamealisdonewhenyou’resatisfied,notwhenyourplateisempty.Seeingyourplateremovedwithsomethingtastyonit isamentalgamechangerandastrategythatappliestosomanyareaswhereonemightwishmoreself-control: refusing another drink while you’re still wide awake and sober,going to bed before you’re staggering from exhaustion, ending your shoppingspreewhileyoustillhaveplentyofdiscretionarycashinyourbudget,quittinganargumentbeforeitescalates.Relationship cues are often volatile, subtle, andmore difficult to recognize.

Thecueforahabitualreactionmaybeanunanticipatedcommunication,arushofstrongfeeling,orasuddenimpulse,andthatfleetingcuemustbecaughtandprocessed quickly. What’s the cue to guilt-trip your partner, rage at a child,undermine a colleague, or snap at an older parent?What’s the cue for puttingyourself down or one-upping a friend? Such cues can be slippery and requirecarefulidentification.Let’s return to thedefensivenessexample and think through howonemight

zero in on what cues this negative habit. Defensiveness shows as a specificreaction to a specific circumstance. Defensive with the boss is different fromdefensivewith a colleague, friend, lover, child, parent. You have to solve fordefensivenessonesituationalcueatatime.TryingtocomeupwithonebigIwillnotbedefensive resolution to respond toanonslaughtofvariedcueswillverylikelyfail.Butasyoupracticerespondinglessdefensivelyinonesituation,thenext situation you tackle will prove less difficult, and your resolved responsewilltakeholdmorequickly.Themodelofpairinganidentifiedcuewitharesolvedresponseworksforany

relationship dynamic that you want to disrupt. If you’re a doormat whoconstantlypleasesothersatyourownexpense,learninghowtobreakthehabitofsaying yes before you’ve considered any personal consequences begins bythinkingthroughthesituationsthatputyouonthespot.Feelingrailroadedintoamovieyoudon’twanttoseeisverydifferentfromfeelingpressuredtocoverforalaxemployee.Ifyou’vealwaysfollowedastrategyofpleasingtosucceed, itwilltakefortitudeandpracticetogiveyourselfpermissiontodispleaseothersbysayingno.Therefore, youmust carefully consider the situational cues that putpressureonyoutosayyes,andselecttheoneyouthinkmostimportanttonailfirst. Itmight be a cue that comes up between you and your love interest (to

makedinner insteadofeatingout), acrushingparentaldemand (tospendyourentirevacationat theoldhomestead), or adumpofwork fromacolleagueonFriday night (the “almost finished” project you’re handed that is light-yearsawayfrombeingdone).Youmight choose todealwith the situation that’s theeasiest tohandle (“Let’s goout todinner sowe canboth relax”) or select thetarget with the most life impact (“I don’t have time to help you finish yourprojecttonight”).Notetheabsenceoftheword“sorry”fromthislastexample.“Sorry” is more than unnecessary; it’s counterproductive. “Sorry” onlyreinforces your sense of obligation/guilt and communicates to the slacker thatyouareinthewrongfornothelping.It’sbusiness,notpersonal,andwithrespecttothisbusinesstask,youaren’tinapositiontohelp,period.Changingahabitualresponseisn’tasnap;you’llhavetopracticeandpractice(drill,baby,drill)untilyoufeelthemeritofyournewresponse,itbeginstofeelnatural,andyourealizeyoucansurvive thedisappointmentofothers. It’sat thatpointyou’re ready totackleothersituationsthatcueyourdoormattendencies.Onceyougetclued intocues,yourheightenedawarenesswillprovide fresh

insightintointernalandexternaltriggers,sothatyoulearntopickoutthebestcueforeachresolution.Establishingastronglinkbetweenanactionanditscueisessentialformakinganewbehaviorautomatic,andacarefulframingoverallwill help you nail your resolution and make practicing it more enjoyable. Amicroresolution can turn into a real adventure, leading you into unfamiliarpsychologicalterritorywherepersonaldiscoveriesaremade.

CHAPTER8

PracticeMakesPermanent

Experiencing thepowerofmicroresolutionsmay inspireyou todoubledownon a mega set of micros. Resist that suicidal impulse. Less is more when itcomes to achieving lasting change. It takes concentration to nurture a newattitude, adopt a new habit, or drop a negative behavior. Effectively changingone’sformulaforlivingisararity,abehavioralbreakthrough.

Rule7:MakeMicroresolutionsJustTwoataTime

Two celebrated behavioral researchers once famously summarized thefoundationoftheirsciencethus:

Most of the time what we do is what we do most of the time.Sometimeswedosomethingnew.*

Doing something new, something differently, demands rigor. Yourmicroresolution is easy only in the sense that it is clearly achievable, butestablishing any new behavior requires rigor. You must be in a position todemandofyourselfthatyoufollowthroughonyourcommitment,andthatwon’tbepossibleifyouoverreach.Buildingapositivenewbehaviorrequiresattentionandself-control,bothlimitedresources.Ifyoutrytochangetoomuchtoofast,you’llbeoverwhelmed, loseyourconcentration, fumblecues,andendupwithonlypatchycompliance.Ahabitisn’tahabituntilit’sahabit—youhavetogoafteritwithsingle-mindedpurposeuntilyouget it intoautopilot.Toguaranteeunwavering focus and success, make your resolutions no more than two at atime.Limitingyourresolutionsensuresthatyouhavetheattentionandenduranceto

stickwithabehavioral shiftuntil itbecomesautopilot.Whatcreatesahabit isrepeatingabehaviorover time in associationwitha specific context.Ashabit

researchersDavidNealandWendyWoodhaveobserved,“[Habits]areacquiredgraduallyaspeoplerepeatedlyrespondinarecurringcontext.”*A new habit needs time to work its way into autopilot and become

neurologically embedded. Your microresolution will take around four weeksbeforeitbeginstofeellessawkwardandsixtoeightweeksbeforeitbeginstofeelnatural.FourtosixweeksiswhatI’veexperiencedasanaverage,buteachmicroresolution is unique and challenging in a different way, so there’s noabsoluterule.Amicroresolutionthatyoupracticedailymightstartfeelingstickyat three weeks, but another resolution practiced less frequently may still feelpretty raw at eight. Youmay start two resolutions at the same time, but theywon’t necessarily finish on the same schedule. But as soon as one of yourresolutionsissolidandisn’ttaxingtomaintain,youcanstartworkingonanewone. As you take up new microresolutions, your previous resolutions willcontinuetoworkthemselvesintotrueautopilotoveraperiodofmonths.Don’t make the mistake of confusing your resolution to behave differently

withactuallyhavingachievedachangeinhabit.Adecisiontodosomethingisn’tthe same thing as doing it; habit is a product of practice, not definition. Justbecauseyoudecidetomakethebedeachmorningdoesn’tmeanyounowhavethehabitofmakingthebed.Pledgingnottosay“Itoldyouso”isn’tthesamethingasactuallystifling the impulse tosay it (or itsequivalent)wheneveryouare proved correct (by your lights). Habits and insight are products ofexperience;rushingthroughyourresolutiontocheckthe“done”boxonlystuntsyour learninganddeprivesyournewhabitof a strong foundation.One reasonmicroresolutionsworkisthatsuccessissonarrowlydefinedthatfailurejustisn’tanoption.Ifallyouareworkingonisoneortwolimitedchangesinbehavior,youcanforceyourselftoaccount.Whenyouloadyourselfup,youletyourselfoffthehook.Somemicroresolutions take longer thaneightweeks. Iconsciouslypracticed

to dine leisurely and savor my food and drink longer than any of my otherresolutions, but I was well rewarded for the time invested.My slower eatingpacebecamethebehavioralcornerstoneofalltheothereatingresolutionsImadethatled(atlast)tomypermanentweightloss.Myhabitofrushingwassodeeplyrootedthatassoonasmyconcentrationwandered,Iwouldfindmyselfspeedingup. I realized during this period of trying to eatmore slowly that I rushed ineverythingIdid—walking,working,thinking,cooking,speaking.Indeed,IhadmadesuchavirtueofhurryingthatIhurriedevenwhenIwasonvacationandsupposedlyrelaxing.OnceIrealizedthatmyrushingwasoftenmorefetishisticthan strategic, I consciously began to slow myself down in situations wherespeeding created no value orwas actually counterproductive. Iwouldn’t have

beenabletoretrainmyeatinghabitsorunderstandmyrushingmindsetifIhadskipped ahead to my next resolution before mastering the habit of consciouseating.Duringthefourorfivemonthsittookthesavormyfoodresolutiontostick,I

wasabletomakethreeothermicroresolutionsinthe“secondslot,”soprogresscontinued on new fronts while I chipped away at speed eating. So even if aresolution takesmore than eight weeks tomaster, you’ll still be able to keepworkingonotherresolutionsatthesametime.AtthispointI’vemadeandkeptsomanymicroresolutions that it seems silly toworryabout limitingmyself totwo—averaging about five weeks per resolution, two at time, that’s twentyresolutions you canmake this year thatwill utterly change your life.And thevalue of those resolutions will compound—as you begin to replace badbehaviors with good ones, positive new behaviors will emerge on their own,drivenbyamindsetrevitalizedbynewexperiences.If focusing on twomicroresolutions at the same time proves a struggle, cut

backtojustoneuntilyouhaveahandleonwhatittakestobuildanewbehavior.Don’t underestimate your achievement in creating just a single new habit. Ifyou’reworkingoneortworesolutionsatatime,you’llbedoingsomethingnewall the time, so it’s just daft to let yourself become impatientwith thepaceofchange.Asaruleofthumb,keepresolutionsthatarepracticeddailyforat leastfour

weeksand resolutionspracticed less frequently for eightweeksbeforemakingnewones.Eachresolutionshouldfeellikeabehavioryoudon’teverwanttodowithout before youmake your next commitment.Don’t rush. If you carefullyestablishyournewhabit, itwill lasta lifetime,sowhocaresaboutafewextraweeks?Asyou takeupnewresolutions,youroldonesmustcontinueworkingfor you—nobacksliding.Never add to commitments you’re strugglingwith—you only risk short-circuiting your gains and undermining your confidence inyourabilitytofollowthroughwithoutexcuses.“But,” youmightwell ask, “what about those timeswhen I feel completely

inspiredandjustwanttotakeadirectrunattotaltransformation?”Well,then,by allmeans,go for it,but keep faithwith yourmicroresolutions at the sametime. Don’t get confused about your dual efforts. A microresolution is aboutmakingafundamentalbehavioralshiftforalifetime,notthrowingaHailMarytotrytowininthelastthreesecondsofthefinalquarter.There are times when thewannabe resolution can succeed, when the stars

align and transformation is achieved through sweat and inspiration. Suchinspiration is often fueled by a personal crisis—getting dumped motivates aweightloss;ahealthscaredemandsanendtosmoking;abadjobreviewleadsto

apristinedesk;afinancialdebacleforcesfrugalityonaspendthrift.Themidlifecrisis is often a time of change, when fear of decline leads to new regimensdesignedtorecapturehealthandyouthfulness.Iwasinterestedtoseeafamousandwonderfullytalentedactor,atotalbeefcakeuntilhefattenedsignificantlyinhismidthirties,suddenlyslimdowninhisfifties.Toldbyhisdoctorthathewasbecoming diabetic, the panicked actor gave up all sugar immediately. He lostforty-fivepoundsinthreemonthsfromasinglechangeinbehaviorthathetookon only because of amedical scare. Twenty years of a growingwaistline andfunkycharacterroles,andthen...Shazaam!Rehunked!Whileit’simportanttorespondtolife’sturningpointswithenergyanddetermination,whywaitforfatetodishupadirecuebeforeyoutakeaction?Remember,thegoalissustainableself-improvement, not intermittent bursts of drastic action (aka New Year’sresolutions).Successful savers started early and started small. They beganwith pennies,

graduatedtodimes,andthencontinuedtoquarters.Theydidn’ttellthemselvesthatsavingasawbuckwouldn’tamounttoamilliondollars.Rather,theymadesavingahabit, andover time thathabitbredother financially soundbehaviorsandattitudes.Microresolutionswork the sameway.Continuouslyworkoneortwo microresolutions at a time, and you’ll enter a state of continuous self-improvement,reachingambitiousgoalsthatyouoncethoughtunattainable.

CHAPTER9

Test-DrivingYourResolution

It’s time to take your newmicroresolution for a spin and see how it drives,handlescurves,andshiftsinresponsetochangesinroadconditions.Duringthefirst two weeks of your resolution, you’re likely to encounter unanticipatedobstacles,bumpsintheroad.Liketheengineofanewcarthatknocksonceit’sonthehighway,yourresolutionmayneedsometuningtogetithummingontheopenroad.Fine-tuningyourresolutioninresponsetoearlyexperiencesandnewinsight is part of the process of succeeding. Don’t give up if your resolutiondoesn’tprovetobeanentirelysmoothrideforthefirstcoupleofmiles.AlbertEinstein famouslyonce remarked,“In theory, theoryandpracticeare

thesame.Inpractice,theyarenot.”Likethescientistfacedwithanunexpectedresult,youmayneedtorevisitsomeassumptions,butifyourresolutionadherestorule1—“Amicroresolutioniseasy”—thenyourresolutionwillbeachievablewithsometweaking.Forexample,ifyourresolution’scueisclock-orcalendar-based,youmayfindthatthedayyoupickedisn’tthebestorthatthehouryouselectedputsyouinasqueeze.It’sverycommontoadjustaschedulecueduringthe early days of a resolution. What’s important is that you find a betterpermanentspot, insteadofdecidingadhocthatrightnowisnogood.Thedayand time must become regular if your new behavior is to become part ofautopilot.Oneapparentlyveryeasyclock-basedmicroresolutionImadesurprisedmeby

requiring a lot of tuning to succeed—to take a multivitamin first thing in themorning.Soundslikeabreeze,doesn’tit?Myintentionwastotakethevitaminbeforeheadingdownstairs, sinceonce I’m into cookingbreakfast andpackinglunchevensomethingassimpleasgulpingdownavitaminbecomesalostcause.ButtakingthatginormousvitaminonanemptystomachprovedsounappealingthatIdecidedtoswitchtobedtime,whichdidn’tworkoutanybetter.Ihadreadthatapill takenbeforebedshouldbewasheddownwitha fullglassofwater,and after a couple of sleeps interrupted by visits to the bathroom, I decidedbedtime was a lousy bet, too. So I moved the vitamins to my workplace,intending to take them right after lunch. That fixed the timing issue, but I

continued to tune, ultimately swapping out the horse pills for bigger butchewable ones that tasted like berries (well, kind of). The chewable vitaminsweresweet,evenclockingacoupleofcalories,soeatingoneafterlunchwasapoorman’streat,andthehabitstuck.Notallresolutionsaresotorturedintheirtuning,andI’vetakenupmorecomplicatedonesthattooknodetoursatall.Mypointissimplythatevenaseeminglyeasyandstraightforwardresolutionmightrequire tuning to perfect, because you’re trying to get it right for always andforever.Lindabeganamicroresolutiontoforgothebighunkofbreadthatwasserved

with soup at the San Francisco café she favored for her weekday lunch. Thebreadwasdeliciousbut rich incalories,andshewas looking towork thevitalmargin to drop some weight and to stop leaning so heavily on simplecarbohydrates in her daily diet. But almost immediately after making herresolution,shebeganshiftingher lunchvenue, freeingher fromany lunchtimestrictures.Sincetheframingandcueforherresolutionhadbeenmenuspecific,itdidn’tworkasaguidelineanywhereelse.SoLindareframedherresolutiontoonethatwouldworkinvirtuallyanyeatery:tochooseaflourlesslunchoption,meaning no bread, pasta, pizza, pretzels, or baked treats.Although nowmorebroadlyapplicable,thisresolutionwasstillreasonableandlimited,asitappliedonly toworkday lunch.NowLinda hops from place to place using the tunedresolution as her guideline and finds she is eating healthier and more variedfood,haslostweight,andfeelsbetteroverall.Linda’shusband,Andy,thentookup a variant of her resolution, no simple carbs after 3:00 p.m., and lost eightpoundsinthreemonths.Thetestdriveoftenrevealsunanticipatedobstaclesthatneedtobeaddressed

inorderforaresolutiontosucceed.ThefirstnightIsentmyselfthemessageIt’sreallyjustasfasttohangitupwhenIremovedmycoat,Irespondedbyheadingstraighttothecloset.Unfortunately,Ifoundimmediatelythat itreallyisn’t justasfasttohangitupwhentheclosetisalreadyjammedwithcoatsandhasnotasinglefreehanger.IttookmeafullminutetowrestlemycoatintoplacenexttothedoubletcostumemyhusbandhadwornplayingHamletyearsago. Inorderformymessagetowork,obviously,itspremisehadtobetrue:Hangingupmycoathadtobevirtuallyasfastasdroppingitonachair(andthenhangingituplater). So I weeded out the closet, removing rarely worn items (alas, poordoublet) and adding a dozen new hangers, and then themessage was able toworkitsmagic.Theclosetsituationwasn’tnew,butmyresolutionhighlightedasystemicissuethathadneverbeforebeenaddressed.Building a new behavior exposes the systems you live by but never

consciouslydesigned.Ifyouresolvetomakeyourbedeachdayandittakestoo

longandcomesoutlookingrumpledandlopsided,youmaydecidetoreplaceaslipperycoverletandblanketswithacomforterthatspeedsupbedmakingandproducesasmootherresult.Ifyouresolvetogetuponthefirstringofthealarmrather than indulging inmultiple snooze sessions, youmay find that an alarmthatslowlyinfusestheroomwithlightbeforeringingisagentlerwake-upcallthan one that screams in the pitch dark of the early morning. Shaking up aroutinewithamicroresolutionexposesobstaclesthatsubtlyhinderedpasteffortstoimprove.That’swhythetest-driveperiodiscrucial.Althoughmosttuningtakesplaceintheearlyweeksofanewmicroresolution,

you may find yourself tweaking months on. Remember my zero-toleranceresolutionnottoallowgroomingproductstocluttermybathroomcountertop?Ifanaticallypracticed thisbehavioruntil itwashabitand thendecided todial itbackabit.Therewasreallynopointinputtingawayitemsatbedtimethatwouldbe needed first thing in the morning, so I allowed myself to leave these outovernight.This sped up themorning routine and didn’t effectively disturbmygoal of a neat bathroom, as the untidinesswas literally kept in the dark. ThetweakwasmademonthsafterIhadsuccessfullyestablishedthehabitofkeepingthecounterclear.A microresolution should succeed every time. If you aren’t succeeding,

rethink,reframe,reschedule,andrescopeyourresolutionuntilyoucanputaringon it. If it seems like a cop-out to adjust your resolution after your initialcommitment, it’s not. The test drive is a period for gauging obstacles andconfrontingwhatyouarewillingorabletodotomakeprogress.Scalingbackisfar better than quitting. As you gain experience in making microresolutions,you’llgetsmarteratpredictingcomplications,framingformaximumeffect,andidentifyingthebestcues.Stickwithyour resolutionsuntil theystick,andsoonsuccessitselfwillbeahabit.

TheLessonoftheMagicRoseGeranium

When I was growing up, my mother would sometimes buy me inexpensivestorybooksatthesupermarkettokeepmehappywhilesheshopped.Astoryinoneofthesebookscalled“TheMagicRoseGeranium”becameagreatfavoriteofmine.AsIrememberit,thestoryisaboutawomanwholivesinahousethathas become very shabby. She is depressed by her surroundings, yetwhen shelooksaroundatallthereistodo,shefeelsoverwhelmedandnevermakesastart.

One day an old friend comes to visit the woman and brings her a rosegeraniumasagift.Thegeraniumbringsjoytothewoman,butshesuddenlyseeshowshabbyher tablecloth looksnext to thebright flowers, soshebuysanewone.The tableclothmakes the rug lookwornandgray, so she replaces it.Thebrightrugshowsupthedinginessof thecupboards,soshepaints themafreshyellow. Each improvement the woman makes in her surroundings inspiresanother,untiltheentirehouse,evenitsyardandpicketfence,areshipshape.Thewomanfeelscheerfulandenergizedallthetime.Afterputtingthefinal touchesonherhouse, thewomancatchessightofher

imageinamirrorandseesherselfclearlyforthefirsttimeinyears.Herhairisuntidy, her clothes drab and in poor repair. Shocked by her appearance, thewomantakeshernewfoundcan-dospiritandappliesittoherownperson.Soonthewomanisaswellturnedoutandgroomedashernow-tidyhouse.Whenthefriendwhobroughtthegeraniumasagiftcomestovisitnext,she

canhardlybelievehereyesandasksthewomanhowitwasthataftersomanyyears of neglect shewas able to transformher house andherself.Thewomandeclares,“It’sallthankstothatmagicrosegeranium!”A microresolution operates like the magic rose geranium. Each successful

resolutionboostsyourspirit,energy,andconfidenceandleadstomoreprogress.Thekeyissimplytomakeastart.

PART2

MICRORESOLUTIONSINACTION

It’s time to applywhatyou learned inpart 1 tomakingmicroresolutions in aspecificareaofself-improvement.Eachoneoftheruleschaptersusedexamplesfrom different categories of personal development to illustrate a singlemicroresolutionprincipleatwork; thechapters inpart2pivot thatperspective,eachexamining theutilityofmicroresolutions through the lensofasingleandpopularareaofself-improvement.Rememberasyoutakeonabroaderperspective:onlytwomicroresolutionsat

atime.Someofthesemicroresolutionsuccessstoriesmayseemsoingeniouslysimplethatyoubelievetheycanbeadoptedwholesale,butdon’tbefooled.Nomatterhowmodestashiftinbehavior,itmustbepursuedwithrigorandsingle-minded purpose to succeed. A new habit takes hold only through consistentrepetition, and that takes concentration and effort. Don’t try tomake a dozenmicroresolutions; instead prove to yourself you can succeed at one—pick aresolution and practice it relentlessly until it’s on the path to true autopilot.Workingoneor tworesolutionsata time,you’llmakea lotofprogress in justthefirstsixmonths.I hope that in sharing someofmyownmicroresolution experiences I don’t

create the impression that Ihaveconqueredeveryareaof self-improvementormetallmypersonalgoals.InseveralareasI’veachievedresultsfarbeyondmyexpectations; in others I havemade real progress; in somecategories I have alongwaytogo.Myaiminrecountingmymicroresolutionexperiencesandthoseofothersissimplytoprovidesomesolidexamplestoinformyourefforts,nottoadvocateforparticularstandardsorlifestylechoices.SmallMove,BigChangeisaboutpersonalempowerment—notaboutyoushould,allabouthowyoucan.The art of self-improvement is not about perfection but about priorities. To

succeedinanyendeavoronemustassessandrankopportunitiesonanongoingbasis, and your self-improvement priorities will change as you change. Youmight begin by putting all your attention on fitness,make good progress, andthen switch your attention to improving a relationship. You might find aftermaking two microresolutions focused on organization, that what remainsunreformeddoesn’t seemas importantas tacklingadifferentcategory, suchasspending.Some targetsmaynevermake it off thebottomofyour list becauseother prospects are always more compelling. Investing in continuous self-improvementmeansthatthereisnofinalitemtobecheckedoffthelist.Each of the sections in part 2 is devoted to a different category of self-

improvement. Not all of thesemay apply to you, of course, and youmay betempted to skip ahead to an area of particular interest or importance, but Irecommend you start by reading the first chapter, “Sleep.” Whatever self-improvementobjectivesdriveyour interest in thisbook,gettingmore restwillgive a boost to your efforts and improve the quality of your life inways youcan’timagine.

CHAPTER10

Sleep

Sleepthatknitsuptheravell’dsleaveofcare,Thedeathofeachday’slife,sorelabour’sbath,Balmofhurtminds,greatnature’ssecondcourse,Chiefnourisherinlife’sfeast.

—WilliamShakespeare,Macbeth

Ifyou’relikemostpeoplelivingamodernlife,youaren’tgettingenoughsleep.Youskimponshut-eyethroughouttheweek,chideyourselftogetmorerest,yetsomehowrarelymakeitintobedintimetohaveashotatthemagiceighthours.Despite the devastating and well-documented effects of sleep deprivation—diminished strength, impaired reflexes, faultydecisionmaking, flagging spirits—almostthree-quartersofadultsintheUnitedStatesgetlessthansixhoursofsleepanight.*ForyearsItriedtoforcemyselftobedatanearlierhour,butitwasn’tuntilI

beganmakingmicroresolutionsthatIwasabletocrackmypersonalbehavioralcodeandachieveafullnight’ssleeponaregularbasis.SincemycollegedaysIhadbeena sleepcheater,burning thecandleatbothendsandcountingon theadrenaline of work and responsibility to keep me going. When my energyflaggedintheafternoon,Irebootedmyselfwithsugarysnacksalongsideothersfortifying themselveswith carbs and caffeine.Once home fromwork, Imadedinner,reviewedhomework,attendedtogeneralhouseholdneeds,andmanagedtheprotractedbedtimeroutineofmyyoungdaughter.BythetimeIhadfinishedeverything,IjustwantedtoflakeoutonthesofainfrontoftheTVwithaglassofwine.Thispitifulbacchanalusuallydidn’tgetunderwayuntilclose to ten;since I had to get up at six, everymoment I spent on that couchwas a debitagainst a good night’s sleep. Night after night I was getting to bed betweenmidnightand1:00a.m.,evenon thosenightswhenIknewIwasbeatbynineo’clock.Astheweekworeon,Ibecamemoreandmoretired.ForyearsItriedtogetmoresleepsimplybynamingthehourIshouldbein

bed, focusing on the result I wanted to achieve rather than examining thebehavioralpatternsthatstoodbetweenmeandareasonablenight’ssleep.OnceIdiscovered themicroresolution, I realized that thekey togetting tobedearlierwouldn’tbewatchingtheclockbutreformingthehabitsthat,takeninsum,keptme up later than I knew was wise. I decided to take a run at sleep themicroresolutionway:bycloselyobservingmyeveninghabitsinordertoidentifyabehavioralchangethatwouldtranslateintomoresleepmoreoften.Inthinkingthroughatypicalevening’sevents,IwasstruckbyhowoftenIfell

asleeponthelivingroomcouchforanhourormorebeforefinallygoinguptobed.WhywasitthatIcouldn’tgetmyselfupstairstobedevenafteritwasclearthat Iwas brain-dead?After paying special attention to this routine for a fewevenings,IrealizedthatonceIenteredadozystate,Icouldn’tfaceperformingthe series of bedtime rites that stood between me and hitting the pillow. Icouldn’timaginemusteringtheenergyfortoothbrushing,flossing,contact-lensmaintenance, facewashing, toning,moisturizing,medicating, pajama donning,andphonecharging,soImindlesslysnoozedonthecouchhopingtobeblownupstairs by a second wind.Worse, after finally peelingmyself off the couch,climbing the stairs, and performing my bedtime routine, I’d suddenly findmyselfwideawakefrommy“nap.”Finallyreadyforbed,Inolongerfeltsleepy.Thinkingaboutthissequenceofevents,Iresolved:

Topreparemyselfforbedimmediatelyafterputtingmydaughtertosleep

Ratherthangivingintothealmostirresistibleimpulsetochargedowntotheden as soon as I had putmydaughter into bed, instead I completely preparedmyself for sleep before diving onto the divan. Everything that I needed to dobeforeretiringIdidbeforeheadingdownstairs,fromflossingtophonecharging.ThuswhenIbegantosnoozeIcouldjustriseup,zombielike,andlumberofftobed. Already nice and dozy and without a single thing to do before slippingbetweenthesheets,Ifellasleepalmostinstantaneously.After somemonths I tunedmy resolution so that I prepared for bed at the

same time asmy daughter, which gaveme a bitmore time to relaxwithmyhusband after my daughter’s bedtime. I followed my already-ready-for-bedresolution with another resolution: to have zero tolerance for recreationalcomputeractivityafter10:00p.m,becausegivingintoasuddenimpulsetolooksomething up or finally order that special stain remover often turned into aninety-minute surfing session (and research shows that the brightness of thecomputer screen is itself revitalizing).* My two resolutions translated into at

least tenhoursmoresleepperweek,agamechanger. Ihadvainlywagged thego-to-bed-earlier fingeratmyself foryears,butonce Ibeganbuilding targetedhabitsthroughmicroresolutions,Imadesustainableprogress.Ifyoucarefullyexaminetheactionsleadinguptobedtime,you’llbeableto

designamicroresolutionthatreformsyourbehaviorinawaythatpavesthewayfor improved sleep on a regular basis.And according to the latest research, agood sleep may turn out to be the essential ingredient in achieving personalgoals.Fatigueistheenemyofself-improvement.Buckingautopilotrequiresenergy

andfocus,sostickingwithapledgetochangeisharderwhenyou’reweary.Andit’swhenyou are fatigued that you’remost vulnerable to temptation and self-indulgence. In a research paper exploringwhy discipline yields to temptation,willpower researcher Roy Baumeister notes the powerful role sleep plays inrestoringtheselfandhowfatigueerodesself-control:

The self’s resources are restored during sleep and then becomeprogressively depleted during the day, especially insofar as the daymakes demands for choices and self-control. Hence failures of self-controlarerareinthemorningandbecomeprogressivelymorelikelyasthedaywearson.Manypatternsofself-controlshowthesetemporalpatterns. Hardly anyone gets up and breaks a diet first thing in themorning, for example. Instead, it is late at night that one yields totemptation. Similar patterns are found for addictive relapse, alcoholindulgence,impulsivecrimes,regrettablesexualindiscretions,andthelike....Impulsivepurchasingbehaviorshouldbecomemoreandmorelikelyasthedaywearson,andsleep-deprivedpeopleshouldbemostvulnerabletomakingthem.*

A good night’s sleep means a stronger ego with greater powers ofconcentration and self-control, exactlywhat’s required to follow throughwithmaking a change in habitual behavior. Any self-improvement target will beeasiertoachieveifyouregularlygetagoodnight’ssleep.Newresearchshowsthatbeyondgenerallyfortifyingyourself-control,increasingsleepcangiveyouanedgeinsomeareasofself-improvement,particularlyweightcontrol.Trying to loseweightwhile cheatingon sleep is anear impossibility.Why?

Becausewhenyoustartthedaydepleted,youarelikelytocompensateforyourlackofenergywithadifferentkindoffuel,food.Ifyoufindyourselfcravingacarbohydrate-richsnackintheabsenceofhunger(i.e.,pangs),whatyou’rereallyafterisanenergyboost:You’renothungry,you’retired.

My own experiments with sleep and appetite aren’t scientific, but they’reconsistent:Themoreregularmyrest,thelessjunkfoodIcraveandtheeasieritisformetomaintainmyweight.ThecorrelationbetweenmyafternooncravingsforcarbsandrestissotightthatifIsubstituteacatnapforaCoffeeNip,Icankilloffmydesireforsugarfortherestoftheday.Ourcontinentalcousinshavetheadvantagehere,asthemiddaybreakforlunchthatmanySpaniards,French,andItaliansenjoyathomeislongenoughtoallowforanap,perhapsonereasonthattheserichcountrieshaven’texperiencedthesameobesityratesastheUnitedStates.New findings from sleep research confirm and go further thanmy personal

observations. Two recent studies compared the daily caloric intake of studyparticipantsafter8-hourand5.5-hoursleeps.Bothstudiesfoundthatfollowingthe nights of reduced sleep, participants consumed significantlymore calories(five hundred calories on average for men),* mostly in snacks andcarbohydrates.* Another study conducted at Stanford University* found thatweight and appetite are tightly correlatedwith sleeping habits. Subjects in thestudywhoregularlysleptlessthaneighthoursanighthadahigherbodymassindex(BMI)thanthosewhogenerallyslepteightormorehours.Moreover,eachhouroflostsleepcorrelatedexactlytoanincrementalriseinBMI;thosewiththehighestBMIsslepttheleast.Thestudyfoundthatsleepinglessthan7.7hoursanight caused a hormonal imbalance that led to increased appetite and reducedsatisfaction,alethalcombinationforanywould-bedieter.Ifoneofyourgoalsisweightloss,focusingamicroresolutionongettingmoresleepcouldbeaturningpointforyou.Current research findings support what most of us already know: Sleep is

highlycorrelatedwithmood.*Ifyou’reconstantlyrunningintheredwithsleep,exhaustionwillmakeyoufeel,well,exhaustedwhenitcomestograpplingwithlife.Whenyou’rewellrested,you’renaturallymoreupbeat,optimistic,can-do.Whenyou’rewornout, you’remore easily confused and simple tasksbecomeharder,chippingawayatyourconfidence.Andit’swhenwe’rebeat thatwe’remostlikelytobeirritable,snappingatachildorblowingupatacoworker.Ifoneof your goals is improving a relationship, your work performance, or self-confidence,increasingsleepinghourscangiveyoureffortsarealboost.Peoplespendafortuneonantiagingcreamsandcosmeticstofirmandrefresh

theskin;sleepdoesabetterjobofrejuvenation,andit’sfree!Theoldnotionof“beauty sleep” was validated in a 2010 study conducted in Sweden,* whereindependent raters assessed photographs of people before and after sleepdeprivation. Researchers found that people deprived of sleep appeared “lesshealthy, less attractive, and more tired compared with when they are well

rested.” If one of your goals is to improve your appearance through exercise,dieting,orbettergrooming,notonlywillloggingsomeextraZZZshelpyoubystrengtheningyourconcentrationandself-control,butalsoyou’llimmediatelybebetterlooking!ThreestudiesconductedbytheStanfordSleepDisordersClinicandResearch

Laboratory at Stanford University found that getting more sleep significantlyimproved athletic performance. When Stanford’s swimming, basketball, andwomen’stennisteamsincreasedtheirsleeptotenhoursanightforsixorsevenweeks, they showed marked and measurable improvement in performance:swimmingfaster,*sinkingmorebaskets,*hittingandservingmoreaccurately.*Allthreestudiesreportedthattheathletesenjoyedelevatedmood,greatervigor,and lower levels of fatigue after extending their sleeping hours. The researchpromptedMarkRemyofRunner’sWorld tocomment thatperhapscompetitorsshouldconsiderengagingin“sleep-loading”beforearacetoachieveanedge.*Iffitnessisoneofyourgoals,startingwithamicroresolutionthathelpsyougettobedearliercouldimproveyourperformanceandgiveyoutheenergyyouneedtostickwithaprogram.If only people understood the magical and irreplaceable value of sleep,

pledgestogetmoreofitwouldheadlinethe“toptenresolutions”listseachyear.Sleep is fuel—fuel for your brain, body, and spirit—andmicroresolutions canhelpyougetmoreofit.

WinningtheBattleforMoreSleepThroughMicroresolutions

In order to craft amicroresolution that helps get you to bed earlier, begin byaskingyourselfwhatitisthatkeepsyoufromthesheep.Whenyoufeelyourselffadingout,whydon’tyougotobed?Itmightbeextrawork,aspecialoccasion,or abignightout.Butmostof the timeweputoff bedtime inorder towringmore leisure hours from an ordinary day. Between work and otherresponsibilities, going to bed early puts a damper on the already preciouscommodityknownastimeoff.Wedon’tfeellikeheadingstraighttobedassoonasourworkandhouseholdchoresaredone,asinthedaysofoldwhenlackofheatandlightdrovepeopleunderthecoversassoonasitgrewdark.Atlast,weexult, finishingour finalchore, it’s time to relaxandhave fun!Westretchourwakinghourstothemaxinordertoenjoygreaterleisure.Butthere’snothingfunaboutbeing tiredall the time—it’sstressful,not relaxing.Andwhateverbonus

leisuretimewegainbycheatingonsleepallweekgetswipedoutbylyinginbeduntilnoononSaturday.Manyofusoperateathalfthrottletheentireweekendaswestruggle tocatchup, just in time tobeginalloveragainonMondaynight.But if you manage to regularize your sleep through microresolutions, yourenergy andmoodwill burn steady every day andyourweekendhourswill bemoreenjoyableandproductive.

CookieMonstersFallingasleeponthecouchisonecuethatyoushouldpackitin;anotherisalate-nightimpulsetoraidthecookiejar.AlthoughNeilhadtogetupbefore7:00a.m.,heoftenstayeduppastmidnight,usuallywatchingtelevisionorspendingtimeontheInternet.Everynightaroundteno’clock,hewouldgetacravingforatreatandgoinsearchofasweetsnack.Hefoundthedesireforsomethingsugaryatthathouroverwhelmingeventhoughhehadeatendinneronlyacoupleofhoursearlier,wasstillfull,andneededtolosetwentypounds.Observinghislate-nightroutinecloselywiththeaimofidentifyingabehaviorhemighttargettogettobedearlier,Neilrealizedthatthelate-nightsnackwasn’tsimplyaritualtreatcausinghimtogainweight,butastratagemforstavingoffdrowsiness.Asmuchasheenjoyedhisleisureactivitiesatnight,realizingthathislate-nighteatingwasresultinginbothweightgainandlostsleepcausedNeiltorethinkthevalueheplacedonrecreationalTVandcomputertime.Neilmadeamicroresolutionnottosnacktostayawake.Theframingwasvery

canny;itdidn’tdictateabedtimeorprohibitsnackingtoaddresstruehunger,itjustprohibitedusingfoodasacrutchtostayawake.Adesireforsweets intheabsenceofhungerpangsmeantnosnack;ifhewastootiredtostayupwithoutastimulant, hewent to bed.Neil began turning in earlier and over a couple ofmonths dropped several pounds by skipping the fridge raid in the final hourbeforebed.“Iwasamazed,”hesays,“athowsoonafterIbegancravingasweetsnack I ended up going to bed. I never realized how tired I reallywas until Istoppedeatinglateatnight.”Such “pick-me-ups” are exactly what you should avoidwhen you begin to

fadeoutintheevening.InastudyconductedatNorthwesternUniversityonhowthe timing of meals influences weight gain, researchers found that mice fedidenticaldietsatdifferenttimeshadstrikinglydifferentweightoutcomes.Micewhoateduringtheirnaturalsleepinghoursgained28percentmoreweightthancontrolmiceeatingduringwakinghours.*Whenyoueatabowloficecreamat10:30 p.m., you’re eating during your natural sleeping hours—is the last halfhourofAmericanIdolreallyworthit?

GettingItAllInOnewaytoincreaseleisurehourswithoutskimpingonsleepistogeteveningroutinesstartedorfinishedupmorequickly.Dependingonhowmuchflexibilityyouhave,youmightwellbeabletocompletesomeroutines(suchasdinner)sixtyminutessooner,givingyoumoretimetospendonkickingbackoraccomplishingtasksbeforebed.Jacquelinegotherkidstomakeamicroresolutiontounloadthedishwasherbeforeshecamehomefromwork,makingcleaningupfromdinnerfaster;Betsymovedhergymsessionsfromafterworktoherlunchhour;Jeffshortenedhisregularweekdaydinnersbymakingaresolutiontodrophisusualroundofcoffeeanddessert,whichalsohelpedwithhisweight-lossgoals.Again,yourresolutionsforcreatingmoreleisuretimewillbepersonaltoyourhabitsandcircumstances.Ifyoumakedinnerintheevening,you’llcreateresolutionsthatareentirelydifferentfromthoseofsomeonewhoregularlygoestothegymintheeveningandgrabsdinneronthewayhome.Butifyoucanfocusaresolutiononorganizinganactivitysothatitusesuplesseveningtime,you’llhaveabetterchanceofhittingthehayatanearlierhour.

Prime-TimeSleepThehypnoticandcalmingeffectoftelevisionoftenkeepsusuppastbedtime,chippingawayatpreciousshut-eye.Weintendtopackitinattheendofourshow,butonceit’sover,wedecidetowatchafewminutesofthenextprogram—intendingjusttoseethemonologueofalate-nighttalkshowortheleadstoryonthelatenews.LuredintothenextTVcycle,wesettleintotheshowwithouteverreallymakingaconsciousdecisiontotradeentertainmentforsleep.Televisionnetworksareexpertatkeepingviewersintheirseatswithprogramteasersandshowsthatopenwithabang.Thenetworkcuesyoutokeepwatching,justasthelinksonaWebpagecueyoutokeepsurfing.Deborahoftenwenttobedatmidnight,eventhoughshehadtogetupat6:30

onweekdaymorningsandhertargetbedtimewas10:30p.m.Astheweekworeon,shebecamemoreandmoretired,andsheoftensleptuntilelevenonSaturdaymorning.Tiredofshowingupforworkexhaustednearlyeveryday,shebeganthinking through the underlying causes of her going to bed later than sheintended. Noting that television was usually what kept her from her bed’sembrace, she considered how she might take more control of her television-viewing habits in order to get more sleep during the week. Deborah made amicroresolutiontowatchonlyprerecorded televisiononweeknights.Recordingshowsallowedhertoviewalate-nightprogramatamorereasonablehourandtowatchlongprogramsovertwonightsratherthanstayinguplateonairingnighttoseetheend.Evenashowwithanearlybroadcasthourwasbetterprerecorded,Deborahdiscovered,asitallowedhertofast-forwardthroughtheads,savingat

leasttwentyminutesperhouroftelevision.Becausehermicroresolutionforcedher to deliberately choose and record her weekday shows in advance, she nolongerfellpreytonetworkcome-onstocontinuewatchingpastherbedtime.Recording programs takes the “event” excitement out of a TV show (it’s

starting! it’s on!), so Deborah had to get used to thinking in terms of anentertainment bank to draw on rather than a schedule (tonight’s a really goodnight!). But once she took control of her evening schedule back from theTVGuide,shefoundherselfgettingtobed,onaverage,anhourearlier.Byrecordingallhershows,shedisruptedthereal-timecuesthatkeptherwatchingmoreandsleepingless.Swappingprime-timetelevisionforprime-timesleepprovedtobeawinning

trade.Deborah says she ismore productive atwork, is happier, and hasmoreleisureweekendhourssinceshenolongerneedstocatchuponsleepSaturdaymorning.

MorningGloryGoingtobedearlierisonewaytoupyourshut-eye;theotheroptionissleepinglongeronthemorningend.Ifyoudeveloppreproutinesforthenightbefore,youcangetuplaterandstillmaketheearlybus.Take the tried-and-true strategy of preparingwork clothes the night before.

Layingouteveryitemyou’llbewearingtomorrowwillallowyoutospendmoretimeinbed in themorning,andyoumayevensleepmorepeacefullyknowingthatallyouhavetodowhenyouwakeupisshowerandstepintoyourclothes.Eliminatingsartorialfumblinginthemorningspeedsthingsalongandtakesthestressoutofgettingready.Whydosomanyofusresistadoptingthishabitwhenitissostraightforwardandprovidessuchanobviousbenefit?Well,becauseyouhavetogiveitsomepreciouseveningtime,it’sboring,youdon’twanttothinkaboutpreparingforthenextdayonceyoustarttorelaxathome,andyouhaven’tbuiltatechniquetomaketheexerciseofthisbehaviormindlessandquick.Butonceyou find the right slot for this activity (perhapswhenyou changeout ofyour work clothes) and drill it faithfully, it will begin to work its way intoautopilot.Yourfirstmicroresolutiondoesn’thavetonailpreparingthewholeoutfit;its

action could be focused solely on selecting a shirt and tie or finding run-freestockings and a matching pair of shoes. The greater speed and ease youexperience in dressingdue to the elements youhavepreparedwill affect yourmindsetandovertimelikelyleadtoyourresolutiontoorganizetheentireoutfitthenightbefore.It’s worth repeating that you’ll very likely experience internal resistance to

performing a new behavior pattern. Practicing old routines is comforting, andbuilding new routines is stressful because the new behavior requiresconcentrationandwillpowerandanoldbehaviordoesn’t.That’swhyevenwhentheactionofyourresolutioniseasyitcanstillfeellikeaheavylift.Whatdiscretionaryactivitieskeepyouuptoolatetogetagoodnight’ssleep?

Reading justonemorechapter? Internetbrowsing?Television?Phone, text,orchat sessions?Suddenly rememberingwork, homework, or tasks thatmust becompletedbymorning?Scrutinizeyoureveningandmorning routinesand seewhatyoumightresolve todo thatwill tip thebalance in thedirectionofmoresleep.Sleepissoundervaluedinourworkaholiccultureit’slikeasecretweaponfor

thosewhoappreciatetheadvantagesitoffers.Inwritingthisbook,Iwasoftenstruckbymyerraticproductivity.Somedayswouldpasswithsolittleprogressthat I would lose confidence in my ability to finish on time or realize myambitions for the book.On other days Iwould be hugely productive and feelupbeataboutthebook’sprospects.Soonapatternbecameclear:Thereallygooddaysnearlyalwaysfollowedalongernight’ssleep.SoIaddedamicroresolutionmessage to themixof sleep resolutions Ihadalreadymade.When tempted tostayuptocompleteatask,watchashow,finishreadinganovel,orevenworkonthebook,Iwouldremindmyself,I’mmoresuccessfulwhenIgetmoresleep.Sleepisthesecretsauceofwakinghours,ofliving.Yourwholequalityoflife

willimproveifyougetmoreofit.Lifeissomethingtorestupfor.

CHAPTER11

Fitness

Lackofactivitydestroysthegoodconditionofeveryhumanbeing.—Plato

Pledges to hit the gym are right up at the top of the most popular annualresolution lists, representing the collective desire to get and stay fit. I won’tbothertorecountatlengthwhyourlives,evenfiftyyearsago,weremoreactivethan they are today. I’m sure you can check the boxes—fewer conveniences,more active jobs,morewalking and cycling, physically demanding chores. Inmany parts of theworld, physical exertion in the service of survival is still adawn-to-duskaffair.Forsomeoneworkingsixteenhoursinthefields,thenotionofheadingtothegymafterworkmustseembizarreindeed.Butinthedevelopedworld,fitnesshasmostlybecomefit-in-ness,tryingtocraminabitofexercisetohelpcompensateforalltheinactivehoursintheday.Recent studies expose the damage done to health by our sedentary culture.

Sittingatadeskbydayandonacouchbynightdoesn’tjustcontributetoweightgain;sittingis,literally,akiller.It’snotjustthatsittingcausesourmetabolicratetoplummet toasinglecalorieaminute,helpingus topileonthepounds;newresearchshowsthatourlifespanisshortenedindirectproportiontotheamountoftimewesiteachday.Ina2011articleentitled“IsSittingaLethalActivity?”theNewYorkTimesreportedthedangerousconsequencesofsittingtoomuch:

AlpaPatel,anepidemiologistattheAmericanCancerSociety,trackedthehealthof123,000Americansbetween1992and2006.Themeninthe studywho spent six hours ormore per day of their leisure timesittinghadanoveralldeathratethatwasabout20percenthigherthanthemenwhosatforthreehoursorless.Thedeathrateforwomenwhosat formore thansixhoursadaywasabout40percenthigher.Patelestimatesthatonaverage,peoplewhosittoomuchshaveafewyearsoffoftheirlives.

Anotherstudy,publishedlastyearinthejournalCirculation,lookedatnearly9,000Australiansandfoundthatforeachadditionalhouroftelevisionapersonsatandwatchedperday,theriskofdyingroseby11percent.*

In the sameTimes article,Dr. James Levine of theMayoClinic likened anhourlongworkoutafteradayofsittingtoasmokertryingtoundotheday’slungdamage throughanhourof jogging.“Excessivesitting,”saidDr.Levine,“isalethalactivity.”ButtheTimesarticlealsocontainedsomegoodnews:Itdoesn’ttakealotof

activity to lower the health risks caused by inactivity. In a research studyinvestigating why some people gain more than others on the same caloricallowance,Dr.Levineandhis teamfound thatsmallamountsofactivitymadethedifference.Thosewhogotupoutoftheirseatseverytwentyminutestowalkaround for twominutes were able tomaintain steady blood-sugar and insulinlevels, critical to weight loss and preventing illnesses such as diabetes, heartdisease,and,accordingtosomenewresearch,cancer.Anotherstudy,attheUniversityofMinnesota,demonstratedthatpeoplewho

standinsteadofsitwhiletheyworkburnhundredsmorecaloriesperday.*DonCallahan,whom I knew as the chief administrative officer atMorgan StanleybeforehismovetoCitibank,wasthefirstpersonIknewtouseastandingdeskin his office to break up the hours of sitting while working. Now there areseveralcompaniesworkingtoredesignofficefurnituresothatworkerscanstandorexerciseastheywork.Whatthesestudiessuggestisthatsmallchangesinbehavioratthemargincan

result in significanthealthand fitnessgains.Sooftenour resolutions toget fitbeginwithambitiouspledgestovisit thegymseveral timesaweekandendinreversion to complete inactivity a few weeks later. These all-or-nothingpropositionsdemonstratethatwesuffernotjustfromsedentarinessbutalsofromacompletelackofimaginationwhenitcomestobuildingfitnessintoourlives.Wecompartmentalizephysicalactivity,thinkingofitassomethingthathappens“afterwork,” “at the gym,” or “on the tennis court,” rather than developing afitnessmentalitythatinstinctivelykeepsusmovingandmaximizesphysicallifeateveryopportunity.Ifyou’vebeenmeaning tostartanambitiousfitness routinebut justhaven’t

beenabletofollowthrough,whynotbeginwithamicroresolutionthatbreaksupthehoursofsittingyoudoeachday,suchasgettingupoutofyourseatatworkeveryhalfhourandgoingtogetadrinkfromthewatercooler(movementwithahydration benefit). How about a resolution to stand one or two days a week

duringyourbusortraincommute,evenwhenthereisaseatavailable?PerhapsamicroresolutiontobreakuplonghoursofTVwatchingbydoingjumpingjacksor going up and down a flight of stairs during the commercials?What aboutcarryinggroceriesinsteadofhavingthemdeliveredorplayingcatchorWiiwithyourkidfortenminutesaday(morefitness,morebonding)?Any change you make that keeps you off your keister will deliver health

benefits and help transform a sedentary mindset into an active one. Smallchanges in activitywill up yourmetabolism, contribute to steadyblood sugar,andhelpmitigate the ill effectsof a sedentary job.Such resolutionsareworthmakingevenifyoualreadyhaveasolidfitnessroutine,suchasregularlygoingto the gym or riding your bike to work. The more you can interrupt longstretchesofsittingtokeepyourbodyactive,thebetteroffyou’llbeintermsofoverall fitness, alertness, health, andweight. The point is that any increase inactivity has a positive fitness impact. And as the following microresolutionexamples show, building new physical activity into your day can be easy andrewarding.

StairMasterMarissahadalwaysbeenactiveincollege,walkingtocampus,climbingstairs,andplayingsports.Butalthoughsheremainedreasonablyfit,shehadlittleopportunitytomovearoundattheoffice,wherethedemandsofworkkeptherinhercubemostoftheday.Marissaworkedinanofficebuildingwithsixteenfloors,andherfirstfitnessmicroresolutionwastotakethestairstomeetingsandthecafeteriainherbuilding.Herofficewasonthefourteenthfloor,tenfloorsabovethecafeteria,soataminimum(hittingthecafeteriaonce)sheclimbedtwentyflightsofstairsdaily.AtfirstMarissahadtostopandrestseveraltimesonthewaybackupthetwentyflightstoheroffice,butafteraweekorso,shefoundshewasabletochargerightup.Shelostfourpoundsandsomeinchesandgainedinoverallstamina,allfromasinglechangeinofficehabit.(It’simportanttopointoutthatMarissawasfitenoughthatthisresolutionqualifiedaseasy;ifyou’reveryoutofshape,youmightstartwithtwoflightsofstairsineachdirection.)Anoverweightpersonwhomakesnootherchangestohisdietandfitnessroutinecanloseovertenpoundsinayearbyclimbingtwoflightsofstairsaday.AccordingtoresearchersattheUniversityofPennsylvaniaSchoolofMedicine,*climbingstairsburnsfarmorecaloriesperminutethantennis,swimming,racquetball,cycling,swimming,running,orwalking.Regularstairclimbingcanhaveaprofoundeffectonfitnesslevelandcardiovascularhealth.Ifyourworkplaceorhomehasstairs,considerleveragingthisresourceinyournextfitnessresolution.

FromFattoFitinFourMinutesAfteryearsofinactivity,Hannahmadeamicroresolutiontojoginplaceforfourminuteseverymorningbeforebreakfast.Atfirstthefourminutesseemedmorelikefifteen,andshewastiredlongbeforethetimerwentoff.Butbecauseherresolutionwaslimitedandreasonable,shestuckwithitratherthanfacethatshewasunabletoexerciseforevenfourminutesaday.Afterafewweeksofthenewroutinethefour-minutejogwasmoreboringthantiring,soHannahtookherjogoutside,makingacircuitofafewblocks.Afterseveralmonthsthefour-minutejoghadonmostdaysturnedintoathirty-minuteruntoanearbybeach.Itwassolovelytofindherselfatthebeachearlyinthemorningthatshebeganaddingaquickoceandipevenincoldweather(thebeachwaspopulatedwithRussianimmigrantswhoswimallthroughwinter,andHannahisverycompetitive).Shewentontolosenearlyfortypounds,andherfirstresolutionhadbeensimplytoruninplaceforfourminuteseveryday.Workthemargin.

Tennis,Anyone?

If you’vebeenvery active in thepast andhavebeenmeaning tobegin a newfitness routine, you might have a harder time limiting your resolution to thestrictlyreasonable.Rememberingtheglorydaysofrunningformiles,swimmingscores of laps, or pumping big iron can make a modest resolution seem likeconcedingdefeat,butthat’sthewrongmindset.Whateveryoumanagetobuildintoyourroutinenowenhancesbothyourhealthandyourchancesofreachingmoreambitiousfitnessobjectivesinthefuture.Orinhadanextremelyactiveyouth,playingcompetitivebaseballandtennis,

but he became an academic, lost the habit of regular exercise, and fell out ofshape.Yearafteryear,hisNewYear’sresolutionwastoreturntotennisandplayseveraltimesaweek,buthewasneverabletosustainhisresolutionbeyondthefirst fewsessions.His rustyskills,ashoulder injury, thedifficultyof findingaregularpartner,andthehassleofbookingcourtsfrustratedhisattemptstoreturnto regular play, yet he stayed fixed on tennis as his ideal fitness routine. Butwhenhisyoung family adoptedadog,Orinbegan takingher for a shortwalkeveryeveningandimmediatelybegantofeelbetterphysically.Buildingonhisnewhabit,Orinmade amicroresolution to take a longer dogwalkonFridaysafterwork.Thewalkwassubstantial,acoupleofmilesonatrailnearhishome,takingaboutanhourtocomplete.Hewasoftentemptedtobagthewalkinfavorofworking longerorgoing foradrinkwitha friendat theweek’send,buthekeptfaithwithhis“noexcuses”resolution.

Orin was surprised by the benefits the longer weekly walk generated.Following thewalk, he snacked less, slept better, awoke fresher, and over thefirsteightweeks lost fourpounds.Most surprising,he found that theenforcedsolitude and break from the computer screen allowed him to think throughdifficult portions of his writing, and he returned to work with greatermotivation.* Dogs, those super creatures of habit, are born cues for walkingresolutions—assoonasOrincamehomeonFriday,thedogwouldleapaboutinanticipationoftheirspecialexcursion.Thedog’sjoyfulphysicalitywascatching,and over timeOrin found himselfmaking the longwalk two ormore times aweek,althoughhissolecommitmentremainedtheFridaywalk.

SuccessIsShowingUpDespitemaintainingagymmembershipforseveralyears,Lindsay’sannualresolutiontogetfitwasusuallykaputbymid-February.Eachyearshewasdeterminedtosucceed,buteveryyearherwillpowercollapsedafterafewweeksofstrugglingtocompletehertrainingcircuitorfollowthroughwithaclass.Lindsaywouldanticipatehergymsessionalldayatworkandthenatthelastminutefindareasontoavoidhercommitment.But after having some success with microresolutions in other areas, she

decidedtotakeadifferentapproachtothegym.Ratherthanpledgingtogoeachnight afterwork as she had in the past,Lindsay resolved togo to thegymonMondaynightsandrowforfifteenminutes.Inreducingherexercisecommitmentby such a large degree, she shifted the entire focus of her resolution fromperforming an hour of grueling exercise to simply getting to the gym andchanging up. Showing up, Lindsay discovered, was the entire psychologicalbattle.ByabsolutelyestablishingherMonday-nightgymhabit,shelearnedfrompracticalexperiencehowtobestadvanceherfitnessgoals.Lindsayswitchedtoagym near her apartment instead of one near work, so that she could avoidshoweringandchangingbackintoherworkclothesbeforeheadinghome,savingherselfatleasthalfanhourofeveningtime.Whenshenextaddedtoherroutine,sheaddedamorningsessiononadaywhenshedidn’tneedtogettoworkuntilnineo’clock, and she later addeda sessionbeforebrunchonSaturday, so thatshe had only one late night a week. Lindsay established different exerciseroutines for different sessions, alternating among rowing, biking, and theellipticalclimbersothatshedidn’tgetbored.Aftersomanyfailedattempts tobuildagymhabit,withinayearofherfirstmicroresolutionLindsaywasfitandrelishinglifeasagymrat.

HowIFoundMyWayBacktoFitnessThroughMicroresolutions

DuringmytwentiesIalwaysexercised.Therewasmygofortheburnvideoera;theperiodduringwhichIrantwicearoundthereservoirinNewYork’sCentralParkeachday,until I injuredmyfoot;myswim-a-mile-a-dayperiod;and thentheeraofworkingaNautiluscircuitwhilelisteningtoaWalkman(backintheday!).OnceIwenttoworkonWallStreet,Iletmygymmembershiplapse,butbythenIhadadogwhogotmeupandmovingearlyonanhourlongwalkinallweather before I left for the office. I worked upward of eighty hours a weekprogramming,sittinghourafterhour,andgettinguponlytomovearoundduringcompile time(usually tovisit theM&M’smachineonacolleague’sdesk).Myambitiontoexcelatworkoutpacedmyambitiontobefit,Ifelloutofshape,andmyweightclimbed.Mydoggotoldandthetwo-milewalkbecametwoblocks,andthenmydogdied.Allmyeffortstogetbacktothegymwerefailures,eventhoughtherewasafreegymatwork.Iwouldblocktimeoffinmycalendarforaworkoutandinsteadjustobsessivelykeepcoding.Finally,inmymicroresolutionera,Itookaction.Iresolvedtoseeapersonal

traineronceaweekintheofficegym.Whenthetrainertestedmyfitnesslevel,Icoulddoonlyelevensit-ups.ThefirstfewsessionswerehumiliatingandleftmewithsuchsoremusclesthatIcouldbarelylowermyselfintoachair.ButIstuckwithmy limited and reasonable resolution, and Imade steady progress.Afterestablishingmyweeklytrainingsessionasahabit,Iaddedanadditionaldayatthegymandadayofwalkingtowork.Formostofmyexercisinglife,buffhadbeenmygoalandhealthanincidental

benefit. When I began exercising again with a trainer, I had my eye on aclosetfulofclothesIcouldn’tfitinto.Butastrangethinghappenedonthewayto skinny jeans—I discovered the pleasures of strength. That summer Ivacationed with my parents and served as their stevedore, heaving theiroverpacked luggagepieces into airplaneoverheads,onandoff trains, and intocar trunks.Unlike the summerbefore,whenmyneck and shoulderswere stillsoredays after arrival, after ayearof limitedworkouts I sufferednot a singleache.Forthefirst timeIfeltmoreexcitedaboutbeingstrongthanaboutbeingslim.Strength,flexibility,andposturebecamemygoals,andbecomingtrimmersimplyabonus.ThesedaysIwalkeveryweekdayfor fortyminutesandgo toPilates three times a week, and it all started with that half hour of personaltrainingIresolvedtohonoreveryweek.Overreaching on fitness pledges is endemic in classic resolution-think.

Inactive all year,we abruptlypledge togo to thegymeverynight afterwork,

trying to blow away our inertia and dispel our self-disgust with a singleunrealisticpromise.Weimagineourselvesbecomingtrimandfit,butourfantasydoesn’tincludeschleppingtothegymafteratiringday,totingandwashinggymclothes, suiting up, struggling with simple exercise routines, the tedium ofshowering and blow-drying when we long to be on our way, or theunpleasantness of changing back into tiredwork clothes for the late commutehome. If you struggle tomake it to the gym at all, whywould you suddenlypledge toyourself tomake it to thegymfive (or threeor two)nightsaweek?Wouldyoumakesuchapromisetoafriend?Wouldyoucallupaclosepalandsay,“Hey,I’llmeetyoueverynightat thegymtoworkout.It’llbegreat!No,no,I’mabsolutelysureIcanmakeit;cancelallyourplans!”Youwouldn’tmakesuch an ill-considered promise, because we generally don’t treat a friend’saspirationsandcommitmentascavalierlyaswetreatourown.SmallMove,BigChangeisaboutlearningtohonorthepromisesyoumakeyourselfasfaithfullyasyouhonortheimportantpromisesyoumaketoothers,andthatmeansmakingonly pledges you know you can keep and giving them your full commitmentuntiltheysucceed.Wherever you are in your fitness goals, whether you’re adding to an

establishedprogramor just trying togetstarted, themost important thing is toadvance fromwhere you are bymaking a realistic resolution you can followthroughwithandbuild fromthere.And ifyouaren’tgettingenoughrest, startwith a resolution that helps you getmore sleep, because it’s hard to honor anexercisecommitment(evenareasonableone)whenyou’reexhausted.

CHAPTER12

DietandNutrition

TwoelderlywomenareataCatskillmountainresort,andoneof’emsays,“Boy,thefoodatthisplaceisreallyterrible.”Theotheronesays,“Yeah,Iknow;andsuchsmallportions!”

—WoodyAlleninAnnieHall

Losing weight tops the list of New Year’s resolutions every year, the mostmade,themostbroken,themostlikelytoberepeatedwhenthenextyearrollsaround. Yet diets work; if you reduce the number of calories you consume,you’llloseweight;it’ssimplechemistry.Sowhydomostdietresolutionsfail?Eatingisacomplexsetofbehaviorsandattitudesthatrunsmostlyon(drum

roll) autopilot. Our eating habits are largely unconscious, whether we aremindlesslynibblingoffafriend’splateorpoppingpeanutsatabar.Incontrasttothe unconscious autopilot behaviors that drive our everyday eating, dietingrequires that we be conscious of everymorsel, weigh every food option, andmake endless choices. Making decisions at every meal exhausts our self-control,*makingitdifficulttostickwithmostdietsbeyondthefirstfewweeks.Additionally, our narrow concentration on how much we eat, measured incalories or carbohydrates, ignores other autopilot behaviors that determinesatisfactionand success:howweeat,whywe eat,wherewe eat,whatwe eat,whenweeat,andhowlongwesleep.One reason that prepackaged diets, liquidmeals, cleanses, and other highly

prescriptivedietshavegainedinpopularityisbecausesuchdietsbecomeanewkind of autopilot. We don’t need to think and decide; we just mindlesslyconsumewhat’sinthepackageandourweightdeclines.Yetsoonerorlaterwemust return to eating in the realworld,making daily decisions at the grocerystore,cocktailparty,moviesnackbar,andcafeteria.It’sthenthatouroldeatinghabitsreassertthemselves,methodicallyundoingtheprogresswehavemade.Everymarginalchangeinbehavioryoumakemustbesustainable.Losingtwo

poundsisasuccessifyoukeepitoffforlife;losingfifteenpoundsisafailureif

yougainitbackinayear.Anyshiftinbehavioryouresolvetomakeisoneyoumustbeabletomaintain:Don’tmakeresolutionsyoucan’tkeep.Losing weight permanently means eating less for life. The only way to

succeed at eating less for life is to be satisfied with less. Each of our eatingbehaviors–—not just what and how much we eat—plays a critical role insatisfactionandincurbingtheimpulsetoovereat.Reducingthemicroresolutionsway doesn’t require endless decisions, an abacus, or an app; the focus is onmakingdiscreteandpermanentbehavioralchangesthatreformautopilotsothatitcanmaintainahealthyweightwithoutmentaleffort.After years of failed diets, I’ve finally achieved satisfied with less through

microresolutions.I’vereachedakindofnirvanawhereIenjoyeverythingIeatmore,feelsatisfied,andcanmaintainmyweightatalevelthatpleasesme,abouttwenty-twopoundslessthanbeforeIbeganmodifyingmyeatinghabitsthroughmicroresolutions.Beforeachievingsatisfiedwith less, I treatedmyself toextrasnacksandsecondportionsbutoftenfeltunsatisfied.Iwouldeatforenergyandendupfeelingsluggish.Iwouldswearoffsweetsandendupbingeingonthem.By targeting specificbehaviorsandattitudes for reform, I increasedmyeatingsatisfaction, upped my energy, consumed fewer calories, lost weight, andimprovedmyhealth.Thethreesectionsthatfollow(“TheEngine,”“MindfulEating,”and“Less”)

provide a framework for identifying a personal behavioral change at the vitalmarginthatwilladvanceagoalofeatingmorehealthfully,withgreaterpleasure,while losing weight. You may be so used to adopting drastic tactics to loseweight that isolating one or two behavioral targets for reform takes somethought. The discussions below will help you sharpen your personalobservationsandzero inonamicroresolution thatwillhavean immediateandlastingimpact.Butremember:onlytworesolutionsatatime.

TheEngine

Yourbodyisanenginethatcombustsnutrientsandturnsthemintoenergy.Anefficientandvigorousengineisessentialtoeatingsatisfactionandmaintenanceofahealthyweight.Whenyourengineisrunningatpeak,itdemandsnutrient-richfood,signalshungeratmealtimes,anddoesn’tcraveexcessivesweets,fats,andsalts.Anenginerunningatpeakkeepsupastableburnthatprovidesenergythroughouttheday,steadiesmood,andcontributestoagoodsleep.Incontrast,a

bodyenginerunningsuboptimallyisalwayswanting,literally.Itrunserratically,demanding fuel between meals, is prone to slumps and mood swings, andgenerates cravings and urges to binge. If your diet is poor, your sleep isinadequate,andyousitallday,yourenginewon’tgetmanymilestothegallon.Rather than rushing to loseweight, first considermicroresolutionsdesigned togetyourenginehumming.

Sleep

As discussed at length in chapter 10, “Sleep,” your engine can’t run at peakwithoutadequaterest.Followinganightofpoorsleep,yourmetabolismwillrunsluggishly,youmaybeplaguedbycravingsandhungerpangs,andyou’llenduprelyingoncarbohydrate-richsnacks to restoreyourenergywhen the inevitableslumparrives.Replacinglostsleepwithfoodisasucker’strade.Whileadequatesleepwill

sustainyoutheentireday,whateversugarysnackyousubstituteforitwillgiveyouonlya shortburstofenergy, leadingyou to refuelmultiple timesbetweenmeals.Whenyoueatbecauseyou’retiredratherthanhungry,you’reusingfoodasastimulant,adrug.Thatdraggyfeelingyouexperiencemidafternoonisbettercuredbymoresleep,notmoredessert.WhenIfirstvisitedGoogleinconnectionwithbuildingtheauctionsystemfor

thecompany’sinnovativeIPO,IwasstruckbytheniftyloungeareasGooglehadsetupfor itsemployees.Thefreesnackbarswerestockedmostlywithsugarytreats—cookies and candies—and a few healthier options. When I visited acoupleofyearslaterinconnectionwithbuildingatransferable-employee-stock-optionexchangeforGooglers,mostofthesweettreatshadbeenbanishedandintheirplacewasahostofhealthyanddelicioussnackoptions.Butsomethingnewhadalsobeenaddedtothemix—nappingpodswheretiredprogrammerscouldcrash for an hour during the day. While no official connection was madebetween the snack-bar changes and the napping pods, perhaps there was animplicitmessage—sleepisabetterfuelthansugar. (Ihavetogiveashout-outheretotheGooglecafeteria,knownbythosewhoareluckyenoughtoworkorvisitthereasthebestrestaurantintown.Wonderfulchefswhipuphealthyglobalcuisine,oftenseasonedwithherbsgrownontheGooglecampus.Wheneverwecould,my teamscheduledourmeetingswithGoogleclose tonoonso thatoursessionscouldendwithavisittothecafeteria.Myfavoritestation:“Namaste.”)How often do you get up to eat something while watching television late atnight?Whynotjustgotosleepinstead?It’smadnesstosnackatnightinorderto

stayawakeunlessforcedtobyaworkloadthatcan’tbemanagedanyotherway.Late-nightsnackinginterruptsthedigestionthatbeganafterdinner,givingyourbody a new load to process just before sleep.New research demonstrates thateatinglateatnightismorelikelytocauseweightgainthaneatingearlierintheday. Ifyouhave thehabitofsnackingbetweendinnerandbedtime,youmightwant to focus your first diet microresolution on limiting or eliminating thisbehavior. See chapter 10 for a complete discussion of recent research, sleep’sbenefits, its relationship to weight, and some examples of microresolutionsaimedateliminatingchronicsleepdeprivation.

StokingtheEngineOscarWildefamouslywrotethatacynic“knowsthepriceofeverythingandthevalueofnothing,”anditmightbesaidthattheinveteratedieterknowsthecaloriecountofeverythingandthenutritionalvalueofnothing.Yearsofmeasuringfoodsincalories—wherebyacoupleofminicandybarsareequaltoanapple—hasledmanytoeatpoorlyinpursuitofeatingless.Whateveryourweight-lossgoals,theywillbemoreachievableifyoufeedyourselfnutrient-richfood:lotsofwholefruitsandvegetables;legumesandgrains;leanprotein;adequatedairyforgenderandage.Thinkofthesefoodsasanutritionalbaseline.Weallhavefavoritefoodsthataren’tofthehighestnutrientvalue,buttheseshouldbeeatenontop—notinplace—ofbaselinefoods.Youdon’tneedadegreeinnutritiontoknowthatthereisnosanehealthscalewherecandyistheequaloffruit.If your diet is poor, consider starting with microresolutions that focus on

nutrition first, perhaps before you try to reduce what you’re eating. If you’reeatingacrappydietandyoudecidejusttoeatlessofit,you’llbesettingyourselfupforfailure,sincethefoodyoueatmakesyoupronetocravings,slumps,andbinges. For example, if your diet is high in processed foods (pretzels, chips,baked goods, and the like) and low in whole foods (fruits, vegetables, wholegrains),consideramicroresolutiontoaddsomewholefoodstoyourdietdaily.Amicroresolution to eat two whole fruits a day will immediately improve yournutritionprofileandgiveyourengineaboost.Ifyourbreakfast isanutritionalbust (Pop-Tarts, Danish, commercial cereals, bagels, muffins, white toast), amicroresolutiontoconsumewhole-graincerealforbreakfastwouldbearadicaland positive nutritional change that could give you greater energy, alertness,health. If your dinner is meat heavy and vegetable light, doubling or triplingyourgreenand rootvegetableswouldbe ahugehealthbonus.Sooneror lateryou’ll need to reduce what you eat overall to lose weight, but getting yourenginefiredupandlearningtoappreciatewholefoodsalongsidetheotherfoods

youloveisagreatplacetostart.Giveyourbodyenginehigh-octanefood,realmeals,andgetithummingbeforeyoutrytocutback.Reformingbreakfastisthemostpowerfulwaytogetyourenginestokedandtobegintofeelthedifferencebetweenbeingfedandbeingnourished.

FirstThingsFirstEveryonelearnsatsomepointthatbreakfastisthemostimportantmealoftheday,butmanyfolksonthegogiveitshortshrift.Aflimsybowlofcereal,awhite-breadbagel,adoughnut,asugarymuffin,orjustcoffeewithmilkishowmanychoosetostarttheirday.Focusingamicroresolutiononimprovingbreakfastisagreatwaytogetontheroadtosatisfiedwithless.“ButI’mnothungryinthemorning.Whywastemycalories?”youmightask.

Perhaps you aren’t hungry for breakfast because between dinner and bedtimeyouate (ordrank)a fourthmeal’sworthofcalorieswhilewatching television.Making a microresolution not to eat after dinner ensures that you’ll arrive atbreakfastwithsuchgoodappetitethatyou’llfinditalmostunbearablysatisfying.Ifyoustopeatingata reasonablehour in theevening,bybreakfast thenext

morning you’ll have gone ten to twelve hours without food, basically a fast(breakfast).Withallthenutrientsfromthepreviousdaynowfullydigested,yourengine is primed to burn new fuel efficiently, so resolve to stoke it withsomething good.What you eat should give you energy until lunch without amidmorningslump.

BreakfastofChampionsRichard’smorningroutinewaserraticandhisbreakfastoftennutritionallypoor.Hegenerallygrabbedamuffinorbagelonthewaytowork,thehourdependingonhischangingworkschedule.Richardoftenfelthungrylongbeforelunchandkepthimselfgoingwithcaffeineandthestraydoughnutleftbythecoffeemachine.Hisfirstdietingmicroresolutionwassimplytoeatbreakfastathomeonweekdays.Hefeltthatoncehehadleftthehouseandwasinarush,hehadlittlecontroloverbreakfastchoices.Eating breakfast at home forced Richard to think about and plan hismeal,

somethinghehadneverdonewhengrabbingbreakfastenroute.Hisresolutionhadtheextrabenefitofstabilizinghisbreakfasthour,becausehiscommitmenttoeatingathomemeantthateverythingheneededforbreakfastwasalreadyinthehouse, and he could eat soon after rising. Richard began making himselfbreakfastsofoatmealwithnutsorwhole-grainbreadwithhealthytoppings,easytoeatathome,hardtoeatonthego.Hisimprovedbreakfastandmoreconsistentmealhourgavehimenergythatcarriedhimallthewaythroughtolunchwithout

aslump.EstablishingaconsistentbreakfastroutinealsostandardizedRichard’slunch hour because he now became hungry at virtually the same hour of theafternoon every day. Once his mealtimes were clearly established, Richardceasedmuchofhisbetween-mealsnacking.Whether you eat out or at home, eat oatmeal or eggs, you need to eat (and

relish)areallygoodbreakfastataregulartimetogiveyourenginethebeststartto its long day. Your first resolution could be to eliminate or include certainfoodsatbreakfast,toceaseeatingbeyondacertainhouratnight,ortoestablisha stable time and place for breakfast. Whatever you resolve, be absolutelyrelentless inestablishingyournewhabit—nailingbreakfastbringshugeenginebenefits.

Don’tTreatNutritionasaZero-SumGameSooftendietsforceusintodesperatetrade-offsbetweenhealthyfoodsandthesugarysnackswefeelweneedtoquietoverwhelmingcravings.IfIeatanapple,wereason,that’sahundredcalories,butwhatIreally,reallywantisachocolate-chipcookie.It’safalsechoice,becausethesefoodsareequivalentonlyintheircalories,notintheirnutritionalvalue.Butwelustforthecookie,soweskiptheapple.Wemissoutontheapple’snutrientsandthefiberthatwillkeepusfullerlonger.Andwecontinuetocravethepoorfoodsweassociatewithaboostinmoodandenergy,ratherthandevelopingatasteforthecrispfreshnessofanapple.OneofmyearlydietmicroresolutionswastoaddtwowholefruitstowhatIateeachday,ratherthantryingtosubstitutefruitforafavoritesnack,suchaschocolate.Eatingmorefruitkilledsomeofmytasteforsweets,andtheextrafiberkeptmefromgettinghungrybeforedinner.NowIoftencravefruit,thesamewayIusedtocravesugar.DoIstilleatsweets?Yes,butlessfrequentlyandinsmallerquantities.

SaladDaysKathygenerallyateintheofficecafeteria,usuallyselectingahotentréethatwasrichinmeatorcheese.Sheknewthatherweightandnutritionwouldimproveifshechosesaladforlunchmoreoften,butsheenjoyedthehotlunch,andthesaladdidn’tsatisfyher.WhenKathybeganlookingforamicroresolutiontoenhanceherdailynutrition,shedecidedtoeatsaladatlunchwithherentrée.Addingthesaladmeantthatshewasgettinganextraservingofleafygreenvegetableseveryday,arealnutritionboost.OvertimeKathybegantoenjoyhersaladasmuchastheentrée,andshewasabletopumpupthesaladsizeandskinnydownthericherportionsofhermeal.Sometimesshejusthadabigsaladorasaladandacupofsoup.Hermicroresolutiontoincludesalad

improvedherdietandovertimemadeitpossibleforhertobesatisfiedwithalessrichlunch.ThesingleresolutionhelpedputKathyontheroadtosatisfiedwithless.Fruits andvegetablesareessential to ahealthy, self-regulatingengine.They

fill you up, stave off disease, and provide vitamins, minerals, and fiber. Newresearch shows that adding pureed vegetables to dishes such asmacaroni andcheese results in consuming significantly fewer calories and more nutrients,withoutlossofenjoyment.*Ifyourdietislowinfruitsandvegetables,consideraresolutiontoaddthesefoodstowhatyoualreadyeat,ratherthanfrettingaboutwhat you’ll have to give up to “fund” these healthful additions.Addingmorefruits and vegetables will improve your nutritional profile, increase yoursatisfaction,helpreducecravingsforpoorer foods,andultimatelychangeyourtastes.

HydrationThirstisoftenmistakenforhunger,leadingustoeatwhenit’sreallywaterourbodycraves.AccordingtotheUniversityofTennessee,75percentofAmericansareinastateofchronicdehydration,and37percentexperiencesuchweakthirstsignalingthatbythetimetheyfeeltruethirsttheyareseriouslydehydrated.*Waterisessentialtokeepingyourbodyandbrainrunningatpeak.Stayingaheadofthehydrationcurveimprovesbrainfunction,elevatesmood,supportsshort-termmemory,boostsendurance,protectsagainstinjury,enhancesathleticperformance,andaidsinkeepingyoufeelingfullandsatisfied.Goodhydrationimprovestheperformanceofyourengine.A2003studyatthe

UniversityofUtahshowedthatdehydrationleadstoadeclineinmetabolismofaround2percentperday.*Inamorerecentstudy,middle-agedandolderdieterswhoconsumedsixteenouncesofwaterbeforeeachmealachieveda44percentgreater weight loss than those who ate the same diet without drinking extrawater.*Despitewater’s importance tooverallhealthandweight loss, theeight-glass

rule isusuallymarginalia indietbooks,where theattentionofbothwriterandreaderisonwhatfoodisallowedontheplan.Buildingawaterhabit,aswithallhabits, requires dedicated focus. But once good hydration becomes your newnormal,whenyourhydrationlevelstartstoslipyou’llautomaticallybegintosip.

WithinReachTheresaoftenwentthroughthedaydrinkinglittleornowater.Ratherthansettingherselfawaterquota,shemadeamicroresolutiontokeepawaterbottleatworkandrefillitwhenempty.Thisresolutiontargeted

convenienceandavailabilityanddidnotincludeamandatetodrinkmore.Oncewaterwasalwaysathand,Theresa’swaterconsumptionbegan to rise.

The first few days, she seldom drank all twenty ounces of water, but by thesecondweekshewasrefillingthebottlebylateafternoon.Bythethirdweekshegenerallydrainedthebottletwiceduringworkinghours.“Iusedtoworkatmydeskandonlygetup forcoffeewhenIbegan to feel tired.Butbecause Inowalwayshavewaterright infrontofme,Ikeepsippingit.Water ismorethanahabitformenow;it’salmostanaddiction.”OnemicroresolutionImadethatincreasedmywaterconsumptionwassimply

todrinkoneglassofwater foreveryglassofwine.MymicroresolutionmeantmakingsurethatIhadaglassofwateratthetable,andIoftendranktheentireglassofwaterassoonasIsatdown,ratherthanreachingforwinetosatisfymythirst.Once Imademy resolution, I often foundmyself drinking twoor threeglassesofwaterduringthemealandIsawmywineconsumptiondropfromtwoglasses to one glass, a savings of about 150 calories a day.Drinkingwater atdinnertimekeptmefromgettingdehydratedduring theevening,and I stoppedwakingupatnightfeelingthirstyorwiththeoccasionallightheadache.

AppetiteIoncehadaterriblefluthatlastedforseveraldays,duringwhichIcouldn’teatathing;Ijustsippedwater,slept,andretched.WhenIfinallyfeltalittlebetter,Imademyselfsomeplainricewithabitofsalt.IwassohungrythatthearomafromthathumblebowlofriceintoxicatedmeandIfeltclosetodrooling.Mystomachhadshrunk,soIateveryslowly.Thericetastedincrediblydeliciousandfeltlikeawaveofpureenergyenteringmyexhaustedbody.Ican’trememberamealthatgavememorepleasureorsatisfaction.Weneedn’tstarveourselvesinorderappreciatethefoodweeat,buttobefully

awaketothegloriesofeating,weatleastneedtoexhaustwhatweconsumedatourlastmealbeforeweeatagain.Whenyouarriveatthetablealreadyfullfromsnacking, you cheat yourself out of the greatest pleasure in dining, and you’lllikely leave the table feeling overfull and sluggish (and thinking about eatingsomethingsweettoshakeoffthelethargythatcomeswithovereating).Microresolutions can help you reform your eating behaviors so that you’re

hungryatmealtimeandexperiencegreatereatingsatisfaction,andyourbody’sengine burns nutrientsmore efficiently. If you regularly sit down to dinner orlunch with anything less than true hunger, examine your eating behaviors topinpointachangeyoucanmaketobetteralignyourhungerwithmealtimes.Itcould be dropping a snack, retiming a snack, eating a lighter snack, or takingexercisebeforeamealtoburnoffsomefuel.Makingjustonemicroresolutionto

reduce snackingorupyourexercisecanhaveaprofoundeffectonyour long-termweightandeatingsatisfaction.

ReadyforDinnerRobertgenerallydidn’tsnackintheafternoonatworkandlookedforwardtothecongenialmealhesharedwithhisfamilyeachevening.Robert’shabitonarrivinghomewastogetacoldbeerfromtherefrigeratoralongwithsomesaltypretzelstoeatwithit.Thebeerwasfillinginitself,andtheadditionofacoupleofhandfulsofpretzelsoftenmeantthatbythetimehesatdowntodinnerhehadalreadyconsumedseveralhundredcalories.Yetevenwithouttrueappetite,hestillateafullmealwithhisfamilyandoftenleftthetablefeelingoverfull.In his quest to lose some weight, Robert reconsidered his predinner snack

habit.Hedidn’twanttogiveuphisbeerritual—itrelaxedhimafteralongdayofwork—sohefocusedinsteadonreducingtheimpactthatthesaltysnackhadonhiswaistlineandhisdinnerappetite.Thebeerwastypically160caloriesandthe pretzels around 200.Robertmade amicroresolution to limitmy predinnersnackto50calories.Hemadealistofsaltytreatshecouldeatfor50calories:fivesmallpretzels,fivechips,sixolives,threemediumpickles.Thepretzelsandchips,Robertquicklyfound,lefthimwantingmore,butthepicklekepthimoffthe addictive carbswhile delivering a saltywallop.Missing the crunch of thepretzels, he began eating celery sticks along with the pickles and beer. Inreformingasinglesnackhabit,Robertbetteralignedhisappetite todinnerandsavedhimself150caloriesaday,enoughtolosefifteenpoundsoverthreeyears,accordingtothelatestweight-lossmodels.*Ifyoumakeamicroresolutionaimedatincreasingyourhungerforrealmeals,

besureyouknowwhathungerfeelslike.Inourcultureofplenty,weoftenusethe word “hunger” to describe any idle urge to eat, confusing cravings withhunger.Hungerisagrowlingstomach,acrythatthebodyhasexhausteditsfuel,notsuddenlyfeelinginthemoodforChipsAhoy.Youcanbefulloffood—theopposite of hungry—and still crave something to eat, very often somethingsweet. Craving carbohydrates in the absence of hunger is an energy distresssignal from a tired brain and body; one strategy to relieve such cravings is totreattheseurgeschemically.Ratherthanlettingthecravingbeacuetotossbacka handful of cookies or candy, make a microresolution to respond tocarbohydratecravingswithsimplesugars—amint,adate,sweet teaorcoffee.Thiswillgiveyourbrainadirectsugarhitwithouttheextrafatandcaloriesthatcomewithacarbohydrate-richtreat.Onefriendofminewhooftenindulgedinafternoonconfectionsmadeamicroresolution to swallowa teaspoonof honey

when craving sweets, a twenty-two-calorie hit of pure energy that saved herhundredsofcalorieseachday.Makingano-excusesresolutionrequiresthatyoubepreparedwhenthecravinghits,whetherthat’shavingajarofhoneyoraboxofAltoidsinyourdeskdrawer.Ifyoureformyourhabitstopreserveyourappetiteformeals,yourpleasurein

dining will increase tremendously. Rather than minimizing the importance offoodinanefforttoeatless,maximizeitsimportancebyinvestinginwonderfulmeals consumedwith a full appetite. Cultivating your appetite formeals willstrengthentheassociationofeatingwithhunger,ratherthanwithentertainment,boredom, or depression. Once you reform your eating so that you are sittingdown to real meals with real appetite, you’ll be on the path to better health,greatersatisfaction,andweightloss.

MindfulEating

Mindfuleatingis,firstandforemost,enjoyingeverybitofwhatyoueat.Everytime you eat something without savoling it fully, stuff food into your mouthwhiledriving,boltdownamealbetweenappointments,ordutifullyfinisheverylast bite of a soggy, tasteless sandwich, you’re robbing yourself of enjoymentand satisfaction. The hundreds of calories you consume every day withoutawarenessorfullenjoymentareverylikelythedifferencebetweenyourweightnow and theweight youwant to be.Microresolutions can help you eliminatemindless eating behaviors and increase your eating consciousness andenjoyment.

FoodforThoughtMindfuleatingmeanscultivatingfullsensoryawarenessofthefoodsyoueatinordertoachievegreatersatisfactionandappreciation.Sohow’sthisforamicroresolution?IwillonlyfinisheatingafoodIamenjoying.Unlessyoucan’taffordtotossfood,recognizewhenwhatyou’reeatingisgivingyounorealpleasureandstop.Mealyapples,overcookedmeat,waxycheese,gummypasta,tastelesssandwiches,pressboardcookies,sourchocolate—don’tdullyoursensesorwasteyourcaloriesonunsatisfyingfoodathomeorwheneatingout.It’sdisappointingtoordersomethinginarestaurant,lookforwardtoit,andthendiscoverthatit’stotallyblah,butthere’snopointincompoundingdissatisfactionwithalacklusterentréebyspendingcaloriesonit

aswell.Don’tthrowgoodcaloriesafterbad—stopeatingthedisappointmentandeatsomethingyoucanenjoyinstead.As most of your eating is done on autopilot, you’re programmed to finish

whatyou’reeatingevenwhenitisn’tgivingyouanyrealpleasure.Youhavetopracticeaskingyourself,AmIreallyenjoyingthis?*Isavemyselfcalorieseveryday and up my satisfaction levels by practicing this simple habit. If it isn’tdelicious,Ijuststopeating.Whosaiddietingisn’tfun?

MakeaMealofItTrumanCapotefamouslysaidofJackKerouacthathedidn’twrite,hetyped,andmostofusdon’tdine,weeat.Inrule4(“Amicroresolutionispersonal”)Irecountedatlengthmyresolution

to savormy food and drink.My resolutionwasmeant to reformmy habit ofeatingsoquicklythatsatiationsignalsfrommybrainregisteredonlyafterIhadunwittinglyblownstraightpastsatisfactiontoleadballoon.Eatingmoreslowlybysavoringeverybitedidindeedoftenleadmetolaydownmyforkbeforemyplatewasempty.Myresolutionwasfocusedonenjoyment,notdenial,andwasfarmore effective in reducingmy food consumption than anyofmypreviousself-admonitionstoeatless.AsIlearnedtoexperiencethepleasureofrelaxingat meals, I began to invest more in the food, atmosphere, setting, andconversation.Ilearnedhowtodineinsteadofeat.Studiesshowthatchildrenoffamilieswhoshareadinnerhourperformbetter

inschoolandonstandardizedtests,aremoresuccessful,havehigherself-esteemandmorepositivepeerrelationships,andarelesslikelytobecomeoverweightorinvolvedwithdrugs.*Thefindingsapplytotwo-parentaswellassingle-parenthouseholds, affluent andpoor families.The conclusions in this researchdidn’tsurprisemeatall—diningwithfriendsorfamilyprovidesahavenofwell-beinginabusy,stressfulday,whereeverypersonpresentisnourishedbythewarmthofthetable,sharedfoodandconversation,eatingtosatisfaction,andbelonging.Eatingisnecessarytolife;diningisessentialtoappreciationandcommunity.Ifeatingseverallyhasbecomeahabitinyourfamilyduetocomplexschedulesthatincludeworkinglate,soccerpractice,exerciseclass,orlongcommutes,considermakingamicroresolutionthatpullsthefamilytogetheratleastonemorenightaweek, even if it means dining a bit later or giving up some discretionaryactivities.Making microresolutions that put the focus on the ritual of dining and

savoring every morsel of a meal can help you to lose weight by wringingpleasureoutofeverycalorie.Foodissomethingtobecelebrated,tobegratefulfor,torelish.Themoreyoutrulyappreciateandenjoyyourfood—themoreyou

valueit—themorelikelyyouaretofindyourselfsatisfiedwithlessofit.

Drive-ThroughEatingOur24/7eatinghabitsaredrivenbymindlessresponsestoenvironmentalcues.Ifyou’dliketoloseweight,takingnoticeofthetimesyouhabituallyeatwithless-than-fullawarenessorenjoymentwillexposefattargetsformicroresolutions.Do you ever eat in line, snack from the grocery cart, or eat your breakfast

doughnutintheelevatoronthewayuptoyouroffice?Haveyoueverboughtahotdogatasportingeventandfinishedeatingitbeforeyoumadeitbacktoyourseat?Doyoucircle free-sample food tablesso thatyoucangetmore thanonetaste?Doyoueatwhileyoupreparefoodandscarfuptheleftoversofothers?Iwasoncestandingbehindsomeoneinacafeterialinewhowaseatingoffher

trayasshewaitedtopay.Beforeshereachedthefrontoftheline,shehadeatenmostofthegoodstuff.Howmuchpleasurecouldshehavederivedfromsuchameal?Not toomuch, becausewhen she found herself next in line to pay, shebroke out of the line andwent back to get dessert! Iwould have laughed if Ihadn’t identified with her entirely. A simple microresolution not to eat untilseatedmighthaveturnedtheunsatisfiedgrazerintoahappydiner.Eatingwhilewalking, driving, or commuting is anotherway togainweight

mindlesslyandrobfoodofitsfullpleasure.Ifyouareanon-the-gotypewhocaneat a taco while crossing the street or lo mein with chopsticks while shiftinggears, ask yourself how much more you might enjoy these “meals” if youactuallysatstilltoeatthem,andmakeyourselfamicroresolutionthatresultsingreaterawarenessandappreciationofmealtime.Dude,sitdown.Yetsittingitselfdoesn’tguaranteeconsciouseating.EatinginfrontoftheTV

orthecomputer,whiletalkingonthephoneortexting,orevenduringameetingatworkdullsyourappreciationandmakesithardertoachieverealsatisfaction.Ameal consumed on autopilot will likely leave you yearning for “somethingelse”whenitconcludes.

BreakingBreadJerrynearlyalwaysatelunchatworkinfrontofhiscomputer,fieldingphonecallsande-mailsforthebaretenminutesittookhimtoconsumehissandwich.Worse,ifhewascalledintoameetingandhadjustsatdowntolunch,hewouldwolfdownhissandwichandwashitdownwithadrinkintwominutesflat.Jerrycravedsugaralmostimmediatelyaftereatinghisshot-clocklunchandusuallysnackedheavilyintheafternoon.Hewonderedifhecouldreduceoreliminatehissnackcravingsifhemademoreofamealoutoflunch.

Jerrymadeamicroresolutiontoeatlunchawayfrommydesk.Thefirstweekofhisresolution,heateatatableinhisofficeawayfromthe

phoneandcomputerbutfounditmoreanxietyprovokingthanrelaxing.Hearingthe phone ring and seeing the meaningful glances his assistant passed himthroughtheglassdoordrovehimbacktohisdeskatleastonceduringhisshortlunch.SoJerrybeganeatinginthecafeteria,somethinghehadn’tdoneregularlysince he graduated from cube to office. Eating away from his office reducedinterruptionstotheurgent,andJerrybegantakingmoretimetoeatandrelax.Tomakehismeallastafullhalfhour,hemadeasecondmicroresolution:toalwaysbeginhiscafeterialuncheswithacupofsoup.Eatingthehotsouphelpedhimrelax into the meal and take his time, rather than treating lunch as a quickrefuelingpitstop.AndwhileJerryhadn’tbeenseekingcompanywhenhebeganeating in the cafeteria, he found plenty of it. He ended up visiting andexchangingideaswithcolleagueswhomhewouldn’totherwisehaveseenduringtheworkday.Sometimeshejoinedagroupoftraineesfromhisteamforlunch,givinghimachancetogetunfilteredfeedbackonwhat thebest,brightest,andnewestpeoplethoughtworked(ordidn’t)inhisdepartment.Jerry’slunchinthecafeteria became an important part of his day, establishing a break from task-driven work and encouraging networking and closer contact with his team.Takinglongertoeatlunch(thirtyminutesinsteadoffive)didindeedincreasehissatisfaction andmake it possible for him to resist treats in the late afternoonmoreoften.Jerrygainedgreatersatisfaction,ateless,lostweight,increasedhiswork network, and became a better manager, all from making twomicroresolutions.It’sabattletoeatconsciouslyinourmultitasking,fast-foodculture.Moreand

more companies cater toourpenchant for eatingon thego. I recently read anarticle in USA Today* about a scary new restaurant offering called CupO’Pancakes designed to fit into the cup holder of a car so that you can eatpancakes while driving, no fork necessary! Can Feedbag O’Pancakes be farbehind?Yetanothernewfast-fooditemis“popcornchicken,”asnack/mealthatallowsyoutotossbackgreasymeatpelletsasyoudriveorwalk,thesamewayyou tossbackpopcorn inamovie theater.Makenomistake:There’splentyofmoneytobemadebyencouragingpeopletoeatlessandlessconsciouslymoreandmoreoften.Practicingresolutionsthatincreasemindfuleatingcanhelpkeepyoufromfillingeveryemptyspotinthedaywithfastfoodandsnacks.Food should be a headliner, not a sideshow.Considermicroresolutions that

increaseyourconsciousnessandpleasureindining,andeatinglesswillfollow.A microresolution to start lunch on weekdays with a cup of hot soup couldstretchyourmeal,increaseyoursatisfaction,andredirectattentiontoyourfood,

simply because hot soup means eating more carefully. Similarly, making aresolution tobeginamealby eating six doll-sizebiteswill establish a slower,moreconsciousrhythmforyourmealandstopyoufrominhalingyourplateassoonasit’sinfrontofyou.Resolutionsthatgetyoutosavorandslowdownwillpayhugedividends.Payattention!Enjoymore!Eatless!

Less

Practicingmindfuleatingandcultivatinghabitsthatkeepyourmetabolismfiredupwillmakeiteasierforyoutoachievesatisfactionwhileeatingless,buttoloseweight you have to eat fewer calories than you eat today, period. Usingmicroresolutions, you can achieve permanentweight loss by targeting specificbehavioralchangesthatreducethenumberofcaloriesyouconsumeeachday.In the introduction to this book, I talked about mymicroresolution to stop

eating catered cookies in conference rooms at work. I succeeded in myresolution, but after severalmonths of abstaining,myweight had dipped onlyslightly. “Canyou believe,” I said tomyhairdresser (withwhom I discuss allsuchtopics),“thatIeliminatedallthosecaloriesanddidn’tlosemoreweight?”“Hey, that’s the tenpoundsyouwouldhavegained,” he said (provinghimselfindeedtobethefountofwisdomIhadalwaystakenhimfor).Mynoconferenceroomcookiespledgehelpedmetoshedacoupleofpoundsbut,morecritically,halted the upward trajectory of my weight.We diet veterans often think thatwhenwe’renotactivelydieting,we’remaintaining,when in factwe’reslowlygaining.MyfriendVivian,whoworkedhardtostaytrimallheradultlife,gaveherself

a pass during pregnancy and indulged in all the treats she had fought againsteatingforsomanyyears.Sheexpectedtheweightshegainedtodisappearaftergivingbirth,butmonths latershewasstill fifteenpoundsheavier thanshehadbeenbeforeher pregnancy. Insteadof jumpingon thediet bandwagon,Viviandecidedtoembracewhatshecalledher“Rubenesque”selfandcontinuetoenjoythe treats that had comforted her during her pregnancy. She believed she hadmadeasmartandmaturedecisionnottotrytoreducetoherprebabyweight.But rather than staying at theweight she had accepted as her new normal,

Vivianblew right past it into new territory.Within a year she hadput on fivepounds more, and a year further on, another three. Vivian didn’t add morecalories;shesimplycontinuedtoeatthedailytreatsshehadeateninpregnancy.

Sincetheextracaloriesweremarginallymorethanwhatsheneededtomaintainherweight,shecontinuedtogainslowly.These examples demonstrate how the battle tomaintain a healthyweight is

foughtat themargin. Adding one new snack or a second beer or eating onlyslightlyrichermealswillseeyoucreepingupthescale.A2011studypublishedintheLancetbyDr.KevinD.Hallandcolleaguesat theNational InstitutesofHealth put forward a new and more finely calibrated model of how caloricincreasesanddecreasesaffectpeopleofdifferentweightandbodycompositionovertime.*Dr.Hall’sstudiesshowthateatingjusttenextracaloriesadaywillraise theweight of an average person by twenty pounds over thirty years, soimagine what an extra cookie a day can do. But the battle to lose weightpermanently is alsowonat themargin.Dr.Hall’smodel shows that for everypoundofweightyouwant to lose, cutting ten caloriespermanently fromyourdailydietwillresultinlosinghalftheweightthefirstyearandalmost95percentof the weight after three years.* If your goal is to lose twenty pounds,eliminating two hundred calories from your diet will find you ten poundsslimmerbytheendofthefirstyearandvirtuallyatyourgoalinthree(toachievea loss of twenty pounds in a single year, you’d have to cut out four hundredcalories).It’slikelythatmanyofthecaloriesyou’dneedtoshedareconsumedmindlesslyatthemarginofrealmealsandhealthfulsnacks.Allyouneedtodotoachievepermanentweightlossistolockinabehavioralchangeatthemarginthatshavesoffsomeofthesecalories.Soaskyourself:What’satthemargin?

WhenYouEatOnewaytodropcaloriesfromyourdietistoexaminethetimesofdayandoccasionswhenyoueatoutsideofmealtimeandtargetoneforeliminationthroughamicroresolution.Itcouldbeamidmorningsnack(weakbreakfast),afternoonsnack(afternoonslump),Frappuccinofortheridehome(rewardafterwork),orlate-nightsnack(stimulant).Ifyoudon’tthinkyoucanentirelyeliminateasnackinyourschedule,looktoreduceitscaloricimpact,eitherbyeatinghalfofwhatyou’vebecomeaccustomedtoorbyeatingsomethinglighterinitsplace.Sometimesyoudon’tneedtoeliminateasnackbutjustchangeitstiming,its

when.Ifyouhabituallybingeonsimplecarbsat5:00p.m.whenyou’reacoupleofhoursfromdinnerbuttoohungrytowait,youmaybeabletosavecalories,avoid hunger, and cultivate more appetite for dinner by making amicroresolution to snackearlier in theday.Amicroresolution to eat a snack Ihavepreparedeverydayat3:00p.m.willgiveyoualift,staveoffhunger,andstillallowyoutoarriveatdinnerwithgoodappetite.Includingthelanguageof

“preparation”inyourmicroresolutionwillensurethatyoursnackisplanned,notadhoc.Castingaboutforasnackspellsdoom,whileplanningasnackputsyouincontrol and forcesyou to think throughandpreparea snack that ishealthy,satisfying,andright-sized.Inordertosticktoatimeandbereadywithadecentsnack,you’llneedtogoatyourresolutionwithrigor,becausepreparingasnacktobringtoworkeachday(evenoneyoubuyonthewayin)won’thappenifyougiveitonlycasualattention.Another way to cut calories outside of mealtime is to set your sights on

disruptingopportunisticsnackingcues.Forexample,makingamicroresolutionnot to eat while preparing foodwill keep you from eating an extra slice ofcheesewhilemaking a sandwich; amicroresolution to eat only frommy ownplatewillkeepyoufromfinishingthehotcocoayoumadeyourkid.AresolutiononlytoeatfoodinabarthatIorderformyselfwillkeepyoufromautopilotingover tohappy-hourplatesofpotato skinsand friedmozzarella.Circumventingjust one of these cues permanently will make a long-term difference in yourweight.

BYO

Keithoftenpartookof treatsmadeavailableon thedesksofoffice coworkers.The bull pen with a fishbowl full of minis at its center, the jar of chocolate-coveredmintsatreception,themacadamia-nutclustersbroughtintotheofficebyan employee just returned from Hawaii, tins of candied popcorn sent to theofficebyavendorfortheholidays.Henotonlytookthesetreatswhenofferedbutalsofoundhimselfsearchingoutsuchofferingsasthedayworeon,hisself-controlweakeningashegrewmoretired.In order to combat his foraging, Keith made a microresolution to eat only

treats at the office that he himself provided. Now if he wanted an afternoonsnack,hewouldhave toplan for it rather thansnackingmindlessly.Replacinghisuntracked,opportunisticofficenoshingwithaplannedsnackforcedKeithtoaccountfullyforwhatheateeachdayanddropcaloriesfromhisdailydiet.Anotherwhenworth amicroresolutionmay be how long you give yourself

before giving in to a craving for something less than healthy. Many of usexperience a keen desire for something sweet when we finish a meal anddigestionbegins to slowourmetabolism, and it’s at thatmomentwearemostvulnerabletoeatingourwaypastcomfortablefullnessintofood-comaterritory.But if youmake amicroresolution towait fifteenminutes after ameal beforeeatinganythingelse,youmayfindthatthecravingforsomethingsweetsubsides

onitsown.Waitingishard,butonceyou’vetrainedyourselftodoit,you’llfindthat youprettymuch forget to check in after fifteenminutes.Andwhenever Iwanttoovereatatastysomething,Isendmyselfthismessage:Overstuffedisamiserablefeeling.

WhatYouEatYoucanusemicroresolutionstosavecaloriesatthemarginandloseweightbymakingdiscretechangestothemixoffoodsyouregularlyeat.Anytimeyousubstituteahealthierfoodforalesshealthyfood,it’sawinforyourengine,andanytimeyouswapoutahigh-caloriefoodforalower-caloriefood,it’sawinforyourwaistline.Suchswapslockincaloriesavingsthatleadtopermanentweightlosswhilemaintainingoveralldietsatisfaction.OnesimplemicroresolutionfoodswapImadewastouseskimmilkinplace

ofwholemilk incoffee. Iused tomake this substitutiononlywhenwhoopingdownthedietwarpath,andassoonmywillpowerfoldedIwouldreturntomypreviouseatinghabits and richerbrews.Butwhen Ibeganmakingpermanent,marginal behavioral changes through microresolutions, I resolved to use onlyskimmilkincoffeeandtea.AtthattimeIwasdrinking,onaverage,threecupsofdecafcoffeeaday,eachwithhalfacupormoreofwholemilk,foratotalof240calories.Thesimplesubstitutionofskimmilksavedme135caloriesaday,andIdidn’teventhinkofitasdieting,justabehavioralchangeitmadesensetomakeforever.Everysuchsavingyoulockinwillcontributetopermanentweightloss.NowIprefer skimmilk, Idon’t feelcheatedordeprived,and thecaloriesavingsarelockedin,mynewnormal.Ifyouregularlyexperienceamidafternoonslumpandyoucan’tnapitoff,a

microresolutiontolimitafternooncarbstoteaandhoney(orcoffeeandsugar)willgiveyoutheboostyoucravewithoutpackingontheextrafatandcaloriesthat come with a richer snack. The sweetened tea lifts your energy with 50calories, the candybarwith220.Thehot teawill take longer to consumeandgiveyourbrainachance to registernewenergyandsignal satisfaction. Ifyoupresently give in to a rich treat most afternoons, making this singlemicroresolutioncouldbethedifferencebetweenyourweightnowandtheweightyou’dliketobe.If meat is the centerpiece of your evening meal, resolving to eat fish two

nightsaweekfordinnerwillsaveyouhundredsofcaloriesaswellasboostyourhealthandcreatevarietyinyourdiet.Ifyourdietisrichinfriedfoods,resolvingtoeatfriedfoodonlyonceaweekwouldimproveyourhealth(eventothepointof increasing your life span), likely result in weight loss, and sensitize yourpalatetolighterfareandsubtlerflavors.Myguessisthatadoptingeitheroneof

these resolutions would ultimately increase dining pleasure as well as lead tobetterhealthandweightoutcomes.Making microresolutions that substitute whole foods for refined foods

advancesbothweightlossandnutrition.Generally,themorerefinedafood,themore concentrated its sugars and calories: orange juice versus an orange;Cheeriosversusoatmeal;potatochipsversusabakedpotato.Sugarandflourarethemosthighlyrefinedculpritsinthemoderndiet.Whiledietersknowtoavoidsugar,flourgenerallyaccountsformoreemptycaloriesinadayofeating.Ifyoueattwopiecesoftoastatbreakfast,twopiecesofsandwichbreadatlunch,andacoupleofpiecesofbreadatdinner,that’saroundsixhundredcaloriesadayjustonbread,andifit’sallwhitebreadthat’ssixhundredemptycalories.Andthat’sjustbread;pasta,pizza,packagedcereals,pretzels,chips,crackers,cookies,cake—evenTwizzlers—aremadewithflour.Whenyouadditallup,ahugeportionofwhatshouldbehealthybaselinecaloriesisoccupiedbyrefinedflour,whichalmost instantly turns into sugar in thedigestive system.The sugarprovides arushbutburnsoutquickly,leavingyoupronetoheavysnackingbeforeyournextmeal.Making resolutions that eliminate some white-flour items from your eating

willimproveyournutrition,helpyouloseweight,andbegintoweanyoufromasugar-based diet. Linda’s resolution to give up flour-based foods at lunch(recountedinchapter9)isagreatopen-frameresolution.Endingherrelianceonrefinedflourasalunchmainstayledhertoeatahealthiervarietyoffoodsandtoslimdown.Imade a series ofmicroresolutions aimed at reducing the caloric impact of

flour inmydiet.My first resolutionwas to eatwhole grains for breakfast onweekdays.Thatmeantno toast,muffins,bagels,or refinedcereals. Inplaceofthesebakery items, I beganbyeating ahigh-fibermuesli cereal andendedbyfalling in lovewithoatmeal, somuchso that Ihave itevenon thoseweekenddaysnotcoveredbymy resolution.Getting flouroutofbreakfast changedmyeatingandenergypatterns for thewholeday.Firstofall,hotoatmealmakesareal bowlful that takes time to eat and is immensely satisfying. Adding freshfruit,nuts,andnutmilktothemixmakestheoatmealevenmoredeliciousandnutritious.Theoatmeal,nuts,andfruitaresohighinfiberthatIdon’tgethungryforatleastfivehours,andmyenergyburnssteadilytheentiremorningwithoutanyslumps.BylunchtimeIhaveabigappetiteforsomethingasreal,delicious,and wholesome as my breakfast. It wasn’t until I made my whole grainresolutionthatIrealizedthateatingsugarforbreakfastcorruptsthewholeday’senergyandeatingpattern.Mynextmicroresolutiontargetwasdinnerbread.IgrewupwithFrenchbread

atdinnerandcontinuedthatpracticeatmyowntable,butinexaminingmydietfor thenexteatingshift tomakeat themargin,dinnerbreadstoodoutasa fattarget.Twopieces are close to twohundredcalories (evenwithoutbutter) andaddnothingnutritionally, so I resolved to eat nothing from thebreadbasket atdinner.When I really have a hankering for French bread, I have it as a treat,becausethat’swhatitis.Isitdownwithmybreadandmaybesomebutterandgive itmy full attention, relishingeverybiteof this savorydessert,but it’snolongerahabitualpartofmyeveningmeal.Eliminatingsomuchsugarfrommydiethelpedtostabilizemyappetiteand

cravingsthroughoutthedayandkeptmeonthepathtomyidealweight.Ididn’tridmydietentirelyofflour(can’tlivewithoutpasta),butlimitingitresultedinmy eating larger portions of healthier, more fibrous, and less caloric foods.Experiencing the engine and weight-loss benefits of banishing flour-basedbreakfasts and French bread from dinner changed my mindset, and I beganavoiding flour at lunch (sandwiches, pizza) and for snacks (cookies, pretzels,cornchips).Flourissopervasiveinthemoderndietthatlimitingitisaboontotheeatingimagination.Ieatfarmorefruits,vegetables,nuts,salads,andsoupsnowthatIdon’treachforfloureverytimeI’mhungry.Capitalizingonopportunities toswapouthigh-calorie itemsinyourhabitual

diet for lower-calorie, healthier foods could save you the calories youneed toreach your weight goal. These substitutions can lead to weight loss, betternutrition,andamorevariedandsatisfyingdiet.Yourchoiceswillbebasedonhowyoueatnow.Startwith theman in themirror and look formodificationsyoucanmakepermanentthroughachangeinhabit.

HowMuchAsayoungteenagerIoncewentcampingwithafriend’sfamilyinLakeTahoe.Oneeveningwelefttheshoreofthelaketogotoacasino,wheretheadultsdidabitofgamblingandthekidsabitofgamboling.Thehighlightwasavisittoanall-you-can-eatbuffet.Allaroundmepeoplepiledtheirplateshighwithmismatchedentreessuchasbeef,pork,fish,andpasta;mashedandbakedpotatoes.MygirlfriendandIspentmostofourtimehaulingdifferentdessertsbacktoourbooth—cakes,pies,cookies,andpuddings.Thefoodwasreallyterrible—noteventhedessertsweregood—butallarounduspeopleweregoingbackformore,asiftryingtomakebackatthebuffetwhattheyhadlostatthegamingtables.Butlargeportionsarealosingbetatthediningtable,wherepracticingportioncontrolisessentialforwinningattheweight-lossgame.Portion sizes in our society have never beenbigger, and it’s sad that in our

culture we often confuse sizewith value. Rather than finding satisfaction in

healthyanddeliciousfoods,weseeksatisfactioninmorefood.Andsincewe’reasocietyof fasteaters (not leisurelydiners),weserveourselvesgiantportionsjusttomakeourmeallastlongerthanfifteenminutes.Many diets are based entirely on portion control. On these programs, strict

portion sizes are prescribed across all meals and snacks, and those who cansustain the smaller portion sizes foreverwill loseweight and keep it off. Forothersthedrasticandcomprehensivereductionprovesoverwhelming,andwhentheyquitdietingtheyreverttotheportionsizestheyfavoredpreviously.Butyouneedn’t start by cutting the portions of everything you eat. Instead, target areductioninasinglefoodportionuntileatinglessofitisroutine.Byidentifyinganitemyouhabituallyeatandreducingitsportionsize,youcanlockincaloriesavingsforalifetime.Forexample,Iusedtohaveaweeklyappointmentnearabakerythatoffereda

delicious oatmeal and blueberry muffin. I knew this muffin had around fivehundred calories, but I found it irresistible and looked forward to myappointment and the muffin every week. Recognizing that the extra calorieswere a threat tomaintainingmyweight, Imade amicroresolution to eat onlyhalfofthemuffin.Assoonasthemuffinwasinmyhands,Ibrokeoffthetop(the best part) and threw the rest away immediately. I can honestly say that Icontinuedtoenjoymytreatwithjustasmuchsatisfactionasbefore.Howisthatpossiblewhenthesnackwashalfaslarge?Well,becauseautopilotgenerallyjustfinishes a food for us, even if we’re already full and not really deriving anyseriouspleasurefromcontinuingtoeat.That’sthegeniusbehindthosehundred-calorie cookie packs—you can finish the entire bag on autopilot rather thanexerting the self-control required to eat just two Oreos in a six-cookie pack(goodluckwiththat).Theemptytreatbagmaysignaltheendofsnacktime,butatmealtimemany

ofusdon’tfeelfinisheduntilweseeanemptyplate.Cleanyourplate,manyofuslearnedaschildren.Andit’swhenyoufacetheemptyplatethattheurgeforasecondportionistriggered.Makingamicroresolutiontoleavesomethingonmyplateateverymealwillshort-circuitthispowerfulcueandhelpyourealizethatameal is finishedwhen you are satisfied, notwhen your plate shines. If youhavetoserveyourselfabitmoreinordertoleavesomethinguneaten,goahead,becausedisruptingautopilot’sfinishfetishispowerfullyimportant.

ConeheadsDuringthesummermonths,Willhabituallywenttoanicecreamparlorwithhisfamilyafterdinner.Theoutingwasatreattheyalllookedforwardto,includingtakingawalkaroundtheneighborhoodinthewarm

summernightastheylickedtheircones.Wantingtotrimcaloriesyetparticipateinthefamilyouting,Willmadeamicroresolutiontotosshisconeaftereatinghalftheicecreamabovetheconelevel,aroundaquartercup.Helickedtheicecreamslowlyandsavoredittomakeitlast.Willfoundthatmostofthepleasureinthecoldcreaminesswasinthefirstseverallicks,notthelastbite.Hecontinuedtolookforwardtotheicecreamoutinganddidn’tfeeldeprived,althoughthesizeofhistreathadshrunk.“ThehardpartwasjustthrowingtheconeawaywhenIwasatmylimit,butonceIthrewitaway,Ididn’tmissit.Ididn’twalktherestofthewaywishingformore.OnceIhadtossedit,IfeltasifIhadfinishedit.Goneisgone.”

Good-bye,Mr.ChipsPeter,ascreenwriter,atenearlythesameluncheveryday:asandwichandasmallbagofchips.Thesandwichfillingvaried,butthegeneralcontoursofthelunchwerethesame.Heresolvedtodropthebagofchipsfromhislunchroutine,thesinglechangehemadetohiseatinghabits,andlosteightpoundsinfourmonths.Allheneedstodotolockinhisweightlossismakethe“nochipsatlunch”rulepermanentandchangenothingelseabouthisdiet.DoesthismeanPeterwillnevereatchipsagain?No,itjustmeansthatchipswillbeanoccasionaltreat,ratherthanalunchmainstay.There aremany opportunities in any diet tomake significant savings at the

marginthroughportioncontrol.AmicroresolutiontonevereatmorethanthreeFrenchfriesatatimewillallowyoutoindulgebutkeepyououtoftrouble.Ifyou currently eat a coupleof cupsofpasta a coupleof times aweek andyouresolvetoenjoyasinglecupofpastaatmealtimes,you’llsaveyourselfaloadofcalories.Acupofpastawillstillbeverysatisfyingandfilling,especiallyifyouprolongthepleasurebytwirlingthepastaaroundyourforkacoupleofstrandsatatime,ratherthanspoolingamouthfulthreeinchesindiameter.Ifyouregularlyeat eight ounces ormore ofmeat at dinner,making a resolution to limitmeatportionstosixouncesmaywinthewaistlinebattleforyouandleaveyoumoreappetiteforthedeliciousvegetablesthatarearequirementforgoodhealthandahappyengine.Ifyoueatasandwicheverydayforlunch,amicroresolutiontoeatonly open-faced sandwiches on weekdayswill save you eighty to a hundredcaloriesaday,justfromremovingthetopsliceofbread.Togofurther,makeamicroresolution to eat no more than half a sandwich for weekday lunch, andinsteadaddanappleorsomesaladorsoup.Ifyoudrinktwobeerseverynight,makingamicroresolutiontodrinkjustonebeeradayMondaythroughThursdaywillsaveyousixhundred–pluscaloriesaweekwhileallowingyoumoreleewayon theweekend. If you eat awhole bagelwith cream cheese in themorning,

eatingthree-quartersof itwillsaveyouat leastahundredcaloriesaday.Eachmarginalreductionwillmoveyoudownthescaleinthesamewaysmallchangestoyourdietinchedyouup.

Where

Settings affect our dining experience and can in themselves cue us tooverindulge. Visiting one’s childhood home and smellingMom’s cooking cancueateenage-sizedappetiteinanadultwithamiddle-agedmetabolism.Sportsarenas (and watching sports at home) can cue the desire for hot dogs, chips,fries,andlotsofbeer.Barsoftenoffergreasyandsaltyhappy-hourfingerfoodsdesignedtoinducethedesireforanotherdrink.Neighborhoodsarefullofeatingcues—coffeehouses,bakeries,pizzerias.Examiningtheeffectofplaceonyoureatingbehaviorcanleadtogoodideas

formicroresolutions.Whatyoueatduringhalfanhourofhappyhourcouldbethecaloricequivalentofafourthmeal.Ifyoualwaysgooutforadrinkwiththegang on Friday nights, enjoy the greasy bar food, but then go home and eatdinner, your resolution could be to choose between bar food and dinner onnights out with the gang, which could cut five hundred calories from yourweeklyintake.MakingamicroresolutiontoeatjusthalfofeverythingservedatMom’scansaveyourSundayvisitfrombecomingaweeklysetback.Whereyouphysically sit to eat yourmealmay also affect your efforts to eat less. Eatingdinnerinfrontofthetelevision,havinglunchatthecomputer,orsnackingwhileSkypingwithafriendwilllimityoursatisfactionandleadtotheurgeformore.There’safamousdelimyfamilylovesinBrooklyncalledJunior’s,wherewe

often eat before going to a show at theBrooklynAcademyofMusic (BAM).Afteryearsof tryingtoordersomethinglow-cal inahigh-calplace,IchangedstrategiesandnoworderanydelisandwichIlikeandeathalfofit.TheReubensandwichIlustforissohugethathalfofitismorethanenough,andIusuallydon’t finish it. I lookforward to it, relisheverysinglebite,andfeel really fullwhenI’vefinished.Thisresolutionbeganasplacespecific,orleastdelispecific,butonitsownit’sturnedintoaflexibleguidelinethatworkswheneverI’minasituationwhereallthechoicesareprettyrich—IjusteatpartofwhatI’mserved(veryslowly).When I was in my twenties, I told my doctor that although I was eating

“hardlyanything,” Iwasn’t losingweight.Mydoctor replied,“Whensomeonetellsmethattheycan’tloseweightonanappleadayIsay:‘Eathalfanapple.’”ClearlythegooddoctorwasskepticalaboutmyclaimthatIatehardlyanything,

butthinkingaboutthisexchangetoday,Irealizehisbroaderpointisthecriticalone.Howevermuchyouareeatingnow,ifyouchangeonebehaviorthatresultsineatingless,you’llloseweight.It’sallhappeningatthemargin.

CHAPTER13

Clutter

Resolution#2:Alwaysputlastnight’spantiesinthelaundrybasket.—BridgetJones’sDiary(film)

Neatnessisthevirtueofordinaryminds,”goesthesaying,coined,perhaps,bysmart, foxy people who believe that extraordinary minds need not bother todevelopanyconventionalvirtues.Scoffingattheordinaryisn’tagoodidea,I’vefound, as even the most modest virtues can prove hard to acquire once yourealizeyou’remissingthem.Youmaydiscoveralltoolatethatneatnesscounts.Neatness is so much a product of autopilot that its quiet efficiency can

surprise. I had towork consciously to establish a habit of hanging up kitchentowelsneatlyafteralifetimeofsinksdecoratedwithdampwads;nowwhenIgotostraightenupthedish-towelrack,Ioftenfindithasalreadybeenneatenedbythestealthyhandofautopilot.HangingupmycoatisbynowsoingrainedthatIenduphangingupotherpeople’scoats;I’mjustprogrammedtohangupcoatswhenever I see them draped over chairs. Neatness habits work themselves sodeeplyintoautopilotthatyoucanfollowthroughwithyourroutinesinanearlyunconsciousstate.Neatness standards are establishedearly in family life, andmostofushave

additionalneatnesshabits impressedonusby thosewe livewith lateron.Thecollege roommate protests about a stack of newspapers on the floor, a loveinterest objects to a tube of toothpaste squeezed in themiddle, an officematecomplains about coffee cups serving as virtual petri dishes for unmannedexperiments.Before Imetmyhusband, I sometimes leftdishes in thesink forhours afterdinner (and sometimesuntil thenextmorning);he insisted thatwecleanupimmediately,andnowIcan’tconceiveofdoingitanyotherway.Mysiblings aremuchmore relaxed about kitchen cleanup,which doesn’t surpriseme,becausetheygrewupthesamewayIdidanddidn’tmarrymyhusband.One often finds householdswhere the public areas are neat and the private

ones less so, reflecting a contract between cohabitants on standards for shared

spaces.Sometimesthere’sastandoff,asintheplay(andlaterTVshow)TheOddCouple,whereanobsessive-compulsiveneatnik(Felix)andanutterslob(Oscar)takeupresidencetogetheraftersufferingdivorces.Thefrictionmakesforgreatcomedy,mostlybecausenoone in theaudiencewouldwant to livewitheitheroneof them.Ifyou thinkofFelixandOscarasexistingonoppositeendsofaneatnessscalewithpathologicalneatnessatoneendanddebilitatingchaosattheother,youcanseethatonemightselectaneatnesstargetatanypointalongthescale;thestandardispersonal.Whateverdegreeonthisscaleconstitutesneatforyou,thebestwaytoachieveitistomoveuponedegreeatatimebypersistentlypracticinganewneatnesshabitorattitudeuntilitsticksforgood.Justasyourparentusedendlessrepetitiontoteachyoutowipeyourfeeton

thedoormatbeforeentering thehouse(perhapsmakingyougobackoutside ifyou forgot), relentlessly practicing a microresolution of your own design canteachyouanewneatnesstrick.Ifyou’reatotalslob,yourfirstmicroresolutionmightbeasmodestaskeepingdrawersandclosetdoorsclosed; furtherup thescale you might make a resolution to prepare and dispose of recycling onTuesdayandFriday,ratherthanlettingitpileupuntilitoverflows.Youjustkeeppickingoffthenextneatnesspainpointuntilyou’rereasonablyhappywiththetidinessthatyourautopilotnowmaintainsforyou.A place for everything and everything in its place, goes another neatness

adage,andyoumayfindthatwhenyoutest-driveyourfirstneatnessresolution,aplaceforsomethingislacking,hamperingyourfollow-through.Forexample,ifyouresolvetokeepyourdeskfreeofpapersbutyoudon’thaveareasonablefilingsystem,you’llneedtocreateatleastaminimalone;ifyouresolvetokeepclothes from collecting on the bedroom chair but every bureau drawer isoverstuffed, you’ll need to either clear out items or find more drawer space.WhenImademyjustasfasttohangitupresolution,Ifoundthatthereweren’tanyfreehangers in theclosetandhadtobuysome.Neatnessresolutionsoftenrequiresomereorganizationof thehomeorworkplace inorder toget themonthe road to autopilot. One of themany advantages ofmicroresolutions is thattheirhighlytargetednaturesetsinhighreliefjustthesmallchangesyouneedtomaketogreasethewheelsofyourresolution.Formyhangitupresolution,Ijusthadtoremovesomeclosetitemsandbuysomehangerstomakeitwork;Ididn’thavetocleanoutthewholecloset.Onefoeofaplaceforeverything is toomuchstuff,amodernproblem.The

reality TV seriesHoarders is devoted to profiling people whose lives are indanger because they can’t throw anything away. Check out this episodedescriptionfromtheWebsiteoftheseriesbroadcaster,A&E:

Avictimofabuseasachild,Diana’shoardingbecamesoextremethather daughterwas forced to sleep in a recliner because the trash hadovertakenherroom.Butnowaneighborhasblownthewhistleontheheap, and the house could be condemned if Diana doesn’t clean upfast. Meanwhile, Dolores was once an antiques dealer with such agreateyeforvaluethatsheevensoldtoSotheby’s.Butherbuyinggotout of hand, and now she’s got a hoard that could catch on fire andburnherhousedownatanytime.

And you thought you were a slob! Every couple of years in New Yorksomeone is found dead among piles of newspapers dating back to 1900 andclosets full of tchotchkes thatweren’t ever unboxed because therewasn’t anyshelfspacelefttodisplaythem,yettheyallendupasanexhibitonthecoveroftheNewYorkPost.Ifyouhavetoomuchofsomething,youneedtotossorstoreenoughofit(seechapter18,“Organization”)inordertofreeadequatespacetoenableorder.But if it’s just everydayclutter that’syourproblem,aneatness resolution to

helpsegregateuntidinessmaybeausefulstartingpoint.Resolutionsthatenforceanarea’sparticularutility—papersondesks,coinsandjewelryonbureau,mailonthehalltable—helpcreateacrudeorderthatcanberefinedovertimeasmoreneatnesshabitstakehold.

DesignforLiving

Brian and Dorrie were both neatness challenged, their marriage one of notcomplementarybutkindredhabits.Eachhadastudy in thehomestackedwithpapers and books that they took back and forth to work. But items from thestudiescouldalsobefoundonthekitchentable,onthediningroomtable,andinthe living room,which also played host to a child, a dog, and visitors.Workpapersandbooksregularlycollectedonthecoffeetable,onbookshelves,andinpilesbythecouchthatmightalsocontainnewspapers,magazines,andcoloringbooks.Briefcaseswere sometimes splayedopenon the floor, and crayons andpencils posed a hazard to those who dropped distractedly onto the couch.Hosting any social event at homemeant amajor cleanup, anddrop-invisitorsprovokedscramblingandapologies.Brian and Dorrie’s first neatness microresolution was a joint one, aimed

strictlyatcontainment:zero tolerance forbriefcases,books,andpapers left inthelivingroom.Itwasokaytoreadandstudyinthelivingroom,butassoonasworkwasfinishedorinterrupted,thebooksandpapershadtobeputbackintothestudies.This rulewasstrictlyenforcedeven if the interruptionwasdinner,andreadingwasgoingtoresumeafterward.AlthoughtheyhadformanyyearsresolvedattheNewYeartobecometidier,

this microresolution was the first neatness pledge Brian and Dorrie evermanagedtokeep.Theresolutionwasasimpleone,astherewerestudiesnearbyto stash the books, papers, and briefcases that collected, but for the first fewweekstherewasacollectivegroaneverytimetheyhadtopackupbeforegoingoutorsittingdowntodinner.Butaftersomeweeksofrepetition,anewnormaltook hold in the living room, which became the one oasis of order in theirchaotic household. It was pleasurable to sit down in the tidy living room,conducive to relaxing and conversing as well as studying. In “Magic RoseGeranium”style,BrianandDorrieeventuallyextendedtheirmicroresolutiontoincludethediningroomtableandtheirchild,whomtheytaughttopackupherpapers and art projects and take them to her bedroom as soon as she hadfinished.Whilethebedroomsandstudiesremaineddisorderly, thepublicspaceswere

always presentable. Having a mess-free zone for family life created greaterrelaxationandappetiteforincreasedorder,andnewmicroresolutionsfollowed.Best of all, Brian and Dorrie didn’t have to think twice about extendinginvitationstofriendsorneighborstocomeoverandvisit.

NoMessIsanIsland

WhenRebeccaandher familymovedaway fromManhattan toahouse in thesuburbs, her new kitchen included a kitchen island. Immediately, the islandbecame the drop-off point for whatever anyone brought into the house—groceries,mail, backpacks, umbrellas, hats, garden tools. Since the front dooropenedintothekitchen,theislandbecamethelogicalplacetounload,butitalsocreated an overall impression of clutter. Once the island filled up, it becamedifficulttoworkinthekitchenwithoutfirstconductingacleanup,aprobleminthemorningwhentimewasatapremium.Rebeccaresolvednevertoleaveanonkitchenitemontheisland.Keepingthe

kitchenislandclearcreatedmoreorderinthecentralhubofthehouseandkept

theworksurfaceclearforcookingoreatingwhilesittingononeoftheisland’sbar stools.Rebecca created new storage for all the items that used to take upresidenceon the island—acoatrack forhats andgloves, adrawerdedicated tomail,abinforanyitemthatneededtobeputawayelsewhere(suchastoysandtools).Opening the front door and seeing a clutter-free space helpedmotivateRebeccatokeepherhouseneatandclutterfree.

DeskSet

Alanwas an accomplishedwriter and lawyerwhoseworkweek included bookwriting, legalwork, teaching, blogging for a celebratedmagazine, and speechwriting for a governor. All this varied work converged on his desk at home,whichonanygivendaymightbeclutteredwithpapers,mail,coffeecups,books,andresearchmaterials.Duringperiodsofstressthedeskpileswouldgrowoutofcontrol, and Alan felt his productivity was hampered by his disorderlyenvironment.Attheendofeachdayhetoldhimselfheshouldcleanup,buthewasoftentootiredorpressedbyeveningcommitmentstofollowthrough.Alan made a microresolution to clean up my desk as the first task in my

working day. No sitting down towork until the deskwas completely orderly.Eachmorninghewouldremovefoodwrappersandcoffeecups,stackandsortmail,tossdrafts,andfileanypapersheneededtokeepforreference.OnlywhenhisdeskwascleardidAlanbegintowork.Ashewaseagertogettoworkeachmorning, hebrought tremendous energy andmotivation to theperformanceofhisnewbehavior.Sittingdowntoanorderlyworkspaceeachdayimprovedhisneatnessmindset, and he found himself tidying his deskmore during the daythan before he had made his morning cleanup resolution. Finally, the dailyclearingofthedeskforcedmoreeverydayorganization—betterfiles,up-to-dateto-dolists,anddeskorganizers.Smallmove,bigchange.

NoVacancy

Samregularlydidthelaundrybuthatedputtingthelaundryaway.Thelaundrybagwouldsitonthefloorfordays,andhewouldjustgrabtheitemsheneededdirectly from the bag, only managing to fully unload the bag days later. The

bag’ssemipermanentoccupancyonthefloorseemedtoattractotheritems,suchasbagsoftoiletriesboughtatthedrugstoreoraboxofpaperfortheprinter,untiltherewasalittlepile.Sammadeamicroresolutiontobringthelaundrybagintothe bedroom only when I am ready to unpack it. Once he beganworking hismicroresolutionwithoutexcuses,herealizedhisprocrastinationinunloadingthelaundrywasdue to insufficientdrawer space, sounloadingwasnever fastandalwaysfrustrating.Samboughtatallandnarrowchestofdrawersjustforsocks,underwear,andT-shirts.Thismadeunpackingthelaundryabreeze.Tothisfirstneatness resolutionSamaddeda resolution to removeallpurchases frombagsright away. Making the individual items visible turned out to be the key togettingthemputawaymorequickly.It’s amazing how a space that is kept neater in just a single respect creates

bothgreatercalmandenergy:inthebedroom,thebed;inthebathroom,towels;in the kitchen, dishes; in the foyer,mail; in the office, the desk; in the livingroom, the coffee table. A single new neatness habit can make a tremendousdifferenceinthequalityofyourlivingandleadtolessstress,moreproductivity,increasedcontentment,andatasteforgreaterorder.MyfriendMariaoncesaidtome,“Onceyougetusedtoorder,boy,there’sno

goingback,”andI’vecometoappreciatehercommentmoreandmore.Iliveafarfromperfectlyorderedlife,buttheorderIhaveachievedIcherish.Becomingneaterhasahugeeffectonmindset,perhapsbecauseneatnesshassuchastrongvisualcomponent.Ifyoulearntohangupyourbathroomtowelsneatly,seeingtheminaheaporhangingatweirdanglesfromthetowelrackisreallygoingtobugyou.Ifyougiveupyourhabitofleavingthehallclosetopenwhenyougrabyourcoatandinsteadteachyourselftocloseit,soonyou’llautomaticallycloseanygapingclosetdoorordrawerbecauseitjustlookswrong.That’swhydrivinga microresolution hard, with single-minded purpose, is so critical. It’s therelentlesspracticeofyourhabitthatestablishesanewnormalforyourmindset.

CHAPTER14

Relationships

Foreveryactionthereisanequalandoppositereaction.—Newton’sthirdlawofmotion

The relationships we foster with family, partners, friends, and coworkersdetermine much of our personal happiness and professional success.Relationshipsarethehumanchannelsthroughwhichwelearn,teach,grow,andbecomeourselves.Highlydynamic, the toneandbalanceof a relationship canhinge on something as slender as a passing comment. In a relationship anychange to one person affects the other, whether the change is physical,emotional,financial,orlinkedtoanevent,suchasgettinganewjob.So how can just one person in a relationship make a microresolution that

improvesarelationship?Byshiftingbehavioratthevitalmargin.Whileyoumaythinkthatyourrelationshipissuesinvolveofnecessity theotherguy,youcan’tchange the other guy, you can only change yourself. The good news is that achange in your behavior can, on its own, increase mutual understanding andenjoyment, reduce stress, foster love, build respect, and keep simpledisagreementsfromescalatingintopainfulconflicts.Andasthefatherofphysicsfamously observed, there will be a reaction from the other guy, because anychangeinarelationshipdynamicwillhavereciprocal,iflopsided,effects.Oftenweresistchangingourownbehavior ina relationshipbecauseweget

hunguponnegotiatingoutcomesthatwethinkareabsolutelyfair.Relationshipsaren’tgenerallyfair,ifby“fair”wemeanthateverythingisequal.Onepartnermaydomore for theother;onemayearnmore;onemaybemoreempathetic,energetic, neat, easygoing, outgoing, complacent, successful, compliant,confident, confrontational, righteous, timid, or aggressive. Partners maycontribute fully and in good faith to the relationship’s health and success, butthatdoesn’tmeanthatsuchcontributionscanbeweighedonascaleandbroughtintoperfectbalance.Itmightnotbefairthatyouworktoimproveyourbehaviorwhen the other guy ismostly to blame, but itmight get you to a better place

fasterthanwaitingontheotherguytoimprovehimself.Ifyourrelationshipwithyourmothermakesyouunhappy,tryingtogethertoaddresshershortcomingsisprobably a longer (and perhaps less productive) road than simply modifyingyourresponsetoherbehaviorpatternstoreducefrictionandachieveahealthierrelationshipdynamic.Relationshipsmaynotbesymmetrical,buttheyaresymbiotic.Disruptingjust

onenegative relationshipdynamiccan immediately improveyour relationship,whetherit’sathome,atschool,attheoffice,orwithafriendorromanticpartner.Ifyoupaycloseattentiontohowyourcommunicationwith,investmentin,andeven thoughts of another person affect you both, you’ll identify behavioralpatternsthatyoucouldimproveallonyourown.

Self-Expression

I’dbeenpracticingmicroresolutionsforoverayearbeforeImademymarriagethetargetofamicroresolution.Onenight,whileapologizingtomyhusbandafterheremindedmeofsomethingIhadn’tdone,IrealizedhowmuchresentmentIfelt.Attheendofadaythatincludedgettingmydaughterofftoschool,workingeleven demanding hours onWall Street, and cooking dinner for everyone, hisreminder felt unfair—but I rushed to apologize anyway. I followed up myapologywithanelaborateexplanationofallIhaddonethatday.ApologizingwassomethingIwitnessedmymotherdoingall the timeIwas

growingup.Sheworkedlikecrazytokeepthreekidsandahusbandontrackandhappy, yet she apologized regularly for anything she missed. She was thehousekeeper,gourmetcook,gardener,psychologist,nurse,laundress,artteacher,tutor, ego booster, and chauffeur. She put herself last, and yet she apologizedinstantlyforanythingshefailedtodoandthefewsacrificesshewouldn’tmake.Ithinkshethoughtthatapologizingwastheeasiestwaytodefusethebadhumorofothers,butatsomelevelshemusthavefeltangrythat,despitebeingdeeplyloved by her family, her extraordinary efforts on their behalf weren’t fullyappreciated.Here I was, a generation later, a successful working mother, observing in

myselfthesamehabitofmakingneedlessapologiesovertrivialissues.Steppingbackfrommybehavior, I realized thatmyapologiesdidn’t seemtopleasemyhusbandeither;neitheroneofusfeltgoodaftertheseexchanges.IaskedmyselfwhatwouldhappenifIjuststoppedapologizingforthesmallthingsI’dmissed.

WhatifinresponsetoareminderorrareadmonishmentIdidn’tsayanythingorjust said, “okay,” “yeah,” “got it,” or “oops”? I decided to give it a try. Iresolved:

TostopapologizingtomyhusbandwhenIdidn’treallymeanit

Itwasn’tuntil I tried to stopapologizing that I realizedhowoften I felt theimpulse to apologize and then explain. But stoppingmyself from apologizinghadanalmostmagicaleffect.Tobeginwith,skippingtheapologymeantIdidn’tburnalotofenergydefendingmyself,andIstayedcoolandrelaxed.BecauseIdidn’tapologizefalsely,Ididn’tfeelabasedorangry,andIcouldseethatmostofthesmallthingsmyhusbandbroughtupdidn’treallyrequireanexplanation.Ihad been responding to his comments as gotchas; now I stopped worryingwhether or not theywere intended as gotchas and just acknowledged them asinformational.Ifatreefallsintheforestandnooneisaroundtohearit,doesitmakeasound?Ifagotchadoesn’tgetcha,isitstillagotcha?As soon as I stopped explaining myself my resentment dissipated and I

realized that my knee-jerk (i.e., autopilot) defensiveness had only served toamplifypetty frictions.Simplyacknowledgingmyhusband’s comment insteadofdefendingmyselfkepttheoxygenfrombeingsuckedoutoftheentireeveningand created an opportunity (airtime) for my husband to play down thetransaction himself. Where my effusive apologies had mostly been met withstony silence, my new de minimis acknowledgments seemed to prompt myhusbandtocloseoutissueshimselfbysayingsomethinglike“Iknowyouhavealotonyourplate”or“It’snobigdeal.”OnceIridmyselfofthesegratuitousapologies,Icouldseethattheyhadbeen

atactic—myapologywasreallyjustanexcusetoreciteallIhaddonethatmyhusbandshouldappreciateandmakehimfeelguiltyforpickingonme.Undoingmy habit of instant apology/explanation made me feel lighter, less burdened,becauseIhadletgoofsomeemotionalbaggage.Ibecameabetterhalf.Thenobad-faithapologiespledgeisapowerfulmodelforamicroresolution

focusedon self-expression in a relationship.Whatwe say,howwe say it, andhow we react to emotional cues determine whether or not we are heard andunderstoodandourmostpersonalfeelingsappreciated.Identifyingandchanginga negative pattern in self-expression can lead both to a positive shift in arelationship and greater personal authenticity. The first step in achievingprogressistotakeacloselookathowyoucommunicateyourneeds,thoughts,andsupporttoyouroppositenumberinarelationship.

EngagingonAutopilot

If your goal in a relationship is greater understanding andharmony, analyzingwhatcuesnegativeengagementisapowerfulstartingpointforamicroresolutionfocused on achieving cleaner, clearer, and more satisfying interactions. Inanalyzing your reactions to the behavior of others, you might discover thatyou’ve fallen into response patterns that impede mutual understanding andpersonalgrowth.Wemaynotthinkofourrelationshipsasgovernedbyautopilot,butguilt-tripping,one-upping,told-you-so-ing,lastword–ing,scolding,grudge-holding, snarkism, sarcasm, put-downs, interrupting, defending, complaining,andbossingareallhabitsthatareautomaticallysetinmotionbycuesthatyoudon’t even realize exist. If you can identify these cues, you can createmicroresolutionstoretrainyourautopilottorespondinahealthierway.Mostoftheseresponses,eventhemostaggressiveones,aredefensive(e.g.,beingsnarkytoalovedonetoexpresshurtfeelingswithoutacknowledgingvulnerability).Ifyou examine these reciprocal dynamics in a particular relationship, you’lldiscover opportunities to shift your behavior at the vital margin to achieve abetterrelationshipsandamoreauthenticself.

ShoutingDown

Beingaparentcanbeafrustratingexperience.Wewantsomuchtobeabletohelp our children, yet we often feel that they don’t hear or respond to ourguidance.Althoughwemaysometimesfeeltemptedtogivethemagoodshaketoawakenthemtoourmessage,abreakthroughismorelikelyifweshakeupourownbehavior.As my daughter approached her teens, I often reacted to her new

rebelliousnesswithtoomuchheat.ThishappenedifIwasespeciallyfrustratedwithherbehaviororstressedoutaboutwhatIperceivedtobemyownfailuresas a parent. In such confrontations, I would raise my voice repeatedly,intensifying the battle of wills until we ended up in a loud, tearful standoff.Thinkingthroughtheseepisodesandhowtheyescalatedoutofcontrol,Iputonmymicroresolution thinking cap and decided to turnmy own behavior on itshead. I resolved to lower my voice in response to a provocative action orcomment by my daughter. As it turned out, speaking quietly created more

intensity than yelling.Mypoints came across as deliberate and serious. Ifmydaughter continued to raise her voice, I loweredmine further until she had toquietherselftohearme.ThisputthefocusonthecontentofwhatIwassaying,rather than on my manner of communication—my yelling had only made iteasier formydaughter todismissme.Mymicroresolutiondidn’t always carrytheday,butitoftenkeptthetwoofusfromgoingtothebrink,itleftthelinesofcommunicationopen,andIfeltalotbetteraboutmyconductasaparent.Theabilitytorespondtothecontentofacommunicationratherthantoitstone

and manner is a very valuable skill, both in and outside the workplace. Theemotional style of a communicationmay be provocative, butwhat is actuallybeingsaid?Ifyourfather’s tone issoaggressivewhenhe’s tellingyouhowtohandleasituationthathisadviceseemsmorelikeanorderthanasuggestion,itmightstillbegoodadvice.Ifyouhabituallyrespondwithangerorprotestationsthatyou’renotanidiotorbyhangingupthephone,perhapsamicroresolutiontoalwaysrepeatadvicegiven tomebyDadbefore respondingwouldgiveyouachance to hear the advice in your own voice and a neutral tone beforeresponding.OryoumightresolvetothankDadforhisrecommendationswithoutgiving my own opinion. Or if you really fear being drawn further into adiscussion (or debate), youmight resolve to respond to Dad’s advice only bysaying, ‘You’vegivenmea lot to thinkabout.’Youmaynevergetyourdad toexpress his advice in away that respects your autonomy and fullmaturity, sowhyparticipateinthisemotionalgrappling?Instead,makeamicroresolutiontorespond in a way that puts you in control of your own feelings and self-expressionratherthanrespondinginawaythatgetsyouintoanemotionalarmsracewithyourparent.

ButHowDoYouReallyFeel?

Julia had the habit of second-guessing what others really wanted or meant:Wasn’tJennytoobusytocomeouttodinnerbutjustdidn’twanttodisappointher?Neilhadagreedtojoinherforamoviebuthistonehadbeencool;shouldshelethimoffthehook?Rebeccasaidshedidn’tneedhelp,butsheseemedsobeleaguered; shouldn’t shekeepofferinguntilRebeccaaccepted? Inobsessingabouthowbesttogratifytheunspokenneedsofothers,Juliaendedupsendingmixed signals herself, alwaysgiving the other person an “out” after he or shehad accepted an invitation, repeatedly offering help to those who said they

needednohelp, and seeking frequent reassurances that an already-agreedplanwas still on. Julia made amicroresolution to take friends at their word. Thatmeant ignoringpossiblebackstoriesandperceivedemotionalatmosphericsandsimply accepting that what was said was what was meant. Her resolutionrequiredthatshesimplytakeyesornoforananswerwithoutsecond-guessing.Juliafoundherresolutionunbelievablydifficult;beforeshecouldstopherself

she’dofferexcusesontheotherperson’sbehalf.Shetunedherresolutionduringitsfirstweeks,scalingitbacktoasinglerelationshipthatsheusedtomodelhernew behavior.With practice, she learned to work through her discomfort andstopherselffromdoingthethinkingforbothherselfandtheotherpersonintherelationship.At that point Julia expanded hermicroresolution to cover all hersocial relationships.Didshecontinue towonderwhat friendXmight reallybethinking?Yes,butshedidn’tactonherinsecuritybyquizzingherfriendaboutunexpressedfeelings;insteadsherespondedbasedonwhatheorshehadsaid.Indoingso,Juliadiscoveredthattheambivalencesheattributedtoherfriendswasoften her own, but it wasn’t until she stopped fixating on the realwishes ofothersthatshecouldbringherownfeelingsintofocus.Herinteractionsbecamemore direct and less exhaustive and exhausting. Julia is now considering amicroresolution to cover her work relationships, where she realizes she oftensecond-guessesherbossandisoverlysolicitousofcoworkers.

DisappointingOthers

Sometimes the fear of disappointing others leads us to express ourselves indishonestways.Tellingsomeonethatthey’renotgettingpromotedisadifficultworkcommunication,anddisappointmentistobeexpected;ifyoutrytospareyour worker’s feelings by telling him the cause was simply “quotas” or“politics,” you’re sending a message that his own efforts don’t matter, anddepriving him of feedback thatmight contribute to a successful outcome nexttime.Ifyouarelettinganemployeegobecauseofpoorperformance, tryingtodepersonalizetheinteractionbyblamingthesystemorshieldinghimfromyourreasoning negates your relationship with him and isolates him at a criticalmoment in his life. Trying to get between a child and his disappointment byconvincing him thatwhat he lostwasn’t reallyworth havingwon’tmake himfeelbetterorhelphimtocometogripswithoneoflife’sessentialrealities:Youcan’talwaysgetwhatyouwant.Ifyoufindthatyouhabituallyavoidsituations

andconversationsthatmaycausedisappointment,youmightdiscover,asintheexamplebelow,thatamicroresolutioncanhelpyoutolearntorespondinamorerespectfulwaythatcreatesgreatertrust.

TheFavorofaReplyIsRequested

Alistairwasanintelligentandcharmingperson,sociallymuchindemand,whohada terrible timedisappointingpeople,bothacquaintancesandthoseclose tohim.Hehadtroubledeclininginvitations,discouragingcasualget-togethers,orcuttingoffphoneconversations thatwenton too long.Rather thansayno toasolicitation,heputoffreturningphonecalls,andevene-mailswentunansweredforweeks.IfAlistairwaspressedfortimeandranintoacolleagueeagertochat,he escaped by asking him to lunch at a future date, even if he was alreadyoverwhelmed by work and social commitments. This habit of avoiding anddeferringrather thandisappointingcreatedapileofemotionalIOUsthatcouldneverbepaidoff.Alistairwasdeterminedtotrytomakeachangeinhisbehavior,atleastinthe

workplace.He resolved thatwhenhewas inahurryandencounteredachattycolleague,hewouldnotendtheconversationbypromisingto“talklater,”“callyou,”or“have lunch.”He forcedhimself to say thathehad togo,wasonhiswaysomewhere,orhadanappointmentandjustleftitatthat.“It’skillingme,”saysAlistair,“butI’mdoingit,anditgetsalittleeasiereverytime.YesterdayIjustsortofblurtedoutIhadtorunbeforeIhadachancetocringe.”Ifyou’repartofarelationshipdynamicthatyou’dliketoimprove,thinkabout

the circumstances that cue your negative behavior and come up with amicroresolution that replaces a negative response pattern with a constructiveone.Whenyourmother talksaboutyourbrother’sbrilliant career,does it leadyoutotrytotakeyourbrotherdownapeg?Whatwouldhappenifyouresolvedtomatcheverythingyourmothersaidaboutyourbrotherwithsomethingequallynice,or justcalmlywenton toadifferent topic,or resolvednever tomakeanaccusationof favoritism?(Honestly,whatdoes itgetyou?)Whenyourpartnertellsyouheorshewillbehomeatacertainhourandheorsheisanhourlate,doyourespondwiththesilenttreatment,ruiningwhat’sleftoftheevening?Whatwouldhappenifyougreetedyourpartnerwarmlyandcommittedyourselftoanenjoyableeveninganyway?Whenacoworkerwho is lesscompetentcomes toyou forhelp,doyoumake sure that thebossknows it later?Howmightyour

relationshiptotheentireteamandyourownleadershipimproveifyouresolvednot to promote yourself bymentioning such incidents to the boss? Once yourealizethatyouyourselfcandisruptaningrainedrelationshippatternbymakingashiftinyourownbehavior,you’llbeabletodevisemicroresolutionsthatmakearealdifferencewithfamily,romanticpartners,friends,andcoworkers.

OntheJob

Successatworkcandependheavilyonthequalityofyourrelationships—withyour boss, coworkers, reports, clients, and customers. Building strongrelationshipsboostsyoureffectivenessandcreatesavaluablenetworktosupportyou throughout yourworking life.One poor relationship atwork can threatenyoursuccess, renderyoureffortson the job lesseffective,andcastapalloveryourentireworkingday.As discussed at the outset of this chapter, if you find yourself in a work

relationship that needs improving, focusing on the shortfalls of the other guywon’t lead toabreakthrough.Butchanging justonebehaviorofyourown—atendency to interrupt, complain, dismiss, or defend—canput your relationshiponahealthiertrack.

LetMeFinishAftermanyyearsinthesamemanagerialposition,Christinemovedintoanewjobthatshethoughtrepresentedagreatopportunity.Hernewassignmentcamewithanewboss,herfirstafteryearsofworkingforamanagerwhohadbeenbothamentorandaclosefriend.Christine’snewbosshadanaggressivemannerandwasmorelikelytofaultthanpraise.Andhehadacommunicationhabitthatdrovehernuts:Duringtheirone-on-onemeetingsheinterruptedherwheneverhethoughtheknewwhatshewasgoingtosay.IfhegotitwrongandChristinepersistedinclarifyingherpoint,heseemedtofeelone-upped,andshefeltfrustratedthatshewasn’tabletocommunicatehereffortsandachievementsclearly.Christine felt her boss’s impatience was rude, but after several weeks she

acceptedthathisbehaviorwasn’t likelytochange.Shebeganthinkingthroughhowshemightadjustherownbehaviorso thatsheandherbossdidn’tendupwrangling over punch lines. Christine made a microresolution to create abriefing paper to send to her boss the night before their weekly meeting.

Preparingthebriefwouldbeextrawork,butitwouldgiveherachancetomakeherpointswithout a fight.She included aboldheadline for every topic in thebrief,sothatifherbossdidn’treadthedetailshecouldstillseewhereshewasheaded.Christinewassorrytogiveuptheinformalmeetingstylethathadbeensoproductivewithherpreviousmanager,butshefeltshehadtomakeachangeifshewastocreateabettercommunicationdynamicwithhernewboss.Thebriefingnotestransformedthemeetingandmadeitfeellesscompetitive.

Christine’s boss could get straight to the issues he thought merited moreattention, and their discussions took off, becoming both shorter and moreproductive. In the aftermath Christine realized that she had been so eager toshowhernewbossallthatshehadbeendoingandthinkingthathehadbecomeimpatientwiththemeetingpace.Shehadbeenusingthemeetingtoreviewherworkratherthanasaspringboardformakingdecisions.Preparingthebriefgaveherthechancetodemonstrateallherthinkingandactionswithoutboggingdownthediscussion.Christine’smicroresolutionmadehertimewiththebossreallyproductive,but

it’simportanttoemphasizethehabitsthathadtobecreatedtomakeitwork.Thefirsttimeshesentherbossthebriefsheraisedhisexpectationsthattherewouldalwaysbeabriefsent thenightbefore themeeting,andshowingupwithout itwould have counted as a fail. Introducing the briefmeant institutionalizing it,anditrequiredpracticeanddisciplinetomakeanabsoluteroutineofit.

ViralSelf-ImprovementSimonwasgivenanassignmenttobeginmanagingateamthatwasunderperformingandhadsuffereddefectionsofteammemberstootherprojectsandcompanies.Theteamhadanentrenched,depletedatmosphere,confidencewaslow,andtheteamwasfacingadifficultprojectschedule.Simon understood that to be successful he would have to lift the team’s

performancebyturningaroundunderperformersorbyreplacingthem.Heknewthathisreputationasanaggressivemanagerhadprecededhimandsawthathisnewteamviewedhimwarily.Whilehewascommittedtotakingtoughactionstoturn the team around, he began thinking about his own behavior andwhat hemight do differently to win the trust of the team and foster a culture ofexcellence.If he wanted others to improve, Simon reasoned, he would have to

demonstrate thathevieweddevelopmental feedbackasapersonalopportunity.Simonmadeamicroresolutiontoendbiweeklyface-to-facemeetingswitheachofhisnewmanagersbyaskingforfeedbackonwhathecouldbedoingbetter.Thefirstfewtimesheaskedfortheirfeedback,hismanagerswereeithermostly

vagueormadeonlypositivecomments.Simonpersisted inhis resolution, andhisreportssoonbegancomingpreparedtogivedirectfeedback.Promptedbyhisexample, most of his direct reports began asking him for developmentalfeedback,allowinghimtoengageteamleadersaboutperformanceshortfallsinanaturalandpositiveway.FollowingthepatternestablishedbySimon,manyofhis managers began asking their teams for feedback, prompting deeperconversationsaboutwhatneededtochangeandcreatinganatmosphereofopencollegiality and collaboration. Soon a culture of continuous engagement,feedback,andproblemsolvingtookhold,andtheteambegantoimprove.WhileSimondidreplacesomepeopleonthe teamforpoorperformance,mostof theoriginalteamsurvived,andinninemonthstheteamwashumming.

WhyMe?

AlthoughGretawasagoodpersonwhoenjoyedagoodtime,shehadahabitofcomplaining.She complained about trivial episodeson transit, atwork, and atmerchants—thebusthatdidn’tstopwhenthedriverclearlysawherrunningforit,thebutcherwhogaveherloinratherthanriblambchops,thesalesclerkwhopressuredherintobuyingsomethingshedidn’treallywant.Greta was a hard worker, very skilled and conscientious, but if she had to

work late, pick up the slack for an absent employee, or miss lunch, shecomplainedaboutit.Shewasn’tapersonofillwill;hercomplaintsweremostlyamisguidedattempttobondwithotheremployeesandtofeelagreatersenseofbelonging(we’reallpowerlesstogether).After Greta received feedback that she wasn’t being promoted to a more

seniorspotbecausehernegativeattitudewasn’t rightfora leadershipposition,shebegantotakestock.Herfirstimpulsewastofeelthatshehadbeentreatedunfairly, as her general resentmentwas a defensive posture.But looking backover her career, she could see a pattern in her attitude and behavior that shedecidedneededseriousattention.Greta’sfirstmicroresolutionwasIwillnottobethefirsttocomplainabouta

work issue. The very first day of her resolution, something happened in theofficethatshethoughtworthyofcomplaint.Inaccordancewithherresolution,shemadenocommentandinsteadwaitedeagerlyforsomeoneelsetobitch.Sherecalls, “I thought to myself,Here it comes, here it comes, wait for it!—andnothing happened.No one said a thing!” It was days before anyone voiced amildcomplaintonadifferent topic. “Itwasme,”Greta said. “Inever realizedthat Iwasat thecoreof thecomplaining; it seemed tobeageneral thing.But

whenIstoppedtakingthelead,mostofitdiedoff.”Greta’spledgenottocomplainfirstisaclassicexampleofworkingthevital

margin.Gretadidn’tpledgenever tocomplainagainunderanycircumstances;insteadhertargetwaslimited,reasonable,and,asitturnedout,revelatory.Ifyouhavethehabitofcomplainingatwork,youmighttryaresolutionthat

placessomelimitsonyourcomplaining.Forexample,youmightresolvetogiveupcomplainingaboutacertaintopic(coworkers,boss,workassignments,hours)orlimitwhomyoucomplainto(forexample,Iresolvetocomplainaboutworkonlyathome)orlimitwhenyoucomplain(Iresolvenottocomplainatlunchoroncoffeebreaks).Ifyou’reacomplainer inyourpersonal life,youmight resolve togiveupa

single (boring) category of complaint entirely, such as traffic/transit/travel,disappointing food, the weather, minor health issues, petty work grievances,life’snecessaryerrands/chores,orminordissesyou’vesuffered.Narrowingyourresolution to a very specific target you know you can achieve is the key tomakingyourbehavioralshiftstick.Reversingthecomplaininghabitwillbehardwork, since complaining is a kind of self-comfort. So think fearlessly about achangeinbehaviorthatwillhaveapositiveimpact,andworkit.Listeningtoachroniccomplainerturnsouttobemorethanjustannoying,it’s

actually bad for your brain! New research conducted at Friedrich SchillerUniversity in Germany demonstrates that being on the receiving end ofcomplaining can have a negative effect on your brain, outlook, and ability tosolveproblems.*Ifyouplaytheroleofeartoachroniccomplaineratworkorinyourpersonallife,thinkaboutamicroresolutionthatwillshakeupthedynamicsothatyoudon’tendupabsorbingallthatnegativity.

CallMeMaybeMeioftenrespondedtoissuesraisedbyclients,colleagues,andsubordinatesthroughe-mails.Shefoundcommunicatingasynchronouslyconvenienttoherworkscheduleandlessstressfulthanin-personorphonecommunication,especiallyiftherewereissuestoresolve.Butherlengthye-mailresponsesledtohardenedpositionsmoreoftenthantobetterunderstanding.Afteronesuchexchangeblewupwithaclientandcausedaninterventionbyherboss,Meithoughtaboutherhabitofconductingmostofherclientbusinessthroughe-mail.Shemadeamicroresolutionthatifanissuedidn’tgetresolvedafteronebriefe-mailexchange,shewouldpickupthephoneandcallhercorrespondent.Callingupacolleagueorclientandsaying,“Isawyoure-mail.Shallwetalkitthroughtogether?”ismuchmoredisarmingthansendinga“noneedtoworrybecauseyouhaveitallwrong”e-mail,andsomeofthe

conversationsendedwithasimple“Nevermind!”withinsixtyseconds.It’sworthemphasizingthatmakingacommitmenttotakedisagreementsoutofe-maileverytimetakesdisciplineandpracticebeforetheimpulsetotypeisreplacedbytheimpulsetodial.Examiningtheroleacommunicationchannel—e-mail,text,phone,chat,socialmedia,facetoface—playsinarelationshipdynamicmightrevealanopportunitytomakeachangethatleadstomoreproductiveexchanges.Theskill,creativity,anddedicationyoubringtotheperformanceofyourjob

is the greatest predictor of your success, whether your job is tending bar,managinganewsroom,ornursingpeoplebacktohealth.Butthesuccessofyourrelationships atworkwill alsodetermineyour effectiveness andhowyour jobperformanceisperceived:yourabilitytoworkwithapositiveattitudeandasaproductive member of a team, manage diverse relationships in a healthy andprofessional manner, communicate effectively with others, and lead withintegrity. Changing a key behavior or attitude through a microresolution canimproveyourjobperformance,satisfaction,andcareerprospects.

BeingThere

I once attended amaster class given by StellaAdler,Marlon Brando’s actingteacher,whereIheardhersaytoanactorstrugglingtoplayacharacterinlove,“Howcanyoutellwhenasomeoneisinlove?Howcanyoutell?Youcantellbecause they pay attention. They pay attention to their lover’s every action,gesture,andexpression.So,”shecontinuedtotheactor(andtheentireroom),“ifyou’replayingsomeoneinlove,givetheloveobjectyourcompleteattentioninascene.Evenifyouaren’tlookingatyourloverdirectly,evenifyou’retalkingtoanother character, you arealwayspayingattention.Everything the loveobjectdoesshouldfascinateyou.”What’s the quality of your attention when you finally make time for an

importantrelationship?Doyoucheckyourcellphoneforupdateswhenyou’reout with your kid and immediately respond to even noncritical e-mails as hechompsdownhisgrilledcheese insilence?Doyoumultitaskon thecomputerwhilecarryingonaphoneconversationwithaparent?Ifyourgirlfriendcomesinto a room and sighs, do you pretend not to have heard her through yourearbuds?Doyouspaceoutassoonasyourspousebeginstellingyoudetailsofahobbyorworkprojectbutmakegruntsatintervalstoindicateactivelistening?

Inshort,doyoupayattention,ordoyouphoneitin?Ourmultitasking, asynchronous, headlines-only, emoticon culture can erode

communicationandconnectioninevenourmostcherishedrelationships.Yetjustas you learned to understand and communicate in texts consisting of fourmisspelledwordsanda facemadeoutof a colonandaparenthesismark,youcan retrain yourself through microresolutions to pay better attention to therelationshipsthatmattermost,whenitmattersmost.

OutofPocketAdivorceddadoftwobuddingteenagers,Alexwantedtomaketheweekendshehadwiththekidscount.Hemovedoutofthecityandintoacommunityofrusticweekendhousesthatshareonethousandacresofhikingtrails,lakes,andhorsebackriding.TheideawastocreateasecondhomewithdistinctadvantagesoverthelifethechildrenlivedinManhattan.Duringthefirstweekendinthehouse, thekidsspentplentyof timeontheir

phones, talking and texting with friends, exploring apps, and playing games.While the kids occupied themselveswith their electronics,Alex caught up onworkonhiscomputer.AfterhedroppedthekidsatschoolMondaymorning,herealized that although they had spent the entireweekend together, they hadn’thadthekindofexperiencethatthemovetothecountrywassupposedtomakepossible.Whatwasthepointofgatheringtogether inawonderfulsettingifallthree of them just enjoyed their electronics severally? So in the two weeksleadinguptotheirnextweekendtogether,Alexresolvedtolimitcell-phonetimeonweekenddays toanhour.Whenhe told thekids about thenew rule, therewere vehement protests. “What do I tell my friends?” demanded his highlysocialpreteendaughter.“Tell themyourdad’sa jerk!” (or similar),he replied.Alexcollectedthecellphonesandgavethembackeachdayat5:00p.m.forhalfanhour.Theweekendsbecameaboutgoingoutsidetoswim,ride,orhike.Intheevenings they read,playedboardgames (!),orwatchedamovie together.Thegrousingabout thephonesstopped.AndAlexhimselfkept to the rule, stayingoff the phone for all but themost important business calls. The house in thewoodsdidindeedbecomethespecialplacehehadenvisionedforhischildren.

Rerun

Franhadademandingjobandwenttobedearlierthanherhusband,Ted,whosework kept him up long pastmidnight.Ted often kept the television on in thebackground,sometimeswatchinga latemovieat theendof thenightwhenheran out of creative steam.He liked to recap thesemovies to Fran, which she

found extremely boring, such boredom expressed in lack of eye contact,fidgeting,andsighing.Butdespitethelackofinterestsheshowed,Tedcontinuedto tell her about the movies. Since he was going to tell her anyway, Franreasoned, shemight aswellmake him feel good about it by respondingwithmoreinterest.SheresolvedtogiveTedmycompleteattentionwhenhetellsmeabout a movie. Rather than busying herself with something as her husbandrecounted the previous night’smovie, Fran kept eye contact as he talked andevenaskedquestions.Whileshesayssheneverreallygotmuchmoreinterested,thewarmth her attention createdwas palpable. “I’m honestly surprised,” saysFran,“howmuchgoodwillwascreatedbetweenusjustbymysittingdownandgivinghimmycompleteattentionwhenhe toldmeaboutamovie.Thewholethingonlytookfiveminutes,wherewhenIwastryingtodiscouragehimfromtellingmeitseemedlikeforever.AndIrealizedsomethingelseonceIstoppedresisting—Ihad felt resentful thatTed’sworkallowedhim to stayup late andwatchfilms,whenIhavetogetupsoearly.”Payingattentionmakeslovedonesandworkcolleaguesfeelvalued.Whileit’s

impossibletopaycloseattentiontoanotherpersonallthetime(posthoneymoon,anyway), picking up the most important bids for attention (cues) can workwonders. If your partner has a special project or hobby, youmight resolve toshowparticularinterestwheneveritcomesup(isolatethecue),ratherthanjustnoddinginanabsentwaywhilewaitingtoengageonatopicthatinterestsyou.

MakingTime

It’shardtopayattentiontopeopleifyou’realwaystoobusytospendtimewiththem.Timeinadayisazero-sumgame—youcan’tmakemoreofit,soit’sreallyall

aboutpriorities.Mostofyourtimeismanagedbyautopilot,wheretheprioritiesare baked in.Youmay not thinkmuch about spending two hours reading thenewspaperonSundays,butifyoudoitregularly,it’satoppriority.IfyouspendtimesurfingtheInterneteveryeveningorveggingoutforafewhoursofrealityTV, those are the priorities you’ve established for your time. If a relationshipyou’d like to improve wants attention, examine how you might change yourhabitstofreeupmoretimeforit.Manyofuscountontheweekendsforcatchingupwithothersanddevoting

time topersonal interests.Yetweekend time,which from thevantagepoint of

Mondayappearsasalavish,solidblockoffreetime,revealsitselfaslimitedandfragmented by Saturdaymorning. If you cheat on sleep throughout theweek,youmaysleepawayhalfofSaturdayandstumblethroughtherestofthedayathalf throttle. Add to that miscalculation the burden of myriad chores andobligations that collect throughout the week, and it’s easy to find yourselfwondering on Sunday night how it is you didn’t manage to find time for anouting with a partner, friend, or child or a single hour to pursue a personalinterest.Using microresolutions to help you get more sleep during the week (see

chapter10, “Sleep”) so that youdon’twastehalf theweekend rechargingwillreleasesometimethatyoucanspendonyourselforothers.Dittocreatinghabitsthat keep administrative work from becoming an oppressive pile that can bedispensed only via a marathon weekend session (see chapter 17,“Organization”).Anotherway to increase the time you have for nurturing relationships is to

convertasoloactivity(onweekdaysorweekends)intoanopportunitytospendtime with someone. Walking to work with a colleague; working out with afriend;establishingamonthlylunchwithasubordinate;doinglaundrywithyourgirlfriend;goingtothegreenmarketwithaparent;doingyourownhomeworkatthekitchentablealongsideyourkid—examinehowyouspendyourdaysandseeif you can commit to a microresolution that creates a new opportunity forsharingandconnection.

KitchenConfidentialForyearsmyroutineonreturninghomefromworkwastocheckinwiththefamandthengetstraightontomakingtheeveningmeal.Iputpressureonmyselftogetdinneronthetableatareasonablehour,thatpressureincreasingifImadealateexitfromwork.Asrevealedbymypersonalanecdotesinthebook,I’maspeedymultitasker,andnowhereisthismoreevidentthaninthekitchen,wheremyactionsresemblethoseofaBenihanaChefminusthegraceandentertainmentvalue.Whenmyhusbandcameintothekitchentohangout,I’dtellhimI’drathervisitduringdinner.Butdinnerwasthethreeofus,andmuchofthetimeafterdinnerwasabsorbedbyhomeworkandbedtimeroutines.MyhusbandandIoftendidn’thaveachancetovisitaloneuntillateintheevening,whenweweremostdepleted.Intryingtoaltermyhabitstocreatemoreweeknighttimewithmyhusband,I

madeamicroresolutiontohangwithhimduringdinnerprep,evenif itsloweddinner down. It took me a while after making this resolution to relax myapproachenoughtoenjoyvisitingwithhimwhileIwasmakingdinner.Dinner

did indeedendup takingabout tenminutes longer toprepare,but inexchangeforthisminordelayIgainedaroundfortyminutesofearly-eveningtimewithmyhusband.ThewholedinnerhourwasmorerelaxedsincemyhusbandandIhadalreadysynceduponourdaysanddiscussedanypressingissuesbeforewesatdowntoeatasafamily.RushingtomakedinnerandstressingmyselfoutabouttimingwasahabitthatIhadtoworkconsciouslytounwind;nowIcan’timagineanythingmorepleasantthanchattingwithmyhusbandwhilecookingthefamilymeal.

Trust

Many relationship issues, in both public and private life, come down to trust.“Honesty is the best policy” we learn from the elementary-school history ofGeorgeWashington, but few of us practice this principle in the purest sense.Tellingtheabsolutetruthineverysituationmaynotbethebestpolicy,buthowmany of us manipulate the truth as a routine matter of convenience? Forexample,dowereallyneedtomakeupanintricateexcusetogetoutofadate,orcanwejustcancelandsaythatwearesorrytodoso?Ifwe’relatetowork,dowehave to tellanelaborate storyabout theperilsofpublic transit? Ifa friendasksusforanhonestopinionaboutalifeissue,shouldwehideorshadethetruthinorder to tell themwhat theywant tohear?Sparing feelings canget tobe ahabit, amodus operandi for dealingwith any less-than-pleasant topic, and it’snotalwayseasy toknowwhetherwe’reprotectingourselvesoranotherpersonwhenwe are less than truthful in our communications.Amicroresolution canhelp you shift your relationship habits in amore truthful direction and createmoretrust.There’s a famous I Love Lucy episode* where Lucy, reproached by Desi,

Ethel,andFredforherpathologicalfibbing,betsthemahundreddollarsthatshecan tell the absolute truth for twenty-four hours. The struggle to keep herresolutionintensifiesrapidly,asLucyconfrontshowoftensheshadesthetruth,exaggerates,or tellswhite lies just toget throughtheday.WhensheandEthelvisit their friendCarolyn’sapartment toplaybridge, theyfindshehasrecentlyredecoratedwithChinese-modern furniture.WithCarolynoutofearshot,Lucylooks around and remarks toEthel, “Looks like abaddreamyou’dhave aftereating toomuchChinese food.”On reentering,CarolynasksLucypoint-blankwhetherornotshe likeshernewfurniture.Lucy,chafingunderher resolution,

threads the needle by replying, “Uh, I said it looked like a dream, didn’t I,Ethel?”Ethel,apartytothebet,seesherchanceanddemandsthatLucygiveaverbatimaccountofherremark.Unwillingtoloseherwager,Lucycomesclean,shocking her old friend. Next Lucy grapples with the arrival of Marian, thebridgegame’sfourth,whoissportingahideousnewhat.GoadedonceagainbyEtheltoexpresshertruethoughts,Lucyconfessesthatshethinksthehat“isthesilliestI’veeverseen”and,whenpressedfurther,“horrible.”Thetruth-tellingstakesquicklyadvancefromthedangersofoffendingothers

tothatofself-exposure.ThethreewomenganguponLucyandtrytoforceherinto losing thebetbydemanding toknowherage,weight,and truehaircolor.Cornered,anidentitycrisisuponher,Lucyismomentarilyfrozen,agapeatthecruelty of her friends’ opportunism. Then something releases inside Lucy andshe fires off the answers to all three questions, “33, 129, andmousy brown,”suddenlyconvertinghervulnerabilityintostrength.Thecozybridgeclubgaspsat Lucy’s daring in revealing such closely guarded feminine secrets (episodeyear:1953).Brisklydealingoutcards toherstunnedfriends,Lucydeclares,“Ifeelvery relieved. It’swonderful to tell the truth!Youshould try it sometime;we’dallbemuchbetterfriends!”Exhilaratedbyhernewfoundfreedomtospeakhermind,Lucyclearstheairofoldbusinessbycallingoutherbridgepartnersforcheating,excessiveyakking,andbeingtoocheaptoreplaceafilthydeckofplaying cards. AsMarian laughs uncontrollably at the truthsmeted to others,Lucyexclaims,“Stopthatcackling,Marian.I’vebeenwaitingtenyearsforyoutolaythategg.”While Lucy’s bet is a situational device designed to create comedic

opportunities, it does share some of a microresolution’s attributes. Lucy’sresolutionisaspecificandmeasurableaction,limitedtoasingleday,andLucybelievesthatit’saneasyresolutionthatcanbeexecutedwithnoexcuses.HowdoesLucy’sproto-microresolutionstackuptorule3,“Amicroresolution

paysoffupfront”?AlthoughLucyultimatelylosesthebetwhensheliesinorderto compete for a showbiz opportunity, she has clearly gained somethinginvaluable through her resolution. The audience witnesses a liberated Lucydiscoveringthepowerofcommunicatinghonestly,ratherthanartfully,withherfriends(andlaterthateveningwithherhusband).Althoughherresolutiontotellthetruthendsafteraday,it’simpossibletobelievethatLucyhasn’tchangedforthebetter forever.By treatingher lovedones to the“FullLucy,”shecomes incloser contactwith her authentic power as a human being. Breaking the tiredpatternofdeceptivecommunicationchangesthedynamicofthebridgeclubformorethanjustaday,sincethefourwomenhavediscoveredthatitispossibletodealhonestlywithoneanother,revealpersonalsecrets,andstillremainfriends.

I’mnotsuggestingthatyoutellyourfriendyouhateherhat;wedon’thavetogoasfarasLucytolearnhowtocommunicatemorehonestly.Amicroresolutionthatresultsinbeingmoretruthfulinacircumstancewherewehabituallyshadeor avoid the truth can create new opportunities to connect genuinely withfriends,family,andcoworkers.LikeLucy,wemaybeginwithfearofrevealingtoomuch,butaswegetthehangofmoreauthenticcommunication,wetoomayfindourselves“relieved” todealmore truthfullywithothersandexhilarated tocomeincontactwithatruerandmorepowerfulself.

•••

Relationshipsthatrunintoserioustroublemayrequireprofessionalattention,butfor themost part you don’t need a high summit, professional arbitration, or acome-to-Jesusmeeting tomake a relationshipbreakthrough.Focusingonyourownbehaviorratherthanonthebehavioralissuesofothersbuildsmaturityandintegrityandpromotespersonalgrowth.Resolving todisrupt justonenegativebehavior pattern in a relationship will have a positive effect on both therelationshipandyour senseof self.Whilemanyofourgoodandbadqualitieshavepsychologicalrootsthatcouldtakealifetimetofullyunderstand,resolvingtochangeasinglebehavior,eveninanarrowcontext,canproverevelatoryandpersonally transforming.Whenwe improve thewaywe habitually respond toothers,weadvanceourselvesashumanbeings.OvertwothousandyearsagoinancientGreece,Aristotletaughtthatcharacterresultsnotfrombeingbutdoing:

Men acquire a particular quality by constantly acting in a particularway. . . .You become just by performing just actions, temperate byperformingtemperateactions,bravebyperformingbraveactions.

CHAPTER15

Spending

Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure nineteen poundsnineteen and six, result happiness. Annual income twenty pounds,annualexpendituretwentypoundsoughtandsix,resultmisery.

—CharlesDickens,DavidCopperfield

There are a great number of good financial books and advisers to teach youhowtobudget,invest,andplantoreachlong-termfinancialgoals.SmallMove,Big Change is not a substitute for such a book or for professional financialadvice.Butspendingbehaviorsandattitudesarepartofyourautopilot;indeed,your lifestyle is a matter of unconscious routine. Using microresolutions toimproveyourspendingmindsetandhabitsatthemargincanhelpyoukeepyourexpendituresalignedwithyourlong-termfinancialgoals.Spending patterns are a reflection of priorities, whether or not you have

consciously considered them.Your dollars are like votes you cast at differentretail and investment ballot boxes. So many votes for housing, energy, food,dining out, entertainment, cable TV, mobile, clothing, electronics, vacations,savings, mutual funds. Do you know what you’ve elected as your spendingpriorities?Theveryfirststepingettingmorefromyourearningsistounderstandwhereyourmoneyisgoingnow,sothatyoucanidentifythemarginalspendingbehaviorsimpedingyourfinancialgoals.

ThirstingforSavings

YolandaandJan,bothwell-paidprofessionals,analyzed theirspendingpatternsfor opportunities to save money. They scrutinized the relatively high cost ofdiningout,yetboth felt these restaurant eveningsworthpreserving.Was there

another, related expenditure they could target for savings instead? Afterexaminingtheircombinedspendinghabitsonfoodandsnacks,YolandaandJaneachmadeamicroresolution to stopbuyingbottled softdrinks.Thatmeantnodesignerwater,commercialicedteas,orsodas.Witheachofthemforgoingthreedrinks a day, this single resolution saved themclose to fourhundreddollars amonth(folks,thisisNewYorkCity).YolandaandJanalsolikedthattheirnewhabit cutdownon recyclingand reduced their consumptionofemptycalories.Theirsuccessisaperfectexampleofanindividualizedspendingresolutionthatmakes an impact by reforming an autopilot behavior that had never beforeattractedanynotice.Therearehundredsofexpendituresyoumakeeachmonthasamatterofhabitthatyoucaneliminateorcurtailtoimproveyourbottomline.Butstartwithone!

ConvenienceIsExpensive

WhenIfinallytookahardlookatmyownspendingpatterns,Icouldclearlyseethat I placed a premiumon speed (cue thememusic) and convenience. In ourhardworkingworld,thelureofdoingwhatiseasiestandfastestoftenseparatesusfromourmoney.It’sfaster to takeacabthantoride thebus;easier topicksomethingupattheexpensivegrocerynextdoorthantowalksixblockstothesupermarket;fastertobuythename-branditemthantoresearchhigh-value,low-cost alternatives; faster topark in an illegal zone for just tenminutes and risk(another) ticket than to park farther away. If youwait until the lastminute tosendholidaygiftsortobookairlinetickets,itwillcostyou.Ifyoudon’tcancelappointmentsandclasseswithintheallowabletimeperiod,you’llhavetopayapenalty.Lazinessisexpensive,Irealized,andIdecidedtochangemyways.Myfirstspendingmicroresolutionwastohavezerotoleranceforwithdrawing

moneyfromanATMthatchargedafee.Iusedtowithdrawmoneyfromthemostconvenientlocation,ratherthanwalkingafewblocksoutofmywaytoavoidthefee.Itoldmyselfthatthetimesavedwasworthacoupleofbucks.ButATMfeesin New York range from two to three dollars per withdrawal; for everywithdrawalofahundreddollars,you’repaying2percentto3percentonafter-taxincome!That’smorethantheinterestyougetonsavings,morethananytaxhikecontemplatedbyCongress!Aswithanychangeinroutinebroughtonbyamicroresolution,itirkedmetochangemyhabitofgoingtothecashmachineonthe ground floor ofmy office building, and I had to forcemyself towalk the

extrablocks;nowIcan’tstandtheideathatImightfindmyselfinanemergencysituationwhere Iwould be compelled to pay this ridiculous fee.Change yourhabit,changeyourhead.OnceIbecamefanaticaboutnotforkingovertheATMfee,IstartedobsessingaboutotherneedlessfeesImightbepaying.Automaticpaymentsandelectronicbillsareagreatconvenienceandusefulin

ensuring obligations are paid on time, but if you’ve fallen out of the habit ofreviewing monthly charges, you are probably overpaying, in some casessignificantly.Feesareeverywhereinthefinancialworld,fromlatefeestoextrachargesonyourmortgagebill to fees for servicesyou seldomuseormaynotevenneed.Misbillingsarerampant—IhadonlyjustfinishedgettingchargesthatshouldhavebeencoveredbymycallingplanremovedfrommyphonebillwhenIwenthometovisitmyfatheranddiscoveredthathetoowaspayingforeveryphone callplus amonthly charge for all-you-can-eat. The extra pages in yourbills that look like advertising often contain information about service chargechangesandrulesthatyoushouldread,nottoss(orscrollpast).Ifyoumakeamicroresolutiontoreviewbillsandaccountstatementsindetailonthefifteenthof each month, you’ll establish dedicated time to go through statements andchargestomakesureyouknowwhatyouarepayingfor.Anyquestionablebillsthat come up you can toss into the file for review day. During your reviewsessionyouhaveonlyone task: toreviewmonthlybillsandbankaccountsforunexpectedfeesoractivitiesandtakeaction.Unlessyouhavethehabitofregularlycheckingyourbankingstatements,you

may be paying subscription fees without knowing it. Many services on theInternet are subscription based; if you once signed up to gain access tosomethingyouneeded in theshort run,chancesareyou’vebeenpaying in thelongrun.Ionceagreedtoafreetrialforcreatingapostofficeathome,triedit,didn’t like it, and didn’t realize until tax timewhen I reviewedmy checking-accountstatementsthatwhenthefreetrialendedamonthlychargeof$15.99hadautomaticallykickedin.DidIcomplain?Yes.DidIgetmymoneyback?Onlyfor the two months preceding the logging of my complaint; most companieslimit refunds to “current charges”—atmost a quarter—so that inattention costmeover$175.Don’tlettheconvenienceofautomaticpaymentsandsubscriptionrenewals lull you into wastingmoney; figure out how often you need to payattention, and make a resolution that bakes it into your routine. Or make amicroresolution to look at your bank account online every day, as my friendWendy does—she can’t bear to go through amonthly statement, but spendingthree minutes online every day is manageable, and she catches questionableentriesrightaway.The ultimate example of accepting personal inconvenience in order to save

money comes from the childhood ofmy friendAdam.With three children toraiseandeducateinNewYorkCity,Adam’sparentsmadecarefulmanagementofmoneyfamilypolicy.Noexpensewastoosmalltoattractscrutiny.Hisparentswould make the kids call Information from a pay phone on the street cornerbecause411wasfreefromtheboothbuttwenty-fivecentsfromhome.Adam’smotherwould takearoutearoundtheHenryHudsonBridge thataddedfifteenminutestothecarrideinordertoavoidpayingthetencenttoll.SheimprovedonBenjaminFranklin’s aphorism that “a penny saved is a penny earned”; byherlights,“apennysavedismorethanapennyearnedbecauseyou’vealreadypaidthetaxesonit.”NotonlydidAdam’sparentsputall threekids throughgraduate school,but

they also live in a superb apartment, have a vacation home and a healthyinvestment portfolio, and are generous to their children, their friends, andsociety.Theysimplydidn’twanttowasteadimeonanythingthatdidn’treallyimprovethequalityoftheirlives.Adamtellsmethathisparentstaughthimthatitwasn’timportanttohaveanewcar,onlyasafecar,andthateatinginthebestrestaurants didn’t matter, but the pleasure of a family outing did. Notsurprisingly,Adamisasaver,notaspender,hasanexcellentqualityof life, isverysecure,andhasbrunchwithhisparentseverySunday.InthetwodecadesofourfriendshipinManhattan,Ican’trecallasingleoccasionwhereAdamagreedwithmethattakingacabwasagoodidea.

BeingaPassiveConsumerIsExpensive

Beingpassivewithrespecttofinancialobligationsiscostly.We’reprogrammedto fall intopatterns to savementalenergy,but itpays topayattentionwhen itcomes to routine outlays if you’re trying to improve your bottom line. Anyfavorablemarginalchange to thebasicservices that formyourbudgetbaselinecreates renewable savings.Mostofus just assume thatwe’rehelplesswhen itcomes towhatwe pay for utilities, cable, and cell phones,when in fact thesemarketplaces are dynamic and more competitive than ever, creating anopportunitytoachieverenewablemonthlysavingsthataresignificant.Jodymadeamicroresolutiontoresearchatleastonebillforpotentialsavings

onthefirstSaturdayinthecalendarquarter.Shemadealistofallthemonthlybills thatwerepartofherbaselinespending:phone (landandmobile), energy,house cleaner, garden maintenance, cable, parking, security monitoring, etc.

When“billresearch”dayrolledaroundeachquarter,she’dselectabilltotargetandgo towork. In researchingher energybill, Jody realized for the first timethat due to deregulation she was now able to select an independent energysupplier, rather than being locked in to purchasing from her current energy-delivery company. She began researching different suppliers on the Internet,manyofwhichofferedguaranteedpricingfortwoyearsandgiftcardsorotherpromotions. Coming to a decision required Jody to understand how energy isbilled, the average amount she paid per energy unit, and the consequences ofbillingleveling;shehadtospeakwithdifferentenergysalesrepresentatives.Shecouldn’tgetthisalldoneinherinitialsession,butasshewasclearlyontheroadto making some savings, she scheduled more time to follow through. Jodyswappedouthercurrentenergysupplierforfixedpricingfortwoyears.Theveryfirstapplicationofhermicroresolutionsaved30percentoffherenergybill.New opportunities for saving on basic bills emerge all the time: new

competitors,billingplans,andconsumeroptionstoeliminatewaste.Bettercell-phone rates and bundled services can lower your monthly bill significantly;reexamining services such as storage, cleaning, maintenance, parking, andpersonal services may surface new possibilities to make savings. Don’t letyourself be paralyzed by all these opportunities and the knowledge that youcouldprobablybedoingbetter;useamicroresolutiontozeroinononeprospectatatime.Itcouldbeonceaquarteroronceamonth.Ittakestimeandenergytobring about a change in billing—comparing rates, plans, vendors; reading thefineprintonWebsites;waiting inaqueue tospeak toa representative. Ifyoudecide to make a push to reduce your monthly expenditures, make amicroresolution that schedules one or two hours a month exclusively for thisactivity,andstickwiththeschedule.Remember:limitedandeasy.Inspired by Jody’s energy-savings success, I resolved to spend two hours a

month investigating newopportunities to save onmonthly billings, and so farI’vechangedmyenergy-deliverycompany,gottenridofanoutdoormaintenanceservice,closeddownastoragespace,replacedsomeofmyone-on-oneexercisesessions with group classes, reduced my insurance bill, and consolidated ourmobileplanswithonecarrier.Anddowereallyneedallthosecablechannels?The great thing about reducing monthly charges is that the savings are

renewable. Trimming or eliminating just one monthly charge can add up toconsiderablesavingsovertime.Identifyingsavingsandfollowingthroughwithmakingachangerequiresaregularinvestmentoftimetoidentifyopportunities,executeonthem,andtrackresults.

ImpulsivenessIsExpensive

Theartofretailingisenticingaconsumerintoanunplannedpurchase.Mallsandstoresarespecificallydesignedtoboostimpulsespending.Decorations,events,samples, specials, coupons, promotions, unexpected discounts, and cleverproductdisplaysat checkout are all calculated togetyou to spendbeyond thelimitedpurposeofyourvisit.Theretailer’sgoalistogetyoutoswipeyourcardbeforeyouhaveachancetothinkrationallyaboutthevalueoraffordabilityoftheshinyobjectdanglinginfrontofyou.ADecember2012surveyconductedbytheCheckout*foundthatnineoutof

tenshopperssuccumbtoimpulsepurchases.AndaccordingtoHarrisInteractivePolling,* 71 percent of survey respondents regretted their impulse purchaseseven twelvemonths later, demonstrating that ahastydecisioncanhavea longtail. The regretted impulse purchases broke down as 47 percent apparel, 37percent dining out, 21 percent children’s toys, 21 percent technology, and 7percentvacations.Ifyou’repronetoimpulsebuying,youmightconsideramicroresolutionthat

willmakeyoulesssusceptibletoretailercome-ons.Shoppingwhenyou’retiredorsufferingfrom“decisionfatigue”*aftera longdaymakesyouvulnerable tooverspending. You might resolve to limit certain kinds of shopping to themorninghours,whenyou’releastdepleted,ortoavoidshoppingduringperiodswhen battling crowds and traffic exhausts your spirit and makes you moresusceptible toaspontaneouspurchase.Youmightconsideraresolution towaittwenty-four hours before parting with money for an expensive item of aparticulartype.Steppingbackfromatransactionandinterruptingthemomentumofanimpulsepurchasewillhelpyouregainperspective.There’sakindofhighinhandingoveryourmoneyandrunningoutofthestorewithyourprizebeforeyouhaveachancetothinkbetterofit(muchlikegobblingdownatreatsnatchedfromapassingtray).Internetandmobileretailingfocusheavilyonencouragingimpulsebuys.The

purchases conclude so quickly—just a click—that you often splurge beforethinkingtwice.Clicktobuythisnewmusicalbum;click togetthisbookthat’slike the other book you liked so much; now that you’re in range of NeimanMarcus, here’s a special store coupon you can take inside—just click! Socialnetworkingsitesmakeiteasytokeepupwiththepurchasesandthe“likes”offriendsandnearfriendsandnonfriends.Theglobalvillage,nowareality,oftenseems more like a global mall, lit up and open for business 24/7, ready andwaitingwheneverthebuyingimpulsestrikes.Youmightresolvenottomakeany

purchaseonyourphonethatyoudidn’tinitiateyourself,sothatowningaphonedoes not increase opportunities for impulse buying during the day. Use yourphonetomakeplannedpurchases,andifanitemispresentedforpurchasethatinterestsyoubutthatyoudidn’tinitiate,don’tmakethepurchaseinthemoment;make a microresolution to do it from your computer later. In the interveningtime,youmayloseallinterest.Among my most successful spending microresolutions was to give up

personalshoppingontheInternetafter9:30p.m.Iwasparticularlyvulnerabletobrowsingonlinelateatnight,anexpensiveentertainmentintermsofbothmoneyandsleep.Mywillpowerandreasonebbingatday’send,Iseldomconcludedmysessions without a purchase. When the boxes arrived, I couldn’t alwaysrememberwhatIhadbought.Drivingastakethroughtheheartofmylate-nightshoppinghabithassavedmeabundle.IstillshopontheInternet(couldn’tlivewithoutit),butInolongermakelate-nightpersonalpurchases.If you regularly have occasion to regret your impulse purchases, start by

examining the situations that cue you to overspend. For instance, you couldmake a microresolution not to spend in order to receive a discount, therebyeliminating all those situations where you’re offered a discount coupon to beusedlaterifyouincreaseyourpurchasenow.Indoingsoyouwillkeepyourselffrom overspending today and likely avoid unwise spending in the futurepromptedonlybythenotionthatyoushouldtakeadvantageofthat(expensive)discount coupon. If items at the checkout counter speak to you, amicroresolutiontohavezero tolerance foradding to theshoppingcartonce inlinetopaywillkeepyoufromscoopingupchocolates,magazines,toys,gadgets,and joke books in the final moments of your store visit. In making yourresolution,aimtocircumventsituationsthatcauseyoutoloseperspective.Thatcould be shopping with a particular friend, browsing in a particular store,attending frenziedsamplesaleswhereelbowingcompetitioncreates thenotionthat there are actually itemsworth fighting for in thebin.Spendinghabits arepersonal and so closely tied to mood that for some it’s nearly an addiction.Working to reverse destructive spending patterns means carefully identifyingcuesandreforminghabitualresponses.

WasteIsExpensive

Losingsunglasses,acellphone,aglove,apaidpass,orawatchduetoaworn

strapthatcouldeasilyhavebeenreplacedisexpensiveanddemoralizing.Itemssuch as reading glasses, mobile phones, and umbrellas are regularly left inrestaurants,onpublictransit,andincabs.IusedtolosethreepairsofsunglassesayearuntilImadeamicroresolutiontoalwaysreturnmysunglassestothecaseimmediatelyuponremoval.I’mtooembarrassedtosayhowmuchthisresolutionhassavedmeannually,butitiswellworthputtinginanIRA.NowI’vehadthesameboringpairofsunglassesforthreeyears,butthat’sabetterproblem.It’seasytowastemoneyonclothingthatisn’tsuitableandcan’tbereturned.

Ifyoutalkyourselfintobelievingthatagreatpairofbootsonsalewillstretchasizeafterwearingthem,youwon’tbeabletogetyourmoneybackeveniftheycripple you. Buying clothes that you expect to diet into or that requiremajoralterationswillprobablyjustleadtolosthangerspaceinyourcloset.Afriendofminesendsherselfthefollowingmicroresolutionmessagewhentemptedtoshellout for an item that has potential but requires some adjustments:Stop talkingyourself into it and pass.Remember, the exclusive target of amicroresolutionmessageismindset,andtheonlymeasureofitssuccessisthatyourememberedto send yourself themessage on cue (in this case, considering how a clothingitemcouldbemodifiedtowork).Itmightnotbewisetomakeamicroresolutionnever to buy anything that needs alteration, because you might run acrosssomethingthatneedssolittleadjustmentandissofabulousandwellpricedthatit represents a real find.The microresolution message is less absolute, whileimplanting the attitude that most purchases that require effort and advancedvisualizationskillsareprobablylosers.I used to repeatedly get stuck with nonreturnable items from Internet

purchasesbecauseIfailedtoactuntilthewindowforreturnhadclosed.Busyalldayandtiredatnight,I’dpushtheboxesunderthebedanddiscoverthemagainweekslater—alas,toolatetogetmymoneyback.Iresolvedtoopenboxesonlyif Ihad the time topreparea return immediately in theevent Idecidednot tokeeptheitem.Thatmeantbeingpreparedtoprintandfillouttheform,repacktheitem,andaddressthebox.Sinceit’seasytodropofftheboxesoncethey’repackedup,Ihaven’tgottenstuckwithanitemsinceImademyresolution.There aremanymindlessways towaste resources, from leaving lights and

heatonwhenyouleavehome,topayingforanexpensivesecondcocktailtobesocial, to ordering expensive water and espresso as part of lunch. Mostwastefulness ismindlesshabit;examiningyourownbehavior foropportunitiestomakeachangeinbehavioristheplacetostart.

RelativeExpenditureIsExpensive

Considering expenditures on a relative rather than absolute basis can lead toirrationaldecisions.Forexample,ifyoudecideyoucanaffordtospend$1,000rentingavacationhouseforaweek,it’sasmallleaptobeginlookingathousesthatcost$1,100/week.Fromthereit’seasytocreepupthecost ladderbecauseeachtimeyoulookatsomethingmoreexpensive,you’reraisingtheantebyonlyarelativelysmallamount.Youmayneverhaveintendedtopay$1,500/week,butyouenduppayingthatbycreepinguptherelativeexpenseladder.YouneedonlyvisiteBaytosee thisbehavior in itsmostconcentratedform.

Youareinterestedinanitemandarewillingtopay$100.Butwhenyouseethatsomeonehasoutbidyoubyfiftycents,it’shardnottobid$101,andsoonuntilyou end up buying the item for $200 because you couldn’t bear losing by amargindefinedinpennies.Becomingmoreconsciousofwhatcuesyoutoraiseafinancialstakewillsurfaceopportunitiesforeffectivemicroresolutions,perhapsresolvingtobidonlytwiceonanyoneitem.

SpendingtoImpressIsExpensive

Do you ever order an expensive wine in a fancy restaurant because you feelintimidated by the waiter? Or buy the more expensive of two similar itemsprofferedbya salesclerkbecauseyou’reafraidhe’ll thinkyoucan’tafford thepricierone?Ifaskedbyahotelreceptionistwithadiscriminatingtonewhetheror not youwould prefer to upgrade the budget room you reserved to amoreluxuriousaccommodation,mightyouagreetopaythepremiumeventhoughyouhaddeliberatelyselectedtheleastexpensiveroomavailablewhenyoubooked?Evenverysuccessfulpeoplecanbemadetofeel likeimpostors inexclusive

settings,overspendingtokeepthemselvesfrombeingunmaskedaspretenderstowealth.StudiesconductedbyresearchersatKelloggSchoolofManagementatNorthwestern University found that experiencing feelings of low statuscontributestooverspendingandawillingnesstopaymoreforanitem.*Findingourselves in fancy surroundings or among those we perceive to be of higherstatus can provoke us into proving our value through expenditure. Notsurprisingly,professionalsalesandservicepeopleareexpertatexploitingsuchfeelingsasawayto“upsell”acustomer.

Ifyoufeelpressuredtospendmorethanyou’dbudgeted,youmightresolvetomakeyourhabitualresponsesomethinglike“That’smorethanI’dliketospendtoday”immediatelyuponbeinginformedoftheprice,ratherthangivingyourselftimetomullitover(orpretendtomullitover).Suchastatementdemonstratescontrol and confidence and gives the salesperson an opportunity to serve youwithinyourbudget.Yetdeflatingasalesperson’sexpectationscancreatefeelingsofawkwardnessandevenguilt.Insituationswhereyoufeelundermentalpressuretobehaveagainstyourown

best interests,amicroresolutionmessagecanbeveryeffective.Rememberthatthepurposeofamicroresolutionmessageistoworkonyourmindset,overtimechanginganattitude,value,orperspectivethatinturndrivesdifferentbehavior.OneofmyfavoritemicroresolutionmessagesistheoneRachelcameupwithtohelp deflect the pressure she sometimes feels tomake a purchase beyond hermeans:It’sokaytodisappointthesalesperson.By giving herself this message when she feels pressured by a salesperson,

Rachel is able to shift her mental focus away from her personal sense offinancial inadequacy to the salesperson’s motives and needs, defusing theembarrassment at not following through with an expensive purchase. Themicroresolutionmessage or behavioral change you design for yourselfwill bepersonaltoyourownfeelingsofvulnerabilityinsuchsituations(youmightgetmoremileageoutofamessagesuchasIdon’tneedtoimpressthesalespeopletoshophere).I’veoftennoticedthatpeoplewithverysignificantmeansareoftencautious buyers, ask the most questions, and are more openly hostile tooverpricing than those who fear being exposed as price conscious. Perhapsknowing that they can afford to buy almost any item frees them to considerwhetherornot the item is trulydesirable,needed,or fairlypriced.Thosewithless means may feel that if they ask too many questions or hesitate over theprice,theirfinancialstatuswillbesuspect.Thinkingthroughthesituationsthatcuefeelingsofunworthiness in“expensive”situationswillhelpyoufigureoutwhat resolutions you might make to free yourself from bad feelings and badpurchases.Each of my spending microresolutions nudged my financial instincts in a

sanerdirection, so that even thosebehaviors I hadn’t directly targetedbecamemore disciplined. But the biggest shift in my spending mindset came from amicroresolution message I resolved to give myself when I was in danger ofsplurging on a glamorous but unnecessary item. Facedwith the temptation tobuyaluxuriousarticleofclothing,themostexpensiveconcertseats,orthelatestand coolest electronic gadget, I would say to myself: Security is the greatestluxury.

Few things are as taxing to the spirit as financialworry, and the sumptuousfeelingofabrand-newPradahandbagpalesnexttotheluxuryofknowingthatyou’re financially secure. Increasing the top line is always desirable, but yourspending habits should match your present financial situation, not what youexpect(orhope)yourearningpowerwillbeinthefuture.Thedollarsyoupartwithtodayareworthmorethanthedollarsyou’llearntomorrow,becausewhat’sin your wallet now has already been taxed. Even those who are naturallyconservative in their financial habits can probably improve their spendingbehavioratthemarginwithlittleimpactontheirlifestyle.Andifyouthinkthatyourspendinghabitsaresuch that theymayendangeryour long-termsecurity,resolve tobeginmakingdiscretebehavioral shifts thatwillputyouonamoresolidfinancialfooting.

CHAPTER16

Punctuality

Mygoodnesshowthetimehasflewn.Howdiditgetsolatesosoon?

—Dr.Seuss,“HowDidItGetSoLateSoSoon?”

Peoplewithanon-timemindsetbelievethatit’sbettertobetenminutesearlythanfiveminutes late,andfor importantmeetings,better tobefifteenminutesearlythanoneminutelate.Thosewhostriveformilitaryprecisioncallarrivingearly“ontime”andarrivingattheappointedhour“late.”I once showed up for a meeting at my firm fifteen minutes before the

scheduled start. I arrived early because I was presenting andwanted tomakesurethateverythingwasinorderbeforethemeetingbegan.Fiveminutesbeforethe hour, JohnHavens, then head of the powerfulEquitiesDivision (and laterpresident of Citibank), came into the conference room.We chatted alone forseveral minutes as the clock ticked away. Five minutes after the hour, not asingle person scheduled to attend ameeting of twenty people had yet arrived.“Thisiswhyitdoesn’tpaytoshowupontimeforameetingaroundhere,”Isaidtobreakthetensionofwatchingamemberofthefirm’sManagementCommitteeidlingpatiently.“Well,”hesaidevenly,“mymotheralways toldme thatwhenyou keep somebody waiting, you’re basically saying to that person that yourtime is more valuable than his time, and it isn’t. Everyone’s time is equallyvaluable.” Thinking to myself how often I ran late, I felt chastened by hisremarks.Aspeoplebegantodriftin,itwasclearfromtheiralarmedexpressionsand the speed with which they scuttled into a seat that they hadn’t expectedHavensatthemeeting,thinkingthattheywouldbekeepingonlylessermortalswaiting.TheoppositeofHavens’son-timeprinciplewasvoicedbyOscarWilde,whocommentedthat“Iamlateonprinciple,theprinciplebeingthatpromptnessisthethiefoftime”—meaningthatifyou’rereasonablytardy,youwon’thavetowasteyourtimewaitingforlatecomers.I grew up in a late house.Whenmymother was scheduled to pickme up

somewhere,shewasnearlyalwayslate,sometimesbymorethananhour.InanagebeforechildrencouldgetanETAviaaquickcell-phonecall,Icanrememberwaiting for her in front ofmy elementary school, sitting on the school’s sign,closingmyeyesandcounting, tellingmyself thatwhenI reachedonehundredand openedmy eyes, I’d see her yellow station wagon headed up the schooldrive.Longafter Ihadcounted toahundredahundred timesandmybutthadbegun aching from sitting on the narrowwooden sign, she’d pull up, and if Icomplained,mygentlemotherwouldpointoutthatperhapsIhadn’tconsideredhowmuch shehad todoeachday.Oneofmymother’sgreatestgiftswasherdeep generosity and spirit of tolerance, and I’m sure that was the lesson shemeanttoteach;inanycase,formostofmylifeIfoundithardtothinkofbeingtenminuteslateaslate.In demonstrating how microresolutions can be used to improve on-time

performance, it makes sense to divide lateness into two different categories:morninglatenessandchroniclateness.Whileitistruethatthosewhosufferfrommorning latenessmayalsobegenerally tardy,morning latenessmerits itsowndiscussion,asitsooftenresultsfromactionstaken(oruntaken)thenightbefore.

MorningLateness

Failuretogettoschool,work,orafirstappointmentontimeinthemorningistheresultofaseriesofbehaviors thatbegin in theeveningandculminate inalate departure the following morning. With respect to the hour of a morningarrival,thedieiscastthenightbefore.Youmaygotobedtoolatetogetagoodnight’ssleep,andwhenyouralarmringsyouhitthesnoozebuttonafewtimestoomanybeforeboltingfrombedinapanic.Ifyoudidn’tprepareformorningtheeveningbefore,youmaylosepreciousminuteshuntingforaclothingitem,trying to findcleanunderwear in a sackof laundrynotyetunpacked,printingoutadocumentrememberedtoolate,lookingforkeysyouleftinajacketpocketwhen you walked the dog, or rooting around for something approximatingsandwichbreadforyourkid’slunch.Anextendedexampleofamicroresolutionthataddressesmorninglatenesscanbefoundinchapter5(“MadetoMeasure”),but that’s just a singledemonstrationofhowmicroresolutions canhelpyou togetwhereyou’regoingontimeandlessharried.Unless you want to get up earlier to create a wider margin for error and

distractions, mornings really need to run like clockwork, on autopilot. Any

actionthatisn’tautopilotwillhavetobeimprovised,andimprovisationisaveryexpensiveactivity.Anythingyouhavetolookfor,fix,oramendinaroutineisanimprovisation,increasesyourstresslevel,andupsyourchanceofbeinglate.Improvisingrequiresrapid-firedecisionmaking,whichsharesthesamelimitedmental resources as self-control and initiative. All that unnecessary early-morning problem solving sends you out the door “ego depleted,” to useresearcher Roy Baumeister’s phrase,* so before you’ve faced your firstchallengeatworkorschool,yourmentalresourcesarealreadyebbing.Morningsareallaboutroutine—ifyouwanttogetamoreconsistentresult,you’llhavetobuildnewhabitsandremakeexistingones.Thehouryouturnintobeddetermineswhetheryou’llbeabletoawakeeasily

andwithenergy.Ifoneofyourissuesisoversleeping,startthere.Nomatterhowmanyhabitsyoubuild togrease thewheelsofyourmorningdeparture, if youcan’tgetoutofbedatareasonabletime,you’regoingtobelate.Readchapter10(“Sleep”)toseehowyoumightmakeamicroresolutionthatgetsyoutobedearlierorallowsyoutosleeplonger.

BePreparedGettingreadytheeveningbeforewillspeedyourexitinthemorningandallowyoutosleeplater(andperhapsmoresoundly)becausemostofthemorningwillalreadybeinthebag.Asdiscussedinchapter10,it’sanenormoustimesavertowakeuptoclothesthathavealreadybeenselectedandprepared,butyouhavetobuildaroutineforgettingthisdonethenightbefore.Prepackingbriefcasesandbackpacksisalsoafunctionofhabit,andifyouareexitingwithchildren,havingaroutinetomakesurethattheyhavepackedeverythingthatneedstogowiththemwillspareyouatonofagitationinthefirsthourofyourday.Therewillalwaysbeoccasionalsnafus,butmostofouron-timeeffortsareundonebystumblingoverordinaryandpredictabletasks.Preparationisacorestrategyforcombatinglateness,andthefifteenminutesitmighttakeyoutoprepareintheeveningarefarlessstressfulthanthefifteenitwilltakeyouinthemorning.Ifitallsoundsobvious,itis—justasit’sobviousthattoloseweightyouhavetoeatless.Itrequiresrigortochangeabehaviorpattern,whetherthatpatterniseatinglateatnightorhittingthesnoozebuttononyouralarmoncetoooften.

SnoozeandLoseSamhadthehabitofsettinghisalarmthirtyminutesearlierthanheneededtogetupsothathecouldrepeatedlyhitthesnoozebuttonbeforerising.Buildinginsomuchsnoozetimeoftenresultedinhisdozingbeyondthe

timehehadmeanttobetherealwake-upcall.Themultiplesnoozeapproachalsomeantthathemightgetupearlierorlateronanygivenday,sotherewasnoabsolutereveilleonwhichtohangapredictablemorningroutine.Realizingthathissnoozestrategywashamperinghison-timegoals,Sammadeamicroresolutiontohavezerotoleranceforhittingthesnoozebuttonmorethanonceonaweekdaymorning.Instead,hesetthealarmforfiveminutesbeforethedrop-deadtimetogetup.Lengthysnoozingcanbeaveryhardhabit tobreak(especiallyifyou’renot

getting enough sleep), but after several weeks Sam began to appreciate thebenefits of his new behavior. First, the twenty-five minutes of sleep thatpreviously had been interrupted four times became a solid block, which wasactuallymorerestfulthanmultiplesnoozes.Second,buildingintimeforonlyasinglesnoozedispelledthefuzzinessaroundhowlatewastoolate(twosnoozes,three,four?)andkepthimfromsleepingintotheredzone.Finally,gettingupataconsistenttimemadeitpossibleforSamtomeasurehowmuchtimehereallyneededtopreparetoleavethehouse.Onceyoubegingettingupatthesametimeeveryday,it’seasiertogetabeadonwhatotherbehaviorsarecontributingtoalateexit.Onceyou’reoutofbedandonthemove,whattripsyouup?Takingtoomuch

time in the shower or blow-drying your hair? Looking for clothing items orchanging your mind about what to wear? Breakfast? Packing lunches orbriefcaseorbackpack?Kidorpartneractivities?Anunderfundedtransitpassoranemptygastank?Missingkeysoraforgottencellphone?Youmaynotchoosetobuild ahabit for eachoneof thesepotentialpitfalls, butmakinga seriesofmicroresolutionsthatpickoffthetopthreewillmakeahugedifferencetoyourarrivingontimeandstartingthedaywithoutaloadofstress.

OnceYouGiveUpWashingYourHair,EverythingIsaPieceofCakeWashingandblow-dryingmyhairoftenputmebehindinthemorning.Gettinguphalfanhourearliertwomorningsaweekwasanunhappyevent,anditwasonthesemorningsthatIwasmostlikelytodawdleinbedandputmyselfbehind.Iwantedthatextrathirtyminutesofsleep,andIbegantothinkofdifferentwaysIcouldgetthesalonroutineoutofmymornings.Tryingtowashmyhair thenightbeforewasabust—Ihateddoingitat that

hour, and it put a big dent in an evening thatwas already fully subscribedbyfamily life, prep for the next day, and late-night work. So I rejiggered myexercisescheduleatthegymsothatitalignedwithmyhair-washingneedsandresolvedtowashmyhairimmediatelyaftermyafternoongymsession.Assoon

as I quit the gym floor I headed straight to the shower and dousedmy head,beforeIcouldtalkmyselfintojustgoingstraighthome.Gettinghairwashingoutof the a.m. routine meant that every morning was cookie cutter, virtually nodeviationsunlesssomethingwasforgottenorunprepared.

RunningonEmptyPauldrovehischildtoschooleverydaybeforeheadingintowork.Atleasttwomorningsamonthhefoundhimselfhavingtogetgasonthewaytoschool,invariablyresultinginalatemorningforbothofthem.Whilethereweretimeswhenhewasabletoslipquicklyinandoutofthestation,therewereothertimeswhentherewasalineatthepumporthecredit-cardreadersaid,“seeattendant.”Sincehewasoperatingundertremendoustimepressure,Paulpumpedinonlyacoupleofgallonsofgas,ensuringthatanotherrefuelingstopwouldsoonbeneeded.SincebothPaulandhiswifeusedthecarthroughouttheweek,theynoodled

onaresolutiontheycouldmakethatwouldensurethattherewasalwaysenoughgasforthemorningcommute.Theymodeledtheirresolutiononaniftycustomerrule established by Zipcar—that cars must always be returned with at least aquartertankofgas.BothPaulandhiswifeagreednevertoreturnhomewithlessthan a quarter tank of fuel, whichmeant they each committed tomaking thesamemicroresolutionandfollowingthroughwithnoexcuses.Asneitherofthemwanted to be the one caught out below the quarter-tank line and have to stopafter work to refuel, both of them tookmore care to make sure the tank gottoppedupontheweekend.

ChronicLateness

There’sbeenalotwrittenaboutpeoplewhoarechronicallylate,tryingtoisolatethe psychological disposition that leads to nearly always showing up someminutes past the appointed hour. Some research points to lack of self-esteem,some toegotism; somestudies say it’s apower trip.Somepsychologyarticlessay that dawdling relieves anxiety, while others observe that those who arealwaysearlyareoverlyanxiousaboutbeinglate.Stillothersspeculatethattardypeople are addicted to the rush, the challenge that comes from puttingthemselvesinasqueeze.Luckily, we can usemicroresolutions to reform themanifest behaviors that

causeustobelatewithoutunderstandingtheirexactpsychologicalcauses.Yetinisolatingandaddressingabehaviorpatternthatcontributestotardiness,youmaygainrealinsightintowhatdrivesyoutobelatewhensomuchdependsonbeingprompt.

RealTimeIsufferfromveryoptimisticthinkingwhenitcomestogettingtoanappointmentontime.IfIhaveplentyoftimetogetready,Itendtofirstfilltheextratimewithothertasks,intendingtostopandgetreadywhilethereisstillampletimetopreparefordeparture.Whetheratwork(whereImightreturnphonecalls,answere-mail,orhaveanimpromptuhuddlebeforegettingreadyformynextmeeting)orathome(whereImightreadthepaper,answere-mail,ordosomeworkinthegardenbeforegettingready),somehowInearlyalwaysmanagetofindmyselfinadesperaterushtobeontime,turningevencomfortableappointmenttimesintocliff-hangers.SinceIclearlyamunrealisticinassessingthetimerequiredtogetready,I’vedecidedtoreordermybehaviorsothatlessdependsonmyabilitytoestimate.Mynewresolutionistogetreadyfirst,withsingle-mindedpurpose.IfIhave

anhour available to prepare before a business appointment and I think I needonlyfifteenminutestogetready,Iprepareimmediately,researching,organizingmaterials,gettinglast-minutedetailsfromothers,andfresheningup,ratherthanwaitinguntilfifteenminutesbeforethemeetingtoprep.Ifit’stheweekendandIneed to leave thehouse in forty-fiveminutes togo tomyPilatesclass, Idressand pack up before doing anything unrelated to departure, even if I think it’sonlygoingtotakemetenminutestogetready—that’stheprepare firstpartofmy resolution; single-mindedpurposemeans that I table any ideas/needs/tasksthatentermymindwhile I’mgetting ready,and that’sdifficult forme. Idon’tanswercalls,texts,ore-mailswhilegettingready,evenifI’malmostreadyanditlookslikeIhavetimetospare.Ifmysingle-mindedpursuitof“ready”resultsinmyfinishingearly,IsetthetimeronmyphonetoringatthemomentIhavetoleave,andwhenthe timergoesoff, Igetupandwalkstraightout.Thoughit’sstill early days, I’ve already learned a lot since I began practicing my newresolution.Preparingfirstexposeshowmuchtimeit really takes toget ready.Onsome

occasionswhenIthoughtIhadsomuchtimethatI’dbereadyandtwiddlingmythumbs,itturnedoutthattherewasn’tamomenttospare.Clearly,Isufferfromacertainamountofself-delusionwithrespecttohowmuchtimeitactuallytakesto get entirely ready.What’s yourworking definition of “ready”?When I callupstairstomykid,“Ready?”andsheenthusiasticallycallsback,“Yes!”anyor

all of the followingmay be true: no shoes, no socks, face unwashed, hair notbrushed; glasses, coat, hat, gloves, or scarf missing; items that need to comealong not yet packed up. As adults our notion of “ready” may be morecomprehensive but still incomplete.You really aren’t “ready” until everythingthatisleavingwithyouispackedupandcanjustbescoopeduponthewayout.You can be completely dressed, but if you have to look up the appointmentaddressormapitbeforeleaving,you’renotyetready;ifyoujusthavetostraponyourwatch,you’renotyetready; ifyouhavetoretrieveyourchargerfromunderthebed,you’renotyetready.It’sourincompletedefinitionof“ready”thatsooftenisresponsibleforourbeinglate.ThemoretimeIhavetoprepare,theharderit isformetostayontrackand

themore tempted I am to interruptmyselfwith other tasks. In contrast, if thetimetogetreadyisverylimited,I’mfarlesslikelytogetinvolvedinsomethingthatputsmebehind,because it’sobvious there isn’t enough time. Perhaps themethod in themadnessofwaitinguntil the lastminute toget ready is that thesuddenurgencycreatedshutsdowninternalnoiseandforcesconcentration.Appointments,likeanyhardstop,createabeforeandafterintheday.Thisis

truewhetheroneisgettingreadyforasingleappointmentoraseriesofmeetingsthatwon’tconcludeuntilday’send.Assoonaswebeginpreparingforthathardstop,wehavetoacceptthelimitsofwhatwemanagedtoachieveandwhatwillremainundone,perhapsformanyhours.Adepartureforcesabreakinworkflowand exposes deficits in one’s organizational habits overall—only when we’realmostoutoftimedowerealizethatthereareseveralsmallbutimportanttasksthatneedhandling.Youcanseethisphenomenonclearlywhenyoupreparetogoon vacation and you realize that all those mundane tasks you put off until“tomorrow”can’twaittwoweeks,sonowthey’reurgent.Thelesson?Themoreorganizational behaviors you can build into autopilot, the less frantic yourdepartures,largeandsmall,willbe(seechapter17,“Organization”).It’sstillearlydaysformynewlateness resolutions,but I’mmakinga lotof

progress,myon-timeratehas improvedtremendously,andwhenIamlateI’mmuch closer to themark.What a relief it is not to arrivewith an apology or,worse, an explanation. A friend of mine took this idea further by making amicroresolution never to give an excuse for being late. “My excuses weremeaningless,” she told me, “because I was always late. Once I’m behind,anythingthatdoesn’tbreakmywayseemslikeavalidexcuseforarrivinglate.Formeitwasimportanttostopthinkingthatjustaboutanythingisareasonablejustificationforkeepingsomeonewaiting.SinceIresolvednevertogivemyselfanexcuseorexplain,I’mmorefocusedonbeingontime,andifI’mlateatleastIdon’thavetohearmyselfgoonforeveraboutthetrains.”

Myfriend’sremarkaboutbeinglatebecauseofbadbreakswillresonatewithmanyofthetardy.Thelatedependonluck—catchingthetrainatthelastsecond,finding the perfect parking space, no line at theATM.The unlate assume theunexpected—transitdelays,detours,difficultyfindinganaddress—andaccountforitincalculatinghowmuchtimethey’llneedtosafelyarriveontime.Showinguplatecandamageyoubothpersonallyandprofessionally.Butlike

everyotherareaofself-improvement,latenessisaresultofingrainedhabitsandattitudes that can be altered through the rigorous drilling of new behaviors.Givingyour focus exclusively to changing an attitude throughmessagingor asinglebehavior throughpracticewillbegin to shrink themarginbywhichyouhabituallyrunbehind.It’snevertoolatetolearntobeontime!

CHAPTER17

Organization

Chaoswasthelawofnature;Orderwasthedreamofman.—HenryAdams

Neatnessisthephysicalsideofmanagingclutter;organization,thementalside.If you’re organized, you can bring a clear mind and your best game to yourpersonal and professional life.Organization enables you to lay your hands onwhatyouneedwhenyouneed it,whether that’s adocumentona computer, aphonenumber,meetingminutes,abirthcertificate,oranumbrella.Organizationenablesyoutoshowupprepared,ontime,andin therightplace.Organizationenablestheeffectiveandactivemanagementofanever-changingdemandsetatworkandathome, so toppriorities receive themostattentionandminor tasksdon’tbecomeemergencies.Organizationenablesyoutorefreshyourmemoryonthe important details of projects, meetings, phone calls, conferences.Organization is a mindset that reminds you of the importance of delegatingeffectivelyandearly.Youcancreatetheplanet’scleverestprioritizationorfilingscheme,butifyou

donotpainstakinglybuildhabitstosupportit,itwillbeafailure.Organizationisasetofsystemsthat,likeitsclosecousinneatness,dependsentirelyonautopilotforsuccess.Annualpledgestobeorganized(alwaysonthetop-tenNewYear’sresolution list) drive wannabe organizers into container, closet, and organizeroutletsinthebeliefthatthekeytosuccessisamulticompartmentdeskorganizer.There’s nothing wrong with inspiring yourself with a pyramid of slots andcubbyholes,aslongasyourecognizethatuntilyoubuildthehabitsthatsteertherightitemsintotherightslots,youwon’treallyhaveasystemyoucanmaintainwithoutmentaleffort.A naturally logical and organizedmind is a gift, as is the ability to operate

effectivelyinchaos,butevenifyoucanstore,sift,andsortdetailsinyourheadwhile bullets fly, getting better organized will save you time, stress, creativeenergy, and self-control. Whenever you have to hunt for items, make panic

preparations for a forgotten appoinment, or spend fifteenminutes looking formeetingminutesonyourcomputerortenminutesgoingthroughapileofmaillookingforascarynoticeyousawtwoorthreeweeksago,you’reburningthatpreciousresourceknownasactiveinitiative,partofthelimitedmental-resourcepool shared with self-control and decision making. If you spend ten minuteslookingforadocumentinapileonyourdesk,thensearchforitinyouronlinecalendarincaseitwasanattachmenttoameeting,andfinallyendupcallingacolleagueforacopy,youractive-initiativestorewillbeat lowebbbythetimeyoufinallylayyourhandsonitandheadintotheconferenceroom.Incontrast,ifyoucanprocesspredictabletasksmindlesslyviaautopilot,youpreserveyourbestthinkingforyourmostchallengingwork.Whywasteingenuityandheroiceffortonroutinetasks?Themicroresolutionsmethodisitselfanorganizationaltoolkitthathelpsyou

isolate a behavioral change that brings results.Home inon a single change inhabit thatwillsaveyoutimeandmakeyoumoreeffective.Thechangeshouldnot be comprehensive or complex; it need only move what is now apsychologicallyeffortfulactivityintoautopilot.Pinpointjustoneorganizationalelement that needs addressing and make it the subject of your nextmicroresolution. If you regularly stress out while searching for notes anddocuments required for your next meeting, think through exactly why thesedocumentsprovedifficulttolocate.Doyouhavetosearchfortheminpiles?Aretheremultipleversionsonyourcomputer (and/or laptop) thatyouhave to sortthroughtofindthefinalversion?Didyoutakenotesonapresentationthatendedupathome?Isyourfilingsystemsogeneralthatthedocumentmighthaveendedup inseveraldifferentcategories?After thinking through theshortfalls inyourcurrentdocument-management system (or lack thereof), youmightdecide thatyourbiggestissueisfindingmaterialsandminutesformeetingspast.Youmightresolvetoputimportantnotestakenatameetingintheelectroniccalendarentryortocreateachronologicalfileforanydocumentspresentedatameetingsothatyoucaneasily findand review them.Suchahabitwouldgiveyouconfidencethat you at least have a well-organized chronological file of key meetingdocuments and notes. Sustaining such a system would require a no-excusesresolutiontofilenoteswithinalimitedwindowoftimefollowingthemeetingorat agiven timeeachday; toget startedyoumight limityournewsystem to asingle important meeting series so that you can begin building a habit andexperiencingbenefitswhilelimitingobstacles.Anysystemyoucreate foryourselfwillbeonlyas strongas thehabitsyou

buildtosupportit,sostartwithasimplesystemandelaborateitasneededovertime. Ifyougo fromno filing system to somethingaselaborateas theDewey

decimal system, you are going to fail. But it’s amazing how creating a singlesimpleorganizationalhabitcanmakeyoumoreproductive.

WeHaveContact

Zach loved his smart phone and depended on it both personally andprofessionally. Each week he received many calls from numbers not on hiscontactlist.Heseldomaddedanewnumbertohislistimmediately,preferringtowait until the contact proved of lasting value. When Zach needed to find anumberhehadn’tyetmadeanofficialcontact,hewouldhuntthroughthelistofcalls received, often listening to several voice mails before locating the rightnumber.Becauseheusedhisvoice-mailarchiveasashadowcontactlist(asortof contact purgatory for numbers not yet promoted to permanent status), hisvoice-mailboxwasoftenfilledtocapacity.Zach made a microresolution to add every new caller to my contact list

immediatelywithzerotolerancefordelay.Ratherthandecidingwhichnumberswereworthconvertingtocontacts,hebegancreatingacontactrecordforeverynewnumberassoonashefinishedacallorlistenedtoavoicemail.Althoughhewasofteninahurryandtemptedtocreatethecontactlaterintheday,thezero-tolerance framing of his resolution kept him from delaying. Zach becameultrafast at adding a new contact with just enough name info to make itrecognizable,thewholeprocesstakinglessthanthirtysecondsperrecord.ThischangeinhabitimmediatelyuppedZach’sproductivity.Noscanningcall

listsandtryingtofigureoutifthecallfromthedentistwasthecallthatcameinat11:00a.m.or11:15a.m.Nolisteningtoscoresofvoicemessagesinordertolocate a phone numberwhile timewas tight tomake a call. Nomoremissedphone messages because voice mail was full. Even taking time to add thenumbersoforganizationshedidn’twanttobeincontactwithwasuseful,sinceitenabledZachtoavoidansweringsuchcallsinthefuture.

In-boxOverload

Elainehadasecretarywhomaintainedafilingsystemforherthatkeptherdeskatwork fairly clear, but her desk at homewas heapedwith papers. The stack

containedunopenedmail,catalogs,magazines,receipts,billspending,thingstoread, important documents to keep, items to take action on. Elaine used hermemorytokeeptrackofwhatwasinthepileandwhatneededattention,oftenconductingfranticsearchesfordocumentsthatrequiredaction(yesterday).Lookingatherdesk,Elaine saw thatmuchof thebulk in thepilewas junk

mail, catalogs, and magazines. In trying to reduce the pile on her desk, sheresolvedtocullmailbeforeIbringit intotheapartment.Insteadofjusttakingthe contents of themailbox and adding it to the stackonher desk, shewouldstandbytherecyclingbininthebackhallandtossoutjunkmailandcatalogs,cutting thepileby two-thirdsormore.Elainebegan leaving themagazinesonthe coffee table in the living roombefore dropping the remainingmail onherdesk.Thepilewassmaller,but itemsrequiringactionoften languishedforweeks,

until they became emergencies. Elaine’s second desk microresolution was toestablish administrative action days on the first and third Monday of everymonth.Mondaywasagooddaytodothebills,becauseherboyfriendhadaclassonMondaynightsandshewasalwaysonherown.Doingadministrativeworkeverytwoweekskeptthepilemanageableandkeptherfromworryingthatshewasmissingsomething.Elaineaddedyetathirdmicroresolutionaftermonthsofworkingherfirsttwo:

toopenallmailbeforeplacingitintheactionbasket.Shehaddiscoveredthatacouple of letters that looked like routine bills actually were time-sensitivecommunications that required immediateaction,butshehadn’t realized ituntilshe reviewed them on admin night. Elaine’s new resolution took only a fewminutes a day and ensured that she caught those rare action items that simplycouldn’twait.Elaine’sthreemicroresolutionsshowhoworganizationalsystemsevolveover

timewithexperienceandhoweachnewsystemmustbedrilledbefore it takeshold. Once a new system is fully operational, it’s easier to see what othersystemscouldbeinstitutedtoenhanceone’seffectiveness.

NothingtoFearbutFearItself

Katherine,aseniorattorneyatafederalagency,waschargedwithbringingsomeofthegovernment’smostimportantcases.Shemanagedadynamicprioritylistthatalways includeda listofphonecalls tobemade.Among thosecalls there

wasnearlyalwaysonethatshedreadedmakingbecausesheexpecteditwouldcause discord, confrontation, or distress. The “scary call”was not always themosturgent call casewise, so itwas easy to let it slide.ButKatherinenoticedthat whenever she had such a call to make, it loomed over all of her otheractivities,drainingher initiativeand renderingher lessproductive,andby thatmeasurethe“scarycall”wasthemostimportantcallonthelisttomake.Katherinemadeamicroresolution toalwaysmake the scariest call first.No

matterwhatothercallswereonthelist,shegotthecallshedidn’twanttomakeoverwithfirst.“Iammoreproductiveandmuch,muchhappieratworksinceImademyresolution.AssoonasIgetthescarycalloutofthewayIgetahugesurgeofenergythatcarriesmethroughtherestoftheday.It’snotthatthescarycallwastheonlythingIeverputoffdoing,butitwasthethingIputoffdoingmostconsistentlyandnowIneverputitoff.It’sthefirstthingIdoeachday,nomatterwhat.”Katherine’s resolution is a good model for a microresolution focused on

priorities. So oftenwe think of the itemwith themost business impact as thehighest priority, but there areotheryardsticks, such as the scary call. Anotheryardstickofpriorityyoumightconsideriswhetherornotanitemrequiresactionfrom others. When you delay delegating a project or breaking it up amongseveral contributors, you put everybody behind before they start. Making amicroresolutiontoelevatealldelegationdecisionstothetopoftheprioritylistwillkeepyoufromhavingtomakeaslewofapologeticcallsatthelastminutewhile looking incompetent at the same time. For some, routine administrativework is so dreaded that it languishes at the bottom of the priority list until itbecomes urgent. If you’re chronically late with simple administrative tasks,resolving to get them done the day they hit your in-box will help yourprofessional profile and overall productivity. Each resolution will takeconsiderablepractice to institutionalize:Youcan’t justdo it acoupleof times;youhavetodrillittomakeitstick.Every small uptick in organizational skills saves time, prevents panic, and

preserves active-initiative stores for problem solving, creativity, and decisionmaking.

RedefiningtheHour

Cindy’sschedulewasoftencrowdedwithlargeblocksofback-to-backmeetings.

Tasksthatneededdoingbetweenmeetings—answeringe-mail,returningphonecalls,checkinginwithteammembersonprogress—oftenputherbehindsothatbyafternoonshewasrunningtentofifteenminuteslate.Theitemsthatcouldn’tbesqueezedinbetweenmeetingswereforcedintotheeveninghours.Cindymade amicroresolution to schedule all hourlongmeetings under her

control for fifty minutes and to reduce half-hour meetings to twenty-fiveminutes. The slightly shorter meeting blocks gave her (and the others whoattendedhermeetings)amarginoftimetocatchuponcallsande-mailsandtoschedule urgent conversations that couldn’t wait until the end of the day. AsCindywastheownerofabouthalfthemeetingssheattended,sheendedupwithaboutfortyminutesofbuffertimeperdaythatshehadn’thadbefore.The new scheduling meant that Cindy kept more on top of her workload

during the day, getting itemshandledor delegatedbefore theybecameurgent,and there was less left to do in the evenings. Further, the slightly shortermeetingsbecamemorefocusedandproductive.Lestyouthinkthatallofthishasnothing todowithhabit, thinkagain—it’shabit tousea fullhour todiscussatopic,andautopilotwilloftentakeyoutothelastminuteofthehourinthesameway that it will lead you to clean your plate, because that’s what’s routine.Makingallmeetingsfiftyminutesisalmostlikelearningnewmath,thinkingandoperatinginbasefiftyinsteadofbasesixty.UntilImademymostrecenton-timeresolution(topreparefirstwithsingle-

mindedpurpose), IwouldgenerallyshowupformyPilatesclassaroundeightminuteslate.OnceIbeganarrivingontime,theclassseemedvery,verylong.Ikept lookingupat theclockexpecting theclass tobeover,andyet therewerestilltenminuteslefttogo.Mychroniclatenesshadadjustedmymindsetsothatmy“hour”ofexercisewasreallyclosertofiftyminutes,around18percentlessthanthefullhour.Ittookweeksofon-timearrivalsbeforemymindset“workouthour”realignedtosixtyminutes.Mindsetsreflecthabit,andtheychangeasourhabitschange.

ToDoorNottoDo

Derek has a busy full-time job and is also responsible for managing andcontributing to a family business. His workday often extends well into theevening,eithercontinuingwork fromhis joborpickingupon familybusinessthat couldn’tbehandledduring theday.Derekdutifullykept a comprehensive

list of business action items forbothhisday job andhis family’s farm.Theseitemsrangedfromthetrivialtotheurgent,fromwritingareporttoclearingoutabarn.Despite carefully capturing all the action items so that hewouldn’t losetrack,heoftenfeltoverwhelmedandwasn’talwayssurewheretoputmostofhisattention.Derekmadeamicroresolutiontomaintainaseparatepageinhisnotebookfor

histopthreepriorities.Hebeganselectinghistopthreefromhisto-dolisteachmorningasthefirstorderofbusinesswhenhearrivedathisoffice,buthefoundthatassoonashesetfootintheofficehewasdrivenbyeventsanddidn’talwayshave time to settle his list. So Derek tuned his resolution: to select threeprioritiesfortomorrowasmylasttaskoftoday.Derekfounddesignatingprioritiesattheendoftheworkdaytobemuchmore

effective.More relaxed in theevening than in themorning,he foundhehadasharper perspective onwhat wasmost important. Reestablishing the prioritiesjustbeforeleavingworkgavehimacleardirectiongoingintothenextday.Heslept better and awoke with more energy, both unanticipated benefits ofseparatinghistopprioritiesfromhislengthyto-dolist.

...UntiltheFatLadySings

I’d like to close this chapter’s microresolution examples with one made byHelen,mythirteen-year-olddaughter,whopreparesalltypewrittenassignmentsonalaptopinherbedroom.Theprinterisonthefloorbelowherroom,soHelenfellintothehabitofprintingallherworkinabatchattheendofherhomeworksession,oftenjustbeforebed.Sincethetypewrittenhomeworkmighthavebeencompleted hours earlier, she would sometimes forget to print a homeworkassignmentandrememberonlyinthemorning,makingherlateforschool.Othertimes,somethingassimpleasaprinterjamorink-cartridgeissuewouldcostherthirtyminutesofsleep.Helenmadeamicroresolutiontoprintouteachassignmentasshecompleted

it,eventhoughthatmeantrunningupanddownstairsforeachassignmentratherthanmakingasingletripattheendoftheevening.Thisresolutionkeptherfromforgetting to print documents and from losing sleep due to late-night printersnafus,ensuring thatwhenshe finishedher lastassignmentof theeveningshewastrulyandcompletelydone.

ButWhatAboutOne-offProjects?

Microresolutions are designed to help youdrill newbehavior until it becomeshabit, but the same microresolution rules that build better behaviors intoautopilot can also be applied to one-off projects—cleaning out the garage,sellingolditemsontheInternet,finishingphotoalbums,writingthank-younotes—thateithernevergetstartedornevergetcompleted.Haveyoueverhadthefollowingexperience?YouhaveSundayfreeandyou

embark on a project to clean out a closet, and you attack it with tremendousenergyandenthusiasm.Youraimistocull,sort,andreorganizetheitemsinthecloset so that there is more space and items are easier to locate, and you’rewillingtospendtheentiredayandeveningtoreachyourgoal.Theclosetisfullof shoes that need fixing and clothing that is either in poor repair or yearsunworn; there are sundry items stacked on the upper shelves. You removeeverything from the closet—the hanging items, shoes, and boxes—and beginsortinganddiscarding,makingpilesonthefloororbed.Apileforclothesthatneedcleaning,anotherforthosethatneedrepair,anotherforthosetogiveawayorsell,anotherforthosethataresorarelyworntheyshouldbestoredaway.BySunday eveningyou’re exhaustedbut nowhere close to finishingyour project.Theitemsonthebedneedtobeshiftedtochairsinordertosleep,andclothingforwork thenextdayneeds tobe rescuedfromthepile.Afterseveraldaysofliving in chaos, you return the majority of items to the closet withoutreorganization.It’sayearortwobeforeyoutryagain.Just as a personal-improvement goal means changing multiple habits and

attitudes,thecloset(orbasementorgarage)initiativeisactuallyseveralprojects,each requiring a discrete focus. In order to comply with the microresolutionrules,eachofthesemicroprojectsmustbelimitedandmeasurableandprovidean immediate benefit. For example, going through all the shoes in your closetand discarding those that you won’t ever wear again can probably beaccomplished in fifteenminutes. Itmight take half an hour to drop off shoesneedingrepairattheshoemaker.Eachoftheseactionsisaseparateproject,andeachprovidesauniqueand immediatebenefit.Removingunwantedshoeswillmake it easier to find shoes you’ll actually wear; repairing shoes meansexpandingfootwearchoices.Suchdiscreteorganizationalprojectscanbehandledwithinanhour,somein

aslittleasfiveminutes.Reorganizingyourentiredeskspacecouldbeabigjob;removingalltheitemsfromthedeskdrawerthatshouldn’tbethereisavaluableandmanageable goal. These same guidelines workwhen doing your taxes or

applyingforanewjob.Thekey isnever tobeginaprojectunit thatyoucan’tfinish in a limited amount of time or allow yourself to become overwhelmed.There’s no point in going at it until you’re exhausted and complete projectaversionsinksin.Stickwiththelimitedandachievable,andyou’llhaveenergyforthelongrun.“But,” youmight say, “you can’t get the bigger organizational picture in a

closetifyouworkashelfatatime—itmightbethatsomeitemsonthetopshelfreallybelongontheshelfbelow,butyoucanonlyseethatwhenyouconsiderthewhole.”Working in situ limits the big picture but prevents chaos from takingholdandprojectcompletionhorizonsfromexpanding.Afteryou’veculledandorganized each closet section on its own, you’ll more easily be able to thinkthroughwhattodoonamacrolevelwiththeremainingitemsinthecloset.Bythat time,youwon’tbedealingwithanyclosetnoise; everything in theclosetwillbeakeeperandinamorelogicalgrouping.Tackling a large project the microresolution way—nailing one benefit at a

time—willhelpyousustainyourenergyandenthusiasmwhile improvingyourlifeimmediately.Don’tjustdivein;figureoutareasonableunitofworkthatwillprovideabenefit,committoit,andexecuteimmediately.

NanoResolutions

Bigprojectsoftendon’tgetdonebecausetheyloomlarge;smallprojectsoftendon’t get done because they don’t attract enough attention. These are not thedailyto-dosyouexpecttocrossoffyourlistorhabitsyouneedtobuild,butthenonurgent,peskymaintenancetasksthatwesometimesletrideformonths,ifnotyears.Eachofthesetaskstakeslittletimetocomplete,butintheaggregatetheycanbeoverwhelming.Oilingasqueakyhinge,sewing tasselsbackonacouchpillow,changinga lightbulb that requiresa ladder,vacuuming the interiorofacar,gluingthebrokenhandlebackontoafavoritemug,straighteningakitchendrawer.Mostofushaveagrabbagoftinyprojectswaitingtobedone,hoveringat the edge of consciousness and contributing to stress (every time that hingesqueaks).You can take care of mini one-off projects that can be completed in ten

minutes or less with a nano resolution. A nano resolution follows the coremicroresolution principles: easy, limited, precise, measurable, immediatebenefits.Justlikeitsbiggercousin,ananorequiresanironcladcommitment,but

it’s over in tenminutes,whereas amicroresolution runs forweeks in order toinstitutearepeatablebehavior.I keepa list inmynotebookof all thenanos Imight choose todo if I find

myself with tenminutes or want to take a break from a longer task, such aswritingthisbook.Mynanolisthasallmanneroftasks—sewingabuttonontoapairofpants; listingausedbook for saleonAmazon;collectingabox fullofneglectedtoysfrommydaughter’sroomandputtingthemoutonthestoopforthe neighborhood children to take; screwing in the screw that fell out of mycloset doorknob; reading an article a friend sent me a week ago. Again, thenanos aren’t onmy regular to-do list of items that need to get done daily orweekly;they’refloatingitemsthatareimportantintheirwaybutnotparticularlytimesensitive.Forexample,Iwouldn’tputanitemtowriteathank-younoteonmynanolist,becauseathank-younoteneedstobeprompt.WhenIhavealittletimeorIwanttotakeabreakfromworking,watching,or

surfing,Itakealookatmynanolistandpickaproject.Aswithanyresolutioninthemicro family, onceyou commit, you’re in no-excuses territory—you’re onthehooktogetitdone.Knowingthatit’sonlygoingtotaketenminuteskeepsfocus high and inertia at bay. It’s immensely satisfying to nail a nano on animpulse,andsometimesitfeelslikethemostproductivethingI’vedoneallday(anditmightbe,ifit’sSunday).Ikeepalist,butananoresolutioncanbeutterlyimpromptu.Youcanmakea

snapdecisiontonanosomething,butyouhavetobringfocusandcommitmentforthetenminutesittakestocomplete.Forexample,ifyoudecidethatyou’regoing to repot a plant in the garden, go right for it and don’t let yourself getdistracteduntilit’sdone.Whenyouwalkintothegardenyou’llseeotherthingsthat need doing—perhaps one of the rosebushes needs pruning or a geraniumneedswatering.Don’t letyourselfgetdistractedforasinglesecondfromyourcommitment;getyournanodonebeforeyouconsiderdoinganother thing.Aslong as you stay focused, you can straighten out almost any drawer in tenminutes,createsomenewfilesinfiveminutes,changethewasherinthekitchensinkinthreeminutes(orcalltheplumberinoneminute).Forme,knockingoffananoisakindoftreat,abreakfrommust-dowork,a

stress reliever that demonstrates that a better quality of life just depends ontargetedfocusandcommitmentatthemargin.

Afterword:BeyondAutopilot

Watchyourthoughts;theybecomewords.Watchyourwords;theybecomeactions.Watchyouractions;theybecomehabits.Watchyourhabits;theybecomecharacter.Watchyourcharacter;itbecomesyourdestiny.

—Lao-tzu

Bynowperhapsyou’vealreadygivenyourfirstmicroresolutionatry;maybeithasalreadybecomehabit.Ifyou’restillatthestagewhereyourtargetbehaviorfeels awkward, don’t despair; soonyournewhabitwill feelmorenatural, andfurther down the road it will become second nature. Once in autopilot, yourbehaviorwill sustain itself,marking the conclusion of themicroresolution lifecycle.Butisautopilotanendorabeginning?Despitethefactthatmostbehaviorisunconsciousroutine,wedon’tthinkof

ourselvesaspassivecreaturesofhabit.Rather,wethinkofourselvesasdecisionmakersexercisingfreewillandmakingconsciouschoices.Webelievethatwhatwedoiswhatwechoosetodo—whatweliketodo.Ourhabitsarealignedwithpreferences that keep us believing that even routine behaviors are deliberatechoices.Althoughsomehabitsgrowoutofpreferences—developingatasteforFrappuccinos, for example—it’s just as often the other way around: Ourpreferencesdevelopasaresultofourhabits.Takethecaseofachildlearningtobrushherteeth.Theparentleadsthechild

tothewashbasinnightafternighttosupervisetheforgingofthisessentialhabit.Atsomepoint,thechildlearnstobrushwithoutsupervision,butitmaytakefarlonger forher to actuallywant tobrush.Yet at somepoint thechildbegins tobrushbecausesheprefersclean,slickteethtosour,scummyones.Hadshenotbeen taught the toothbrushing habit, her unbrushed teeth would feel normal,preferable.Theadultpreferenceforcleanteethdevelopsasadirectresultoftherelentlesspracticeofthischildhoodhabit.Teethflossingwasintroducedaftermyfather’schildhooddental-caretraining,

andheoncepeevishlytoldhisdentistthathedidn’tlikeflossinganddidn’tdoitregularly.“That’sokay,”saidthedentist,“justflosstheteethyouwanttokeep.”Startledintoactionbythedentist’sdeadpanwit(whoknew?),myfatherbeganflossing, complaining every timehe forcedhimself to do it.At somepoint hediscoveredthathelovedflossingandsaidthathisteeth“itched”ifhedidn’tdoit.Flossedteethbecamehisnewnormal,thestatehepreferred.A person who has always been active and played sports can’t imagine an

inactivelifestyle,butforothers,exerciseissomethingtheymustlearntolove.Asedentary person embarking on a cycling program may view each ride as adreaded chore, but if the routine ismaintained over time, the couch potato islikely tobecomeadevotedcyclist.Goingforabikeridebecomesa relaxationpreferabletocollapsingintoachairwiththeSundaypaperfortwohours(well,mostofthetime).Preferenceishabit’spowerfulally,givinganauraofvolitionandinclination

toautopilotactivity.Preferencekeepsusfromseeingthatmostofour“choices”are practiced responses. The foods we eat, our communication style, and thegeneral manner in which we do things appear to us as conscious, consideredchoices, not mindless patterns. Each time we defend our preferences, wereinforceourhabits.Andoncewesucceedinmakingachangeinhabit,weoftenfind that our old preferences stick around, suddenlyout of syncwith our newbehavior.Like theghostsofhabitspast,oldpreferenceshauntusmonths, evenyears,

afterwe’vemadealastingchangeinourbehavior.Theselingeringpreferencescreate nostalgia for the old habits and attitudes we worked so hard to shed,whisperingtousthatweshouldstopkiddingourselves;wewouldreallyrathereat a cookie than a bowl of strawberries, rather stay up latewatching a seriesrerun thango tobedandgetagoodnight’ssleep, ratherscoreapointbyone-upping a colleague than strengthen an alliance with a show of support. Evenafter experiencing the rich benefits of a new habit, it often takes us longer toembraceitasatruepreference.Preferences are part of our identity, how we describe and think about

ourselves.YearsagoIgaveupcaffeineaspartofadietplan,neverexpectingtostick with it beyond reaching my weight-loss goal. I loved coffee, I lovedcaffeine, and I hadmild contempt for sissies ordering decaf. But once Iwentthroughthediscomfortofcaffeinewithdrawalandbeganwakingupwithenergyin place of lethargy, I decided to make my shift to decaffeinated drinkspermanent. Iwashappy tobefreeofmyaddiction,but Ihatedbeing“adecafperson,” because “decaf” didn’tmatch the image I had ofmyself as someonewho thrived on high-octane fuel. I liked my new behavior but not my new

identity (coffeesissy).*My silly (and temporary) identity crisis illustrateshowevenasmallchangeinhabitcanbeachallengetoself-image.Familiesandfriendsmayalsoviewachangeinaperson’shabitsasachange

inidentity.Familiescultivateandshareauniqueidentitybasedontheircultureofrituals,beliefs,andvalues.It’sunnerving(andthreatening)totheclanwhenamemberbreakswithitstraditions(sharedhabits),evenifthosetraditionsaren’tparticularlyhealthy.Ifyoucomehomeeatingbrownriceinplaceofwhiteandpassing on the second round of beer, you may put family members on thedefensiveandfindyourselfapologizingforhavingchangedyourtastes.Aswegrowintoadults,wecontinuetoidentifyourselvesthroughavarietyof

preferencesandhabits,eventrivialornegativeones.I’mlazy,I’maspendthrift,I’madoormat,I’masweetfreak,I’msuchaslob,I’maGleek.OnFacebookweexpressouridentityintermsofwhatweliketoread,listento,andwatch.InthewonderfulDavidRabeplayHurlyburly,thecharacterDonnaannouncesherselfatanimpromptupartybydeclaring:“DrugsareandjusthavebeenasfarasIcanremember an ever-present component of my personality. . . . I am a drugperson.”* As it must be true that Donna acquired her drug habit at a pointbeyond her earliest childhood, her description of drugs as an “ever-presentcomponent” of her personality demonstrates how we can confuse entrenchedhabitswithimmutableidentity.TheroleofpreferenceinidentityanswersthequestionIposedinthepreface

to thisbook:Whydo Icontinue tohangupmycarkeysatmyparents’housewhen it no longer makes any practical sense? Well, hanging up keys in mychildhoodhomeisnotjustahabit,notjustapreference,butaritualthatisapartofmyidentity—inourfamilywehangupourkeysassoonaswecomehome.Followingtheoldfamilyrulecomfortsandpleasesme,makesmefeel—literally—at home. The linkage among behavior, preference, and identity is powerfulstuff.That’swhyachangeinbehaviorissodifficultandwhy,evenafterwehavesucceededinchangingourselves,wesometimeshavetogiveourmindsetabitoftimetocatchup.The habits you are building through microresolutions will ultimately give

birthtonewpreferences.Afterabitmoretimethanittakestomoveabehaviorintoautopilot,yourpreferenceswillrealignwithyournewhabits,andnostalgiaforoldroutineswillfadeaway.You’llfindthatyouprefertomakethebed,stopeatingbeforeyoufeelstuffed,walkinsteadofride,refrainfromhavingthelastword, sleep instead of shop on the Internet, eat dinnerwithout checking yoursmart phone, pay bills on time, roller-skate rather thanwatch television.This,finally,iswheretherereallyisnoturningbackonthenewbehaviorsthatyou’vetaught yourself, because those new habits now enjoy the status of esteemed

preferences.Asyourpreferencesshifttosupportyournewhabits,yoursenseofwhoyou

arewill shift too.You’lldiscover that theexperienceofdoing things inanewwayhasmadeadifferentpersonofyou.You’llbegintoidentifywithyournewbehaviors, to describe yourself differently. You’ll realize that you are indeedimproved—infact,transformed.Achangeindoinghasmadeachangeinbeing.Learninghowtodojustonethingdifferentlypunchesyourticketforavoyageofcontinuouspersonalprogress.RalphWaldoEmersoncalledit“theendlessworkofself-improvement,”and

indeedthedesiretobecomeabetterselfisauniversalhumanurge.Thelongerwekeepupourquest,thelongerwestayyoung,becauseself-discoveryandself-inventionareessentialqualitiesofyouth.Weassociateoldagewithrigidity,withthegrumpyseniorcitizenwhoinsiststhattherightwaytodosomethingisthewayhe learned todo it longago.But ifyoumakeself-improvementawayoflife, you’ll be practicing the flexibility and self-invention that accounts for somuchofthevibrancyofyouth.Whateveryourageandaspirations, transformation iswithinyour reach,you

justneedtoinvestintheeverydayprocessthatworksthemagic.LikeDorothy,whosoughthelpfromagreatandpowerfulwizardonlytofindthatshealreadypossessed the power to reach her destination, you alone have the power totransportyourself.Asingleshiftinbehaviororattitudewilltakeyoutoabrand-newplacewithoutapairofrubyslippers;allyouneedtodoischartyourcourse.Youdon’tneedawandorhocus-pocus—justfocus.The great nineteenth-century writer George Eliot (born Mary Ann Evans)

authoredsomeoftheEnglishlanguage’smostthrillingstoriesofpersonalself-discoveryandtransformation.Alatebloomerwhowroteherfirstbookatfortyandmarriedatsixty-one,sheoncefamouslysaid,“It’snevertoolatetobewhowemighthavebeen.”

Acknowledgments

I owe the publication ofSmallMove,BigChange to a series of serendipitousevents that beganwhen I toldMargaretBeels over breakfast about the book Iwas then callingMicroresolutions.Margaret listened politely and that eveningdroppedmeane-mail tosay thatshe“hada friend in thepublishing industry”willingtoreadanexcerptandgivemefeedback.I got in contact with Margaret’s friend Stephen Morrison without really

understanding who he was. I sent Stephen an excerpt of my book late on aFridaynightandtomyastonishment,Iheardbackfromhimbefore8:00a.m.onSaturdaymorning.ItturnedoutthatStephenwasthenewheadofPicadorPress,and he offered me encouragement, guidance, and introductions to agents.Stephen’sinterestinmybookwaslikeamagicwandthattransformedmefromanunknownaspirantintoawriterwithapromisingproperty.OnceStephenintroducedmetomydelightfulagent,StephanieCabotofThe

Gernert Company, events accelerated, with Stephanie guidingme through theformalproposalstage,meetingswithpublishers,andfinallytheauctionforthebook, all within the space of about six weeks. I profited immensely fromStephanie’sgoodtaste,judgment,andtruefriendship.ThanksalsotoStephanie’sintrepid assistant, Anna Worall, whose cheery competence and insightfulcommentswereoftenaboontomeduringthedogdaysofthisproject.Margaret,Stephen,andStephaniehelpedmetogetluckyinabusinesswhere

luckisrare.AndwhatastrokeofluckitwastolandWendyWolfofVikingasmyeditor!Wendy’seditswerescribbledinaphysician-likehandthatwasalmostimpossible to read, but once deciphered offered clear prescriptions for ideaenrichmentandamoredisciplinedmessagethattakeninaggregateresultedinafarstrongerbookthanIoriginallysubmitted.(TheonlywordIcouldeverreadata glance in Wendy’s handwriting was “UGH.”) Margaret Riggs, Wendy’sassistant editor, kept the process on track and details from falling through thecracks.ThesuperbproductionteamatthePenguinRandomHousethenworkedtheir

professional magic onmy humbleWord file to transform it into a real book.NancySheppard,Viking’smarketingdirector,setthebook’scommercialcourseand helped me understand how I might distinguish my book in a crowded

marketplace. Vice president and publicity director Carolyn Coleburn, whoseintelligence and good humor I remembered well from my proposal meeting,deployed theoutstandingpublicity teamofShannonTwomeyandCatBoyd topromote the book. Shannon andCat expertlyworked their network to get thebookbroadexposure,smartlyorganizedtourevents,andwiselycounseledmeonpersonal appearances. Viking’s creative director Paul Buckley and his teammanagedtocapturethepowerofamicroresolutioninasingle,imaginativecoverimage. Noirin Lucas, assistant director of copy editing, ensured through hermeticulous revisions that I didn’t put a comma wrong or, worse, erroneouslyattributeaquote.SeniormarketingmanagerPaulLambcounseledmeonwaystopresentmyworkonlineandinsocialmedia,helpingmedistillthetweet-sizemessagesthatwouldcarrythegreatestpower.WhilemakingaprintbookturnedouttobealongerprocessthatIhadeverimagined,thegangatVikingPenguinmadeitworththewait.Throughout every stage of this project there were friends and family who

contributed to its success.My sister Jane Halsey, a wonderful copy editor ofbooksmuchmoreimportantthanmyown,madetheawkwardgracefulandtheploddingsoarinthecriticalearlydrafts.MybrotherOliverArnold,aprofessorofShakespeareatBerkeley,wasmyfirstreaderandhelpedmeshapethebookproposal whose deadline occurred in the midst of our joint family vacation.Writerand journalist (and legal lecturerandNewYorkgovernor’saide)AdamCohenwasmyshadowadviserontheworldofpublishingandmybrainstormingpartner on the long walks we took together weekly. Maria Mazer and LindaBadger were early readers whose critical feedback improved my efforts andwhoseencouragementkeptmetappingaway.Myfather,MaxwellArnold,averyclassyandeconomicalwriterwhodiedbeforethepublicationofthisbook,readthemanuscriptinasinglesitting,recordingrazorsharpeditsinashakyhand.Iamgrateful tomyhusband,ShanSullivan,whosuffered throughayearof

dinners that somehow always turned into microresolution think tanks. Hiscriticalquestioninghelpedsharpenmythinkingwhilehisvalidationsboostedmyspiritandgavemetheconfidencetostickwithit.Althoughmysabbaticalyearasawriterwasunnervingtomydaughter,Helen,

who preferred a Wall Street mom in pinstripes to an ink-stained mom insweatpants, Helen became a microresolutions convert and surprised me anumberoftimesbygivingmeverygoodeditswhilereadingovermyshoulder(suchcommentsnearlyalwaysbegan,“Mommy,youcan’tsaythat!”).Finally, deep andheartfelt thanks to all themicro-resolverswhose engaging

humanstoriesformthebedrockofthisbook.Theirsuccessesconvincedmethatcommittingthemicroresolutionsystemtopaperwasindeedworthwhile,perhaps

evenimportant.

Index

Thepagenumbersinthisindexrefertotheprintedversionofthisbook.Thelinkprovided will take you to the beginning of that print page. Youmay need toscrollforwardfromthatlocationtofindthecorrespondingreferenceonyoure-reader.

actiononecommitstodo,microresolutionsas,15–22cueingresolutions,18–22,51–59explicitnessofresolutionand,15–17,20measurableresolutions,15–17

activeinitiative,12,206Adler,Stella,166administrativetasks,prioritizing,211advertising,andcues,52–53A&E,142appetite,114–17Aristotle,xxxii,175athleticperformance,andsleep,83–84ATMfees,179automaticpayments,feesassociatedwith,179–81autopilot,xix–xx

batchingactivities,46,48–49Baumeister,Roy,xx,10–12,80bills

opportunitiesforsavingson,183–84reviewof,179–80

bodyefficiencyandvigor,microresolutionsfor,105–17appetiteand,114–17breakfastand,109–11eatingsatisfactionand,114–17fruitsand,108,112hydrationand,112–14nutritionand,107–9saladsand,111–12sleepand,106–7snackingand,115–17treatingnutritionaszero-sumgame,111vegetablesand,108,112wholefoods,eating,108–9

breakfast,109–11

calendar-basedcues,20Callahan,Don,93

Capote,Truman,119chroniclateness,microresolutionsfor,200–3clutter,managing

neatnessand(Seeneatnessgoal,microresolutionsfor)organizationand(Seeorganization-relatedmicroresolutions)

communicationchannels,roleinrelationshipsof,164–65complaininghabit,breaking,162–64contactlists,organizing,208–9contentofcommunications,focuson,154–55contextualcues,20–21convenience,expenseassociatedwith,178–82countertopclutter,microresolutionforcombating

fine-tuningof,70zerotoleranceinframing,40

cravings,116–17cuesformicroresolutions,18–22,51–59

calendar-basedcues,20contextualcues,20–21cue:responselinking,18–19defensivenessatfeedbackand,57–58deliberatelycreatedcues,19–20discoveringcues,52eatingbehaviormicroresolutionsand,54–57identifyingcuebestsuitedtotriggeraction,53microresolutionmessagesand,21personalnatureofcues,51–52piggybackingcuestoestablishedhabit,53–54relationshipresolutioncues,57specifyingcueaselementofexplicitnessofresolution,20

CupO’Pancakes,123

decisionfatigue,11,185decisionmaking,10–12defensivenessatfeedback.Seefeedback,receivingandusingdeferringresolutions,dangersof,10dehydration,112–13deliberatelycreatedcues,19–20desk-cleaningmicroresolution,145developmentalfeedback,161–62dietandnutrition,103–37

bodyefficiencyandvigor,microresolutionsfor(Seebodyefficiencyandvigor,microresolutionsfor)eatingbehavior(Seeeatingbehaviormicroresolutions)eatingless(Seeeatingless)mindfuleating(Seemindfuleating)reasonsdietsfail,103–4satisfiedwithless,104–5secondhelpingshabit,cuesforbreaking,56–57sleep,andweightcontrol,81–82

diningritual,focusingon,119–20disappointingothers,157document-managementsystems,207–8“doing”microresolutions.Seeactiononecommitstodo,microresolutionsas

easymicroresolutions,9–14eatingbehaviormicroresolutions

conferenceroomcookies,givingup,xxviii–xxixcuesand,54–57framingof,36,37messagingand,5–6personalnatureof,30–33practiceand,63–64satisfiedwithlessresolution,104–5

eatingless,123–37battleforhealthyweightisfoughtatthemargin,125–26mixoffoodseaten,changesto,128–32placewhereoneeats,effectof,135–37portioncontrol,132–34timingofsnacksand,126–27

Einstein,Albert,67Eliot,George,226Emerson,RalphWaldo,225emotionalstyleofcommunication,154–55expectationoffailure,xxiii–xxixexplicitnessofmicroresolutions,15–17

cuesand,20

failuretokeepresolutions,reasonsfor,xiii–xxixfamilylife,creatingmess-freespacefor,143–44fatigue,andself-control,80–81feedback,receivingandusing

cuesfor,57–58framingresolutionstatementfor,37–38

feelingsofothers,second-guessing,156–57fine-tuningresolutions,67–71fitness,91–101

keepingresolutions,99–101microresolutionsfor,93–101runninginplace,95–96showingupatgym,97–98sitting,dangersof,91–93stairclimbing,94–95walkingresolutions(Seewalkingmicroresolutions)

flour-basedfoods,129–31foodswaps,128–32framingresolutionstatement,35–49

familyrelationships,forfostering,38–39feedback,forreceivingandusing,37–38frequencyofactivity,46–49positiveframing,37–39resonantframing,35–37suggestion,powerof,42–46zero-toleranceframing,powerof,39–42

Franklin,Benjamin,181FreeingtheNaturalVoice(Linklater),43frequencyofactivity,46–49Freud,Sigmund,5

fruits,108,112

Google,106–7

habits,xxix–xxxii,18analyzinghabitstodeterminesinglechangewithbiggestimpact,27–28associationofbehaviorandcuecreates,52defined,xxxlinkingcontextualcuesto,20–21piggybackingcuestoestablishedhabit,53–54practiceand,63preferenceand,221–26repeatingbehaviorinassociationwithspecificcontextasmeansofcreating,62

Hall,KevinD.,125hangitupmicroresolution,141

fine-tuningof,69messagingand,5suggestionand,44–45

Havens,John,193–94HealthPsychology,xix,18helplessness,overcoming,33–34Hoarders(tvshow),142hour,redefining,212–13hunger,116–17HurlyBurly(Rabe),224hydration,112–14

identity,andpreference,224–25ILoveLucy(tvshow),172–73immediatebenefits,ofmicroresolutions,23–26impatience,xxi–xxiiimpress,spendingto,189–91improvisation,195–96impulsivespending,184–87inboxes,organizing,209–10instantgratification,andmicroresolutions,23–26“IsSittingaLethalActivity”(NewYorkTimesarticle),92–93

James,William,5JournalofExperimentalSocialPsychology,xxxkeepingmicroresolutions,9–14

decisionmakingand,10–12easeofresolutionand,9–14fitnessresolutions,99–101

Kerouac,Jack,119kitchenislandkeptclutter-freemicroresolution,144–45

Lancet,125late-nightsnacking,andsleep,85–86,107leisuretime,creating,86–87Levine,James,92,93

Linklater,Kristen,43

“MagicRoseGeranium,The”(child’sstory),71–72makingmicroresolutions,3–7

deconstructinggoaltolistofbehaviors,3–4framinggoalsinbroadterms,3mindsetmessaging,4–6neatnessgoal,3–5vitalmarginsin,6–7,68,105,149,154,163

margins,shiftsinbehaviorat,6–7measurablemicroresolutions,15–17messaging,changingmindsetthrough,4–6microresolutionmessages,5

cuesfor,21mindsetchangeand,4–6,43forovercominghelplessness,33–34suggestivepowerof,43

microresolutions,xiv–xviasactiononecommitstodo,15–22asbottom-upapproachtobehavioralchange,xx–xxicuesfor,18–22,51–59defined,xivdietandnutrition-related(Seedietandnutrition)forfitness,93–101framingresolutionstatement,35–49instantgratificationand,23–26keeping,9–14limitingnumberof,undertakenatanyonetime,61–66making,3–7neatnessgoaland(Seeneatnessgoal,microresolutionsfor)organization-related,205–19personalnatureof,27–34practiceand,61–66punctuality-related,28–30,193–203forrelationships(Seerelationshipmicroresolutions)sleep-related,84–90spending-related,177–92test-driving,67–76twoatatime,limitingmicroresolutionsto,61–66

mindfuleating,117–23ritualofdining,focusingon,119–20savoringfoodanddrink,32–33,36,63–64,119–20sensoryawarenessoffoodeaten,cultivating,118–19timetakenforeating,120–23

mindsetbehavioralchangedriventhroughchangein,5messagingasmeansofchanging,4–6,43neatness,effectof,147

mood,andsleep,82–83morninglateness,microresolutionsfor,195–99

hairwashingroutinesand,198–99improvisationand,195–96preparingeveningbeforeand,196–97

snoozinghabit,breaking,197–98Muraven,Mark,xx

nanoresolutions,217–19nappingpods,107Neal,David,xxx,62neatnessgoal,microresolutionsfor,139–47

desk-cleaningmicroresolution,145familylife,creatingmess-freespacefor,143–44hangitupmicroresolution(Seehangitupmicroresolution)kitchenislandkeptclutter-freemicroresolution,144–45making,3–5mindset,effecton,147reorganizinghomeorworkplacefor,141standardsfor,140toomuchstuffproblem,141–42

negativeresponsepatterns,replacing,158–59NewYear’sresolutions,failureratesfor,xivNewYorkTimes,92–93nobadfaithapologiespledge,151–53notetakinggoal,xxv–xxviii

cuefortakingoutnotebook,53–54nurturingtransformation,xxi–xxiinutrition.Seedietandnutrition

oatmeal,130–31OddCouple,The(play/tvshow),140one-offprojects,applyingmicroresolutionsto,215–17ontimemicroresolutions.Seepunctuality-relatedmicroresolutionsOrbell,Sheina,18–19organization-relatedmicroresolutions,205–19

administrativetasks,prioritizing,211inboxes,organizing,209–10contactlists,organizing,208–9countertopclutter,microresolutionforcombating,40,70document-managementsystemsand,207–8hour,redefining,212–13nanoresolutions,217–19notetakinggoaland,xxv–xxviii,53–54one-offprojectsand,215–17phonecalls,prioritizing,210–11prioritizationand,210–11,213–14

passiveconsumerism,182–84payingattention,microresolutionsfor,166–69Peale,NormanVincent,38personalnature,ofmicroresolutions,27–34

analyzinghabitstodeterminesinglechangewithbiggestimpact,27–28eatingbehaviormicroresolutions,30–33helplessness,overcoming,33–34money,behaviorsforsaving,33ontimemicroresolutions,28–30

phonecalls,prioritizing,210–11

piggybackingcuestoestablishedhabit,53–54placewhereoneeats,effectof,135–37pleasingothersatownexpenseproblem,cuesand,58–59portioncontrol,132–34positiveframing,ofresolutionstatement,37–39PowerofPositiveThinking,The(Peale),38practicingmicroresolutions,61–66preference,221–26

habitsand,221–26identityand,224–25

preparationforsleep,79–80asstrategyforcombatinglateness,196–97

professionalrelationshipmicroresolutionscommunicationchannels,roleof,164–65complaininghabit,breaking,162–64developmentalfeedback,askingfor,161–62impatientmanager,dealingwith,160–61

punctuality-relatedmicroresolutions,28–30,193–203forchroniclateness,200–3formorninglateness,195–99

push-upmicroresolution,47–48put-downs,suggestionsforcurtailing,45–46

Rabe,David,224ready,timerequiredforgetting,200–2relationshipmicroresolutions,149–75

analyzingreactionstobehaviorofothers,153–54autopilotresponsesand,153–54contentofcommunications,focuson,154–55cuesfor,57disappointingothers,157emotionalstyleofcommunicationand,154–55feelingsofothers,second-guessing,156–57framingresolutionstatementfor,38–39negativeresponsepatterns,replacing,158–59nobadfaithapologiespledge,151–53payingattention,166–69pleasingothersatownexpenseproblem,cuesand,58–59forprofessionalrelationships(Seeprofessionalrelationshipmicroresolutions)self-expressionand,151–53timefornurturingrelationships,making,169–71truthfulcommunications,171–75

relativeexpenditures,188–89Remy,Mark,83–84renegotiatingresolutions,dangersof,10reorganizinghomeorworkplaceforneatnessgoal,141resistancetochange,underestimating,xxii–xxiiiresolutions

expectationoffailure,xxiii–xxiximpatienceand,xxi–xxiimicroresolutions(Seemicroresolutions)NewYear’sresolutions,failureratesfor,xiv

reasonsforfailureof,xiii–xxixresistancetochange,underestimating,xxii–xxiiiwillpowerand,xviii–xxiwrongresolutions,making,xvii–xviii

resonantframing,ofresolutionstatement,35–37ritualofdining,focusingon,119–20runninginplacemicroresolution,95–96

savoringfoodanddrinkmicroresolution,32–33,36,63–64,119–20scopecreep,48secondhelpingshabit,cuesforbreaking,56–57self-control

decisionmakingand,10–12fatigueand,80–81aslimitedphysiologicalresource,xx

self-discovery,226self-expression,151–53self-invention,226sequencingmicroresolutionstoachieveresultset,25–26sitting,dangersof,91–93skinrejuvenation,andsleep,83sleep,77–90

analysisofhabitspreventing,77–79athleticperformanceand,83–84bodyefficiencyandvigorand,106–7creatingmoreleisuretimeand,86–87fatigue,andself-control,80–81importanceof,80–84late-nightsnackingand,85–86,107microresolutionsfor,84–89moodand,82–83preparingfor,79–80preppingmorningroutineinordertosleeplater,88–89skinrejuvenationand,83television-viewinghabitsand,87–88weightcontroland,81–82

snackingappetiteand,115–17disruptingcuesfor,127late-nightsnacking,andsleep,85–86,107stopsnackingresolution,identifyingcuesfor,54–56timingof,126–28

snoozinghabit,breaking,197–98spending-relatedmicroresolutions,177–92

ATMfees,avoiding,179automaticpayments,feesassociatedwith,179–81bills,reviewofandopportunitiesforsavingson,179–80,182–84convenience,expenseassociatedwith,178–82impress,spendingto,189–91impulsivenessand,184–87passiveconsumerismand,182–84priorities,spendingasreflectionof,177–78relativeexpendituresand,188–89

subscriptionfees,180–81wasteand,187–88

stairclimbingmicroresolutions,94–95stopsnackingresolution,identifyingcuesfor,54–56subscriptionfees,180–81suggestion,42–46

changingmindsetthrough,43forcurtailingput-downs,45–46justasfastsuggestionforhangingitup,44–45

television-viewinghabits,andsleep,87–88test-drivingmicroresolutions,67–76

fine-tuningresolutions,67–71timefornurturingrelationships,making,169–71timeframe,ofmicroresolutions,23–26timetakenforeating,120–23toomuchstuffproblem,141–42truthfulcommunications,171–75

USAToday,123

vegetables,108,112Verplanken,Bas,18–19vitalmargin,6–7,68,105,149,154,163Vohs,Kathleen,10–12

walkingmicroresolutions,96–97walktoworkresolution

cuesfor,53easyresolutionsand,9–10,13explicitnessofcommitment,16

wannaberesolutions,xviii,xx,23,65decisionmakingand,12

Washington,George,171wastefulness,187–88weightcontrol.Seedietandnutritionwholefoods,108–9,129–30Wilde,Oscar,107–8,194willpower,xviii–xxiWood,Wendy,xxx,62wrongresolutions,making,xvii–xviii

zero-toleranceframing,ofresolutionstatement,39–42Zipcar,199

* Inhis journalnotes for thecompletionofhis final,unfinishednovel,TheLastTycoon (1941),F.ScottFitzgeraldwrote:“Actionischaracter.”

*S.Orbell andB.Verplanken, “TheAutomaticComponent ofHabit inHealthBehavior:Habit asCue-ContingentAutomaticity,”HealthPsychology29,no.4(July2010):374—83.

*M.Muraven and R. F. Baumeister, “Self-Regulation andDepletion of Limited Resources: Does Self-ControlResembleaMuscle?”PsychologicalBulletin126,no.2(2000):247–59.

*HelenFielding,BridgetJones’sDiary(PenguinBooks,1996).

*D.T.Neal et al., “HowDoHabitsGuideBehavior?PerceivedandActualTriggersofHabits inDailyLife,”JournalofExperimentalSocialPsychology48,no.2(March2012).

*KathleenD.Vohsetal.,“MakingChoicesImpairsSubsequentSelf-Control:ALimited-ResourceAccountofDecisionMaking,Self-Regulation,andActiveInitiative,”JournalofPersonalityandSocialPsychology94,no.5(May2008):883–98.

*Vohsetal.,“MakingChoicesImpairsSubsequentSelf-Control.”

*S.Orbell andB.Verplanken, “TheAutomaticComponent ofHabit inHealthBehavior:Habit asCue-ContingentAutomaticity,”HealthPsychology29,no.4(July2010):374–83.

*KathleenD.Vohsetal.,“MakingChoicesImpairsSubsequentSelf-Control:ALimited-ResourceAccountofDecisionMaking,Self-Regulation,andActiveInitiative,”JournalofPersonalityandSocialPsychology94,no.5(May2008):883–98.

*DavidJ.TownsendandThomasG.Bever,SentenceComprehension:TheIntegrationofHabitsandRules(ABradfordBook,2001),2.

*D.T.Neal et al., “HowDoHabitsGuideBehavior?PerceivedandActualTriggersofHabits inDailyLife,”JournalofExperimentalSocialPsychology48,no.2(2011):492–98(emphasisadded).

* Katherine Harmon, “How Slight Sleep Deprivation Could Add Extra Pounds,” Scientific American,October24,2012.

*LauraBell,“InEyes,aClockCallibratedbyWavelengthsofLight,”TheNewYorkTimes,July4,2011.

*RoyF.Baumeister,“YieldingtoTemptation:Self-ControlFailure,ImpulsivePurchasing,andConsumerBehavior,”JournalofConsumerResearch28,no.4(March2002):670–76.

*L.Brondeletal.,“AcuteSleepDeprivationIncreasesFoodIntakeinHealthyMen,”AmericanJournalofClinicalNutrition91(2010):1550–59.

* R. Leproult, E. Van Couter, “Role of Sleep and Sleep Loss in Hormonal Release and Metabolism,”PediatricNeuroendocrinology17(2010):11–21.

* S. Taheri et al., “Short Sleep Duration Is Associated with Reduced Leptin, Elevated Ghrelin, andIncreasedBodyMassIndex.”PublicLibraryofScienceMedicine1,no.3(December2004):e62.

*C.Mah,“ExtendedSleepandtheEffectsonMoodandAthleticPerformanceinCollegiateSwimmers,”AnnualMeetingoftheAssociatedProfessionalSleepSocieties,June9,2008.

* J.Axelisson, et al., “BeautySleep:ExperimentalStudyon thePerceivedHealth andAttractiveness ofSleepDeprivedPeople,”BMJ2010,341:c6614.

*Mah, “Extended Sleep and the Effects onMood and Athletic Performance in Collegiate Swimmers,”studyresultspresentedatthe22ndannualmeetingfortheAssociatedProfessionalSleepSocieties,June9,2008.

*C.D.Mahetal.,“TheEffectsofSleepExtensionontheAthleticPerformanceofCollegiateBasketballPlayers,”Sleep34,no.7(2011):943–50.

* C. Mah, “Study Shows Sleep Extension Improves Athletic Performance and Mood,” study resultspresentedatthe23rdAnnualMeetingoftheAssociatedProfessionalSleepSocieties,June8,2009.

*MarkRemy,“ForgetCarbs,TrySleep-Loading,”Remy’sWorld,Runner’sWorld,June15,2009.

*D.M.Arble, J. Bass,A.D. Laposky,M.H.Viterna, F.W. Turek, “CircadianTiming of Food IntakeContributestoWeightGain,”Obesity17,no.11(November2009):2100–211.

*JamesVlahos,“IsSittingaLethalActivity?”NewYorkTimes,April14,2011.

*C.Reiff,K.Marlatt,D.R.Dengel,“DifferenceinCaloricExpenditureinSittingVersusStandingDesks,”JournalofPhysicalActivityandHealth9(2012):1009–16.

*M. S. Dolan et al., “‘Take the Stairs Instead of the Escalator’: Effect of Environmental Prompts onCommunityStairUseandImplicationsforaNational‘SmallSteps’Campaign,”ObesityReviews7,no.1(February2006):25–32.

*“Alltrulygreatthoughtsareconceivedwhilewalking.”—FriedrichNietzsche,TwilightoftheIdols.

*KathleenD.Vohs,“MakingChoices ImpairsSubsequentSelf-Control:ALimited-ResourceAccountofDecisionMaking,Self-Regulation,andActiveInitiative,”JournalofPersonalityandSocialPsychology94,no.5(May2008):883–98.

* Alexandria D. Blatt et al., “Hidden Vegetables: An Effective Strategy to Reduce Energy Intake andIncreaseVegetableIntakeinAdults,”AmericanJournalofClinicalNutrition93,no.4(April2011):756–63.

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*Acaveathere:Ifyou’retryingtoaddmorefruits,vegetables,andwholegrainstoyourdietandatfirstyoudon’tfindthesefoodsenjoyabletoeat,youneedtokeeptheminyourdietlongenoughtodevelopatasteforthem.Thesenutrientsaresoimportanttoyourhealththatyoucan’tdropthemfromyourdietevenifyoudon’tenjoythem.However,onceyoulearntolovethem,youcanapplythesame“mustenjoy”rule:nopointineatingahealthypieceofwhole-graintoastthattasteslikesawdust.

* For a review of research on the benefits of familymeals, see PurdueUniversity Center for Families,Promoting Family Meals Project, “Family Meals Spell S-U-C-C-E-S-S,”www.cfs.purdue.edu/cff/documents/promoting_meals/spellsuccessfactsheet.pdf.

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*Halletal.,“QuantificationoftheEffectofEnergyImbalanceonBodyweight.”

* The slowing of weight loss over this time period is due to changes in body composition and energyexpenditureasweightislost.

* Thomas Straube, Andreas Sauer, and Wolfgang H. R. Miltner, “Brain Activation During Direct andIndirectProcessingofPositiveandNegativeWords,”BehaviouralBrainResearch222,no.1 (September12,2011):66–72.

*“LucyTellstheTruth,”DesiLuproductions,1953.

*“ShoppingLists,”TheCheckout2(2012).

*JohnAidanByrne,“ImpulseBuyingHasItsPrice,”NewYorkPost,December10,2012 [findcheckoutsource].

*KathleenD.Vohsetal.,“MakingChoicesImpairsSubsequentSelf-Control:ALimited-ResourceAccountofDecisionMaking,Self-Regulation,andActiveInitiative,”JournalofPersonalityandSocialPsychology94,no.5(May2008):883–98.

*D.D.RuckerandA.D.Galinsky,“DesiretoAcquire:PowerlessnessandCompensatoryConsumption,”KelloggInsight,April5,2010.

*RoyF.Baumeisteretal.,“EgoDepletion:IstheActiveSelfaLimitedResource?”JournalofPersonalityandSocialPsychology74,no.5(1998):1252–65.

*I recently read that insomeartisanalcoffeeshopsmyorderofadecafskim latte isknownasa“WhyBother?”

*DavidRabe,Hurlyburly(SamuelFrench,1976)(emphasisadded).

TableofContentsTitlePageCopyrightDedicationContentsPrefaceIntroduction:WhyResolutionsFailPART1:THESEVENRULESOFMICRORESOLUTIONS

Chapter1:HowtoMakeaMicroresolutionChapter2:Don’tMakeResolutionsYouCan’tKeepChapter3:DoingItChapter4:InstantGratificationChapter5:MadetoMeasureChapter6:GiveItSomeSpinChapter7:TriggerHappyChapter8:PracticeMakesPermanentChapter9:Test-DrivingYourResolution

PART2:MICRORESOLUTIONSINACTIONChapter10:SleepChapter11:FitnessChapter12:DietandNutritionChapter13:ClutterChapter14:RelationshipsChapter15:SpendingChapter16:PunctualityChapter17:Organization

Afterword:BeyondAutopilotAcknowledgmentsIndex