social etiqettes

8/8/2019 Social Etiqettes

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P.G. D IPLOMA IN COUNSELLINGONE YEAR , BY DISTANCE EDUCATION .

M EDIUM OF INSTRUCTION IS E NGLISH .C OURSE BEGINS IN J ULY , EVERY YEAR

INDIAN INSTITUTE OF C OUNSELLING

NEW DELHI

EMPOWERING THROUGH CONFIDENCE BUILDING

T EL : 011-2324-1045, 011-2338-2652

E- MAIL : [email protected] EBSITE : indiancounselling.net

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mailto:[email protected]:[email protected]


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SOCIAL ETIQUETTES

A PRESENTATION BYDR . (M RS .) V ASANTHA R. P ATRI

C HAIRPERSON ,INDIAN INSTITUTE OF C OUNSELLING

NEW DELHI

EMPOWERING THROUGH CONFIDENCE BUILDING

T EL : 011-2324-1045, 011-2338-2652

E- MAIL : [email protected] EBSITE : indiancounselling.net

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mailto:[email protected]:[email protected]


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SOCIAL ETIQUETTES , RITES , MANNERS , GROOMING , STYLE AND GRACE IN INTERACTION

Introduction : -

What do you do if you find that your lipstick has left a mark on the cup fromwhich you had tea? If you don't wipe it off discreetly, you would beconsidered ill-mannered. So, be careful.

If you find there is a lot of food left over after an official dinner, at arestaurant and you ask for it to be packed, remember that the doggy bag is a

big 'No, No' if you are a guest.

How to manage food stuck in the mouth at a formal, sit down dinner?Ask to be excused, go to the washroom, remove the food, clean your mouthand then return to the table in a quick unobtrusive way.

Little things make a world of a difference to how others view you, so be alert all the time.

What to wear?

There are several types of occasions that people encounter. So, the clotheshave to be appropriate.

1. Office wear - This has to be formal, yet simple, neat and appropriate.Loud flashy clothes are to be avoided. The footwear is best if it is leather.(Please avoid plastic, rubber, etc.) Also, follow the 'dress code' of your work place by observing others.

Sweatshirts, denims, short sleeves, khakis, pump shoes, etc., are notconsidered formal wear.

Accessories must be subtle at all times. This spells class. Big lockets,chunky chains, bracelets, etc., are best avoided.

The hair should be well groomed and the strands must be in place.The finger/toe nails should be clean and properly manicured.

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This is the process of being socially elegant


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2. Formal wear - Dark suites are most suitable for formal occasions. Theshirt should be of solid color and the tie, a mildly striped one. Shoesshould be black and in leather. A set of appropriate jewellery and other

accessories would be considered elegant. A small clutch purse would beregarded as, appropriate. It should contain visiting cards, keys,handkerchief, compact case, lipstick, comb, etc., besides some money ina wallet and small change. Keep it light.

3. Party wear - These can be informal as well as colourful. But thehemlines, necklines etc., should be in accordance with the cultural norms.The clothes must be attractive but need not be provocative. This delicate

balance must be maintained. Accessories can be trendy and fashionable but never attention getting.

4. Sports wear - These are to worn at picnics, travel and other outdoor visits, where physical activities occur. Track suits, shorts, denims, T-shirts, sports/walking shoes, etc., are all in place. The entire outfit must

be casual, sporty and comfortable for action. Hats, dark glasses, sweat bands, head bands and the like are all suitable. Accessories need to beminimal. A good sports watch is appropriate.

Manners

Manners refer to the way in which an individual does anything. It is one'sstyle of acting. Good manners show class, respect and civility. It is also asign of being well groomed. Manners are on display at all times. People notonly listen to what is being said, but also get to see what others do. It ishighly visible and therefore open to scrutiny.

Table manners: -

Eating in company is a well-defined social ritual. For this to happensmoothly and elegantly, one should learn and cultivate good eating graces.

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Manners show what ou are


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At a sit down dinner :-

Wait to be asked and seated at the table.

Pull the chair gently and noiselessly and sit. Then adjust the chair toyour convenience quietly.

Sit calmly, with hands on your lap, till others are seated.

If hands are to be rested, place your wrists on the edge of the table.

Know your table ware

The table is set with the place mat in position keeping in mind a right-hander.

The following tips are useful.

The fork(s) are set on the left side of the mat with the knives to theright of the mat.

The spoons are generally placed on the front of the mat.

The safest rule is to begin with the cutlery from the outside of thesetting.

The soup-spoon is large, round in shape and the outermost on thefront of the mat.

The correct way to drink soup is by titling the soup bowl away fromyou and digging in gently.

The sipping must be noiseless and in small amounts.

If you spill some soup on your clothes, gently dab your spill with thenapkin, till it is absorbed. Never dip the napkin into the water glassand then wipe in full view of all the diners.

For any cutting, always use the knife.

For eating, use the fork. You switch hands, if you are not comfortableeating with the left hand.

Way to hold the fork : Pass all four fingers around the stem of thefork with the thumb on the inside. Use the index finger to guide thefork gently to the food that you wish to eat. The fork must always beheld face down and the food eaten by inserting the fork with the food

pinned to it, with the fork face down.

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Don't ever rest elbows on the table


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When you cut with the knife, never thrust the food into the mouthusing the knife. Do not lick the sauce sticking to the knife. This is in

bad taste.

Bread must always be broken with the fingers. Never use the knife.Tear off a piece that is no bigger than two bites. Eat that piece beforetearing another piece. If butter is provided, butter the small piece just

before eating it.

Food that you can't manage to eat, just push it to the edge of the plate.As simple as that!

Don't talk with your mouth stuffed with food.

Do not blow to cool a hot soup. Let it sit and cool.

Napkin rules - Take the napkin, which is set on the small plate to the left of the place mat. Open it below the table and then spread it over your lap. Let itremain there for the entire meal. Don't use it like a bib. If you have to wipeyour mouth do it in a quiet simple way. Once you finish your meal, place iton your left, but don't refold it fully. Do not leave it highly crumpled either.It should look like it has been used.

The last item to be served is the dessert. Use the spoon that is suitablefor that or if it is to be eaten with a fork, a small fork is most apt.

When the items are served and the plates are cleared, it is generallydone from the left of the diner. Say 'thank you' to the waiter/waitress,every time.

Finally, thank the host/hostess sincerely and well, for the evening and

the dinner, before taking leave.

Business Manners

In order to succeed in business, it is important to create the correctimpression.

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Never hold the fork face side up or hold it like a dagger


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Telephone etiquette : Extend suitable greeting courtesies according to thetime of the day. Then, introduce yourself by name and the company that yourepresent. Then request the customer to spare a few-minutes of his/her timeto explain the purpose of the call. If the customer is not free at that time, ask for a later suitable time when you could call.

Be polite and amiable at all times. Treat the person at the other end withrespect. The voice should be pleasant and well modulated.

The business card - How to handle it?

Your visiting card is your identity. So is the other person's. It is the firstcontact point of two people. Treat the card with the respect it deserves.

Give and receive a business card always with the right hand. The lefthand is considered wrong. Look at the card given to you, read the name, thedesignation, etc., and make a general comment or two.

Power dressing - As a rule wear formal business clothes. It should be smartand appropriate. Your dress must suggest a high degree of professionalism.The necktie, shoes, watch, pen, mobile phone, briefcase and other items

should be both classy and suitable.

The hand shake - It should be firm, but polite. Grip the other persons' handfirmly with your, palm closing in on the other. Don't hold the shake for toolong. Don't let go too early. Both are considered rude.

A handshake should suggest warmth at all times. If you are uncomfortablewith shaking hands, you can fall back on the traditional form of greetingwith a 'Namaste'.

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Avoid any arguments on the telephone

Never hold the other persons hand with both your hands


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Office travel - This is also a formal occasion. Open car doors for your superior, ladies in the group and for other seniors.

Before turning the AC (off or on) radio/window, do ask the fellow passengers their preferences.

You can offer to carry a heavy file, laptop, camera, etc., on behalf of the seniors/ladies.

This will be seen as being chivalrous and courteous.

Do not speak too loud or dominate a conversation in a group.

You need not express your opinion on every issue that is being talkedabout.

When you laugh loudly do not cover your mouth.

Know how much to smile. Your teeth should show at least for a splitsecond.

Eye-contact is important, but it should last only between 5-7 seconds.Too much of eye-contact is seen as being keenly interested while toolittle eye-contact is seen as disinterested.

Picking one's nose, scratching one's body, shaking one's leg/bodyvigorously are all in poor taste.

It is always safe to address a woman by her last name or given name.

It is wrong to touch a lady while talking. Never make any comments on the personal appearance, dress, etc., of anyone, especially a lady.

Keep mobile phones switched off during business meetings, groupactivities.

Use of time and space as forms of communication

Time - It is always important to be punctual. Travelling time, diversions andtraffic jams possible on the route should always be built into the timecalculations.

Arriving late is a poor personal statement. If late, enter the roomquietly and take a seat wherever it is possible.

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Don't walk across the hall or cross the row of seated people.

Never walk in front of the projection equipment.

Apologize to the host/organizer, as soon as possible for the delay.

Space - This is a signal of status. It speaks about the nature of thecommunication and the relationship of the people engaged in the interaction.Space is also a symbol of power. Longer desks, larger rooms more space tocontrol or command, all indicate higher status and greater power.

Barriers are erected to distance one from the others. E.g. closed doors,cabins, work space.

Social distances adopted have communication significance.

Four distances have been identified:

1. Intimate distance (0 - 18 inches). This is very close and is suitable onlyfor very intimate relationships - Parent-child, couples, lovers and others.

2. Personal distance (1 - 4 ft). This is a suitable distance between friends.

3. Social distance (4 - 10 ft). Most social interactions take place at thisdistance. E.g., shopping, business, etc.

4. Public distance (10 ft and beyond). These are distances adopted for

formal public interactions.E.g. A seminar or workshop presentation, a lecture, a public speech etc.

Customs and traditions

Custom means frequent usage, while a tradition is a belief or practicethat is transmitted from one generation to another. It is generally relayedorally or by performing in the presence of observers, who would then learn

by seeing.

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As a rule, it is a ro riate to be less


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It is important to be sensitive to these in order to make interactions pleasant and successful. This is specially so while dealing with people fromother cultures.

Cross cultural interactions - Some pointers

1- Religious orientation - Religion has a deep and wide impact on the livesof people. Factors that are affected by religion.

a) Food preferences b) Religions holidaysc) Clothing/dress style

2- Language - The style and terms of greeting and minimal languagefacility are helpful, if acquired soon. If there are special offensive terms

or expressions, they are to be avoided, scrupulously.3- Body language - Very pointed gestures, too much of movement of the

head, hands and body are all to be avoided.

What one says and what one does must be in consonance.

4- Inviting/introducing guestsInvitations can be made by a card, letter, e-mail or telephone. The

date, day, time and venue should be clear. The host/hostess should beidentified properly. The purpose of the invitation should be made clear. Thedress code must be specified. If a confirmation is desired on RSVP (personor number should be given). If the guest does not respond, the host can findout from the invited.

Introducing the guests - The guests must be introduced by the last name, preferably. If it is important, then the designation can be mentioned. If theinvitation is an informal one, then it can be with a personal comment aboutthe guest for example- a wonderful singer, the artist of the town, etc.

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Too much of gesticulating is considered to be in bad taste


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Selecting the menu

Keep the selection varied and balanced.If there are food restrictions, take care of those.Offer the specialty of the place.

Always have plenty of salads and juices.If required, suggest the course of the meal.If needed, identify what goes with what.

For example chutney with idli, dal with roti etc.

Have what other people prefer, also.For example, bread, along with roti, puri.

Laying the table - Two types of layout are possible - sit down and buffet.

For a sit down lunch/dinner - The table is usually oblong/oval in design.The place should be set with sufficient elbowroom for eating.

Have a sideboard for keeping the dishes to be served.

Serving bowls and ladles/spoons to be used.If serving wine, separate suitable glasses are to be used.

Have a low/flat flower arrangement, if desired.

Otherwise colourful floral bunches can adorn the place but not thetable

Engage in low-keyed friendly conversation only.

Avoid wild jokes, wisecracks, etc., totally.

Have gentle classical instrumental music in a very low volume in the background.

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As a rule, resent our s ecialt

Never clutter the table


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For a buffet dinner

Arrange the plates, forks, knives/spoons/bowls and napkins besideeach other.

Let the food be laid out in the sequence in which you want the gueststo eat.

Keep the dishes warm, with a food warmer.

Keep all dishes towards the edge of the table. This would preventspills and help guests avoid over-extending themselves to reach a

particular dish.

Have water in a jug, and keep it covered. The glasses for drinkingshould be kept face down. (Used glass it is to be kept face up).

Have ample number of chairs for people who may prefer to sit withtheir food and eat.

Let the plates be of lightweight, so that it is easy to hold and eat.

Have a large tub for depositing used plates and silverware.

Have a separate place for putting soiled napkins.

Dim lights and aromatic candles would add to the ambience.

Any floral arrangement can be so positioned that it does not interferewith the smooth flow of the buffet self-serving process.

You can light aromatic candles in different parts of the room.Have soft piped music, if you so desire.

Choice of colours

Generally, red, orange, pink and blue colours are safe. White in somecultures is a sign of purity, while in others it symbolizes mourning.

Large flowers can be set with small leaves and buttons type of flowersfor good effect.

Large leaves with some form of stem or wooden branches make for amodern sparse look, if that is desired.

Low floral arrangements are good, as they do not block vision.

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Choice of gifts for different occasions

Cards, flowers and chocolates are always suitable for most occasions.

For men, neckties and pins and handkerchief sets are good gifts for anniversaries and birthdays.

For receiving a promotion, a man can be given a pen as a gift.

A watch is a good item for both men and women.

A pair of sunglasses is suitable for men and women for a posting /travel / anniversary.

A briefcase is good for a man or woman who has a lot of international

travel.An alarm clock with different time zones is useful for people whotravel on business. So also a travel book / manual.

For a child, a globe (with light inside), phone book, world map, a pen / pencil set, a wake-up clock with a musical alarm, an inspiring book, a travel guide / a photo album, an autograph book, etc., areuseful gifts.

Courtesy etiquettes

Always send a 'thank you' note or call your host/hostess to thank for the invitation.

Never fail to compliment the host/hostess for his/her effort/dcor/foodetc.

Be generous with your personal compliments. Say `you look lovely,`That's a gorgeous necklace and you carry it so well, This colour makes you radiant, and so on.

Accept a compliment with grace and charm. Smile and say, `thanks a

lot.Stretch your arms to the full, while inviting or asking anyone inside.

Smile completely and warmly.

Always reply with suitably chosen words.

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It is not the rice but the thou ht that matters

No nods or estures, lease


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Thank the guests for coming, if you are the host/hostess.

Thank them for their thoughtful gift.

Party jokes

Jokes must be witty and humorous, never hurting or belittling. It cannever be told at the expense of others. It can't be aimed at a particular group,ever.

Jokes must be related in a sober way. Never explain a joke. Never say it aloud. Never repeat a joke. Let somebody who heard it, say it again.Don't wait to be applauded, for your joke.

Never dominate the joke session.

Even if you have heard the joke before do not be a killjoy and preempt thetelling.

The laughter evoked by a joke must be full throated. (The laughter should not be a put on.

The purpose of a joke is To make merryTo laugh at an absurdityTo make a sport of To jest at something.

So it is to told and received in this spirit alone.

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All okes must be in ood taste

Show poise and grace at all times

Jokes should show gender sensitivity


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Social graces and etiquettes are the hallmark of anevolved and well-bred individual

social etiqettes

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