“sometimes i feel ugly” and other truths about growing up
TRANSCRIPT
trueyou!!
An Activity Guide for Mothers & Daughters
“Sometimes I Feel Ugly” and Other Truths About Growing Up
Research shows that there is a direct and distinct link between a
mother’s influence on her daughter’s ideas about health and body
image. At a Dove Self-Esteem Summit, the idea of raising
awareness of this important mother-daughter link came up
repeatedly. It was felt that if mothers could become more aware of
their attitudes towards their own body and those of their daughters,
they could help them withstand the powerful influence of a media
and celebrity culture that undermines their sense of beauty and self-
worth. Recent studies from the Girl Scout Research Institute
support this finding. They also found that although there are other
major factors that influence self-esteem—including peers,
boyfriends, celebrities, and messages from the media, mothers are
in a very influential position to shape how narrowly or widely a girl
defines “beauty.” The activities in this workbook are designed to
raise self-esteem by encouraging mothers and daughters to
embrace their own inner and unique beauty. The goal is to
empower mothers and daughters to become stronger and more
confident women.
2 3
These materials have been created with the support of the
Dove Self-Esteem Fund whose mission statement is:
Too many girls develop low self-esteem from hang-ups about
looks and, consequently, fail to reach their full potential later in
life. So, we’ve created the Dove Self-Esteem Fund as an agent
of change to educate girls and inspire women on a wider
definition of beauty.
These materials are also part of the global BodyTalk
program and uniquely ME!* self-esteem program from the
Dove Self-Esteem Fund.
*uniquely ME! is a self-esteem program in partnership with the Dove Self-Esteem Fund and Girl Scouts of the USA.
Our Mission
Why was this book created?
“Sometimes I Feel Ugly” and Other Truths About Growing UpAn Activity Guide for Mothers & Daughters
trueyou!!
4
This book is about you—the true you! It’s about developing the person you
really are and the person you are going to be. Growing up can be tough. When
the going gets rough, why not turn to someone who’s been there? Someone
who knows you. Someone who loves you for who you really are. Who
would that be? Your mother.
The title “mother” can describe a woman who has given birth to or adopted a
child—but there are other mothers, too. A mother could be an auntie, a
stepmother, a grandmother, a mentor, or a close family friend.
Quite simply, your mother is a person who cares for you and looks out for you.
Throughout this book, think of that special person in your
life. Know that whoever your mother is, she is the
person who wants you to be your best self.
true you! is all about uncovering who you and your
mom really are. It will help you define the
ways that you are beautiful inside and
out. It will help you celebrate all
that makes you (and your
mother) unique, and your
lives special.
So let’s get started…
MOM’sSPOT
Table of Contents
What Makes You—You . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 6
Getting Started . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 8
Activity No. 1: Mom and Me . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 10
Activity No. 2: Where I’m From . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 12
Activity No. 3: Girl World . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 14
Activity No. 4: My Body . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 16
Activity No. 5: Changes! . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 18
Activity No. 6: My Hopes! . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 20
Activity No. 7: Talk It Out . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 22
Activity No. 8: Role-Play . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 24
Activity No. 9: Being Safe . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 26
Activity No. 10: It’s a Date! . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 28
Congratulations! . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 30
My Notes . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 32
Resources . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 34
The activities in the book are geared for girls 8 and up. You will find that
there are some activities that you will want torace through or others you will want to
revisit often. Find the pace that suits you.
As you journey through this book, notice the notes at thebottom – a space just for moms. These “Mom’s spots”
highlight extension activities you can engage in with yourdaughter that can be completed throughout the year. Lookfor “talk about it!” sections, which will give you prompting
questions to have conversations with your daughter.
Before you begin, think back to the time when you were apreteen or teenager. Remember your relationship with your
mother or grandmother. What did you need from the“mothers” in your life? What might you have liked fromyour mom? Take a moment to reflect on your feelings,
thoughts, attitudes and behaviors at that age – recallingthis point of view can help you identify the things you
may wish to work on with your own daughter toenrich your connection.
5
6 7
You are changing and so is the world around you. It may be hard to feel beautiful. Who helpsyou feel good about yourself and your changing body? Where do you get your ideas aboutwhat looks good – and what doesn’t? Take this short quiz to find out.
true you! True or False1 I think my family helps me shape views about myself and the world.
2 I think television and magazines help me shape views about myself and the world.
3 I would say I am satisfied with the way my body looks.
4 If I could change something about the way that I look, I would.
5 My mom helps me when I have a problem.
If questions 2 and 4 are true for you, you’re probably like most girls today who say that thereis a lot of pressure to look really good. Sometimes this pressure hurts girls and makes it hardto feel OK.
How do you feel about the way you look? How do you feel about the way people you lovelook? The changes you will see in yourself in the coming years might be confusing, but thisbook will help you figure out how to be you – the truly spectacular you. And you will find thatout with the support of someone close to you that you trust – your mom!
T F
T F
T F
T F
T F
Did you know?
• One-half of women around the world see family relationships as
having the greatest impact on their self-esteem.*
• Two-thirds of women believe that they are expected to be more
physically attractive than their mother’s generation.*
• Dissatisfaction with body image increases as girls progress to
adolescence. While 75% of girls 8-9 years old say they like the
way they look, only 56% of girls 12-13 years old feel that way.**
• One-third of all girls 14-17 years old think they are overweight,
and 60% are trying to lose weight.**
• Over 50% of girls 11-15 years old say that their mother helps
them the most when they have a problem.***
What Makes You — Youtrue you!
Quiz
* Dove’s Real Truth About Beauty Study** Girl Scout Research Institute – Teens Before Their Time, 2000
***Girl Scout Research Institute – The Ten Emerging Truths: New Directions for Girls 11-17, 2002
MOM’sSPOT
Many different surveysshow similar concerns that daughters
are being negatively influenced by mediaimages. Look at photos of your daughter, her
friends and pictures she likes from the magazines.Identify what makes these pictures appealing, what she
likes about them. Tell her what you find engaging and point outthose aspects of the pictures that are lively, show her and her
friends’ personality and so on. Collect photos of her that she likesand let her say why. You can tell her what you find adorable, cute,
unique and lovely. Encourage her to choose a favorite photo of youand let her tell you what pleases her. And don’t squirm!
8
About My Friends:My best friend(s) name is/are ______________________________________________
My best friend(s) think I am _______________________________________________
Something my friends do/say/think that excites me is _______________________
_______________________________________________________________
Something my friends do/say/think that confuses me is _____________________
_______________________________________________________________
Something my friends do/say/think that inspires me is ______________________
_______________________________________________________________
Something my friends do/say/think that worries me is ______________________
_______________________________________________________________
About My Mom:My mother’s name is ____________________________________________________
My mother thinks I am ___________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________
Today I would describe myrelationship with my mom as...
Other days I would describe myrelationship with my mom as...
One thing I fight with my mom about is
_________________________________
_____________________________
One thing I love aboutmy mom is
______________________
_____________________
____________________
___________________
Getting Startedtrue you!
IntroWho are you – truly? This book helps you find out. Of course you will be doing most of theactivities with you mother. But take some time to write down all the things that are importantto you now. This is just the beginning – you will have lots of opportunities to share moreabout you. You may even want to get a journal or a notebook to write your thoughts andfeelings along the way.
About Me:My name is ___________________________________________________________
My nickname is __________________________________ I am ________ years old now
My school _____________________________________________ My grade _______
About My Body:People tell me I look like __________________________________________________
But I think I look like _____________________________________________________
To me being beautiful means_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________
Questions I have about my:
Face ___________________________________________________________
Body shape _____________________________________________________
Hair ___________________________________________________________
Legs ___________________________________________________________
More About Me:My favorite snacks are ___________________________________________________
My favorite activities are __________________________________________________
I think the most interesting thing about me is __________________________________
_______________________________________________________________
Questions I have about growing up are:
Why am I changing? Does everyone change the same way?
Do I have to diet? Is it OK to be excited about growing up?
Talk about the concernsand questions your daughter has
flagged. Share those “feelings” – whateverthey are – from happy to sad, they are all important,
unique and personal. Feelings don’t need to and shouldnot be judged. Journals are a place where your daughter
can reflect and write about her feelings. Even if they are attimes confusing, she will feel more comfortable with herself.Take this opportunity to encourage journaling. A journal – a
simple notebook or a decorated, special one – to accompany thisworkbook can be a great place to store memories and feelings.
MOM’sSPOT
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See where your daughter’sinterests lie and what she wants to know
about you. If you feel uneasy sharing until you havethought about what makes sense to tell her, you can come
back to the topic later on. An activity you can do together is towrite each other letters to open on special dates. For example, you
could write a letter for her to open on the night she comes home fromher first date or for the day she leaves home to go away to school. If you
feel comfortable, this could be the place to share some of your own feelingsabout a similar event.
Encourage your daughter to write a letter about what is going on in her liferight now. Her letter to you could be shared on a special occasion, too.
10 11
Mom and MeActivity No. 1
So you know the basics about your mom and she probably knowsthe basics about you. Let’s dive a little deeper into whom each ofyou is. Get out your pen and your news-reporter hat and fire thesequestions to each other for some hard-hitting news. This will giveyou a chance to find out some not-so-well-known facts about oneanother. For more fun, ask these same questions to yourgrandmother or other family members.
Let’s share!
“
”
“
”
Mom let me tell you about:• My best friend(s)
• My school work
• How I feel about my siblings, aunties, uncles,grandparents, teachers …
Mom tell me about:• How you did in school
• Your best friends
• How you got along with your family members
“
”
“
”
Let’s talk about:• Dealing with bullies and teasing?
• How you feel about your body?
• How do you really feel about getting your period?
• How do you really feel about your bra?
More things to talk about:• What makes me feel strong?
• What makes me feel uncomfortable?
• When I see _______________ I feel good about myself.
• When I see _______________ I don’t feel so goodabout myself.
MOM’sSPOT
Where I’m FromActivity No. 2
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Every family is different. But it is the special ingredients of your family that makes youbeautiful! Families are made up of different parts – just like a garden is made up ofdifferent flowers. Consider your family as your garden and think about the things thatmake your family – and you – unique!
write here!Countriesmy family
is from
Things weconsiderbeautiful
Music welisten to
Foodswe eat
Languageswe speak
My Community Garden
Talk about it!
• How does where you’re from influence who you are?• How do you fit into your family’s garden?
Ask your mom to share the ways she sees your family in you. Thendiscuss ways you can you share what makes you special and beautifulwith your family and friends. For example, you can share whereyou are from by learning to cook a traditional family mealand inviting friends over to eat. Or, volunteer to read toan elderly relative; take time to listen to her stories ofyour family’s past. You can contribute to the beautyof your community garden by participating in andsharing family traditions.
On each flower fill in something about yourfamily and community. On some flowers youmay only have one thing to write and on othersyou may have many.
MOM’sSPOT
Children have tojuggle their own family and
the wider culture. They are oftenambassadors outside the family
about your values and ways of doingthings and ambassadors to you about
how the general culture does things.Widening the definition of beauty to
include your family’s culture will helpyour daughter feel good about
herself and feel beautiful. 13
Talk about it!
• Which images seem true? Which images seem false?• What do the images say about girls and their lives?• Are the images things girls should aspire for? Why? Why not?• What would real girls or real images look like?
Media WatchYour world is different from your mom’s – no doubt about it! But she’s a great resource!Invite your mom to watch television or to listen your favorite radio station with you. Try to talkto your mom about what’s going on in your life and how the messages in the media makeyou feel.
I like ___________________ because
______________________________
One real thing ___________________
shows about my life right now is
______________________________
My friends think _______________ is
______________________________
______________________________
The people in ___________________
reflect real people I know like
________________________
When I see _____________________
I see myself because _____________
______________________________
___________________________
One thing I don’t like about _________
is ____________________________
One false thing __________________
shows about my life right now is
______________________________
When my friends and I see
________________ we wish we could
be ___________________________
The people in ___________________
do not reflect real people I know like
_____________________________
When I see _____________________
I don’t see myself because
______________________________
______________________________14
HOT NOT
Girl WorldActivity No. 3
MOM’sSPOT
Seize your daughter’sinvitation into her world. Take
note of the images and ideas that shedeals with, but don’t judge them.
Instead, encourage her to explain how theimages and ideas make her feel. Consider
ways you can counter these images. Educateyour daughter about media literacy. Point outthat often pictures are retouched or changed.
Know that even if your daughter doesn’t watchthese shows or see these images in your
home – she encounters them in her world.You can’t eliminate them – but you can
provide alternatives to them. Promise yourdaughter and yourself that you will check
in on Girl World often, to help yourdaughter deal with images that
might affect her. 15
You may feel like your mom has no idea what’s going on in your life – and you’re probablyright. But give her a break. Girl World changes every day. You probably can’t keep up withyour own life! Cut Mom some slack and let her know what’s truly happening with you.
Media may seem like a big part of your life right now. Media couldbe magazines, Web sites, blogs, television shows, music,movies or more. Pick a magazine (or any other “media”) thatyou really like. Then sit down with your mom to talk abouthow the show makes you feel. Are any stereotypes or negativeimages portrayed or does it make you feel really good aboutbeing you? Explain why this piece of media is important to you.
Fill in the blanks with a type of media that is important to you. It will help decide...
what is HOT! and what is NOT!
My BodyActivity No. 4
You are special! Your mom knows that, but do you? Fill in the blanks with the words from theword bubble (or fill in your own) to discover just how unique you really are. Have your momcreate her own list then compare how much you may look alike or not.
My hair color is: ________________________________________________________
My eyes are:___________________________________________________________
I wear glasses:
I wear contacts:
I have freckles,a beauty mark,or a scar:
My nose is: _________________________________
My smile looks like this
My hands are important because they:_____________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________
My belly button is: (pick one)
An “innie” An “outie”
My feet look like this:
My body is shaped like a: _______________________
My favorite part of my body is: ____________________
My least favorite part of my body is: __________________
Special things that I can do that my mom can do:(Examples: Raise one eyebrow; flip my tongue over; whistle)
_____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
Special things that I can do that my mom can’t do: _____________________
______________________________________________________________
Special things that I can’t do that my mom can do: ______________________________
____________________________________________________________________
Ways my mom and I are similar: ____________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________
Ways my mom and I are different: ___________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________
Ways I predict I will be more like my mom: ____________________________________
____________________________________________________________________
Y N
Y N
Y N
MOM’sSPOT
Share withyour daughter
what it was like foryou “back in the day.”
Check out a local vintageshop or maybe just the back
of your closet. Pull out the oldphoto albums. While you look at
pictures try to identify somesimilar traits. Which ones have
evolved over the years? Besidesphysical traits, are there behavioralones you share? Are there cultural
traditions or traits in your familythat symbolize beauty? Build your
“family tree” to trace certainattributes to help your daughter
build a broader definition ofbeauty. Find things that you
share – even if it isn’thereditary.
draw
your smile here
draw your feet here
16
draw
skate
drive
17
black
brown blonde red light
dark medium long short big
little cute polished wide narrow
crooked just right upturned pierced
smelly pencil apple pear gingerbread
man hazel blue gray green pink purple
natural confident curvy popular
beautiful strong happy
unusual different
pick w
ords from here or think of your own
You might have noticed (or maybe you haven’t) that you look different from a couple of yearsago. This change in your body is called puberty and it’s a necessary part of growing up. Howcan you deal with the changing you? Talk to your mom about puberty and the changes thatare happening to you. She can help you make healthy choices to ensure that your body isat its best.
Use the figure below to point out ways your body is changing. It may seem silly, but it’sa good way to talk to your mom about difficult things. You can draw on it, circle areas,or put arrows where you have questions where things are changing.
Not sure what’s changing? Consider these questions:
• Does your face seem different? How?• Are you now wearing braces?• Do your clothes fit differently? Where?• Have you found hair in new places? Where?• Have you started to wear a bra? Why or why not?
If you aren’t experiencing any of these changes yet, talk to your mom aboutthe changes you should expect.
Changes!Activity No. 5
Fun & Not-So-FunFacts About Puberty:
• Puberty happens between the ages of 8 and 14. For some girls it couldbe earlier and for some later.
• During puberty your body releases special hormonesthat are responsible for the changes that occur.
• Are you going through puberty? Check the signs ofpuberty that might apply to you:
Sooner or later you might check off all of those things, but believe it or not,all girls experience all of these things and they are NORMAL! It’s all part
of Mother Nature’s way of transforming your body from a younggirl to a woman. It can be a bit strange but
very exciting.
Still worried or confused? Ask Mom for the helpyou need. She can direct you to moreinformation. Also, ask Mom to share how shehandled the changes of her body. How did shefeel? How are things today?
Talk about it!
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• You get your period
• You may get acne
• Your body can get curvy
• Your hips can get fuller
• Your body may widen
• Your body fat usually increases
• You get taller
• You see body hair in your underarms
• You see body hair in your pubic area
• You may feel moody sometimes
• You may smell differently
• Your breasts begin to grow
MOM’sSPOT
Tell your daughter thatpuberty and turning into a teen
can be fun. Tell her you are excitedto see how she develops physically:
Will she have your breasts, or Auntie’slegs, or Dad’s height, or her sister’s teeth
etc. You could take your daughtershopping to select products that she will
want to be using soon. Share how you usehygiene and beauty products, and explain
how different options work. Let herknow you want to help her make
healthy, safe choices. 19
20
Take a moment to look at the things that make you, you. Write down one goal for yourselfduring this time of change. Maybe you want to spend more time with Mom, or maybe youwant to learn more about puberty. Share the goal with your mom. Then come up with a planon how to reach that goal.
One thing I would like to explore or be is: ______________________________________
____________________________________________________________________
To do this I could: _______________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________
One step I can take now is: ________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________
20
Sometimes you need a quiet moment to reflect on all the changes andactivities in your life. Use this space to consider who you are, or useyour journal. Write down your thoughts about what you’ve learned sofar about yourself and about your mother.
Think About It!What makes me unique and different? ________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________
Who am I? ____________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________
What do I want to be? ____________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
What parts of me do I want to develop? _______________________________________
____________________________________________________________________
What are some things I admire in others?______________________________________
____________________________________________________________________
What are some things I admire in myself? _____________________________________
____________________________________________________________________
How do I define beauty? __________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________
How does my family define beauty? __________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________
What have I learned about my mother that I didn’t know? How does that change therelationship I have with her? _______________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________
My Hopes!Activity No. 6
MOM’sSPOT
Listen to what yourdaughter wants to develop.
Help her with imagining herselfin these new ways. Try not to
judge what she wants but enjoy herdesires. It might be fun to create a
photo journal or scrapbook todocument this period of change. Refer toit over time to see how much each of youhas developed. You can get a disposable
camera to photograph memorablemoments. Start collecting the pictures,
mementoes, and media that describe yourchanging selves. The scrapbook can also
be a space to mark your daughter’sspecial moments, achievements, and
dreams. Be creative – thescrapbook can be as unique
as the both of you.21
Talk It OutActivity No. 7
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Sometimes, it’s hard to hear what your mom has to say. At times, it seems like you arespeaking two different languages. One comment from Mom can send you into a fit of rage.How can you make sure you are on the same page? Look at this chart. How do you feel aboutthe things your mother says? What do you think she really means? Is there a better way tosay these things? Here is your chance to practice talking and listening to your mom.
Mom Says... Mom Might Mean... I May Feel…
I am so proud of you! I am proud of your accomplishments. I am happy you noticed my hard work.
Is that what you are wearing? I am not sure that is the best choice. You don’t like my style. You don’t trust my judgment. You are trying to control me.
Is that what you are eating? Your nutrition is important to me. You think I am too fat or too skinny.
You are beautiful. You are beautiful inside and out. You have to say that. You’re my mom. You can’t see my flaws.
You don’t have to do what You have to be strong and You don’t understand how important to me it is to fit in.everyone else is doing. not give into peer pressure.
“Straight Talk”Can you relate to these examples? Add one of your own.Think of something your mom says to you. How does itmake you feel? Then ask her what she really means.
My mom says: _________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________
What she really means: ___________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________
How I feel when she says that:______________________________________________
Some things I would like my mom to stop saying or say in another way are:_____________
____________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________
MOM’sSPOT
We have allexperienced
miscommunication on somelevel. Take time to make sure yourdaughter really “heard you.” Be as
specific as possible and try differentways of saying the same thing to make
sure your point gets across. For example: Iam really impressed with the way you stuck
with that math problem/knitting/backflip. OR:You have real commitment and your hard
work shows. OR: Can you show me how youcompleted your math homework so well?
You are a great problem solver.
Hearing criticism is difficult for everyone. Givingyour daughter a “heads up” that criticism is
coming may help. For example: This might besomething you won’t like me to say but it is
important for you to understand…
Whatever you are trying to communicate,remember to reinforce your daughter’s
success by verbalizing messagesthat uplift and support her. 23
Remember:Moms usually have your best
interest in mind, even if youdon’t always hear it. Ask your
mom to identify three strengths shesees in you. Having her do this now
might help you understand whereshe’s coming from. Do you agree withthese strengths that your mom sees?
Are there other strengths you wouldlike to develop? Talk to your mom.
Before you know it you will feellike the “super girl” your mom
already knows you are.
Strengths my mom sees in me: _____________
____________________________________
Strengths I think I have:___________________
_____________________________________
Strengths I wish I could have: _________________
__________________________________________
24
For girls and adults, life is like an obstacle course. New challenges come up every day. If yourmother doesn’t know the realities of your daily life, she can’t give you the best support. Usethis activity to be honest about the challenges you face. It will help you and your mom worktogether toward solutions.
MOM’sSPOT Give your
daughter a safespace to talk about her
tougher daily challenges.Taking a break from her
regular routine could be thespace she needs. This could be
a special night with friends orquiet time with you. By talkingabout it together, you may find
new ways of handling and copingwith what is going on. Be open tolistening to her and to letting herknow sometimes you need timeto figure things out as well. Tellher you are glad she talked to
you and are always thereto support her.
Role-Play, Your Way
Talk about three things that get in your way every day. They can be simple, tricky, or silly. Nowask your mom to walk in your shoes. She gets to play you and you get to act out what reallygoes on in your life.
Some scenarios might be:• Confronting a bully or mean girl
• Handling peer pressure
• Talking to a boy
• Being unprepared for school
• Changing for gym or sports
• Not having the latest outfit or gadget
• Tripping or falling in front of friends
• Puberty surprises
• Other challenging moments
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Role-PlayActivity No. 8
Talk about it!
• How does this situationmake you feel?
• What do you usually do?• What does your mother suggest
you do?• How did your mom feel being
in your shoes?
__________________________
__________________________________
______________________________________
_________________________________________
__________________________________________
__________________________________________
________________________________________
_____________________________________
__________________________
_________________
write your script here
26
Being SafeActivity No. 9
The E.C.C.should be takenseriously and if
committed to early on, itcan help you avoid a lot of
misunderstandings.
If your daughter uses the E.C.C.,applaud her for asking for help.
Listen to her. It might be difficultand you might have to set your
panic aside. Remind her that yourpriority is her safety. Take action to
ensure this commitment isintegrated into your family, and
make sure everyone is on board. Alarger family plan may need to be
implemented to meet theneeds of every
family member.
• Here are some issues that might require an E.C.C. Can you think of others?– Failing a class– Attending a party where there are drugs or alcohol– Being touched inappropriately– Being hurt by a family member or friend– Being teased or harassed by a bully– Eating too much or eating too little
• What is the procedure you follow if you are in an unsafe situation?• Who do you go to as a “safe” person if you are worried that you can’t talk
to your mom?• What is the “signal” that tells your mom that you are OK but don’t want
to talk? • What is the “signal” that tells your mom that it is urgent you talk?• What is the grace period between making a bad decision and facing the
repercussions of that choice? • How often does the E.C.C need to be updated?• Write out the rules for your personal E.C.C together and keep it in
a handy place.• What could happen when girls can’t turn to their mothers?
Talk about it!Your mom can be your greatest resource and ally. But sometimes you might make apoor choice about a serious issue (such as grades, confronting a bully, dealing withboys) in order to avoid punishment, embarrassment, disappointing your mom, ormaking her upset. Moms worry about your safety and you worry about getting intotrouble.
Here’s a space to talk about your worries and solutions for tough situationsbefore they arise or get dangerous. Maybe a friend of yours hasbeen shoplifting or another friend is not eating enough. Withoutratting anyone out, come up with a real or made-up situationconcerning you or a friend that you would normally be tooshy or scared to turn to your mother about.
Ask your mom to think of a time when she kept asecret in order to avoid disappointing her parents.How did it make her feel?
Create an E.C.C. (Emergency Connection Code)Sometimes it’s important to have an emergency code – language that identifies that asituation needs a special kind of conversation. Create an E.C.C. (Emergency ConnectionCode) with your mom. This safety plan can help you and your parents deal with trickysituations.
When the E.C.C. is in effect we agree to:
• Put safety first
• Listen, not blame
• Communicate in a positive way
• Come up with solutions andconsequences together
• Understand that making mistakes ispart of growing up
• Identify emergency contacts – peopleand numbers that can help
MOM’sSPOT
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Sample E.C.C.
I need my E.C.C.
?
Everyone marks change in life differently. Some acknowledge important moments with largecommunity celebrations. Others celebrate the journey more privately. You can celebrate the“big things” or a bunch of “little things.” It is up to you and your family. Create a timeline ofimportant things that will happen to you in the next five years. Put a star next to the onesworthy of a celebration.
Ideas can include:• Getting your braces off • Changing schools
• Your first bra • Getting your first period
• Becoming a “teen” • Going to your first dance
• Passing an exam • Joining a team
• Mastering a difficult assignment, skill, or instrument
• Add your own celebrations, holidays and big moments
MOM’sSPOT
What are yourfavorite family things?
What are some behaviorsand traditions unique to your
family circle? For example, maybeyour family celebrates birthdays
with cupcakes instead of cakes. Arethere traditions you want to
continue? Are there ones you andyour daughter want to build together,
like family game night orvolunteering annually?
Now, review all your exciting events. Of course you won’t be able to celebrate them all witheveryone. Some might be good for a shared moment with Mom. Other events could involvethe whole family, and others may be reserved for friends only.
Ask your mom what events along her life journey were celebrated. Who was involved? Werethe celebrations community, family, culture or faith based? How did she feel about thechanges and the celebrations?
• If she didn’t celebrate, did she want to?• How would she do it over again?• What parts of her experience would she like to carry on with you?
Talk about it!
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BRACESOFF!
Today 5 Years Later
It’s a Date!Activity No. 10
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Congratulations!true you!Wrap Up
You have reached the end of true you! So what have you learned on your journey?Hopefully you learned something about you and discovered something new about your mom.Now keep it going! Here is one last thing to do with your mom. Create a promise that talksabout all the things you learned and all the things you want to continue doing together.
MOM’sSPOT
Pick something tocelebrate just the two of
you or you could invite familymembers or friends. Take this
opportunity to share a few greatmoments of your true you!
adventure.
Promise
As we continue to build on our relationship:
We choose to talk to each other
We choose to find solutions
We choose to embrace change
We choose to celebrate our lives
We choose each other as resources
We choose to listen to each other
We choose to create our own definitions of beauty
We choose to be confident, healthy and strong!
This sample promise can get you started, but consider creating one that is unique to you andyour mom. It should reflect your style, attitude, beliefs and traditions.
Write your promise and practice saying it with your mom. Is there a way to display itsomewhere that is accessible to you both? Is there a tradition you can create around it?
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My Notes:
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makethis spotyour own
allYOU!
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Randell M. Bynum, M.S.W.
Rande is a former social worker who has worked with youth in
various settings providing both direct service and program
development. She works at Girl Scouts of the USA and is
responsible for the implementation of the Dove Self-Esteem Fund
partnership in the United States and the development of uniquely ME!—the Girl
Scout/Dove Self-Esteem program for girls 8 to 17 years old.
Tonya Leslie, M.A.
Tonya is a former educator and published author of numerous
books for children. She works at Girl Scouts of the USA
developing program resources and ensuring girls' voices are
heard. Tonya manages GSUSA's By Girls For Girls National
Advisory Committee and works with girls all across the USA and Puerto Rico.
Rande and Tonya needed a book like this when they were younger, so they used
their 25 years of collective experience with youth to write this one. They dedicate it
to their mothers and all the girls in their lives.
Acknowledgments:
A special thanks to Lydia Aquino, uniquely ME! Project Coordinator, GSUSA, and
Judy Schoenberg, Ed.M., Girl Scout Research Institute, GSUSA.
About the Authors
You can find more information and materials at the following Web sites.
USA and Canada:
• www.campaignforrealbeauty.com • www.girlscouts.org• www.studio2b.org/life/uniquelyme • www.nedic.ca• www.girlpower.gov • www.nationaleatingdisorders.org
UK:• www.campaignforrealbeauty.com/bodytalk • www.edauk.com
* Web sites are always changing. The ones we mentioned above are solid and will always have more updated information.
Use the space below to fill in your own resources, sites and hotlines.
Resources
Support Hotlines for Me:Teenage:
________________________________Bullying:
________________________________Personal Safety:
________________________________Eating Disorders:
________________________________Health Information:
________________________________Smoking:
________________________________Drugs:
________________________________Women’s Health:
________________________________Alcohol:
________________________________Mentor/Volunteer Opportunities:
________________________________Other:
________________________________
Support Hotlines for Mom:Teenage:
________________________________Bullying:
________________________________Personal Safety:
________________________________Eating Disorders:
________________________________Health Information:
________________________________Smoking:
________________________________Drugs:
________________________________Women’s Health:
________________________________Alcohol:
________________________________Mentor/Volunteer Opportunities:
________________________________Other:
________________________________
Please go to www.campaignforrealbeauty.com to download additional copies of thisMother-Daughter Activity Guide and for updated content, activities and resources.
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