Sorting Out Sid

YASHODHARA LAL

HarperCollins Publishers India

To Didu, wherever you are now. Im so happy you enjoyed this book when it was a mere manuscript.

Contents

Part I

1. The Party

2. Nice Not Knowing You

3. Domestic Bliss

4. Sid@Work

5. Meeting Ms Meenakshi

6. Dinner with Aditi

7. The Script Presentation

8. Sid and Brownie

9. Sid Pays a Visit

10. End of the Road

Part II

1. So We Meet Again

2. The Accounts

3. The Big Day

4. The Oriental Kitchen

5. The Invasion

6. The Lemongrass Lounge

7. An Unpleasant Evening

8. The Conversation

9. The Painting

10. Back Again

Part III

1. The Housewarming

2. Seventh Heaven

3. Together

4. In the Park

5. Sids News

6. Aap Single Hain Ki Bachelor?

7. Meeting Shiv

8. We All Fall Down

9. Sid and Brownie: The Sequel

10. Somethings Missing

11. A Job for Super-Sid

12. That Thing Called Closure

Acknowledgements

Just Married Please Excuse

About the Author

Copyright

Part I

W

1

The Party

hy does she have to live in a place with such poor maintenance, muttered Sid to himself as hepeered short-sightedly out of his car window, trying to spot a parking space. It was past ninenow and pitch-black with none of the street lights in Aditis complex working. Hah, he thought,

a supposedly posh high-rise complex with a fancy-shmancy name like Sherwood Towers, but canteven take care of the basics! He conveniently ignored the fact that his own apartment was in acomplex called Bellavue Boulevard. Sid drove along slowly in his old WagonR, having left theVerna at home for Mandira in case she needed it, though she said she was unwell. He spotted whatlooked like an empty slot. He couldnt quite gauge the distance between the two large cars and so,paused uncertainly. Sherwood Towers had a lot of rich residents, and Sid definitely did not want tobump any of the big-ass cars with his trusted steed. Also, he did not really want yet another scratch onhis own car, however old and beat-up it was.

Though it had been a few years since he had been badgered by Mandira into learning to drive, Sidwasnt a confident driver still. Driving at night made him especially nervous, and it didnt help thattonight he wasnt wearing his glasses. Not that his eyesight was too bad a mere .25 in the left eye,and .75 in the right but the glasses did help.

It wasnt his vanity this time he could have chosen to leave them in the car while he was up at theparty, but he had been so distracted while leaving the house that he had forgotten them. And he justhadnt felt like going back to get them. Oh well, he had made it here safe and sound, hed be okaydriving back too. Hopefully.

Just as he had made up his mind to plunge blindly into the parking spot with a prayer on his lips,the street lights came on and light flooded the area around him. He heard the sound of music andpeople cheering from what he knew was Aditis flat.

Of course! Just a little power failure. Could happen to anyone. Sid decided to forgive Aditi forliving here and parked his car smoothly. It ended up only a little too close to a bright yellow HondaCity, which he had never seen before.

He checked himself out in the rear-view mirror before getting out of the car, an old habit. Sidalways needed to know that he was looking sharp. He was letting his hair grow out this year, but itwas carefully styled and slicked back, every strand gelled into place. He bared his teeth to confirm hehad nothing stuck in there and finally stepped out.

He was in his carefully torn new jeans and his favourite dark blue shirt which had the first twobuttons casually undone and sleeves rolled up. Only the tail end of the Black Panther tattoo on hisright arm was on display this way. His new, brown, high-heeled shoes made him look and feel taller,which was always welcome, even though he stood at a perfectly respectable five-ten. Sid had alwayswished he could have made it to six feet, but no amount of stretching in college had helped. Still, heknew he looked pretty good in a lean, clean-cut, boyish way.

He took a deep breath, trying to keep at bay the thoughts of his evening at home. He slammed thecar door shut, put on his most confident swagger as he headed towards Aditis building, and thenbounded up the stairs, two at a time, to the first floor.

As he reached the door, he heard the sound of ABBA and groaned inwardly. ABBA? In this day

and age? He reached out and rang the doorbell. The tinny annoying tune of B-I-N-G-O made himcringe as always. He glanced at his watch as he waited and his eyes bulged a little,

Damn! Nine thirty already? He knew Aditi had expected him to turn up at seven p.m. sharp. Just sounreasonable of her. It was the unwritten protocol these days to come at least an hour late, although acontrol freak like Aditi wouldnt subscribe to that view. Sure enough, as soon as the door swungopen, her hard and unsmiling face confirmed that she was not happy with him. Tonight, her long, wavyhair was tamed into a tight ponytail which gave her a severe look despite her frilly dark-green top andtight jeans. She stood glaring at him in silence. He bravely maintained eye contact, but had the distinctimpression that she was tapping her feet as she waited for him to say something. He decided to gowith his usual approach, which meant pretending not to notice anything was wrong.

Happy Birthday, Buddy-boy! He gave her his most charming grin and reached out to envelop herin a big, warm hug.

She stood there, unyielding and stiff. As a result the big, warm hug ended up as a clumsy one-sidedembrace. He took a step back and saw that now she looked really mad.

Whats wrong? he asked, suppressing his own twinge of irritation. She didnt have to make suchan issue out of everything. It was only a little tardiness, after all.

Its not my birthday, you dolt, she hissed. Its Ayaans.Ayaans? Oh no! That was right. Sid felt his ears turning red. This was indeed what you might term

a bit of a boo-boo. Of course, it was Ayaans birthday party he was turning two today. Sid hadobviously not been paying attention when Aditi had called last week to confirm he was coming forthe birthday party he had just assumed it was her own. Wasnt hers around this time of year? Hedecided to blame Facebook it was because of those darned birthday calendars that no one botheredto remember anything any more. Although he had known Aditi for over twenty years, right from theirschool days, it was still tough for him to think of her as a mom. He hadnt had a clue he was coming toa kids birthday party.

Oh bloody hell! Wait. Kids parties needed gifts. His usual alternative for a gift Heh-heh. Illtake you out for dinner next week wasnt going to work with a two-year-old. Sid felt mortified. So tocover up, he grinned and said Of course its Ayaans birthday. Get out of my way, you imposter!Where is the real birthday boy?

He took a step past her and vaguely looked around towards the knees of the few people who werecrowded around Aditis drawing room some sitting, others standing and most shouting overDancing Queen to talk to each other. Aditi was saying something to him, but he couldnt hear it.Finally, she grabbed hold of his shoulder and, putting her mouth close to his ear, shouted, Hesasleep now. The party was at seven p.m. Sid! All the people with kids have left already. But thenagain, you always do this, dont you? Sid cringed as she continued, Youre just too cool to land upon time even when its an important occasion? You know how much this means to me. I dont knowwhy I expected better from you. This made him feel even worse. He just stood there gazing at her,unsure of what to say. After a few seconds, Aditi spoke again, more curious than angry now, And hey you didnt bring Mandira?

He stiffened a bit at the mention of his wife. Well, you know, she said she would come but thenshe had an office thing, and you know, it was just one of those things you know? So I said I wouldgo alone. Hey, so wheres Krish? Are we having beer?

Aditi was staring closely at his face. That penetrating look of hers always made him feeluncomfortable. He didnt know why but this woman somehow always seemed to know or at least,

to always want to know what was going on inside his head. He wondered if he had made anothertactical error by asking for beer at a two-year-olds party, but he was pretty sure he had seen a fewpeople with drinks in their hands. Aditis face wasnt disapproving any more. Whats wrong, Sid?she said, sounding concerned. Did you guys fight?

Sids immediate reaction was to deny it with a half-scoffing, half-snorting sound, followed up withan Arrey, no, no yaar. After all, it hadnt really been a fight. Just a small difference in point ofview. Yes. All married couples had them. No point talking about it. So he continued, Im telling you,na shes just super busy nowadays. She said to give you her love and wish you er, I mean, Ayaana happy birthday.

Aditi clearly didnt believe him and he didnt blame her. Mandira had always been a little cold toher, as was the case with all of his female friends. Sid recalled how, a few months ago, she hadremarked in the middle of an argument, That Aaadu chick-friend of yours is three years youngerthan I am and already has a kid, and at the rate were going, well probably be first-time parents at theage of fifty.

Aditis continued scrutiny of his face was driving him nuts. He decided to resort to joking. Sosince my wife is busy at work, are there any hot chicks I can meet here? He leaned over and leered ather, adding, Besides you, of course?

It worked. Aditi laughed. Yeah, yeah, watch it. Krish is around. And oh, dont try to flatter yourway out of the situation, Mister. Youre late, you forgot and

Hey, Im really sorry about that, yaar. No posturing this time his misery was genuine.Aditi squeezed his arm and grinned, and he knew he was forgiven. She was as quick to forget as

she was to flare up. Never mind. There are some people I want you to meet. Especially this friend ofmine from Bangalore Ive told you about her, right? Neha? She began leading him towards a girlsitting on the sofa when the doorbell rang again. Aditi stopped in her tracks and Sid almost bumpedinto her, ruining the effect of the cool walk he had put on while following her. She doubled back pasthim to the front door, saying, Ill be right there just go over and say hi to her, no?

Sid abandoned the cool walk and headed over in a normal fashion to the girl that Aditi had beenmaking a beeline for. She was in conversation with an earnest-looking bespectacled young man andsipping from a tall glass of Coke, which he presumed was spiked. The first thing he noticed about herwas that she was rather small. An unusual-looking little thing, he thought as he took in her sharp-featured face with high cheekbones and a long, prominent nose. Her skin was fair, practicallyglowing; her make-up had been applied, he noticed, liberally yet tastefully. Her shoulder-length curly,black hair was stylishly cut to frame her face, giving her a pixie-like appearance. Interesting, hethought, but she wouldnt ever make it as a model given her size. You wouldnt call her petite no; infact, she was sturdy and well-endowed as revealed by her low-necked, sleeveless purple blouse. Notthat he was looking or anything. The blouse was teamed with a flowing white skirt, and she hadaround her neck a chain of closely strung together, large white beads. He decided that she wasnt histype. But the overall effect was striking.

He stopped right in front of her and the bespectacled young man, but neither seemed to notice. Hecleared his throat meeting people for the first time always made him a little nervous. And right now,he somehow found himself even keener than usual to make a good first impression.

He stuck out his hand to her and said in a deep voice, Hi, Neha, Im Sid.Neha didnt seem to hear Sid over the loud music she was facing away from him and

concentrating on what the young man was saying. However, a moment later, she did acknowledgeSids outstretched hand - by distractedly placing her glass in it. As he stood frozen to the spot,

holding her glass, she glanced up with a quick smile and said in a clear, penetrating voice HarishBhaiya, thodi si aur ice please. She then turned her attention back to the young man.

Sids face turned red, flushed with embarrassment. Harish Bhaiya was Aditis Man Friday. He wasa thin man with lanky brown hair and a faint moustache, and Sid knew he looked nothing like him.Yet, this rude and uncouth woman, this complete stranger, was pretending to have mistaken Sid forhim. He was on the verge of sputtering with indignation when the real Harish entered the room fromthe kitchen with a large tray of drinks and ice. Sid saw that Harishs hair had been oiled back to lookslicker than usual, perhaps in honour of the occasion. Harishs torn jeans and blue checked T-shirtdefinitely looked a lot like what Sid was wearing. He also noticed, for the first time, that Harish evenhad a tattoo on his forearm of course, it wasnt a cool, intricate Black Panther like his. It was paleblue and said Harish Yadav in Hindi. Still, there was no mistaking it. Tonight, of all nights, Sidlooked like a Harish.

After a couple of seconds, Neha seemed to realize something was amiss, probably because theearnest young man was now shooting confused glances towards Sid over her shoulder. She looked upagain, this time more carefully, at Sid, who stood there clutching the glass. She clasped her hand overher mouth and stood up to face him, her eyes wide-eyed in horror. He had been right even infashionable three-inch heels, she stood a good head shorter than him. Never mind that she had justmade him feel about two feet tall.

Im so sorry, she breathed. I thought you were you see, he oh shit. I mean, Im reallysorry.

Sid might have believed her except for the fact that her horror was already fighting a losing battlewith her sense of humour. She seemed to have made up her mind that one way to look at this was thatit was rather funny. She started off slow, with poorly suppressed giggles, but was soon in the midst ofmusical peals of completely uninhibited laughter at a volume rather disproportionate to her size.Despite the loud music, people heard her and turned around, and many slightly bewildered grins wentaround the room. No one actually knew the joke, but Nehas laugh was very infectious.

That she was laughing at him did not come in the way of Sid being fascinated by her laugh. Hewaited politely for it to subside, but it didnt look like it was going to happen anytime soon. Finally,there was a bit of a lull during which Neha wiped her eyes and tried to catch her breath. Sid took theopportunity to say with all the panache he could muster, So, as I was saying Im Sid, not Harish.And you are perhaps, Kanta Bai?

Neha had almost regained control at this point, but Sids wisecrack set her off again. Sid watchedas she threw her head back helplessly, her face now flushed completely red. But this time it was muchmore gratifying, considering that she was laughing at a joke he had cracked. He was feeling friendliertowards her by the time she caught her breath and straightened up to face him one more time. Imreally sorrySid, she said breathlessly. Of course, Aditis told me a lot about you.

Oh, has she? said Sid, half-pleased and half-wary. You never knew with Aditi. He decided to gowith the polite, standard response, Likewise shes told me a lot about you too.

Really? What did she tell you about me?Sid was flummoxed. Neha was waiting intently for his response, her head tilted to one side, gazing

at him with big brown eyes done up with purple-blue eye shadow. He did recall Aditi mentioningNehas name a few times but he couldnt for the life of him now recall the specific things that she hadbeen gabbing about. So he smoothly lied, Oh, of course, you know, that youre a really good friend ofhers.

She continued to look up at him with her head tilted to one side. Sid looked down to avoid her eye,

and racked his brain for something else to say. He then caught sight of the bulge in Nehas tummy.Oh, he thought, okay. Another one bites the dust. Out loud, he said, And of course she told me that

congratulations are in order!Neha narrowed her eyes. Sid was dimly aware that someone had come up behind him and was

nudging him in the ribs. Aditi? He didnt know why she would first get him to strike up a conversationwith someone and then interrupt immediately. She had absolutely no manners sometimes. Well, shecould wait. He didnt notice that Dancing Queen was now fading out rather quickly, else heprobably wouldnt have posed his next question to Neha quite so loudly, shattering the sudden silencein the room.

So! When is the baby due?

I2

Nice Not Knowing You

t seemed to Sid that his question was ricocheting off the walls of the now silent room as he andNeha stood there staring at each other. Without looking around he was aware that every head in the

room had turned to see who had been shouting. Nehas cheeks, already pink with rouge and the flushof her laughing fit, managed to turn just a shade pinker. She glanced down at her belly involuntarilyand Sid realized he had done something unusually asinine, even by his own standards.

Aditi shot sharp looks around the room until one by one people started to pretend they hadnt heardanything and looked away. Aditi then smoothly jumped into the silence between Neha and Sid.

Sid, Neha already has a baby, over a year old. I mentioned that to you, remember?Sids ears were always his biggest giveaways they now felt hot, on fire, and he knew they were

flushing a deep shade of beetroot. Even as the words came out of his mouth he knew how pathetic anattempt at recovery it was going to sound.

Of course, of course, I know that I know all about the baby. I was simply congratulating her forhaving had him, and

Her, said Aditi pointedly.Her, of course Sid went on, noticing Neha was beginning to look amused again. and you

know, for having delivered so well. He cringed inwardly as he heard himself blather on. I wasonly asking when is the baby due to come here tonight. He put on a surprised look. Wait a minute!You thought that I thought she was pregnant? Ha ha ha The weak laughter died on his lips as hecaught sight of Aditis face.

Aditi finished giving him her most withering look, then put a comforting arm around Nehasshoulders, saying, You know, sweetie, people continue to think youre pregnant for a long time afteryouve delivered its just so tough to lose that belly.

Sid and Neha glanced down at Aditis flat belly. It was clear that she was trying to be nice but Sidthought it was just making things worse. Neha, however, seemed to have recovered already, an easysmile coming over her face. She shrugged and remarked, I guess I should start cutting back on thecalories now, huh?

To his chagrin, Sid realized that she seemed to be addressing this question to him, of all people.What the fuck was he supposed to say now? He stood there, mouth opening and shutting like one ofthose goldfish in aquariums, as he considered and rejected all possible responses.

Aditi turned her head and called out, What, Krish? Coming, Sweetie To Sid and Neha she said,Ill be right back, guys.

Aditi took a few brisk steps and it was at the kitchen door that she realized that someone was closeon her heels. She whirled around and snapped, What?

Dont leave me, Adu, Sid said, panic-stricken. I just called a woman Ive never met before fat.Yes, you did, Aditi admitted, adding, why are you such an asshole?Yaar, hello, wait a minute, said Sid indignantly. She called me Harish-bhaiya did you see

that?Aditi narrowed her eyes. So is that why you insulted her? Was it deliberate?No! Sid sputtered. Its your fault why did you tell me all the people with kids had left the

party?Why didnt you tell me your brain had left the party?Dont go, he pleaded. You cant leave me alone any more. I dont know anyone here, Aditi, and

the first person Ive met tonight probably wants to stab me in the eye with her fork. Actually, youknow what? I think Ill just go home now.

Oh come on dont be such a baby, Aditi hissed. Im coming back in a minute go and havesome fun. Tell some people some jokes you love that sort of thing. Besides, you should really goand make it up to Neha. Shes a great person I thought you guys would hit it off. Go talk to her. Sheturned away from him and then turned back to say, Just try not to ham, for gods sake.

I never ham! said Sid to her retreating back. He reluctantly made his way back to where Nehawas now sitting alone, gazing at the plate balanced on her knees in a cool, meditative manner. Heslowly lowered himself onto the sofa next to her, fidgeting a bit as he racked his brain for a safe topicof conversation.

Audiences he could talk to; in fact, he often regaled people with funny stories he usually had themin splits within seconds. But that was Performer Sid. Putting on an act wasnt all that difficult; one-on-one conversations, however, were a different story altogether particularly with women, andparticularly with women you had just called fat. Sid decided that the only way to proceed would be tonot think about it. Just be spontaneous, be witty, come on, be Party Sid, he egged himself on.

So hi, he said in a suave manner as if he were meeting her for the first time in the evening.Hi, said Neha.They didnt speak for a few moments thankfully ABBA started up again another vile song,

Mama Mia or something. He was still trying to come up with something to say when he noticedNeha was holding the plate out to him.

Nachos? she said.For a split second he considered making a joke along the lines of Sures, lets dances, but rejected

it. Wordlessly he took one Nacho from her plate and chewed it in a nonchalant manner, starting to feelvery uncomfortable under her cool gaze. Why was she observing him so closely as if he were aninteresting specimen of insect life? And where the hell was Krish with that beer?

When in doubt just bitch about the party that always got the conversation rolling.Yaar, can you believe this Aditi? Who listens to bloody ABBA any more?Nehas eyes widened slightly. After a pause she said, Actually, this is my CD I thought it would

be nice for all of us to listen to some old music for a change.Sids could feel his ears turning red all over again. Of course good idea!He knew there was no retrieving the situation, and so he said nothing more about the subject. Neha

was still gazing at him coolly, and he now felt pressurized to say something else. Safe topic, safetopic, he told himself. Something that Aditi had just mentioned. Ah, yes.

So youve been in Bangalore for a while, right? he said.All my life, in fact.Really? Sid couldnt hide his surprise. You dont look He paused uncertainly, realizing he

might just be on the verge of putting his foot in his mouth again. What was he going to say now? Hedidnt want her to think that he was surprised because she looked so different from his idea ofsomeone from the south as if he would have expected her to wear that curly hair of hers in oiledpigtails or something.

Nehas mouth twitched a bit and then she volunteered, Well, my mother is from Bangalore, but my

dad was from Coorg. Ah. That explained her unusual looks.Oh, so youre part Coorgi, he said, relieved that she didnt seem annoyed at him.Yes, but its not called Coorgi. Thats just the language. The people and the place are both

Coorg.He racked his brain to remember something relevant. So Coorgs theyre supposed to be partly

of Greek descent, right?Thats right. She smiled. Warrior background. Greek features. Long and bumpy-nosed in some

cases. She indicated her nose, and for the first time he noticed the small bump halfway down hernose. She continued, But people think were supposed to be tall. She grinned and shrugged. Toobad I get my height from my mom.

He couldnt help grinning, liking her for the way she made fun of herself. He knew that he himselfwas proud and sensitive about his own looks. A thought struck him. Hey, so wheres your husband?

She seemed to hesitate for a moment, then said, Were separated.Just when he thought it was going well typical. Instead of backing off, Sid found himself

continuing to blabber, Ah! Separated is it? As in not by the distance between Bangalore and Delhibut probably you mean really separated, as in no longer together, right? Oh! He resisted the urge tosmack his face with his palm. He was going to kick Aditi for putting him in this situation. Where wasshe? He heard himself say, Im married too. But my wife and I are still together. Oh, but shes nothere tonight, of course. For some reason he thought it necessary to clarify, She had an office thinggoing on, though she really wanted to come and be here with me. We have a blast when we go outtogether, but tonight it was just not possible because you know, but still, yes, were very muchtogether been together for fifteen years, actually.

Neha had been listening intently with her head tilted to one side again which he found verydistracting. She waited patiently for him to finish, and then nodded and said in a serious tone,Heartiest congratulations.

She continued to nod her head, now to the music, with a sort of half-smile on her lips. Sid decidedto break away from her before he messed things up any further.

Listen! he said, standing up, suddenly. Neha stopped bobbing her head to the music, and lookedup at him enquiringly. I think Ill go down for a smoke. Also, I need to park my car somewhere else.He knew he didnt have to keep talking but having embarrassed himself so much already it was acompulsion now to explain his every action and thought. Theres this garish yellow car Ive parked alittle too close to, and I think the owner will probably start squealing soon about not being able to getin there are a lot of snobs who live here, you know.

Neha didnt say anything but her smile widened and she batted her heavily mascaraed eyelashes athim.

Sid felt the blood drain right out of his face and collect at the tip of his ears. So, he said weakly,it wouldnt happen to be your car, right?

She said nothing but moved her head forward slightly, raising one eyebrow in an eloquent gesture.As his shoulders sagged, she added brightly, And Sid, Ill be one of the snobs moving into thiscommunity soon The expression of horror on his face seemed to add to her amusement, and Ireally hope Ill be seeing lots more of you around here. She seemed unable to control herself nowand began shaking silently. Throaty giggles escaped her, and then, that laugh of hers started up again.

Once again people were turning towards the two of them. He felt rooted to the spot because a partof him wanted to just watch and listen to that laugh. But he had to get away from her somehow.

Krish sauntered up to the two of them and said, Is Sid telling you a joke, Neha? Funny, isnt he?

Krish was an easy-going man whom Sid had always liked despite the fact that his burly six-threeframe always gave him a complex. Right now, Sid was so glad to see him that he reached up to himwith a Heyyy, Brother! and an enthusiastic hug that almost knocked the wind out of Krish. Too latedid Sid realize that he usually greeted Krish with manly handshakes, and not bear hugs, but there wasnothing he could do about it now.

Nehas laugh had slowed down enough for her to respond to Krish, her amused eyes still on Sid.A joke? Several jokes, actually.

She looked all set to start laughing again so Sid hastily told Krish, Was just going down, man Ill be right back. He left the two of them and bolted out the door.

In the cool night air, it took a few desperate puffs of smoke for him to calm down before he couldeven think about moving his car. He went over to his WagonR and squeezed into the drivers seat,keeping as much distance as possible from the yellow car that belonged to That Girl. He revved upthe engine and backed out slowly. He drove around for the next few seconds, looking half-heartedlyfor another parking spot.

Then, with an air of determination, he strapped on his seat belt. Who needed parties, anyway?Some nights, bed was clearly the only place for him.

S3

Domestic Bliss

id knew it wasnt real, but he wasnt going to allow that to bother him too much.He was standing there on the stage, dressed in his sharpest suit, and had just finished telling a

really funny joke. He had the audience in splits, rolling in the aisles. Hed had this dream before, butthis time there was an interesting variation this audience consisted only of beautiful, naked women,breathless with laughter and clearly waiting to mob him after he finished his stand-up act.

Why would he ever want to wake up?WAKE UP, SIDDHARTHHis eyes snapped open. Mandira was standing by the bed, glaring at him. With effort he propped

himself up onto his elbows. If she had called him Sid like everyone else, he would have cracked ajoke about the movie Wake Up Sid, but he was all too aware that the fact that she was calling him byhis full name meant trouble. He shook his head in an attempt to clear it, and said groggily, Im up,Im up. What time is it?

Mandira just sighed and started flitting around the room, picking up random objects and replacingthem in a harried manner. Sid glanced at his phone, 7.10 a.m. It wasnt that late his alarm had onlygone into snooze twice thus far. And that always annoyed Mandira that he could ignore his phonealarm any number of times until he felt truly ready to get up and face the world. He shook his headtrying to get his dream out of it. He then noticed that Mandira was fully dressed for work, wearing apeacock-green salwar suit that looked brand new and fit well on her slim figure. She was lookingnice, he thought, and he was just about to compliment her when she curtly said, I need to leave early important presentation. You need to get up now make sure to let Sunita in when she knocks. Andremember to tell her not to cook dinner.

Why no dinner tonight?Mandira shot him an irritated glance, and he felt his own irritation rising. No one deserved to be

rudely snapped out of an interesting dream, and to be treated with such hostility on a Mondaymorning. She said slowly, in the manner of someone explaining something to an errant andparticularly slow four-year-old, Because, Siddharth, we agreed that we would have dinner withVikas and Sunny tonight remember? She turned to look at herself in the mirror, examining her bigblack eyes done up with kajal and added, If you can take time out of your busy schedule, that is.

Aha so thats what it was, she was still bugged with him for going to Aditis party. That eveningit had all started with an argument about some inane thing which he didnt even remember now, arather common phenomenon of late, and she had claimed she wasnt feeling well, adding that he couldgo ahead without her if he liked. It was only afterwards that he realized what she had really meantwas that she expected him to stay home and take care of her the entire evening so that they could makeup. He had tried to tell her that he would have, but he had taken her literally when she insisted shewas fine and only needed a little rest. Why couldnt women bloody say what they really wanted,instead of making you guess things all the time?

Ill be there, was all he said now, keeping his tone neutral. He really didnt want to get into anargument both of them had busy days at work. Besides, he thought a trifle bitterly, talking neversorted out anything for anybody.

He really didnt understand why they had to hang out with Vikas and Sunny so much. Vikas was oneof Sids closest friends you could say they had been in the chaddi-buddy category in college,especially if you considered some of the racier incidents in the hostel. Still, it seemed nowadays thatthey were doing this foursome number almost every other night. Maybe it had something to do withthe fact that Mandira and he seemed to get along a lot better with other people around. They were afar more bubbly and together couple in public than they were in private. He sighed in a resignedmanner at least the conversation was more light-hearted when the four were together.

At home these days, discussions invariably led to an argument. Well, Sid thought determinedly,they had been through so many ups and downs over the last fifteen years, and this was just a slightlyextended down phase. Besides, maybe this was as good as any marriage ever got.

Why did anyone ever get married, anyway?A brief memory from their early days together at Delhi University came back to him they were in

the college canteen and he was regaling her, his senior by two years, with imitations of theireconomics professor and more studious classmates. She had laughed till tears came to her eyes,tossing back her beautiful long black hair. She had caught hold of his arm, begging him to stop for aminute to let her catch her breath. He still remembered how that first touch had him feeling all hot andcold. And now? He couldnt even remember the last time they had actually touched. Their sex life hadgone downhill over the last few months. No wonder he had been having so many inappropriatedreams of late. He was sex-starved. Who could blame him?

See you at eight then. Mandira picked up her bag and headed out of the room. She called backover her shoulder, Well meet directly at Vikas and Sunnys.

She slammed the door shut behind her with unnecessary force, and the sound made Sid cringe.Bye, he mumbled, adding sarcastically, sweetie-pie. He sank back into the bed and pulled apillow over his head, willing himself to get back to the nice dream. In about four and a half minutes,just as he was drifting off again, the doorbell rang. He sighed and glared malevolently at the ceilingfor a second. The maid was here.

Time to start Monday.By about 8 a.m. Sid had finished his morning cup of tea and was feeling almost human. He got

ready for a shower, humming to himself. The mornings that Mandira left earlier than usual for workwere actually kind of pleasant. He had the house to himself, apart from the quiet part-timer that shehad hired who stayed out of his way except to hand him his tea and lay the table for his breakfast.

He picked up his favourite large dark-green towel out of the cupboard where it lay neatly folded,all soft after a wash. The bathroom was done up with light-blue tiles, slick silver fittings and wasspotless. He had seen living rooms that looked less posh. There were definite advantages to livingwith a woman and Mandira was particularly conscious about keeping the place looking nice. Hedecided that he should be more grateful for having her in his life. Sure, they had a few issues, but heneeded to remind himself more often about some of the good things about being married. From nowon, he vowed with determination, every time I think about Mandira I will remember our bathroom.No, wait, that didnt sound too good. Scratch that.

He enjoyed a long, luxurious twenty-minute shower something he couldnt really do whenMandira was around because she always got hyper about his getting late or wasting water, orsomething or the other. He quite liked this apartment they had moved in only last year, but it did feellike home. It was home, actually as in owned and not rented. Of course, he thought, scrubbinghimself absently with her loofah, the EMI was huge, leaving about four rupees at the end of eachmonth in his bank account. But it felt nice to finally be a property-owner. Of course, it hadnt felt so

nice when last month, during a fight, Mandira had used the unappealing phrase Get your lousy ass outof my house. He didnt know what hurt more; her impolite reference to his posterior, which he wasactually a little vain about, or the fact that she had referred to his, okay, their house as her own.

He realized he was brooding on past matters, which wasnt his style. He also realized that it wasrather unmanly to be using his wifes Dove Shower Gel and loofah, and instead started vigorouslyrubbing himself all over with a bar of the manly Cinthol. He washed, turned off the shower, and facedhis reflection in the mirror.

Not bad, he told himself as always, flexing his arms in a loose imitation of a bodybuilder. He neveractually worked out and so he wasnt too muscular, but he had been a very active sportsman incollege football, volleyball, the works. So, he still had the lean frame that he knew some peoplefound attractive. He did sometimes feel he wouldnt mind trading in the boyish good looks forsomething more in the ruggedly handsome category. Still, he was lucky he had the high metabolismor whatever it was that helped him maintain the looks despite his sedentary corporate lifestyle.

He recalled how good-looking a couple Mandira and he made on campus, making waves alsobecause of the fact that he was her junior. They had just looked right together. Thats what everyonehad always said. Well, he thought, they still looked good together even though she often madesarcastic remarks about how their marriage had clearly aged her more than him. Once, he had told herthat maybe if she smiled more often she wouldnt look her age. This thoughtful and friendly piece ofadvice merely resulted in him having his head bitten off. Anyway, he didnt see the problem hethought she should be glad her husband still looked as good in his late thirties as he had in college.Instead, she seemed almost mad about it, getting riled if someone else remarked on how he stilllooked so young. Whatever, he thought, giving his left arm a final flex. She was just jealous becausehe had clearly still got it.

Sid suddenly remembered that it was his day to shave he didnt get much growth and so shavedevery other day. He paused while lathering and examined his face. Should he perhaps try to grow aFrench beard? He thought it would look cool and also make him appear a little older. Now that hewas thirty-six, he thought, he really should try and look closer to his age. He was also trying toestablish himself as a leader in the workplace and a French beard would lend him some gravitas, theway his glasses did. And maybe, he thought a little spitefully, Mandira would be happy if he started tolook at least as old as she did.

Now that was a mean thought, he chastised himself as he got dressed for work. It was while he wasbuttoning his shirt that the thought hit him. Of course she was angry because she was getting old andshe wanted to have a kid before she turned forty. They had argued about it about three months ago,with his saying that he wasnt sure they were ready yet.

He rewound quickly through the last few months and realized he had hit the nail on the head! Shehad become especially cold after that particular argument. Well, he thought, if she hadnt made suchan issue of it, things might have just happened spontaneously. And maybe it wouldnt have been thatbad after all, he was great with kids. All his friends brats called him Sid Uncle. But since shehad ranted and raved and made things worse, he stayed firm with his not-ready-for-a-child-yetstance.

No wonder then that she had withdrawn completely, refusing to have any physical contact with him.How like a woman to use sex as a weapon or rather, the lack thereof. Typical and frustrating.

While a part of him could kind of see Mandiras point of view, another part felt like replacing herColgate toothpaste tube with a tube of Odomos and hiding somewhere nearby with a camera.

Lovely, this whole marriage deal was, he thought, as he stared at himself unseeingly in the mirror.

Just lovely.

S4

Sid@Work

id felt like he was on the verge of a nervous breakdown. Bloody Delhi roads, bloody Delhi traffic,bloody no-good Delhi Traffic Police. If it werent for the fact that he was an under-confident

driver and not as well-built as most of those bloody-aggro-Punju-gym-obsessed Delhites, he wouldhave demonstrated the road rage he felt. Instead, as usual, he let everyone cut in front of him, grit histeeth and smiled as motorcyclists bumped against his side mirror and cursed only silently when thatLady Driver suddenly swerved towards him, causing him to nearly ram into the truck on his left. Slowand steady wins the race, slow and steady wins the race, he repeated to himself, trying to stay calm.

An hour on the road already, and he was still only about halfway to his office. But still slow andsteady. Turning onto a relatively quiet road and progressing at a decent pace, he started to feel a littlebetter, at one with his trusted WagonR. He took in a deep breath and exhaled with an Ommmmm Im so Zen right now, I should get a Maruti, he thought to himself and chuckled a bit at his own joke,filing it away for future use. And then the unthinkable happened.

As Sid casually glanced out of his car window, he noticed that he was being overtaken again, thistime by a man riding a bicycle. The worst part was that the man looked at least sixty-five, and a poorand undernourished sixty-five at that. Normally, Sid would have felt only a vague sense of sympathyfor such a fellow, but now an icy-cold rage gripped his heart. He muttered the worst Hindi swearwords he knew, and gave the man a withering look. The fellow had been riding along blissfully andneither heard the curses nor saw the look. He was only surprised when the WagonR, which had thusfar been crawling along, suddenly revved up and shot off like a bullet from a gun, leaving him in acloud of dust. Spoilt, upper-class, young brat, he thought. Gadhe ki aulad. He spat philosophicallyon the road and continued cycling.

And so it was that Sid reached his office in Noida in a fouler mood than usual. But of course, hedidnt plan to show it. It was time to switch on Work Sid.

Work Sid was a savvy corporate character. He used phrases like value addition and passing thebuck as well as lets just take a call. He still told jokes, but they were the clever, corporate ones.Sid was the life of office parties, but while the Casual-Party Sid didnt like to share centre stage,Work-Sid-At-An-Office-Party always made it a point to laugh at other peoples jokes, particularlythose of the bosses, regardless of how bland they were. Basically, Work Sid was a bit of a prick, andSid knew it.

It had worked well for him, and at a young age Sid had clambered ahead over the shoulders of mostof his colleagues and stood fairly high on the corporate ladder. Over the last two years he had beenheading the marketing department for Kollins, the multinational best-selling range of toilet bowlcleaners. It wasnt as glamorous as it sounded. In fact, he was often repelled by some of the gorierrequirements of his job. Of course, he always played it up in conversations with everybody as a greatopportunity to learn about a new and important category, and to play a role in eradicating poor-bathroom-hygiene-related diseases in the country. It was actually about as far from all the creativecareers that he had dreamed of as a starry-eyed youth, but at thirty-six he had sort of accepted that thiswas how his life was going to be.

Work Sid was always supremely cheerful. Sid found that no matter how lousy things were in his

personal life, it really helped to put on a fake smile and pretend that everything was fine. Fine,FINE, he would say in a booming voice whenever anyone asked him how he was. For variety, it wassometimes Good, GOOD. He would have the opportunity to say it again now. His boss Akash wasapproaching him, wiping his hands on his trousers.

Akash had just emerged from the loo, and Sid hoped that he had washed his hands well, becauseSid knew that it being a Monday, Akash would shake his hand. Akash considered it a highlymotivational boss-like act to welcome each member of the team back into the office on Mondaywith a formal handshake, as if it was the first time they were meeting. Sid hated Akash from thebottom of his heart. If there was anything he hated even more, it was this hand-shaking, particularlyafter loo visits.

For some reason, Sid had been given the desk right next to the mens room. This particular floor,which had the bulk of middle-to-senior management, was rather shabby and poorly planned. Youwould think they would have tried to make the office surroundings sexy, to make up for the toilet-focussed work content. But quite the contrary. And Sids desk, if anyone asked for his opinion, wasthe least desirable location in the office. He would often be distracted by the sight of a malecolleague rushing towards him at top speed only to find that he was really just running past him to theloo. After a while the colleague would emerge looking relieved and with the air of someone trulycarefree and unburdened. He would then invariably loiter over to Sids desk and waste time byasking intelligent questions Aur? Kya ho raha hai? Sid had taken to keeping a hand sanitizer and abig box of tissues placed prominently on his desk.

Today, however, Akash seemed a little distracted and didnt reach out for Sids hand. He just said,in an absent-minded manner, Hi, Sid, how was your weekend?

Sid replied, Fine, FINE, boss, with a lot of fake enthusiasm, gearing up to narrate various made-up funny incidents that had happened over the weekend. But Akash seemed to have some other agendaon his mind because he cut in almost immediately with a Good, good, and hurried on to say, So,listen, Sid, I kind of forgot to tell you last week tomorrow is Tuesday.

Sid waited politely. He wasnt sure if it was meant to be a joke or whether his thick-headed bosswas just being his thick-headed self. After a while it became clear that the boss wasnt planning toclarify any further. Instead, he was looking at Sid expectantly.

Sid cleared his throat. Excuse me, boss? Tomorrow is Tuesday wouldnt dream ofcontradicting you, of course but, anything special about this Tuesday?

Well, of course, Akash said, not registering the barb in Sids statement. Tuesday is the day Ihave the LT meeting, you know

Sid did know that. Akash very proudly went in for the Leadership Team meeting every Tuesdaymorning. He was extremely kicked to be a part of the most senior team in the organization, althoughhow he had got there despite years of non-performance was anyones guess. This was about the onlything that Sid hoped to actually learn from Akash someday.

Yes, boss and?You see, this time, basically, its like this, Akash hesitated, Rakesh wants to see our annual plan

and strategy for next year. So I need you to help me polish up the presentation.Sid snorted inwardly at Akashs casual use of Rakesh for the group CEO. Probably never called

him anything but Boss or Sir or maybe even Your Highness to his face. Anyway, this didntsound too bad. Polish up the Wait a minute!

Boss, Sid cried, how can we put together the annual plan and strategy in one day? We aresupposed to do it over the next six weeks and

I know, I know, Akash said hastily. But when Rakesh mentioned how we should fast-track theprocess this year, I thought it would be a great chance to showcase how proactive and organized weare, and so I volunteered to be the first to present. But dont worry, its just an approachpresentation.

Sid swallowed his protests and managed to say, Okay, boss. Sure. Can you just send me theslides? Ill jazz them up and have them ready by the evening.

Oh! said Akash. See, the thing is, I havent actually made the slides. But I do have the broadframework in place youll just need to fill in the gaps and things will be fine.

A broad framework, boss? Sid now had a bad feeling about this.Oh, its nothing very complicated its just some strategic top-line thoughts.Oh I see strategic top-line thoughts. Sid stared at his boss for a moment and then said, Okay,

boss, why dont you just email those to me at leastEmail them to you? Akash interrupted. At the moment theyre just some high-level growth ideas

in my head, but wait! Why dont I just quickly jot them down as bullet points for you? Thatll get yougoing quickly. No time wasting for us, eh? Got a pen?

After a small pause, Sid wordlessly held out his pen. Akash sat down next to him, picked up one ofthe loose sheets of paper on Sids desk and started to write. Sid watched him as he wrote with hishead bent over the paper, the tip of his tongue sticking out as he concentrated on writing out three orfour bullet points in his large, childlike handwriting. Sid thought he looked like a true imbecile, whichof course, he was. He had never liked Akashs bug-eyed bespectacled, potbellied, baldingappearance, but today he found it more revolting than ever. He felt a strong urge to empty the contentsof his coffee mug on Akashs head, but by the time Akash looked up, Sid had his practised fake smilepasted on his face again.

So, can I expect this by lunch? asked Akash. Thats okay, isnt it? Four hours is plenty of timefor a rising star like you!

Sid took a deep breath. He knew he was screwed. He would have to cancel all his meetings for theday and set himself and his team back because of the delay. He widened his fake smile, looked Akashin the eye and said the only thing there really was to say: Fine, FINE, boss.

Sid worked furiously at his computer for the next few hours, pausing only for brief, hourly smokebreaks. He gathered market share details and put together a presentation on the cross-portfoliostrategy, made his brand managers run helter-skelter for data, images and other information. He wasirritated that Meenakshi, the head of HR, kept coming up to him with silly questions about his teamsappraisal process. It hadnt escaped his notice that, of late, Meenakshi seemed to be flirting with him.Yeah, right, he thought, like he was going to fall for that one. She was the long-haired, sari-wearing,traditionally good-looking type, but Sid had always been a little wary of her, thinking of her as theOffice Vixen variety. She was known to be rather sly and was surprisingly unpopular for someoneheading the people function. All her bosses seemed to love her though, so she obviously knew how tokeep them happy. Sid tried not to get distracted by thoughts of how Meenakshi kept her bosses happy.She had never paid that much attention to him earlier, so he didnt really know what she was up to.He figured perhaps his innate animal magnetism had finally struck her. Whatever. Right now, he had apresentation to focus on.

At exactly 2 p.m., Sid took a deep breath and leaned back in his chair, exhausted. He closed hiseyes for a minute. He hadnt had any lunch, and all the black coffee he had rapidly consumed was

giving him a great buzz, although he did feel rather light-headed and dizzy. He knew the presentationhe had put together was truly exemplary in terms of quality, given the short notice. He was stillleaning back with his eyes shut, congratulating himself, trying to work up the strength to order a pizza,when Akashs voice boomed in his ear.

Sleeping on the job, eh? Not done, young man Hahaha. Akash cackled and Sid winced at thesound. He made the effort to put on a pleasant face before looking up at Akash.

Not sleeping, boss, just finished the presentation. He straightened up in his chair and continued, Iwas just about to mail it to you you want me to take you through it?

The presentation? Akash looked blank. Oh, but I told you its been cancelled, right? I thought Imailed you stupid things these emails, it must be stuck in my outbox or something.

Sid sat there, frozen in disbelief. He couldnt believe how casual Akash was being about this.Akash seemed not to notice though because he just sat down and continued, Or maybe I forgot Anyway, Rakesh just called to say that he is travelling tomorrow. I told him that now we would puttogether a detailed strategy deck after our workshops over the next few weeks, and get back to him fora final discussion by the end of next month.

Sid gripped the sides of his desk. But what about this work? Ive put together a complete planover the last few hours its going to go waste?

Akash cackled again and Sid grit his teeth into his fake smile. Akash said, You need to thinkbigger, Sid. This work has not gone to waste it will serve as a great draft for our final presentation sort of like

A broad framework? Or perhaps the strategic top-line thoughts? Sid suggested, unable to keep thebiting sarcasm out of his words.

Akash beamed at him, oblivious. Exactly, exactly, my friend. And, by the way theres somegood news. He leaned over conspiratorially and Sid leaned back a bit. You may have heard thereare some changes at the top taking place around here. If our presentation next month goes well, youand I could both be going places. Im sure you know the rumours, eh?

Sid was completely blank. Rumours?Yes, son, said Akash in a supercilious tone, I will be moving out to better things, and therefore,

you may be moving on to my better thing. Akash made a sweeping gesture with one hand to indicatehis podgy body. Sid cringed, but then, as he deciphered this to mean his position in the office, he felt asudden thrill.

Moving up to a vice president rank? That would make him the youngest VP in the company, hethought. That would wait a minute No wonder Meenakshi had been so friendly of late. Shewould definitely want to be on the good side of the youngest VP in the company. It wasnt his animalmagnetism after all. Man that woman was so annoying and

Sid noticed Akash was waiting for his reaction. Though Sid thought it highly inappropriate for aman at VP level to be discussing rumours about forthcoming movements, he said, Well, thatsdefinitely good news. He still felt irritated about wasting the morning, but this was really something.

Good! Good! said Akash. He slapped Sid on the back and said loudly, Keep it up, young man.With a conspiratorial wink and a thumbs-up, Akash finally got up. Sid couldnt bring himself to returnthe wink but made up by giving two thumbs-up with a tight smile. As Akash left, he turned back to hiscomputer, allowing his features to melt into a scowl. Asshole, muttered Sid to himself.

As a result of having wasted the first half of his Monday on a presentation that would never see the

light of day, Sid was completely caught up after lunch in trying to finish the days tasks. When he nextlooked up it was already 7 p.m.

Just one more email, Sid vowed, and then Im going straight home. He couldnt wait to curl up withthe television and a mug of cold beer. It had always been his idea of the perfect evening, and today ofall days he deserved it.

He finally stepped out of his office to find that it was already dark. Shit. Night driving. Remindinghimself silently about which one was the high beam and which was low, he got into the car and drovehome, slowly and carefully.

Congratulating himself on having made it home without incident, Sid took the lift up to his eighth-floor apartment and let himself in. He was whistling as he walked in, and the echo made him aware ofthe unusual silence in the house. Where was Mandira?

Must have made some plan of her own, he thought. Could have at least let me know. Now what washe going to do for dinner?

Dinner! It suddenly came upon him in a flash. Mandira had mentioned something in the morningabout dinner. Oh damn it. Dinner tonight was with Vikas and Sunny. She had said 8 p.m. He looked athis watch 8.30 already. Double damn!

Mandira was really uptight about things like this even a regular, informal dinner like this had tobe treated with military precision. The worst part now was that he didnt even feel like going hetoyed with the idea of cancelling. He could just say that he was tired and didnt feel like coming over,that he wanted to watch TV and have some cold beer in the comfort of his own home. Or maybe, hethought, I should pretend Im really unwell and cant get out of the house. But he knew that Mandirawould end up getting upset with him for not coming no matter what he said.

He sighed heavily and picked up his car keys again. Chalo, he tried to console himselfphilosophically, there would be television and cold beer at Vikas and Sunnys too.

And where there was beer, there was hope.

S

5

Meeting Ms Meenakshi

id! I really need to discuss your teams appraisal with you. When will you be able to take outtime for me? Sid looked up to see Meenakshi leaning over his table, her face unnecessarilyclose to his. The words were perfectly normal, but her singsong tone, the coquettish tilt of her

head, and the petulant expression were blatantly flirtatious. She stopped short of actually pouting herpink lips, but the overall effect was fairly pouty.

He cleared his throat and said, We can discuss it anytime, I never said we cant. He lookedconfused. Did I?

Meenakshi threw her head back and laughed. Peals of high-pitched laughter. Sid winced slightly.Usually, he loved bringing about such a reaction, especially in women he suddenly rememberedAditis party where that pocket-sized Coorg-not-Coorgi Bangalorean Nehas loud laughter had almosthypnotized him. But in Meenakshis case, the laughter sounded fake. Also, he noticed for the first timethat while her face was quite pretty in a smooth well-made-up feline way, her gums showed tooprominently when she laughed, and he found that mildly creepy. Besides, he thought self-righteously,it was clear that she had other intentions. Well, Im a married man, lady. He patiently waited for herto finish laughing. He would have to be careful not to be Witty Office Sid with her. If a simple two-word question could get that reaction out of her, what would happen when he made a real joke? No,no would have to avoid funny, just stay cool and polite.

Meenakshi finally caught her breath, leaned over him again and said, her voice suddenly changingto throaty and businesslike, Lets talk now, shall we? Sid nodded mutely. In one smooth motion,with a rustle of her green sari, she straightened up and sashayed to the closest conference room, longstraight hair swinging slightly. He watched her for a second before scrambling to get up and followher. He had to admit the woman had style how had he never noticed before? Well, he was beingforced to notice it these days, given her sudden interest in him. But that was only because of hisforthcoming promotion and he wasnt falling for it!

He settled himself down in one of the conference room chairs and leaned back, waiting forMeenakshi to begin. Since Sid hadnt been able to concentrate much today, he was actually kind ofglad about this distraction from the routine. In fact, before she interrupted him, Sid had been staring athis screensaver for a full fifteen minutes. For once, he had been unable to force thoughts of theprevious nights argument out of his head.

Mandira and he had fought late into the night after their evening with Vikas and Sunny. Well, it wasshe who had fought, really. He had just stayed quiet, while she ranted about what had happenedduring the evening. Which, as far as he was concerned, was not his fault at all.

Sid sighed, resolving that the next time Mandira suggested they go over to Vikas and Sunnys, hewould refuse. Now they were arguing even in front of other people. It had embarrassed himimmensely. What had things come to? They couldnt pretend to be Happy-Sid-and-Mandira for eventheir best friends any more?

Meenakshi broke into his thoughts momentarily with, Ive got a summary of your teams appraisalhere in this file, and I want to discuss my thoughts with you so that we can align, and then sign-offtogether with Akash next week.

Sid nodded, pretending to be enthusiastic. Meenakshi began, Lets start with this girl then, shallwe? Trupti Youve rated her 2.9 last year she was a 2.5 Sid tried to focus, but his mind keptdrifting back to the previous night.

To begin with, Mandira had already been annoyed about his being late. He had barged in throughthe door with a loud, Hellooo Friends, Romans and Countrymen, lend me your beers! Vikas andSunny had hailed him warmly but Mandiras lips were a tight line, her greeting a terse and sarcastic,Finally Mr Agarwal makes his appearance.

Yes, yes, sorry, I got late had a really tough day at work, yaar, Sid said as he sank into hisfavourite beanbag, positioned right in front of the TV.

What happened? The sympathetic question came from Sunny. He had always found her a verysweet person and a good listener. She was simple, quiet and homely not his type, of course. But heoften thought Vikas was lucky to be married to such a nice person. It was an arranged marriage, andthey made quite an odd-looking pair Vikas was big and bulky while Sunny was particularly thindespite the two kids she had had years ago.

Arrey, yaar what do I tell you? Sid said, addressing Sunny. Vikas rose to fetch him his beerwhile Sid started to tell them all about his day including the wasted time on the presentation. In themiddle of his story, Mandira seemed to lose interest and started to scroll through the messages on herphone, but Sunny continued to listen.

Sid finished telling her about how Akash had been hinting at a promotion for him, and she said,But thats really something. Youll be one of the youngest VPs in the company, right?

This got Mandiras attention back and her head snapped up at them, What? Youre going to bepromoted?

Well, yes, thats what Akash was saying could happen soon nothings certain yet. He was justkind of dropping hints today.

Mandiras voice was dripping with sarcasm again as she said, Dropping hints? Thats more thanyouve been doing with me, I must say. First time Im hearing about this move, Mister VP.

Arrey! This happened today. When have we had time to even talk? protested Sid.You do know theres this little device invented some time ago which enables communication over

distances? Its called a phone, Sid.Sid stared at her. Mandira was getting upset about his not having told her yet rather than being

happy about the possibility of a promotion itself?Hey, come on, guys, Vikas spoke up, laughing lightly, clearly trying to ease the tension. This is

good news, isnt it? Why dont we all raise a toast to Sids move up the corporate ladder? He raisedhis glass. To Sid

Sunny raised her glass of juice and Sid raised his beer mug slowly, unable to take his eyes offMandira. After a second she raised her glass of gin and tonic, saying, To the next Head of Toilets.The most glamorous job anyone can ever think of. May you someday rise to the throne of chiefexecutive officer! She gave a sharp laugh, tossed her head back and gulped down the remnants of herdrink.

A few moments of uncomfortable silence ensued. None of the others had brought their own drinksto their lips. Finally, it was Vikas who spoke after a quick glance at Sids stricken face. Mandy,thats not nice.

Mandy? Sid felt slightly disoriented. Mandira didnt react; she just kept staring at Sid. Undernormal circumstances, Sid knew she would probably have snapped at Vikas she was proud of hername and never allowed anyone to take liberties with it.

Congratulations, Sid really hope it comes through, you deserve it. Youve been working sohard, said Sunny, in her quiet and sincere manner.

Yeah, chimed in Mandira, apparently undeterred by the rebuke from Vikas, he works really hard.Really, really hard his own wife hardly gets to see him, but obviously, its well worth it.

Sid felt the anger rising within him, his ears turning red, but there was no way he was going to fightwith Mandira in public, no matter how much she provoked him. So he just quipped, Hard work isalways rewarded in my office, but not as much as hardly working if you go by my bosss meteoricrise.

It was a terrible one but Vikas and Sunny grabbed the opportunity to lighten the tension by burstinginto laughter. Mandira tossed her head and ignored it.

Oh, by the way, Sid, Vikas spoke as soon as their laughter died down, as if eager to ensure nopauses, we were just telling Mandira before you came in Mom and Dad will be visiting Anamikain the US for the next six months, so we finally get the farm to ourselves again!

Really? Sid forced himself to sound excited. Our old party place eh! I still remember your poolparty in second year of college what a disaster

Vikas and Sid began to reminisce about the good old days, and Sid was soon in his element, doingmost of the talking. Vikas guffawed as Sid described his memories, and Sunny smiled throughout,although Sid suspected she had heard these anecdotes a few times before from Vikas. Mandira wentback to playing with her phone, refusing to participate in the conversation.

In fact, she didnt speak to Sid directly the entire evening. It was only later at night that she brokethe stony silence between them as they lay in bed, saying in a quiet tone, So why exactly is it, Sid,that I get to hear of everything that happens with you only when Im part of an audience? Why wouldyou not tell me first?

Mandira, I told you already, I didnt get to speak to you before. It was a really crazy day, thatsall. Why cant you

or maybe theres a reason why you tell Sunny things before me? Now why would that be?Sid was rendered speechless. Was that an accusation of some sort? He opened his mouth once but

shut it when he saw that Mandira had already turned her back to him and put a pillow on top of herhead. Resisting the impulse to pull it off and bop her on the head repeatedly with it, he just lay backand stared at the ceiling for about an hour or so before finally falling asleep.

Meenakshis sultry voice cut into his reverie, So what do you think, Sid?Startled by the interruption, Sid realized, too late, that Meenakshi had already finished her

comments on several of his teams appraisals. Who were they on now, he wondered, desperatelytrying to sneak a peek at her papers.

Fine, FINE! was his reaction, but then he realized that this was too important a discussion to tryand bullshit his way through. What if she had disagreed with all of his suggestions for the promotionsof his hardworking team members? He felt annoyed with himself usually, he could block personalmatters while at work, but he had failed today. But he couldnt be unfair to his team, so, with aneffort, he dropped his initial pretence and said, Err Meenakshi could we, just, perhaps, youknow, go over it again? To, you know, realign on what we aligned?

Meenakshi gazed at him thoughtfully through her kohl-lined black eyes. She waited a moment andthen pushed aside some papers before saying, Siddharth, it may be none of my business, but I am

getting a feeling that youre a bit distracted today whats wrong?Me? Oh no! Fine, FINE just that I was, you know, andIll completely understand if you arent comfortable talking about it of course. She leaned closer

he could smell her perfume. It was kind of flowery and made his nose tickle, but he had to admit itwas nice. but you can trust me as a colleague and a friend. After all she paused meaningfully, I am a peoples person being an HR professional you know.

Sid glanced down at the table, catching a glimpse of Meenakshis arms as he did so. He noted theywere attractively slim and white. He found himself murmuring, Well, its just that my wife and I havebeen having a few arguments of late He paused, unsure of why he was telling her this, but she wasnodding sympathetically, all attention. Strangely, the scene reminded him a lot of how Kaa, the snake,had looked at Mowgli in the Jungle Book. He could almost imagine her bursting into a hissy renditionof Trussst in meeee, jusssst in meeee. It unnerved him and he clammed up.

She said, Im so sorry to hear this, Sid. You know, marital problems are becoming so commonnowadays. She sighed and continued, I know you probably dont want to discuss in detail here, butmaybe we could go out for a chat? As your HR Business Partner its not a part of ones defined role,but surely we can go for a coffee and talk, just as friends you know?

Sid looked at her carefully and tried to put as much meaning into his question as possible.Meenakshi, youre married, right?

Meenakshi tossed her hair back and said, Of course, Im married, Sid, have been for twelve yearsnow, I have a seven-year-old daughter as well.

Sid considered this for a moment and then said, Well, sure I mean maybe we can go out andtalk, but about general things. I dont really discuss stuff like this. I dont know why I even told youwhat I told you. Its really a private matter and

Meenakshi put her hand on his arm and he stopped speaking, unconsciously gazing at her slim whitewrist on his hairier, only slightly darker skin. Her touch sent a strange chill up his spine and he wasonly dimly aware of her saying, Sid, dont worry, anything that you tell me will remain between youand me. I just really want you to know that I feel a certain connect with you, and Id like you toknow, Im here for you whenever you need, in whichever way you need as a colleague or justas a friend.

The words were innocent enough, Sid thought, but it was only when she had withdrawn her handafter giving his arm a light, comforting squeeze that he realized he had stopped breathing. He gulpedin some air. She gave him a big smile, revealing a little too much of her gums, again. He had neverfelt such a strange combination of attraction and repulsion ever before.

Okay yes thanks, but no, I mean, you know fine, FINE! Sid said helplessly. Can we justgo over the appraisals one more time now, if you dont mind?

He was determined to concentrate this time, and not get distracted either with thoughts of home orby Meenakshi batting her eyelashes. There she was, doing it again already batting those long,mascaraed eyelashes at him. With another toss of her long hair over her shoulder, she sighed andmurmured, Anything you say, Sid.

She pulled open her file and turned her attention to the papers in it once more, but not beforeadding in a tone that was particularly suggestive, Youre the boss.

H

6

Dinner with Aditi

eyyyy Buddy-boy! Sid stood at the door grinning at Aditi she would be pleased that he wason time today for dinner. Seven p.m., the lady had said, and it was seven on the dot. So why wasshe giving him that strange, narrow-eyed look again?

What? he decided to get aggressive. You had to put these women in their place now and then orthey walked all over you. Heavens knew he had learnt that the hard way with Mandira and there wasno way he was taking it from Aditi or any other female, for that matter.

Aditi finally stepped back from the door to let him in, and he walked in with a confident swagger.She waited until he had settled on the sofa before saying, We said we would meet at seven p.m. onFriday.

So, its seven p.m. now, Sid said, indicating, with an impatient gesture, the clock on her drawing-room wall. Silly woman what was her point?

Yes sweetie. She sat down next to him. But today is Thursday!Sid looked at her for a couple of minutes. Finally, he said, Shut up!Arrey Baba, Im telling you its Thursday today. Whats wrong with you?Thursday? Sid felt disoriented and, moreover, strangely let down. Theres one more day to go in

the week? Why did no one tell me? He had been looking forward to sacking out on the weekend,doing nothing, and now it was work again tomorrow.

People arent usually expected to tell you such things, Sid, said Aditi with an exaggerated air ofpatience. Anyway, never mind. Now that youre here, we can do tomorrows dinner today.

Then what will we eat tomorrow? said Sid, the quip coming up on autopilot.Aditis snort was almost as automatic. Idiot you are! Whats with not knowing the day of the

week? And how come youre unhappy about tomorrow being a working day? I thought you enjoyedbeing Super Toilet Cleaner Man.

Hey, dont you run down my job its damn interesting. In fact, do you know that Im about tocreate the concept for a turd softener? Itll make the whole flushing process

Eewwww, Sid Shut up!He had succeeded. Good! Aditi was so grossed out that she wouldnt be bringing up his job in a

hurry again this tactic always worked whenever she got too vocal about his career choice. He hadoften thought about trying it out on Mandira, but she had always been very derisive, and would shuthim down even before he could attempt to gross her out. In any case, after the last fight, she hadstopped talking to him about his work or anything for that matter.

So how are things with Mandira?Good GOOD. He didnt want to discuss this at all.I mean things with you and her.Good! Are you giving me any beer?Aditi looked at him, narrowing her eyes, but then her face cleared and she went off to fetch him a

drink. When she came back, he had already thought about a safe subject to ensure she stayed offMandira. And it wasnt just a tactic to distract her, it had been playing on his mind for the last coupleof weeks and he had found himself getting increasingly curious. He took a long sip from the mug of

beer that she had brought him.Aah he said, and after a deliberate pause, asked as if it had just occurred to him, Oh by the

way hows that friend of yours I met the other day Neha or something? Of course he knew hername, but he was going for casual. He saw Aditis expression and realized he had been mistaken inassuming this to be a safe topic.

Oh! she snapped, you mean the one you insulted repeatedly and then ran away from, right? Yes,that was Neha or something.

Listen he pleaded, Im really sorry about that was she really upset?Aditi let out her breath in a huff, literally letting off steam. No, Neha doesnt get upset easily

most of the things that bother other people dont bother her shes kind of different. I was hopingyoud get to know her better. She gave Sid a dirty look again, but he was too relieved to mind.

Thats great, Sid exhaled, I thought she was very nice whatever I er saw of her. I knowshe probably thinks Im an idiot I behaved like one. Its just that He searched for the rightwords. I havent really been myself of late.

Thats true. Aditi gazed at him. Ive never seen you so all-over-the-place before. Whatsgoing

So tell me more about her, he said, interrupting her, leaning forward and setting his half-emptymug on the table. Your judgement of people has always been so accurate. What do you mean shesdifferent?

Aditi was sharp enough to know he was trying to change the topic. But he had appealed to her egoby flattering her. That always worked. She rolled her eyes and let him have his way, settling back tospeak about the girl who was clearly a favourite of hers.

Shes a single mom, as you know. Sid inclined his head graciously, ignoring the sarcasm. Sheused to be my neighbour in Bangalore a few years ago. Shes much younger than us, just turned thirty.I never saw much of Kapil, her husband. Their divorce came through a couple of months ago I thinkthey were only married for three years. Shes got full custody of the baby he didnt really fight forit. Shes convinced he never cared much anyway. Shes now moving here from Bangalore with thebaby and starting a new job. Very brave of her!

Thats rough, Sid murmured, and then added wonderingly, But she looked so cheerful and happy.

Thats her! Aditi said, smiling again. Shes always like that. Im quite amazed by her sometimes shes had such a rough childhood too! She lost her dad when she was only eight so its just beenher mom and her. Theyve done okay, though.

So how come shes leaving her mom and moving to Delhi? And why is she moving to SherwoodTowers just to be close to you?

Aditi looked a little surprised at the interest he was showing. Well moving to Delhi? Maybeshe just wanted a change sort of a new beginning? And Sherwood Towers is only partly because ofme and Krish Neha doesnt ask for help on most things, shes pretty independent. I think its just thather new office is in Gurgaon, and she feels Ayaan and Kippy would be good company for each other.

Kippy? Sid couldnt help snorting. Sounds like a dogs name!Aditis smile disappeared and she told him coldly, I wouldnt say that to her if I were you.Got it. Sid wiped the grin off his face.Shes pretty unique, continued Aditi. Full of life. Always interested in meeting all types of

people. She introduced me the other day to this Englishwoman, Cynthia a British psychic! I dont

believe in all these things, but shes supposed to have quite a following has a practice in HauzKhas. The three of us went out for lunch. I thought she was very sweet slightly strange. Ive noidea where Neha meets these people. Anyway, shes always doing stuff like that.

He was on the verge of making a derisive crack about the whole British-psychic-named-Cynthiathing, but refrained given how Aditi had reacted to the Kippy-being-a-dogs-name remark. Instead, heran his mind over the description of Nehas life that he had just heard. Well, she really sounds likesomething.

Ya, said Aditi, well, she has her own way of dealing with things and manages to stay genuinelysorted. She added in a penetrating manner, Its not like an act that some people put on.

He refused to rise to the bait. Thats true so, whats for dinner?Sid!What?Are you going to talk to me now?What the hell have we been doing so far?You knowKnow what?Stop pretending that theres no problem with you are you and Mandira having trouble?No!Sid?What? He hardly ever let his irritation show to anyone, especially Aditi, but he was definitely

feeling a little snappy now. Why couldnt they just leave him alone? He saw how taken aback Aditiwas with how loud hed been. Arrey, yaar, its just that my HR head was also probing and I endedup telling her that Mandira and I have been arguing of late, and

Wait, Aditi interjected, looking annoyed, you mean youre comfortable talking to your HR headabout things you dont even tell your supposedly best friend?

Listen Sid took a deep breath Aditi had completely missed the point they all did. This isgetting ridiculous! First Mandira gets upset because she thinks I told Sunny about my promotionbefore telling her. Now, youre getting upset because I told Meenakshi something before you whatswith you people? Dont you get it?

Apparently, she didnt. She squealed, Youre getting a promotion and didnt tell me!Oh God! He jumped up. Youre all crazy!Sit down, she snapped at him. He involuntarily dropped back into the sofa and glared at her. She

was smiling now. That last one was just a joke, you joker.He wasnt so sure and eyed her for a few seconds, but decided it would be nicer to believe her. He

was breathing heavily and he knew his ears were red his face felt all hot and flushed. He tried tocalm himself down and think of something nice.

After a moment, Aditi ventured, So youve been arguing of late.Listen Ms Jasoosy Pants I dont want to talk about it to anyone. All couples have

arguments. Youre telling me that you and Krish dont have arguments?Yes, butOh you do? Then you know what? I think your marriage is falling apart, your whole world is

falling apart, and the sky is falling on your head!They stared at each other for what felt like an eternity to him, but there was no way that he was

going to back down now. For once, he wasnt going to let a woman push him around. She had to bemade to understand that this was no longer acceptable. She couldnt just

Was that a tear forming in her left eye? It was.Phat gayi!When she spoke again, gazing at him through her now wet eyes, her voice was trembling. Sid? I

thought after all these years you would trust me enough to tell me whats going on with you. Isnt thatwhat friends are for?

Sigh! Double phat gayi!Tears the most blatant, visible weapon of emotional blackmail that a woman could ever employ.

Mandira had stopped with her tears many months back, or had it perhaps already been a couple ofyears? In her case, she seemed too angry and bitter to cry any more. That had suited him just finebecause that was one thing to which he had never managed to be fully immune.

Involuntarily, he closed his eyes and said softly, Dont cry, Adu.She sniffled. He half-opened one eye. She seemed to be gathering herself.Listen, he said, its just that I dont want to talk about it, okay? Things havent been that great of

late, but its probably just a phase were going through, andHow long, Sid? How long is this phase going to last? Its been this way with you guys forever!

Youve been fighting right from the beginning!Hey! he protested, not right from the beginning. There was a pause as she looked at him

uncertainly, and he gave her a weak smile, continuing, We didnt fight on our honeymoon!She glared at him, caught between the angry tears and the smile that he could see she was trying to

suppress.Not on the first day of our honeymoon, at least. It worked. His feeble attempt at making her smile

worked. Okay, look, he continued, I know we argue a lot and weve been doing more of thatthan usual. But I really dont know why. Mandiras been acting weird and cold of late, and I justthought Id give her some space and time to get over it. You know?

Hmm Aditi seemed to have forgotten her crying and her brow was now furrowed inconcentration. Sid looked at her Ms Jasoosy Pants he had come up with the monikerspontaneously, but decided it fit the bill perfectly. She continued, Youre telling me shes beenmore withdrawn of late, and so youre giving her time and space instead of trying to find outwhats really going on with her?

Sid felt himself getting irritated all over again just because Aditis style was to confront allproblems with the delicacy of a sledgehammer, she expected everyone to apply the same approach.But he had enough control now to swallow the irritation he wasnt going to risk making Aditi crytwice before dinner. So, he said mildly, Yes I think thats what people need sometimes to beleft alone, and thats what Im trying. Besides, if she really wants to talk, Im pretty sure shell beable to do it with Vikas and Sunny shes quite close to them.

She sighed. He was pleased to sense that Aditi was now on the verge of giving up. Okay, Sid. Ijust want you to know, Ive been watching you for a while now, and youve changed. You were sucha happy-go-lucky and cheerful person, always up to something or the other! And of late, youve beenso lost, you dont even remember what day of the week it is!

He knew she was right, but he just said lightly, Come on, Adu, people change youve changedtoo, except for the fact that you still use the phrase happy-go-lucky. Come on, who talks like thatany more?

She mock-glared at him, unable to hide her amusement. Thats why he felt comfortable with Aditidespite her firecracker temper. He invariably managed to find her funny bone and tickle it.

Fine, she said with an air of finality. If theres ever a time you want to talk

Sure, thanks, he said, unable to meet her eye this time. Why did women feel the need to spelleverything out all the time? It was embarrassing.

Luckily, the bell rang and Aditi jumped up to answer the door. Must be Krish, he was getting offearly today. See, if you had come tomorrow like we had planned we could have talked longer

Sid felt an enormous sense of relief for fortuitously landing up a day early, and was so overcomewith warmth towards his saviour that when Krish walked in, he jumped to his feet and hugged himwith a Heyyy Krish!

Krish waited for Sid to let go of him and then said with his usual easy grin and straightforwardmanner, Oye Why the hell do you keep hugging me nowadays? Dont be such a woman!

Oh, right. Sid stepped back and offered his hand to Krish who shook it firmly.Inwardly, Sid shuddered. A Woman. Last thing he would ever want to be.Nuts, the whole lot of them.

S7

The Script Presentation

id read his email with growing dismay.Great, just what he needed now another visit by the Global Team from the headquarters in

Germany, which his team referred to as the Toilet Seat of Power. In just ten days. Now, he and histeam would have to make audio-visuals and walkthroughs and presentations for the goras instead ofdoing any actual work.

Sid became aware of someone speaking in the vicinity of his left ear. He turned and looked up tosee the newest member of the marketing team, a management trainee, Ravi, whom he had privatelylabelled as enthu cutlet. Initially, his enthusiasm had been impressive, but now Sid found it so tryingthat he often felt the urge to bop him on the head with his laptop. But you just didnt do stuff like thatwhen you were the boss. Plus, it was hard to find people who could be enthusiastic about the toiletcleaner business. So he refrained from expressing his irritation.

Ravi was looking expectantly at him now, and Sid realized that he was supposed to respond.Good, GOOD, he said, hoping that it would suffice.

Apparently, it didnt. Ravi repeated his question, his enthusiasm undiminished, Sid-boss, I saidthe ad-agency is here, and asked if you want to see them here or in Conference Room One?

Sid tried to recollect what the meeting was for while Ravi continued, I think Conference RoomOne would be better because they have some stuff to present and will be able to spread the layouts onthe table I was also thinking of calling in a couple of other people if you dont mind just so thatwell get multiple opinions, and thats always good when were looking at creatives because we mayhave a certain point of view on what may work but actually our closeness to the brand may deter usfrom risk taking and thus a different perspective may

Fine, FINE! said Sid, standing up and steering Ravi away from his desk. Go and call them intothe conference room. Call anyone you want!

Ravi trotted off with an air of importance. Sid rubbed his temple as he headed towards theconference room and stood waiting by the door, thinking hard. Agency presentation of course, ascript presentation for their lead brand, Kollinex. Sid realized he was losing track of things at work he had always been so planned and organized. No matter, he squared his shoulders. Today was a newday, a good day, and scripts certainly always led to interesting discussions. Maybe today the agencywould really present something good. Maybe it

He lost his train of thought as he suddenly caught sight of Ravi some distance away, in conversationwith Akash who had been sauntering around the office in his usual aimless way. What was that littlesquirt doing talking to him now? He then saw that they appeared to have reached an amicableagreement, and with horror, he watched Ravi leading Akash towards him. He had called Akash totheir meeting? Ravi was beaming and looked pleased with himself.

As they reached Sid, who stood frozen to his spot by the door, Akash boomed, Agencypresentation, eh? This young man just came to tell me about it and I said, of course, I need to join inon something as critical as a script presentation. He then started towards the loo saying, Just giveme a minute, okay? Ill see you inside. He looked back as if something had just struck him. Might aswell get into the mood, eh? He indicated the toilet, and young Ravi laughed loudly and

appreciatively. Sid waited till Akash had turned around again before glaring at Ravi to quell him. Hejust wished this kid didnt remind him so much of himself in his younger days.

His shoulders sagged as the full realization sank in. Oh no! Akash in a script presentation? Sid hadmanaged to convince Akash only a few months ago to leave marketing completely to him, working onhim over several cigarette breaks. It had worked well, given Akashs natural inclination to disengagefrom work. Pretty soon he had stepped out of marketing completely, using his freed-up time to domore strategic thinking. This, Sid had observed, apparently meant more cigarette breaks andconversations with his extramarital girl