spot's angellic visitation

Spot’s

Angellic

Visitation

Spot’s Angellic Visitation is copyright © 2006 by Aaron Victor Steimle. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopy, recording, or any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from that guy. Published in the United States of America by Lulu Press, Inc. Seven-Year Edition - 2013

Phases Discovery

Development

Devastation

Delivery

Delight

Dissolution

Destiny

For Salena, the first Angell I’d met.

Discovery

Spot’s Angellic Visitation

10


11

Refreshingly Human From mouths of friends I'd heard of you, All 'bout the way you are: Perfection's picture was placed in view To pale 'gainst you by far. Flawless throughout were you shown; The height of beauty's grace. All blessed epitomes you did own, Presented through your face. Your voice would outdo the angelic choir, Your skin, smoother than the sea; Exceeding anything imagination could fire Was your image given to me. But if this exalted description of you Would so well-strike the mark With accurate aim to transform it true, How then could I in stark Reality ever stand in your presence? Awash in angelic light My flawed mortality's attempted pretense Would surely lead to the plight Of my destruction. But that is not really you.


12

'Pon meeting you, I found that so Much said was so far beyond The true you that I'd come to know That it'd be a fairy's wand Having more accuracy within this life Than this fantasy image shown. (Now, keep in mind that I seek not strife, Saying what's come to be known.) True it is that your skin is smooth, But not to exceed the glassy seas', As the most affectionate touch will prove. You don't float in upon the breeze, But walk as I, yet with humorous gait. The world stops not at your will; You, too, must for time's passage wait And wait and sometimes wait still. While your voice truly is pleasant and fine, Of cherub quality it is not; Surely it sounds good, so well does mine, But otherworldly excellence should be forgot. And flawless throughout? May the heavens forbid! You have your foibles and vices, Presented through the mistakes you did Dealing with life's many spices. Even your face makes this image unsound, Of you as the ideal woman. For when I finally met you I found That you are refreshingly human, Just as I am. But let this not be a discouragement.


13

In finding the mortal that you truly are, Human in all thought and feeling, It heightened my own opinion by far, Making you far more appealing. For it is these imperfections that give you life, That allow us to approach you, Give us leave to befriend you, share your strife, And come closer through what you do. Your humanity allows us to together share Our presence in this mortal place, And prompts the entrance of beauty to compare To that seen within your face: The essence of true beauty.


14

A Gift of Flowers Flowers handed out to friends, Giv'n with hopes to reach new ends; New journeys to be taken. But same feelings aren't found, Petals fall with scarce a sound; The offered loves forsaken. Better they'd remained unplucked, Kept from hidden horror-strucked Response when grasped in hand. Blossoms taken for a show Ne'er to peace and love do go Nor happiness expand; But 'tis pain it only gives, Writhing, wreathing through the lives Of they giving the token. For the giving of a flower Takes the place from they who cower Of words that can't be spoken; In one gesture all is said: Pangs of heart and thoughts of head. A simple move of love Takes the form of something given, Aside a silent call to heaven For recipient to prove


15

Efforts such as these aren't vain. But so often does remain Refusal of those powers Stretching down to touch their hearts, So indignant are such parts... For just a gift of flowers. Please do not refuse this gift.


16

Violated

How dare you!?!

Who do you think you are, Doing what you've done to me?

You've assaulted my senses; Blinded my vision,

Deafened my hearing, Disabled my coordination,

And ripped apart my comprehension. You've invaded my dreams,

Forced your way into my fantasy, Shattered any coherent thoughts Of any thing less than you are. You've violated my presence, Overthrown my confidence,

And dashed in pieces my mask of security. You've infected my being,

Weaved your way through the fibers of my life, Tangling me into an inescapable trap,

Twisting up my feelings. How dare you make me love you!?!


17

Without the Words...

Without the words to speak our hearts We send the message with our eyes, And all the meaning ne'er departs. Without a sign, vision or charts, In looks our greatest loves arise Without the words to speak our hearts. Mere glances help give us our starts For love to us materialize; And all the meaning ne'er departs When we embrace what heav'n imparts; But now on occasion's glance relies Without the words to speak our hearts. Let's catch this love before it darts (Let's cherish it with more than eyes) And all the meaning e'er departs. We'll live this love, howe'er upstart, Together claim the greatest prize Without the words to speak our hearts; And all the meaning ne'er departs.


18

Development


20


21

"Imagined Phrases"

I came unto you seeking "love" And found myself "turned down".

Normally that'd "bum me out", I'd retreat "wearing a frown"

When you presented your "excuse" (You want to "just be friends")

And left me 'lone to "find my way", With need to "make amends".

But when we fin'ly "had a talk" When things had "mellowed out"

I found refusal "out of spite" Wasn't "what it's all about"; In all, it was to us this "love"

I sought which "held me back", Just another "imagined phrase"

In seeking to "attack". Yet with our talk we "worked things out",

The phrases "pushed aside" For the truth to now emerge

And friendship to abide. I came unto you seeking "love"

But instead I found a friend; Oh how much better, more divine

And precious in the end.


22

Pains Long Taken Still Reside Pains long taken still reside, Still spearing right into your heart; Holding, forcing you to hide, Refraining from taking a part Of things your life will only bless. Bitter mem'ries from the past Still caging up your shattered soul Keep you bonded to your fast From reaching to your endless goal Toward that eternal happiness. Holden back, you cannot find The joys all available here; Offered gifts of heav'nly kind Withheld from you by your own fear Of pains' potentialized returns. Hurt's still present memory Ingrained in your ev'ry move, Keeping you from pain to see; Still, it's your own actions that prove Within for love your heart yet yearns.


23

Cast away from you your fears Of possible futuric spite And from shedding pained tears; In doing that you very might Find another soul so lost, Taking risks despite the cost, Just hoping to give you his love.


24

Hard to Believe

It's so hard to believe Such things can exist; So hard to conceive

Of a love that persists Through trial and sorrow

And hardship of pain On 'til tomorrow

And tomorrow again. Surviving and thriving

O'er burdens galore Unto the full wiping

Out what came before: Self pity and woe

With accompanying doubt. All this did go,

Each was cast out By a love that did change

My every view. You may find this strange;

I certainly do. Before now such bliss

I could never conceive; And that is why this Is so hard to believe.


25

Clipped Wings

You once would fly in joy on glided wing, Each moment lived in ecstasy of life: Pure joy expressed to all whene'er you'd sing Your messages of peace, as free from strife You'd slice and soar and dive on through the cloud. Each day would open up a new surprise To fill your soul so much you'd cry aloud Your love of life, elation to the skies. But skies turned dark and quickly struck you down To Earth; a dreadful swat, a cruel blow. For since that strike you often wear a frown; You sing no more; and fly not even low. Please let me opportune to soothe your pain So you can soar, enjoy your life again.


26

Devastation


28


29

I Am Not Made for Love

I am not made for love. For war and conflict I can thrive;

In learning secrets feel alive; For peace and service, quickly grow,

And new discov'ry joyful show; Withstand all pressures put upon,

Sufficient strength to carry on; Through pain and sorrow persevere

With jubilation's vibrant cheer; Hold back, should danger e'er arise With all the grief which it supplies;

By int'lect overcome all tests, Beating down the former bests.

Yet through all this, love does elude My each attempt for it; a rude

Refuse for my futile efforts; The only stab at me that hurts.

Though struggle I with heav'n above, Yet I will ne'er obtain this "love".

I am not made for love.


30

Hesitation

Will you, won't you take the chance? Will you, won't you join the dance?

A simple choice to make Between two paths to take,

Each leading new directions: Within the first reside

Rich blessings to provide The gifts of all perfections; The second path stays sure

To keep yourself secure From chance's slipp'ry gripping,

Which often tends to fail When pressure does assail

And push beyond mere tipping. As struggle to decide

Upon which path to stride, The choosing power massing,

Your pond'ring eye will see The paths soon cease to be; The opportun'ty passing.


31

And now the chance is gone; The path you tread, a lone.

No poss'ble celebration Is made avail'ble now;

We know for certain how This comes from hesitation.

Will you, won't you take the chance? Will you, won't you join the dance?


32

With Feelings dashed 'pon the rocks, The ship of dreaming shattered,

One finds when sudd'nly counting stocks That nothing else had mattered. The sailing forth, the venture out

So needed to be taken To rid the heart of wrenching gout;

But efforts leave one shaken And vuln'rable to sharks' attack

Or squall of devastation To tear apart, to bend and hack

The veh'cle of salvation. Torn thus asunder, left adrift

For land, 'pon 'gain to be, Resolve returns to thoughts long-left

Of life without the sea; To sail no more and e'er remain

Land-locked, secured to live Free from excruciating pain That all the seas could give.

But what is life without the sea, What is without the sailing;


33

What adventures can there be If e'er you hold the railing?

This life is left an empty shell; A hollow, empty space

Ta'en up by that which would do well To venture from this place Off to out of safety's hands,

If wanting to arrive At new realms, at diff'rent lands

Where merely to survive Is not a purpose; there is more

They offer than just "nice": What do these places have in store?

No less than paradise. Though Feeling's dashed 'pon the rocks,

The ship of dreaming shattered, We shall e'er step from off the docks;

To sail is all that mattered.


34

Love is Made for Others

Love is made for others, But not for me. To some it comes so easy, And others takes more work; But myself It does completely avoid: Any and every step taken Toward love's reception Causes it to recede from reach even further; Ever further. No such qualms does it have with others: They are given love freely, Without reserve or fear; But near to me love will never be. Love is made for others, But not for me.

Delivery


36


37

Perfect Fit

We all travel through our lives Living as square pegs

Struggling to squeeze into round holes; Always finding that we

Just Don't

Fit.

But sometimes, Sometimes all of the pieces

Just fall into place; Destiny stretches out her hand

And lifts us to that One

Square Hole.

Slipping us in,

We soon find how well we fit: Perfect.

That perfect fit we have sought All of our lives. Finding this fit

We know that together we will remain For now,

And for all eternity.


38

Light Salvation

Lost in darkness, Stretching, Searching,

Groping to find a way out; Seeking salvation from its ebony enwrapment.

Trapped in abysmal void With no escape foreseeable, All efforts turning to vain.

This all only seen, The blanket of despair drops

To threaten with smothering... But then,

Cutting through shadow and mist A beam of light opens up the way.

Revealing the path to freedom, It parts the darkness with its beckon.

Stepping forward, Moving,

Journeying, Finally its source is reached:

A singular light Pure and pristine;


39

Offering warmth and security from the darkness. Now with the light

None of the darkness matters; The light alone is of value,

Dissipating all darkness Into joy.


40

What I Offer

Love. That which we so strive for;

That which so often eludes us; That which fulfills our lives And makes each day worth

Waking up to.

Love. That blissful gateway leading us

Through onto the blessed eternities, Wherein we may find the joys

Given to us in reward for All our suffering.

Love.

That we quietly struggle so much To develop within our hearts,

Knowing that through this development We will transform ourselves

Into purity.


41

Love. That always present gift available,

Offered by the Heavenly Hosts To us for the most minor of actions:

Simple submission to the true eternal Nature of love.

Love.

That which encompasses our all, Into which we place our every hope. This is that which is most precious.

This is that which I now Offer unto you.


42

Delight


44


45

Brighter Than Light

Cutting through the darkness

A beacon calls out to me, Splitting the thickest mist And clearing all vision.

Opening up the pathway With its brightness,

It beckons me to seek it out. I follow its direction,

Passing by the troubles Refining with each new step

Toward the origin point; And reaching it, the source is found

Emanating the brightest of rays. But this source shines out

Far brighter than light; It shines out with the brightness of joy and love.

This brightness fills more than my eyes, Is fills up my soul and my heart.

And when I look at the source of this brightness I find myself looking at you.


46

Dancer's Blessing

In joy she dances Spinning and twirling Upon her shrinking tower of wax; Inducing trances. Her hair unfurling Against dull darkness it attacks To instill the life Of invisible world, A gift to relieve blindness' plight. But not only life To view she hurled With her effervescent bright Clear countenance. No, so far more Are the grand gratuities Through her dance She has in store: She shares with us with fluid ease, Beyond the outward Light of the eyes, Inner brightness inspiring Us all to words So sacred; surprising Our will into retiring Unto the highest And Greatest Will.


47

Also with her dancing grace She opens the shyest Of hearts to fill In the hallowed waiting space With endless warmth Of comfort's feeling, Pushing out the lasting cold Forever, warmth That's so appealing That it starts to make one bold Enough to feel Come push to shove That it's fully probable It could be real That one could love That one. Ever unstoppable Are her dances' Blessings so offered. As they rise with every move One takes chances O'er all e'er suffered For the chance that life could prove These flamed gifts Granted to you Might remain to grow and never Lose all their lifts To that one true Eternal pathway to forever.


48

A Crimson Dress

A crimson dress Well-stitched and sewn

Into slender form, Stretching down to the ankles.

Cut to perfection And adorned with lace and bow,

Sleeves and lines all arranged Into most joyous order.

The fabric A silken drape

Shining and glittering in reflection The light without,

And radiating the light within. Yet even with its formed

Pristine perfection, Its garbing call of beauty,

You are what makes the dress Truly beautiful.


49

Let Me Ask

In days of trouble, I feel that I Like spending my hours thinking of

Our times shared in joy. Voices of past adventure to

Ears of mine all show that you Your heart shared with me to help Overpower despair. To ever fail

Using feeble efforts of mine So foolishly to work to pay a

Obligatory return, yes Surely that the result will be. Always falling short, I know,

Like a trickle drop am I, Eagerly striving to fill Not only a gallon pail, Also the ocean and sky Robust with clouds. So

Amazed by everything that is you, Each day I hope to sum

All my feelings together, a Not small task by far.

Gearing these thoughts and feelings for Eternal solutions, now so finally

Let me ask through first and last from Letters' order. Of this will solution come?


50

Dissolution


52


53

Unfinished Business

With us some things are never quite done: A recording of songs not completely sung; A birthday poem that's not fully writ; A connection to truth just never quite hit. We start on our paths, walk a long way, But somehow, in time, we always stray Afar from the way into which we did head. And in conversation, some things are said That ready to take us with greater ease Onto that place where our Lord we will please. But however we strive and reach for that joy Something within us ever seems to destroy All of our efforts, and so we are lost. Still, we need to press forward, whatever the cost In pain and tears brought to our face So that we finally may arrive at that place Of heavenly blessing given us to abound; Then will our eternal love together be found. But to accomplish this task we both must confess That first we must care for our unfinished business.


54

Naked

Sitting here Surrounded by people

All dressed in their fine clothing: Their suits and hats And ties and slacks;

And their golden bands. But I sit

Alone in this crowd Completely naked.

Utterly exposed am I, Open and vulnerable To the jabs and jeers And pointing fingers

Of the garbed surrounding.


55

Each word And leer And joke

And sneer And laughing face

Tearing apart my being; Until I am reduced

To nothing. Would that I

Could finally dress My nakedness;

Could finally look down And see that gold

On my finger.


56

Punching Dummy

Here I stand before you Smiling with polished teeth, A brightened face awaiting

Your most pleasant of reach. But instead of slender fingers

For a tender stroke of face I'm sent a sudden fiststrike,

Smashing me from my place; Hurling down 'pon my back I'm laid out on the ground. But quickly I rise up again Smiling, without a sound Or thought of the offense.

Still brandishing my bright smile, E'en the punch is all forgot

In my stance. All through the while I retain th'unflinching expression

Of happiness and blessed joy, I am smacked and boffed forth

And back and forth just like the toy Punching dummy I have become.


57

Ever used and abused am I, But still I keep on coming

Because I don't mind being hurt by you, Knowing that our path is running

Towards that destination Of most professed peace;

In this I know that with our love All our pains will cease,

Making present pummellings worthwhile.


58

Am I the Fool?

Am I the fool?

First, I head into Where I am not wanted, Enduring the many tortures I deserve for being there. The torture maintains But I do not depart. In time I am somewhat accepted And even wanted by some. But suddenly I am smacked away, Kicked out of my place Of newfound acceptance. Undaunted by this, I return to this place Of general unwelcome, Finding again Torture.

Am I the fool?

Again enduring, This torture dissipates sooner than before; Again I am welcomed.


59

This time my welcome is warmer, Friendlier, And longer lasting. This welcome grows into fondness, And even affection.

And as I remain I receive all the joys, Novel pleasures and happinesses That make the endured torture Worth enduring. With this comes progress And growth. And the gate is opened up To a pathway to true joy. But this is suddenly, Unexpectedly Slammed onto my face. I am immediately locked out And made very unwelcome In that place; Completely removed am I, Totally excommunicated.

Am I the fool?

This excommunication stretches out, Lasting longer And longer And longer; Longer than any should.


60

Even my most friendly, Most appropriate Attempts to make contact Are met with violent and hateful response; Each successive one Ripping and tearing me apart In the most painful way possible.

Am I the fool?

Finally I push my way back in, Finding a hidden welcome For a lasting return. But this doesn't last. Soon I am again shunned, Again spat upon And berated. Again I am forced Through the gauntlet of torture. But still I return; Still I strive To be accepted in that place, Despite all the tortures I know that I may face. Even though I am again punished For my efforts, Even though I am destroyed Each time I return,


61

I continue to push onward.

Am I the fool?

I know that there I may find the greatest of rewards; There I can open the door Looking to the eternities. And I know that there Is where I have been Repeatedly Ordered and directed to go;

There is where I am meant to go. But if I strive to go there Knowing full well That I will be wracked With pain and suffering; Then, Am I the fool?

Am I the fool to continue, To bring upon myself This excruciating pain Again and again, Willingly and wantingly?

Please, Tell me: Am I the fool?


62

Alone

I am alone. Throughout my life

Each day passing by me I am surrounded by people together,

But I am alone. Alone and empty.

Hollowed out in human condition, Opened up for a person's reception, Available to be met and accepted,

Still I am left empty. True it is that I get a taste,

A touch, A twinkle of togetherness and love,

Granted by an angel of light; But this is only momentary,

Suddenly disappearing And leaving me

Alone. Will I ever become complete

Together with an opened heart, And filled unto fulfillment?

Or will I Ever remain

Alone?


63

Sticking yourself in the arm with a needle To make your way on through the day? Perhaps that isn't the best of ways for we people To deal with what you think I might say. Stretching your bones out on th'extending rack, Shackled with ropes to keep your limbs down So writhing agony tears its way down your back Isn't how you should try remedying your frown. And slowly dripping water right 'tween your eyes Doesn't help your desired peace to grow. The source of endless tortures you self-inflict lies Within that same being who doesn't want you to know Nor accept that simple truth involving the boy With whom together whose love you will find eternal joy.


64

Destiny


66


67

I Need to Know You

What is the secret to finding true joy? How do I discover beauty at its fullest?

Where is the hidingplace of pure and sacred love? For me to know these

First I need to know you.

You carry and embody

All that is worth discovering. In your being is found

The answers to any And all asked questions:

For what destinations should I be striving? To discover my purpose

I need to know you. Why should I assist my friend in need?

To understand service I need to know you.

What rewards can there be for all of my efforts? To experience joy

I need to know you. What single element makes all of creation worthwhile?

To be embraced by love I need to know you.


68

I need to know:

Who it is you are; What it is you feel;

Why it is you smile; Where you want to be;

When you want to arrive; How it is that you are the only person That can fill this void within my being,

The only one with whom I could ever be made Complete.

Whole. A true person. To learn these

And other eternal and infinite answers available There is only one thing that I must do:

I need to know you.

Without you I am stranded alone, A fractured, Incomplete

And empty being Slowly crumbling away, back into the dust

From which this frail body was shaped and formed. Only by knowing you will my entropy be remedied.

And of life? Of beauty?

Of joy? Of love?

For me to ever truly know any of these blessed gifts


69

First one adventure must be made; For me to be complete and alive,

And for there to be any purpose to this life. Truly.

Deeply. Honestly. Faithfully. Eternally.

I need to know you.


70

I Can't Help But to Love You

It's been a while, you know. A while since we've been together

And you would accept the love I've always offered. It's been so long that many have said

I should give up; I should let go;

I should release my feelings for you And move on.

But they don't see it; They don't understand why

I have to hold on, Why I have to persevere

And continue in my adoration. They don't understand

That I can't help it. I can't help but to love you.


71

It's something I can't control, Something that overcomes my being

And takes complete command of my faculties. My continued love for you

Is not only a choice, But a compulsion given me

By a Higher Power Wanting me to love you.

My love is beyond all human wishes; It draws from the Divine.

So, regardless of what pain may befall me, What tortures I must perpetually endure,

I must continue to love you Long beyond my sight;

As long as our Lord wishes it. And longer.

I can't help but to love you.


72

Nocturnal Thief

You did it again last night. I slept soundly, Undisturbed, Relishing in the peace of my dreams; A restful night laid out before me. But then you entered And energy followed in your wake: An energy of joy, Of passion, Of love. An energy that completely devoured The peace of my dreams. Overcoming all of its facets And making the dreamvision Now with only one face, A solitary figure; A single pristine being. You became the whole of my dream, Stealing away the varieties That had danced before me. You tore these from me. You took away my most precious of thoughts And aspirations for the eternities. Thank you for this blessed gift to me.


73

I Miss You

I miss you, Salena. Especially when seeing

Al of these oddly, immodestly-dressed people. I miss your love

Your care Your compassion. I miss your purity

And strength And life.

I miss the crinkly shape of your smile, The soothing grasp of your hand, The amusing swing of your gait. I miss your thoughtful insights,

Your explorative inquiries, Your prayerful motivations.

I miss your very presence and companionship. But most of all,

I miss you, My friend.

Index Poem Page

A Crimson Dress 46 A Gift of Flowers 12 Alone 60 Am I the Fool? 56 Brighter Than Light 43 Clipped Wings 23 Dancer's Blessing 44 Hard to Believe 22 Hesitation 28 I Am Not Made for Love 27 I Can't Help But to Love You 68 I Miss You 71 I Need to Know You 65 Imagined Phrases 19 Let Me Ask 47 Light Salvation 36 Love is Made for Others 32 Naked 52 Nocturnal Thief 70 Pains Long Taken Still Reside 20 Perfect Fit 35 Punching Dummy 54 Refreshingly Human 9 Sticking yourself in the arm with a needle 61 Unfinished Business 51 Violated 14 What I Offer 38 With Feelings Dashed 'Pon the Rocks 30 Without the Words 15

Collect all seven of Spot’s Poetry Chapbooks:

Heart on a Silver Platter Reflection on Relations in Poetry and Prose

Angellic Visitation Lost in Thought

Finally Finished with Life, Lessons, and Love

Schooled Proddings Three Muses & Picking up the Pieces

…and the Complete Poetry Collection:

Spot’s All Together Now…

Or collect all three of Spot’s Storybooks:

Three Pigs When three pigs head out to build new homes, they find

themselves suddenly faced with all-too-familiar troubles standing in their way, leading to an ending that none of the pigs could foresee.

Bphlats What are the Bphlats, and where are they today? Discover the

secret behind these ancient animals and uncover their hidden connection to the longevity of the Chicken.

Three Bears and the Golden-haired Girl When a young blonde lady stumbles onto the abandoned

porridge of the Bear family, she soon finds her overpowering hunger to be more a burden than a boon.

spot's angellic visitation

Documents

essence of true beauty

mouths of friends id

angell id

fantasy image

gift of flowers flowers

angelic light

new ends new journeys

angelic choir