start happy families as usual, it’s my birthday and no one will take any notice because it’s me,...
TRANSCRIPT
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Happy Families
As usual, it’s my birthday and no one will take any
notice because it’s me, Sean
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Oh my godOh my godOh my god
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Ok, this is Alex’s present. I’ll give it a shake and
maybe guess…
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Aah!! It’s a bomb!!
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Man, you’re a spazz
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This is Matt’s if I’m not mistaken
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Oh! A fancy cardigan. But why
is it 10 times smaller than me?
Oops, must’ve set the dryer to the wrong setting. Oh well.
Enjoy. You could probably put it on the hamster
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We don’t have a Hamster
We don’t have a dryer either
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This is from Hannah and AMY
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What is it? It’s an Mp4 Player. Me and AMY pooled our money
together to get it. So that’s £80 you owe us. Each…
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Well let’s give it a go, then…
I reprogrammed it so it already has all your favourite songs
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What?!!!
We didn’t say
anything…
What?!!!
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Thank You, James…why is it in Christmas Wrapping?
They didn’t have any Valentines Day
wrapping
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It’s not Valentines Day, James. It’s my Birthday
It’s whaaaaa…??
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What is it…?Open it and find
out…
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James, I did. It’s another present
inside
Well open it again
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It’s another present…
Well open it again
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It’s another present… Well open it again
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And, yet again, it’s another present Well open it again
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James, even if I did bother opening it now, the present inside would be pointless
to be jolly about
It’s the thought that counts
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I’m not stupid, James. That doesn’t necessarily mean you
think nice things about the person. If you don’t like the
person, you’d get them something shit. So the thought
does indeed count
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Oh! It’s a Malteser!
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Oh! Thanks Thomas. I wonder
what it is…
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What is it?
Press it…
Ha ha ha. July Fools
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Hey, Jack. I don’t see your present…
Sean asked me for a surprise so I’m giving him
one
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Where’s your present, Jack?
What the hell, Jack?!!!
There’s the surprise!!!
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I was only kidding, man. Here, I baked
you the birthday cake…
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Oh shit, I forgot to put the margarine in…
Here, Sean, some birthday letters for
you
Ooh! goody
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Hey, a birthday card from my Pen Pal in Austria. Adolf jnr.
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And a one from my Cousin Fergal
Stack…
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Dear Uncle’s Son,
Argh! You be 365 days olderand it is a special day for you, Kizargh!!
Now that you are 16years of age, you canlegally drinkDiesel Oil at local beverage shopsKnown by the humans as “pubes”.No sorry, Pubs…or was it the first one?
Anyhow, I hope we see one another atOur yearly family orgy. Well I certainlyDo…Argh!! Enclosed is my birthdayPresent.
Bye for now,
Fergal Stack
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I lump of his hair…
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What’s the present?
Ouch, it bit me
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And the last letter is…Oh my sweet
god!!
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My Aunt Crunk is coming to visit me…
at eight
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Well what you scared about? We’ll have the studios up and
running before then
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…A.M
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What?!! But the surprise party
doesn’t start till 6 tonight
What surprise party?
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We organised a surprise party but don’t tell
Sean…D’oh!!!
Hello, sorry the Weight-watchers evenings are on
Wednesdays
How dare you, I’m here to see my nephew Sean-y
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Alex, I’ll take care of this. Tell Jack to prepare the
welcome meal
At Eight in the morning? Well ok…
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Hello there Mrs. Leach, you’re looking well…
I’m from his mother’s side, I don’t like his Father’s Family so never call me that name again ever!!
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Bollocks, I fucked up the first impression
And watch your mouth, missus, or I’ll wash your mouth out with soap if
I have to
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Missus? I’m a boy!!
Look young lady, don’t back-chat me or I’ll cane your backside so
hard it’ll make your parents flinch
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For Christ's sake, shut the fuck up you old
bitch…
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Don’t call me that under your breath, lady and don’t use the lord’s name in vein!! Now let me see my
Nephew before I make you sit in the corner
Aww, my little Sean!! He’s becoming a big lad now aren’t you?
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{Shrug}
Er, Aunt Crunk, the dining table is over this way. I’ll introduce you to my
friends…
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This is Thomas, James and Alex. Matthew and Jack are in
the back making the meals. Jack has a GCSE in Food so
he’ll be preparing it
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And what about that Rude Girl whom I met
when I arrived?
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Girl…? Oh you possibly mean Hannah, Jack’s sister. She’s our
receptionist
Brandcereal
HailTo
TheChef
The utter stupid woman!! She’s almost an idiot as her
worthless Nephew
Ah go on, man. Go easy on
him today. It’s his Birthday
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Brandcereal
HailTo
TheChef
In comparison to what we normally say, I am…
Look, you can stand there and
bitch on about her or you can help me
on this dinner. It might change her opinion of you if
you do her meal…Now the soup is the starter so go
and take it in while I put the Chicken in
the oven Next
Here is your starters. It’s fresh Noodle Soup made by Jack…now eat it quickly before it
Evaporates…
NextWait, I thought you said you took a GCSE
grade in Food?
I didn’t say I passed it…
I’m not eating this Middle-class Slop!!
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>_<Very well Mrs. Crunk. We can
possibly arrange something else for your meal…
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>_<
I’m not eating another thing made by that
pimply-faced prune!!!
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Hey!! I worked hard on this meal and they’re not pimples, they’re
freckles…really, really big ones…
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I slaved my arse off making this meal to welcome you. And all you do is throw it in my face!! Well fuck you, you old bitch!!!
Take this…!!!
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NextOh sorry, James. Your head was in
the way…
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Fuck you, spotty!!
How uncivilised you boys are!! I should beat you with my cane!! Go wash
yourselves!! Now that is your final warning! No more horseplay from any of you!!
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How…Dare you!! That is the last
straw!! I’m calling the police for anti-social behaviour!! Where is
your telephone?!!
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We don’t have one, We use the AMY system…
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You’re the receptionist, Madam!! Why don’t you go call
them the old fashioned way??!!
NOW!!!
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What she looking at me for?!
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I believe you’re the receptionist to
her…
Jack, tell your sister to do what the guest
says.
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NextVery well, then. If you’re not going to inform the authorities, I will myself!!
Good day to you barbarians!!!
Oh you must be Matthew!! Sean’s told me
you’re the civilised one
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Is that supposed to be
an insult?!!!
Next Well thanks a lot, Sean. If you’d have not been born in the first place, we’d not have to worry about being thrown
in jail…
She’ll not do anything. She’s very agoraphobic and only tends to say things to antagonise
people…
Next That was an awfully intelligent
vocabulary for you, Sean…
Yeah, my vocabulary tends to expand when
I’m scared of policeman…
Next Jack, stop worrying. We’ll be fine. It’s not
like we murdered anyone…this time
No, it’s not that. I keep thinking I’ve
forgetting something…
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Oh shit!!! I left the Chicken in the
Oven!!!
Brandcereal
Whoah!! Whoah!! Oh my god!!!!!!!
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Hello, I wish to report anti-social behaviour towards my
person…
Yes, madam, in what
region??
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Gemini Studios on the Mt. Bollocks region… Congratulations!!!
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Mrs. Crunk, you are the 1000th person to have reported the Wazpz as Anti-social in the past 3 years!! And as a prize, you get a cash prize of £5000
and a vacation home in the Bahamas!!!
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You’re No. 1000
Brandcereal
This isn’t working!! We should call the fire-
brigade!!
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Oh no!! I’m not calling those arseholes. They gave me a warning for
lighting a cigarette
Brandcereal
You lit a bonfire made of
cigarettes up in saltwell park!!
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I had a right to!! Those things are bad
for you!!
Next The fire’s getting worse in here, guys!! we’re out of Fire Extinguishers and
resorting to throwing things to maybe stamp it out…
All I could find were these Nutri-Grain
boxes…
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Not even the Fire wants
them…
They’re having a party so more of their barbaric friends will most likely fight alongside them if they refuse arrest
Sorry, madam. But we won’t be able to fend off the 6 alone never mind their party guests. Why do
you think I have no arms or legs??
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Well, then, I’ll have to deal with them myself!!
Be my guest, madam, but you’re not persuading me to go after them again. They still have my
face…
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Brandcereal
This going to get worse before it gets better. I advise we evacuate…
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Well it’s 5:55pm, Sean’s Birthday guests should be arriving now so they could
help…
Whoah, maaaan!! The Hippy Gang are here, Maaan!!!
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Oh thank god you’re all here, we need all the help we can get. Try and put
the fire out Zoiks!! I’m not going over there, maaan!!! Fire can
kill you to death
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C’mon, Bevvers, you’re my cousin. Won’t you help us
save our home?!!Whoah, maaan, he can’t hear you maaan. He’s so doped up, he’s been stoned for nearly 6
Months now, maaan
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Well isn’t that just Dandy?!!
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Oh no! Sparky!!!Next
Don’t worry, Matthew. I’ll go save him!!
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NextAlright, that is it. I’m here to deal with you
myself
Mrs. Crunk, I’d advise you keep out of the way,
the studios is…
NextI’ve had just about enough of you, young lady. I’ll tear that tongue
out if I have to…
NextIt’s Lucifer!!!! Everyone repent!!! Repent I say!!!!!
NextHere’s Sparky and I managed to save Pyro too. Choki fought his way out I think…don’t know where he is now but he’ll turn up…
NextI don’t know what we’re going to do with the studios
NextHey, what the hell’s that in the distance?
NextKizargh!! Fergie the Clown I be.
Here to entertain my cousin, Sean. Argh!! See this flower on
my chest?
No…
Crap! Wait a
moment, Argh!!!
NextThere, Kizargh!! This one right here. Smell it, Birthday Boy,
Argh!!!
NextKizargh!! T’is was nothing!! All in a day’s work. Now to the Stack-
mobile!!!
Fergal Stack, you saved the studios
with your shitty merchandise
Play Again
Quit
Starring
Jack Kendall
Matthew Laskey
Alex Ahmed
Sean Leach
James Hinton
And Thomas Walker