story call me swiss miss -...
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Call me SwissmissBy CINDY ADAMSLast Updated: 12:42 AM, October 11, 2011Posted: 10:22 PM, October 10, 2011
The vulgar, low-class film is insanely funny. Maybe funnierbecause this was Zürich, and it was cold out and it was raining.Years ago, I saw the first “Harry Potter” job in Puerto Rico. InSpanish. Not easy since I couldn’t even understand it inEnglish.
A two-hour drive took me to Interlaken and the Jungfrau, thebig-time alp peak. Lunch at a roadside chalet was redcabbage, spaetzle, grapes and chestnuts. Chef’s salad is not abig number in downtown Interlaken.
Now I’m in the International Olympic Committee headquarters,Lausanne. It’s one of Switzerland’s smallest cities but has oneof its biggest hotels. The Beau-Rivage Palace, boastingFrance’s only female chef with three Michelin stars, was builtfor the rich and famous in 1861. Ten acres with two tenniscourts on Lake Geneva. France’s border is 30 minutes away.The hotel TV speaks seven languages.
Mozart plinked around here. Lord Byron wrote here. CocoChanel’s dog is buried here. It’s so elegant that you don’t dressto go out, you dress to stay in!
Lausanne has a picturesque cobblestone shopping district towhich I eagerly raced. In the city two days, I ran there twodays. Sunday, every store was closed. Monday, not one storewas open. Some rule or law or holiday or Irving Rolex’sbirthday, who the hell knows?
Two places had doors open. One sold shoes. One soldsweaters. I careened in. One was vacuuming, one wasbookkeeping. Both threw me out. A 100 percent Swiss diss. Iwas a really big hit in Lausanne.
By ferry across Lake Geneva is France. The city of Evian. Itswater was discovered in 1789 by some duke who had anailment plus thirst and drank what eternally erupts from within.Today the product is everywhere and owned by Dannon. I wastold I must see Evian. So I hopped the boat, about $100 first-class round-trip, 35 minutes each way.
The conservatory, wherein is the history and background andassorted fountains, was closed. Closed? The one day Ischlepped from the United States? Yes. It opens tomorrow?No. When will it open? The month of May.
This Evian water was closed for the winter. You can get a caseat every supermarket and restaurant from Montauk toLausanne. You just can’t get Evian in Evian. It’s closed untilMay.
One lone outside spigot flows freely and is open to all.Villagers with empty bottles hold them under the spigot. NewYorkers pay a few bucks for a bottle. Evianistas drag it home inold jugs free. Unfortunately, I didn’t have a canteen in myluggage so for me the whole place was padlocked.
The stores are closed. The water’s closed. What’s open is mymouth. I’m going home tonight. I’ll turn on the tap and inhale along draft of H2O, municipal style.
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Last Updated:Thu., Nov. 3, 2011, 04:46pm
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Emily Smithwith Ian Mohr, Stephanie Smith, Tara
Palmeri and Kate Torgovnick
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Kim K and hubby'talking' again: reportManson goes ‘nuts’ inVegasAshton steps out sansDemiKim Kardashian leavesAustralia to deal withdivorce in LAKim and Kris bickeredduring prenup talksLonging for KimGlobes encore?Graceful but guarded‘Arcadia’ stars a coupleDon’t play meThe shoes fitLighty gets gloomyTitanic talkWe hear ...
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Call me SwissmissBy CINDY ADAMSLast Updated: 12:42 AM, October 11, 2011Posted: 10:22 PM, October 10, 2011
I’m Switzerland-ing. Switzerland’s clean, neat, got Swisscheese, Swiss clocks, Swiss chocolates, Swiss banks, SwissArmy knives and no demonstrations. It’s also got TV. InZürich’s Baur au Lac Hotel, my three sets repeatedly blarednews about the US -- unhappiness, unrest, unemployment and“America’s method of handling its debt problem is to borrowmore.”
This place is mega-efficient. Comparatively, a militarycampaign looks messy. Swiss International Air Lines left ontime, arrived early, my seat went flat so I could sleep and itswashroom had hand lotion.
Arrival transportation was no yellow cab with a driver’s middlefinger signaling a right turn. The Baur au Lac’s Rolls-Royceglides you to the hotel. Fresh orchids in your living room. I amnot one to knock my city that I love, but I’m not sure theSheraton does that.
In 1860, Czar Alexander II’s mom, the Dowager Empress ofRussia, and her staff of 62 had two whole floors here. Brahms,Mahler, Alfred Nobel, Franz Liszt, Hans Christian Andersenand Richard Wagner stayed here. Of course, not lately. Latelyit was Bill Clinton, Roman Polanski, Renée Zellweger andme.
Me, they don’t mention, Renée Zellweger, they do.
Dinner was at Kronenhalle on Ramistrasse. Gigi Kracht, wifeof the hotel owner Andrea Kracht, who’s also chairman ofLeading Hotels of the World, took me. Above tasties likevenison with mushrooms or salmon over sauerkraut hanghundreds of millions of dollars. Original Bonnards, Picassos,Chagalls, Klees, Braques, Miros, Tintorettos.
Early on, this restaurant fed starving artists with remains ofdishes left over from rich customers. The artists paid back.Today, the place boasts no security. No cameras, no guards,just old waiters.
The walls were so breathtaking I could hardly finish the vealsausage -- but since I wasn’t paying, I managed.
Switzerland is big with Swiss watches. I wear none, so localsimmediately labeled me low-class. Magazines in townadvertise $500,000 wristwatches. I mean, we’re not talkingTimex here.
Famous for neutrality, not all Swiss are neutral.Bahnhofstrasse, the main drag, boasts Chanel, Armani, Chloe,Cartier, Tiffany, Escada, Prada, Gucci, Dolce & Gabbana,Benneton, Bally, Tod’s. In front of Hermes -- smack in front --stood a huge half-block-long sign in white. With black blockletters. It read “Free Palestine.” The sign was seen onSaturday. Yom Kippur. The Jewish high holy day.
Zürich is not cheap. This is not Canal Street. A movie,“Horrible Bosses” with Kevin Spacey, Jennifer Aniston,Colin Farrell, Donald Sutherland, Jamie Foxx, cost $20 perperson. Mid-movie, halfway through a crucial scene, projectionstopped, lights lit and it was intermission. This was the theaterowner’s forced march for popcorn, Cokes and the concessionto vacuum up a few extra francs.
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