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TRANSCRIPT
Running head: STORYTELLING 1
Storytelling
Lacey Hastings
Stenberg College
STORYTELLING 2
Storytelling
Storytelling is used to relay experiences, “Stories help us learn, inspire us to think in
new ways, and enhance our understanding of ourselves and our world” (The Nursing Channel,
2013). When we share our stories with others, it gives us a chance to reflect, learn and grow from
our experiences. “ Stories bring meaning into our lives, convey values and emotions, aid in
reaffirming and validating our lives and experiences, and have the ability to connect us with our
inner selves, with others and with society” (Atkinson, 2002; as cited in East et.al, 2010). When
we have the opportunity to tell our stories, we have the opportunity to look further into our past
experience, share this with others, connect with them, and reconnect with our selves at the time
of the experience. I will tell a story, of a time in my life where I was part of a helping/healing
relationship, I will express the thoughts and feelings I had, the actions I took and take you on this
learning journey with me, while I reflect and reconnect with my own past experience.
Story
I started to work at the Centre of Hope, a wet homeless (day) shelter downtown Fort
McMurray, shortly after a tragedy occurred. The shelter was a ‘home’ for many homeless people
in Fort McMurray, and became a home for (let’s call them David and Lucy), who were drug
users and upon losing their jobs ended up on the streets. They were regular clients of the shelter
for going on three years, while throughout that time remained a ‘couple’, it was rare to see that
kind of relationship in that atmosphere, so I was told, and they were referred to as the shelters
“little married couple”. They looked out for one another, which is big when living on the streets,
and although their relationship may not have been what some people would call “healthy” they
STORY TELLING 3
loved each other. David and Lucy would sleep in the dumpster outside the shelter, as the ‘dry’
shelters for the evening didn’t allow for people to be under the influence when accessing their
services. Sleeping in the dumpster became the warmest, safest place for them, and that’s where
they would call home for the evenings. One morning David woke up and decided to go get him
and Lucy a coffee from the McDonalds down the street from the shelter, and Lucy remained
sleeping. While David was gone, the garbage truck came for his weekly pickup, to take the
garbage, what he didn’t know, was that Lucy was inside. David returned, and when Lucy wasn’t
around he began to panic, when the ladies came to open the shelter in the morning, he got them
to check the security footage. Just as they all had dread, Lucy did not get out before the truck
unloaded the dumpster, and was dumped with it.
I started shortly after, and the staff was quick to tell me this horrifying story, as it had
impacted all the staff and clients, as Lucy was considered family. The investigation had not been
closed, as there was no body found, however with the footage of the dumpster they could
determine she was dumped into the truck and taken to the landfill where they never found her
remains, they ended the search for Lucy. Without the body their wasn’t a formal funeral,
however the staff put one together for the clients of the Center of Hope, I had the honor of being
there, and it was very emotional. I noticed in the photos that David was still one of the clients,
and was absolutely devastated, he left shortly after the service began. The other staff mentioned
to me he had not spoken to anyone about the incident and that in fact he hadn’t spoken much at
all, he was using more and not coming around as often, and they were all worried for him. I felt
awful thinking about how he must be feeling, and that there wasn’t anything we could do for
him. Within a couple months he started to come in more often, and because I worked as an intake
worker, I worked frontline with the clients, so I began to get familiar with him. David was a very
STORY TELLING 4
sarcastic guy, he would use his humor to get out of awkward situations, out of arguments, or to
start arguments, and I noticed that this seemed to be his ‘go to’. I didn’t treat him any differently
than the other clients, and felt I didn’t deserve to try and help or speak to him about Lucy, as I
didn’t know her, and wasn’t there when it happened. The other staff would always be fussing
over him, and asking him questions, (worried of course) but I noticed that this made him much
more uncomfortable. I just began to chat with him, little bits here and there, I hadn’t had any
kind of training and wasn’t trying to ‘counsel’ him, I just figured I would try to be friends, on a
professional level. I used a little of his sarcasm and tossed a couple jokes and ‘insults’ his way,
he began to warm up, and get familiar with me, so I started talking with him a little more here
and there. Over the next couple months David would come and talk with me almost every day,
and I would listen. We talked about life, his previous jobs, his family, etc., I didn’t push him to
talk about Lucy and didn’t ask questions, as I was just being there as a friend, and someone to
talk to. While David talked and I listened, I offered my full attention and interest, and I didn’t
judge or question, and this is how the trust developed. One day David brought up Lucy on his
own, he didn’t tell me about what happened, he just talked about her, and their relationship. He
told me how wonderful she was, how they had plans of getting clean together, getting jobs, and
an apartment. David told me he missed her, and that was all. We didn’t talk about it again for a
while, until one day he brought it up again, and started to tell me about that morning, he told me
they had used that night, and he figured she would be out for a while and that he would go get a
coffee and come back. He explained the feeling he had when he lifted the dumpster lid, and how
he knew right away what happened. He began to cry, and I just touched his shoulder and didn’t
say a word, it may have been because I had no idea what to say at the time, but now thinking
back I think it was best to have said nothing. This became a regular thing, and at the time I didn’t
STORY TELLING 5
know what was happening, all I knew was I was listening to him, I let him tell me his story, and
talk about how he felt, I showed him I cared and supported him, and that’s all there was too it, I
didn’t know much about counseling or ‘therapeutic relationships’ I just wanted to be there for
him. The other staff began to confront me about it, and mentioned how he had never spoken
about it, and how great of a job I was doing, how I was really helping him. I wasn’t thinking
about myself though, I wasn’t thinking I was “doing a good job”, as I was just being supportive
and listening to someone who had been through trauma. David would have rough days, and
when he got into an argument with the other clients, they began to blame him for Lucy’s death,
they said he left her there, high, and left her to die, that it was his fault. I had never seen him so
upset, and he was turning violent, the other staff were contemplating calling the police, so I took
him outside. I got him to calm himself down, and he told me the truth about that morning, that
Lucy was high and that he was worried about leaving her, as he thought she might have used too
much, but he was supposed to meet their drug dealer, so he thought he would be really quick and
come back. He talked about the guilt he felt and how everyone blamed him. Again, I was lost,
how do I help him, I didn’t know what to say or do. I just thought of it as ,what would I say to
my friend if this were the case, and I just supported him, told him I understood, but told him it
wasn’t his fault, he didn’t know this would happen, he loved her. Things started to get better
from there, he had his rough days, and even rougher, but he was talking and working through it,
which was good for him. Some days he would be sure that she had gotten out of the dumpster
that morning, and that he saw her walking down the street, this was heartbreaking, as he didn’t
see her, she was gone. I listened and just brought the reality of the facts back into the
conversation, he would clue in himself that it wasn’t Lucy, that she was gone, but he missed her,
and thought about her every day. When things started to get better, David talked about the plans
STORY TELLING 6
him and Lucy once had, and I asked him why he couldn’t still do them? Why he couldn’t do it
for himself? I let that sit over a few days, and even though nothing came of it at the time, he
started to think about it and think about the future. I learned a lot about myself while just being
David’s ‘friend’, and felt like I helped him, by just listening and offering support. When it came
time for me to move back to Vancouver Island, I went to say goodbye, as David was in Detox, he
gave me something he made in his first attempt at treatment, it was a coaster, and he thanked me
for “being there” and for “caring”. He told me he would be clean and sober one day, and that he
would make sure I knew. Turns out about two months ago I received a message from a lady at
the Center of Hope, relaying a message from David, he has been clean and sober for eight
months, he’s doing well, and that he wanted me to know, and to say thanks again.
Analysis
At the time, I wasn’t sure what I was doing or what I should be doing, all I knew was that
somebody trusted me and needed me to listen. I was sure there was more I should have done, or
could be doing, or there was someone much more qualified than me to be helping in such an
intense situation. However looking back now, I know that what I did was ‘care’, I provided trust
and support, showed empathy and simply listened, and this is what he needed. I was being
‘human’ and caring for him, I was myself; there was no hidden agenda, no expectations, no
diagnosing, observations or explanations, just another human there for support. Watson offers
the idea that human caring is based on human values such as “kindness, concern, and love of self
and others” (as cited in Rafael, 2000, p.37). Human caring is about being with the other person
fully, experiencing together, joining together in a relationship focused on healing. I believe I was
selflessly there for David, through his journey of healing, we went through his experiences,
STORY TELLING 7
thoughts and feelings together, and we developed a trusting- healing relationship. Establishing a
helping-trusting human care relationship is pivotal in Watson’s Caring theory, and the Human
Care process (Rafael, 2000). When I look back at what started the relationship, or ‘friendship’, I
believe that it was trust and comfort. David got familiar with me; he began to see who I was, and
what my intentions were. When I started making conversations with him, and joking around, he
started to feel comfortable, he noticed I wasn’t trying to ‘get anything out of him’, and he could
just talk to me. The more we talked, the more David realized, he could trust me, Burnard (2005)
suggests keeping trust requires “attentiveness to the quality of listening and respect offered to
clients; appropriate ways of communicating that are courteous and clear; respect for privacy and
dignity” (p.244). I believe through showing David I was listening and interested in what he had
to say, communicating with him respectively, showing support, and explaining that what he said
would stay between me and him, the trust developed. Watson suggests that one aspect of human
care requires knowledge of “how to comfort, offer compassion and empathy” (1999, p.74). At
the time while helping David, I wouldn’t have identified the knowledge I had in comforting,
compassion and empathy, however looking back now, I can see this is exactly what I was
displaying, and believe it is a part of my human nature. Compassion is said to be “the capacity to
share another person’s suffering and appreciate their humanity and vulnerability” (Barker, 2009,
p.610). I believe I offered compassion to David, by listening and attending, being present and
available when he needed me, not judging but accepting him, and sharing in his suffering and
experiences, but not taking them away from him. With offering compassion, I believe one needs
to show empathy, and empathy is said to be “The ability to perceive accurately the feelings of
another person and to communicate this understanding to him” (Burnard, 2005, p.103). I
conveyed empathy to David when I showed him I understood how he was feeling and what he
STORY TELLING 8
was going through, I respected, accepted and validated his feelings and thoughts as his own.
When David expressed his guilt and shame for leaving Lucy, I showed empathetic
understanding, I told him I understood these feelings, I didn’t judge him like he thought I would,
I accepted him, and we worked through these feelings of guilt together.
When I look at “relational caring” or “human relating”, it is said to be a “relationship in
which there is a full experiencing of the other” (Buber 1958; as cited in Hartrick, 1997, p.526).
When caring is practiced within a relational narrative it “produces shared meanings for the one
caring and the one cared for” (Gadow, 1989; as cited in MacKay 1997, p.5). Growth, change,
and actualization for both participants results from these relational caring behaviors (MacKay,
1997). I do believe that through David’s journey of healing, we both grew and changed, and we
learned a lot from that experience. David started to heal from the death of a loved one; he started
to forgive himself, and started to look towards the future. Human relating is experiencing with
the other through their struggle, and the process should “Include an ideal of care and
responsiveness to others” (Lyons 1988; as cited in Hartrick, 1997, p.526). Hartrick suggests that
within responsiveness is the power of human contact and connectedness, it is not about problem
solving, it is simply about responding and supporting someone through their healing (1997). I
believe that is what I was doing, I wasn’t asking questions or digging deeper, I was simply
offering support as he expressed his feelings, and responded when I felt like he needed me too.
Some aspects of relational caring support asking questions and clarifying multiple meanings of
experiences (Hartrick, 1997), looking back now I can see how using open-questions (Burnard,
2005) may have been helpful while clarifying how David was feeling, and allow him to explore
further. However I completely agree with Watson when she suggests that the client is the “agent
STORY TELLING 9
of change, and is primarily responsible for allowing healing to occur with or without external co-
participant agents of change” (as cited in Rafael, 2000, p. 36). As David was responsible for his
own healing process, he led the way, I was along for the ride, offering a supportive trusting
environment, but David is responsible for his own growth and change. I do believe I helped him
feel comfortable enough to do so, and gave him the environment he needed, with the warmth and
understanding he deserved, therefore I would say as a team, through a caring relationship, we
evoked the healing he needed.
As Part of Watson’s Caring theory, she suggests that “Human care also requires enabling
actions; actions that are related to general and specific knowledge of caring and human
responses” (1999, p.74). Even though I would say our relationship was mostly, on my behalf,
listening and attending, there were actions taken that I feel are worthy of discussing. When
David first spoke to me about the morning of Lucy’s accident, he was very emotional, when he
began to cry I felt the need to show him it was okay to feel this way, and show him I cared, so I
gently touched his shoulder. At the time I wasn’t sure if this was okay or even helpful, but I can
see that I was providing ‘warmth’ and acceptance. Warmth reflects caring and respect, and by
that one non-verbal gesture, I believe he felt that. When David was having that rough day, and
had gotten into an argument with the other clients who began blaming him for Lucy’s death,
David was very upset, and he started to get violent. The other staff were going to call the police,
and I knew David didn’t want, or need that, so I removed him. As it turned out that is what he
needed, and this restored his dignity, David was upset, and angry, what the other clients said
really hit him hard, and I could see that. We went outside and I showed David I was there for
support, and told him he could talk about his anger, this is when he started to talk about the guilt
he felt for leaving Lucy there, for going to get drugs, about the blame he put on himself for what
STORY TELLING 10
happened. I believe this realization, and this conversation with David started the real healing, and
him beginning to forgive himself. When things seemed to be getting better for David, and he
started reminiscing about the good times they had, and their plans, goals and dreams, I took a
leap and asked David why he couldn’t still live out some of those dreams, for himself. We talked
about him getting clean and sober, and getting that apartment they talked about. It was risky at
the time, as I didn’t want to give him advice or try to tell him how to live his life, I just didn’t
want him to give up on his goals, and I realize now that’s what they were ‘his goals’ and I was
just resurfacing them. David had told me down the road, that conversation we had, helped him,
helped him see the future, and helped him take a step in that direction, for himself and for Lucy.
Conclusion
As I tell this story, I learn more now, then I did while being in that experience. Reflecting
on it, remembering more and more, I am identifying what it is that took place, and can validate
my actions. I gain further insight into what it is I did learn from that experience, why it impacted
me so much, and why I was able to be a part of that trusting/healing relationship. It is important
to tell stories, as it helps us make sense of and increase our understanding of our experiences
(East et.al, 2010). Telling my story was helpful to me for growing and learning, but the most
important was David being able to tell his story. David needed to share his experience in order to
heal, and accept it, according to East et. al, (2010), “Healing after painful experiences can begin
when our voices are listened to and heard”. We made his hidden experience visible, while
working through his hardship. Through telling his story I believe David had the chance to
understand and make sense of his feelings, to accept what had happened, and to start to grow and
STORY TELLING 11
move on with his life. Through David telling his story, I learned a lot about myself, as a person I
grew and learned how to use my ‘human nature’ of caring, compassion and empathy to develop a
helping/healing relationship. Through then reflecting and telling my own story, I learned that by
just being supportive, really listening to people, and truly caring, I can develop a trusting
environment, the environment somebody may need to embark on their journey of healing and
recovery. I learned that by being myself, and being warm and genuine, I can allow people to feel
comfortable and supported. Storytelling in this scenario has helped two people understand their
feelings and emotions, understand their actions, learn and grow from their experiences. Story
telling is crucial part of a healing relationship, and is essential in learning and reflecting.
STORY TELLING 12
References
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