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Strategies for Handling Difficult Conversations

Alan Greiner, Executive Director Iowa High School Music Association

Listen – listen carefully and calmly. Hear what

it is that is trying to be communicated to you

Pause and think – then respond

Look at the issue from their perspective

Be compassionate and empathetic without

compromising the standards of the association

Be honest – your reputation and integrity are

everything

Strategies

Don’t be afraid to say “I don’t know. I’ll have to

get back to you.” And then do so in a timely

manner

If pressed for an immediate answer, I respond

with “If you have to know immediately, the

answer is no. If you will give me time to think

and research it the answer is maybe.”

Strategies

If the person is rambling (venting!?) respond

with “How is it that I can help you?”

Don’t let false statements go uncorrected.

Correct them immediately.

Don’t make it personal – stick to the high

ground. Remain professional.

Keep the conversation positive.

Strategies

Offer solutions (if at all possible) not

roadblocks or barriers.

As a leader, learn from the experience and

adapt

Be available

Make sure all parties involved have access to

the same information

Strategies

Be courageous!!! Don’t shy away from difficult

conversations.

Strategies

Understand Plutchik’s Wheel of Emotions

Strategies

This can be avoided by being mindful of preserving the persons dignity and treating them with respect (even if you completely disagree with them).

Tears – acknowledge them, offer a tissue which

gives them an opportunity to collect their

thoughts. Recognize that tears indicate that the

issue is personal and as such needs to be

addressed.

Be comfortable with silence – don’t rush to fill

it with words.

Strategies

Work to preserve the relationship. It takes

years to build a bridge and only moments to

tear it down. Work to fix the situation without

causing irreparable damage.

Be consistent!!! Regardless of who asks the

question the answer should be the same.

Strategies

Be careful how you react to thwarting ploys

Strategies

Unresponsiveness Accusation

Address the ploy openly and sincerely. For example “I don’t know how to interpret your silence.”

Choose the right place for the conversation.

Be aware of your body language.

If you are the initiator of the conversation, plan

out how you will begin.

Mistakes happen. When you make a mistake,

acknowledge it, apologize (with sincerity) and

move on.

Strategies

Strategies for Handling Difficult Conversations

Presented by:

Steven J. Timko, Executive Director New Jersey State Interscholastic Athletic Association

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TOUGH QUESTIONS • Listen carefully to the questions

• Off-beat questions -- a trap or indication the individual is lost

• Answer the right question: If you’re not sure you understand the question, ask the

person to repeat it

• If asked multiple questions: pick the easiest one to answer

• Be straightforward and truthful: Answer what you know – don’t speculate

• Say “I don’t know.” Tell the person you will check on the answer and get back to

her. Then bridge to one of your messages.

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TOUGH QUESTIONS • Be enthusiastic: If you don’t believe it, nobody else will

• Never repeat negative words, e.g. “I am not a crook” – stay positive

• Tell the truth: Much easier to remember!

• Be real: Show compassion and empathy

• If a person makes an inaccurate statement: Correct him/her immediately

• Assume that everything is “on the record.” Never go “off the record”

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Things to remember • Don’t treat the call as a simple conversation

• Don’t merely answer questions – be EAGER to speak

• Avoid sarcastic remarks and inappropriate humor

• Never lie or mislead

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When Asked About a Problem • Talk about the solution

– Example: “Yes we’ve made mistakes, we’ve learned from those mistakes and we’re working hard to fix the problem. And that effort is already paying off…”

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Traps to Avoid • Don’t rush your responses – pause before answering

– A brief pause implies you are thinking about the question – An immediate response may sound too rehearsed

• Avoid jargon / buzzwords / technical terms • Avoid sarcastic remarks and inappropriate humor

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Blocking & Bridging • “Block” a negative question

– Respond briefly in a non-specific way • “Bridge” with a smooth transition

– Change the subject to a positive message

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Blocking & Bridging – Key Phrases • “That’s an interesting question, and to put it in perspective…” • “I’m glad you’ve asked me this, because it brings up a point I’ve been

wanting to make…” • “I don’t have precise details, but what I do know is…” • “The underlying question is…”

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Blocking & Bridging – Key Phrases (cont’d.)

• “What I think you mean by that question is…” • “Let’s not lose sight of the key issue here, which is…” • “This is certainly important, but what’s even more important is…”

Communication during a crisis • Candor • Openness, accessibility • Truthfulness • Responsiveness • Empathy • Transparency • Engagement • Clarifications & correction

- by James Lukaszewski

“To be persuasive, we must be believable; to be believable we must be credible; to be credible, we must be truthful.”

-- Edward R. Murrow

“Trust is like the air we breathe. When it’s present, nobody really notices. But when it’s absent, everybody notices.”

-- Warren Buffett

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REPUTATION = “CAN I TRUST YOU?”

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Do What You Say You Will Do

Credibility is:

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TRUST BUILDING TRUST BUILDING BEHAVIORS • Promises Made, Promises Kept • Exceed Expectations • Honesty, Clarity, Consistency • Measured Milestones, Viable Alternatives • Accept and Assign Accountability • Soberly, Systematically Assess Challenges • Respect, Honor & Reward Those Who Put Their Trust in You • Treat Trust as a Long-Term Investment Paying Ongoing Dividends

SOURCE: GOLIN/HARRIS