Stress, Resiliency and the Pursuit of Happiness

Brian Luke Seaward, Ph.D. The Paramount Wellness Institute • Boulder, CO

In 1981 I had the great privilege of

hearing and meeting Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, a luminary in the wellness movement. In addition to being the catalyst for the hospice movement in the US, she was a pioneer—not only in the field of death and dying, but in the field of holistic wellness as well.

On this particular day, she was the opening keynote speaker at the 2nd Annual American Holistic Medical Association Conference held in La Crosse, Wisconsin (1). The title of her talk was simply Holistic Wellness. The presentation title may have been short, but both the topic and content was colossal. She began her presentation by saying that although the word “wellness” is quite new to the American vernacular, the concept of wellness is ageless. It goes back thousands and thousands of years. The premise of holistic wellness is simple, she explained—the whole is greater than the

sum of its parts. This ancient (ageless) wisdom is shared by wisdom keepers the world over from time immemorial. Then, as now, many people see wellness as the opposite of illness, or simply absence of disease, or perhaps the lifestyle fusion of broccoli and aerobics. Kübler-Ross reminded the audience that such has never been the case. Wellness as defined by experts from a holistic perspective is the integration, balance and harmony of mind, body, spirit and emotions where the whole is always greater than the sum of the parts (2).

As Kübler-Ross explained this premise to the audience, she drew a big circle on a flip chart. Then drawing a line from top to bottom, followed by a line going from right to left, she divided the circle into four equal quarters. “These lines don’t exist, she exclaimed. “They are merely here to better understand what is coming next.”

Then she proceeded to complete her illustration of the wellness paradigm.

In the upper right-hand corner, she wrote the words emotional well-being. In the lower right-hand corner, she scribbled the words physical well-being. She paused and explained that this quadrant is what most Westerners think that wellness is because all aspects here are so easily measurable (e.g., height, weight, blood pressure, lipids, even the DNA). “Don’t be fooled,” she warned us.

Moving clockwise, she placed the magic marker in the lower-left quadrant and wrote the words mental well-being. Then, taking a big breath, she reached as high as she could and wrote in capital letters SPIRITUAL well-being. “The word health comes from the Anglican word “hal,” which means to be whole or holy. We are not a bunch of bones held together in a saline solution. You cannot address any issue of health without implying some aspect of the human spirit,” she said. The audience, packed into the standing room-only lecture hall, gave reassuring nods and smiles, for the wisdom she shared validated what most people there already knew at a deep intuitive level. She went on to say that the most important quadrant of the wellness paradigm is often the most neglected in the Western Hemisphere, and at a great cost.

Spiritual Well-Being: The Missing Piece of the Wellness Paradigm

A contemporary wisdom keeper of the early 20th century, and a professional inspiration to Kübler-Ross, Carl Jung was a newly trained physician indoctrinated in the bio-medical model of western medicine. Jung noted an obvious and profound connection between his patient’s anxiety levels and their physical health (or lack of it). His interest in this fact drew the attention of renowned physician Sigmund Freud,

leading to a mentorship in the new field of psychology, one that would forever shape the field of health and wellness. Interestingly, the word “psyche” means soul, not mind or brain. While Freud was an atheist, Jung’s father was a pastor, giving him quite a different philosophical perspective. It was this focus on the spiritual aspect of humanity that lead Jung to become one of the leading experts in the field of psychology, albeit different than Freud’s. Whereas Freud saw all humans as animals, Jung saw all people as spiritual beings, unfolding, like a flower in their spiritual growth, throughout the course of their lifecycle. (3).

One of Jung’s more popular quotes on this topic states: “Every crisis over the age of thirty is a spiritual crisis.” He then added this thought; “Spiritual crises require spiritual cures.” When you hear or read the word resiliency, think “spiritual cures.” (4). One cannot address the topic of resiliency without acknowledging the health (and ultimately) the triumph of the human spirit.

If you were to talk to the shamans, sages, healers and wisdom keepers of all cultures and languages throughout the history of humanity, and asked them what makes up the qualities of spiritual well being, you would hear them say, across the board, three aspects; relationships, values and a meaningful purpose in life—the last of which is the cornerstone to the health of the human spirit.

Relationships include both internal (how we see and deal with ourselves— and our higher self, however one perceives this) and external (how we engage with everyone outside of ourselves). Values and value conflicts involve aspects we hold in great importance (e.g., health, wealth, education, leisure, etc.), yet like tectonic plates, may cause friction when they come in conflict with each other, such as freedom and responsibility. A meaningful purpose in life

is our calling and our legacy, answered by these two profound questions; “Who am I?” and Why am I here?” Many experts consider this aspect to be the cornerstone of human spirituality.

Stop and make a quick list of your top 10 stressors (problems, concerns, dilemmas). Once done, place a checkmark next to every stressor that involves a relationship (e.g., spouse, children, boss, etc.). Next, place a checkmark next to every stressor that involves a value or value conflict (e.g., health, money, leisure, etc.). Now finally, place a checkmark next to every stressor that involves some aspect regarding a meaningful purpose to your life (e.g., career, family, etc.). If you are completely honest, you should see everything checked off your list, perhaps more than once. While physical stressors certainly trigger the stress response, the connection between stress and human spirituality cannot be ignored. Resiliency: Triumph of the Human Spirit

Perhaps not a day goes by that someone, somewhere on the planet, is faced with tremendous adversity; insurmountable odds and comes through the other side with grace and dignity. I often meet people like this and their stories are nothing less than amazing. I learned early on that all stories like this, from the pantheon of human experience, fall into two categories: victim and victor. While at times, the victim’s story may be compelling, but predictable, and soon frustrating. Conversely, I find myself in awe of the victors; the people who rise above the fray, against all odds, and carry on with their lives, unencumbered by the difficulties they endured. These people exude grace and dignity. In doing so, they become role models and heroes for the rest

of us to emulate when we’re going through similar struggles.

Resiliency means many things to many people. A quick Google search will reveal there is no shortage of opinions about what this term means. Experts in the field of positive psychology will cite that resiliency is a term that means to “bounce back” from adversity, to stay buoyant in the rough seas of life (5). Experts in the field of psychology have tried to establish specific criteria that constitutes a baseline for resiliency. Conclusion: There is no one trait or collection of specific traits for everyone that embodies the ability to rise above the fray. A consensus from various experts, and scholars suggests that resiliency includes, but is not limited to, the following attributes: persistence, will power, flexibility, endurance and adaptation (6).

Shifting from the perspective of left brain data analysis to the right brain symbolic learning approach, I found that metaphors excel when words fail to explain the entre picture. A metaphor I have come to embrace on this topic goes like this. Resiliency is comprised of three bones: A Backbone, a Wishbone, and a Funny bone. A closer look at the metaphor reveals that the Backbone of resiliency includes courage, stamina, persistence, and will power; these attributes first come to mind when someone hears the word resiliency. The Wishbone is best symbolized by the attributes of faith, vision, imagination and creativity and a meaningful purpose in life; essential aspects needed to overcome any crisis. All the stamina and will power in the world, will only get you so far. More is needed to stay above the fray. While a sense of humor may seem intuitively obvious, the Funny Bone includes more than smiles and laughter. It also includes the ability to laugh at yourself (self-deprecating humor), the ability to see the big picture and the desire to build, nurture and sustain healthy relationships (7).

Over the years as a health psychologist, I have come to the realization that resiliency is best described as the “triumph of the human spirit.” In talking to many people who have emerged from a crisis, I ask them what was it that helped them get through this particular ordeal. Without hesitation, they begin to describe one specific attribute, yet before the conversation has ended they include several more. This list includes, but is not limited to, the following: Patience, forgiveness, optimism, integrity, humor, persistence, courage, faith, honesty, intuition, humbleness, curiosity, creativity and compassion. Jung referred to these attributes as spiritual cures. Similarly, renowned psychologist, Abraham Maslow, who sowed the seeds of positive psychology with his Theory of Self-actualization, would call these traits “inner resources.” I call them “muscles of the soul.” It is these muscles that help people circumnavigate, dismantle or transcend the major stressors of life. Like our physical muscles, they will never disappear, but they will atrophy without use.

Inquiring minds in the field of Positive Psychology are eager to learn which of the traits come naturally, and which don’t. In my decades of research, I have learned that these attributes are not “gifts for a chosen few,” rather they are birth rights for everyone. Yet while some people choose to exercise (access) these muscles and become the victors to their fate, others claim victimization, becoming immobilized; first emotionally, then physically.

When most people hear the word resiliency they often perceive a sense of energy; to move mountains, so to speak. But resiliency also has a quiet restful nature as well; the purpose is to recharge one’s personal energy. Stress can be draining. To be on, alert and hyper vigilant is exhausting. Fight or flight must be balanced with rest and recovery. Research reveals that a lack of

recovery is detrimental to one’s health and wellness (8). Stress has become the “new normal” at the start of the 21st century. One factor leading to this new (yet quite unhealthy) normalcy is the proliferation of screen-held devices, the onslaught of digital distractions, (digital toxicity) and screen addiction—from video gaming to social media posting. With stress comes mental, emotional, physical even spiritual fatigue to the detriment of the human spirit (9). A resilient person is a well-rested person. It is no coincidence that as digital toxicity invades the lives of everyone with a screen device, the practice of mindfulness has emerged as an antidote. The alchemy of various traits that make up the package of resiliency include quite time and a practice of meditation. (10).

You may recognize the face of Dan Harris, a popular ABC network news anchor. In 2013 he wrote a best selling book about stress called, 10% Happier. As he describes in his book, several factors came together for an on-air meltdown (panic attack) which resulted in a designated leave of absence. In his pursuit of health and mental stability (from anxiety to happiness), he discovered a path to bliss (this is what happiness is called in Asia) through mindfulness meditation. While there are many ways to promote rest and recovery, meditation is proven to be extremely effective (11). The Pursuit of Happiness Anger (fight) and fear (flight) may be the most recognized, if not common, emotions elicited under the stress response, but stress management experts remind us there are other emotions associated with stress; specifically joy and happiness, more commonly known in stress circles as “eustress” (12). The emerging field of

positive psychology has placed joy and happiness as a big X on the psychological treasure map. The search for happiness has begun in earnest in all corners of the globe, not just the United States. A quick look at the titles in the self-help section of any bookstore or Amazon.com, from authors including the Dalai Lama, Harvard professors and HBO comedians, reveals that the pursuit of happiness is a hot commodity in the age of 21st century stress for people in all professions. Simply stated: Joy is the antitheses of distress. While some researchers in the field of positive psychology insist that joy is the anticipation of an event, spiritual luminaries suggest that happiness is a state of living in the present moment (13). Happiness, however, isn’t just a psychological issue. Judging by the number of books on the New York Times Best Seller list in the past few years with the word “happiness” or “joy” in the title, one might suspect that Americans are in desperate pursuit for the elusive emotion of bliss; a never ending string of spiritual highs. A popular issue of TIME magazine ran a cover story on the pursuit of happiness examining everything from genetic endowment (starting with early immigrants looking for a better life) to dopamine and serotonin levels found in the brain (14).

Happiness may be the new buzzword, but there is no agreement in psychological circles on its origin or constitution. Is happiness an emotion or the expectation that precedes a positive emotion? Are people born happy or can they learn to be happy? Is happiness an absolute aspect or is there a continuum of pleasure? Are optimists happier than pessimists? Would you be as happy if you couldn’t share your experience on social media? Is happiness an expression of the ego wanting recognition, or simply the soul experiencing gratitude? Can money really buy happiness? Can you be happy with nothing? Is true

happiness better than that reached by means of repeated addictive behaviors? What is the relationship between joy and sadness? These questions are more than an investigation into our emotions. They constitute a principle aspect of spiritual wellbeing as well.

Researchers are also curious to learn if happiness a function of nature or nurture? Experts suggest that it’s a combination of both, but that each of us has the ability to nurture the nature of our happiness, hence bringing a sense of emotional balance to our lives. First and foremost, happiness (like distress) is a perception; a thought combined with an emotion generated from within. Money, cars, clothing, food or vacations in Tahiti may seem to promote happiness, but the real measure of happiness is your attitude; your ability to appreciate these things. In the words of Abraham Lincoln, “People are about as happy as they make their minds up to be.” Current Research on Happiness

What does the current scientific literature tell us about happiness? Researchers have looked at all kinds of indices, from stress hormones, neuropeptides, cardiac activity, facial coding (smiles per day), creative pursuits, nutritional diets and spending habits. The following are some conclusions from the current research on joy and happiness, known in research circles as “subjective social wellbeing.” • Until people’s basic needs are met (food, clothing, shelter, income) happiness is elusive (15). • There is a strong correlation between happiness and trust. If trust is lacking, happiness is non-existent. Trust is a prerequisite for happiness (16). • The neurotransmitter Serotonin seems to be a chemical by-product of feeling happy (a

lack of Serotonin is associated with depression, hence the name the “happiness hormone” given to Serotonin. Carbohydrates may increase Serotonin levels, but carbohydrates do not necessarily make one happy (17). • The ability to have and make choices (freedom) makes people happy to a point, however, too many choices makes people feel overwhelmed and eventually stressed (18). • Contrary to conventional wisdom, money does not equate with happiness, yet poverty can promote stress (19). • There is a strong correlation between happiness and the ability to be creative according to findings by Harvard researcher Teresa Amabile (20). • Fulfilling relationships are the cornerstone to lifelong happiness (21). • The happiest people aren’t always found living on tropical islands. Eric Weiner, the author of the bestseller, The Geography of Bliss, states that people in Iceland, Denmark, Sweden, Holland and Switzerland rank as some of the happiest people on the planet (the people of Moldovia ranked last) (22).

Happiness may be many things to many people and there may be many things that cause one to be happy including wealth, a quality standard of living and great relationships, but research suggests that trust, more than income, fame or even health as the biggest factor in determining happiness (23). Happiness has proven to be quite popular as a field of study, though rather than referring to happiness the scientific name is “psychological wealth.” According to many sources, creativity is also a significant factor of happiness; when people are busy creating art, Apps, gardens, music, film or any other venture, the act of creation promotes true happiness. Conversely, one of the greatest sources of unhappiness is isolation (a common

occurrence in the cyber-filled world we live in).

Health, by far, is also an essential criteria for happiness, and now there is solid data to prove it. In 1938, researchers at Harvard University designed and ran a longitudinal health study, which continues to this day. It has become known as the Harvard Happiness Study. Initially 724 men were studied including Harvard students and various groups of people in the Boston area. Initial data from interviews included; personal interviews, medical records, and conversations with wives. About 60 people are still alive. In one of the more popular TED talks, researcher Robert Waldinger explains that the findings, while not necessarily groundbreaking, nevertheless prove quite validating regarding longevity and health. Simply stated: Happiness is love and love reveals itself in social connections, whereas isolation becomes toxic and kills (24).

In the continual debate between nature and nurture on the human condition, research indicates that both play a vital role in one’s state of happiness, yet a third factor (consciousness) also plays a pivotal role. In what is now being referred to as happiness baselines, current research suggests that the alchemy of happiness is comprised of three aspects. Genetics (nature) is responsible for 50 percent of one’s happiness. Circumstances (nurture) is associated with 10 percent, and the remaining 40 percent is greatly influenced by the choices we make and the actual practice of being happy (25). This suggests that happiness, as a perception, is greatly influenced by the choice of our thoughts. Ryan Howell, at the San Francisco State University advocates the philosophy of Aristotle that there are two kinds of happiness. The first is commonly referred to as “hedonistic happiness” (short term-based happiness based on short term

pleasures). The second type of happiness is referred to as “eudemonic happiness,” and is derived from working towards a greater life purpose. Once again, the intersection of stress and human spirituality comes to a point with the cornerstone of spiritual wellbeing: a meaningful purpose in life (26, 27). Closing Thoughts and Reflections

The world has become quite a stressful place at the dawn of the 21st century, where change and uncertainty are known to put people in perpetual fight or flight. Rushed lifestyles, digital toxicity, perpetual financial struggles and global tension have come together unlike any other time in recorded history. While these factors for 21st century stress may be fast and furious, what hasn’t changed are the ways to deal with stress, well proven effective coping skills (muscles of the soul) and relaxation techniques to help bring one back into balance and homeostasis.

About the Author Brian Luke Seaward, Ph.D. is regarded as one of the foremost experts in the field of holistic stress management, a pioneer in the fields of mind-body-spirit healing and corporate health promotion. The wisdom of Brian Luke Seaward can be found quoted in PBS specials, The Chicago Tribune, The Huffington Post, college graduation speeches, medical seminars, boardroom meetings, church sermons, and keynote addresses all over the world. He has authored more than fifteen books, including the classic best sellers, Stand Like Mountain, Flow Like Water, The Art of Calm, Managing Stress, Health of the Human Spirit and Stressed Is Desserts Spelled Backward and the leading college textbook, Managing Stress (9E). He currently serves on the faculty of The Graduate Institute in Bethany, CT and is the Executive Director of the Paramount

Wellness Institute in Boulder, CO. Dr. Seaward can be reached via his website, www.brianlukeseaward.net. References 1, Kübler-Ross, E. Holistic Wellness. 2nd Annual American Holistic Medical Association Conference. La Crosse, Wisconsin. May 1981. 2. Seaward, B.L., Managing Stress: Principles and Strategies of Health and Wellbeing (9E). Jones and Bartlett Learning. Boston, MA 2018 3. Jung. C.G. Memories, Dreams, Reflections. Vintage Books. New York, 1963. 4. Jung, C.G., BBC Interview with John Freeman, 1960. 5. Siebert, A., The Resiliency Advantage. Berrett-Koehler Publishers. 2005 6. Reivich, K., and Shatte, A., The Resiliency Factor. Harmony Books, 2003. 7. Seaward, B.L., The Art of Resiliency, Coping with Stress, Digital Toxicity, Insomnia for the City of Boulder, Boulder, CO, August, 2016 8. Achor, S. and Gielan, M., Resilience is About How You Recharge, Not How You Endure. 9. Seaward, B.L., Screen Addictions and the Human Spirit. Sept. 28, 2018. www.winnpost.org https://winnpost.org/2018/09/28/screen-addiction-and-the-human-spirit/ 10. Seaward, B.L., A Good Night’s Sleep. WELCOA. Omaha, NE 2017.

11. Harris, D., 10% Happier. IT Books. New York. 2014. 12. Seaward, B.L., Managing Stress: Principles and Strategies of Health and Wellbeing (9E). Jones and Bartlett Learning. Boston, MA 2018 13. Dalai Lama. The Art of Happiness (10th Anniversary Ed). Riverhead Press. New York. 2009. 14. Kluger, J., The Pursuit of Happiness. TIME 24-32. July 8, 2013. 15. Graham, Carol. (2010), Happiness around the World: The Paradox of Happy Peasants and Miserable Millionaires, Oxford: Oxford University Press. 16. Robinson, J. Happiness Flows from Trust. National Post Oct 24, 2008, http://www.nationalpost.com/story.html?id=906300 17. Sommers, E. Food and Mood (second ed). Henry Holt. New York. 1997. 18. Nauert, R., Does Freedom of Choice Ensure Happiness? July 18, 2006. http://psychcentral.com/news/2006/07/18/does-freedom-of-choice-ensure-happiness/101.html 20. Deaton, Angus. (2008), “Income, Health, and Well-Being around the World:

Evidence from the Gallup World Poll”, Journal of Economic Perspectives, Vol. 22, 2. 20. Amabile,T. et al. Affect and Creativity at Work. Administrative Science Quarterly. 50: 367-403, 2005 21. Buettner, D., Thrive: Finding Happiness the Blue Zone Way. National Geographic. Washington, D.C. 2010. 22. Weiner, E., The Geography of Bliss. 12 Books, New York 2008 23. Weiner, E., The Geography of Bliss. 12 Books, New York 2008 24. Waldinger, R. What Makes a Good Life? Lessons from the Longest Study on Happiness. TEDx Talk… https://www.ted.com/talks/robert_waldinger_what_makes_a_good_life_lessons_from_the_longest_study_on_happiness 25. Nichols, W. Blue Mind. Back Bay Books, Boston. 2015. 26. Chopra, D. Two Kinds of Happiness (One is Bad for You). Oct 3, 2014. https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/20141003223344-75054000-two-kinds-of-happiness-one-is-bad-for-you 27. Nichols, W. Blue Mind. Back Bay Books, Boston. 2015.