Better living through science:surviving the zombiepocalypse

Step 1:be aware of your surroundings

•Disheveled appearance•Unresponsive to communication•Pale, clammy or decomposing skin•No concept of personal boundaries•Desire to eat brains of the living•Motivation to eat flesh

Step 2a:fast response

Decapitation

Step 2b:fast response

Incineration

Step 3:sacrificing for the greater good

Right Wrong

Step 4:no man is an island

•Escape to an island•Avoid population centers•Team up• Gun-toting heroines• Scientists

brought to you by:the zombie outbreak response team

The Zombie Outbreak Response Team makes no guarantee of the effectiveness of these techniques. Please do not attempt these procedures in any situation other than a zombie outbreak. Not following this guideline may result in arrest, incarceration, and a lengthy prison sentence. In extreme cases, state-sanctioned execution may result. Please consult with an individual before deeming him/her a zombie: it is always best to take simple steps to verify zombiehood before taking action in self-defense. By viewing this presentation, you acknowledge that you relieve the Zombie Outbreak Response Team of any and all liability or fault for any failure to comply with these warnings. The Zombie Outbreak Response Team does not condone zombiecide and would strongly suggest that you seek other avenues for anger management before starting up a chain saw. Please note that even if an individual may possess one of the traits of a zombie listed in this presentation, he or she is not necessarily a zombie: a taste for flesh may mean rabies; mother-in-laws generally do not have any concept of personal boundaries and may often be unresponsive to communication; disheveled appearances may often be more of a fashion statement than an indicator of whether one is a zombie. This presentation, though created in good faith for the eventuality of a zombie attack, we understand may be misconstrued and viewed as a farce, a joke. Please understand the very real possibility of a “dawn of the dead” and the implications which such would have on the modern world. As such, it may prove best to take preemptive action: stock up on canned foods and low-grade weaponry, as per what is legal within one’s country or state. We do not, however, advise acting upon this advice. Doing so may result in shut-in tendencies, paranoia, and other activities which may arouse the suspicion of one’s neighbors.