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TableofContentsDay 1: What is Coaching?

Coaching vs. Therapy…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

Family Coaching Model……………………………………………………………………………………………………….……….

Four Views of Parenting……………………………………………………………………………………………………….……..

Child Development:

Ghosts in the Attic:

EFT for Parents……………………………….……………………………………………………………………………..

EFT Support Group…………………………………..…………………………………………………………………….

EFT for Money…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Day 2: Raising Resilient Children

9 Keys for long Range Parenting (Karen will send me)…………………………………………………………………..

Mistaken Motivation:

Mistaken Goals of Attention…………………………………………………………………………………………….

Mistaken Goals of Power………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Mistaken Goals of Inadequacy………………………………………………………………………………………….

Mistaken Goals of Revenge………………………………………………………………………………………………

Parent & Child Energy Dynamic (Karen will send me)……………………………………………………………………

Day 3: Your Coaching Practice

Business Model (Karen will send me)……………………………………………………………………………………………

Talk (Scanned)………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

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Conventional Therapy Personal Coachingtends toward… tends toward…

personal strengthening personal evolutiontriage visioning

issue resolution problem solvingwhy me?/why this? what's next?/what now?

overcoming obstacles sustainable flowtraditional relationship collaborative, equal partnership

unconscious>conscious level conscious>consciousness levelaway from toward

looks backwards focuses forwardsraising standards raising standards

somewhat vulnerable generally open, not vulnerablecognitive/behavior patterns actively building

letting go life dynamicsneeds help wants a partner

pain frustrationpast>present present>futureneeds, wants needs, wants

issue resolution life designdriven by unresolved issues chooses goals and actions

absorbs information acts on informationfeeling, discussion oriented more action oriented

self understanding self potentialnuturing, supportive catalyzing, challenging

asks why asks whatdisruptive situations tolerations

usually a measured pace often a rapid paceno personal disclosure personal disclosurea as useful

patient/client clientmedical model performance model

treatment co-creationhealing achievement

presented complaints common situationsmostly monologue mostly dia;ogue

progress performancewas then is now

professional 'arms length' close, collaborativebahvior norms uniqueness

analysis/understanding possibilitypathology experimentation/discovery

Conventional Therapy v. Personal Coaching

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Conventional Therapy Personal Coachingtends toward… tends toward…

hope inspirationself concept self discoveryintegration manifestation

diagnosis self assessmentsupport support, solutions

prognosis for recovery chance of successdiagnosable conditions everyday situations

anxiety A Note from Karen Currydepression (You can teach clients the SELF-

trauma APPLICATION of EFT for these issues.emotional scares You COACH them in the use of EFT,

addictions but they APPLY it to themselves. This iscomplsions a big disdiction from psychotherapy,

emotional issues just as a Yoga or meditationneuroses instructor is teaching yoga or meditation,

psychoses not doing yoga or meditation to the client.)healing of emotional damage

history related experiencesself imposed limits missed opportunities

acceptance flowconflicts paradoxes

realtiy paradigmsrestoring expanding

healing evolvingcoping/protective mechanisms building reserves

beliefs personal operating systemself responsibility accountability

stabilize balancenew perspective new approach

confidential confidentialfamily dynamics organizational dynamics

hurts workspersonal dynamics personal style

weaknesses strengthsproblems solutions

tends toward process tends toward resultsheal past create future

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Conventional Therapy Personal Coachingtends toward… tends toward…

medical model performance/growth modelbehavior awareness personal awareness

complaints tolerationsreactions responses

restoration enhancementundoing doing

dysfunctional>functional functional>extraordinaryfocused scope unlimited scope

fear excitementCopyright 2002 by CoachVille.com. May be distributed with attribution.

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4 Views in Parenting

Human Design Child Development

Personal Conditioning Mistaken Motivation

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Common Behaviors Ages 18 months to 18 yearsPossible Annoying, Normal Behaviors:

18 Months:

Is negative, says no often Does the opposite of what is requested. Does not want to share; everything is “my” or “mine” Often kicks, hits and bites. Lacks patience, wants it now. Tests limits (can be quite exhausting) May climb out of the crib Refuses to eat certain foods. Regresses to baby food or bottle Clings anxiously or walks away from parent Hates to see doors closed Is afraid of strangers including grandparents Notices and overreacts to small differences Resists diaper change Sucks thumb, requires “blankie” Fears tubs and baths Explores genitals Tries to walk away from parent whenever possible Does not play with other children; plays alongside or alone. Does not sit very long for cuddling, stiffens and slides off lap.2 Year Olds Has difficulty making decisions; changes her mind even when you know she wants what

is being offered. Throws temper tantrums, which can be violent Demands that things remain the same May favor one parent over the other Is bossy and demanding Mays tart to stutter Thumb sucking may intensify Dawdles Shifts from being capable, “Me do it,” to incapable, “Mommy do it.” Quickly Is easily frustrated Does not like to be physically restricted Is not interested in pleasing you.

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3 Year Olds Hands may tremble Is confused about which hand to use Stutters May complain about problem with vision Seems like nothing pleases him Makes commands like, “Don’t look at me, “ “Don’t talk.” Is emotionally inconsistent, one minute shy next minute too bold. Indulges in nail biting, thumb sucking, picking his nose, and rubbing his genitals. Expresses fears. Maybe cooperative with a baby sitter and a monster with you . May quit napping May still wet the bed4 Yearl Olds Talks too much Incessantly asks “Why?” Is fascinated with bowel movement Uses words related to elimination, like “poopoo head.” Swears and cusses Her demands can be annoying and persistent Excludes certain children from her play Wants to know exact details on difficult subjects5 Year Olds Tends to be brash, indecisive, combative, overdemanding and explosive Becomes more challenging in his rebellion, “Try and make me!” is a typical stance. Once an emotional outburst has started, he may have a hard time stopping it. Has difficulty discussing grasping a pencil and may change grasps frequently Talks too much Has difficulty admitting that he has done anything wrong May take things that don’t belong to him Talks with his mouth full He can dress himself, but frequently refuses or says, “I cant.” May still suck his thumb, pick nose, bite nails May clear throat frequently and make clinking or smacking noises May be fascinated with fire; may want to start fires6 Year Olds Is extremely ambivalent; can’t make up mind Reverses numbers and letters

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Wants to be the best, the first, the winner Failure is unbearable Has difficulty accepting criticism Is loud and demanding Acts “fresh” Is very sensitive emotionally Doesn’t always tell the truth Frequently steals Has bad table manners May have an occasional toileting accident May refuse to bathe Battles over dressing Doesn’t take care of clothes Scalp is very sensitive and tender Makes irritating throaty noises Is clumsy Complains of aches and pains7 Year Olds May be afraid that others don’t like him Worries Minor illness may be magnified to fatality status Accusses parents of liking other siblings more Is easily disappointed Has a tendency to do one thing too long Is too anxious to be perfect Complains about how others treat her (teachers, siblings, friends) Has many fears Is easily distracted at mealtime8 Year Olds Does everything fast Feels extremely sensitive to perceived criticism from others Experiences self doubt Hard on himself for making mistakes Exaggerates his problems and dilemmas Wants a lot of communication with his primary caretaker Frequently asks “What?” Highlyaware of tohers’ mistakes and points them out. Is not a good self starter Loves to argue

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Wants to wear “what other kids are wearing.” Is accident prone May refuse to take baths Has a strong interest in possessions. May hoard or gloat over them.9 Year Olds May now seem to resent her parents; prescence Wants more freedom Wants much social activity Has mood swings Worries and complains Is so busy with her own activity that she seems unaware of others Wants fairness Bathing can be a problem Lays much blame and emphasis on who started what10 Years Old Anger is often violent Plots revenge Has difficulty taking a joke on himself Ask personal questions May express concern if he isn’t developing physically like others11 Years Old Makes no effort to cooperate Is quick to criticize Expects perfection from others Challenges rules and restrictions Loves to argue Is physically violent. May hit, kick, or slam door Yells , swears ,talks back , says mean and sarcastic things Likes to gossip Has intense need to be right or to know it all Makes reference to your “old age” Needs sleep Has difficulty with siblings close to in age Wants radio or television on while doing homework Is always on the phone May cheat May steal with peers Has mood swings

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12 Years Old Doing things on weekends with friends is crucial. If he can’t , he may become sullen and

depressed Expresses boredom of friends are unavailable May not want you to purchase clothes for him anymore May walk ahead or behind you May not want to be touched in public13 Years Old Is uncommunicative Withdraws to room frequently Demands more privacy and accuses you of prying Is uncertain about herself and life in general May be unfriendly and unhappy Worries about body features Does not want to be understood Has fewer friends Speaks in a low voice Shrugs her shoulders Feels teacher are unjust May be found crying in her room Worries about everything Expressions of affections don’t come easily Doesn’t often confide in parents Is embarrassed by parents14 Years Old In public he, wants to be far away from you as possible Picks at the way you dress or look Revolts at your old fashioned ways Picks apart social systems: school, church, law enforcement, etc. My challenge cherished family values15 Years Old Wants to be totally independent and free Angry at parents who don’t see her as ready for independence Age where family is most unsatisfactory Age where friends mean the most Has difficulty getting along with the same sex parent Does things which cause you great anxiety Withdrawals emotional contact with parent

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16 To 18 Years Teens experience much anxiety about wanting to leave home and doubling their ability

to make it Feel anxious about what they are going to choose for a career May make life unbearable for you

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EFT for Money

What are your Limiting Beliefs?

Money beliefs from our upbringing-"You'll never get any, if you do get some itwon't be enough, and if you get enough someone will take it away from you."

Examples of some common Limiting Beliefs relating to money and prosperity: You have to work hard to make money Women need a man to support them You have to be born rich or just lucky . You have to have a college degree to make a lot of money I'm not the rich one (smart one, financially astute one, etc.) in my family Money is dirty, bad, un-spiritual You can't make money doing what you love Creative people are poor (starving artist syndrome) There is a limited supply of money--if I earn money I am taking it away

from someone else

Set Ups for Common Limiting Beliefs

"Even though no one in my family has money...”"Even though I don't trust myself to take care of my money ...”"Even though I'm afraid I'll lose any extra money I make...”"Even though I'm a woman and I'm not supposed to make a lot of money ...”"Even though I'm broke because I don't have a good education ...""Even though people might hate me/envy me/abandon me/use me/ if I have

money...""Even though I can't be more successful than my father/mother/parents ...”"Even though I'm afraid to have to give up my spare time to have more money...“Even though I don't know how to manage money ""Even though I'm ashamed of my financial status ""Even though I'm afraid of financial responsibility ""Even though I don't deserve to be happy/successful/rich ...”

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"Even though I'm afraid of success...""Even though I believe I was meant to be broke ..."

Set Ups for Reversal and Secondary Gain

"Even though I can never get over my money problem ...”"Even though I don't deserve to have money ""Even though I am not worthy of abundance ""Even though I'm afraid to let go of this problem...”"Even though I don't believe I can change...”"Even though I'm afraid to have money...""Even though I'm afraid to be financially independent…”"Even though I don't believe I can reach my financial goal ...”"Even though being broke means I can rely on other people ...""Even though I stay poor so that I can get attention/help from my parents ...”"Even though I believe money is not important to me...""Even though I am getting a secondary gain by having this money problem ..."

The Past

1. What events from the past make you feel anxious/guilty/ashamed?2. Where are you holding unforgiveness, lack of gratitude?

Set Ups for “ Past” Abundance Issues

"Even though I was ashamed to be poor ...""Even though my family didn't have money ...”"Even though I had no responsibility ""Even though I've never had money ""Even though I've never been successful in the past...u

"Even though no one in my family has managed their money properly ...”"Even though I have wasted the money I have had in the past ...”"Even though I my money was taken from me before ...”

The Present

1. What triggers compulsive spending?2. Are there problem times during the day when you spend more?

Set Ups for "Present" Abundance Issues

"Even though there is a recession and I know I can't make more money...”"Even though I feel deprived when I live within my means...”"Even though I don't think I have enough money ...”

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"Even though budgets make me feel deprived ""Even though no one in my family has money ""Even though I need to spend money to feel accepted ...”"Even though I ignore my money problems ...”"Even though I shop when I feel lonely/sad/bored ..."

The Future

1. What fears do you have about the future?2. How will money change your life?

Set Ups for "Future" Abundance Issues

"Even though I'm afraid I'll still be unhappy even if I have money...""Even though people will expect more of me if I have more money....""Even though I won't know who I am if I have enough money...”"Even though I believe there will never be enough money ""Even though I don't think I can make/have more money ""Even though I don't know how I am going to make more money...""Even though I believe I'll never get out of debt...""Even though I know I will lose money when I get more of it...”

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HOW TO RUN AN EFT SUPPORT GROUPBy Kyle Curry

Hi!

This is a short introduction to the concept of weekly EFT support groups detailing how to startand run them.

As you run your own support group, you will no doubt think of great new ideas that are not listedbelow and you can add those ideas to your repertoire of knowledge and skills (and share thosegreat ideas with us as well). For now, though, his short guide will give you an idea of some ofthe benefits of an EFT support group and how to get started running one.

In addition to benefiting clients during the group meeting time, a weekly support group can serveas method of marketing and advertising for a coach's private sessions and seminars. EFT lendsitself well to group work, so I will discuss the group as an EFT group, but of course you canhave support groups or other forms of group coaching with many topics and skills. One canhold Human Design Strategy support groups, Indigo Parent support groups, marketing supportgroups, and much more. Before discussing all the possibilities of groups and how to run them,let me outline a few of the benefits.

BENEFITS FOR THE CLIENTS

Some benefits your clients can receive by attending a weekly EFT support group are:

1) Consistent practice in the use of EFT2) The opportunity to see the use of EFT modeled by a skilled practitioner/coach3) The support and love of the coach and other members of the group ("when two or more

are gathered...")4) The chance to experience coaching for free or for a reasonable fee.5) The opportunity to get to sample your coaching style before deciding whether or not

to hire you for private sessions or private readings

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BENEFITS FOR THE COACH

As the coach running the group(s) you receive benefits as well, such as:

1) The opportunity t o showcase y o u r skills to an audience f o r a smallinvestment in advertising a n d facility costs

2) The chance to become known as a local “specialist”' or even a localcelebrity for your work.

3) The opportunity t o practice your EFT skills on a regular basis4) The chance to help many people at one time with a powerful h e a l i n g technique5) A profit center for your business ( i.e. cash in your pocket)

DECIDING TO START A GROUP

Starting and maintaining a support group takes a level of commitment to the EFT process and toyour potential clients. Clients will come to depend on you to be there, and they will bedisappointed if the group ends or dies out from lack of attention and marketing. So be sure inyour own heart/mind that you want to run a regular group before you get started. Before youmake the final decision to start a group or group, ask yourself these questions:

"Do I really want to do this?" "Do I have time to do this?" "Is it correct for me to do this?" "Do I have any fears I need to tap on before I do this?"

Also, if you do start a group and run one for a while, ask yourself this question:

"Am I having fun?"

If you aren't having fun, stop doing the group and go do something you have fun at.

If possible consider partnering with another coach to remove the burden of always having to runthe group by yourself. Everyone needs a night off at times, and having two coaches running agroup takes the pressure off of the one coach to always have to be there. Coaches can taketurns or spell each other as different opportunities arise. Once you are sure you want to start agroup, and then you might consider the following steps:

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Part 1: Steps to Getting an EFT Support Group Started

1) Decide on a topic. Will you do a general EFT support group, or specialize in aparticular topic, such as "EFT for Parents", or "EFT for Weight Loss"? There is noright or wrong in this choice, just do what feels right and comfortable for you.

2) ) Seek a suitable location. If you have to, you can start with your own living room, butfor the sake of maintaining professional and personal space and privacy youmay wish to find an inexpensive room at a library, church, or communitycenter. The room cost should remain as low as possible so that you .do not feel theburden of high overhead. If you are running the group as a "not-for-profit" type group,i.e. donation basis, then you may have a better chance of getting a low cost or freeroom.

a. If you want to do a national support group, which Karen has done with parentingtopics, you can use Telebridges and do your group by teleclass. Telebridgescan be rented for as little as $10 per hour, which is significantly less than you willpay for a lot of rooms you, could rent at churches or community centers. Youcan attract students from all over the nation. Marketing your group will requireyou to use internet marketing strategies instead of local marketingstrategies if you choose to do a teleclass support group. EFT workswonderfully by phone, so you should be able to hold the same type of meetingby Teleclass as you would in a room setting.

3) Choose a day and time for the group that you think you can consistently meet. You canalways change the time if necessary, but the more consistent it remains, the more peoplewill attend. Also, choose a length of time. We found that 1..; 1/2 hours was a good timeto set for the group. Reserve a room for two hours and plan the group to go 1-1/2 hours.By planning for 2 hours and ending the group at 1-1/2, you can have time for questionsand comments or setting up private appointments after the group ends. You don't want tohave to dash from the room as soon as the session ends. You may miss a chance to talkto those who need further help or want a private session.

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4) Prepare advertising flyers (see samples on the Family Coach Network web site, MembersArea). Keep your costs as low as possible when producing your flyers. Our flyers werealways homemade, and didn't look very "slick", but they always drew people to us. Usegood advertising techniques, but remember that your energy will draw the right people toyou. Eventually we would like to have a variety of professional flyers to share with ourFamily Coaches, but the examples attached will get you started.

a) The flyers should say what, why, where, when, and how much. If youcover those bases and have a photo of yourself smiling a nice friendly smile,you will have a flyer that works.

b) The "what” is the title, such as "EFT for Parents Support Group".c) The ''why'' is a list of benefits telling the potential prospect why she/he

should consider attending.d) The "where” is location, with directions if necessary.e) The "when” is day and time.

5) The “how much" is a clear explanation of costs. We ran our groups on a donationbasis, but you can also charge if you choose to do so. I will discuss this further below.Decide what to charge. (Actually, this step comes before you print your flyers, since youhave to put the price on the flyers.) You are free to charge whatever the market willbear in your local area, but it is' highly recommended that you run the group on adonation basis for the following reasons:

a) A donation-based event takes the money pressure off of those who may not havethe financial resources to attend a paid event. Some people who need the workthe most are often least able to pay a standard fee for it. We all need to make aprofit in order to exist as a business and at the same time, we are here to savethe world (one person at a time if necessary) and we can't do that if we only savethe rich people.

b) A donation-based group lets people "sample" your work at no risk, and they canchoose what to give based on their resources or the benefits they perceive theyhave received from the group. If they like what they sample, they will give morethan if they don’t like it. Either way, it is a “no risk’ situation for the attendees,and more people will come to such an event than to a paid event.

c) Karen and I did some Saturday EFT workshops for $75 and we would tell peopleto come for free in the morning. If they thought they were benefiting from theseminar and wanted to stay after lunch, they could pay the fee. It worked greatto use that technique because people could sample the "merchandise" risk free.It took so much pressure off of us in marketing the seminars as well. I only everhad one man who showed up in the morning and didn't stay for the afternoon.The more you can put people at ease about attending your events, the morepeople will attend.

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**You will make more money with your support group meetings in the long run fromdonations than from charging fees. You can ask for “open-ended donations and you will getmore money coming in than if you were charging for the group. Let me illustrate some well-known corporate and professional coaches and some established psychologists and counselorscharge between $10 and $50 per hour for group coaching. For a 1-1/2 hours EFT supportgroup, therefore, you could consider charging $15 to $75 and not be out of line with professionalfees. It sounds great to add up numbers like 10 people times $50 each equals $500 per night.Wow!

But realistically, unless you are already a local celebrity you will have few if any people show upat those rates. By suggesting a donation but leaving it open ended at the same time, you willget some people who don't pay, some who pay the minimum suggestion, and some who paymuch more than the minimum.

MORE ABOUT THE MONEY FACTOR

Again, it's all about risk. People don't want to use their precious and often limited resources onsomething that isn't really helping them. If your work is helping them, on the other hand, theywill donate accordingly. When I was doing EFT Support Groups four times a week in Sedona,most people put $10 in the donation basket at the end of a session. But I also got theoccasional $20 bill or a check for $30, and I once got a $50 bill from a woman who reallyenjoyed the group. Another time I received a $200 check from a woman who had been comingfor a while and not paying because of her shaky financial situation. She had some money cometo her that month and wanted to share it with us as thanks for all the help we had been givingher. I received about $300 total for that 2 hour time investment.

YOUR TIME INVESTMENT WILL DECREASE OVER TIME AND YOUR PROFITS WILLINCREASE

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When you first start out, your groups may be small. With 5 to 10 people showing up you canexpect between $50 and $100 in donations. A two-hour group can take five or more hours ofyour time each week when you include marketing efforts, travel time, and teaching time. Thatwill still come to about $10 to $25 per hour for your time investment depending on your cost forflyers and the cost of the room you use.

As you continue to do your group you will attract more people and your donations will increase.So you can eventually see a nice hourly rate for your time spent helping people with EFT. Asword-of-mouth referrals increase, you will spend less time placing flyers in your neighborhood,and more time tapping.

Remember also, that the support group offers you a chance to showcase your work and toadvertise yourself to the community. Often someone who attends your support group willbecome instrumental in helping you bring people to a seminar or workshop you offer. So theadvertising and marketing functions of the group will payoff much more in the long run than theactual donations you receive each week.

Having said that, I don’t doubt that some coaches who stick with marketing consistently will beable to build regular groups of 20 to 30 attendees. In that case one could eventually earnthe equivalent of $100 per hour of time investment. As your EFT skills increase, yourreputation will increase, and your income will increase.

6) Market your class. The best way to advertise a local support group is to print about 100-200 flyers and post them or leave a small stack of them in at least 30 or more locations inyour local area. This will be the most time consuming part of getting your group started,but once you have a group, some of the attendees may volunteer to help you put flyers outin location they frequent. Those attendees who have limited financial resources may bewilling to pass out flyers in lieu of payment. Plan to put a lot of your own time into this stepinitially however, since you are the one who is the most invested in the success of yourgroup. We have had numerous pro bono clients promise to put out flyers for us. And fewof them actually followed through and delivered the flyers to appropriate locations.Reserve a stack of flyers for class so that excited students can take some home to theirfriends and family.

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Part 2: Running the Support Group

SCHEDULE

You choose to run your group in a "free-form" manner, letting it go where it wants to go basedon the natural flow of what happens each night. Or you may want to have a structure to thegroup time, with certain beginning and ending events. I would suggest a blend of those twopositions.

Having a plan for the night, such as the rituals used in a 12 Step Group, gives you a structurethat people can count on and helps to keep you from going over the allotted time. Maintainingthe flexibility to drop the plan when something beautiful and unexpected occurs gives you theopportunity to take advantage of miracles, magic. And serendipitous events during the class.

Below is one possible structure you can use. I'm sure you will come up with many of your ownas well.

Note: although it is not listed in the schedule you should allow yourself time to set up any tablesand/or chairs that you will be using. Also, if you have any books or products to sell, set themout on a table ahead of time with prices prominently displayed. Students, especiallynewcomers who enjoy the meeting, will keep the products in mind and will want to purchasethem after the class.

SAMPLE CLASS STRUCTURE

1) Introduction - 10 mina. Welcomeb. Group Goalsc. Announcementsd. Questions

2) A Starting Ritual - 5 to 10 min.3) The Tapping - 1 hr.4) Conclusion -10 min

a. review and note progress

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b. b) suggest homework tappingc. closing announcementsd. d) sell products/request donations

Let's look at this structure in more detail...

INTRODUCTION

WELCOME/HANDOUTS

Say hello to the group, briefly introduce yourself to the newcomers, and give a shortbackground about yourself for those who don't know you. Mention your training, yourskills, and other important attributes. Keep this brief.

You might take this time to very quickly explain what a coach is and what the EmotionalFreedom Techniques are. But since many people will be attending weekly, this shouldbe a short and to-the-point introduction for the newcomers. It can save a lot of time andexplanation if you have a simple handout or two for newcomers giving a description ofthe coaching process and maybe the Basic EFT Instructions. That way they can readthat information at their leisure and have it as a reference.

GROUP GOAL

As part of your introduction always state the goal of the support group. Be specific in statingthe purpose of the group and emphasize that you are there not as a guru or master doling outwisdom, but as a facilitator and coach whose purpose is to help them along in their own processof personal growth.

Emphasize the fact that EFT is a completely SELF-APPLIED process and that you are notintending to do anything to or for them. You are there to coach them in their own use of theEmotional Freedom Techniques on themselves so that they can get the most benefit out of thetechniques. You can use the analogy of the dance instructor who sometimes demonstratesdance steps and even walks the student through those steps, but who does not do the dance forthe student. You are a "coach" in every sense of the word (Le. teacher, facilitator, guide, etc.).

State that the purpose of the group is not to instantly resolve everyone’s life problems (althoughthat sometimes happens with particular students). Rather the group purpose is to teach andcoach students in skills that they can then use the rest of their life to deal with past, current, andfuture issues.

ANNOUNCEMENTS/GUIDELINES

The beginning of the class is the best time to make announcements, such as upcomingworkshops or class time changes, and to ask if there are any questions before you getstarted. Announcements made at the end of class often get lost in the shuffle of peopleleaving.

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This is also a good time to point out guidelines for the class. Guidelines should includeinformation about how people should respect one another's privacy in the group, and howtapping can address issues without a person having to "air their dirty laundry" in front of a bunchof total strangers. You will have to decide ahead of time what guidelines you wish to use, andyou will need to take into consideration the needs of your clients and any local rules orregulations regarding the class.

This announcement period could be the time that you should mention possible side effects oftapping. Those side effects might include deep relaxation, sleepiness, yawning, burping, orbones popping and cracking.

I have had someone fall into a deep sleep after a significant amount of clearing during a supportgroup meeting. She snored away while the rest of us kept tapping and no one minded a bit.But newcomers may feel more at ease with such an occurrence if they are told ahead of timethat it might happen. You can tell them now, or you can wait until you are ready to start tapping.

QUESTIONS

Questions at the beginning should relate to the announcements just made or to the classprocedures. Keep question answers short. For long questions, ask students to see youafter the class.

Important Note: Questions can get out of hand at any time during the class, and some peopleseeking attention will try to ask long questions or will ask half a dozen questions. For the sakeof your students and your reputation, maintain control of the group at all times. Defer thoseattention seekers until the end of the class or ask them to call you later and set up a privateappointment. Let them know their questions are important to you and that you want to able toanswer them accurately when you have a little more time.

If they ask things like "I was abused by my mother and my uncle and I had three car wrecks andmy husband is cheating on me and I eat three bottles of aspirin a week to deal with the painfrom my hernia so how should I tap on that?" let them know that dealing with all of those issuesat one time is outside the scope of the support group and they should seek individual help orperhaps professional psychological counseling. Encourage them to watch the process of EFTfor a while and to decide for themselves whether or not the support group meeting is anappropriate place for them to seek help.

STARTING A RITUAL.

After the group comes together, I recommend you start with a group ritual, such as tappingtogether on any doubts or fears about the EFT process working. You might dedicate 5 minutesat the beginning of each group to work on some of the following set-ups (and feel free to addyou own).

"Even though I'm afraid this support group is a waste of my time I deeply and completelyaccept myself.

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"Even though nothing else has ever helped me, so I'm afraid this won't help me either Ideeply and completely love and accept myself.”

"Even though I'm too damaged to be helped I deeply and completely accept myself.” "Even though I feel embarrassed to be here tonight I love myself anyway." "Even though I have too many problems to solve I deeply and completely accept myself.

And so on...

You can probably think of a hundred EFT set-ups along those lines. Try a few different oneseach time you start a group. Keep the atmosphere fun and light at the beginning and leteveryone know that you are just trying to break the ice and get through the natural fears thatpeople have when attending any group healing session.

THE TAPPING

When you get down to the actual tapping, you may want to guide the group throughdifferent topics, or ask for volunteers who have pressing personal issues. This is the mostchallenging part of the class, as you will want to make progress on group issues and atthe same time allow all members to participate and benefit. This is where each groupdiffers significantly. A parenting group or a weight loss group may go in very differentdirections. A general EFT group can take off in many ways.

I strongly suggest that you read Gary Craig's articles on "Borrowing Benefits" to help youguide the group through tapping on specific and general issues during this time. You canfind these articles on his web site at www.emofree.com. You will find your own voice and yourown style of leading the group, but knowing how others use EFT in a group setting canhelp you get started. EFT has a natural flow to it when you let it happen, and you willdiscover on your own how versatile it can be.

For newcomers or those who have deeply personal issues to tap on, please emphasizethat they do not have to share the issues out loud. No one in the group, including thecoach, need know what the issue is about in order to effectively tap on it. Sure, most people inthe class love talking about their own lives and will share the deepest darkest secrets witheveryone else in the group. But some individuals may not feel comfortable sharing any personaldata with others. Let them know that tapping can be done by humming the words or just silentlysaying the words to themselves while tapping. The ‘‘Voice Testing" method attached worksgreat for those who want to keep issues to themselves.

In fact, when you are working on individual issues with students in the group or in privatesessions I highly recommend you develop skill in the ''Voice Testing" method. A handout isattached which outlines the method. You can use the method with students and teach studentsto apply this method for themselves throughout the tapping.

When you are working on one individual's issue the rest of the group can tap along and willexperience benefits and connections with their own issues. Be careful, however, not to let onestudent become the entire focus of the class. If you hit a very deep issue, use that as a

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teaching opportunity. Tell the student that the issue seems to have a lot of aspects and suggestset-ups that can be done at home. If the issue is very pressing or "raw" suggest a privatesession.

Remember at all times, that you are not there to "fix" anyone's problems or the "heal" them oftheir maladies. We all can only fix ourselves and we all can only heal ourselves. To maintainthe coaching relationship you should focus laser­ beam-like on the one goal of empowering yourclients to help themselves. The last thing you want to do is to make them dependent on you oryour group. You are not giving those fish, you are teaching them to fish for themselves.

Let the group know too, that you will be working on your own issues as well. You won'tspecifically focus on yourself, since your mind will be fixed on leading the meeting, but you willfeel the effects of tapping. There were many days when I needed a nap right after the supportgroup because I yawned and felt lots of "clearing" going on in my body as I was tapping withothers.

When you are tapping, you will find that time flies. Watch the clock so that you do not runovertime. People have other events in their lives they need to attend to, so stick to the giventime period. Again, certain attention-seeking students will want to extend the class forever ifthey can. Be firm. Pay attention to time so that you can gently finish up tapping on certainissues without having to abruptly end when you have already run overtime.

CONCLUSION

REVIEW AND NOTE PROGRESS

Sometimes clients are get so caught up in how many new issues arose during the class (oftenissues they didn't know they had!) that they don't see what progress has been made.

Use part of the concluding portion of the class to note that EFT is a tool and that clearing energydisturbances is a process and not an end. We will never clear every single issue in our lives.And we certainly won't clear everything in one support group meeting. Compared to any othertechnique, however, EFT is like a Rocket Car. It works fast! Briefly review what issues wheretapped on and what progress may have been made. Ask for feedback from students about howmuch progress they made.

Point out those discovering new issues is actually a sign of progress also. It feels discouragingto most people to come to a support group to deal with a tiny little problem and to leave twohours later realizing that they have huge unresolved issues with their kids, parents, and spouse,or that they have more fears than they ever imagined. They will want to blame you forbringing up these issues unless you show them the benefits in knowing what work they haveyet to do.

Seeing the fears and the blocks in our lives is the first step in clearing them. So teach yourclasses to see each little bit of progress as a success. Remind your class that a structurestarts with a single brick or stone and that a journey begins with a single footstep.

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SUGGEST HOMEWORK--TAPPING

Suggest set-ups that continue the progress begun in class, both general set-up phrasesand some specific to the issues discussed during that meeting. You can prepare some set-up phrases for homework assignments ahead of the meeting time. Hopefully you will havecome up with quite a few set-ups during the class that you can use as well. Emphasize againthat EFT is a SELF:•APPLIED process and that to truly enjoy its benefits each studentshould commit to practicing at home.

CLOSING ANNOUNCEMENTS

Repeat any important announcements that you gave at the beginning of class. Remindattendees of your office hours if they wish to call you for private coaching. Let themknow the next meeting time, even if it is the same time every week. We are all very busy peoplewith a lot going on in our lives, so we can't be reminded enough about times and dates ofevents.

SELL PRODUCTS / REQUEST DONATIONS'

Thank students for coming to the meeting and note that you are appreciative of any donationsthey can make to help you continue this important work. If applicable, remind them that someproducts are for sale at the table.

Go home. You did a great job.

You may adapt the above outline in many ways or not use a schedule at all. I found that when Ihad a schedule the group went a lot smoother than when I just let it find its own form.However, there were times when the right things happened independent of the schedule.

Possible Challenges

As an EFT support group leader you will find opportunities and you will facechallenges. Knowing some of the challenges will help you prepare for them.

1) Attention seekers will seek you out. You know these people. There are one or twoof these people in every group. They dominate the conversations, talk endlesslyabout themselves, and often disrupt group discussions with their owncommentary. Work very hard to make sure everyone who wants to participategets to do so. Some will want to remain quietly anonymous, but others whowould like to talk will stay quiet if the attention seekers take over. It is the lattergroup who won't ever come back if you fail to keep the attention seekers undercontrol. When these attention seekers butt in, you just have to do your best to

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thank them for their comments and redirect the group back to the issues at hand sothat every student feels valued and heard.

2) The coup d'etah and the "annchair psychologists". Sometimes attention seekers orothers will want to take over the class from you or else throw in their two-cents worth ofadvice about everyone else’s issues. You must stop this IMMEDIATELY if it happens!You are the leader, so act like one. Allow for discussion and input, but gently redirectsomeone who starts giving others advice about how to tap and who starts leading thediscussion.

And when it comes to the "annchair psychologizing", well who wants to go to a supportgroup, start tapping on some big issue and then have someone in the class comment onyour personal affairs? Some people will try to become the group "psychologist" anddispense advice all around.

These impromptu advisors often say something like ‘Well you should just tell yourbrother to get lost. That's what I did. I think you need to take some assertivenesstraining ... blah, blah, blah." Under no circumstances should you as the coach giveunsolicited advice to a person about their private issue and definitely you MUSTredirect anyone in class who attempts to do the same. Use a phrase such as "Givingadvice is outside the scope of this meeting, so let's contain our comments to sample set-ups and questions about the tapping process."

3) The temptation to philosophize or evangelize. Some of your students will try to tum thegroup into a forum for their personal spiritual views. You will do better and help morepeople if you contain discussion to the actual process of tapping and refrain from"preaching" or interpreting the process.

I am the worst at this, I admit, and often can't resist the temptation to talk about howgreat the EFT process is and how it parallels this or that spiritual principle or process,etc. That kind of philosophizing can get by if everyone in the group comes fromthe same religious or spiritual background, but in a general group people come forhelp, not for preaching. You can hold special seminars to share your spiritual views atanother time. If students, or if you yourself, feel the need to launch into a sermonabout something, put a sock in it and keep tapping. Tapping works, so do thetapping.

4) Running overtime. It is so hard to stop tapping when you seem to be makingincredible progress. I often ran overtime and always regretted it. I felt worn out onthose days when I let the group go on too long. Furthermore, there was no adequateclosure when people started drifting out with apologies such as "I have to be at worknow." Honor your time commitment and just know that you can only do as much as youcan do. When you do more than you can do it will make you wish you had done lessthan you could have done.

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STAY OPEN TO THE MAGIC

No two support sessions will turn out the same. If you stay in the flow and are willing todeviate from your schedule slightly you will see magical things happen at times. You don'twant to keep people beyond the allotted time, or let one individual dominate the sessions, butalso don't pass up opportunities to make big breakthroughs on tough issues.

Let go and let your feelings guide you while at the same time remaining professional andstaying on the task at hand.

May the Force be with you.

I hope this introduction to starting and running EFT support groups has been helpful to you.Remember that it is only a guideline and that it is written entirely form my point of view and fromour own experience (Kyle and Karen's). I will revise this guide periodically as I have time andas I receive feedback from other coaches on their experiences.

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"Voice Testing" Questions for EFTCompiled by Kyle Curry'

These questions help you "diagnose" where you have energy disruptions, (also called"emotional blocks" or "limiting beliefs") in your mind/body system. They work best if you saythem out loud and listen for any changes in your voice, any "tail-enders" in your mind (self-talk),or any other signs of resistance. If you find any resistance when you say these statements, andthen tap on the issue before moving on to the next question.

1. Basic questions to ask if you already know what the issue or block is:

I want to get over this. I want to get over this now. It's OKAY to get over this. It's okay to get over this now. It's SAFE to get over this. It's

safe to get over this now. I'm ABLE to get over this. I'm able to get over this now. I DESERVE to get over this. I deserve to get over this now. I BELIEVE I can get over this. I believe to get over this now. I'm WILLING to get over this. I'm willing to get over this now.

2. Questions for determining the specific block if you aren't sure what it is:

Is there something keeping me from getting over this. If 'yes" then ask: Is it an emotion? Is there more than one emotion? Is it a belief? Is there's more than one belief? Is it an event? Is there more than one event?

If you get a "yes" to any of these, then ask your mind what the specific emotion, belief, or eventit is. Repeat for each additional emotion, belief, or event.

3. If an issue seems clear then test is by saying:

Is there more? Is there's a deeper layer?

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If you get a "yes" to the statement above, then go back to number 2 and find out what thedeeper layer is.

4. When tapping on an issue that doesn’t seem to budge, say:

Is there another issue that must be dealt with first?

If you get a "yes", then go back to number 2 and determine what the other issue is. Tap on thatissue until it feels totally clear, and then go back to the issue you started with

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Mistaken Motivation

Misbehavior is a form of communication.

Children who are misbehaving are telling you that they are not getting their basic needs met for:

1) Unconditional Love2) Power3) Experimentation and Exploration4) Value5) Belonging

When children misbehave, they will elicit an emotional response from the parent. The parent’semotional response can help the parent diagnose why the child is misbehaving and findappropriate ways for the child to get their need met.

Children have four mistaken goals when they misbehave. Each goal has a different root needand each goal will make a parent feel specific emotions.

Behavior can look like a certain goal but the emotions that the parent is feeling will reallydetermine the goal of the child. To diagnose misbehavior, you must find out how the behaviormakes you FEEL.

The Four Mistaken Goals are:

1. Attention2. Power3. Inadequacy4. Revenge

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Mistaken Goal of Attention

Parents with children with the mistaken goal of Attention will feel:

Irritated Annoyed Give undue service Remind often Coax Feel annoyed Feel frustrated Feel irritated Feel like the child takes up too much time and the parent can’t get anything done

Children with the goal of inappropriate attention:

Act like a nuisance May show off and be a clown May be lazy May be hyperactive Keep parents busy Believes that they are only “loved when people pay attention to me” Whine May use charm May be overly sensitive May have trouble learning

To redirect (short term):

Use no eye contact Use no words

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Make the child feel physically loved (rub their back, stroke their hair) Act immediately When appropriate, thank the child for stopping

To redirect (long term):

Teach child to ask for attention appropriately Set up time to give the child attention before important meetings, visits, phone

calls, etc. Teach child to use a timer so they can see how much uninterrupted time you

need Make dates with older children Use a non-verbal signal; to help child communicate when you need to not be

interrupted Make sure bedtime is a time for sweet closure to the day.

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Mistaken Goal of Power

Parents with children with the mistaken goal of Power will feel:

Defeated and powerless over their child’s demands Challenged and provoked Must force child to obey Must show the child who is the “boss” May be determined to not let child “get away” with that behavior

Children with the mistaken goal of power:

May be more stubborn Often argue Must win Must be the boss Often lie Is disobedient Does the opposite of what is asked of him May refuse to do any work

Handling Power:

Sidestep the power struggle Give the child choices, not orders Create win-win conflict resolutions

Example:

1. Get calm2. Ask for what you want and allow child to ask for what they want.

a. “I feel __________when you __________ and what I want is __________.”3. Make a list of all the possible solutions to the problem. No judgments and values are

allowed during brainstorming.4. When done brainstorming take turns crossing items off the list that you do not want

to do.5. Hopefully, there is a workable solution that you can agree to for a set period of time.6. If no resolution is made, go back to brainstorming until you find a resolution that

works. Acknowledge the child for being cooperative Use logical consequences Ask yourself, “How can I give my child an appropriate way to feel powerful?”

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The Mistaken Goal of Inadequacy

Parents with children with the mistaken goal of Inadequacy will feel:

Pity for the child May try various approaches to reach the child and become discouraged if she

meets failure May coax or remind the child May give up trying Makes few demands on the child Wants to rescue the child Does things for the child that the child could do for himself

Children with the mistaken goal of Inadequacy may:

Acts helpless Gives up and does not participate in activities Does not want demands made on him May set goals too high for himself and does not touch anything that does not

measure up to these high expectations Actions seem to say, “Leave me alone.” May feel stupid in comparison to others

Handling Inadequacy:

Stay friendly Discuss with your child his beliefs about being incapable of doing

anything right. Stay encouraging without rescuing. Assure your child that he is valuable and that you are there to

help him. Give your child small successes - don’t give up! Teach your child to change his negative self-talk to positive, encouraging self-

talk.

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The Mistaken Goal of Revenge

Parents with children with the mistaken goal of Revenge will feel:

Feels hurt. Gets mad. Wants to hurt back. May dislike the child. Considers his child to be ungrateful. Wants to teach the child a lesson. May ask other family members to avoid this child. May report the child to his other parent in the hope that he will punish him

Children with the mistaken goal of Revenge may:

May steal. Is vicious. Is destructive. May lie. Hurts children, animals and himself. Blames and accuses others of their unfairness. May believe that no one likes him. May want to get even for the hurt he believes others have inflicted

upon him. Makes himself unlikable. Feels no one understands him.

Handling Revenge:

Do not retaliate. Discuss with your child his good qualities. Empathize with his feelings and let him know you care. Re-establish the relationship. Teach your child how to express himself without being hurtful. Find out why your child is feeling hurt and overpowered and stop your hurtful

behavior. Postpone discipline that could be misinterpreted as punishment until you have re-

established your relationship with the child.