Tau Delta Phi Fraternity Membership Resources

Why We Use Etiquette During Our Meals

Etiquette is respect, good manners, and good behav-ior. It is not just each of these things, but it is all of these t h i n g s r o l l e d i n t o one. Whether at home, at an interview or in a restaurant, it is important to have a com-

plete understanding of how to conduct yourself when enter-taining or being entertained. Practice the steps during a meal during a formal fraternity function or incorporate it into on-going membership educa-tion.

Collegiate years, with their abundance of social activities, afford the opportunity to meet an extraordinary number and variety of people. It is very important to know how to make i n t r o d u c t i o n s correctly and with ease. The rules are not as stringent as they once were, but the following general rules should be used:

men a re in t roduced

TO women a younger person TO

an older person a peer in another group

TO a peer in your

group a non-official person

TO a person with a title or an office

Remembering names is important! Concentrate. First and last names should always be used in an introduction. After meeting someone in a business situation or someone older, use his or her last name until asked to do otherwise. If one can't remember a name, she should just say so. Everyone understands an occasional lapse.

Before the Meal Begins

Introducing people is one of the most important acts in business and social life, yet many make introductions in a haphazard way. Here are tech-niques to give you the edge when making introductions: Stand Up and Smile Always Shake Hands Firmly Make Eye Contact Repeat the Other Person’s Name: “It’s a pleasure to meet you, ____________.” The person in a higher position

of authority or age should be the first one to extend a hand. For example, if you are inter-viewing for a job, the inter-viewer should be the one to take the lead. When meeting future in-laws, the father-in-law should start the handshake. If you make a mistake and initi-ate it, don’t withdraw your hand because that would be rude. Always follow through with a handshake. Smile and continue with the introduction.

Don’t apologize. Most people use their right hands, unless they have a rea-son to use the left. Ideally, your left hand should be visible and unclenched. Don’t have your left hand in your pocket because this appears defen-sive. In most business situa-tions, you shouldn’t use your left hand to touch the other person’s arm or cup his or her hand. However, in a personal setting, you may.

Professional &Personal Introductions

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The first thing to do after being seated at a table is to immedi-ately place your napkin in your lap. Unfold it into either a large triangle or rec-tangle. Never use your nap-kin as a tissue, but have one close by if you think you'l l

need to wipe your nose during the meal. Ladies should blot

their lipstick with a tissue before eating so that they don't soil the cloth napkin and glassware. Don't flip over your coffee cup or other glass-ware you won't be using. If a beverage is

served during the meal that you don't want, simply hold your hand over the cup and say, "No thank you." If you have to leave the table during the meal, say a soft "excuse me" to the people on either side of you, leave your napkin on your chair (not the table) and push the chair un-der the table as you leave.

First Things First!

Navigating the Table During the Meal

As you look at your place set-ting, remember that solids are on the left and liquids are on the right. In other words, your bread plate is on the left side above your forks and your drinking glasses are on the right side above the knife and spoons. Use silverware from the out-side in. The first fork you will need will probably be your salad fork, the one farthest on the left. The larger fork directly to its right is your dinner fork.

On the far right side of your place setting will most likely be a soup spoon, and on its left, a teaspoon followed by the knife. If you see utensils placed hori-zontally across the top of your place setting, save those for dessert or coffee service.

Remember - once a utensil has been used for eating, it never again touches the table-cloth, only the china! Often

fine dining restaurants will bring out new silverware for each course, so there is no

need to ‘save’ your silverware for the next course.

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Your "real estate" at a table consists of, not only your place setting, but also the other items directly in front of you. It is your responsibility to take notice of those things and initi-ate their use. Roll baskets, butter, cream, salad dressings, sugar, salt and pepper - if they're within your reach, pick them up and

start them around. Pass to the right and refrain from helping yourself first. Those items should make a complete pass around the table before you get your turn. If you just can't stand not hav-ing first choice of the rolls, turn to your neighbor on your right and say, "Would you mind if I help myself first?" They'll al-

ways say yes. Whenever you pass something with a handle, such as dressings, pass it with the handle facing the other person so that they can grasp it easily. And always pass the salt and pepper as a set, even if only one was requested.

It's important that you place the butter first on the bread plate before buttering your bread. Break up your bread or rolls into one- or two-bite mor-sels for buttering and eating. Whatever you take up to your mouth to eat should be eaten in one or two consecutive bites. Your tablemates don't want to see the part that didn't quite fit in your mouth placed back on your bread plate!

To eat soup properly, draw the spoon away from you and qui-etly sip the soup from the side of the spoon. Tilt the bowl away from you to get to the last drops. When you're fin-ished, place the spoon on the plate beneath the soup bowl. If there is no plate, rest the spoon in the bowl. Follow these same guidelines for any dessert served in a bowl.

Bread & Butter….and Soup!

Salads should be prepared so that they consist of bite-size pieces. But if the salad con-tains leaves that are too big to eat, use your salad fork to cut them into smaller pieces. And if that doesn't work, use your dinner knife. But only use the knife when all other methods have failed. Why? Because you'll also need that knife for the main course, and after you've used it for the salad, there's no place to put it so that it doesn't also disappear with the salad plate.

Salads and Such

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Being a Good Table-Mate

Consider hosting an etiquette meal for your fraters and other

members of the campus community. Partner with your

leadership programs office and your campus dining services. Or

work with a local etiquette expert. These skills can be practiced

continuously every year.

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When eating the main course, pace your speed of eating to that of your tablemates so that you don't make them feel un-comfortable. In the United States, we eat "American Style". Cut your food with the fork in your left hand and the knife in y o u r r i g h t hand. Cut only one piece at a time. Then lay your kn i fe down along the top edge of the

plate and transfer the fork to your right hand. Bring the food up to your mouth with the tines on the fork facing upward. For those comfortable, you could use the “Continental Style”

Similarly to the “ A m e r i c a n Style,” cut your food with the fork in the left hand and the knife in your r ight hand. However, you

will keep the fork in your left hand to eat.

If you must remove something from your mouth as you eat, take it out the way it went in. In other words, if it entered your mouth on a fork, remove it with your fork. If it was finger food, use your fingers to remove it. Hold your napkin in front of your mouth to mask the re-moval, then place the item on the side of your plate. Don't try to hide it under the plate, be-cause as soon as the plates are cleared it will be left be-hind on the tablecloth! Don't hide any paper trash you've accumulated during the meal under your plate either. Just place it on the edge of your bread plate.

At the conclusion of the meal, imagine your dinner plate as a clock and place your utensils in the 20-minute position.

It's considered rude to push your plates away, stack them up or hand them to the server. Place your loosely-folded nap-kin on the table just as you stand to leave, not before. If a dessert is part of your menu, generally there is a fork or spoon at the top of your place setting. If you are order-ing off the menu, you will get a new utensil – don’t keep a used utensil for dessert!

On to the Main Course

What if I Don’t

Like What I’m

Eating?

Where is the Dessert?

Things to Remember about Meal Etiquette

Avoid dishes with sauces that can splash or stain, and any foods that require you to pick them up with your fingers. If you do order something you would eat with your hands – like a hamburger – cut it in half to make it easier to manage. Use discretion when ordering a cock-tail or other alcohol – follow the lead of your host and use common sense.

Don’t talk and eat at the same time. Finish chewing, swallow, and then talk. Be sure that your silverware is on the table while you speak.

The host should pay the check and the tip. If you extended the invitation for the meal, you are the host. If you’re not sure, pick up the check any-way!

THE Don'ts!

1. NEVER start eating before a signal from the host to do so. 2. It is not generally regarded as good dinner table etiquette to use one's bread for dipping into

soups or mopping up sauces. 3. Loud eating noises such as slurping and burping are very impolite. The number one sin of din-

ner table etiquette! 4. Talking with one's mouth full. is not only unpleasant to watch, but could also lead to choking!

Definitely not a good idea! 5. Don't stretch across the table crossing other guests to reach food, wine or condiments. Instead

ask a guest sitting close to pass the item to you. 6. Good dinner table etiquette sometimes involves a degree of diplomacy when it comes to the

host's choice of food and wine! Even if you feel that you can do better, don't ever offer your criticism. If you feel unable to pay any compliments, at least remain silent on the subject.

7. Picking teeth (unless toothpicks are provided) or licking fingers are very unattractive! The only exception to the latter is when eating meat or poultry on the bone (such as chicken legs or ribs).

In which case, a finger bowl should be provided. 8. Drinking too much wine can be very embarrassing! Where a different wine is served with each course, it is quite acceptable to not finish each glass. 9. Don't forget to make polite conversation with those guests around you. Dinner parties are not just about the food, they are in-tended to be a sociable occasion.

THE Do's!

1. Once seated, unfold your napkin and use it for occasionally wiping your lips or fingers. At the end of dinner, leave the napkin tidily on the place setting.

2. Hold the knife and fork with the handles in the palm of the hand, forefinger on top, and thumb underneath.

3. Whilst eating, you may if you wish rest the knife and fork on either side of the plate between mouthfuls. When you have finished eating, place them side by side in the center of the plate.

4. It is quite acceptable to leave some food to one side of your plate if you feel as though you have eaten enough. On the other hand, don't attempt to leave your plate so clean that it looks as though you haven't eaten in days!

5. Should a lady wish to be excused for the bathroom, it is polite for the gentlemen to stand up as she leaves the table, sit down again, and then stand once more when she returns.

6. Always make a point of thanking the host and hostess for their hospitality before leaving.

Dining etiquette is not just for restaurants or during business held over a meal. Here are the important tips on dinner table etiquette that will help you through any formal or semi formal lunch party or dinner party.

Final Thoughts on Dining Etiquette

Adapted from Gourmet-Food-Revolution.com, “The Basic Essentials of Dinner Table Etiquette”

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