Teddy Roosevelt–Gryffindor: The Nation as CaptainIf you believe that the primary purpose of the United States is to serve as a moral compass whose destiny is to lead by strong example, you’re probably a Gryffindor like Teddy Roosevelt. His bravery was legendary, bordering on foolishness. He had the foresight to create our national parks, create child labor laws and breaking monopolies–yet he wanted the United States to become an empire seeing it as our rightful turn to mount the throne of the world. Rowling points out that bravery alone, without a little street-smarts can be dangerous. Harry is constantly lectured that the predictability of his rash courage is his Achilles heel.

Abraham Lincoln–Ravenclaw: The Nation as Co-OpIf you see America as a large condominium complex, it makes sense to the Ravenclaw to share the costs–even if the road you’re paying for may never be driven on by you. Distributing the load makes it lighter for everyone. Ravenclaw is practical, if nothing else. The quick answer to the question, “What is Lincoln best known for?” is “He freed the slaves.” But Lincoln was a canny lawyer whose primary goal was to preserve the union. His greatest accomplishment was logical, not heroic. His long-view of what could happen if states could just break off when they disagreed made him generally unpopular–until, as he would dryly observe if he could, his funeral.

Franklin D. Roosevelt–Hufflepuff: The Nation as CaregiverThe motto of Hufflepuff might as well have been carved on the Statue of Liberty’s tablets. Before he met Eleanor, before his polio, Franklin D. Roosevelt was anything but empathetic. He idolized his cousin Teddy for his courage and Gryffindoritis–the same way little boys admire firefighters, cowboys and pirates. But Eleanor was raised without his charm and loving parents. Her schooling in France taught her social responsibility and caring for the less fortunate, which she transferred to Franklin as she toured him through the slums of New York. If you believe that, like the Pilgrims and most of our ancestors who sought not only freedom from poverty and oppression but freedom to co-exist with their neighbors, it would make sense that you belong in this house. Social Security and the FDIC’s protection from closed banks are staples now, designed to protect everyone, not just Roosevelt’s class.

Ronald Reagan–Slytherin: The Nation as CompanyThe green of money, the snake, the easy-target of Reagan as a bad guy may be as obvious as “Snape did it” throughout all the Potter books. While it seems unlikely that his removal of striking air-traffic controllers or incredible reduction in taxes on the wealthy are as true as Severus’s love of Lily Potter, it makes sense that Slytherins have some good. Fellow dorm residents would certainly include Henry Ford, Bill Gates, J.D. Rockefeller and even Bill Clinton with his landmark decisions to allow Comcast to rule the universe. The Captains of Industry and their immense profit–particularly during Roosevelt’s war years, is testament to the benefits of allowing business to run its course and trickle down to the middle class. Reagan was an inspiring leader, the “great communicator” who outspent the Soviets and brought down a wall.

Which America Is Yours? A Proposed Four-Party Hogwarts Government by Kevin Walsh