“Textual Relations”

Pete is talking on his cell phone when Greg enters.

Pete: Hey, Gwen. So we’re still on for the game? At 5:30? Okay, I’ll meet youthere. (Beat) So, you gonna say it? You say it first. OK, I’ll say it…I loveyou…now you say it…hello? (Looks a little confused why Gwen didn’t say“it”; Greg walks up).

Greg: Hey, what’s going on Pete? It’s good to see you!

Pete: Just talkin’ to my lady. You know? Gwen. Gwendolyn. Gwenny. My Gwen.God is good!

Greg: Gwen?

Pete: Yeah, Gwen. My girlfriend, remember?

Greg: Yeah, I know Gwen.

Pete: I remember introducing you two at church last week, right?

Greg: (Nervously) Yeah, yeah…the !rst time I really met her face to face. She’s avery nice girl. She’s cute. You’re a lucky man.

Pete: Dude! Why don’t you come to the game with us tonight?

Greg: (Laughs nervously) Uhhm…so you and Gwen are going to the gametonight?

Pete: Yeah, it’s at 5:30.

Greg: I would come, but I kind of thought I had plans with a girl tonight.

Pete: You have a girl?

Greg: (Realizing the truth must come out) Oh man, this is going to be so hard. Iknow it’s been a while since we’ve seen each other, but we’ve beenfriends since freshman year. I’ve got to tell you something though. I justgot this new phone and it is…awesome. You can text like crazy on it.You text, right?

Pete: No, I actually don’t have texting. It’s kind of a bummer. My mom says Ineed to get a job to pay for stuff like that. Whatever…

Greg: Well, anyway, I’ve been texting this girl and she’s really great and- (!nallyexploding) I can’t do this anymore! I’ve just got to say it! You know howGwen texts all the time?

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“Textual Relations”

Pete: (A little suspicious; not sure where Greg is going with this) Yeah, I know.She’s been trying to get me to text.

Greg: (Rambling out of nervousness) Well, I didn’t know all that much abouttexting, but I met Gwen through you…at church and she really helpedme out…here’s the thing- I’ve been texting your girlfriend because…see…here’s what’s going on…the whole “LOL” thing, I didn’t know whatit meant and so I asked her if she could help me out and she said “IDK” (Idon’t know) and I felt so stupid. Okay here it is: I’ve been having textualrelations with your girlfriend.

Pete: What?! Are you kidding me? Textual relations?!

Greg: Oooo, it sounds so dirty when you say it! It wasn’t like that. We didn’ttext anything bad. She just helped me understand the texting language.You know…LOL, BTW, DKDC, URAQT, D8? You know…stuff like that. I amso sorry!

Pete: Just because I’m inexperienced at texting!

Greg: Don’t blame this on me. Your lack of texting is your own problem. I’m sosorry it came down this way.

Pete: (Crying) But Sally and I were supposed to go into the ministry together!That’s what God planned! You knew how much this meant to me!

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