The Breakdown of Marriage and Family

CO 620Biblical Counseling in Marriage and Family

Week 4

Jeff VanVonderen Families Where Grace Is in Place

• Reading: Introduction and Part I• “God’s job is to fix and change. Our job is to

depend, serve, and equip. This is the work of grace. And it is more restful than you can imagine,” (p. 14).

Grace-less

• No longer co-ruling or co-subduing but trying to subdue one another

• No longer God-focused, but self-focused

VanVonderen’s Acronyms

CURSE• Controlling• Unforgiving• Reactive• Shaming• Ego-centered

TIRED• Trapped• Indicted• Responsible• Exposed• Defensive

The Performance TrapTwo needy people marry Expecting the other to fill them

This is a job only God can do

Couples often:1. Deny there is a problem2. Try to “fix” the other person3. Try to “fix” themselves in order to

fix the other person

All forms of idolatry

(See VanVonderen, Chapter 4)

Divorce or Misery?

• Both grieve God• Both teach our children

about grace-less living

Material is a review of:

VanVonderen, Jeff. Families Where Grace is in Place. Minneapolis, MN: Bethany House, 2010. ISBN #: 978-0-7642-0793-8.

This is a great book!