Colonizing Mars

A Space Odyssey

By Jennifer Hirtler

Food Production

• People would build large greenhouses in which to grow crops. People would basically be vegetarians until Mars was made livable for animals.

And if all goes horribly wrong…

• If the greenhouses fail to supply the population with proper amounts of food, the people could resort to cannibalism. This is counter-productive, as it eliminates the population you are trying to raise.

No undisturbing pictures

Could be found.

And if all goes even worse…

• The people could all just grab giant spears and go alien hunting. By this time they will be so imbalanced for lack of nutrition that they will ignore the fact that there are no large life forms on Mars.

Waste Removal

• The first option for waste removal is obviously shooting it into space like the American jerks we are. Forget global pollution. That objective is too small for us superior Americans. Universe pollution is where the real money is at!

On a more progressive, environmentally friendly note…sort

of• Landfills. Perhaps even sewers if we could

be supplied to build them.

• Since we won’t have bags of Doritos and cans of Chef Boyardee, most of the waste regarding food could just be put in a compost pile.

On a stranger note…

• We could run all of our human lemonade through a filter, take out the impurities and create water.

• Recycling is win.

• The only question

• is… Whose taking

• the first sip?

Water on Mars?

• There is evidence that water used to exist on Mars and now it’s thought that there is frozen water at Mars’ poles. If we could harvest this water, we’d have plenty of water for a Mars colony.

Temperature Regulation

• This is obvious.

• Soon they are coming out with an electric Snuggie called “The Toasty.” This will solve all problems.

Alternatives in case “The Toasty” is ditched.

• Bundling up like Ralphie’s brother in “A Christmas Story.”

• Hibernating in the greenhouses.

• We should ask the people who have been banished to Siberia for further information in regard to cold temperatures.

Containment Structures

• Greenhouses– for food, perhaps oxygen production.

• Silos– if we ever get the chance to store food. Or waste.

• Home Base– Every Sci-Fi

fan will be hugely

disappointed and rise up in

a revolution if we don’t.

Necessary Structures

• McDonalds

• Doritos Factory

• Coffee plant

• Wal-Mart

Methods of Air Production

• Get only the most egotistical people on Mars.

• The plants in the greenhouses will create Oxygen out of CO2. But this will be in the building… If there was a way to somehow get this into a space helmet, that would be neat beans.

• Get Atlas to raise the sky properly. Invoke the wrath of Zeus if need be.

Protection from Radiation

• The magnetic field of Mars is a piece of crap.• SPF 850 sunscreen• Steal Earth’s magnetic field and place it on

Mars.• Radiation shelters could be created

and warnings should be given

out with the approach of any

solar storms.

Other Necessities

• Telephone service on Mars.– Verizon lied.

• Earth Theme Park– for homesickness.

• Krispy Kreme Donuts

• Establish clear trading negotiations with Mars that totally rip off Mars and profit the Earth. Do this quick before Mars begins a Revolutionary War.

Reasons For Inhabiting Mars

• Expansion for survival, need more space.

• Just cause.

• Raw Materials.

@Those Reasons

• Mars is a desert wasteland, why not inhabit the uninhabited desert wastelands on Earth that have a nice atmosphere and magnetic field?

• Just cause is a viable reason.

• Stop being American and wasting Raw Materials.

Mars will be renamed “Splorghk” in my honor. Ned the Frost Giant

Space Emissary will be there too

Improved Mars

New Government.

• The new government of Mars will consist of emissaries.

• One representative from each nation that chooses to exist on Mars.

• These representatives will be chosen from names in a hat. When someone wants to challenge them for power, they will have to joust.

• There is no Democracy on Mars. Proof Democracy fails: American Idol.

Health Insurance Policy

• Is a joke on Mars until proper treating facilities are placed upon its surface.

Taxes

• Earth will bleed Mars dry until it rises up in an epic revolution that shall be taught in every Mars history class until the end of time.