the elements of pilates - michael miller pilates home pages... · web viewthere's that word...

Today’s WorkshopBy

Michael Miller

A Pilates Novel

Today’s Workshop 2

Copyright 2008, Michael MillerA Michael Miller Novel

Boulder, Colorado 80305-6255

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Publisher.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Miller, Michael J., 1952—

Today’s Workshopby Michael John Miller

ISBN 0-9710620-2-1 (paperback). –

1. Exercise—corrective. 1a. Movement—physics

2. Conditioning—therapy.

PRINTED IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA

Copyright 2008 Michael Miller


This is a work of fiction. The characters, conversations, places, and events are the product of the author's imagination. Certain public figures and places are

named for the appearance of verisimilitude, but their words, actions, and descriptions are wholly fictitious.



PROLOGUE AIRPORT - DAY

They stood in front of big bookstore display at the entrance to passing through security at Denver's International Airport.

They hugged a long time, way past the end of their exhales, and into the gap of waiting for the inhale.

She was as pretty as a mannequin, as though she was standing inside the display window of the bookstore, acting as encouragement to read the latest best seller, "Love for a Price" by that lady who had sold a kajillion popular fiction books.

When the inhale came through instinctual need there was a sadness, for with it the letting go of the hug. While his ear was still close to her lips she spoke softly, "Write. Write your story."

He stared into her eyes moved by the message he heard beneath her words, "Do what you have to do to come claim your princess." It was an unconscious re-buff, a few words that might have come from love and were taken as judgement and dismissal.

He held back a rush of tears, as he let his breath continue in ease. His head nodded a little forward to deliver a soft smile. His arms opened, against his desire, and as he stepped back to let her gather her things.

His sense of falling backwards made him take yet another step.

Roller suitcase in tow, purse over shoulder, her calm on the surface was stretched over a tension from feeling a deep sense of loss mixed with the relief of letting go, of having moved on and only now having to come face to face with the consequence of her actions.

He watched the bounce of her step show up in the fluff of her hair. Only the back of her head to be seen. He waited for her to turn, one last time, to wave goodbye. She never did as she disappeared over the bridge to Terminal A. He wondered if she were crying or elated. He would never know. So he turned and headed West, to go back home, to Boulder.



THE CLUB - AFTERNOON

Jennifer Desiree was driven by what she wanted. She wanted to hear Ekim Unroc talk. She had heard about him. Now she was leaning against the wall in the studio waiting with a group of others.

A figure enters a busy room dressed in a long brown hooded robe. You can't see their face, arms are folded within the sleeves. The movement is more like a float than a walk, as though on ice skates within the flow of the robes.

As the figure takes the stage at the head of the room the bustle of conversations comes to a quiet. Slowly, without another movement, and face still undisclosed one arm reaches out and a hand points out and into some imaginary place. The arm and hand makes a slight circle to again point to the same place.

Those in attendance are puzzled, trying to see what is being pointed to. They look at one another, they look at the figure. Uneasy laughter breaks out.

Finally, Honey, the new, young, impetuous instructor speaks above the crowd.

HONEYWhat? What are you pointing to?

The figure refolds its arms, and waits.

HONEY (CONT'D)(open palms)You look like Yoda. What are you pointing to, Yoda?

The figure points again, and in doing so, a male voice comes out from within the darkness of the hood.

YODAThe cave.

Another circle into a point.Copyright 2008 Michael Miller


YODA (CONT'D)I am pointing to the cave.

HONEYWhat cave?

YODAThe cave of sensation.

HONEYHuh?

YODAWhen you teach Pilates you take people into the cave of their sensation.

Honey's arms come to her side. Curious but confused.

HONEYThe cave of their sensations?

Yoda reaches up with both hands and gracefully lifts the hood of his robe up off of his head, letting it fall on his shoulders. He is tall, elegant posture, with a soft knowing smile on his lips and in his eyes.

YODA(looking at each of the people in turn, as though looking for something within each of them)When you listen to what you sense, you are in the cave of your sensation. As a teacher of Pilates your job is to escort your client into the cave of their sensation and wait for them to come out.

Honey looks over the crowd of confused faces, then back to Yoda.

HONEYI thought I was here to learn how to teach Pilates to men.



Heads nod up and down. Seeing agreement among her ranks she looks back to Yoda.

With a flourish, Yoda removes his robe and tosses it aside, revealing himself in black tights, a black short sleeved shirt made of some kind of work out material with a small insignia at the center just below the neck line.

He takes a few steps back and forth before his audience with an affected air. Deliberate. His face changes to focus, thinking, eyes intense, darting from here to there.

YODAI suppose that's why I'm here. I am a man. I teach Pilates. You are all women. Well, most of you are women.

Yoda smiles at the one male in the otherwise female audience.

The male smiles back shy, but not uncomfortable.

YODA (CONT'D)Why are you interested in teaching men Pilates?

HONEYBecause all we get are women, and men don't seem to get it.

Frustration in her voice. More nods of agreement.

YODAGet what?

HONEYThat Pilates is good for you. It makes you more flexible. You stand taller. Get stronger.

YODA(smiles)



These are results of doing Pilates. What is it that gives you these results?

HONEY(pausing to think)The method! Doing Pilates gives you all these things and more.

YODAThe question remains. What is the "it" that gives you the results?

From the other side of the room. A more mature woman speaks up. Arms folded. Serious face.

MARGARETExercises. Pilates are exercises.

YODAExercises only?

MARGARETA way of doing exercises. Bio-mechanically sound.

YODABig word. Can you simplify that for me? If we're going to learn to teach men, we have to keep it simple, don't we?

A chuckle undertones among the listeners.

MARGARET(with a flat palm cutting through space before her)Exercises done with precision. Scientific principals.

YODA(nodding, listening)Well, that should appeal to men.



HONEYBut they don't care! They just want big muscles and mindless effort?

YODAIs there something wrong with mindless effort?

HONEY(exasperation)Of course! You must be mindful when doing the exercises or you miss the point!

YODAAnd what point would that be?

HONEYThat you have to use your mind when you do the exercises.

MARGARETYou have to know what you are doing. Pilates is mind body exercise.

YODAI see. Is that your definition?

MARGARETNo, everybody knows Pilates is mind body exercise.

YODADefined by whom?

HONEYBy Joe! Joseph Pilates. It's his method.

YODA(smiling at a good response, an obvious opening to further the discussion)



Okay. What is Joe's definition of his method?

HONEYPilates is control of mind and body.

YODAI believe that if you want to really understand what makes Pilates Pilates you will have to be more precise than that.

From the back of the room. A loner in the crowd.

JENContrology is the complete coordination of body, mind and spirit.

Others cast looks of disapproval, indignation.

YODAPerfect. Where did you get that from? And why do you use the word contrology?

JENIt's what Joe called his method. In his book, Return to Life through Contrology, he defines contrology as the complete coordination of body, mind, and spirit.

YODA(nodding approval)Yes, he does. So it's easy to see where you get the body and mind from. What about spirit?

HONEYI stay away from spirit. Everybody has already got their own religion, and nobody wants to be preached at.

YODACopyright 2008 Michael Miller


How can you leave out a third of Joe's definition?

MARGARETThere was an old painting on the wall of Joe's studio. "Es ist der Geist der sichen Korper baut" It is the spirit which makes the body. From Schiller, a German philosopher.

YODAVery good. And if you look further you would know that this line comes from Schiller's Tragedies: the Piccolomini And the Death of Wallenstein. In S. T. Coleridge's translation of the entire work, he translates the quote in question like this:

YODA (CONT'D)(pausing for effect)It is the soul that builds itself a body.

Quiet in the room. Interest. Listening. Waiting for more.

YODA (CONT'D)Geist means ghost, as in poltergeist. I'm old enough to have been around when the Catholic church changed its use of ghost to spirit. And in a good German dictionary geist means, "in one's mind's eye."

As Yoda said this, his hands reached up behind his head with fingers pointing out and made a jagged lightening strike motion forward into his peripheral view. This was the international hand sign for spirit. Energy coming into view.

YODA (CONT'D)Now I can tell you simply understood, geist is the listener, the observer in each of us. We have our body. We have our minds. And we have our listener, our observer. If Pilates is the complete



coordination of body, mind, and spirit, we must acknowledge the spirit in us and know how to include it in our performance. Without the presence of listening it's not Pilates. And that's why men don't do Pilates--they don't like to listen.

Smiles break out among the group in acknowledgement of the truth in his words.

HONEY(laughing)Boy, you can say that again! Guys don't listen at all.

YODAThat's because a guy lives in his mind, his thinking, and from his thinking he goes out to conquer the world. I call that "mind to muscle" because he goes directly from his mind to his movement.

Yoda walks over to a canvas athletic bag nearby and from it pulls a length of rope.

YODA (CONT'D)Stand up.

Handing her one end of the rope he backs away holding the other end and with the help of Honey gets the rope going around like a jump rope.

YODA (CONT'D)(looking at the group)Now, here is where, if you've done this enough you can feel the energy in the room get more tense. Why is that? Because everyone gets worried that they are going to be asked to jump, and jumping rope is something you can screw up. So relax. I'm not asking anyone to jump.



Faces release tension. Shoulders relax. Tension gives way to curiosity. All eyes are on the rope. Honey seems pleased and proud that she is helping with the demonstration.

YODA (CONT'D)The movement of the rope reflects the passage of time. The rope doesn't appear and then disappear. It stays in motion smoothly, just like time. The passage of time is a continuum. We are all caught in the time continuum. As a matter of fact physics doesn't even separate the notions of time and space anymore. They call it spacetime. The two, space and time, are intrinsically woven together.

The rope continues to circle.

YODA (CONT'D)If you are going to jump rope, why the worry?

YODA (CONT'D)(pause)Because you can screw it up. It's a timing thing. Right? So jumping rope requires proper timing. So what about the timing of the rope is similar to the timing in our own bodies?

MARGARETOur heartbeat.

YODAYes, what else?

JENOur breathing.

YODAYes, and we have much more control over our breathing than we do our heartbeat. And just like



jumping rope where we must pay attention to the timing, in our movement we must pay attention to our breathing, where we are in the cycle of our breath to when we move. Especially, when we go to initiate movement. This calls for listening. This calls for observing. Because when we move relative to when we breath affects the quality of our breathing.

The point seemed to have been made. Yoda stopped swinging the rope, approached Honey to relieve her of her end. Smiled at her. And gestured for her to return to her seat.

YODA (CONT'D)(to Honey)Thank you. Have seat.

The man in the audience had a look on concentration on his face. Reaching a conclusion he spoke.

RICHARDMy breathing doesn't affect my movement. I have the same strength throughout the cycle of my breath.

This was said more as an assessment of his own experience more than as a direct challenge.

YODAI often remind teachers that a question is a statement. A good teacher interprets the statement in the question and responds to it rather than directly answering the question. In your case, you have made a statement that seems to be more of a question. In either case, you can answer with words that speak to the mind, or you can respond by offering sensation that communicates directly with the body.



Yoda walks over to the closest two Reformers that are aligned parallel to each other. He bends over and takes all the springs off of one Reformer, and then does the same to the other. He positions himself between the Reformers, kneeling down, facing the foot bars, so that one hand is on each of the free-to-slide Reformers. Looking at Richard, and nodding at the space between the two Reformers...

YODA (CONT'D)Come. Stand there.

Richard gets up a little stiffly. In his walk he stretches a little to get his body moving as he assumes the position suggested.

YODA (CONT'D)Now face one Reformer. Put one hand on the end of the frame and one hand on the end of the carriage. Good. Now do the same with your feet on the Reformer behind you.

Richard looked like the name of the exercise. The Spider. His shoulders were massive, the tank top revealing his passions of weight lifting and mountain climbing. His thin waist and black pants gave him the appearance of a gymnast doing a pushup with arms and legs apart.

Yoda's hands were holding the carriages firmly in place in against the stops.

YODA (CONT'D)Now be careful. Don't go too fast. Go out and in with the carriages.

Yoda moved has hands back away from the carriages but kept them ready to stop them from going out too far.

Richard immediately opened the carriages, arms and legs separating. He opened so quickly that he had no time to adjust for how quickly his body weight increased. His elbow and knee on the Reformer buckled to support his weight and it would have gotten Copyright 2008 Michael Miller


worse if not for Yoda stopping the carriages from going out further. With a push back in a few inches Richard, a bit embarrassed, but now determined to control the movement came back into position and closed both carriages. Yoga returned his hands to act as safeties while Richard explored the going out and in moving the carriages in sync.

Astonishment pervaded. All eyes were on the movement, because even though many were experienced Pilates instructors none had ever seen Reformers being used in tandem.

YODA (CONT'D)Okay, Richard. You said your breathing doesn't affect your movement. Exhale as you go out.

He does, like a balloon emptying itself, comes to a place where he struggles to return the carriages.

YODA (CONT'D)Good. Now go out on the inhale.

The lungs fill up, the carriages go out, further this time, and the return is obviously stronger and more controlled. He continues inhaling to go out and exhaling to return. Each time he goes further, testing his strength, knowing that there's a limit to how far he can go and still control it. All the while Yoda's hands have stayed close to the carriages if support is needed but now Richard seems to have a sense of the effort and stays within his abilities. His exhales are loud, throat constricted, lips pursed. You could just see the same kind of breathing happening when he was lifting weights.

YODA (CONT'D)Doing great. Now don't hear your breathing. Do "Ninja" breathing. Soft mouth, loose lips, relax your throat.

Each rep got quieter, smoother, and suddenly it seemed that there wasn't any movement happening, only the breathing making the



carriages go out and in. Fatigue set in and you could see the effort was taking its toll.

YODA (CONT'D)Very good. Step down, stand tall.

He did. Flush in face, not only from the effort, but from sensing the contradiction of his earlier statement to the experience he just had. He looked down at Yoda and smiled. Yoda smiled back and nodded his head at the Reformer that was behind him.

YODA (CONT'D)Turn around. Same thing. Anchored from the other side.

Richard, now familiar with the movement, confidently performed the exercise, first in a smaller range, and then as he listened to his movement expanded his range to be fully engaged and once again, breathing became the effort.

YODA (CONT'D)Enough. Stand tall. Have a seat.

RICHARDAmazing. Thank you.

With a stride that spoke confidence and accomplishment Richard returned to where he had been seated but remained standing. Blood was pumping, and he was too in his body to sit and so he remained standing, chest expanding to take in more air.

YODA(to the group)You see? Talk is cheap. Sensation is everything. When your client can say "I feel that." You are in the pike five-by-five. When your client asks you a question, even if it's an easy answer with words, a sensational instructor will answer with a sensation



so the answer is felt, and not just heard. So you communicate directly to the body, and not just to the thinking of the mind.

Heads nodded. Appreciation of the point apparent.

YODA (CONT'D)Listening is the key. If you want to achieve complete coordination of the body, mind, and spirit, you have to have spirit involved. Spirit is the listener, the observer. And whether you are dealing with a very frail first time client doing knee folds on the Cadillac, or with some body like Richard's doing the Spider, you've got to call upon them to listen to their sensation and take more control of their movement based upon what they sense.

BETTE ANNTeaching men scares me. I have a guy who is 6 foot 5. I never know what he's feeling. On the chair I'm asking him if the spring tension feels right because I don't know and I'm not sure he does either.

SALLYGuys think Pilates is being put into super gymnastic positions that are impossible to do and they don't like that.

While listening Yoda returns to where he had been speaking. You can see him processing his answer. Everybody waits. These challenges seem to be common to everyone, and they've been talked about among themselves. This is why the workshop had been organized in the first place.

YODA(to Bette Ann)To teach Pilates you have to know what your target is. We know Joe's definition: the complete



coordination of body, mind, and spirit. In the very next paragraph Joe makes a promise. He says, "Doing Contrology produces a uniformly developed body." Why do we want a uniformly developed body?

BETTE ANNTo avoid pain.

YODAExactly. And what causes pain?

Yoda goes back to his bag and pulls out a small ball. It's painted to resemble the planet Earth. Back in front of the group he holds it out between his fingers so all and see and looks at Bette Ann.

YODA (CONT'D)What happens if I drop this?

BETTE ANNIt will bounce.

YODABefore that?

BETTE ANNIt will fall.

YODAAre you sure?

Bette Ann gets a confused look on her face, wondering if magic is in store, but speaks with some degree of confidence.

BETTE ANNYes.

Yoda lets go and indeed it falls. He catches it after it bounces.



YODAOkay, you were right that time.

Yoda goes over and stands up on a Cadillac, holding the ball high over his head and out over the edge.

YODA (CONT'D)What happens if I let it go up here?


Yoda lets go. It falls. He retrieves the ball.

YODAMaybe you were lucky twice in a row.

He goes over to the opposite side of the room. Holds the ball 6 inches off the floor. Looks up at Bette Ann.

YODA (CONT'D)What about here?


Honey looks amused and sees the whole exercise as silly.

YODA(returns to his normal position before the group)Why does the ball fall?

Many answer at once.

BETTE ANNGravity.

YODAExactly! Why does it fall in all three places?



BETTE ANNBecause gravity is everywhere.

YODARight again. And another way of saying that is that gravity is a "uniform" medium. Gravity works the same everywhere. No matter how far away you go, no matter how small you look, gravity is the same.

YODA (CONT'D)There's that word again, uniform. The promise of Joe is a uniformly developed body. You said we want a uniformly developed body to stay out of pain. If we live in a uniform gravity field why do we need a uniformly developed body to stay out of pain?

Everyone's attention seems to be more than willing to let Yoda continue. Yoda smiles and holds his right palm open facing a wall in front of his body. Then he weaves his hand to and fro as his arm extends away from his body.

YODA (CONT'D)What is a fish primarily made of?

MARGARETWater.

YODAAnd what does a fish swim in?

MARGARETWater.

YODAWhat are we primarily made of?

BETTE ANNCopyright 2008 Michael Miller


Water.

YODAAnd we swim through air. What's the difference?

MARGARETWe are heavier than a fish in water because a fish has the same density as the medium through which it moves. We are denser than air so we are heavier as we move.

YODAWell spoken. This is why we do Pilates. Why Pilates? Because of gravity. Gravity forces the issue of alignment. If we are not aligned we experience stress. Stress left unchecked leads to pain. And that's what (primarily) brings people in the door. They are in pain and they want out.

BETTE ANNWhat's that got to do with my guy who is six five?

YODA(smiling)When you do Pilates it really helps if you know your target. It helps even more if you know why it is your target. And ultimately, it reveals how to get to your target.

Back to the bag and Yoda retrieves a large rubber band, maybe 8 inches in length.

YODA (CONT'D)The greatest thing about Pilates, the redeeming thing about Pilates, especially for a guy like me who thinks so much, is that it is "sensational". You can feel it. But something is required to feel it.



He holds out the rubber band suspended from one finger. From there he lifts and lowers his finger like he is trying to stretch the rubber band but the slack rubber band just follows along, not stretched.

YODA (CONT'D)To get out of pain swimming in gravity requires alignment. Gravity forces the issue of alignment. This is the first sentence of the mantra that explains why we do Pilates and what the target of Pilates is.

YODA (CONT'D)Alignment requires tension. And to make tension requires...

He places the index finger of his opposite hand at the bottom of the rubber band loop and pulls the rubber band apart.

YODA (CONT'D)...two end points. Gravity forces the issue of alignment. Alignment is sensational via two endpoints. Gravity beats us down.

Yoda hunches over his shoulders, arches his neck, as he lets the rubber band go slack.

YODA (CONT'D)Creating tension makes alignment sensational.

As Yoda stretches the rubber band he pulls his shoulders back, lengthens his neck. Everyone's listening, some sitting straighter to bring the words they are hearing into a feeling in their bodies.

Yoda goes back to his toy bag and returns with a child's top in his hand. Sitting, he places the top on the floor, with only his finger holding to top upright. He lets go, the top falls over. He repeats, the top falls over. With apparent frustration he does it again, trying to balance the top on its point, and again the top falls over.



YODA (CONT'D)I can't get this to stay up. What am I doing wrong?

Honey giggles and motions with her wrist.

HONEYYou have to spin it!

YODAOh! Like this?

Yoda spins the top and it stay up right. Everyone observes the top, amused at the notion of not knowing how.

YODA (CONT'D)Rotation stabilizes movement. It's a law of physics. Any body that rotates around an axis has an inherent degree of stability around that axis. It's called angular momentum, but it doesn't matter much what it's called, what matters is that it works. Rotation not only stabilizes movement, it creates the point around which the movement is stabilized.

Picking up the rubber band and stretching it between two fingers.

YODA (CONT'D)To create tension requires two end points. The end points we create in our body are done so by creating rotation at different axes in our bodies.

Yoda put down the rubber band, stands and faces sideways to the group.

YODA (CONT'D)I stand before you because I am the laziest guy you will ever meet. When I first started Pilates 27 years ago what was the first thing they taught me?

His arm reaches out and with fingers pointed moves in towards his stomach. His stomach pulls in.



YODA (CONT'D)Pull your stomach in!

Laughter.

YODA (CONT'D)Once I could pull my stomach in then they wanted me...

His hand changes position to his side where he points in towards the side of his bottom.

YODA (CONT'D)...use your gluts! And when I could pull my stomach in and use my gluts...

Yoda bends over separates his knees to make a space between his thighs and with each hand taps his inner thighs.

YODA (CONT'D)...use your inner thighs!

Standing erect he repeats the three gestures.

YODA (CONT'D)Stomach! Buttocks! Inner thighs!Stomach! Buttocks! Inner thighs!

Everyone laughs in acknowledgement of having been there and done that.

YODA (CONT'D)Now, being such a lazy guy, if I could replace 3 things with one thing I wouldn't have to think as much. And if I could replace all three with one image I could just embrace the image and not have to think at all. This was why I originally came up with the image of a nautilus shell. The image of rotating at the hips replaced three things I had to think about. Besides, I hate it when anyone points at



me, especially when it results in being poked. Rotation at the hips takes care of the main muscle groups we want to use in Pilates without having to think about them all. Being lazy this proved to work much better. Being a teacher, this worked a lot better.

Yoda's rotating back and forth at the hips made him look like a Elvis impersonator and Honey squirmed.

YODA (CONT'D)(looking to Bette Ann)We're in a culture where free movement of our hips is frowned upon so just getting the hips to move, especially for a guy, is as much a matter of inhibition as it is ability.

BETTE ANN(nodding)Really.

With hands on hips Yoda continues.

YODAWe had the audacity to evolve beyond just the one axis of rotation at the hips. We grew a spine.

Hands drew up his sides, then arms reached out horizontally at the shoulder.

YODA (CONT'D)And developed the ability to rotate at the shoulders.

Arms in unison rotated inwards and then outwards repeatedly.

YODA (CONT'D)And then, we went even further.

Cupping his head between his open palms.



YODA (CONT'D)We grew more spine and developed the ability to rotate at the ears. I know, I know, technically the rotation occurs at the atlas, but when I'm teaching all I care about is the client's control. Not their expert understanding of anatomy.

Letting go of his head he lifted one leg off the floor and flexed and extended at the knee.

YODA (CONT'D)We have the ability to rotate at the knee.

Leg held straight, still in the air, Yoda flexed and pointed his foot.

YODA (CONT'D)We have the ability to rotate at the ankle.

Leg and foot held straight, Yoda points and flexes his toes while hold the foot straight.

YODA (CONT'D)And we have the ability to point and flex at the metatarsal heads. You could say the ball of the foot, which everyone understands in English, but when you travel around the world nobody uses that phrase, so referring to the metatarsal heads is universally understood.

Standing back on both feet, facing the group.

YODA (CONT'D)It is through these rotation points in our body that we create tension. The tension created between these end points makes alignment perceptible. Making alignment perceptible not only lets us mitigate the weight of our body in gravity by standing up straight. It allows up to achieve the target of Pilates, uniform usage.



Back to the bag to retrieve a copy of Joe's book: Return to Life through Contrology. Opening the book and finding the page searched for, Yoda holds it open and goes over to Honey, pointing to a place on a page.

YODA (CONT'D)What does it say here?

HONEY"Contrology is the complete coordination of body, mind, and spirit."

She smiles, pleased to be the messenger of the definition.

YODAThen what is the beginning of the very next paragraph?

Honey formulates the words.

HONEY"Doing Contrology produces a uniformly developed body..."

Yoda smiles, closes the book, and addresses the group.

YODAThis is the promise. Joseph promises if you do his method you will end up with a uniformly developed body. Why is this such a big promise? Why does this promise matter so much?

BETTE ANNBecause when you are uniformly developed you escape pain.

YODAExactly! Pilates is survival training in a gravity jungle.



That sends everyone to writing, so Yoda pauses to let everyone capture the image in words.

YODA (CONT'D)Now here is where you get to decide if you agree with me. I profess that to get uniform development requires uniform usage.

Yoda pauses to let everyone thing about the assumption and decide if they agree or not.

YODA (CONT'D)Pilates is a whole body exercise right? You don't get there by pieces and parts.

Yoda exchanges a look with Richard.

YODA (CONT'D)Upper body on Mondays and Wednesdays, lower body on Tuesdays and Thursdays.

Richard's background in weight lifting nods agreement that in weight lifting that is often the approach. But not in Pilates.

YODA (CONT'D)To get uniform development requires uniform usage. Uniform usage is the target to fulfill the promise of uniform development. So the "why" of Pilates is because of gravity. We do Pilates to get uniform development so we can swim like a fish, pain free, in a uniform gravity field.

Ekim (that's Yoda, before somebody starts suing me for using a protected name) paces calmly before the group, having reached a conclusion. You can see him listening to himself, deciding where to go next in the discussion.

Finally, he looks up, with a path in mind and continues.



EKIMWhen you stand here in my place, presenting this information, it will help you to realize you are answering three questions: why, what, and so what. Why we do Pilates, what Pilates is, and "so what?" to what Pilates is.

Standing, arms open palms up, Ekim hooks one thumb like he is hitch hiking over his shoulder.

EKIM (CONT'D)We just covered why we do Pilates. And believe me, when you go to explain the idea of Pilates it really helps to explain why first. Establish the target and then explain how to hit it. The target is the complete coordination of body, mind, and spirit. That's Joe's definition. The target is a state of being in the body in the moment of the doing. We want uniform usage to get uniform development to survive in a uniform gravity jungle. That state of being in the moment of the doing I call fluorescence. Fluorescence refers to uniform usage. Fluorescence also refers to the complete coordination of body mind and spirit. So, we do Pilates because of gravity to get to fluorescence.

HONEYI don't get it. What do flowers have to do with it?

EKIMFLORescence has to do with flourishing, but FLUORescence has to do with luminescence, with light, like the fluorescent lights in the ceiling above your head.

Honey looks up, mouth slightly open, to find the dual banks of fluorescence light fixtures hanging from the ceiling. The light in the long tubes goes off in her head.



HONEYOh, those kind of lights! I get it.

EKIMDo you? How are those kinds of lights like the state of being in the body in the moment that we want when we do Pilates?

HONEYBecause they're all lit up. The whole thing, evenly, turned on, like what we want the body to be.

Honey warms to this description, and Ekim responds with a humorous smirk.

EKIMUniformly right?

HONEYUn-huh. Glowing.

She draws each set of fingers together, holding them in the air, closes her eyes and assumes the posture of blissful meditation. Ekim waits for her to make her point. When her eyes open, along with her mind, she returns her arms to rest in her lap waiting for what's next.

EKIM(to everyone)The target is fluorescence. The reason why is gravity. The question is: how do we get there?

MARGARETBy doing Pilates.

EKIMYes, exactly.

Margaret seems pleased with herself.



EKIM (CONT'D)What is Pilates?

RICHARDMovement.

EKIMYes.

HONEYControlled movement.

SALLYThe complete coordination of body, mind, and spirit.

EKIMYes, that's Joe's definition. What we are working on now is the definition of the idea of Pilates. The idea of Pilates is supported by only three things straight from Joe, like a three legged chair. The definition is one leg. The promise is the other leg. What is the promise?

MARGARETUniform development.

EKIMGood. And to get uniform development requires uniform usage. So the question is, how do we get uniform usage? How do we get the complete coordination of body, mind, and spirit?

MARGARETBy doing the exercises.

EKIMYes. Is that all?



MARGARETBy doing the exercises with control. Concentrating when you do them.

EKIMWhat else is there about the exercises.

MARGARETThe principals: control, concentration, coming from your center, precision, flowing movement and breath. These are the principals of Pilates.

EKIMYes, they are. Where does this list of principals you mention come from?

MARGARETFrom Joe.

EKIMNot really. That list of principals was popularized in the book written long after Joe died by two fellows named Philip Freidman and Gail Eisen, The Pilates Method of Physical and Mental Conditioning. In the absence of any better definition of Pilates, the Pilates community has latched onto principals as a way of defining the method. Since then, anybody who writes a book feels free to use a hodgepodge of principals, some of the old ones, some new ones that are important to them, and they are off and running, having made Pilates whatever they want based upon a group of arbitrary principles important to them.

Ekim wobbles his head and rolls his eyes.

EKIM (CONT'D)Whenever you open a book about Pilates that list



principals you have a sense of the depth of the author's understanding of the work by the order they list their principals.

MARGARETWait a minute. They are just listing them without a specific order. Each principal applies overall.

EKIMMaybe so, but it's pretty easy to establish an order for at least the first two. What did Joe call his method?

HONEYContrology!

EKIMYep. And in Joe's book, what "principal" did Joe say was more important than any other?

Silence. Everybody thinking but no quick assured answer.

JENConcentration.

EKIM(smiling)Yes! Good. Joe says that when doing his exercises concentration on the exercise is more important than anything else. So, contrology is the name Joe gave his method. If you're going to talk principles no other principle can be more defining than control. And in his own writing he states that concentration is more important than anything else.

EKIM (CONT'D)Pilates is more than a collection of principles, even if you list them in a particular order. When you get



right down to it, what is Pilates?

RICHARDThe exercises.

EKIMYes, and like principles, are the exercises random or ordered?

RICHARDOrdered.

EKIMYes, in a sequence. The order matters. In all of Joe's documentation of his method, in his words, his photos, his film, you see the same order of the same exercises. Order matters. The sequence matters. Joe spent his lifetime, his passion, developing the exercises and the order they are in. To dismiss the sequence, to change the sequence for any reason, is to fundamentally change the essence of Pilates. The sequence is the third thing the idea of Pilates is based upon. When you talk about Pilates, you are talking about a sequence of exercises done on the mat. The mat is the method. And the way we get to the target, the way we get to the promise of uniform development is through the performance of the mat.

BETTE ANNWoe, woe! What about the equipment?

EKIMWhat about the equipment?

BETTE ANNLook at all the exercises done on the equipment and documented by Joe. Don't they matter?



EKIMSure they matter. Which came first the mat work or the equipment?

BETTE ANNThey developed together, didn't they?

EKIMNot according to Joe's archives. First came the mat, way early on. In archival footage Joe presents the mat work first and dates its origins back to 1920. What do the Reformer, cadillac, and chair have in common?

While Bette Ann ponders, Richard speaks up.

RICHARDSprings.

EKIMRight. What role do springs play in Pilates equipment?

RICHARDResistance.

EKIMWell they can, but that's not the primary role of springs in the Pilates method.

EKIM (CONT'D)Before I get to springs, let's explore the idea first, and that will lay the foundation for understanding the role of springs in the method.

EKIM (CONT'D)The idea is based upon three things directly from Joseph Pilates. His definition, his promise, and his



sequence. The promise of uniform development requires uniform usage. So uniform has to be a part of the definition of the idea. Uniform is the first word in the definition of the idea.

Ekim holds one palm up, the other down, index knuckles touching with index fingers pointing away from each other. From here along the same line he moves his fingers out away from each other.

Eccentric is the second word in the idea. (At least when using English. In order to convey the proper meaning the order of the words changes a little in other languages.) Eccentric means away from center. "E" is the Latin prefix for "out from" and centric means center. Out from center. Pilates has come to be known as an eccentric exercise. Anyone have any idea why this is so?

Honey's face was blank, like the question failed to even register. Richard's forehead was wrinkled. Margaret cleared her throat.

MARGARETEccentric is a term that refers to a muscle under load changing its length. When a muscle under load is getting shorter, it is termed a concentric contraction -- a contraction where the muscle gets shorter, towards the center.

Margaret holds out one arm like she is going to pump her fist to make a vein appear. As she bends her arm, bringing her fist closer to her shoulder she holds her thumb and index finger over the biceps and draws thumb and finger closer together as her elbow bends.

A muscle under load that is lengthening,



She opens up her arm, fist moving away from her shoulder while her thumb and index finger get wider apart to show what is happening to the biceps muscle underneath the skin.

MARGARET (CONT'D)...is called an eccentric contraction. So even though the muscle is trying to pull itself together, concentrically, the muscle is lengthening, eccentrically.

Everyone seemed to be used to having Margaret lecture as though she were the one at the head of the classroom.

Ekim stood up with hands on hips showing his profile.

EKIMAnd because Pilates talks so much about controlling the hips and moving out from a strong center, just like the body is one big muscle, Pilates has become known as an eccentric exercise. The only problem is that most people are confused about where the center is that you move away from.

Ekim held his hands open with palms up.

EKIM (CONT'D)What center is everybody referring to?

HONEYThe core!

EKIMHoney, that has to be the most overused word in the Pilates world today. Everything is about the core. Stabilize the core. Build a strong core. Come out from your core. What is the core?

HONEY



You know, your hips, the middle of your body.She places her hands on her hips, fingers leading the way down her thighs like the move was second nature.

EKIMWhat's an older, more traditional name used in Pilates for the core?

BETTE ANNThe powerhouse.

EKIMYes, and what is the powerhouse?

BETTE ANNIt's a band around your body like a wrestling champion wins.

EKIMHow about a little more physiological specificity?

MARGARET(in her mind back in front of the class)The core constitutes the major muscle groups that stabilize the pelvis. The abdominals, the glutials, and the adductors.

Everyone tenses up a bit at the technical jargon, but seems familiar with it.

EKIMGood. And it is this area, the pelvis, surrounded by these muscle groups that everyone in the world seems to consider the core, the center out of which we come.

EKIM (CONT'D)There is even one brand of Pilates that takes the



attitude that you will never squeeze the core enough, never get it tight enough, and that the more you condense towards the core, somehow the more you will then be moving out away from the center. The image that I get is that of compressing a snow ball.

Hands making a snowball.

EKIM (CONT'D)The more you compress the snow towards the center, the more eccentric you become, like toothpicks sticking out of the snow in all directions. The attitude promoted by instructors of this ilk is that you can never squeeze enough, and therefore you will never be good enough. Sort of a self tormenting, flagelistic, attitude towards your self in pursuit of Pilates. Believe me, a lot of people pay a lot of money to buy into this form of psychological self abuse.

An uncomfortable chuckle ripples through the group, apparently familiar with this attitude.

EKIM (CONT'D)I think the attitude runs thick in the dance community, where false ego says I am not worthy, I am not good enough...fishing for someone to contradict. In any case, the core, the powerhouse, the pelvis, is not the point out of which eccentricity occurs. No, eccentricity has to happen as a result of tension. And as we have already discussed, it takes two points to create tension.

Ekim holds out to fingers one above the other, as though the rubber band still exists between them and moves them apart as though stretching the rubber band.

EKIM (CONT'D)Copyright 2008 Michael Miller


If the rotation of the hips determines one of the points, what, or where is the other major point from which tension can be created.

RICHARDThe shoulders. Rotation at the shoulders creates tension off of the rotation at the hips.

Nonchalant, as though he knew this all along.

EKIMExactly. And to demonstrate how this tension is created I have a special toy to show you.

Back to the bag, both hands inside, sifting through unknown items, Ekim finally comes out with another toy top.

EKIM (CONT'D)This top has a pen on the bottom of it.

EKIM (CONT'D)(approaching Honey)May I have a sheet of paper from your notebook?

Honey obliges, Ekim returns to his point of delivery and gets down on all fours, placing the paper in front of him. Spinning the top, from years of practice, he begins his delivery to coincide with the slowing down of the top.

EKIM (CONT'D)The top is spinning in one direction.

Everyone's gaze is transfixed observing the top.

EKIM (CONT'D)When it lands, it reverses direction.

The top lands and acts as predicted. Ekim repeats the spin, the same thing happens. Ekim picks up the top, puts the cap back on the ink tip. He holds up the piece of paper upon which a specific



shape of two connected coils appears and walks the paper by everyone's face so they can see it up close.

EKIM (CONT'D)This shape is called the Cornu Spiral. It is named after a French Physicist, Marie Alfred Cornu, born 1841, died 1902.

EKIM (CONT'D)If this shape were an octopus...

Again on all fours drawing a meaty part between the two coils.

EKIM (CONT'D)And his legs grabbed a hold of two things and pulled, it would pull itself apart from the middle. It would be an eccentric effort. Right?

Everyone nodded for it was easy to see how it would happen.

EKIM (CONT'D)(pointing to the middle of the octopus)The center would be right here. Do you see how the line curves one way and then at the middle changes direction and curves the other way? This point, where the curve changes direction has a very specific name in math and physics. It is called the inflection point. A point where the curve changes from concave upward to concave downward. The true center out of which eccentricity occurs is here, at the inflection point.

Back to fingers stacked as though the rubber band is being stretched.

EKIM (CONT'D)(standing, rotating hips and shoulders)The tension created by rotating between the hips



and the shoulders is what makes an eccentric contraction at the inflection point. This is how we get taller. How we get a thinner waist. This is how we decompress the spine.

EKIM (CONT'D)So we rotate at the hips, and we rotate at the shoulders. Is this the only place our body creates endpoints of tension?

RICHARDThere's one through the head. Head and shoulders work the same way.

With that Richard reaches his arms out from his sides creating an axis through the shoulders. He rotates his shoulders and his head in a slack manner, and then by rotating his palms up and shoulders back against a lengthening neck, chin down to face straight ahead, shows the same kind of tension Ekim was demonstrating between hips and shoulders.

EKIMAh, Richard. Embodiment is the ultimate authority. Your demonstration is perfect!

EKIM (CONT'D)(miming Richard's movement)The shoulders and the rotation through the ears creates a Cornu spiral of tension which sets up another inflection point of eccentricity in your neck.

Ekim rubs his hands together as though washing them.

EKIM (CONT'D)Great. We are getting close to understanding the role of springs in the method.

Ekim lays down on the ground. Knees are bent feet are flat but he assumes the position of someone who is so tight in the shoulders



that his head tilts back but doesn't touch the floor, and his elbows touch but his relaxed hands, fingers dangling down fail to reach the floor.

EKIM (CONT'D)Got any clients like this?

Laughter.

EKIM (CONT'D)They are so tight they can't relax. You can't be eccentric and start under tension at your extremities. If you are under tension at your extremities you can't start from your center and move out from there. So...

EKIM (CONT'D)(sitting up, pausing to deliver a key point)In order to be eccentric you have to start at ease.

People start writing. Ekim waits.

EKIM (CONT'D)This is really important and becomes a key factor in working with a client. So how do we help our client find ease in order that they may start their effort at ease.

HONEYYou put a pillow under their head, and little pillows, or something, under their hands so their arms can relax.

EKIMRight you are. You do what it takes to put them at ease. Then you can initiate from core.

Ekim goes over to the Cadillac, lays down at one end, puts springs that are attached to vertical poles at one end of the Cadillac onto



his feet with straps that are connected to ends of the springs. His legs are laying out against the support of the springs about 45 degrees above the surface of the Cadillac.

EKIM (CONT'D)Now let me ask you, is it easier to hold up my legs while they are in the springs or if the springs weren't there.

Everyone answers as though a ritualistic response.

GROUPEasier.

EKIM(moving up and down a little bit against the support of the springs)So the springs are supporting the load of my legs, to put me at ease so I can make an eccentric initiation. Right? Everybody see that?

HONEYBut if you push down the springs resist.

EKIMYes, that's right. But if I don't make effort I can find ease. And from ease I can start from my center to make the push. This is what Pilates is all about, eccentric effort. To be eccentric you have to start at ease...drum roll please...so the role of springs in Pilates is to support load to facilitate an eccentric initiation.

Ekim slowly paced back and forth to let the point sink in.

EKIM (CONT'D)We now know the first two words of the definition of the idea, uniform and eccentric. Uniform means



whole body, uniform usage. Eccentric means out from center. The true point of eccentricity is the inflection point and in order to be eccentric you have to start at...

Waiting for a response.

GROUPease.

EKIMGood. Very good.

Ekim lays down on the floor and begins the double leg stretch. After several repetitions he starts doing the single leg stretch. Stopping he sits up, arms around knees to address the group.

EKIM (CONT'D)Do you recognize these movements?

HONEYOh sure! Those are Pilates exercises.

EKIMWere they in the correct order?

RICHARDNo, they were in the wrong order.

EKIMWhy?

RICHARDBecause the double leg stretch comes after the single leg stretch.

BETTE ANNBecause that's the way Joe book and videos have them.



EKIMQuite right, and the ultimate validation of authenticity. Why do you suppose he arranged them in that order?

RICHARDBecause the two leg stretch is harder than the one leg stretch.

EKIMWhat makes it harder?

RICHARDYou are moving two legs away from center instead of just one.

EKIMAnd that increases the load, right? The weight you move gets heavier. So, this becomes the first way you make anything harder-you increase the load. If we were creatures from another planet the next exercise might be the three leg stretch, but we don't have three legs, so instead we do this.

Ekim returns to supine, starts doing the one leg stretch and transitions into the scissors.

EKIM (CONT'D)The one leg stretch becomes scissors.

Ekim starts doing the two leg stretch and transitions into the double leg lower lift.

EKIM (CONT'D)And the double leg stretch becomes the double leg lower lift. So this becomes the second way you increase the load, by moving the load further away from center, sometimes called increasing the lever.



Ekim goes supine again, legs stretched out long.

EKIM (CONT'D)We start out the sequence lying down. And then we sit up. How is this harder?

MARGARETBecause now you have less in contact with support. You can fall down.

EKIMExactly, and this is the third way the sequence progresses into more difficulty, fewer contact points.

From sitting down, Ekim turns over onto all fours. Knees not touching.

EKIM (CONT'D)Here you have four contact points.

Lifts a hand.

EKIM (CONT'D)Three contact points.

Lifts the opposite foot.

EKIM (CONT'D)Two contact points.

Makes a joking effort to go into a one armed hand stand.

EKIM (CONT'D)And for someone maybe one contact point.

Ekim stands up, his side facing the group.

EKIM (CONT'D)How many contact points do we have here?



HONEYTwo.

EKIMReally? Remember our endpoints of rotation? Rotation at the hips.

Ekim plays Elvis.

EKIM (CONT'D)Rotation at the knees.

Ekim squats up and down without much movement at the ankle.

EKIM (CONT'D)Rotation at the ankles.

Squats get lower because of the increased movement at the ankle. And rotation at the...

Ekim lifts and lowers his heels.

HONEYOh! The ball of the foot. What's that called?

MARGARETThe metatarsal heads.

Margaret shows tolerance of Honey's limitations in anatomy.

EKIMAnytime you have a client doing an exercise on flat feet you can make it a whole new world of difficulty by removing the contact point at the ankle by lifting the heels. This is the third why you make any exercise harder, because that's the way it gets harder in the sequence of the mat, you reduce contact points. We're talking about loading. This is the third word in the definition of the idea. So, we've got uniform eccentric loading. The fourth



way to make anything harder is to change the tempo. Go faster, or go slower. And the fifth way to make anything harder, assuming you are using tension, is a change in tension, either more tension or less tension. Like in side splits on the Reformer. More springs makes it harder in one way, less springs much harder in another.

RICHARDWhen I first came to Pilates I only looked at the springs as resistance. Add more springs to make it harder. Then I tried side splits on the Reformer with less springs and I found out how hard less springs could be.

EKIMBecause with less springs you have to handle more of the weight of your own body. More load. In the mat sequence you start out lying down. Then you sit up. Then you go from round back to flat back, which takes us into the second half of the definition of the idea.

EKIM (CONT'D)You see there's the target of the idea, fluorescence. And the definition of the idea is best digested in two parts, connected by a couple words in the middle. The first part is uniform eccentric loading. The second part is progressive patterns of movement. Bette Ann, you have children don't you?

BETTE ANNTwo boys.

Ekim squats down, chest on thighs, arms around legs.

EKIMA baby in the womb starts out in flexion. In being



born,Ekim opens up to standing, arms spreading out, making a big extension.

EKIM (CONT'D)Life presses us out into flexion. Once we see what's out there.

A look of alarm takes over Ekim's face.

EKIM (CONT'D)And we say, "Oh, my god!"

Ekim retreats back to the fetal position.

Everybody laughs.

Ekim returns to a relaxed standing position.

EKIM (CONT'D)Life presses us out into space. And our convulsions are what move us through space. The more we control our movement the easier we move through space, the quicker we get to the food, the more likely we survive in this gravity jungle we find ourselves in.

EKIM (CONT'D)Space has ideal properties. Like the shortest distance between two points is a line. Our convulsions of flexion and extension gets us moving in the sagittal plane. Sagittal comes from sword as in cutting the body in two.

HONEYYuck!

EKIMIt is also called the median plane. This is more



accurate to what we are talking about because the median plane divides the body in left and right halves. The sagittal plane divides the body into unequal left and right parts still running parallel to the median plane.

HONEYThat's much better.

EKIM(amused)As soon as you start talking about space we start talking about ideals. Ideals like points, rotation, planes, parallel, perpendicular. I know a very good teacher who has forever said that you can't put a body on a grid, that each body is unique and has to be addressed as such. I come from just the opposite perspective. Reality as we know it is a grid. We are stuck in spacetime and there's nothing we can do about it but rise to the occasion to survive within it. Controlling our movement is our ticket to survival and joy in the success of it. When you consider the body moving through space it has to navigate the shortest distance between point A and point B. This is primarily accomplished through flexing and extending in our median plane and secondarily through establishing stability in the coronal plane, also called the frontal plane.

Ekim reaches his arms out from his sides and bends back and forth sideways as though caught in his frontal plane. Then upright, he mimes walking a tight rope and how control of the frontal plane aids in maintaining the balance it takes to walk on the rope.

EKIM (CONT'D)After we can control our movement in the ideal planes of front and back, side to side, then there is all the space in between where we rotate to get to.



Standing in one spot, Ekim twists his trunk to apparently reach for something above and behind him.

The Pilates mat sequence honors and respects the progressive nature of controlling movements in these patterns, flexion before extension, before side bending, before rotating. Time and again, Pilates sequence follows this pattern: flexion, extension, side bending, rotation, and torsion. This is the second half of the definition of the idea: progressive patterns of movement. Now the only thing that remains are the two little words that connect uniform eccentric loading to progressive patterns of movement. They are "flowing through."

Ekim moves both hands out away from his body, palms open, as though flowing through water. Then he holds his left palm facing him separated between middle and third fingers to make space for his right flat palm to pass through.

EKIM (CONT'D)When you watch old film that Joe made of his mat work each exercise flows one to the next. What makes this flow so important is that without flow you stay stuck in your mind. The exercises remain only a thinking exercise. But when you press the flow you must listen. Listen to where you are, anticipate where you are going. As we have discussed before, listening requires the spirit, one's mind's eye, the observer. Pressing the flow is the key catalyst to reaching the complete coordination of body mind and spirit in the moment of the doing. So it must be considered part of the idea.

Pauses, lets that sink in.

EKIM (CONT'D)



Now we have it. It has taken a bit of examination, but now we have a complete expression of Pilates as an idea. Now we have an answer to the "what", what is Pilates? Pilates is uniform eccentric loading flowing through progressive patterns of movement.

With that Ekim paced, preparing to go on. You could tell he was listening to himself, formulating the words for his next sentence.

HONEY(her arms wrapped around bent knees,rocking to some inner beat)Would this be a good time to go? I mean, I really have to go...to the bathroom. How about a break?

Breaking his train of thought, Ekim looked up and surveyed that Honey was not the only one in agreement with her suggestion. Looking at the clock...

EKIMOkay. Let's not be to long, 10 minutes and we'll finish this off.

Looking at Honey with a twinkle of compassion in his, and a nod of his head.

EKIM (CONT'D)Go!

Honey's face released to relief and she sprung like a deer startled from its resting place. Several others followed. Ekim returned to his train of thought, making use of the break to further prepare. So he didn't really see the woman standing a little behind him till he turned around in the continuance of his pacing.

JENExcuse me.

EKIM



Oh, hello.Her eyes were the deep green of the forest, made more so by the hue of her shirt, a v-neck with cap sleeves, no logos or markings, just a mantle to set off the depth and intensity of those eyes. Ekim had the feeling of swimming in the depth of her gaze. She didn't seem to mind, she didn't seem to be looking for it. She just had a peace in which his gaze left no ripple of disruption.

JENIs it true?

Broken from his comfortable swim, his face turned to puzzlement. Wrinkles appeared across the bridge of his nose the way his father's had.

EKIMIs what true?

JENThat you're quitting.

Her arms were crossed, forearm to forearm, palms cupping opposite elbows. Her stance was even weighted, a little more turn out than normal, giving away what was a likely background of time spent at the ballet bar.

EKIMWell, I wouldn't say I was quitting.

JENYou're not going to teach any more are you?

EKIMThat's my plan.

Her face got serious, more determined, taking on a subtle defiance to what she was hearing.

JENCopyright 2008 Michael Miller


You can't.Ekim looked away now, unable to hold her gaze. Down towards the floor, and reflective at what had brought him to this conversation.

EKIMI'm teaching now.

JENBut you must continue! What you have to say is too important.

EKIMDoesn't seem like it. I rarely get an audience this big. When I announced this workshop, in the writing of it, the words just come out of me that this would be my final presentation.

She looked up to call down help from above.

JENYou're too good and you must not let anything stop you from sharing your genius with the world.

EKIMYou haven't even heard my "So what?" yet.

JENDoesn't matter. What you've said so far is beyond whatever else is out there.

Ekim found himself wondering if it was her adulation that made the chemistry so strong between them or if that was just a tantalizing bonus. She was small, but looked sturdy. Her tights went just below the knee, actuating well developed thighs and the calves to support them.

JEN (CONT'D)Copyright 2008 Michael Miller


I've been exposed to Pilates ever since I could dance, but never like this.

EKIM(a bit awkwardly)Thank you. I'm happy you've had a chance to hear it first hand. There are others who know the idea and it will not die away without me to press it forward.

JENBut why stop now?! They, we, need you.

EKIM(a soft smile pulls into a saddened face)I got tired and I didn't like the way my attitude was going. Stories of Joe in his later life describe him as bitter and disillusioned. I want something different from my future.

JENLike what?

EKIMLike peace of mind. Not caring so much. A shack on the beach, a little girl like you to be my surfing maven.

JEN(with a tilt of her head and a taunt in her eyes)I surf.

EKIMSee? That's much more appealing than pressing a view out into the world that nobody wants to hear.

JENI want to hear. We want to hear.



EKIMSo I'm glad you're here. Let's leave it at that, okay? Now you'll have to excuse me, I need to go, too, and it seems almost everyone has had their chance. Don't you need to go?

JENNo. I'm a camel.

With that Ekim backed away until he had to turn, wondering what that lustrous brown cinnamon bun of hair would look like released from bobby pin hell.

Not quite the break that he was expecting. It did though give him some distance from his delivery. And a chance to come anew to the conclusion of his presentation. Talking with Jen brought to the surface how it was to be his last. As he re-entered the studio, several conversations were in heat, but the tone died down and everyone disassembled to there previous places.

EKIM(standing before the group)When we started I told you there was a "Why" a "What" and a "So what?" Why do we do Pilates? What is Pilates? And so what?

EKIM (CONT'D)Why we do Pilates is because of gravity. Gravity forces the issue of alignment. Alignment is perceptible via tension. It takes two points to trigger fluorescence.

As he did this, he used sign language for each statement. This was a talent he picked up from presenting in so many different countries through translators. After the first couple trips around the merry-go-round of the mantra, gravity to fluorescence, meaning arrived by gesture before the words.



What Pilates is, is an idea. Pilates is an idea. Pilates is uniform eccentric loading flowing through progressive patterns of movement.

His sign language was a fluent visual chorus.

EKIM (CONT'D)(no more signing, arms outstretched, palms up)So what? What does that mean to you and me? Pilates has been around for 90 years, has spread all over the globe. What difference does the idea make?

EKIM (CONT'D)The idea gives you two wonderful gifts. First it explains the tradition, and second, it sets you free.

EKIM (CONT'D)The idea explains the tradition because it exists within the original sequence of the mat, its creator's definition, and his promise. It cannot be influenced or corrupted by time, but remains the same yesterday, today, and forever.

Ekim gestures behind him as he says yesterday, points to where he stands as he says today, and far out over the group's head's as he says forever.

EKIM (CONT'D)The idea gives you bedrock to stand on. You can teach with confidence and authority.

EKIM (CONT'D)Ekim pulls imaginary clothes from his chest just as Clark Kent would begin his change into Superman.

EKIM (CONT'D)The idea sets you free. It sets you free from a lot of



things. It sets you free to do and to be a lot of things.

EKIM (CONT'D)The idea sets you free from aristocratic tyranny. From elders, their sycophants and their dogma that presumes who you know is more important that what you know.

It sets you free from the snobbery and self absorption of elitism, often found in the dance community. There's a big difference between being elite and being and elitist.

HONEYWhat a minute. Could you run that one by me again?

Embarrassed, but so into what was being said she didn't want to let it go by without a better grasp.

EKIMSure. Being elite means you are superior. Being an elitist means you believe you are superior. For example, many Pilates instructors come from the dance world. They believe that because they were dancers they have some special advantage in the Pilates world that makes them better than mere mortals. Fact is, dancers suffer a disadvantage when it comes to doing Pilates. Dancers tend to project out into the audience taking their alignment of center. They are forever looking in the mirror, a concentric approach, instead of an eccentric approach. Then tend to hinge instead of fluores. Not all dancers. Ballancine reportedly chastised dancers for looking in the mirror saying just what Pilates says: that you have to know where you are in space from the inside out. Often, a self image that could



not be supported as a dancer is more easily passed off in the Pilates world. So the idea sets you free from unfounded elitism.

JENIf a dancer were really a dancer, she would be dancing.

EKIMYes, and to use Pilates as a means to another end is done by many.

EKIM (CONT'D)(looking at Honey)Learn from the elite, those who have the ability. Be on your guard of those who would have you believe there elitist attitude matters more than their ability.

HONEYI get it, thanks. There sure are lots of elitists in Pilates.

EKIM(laughing)Yes, there are, and that's one of the things from which the idea sets you free.

EKIM (CONT'D)The idea also sets you free from other creatures you will come across in the Pilates jungle. There are intellectuals, blenders, extenders, pretenders, and money makers. These jungle creatures threaten your sense of self, threaten your understanding of Pilates as an idea. Threaten your confidence to teach the method of Joseph Pilates as it was originally taught with validity that continues to this very day.



First on the scene are the intellectuals, those whose heads are so big they barely fit into the door. The MDs, the DOs, the PTs, and the scientists. They would have you believe because they are smarter they can teach Pilates better. They threaten you with fear. They try to keep you in your place, and hold onto their's of superiority over you by saying, "You could hurt someone!" That's the number one expression of intimidation used against new comers. Accept their party line and you lose the essence of Pilates. Because Pilates is more then science, more than thinking. Only at the level of quantum mechanics can science get its arms around Pilates because at that level you must acknowledge the observer. The observer is not the thinker. The observer exists outside the thinker. To avoid hurting someone takes more than smarts. Smarts often get in the way. Remember Pilates is the complete coordination of body, mind, and spirit...not body, mind, and more mind.

He grins.

EKIM (CONT'D)Everyone signs a waiver acknowledging risk. And whether you just got here or you have been teaching for your whole life, you or your client can get hurt in the blink of an eye.

BETTE ANNThat is so true! I'm constantly on guard for how an exercise can go south. The moment I assume nothing with happen something does. You always have to have safety foremost in your mind.

RICHARDTeaching side splits on the Reformer was my lesson. Standing in front of the client modeling



arms out didn't help a bit as she started waiving her arms, losing her balance falling backwards. All I could do was wave goodbye. There was another Reformer behind her. She could have gotten really hurt. Luckily she didn't. And I learned my lesson, be where you need to be to keep things from...what did you call it?

BETTE ANNFrom going south.

EKIMGreat. Good stuff. Thank you for sharing.

EKIM (CONT'D)Let's go on. Another creature in the jungle is the blender. The knock-off-alates crowd that blend some other activity into Pilates as though Pilates has no essence of its own. Yoga is a good example, and golf, and in the pool, and on the dance floor. It's okay to blend Pilates into other modalities. They wouldn't be viable if Pilates didn't have the bedrock essence that it does. And certainly, leaning on the cachet of Pilates continues to support an ever growing cadre of Pilates aberrations.

MARGARETWait a minute. Are you saying these blends have no value?

EKIMSure they have value. People go pay for them don't they? I'm saying the only way the value is deserved is if the knock off maintains the integrity of the ideal within its expression. Many, if not most blends exploit economic opportunity paying only lip service to the method that makes the money. If



Pilates didn't have such a pure essence of its own it could never support the number of knock-offs that are out there. And the list seems to be growing by the second. Knowing the idea of Pilates sets you free to make money off of just teaching the essence of Pilates without having to make up something new to draw economic interest. Is it okay if we go on?

MARGARET(nods her head but says nothing)

EKIMIt's one thing to be a blender because you at least acknowledge the influence of the method you are drawing interest from. When you are an extender you drop the "alates" altogether. Instead of calling your work gyrolates you make up a completely new name, claim it to be a far superior methodology, legally structure it into a money making machine, and take was is fruffy energy work subjectively and arbitrarily determined by its creator and pass it off as the whole cake rather than the fancy frosting it is to the real cake of Pilates.

BETTE ANNHow can you say that! I am certified in the method you speak and I take what you say as an insult. You don't know what you are talking about.

EKIMGranted. I may not know what I'm talking about when it comes to that method. But I do know Pilates. Pilates is the foundation of movement through space. It comes a priori to yoga.

EKIM (CONT'D)



(looking at Honey)That means it comes before yoga. It doesn't come with the baggage of yoga, one of the reasons I like it so much. It's just you, your awareness, and your will, without interpreting what it all means.

EKIM (CONT'D)Whether it's yoga or some elitist extension of Pilates that goes by another name you will never replace or usurp the truth found in the Pilates method. The idea of Pilates sets you free from these kinds of detractors.

Now let's turn to the creatures in the Pilates jungle who threaten your freedom the most, the money makers.

EKIM (CONT'D)Pilates has been propelled into the spotlight because there is so much money to be made with it in the fitness industry. One of the biggest money makers in the industry advertises the question, "Are you getting your share of the market?" They are selling fear. Fear of competition, and greed. So they sell you solutions to give you an edge that will attract clients and grow your business. The profit motive has all but ruined Pilates because it has taken the method into turnkey solutions that focus on group delivery from stackable equipment. The personal trainer has gotten shoved to the bottom of the money making totem pole. But they can show you how to buy their stuff and pack a room with profits. If the sequence of Pilates has to be altered to facilitate group classes, so be it. After all they don't understand the significance of the sequence anyway.



Ekim's head is down, surrendered to the plight of Pilates in the onslaught of profiteers.

EKIM (CONT'D)Finally, there are just the flat out pretenders. They've taught group exercise or been a personal trainer for years. They teach Pilates like they teach anything else. From exercise to exercise, they get it going and they beat it to death. They don't appreciate the necessity of flowing through from one exercise to the next. They don't care about lactic acid build up. All they know is more reps is better. Uniform usage and alignment to get there aren't even considered. All you can do when caught in one of those classes is do your best, and then rest. Afterwards, maybe apply for a job.

Ekim isn't even looking at the group now. As he paces to and fro the landscape of creatures in the jungle seems too oppressive. A long pause goes by, a big inhale, and then he looks up at the intense faces of the group before him. Smiling, as though in an effort to choose hope he continues.

EKIM (CONT'D)So the idea sets you free from all those creatures. The idea makes you King Kong in that jungle, not swayed or threatened by any of them. The idea sets you free to be confident that what you teach is Pilates. The idea sets you free to be creative in your teaching, honing your skill, getting profound results from delivering exercises not learned from a DVD, but created on the spot for a specific need with a specific client in any condition, with whatever goals, while staying true to the idea of Pilates. What you teach has progressive pattern, considers loading, looks for eccentricity and uniformity, all the while pressing the flow to get the fluorescence



of body, mind, and spirit, all completely coordinated in the moment of the doing. Your learning comes from inside you. Your innovation comes from your evolution as a teacher, being a sensational instructor. For your Pilates to be truly innovative, even revolutionary, it has to stay connected to the idea, or how can the innovation you make have anything to do with Pilates? The idea sets you free to learn about you, to learn about your clients, to take them where they never imagined going. The idea sets you free to find the joy of discovery within, and then share it with the rest of us. The idea is incorruptible, eternal, and sets you free to teach powerfully, with authority, connected to your passion. What could be better than that?

Ekim uses an inhale to re-assert his posture. He feels a sense of calm from the conclusion he has reached.

EKIM (CONT'D)I want to thank Sally, our host, for bringing me here, and all of you for your attention. It's been a lot of fun, I hope you have enjoyed it.

Applause breaks out, intense and hearty. Ekim joins in, clapping with extended arms, moving them across the group to direct his feelings to everyone. He tries to look each person in the eye to make his sentiment personal.

Honey looked like she was at a high school pep rally. Shaking her fists in between a flurry of claps. Eyes bright blue and full of inspiration.

Margaret sat upright. Could have been at the conclusion of an opera. Satisfied but restrained.

Bette Ann seemed like she was at one of her sons soccer games. Her applause heart felt and full of pride.



Richard's hands stopped before anyone else's, but his head was nodding and the set of his jaw seemed to say well done.

Jen, in the back, looked like she was in a movie, clapping in the end because she couldn't help her self. Crying for the same reason.

Sally, led the conclusion of the cacophony by rising.

SALLYThank you all for coming. Please be careful on your way home. My teachers check your schedule before you leave.

With that everyone rose, stretched their sides, their necks. Some used one arm to stretch the other shoulder.

Honey made a bee line (sorry for the pun) up to Ekim with her arms stretched wide. Ekim saw it coming as it had so many times in the past from other admirers in other workshops. Hugging was a sensitive subject for him. Too many times he had felt himself being hugged as a form of subtle manipulation. He could have held his palms upright fingertips together, effectively blocking the hug, but it didn't look like it was going to work with Honey. She would have just bear hugged him anyway, pinning his arms to his sides. So he let her come inside and embrace him. Warmth spread across his chest. His hands didn't completely encircle her. Instead his placed his palms on her shoulders blades and hugged from there. He'd read somewhere that a man offered a hug should drop whatever is in his hands and return the hug to the degree given, and release the hug the moment the release started from the hugger. It would have been difficult to return the degree of Honey's hug, for her's was unbridled, and unending. So Ekim removed his hands first, and drew enough posture that Honey's hug reluctantly slid off of him to the point where just her hands rested on his chest.

HONEY(eyes bright blue beams)That was so awesome! Thank you so much! Pilates



will never be the same for me. You are totally awesome, thank you, thank you.

Ekim takes her hands in his, gently removing them from his chest, holding them now between them, finger tips to finger tips.

EKIMThank you. You made it worth coming. My message has the most in it for teachers who are just starting out. The idea won't let you down. Use it. Share it.

HONEYOh, I will. Awesome. Awesome. Totally awesome.

A few others were close enough now, waiting their turn to say goodbye. Ekim let his hands fall to his side. Honey tossed her long main that matched her name, with embedded highlights of the sun, and more on tip toes than flat footed moved more like a deer than ever. Graceful, light on her feet, floated away.

Margaret stepped in, extended her hand to shake. Ekim found long fingers and a firm grip. Figured she might be a massage therapist as well as a PT.

MARGARETVery informative. Unique view. Thank you for coming.

Three shakes and she let go. She stood tall in good posture, from years of practice.

EKIMIt was my pleasure. Your presence added to the experience.

Softening and taking the opening to bring up something that was on her mind.

MARGARETCopyright 2008 Michael Miller


You don't go into much anatomy.

EKIMNo, I don't. I'm much more concerned with the physics of movement and let biology rise to the occasion. I appreciate the need to know some anatomy if you're going to teach, but I rarely make my client think about it. Too much like having to listen to the names of Yoga postures.

Margaret smiles in understanding.

MARGARETI hope you come back soon. You have a lot more to offer.

EKIMThank you, I hope I can.

With a nod and a tinge of reluctance she turns on a dime, and makes her way over to Sally.

Richard was standing there, looking around, processing other things. He waited till it was obvious it was his turn.

RICHARDGreat man, way cool. I've never heard it laid out like that. It makes so much sense. Do you lift?

EKIMNo, tried it once, but it never grabbed me.

RICHARDYou could, you know. You've got the tone for it.

Richard pummelled a fist into the other palm as he spoke. His feet spread ready to make a dead lift.

Ekim gestured to his hands.



EKIMI got into martial arts once I found a good teacher. That's where my sense of alignment comes from, through the ankles with front snap kick, though the wrists from the punch.

RICHARDOh yea? What style?

EKIMShotakan

RICHARDI've done some Tai Kuan Do. Great stuff.

EKIMSo I've heard. I got to the point where it was either pursue the black belt or do Pilates. I felt too old for Karate, and never wanted the target on my chest that comes with a black belt. Years later, after doing only Pilates, I found myself in a karate workshop. It was back to face to face with another human being working on conflict resolution. Made me realize how much I appreciated and preferred reaching for an ideal movement without the distraction of another.

RICHARDYea, well, you could be a good lifter. If you ever want to give it another shot call me. For now, Pilates is really helping me. Makes me more flexible. The weights you know, they really tighten me up. And teaching is such a kick. I'm more careful now. And after you, I have a new insight into what my target is. Thanks again.



Hand held high and out in the open, waiting to shake. Ekim braced for a contest of strength, but found none. Only a firm steady grip, sincere, and man to man.

RICHARD (CONT'D)We'll be seeing you. Take care. You were great.

EKIMThanks. Thanks a lot. Safe trip home.

Then there came Bette Ann. She had shielded herself behind Richard, using him as sort of a curtain. As she stepped forward she observed body language and settled on standing close but making no attempt to hug. Legs together, equally weighted, one palm over the other.

BETTE ANNYou're not a hugger are you?

She smiled. Ekim grinned without showing teeth, rolled his eyes a little like being caught in a hidden truth.

EKIMNo, I'm not. There's too much information, too much sensation. I get all confused. And sometimes, have come to realize, that it's been deliberate manipulation. But even if it's unintentional, it's still too much splash in my emotional pool.

BETTE ANNMy boys are just like that. I recognize it in you.

EKIMGuilty. Thank you for understanding.

BETTE ANNNo problem. You were great. I learned so much.



EKIMHelps to know your target, doesn't it? And what springs are for? I want you to choose hope instead of fear when teaching that tall guy. Take him into the cave of his sensations. Make him listen, make him move. Don't be too technical, that's a thinking trap. Give him movements just like you throw a ball for a dog. Keep throwing the ball till he gets tired. Remember the mat is the method, the equipment is just an aid to help you perform the mat.

BETTE ANNOkay. I will. Thanks for everything.

EKIMMy pleasure. You have a lot to offer. Your boys, and your clients, especially the tall masculine ones, are lucky to have you.

With that, Bette Ann held out her hand. Her other hand covered the top of Ekim's as they shook. The grip was snug and comfortable, like being a child and getting tucked in at night. In some ways, so much better than a hug.

There were a few more thank you's and good byes. Until Ekim stood alone. Sally was talking with a small group. A couple stragglers were making their way away. Only one remained where the group had resided during the presentation. Leaning against the wall, ankles crossed, knees wide sitting Indian style, with arms laying in her lap, one palm cupping another, head back against the wall. She sat as though waiting for more. Unwilling to let go of where she had been. Wanting, needing the show to go on. Her lips where pressed tight. Her eyes shimmered, and the outside world was lost to her focus within.

Ekim took in the scene and quietly, softly, walked over and sat beside her, assumed her position. Time went by and Ekim drew a quicker deeper inhale which tilted his head a little higher taking in



a view of the ceiling, the hanging fluorescent lights. Perhaps to keep his eyes from spilling.

Jen blinked, but remained still.

JEN(barely a whisper)What now?

Ekim let the question roll around in his brain. It was such a familiar question that it seemed to make a regular circuit of issues. He let his shoulders shrug a little as they had so many times before.

Jen took a tissue from inside the waist band of her tights, dabbed briefly at the corner of each eye and then blew her nose. She wasn't used to shedding a tear. It happened rarely. But the depth of what she had just heard had brought her feelings to the surface.

JEN (CONT'D)Where do I go from here?

Jen stared out into space, aware of her company, but not needing to acknowledge it.

The pools in Ekim's eyes resided. His head curled around his ears to once again look straight ahead. He inhaled, one eyebrow seemed to rise and fall as he considered her question.

EKIMWhere you're going is often a matter of where you've been. Life has momentum. You never get to start with a clean slate, never forced to either. Usually, I've found that where I'm going has something to do with what has brought me up to now.

JENI've always loved Pilates. Loved the way it felt in my body. Loved what it helped me do with my



body. After I lost my parents I took what little I had and opened my own studio. Things were great. I was doing what I loved. Paying my bills. Helping other people.

EKIMNothing wrong with that.

Jen glanced at Ekim, who didn't look back. She nodded agreement and went back to staring into space.

JENThen somehow it all changed. I wanted to learn more. Wanted to grow. I went to Bobana workshops. Studied with Kathy Grande, Don Flesher, I even spent time in Albuquerque with Edde before she died.

Jen smiled at the memories of times long past.

JEN (CONT'D)I got more equipment. Decided I need to get certified. What a joke! I went to Pilates Central, fell into their self absorbed world because I felt at home working with ex-dancers. Started picking clients apart, telling them what was wrong with them. It didn't matter how they felt when they left their session. What mattered was what I was doing for them. It became all about me, about what I was doing for them. About my superiority. About what I believed Pilates to be and defining what it was for others who were just showing up and wanting to learn. Everything became so technical. It really did feel comfortable because I had survived in the dance world, and dance is just like that. Full of attitude and presumptive superiority. If you don't have that you get right run over.



Ekim stayed quiet. He knew he was listening and he didn't want to break the bubble. He had just talked so long, sharing so much of himself, the way was open for Jen to bring feelings to light that had been hidden. Locked away. Repressed. And now she was getting a chance to hear herself review what had brought her to this place. To this workshop by this Pilates rebel.

JEN (CONT'D)I sought protection for the invading hoards of new want-to-be teachers. After all, they had just shown up. They needed to pay their dues, learn from the ground up, actually be able to do the exercises! I joined the Pilates Allegiance Union. Setting standards sounded like a good idea, protect the method, keep it pure. Paying dues to rob me of what I already owned is what I ended up getting. Kent Bacon might as well be a reincarnation of Jimmy Hoffa.

JEN (CONT'D)Well, the PAU didn't stop or protect the method. The invading hoards ran right over them like a picket fence to a bunch of Vikings. Money became the issue and other than the insurance companies, who the PAU panders to, playing to get them to make only PAU members insurable...

JEN (CONT'D)(an ironic laugh)The equipment manufactures changed Pilates into the money making machine it is today...for them.

Ekim nodded his head, as though he was listening to himself speak.

EKIMYea...



JENThey re-invested all their profits and either took over or created their own training programs so they could offer a total package to anyone that had enough money to pay for it. Suddenly Pilates studios were everywhere, run by business managers and teachers were a dime a dozen, and barely worth that! Now, like you were saying, stackable equipment is part of the turnkey solution to maximize profits. Pilates became popular enough that if clubs didn't offer it their members went somewhere else. And if they were going to offer it they were going to make money at it. Jeez, it's so sad. They don't really understand what Pilates is so they pack a bunch of people in a room, play music to work out to, change the order of the exercises, destroy the essence of the method, it's like the operation was a success but the patient died.

EKIM(whimsically)And you wonder why I'm quitting.

JENNow I have all this equipment that I make payments on. The company who owns me because I owe them have graciously offered to forego my payments for the summer, for a fee of course, never off the hook completely. And I doubt there will be a pick up of business when the fall season actually gets here. Like a dam that has broken, all my income stream has surged to the low ground, never to return.

EKIMI've seen it coming. Many instructors with big studios, big training programs, have now downsized to working out of a room in their home. And



regardless of the scope of their business are hard pressed to make ends meet.

JENHow can that be? What happened to Pilates in all of this?

EKIMIndeed.

Jen laced finders together over bent knees that were touching. Her gaze at Ekim pleaded for hope. Ekim only looked back. He wanted to say something but nothing came to him so he remained silent.

Jen gaze fell from Ekim's eyes and came to rest on the logo of his shirt. The Michael Miller Trademark.

JENWhat you have done is provide the sword and shield to passionate Pilates instructors everywhere. Your view of Pilates isn't an extension, or a pretension, or a blend of anything else. Your view of Pilates is like looking at a high density image of Joe's work. At first the image loads and it shows a rough fuzzy image. That's Joe's method, the tradition, as he brought it into the world. Then more data loads in and everything is much sharper, clearer, more distinct. All you have done is make more clear the ideal nature of Joe's original work.

EKIMThat's a great metaphor. I'd like to believe it's true.

JENIt is!

EKIMWell, can you see why I get the resistance I do from



the Pilates community? They're busy making Pilates into whatever they want in order to make a buck. The last thing they want to hear is that Pilates has an essence of its own. An essence that comes straight from Joe.

EKIM (CONT'D)Someone once told me, what cannot be refuted gets ignored. It seems my message falls into that category.

Jen comes off the wall, to turn more directly to face Ekim.

JEN(talking as much with her hands as her words)But it can't!

EKIMEver heard of Copernicus? Bruce Lee? Einstein? They all took their fields to a new level of insight and truth. They weren't heralded, lifted upon shoulders, and paraded around. Copernicus got sanctioned by the church, many believe Bruce got the ultimate sanction, and nobody took Einstein seriously until an eclipse proved his theories correct. Sadly, for me there is no eclipse to validate my view of Pilates.

Jen returns to her back against the wall. She pushes against her knees like she is pushing against more than her knees.

JENThis brings us back to where we started...what's next?

EKIM(breaking into a smile)We could go surfing...



Pilates central - DAY

Tosh was almost finished with her test. She'd been at it for over an hour. A teaching practical was nothing to sneeze at. Especially, here. Especially under the eyes of the two studio owners. They looked like extensions of their studio, or the studio an extension of them. Dripping money, and a New York style in an out-West setting. Decorator colors, decorator labels, exotic scents, and sensuous tactiles.

Tosh was struggling to fit in. Her black tights and halter top bra were from back in the aerobics age, giving away her age. Though she stood tall, she carried her weight like she was heavier than her slim figure warranted. In this moment, she was flitting around her guinea pig client like a seamstress trying to figure out where to put the next pin. The client was on the Reformer, attempting knee stretches, kneeing facing the foot bar, hands on the bar, feet pressed back into the shoulder blades like a runner in the starting blocks. Except her toes were pointed the wrong way. And the recurring wrinkles as she moved the carriage in and out in the fabric of her top that ran across her back caused an anxiety in Tosh that Tosh was struggling to respond to.

TOSHI shouldn't just be standing here. I should know what to do.

RUBYYes, you should.

The shorter of the two long necked girls said curtly.

RUBY (CONT'D)What about her pelvis? How are you going to stabilize that?

ANNIEYou always start from the middle first and work your way out.



RUBYAnd what about her heels?

ANNIEWhere do they belong?

RUBYI swear, you would think you just started out program.

ANNIEInstead of trying to finish it.

Tosh tries to react to their comments as fast as they come at her. First she squeezed her clients lower tummy and back between open palms.

TOSHYou should hold this together. Stay tucked under.

RUBYNot in a tuck! In neutral.

ANNIEIf you don't know the difference between tuck and neutral how can you expect your client to?

Then Tosh turned to face the opposite direction, took her palms and tried to encourage her client to get her heels further back against the shoulder rests.

ANNIE (CONT'D)That's not going to work...

RUBYUnless you get her toes in the right position.

Quickly Tosh shifts to using her fingers to unclench toes and get them curled under. Tosh's hands went back to heels to get them back.Copyright 2008 Michael Miller


TOSH(to her client)There, that's better.

RUBYNow what about her head?

ANNIEYou have to step back and take in the whole picture.

Tosh steps back, looking at her client moving her legs moving the carriage in and out. She bites the nail of her index finger, as though she is wondering where a vase on a entrance way table should go. She steps in close and with two index fingers, one at the chin, and one on the back of the head, she tilts the head more forward and down. Let's go, steps back to survey her adjustment.

TOSH(to her client)You should feel like one big arc from the tip of your head to your tailbone.

RUBYYour coccyx, please use accurate terminology.

ANNIEHow else will your client know you know what you are talking about.

RUBYDon't you think she is getting a little tired now?

ANNIEYou can't go on in this exercise forever.

Tosh lays her hand on her clients shoulder.

TOSHOkay, Bets, bring the carriage in, carefully get off,



turn around and lie down to do running in place.Tosh fritters nervously as Bets gets off, adjusts her lavender top, and lays down on the Reformer.

RUBY(to Annie as though the others are not present)You would think she would know by now.

ANNIE(continuing the private, but easily overheard conversation)Can't anyone teach the work anymore?

This is how the whole test had gone. Before Tosh ever got something going she was barraged with questions and interruptions. Picky negative comments. Aloof. Dismissive. Like college sorority seniors delivering hazing to a pledge. Indignant. Beneath them to be there, fulfilling a duty they disdained on outward appearance, but relishing the superior relationship it confirmed.

RUBY(to Tosh and Bets)Oh, enough. We've seen enough.

RUBY (CONT'D)(to Annie)Shall we?

ANNIEUm, humm.

And with that they rose.

RUBY(to Tosh)Finish up, and when you are ready come see us in our office for your evaluation.



ANNIEDon't keep us waiting too long.

And off they went, chattering among themselves about plans for later that day.

Tosh was torn. Insulted that they hadn't even stayed till her session was over, and relieved that they had gone. She took her first relaxed breath since it all started and almost changed into a different teacher while she guided Bets through the bottom lift exercise and front splits.

TOSHOkay, fine. Way to go. You did great!

BETSReally? I was so nervous.

TOSHSure, really.

BETSThat was so hard! Jeez!

Toah struggled with her emotions. She didn't cry but her jaw was set and her face tight to keep it from happening.

TOSHI should get in there, so I'll catch you later, okay?

BETSLet me know how it comes out. I'm routing for you, good luck.

Tosh took a towel and wiped her face.

Office - MOMENTS LATER

Tosh is seated at the apex of a large semi-circle of thick glass which serves as a desktop. Chrome legs, all the appointments the latest design by Akia. Annie sits in the middle across from Tosh,



Ruby flaking Tosh on her right. Tosh is crying but pretending it isn't happening.

RUBYThere's just no way we can certify you in the time that you have paid for.

ANNIEMany trainees complete in the one year, but some need more time.

RUBYYou need more time, Tosh.

ANNIEWith a six month extension you stand a good chance of finishing the program.

RUBYWe aren't guaranteeing that you will, we could never do that.

ANNIEBecause we have our reputation to uphold.

RUBYAfter all, we are the preeminent Pilates training facility in the world.

The two girls exchange smug gazes of self assurance.

Tosh dabs at her eyes with the sleeve of her loose over shirt she had thrown on before entering the meeting.

TOSHI understand. I should have been further along by now. I just so had my hopes up.



RUBYWith more privates, and more practice teaching, I'm sure you will get better.

Taking a deep breath and looking out the window Tosh tries to escape her situation. Her eyes come back to the front edge of the table looking through the glass to see her foot nervously tapping.

TOSHI guess I should start right in when I get back.

ANNIEGet back?

TOSHYes, from Boulder. Jeremy is teaching a summer school course.

ANNIEI see.

TOSHI want to finish here, it being such a commitment and all, but he's already jealous enough about my Pilates involvement. Won't admit it, but he is. So I should go with him and pick up when I get back.

RUBYWell, if that's what you need to do. Try to take some sessions out there, even though they won't be up to our calibre, it's best to stay moving.

TOSH(nodding subjectively)I'm glad to hear you say that. I've signed up to participate in the trials at the university.

RUBYCopyright 2008 Michael Miller


Trials? What trials?

TOSHThe Pilates Trials at the University of Pilates.

ANNIESurely, you can't be serious!

RUBYThat institution is a joke! And the trials are a farce.

ANNIEThey have no respect in the community. No lineage.

RUBYNo reputable certification program.

TOSHI know. I know. But it's like you said, I should keep moving, and this will give me a chance to see what else is out there.

ANNIETosh, this is not a good idea. You know what we say. You should finish our program first, get a good grounding in the classical material before going out and exploring the fringes.

RUBYYou will be undermining all that you've committed to here. Is it worth that?

ANNIEYou might be going backwards, learning things that just aren't acceptable in our program.

RUBYAnd frankly, we may just not have room for you



when you come back. You know how selective we are with who we let in.

TOSHI know, and I'm proud to be part of Pilates Central. But even some of your graduates will be there, so it won't be like I'll be the only one.

ANNIEThey're graduates. They carry our banner, our imprimatur. You aren't certified yet. You aren't ready.

TOSHMaybe not, but it feels like what I should do.

Boulder, colorado University of pilates - mORNING

The University of Pilates in Boulder, Colorado was founded by the Ekim Unroc Pilates Foundation and funded by grants from the Ekim Unroc Trust and other international trusts, funds, and corporate donors. For some reason it became a favorite of Sovereign Wealth Funds. It claimed no aristocratic privilege through any specific lineage to Joseph Pilates. All its authority, and its only authority, was the idea of Pilates direct from Joseph Pilates. Perhaps that was why it drew such a following and such global support. There was less of the political infighting over who you were and who you knew. The only think that mattered is what you knew and what you could contribute to the original work of Joe.

The Trials started three years ago, after Ekim disappeared on his sail around the world. His Trust took over his affairs, which included running the school. The Trials were part of the school's mission statement to create a de facto standard for performance of the Pilates mat work. The Trials motto was, "Embodiment is the ultimate authority." This was the third year for the Trials to be held.



Situated at the foot of the Flatirons, it ran contiguous to the South Campus of the University of Colorado. Built to be "green" it blended in with the natural tones of earth and rock, with glass walls floor to ceiling to the South and West of the major studio.

Tosh paused before the double wide doors, took a deep inhale and felt her shoulders relax and find their place of ease. She wore the latest style from LuLuLemon. Had gone shopping once she and Jeremy had settled into their new digs. Pink over black. Manicure. Pedicure, with the new suggested color of Rocky Mountain Rose. Had thought she would be nervous, like she always felt heading into the Centraal. But this was different. She wasn't even through the doors, and she felt like she was being welcomed home. With lightness in her step and an emerging smile, like sun emerging through the clouds she stepped forward. The doors slid open, like in Star Trek, and had her wondering if the noise was artificial and intentional. In any case, here she was, stepping into a new adventure, headed to the Pilates Trials.

TOSHGood morning. I'd like to register for the Trials.

The studio was early morning busy, but calm at the front desk. Tosh had arrived mid hour, so the turnover wasn't a factor. The woman seated behind the desk was plus-size, short black hair, and wore glasses. Her smile was warm and her head seemed busy.

DEEHave you been here before?

TOSHNo, but I filled out the info sheet on-line, sent in my picture, and gave my credit card number.

DEEGreat. Then I should have your ID token ready. What's your name?



TOSHMacdonald. M. Macdonald. People call me Tosh.

With that Dee slid open a long drawer filled with slits, many filled, some empty. Finding the one she was looking for, she removed it, and held it up so Tosh could see.

DEEThis is your passport while here at U. P.

The token looked like a military dog tag. Clear acrylic, rectangular, rounded edges, with a hole at one end. On the front was the trademark symbol of the University, Ekim Unroc's trademark, he fondly used to refer to as Cornu. Etched on the back was a likeness of Tosh, her name, and a barcode.

DEE (CONT'D)There are readers there...

Pointing to one at the corner of the desk where you would make entry to the studio...

DEE (CONT'D)At the juice bar, shopping area, auditorium, and any of the classroom buildings. All charges show up on your credit card and all coming and goings are logged for security and time-on-campus for your education credits. Wear it however, wrist, ankle, necklace, in your wallet or purse, just don't lose it or it will cost $100 to have it replaced.

Dee handed it over. Tosh liked the way it fit in her hand. Smooth. The etching was sub-surface. Dee went to her keyboard, tapping away till she found what she wanted.

DEE (CONT'D)There you are. Good, looks like we have everything. Except who are you certified by?



TOSH(awkwardly embarrassed)Well, nobody yet. I should be by Pilates Centraal, I mean I will be, I'm just not finished yet with the program.

DEEDoesn't matter to us. We've got you signed up for the Trials. The charge will show up on your statement. As information becomes available it will be e-mailed out to you. Is there anything else?

TOSHI'd like to do the next mat class. Is there room.

DEE(hit one stroke on the keyboard, looked at the screen)Yes, Melissa is teaching it. Just swipe your token on the way into class. I'll reserve your spot here.

More typing.

DEE (CONT'D)You've been on our web site so you know how to register for classes and privates?

TOSHYes.

DEEGreat. The changing room is at the end of the hall on your right. I'd show you around but things are about to get hectic here and I need to man the desk. I guess that's "woman" the desk".

TOSHOh, that's okay. I'd rather explore anyway.



With that being said, smiles were exchanged, Tosh went over to the token reader and held out her new ID and a little light on the reader went from red to green. Eyes wide, admitted to a fabled place, she headed to the dressing room.

Dressing room - MOMENTS LATER

The dressing room was a blend of function and style. Comfortable, like it could be a destination of its own.

Easy chairs, a coffee table, the latest magazines. A big screen TV hung on the wall. A place to relax before or after your work in the studio. Another screen and keyboard, with the studio's schedule laid out. The lockers were in clusters, tall, spacious, with digital locks like in hotel room safes. The lighting was indirect, splashed on walls to illuminate paintings and sculptures. Humid from the showers, and a scent of massage oil in the air.

When Tosh came around a corner, she surprised a couple who had been much closer to each other a moment before.

TOSHOh, excuse me. I was just getting the lay of the land.

VICKINo problem, Penny and I were just talking.

PENNY(with a coy smile)We do that a lot.

VICKIYou look familiar. Aren't you that trainee from Centraal?

PENNY(to Vicki)Of course, she is. Don't you remember? Always testing never passing?



TOSH(embarrassed)Yep, that's me. Tested right before I left and still didn't pass. I will though, when I get back.

PENNYWhatever are you doing here?

TOSHMy husband is teaching a class over the summer at CU.

PENNYNo, I mean here, here, at UP.

TOSHI plan to take some lessons and participate in the Trials.

VICKIYou can't be serious, You're not even certified!

TOSHDidn't seem to be a problem when I signed up

VICKIBut don't you think that's a bit presumptuous? After all, the Trials attract the best of the best. And you, you're just a housewife that does this part time.

At this, Tosh bristled a little bit, her back stiffened.

PENNY(to Vicki)Oh, it's okay. She'll find out.

PENNY (CONT'D)(to Tosh)



Take some lessons. Watch people move here. You can always change your mind.

VICKIWe care about you. You're from our school, but we wouldn't want you to embarrass yourself, or the school.

PENNYOr us!

Penny placed a familiar palm on the inside of Vicki's thigh, stroked gently, looked at her adoringly.

Tosh let this sink in. Looked at the two of them and remembered how they had behaved back at the studio. Self absorbed, stuck on each other, a gift to themselves and the world. She took a towel from the stack on the shelf, turned to find a more neutral corner.

TOSHI should get ready for the mat. Nice to see you both. Will you be working out?

PENNY(giggling)We already worked out...here.

VICKIWe'll be around. Don't worry, we'll help you live up to our expectations.

Vicki turned to face Penny more directly, forgot Tosh even though she was still standing there. She reached out and stroked the arm of Penny.

VICKI (CONT'D)(to Penny)Shall we go get our other workout now?

Penny hopped up, took Vicki by the hand and led her past Tosh.



PENNYBe seeing you!

Mat class - MOMENTS LATER

KARLAOh god! Not another one!

The woman was seated on the mat next to Tosh's. They were waiting for the class to begin.

TOSHAnother one what?

KARLA(tilting her head towards the front desk)Another nobody showing up for the Trials.

TOSHHow can you tell?

KARLALook at her. Gotta be a dancer with her hair up in a bun like that. Jeans and military boots, where is that the fashion?

TOSHShe looks serious, shy.

KARLAJust another grape to fall from the vine.

Melissa showed up dressed to the nines in exercise attire. Tosh got to lay down and felt grateful that she could finally lose her self in movement. What she considered the best part of Pilates, the losing of her self.



Front desk - momENTS LATER

As the mat class got underway, Dee looked up and saw yet another new face. She smiled and proceeded through the same orientation she had just gone through with Tosh.

JENI want to learn as much as I can while I'm here, before the Trials. What do you recommend? Who do I want to work with?

She sat up, appreciative of being asked her opinion. With pencil in hand and using it as a wand that she seemed to be conducting a children's orchestra.

DEE(big inhale)Well, we have here teachers from Absolute Control Pilates, All American Pilates,AnyBody Pilates,Balanced Body Pilates, Balanced Center Pilates, BASI Pilates, Body Academy Pilates,Body Awareness Pilates,Body Control Pilates, Body Line Pilates, Center Pilates,Center of Balance Pilates, Core Pilates,Euro Pilates, Joseph Pilates Pilates, (another big inhale)Michael Miller Pilates, Pilates Asia, Pilates Center,Pilates Central,



Pilates Centraal,Pilates North Beach, Pilates Max, Pilates South Beach, Pilates Passion, Pilates Pilates,PHI Pilates,Physical Mind Pilates,Polestar Pilates, Stott Pilates, Triangle PilatesTrue Pilates, USPA Pilates, YouGo Pilates, and Zoom Pilates

Zoom Pilates came at the very end of an exhale. After her inhale, she smiled at herself.

DEE (CONT'D)I used to waitress at a brew pub, beers, Pilates, it's all the same.

JENWhew!

DEENow, that's not to leave out the instructors we have here that are familiar with...

DEE (CONT'D)(a slow deliberate inhale, circling her pencil now)Aroebalates,Aqualates, Babalates,BallalatesDivorcealates,



Equistralates, Geriatricalates, Golfalates, Gyrlilates, Pre & Post Natalates, Poolalates,Rowalates, Runalates, Sexalates, Spinalates, AndYogilates

DEE (CONT'D)The alphabet and a memory course comes in handy, too.

JENI'm impressed! How do I ever choose?

DEEYou're primarily here for the Trials right?

JENI want to win the Trials.

Dee's free hand goes to her mouth to cover a laugh.

DEEWell, in that case I'd stick with the majors. How much time do you have before the preliminaries?

JENAs much as it takes.

DEE(holding the pencil now one end in each hand)Want me to set you up?



JENSounds good.

Phone rings, Dee's hand goes to the switch on her headset.

DEEWhen do you want to start?

Flips the switch.

DEE (CONT'D)(adjusting the microphone at her cheek.)U P front desk, Dee speaking.

DEE (CONT'D)(clicking switch, then to Jen)You can start this afternoon.There's a routine orientation meeting. Check the web, use your ID.

Dee pointed to the acrylic "dog tag" in Jen's hand, smiled and went back to the caller.

DEE (CONT'D)Yes, dear. I can help you with that would you like morning or afternoon?

Jen wandered away from the desk, sat in one of the chairs. As she observed the mat class in progress she reached to the back of her neck and undid the leather strap which already held a leather tag almost the same size as the acrylic one, slid her new tag down the string to join it and re-tied it back behind her neck. She got lost in observing the movement of the mat and time stood still.

FRONT DESK - laTER

Tosh was just finishing up with Dee at the front desk and ready to leave when Jen approached her.



Hi, I'm Jen, Jen Desiree. I was watching the mat. You move beautifully.

TOSH(a little surprised and embarrassed)Thank you.

TOSH (CONT'D)Are you a teacher here?

TOSH (CONT'D)No, I just got here.

JEN(fingering her new ID tag on her necklace, making it obvious to Tosh)Me, too. I was hoping you might give me a session?

TOSH(nervously looking around to see if anybody overheard)Oh, I don't think I should. After all, I just got here. I'm not even certified.

JENSo what? Embodiment is the ultimate authority. And I want what you've got.

TOSHReally, I shouldn't. Maybe, though, we could just work out together.

JEN(hands tucked into her back pockets)That would be great.

Jen paused to let Tosh take it a step further but Tosh seemed put on the spot, an uncomfortable spot. Tosh, had her arms crossed, protecting herself. Copyright 2008 Michael Miller


JEN (CONT'D)Great place, huh?

Jen made a sweeping gestured with her hand to encompass the facility.

TOSHYes, it's so beautiful. I feel really lucky to be here.

JENAre you coming back for the orientation this afternoon?

TOSHWell, I'd like to but I have to check with Jeremy, he's my husband.

Tosh "tic toc"s her head back and forth as though her explanation is like the systematic deliver of a clock pendulum.

TOSH (CONT'D)(letting her arms come down in front of her, the fingers of one hand held in the other.)He's teaching a course at CU. We just got here, and already he's edgy about how much time I plan on spending with my "Pilates thing".

Tosh does double quotes in the air.

TOSH (CONT'D)So, I'll try. Maybe then I'll know more about his schedule, and we can set something up. For now, I should be going. It was nice to meet you Jen. With both of us being so new here, I feel we have something in common. We can help each other out and rout for each other in the trials.

Tosh extended her hand to shake. Jen took it, and together they made a distinctive, single, up and down, that they both felt brought



them together as travelers on the brink of setting out on a new adventure.

Main studio - AFTERNOON

The place was crowded now. A whole different level of energy. Jen estimated 30, maybe 40 people were already there. Conversations going on in small groups. Tosh gave a clandestine wave to Jen as she was engrossed in a conversation with Penny and Vicki. Dee was swamped at the desk, talking on the phone, answering more calls, handing out papers with one hand, and writing in the book with the other. The front of the room was obviously where the Cadillac was adjacent to the open mat area. Melissa was busy placing a glass of water, stacks of paper, and a box of tissue within easy reach. Jen assumed it would be Melissa doing the orientation until he showed up. He was a young version of Sean Connery. Every woman in the place took note, but he didn't seem to notice. His eyes were deep and dark, focused. He seemed to be listening to a Walkman but there were no cords hanging from his ears. He had a binder in his arms. Black draw string pants, sandals, a black v-neck short sleeved shirt with collar open to reveal a nest of rich dark fur. He had strong forearms and large hands, one gripping the binder, the other raking through wavy dark hair that was thick but only came to the edge of his collar. He came right through the crowd working at the front desk. Many would have stopped him to talk but he was as a host on his way to address some pressing issue. The pressing issue was the orientation because he came to the front of the room, took a sip of the water, opened the binder to remind himself of something and then closed it, placed it down on the Cadillac and stood to address the now attentive gathering.

JAMES(serious, no smile, but not mean, focused)Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen. My name is James Leigh. I am the director here and will be coordinating the upcoming Trials. Many of you are



new here, some of you are not.James looked down at Karla who had a front row seat and was sitting erect and hanging on James' every word. As James looked at her she seemed to lean a little making her cleavage all the deeper. Un-fazed, James took in Jen, and Tosh, seeking out new faces to be sure to include them.

JAMES (CONT'D)The purpose of this orientation is to give you an idea of how the Trials are set up. It's pretty simple really. You have to make it through the preliminaries to participate in the Trials. It doesn't matter what you know, how long you've been teaching, your age, your gender, or your lineage.

With this James revealed a tight smile.

JAMES (CONT'D)There's no confusion really about how or what Joe actually taught. When you view and compare the half dozen or so films in the archive his carefully chosen models consistently show the same exercises in the same order. From Bobama, to Charlotte, to Vee, the films show great bodies performing his method which he called Contrology. He expected speed. Speed that pressed the flow. He knew that speed was necessary to attain the definition of his method, the complete coordination of body, mind and spirit. The sequence was fixed and the order doesn't alter. That's because you can't press the flow if you are not familiar with the sequence.

JAMES (CONT'D)Many of you teach Pilates. Pilates is not Contrology. Pilates has become about your ego, about what you have brought to Pilates. About you assuming you have the prerogative to pick and



choose from Joe's method, and deliver what you want to your clients. You don't. Just because you don't understand Joe's method, doesn't mean it is about you. I don't care what you assume you understand about Joe's method. I don't care whether you are convinced or not that the benefits of Contrology are yours to pick from like a vulture feasting on a defenseless corpse. Functionality is not the issue, and complex moves are not to be demeaned by you or any brand of Pilates that actually claims their foundation to be Contrology.

JAMES (CONT'D)Fear is often used to claim a superior attitude. All movement is a risk. Survival is not guaranteed. Exercises are not inherently risky or unsafe. It is a person's ability to perform them that makes these issues a concern. We know the sequence is fixed. We aspire to perform it as Joe intended. This is the essence of the Trials, not to pick and choose from Joe's fixed sequence. Not to make it about our clients, and their issues, and hence about us and our ego, our delivery of what we know and who we are.

With this James puffs out his chest and mocks the attitude.

JAMES (CONT'D)If you want to teach physical therapy call it that. Of course, you won't because calling what you do Pilates makes money. As always, It's always about the money.

James reaches down to flip open the binder, referring to it.

You think that "just because someone created an exercise in a method you teach doesn't mean that everyone or even anyone needs to do it" is unbounded ignorant ego.



JAMES (CONT'D)(flipping the binder closed)

The "someone" is the creator of the method, Joseph Pilates. It is HIS method, not yours. His method is a fixed set of exercises meant to be done in a pressing flow, with a momentum of its own, that has meaning and purpose. The method IS the choreography, and the machines are intrinsic to developing the ability to do the choreography, the mat. The mat IS the method. That's why the Trials don't include the equipment. If you are still using equipment you aren't strong enough to do the mat. And the mat is the method. The starting point and the ending point is the mat. Not your clients body. Pilates has gotten all turned about to mean just the opposite of Contrology. What we are talking about is really a two way street. If you are taking what you know about Joseph Pilates' method called Contrology towards a body, towards your client's body, and it's all about you dealing with their body, that has come to be known as Pilates. If you are taking any body towards the performance of Joe's defined, fixed sequence, that's Contrology. So the Trials are about doing Joe's method, about performing Contrology. Not making it about you the teacher, or you the performer. You don't matter! If you want to get the results that Joe promises, do his method, do his sequence. If you want to make it about you, about your client, about making money, go right ahead, pick and choose from Joe's method. Dilute his method into what ever you want, call it Pilates. But calling it Pilates does not make it Pilates. Real Pilates is Contrology. Real Pilates is Joe's method. And Joe's method is a fixed sequence of exercises done in flow with momentum, reaching for alignment to get the promise of uniform



development through uniform usage.James pauses here to let his words sink in. Fewer are looking at him, most are looking down, or exchanging needy glances with friends. The two with Tosh have tight lips, and noses tilted upwards.

JAMES (CONT'D)This is the University of Pilates, founded by Ekim Unroc to bring together the Pilates community. Here you will find all brands of Pilates. You will find the pretenders, the blenders, the extenders, and the out and out profiteers. Whatever methodology or modality that brings a body closer to the ability to do Contrology is welcome. Making what you want of Joe's method is up to you. Even calling it Pilates. But calling it Pilates doesn't make it so.

DRESSING ROOM - LATER

FANNYWhat an arrogant prick! Who does he think he is! Who did he study with anyway? How long has he been teaching?

Fanny sat with the crossed legs of a dancer, keeping her own beat with the bending of her knee. She was inspecting her fingernails to see if any blemish had occurred since her last inspection moments ago. The pale blue leotard matched her eyes and revealed her long torso, showing almost everything of the nothing that was there. A thin tube of emaciated muscle. The pink tights made her length even more striking, and her clipped way of speaking gave off the impatience of waiting for the choreographer to show up for rehearsal.

PAUL(rolling his eyes with a wave of his hand)It doesn't matter. This whole place is backward.



FANNYThere would be no method if it were not for Clara. She was the teacher. Joe just paraded around in the snow wearing his white shorts, with no shirt, and his little slippers, smoking a cigar, sucking up to us, the dance community that he needed in order to be anybody. Moreover, if it weren't for those who studied with him where would the method be? Nowhere. If it weren't for us, the dance community he built his reputation on, nobody would know who he was, nobody would care.

FANNY (CONT'D)And now this. Pilates is not the method. Of all the gall, to say such a thing. Doesn't he know? You can't just put a body on a grid. You have to deal with each body individually.

Spoken with a true air of certitude, with her nose inscribing a long arc from point a to point b.

PAUL(hands on hips, fingers running down the length of his legs)You can say that again.

FANNYDoing Pilates requires a talented instructor. It used to take years and years to become an instructor. Now they get stamped out of a press, as fast as Coke cans.

PAUL(snidely)And just as thin.

FANNYYou could hurt somebody! It is happening all the



time--"know nothings" getting people hurt, and in turn hurting our reputation. After all, we are practitioners, like doctors and physical therapists. We work with a body's imbalances to bring them back to balance. We help a person learn what's wrong with them so they can work with us to fix it.

PAULSo many are just riding the band wagon. They don't know anatomy. They don't know fundamentals. They don't know levels or how to progress a client. Or they only teach mat and are clueless about the equipment.

FANNYI came here for the Trials to prove something. That we are better than all this riff raft that denigrates our reputation. We need to protect the method, keep it pure. If not us then who will?

MAIN STUDIO - MOMENTS LATER

Fanny was starting to teach Tosh a lesson. Tosh was is Pilates attire, black tights over white leotard, lying on the Reformer doing the first series of exercises called the Footwork. It was her first private here, so she was keen on showing off her best.

Fanny stood at the end of the Reformer where Tosh's feet where in a Pilates V position. Like a turn out, but not no much. Supposedly, 6 degrees of turnout in the feet put the femur's acetabulum in the pelvis in parallel. Fanny had her hands on either side of the foot bar, leaning over Tosh's feet, like looking down a well, inspected the position and movement of Tosh's feet.

FANNYWhy can't you make more turnout in your left leg? Did you break it or something when you were a child?



Tosh gave a shrug, indicating she had no answer. That was just the way she was built.

FANNY (CONT'D)Bring your adductors more together. Kiss the back of your knees together when you extend out.

Tosh's legs seemed to get longer with each push out.

FANNY (CONT'D)(nodding to herself)That's better. Move on.

Tosh finished the series, moving from Pilates V, to parallel with arches draped over the bar like a bird sitting on a perch, to heels on the bar legs in parallel, to metatarsal heads on the bar pushing out with heals high, lowering the heels, lifting the heels, and bending the knees to return the carriage. She was very smooth, and knew that this was the same move that would come later when she was sitting up doing the Stomach Massage exercise.

Fanny still leaned against the foot bar, watching the whole show from only her view of looking down on the feet.

FANNY (CONT'D)Not so jerky. Move like you are pulling taffy. Keep those ankles together. Inhale out to lower the heels, exhale to lift the heels and return the carriage. Malleolus more together.

TOSH(confused)Mali what?

FANNY(rolling her eyes)Malleolus, these protruding bones on the inside of your ankle. Really, if you're going to teach Pilates,



you've got to learn the terminology.With a flat palm and fingers extended Fanny slipped her hand between Tosh's ankles.

FANNY (CONT'D)Squeeze.

Tosh adjusts. Her knees go softer in order to accomplish what Fanny is asking for.

FANNY (CONT'D)Good, alignment is better. Now engage more of your gluteus.

Dimples appear in the sides of Tosh's bottom down near the legs.

FANNY (CONT'D)No, now you're in a tuck! Stay in neutral. Arch your lower back more. More. There. Hold that. Now push out. Lower your heels. Ankles together! Lift your heels. Bend your knees and come in. Two more.

Fanny stood erect, folded her arms across her chest.

FANNY (CONT'D)Let's do Stomach Massage.

With that Tosh returned the carriage home, kept her legs together, lifted them off the bar, sat up, used her hands to twist her position 90 degrees, and stood up. She picked up a no slip pad and carefully placed in on the carriage, sat down and set out to repeat the exercises she had just done on her back, sitting up.

Once in position, Tosh started going in and out and Fanny eyed her like a bird of prey choosing it's target.

FANNY (CONT'D)(wagging her finger)



There's that left leg again. Anteriorly rotated forward. Square up your hips. Longer legs. Kiss the back on your knees together when you legs extend.

Fanny retrieves another no slip pad and folds it in two.

FANNY (CONT'D)Come in. Lift your right foot.

FANNY (CONT'D)(placing the pad underneath Tosh's right foot)Now continue. Reach long through your left leg.

Fanny observes a few repetitions.

FANNY (CONT'D)Yes, it seems you have a leg length difference. Have you been looked at by a doctor? Do you wear orthotics?

Tosh tried her best to continue moving, make all the requested corrections, and answer her questions, without losing her focus or her flow.

TOSHNo. I've never felt the need.

FANNYAmazing. Let's move on.

And that's how the lesson went. The exercises were familiar to Tosh, but each one was a feast of detailed corrections that came down like a biting rain from Fanny's piercing eyes. No sooner would she process one correction and there was another layered on top of it. By the end of the session Tosh was feeling emotionally fragile.

They were finishing up with an exercise called the Wall. Tosh was back to the wall, feet out away a few inches in a Pilates V, bottom touching, bent over at the hips, hanging over like a rag doll. Arms



were dangling making little circles. As Tosh rolled up, pressing back against the wall Fanny was into summarizing the session.

FANNY (CONT'D)(arms folded across her chest)Well, you are lacking turnout in your left leg, probably caused by anterior rotation of your pelvis. That's causing the leg length difference. Your lordosis might be coming from spondylolisthesis. We'll have to see. In 20 sessions I could fix you. Make your appointments if you can. Better get them set up because my schedule is usually full. I have a waiting list you know.

With that, and a nod, Fanny turned on the ball of one foot and was off to her next session.

Tosh let her body slide down the wall, wrapped her arms around her legs, and let her forehead rest on her knees.

TOSH(to herself)I shouldn't even be here.

Tosh had just had the kind of session she was familiar with back at Centraal. Detailed. Picky. Leaving you feeling all your pieces and parts and their imperfections. Fanny was good at it. Showing off what she knew and what was wrong with you.

Jen, who had been observing the session from a distance, approached now and sat next to Tosh.

JENHey, that was great!

TOSHOh, come on.



No really. I'm telling you, I love the way you move.

TOSHThanks, but there's so much going on. I have so much wrong with me. I'll never be good enough.

JENThat's just the way they're programmed to make you feel. I want to work with you, really. There's so much I can learn from you.

Tosh couldn't suppress a smile.

TOSHReally?

JENReally. How about we get together tomorrow morning. Early. We'll just work out together, do what you did today?

TOSHLet me check with Jeremy, and I'll text you, k?

JENIt's a plan.

Jen patted Tosh's arm, got up and returned to her secluded point of observation over on the other side of the studio. Tosh rocked the weight of her body onto her feet, unrolled to standing like a cobra coming out of a basket. From being so taken apart by Fanny, to being re-assembled by Jen, she was feeling better. A glance at the clock told her she had to get going if she was going to make good on her promise to Jeremy so she quickly gathered her towel, water bottle, cover up, and headed for the showers.

mAIN STUDIO - LATER

KARLACopyright 2008 Michael Miller


Who are you? And why are you here?

JENMy name is Jennifer Desiree and I want to learn more about Pilates.

KARLAWhat do you know?

Karla said this dismissively. Earlier she had commented to Tosh, right before the mat class had begun that she thought Jen was a grape ready to fall from the vine. By this she had meant that the fruit and the vine had not much of a connection. When Dee put Jen in her schedule, Dee told Karla Jen wanted to win the Trials. Karla had sniffed, rolled her eyes, and said, okay, let's see what she's got.

Jen now stood before Karla in baggy grey sweat pants and a faded out red T-shirt. Her brown hair was still up in that bun on top of her head, and her green eyes glistened from a fire within.

Karla looked at the way she was standing, legs in a turn out, feet a little larger than her small frame indicated.

Jen looked down and into her past.

JENI know that I love Pilates. It speaks to me and I get lost in it when I do it.

Karla had heard this many times before from many kinds of people. Everyone was in love with Pilates. Everyone wanted to know more. And just like a piece of fruit loosely attached to its source of nourishment, they take on a little more than their attachment can bear and they fall off.

Karla had a file folder in her hand with Jen's name on it. Other than her name it was completely blank.

KARLAWhy haven't you filled any of this out?



JENI didn't want to give you any false impressions.

KARLAAny injuries? Broken bones in your past? Conditions I should be aware of?

Karla checked to be sure she had signed the waiver.

JENNo, I'm good. Other than "pilate-itus" I'm raring to go.

Karla smirked at the attempt at humor. Physically, she towered over the figure standing before her, but the gravitas of her enthusiasm carried its own weight.

KARLAWhat do you want to do today?

JEN(without hesitation)The mat.

KARLAOh, really?

Usually, the mat was the last subject anyone wanted to focus on.

JENWell, you're the teacher. What ever you think is best.

KARLACome over here.

Karla led the way to a raised padded platform a little above mid-thigh in height. Actually, it was a piece of Pilates equipment called a Cadillac, also known as a "trap" table. In the old days it had been called a therapy table, but nobody liked thinking of themselves as



getting therapy, and therefore being a patient. The "trap" table name came from an exercise done on the frame built onto the platform that comes from the trapeze, called the Bird's Nest, hence "trap table". Even better, because the piece of equipment came with all the options, it was considered the Cadillac, and when seated on it, hands on the Roll Down bar, it felt like you could be driving it. Without the frame and all the attached springs and levers, it just became a mat that the instructor didn't have to get down on the floor to teach from. (It was also useful for clients who didn't do well getting to and from the floor, like the elderly and the wheelchair bound.)

KARLA (CONT'D)Lie down. Do 100s.

Jen assumed the position, tried to still her heart. She closed her eyes. Took in a deep breath. As she exhaled, her head came up, eyes opened looking down on her belly, legs lifted out long, arms reached out past her hips and started pumping up and down as she breathed.

What seemed like just a moment later, she was standing on the platform, drenched in sweat that had come early and stayed through out. Her breath was deep and wide, chest expanding like a billows that was connected to a motor. Jen looked out the window at the peak of Bear Mountain, the sun beginning to set behind, and she felt like she could take flight out the window and chase the sun as it set.

The session had been all mat. Some exercises were familiar. Some were completely new. Karla had driven her with a vengeance, shaking the "vine", testing the fruit's attachment. She poked her, bent her. Used her hands, her knees and feet, even her head to improve the position of Jen's posture.



Jen had lost her dancer's bun early on during the roll over. With a degree of irritation and little forethought, her hands came up, disassembled the coil of hair and let it hang in a pony tail. Now it hung easy down her back, almost to her waist, with a few strands out of place over her shoulder and a couple plastered to the side of her face.

Most of her faded red T-shirt was now dark from perspiration and her sweats had earned their name.

The smile on Jen's face was radiant, even though the look on Karla's was more of a scowl. Karla had gone out of her way to shake the fruit from the vine. Made Jen hold positions far too long. Asked for too many reps. Expressed dissatisfaction at effort that was more than adequate. The more Karla had asked for, the more Jen and given.

KARLA (CONT'D)Okay, come down from there.

Jen came to the floor, picked up a small towel nearby and was wiping her face. Karla made some notes in the file folder.

KARLA (CONT'D)You've got a lot to learn if you are even going to make it through the preliminaries. Be sure you work out on your own. Dee is working you into the schedule wherever she can. I expect I'll see you again. Now off you go. Get some rest and drink a lot of water.

Jen backed away, the smile still emanating, gave a casual bow of respect and turned for the dressing room. She moved with a hop and a skip because merely walking was not energetic enough for how she felt.

CU Boulder Faculty receptoin - EVENING

JEREMYCopyright 2008 Michael Miller


You're late! You should have been here 10 minutes ago! I had to walk in here alone. Imagine how that looked.

Tosh leaned in to kiss his cheek. He rigidly accepted. Jeremy was dressed in dark pleated slacks, highly polished loafers, an open collared pin striped dress shirt and a linen sport jacket. Tosh matched him well in an over the knee dress by Hilleron. Sleeveless, it showed off the definition of her arms, and with the simple gold jewelry, looked the part of the professor's dutiful wife.

TOSHYou look great. Met anybody yet?

She smiled and waited but Jeremy was looking past her scanning the few who had already arrived.

JEREMYNo. I don't recognize anyone yet, and without you here it's a little awkward to be introducing myself.

He was still peeved at her tardiness and was letting her know it.

JEREMY (CONT'D)Just once I'd like to show up with my wife instead of explaining why she is off doing "Pilates."

The way he said Pilates showed an obvious tension for what she was so passionate about.

TOSHOh honey, 10 minutes! And we just moved here. The traffic on Broadway was heavier than I expected for such a small town, and up on the hill, well, between the bikers, the hikers, and frisbee throwers it was a miracle I didn't hit someone before I got into the garage.

JEREMY



You should be grateful we found a place on the hill. I can walk to campus. And the Dean lives just a couple blocks further up the hill. Look, there he is now.

Jeremy straightened his cuffs and made an unnecessary adjustment to Tosh's dress. They approached the group who gathered to greet the Dean and his wife. Jeremy held himself in good posture, glanced back at Tosh, winked, and turned to face Dean Withers.

DEAN WITHERSJeremy! You made it. How as your trip?

JEREMYNot a problem. Thank you for asking. May I present my wife, Macintosh.

DEAN WITHERS(shaking hands)What an unusual name.

TOSHFolks just call me Tosh. Please do.

DEAN WITHERSVery well, Tosh. This is my wife Madeline.

Madeline was dressed in a black Charnee which made the elegant strand of pearls stand out around her neck.

MADELINEWelcome to the University, we're excited to have your husband for the summer.

DEAN WITHERSI should say so. Maybe we can entice him to stay for the fall semester. That is, of course, if things go well and the faculty approves.



TOSHOh, Dean Withers, I'll bet you have a big say in what the faculty approves.

Tosh slides one hand inside Jeremy's arm.

TOSH (CONT'D)And when you get to know Jeremy you will want him to stay.

Jeremy covers her fingers with one of his hands approvingly.

DEAN WITHERS(looking at Jeremy)We already think a lot of Jeremy. His most recent publication had a big impact on our department. We're tickled to have him here in person.

DEAN WITHERS (CONT'D)So, are you ready for tomorrow?

Tomorrow the summer semester begins.

JEREMYNotes, nails, and nerves!

MADELINEExcuse me?

JEREMY(smiling)I've got my notes prepared, my nails done...

He takes his hand off of Tosh's, holds it up with fingers spread to show off a recent manicure.

JEREMY (CONT'D)And my nerves in check.

MADELINECopyright 2008 Michael Miller


Very good. I'm sure you'll be well received.

DEAN WITHERS(looking over Jeremy's shoulder)Ah, there's professor Burton, if you'll excuse me Jeremy. "Tosh", a pleasure to meet you. If either of you need anything be sure to ask.

MADELINEYou look lovely, Tosh. Let's get together for tea soon.

TOSHThat would be nice.

TOSH (CONT'D)(shaking hands with the Dean)Dean Withers, you are as charming as I would expect you to be.

JEREMYMadeline, Dean Withers I look forward to my stay. Thank you again for bringing me.

With that, the Dean and his wife were off to their next conversation and Jeremy and Tosh went to a table to pick up glasses of wine and survey the ensemble of people of the room.

JEREMY (CONT'D)(holding a smile on his face but with tension in his voice)Why did you do that?

TOSHDo what?

JEREMYCopyright 2008 Michael Miller


(frustrated)Shake hands with the Dean?

TOSHI thought I should..

JEREMY(interrupting)No! You shouldn't! It came across as flirtatious. It doesn't look good. It's a poor reflection on me.

TOSHOh, Jeremy.

Jeremy stiffens at her attempt to dismiss his concern.

TOSH (CONT'D)Alright! Alright! I'm sorry. I'll be more careful.

JEREMYJust remember who you are, okay? You're my wife. You're here to support me. To make me look good. To be the home maker. Speaking of which, will the unpacking of my den be ready tomorrow?

TOSHAll set. I'll get started on it as soon as I get you fed and off for your first day. And then when I get back I'll finish up before your get home.

JEREMYGet back?

TOSHI met a beautiful woman at the studio today. We're planning to meet tomorrow and work out together.



Jeremy looked out the window not really seeing the campus that lay beyond. He wondered if she had even heard the conversation they just had.

TOSH (CONT'D)Don't worry, honey. I should have your den all set up for you by the time you get back and you won't even know I was be gone.

JEREMYWhatever.

MaiN STUDIO - next day

JEN"A dream? What is a dream, but the construction of reality?"

Jen was reading from a book when Tosh arrived for their workout.

TOSHWhat are you reading?

JENOh, it's just something from Ekim's writings.

Jen closed the book and stowed it into her backpack. Her hair was down in a pony tail, and she wore an old tie died T-shirt over knee length black tights. Tosh had on brand new LuluLemon, black on yellow, over black. Tosh was glad to be there, excited on the edge of nervous, but Jen looked like she had been meeting Tosh for years to make the same work out session together.

The studio was pretty quiet. A duet on the Reformers was going on, a private on the Cadillac.

TOSH(her long arms down in front, fingers laced together, rocking up on the balls of her feet and then down)



What should we do? Tosh's eyes grew bigger, her eyes as much a question as her words. Jen looked over the studio, her hands on her hips, fingers running down her buns.

JENWell, let's do mat together.

TOSHLead the way.

Tosh's arm swept towards the mat area like a maitre de showing customers their table. Jen took a long inhale through her nose as she headed towards the far end of the mat floor, like smelling a bakery upon entry. The air was clean, and thin, and dry, and Bear Mountain seemed to be more inside the giant glass wall than outside.

JENI had a session with Karla after you left yesterday.

TOSHHow was it? She seems like a pretty tough cookie.

Tosh normally would have been more reserved with her assessments, but she felt relaxed with Jen.

JEN(a little laugh)She is. The session was hard. I sweat a lot, and that's always a good thing. There's a few things that were new and I want to go over them again while they're fresh in my mind.

TOSHWith me? What makes you think I'll know them?



Because I saw you do them in that mat you took when Karla was next to you.

TOSHOh, okay. How do you want to do this?

JENWhat do you mean?

TOSHYou teach me? Me teach you?

JENI'd rather we just work out next to each other, and move through the sequence. You lead, let me follow along.

Tosh looks in the mirror that ran parallel to the mats and chose the one closer to the reflection.

TOSHI shouldn't lead. I still have such a long way to go. At least, that's what they tell me back home.

Jen takes her place on the other mat. She puts her backpack out of the way after removing her water bottle, placing it within reach.

TOSH (CONT'D)Should we start with footwork or hundreds?

Now Tosh was also standing at the end of her mat, facing Bear Mountain. Jen's eyes were closed, and concentrating on her breathing.

JENI really don't know. Why don't you do what you want?

Jen continued to breath, content to just keep on standing there, getting deeper and deeper into her breathing.



TOSHWell, footwork really only happens on the Reformer, before 100s. Some include it on the mat work as preparation. Some say if Joe didn't do it on the mat why should we change it?

JEN(her lips don't part but there's a smile at the corners of her mouth)Then let's do it Joe's way and start with hundreds.

Tosh checks her image in the mirror, comes back to looking straight ahead. Like she is on a diving board, she takes three steps to the opposite end of her mat, crosses one ankle behind the other. Her long arms extend out parallel to the floor, one wrist over the other, and as she bends her knees. Her spine stays as vertical as possible until her bottom touches the mat and she rolls down onto back into the position of 100s.

JEN (CONT'D)Sweet. I've never seen that beginning.

Jen follows suit and together they perform their 100s. Legs out long, arms long and rigid by their sides beating up and down like they are dribbling little basketballs. Heads are up and eyes looking down at their stomachs. Long silent inhales through the nose are followed by long silent exhales through open, relaxed mouths and throats, as though they are each fogging a mirror held close to their faces. It only takes two or three breaths and Jen's arms sync up to Tosh's and they look like they are breathing from the same set of lungs.

Tosh checks her form in the mirror, lifts her head a little more forward while trying to keep her shoulder blades in contact with the mat. Jen has her eyes closed and continues on till she hears Tosh stop.

TOSHI have a hard time counting, so I try to add a



number at the end of every breath.

JEN(still with her eyes closed, enjoying the moment)Makes sense to me.

Tosh extends her legs out long on the mat, rotates at her ankles to push out through her heels, but keeps her knees bent enough that she can feel the contact between her thighs when she squeezes them together. Her arms go up straight towards the ceiling. She looks in the mirror as her arms go over her head watching her rib cage.

TOSHI'm tight in my shoulders so I have to watch that I don't lose the connection between my ribs pulling down and connecting into my hamstring gluteus connection.

Tosh's arms go back over her head and as they pass about 45 degrees her ribs start to rise and her lower back arches up out of a natural curve. She stops and brings her arms high enough that her ribs re-connect and her pelvis goes back to a neutral position.

Jen's shoulders are strong and well developed, but she's tight and doesn't have the range Tosh does.

TOSH (CONT'D)You seem tight in your pecks, do you lift weights?

JENNo, I used to surf a lot.

TOSHI thought surfers never stop?

JEN(avoiding the deeper question)It's tough to catch a wave here in Boulder.



Chuckling Tosh returned her arms to the correct position, got her legs set up and started performing the Roll Up. Jen fell in with her rhythm and soon the two were once again moving with their breaths in sync.

This patterned continued for much of the mat sequence. Tosh would get set up, check herself in the mirror, Jen would follow along and find the wake of Tosh's movement. The more they moved the less they talked until finally, after doing as many variations of the Teaser exercise as Tosh could think of they turned over into Swimming and felt the welcome relief and release of the hip flexors. Giving up the swim they found themselves just lying there with heaving breath. Both Tosh and Jen had the sides of their heads on their stacked palms turned so they were facing each other.

TOSHSurfing, huh? Where did you surf?

JENAll over.

TOSHWhat brought you to here?

JENA wave, I guess.

Tosh didn't understand, continued breathing, and waited to hear more.

JEN (CONT'D)I used to surf with a guy who said doing Pilates was like surfing a wave, an internal wave.

TOSHWhat a lovely image! Where is he now?



Jen tightened, pushed her body back to rest her bottom on her heels and her chest on her thighs. Her arms ran along her body and her face was down forehead on the mat.

There was a long pause and when Jen answered it was in a strained whisper.

JENHe stopped surfing.

With that Jen unfolded back onto the mat and returned to swimming. She had great extension in her back, obviously familiar with the movement through water as well as air. It was the first time in the workout that Jen had led and Tosh found herself admiring the sleek strength of Jen's body. Strong thighs that tapered into shapely calves. When Jen stopped swimming, with her arms and legs still in the air, her elbows bent, and her feet flexed. In one move her limbs lowered and her body lifted in a plank. As she started the exercise Leg Pull Front, Tosh moved into position and almost missed the drop of liquid that fell to the floor beneath Jen's face. Both of them had worked up a good sweat by then so it seemed normal until Tosh realized it wasn't sweat, but a tear. Tosh caught herself in the awareness. She returned her focus to her own effort and for the rest of the sequence followed silently along behind Jen's lead.

By the time Tosh and Jen had reached Push Ups, the private on the Cadillac had ended and Fanny and Paul and shown up and gotten on the Cadillac. Paul was doing Roll Down. Fanny was positioned to cue Paul and look beyond him to view Tosh and Jen as well.

FANNY(to Paul but meant to be overheard)I hadn't heard that there will be "team" competition in the Trials. I thought it was individual performance that counts.

Paul gets tactilely cued to roll down, his hands on the Roll Down Bar. Fanny gazes down at Paul, like a cat smug within itself.



FANNY (CONT'D)Of course, for some, maybe it would take a team effort to come up with one worthy performance.

Fanny glances over at Tosh and Jen to make sure that she's being overheard. After their last Push Up, standing, breathing easy, rocking up and down on the balls of their feet, feeling light and tall, they didn't seem to notice Fanny's intrusion. Casually, Jen raised her hand, fingers extended, as though to inspect a manicure that obviously wasn't there. Jen's nails were short and smooth, natural, and only adorned by the effects of soap and water.

JEN(to Tosh)I think team trials are a great idea. They have them in karate competitions.

Jen retrieved her water bottle and back pack and headed for the showers. She stopped at the far side of the Cadillac, and turned to face Tosh who still stood where they had ended. She glanced at Fanny, then shot Tosh a sardonic smile.

JEN (CONT'D)We'll have to bring it up with James.

Jen's free hand made a swoosh through the air, small in size and a little below waist level, index and middle finger straight, thumb over the other two. It was a mirror image of James Deen's gesture when he was leaving the mansion in the movie Giant. With the same aloof cool, Jen turned and disappeared into the dressing room.

MaiN STUDIO - afTERNOON

FANNYPilates will always be about dancers, for dancers.

Fanny said this as a matter of fact. Dee had set Jen up with a private from Fanny and she was now in the middle of it. They had started out on the Reformer and immediately Fanny has started in



on Jen's form. From the line of the legs in 100s to the position of the head in Stomach Massage, Fanny was never happy. She picked and expressed displeasure at everything Jen did. "Your legs aren't even" she would retort. "Hips square!" Looking for more. "Shoulders back, more serratus," and her touch was always on Jen, touching here, cueing there, so much information that Jen found it tough to concentrate. And now they were doing the Long Stretch, the body in a plank, hands on the Foot Bar, hinging out and in at the shoulders.

FANNY (CONT'D)(rolling her eyes)Your head, your head, your head! Find the line in your neck.

Jen changed position of her head, but only made the line worse. Fanny approached, stood next to Jen, and cupped Jen's head with her hands, physically placing it into the position Fanny wanted.

FANNY (CONT'D)Reach through the crown of your head. You have to be able to feel it.

Sweat dripped from Jen's nose. She could smell Fanny's antiperspirant, and found herself wondering if Fanny ever sweat. Dancers aren't supposed to show effort, even heavy breathing. She reached out what she felt was the crown of her head, but still it didn't gain Fanny's approval.

FANNY (CONT'D)Okay, enough. Let's go to Down Stretch.

Jen adjusts down onto her knees. Her body makes a big extension. Again she hinges out and in from her shoulders.

FANNY (CONT'D)More chest. Bigger exhale.



Like trying to close a bra strap, Fanny's fingers on one hand drew Jen's scapula together and at the same time, with the other hand, separated her fingers across the manubrium to expand the chest. Stepping back, Fanny inspected her corrections.

FANNY (CONT'D)Better. Two more.

And so it went. Jen would try. Fanny would correct and cue. And never was there praise. Only when the exercise Running was in progress was there a let up, and that was only to make lecture, as though Fanny wanted to take the opportunity to make her summary statements while Jen was still on her back and under her influence.

FANNY (CONT'D)In Pilates, you try and try and try, but you are never good enough. Never will be good enough. That is the nature of the effort. I started dancing when I was three. You never get good enough. You are always striving for more.

Fanny's eyes come out of that abstract podium of pontificating and see that Jen is losing her rhythm in Running.

FANNY (CONT'D)Enough. We're out of time. Do the Bottom Lift.

Jen changed her feet to shoulder width on the foot bar, as she lifted her hips, she asked

JENDo you want a tuck or neutral?

FANNYTuck if you can.

Jen complied, did a few reps and dismounted, standing tall beside the Reformer.



JENLike Cecchetti.

FANNYCecchetti? You know Cecchetti?

The Cecchetti method is a form of ballet instruction, a strict rigid training regime whose goal is internalization of principles that produces whole body eccentric movement that concerns itself with clean lines more than flourish. Fanny was obviously surprised with Jen's familiarity with such a disciplined form of ballet.

JENA little. Enough to see the similarities between Cecchetti and Pilates.

Struggling to regain the upper hand, Fanny stood a little taller, held her shoulders back a little broader.

FANNYThen you can understand why the Trials are so far beyond your reach. Why, you'd be lucky to avoid embarrassing yourself in the preliminaries. Keep working, and in a year or two, with the proper instruction, you might be ready to try.

Jen's eyes glazed over. Her left hand wrung into and out of making a fist. Then she smiled serenely at Fanny.

JENThank you for the session. I learned a lot, and look forward to our next one.

FANNYMaybe we can find a better line through your neck next time. My schedule is booked, and there's a waiting list. Let Dee know you want in and if there's a cancellation we'll give you a call.



Fanny headed for the desk, while Jen spritzed the Reformer and wiped it off. She felt down, full of all her short comings, and wondered if Fanny was right. Was she foolish to think she could make it to the Trials?

DRESSING ROOM - the neXT DAY

Tosh and Jen were sitting in lounge chairs catching up. Tosh had just finished a mat class with Karla and Jen was in for a private with an instructor she hadn't met yet. Tosh was dressed again in the latest fashion from City Lights, a pair of black tights with a modern designed jogging bra of blues and greens. Jen, forever the casual and almost-worn-out clothing horse had on cut off sweats over black bicycle shorts and a loose grey T-shirt over a white Landamere bra.

TOSHI should have done better in my session with Fanny. She's good you know, so detailed.

While Tosh picked at the piling of the couch, Jen laid back and stretched her legs over the side of the chair.

JENYea, she really makes me feel like I know nothing. I wish I could get a sense of the alignment she's looking for.

Jen draws an imaginary string out the top of her head as she speaks. Tosh giggles.

TOSHDancers.

The one word seemed to make an entire comment on where Fanny was coming from and why she was the way she was.

JENThey just never get over themselves as being the



instrument of their art. Even those who never accomplish it in the first place cling to the purity of the connection.

TOSHShould you have to?

JEN(reflecting)Maybe not, but it's a world of self-delusion if you don't let go of who your were or wanted to be once upon a time, and then try to carry the attitude into a softer spot light like Pilates.

TOSHYou talk like you have some experience in that area.

It was more of a question than a statement. Tosh slouched further in her chair, crossing her long legs straight at the ankle and hoped for more. She was learning that in some ways her new friend was open and honest in the moment, in others vague and mysterious about her past.

JENOh, a little. Enough to know that there's more to life than always looking in the mirror trying to pretend you still are who you never were.

Jen pulled on her pony tail to enjoy the tension on her scalp.

TOSH(a bit defensively)I look in the mirror all the time! How else are you supposed to know how you look?

JENBalanchine said you should know from the inside out, that for a dancer, you needed to know your



position in space without having to look.

TOSHYou danced with Balanchine?

JEN(laughs)No, he was before my time, but I would have loved the chance. I would have had to be much taller and stronger.

Dee walked in just then. She moved like a circus tent with feet. At first glance you might think she was pregnant, but no, she was that big all the way around. Ever since her rehab from a car accident had involved Pilates she loved to be part of the world. Her accounting background, ability to multi-task and key insight into people made her a natural for the front desk.

DEE(sizing them up)The two rookies. How you girls doing?

Her hands disappeared inside the folds of her waist. She seemed to be inspecting her children before sending them off to play.

TOSHFine. Fine. We were both reviewing our sessions with Fanny and how we now feel like we are total klutzs.

JENIt's humbling to be so disassembled.

Jen put her hands behind her head reflecting on her session. She found it a challenge to separate the good feedback from the delusional self image it came from.

DEEYou seem to be doing okay. Better be. You got



Brenda in a few minutes (nodding to Jen) and she'll take you right to the edge.

Dee went off without another word, as though, the forecast was warning enough. That prompted Jen to rise and pull herself together.

JEN(to Tosh)It sounds like you had a good mat workout, and our sessions from Fanny were similar -- grueling and demeaning. Let's try to get some coffee later, okay?

TOSHTea for me. Love to.

With a wave of her hand Tosh remained seated, sort of, sliding out of her chair really, and wondered what this session would be like for Jen. She had heard of Brenda but not seen or met her. Tosh planned to wait a little bit and then try to observe the session from a distance.

MaiN STUDIO - MOMENTS LATER

Tosh had found a perch over in the far corner of the studio, away from the front desk, away from the glass wall that brought South Boulder inside. She was sitting on the spine corrector, making an effort to stretch out her spine and hide her observation of Jen's session with Brenda that was getting under way.

Brenda was as tall as Fanny but stronger, more muscle in torso, more curve in derriere, and legs that looked like she could go vertical without any effort at all. Her dark hair was pulled back tight in a bun, but not a ballet dancers bun usually high on the head. This style was lower, just above the nape of the neck.

Dee had handed Brenda Jen's file and nodded in Jen's direction. Without looking at the file Brenda crossed her arms and went over to stand before the somewhat elfish figure of Jen.



BRENDAAre you Jennifer Desiree?

JEN(rocking on the balls of her feet, nodding her head)That's me.

BRENDAI am Brenda Saxon.

Brenda looked Jennifer up and down in one of those "I don't care if you see me evaluating you, that's what I'm here for" kind of looks. Moved to her side to take in Jen's profile. Jen didn't turn but assumed the lesson had already started and allowed Brenda to direct her from where she stood.

BRENDA (CONT'D)How long have you been doing Pilates?

Brenda continues her tour and was now standing behind Jennifer.

JENA few years.

BRENDAWhat school? Which lineage?

Brenda's eye became tighter, her words more clipped.

JENSchool? Lineage? None really. I just picked things up from here and there.

BRENDAHere and where?

JENWell, I first studied it from books. Then got into DVDs...



BRENDA(incredulous)DVDs? Haven't you ever worked with an "Elder"? Or studied with a lineage that comes directly from Joseph Pilates?

JENI guess not. It seems to me that just because somebody knew Joe doesn't mean that they understood Joe's work.

BRENDARidiculous. If it weren't for those who studied with Joe passing on his work there would be no lineage to draw from. You have to be somebody to be anybody.

JENWhat about Joe's books? His films? And all those pictures he took?

BRENDA(feeling challenged)Immaterial! Without someone to interpret them what good are they?

Standing before Jen now, face to face, not quite as close as a marine drill instructor, but with the same vibration going on.

BRENDA (CONT'D)I've studied Pilates my whole life. I've worked with every living student of Joe's. I've taught Pilates since I was 17. I started the organization that sets standards for instructors and studios to make sure the method stays pure. I am the technical director of the training program for one of the largest equipment manufactures in the world. And I'm here to make sure there's some integrity in the upcoming



Trials. That's what has brought you here, hasn't it? The Trials?

JENYes.

BRENDA(tossing down the file)Then I suppose you want to do mat.

JENYes, please.

BRENDA(leading the way over to the Cadillac with no frame)Come over here. Let's see what you've got.

Brenda tosses Jen's file onto the floor next to the Cadillac and waves a hand towards the mat giving Jen an open field as to how she wanted to begin. Jen climbed up onto the mat, stood at one end in Pilates V position with her feet, closed her eyes, took a deep inhale through her nose and stepped out, laid down, and began performing the Footwork.

BRENDA (CONT'D)The footwork was never done on the mat work of Joe. It was only done on the Reformer. The Trials will not include Footwork, so forget about doing them here.

Jen shifts into the 100s. Legs out. Arms beating.

BRENDA (CONT'D)Bobana says legs should be no more than 6 inches off the floor. If you can't hold that you certainly aren't strong enough for the Trials.

Jen lowers her legs, all the while keeping her spine in neutral. Upon finishing her 100s she begins doing the Roll Up.



BRENDA (CONT'D)Bobana says there's only two breathing exercises in the method, Reverse Breathing on the Cadillac, and the Down Stretch on the Reformer. Otherwise, just move.

Jen continues on with Roll Over and the strength of her upper body becomes apparent. Tosh was surprised to overhear how little hands on training Jen had ever received because her movement didn't betray her lack of formal education. Tosh found herself wondering what books and DVDs Jen had been studying.

Jen got through Leg Circles without much input from Brenda. But when she started Rolling Like a Ball Brenda was all over her.

BRENDA (CONT'D)Reach your right hand to your left ankle, then grab your right wrist with your left hand. Hold your heels tight to your bottom.

Jen complied after she figured out left and right.

BRENDA (CONT'D)Bobana says to hold your head between your knees like a piece of wood in a carpenter's vise. Now roll without losing the grip of your knees on your temples. Don't push out on your stomach! Billy Weedman says, "In order to roll like a ball you must maintain the shape of a ball."

Jen did a good job of maintaining the requested shape. Her pony tail seemed like a string pulling her head towards the floor, then floating off as she rocked back the other way.

Brenda's face never gave much away, but she was impressed at the tightness of the ball and wondered what else this little waif had learned from her DVDs.

Jen came out of Rolling Like a Ball and started the One Leg Stretch.



BRENDA (CONT'D)No. No. No. Your hands are all wrong. What DVD did that come off of? Outside hand to ankle. That keeps your legs in parallel. Come on. Figure it out. There, that's better. Now the Double Leg.

BRENDA (CONT'D)Come down in your upper body more. Have your shoulder blades touching. Don Flesher says your body is a Viking ship, long in the middle and turned up at the ends. Keep your spine in neutral. Reach your legs out lower. Come on, challenge yourself.

Jen was working hard now, perspiration beginning to soak her clothes. The reps seemed unending, and the people that Brenda kept referring to was distracting. She guessed it was her way of legitimizing what she was teaching.

BRENDA (CONT'D)Okay, move on to Scissors.

Jen's legs went straight, and her legs cut through the space above her hips.

BRENDA (CONT'D)Bobana says "Cut from your core." Keep your arms straight. Just open and close your hands replacing one ankle with the other.

Brenda head bobbed keeping time with the switching of Jen's legs.

BRENDA (CONT'D)Now Double Leg.

Jen's legs were straight and traveled to the floor and back up to point at the ceiling. Her lower back never moved. She was strong alright, but here movement was delivered from her mind, without connection to her breath. She was thinking her movement, and that was enough for Brenda.



At Elbow to Knee Jen looked like a boxer shielding her body from blows.

BRENDA (CONT'D)"Elbows open like butterfly wings" Vee Gantry used to say. Keep your head forward, creased at sternum, but let your arms flutter past your knees to make more rotation of your torso. Slow down, make each twist a squeeze. And then move on to Spine Stretch.

Jen welcomed the transition to sitting up. She loved how each exercise flowed one into the next. And even though Brenda was all full of citing her references Jen appreciated being able to keep moving. Once her heart started beating is was nice to keep her rate up.

And after enough Spine Stretches her heart rate calmed enough to want more instead of slow down all together. Jen had ridden horses on the beach and this transition always reminded her of how her horse, Jimmy, would love to run, and then need to slow a bit, before getting his second wind, but having started the blood flowing was eager to continue on. So it was with Spine Stretch. It was a recovery from the climax of being on your back, a transition to a second verse of the same pattern. Where before was the Roll Up, the refinement, the progression was to make flexion from sitting up, starting with a straight back and then flexing forward just like Roll Up.

BRENDA (CONT'D)Less crease at the hips. Pull yourself up and out of your hips. Lift your belly over a baby porcupine. Stay scooped. Don't get poked. Vee loved to use that image. She'd say dancers like to just fold into two. But that would be a crimp in the hose; "you have to keep the hose open and flowing." Flesher used to say that.



Brenda suppressed a mild laugh to herself at some deeper meaning to what she said.

Jen moved on to the Open Leg Rocker. She knew this was a bigger version of Rolling Like a Ball, harder because the legs were straight and therefore heavier and harder to control. Like a wooden rocking horse she moved, with a pause at each extreme.

BRENDA (CONT'D)Hold arms straight. Stay off your neck.

BRENDA (CONT'D)(watching another rep)Keep your legs shoulder width. Bobana always stresses to work inside your box.

The box she meant was the box created from the hips to the shoulders. Moving outside the box took you outside the focus of drawing control from your center.

BRENDA (CONT'D)Do you know Corkscrew? Let's see it.

Jen brought her legs together, drew them over her head while she was laying on her back, pointed them up towards the ceiling causing her hips to lift a little and then trying to keep her hips in place started a big circle that swooped her legs around, almost touching the floor, and then back up to where she started.

Brenda held back any input waiting to see more.

The next circle of legs was in the opposite direction, just as big, and when her legs came up, so did her shoulders to handle the load of her legs.

BRENDA (CONT'D)You're strong, but not that strong. Just like Ekim Unroc used to say, "You're smart, but you're not that smart."



Brenda was pleased with herself at having included the founder of the University in her cavalcade of who's who that she knew.

BRENDA (CONT'D)Make smaller circles. Your base has to be stable. Keep your shoulders open and planted on the mat. If your shoulders lift up you're lifting too much load.

Jen circles tightened up and indeed her whole trunk was more stable. The Corkscrew was in the same league of difficulty as Elbow to Knee, and carried with it a similar transition to seated, only this time instead of doing the Spine Stretch, an in-plane flexion, the pattern progresses to a flexion in twist called the Saw.

Up she flipped, and flowed right into her first Saw. Brenda watched and was getting drawn in to the movement of the body before her. It happens when you teach. You want to make more of what you see. Verbal cueing is best because it is the closest thing to internalized listening for the doer. Tactile cueing is a double edged sword. It can communicate a lot, and it can communicate too much. In this instance, Brenda was moved to give Jen an assisted stretch.

Standing behind Jen, she placed one palm on the front of Jen's shoulder reaching back, and one palm on the back of Jen's other shoulder reaching forward and down, allowing Jen to make more of the twist by releasing deeper into it. A smile of gratitude appeared on Jen's face. As she released into the provided tension her torso twisted like red licorice, her chest moving beyond facing the wall and headed towards facing the ceiling.

While switching to the other side, Brenda commented in a softer more personal tone.

BRENDA (CONT'D)You may be tight in your shoulders, but your spine has a lot of range.



It feels so good when you do that. Thank you!As Brenda released her grip from the second side Jen sat up blinking and making a little shimmy with her shoulders to re-establish herself in her body. With a smile of appreciation on her face, and still coming out of the la-la-land of the stretch, she looked to Brenda for what came next.

BRENDASwan.

Jen sat up straight, held her arms out to her sides like she was just finishing Saw. Simultaneously, her arms and legs came together in front of her, and then she laid down on her back. Her right arm reached long over her head and she rolled to her right onto her stomach. Then her palms slid along the floor until her bent elbows were about an inch off the floor.

As Jen's palms pressed down Jen's back lifted up. As her elbows bent her body came down. Brenda had backed away and was looking at Jen's profile as she moved.

BRENDA (CONT'D)Less neck.

Jen continued to move, now with her chin closer to her chest. Too close, evidently, because Brenda still wasn't pleased.

BRENDA (CONT'D)Too much. Vee would say to hold a bird's egg under your chin.

Again Jen changed the position of her head wondering what kind of bird's egg she was trying to hold.

BRENDA (CONT'D)Pull your shoulders down. Press out through the crown of your head.

Tosh was still observing and could see that Brenda wasn't getting what she wanted in the position of Jen's head. That was a great Copyright 2008 Michael Miller


advantage to observing. You got to see so much more of how the teacher goes about teaching that you never see when you are the one being taught.

It was clear that Brenda decided to let go of the alignment issue and move on.

BRENDA (CONT'D)One Leg Kick.

Jen came up on her elbows, forearms parallel, palms open as though showing off the size of a fish she caught.

First one leg would bend at the knee, trying to kick her bottom three times, and then that leg would go straight while the other would repeat the same kicks.

The fundamentals of the exercise where in place so Brenda proceeded to refine.

BRENDA (CONT'D)Don Flesher wants a pointed foot, and only two kicks.

BRENDA (CONT'D)(waiting for the change)Yes, now stomach more lifted off the floor. More tuck to hold better neutral. ... Good. Now move on to the Double.

Jen laid flat on her stomach with her head turned to one side. Her arms were bent at the elbow, palms up on her back, high, resting at the level of her bra strap.

Her legs moved as one, bending at the knee, three kicks, and then they straightened out onto the floor. As her legs straightened out so did her arms without letting go of her fingers. Her chest came up and her head took on the appearance of the figurehead at the bow of a sailing vessel.



BRENDA (CONT'D)Less neck.

Jen adjusted, but again Brenda was still looking for something else.

BRENDA (CONT'D)Head lower. Poke your head through the wall.

Again Jen adjusted, but still not what Brenda wanted.

BRENDA (CONT'D)Okay, enough. Bring your hips back on your heels, lay your chest on your thighs and release.

As Jen rested in a relaxed flexion Brenda mused aloud.

BRENDA (CONT'D)You're not going to find your head position till your shoulders loosen up. Donna Roberston always used to say, "Pilates works, and Pilates takes time." True enough.

Jen drew herself up to sitting on her heels.

BRENDA (CONT'D)Whether you'll have enough time to find what you're looking for before the preliminaries remains to be seen. Let's move on.

With that Tosh observed the rest of the session go by as it had been up to now. Jen would move. Brenda would give a correction or cue citing who it had come from. She couldn't say anything without citing reference of who it came from. The legitimacy of her teaching was all wrapped up in who she learned it from. She was good in what she said, but she was so distracting with all the aristocratic baggage she dragged along with her.

By the time the session ended Brenda seemed less harsh towards Jennifer. Jen's embodiment of the mat work commanded its own degree of respect. Brenda acknowledged her talent in spite of its origins in books and DVDs, and even suspected there may have Copyright 2008 Michael Miller


been influences that went unmentioned. As Jen stood back on the floor, facing Brenda, Brenda called upon one more reference from the past.

BRENDA (CONT'D)Martha Graham's father was an alienist. That's an old term for what came to be known as a psychiatrist. She was the founder of modern dance, you know this?

Jen smiled and nodded.

BRENDA (CONT'D)Well, her father used to say that "movement never lies." Don't forget this. Keep trying to find the truth in your movement. You may not make it past the preliminaries, but given time you might find the expression of the mat you are looking for.

Brenda extended her hand, shook Jen's and shooed her away. As Jen turned, and headed to the dressing room, Brenda faced the large windows and looked out to the top of Bear Mountain. There was something wistful in her gaze, a jealously of Jen's youth perhaps. It only lasted a moment, and if not for Tosh's observation would have gone unnoticed.

Cafe sole - AFTERNOON

Tosh and Jen sat outside, under an umbrella, looking at the mountains, sipping their tea and coffee, respectively. The sun was out, the breeze was mild, and the air thin, one of the great aspects of living at altitude. Boulder was a little over a mile high, just to the North West of Denver, and nestled up against the foothills of the Rocky Mountains.

TOSHHow did you like your session with Brenda?



Oh, it was okay.Jen, stared into her coffee, avoiding Tosh's eyes.

TOSHCome on! Dish.

Tosh wasn't to be put off. And with a smile was needling her new friend to open up and speak honestly.

Jen, set her coffee down, looked out at a white bank of clouds that were starting to make their way over the peaks, and ran her chestnut hair behind an ear.

JENBrenda gave me some good cues.

TOSHAnd...

JENAnd she took me all the way through the mat, so I got to complete the sequence. And the sequence was in the order of the Trials.

TOSHAnd...

JENAnd it was very distracting to always have her cite chapter and verse about where she learned what from whom.

Tosh smiled at unearthing what she had been searching for.

TOSHWhat is the deal with that?

Jen shrugged and tilted her head like she wanted to let water out of her ear.



JENI think it's insecurity. Her whole history is so wrapped up with who she knows and who she studied with that it's tough for her to leave it out of her teaching.

TOSHIt's as though it is her teaching. She is teaching you her history more than she's teaching you Pilates.

JENFor many teachers, maybe for most teachers, what they have to teach is their history, their place and their take in passing along the tradition of Joe's work. It seems that is what is so appealing to being a Pilates teacher.

TOSHJoe's tradition?

JENNo, their place in passing it along. It's all about them. It's all about their story. It becomes all about what they bring to the method. What they add to it.

TOSHWhat else is there?

JENWell, I hope there's something of the method itself. When I get to actually do the method, flow through it, and listen to my body it has a meaning all its own. In the session with Brenda, and the session with Fanny, too, it's hard to listen to your own effort when you have to listen to so much of what they are saying. Especially, when they are talking about who they learned something from and not just on how to



do the exercise better.

TOSHBut shouldn't that help? Knowing where what you are being taught is coming from?

JENIn a workshop, or during a conversation, sure. But during a session all I want to know about is how to do what I'm doing better.

Tosh grins.

TOSHLike getting a better line through your neck?

JEN(nodding)Like getting a better line through my neck. I just don't get that. I know I'm tight in my shoulders, but there seems to be more to it than that. I can't find the feeling of alignment I'm being asked for. I want a feeling and all I'm getting is words to process in my mind.

TOSHJeremy says you should use your mind for everything. Only your mind can tell you what is right or wrong.

JENJeremy ever do Pilates?

Tosh shifts in her chair looking for more comfort.

TOSHNo. He prefers running, and lifting in the gym. Pilates is sort of my thing that he tolerates, most of the time. He gets jealous though he tries not to show



it. He comes across as the guy, and needing it to be all about him, but deep down I suspect he gets jealous out of how much I like it. I shouldn't, I know, but I really do.

JENWhy shouldn't you?

TOSH(taking a moment to form her response)It's tough to explain. My connection to Pilates not only challenges my primary connection to him. It also makes him uncomfortable because he doesn't "get" Pilates. He's a guy. He thinks. And Pilates doesn't fit into his thinking. He won't admit it, because if it doesn't fit into his thinking it doesn't exist. So it's like I have a best friend he doesn't understand. That makes him uncomfortable. But I love it so much he would have a hard time telling me to stop. He likes the results. (Tosh giggles as she places fingers over her mouth) I mean our sex in intense.

Jen smiles wistfully as she looks up and inspects the interior of the umbrella.

TOSH (CONT'D)But I have to be careful how I express myself about Pilates around him. And I certainly have to be sure his needs are taken care of before I go off and come do my thing at the studio. You know, more than sex, all the things a wife should do.

JENYea, lucky you.

TOSHI do feel lucky, shouldn't I? He's a great guy, a good



provider, and good in bed. I should count my blessings and be happy.

Tosh sits back in her chair, takes a sip of her coffee and looks out into what the future holds satisfied she has summarized her situation so well.

Jen lets the silence comfortably prevail and looks out into the same future, glad to have the friend that Tosh is becoming. It has been a long time since she has had anyone to talk with.

JENWhat's next for you at the studio?

TOSHJeremy and I are taking off to Glenwood Springs for the weekend. We've never been there, and we both like to visit hot springs, so we're staying at the Hot Springs Hotel to do the pool thing. We hear it's great. And after the work at the studio, moving and unpacking, my body ought to love it.

JENSounds great.

TOSHAnd you?

JENAnother session, different instructor. This one is a physical therapist. Maybe she'll help me figure out my neck alignment. After that, on Sunday, I may try to walk up to the top of Bear Mountain.

Jen points to the tallest peak that seems so close to where they are seated.

TOSHOh, do be careful. They don't call it Bear Mountain



for nothing. I'd hate to have you eaten up even before the preliminaries!

JENI'll be careful. Reports are they are not around much this time of year, and I'll have my handy pepper spray just in case.

TOSHRemember everything from your session tomorrow, and your hike, and we'll compare notes on Monday.

Tosh checks her cell phone for the time.

TOSH (CONT'D)Oh my, have to be off. I should be home ready to put dinner on the table when Jeremy gets there. He likes it like that.

JENWho wouldn't? See you Monday. Have a safe drive.

With that, Tosh rose, bent over to give Jen a cheek to cheek kiss, a smile from those deep blue eyes, and she was off.

Jen inspected the empty bottom of her coffee cup, reflected on the week gone by, and was happy she had another Pilates session scheduled for tomorrow. She got up, stretched, looked up at the mountain peak as though to say "I'll see you on Sunday", tossed her cup in the trash and headed to pick up some groceries for her dinner.

MAIN STUDIO outside entrance- MORNING

The double doors to the University of Pilates Main Studio seemed to be this big gate, this passage way. Things were one way on one side, things were another way on the other side. In the book The Lord of the Rings, when the Fellowship was traveling down the river and made passage through those two towering figures carved out of stone, in the Orient where they have the two fierce guard



dogs guarding an entrance, or in something as simple as the door separating the dressing room from the stage in a topless club, there is an attitude that shifts in the passage. An attitude towards out there connected to the attitude towards in here.

When Jen first came through these doors that she was once again approaching, she felt them to be welcoming. Now she felt the guards at either side, though none were there. She wondered why she felt that way, wondered if she rated entrance. She knew why she had come. She wanted to win the Trials. But all of her training thus far has so little to do with the Trials. Little to do with the execution of the mat. She wondered if she had been right in coming, wondered if her intentions were true. She thought back to what had forged her resolve to come, and that straightened her spine, and put strength in her hand as she reached out, took hold of the bar attached to the door and pulled it open. She intentionally timed her inhale to coincide with her passage over the threshold. Committing to cross, being determined to continue on, that's what the entrance was starting to symbolize for her. And she wondered how much more commitment she would need before she reached her goal.

Dee was her usual queen diva at the front desk. She smiled when she saw Jen. As she talked into the wireless head mic she looked at the screen trying to set an appointment for a caller.

DEENo, Karla is booked. Fanny is available at 2:00.

Dee winked at Jen who stood patiently waiting for Dee to get off the phone. As she stood there she saw a busy studio. Karla and Fanny were both teaching, as was Paul. Paul had two clients on Reformers. Karla was teaching a Mat class, and Fanny had a private over on the Wunda Chair. People didn't call it the "Wunda" chair anymore but that's the name that Jen had learned it as. It was a seat that had a pedal which hinged from the back and was held up at the front by springs you could adjust. One time, long ago, she had been show how the chair is just like a Reformer only tilted up



on it's side. What you did on the Reformer lying down you could also approximate sitting up on the chair. For instance, if you were pregnant in your third trimester it was better if you sat up instead of being on your back.

Dee got off the phone and Jen inhaled to ask a question. Before the question came out, Dee answered.

DEE (CONT'D)Bea is running a little late. She called, said for you to warm up, and she'd be right with you. This is your first time with Bea, right?

Jen nodded.

DEE (CONT'D)She's very good at what she does, I think you'll like her.

Dee wobbled a pencil between her fingers like a teeter totter.

DEE (CONT'D)How was your session with Brenda yesterday.

JENGood. I learned a lot.

DEEShe has done Pilates forever!

Jen rolled her eyes and again nodded in agreement.

DEE (CONT'D)Don't worry, you'll get it figured out. You're just hip high in alligators right now and haven't found out how to stand on their backs to get where you're going.



(laughing)Good image. And this morning a new one.

DEE(pointing the pencil now)You'll be fine. Bea is ShaftSun certified. She'll be the first one to tell you so.

Dee sets the pencil down, and now with palms up and extending them out to Jen she says,

DEE (CONT'D)Why life is a box of chocolates, and here at UP it's no different.

One of Dee's hands waves off towards the studio.

DEE (CONT'D)Now you better go warm up and get ready for your next chocolate.

Jen inscribes that James Dean half circle in the air with her first two fingers and moves on into the studio.

MaIN STUDIO - lATER

Jen was laying on an 8 inch foam roller when Bea approached her. From her vantage on the floor looking up, she was a monstrous woman. Square, like Sponge Bob Square Pants, with a mop of dark hair over a round face with thick glasses. She had on a white v-neck shirt that was too tight for her, revealing stumps of arms coming out the sleeves and rounded areas where her bra bit too tightly. Her slacks and shoes were white. The only thing missing was a straight jacket draped over one arm.

BEA(in a husky voice that sounded like she was head of a wagon train)Would you be Jennifer Desiree?

Jen gracefully rolled up off the roller into standing, smiled.Copyright 2008 Michael Miller


JENThat's me.

Bea extended her hand, shook Jen's vigorously, so much so that Jen had to protect her hand by giving more grip.

BEAI'm Bea Benard. I'm a physical therapist and a ShaftSun Pilates-evolved practitioner. Went to PT school in Wyoming 15 years ago, and have been a certified ShaftSun practitioner for the last 2 and a half.

Bea put her hands on her hips and gave Jen a look from head to heels and back. Jen was in her usual grey sweats, with a forest green form fitting t-shirt that drew out here eyes. Jen's fingers were laced, arms by her sides, patient in her objectification.

BEA (CONT'D)What's wrong with you?

JEN(alarmed)Pardon me?

BEAWhat's wrong with you? What are your issues? My patients have issues that I help them deal with. You got a bad back?

JEN(relieved)No.

BEAYou in pain?

JENNo.



BEAYou injured? I deal with a lot of injuries.

JENNope.

BEA(perplexed)Then why are you here, girl?

Bea places one fist in the other palm, pressing for understanding.

JENDee set us up, because I'm here to learn. I want to win the Trials.

BEA(hands and eyes looking up to speak with God)Another one, Lordy Mercy, what am I to do?

Jen was definitely feeling uneasy now and looked for some common ground.

JENThe other instructors I've had so far aren't happy with the alignment of my neck.

Bea goes back to one hand on a hip and the other extended out palm up with a little bounce to it.

BEAWell, why didn't you say so! Now we've got something to bite into.

Bea turns and heads towards the Cadillac.

BEA (CONT'D)Come on over here and lay down on your stomach. Stack your palms and rest your forehead on your fingers.



Jen complies, relieved that her instructor now seems to have a direction.

BEA (CONT'D)(fingers probing her cervical spine)Let me see if I can detect any lesions or displacement.

BEA (CONT'D)Does this hurt?

JENNo.

BEAThis?

JENNo.

BEAThis?

JENNo.

BEACan you life your head?

Jen lifts her head.

BEA (CONT'D)Whoa, girl! You got your self a strong neck! That's a lot of range. Head down.

JENI spent a lot of time surfing.

Bea's eyes light up, and an ahhh on an exhale escapes her lungs.



BEAI see. That would be a compensatory movement, looking out for them waves.

It was entirely possible that Bea, being from Wyoming, had never even seen a wave in person, let alone been surfing. The size of the board she would require brought a thin smile to Jen's lips.

BEA (CONT'D)Your multifidi might be all screwed up. Turn over.

JEN(as she turns)My multi-what?

BEAMultifidi.

Bea took on the air of medical superiority her physical therapy education lent her.

BEA (CONT'D)Multifidi muscles are some of the deep stabilizers of your trunk.

Jen is now laying on her back with her knees bent and her feet flat.

BEA (CONT'D)They have six times the number of muscle spindles of any other muscle in the trunk. Now lift your chin to your chest.

Jen complies.

BEA (CONT'D)Uh-huh! Just as I thought. You been looking for too many waves! We have to do some movement re-education on you. You will find,

BEA (CONT'D)Copyright 2008 Michael Miller


(inflating her chest with pride)That ShaftSun's Pilates-evolved approach is "a viable and effective method of movement re-education."

Jen was getting more confused by the moment, but Bea was on a roll and Jen liked her. So she waited to see what would happen next.

BEA (CONT'D)First we create a "foreign" environment, that's one that's more normal than the one you're used to, say when you're not surfing all the time. We do this by establishing a base of support, adjusting the length of your levers (your neck being a lever) and controlling the degree of assistance you need, usually with springs. (Don't worry child, we're not going to squish or stretch your neck, just control how heavy it is for how long it is.) Once we get your movement re-educated, we put you back in your "familiar" environment and you're all rehabilitated. And do you know what the best part of this is? I'm not waiting around for insurance or Medicare payments. This is all out-of-pocket income!

BEA (CONT'D)(laughing at herself)That would be out of your pocket into mine.

JENI think I get it. In your familiar environment of being a physical therapist you have to wait around for insurance and Medicare to pay up, but in your foreign environment of being a Pilates-evolved practitioner you get cash up front. I can see why so many PTs have found they would rather be Pilates-evolved.



Jen wished that Tosh could be here for this and looked forward to sharing her insights with her when she got back from Glenwood Springs.

Bea took Jen's comments in stride and good-naturedly. Bea was engrossed in where to go next, now that she had an issue to deal with.

To Bea's credit, she chose a semi-circled pillow to place under Jen's neck so she could relax. She explained that this was offering a contoured base of support so Jen's overused extensors could find release. While laying in that position, Bea had Jen reach her arms out to her sides and rotate arms in both directions to release tension in the shoulders, after all, the shoulders she explained are the base of support for the neck.

After this exercise, Bea took the pillow away so Jen could practice rotating around her ears without lifting the weight of her head off the mat. Bea went off into elaboration of the atlantoaxial articulations but for Jen it was enough to imagine rotating around the axis that went through her ears.

Then standing over Jen's head, with one foot on each side of her head, she placed Jen's head and neck in a towel used as a sling. Bea had Jen repeat the rotating of her head around her ears while Bea supported the weight of Jen's head. When Jen got the "hang" of this, Bea instructed her to continue the rotation into lifting her head off the mat, all the while Bea took on most of the weight of Jen's head. This was the part, Bea explained, where a Pilates-evolved instructor was using support to facilitate movement re-education. Instead of a spring, she was using the support of her own body delivered through the support of the sling.

All of this seemed a little extreme to Jen because her neck didn't hurt to start with. Now she only felt that much more relaxed.

Next, Bea had Jen sit all the way up, take hold of the Roll Down bar, which was attached by springs at both ends up to the top corner of the frame enclosing the Cadillac. Jen rolled down and up,



trying to keep to the re-educated movement she had learned in the simpler exercises.

This seemed to go well because as Bea looked at the clock, she had Jen stop and come over to a portion of a wall that was smooth and asked her to stand against it.

First, Bea put little weights in Jen's hands and then had her make circles with her arms coming straight up the front, opening at the top, and circling back down to her sides. Bea stood at Jen's side, making sure Jen kept her back and head against the wall with her shoulders open and stomach in. After a few in this direction, Jen was instructed to change direction. When this concluded, Bea had Jen do the movement pattern the same as what she had just been doing sitting on the Cadillac, only now she standing, bearing more of her own weight. Not all of it, because her feet were almost a foot away from the wall, and her bottom continued to rest against the wall as she rolled down and up. On her last time rolling down, Bea had her just hang there, shoulders relaxed arms dangling, and stomach lifting to have the entire upper body loose like a horse's tail. The stomach made the arms do little circles without the arms or the shoulders engaged. Coming to a stop, Bea guided Jen into rolling back up the wall, imprinting her spine into the wall as she rose. Bea instructed Jen to stay in touch with the wall as much as possible as she dragged her feet underneath her to take on her full body weight. Relieving her of the hand weights Bea gave Jen a big smile and had her step out away from the wall.

BEAThere you go! Your alignment looks great. You were fun to work with. I hope you can schedule another appointment to pick up where we left off. Saturdays and Wednesdays are best.

Jen did feel tall and floaty. She had a serene smile on her face which reflected how she felt inside. She was reluctant for the session to be over because she had so surrendered to Bea's lead.



JENThank you. I definitely feel re-educated.

With a little bow, Jen moved off to the front desk and Bea set about putting displaced equipment she had used back into order.

Glenwood Hot springs poolside - DAY

Tosh and Jeremy were laying by the largest hot spring pool in the world. The Ute Indians called it Yampah and considered it a sacred healing spot. It was an easy 3 hour drive from Boulder, straight West of Denver, 30 minutes past Vail, and about an hour shy of Aspen. They had checked into the lodge just up the hill and overlooking the pool. Dean Withers had suggested it as an excellent overnight excursion for their first foray into exploring the majesty of the Colorado Rockies. The drive had been eye popping. Up to and through the Eisenhower Tunnel, over Vail pass, and through the towering walls of Glenwood Canyon. Tosh had wanted Jeremy to keep driving through Aspen, over Independence Pass and then back home through Leadville and Copper Mountain. Only trouble was Independence Pass wasn't open yet. Still too much snow. Pool side the sun was out, and heating up, as Jeremy carefully applied sunscreen to his body.

TOSH(laying beside him, arms out wide trying to take in all in)Oh, Jeremy, I love this place! Thank you so much for bringing me here. Can we come back again when Independence Pass is open and drive the big loop?

JEREMY(continuing to apply sunscreen)Maybe.

TOSHWe'd stop here, of course, and stay over night. And



then go tour Aspen, maybe ride up the gondola like Madeline suggested? The ride up over Independence Pass when the Aspen leaves are turning is supposed to be magnificent!

JEREMY(smiles, shakes his head)It's unlikely we'll still be at the University by the time the leaves turn, but this might be as good an ending as it has been beginning to our stay.

Jeremy was looking out over the other bathers. He had set up near the therapy pool on the side closest to the locker rooms. The pool was about 100 feet square, hotter than the large pool which was just as wide and off to the left but over 400 feet in length. The deep end was so far away you could barely make out the cue of children going off the diving board. But here, near the therapy pool seemed to be where the action was that Jeremy was interested in. Lots of women, beautiful women, some with men, most with children, and others lost in their own worlds of books and breezes.

TOSH(sitting up, aware of the direction of Jeremy's attention)Does this suit look okay on me? Really, does my bottom look big? Maybe I should have worn my tried and true.

TOSH (CONT'D)(reaching for the lotion)Here, honey. Turn over and let me do your back.

Jeremy hands over the lotion, and turns so his head takes the position of his feet, placing his chin on his hands to support an uninterrupted field of view.

As Tosh rubs lotion she admires Jeremy's broad shoulders and how they taper down into a racer's waist. His Speedo swimsuit covers a pair of tight buns that could be part of a banana split. That led to



insecure thoughts of her own derriere and prompted her to share with Jeremy.

TOSH (CONT'D)Did you see when we checked in? They have Pilates mat classes right here inside. While you swim your laps, maybe I'll take class.

JEREMY(turning his head to rest on a cheek)T Baby, you know I like it when you watch me swim. It gives me company.

Jeremy goes back to watching the field as Tosh starts applying lotion to his thighs.

TOSH(checking the position and angle of the sun)You know, we might get better sun if we sit on the other side.

Jeremy cuts short Tosh's ministrations and lifts up to swing around and sit facing the pool. The timing just happened to coincide with a long legged, full bosomed lady walking by that was looking at Jeremy. As she smiled at him he smiled back and followed her path.

JEREMY(unaware or uncaring that he was being so obvious)I like it on this side. It's just like picking where you stand in a crowded bar. You want to position yourself so you can see the traffic go by.

TOSHYou're terrible! We're married.

JEREMYI know, baby, and I love you. But you should feel



honored when other women find me attractive.

TOSHRight. I just want to feel you like looking back at me.

JEREMY(with hands behind his head, hat and sunglasses in place)Oh, I do baby, especially since you got so wrapped up in doing your Pilates.

Two young women come out of the showers as new arrivals, walk to the other side of the pool, check sun angles, pull chairs together, and start spreading out their towels, slipping off their sandals, and wiggling out of their shorts.

JEREMY (CONT'D)Maybe you should take that Pilates mat class. We could meet back at the room after for a nap.

Jeremy shot Tosh a knowing smile and Tosh blushed.

TOSHYou won't miss me? I'd love to see how it's taught here.

JEREMYI'll be fine. Meet me back at the room when you're done okay?

Tosh stands, decides to leave her towel, but takes her bag, she had packed with workout clothes just in case the opportunity came up. She bent over, gave Jeremy a quick kiss.

TOSHOkeydoke! I'm off...

Jeremy rolls his eyes at the mid-Western expression, uses one hand to wiggle fingers goodbye and settles into some serious scenery.



GLENWOOD HOT SPRINGS mat class

By the time Tosh gets changed and finds the room that the mat class is taking place in, it is already underway. Luckily, the entrance to the room is at the back of the class so Tosh is able to slip in without causing a distraction. Even though everyone is laboring at the Roll Over, Tosh takes a few seconds to lay on her back, calm her breathing, and get settled. Then she lifts her legs up and out to working level, raises her head and reaches out her arms straight by her sides and starts her 100s. She makes her legs a little lighter by bringing them in closer to her chest, softens her knees, and then establishes an endpoint of tension at her metatarsals which allows her to get more of her leg muscles engaged. As her breathing takes on a rhythmic bellows the rest of the class moves on to doing the Tree, a preparation for Leg Circles.

The instructor's voice comes across as a drill instructor slash dance teacher, counting out a cadence, frequently resorting to an eight count. The harshness of her tone brings across the drill instructor, more like an aerobics instructor turned Pilates impersonator. An eight count reveals her passing acquaintance with delusions of being a dancer.

Tosh transitions to the Roll Up, knowing that before long she'll be in sync with the rest of the class, but not wanting to jump right in without leading into the place where they are in the sequence. After she completes her 6 Roll Overs, three in one direction, three in the other, Tosh skips the Tree, only a prep for Leg Circles anyway, and by the time she works through her Leg Circles she has caught up with the group and into Rolling Like a Ball.

There is no cuing from the instructor about how to do an exercise, only exhortation on more effort over more reps. When it seems the class has exhausted itself past being prodded to do any more, the instructor finally relents and moves on.

The instructor is stout and strong. Looks like her aerobics is balanced out with weights. The wide belt which holds the wireless microphone accentuates her hourglass figure. And with some amusement, Tosh notices the dead give away in her anatomy that Copyright 2008 Michael Miller


speaks volumes about how much Pilates she actually has in her body. Her lower belly is rounded out like a canoe standing on end. It's a clear sign of overdevelopment of her rectus abdominous, something that comes from too many sit ups done while pushing out on your stomach, instead of keeping your stomach in. The key to the Pilates "scoop", as it has been referred to over the years, is a lessening of the engagement of the rectus, and an increase in the use of the transverse. This allows for what Ekim Unroc referred to as "completing the grip at the hip." This means using the musculature that controls the rotation (and therefore the stabilization) of the pelvis to involute the grip. Just like curling your fingers into a fist gives you a better grip than just squeezing the pads of your fingers against the ridge of your palm, completing the grip at the hip allows you to establish the Pilates core that all else flows out from. Knowing this, Tosh settled into making the best of her effort without relying on the instructor to take her into territory the instructor's body revealed she had never been.

Tosh would start a new exercise with everyone else, ride the repetitions up to her best effort, her most focused, to the one that seemed effortless, and then stop. She had learned a while ago that the one that made you anticipate the next one, thinking that even it would be better yet, was the one to stop on. Anticipation of the future takes you out of doing in the now. Like a free diver, diving into the depths on one breath of air, each exercise was a free dive into the depths of concentration. When your concentration took you into anticipation, it was time to move on to the next exercise and start a whole new dive.

By the time the class was over, Tosh was soaked, wrung out and feeling refreshed. Joseph Pilates' writing about the experience being an "internal shower" was not idle imagery but a literal sensation. After class was over, Tosh exchanged smiles with those around her, nodding the satisfaction of having survived. The instructor waved to others as she approached Tosh.

INSTRUCTOR



Good work, nice form, you've done this a while.It wasn't a question, but a statement. And again, Ekim's words came to mind, "Embodiment is the ultimate authority."

TOSH(toweling her face)Thanks, I'm working on it. Good class! It was tough.

INSTRUCTOR(pleased at the praise)Where you from?

TOSH(sipping now on her water bottle)My husband and I are in Boulder for the summer. He's teaching at the University.

INSTRUCTOROf Pilates?

TOSHNo, no, at CU.

INSTRUCTORYou been to the University of Pilates on the South edge of town?

TOSH(relaxing a little at having something in common)Sure. I'm training there and trying to convince myself to participate in the Trials.

INSTRUCTORYou should. You're good.

TOSH



Well, we'll see. I should be a lot better.

INSTRUCTORLook, they have loads of good instructors there, from all kinds of backgrounds.

TOSH(a chuckle)I'm finding that out.

INSTRUCTORAnd if you get stuck, go see James.

TOSH(puzzled)James? I didn't know he teaches.

INSTRUCTORHe doesn't. He got too frustrated with that. It's not commonly known, but most nights late, midnight or later, he's there working out, playing tunes, off in his own world.

TOSHI'd be too scared.

INSTRUCTORIt's just a thought. If you see him, tell him Mandy says hello.

TOSH(extending her hand)Hello Mandy, I'm Tosh. I just love it here, and already I'm hoping to come back before the summer is over. Hope I'll see you again.

MANDYProbably will. I plan to come to the Trials.



Tosh collected her things, didn't shower. Jeremy had talked about a nap. Maybe he hadn't showed yet either.

GLENWOOD HOT SPRINGS hotel room - later

When Tosh opened the door the air was hot and humid from a shower that was no longer on. Towels were on the bathroom floor and Jeremy was laid out on one of the two queen beds in the room, watching sports on television. All he had on was a towel wrapped around his waist. Hands were behind his head propped up on a couple pillows. The spread was mussed beneath him.

JEREMY(without taking his eyes off the television)Hi, honey.

TOSH(smiling, sitting on the side of the bed, her hand stroking his thigh)What's the score?

JEREMY(a little perturbed)Don't know they haven't said.

TOSH(the stroke of her hand moves more to his inner thigh, and higher)Speaking of scoring...

Jeremy smiles but continues to watch the television. After a few moments pass, he catches a quick intake of breath and looks at her.

JEREMYAre you serious, about scoring?

TOSH(changes her strokes to the other thigh)



I don't know. That mat class left me pretty energized.

JEREMYLet me stand so you can show me just how serious your are.

As Tosh pulls away the her hand she tugs at the towel. Jeremy stands. Tosh catches her image in the mirror, first falling upon the curve of her buttocks. "Thank you, Pilates" goes through her mind, and then she's caught staring into her own eyes. Feeling Jeremy's fingers weave into her hair at the nape of her neck and the weight of expectation in the air her eyes close to surrender to her enjoyment of the moment at hand.

mAIN STUDIO - AFTERNOON

Tosh and Jen had exchanged text messages and agreed to meet this afternoon to work out together. The studio was in that lull between the noon crowd and those who came in after school and work. They agreed to do the mat lined up so they could take in the view of the outdoors as they moved.

Tosh enjoyed getting to lead because she could move on to the next exercise when she felt like it. Jen enjoyed following Tosh's lead because of her tempo. Her breathing led the way for both of them. Never too quick, never too drawn out, the movement rode within the breath, like a surfer rides upon a wave. That is what Jen loved so much about doing Pilates, and Tosh was Jen's favorite wave. Jen liked to surf alone just like she like to move through the Pilates sequence alone, but she usually fell off the wave towards the end of her ride and the same was true with Pilates. Jen wasn't as familiar as she wanted to be with the end of the sequence, the exercises and the transitions. Moving with Tosh helped her learn the transitions in her body, and know the exercises from experiencing them rather than being taught them in her mind.

Tosh moved like she was always on camera, performing them for a school production, or doing them for an audition. It was she, putting her best foot forward, seeking to gain approval. It was not Copyright 2008 Michael Miller


acting; it was she getting to be herself, something she knew, something that was a part of her. When Jen worked beside Tosh, Jen could feel that essence expressed and wanted the same for herself.

While they were finishing off Side Bend and getting into Twist One was the first time that Tosh had spoken since they began.

TOSH(breathing deeply, speaking only on the exhale like someone talking who's on a ventilator)Here is the wall for me.

Tosh's hips lift up, her body forming an inverted V.

TOSH (CONT'D)(coming down to seated on the next exhale)Where I want to stop.

TOSH (CONT'D)Again her hips lift up into the V, free hand reaching underneath to put her trunk in a twist to expel air.

So, I look to the end.

TOSH (CONT'D)(returning to seated)See it pulling me towards it.

TOSH (CONT'D)Tosh pivots on her hip to face the other side. Jen follows along.

TOSH (CONT'D)Same exercise, other side. Not missing a movement to the pace of her breath.

Standing there after pushups.



Tosh smiled seeing her vision of the end, achieving a new inspiration that drew her onwards. And she needed it to do Twist Two and Boomerang. Jen was challenged to keep up, but she did. Loved the build of the wave.

The release of Boomerang into the Seal felt so good to her hip flexors, and such a smooth lead-in to Crab. Until working with Tosh, Jen had never seen the Crab, let alone done it. "Too dangerous" everyone said. Dangerous for the neck, bad on the knees. But Tosh knew it, could do it, and did it because it was part of Joe's original sequence. Surely, he had a reason for it and that was enough for Tosh.

After that, Rocking, Balance Control, and Push Ups. Standing there, after the last set of Push Ups, the vision had become real. A satisfaction all it's own. And the sequence was completed. The internal shower taken. And all that remains was a pure sense of presence. Being there. Being present. Body, mind and spirit completely coordinated.

Tosh was lost in her gaze out at Bear Mountain, grinning to her self, when Jen spoke.

JEN(also looking out the window)Wow. This feels so great. Thank you.

TOSHYou make me better. You keep me going. Thank you!

They broke out of their stands, retrieved their towels to wipe their faces, took in water from their bottles. The studio was still pretty much quiet, and they could talk without being overheard.

JENWhy is that so difficult?

TOSHCopyright 2008 Michael Miller


Why is what so difficult?Jen sits on the edge of the Cadillac, legs straight and crossed at the ankle.

JENWhy can't I get a lesson that works on that?

TOSHI don't follow. Works on what?

JENOn that. On what we just did. The mat. The method. The flow.

TOSH(puzzled)I guess that's all assumed. So teachers focus on other stuff.

JENYea, like snob lessons? Or history? Or physical therapy?

Jen put the heel of her hands by her sides on the edge of the Cadillac to support her body rocking in frustration.

TOSHLighten up. We're new here. You've only had a few sessions. Worked with a few instructors.

JENYou said you took a mat up at Glenwood. How was it? Do I need to go up there?

TOSHHeaven's no. Mandy was obviously a recent aerobics instructor re-tred that believes you do reps till you drop.



TOSH (CONT'D)(pausing, including as an after thought)I did learn that she knows James. Says he works out here at night, really late. Doesn't teach though, said he found it too frustrating.

JEN(frustrated herself)Great. I guess I'll just have to rely on Dee and see who she sets me up with next. Maybe it will be better.

TOSHNow you're talking. When is it? I want to observe.

JENYou should have been here on Saturday! You could have observed my PT Pilates-evolved session with Bea.

Jen chuckled, pushed herself off the Cadillac to standing, and walked to the dressing room with Tosh dishing all the details.

MAIN STUDIO - NEXT DAY

Jen had high hopes for this session but they were destined for disappointment. Cindy Baker was in her forties. Her brown hair was short enough that her kids couldn't pull at it as they went from babies to toddlers. She wore a loose blouse over matching lavender pants and she tried hard to be friendly.

Right from the beginning Jen wondered where the session was going. After introductions Cindy said,

CINDYWhat would you like to do today?

A ray of hope came out from behind doubtful clouds.



Mat would be great.And then the clouds rolled in.

CINDYOkay, come on over here and lets start with Rolling Like a Ball.

JENReally?

CINDYSure. I hate for my clients to get bored, so I like to mix it up to keep it interesting.

Jen got a little tight around the eyes and tried to smile as she set up and started doing Rolling Like a Ball. Just as she was about to continue with the One Leg Stretch, Cindy suggested.

CINDY (CONT'D)Now lay flat on your back and bend your knees into your body. Place your arms out to your sides to stabilize your shoulders and let your legs gently fall to one side while you look to the other. And then lift your legs from a strong belly and let your legs go to the other side.

Jen did this, but felt it was too much twist on her back too soon. The strain was apparent on Jen's face if you were watching, but Cindy seemed to be busy looking at a menu in her minds' eye picking what to do next.

CINDY (CONT'D)Now feet down, flat on the floor. Keep your knees together and circle your arms. Keep your shoulders open. Neck long. Breathe deep.

Already Jen was in more tension than when she started because she was put in the position of playing follow-the-leader and she had no idea what was next. "Where is the flow if you're not familiar with



the sequence?" She wondered. But flow, for Cindy, was not on the menu.

CINDY (CONT'D)Good. Now arms up, lift your head up, roll up and reach out over your toes.

Cindy seemed to like what was next to come as a surprise, and of course with that, you would never get bored.

On the next rep, she wanted the same exercise repeated but used different words to say the same thing.

CINDY (CONT'D)Take your arms and reach them out long, out away from your body. When you lift your head curl around your ears like a scorpion drawing in its tail. Peel your spine off of the mat and take the crown of your head out pointing in the same direction of your toes.

It seemed that in the effort not to be boring Cindy felt compelled to add variety to her instruction. "Never say it the same way twice" fell right into her need to keep it interesting and avoid boring. Of course, Jen had to work twice as hard because she had to listen to each expression to make sure she didn't miss anything. New words meant new processing. Always listening to Cindy meant she never had time to tune out Cindy and just listen to herself, get into the feel of the exercise.

CINDY (CONT'D)Okay, why don't we do 100s now? Legs up, big breath.

Jen started her 100s.

CINDY (CONT'D)Legs strong, belly in, exhale all your air each time. Feel your legs like long levers that you control from



your power house. Breath like a blacksmith pumping the bellows of his forge.

Jen tried to disappear into the performance of this exercise and all the ones to come, but it was impossible to focus on the exercise and continue to process everything Cindy was saying. She never shut up. Part of the program, or just chatty, she was always talking, giving input, making metaphor or simile. Cindy was so busy listing to herself she never gave Jen a chance to listen to herself. All in the interest, the need, not to be boring.

Cindy went from one exercise to the next, never in the traditional order of the mat. So Jen was like a little girl being held by the hand, led from one exercise to the next. Jen was beginning to see that Cindy's good intentions were a thin layer over her depths of insecurity in what she was doing. She "knew" Pilates as far as what the exercises were and how they were to be performed. She had no idea the order mattered. Because of her insecurity she was terrified of coming across as being boring so she never stopped talking and always varied the sequence.

Jen was relieved to be finished when the session came to an end. She smiled and thanked Cindy just as Tosh came into the studio. Cindy went off to teach her next session and Tosh drew Jen off into a private corner of the studio.

TOSH(giving Jen a hug)I am so sorry I missed that! Jeremy needed a different shirt ironed to wear the suit he chose for today. The lawn maintenance people showed up so I had to deal with them. My Mother called, and well, here I am. How was your session?

Jen sat near Tosh. Each had their legs crossed and were sitting close to each other like they were huddled around a camp fire. Jen's eyes were misty green oceans. Her hands were held tightly in her lap, and she rocked back and forth.

Tosh put one hand on her shoulder sensing Jen's distress.



TOSH (CONT'D)What is the matter?

Jen fought to breath deeply giving time for the glisten in her eyes to go away. Then under her breath in a tight voice she said.

JENI'm going to explode

TOSHWhy? What happened?

JENNothing. Nothing and everything.

TOSHDid you get hurt?

JENNo. I didn't get a chance to work out. I asked for mat and we did a variety pack. How will I ever get ready for the Trials like this? Nobody teaches the straight mat. Everybody goes off on some weird trip. My best session so far has been just working out side by side with you.

TOSH(blushing)Oh, come on!

JENReally! It's true. We get to move. We get to sweat. We don't talk. We move through the sequence. We get to press the flow because we're familiar with the sequence.

TOSHI like that, too. But there's so much more to learn.



We should be happy we're here and can take in as much as we can.

Jen rejects what's she's hearing and shakes her head.

JENNo, it's not enough. I'm not here to just learn a bunch of ancillary stuff. I want to win the Trials. I need to get better to do that. Nobody is helping me get better at what I want.

Jen nods now at the clarity of her expression. An idea forms in the back of her mind. A way out. A way to get what she wants. She calms. Lets go of her frustration. She has a plan and for now that's good enough. She takes in a deep breath letting her shoulders rise and on fall on the effort. Turning to Tosh, she asks,

JEN (CONT'D)What are you going to do now?

TOSH(shrugs)Well, I'm too late to watch your session. I have a session scheduled in a little less than an hour.

TOSH (CONT'D)(she tilts her head enticingly towards Jen)You wanna do some mat?

Jen laughs, happy to be with her friend, happy at the prospect of getting to move the way she likes.

JENFor sure.

UNIVERSITY OF PILATES - late night

When Jennifer pulled into the parking lot of UP is was just past midnight. There was only a Jeep Wagoneer looking like it had been left over night. She wasn't sure about her intentions,



especially when it was this late and she felt this alone. At the front doors she peered in at the edges where the glass wasn't frosted. The place seemed deserted, but there was one light on in the main studio and the sounds of music reached her ears.

She thought, here I am at these doors again, would she go through or turn tail and run? She reached out and took hold of the handle, still listening to her feelings, and exhaled. "It's still not too late to leave," she said to herself, but when the inhale came of its own desire so did her courage and it was her inhale, she told herself, that actually opened the door.

The music was booming an old disco tune, "Let your body move to the rhythm of the rain..." Fitting she thought, even though it wasn't raining. The place was empty, lights in the reception area were turned off. The recessed lighting over the open floor of the mat area was on a dimmer and set very low. Some of the imbedded lighting strips in the wall which separated the huge digital displays glowed to match what came from above. It could have been a softly lit living room only lit with the soft flicker of firelight coming from a fire. Only there was no flicker, only him.

It seems she arrived unnoticed. James was rounded over seated on a Reformer doing the Stomach Massage. His pace was so fast it defied how smooth he moved. You couldn't hear his breathing but you could tell he was in tune with it more than the music. He wore the same black pants, loose at the cuffs but he wore an old man's white T-shirt that showed even more of the carpet expanse of his chest fur. He straightened his back, moved his arms behind him to place his palms on the shoulder rests, all the while continuing the same rapid smooth pace. His shoulders were those of a gymnast, V shaped and defined. His arms glistened in sweat that had already darkened most of his T-shirt.

Jennifer moved a little closer caught between wanting to leave, feeling that she was intruding, and wanting to see better. The movement drew her in. As she did, James brought his arms out in front of him and started twisting his body side to side as his legs pushed the carriage in and out. He was so intense, so within Copyright 2008 Michael Miller


himself, that she wasn't sure if he saw her. The first time he faced her there was only the faintest flicker in his eyes. He finished the twists, held the carriage in from the strength in his hip flexors, arms straight out in front of his body to make arm circles first in one direction then another. Moved his arms out to his sides and again circled in both directions. Held his arms aloft, used his feet to turn sideways on the Reformer and dismounted like he had just stuck a landing coming off of the gymnastic rings. Again he was facing Jen, but didn't acknowledge she was there.

James remounted the Reformer to do the Tendon Stretch. Feet on the edge of the carriage, hands on the foot bar, the shape of his body was a pike and stayed that way as the carriage went in and out. Jen was taken by how ideal the movement looked. How precise. How controlled. His body hinged at his shoulders, heels never changed their press down, and the tension through the curve of his body was of a band of steel that went from heel out through the crown of head. By the time James started doing the exercise with one leg out to the side, then behind, back to the side, and in front, Jennifer caught herself gawking. She felt uncomfortable continuing to just stare, couldn't even consider interrupting, so she slid off her sneakers, set her hooded sweatshirt on top of them and silently moved over to the far corner of the open space and started doing her mat work. She faced away from him, out the wall of glass. She still could see him, in the reflection, but is wasn't so direct. And by the time she got to Roll Over she was lost in her own work, listening to her breath, sensing her body, delighting in her movement.

It wasn't until she reached Side Kicks that Jennifer noticed James wasn't on the Reformer anymore. Nowhere to be seen. Part of her wanted to stop and find him, part of her wanted to finish the mat. Needed to finish the mat. For Jen, once started, like getting up and on a wave, you rode it till there was nothing left to ride. So she closed her eyes, rolled to her other side and continued the ride.



James had seen the door open as he was finishing the Long Back Stretch. Irritation flashed as his concentration was cracked. Then it broke all together when he saw who it was. "Time to move on," he told himself. Whenever your concentration breaks doing an exercise it's best to move on and re-invest yourself into something new. He got into the Stomach Massage and pressed his pace trying to escape the memory of Jen sitting there in the back of the room during his talk. She was so intense, those deep green eyes peering out over such an elegant curve in her neck. Her energy was so eager, but deeper than most others. Like a lava flow, there as weight and awe in what pressed her into being there and he remembered wondering if he would ever stand closer to her intensity. Not sure if he hoped for it, or feared it.

He relaxed, a little, when she stopped observing and started doing mat. He was also a little disappointed and had to laugh inside at his vanity. His disappointment gave way to comfort. Her company was unobtrusive. Reassuring in a way. He didn't have to protect himself. He didn't have to extend himself. She was there doing her thing, allowing him to continue on with his thing. The Reformer sequence drew him on, and back into his own cave of listening. Soon, he forgot she was there except when his concentration in an exercise peaked and in moving on he was reassured to see she was still moving as well.

After finishing his planned routine it was James' turn to observe. He could feel Jen lost in her effort. Appreciated it, because not many doing Pilates these days could do that, or were even aware that it was possible. And like Jennifer had felt observing him, it wasn't long before he felt intrusive in his observation so he broke it off and headed to the showers.

When he came back out from the showers he had on a maroon polo shirt over faded jeans. His hair was still wet and his feet were still bare. Jennifer was lying on the mat, knees bent feet flat, with her wrists on her belly palms pressed together and aloft. James felt she looked like the figure in the Tarot cards of the knight at rest in contemplation basking in the stained glass light of a church.



Except there was no streams of light, and the music had ended, lending the energy of the room to fit the silence found in a church when only two people are there.

James considered just walking on by getting in his Jeep and going home. But that would leave the studio unlocked and he couldn't do that. He considered sitting in the reception area until she was ready to leave. He considered going back and taking a colder shower, but in the end he just did what came naturally and went over and sat on the mat that was lined up next to hers. He sat there and looked out into the glass that reflected back the temple of their efforts.

Jen's words came out clear and smooth like a submarine coming to surface but still on the run. Her eyes were easy and remained closed.

JENThe way you move...I want that.

She left her arms in place, and laced her fingers together.

James leaned back on his arms and continued to be lost in his own thoughts, sensing the tightness of his breath.

JEN (CONT'D)I was so afraid to come, and already, so glad that I did.

James gazed at the curve of her jaw, the height of her cheek bones and how they seemed to frame the width of such sensuous lips. She hadn't opened her eyes, and again, awkward in his observation, turned his gaze back to the reflection of the room.

JAMESWhy did you come?

Now he was looking at nothing specific on the floor in between his legs.



I came out of frustration, almost despair.Jen realized it was easier to speak without looking at him. So she kept her eyes closed. He was quite an imposing figure, and she needed to be close to herself and not be distracted if she were going to get said what brought her here.

JEN (CONT'D)I came to win the Trials.

James nodded to himself, found himself dealing with the disappointment that it wasn't about him.

JEN (CONT'D)I want to win the Trials more than I've wanted anything in my life. I'm here to learn, to get good enough, but I'm not getting any help.

JAMESWhat kind of help are you looking for?

JEN(deep inhale)I take lessons. I say I want to do the mat, and off they go into their own world, doing their own thing. Mandy says hello, by the way.

James does a double take, Jen is still serene.

JAMESMandy? What? Where? Are you studying with her?

JENNo. My friend Tosh took a mat class from her up in Glenwood Springs. Met her, said she knew you, told Tosh so say hello. That's my friend, Tosh.

JAMES(still confused)



Oh.

JENTosh said Mandy mentioned you work out late at night. That you don't teach. Says it's too frustrating for you.

JAMESWhat else did Mandy say?

A little smile comes to Jen's face. She hears James' concern that she knows more about him than makes him comfortable.

JENThat's all.

Time goes by, both wondering where this is going. Finally,

JEN (CONT'D)Why too frustrating?

James considers his response.

JAMESLike you, everyone off into their own world, doing their own thing.

JENBut what you said in your talk.

JAMESJust because I say it, doesn't mean anybody hears it.

JENI heard it. I want it. I need it.

JAMESAnd...



JENI want you to help me win the Trials.

JAMESNot just anyone can win the Trials.

JENIt's what I want.

JAMESNot everyone can get what they want.

Jen opens her eyes, looks directly into the deep dark pools of James's eyes.

JENI usually get what I want.

This unsettled James. He assumed they were only talking about the Trials, but found himself wishing they might be talking about more. How young is she anyway?

JAMESReally.

Jen goes back to eyes closed face up.

JENWanting for me comes from deep inside. I don't choose it; it chooses me.

James raked his fingers through his dark curls. He studied her face, wondering what was driving her.

JAMESWhy do you want to win the Trials?

Jen opened her eyes, sat up, took a deep breath.



I want to win the Trials to restore my faith. I was so into Pilates three years ago. But then I met someone and he became more important than my involvement with Pilates. We took off together, traveled the world and now I'm back.

Jen stood up, started pacing. She felt better with a little distance from James. She wasn't sure why but she did. And she was trying to reveal part of herself without sharing all of her secrets. She didn't want to cry. She didn't want sympathy. She wanted help.

James noticed her feet, long and flat. Ancient callouses that said dancer. He wondered what else there was she wasn't telling.

JAMESThree years is a long time. A lot has changed since then.

JENI know. I know. But it is still just as hard to find a good teacher. And that's why I'm here. I need a good teacher, someone with a good eye. Someone that understands the things you talked about in the orientation. So far, I haven't found anyone yet. My best experience is working out side by side with Tosh.

Jen inspects James' face to see if she's getting anywhere.

JAMESSo keep working out with Tosh. Are you doing the mat on your own?

JENYea, some. But it's not the same.

JAMES(nodding)True, but that's what you've got to do when you are



in the Trials. If you haven't honed your performance by then, you'll be out of luck in the judging.

Jen rolls her eyes and nods her head.

JENThat's why I need a set of eyes on me. Helping me find the flow. Helping with my alignment for God's sake. Nobody here likes the alignment I have through my neck. I can't find it, they can't show it to me. What am I supposed to do?

Jen crosses her arms over her chest, frustrated and now visibly upset.

JAMESPut your arms by your sides?

JENExcuse me?

JAMESPut your arms by your sides.

Jen complies, but acts like a toy soldier, still and rigid.

JAMES (CONT'D)Face me sideways.

Jen makes little baby step adjustments until she is showing James her profile.

JAMES (CONT'D)Extend.

Jen bends backward. James' eyes widen in surprise. Her back has huge range. Her shoulders look a little tight, but her pony tail almost reaches her sacrum and could be a real tail hanging down between the tight scoops of her tush.



JAMES (CONT'D)Jesus, girl! Come up. You're full of surprises. Now bend over forward and touch your toes.

Jen let her arms hang free from her shoulders and easily put her palms on the floor. "Smooth curve there" James thought.

JAMES (CONT'D)Now stand straight and just arch your back.

James' eyes narrowed in scrutiny, assessing what he saw.

JAMES (CONT'D)Less neck.

The position of Jen's head changed as her chin came down closer to her chest, but it didn't please James.

JAMES (CONT'D)Find the feel of the line through your neck.

Jen moves her head up and down, wobbles it a little side to side. She holds one position, and then gives it up, comes up to standing straight and walks out of her position.

JENSee! I can't find it. I'm not finding it. And I need to.

James hops up to standing and moves to an empty spot on a wall.

JAMESCome over here. Face the wall. Put your palms on the wall, straight arms, and press into extension in your back.

Jen does what he instructs. Defensive. Cautious.

JAMES (CONT'D)Okay. Hold your ribs higher. Move your arms a little wider. Fingers more together. Thumb more



apart from your fingers. Find the line running out your wrist between thumb and fingers.

Jen makes adjustments.

JAMES (CONT'D)Better.

James runs a finger from the inside out and around the top of the shoulder.

JAMES (CONT'D)Feel the stretch here?

Jen's pony tail flutters from the nod of her head.

JAMES (CONT'D)Do this when ever you get the chance.

James heads over to the door frame that leads into the dressing room.

JAMES (CONT'D)Come here.

Jen follows along adjusting her shoulders from the stretch.

JAMES (CONT'D)Do this.

James is standing in the doorway leaning forward with his arms open palms against the sides of the opening. He looks a little like the wooden ladies carved on the bows of sailing ships.

Jen takes up less space when she does it. James stands off to the side observing. After a while he moves out into more open space.

JAMES (CONT'D)Okay, come out here. Face the windows. Heel together, feet apart.



Jen now moves like she's in ballet class, coming away from the bar to do floor work.

JAMES (CONT'D)Less turn out. This isn't dance class. Six degrees places the femur in the acetabulum in parallel. Arms out to your sides. Good. Now rotate arms down, chin up, pack of neck short. Then reverse the two. Arms and shoulders rotate up, back of neck long, look straight ahead. Reverse. Go back to arms rotate palms down, chin up, back of neck long. Then come back to palms up, back of neck long, look straight ahead.

James comes around to stand in front of her, about six feet away.

JAMES (CONT'D)Now put your arms down, but keep your shoulders open.

James takes a moment, listening to himself, letting her find her standing posture.

JAMES (CONT'D)Do those three moves whenever you get the chance. Do more of the mat on your own. Take more lessons.

James moves towards the bank of light switches on the wall, starts twisting them off.

JENWon't you teach me?

JAMESI thought I just did.

JEN



But again. More. I want to come back.James' fingers rested on the last lighting knob. He turned to look at her. She was standing close and he found himself swimming in the depths of her ocean green eyes.

JAMESGood night.

Boulder mall - EVENING

"You should get over trying to please your father," Jeremy declared as he took another lick of his vanilla chocolate chip ice cream cone.

Jeremy and Tosh were doing the "Mall Crawl" on the famous Boulder downtown mall. Everything you never knew you needed, never knew existed, was here, waiting to empty your credit card limit of it's excesses.

Tosh was working on not letting her caramel drip over the cone, so her mouth was too busy to immediately respond.

"I'm the one in your life now you need to please," Jeremy continued. He was getting on a roll now, mistaking the beautiful summer eve for his mid-day classroom.

They paused their stroll to watch a contortionist assemble his body into a plexiglass cube no bigger than a couple feet in dimension. "Isn't that amazing!" Tosh said enthralled. She had her ice cream under control now and was able to talk, but didn't want to engage the professor.

"A wife, my wife, has to back me up," Jeremy lectured. "Where would I be without one, without you," he corrected. As he started nibbling around the edges of his come they continued on to stand in front of Peppercorn's.

"Oh, can we go in here?" Tosh was intrigued.



Jeremy nodded. "Finish your cone first. You know how these places are about food." He handed her one of the spare napkins as he wiped his fingers clean.

Tosh wasn't quite ready yet so she did some window shopping while she continued to leisurely savor the remainder of her cone.

"Look honey, wouldn't those plates match our dining room?" It seemed the last thing Tosh wanted to do was get lectured about her relationship to her father, or how that transferred to her husband.

"Daddy wanted a boy, needed a boy really. That's why he called me Macintosh. As an Apple programmer on the Macintosh computer, he thought it would be easier dealing with me as his computer rather than his little girl."

Tosh's eyes grew dark. The window shopping left in the wake of her new train of thought. She slid her hand inside Jeremy's arm, and drew them both on down the mall.

There were magicians, acrobats, sketch artists, and hot dog vendors. The carefully planted trees years ago, had grown to a comfortable canopy under the night sky. Around each tree gathered a bevy of tulips whose colors were all coordinated one to the other all along the length of the mall.

Jeremy found he liked the mall, so filled with young interesting people. They stood waiting to cross Broadway, which was the major North South route through town. There was even a countdown light that showed when the crossing light came on how much time you had left to cross, before the light would change again. As they moved with others to get to the other side Jeremy suggested, "Let's sit here on the bench and watch the world go by." His eyes were not on Tosh but a pair of shapely legs growing out of an extremely short skirt.

"Sure." With a flourish, Tosh drew her above-the-knee skirt, one like you might wear to a fifties dance contest, around her thighs and sat, crossed her long legs straight out at the ankles and gazed at her sandals.



Every two minutes the lights changed and a flurry of people watching paradise ensued. Jeremy was lost in his own world of having fantasy sex with anyone who caught his eye. He felt sure, he was married, but there was no harm in looking, or what you thought about when you looked. "Wow, incredible hair" Jeremy commented about a woman walking away from them crossing to the other side of Broadway.

"Yes, she does. Almost as long as Jennifer's"

"Jennifer?"

"You know, my new Pilates buddy." Tosh gave a mild poke to his ribs with her elbow to jog his memory.

"Oh yea, I've heard you talk about her. Like all the time." James was more dismissive of the subject of Pilates than of her new buddy whom he'd never met. He couldn't get past this new found passion Tosh had for Pilates. Ever since she started he felt competition for her attention, that he was no longer alone in the center of her world. He liked that fact that she worked out. And their sex life had improved. "My God" he thought, as he looked out and fantasized having sex with a tall curly red head. He imagined her sitting on top of him with Tosh's ability to move her hips.

"Jennifer's great" Tosh said with the pride of having a new friend. "She makes me feel okay just the way I am, and she likes my Pilates!" Her eyes brightened, and her gaze looked up to take in the splendor of the night sky. The air was so clean and thin. No humidity.

Jeremy's head was turned, finishing off sex with the red head. "Pilates, Pilates, Pilates," is there anything else in the world other than Pilates? Like me for instance?" He looked at her, his eyes growing bigger to emphasize the question.

"Oh Honey, you're everything to me." Snaring her arm inside of his and pulling him closer. "And Pilates has it's benefits, don't you think?" A sly smile cuts the corners of her mouth. "Maybe it's time we put my conditioning to use?" She leaned forward, dragging



them both to their feet. "Come on. We should go home and get some rest, after."

They continued their stroll hand in hand along the mall. "After?" Jeremy asked idly.

Tosh squeezed his hand and smiled at him. "Exactly!"

JENNIFER’S HOUSE - MORNING

It was still dark when Jen's mind started churning. Her encounter with James left her uneasy. Instead of laying there in bed, she got up, relieved her bladder and headed out to the back porch.

She had rented a house up from the University of Pilates, right on the green belt where the houses stopped and the Rocky Mountains began. Her back porch couldn't be seen by any of her neighbors. She picked up the rolled mat that stood in the corner of the living room and slid open the glass door.

She wore a white men's sleeveless T-shirt, and matching men's briefs with a quarter leg. It was her preferred sleeping attire and her mind was still on automatic to the point she didn't want to have to change clothes before she started her mat. Her long hair fell down her back, collected in a loose pony tail by a band that had slipped to between her shoulder blades.

She wondered if she could actually do this, do the mat first thing in the morning, but she heard James' admonition to work out alone rolling through her head, and to get it out figured she'd try and start now.

The mat was a good one, thicker and bigger than most, in a bright green. As she rolled it out on the porch, parallel to the run of the boards in the deck she thought of Maria who had given it to her. Maria fell in love with Pilates years ago when Jen was teaching her. It was nothing but the best for Maria so when Maria ordered the best mat you could get, she got one for Jen as well. "Wonder where she is now." Jen asked herself as she laid down and felt gravity pulling her back into sleep.



Still dark out, and cooler outside than in because Jen didn't like to use the air conditioning. It was the heat of the summer and soon it would be too hot with the sun overhead to be out there moving under the sun.

With knees bent and feet flat Jen closed her eyes and started the mantra in her head.

"Joseph Pilates called his method Contrology. He defined Contrology as the complete coordination of body, mind and spirit. The most important aspect of doing the work is concentrating on what you are doing it while you are doing it. Ekim Unroc says that concentration means listening. The main on-ramp for listening is your breathing."

A smile cracked Jen's lips at the presence of Ekim in her mind. Her nostrils flared as she inhaled, as though she was taking him into her as well as the sweet cool air cascading down the foothills through the stand of pines just a few yards away.

"Oh God! Ekim, surfing." Jen's mind went racing into the past like pushing the clutch of a car in while adding to the gas. She drew her legs in, up and out to start her hundreds, and as she pumped her arms she let her mental clutch back out and applied her focus to the stiffness she felt in her back. She knew what to do. Establish end points of tension at metatarsals. Keep her knees soft. Shoulder blades touching, but maintain a soft crease at her sternum.

Doing Pilates did that. Made you more present. No time for nostalgia. No time for reflection, regrets, haunting memories. Only the now. Only listening. And so it went for Jennifer.

She breathed deeply. She pressed her will into her exhale to get life's instinctual press of inhale back. She often thought of a blacksmith's arm, muscles bulging, soot stained, strong hand gripping the lever of the billows, stoking the fire with fresh oxygenated air.

In ten breathes, arms pumping on the inhale five times, on the exhale five times, the count came to 100, the name of the exercise.



Either your focus was captured by then or not. If it had it was time to transition on, without missing a beat, without missing a breath. The tempo had been set. The exercise changed but not the press of the breath. Not the press of will through the bulging arm of the blacksmith pumping his bellows.

JENNIFER'S HOUSE - LATER

Jennifer was in the kitchen pouring orange juice when the phone rang. "Hello," Jen said within a yawn.

"Jen! It's Tosh, good morning."

"Hi." Jen sipped her juice and looked out to the East to see the sun prepared to break through the horizon.

"Are you going to the meeting tonight?" Tosh seemed excited as she worked on preparing Jeremy's breakfast.

"Meeting?" Jen sat, poured herself some milk over a bowl of granola.

"You know, tonight. To learn about the preliminaries, how the judging works for the Trials." Tosh was busy setting the table with place mats, plates, flatware, glasses. The phone was held to her ear by one shoulder hunched up.

Jen munched on her cereal. "You betcha. I'll be there. What time again?"

"Seven o'clock. At a place called the Boulderado Hotel." Tosh stood before the stove. She laid strips of bacon in the pan. "It's down on the mall. Jeremy and I walked the mall, but didn't see it. I'm told it's a block off the main drag behind the Court House building."

"Yea, I've heard it's pretty cool." Jens eyes when distant. "I'm looking forward to seeing it. On the mezzanine right?"

"That's the place. Are you going to the studio today?" Tosh looked cute in her pink terry cloth robe and matching fuzzy slippers. She



switched the phone to her other ear as she carefully retrieved the bacon and started cracking eggs into the pan.

"No. I've got some errands to do. And I've already done my mat." Jen sat there tapping her spoon in the air wondering how much to reveal to Tosh about her encounter with James. She wasn't up for it just then and decided she'd rather wait to see Tosh's face when she told her. Maybe tonight at the meeting.

"Good girl! You're so serious about these Trials. I should be like you." Basting the eggs she popped bread in the toaster.

"Yea, right. If I were as good as you I wouldn't need to practice." She stood at the kitchen sink. Rinsed out her bowl and cleaned off her spoon. She set them both down on the counter over a towel to let them air dry. "Let's make some plans for our next workout after the meeting tonight. I'll call Dee and see what she has to suggest."

"Sounds like a plan." The eggs were coming to plate and the toast popped up just as Jeremy entered the dinette area. Bending her knees to get more level with the plastering of butter to toast, she smiled, and gave him a wink. "Gotta go. See you tonight then?"

"Be there or be square. See ya, T." Jen stashed the milk in the refrigerator.

Jeremy was dressed for school, pressed slacks, dress shirt, tie, and a coat he hung over the wooden spoke of one of the other chairs at the table. He tilted his head up to receive Tosh's kiss. She placed the layout of eggs bacon and toast in front of him as good as any waitress. He gazed at the food, unfolded his napkin, and a furrow wrinkled his brow. "You forgot the jelly."

Jen finished the last of her orange juice, rinsed the glass, and set it beside her bowl and spoon. As she headed through the living room to get ready for her day she looked at the mat she had rolled up and returned to its place. She smiled to herself and said, "I'll see you in the morning."



MEZZAINE BOULDERADO

The Boulderado Hotel was one of the oldest in town. It's 18th century charm offered rich dark wood detail, a main lobby that sported a stained glass ceiling from two floors up. Lighting up the mezzanine as well as the lobby, the stained glass imbued a peace. A central staircase led up to the mezzanine, its halfway point a platform where many a weddings took place. To was a perfect location for everyone to gather round the railing that went around the "mezz", as it was called, and observe the solemn occasion.

In the eighties, that's the 1980's, it was the place to be for night life. A jazz band played in the far corner, across from the upstairs bar, and people sat in Victorian chairs and sofas arranged around the perimeter of the mezzanine so you could sit, drink, talk and watch the comings and going of those in the lobby as well as those on the mezz.

These days, the hotel only rented out the mezzanine for weddings, parties, and business meetings. The UP had rented it out for just such an occasion.

Jen had heard frequently of the mezzanine from Ekim. It was one of his favorite spots. She knew that the best visual impact upon entrance was not on the East side through the main doors, but from the South side entrance.

She felt the thrill of walking in his footsteps as she pulled open the door and went it. At first it was disappointing, a narrow corridor, a glass display cabinet with hotel memorabilia. But at the end of the corridor, where it opened up to the lobby she understood. There before her was the staircase and above her the stained glass ceiling. It was like entering another world.

She stepped slowly, gently forward, her gaze enthralled. People crowed the lobby, both seated and standing. Busboys, waitresses, guests, and gawkers. Jen was a gawker. Head up, mouth open, she moved towards the middle of the space and started turning around to take it all in. A deep inhale took her by surprise, and tears



flushed at the corner of her eyes. Yes, she thought, Ekim knew his places.

As Jennifer completed her full circle her gaze lowered to the staircase and among the folks working their way up the stairs someone was waving at her. It was Tosh. Jen opened her arms palms up to take in the space and made a silent whistle through pursed lips. Tosh shook her head up and down in similar appreciation, then waved to have Jen come join her.

"Isn't this a dream?" Tosh enthused as she hugged Jennifer.

"Magnificent. I could check in here and never leave." Jen drew her pony tail through thumb and index finger to re-assemble itself.

"The furnishings are so old world. It's like time stood still and we're way back when." Tosh hooked Jen's arm and they ascended the second flight of stairs to the mezzanine level.

Seating was already crowded. Vicki and Penny, the two who knew Tosh from Pilates Centraal were sitting in the front row. Their chairs had been drawn closer together than the others and the two women were obviously comfortable in close proximity to each other. Vicki had her arm over Penny's shoulder. Penny had her hand resting on Vicki's thigh, fingers curling in a gentle stroke. Both of them were watching the crowd assemble and making comments to each other that made them giggle in turn.

A couple seats down, more directly in the middle sat Karla, legs crossed, reading something in her lap. She wore glasses which made Jen wonder how well she saw when she was teaching, and if she'd take them off once the meeting began.

"Oh look." Tosh nodded, "there's our favorite couple." She was pointing to the back row where Fanny and Paul sat together. Fanny had an Emory board out attending to her nails and Paul had his arms folded across his chest, one foot tapping, apparently impatient for things to get started.

"What a pair. They deserve each other." Not being worth more comment or observation, Jen continued to scan the crowd.Copyright 2008 Michael Miller


Up at the front, opposite Vicki and Penny stood James between Karla and another woman Jennifer didn't recognize. James was wearing the same black of black he had worn at the first meeting. Karla was wearing a taupe colored shift that fell loosely to her knees.

Tosh saw the direction of Jen's look and said, "The one on the right is Mandy, the instructor I met in Glenwood Springs."

"Pretty woman. She seems fit." Jen evaluated from the crease at the top of her thigh were her bottom scooped out.

"Fit, like aerobics fit, but believe me no notion of scoop." Tosh smiled in memory of the canoe shaped lower abdominals.

Jennifer was hoping and fearing to catch the attention of James. He seemed so calm and self assured as he stood there, one palm in the other, deep in conversation with Brenda, and occasionally taking input from Mandy.

A tap on her shoulder had her turning to face a beaming smile below twinkling bright blue eyes. The woman was in her mid twenties, attired in the latest Lululemon fashion of aqua blue pants that flaired out at the bottom over delicate thong sandals, and an exercise top that was covered by a matching vest zipped at the waist. Her hair was cut in a blast from the past Farah Fawcett look combined with the latest on Showtime's series The L Word. Uncut, unkempt, and so expensively labored over to look that way. The color streamed straight from the sun, or a jar of--"

"Honey!" The shock of recognition and pleasure on Jennifer's face was apparent to Tosh as she stood by and observed.

Honey bounced a little in her excitement, held out hands that clutched Jen's and then each went to a full embrace. After they got done rocking each other from side to side with the enthusiasm of their embrace they held each other's elbows and they went face to face. At first only smiles, with what seemed like long ago memories coming to the surface.



"Where have you been? What have you been doing?" Honey asked. "You look great!"

"So do you! It's been so long." Jen eyes went kind on her, and pressed her back to go hands in hands so she could take in more of her. "And wow, you're more beautiful than ever."

Honey's chin tilted up, showering in Jen's praise. Then her gaze leveled on Jen's eyes and her voice took on a serious tone. "What? Three years ago? That final talk of Ekim's?"

"Yep, that's it." Jen nodded. For the first time since she'd turned around she felt Tosh beside her.

"Honey, I'd like you to meet my friend, Tosh. Tosh, Honey." Friendly handshakes. Tosh said to Honey, "You two go back a long way."

Honey pulled on her zipper, "Well, we only met at Ekim's last talk. But it was so profound for me, you know? And Jen was there, and I was there, and, like wow! My whole Pilates world opened up. Ekim told me to trust the idea. To use it. To share it. And that's what I've been doing."

Honey's gaze turned from Tosh to Jennifer. "And what about you?"

Jennifer looked away, as though she was checking for an exit sign. "Oh, after that I sold my equipment and went surfing."

"Really?" Honey seemed puzzled. "I heard that's what Ekim did, went off surfing. Until, you know, he was lost." Turning to Tosh, "Do you surf?"

Tosh's mind was racing to catch up with what she had just heard. Two and two almost coming together. Honey's question distracting her from what she'd just heard.

"No, I've been a land lubber all my life." Tosh shrugged in apology and was about to ask Jen a question when James' voice boomed out over the buzz of the crowd.



"Okay, everyone." James, took a sip from a plastic bottle. "Let's take a seat and get this started."

Brenda took a seat next to Karla that she had used her jacket to hold. Mandy moved off to the side and remained standing.

Jennifer assumed a seat between Honey and Tosh as the room grew more silent. Fanny continued her discussion of whatever with Paul until James pointedly looked to her for a conclusion. With a dismissive shrug Fanny when back to rasping her nails.

"Welcome, everyone." James stood with equal weight on both legs, feet in a Pilates V. He had on these cat burglar looking sneakers that went with the rest of his outfit. He seemed at ease, holding papers like a menu.

"The purpose of this meeting is to review the rules and how the judging works for the upcoming preliminaries that lead into the Trials." He holds up the papers in one hand. "If you haven't already, you can pick up a copy of the terms of participation and the release after the meeting."

"The rules are pretty simple." Going over the page in his hand. "You have to be over 18, sign a waiver, and pay the entrance fee in advance. No late entries, no take-overs. You get to participate in the preliminaries with no guarantee of making it to the Trials. A quorum from the University of Pilates Board of Directors judges the preliminaries. From there, the participants in the Trials judge themselves."

"Excuse me?" A hand went up from a lady with a tuft of charcoal hair over a round face. James paused to look at her, waiting for her to continue.

"Are you saying that if you make it to the Trials you get to be judges as well?" She was sitting up straight on her seat out on the edge.

"Yes, that's correct." James revealed the hint of a smile at her confusion.



"I don't get that."

"Well, it goes back to a movie that Ekim Unroc saw called 'Stick It'. It was a movie about gymnastics, and pointed to the weakness of having judges evaluate athletes on personal bias rather on the merit of their movement. Most of the judges were never in their lifetimes able to perform the moves that they were judging. In protest, the lead character intentionally defaulted her performance, influencing who ended up winning the event. The structure so appealed to Ekim that when he set up the Trials he made it so that the participants judged themselves."

The lady on the edge of her seat looked even more uncomfortable now that she had James' explanation. "Doesn't that open the competition up for a lot of abuse?"

"Sure. But Ekim didn't care. He always said that the idea of Pilates will protect itself. And in the time that we have been conducting the Trials it seems to be the case." James continued, "All the scores are public. In this way, participants get judged not only on their performance, but on their judgement as well. They may be a very good performer and a very poor judge, or visa versa, but that is rarely the case. The better you can do it the better you can judge it."

Still unconvinced, the lady waited for more.

"In past Trials, the results have been remarkable. Review the archives and see for yourself."

From the back of the room Paul spoke up. "So what will be the right way to breathe? Fog a mirror or percussive? Lips pursed or soft? And what version of an exercise will be considered correct?"

James nodded. "It is true that there are many ways to breath, and countless ways to approach the performance of each exercise. From the view of Ekim, the beauty of Pilates is its ideal nature. So Pilates isn't an arbitrary expression of movement or breathing. One way isn't just as good or valid as the other. There is an ideal target



to the method, so there has to be an ideal aim in which to hit the target." James let this sink in before going on.

"Have you ever been taking a class and the instructor only acknowledged options without ever pointing to an ideal? Without ever saying that one way is better than another and how to reach for that? I have. And it confuses me. Makes me feel insecure. If there is no right way how do I invest myself in any way?"

"As we've discussed before, contrology is the complete coordination of body, mind and spirit. Ekim believed that is a state of being in the body in the moment of the doing. All the archives of Joe's original work show the same exercises done in the same order. It is towards that ideal that the Trials are targeted. Your creativity can best be shown off by your purity of expression. Start adding your own stuff or changing the order around and you likely won't make it past the preliminaries."

Jen looked at Honey and both nodded to each other the truth in James' words, about Joe, about Ekim.

Tosh spoke up, addressing James. "Well, how should we go from here? What brand of Pilates will get us best prepared to do well in the Trials?" The murmur that rippled through the audience indicated Tosh spoke for more than just herself.

James set his notes on the table nearby that held his water bottle. Turning back to Tosh he smiled and said, "in Sun Tzu's book The Art of War he stresses the point of know your enemy. I say the same to you. The more you go out and expose yourself to what Pilates has become the better equipped you will be to revert back to its essence in your movement. Do it all. Learn it all. And then swim back upstream to find the source.

Everyone seemed to relax with this being said and the questions faded off into less substance.

Honey leaned into Jen so both she and Tosh could hear her. "Are you going into the studio tomorrow?" Agreement. Agreement. "There's a yogelates class I'm signed up for and I can't wait."



"Okay, tuddles for now." She placed her palm on Jen's thigh. "It's so good to see you again. It will be just fab to work out with you. Tosh, see you then?" After a moments pause, and looking at James to see when the timing was right, she stood, gave him a little half wave, and was off.

The way James looked at Honey made Jen wonder if they knew each other. So much going on it was hard to keep track of it all. From his look to her, there was a question in his eyes as he took in Jen's, and then moved on without showing any expression.

MEZZANINE BOULDERADO - LATER

As the meeting wound up, Tosh had questions for Jennifer that Jen wasn't prepared to answer. Questions about who, and when, and where. Questions about how much and how long and how well. Questions about did you or didn't you, and what happened and why. All these questions, all that history, Jen wasn't prepared to face.

"Look." Jen said to Tosh. "I know what you want to know and I can't talk about any of that now."

They were off in a corner of the mezzanine by themselves. Others were milling around, dispersing. It was tough to leave such a grand setting. And everyone seemed to linger on the landing between flights of stairs. Imagining their wedding or just soaking in the view.

Tosh showed concern as she looked at Jen. Jen was wringing one hand in the other, shifting from foot to foot, reluctant to look Tosh in the face. "Sure. It's okay. You shouldn't have to say anything you aren't comfortable sharing. You should relax. It's okay, really. I just didn't know, well, you know."

"Yea. Well, maybe sometime I'll want to talk about it. And I can't think of anybody I'd rather talk to than you." Jen finally looked Tosh in the eye, pleading for understanding, hoping to not hurt her friend, but needing to get away, be alone, so she could put some distance between herself and feelings that were bubbling up too



close to the surface. "I'm going to go now, okay?" Jen tried to smile.

"No problem!" Tosh patted Jen's arm. "I'm here if and when you ever want to talk. Just hanging out together, doing Pilates is more than enough for me." Tosh's heart went out to Jen for the clear distress she was in.

Jen hugged Tosh, with a kiss to the side of the cheek as she let go. One last embarrassed smile and she was gone.

MAIN STUDIO - LATE NIGHT

Jen tried to time her arrival to the studio so that James would be almost finished with his workout, but not gone. She was too wound up to work out and she felt that he was the only person who could release some of her tension.

When she saw his wheels in the parking lot she breathed a sigh of relief. "Thank you, God" sonorously passed her lips.

She wore jeans and military boots, the same outfit she first came through these doors wearing. Her hair was up, and the zip up hooded sweat shirt gave comfort to the chill of the late night air.

James was sitting off the side of the same reformer he had been using the last time. Elbows were on his knees, towel in his hands, sweaty, he seemed finished. He didn't look up as Jen came to standing across the room.

Without looking up he said, "You again. Don't you ever sleep?"

Jen said nothing, just stuck her hands in the pockets of her sweat shirt.

He looked up, soaked her in. How magnificent he thought, and wondered what had her so intense. He didn't have to wait long for his answer.

"Yogelates!" Jen spit out like a disgusting bite of food. She shifted her hands to the front pockets of her jeans. Then she pointing at



him with one finger, "know your enemy, you said. Or you said Chun Chew said."

"Sun Tzu." James nodded, remaining elbows on knees.

"Whatever." Jen tilted her head up and off to the side trying to contain her anger. She was upset and really hadn't realized how upset until she tried to let the pressure inside of her out.

"I went to Yogelates class today. That wasn't an enemy. That was a foreign creature. What the hell, is that!?"

James' head lowered, bobbing up and down a little, finally understanding where she was coming from. He wiped his face with his towel and looked back at her with an open but blank face, listening for more.

"What kind of 'ultimate fusion'," as Jen said this her tone mocked the words, "ends up with Frankenstein?"

Jen went on. "People get a little bit of Pilates and they start using it like spice, adding it to whatever they want!" She started pacing, back and forth in front of James. "The 'ultimate in mind body fitness'" more mockery in her tone. "Hello! What happened to body, mind and spirit?"

The hint of a smile touched James' lips. He sat up and leaned back, arms straight propping him up. He knew better than to interrupt Jen's venting so he sat quietly and listened. And observed. He wondered about the military boots. They weren't all leather. They were the desert kind. From the scruffs and scratches they seemed well worn and an intrinsic part of her wardrobe, yet not from a military background. She didn't move like she was marching, she moved like she was making way through sand. Maybe that figured into the way she wore her shoulders.

"Always the Pilates instructor", he said to himself as he watched Jen parade back and forth.

"Postures?" Pacing, shaking her head back and forth in rejection, looking through the floor. "Since when is Pilates a pose?"Copyright 2008 Michael Miller


She reverses her direction. "Exercises? Like cards in a deck, like words in a dictionary? Free to mix up and mix in to anything else?" Considering the implication of her own words, "Hell, that would be like fusing French and English. Speak one or the other, but jumping between both is not more efficient, certainly not more effective."

Jen stopped pacing, took a deep, slow, controlled breath that she let out easily. Casting her gaze towards James she said plaintively, "C'est vrai n'est pas?" It's true, isn't it?

James smiled at the shift in language, and the appropriateness of the metaphor. "Qui, c'est vrai." Yes, it's true.

Jen remained silent, the volcano still for the moment, unsure if more was to come, or things were going to settle down.

"Most people rarely learn one language well enough to speak it well. When you add another language the crippled use whatever crutch holds them up."

"Why do people have to do that?" Jen sadly lowers her head.

"When it comes right down to it, ignorance, art and vanity all play into it." James was looking down through the floor now instead of at Jennifer. "Ignorance of what you don't understand, and the vanity of trying to take what you've got and make art out of it. It's much more satisfying to make up your own message than to clearly understand the message you are basing yours upon." That made James smile and look up into Jen's face.

Her face was more relaxed. What she was hearing now made so much more sense than what she had endured earlier that day. Blending Pilates into Yoga, or anything else, seemed like such a sin to her.

"How well do you know, Honey?"

"What? Where did that come from?" James felt like once again he was ambushed. First, with the question about Mandy the time before, and now Honey.



Jen was amused to see the uncomfortable reaction flash across James' face. That was enough "tell" that more words didn't matter. Having guessed there was something between them, and been right, was enough for now.

James learned a long time ago that a good defensive was a good offense so he picked up with his intended direction and left Jen's query hanging in the air. "How well do you know Mario?"

"Mario?" Jen's brows furrowed, lips pursed, but her eyes had a twinkle in them. "Humm," she thought to herself, "had there been a Mario in her past that she had forgotten." With a lift of her eye brows and a shake of her head, "No Mario. Who's he?"

"Mario Mendez is a teacher in Rio de Janeiro. He teaches both Pilates and Yoga. And he says that they don't mix." James stood from the Reformer, crossed over to where he retrieved an eight inch in diameter foam cylinder about 4 feet long and placed it on a mat. He sat down and started stretching his back over it as he went on. "He has great things to say about capacity."

Jennifer unzipped her sweatshirt, took it off and laid it on the floor. She sat, unlaced her boots and placed them by her sweat shirt. She too, went and got a roller, as they were called, and started the same back massage in extension that James was involved it. "Capacity?"

"Mario talks about doing Pilates to develop dynamic capacity. Doing Yoga to develop static capacity. When you mix the two you diminish the capacity of both. When you do the two separately, to enhance the capacity of each separately, you end up with a greater combined capacity."

"Now see, that makes sense. I get that."

"He goes on to say that Pilates and Yoga are specific ideas each with their own target. Different ideas with different targets. But both ideas making sense, in the body, in the mind, and yielding functionality, yielding greater capacity."



"Do you know Mario?" Jen starts using the roller to massage the outside of her thighs by sitting on it sideways and rolling up and down.

"No. Ekim met him on his travels and published an interview he did with him. I think it's still on the web if you go looking."

Jen switched to the other side. Both went on in silence for a while. Finally, Jen mused, "So what do we do about all these blenders?"

"Make margaritas?"

"No, I mean all these people blending Pilates into everything under the sun. Yoga is just one of a plethora of blenders. There's Yogelates, Aquilates, Dancalates, Golfalates...the list is endless and growing every day." Jen took a big sigh.

"Like I said yesterday. You swim upstream to find the source. You swim past the mixers, blenders and fusionists to find the pure language. No Spanglish. Comprendo?" Understand. James lifted his head and tilted one eye brow towards Jen.

"Si amigo. J'comprends." Yes friend, I understand. It made her laugh to mix Spanish and French.

James sat up on the roller, looked at Jen. "I'm hungry. Ever been to the Denny's here?"

"No."

James stood. Held out his hand. Jen took it to help her up into standing. She drew along her roller in the other hand. James let go, reached down and picked up his roller, took hers, and returned them to the wall while Jen laced up her boots and slid into her sweat shirt. She followed along beside him as he doused the lights and locked the door. How different she felt leaving than when she was coming.

TEA HOUSE - AFTERNOON

Tosh sat drinking tea. When Jen arrived her hair was flowing down her back and wrap-around sun glasses guarded her eyes. "Look at



you!" Tosh said. "Hiking shorts and shoes, and what a comfy T-shirt top. We should be going up into the mountains for a hike instead of a talk on Gyrologic."

Jen smiled as she pulled up a chair. She set her glasses on the table. "It's too warm today for much else. What a place this is," as she took in the ornate unusual surroundings. "How did you find this place?"

"The wife of Jeremy's Dean, Margaret suggested it. Said it was a totally Boulder place to check out. Evidently, back in the eighties, when the mayor of Dushanbe visited Boulder, he decided to send a tea house to it's sister city."

"Where in the world is Dushanbe?" Jen's eyes were aloft absorbed in taking in the hand carved ceiling.

"Tajikistan. Everything is hand carved. If you're into Tea, this is the place to be."

"I guess so," Jen agreed as she started going over the menu.

After Jen ordered, Tosh shot a glance at Jen. Tosh looked worried. "After the way you bolted out of our Yogelates class yesterday I felt maybe you were mad at me."

Jen's eyes met Tosh's and softened into an easy smile. "No, no, it was nothing like that. I was upset with the class and didn't want to talk about it."

"Were you upset with me at the meeting the night before as well? You left almost as abruptly after that as well." Tosh was dishing some grief to her friend, but also felt there had been some distance between them lately and had decided to find out if it had been something she had done or said.

The tea arrived just then, giving Jen a moment to catch up to Tosh's question. She recalled the night at the Boulderado and knew what Tosh had wanted to ask her about. She wasn't ready then, and she wasn't ready now to get into it, but she owed her friend some portion of the truth she could bare to share.



Jen and Tosh tasted their teas, exchanged approvals. Jen set hers down, reached out and took Tosh's hand, squeezed it affectionately. "The other night I was trying to avoid your curiosity. And yesterday I was trying to get away from my anger at somebody so abusing Pilates by blending it into Yoga." She gave one last reassuring squeeze to Tosh's hand before she returned her tea to take another sip.

"My curiosity?" Tosh snickered playfully.

"Yes, weren't you dying to give me the third degree?"

"About what?"

"Well then, I guess I was mistaken." Jen let it go, scanning the others in the room.

"Wait a minute." Tosh spoke playfully. "There was something I was wondering about..."

Jen rolled her eyes and then hid them in the depths of her cup of tea.

Tosh continued, "Didn't Honey say that you two knew each other from attending a talk by Ekim Unroc? And didn't she say he went surfing before he was lost?"

The floor started dissolving beneath Jennifer's chair, taking all the color out of her cheeks with it.

"And didn't you say you stopped teaching Pilates, sold your studio and went off surfing somewhere?" Tosh was drawing an imaginary shape with her finger on the table cloth. "I didn't even know you knew Ekim. Is there more to this story that I don't know about?" The teasing smile that Tosh looked up to shine at Jen faded away when she saw Jen's face. Hollow, with blank eyes. Jen's knuckles were white from the grip she had on her cup of tea. She was lost in some long ago memory, drowning in the emotion that swelled up into a glisten of her eyes.



Tosh immediately regretted playing the sleuth. This time it was Tosh who reached out and touched Jen's arm. "Oh honey, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable."

Jen nodded, unable to speak. She bobbed her head while nodding, as though in conversation with herself. She made an effort to take a deep breath, tilted her head up to keep tears from spilling, and relaxed her grip on her tea cup. "It's okay. It's okay. I'm just not ready to talk about it, about him, about us."

Tosh's eyes grew into round saucers. "Wow! I was shocked that you even knew him. But to hear there was an "us" between you?"

Both friends sat in silence. One trying to escape the memories of the past. The other trying to hold her curiosity at bay. Jennifer decided to switch the subject and give Tosh something else to chew on. "And yesterday I was so wound up I couldn't talk because I just can't believe what has become of the method I so love. Yogelates is such a presumption of ignorance. At least from where I come from. When I talked with James, he helped--"

Tosh interrupted, mouth open, one hand reaching out, fingers extended to suppress what she was hearing so she could catch up. "Hold it. Just one minute. James? You were talking with James? Our James? Mr. Pilates James? Mr. Drop-dead-gorgeous James? When did this happen? How did this happen?" Her palm turned over, fingers wiggled in a give me, give me, give me motion.

Jen laughed a little, embarrassed. She looked at Tosh, then had to look away. Took a sip of tea. "Well, remember when you told me about talking with Mandy? And how she said James liked to work out late at night? The first time we met--"

"Get out of here! Hold the phone! The first time you met? Girlfriend, you've been holding out on me." Tosh stared at Jennifer with new admiration.

"Not really. I've only seen him twice. The first time was a few nights ago. I want to win the Trials, badly. All I've been getting hasn't been helping me prepare. Except, actually, working out with



you. I thought maybe he would teach me, but Mandy was right, he refused. Well, he refused but he did give me some pointers. I left and that was it."

"And last night?" Tosh encouraged her to continue.

"Last night I was so upset I had to vent. I thought I could just go to bed and let it go. I couldn't. So, I got up and went down to the studio. He listened. He helped me get a grip." An impish grin appeared at the corners of Jen's lips, suppressed but there. "And then we went and got something to eat at Denny's"

Jen sat up straighter, looked into Tosh's eyes, with the air of having made a complete confession and that's all there was to it.

"Girlfriend, you are just one amazement after another."

"The Trials are important to me. He has helped me."

"I'll bet he has."

"Come on. Don't be that way. And everybody doesn't need to know, okay? You're my friend. Friends maintain...confidences."

"Of course. Your secrets are safe with me."

On a big inhale Jen's shoulders lifted and then relaxed through the exhale. "I know, or I wouldn't have shared them with you."

Jen looked over her shoulder for the waitress. "Now what do you say we go find out about the wonders of Gyrologic?"

GYROLOGIC STUDIO

The talk was to be given by the founder of the Gyrologic method so it drew a pretty good crowd. The room was about the size of a Pilates studio but none of the equipment was Pilates equipment. There was an open space for floor work and that's where the couple dozen or so attendees assembled on mats.

When Tosh and Jennifer walked in they saw Honey and several others from the University of Pilates. They exchanged waves but held their places.



After paying, Jen led Tosh over to a wall where they could sit and rest their back. A European looking gentleman with long graying hair stood at the front of the room.

"Greetings everyone. My name is Guido Farabutto. I am the creator of the Gyrologic method. Thank you for coming. This presentation is meant to be an introduction and overview of my method. Of course, you won't be able to fully appreciate it until you have experienced it in your body." There was a swagger to his manner. The way he swept his arms. The way he looked down on attentive eager faces.

"I created and developed this method after incurring an injury as a professional ballet dancer. My method embraces the principles of dance, gymnastics, yoga, swimming and Tai chi, but my work is not derived from any of these systems. My work comes from many years of intense study and experimentation."

Tosh looked at Jen. The corners of her mouth drew down to show how impressed she was. Jen smirked, and looked back to Guido.

"My work reprograms your body, releasing all the trauma it has accumulated throughout its life. It gives your body an new life, a new beginning.

Gyrologic has three key principles. The first is puckering of the pelvis. This puckering is more than just a squeeze of the muscles. More than just engagement of the pelvic floor, but involving the transverse and the obliques. Puckering allows you to simultaneously reach in both directions."

Honey raked her fingers through her golden locks and scratched at her forehead.

"The second principle is the Center Line. This is not an anatomical reference but an energetic line. These energetic lines enter and exit our bodies freely. These lines can be straight or curved in any direction." Guido waved his arms with a flourish as though dancing in a modern piece.



Most people in his audience were mesmerized by Guido's performance, soaking it all in.

"The third principle of Gyrologic is the Bud Beginning. The Bud is the source of all life. The beginning of the energy that comes into our body and moves us through the physical plane. It is a deepening connection to this Bud Beginning that frees blockages and releases sleeping energy within us." Guido said this with a sense of mystery and transcendence. He carefully scanned his audience to assure himself that his message was being accepted.

Tosh noticed Jen breathing deeply, controlled, being very still. Her eyes were straight ahead, not looking at Guido, not looking at anyone or anything.

"With these three principles, each session takes your spine through seven types of movement." Guido's emphasis on the word seven made the types seem intricate and complex. "The Gyrologic exercises follow this special sequence, first bending forward, then bending backward. Side-arching left and right come next. Twisting left and right, and moving in a circular pattern follows."

Some in the group were writing like mad, not wanting to miss the movements or the sequence they came in.

"Furthermore," Guido expounded, "each exercise has its own breathing pattern."

"Gyrologic is for every body. It has unlimited depth of exploration for the most advanced athletes, dancers and performers. And it has universal application for the injured with any infirmity."

Jennifer couldn't help envisioning a covered wagon with Guido standing on the back end patting a bottle of snake oil claiming its redeeming qualities for all and any ailment. She kept her face blank, and didn't let her gestures reveal how she was receiving his presentation.

Guido let his proclamations wash over his listeners. They all seemed suitably impressed. The young blond woman in back with



the big blue eyes was raising her hand to shoulder height in a shy attempt to ask a question.

Guido, smiled, and open faced invited her to speak.

Honey beamed and looked the part of the air-headed blond. "Is it expensive?"

Guido winced at the crassness of the question. He had just revealed the brilliance of his method and was immediately being asked about how much it cost. With a deep inhale, and assuming a serious avuncular face he replied. "Of course, it is expensive. It has to be expensive to insure its quality. It has to be expensive to command respect. Anything for free can't be worth much."

"Is it hard to get certified?" Honey asked innocently enough and she seemed to be speaking for everyone's interest.

Guido nodded with pride. "Getting certified with Gyrologic takes a rigorous training program. And a comprehensive license agreement is required."

"I heard the license agreement is really strict. Who you can teach. What you can teach. Who gets to even sit on the equipment." Honey gestured to the apparatus on the far side of the room. All eyes went from the equipment back to Guido.

Guido's hands tightened into fists by his sides. "Without agreements and the lawyers to back them up, Gyrologic would get diluted and lose its control.

Honey nodded. Guido relaxed a little. Honey spoke. "Yes, I can see how having control is important." She paused, "Let me see if I understand all this. You were a professional dancer. Got injured. Came up with this method all on your own. It focuses on decompression of the spine, idealized lines, and some kind of X-files source of energy." Honey was in her head now, mulling over her thoughts out loud. "Your method has specific breathing for each exercise and the exercises are performed in a specific progressive pattern. I do get what you are saying. It's all about Contology, oh, I mean control. It makes money to me!"Copyright 2008 Michael Miller


A stillness come over the room, like the smoke vacating the field after a fireworks exhibition. Most just looked at Honey as a dim witted blond, over-reaching her ability to understand, not able to even say the words she means.

Guido was stunned to silence, still trying to catch up to what she said, let alone the implication beneath her air-headed comments.

Jennifer reacted like she was in the middle of taking a drink of Coca-cola when she got a joke and the fluid ran up her nose in the spasm of reaction. Her hand covered mouth trying to hold it in. It was like getting a joke in a movie that nobody else was laughing at.

Tosh stared at Honey. She couldn't reconcile her image of the beautiful young airy blond with the incisive words that had come out of her mouth.

Honey maintained her innocent demeanor, inviting anyone gullible enough to believe it was just stupidity or words of wisdom out of the mouth of babes. She sat, looking at Guido, Guido stood looking at Honey.

One of the other teachers asked an innocuous question, seeking to break the ice, and gratefully Guido moved on after giving a look to Honey that showed how unnerved she had left him.

Tosh leaned it to whisper to Jen. "Can you believe that?"

Jen's eyes were full of laughter, eyes wide, she shook her head "No."

"And I thought she was clueless." Tosh looked over at Honey and caught her eye. The slightest wink came from Honey, and Tosh knew she had seriously underestimated her new friend.

MEZZANINE BOULDERADO - LATER

Honey was hot. "Can you believe that guy?"



Honey sat on the front edge of a love seat facing Tosh and Jen each in high backed Victorian chairs. Glasses of wine sat on the table between them.

"A professional ballet dancer acts like he never heard of Pilates!" Shaking her head in disbelief.

"Ekim told me once, those Gyrologic guys ordered his Pilates encyclopedia. Funny how Guido never mentioned Pilates, never mentioned the idea of Pilates. The absence of acknowledgement makes the truth all the more naked. Gyrologic is an extension of Pilates. No more than fancy frosting on top of the Pilates cake." Honey reached for her glass, sat back, took a sip, making an effort to let go of her frustration."

Tosh picked up where Honey left off. "I never knew much about it. Only everyone that did it, acted like Pilates was passe, and Gyrologic completely overshadowed and replaced the method."

Jen reflected. "Their whole focus on spiral movement is just an extension of the progressive pattern. They go off into la la land not even acknowledging the shoulders they stand on. They can't afford to do otherwise."

"Hello! And this puckering of the pelvis, that's the involution of the grip at the hip." Tosh makes a gripping motion with her hand and fingers in line with the axis of her hips. "Only I don't see how they get decompression out of that. How can only one endpoint make space between the vertebrae?"

"It can't, really. Only if you get involved in two endpoints to create the tension that facilitates the eccentric lengthening, you are coming from Ekim's trademark Cornu." Jen explained. "And look at this Bud Beginning. This mysterious life source of energy pre-physical that comes into the body. Can't really call that what Joe pointed to either, geist. As Joe's favorite quote goes from Schiller, 'It is the soul which builds itself a body.'"

"Well, if you ask me Gyrologic built itself one big money machine." Honey waved a hand in the air. "Why would you want



to compete with a Pilates instructor to teach something that is common knowledge instead of the same thing cloaked in subterfuge and obfuscation to an elitist crowd for big bucks?"

Tosh choked a little on her wine. "Obfuscation? Where did you learn such words?"

Honey flipped her blond mane just a little and replied with playful indignation. "I left my degrees on the wall when I fell in love with Pilates."

MEZZANINE BOULDERADO - MOMENTS LATER

Jen happened to be looking at Tosh when he arrived.

Tosh was seated closest to the bannister, her left elbow bent and resting on the padded arm of the chair, her fingers woven into one of the wooden spindles. Tosh was looking down through the spindles to the entrance of the lobby below watching the comings and goings of the Hotel Boulderado's clientele.

Jen saw Tosh's face cover a spectrum of emotions one tumbling after another like dominos falling in turn. First there was interest, seeing something familiar, someone familiar. Then there was recognition accompanied by gleeful surprise. That surprise turned to confusion that led to discomfort. In a flash the discomfort was overridden by denial and Tosh's face took on a facade of pretense.

When Jen looked over Tosh's shoulder she saw him arm in arm with a woman, elbows held tight, their bodies much in contact side to side. They were smiling at each other, and seemed to be on a mission, headed straight underneath them to the front desk.

"Speaking of degrees," Tosh said more to herself than the others. She half left her chair to lean up and over the bannister to wave at the couple. "Whoo hoo! Honey, up here."

Then it was his turn for unexpected recognition. He stopped in his tracks, causing his companion to continue like a gate hooked at the arms to end up facing him. She was almost as tall as he was but he never looked at her. His eyes were on Tosh, blank, processing what



he was seeing. After a moment his free hand came up to a wave, and then to his companion, backing her up a little and turning her around so she too could look up.

The companion smiled awkwardly and then with the slightest undercurrent of alarm looked to him. He changed course and led her up the staircase to the mezzanine and around to where the girls were sitting.

"What a hunk!" Honey said to Jen and Tosh as they approached. She was attracted to tall and chiseled features. The sandy blond hair didn't hurt either, but it was cut a little to preppy for her.

When they arrived Tosh stood up crossed in front of Jen and threw her arms around the man. "Oh honey, it's so good to see you!" After a perfunctory kiss directly on the lips she turned to the woman and held out her hand, "And Margaret, how have you been?"

Facing Honey and Jen, Tosh entered her polite mode and spoke while making formal gestures. "Jennifer and Honey I would like to introduce you to my husband Jeremy and the wife of his Dean, Madeline Withers."

Jen and Honey stood. Everyone shook hands all around.

"Sit. Sit. Don't let us interrupt you." Jeremy said.

"Can't you join us?" Tosh pleaded.

Jeremy glanced at Madeline, then at a nearby table that was empty and drew up a couple chairs to the grouping. Madeline sat next to Honey. Tosh took Jen's chair so she could sit next to her husband.

"Jen and Honey do Pilates with me." She directed to Madeline. "We were just decompressing after our first exposure to Gyrologic."

"Gyrologic?"



"Yea, sort of a knock off of Pilates, but they would never have you believe that." Honey explained. "When you come right down to it, it's all about the money."

Madeline nodded. "As it so often does."

Jeremy was looking past Tosh at Jennifer. He was taking her in, trying to assess Tosh's new friend that he had heard so much about. She seemed shy, looking more into her wine glass than out into the group. Her hair loosely drawn together disappeared down her back. The faded cotton drawstring pants seemed more appropriate for the beach than the Boulderado. And he found himself wishing the T-shirt were a little more revealing. "So Jennifer, Tosh tells me she has found quite a friend in you." He gave her his most endearing smile.

Jen briefly met his eyes then turned to Tosh and smiled deeply. "She's great. She moves great. I've been really lucky to get to know her." Jen reached out and patted Tosh's arm.

Tosh beamed. "Me too!"

"Where are you from?" Jeremy reached into Jennifer, trying to draw her out.

"All over. I'm here to win the Trials."

"Trials?" Madeline asked. The waitress had come to take their orders as they were moving chairs and now was placing new rounds of drinks before everyone. Madeline had gotten a chardonnay, Jeremy a Pellingrino.

"The Pilates Trials, at the University of Pilates."

"Win? Not just compete?"

"Why compete if not to win?"

"Some of us just come to have fun." Honey effused. Looking at Jeremy, "You like to have fun, don't you?"

Jeremy nodded. Madeline shifted in her chair.



"Madeline, I have to tell you. Jen and I went to the Teahouse and loved it!" Tosh looked at Jen smiling at the memory.

"Wonderful. And so unusual." Jen confirmed.

"That's Boulder for you. Always out of the ordinary. I'm glad you enjoyed yourselves." Madeline smiled and turned to Honey. "Have you been in Boulder long?"

With a toss of her golden mane, Honey giggled. "Nope. I'm here for the Trials, too. Then I go back East."

It seemed Honey was comfortable hiding inside her luminous exterior, and didn't mind the assessment she was getting from the Dean's wife. "Did you just meet each other when you arrived?'

"Tosh, yes, but Jen here and I go way back to the Ekim days." Honey embraced Jen with a loving look.

"Really?" Jeremy leaned towards Jen bringing him closer to Tosh.

Jen contracted from the attention and sought to divert it the best way she knew how. "What brings you two to the Boulderado on such a nice afternoon?"

Jeremy leaned back looked over to Madeline while assembling his answer. Before he could say anything Madeline piped up.

"We were checking out the possibility of a professor staying here while he interviews for a position." Madeline sipped her wine.

"Well, you must want him on faculty if you're looking to put him up here." Tosh commented.

Madeline turned to Jeremy. "Let me go take care of that now. You stay. Thanks for accompanying me this far."

Madeline set down her wine, stood. Jeremy as well. Jen thought they shook hands rather formally for having entered so casually. As he sat, he looked at Tosh waiting for something to come to mind. "What's for dinner?"



JENNIFER'S HOUSE - NIGHT

It was 4:30 in the morning when Jen's mind went from deep sleep to barely conscious churning. She used to lie in bed waiting for, wishing for, a return to sleep. But then, over the last few weeks with eyes still more closed than open she would get up, and take the mat out on the deck to start her Pilates.

It was August, just, and the days had been hot. The evenings had those no sheet breezes that washed over her body in a soothing caress.

She loved this time of late late night or early early morning. Its quiet. Its darkness. People always say "It's darkest before the light" with the emphasis on the coming light. But that same darkness has a quality all its own. To be savored. To be appreciated. To be valued in the moment of its existence. Because the light is sure to come. The darkness will be ushered away by the light of day. And all things that were hidden and asleep will be illuminated and exposed.

By the time Jen finished her mat work the darkness will have been invaded. Change will have occurred. So she was up. Less than half awake. Laying on the padded mat, out on the deck, with only the stars above her.

She wondered if this is where the soul comes from that Schiller writes about in the quote that Joseph Pilates had up on the wall of his studio in the country. "Es ist der Geist Der sichden Korper baut." It is the soul which builds itself a body.

Jen used to think that soul was fully awake, fully intentional, and capable in its building. Now, as she lay there half awake with the stars overhead she wondered. She wondered if the soul were itself like her consciousness coming out of a deep sleep. Unaware before the churning began, then barely awake, barely self aware.

Did the soul build the body without knowing how or why? Did the soul build itself a body because when it woke up in the physical world that was the natural outcome?



When you study the construction of the Pilates mat work, when you are awake enough to do such a thing, it undeniably reflects the physical world the soul emerges into. It is an acknowledgement of the physics the soul wakes up to. And rises from the depths of slumber to finish standing and out ready to move into the world fully conscious, fully awake, fully capable.

Maybe that's why Jen had come to love doing the mat work, especially at this time of day.

She cracked her eyes to see if the light had yet intruded upon her cherished darkest hour. It hadn't, but the awareness that time would not stand still pressed her into a flow that took her beyond the float of her mind, past the beat of her heart, and into the instinct that drove her breath. She observed her breath, slow and easy, effortless on her part. Evolution had taken care of that for her. She knew that the moment she applied her will to influence how she was breathing she would become an accomplice to the soul in building herself a body.

Joe had named his method Contrology. The study of control. And control is something that you took, if you could. And the more you studied your ability to take control the more it forced you to look at where the source of control comes from. From geist. From the ghost that rises out of sleep and makes manifest in the real world.

Like a hitchhiker tagging along on a ride that is already going somewhere, Jennifer rode along on an inhale and made it more so. Letting go when capacity had been reached, the air flowed out like an exhausted wave receding from the beach.

Jen escorted the air out of her lungs by squeezing her chest like a sponge within her hand. Applying her will and doing what Joe had written, squeezing every last atom from her body. It was Ekim's writing that expanded on the nature of the exhale. Exhaling so completely and waiting, applying your will to force a reaction from instinct. To intentionally trigger instinctual inspiration. If you were going to have to awaken. If the light would surely come, then the



source of our awareness could surely be put to work to our advantage.

And again, so early on, control was needed not to fall into the well of Ekim memories. The most fundamental lesson of all is to learn to control your thinking. To that requires focus. The ultimate focus is a point. To stay focused on a point while being pressed along through time requires rotating around the point. And so to get control requires concentration, listening, and listening is something you choose to do. You choose what you choose to listen to and how long you choose to listen.

That must be why Joseph writes that concentration is the most important part of doing his method. You have to listen. The more you listen the better you can hear the source of where you are coming from. The better you listen the clearer you feel the source of where you are coming from and the easier it is to hitch a ride on the flow of your life's momentum.

As Jen observed herself squeezing out air from her lungs she thought again of the fist squeezing a sponge. How her fingers curled around and inward to make a fist. She reflected on how listening to the source of your sensation and pressed by the passage of time caused her awareness to spiral inward like her fingers around the imaginary sponge. To a point. To the point. To the core.

Jen's hips came to life from these thoughts. She shifted the image of her fingers wrapped around the sponge to an image of her hips wrapped around a laser beam of light as thin as a strand of her long hair. Gently she started tucking and arching around that strand, around that axis which ran through her hips perpendicular to her spine. "The crossroads of evolution" she thought and smiled at the image. Tightening the muscles in her hips like the fingers around the sponge. She rotated first in one direction then the other. "Tucking" and "arching" were the words to describe the movement, but the movement, the sensation of the movement came before the words used to describe them.



The sensation of tucking and arching brought James to Jen's mind, and the softest of compressions blipped in her exhale. Again a detour to her concentration.

She returned to her tucking and arching, released to what felt like neutral for then and now, and slowly lifted her legs without letting either tuck or arch occur in her hips. Squeezing her legs together she used that connection to rotate around her ears and lift her head to look down on her belly. Keeping the tips of her shoulder blades touching the mat she reached out her arms straight like long steel beams and began pumping them from an axis of rotation running through her shoulders. "It's all about axes" she thought, "and rotation, and listening, and sensation, and Ekim, and James." She smiled to herself and leaned a little more forward, squeezed her legs a little tighter together to hollow out her belly a little deeper.

They would have to wait. She had entered into a conspiracy with her soul to enter into the physical world on a path laid out by Joseph Pilates. That was enough for now. That was everything.

UNIVERSITY OF PILATES

On the day of the preliminaries Tosh and Jennifer were standing in a far corner of the studio looking out at all the activity. Tosh twisted a small towel between her hands trying to wring out the worry that showed on her face. "Look at them" her voice tense. "My God, they're all so beautiful. I shouldn't be here. I don't have a chance." With that she looked to Jen for moral support.

Jen didn't take her eyes from the gathering crowd. The main studio wasn't quite full around the perimeter of the mat space, but it was close. Some were seated and talking, their backs against the wall, tipping water bottles like IV's. Other's were standing. Everyone was waiting to hear who would be in the first flight of the prelims. "You'll be fine. Looks are one thing, movement is another."

At that moment Dee was behind the desk talking to a group who all had the same style of maroon T-shirt on. Oversized and loosely fitting they said "University of Pilates" on the back and "Judging Staff" on the front. Copyright 2008 Michael Miller


Jen had never seen most of the judges, and from the looks of them they were from all over the world. She had heard that judges for the preliminaries were Ekim Unroc teachers who agreed to come in and make the first culling. After that, it was up to the finalists to decide among themselves who was to win the Trials. "Whatever it took." Jen thought. "Whatever it took."

Dee separated herself from the judges and holding a clip board in one hand and a pencil in the other began reading off the numbers for the first set of participants. 30 in all, there were 89 paid and signed up, so there would be 3 flights. Each participant was given a little plastic teepee with their number on each side. It reminded Jen of the ones that were used at Denny's when they took your order and gave you a number to set on your table so the server could bring the right dish to the appropriate table. That took Jen's thoughts to James, which let to Jen wondering where James was. Before she could develop her thoughts on James, Tosh interrupted.

"How does this work again?" Tosh closed her eyes attempting to remain calm.

"It's easy. They call your number. You go over to the time keeper." Jen nodded towards the judge with the white are band on. She nudged Tosh with her elbow to make Tosh open her eyes and look at the judge. Tosh looked, but only through a squint.

"You show the judge your number, she writes it down and the time you start. When you finish you go up and hand in your number and she'll write down the time you stop. Everybody gets a maximum of 45 minutes to complete their routine."

"Alright everybody," Dee spoke out above the din. "Let's get this show on the road." With pencil in hand making little circles in front of her chest that moved out towards the mat area, "Numbers one through thirty sign in. Don't rush, line up, take whatever space is open. No talking between participants, and please, observers keep quite and let them show off their stuff."

A line formed, the judge checked off numbers and noted the times. The judge had a mop of shoulder length dark curly hair, a dark Copyright 2008 Michael Miller


complexion that Jen took for Mediterranean or South American. Her dark eyes were serious and her brow had a wrinkle of concentration. She worked fast logging everyone in, but unhurried, calm.

As each lady, most were ladies, there were a few men, as each lady picked their spot on the floor they placed their teepee number at their feet as they stood at the end of their mat. Most would stand for a moment, getting settled, and then gently bend their knees to end up sitting and then lying down to begin their 100s.

"Look at them move!" Tosh whispered. Already she felt her nerves unwinding.

"Shhh." Jen patted Tosh's arm. "Watch, and learn."

Tosh tightened her lips and narrowed her vision. She folded her arms across her chest to keep them still.

Jen's eyes went wide with wonder. They were so beautiful, she thought. The movements were so beautiful. She was jealous at only getting to observe and wished her time to perform would hurry up and get here.

Which it did soon enough. Both Jen and Tosh were close in the second group to filter onto the floor as others checked out.

While in line behind Jen, Tosh leaned forward and whispered. "I shouldn't be here. I should just go and forget this."

Jen twisted around with heat in her eyes. "Then just go!"

Tosh was taken aback. She was looking for support not encouragement to quit.

"Should or shouldn't," Jen mocked. "If you don't want to be here, don't!"

"43" Jen said to the judge.

"44" Tosh said weakly.



Jen walked to one of the two spots that were empty in the front of the room and set down her number. Tosh nervously took the mat next to her and did the same.

Soon it was just like usual with the two friends working out side by side. Only the occasional judge walking around, scribbling on their clips boards reminded Tosh she was being judged. That took her out of her focus and Tosh started looking over to Jen to take her cuing from her.

It happened on Jackknife. Tosh let her legs get too heavy over her head and she felt the strain on her back high up between the shoulder blades. She winced and let out a soft moan, but continued on.

Judges took note. Bodies kept moving and Tosh and Jen finished their routines.

They were just a minute apart. First Jen finished, then Tosh. Each headed for the dressing room to pee and unwind.

DRESSING ROOM - MOMENTS LATER

"I sucked! And I hurt myself!" Tosh blurted out. "It was your fault."

Jen took a deep look at Tosh. "Excuse me?"

Both were laid out on the stuffed chairs of in the dressing room. Other were bustling around, chatting about their performance just completed or making last minute preparations before it was their turn.

Tosh's elbow was up by her ear, her hand running up and down her spine. "It was your fault. If I hadn't been watching you, trying to match you, I wouldn't have gotten so heavy and over done it."

"That's not my fault." Jen said dismissively. She tilted her water bottle and took a long swig of water.

"I shouldn't have been there. Shouldn't have even tried." There were tears forming, and her hurt and anger welled up along with



her tears. Tosh stood without looking at her friend, absorbed in a rush of frustration and guilt. She walked away saying nothing and never looked back.

FRONT DESK - NEXT DAY

Tosh no more than walked in the door when Fanny, leading another woman, approached her.

"Tosh, so good to see you. I want you to meet Ellen Westerfield." Fanny did a quarter turn to become the link between the two. Turning to Ellen, "Ellen this is Tosh MacBride."

The two shook hands while sizing each other up. Tosh was a little taller than Ellen. Ellen carried a bit more bulk. Tosh could see how the French manicure, top and bottom would be a big hit with Fanny.

Tosh gaged Ellen to be in her mid-forties, and with the dark hair styled so severely, from the upper east side.

"I got to observe you in the preliminaries and you were wonderful" effused Ellen. She held Tosh's hand longer that a normal shake. Tosh let the shake go on but was easily ready to let go first.

"Thank you." Tosh cast her eyes down. "I was so unnerved." Finally, Tosh took her hand back.

"No you couldn't tell," Ellen countered. "After all I should know."

Tosh looked up with question in her eyes.

Ellen stood a little taller, exaggerating her posture ever so slightly. It set off the fit of her work out clothes. Tosh hadn't seen that style of Lulu yet. It must be the latest release. "You talking to the president of the Pilates Method Allegiance!"

"Oh," was all that Tosh could muster. It was more question that statement.

"Yes," Fanny chimed in, "and when Ellen found out you weren't a member yet she said she just had to meet you."



Fanny smiled adoringly at Ellen, currying favor.

"You should be a member." Ellen asserted. "We are a non-profit organization that sets standards to protect the public. We need to raise critical funds to establish credibility and ensure consumer safety."

"I didn't know that Pilates lacked credibility" Tosh responded, a bit confused.

"Oh, Pilates has credibility." Ellen assured. "It's just some of the people coming into the industry don't have any. We make it our business to protect the purity of Pilates."

"I see," Tosh nodded.

Fanny was rocking back and forth on her heels, pleased with herself that she was bringing a new member into the fold.

"We believe the Pilates method should evolve in accordance with current scientific research and bio-mechanical principles, don't you?" Ellen took on an air of righteousness. "We clarify what Pilates was, what it is today, and where it's going tomorrow."

"That seems like a big job, but I guess somebody should be doing it." Tosh was trying to be friendly. It was obvious Ellen was selling herself, her position, and the organization she represented.

"Tell her," Fanny said to Ellen. "Tell her what she gets out of it."

"Well lots, actually." Ellen stroked an errant strand of hair back into place along the side of her head. "You get the honor and prestige of belonging to an organization who's mission is to protect the public and to keep the method pure."

"You set yourself apart from those who aren't safe and often injure their clients. And you get to be on our membership roster which will bring you loads of referrals to help you build your business." Ellen was used to distributing such good news.

"Sounds good." Tosh said. "Sounds like I should belong."



"Belong to what?" This coming from Jennifer who had just walked up and taken a position to Tosh's left between she and Ellen. Honey had walked in with Jen and glided into position on Tosh's right. Honey exchanged cheek to cheek kissed with Tosh, but Tosh was cool to Jen and only acknowledged her presence with a glance and a nod.

"The Allegiance." Fanny spoke out, asserting her presence in the group, and taking it on herself to speak for Ellen.

"Ah, that requires membership to attend meetings, doesn't it. Isn't that rather elitist? And convenient? A great way to suppress dissent, to only let in those who pay to agree with you." Jen quipped.

Fanny rocked back on her heels. She looked at Ellen and then back to Jen. "Ellen is the president." Seeking to gain some respect.

"Hi Ellen. Pleased to meet the woman at the top. This is my friend Honey." Jen gestured towards Honey.

Ellen didn't even extend her hand, and felt a shift in the prevailing winds. "Pleased to meet you."

"You know, I feel it's only natural to seek to consolidate and control power, prestige and income. I just take issue with the validity of your efforts." Jen said it lightly, with a smile, but she looked right into the eyes of Ellen when she said it.

Tosh shifted feet, even more annoyed with her friend than before. Who was she to be butting into this conversation. Tosh felt a surge of jealously. Jen was taking the spotlight off of her and onto herself. Before she had a chance to say anything the conversation took off and started to heat up.

Honey weighed in with, "What kind of organization is worth belonging to that promotes fear of being left out to gain compliance and acceptance?" She wasn't looking at anyone, just making a comment out into space.



Ellen's eyes hardened and was surprised to hear such a statement from a Barbie doll blond. Before she could muster an response Jen fed off of that to continue.

"I have a hard time with would-be-leaders." She was looking at Honey, then looked to Ellen. "Of course I don't mean you Ellen, but the founder of your organization, who came from nowhere, picked up someone else's dream and said he would lead for the good of all yet keep control for himself. Isn't that how this Allegiance started? The altruistic dream of a long time teacher becomes an opportunists avenue for power, prestige and control? What was his name, Kevin Bacon?"

"Kent Bologna." Ellen said tersely. "And the organization has come a long way from its beginnings."

"No doubt," Honey agreed, "but how far can an organization deviate from its mission and the means to achieve it."

Ellen didn't even want to deal with Honey. Fanny was now definitely on the side lines. And Tosh folded her arms and glared at Jen.

Jen held her right elbow in her left palm. Right palm up with fingers spread to weigh what she was saying. "Your organization wants me to care more about who they are in the Pilates world rather than what anybody can learn about Pilates directly from the creator himself? You want me to care more about the messengers than the message. The fact that somebody you know knew Joe once upon a time means more than an understanding of what Joe was so passionate about. Right?"

Jen and Honey had their own little conversation going now, and were forcing the others to listen. Honey shook her golden main, streaks running though it like the wind. She adjusted a strap running over her shoulder. "Sure, they want you, a new comer to the Pilates world, to pay dues so a few members of the aristocracy can secure their prestige, power, and income at your expense, by setting standards that limit what you can teach." Honey reaches out



and gently touches Tosh's arm. "I never saw the benefit in it for me."

Ellen challenged, "We protect the public. We keep the method pure."

Jen's hands opened like she was holding a towel in both hands while she directed her words to Ellen. "You want me to join a union slash cartel that does not hold Pilates as an idea open and available to everyone and anyone. How does that benefit anyone except those in control of setting the standards, which ignore the ideal nature of Pilates in the first place?"

Turning to Honey, "Laughable, really, isn't it?"

Honey nods and shrugs her shoulders. "This is an example of selling fear to protect income and prestige-and asking all the new comers to contribute money to make a set of rules that puts someone else in a position of authority (and dictatorship) over what and how they teach the method. Now that's an allegiance!"

Outmanned and out gunned, Ellen was looking for a way out. "We are not a trade union or a cartel. We are a non-profit!" As though that explained it all.

Honey giggled. "Non-profit only means you don't care about money. Probably got too much of that already. So what's left? The prestige of control."

Jen looked to Ellen. "When I find I need it, I'll join. But doctors belong to organizations. And lawyers belong to organizations. Just because they belong doesn't mean I would trust them." Turning to Tosh, "Maybe you should join, if you're looking or needing to belong to a group." There was an edge to the energy Jen put out to Tosh. As though she was saying, if you feel so much distance from me then maybe you should belong in a group like this. "But I don't want to support any organization that fails to admit Pilates is an idea and seeks to limit my creativity in teaching."

"But we help you get business." Ellen was leaning on what she felt was her biggest lever.Copyright 2008 Michael Miller


"Maybe so, but I've never known anybody that has belonged ever saying they picked up clients from their association. It only gives them a superficial reason to say that they are better than the other guys down the road." Jen said this to Fanny, more as a way to acknowledge her presence than to get a reaction from her.

To Ellen, "Right now I'm so busy with clients I can't handle any more business. And nobody has come up to me and said why aren't you a member of so and so, or certified by so and so. When that becomes and issue, when I let fear run my life, I'll consider joining." Then she turned to Tosh, took the time to inhale into being more relaxed, more understanding. "I'll do what I want. Maybe you should do what you think you should do."

Jen shared eye contact with Fanny, shifted to Ellen. "Nice to meet you. Good luck with your endeavors." Giving a pull of the head to indicate it was time to leave to Honey, Jen gave one last look to Tosh, smiled softly and walked away.

DRESSING ROOM - NEXT DAY

It reminded Jen of high school. She had gone to a boarding school, all girls, all religion, and the pipeline of information about what was going on was always posted on a bulletin board. The more important information was behind locked glass to prevent tampering. How parochial, Jen thought, that the University of Pilates resorted to the same means of communication embedded with the same precautions.

The group around the glass was no different than when girls used to see if they got a part in the upcoming school play. Jen figured she would know soon enough without having to actually go look. Besides, Tosh was there and Jen didn't want to crowd her.

When Fanny pressed her way out from the center of the throng all struggling to see if they made it to the Trials she was beaming. "We made it!"

"We?" Tosh asked.



"Yes! You and I are in the Trials. Isn't that fabulous?" Fanny gave Tosh a girl hug-collar bones, cheek bones, and wrists. No sense in messing up make-up, or bruising the nails.

"Oh my God," Tosh gasped, with a sense of dread. "I should never have tried out. Jeremy will kill me."

"Jeremy? Who cares about Jeremy?" Fanny was shaking her hands with her fingers spread like she was drying her nails. No doubt, a movement done so often it had become part of her gesticulation repertoire.

"I'm afraid he'll be jealous." Tosh wrung her hands. "He barely tolerates my Pilates passion as it is. When I talk about Pilates he gets tense, threatened. He knows how much it means to me so he tries to be sympathetic, but you know how guys are, if it's not about them they don't care."

"Tosh, you are in the Trials! Don't you know how special that is?" Fanny resorted to pacing back and forth in front of Tosh. "Why do you think Ellen is so hot to have you be part of the Pilates Method Allegiance? She could see what you've got in the prelims."

"Oh, I doubt that." Tosh's brows knitted. "I only tried out because I thought I should. Now I'm not so sure I should do the Trials."

"Don't you know what this means?" Fanny stopped dead in her tracks, eyes wide, mouth open. "Shopping! New outfits." She started clapping her palms like a little child with fingers long and extended. "Oh goodie goodie!"

Tosh tried to ease up. Made a conscious effort to relax her face. She found the notion of shopping eased the pain of having to accept the praise.

"What color?" She wondered. "City Lights or Lululemon?"

As she considered style and suppressed her lack of self confidence she noticed several of the other women congratulating Jennifer. No surprise that she made it in, too.



Tosh reached up to rub her spine between her shoulder blades. It still hurt. "Damn!" She thought. She shouldn't have let Jen get her into the preliminaries. She shouldn't have tried to be as big as Jen in her movements. Now she doubted that any good would come of this. What would Jeremy think? How will Jen take it?"

Just then, Jennifer caught Tosh's eye and gave her a congratulatory thumbs up. With palms up Tosh took in a deep breath causing her shoulders to rise and fall. She seemed to be apologizing.

"We're the women of the hour." Fanny said while she slide her arm inside of Tosh's. Like a hooked fish she pulled Tosh aside. "Let's go find Ellen. I'm sure she'll be so proud of us."

JENNIFER'S HOUSE - AFTERNOON

Jennifer sat on her back porch eating strawberries and sipping champagne. It was her celebration for passing the preliminaries and making it into the Trials. She was on a double wide futon that she had dragged out from one of the guest bedrooms and placed outside. It gave her a bed under the stars, and now she had it propped up at one end to form the back of a couch. As she lay there her hair cascading over the edge, she looked in awe at the cloud castles in the sky. Big, bold, towering, illuminated by the sharp contrasting light of the setting sun. She found that life along the front range of the Rocky Mountains was like that, views of splendor in 360 degrees.

Look to one compass heading and you see big beautiful brilliant blue skies. Look in another and you see tall whips of cirrus brush strokes.

Most of the weather in Boulder came from the Northwest, and traveled diagonally to the Southeast. Tonight a cloud front higher than jets travel seemed to be headed towards her but still far away.

She drew in a deep breath through her nose, enjoying the clean crisp air. It reminded her of the air from a scuba tank. Cool, dry, delicious. Just the air was reason enough to live at altitude. The drama of the celestial vistas was a primo bonus.



And quiet. On this side of the house, where you faced only trees and the rise of the foothills that led into thick stands of fur trees, no sounds from the city below could be heard. There wasn't even a wisp of breeze as though mother nature were holding her breath.

Jen scanned the skies in wonder, like devouring a painting that can not be taken in all at once.

The lush of the giant organic strawberries, mixing with the well chilled champagne were the perfect appetizers for the main course she was feasting on. The bottle was a magnum. She learned a long time ago, from a surfer friend, that one bottle was often too little, and opening a second seen as too much. A smile cracked her lips at the thought of her friend, and how proud he would be of her now. So, even though he wasn't there, she clinked her glass to the stem of the bottle poking out of the ice bucket as though he were there with her to celebrate.

The tone of the glass seemed loud in the silence and left her listening to her own breath and the sigh that followed.

A dog barked just once far off in the distance. Even further away came the sound of furniture being dragged across the floor. It was the faintest whisper of thunder.

Silence returned. Another bite of strawberry. A train's air horn sounded far to the Northeast, just one blast in the distance. It took Jen to the place she staying in the outskirts of Buenos Aires, where the big trains that traveled late at night didn't make small stops and used their horns to announce their coming from as far away as the thunder. That first horn blast would be well on its way into forgotten memory, when another two blasts would sound, closer. And then a little later, the ground would rumble and shake the bed and vibrate the walls. Fear only quelled by recollecting the beep, then the beep beep, of the forewarning to the impending doom.

Jen's door bell rang. She found herself wondering if it had been rung before and she had mistaken it as the train in her memory. That wonder was replaced by who it could be. She set down her glass, sad at the intrusion, and went to see who was there.Copyright 2008 Michael Miller


"What do you want?" Jen said with a suspicious smile.

"Celebrate?" James suggested as he lifted a six pack of his favorite beer in one hand and chips in the other.

"I'm way ahead of you, but come on in." Jen opened the door more fully, stepped back and swooped a hand to allow entry.

James stepped across the threshold, slipped off his sandals and handed over the bottles and bag. He seemed relaxed wearing a loosely fitting light white cotton long sleeved shirt rolled up at the sleeves to this elbows and his shirt tails hanging over his well worn 501 jeans.

Jen closed the door, flipped the dead bolt with the hand that held the chips and then led the way into the kitchen.

James' eyes played over Jen's back as she led the way. He loved the way her silken hair fell like a waterfall down past the middle of her back. Her army green tee over khaki shorts was a look he wasn't familiar with. He'd never seen her legs bare, calves exposed. Easy to see why she could dance. "I hear you looked good. How did you feel?"

Jen tossed him a dismissive look over her shoulder. "If you were there, you would have seen for yourself." She opened the fridge placed the whole six pack, and shut the door a little harder than she meant to.

"Think I didn't want to?" He looked puzzled and deprived of one of his beers. "I didn't want to be a distraction."

"Didn't want to give me a reason to blame you, eh?"

"Not on your life."

Jen tossed the chips on the counter, opened a cupboard door and removed a champagne glass. "You might have been an inspiration," she said as she tapped his chest where the nest of his fur threatened to escape as she walked past and lead him out to the porch.



With a longing look at the fridge which held his brewskies hostage, he tore himself away and surrendered to her lead.

Jen stood at the ice bucket, pulled the bottle, and was pouring James' glass as she groused in her memory. "Tosh hurt herself doing the Jackknife. Overloaded. Blamed me."

"Hello! How can it be your fault?" James took his glass from Jen, waited for her to retrieve her's. "That's called loading right? You have to listen to your own load, and not let yourself get too heavy."

"I know. And she knows. She's just mad at herself and has to direct it somewhere else. Cheers! Thanks for stopping by." There was a glint in Jen's eyes, and he could tell that the chance he took on just stopping by had turned out okay.

"Mmmm. Cold." He licked his lips. "Just the way I like it." He gazed deeply into the green pools of her eyes. It stirred her to turn and look out into the sky.

"Beautiful, no?"

"Umhum." But James hadn't taken his eyes from her and was now looking at the back of her head.

"So, the idea of Pilates after loading, comes flowing through a progressive pattern of movement, no?"

"Yes." Her shoulders, the cut of her arms. He wasn't used to being this close in casual clothes.

"First comes flexion." Jen bent at the hips. She could have set her glass on the deck. Her hips brushed against James. As she rolled up they brushed again.

The clouds were closer now, the sun fading behind Bear Mountain. Another rumble of thunder, the furniture heavier and closer being dragged across the floor.

The brush of Jen's shorts against the front of his jeans was unexpected. Like an electric shock. Organic flood gates opened and James labored to keep his breath even.



When she turned around to face him she was even closer, but not touching. She still held her glass in one hand but put each hand on the side of his hips to steady herself as she started a back bend.

"Then comes extension." As she leaned back her hair fell from her head like water down a fall and her hips pressed against his.

James steadied himself and her with his free hand on her wrist. As she rose to face him they lost contact, but they were closer, face to face than they had ever been. He could smell the strawberries on her breath. Licked his lips as he stared at the ruby red of hers.

There was an impish playful grin at the corners of her mouth as she stared into his eyes and sipped again from her glass. "Why don't you do the side bending, and I'll support you," she said, as she used her hands to turn him sideways to her. She held her glass along his spine and reached to his jeans with her free hand. She pressed her chest against his arm to initiate his lean away from her.

As she steadied him, was it an accident that her free hand tugged on his jeans and a couple buttons came free? It startled James and he came up as Jen circled around behind him, sipped her champagne, changed hands so she could once again support his back with her glass.

This time she used her free hand to push him away from her, and then slid her fingers inside his shirt and somehow a button came loose there as well when she pulled him back upright.

That same dog barked twice in the distance, and a breeze formed in their hair. It was getting darker out, and colors where fading to grey.

He turned to face her, humor and passion held at bay. "What about rotation? How shall we review rotation?"

Jen lifted her brows in thought. Bit the corner of her lip. "Well," she turned away from him, this time comfortably close and in contact. She could feel the effect she was having on him and it quickened the beat of her heart. "How's this?"



She had kept contact between them as she twisted around to face him. Quite a feat, and showed off the flexibility of her spine. "First one way," her shoulders swivelled all the way around and she looked at him over the opposite shoulder, "and then the other."

"Very good. It works for me." James nodded, tipped and finished the champagne. His free hand had gone to the front of her hips and tightened the contact.

Jen slipped away from his grasp to refill his glass and her's. "That leaves us with torsion, and flowing through." Jen pretended seriousness and contemplation. She picked out a strawberry, inserted the tip into James' mouth. As he used his free hand to control his bite, Jen placed her glass down and put her hands on his hips.

"I've got something in mind that combines the two. Do you mind if I show you?"

All James could do what shake his head in a silent "No, not at all" response.

Jen was familiar with wanting. She had wanted all her life. Connected to it. Needing it. Using it all her life for guidance, direction. Since Ekim, she had not felt this kind of wanting. Wanting to please. Wanting to satisfy. And in the wanting feeling the need. The need to satisfy, the need to give, and in the need to give finding the need to take and be taken. And in her wanting she found her inability to stop until she had what she wanted, a complete expression of herself.

James had given up on his needs. Years ago. They only tortured him, ruled him, swayed him out of peace and into turmoil. As the rain picked up, a clap of thunder increased the vibration he felt ripple throughout his body. He wondered if the following flash of lightening came out of the sky to his eyes or out of his body into the sky. Either way, he lowered himself and Jen to the futon.

"You really have a hand at demonstrating flow," he whispered into her ear. He filled her glass, handed it to her, took a strawberry and



held it to her lips. She parted her lips and took it in her teeth. "Let me repeat that back to you and see if I heard you right."

Jen slid her hand behind her neck to hold out her hair as she laid back on the elevated edge of the futon. She slid one strand out between her fingers and sighed, "if you must." And then let escape a giggle.

"Warm enough?" The rain was picking up and he worried she might be getting cold.

"No, it feels great." She made her skin more accessible to the rain, and to James.

He had wanted her. From first seeing her in that presentation, to when she showed up that night. Chemistry is chemistry. He believed in chemistry. And even from a distance he felt strong chemistry with her.

And now, he had her, lying here, like a resisted dream come true. He started with little kisses at her temple, and then breathing gently by her ear. His inhale made her quiver and shrug her shoulder to protect herself from sensory overload.

The more Jen listened the more she felt like she had become a musical instrument. She was being played by his hands, his lips, his tongue, and his fingers. She lost track of the specifics and fell lost in his proffered symphony of sensation.

The thunder grew louder and more frequent. Lightening reacting quicker to each boom. Like her nerves triggered by his touch.

His voice came out of the storm close to her ear. "Are you okay?" She nodded her head, imperatively. Her arms wrapped around him tighter. And finally, they were one. Her nails drew blood. She tasted salt. Heartbeats drumming like the rain. Breath pressing like the wind. Their energy combined, taken by the storm, the storm taken by them. Jen felt the train rumbling by, the bed vibrating, the walls shaking. But there were no walls. And the flashes of lightening came from within, came from without. And in one giant



clap of thunder the electric surge swept through her body taking all tension with it.

The skies opened up and the rain came down, all of it. Their bodies surrendered to the each other like the rain surrendered to the thunder. There was no resistance left, only submission.

As their breathing and heartbeats recovered, the thunder receded into the night. The rain exhausted itself and tapered away. And soon sprinklings of stars poked though the clouds.

He rolled onto his back, snugging Jen up against his body, her head on his shoulder. She murmured contentment and wove her fingers deeper into the thatch on his chest. They each had shared a dish of sex and strawberries, champagne and salt, and the taste lingered on their tongues. James pulled a cover over the both of them, and together they slept beneath an expanding blanket of stars to a lullaby of crickets droning.

TOSH'S HOUSE - EVENING

Tosh had spent the storm at the Tea House with Fanny and Ellen. She had enjoyed being courted to become part of their Allegiance. It felt good to be wanted, especially because it was tied to her talent at something that was intrinsically hers. At least that's what she felt, even if their motives were more self serving than that.

As she drove up to her house, she noticed how cute the red VW bug looked parked on the street. The street was still wet, and the air was still heavy with moisture. It wouldn't be long before the natural dry air of altitude returned so she savored the scent while it was there.

As she entered the house Isaac Hayes was blasting away on the merits of Shaft. Jeremy liked his music loud so she thought nothing of it.

She had stopped by Wild Oats on her way home to pick up a few necessities for the next day, half and half for Jeremy's coffee, fresh organic eggs, and orange juice. She was standing in the kitchen putting the eggs and juice in the refrigerator. As she closed the Copyright 2008 Michael Miller


refrigerator door movement she expected to be Jeremy and wasn't startled her. A young woman had been making her way past the kitchen to the front door when Tosh's fright stopped her in her tracks.

The young woman was a thin framed Asian girl with cropped dark hair. She wore a short skirt, sandals, and a white button down shirt that was only half tucked in. She had a sweater and books in one arm with a purse slung over the opposite shoulder. The kind that was all the rage on campus.

"Hello," the young woman smiled awkwardly. "You must be Mrs. Macbride."

Tosh, dumbfounded, could only nod her head in confirmation.

"Jer and I were just going over my paper I'm writing for his class." There was politeness in her voice. Tosh didn't miss the casual, personal, reference to her husband. Again, Tosh could only acknowledge what she was hearing by shaking her head up and down.

"I'd better be going it was nice to meet you."

They exchanged glances as only two women could who were complete strangers to each other but shared an intimate partner. Tosh could only stand there. The young woman took a deep breath and headed on out the front door.

While Isaac belted out, "Who's the man?" Tosh stared into space. She felt her chest from the beating of her heart. When she could faintly hear the engine of the VW rev up and disappear into the distance, she was left with facing what she had come home to.

She took her gym back to the laundry room, emptying its contents into the washer. She set the dials and started the cycle. Her mind was numb. She found herself doing the familiar to keep herself from breaking into a thousand pieces.



When she arrived in the master bedroom it was empty. She could hear the shower running. One look at the mussed bed confirmed her fears.

Tosh pulled the sheets from the bed into a pile on the floor. She disgorged the pillow cases and added them to the stack. When the stack was complete she squeezed them between her hands but held them at a distance. Back in the laundry room she set the sheets on the dryer, opened the washer, and removed her wet and dripping work out gear and tossed them into the sink. Then she shoved the sheets into the washer, added more than enough soap, extended the wash time, and turned the water setting to hot. When she flipped the lid closed and turned to leave she was startled once again to find Jeremy standing in the doorway.

He was naked, with a towel in his hand drying his hair. "Hi ya, baby. Where have you been?"

She brushed beside him and headed back to the bedroom. Midway she turned. "Could you change the music? Maybe turn it down a little?"

After a stop in the hallway at the linen closet, Tosh returned to the bedroom and started making the bed with fresh sheets. "Who's the man" cut off abruptly and after a minute or so a softer Oriental instrumental took Isaac's place. Hearing the music, Tosh packed the pillows into their new cases with a little more vigor than was her custom.

Jeremy joined her in the bedroom drinking a bottle of Pellegrino. As he put on a pair of pajama bottoms and an old comfortable T-shirt he continued, "I said, where have you been?"

Working on the spread placement Tosh never looked up. "I was at the Tea House with Pilates friends."

Jeremy sprawled out in a chair and watched Tosh finish making the bed. "Oh. Them again. I think you spend too much time with them."



"We were celebrating." She shot him a hard look, then went back to covering the pillows with the spread. "I made it through the preliminaries and qualified for the Trials. Not that you care."

"How does that help me?" He snorted. "Does it bolster my prestige here or at home? Will it help me get tenure?"

"I suppose that is what your little Asian friend is for?" There was accusation in her voice, but not confrontation, as she walked past him to get to the other side of the bed.

Jeremy's face showed surprise then satisfaction. "Oh you met Chu Me. Lovely, isn't she?" He turned his head to look in the mirror at himself. He smiled, a smug smile, that Tosh knew, that he didn't have to be burdened by deception, that she had to accept it and clean up after him. All this fed his self image. After all, she was his wife. That was her job.

"Yes, lovely." Tosh agreed with an edge in her voice. "I'm sure she'll take you where ever you want to go."

Jeremy's eyes hardened. "Look. If you didn't spend so much time with your Pilates hobby maybe we'd have more time to spend together." His words submerged and the resurfaced again. "You should be more attentive to me."

"You're right, I should."

"After all, without me who would you be? Where would you go? What would you do?"

Tosh stood there, looking at Jeremy, vulnerable and defenseless. "You're right. Now I'm going to go take a shower."

He stared at his bottle of water. "And when you get out you can fix me something to eat. I'm hungry."

Tosh turned, headed into the bathroom, closed the door behind her. She couldn't look at herself in the mirror. She quickly undressed, started the shower, impatiently waited to adjust the temperature, and finally got in.



The stream flowed over her forehead, slicked back her hair. The water soothed her soul, lessened her fears, and washed away her tears.

BOULDER CREEK BIKE PATH - MORNING

"Oh Jen, thank you for coming." Tosh said after she gave her a big hug. Her hands stayed on her arms, she looked Jen in the eyes. She hugged her again.

After Tosh let her go Jen straightened her black ball cap, ran her thumb and index finger down her pony tail that ran through the back of the cap, and adjusted her Ray Ban's back into position. "No big deal," Jen laughed softly.

"Can we walk? I've got too much energy to go inside or stay in one place."

Jen nodded, so the two women that had met at the Tea House headed across the park bounded by Broadway, Canyon, and Arapahoe, and ended up on the Boulder Creek Bike Path heading West.

It was partly cloudy this morning, a sure sign that Summer was ending and Fall was on the way. Tosh wore a sun hat and shorts, Jen her usual T-shirt and sweats.

The Boulder Creek was as glorious as ever, sparkling, shimmering, like a ribbon of light flowing down and out of sight.

Tosh walked stiffly with her arms crossed. Her thoughts were inside and she wasn't taking in her surroundings. Some people walking, some on roller blades, and always the bicyclist vying for space with the pedestrians.

It was Jen's first time on the trail so if Tosh wanted to walk and didn't feel like talking it was fine with her. The flow of the creek was mesmerizing. People were sitting, reading. And the tall trees running along the bank were swaying in the breeze. The flow of the water, the flow of the air through the trees, indications of motion put her at ease.



Jen's palms were on her bottom, fingers points downwards cupping her cheeks. It was one of those gestures Tosh had learned was unique to her friend. That thought brought Tosh face to face with the face that Jen was her friend. "I'm sorry I got mad at you and blamed you for hurting myself in the preliminaries." She kept walking. Jen followed along.

After a few steps Tosh continued. "I shouldn't have. I know it. Forgive me." She glanced at Jen but kept walking.

"No problem." Jen patted her arm. "Is that what you wanted to talk about?"

"No, no it isn't. Well, yes it is. Everything, everything is a mess." In frustration, Tosh shook her hands in front of her.

"That's a lot. Care to be more specific?"

"I try all my life to be good, to do what I should do, be who I should be, and what does it get me? A life of misery!" Her voice was strained, and her eyes were hard, her thoughts deeply internal.

Tosh was reflecting now, speaking more to herself than Jen, but needing somebody outside of herself to listen. "My dad? My dad expected a boy. Well, actually that's not accurate. My dad wasn't expecting anybody, least of all me. When my mom got pregnant they weren't even married. My dad was a computer programmer geek for Apple. He so wanted a son because that's all he knew how to relate to, boys, other men. Actually, he didn't even know how to relate to humans anywhere near as much as computers. That's what he named me Macintosh, figured he'd call me Mac and father and son would have a grand old time programming their lives away."

Tosh looked at Jen, "And then I came along." The corner of her mouth lifted as one side of her cheek tightened.

Jen smiled with compassion and only nodded in sympathy.

"I tried to please him. I studied hard. I learned to program, but wasn't any good at it. Not like him." Tosh shoved her hands in her



pockets. "He'd always find fault with anything I did. Nothing was ever good enough."

Now Tosh got quiet and distant, lost in painful memories that seemed too long ago to still be so attached to.

Jen kept pace and listened, knowing she wasn't there to talk.

"And now I'm married to a guy who is just like my dad and I can't please him either." Tosh started to cry.

Jen ushered her to a bench that faced the creek and was secluded from others walking the trail. As Tosh sat she fished out a tissue to wipe her eyes. "I cook for him. I clean for him. I play the dutiful wife." Her shoulders started to shudder. "And it's still not enough."

Tosh rocked forward pressing the tissue to her eyes. Her spasms shook her shoulders up and down. Jen reached out and gently rubbed her back.

Tosh rose trying to blink the flood from her eyes. Dug for another tissue. Blew her nose. A cloud blocked out the sun and brought a chill to the air.

"That's why Pilates means so much to me. It's enough. I'm even good at it. And people appreciate me. You like me!" She laughed through her tears.

"Yes, I do." Jen acknowledged as she placed one arm on the back of the bench and shifted to face Tosh more directly.

"And I know Fanny and Ellen are using me to promote their own agenda, but at least they are telling me I'm good at something." Tosh balled her hands into fists. Maybe that's why Jeremy resents my Pilates so much. It's something I'm good at and enjoy and he can't stand that. He loses something."

At the thought of Jeremy Tosh buries her face in her hands places her elbows on her knees to support her head. "What am I going to do? What am I going to do? I should know. I should know. What am I going to do?"



"What's the matter, girlfriend?" Jen reached out to touch Tosh but thinks better of it.

"I've done everything I should do, and I still get dumped on. It shouldn't be this way. He shouldn't treat me this way." More tears.

Jen squares away her position and sits a little closer. "What did he do, huh? What'd he do?"

"Oh, my god. Oh, my god. Oh, my god, my god, my god."

Jen looked to the flow of the water working its way around and over boulders, the rough edges smoothed through time. She pondered how life does the same to us, how the flow of experience was polishing Tosh.

In a whisper, head still in her hands, "He's having an affair." More shudder. "He's having an affair," a little louder, and now lifting her head to look into Jen's eyes, "he's having an affair with a fucking student of his."

Tosh sought a reflection of the pain that she felt. And found it. Jen leaned forward and wrapped her arms around Tosh and let her release the current of tears. Jen didn't say anything, didn't caress her. She only held her. Kept her safe while feeling flowed out and down and away with the stream.

Time went by, the sobbing subsided. Tosh rose up out of Jen's embrace to try and blow her nose. That required a new tissue. Mission accomplished, Tosh blinked a bit and tried to put on a face that said, "What are you going to do about it?" As though there was nothing you could do about it, only accept it.

And then her face got all teary again and Jen reached out and took Tosh's fingers in her hands. "It's okay. Really. It's going to be okay."

Tosh nodded her head up and down, needing to believe her friend. Needing to hear what she couldn't help herself to believe.



Jen turned to face the creek. "Look there." Her arm swept downstream. "The water flows. So must we. And where we are now, is not where we will be."

Tosh gazed downstream, doubt etched in her look.

"So much of 'what will be, will be' but there is one thing that has a great influence on that." And Jen pointed to the creek directly in front of them, "and that's the here and now."

Jen pointed to the creek, to the point in the creek that was here and now. "And even more important than the here and now," she looked into Tosh's red eyes, "is the attitude you choose."

Jen could see that Tosh was listening but not processing. So, figuring it was her time to talk, she took the liberty to go on. "Tosh, let me ask you something. What is a 'should'?"

Tosh looked puzzled.

"What is a 'should'? You are always talking about what you should do. The way things should be. What do you mean? What is a 'should'?"

"The way things should be," Tosh responded.

"How do you know the way things should be?"

"The right way. You know, the way things should be." Tosh felt she was trying to defend herself.

"According to whom?" Jen was obviously trying to make a point but Tosh wasn't getting it. "You talk and act like there is one right way, and you and everyone else are trying to live up to that one right way."

Tosh nodded agreement.

"I've got news for you. That's not the way it works." Wearing humor on her face Jen when on. "'Shoulds' are disguised wants." Jen spoke like she was revealing a secret. Some dark hidden truth. Tosh just stared.



"Every time you hear or use the word 'should', replace it with the word 'want'. And then ask yourself, 'Who wants?'" Jen's look said, believe me. I'm telling you the way it is. All Tosh could do was struggle to understand.

"If it is something you want, that is one thing. If it is what somebody else wants you to want, that is something completely different."

"You see, 'shoulds' are disguised wants. 'Shoulds' are the disguised wants of others wanting you to want what they want you to want."

"When you live your life by 'shoulds' you live your life trying to please the wants of others."

"They want you to believe there is an absolute right. And then they want you to believe that they know that right better than you do. So the big con is to get you to believe that what is out there matters more than what is in here." With that, Jen pointed her index finger to Tosh's heart.

"Every time you say, 'I should' you are standing outside of your self judging your self."

"The worse seat in the house is in the peanut gallery with everybody else, looking at yourself in judgement."

"'I should' is pernicious. It undercuts your own self worth. Your own self image. As long as you live in the world of 'shoulds' you will always be miserable."

Tosh exclaimed, "But if I don't try to do what I should, what else is there!"

"What you want. Do what you want and be connected to who you are."

"Isn't that being selfish?"

"No. It's being self-centered, in a very good way. It's coming from who you are, from what you want, out into the world." She paused to let that sink it. "It's Pilates! It's being eccentric, coming from the



center out. If you can move as well as you do there's no reason you can't think and choose your attitude to match your movement."

"You lived your whole life trying to please your father. Whatever would please your father became what you should do. Now you've got a husband instead of a daddy. But nothing has changed. You are living your life to please your husband. You strive to do what you should do to gain acceptance." Jen slowly moved her head from side to side. "And sadly, from my experience, the more importance you place on acceptance from others the more you open yourself up for some serious suffering."

Tosh could relate to the notion of serious suffering, so she was working hard at putting together was Jen was saying.

"'Shoulds' are a way, an evil way, of others getting you to want what they want you to want as though it is what you want for yourself. The only problem is, what others want you to want, and what you want, are rarely the same. That's why they get you to believe there is some absolute right, outside of you, that you 'should' want to live up to. The catch is, that others want you to believe that absolute right is what they say it is."

"Huh?" Tosh laughed at the confusion caused by the depth of Jen's comments.

"What is more important? What you want? Or what somebody else wants?"

"What I want."

"Exactly," Jen said approvingly. "Not what I want, or your dad wants, or your husband wants."

"Well, I want approval."

"Yes, up to a point. But eventually, wanting the pain to stop from seeking approval and not getting it will outweigh the wanting of approval. That's the key that sets you free. From your daddy, from your husband. You come first. What you want matters the most. I know it sounds selfish, but it isn't. It's survival." Jen thought for a



moment. "Ever heard the one about wanting what you can't have? Well, what comes first is knowing what you really want, not what somebody, anybody, else wants you to want and lays it on you in the form of 'You should...'"

"You will hear 'I want' come out of my mouth. You will never hear 'I should.'"

"Whenever you hear the word 'should', replace it with the word 'want', and ask yourself 'Who wants?' The world gets a whole lot clearer. You suffer less and you feel a whole lot better about yourself."

"So," Jen slapped her thighs. "Jeremy is an asshole" What do you 'want' to do about it?"

Tosh scanned their surroundings, paranoid they might be overheard. Such candor was beyond her. She knew she liked what she was hearing, but she didn't know what to do with it. In her distress she looked at Jen, sharing the comfort of her company she smiled softly and said, "Can we just walk?"

Jen smiled back, rose, as did Tosh, and together they walked in silence listening to the rush of the water, the wind in the trees.

JENNIFER'S HOUSE - MORNING

Jennifer hadn't slept well. Restless, formless dreams kept her from the deep sleep she was used to. So she got up, picked up her mat that was rolled up in the corner and headed out to the deck to begin her routine Pilates workout.

The Trials were getting close and she was looking forward to their arrival.

It was still dark outside but there were no stars. Clouds were heavy and close to the ground. You could smell rain in the air. And the temperature had fallen from the peaks of summer, so she wore sweats and a T-shirt, while she worked out.

She pressed her flow as usual, her breathing billows leading the way though her movement. But her mind couldn't quite surrender Copyright 2008 Michael Miller


to the moment, to the listening that was necessary for the complete coordination of body, mind and spirit.

When the rain started ever so lightly it proved more distraction than she could handle, so she broke off her routine, something she rarely did, rolled up her mat, went inside, returned it to the corner, and went into the kitchen to prepare some breakfast.

Dawn was taking darkness into greys when the rain got more serious. It was the kind of rain that wasn't quick to come and leave. Not like the other night she thought, as she smiled to herself at the memories of an over the top experience. The rain just gradually grew to a light consistent thumping.

Jen poured her granola into a bowel, spooned out vanilla yogurt on top, mixed it in, and began munching away. The orange juice tasted good and as she sipped she decided to turn on the TV to see how long the weather was to last.

She had tuned into a traffic accident report. Must have been late at night because the scene was mostly illuminated by the half dozen police cars pointed in on the accident. The location seemed familiar and as she looked closer she realized it was just down the hill at Broadway and Table Mesa. She recognized the T-bone collision where one car passing through the intersection had been hit broadside by the other.

Fire truck hoses were still on the ground, firemen seen cleaning up what had obviously been a horrific scene.

As the camera scanned the charred wreckage something in the vehicle that had been struck, struck her stomach hollow. The world seemed to shrink away from her, like she was falling down a well and could only hear things tinny and from a distance.

The news anchor's voice was flat and emotionless. "Both men died in the fiery crash. The driver, 22 year old Billy Martin, who struck the other car, had been reported as leaving a local bar after having a fight with his girlfriend. Killed in the other vehicle was 33 year old James Leigh, a teacher at the University of Pilates.



Jennifer dropped the glass of orange juice she had forgotten she was holding. Motionless she sat, staring at the television. The anchor had nonchalantly moved on to the next story. Jen didn't breathe, didn't blink. Her hand frozen in the air. The plastic juice glass tumbled to the floor, but she never heard it.

Suddenly she pushed herself from the table. She ran through the house, out over the back porch and up into the mountains through the trees, through the rain that had gained strength since she had last noticed it.

The pine needles were wet beneath her bare feet. A clap of thunder made her run faster. She was trying to get away, to run away from what she heard, to run away from a past that ran after her. The rain was coming down now, and her past caught up with her, like a mountain lion jumping on her back, the weight she was carrying slowed her run to a stumble and then buckled her knees. Her arms hung loose by her sides. Jen tilted her head back to face the dark gray sky, the rain and her tears only flooded faster down her face.

She went limp, fell to her side and down into a ditch. She curled up into a little ball, arms wrapped around her legs. Lightening and thunder struck as one. Her sobs matched the driving torrent of rain. Quick sheets fell with hollow moments of silence. Jennifer wept in the ditch. Her spasms came like the whip of a horse's tail then gave way to the complete surrender of sobbing.

Her arms wrapped tighter around her legs. She shuddered as her fetal position lost ground against rising water. The ditch was grassy and slick from all the rain. If she stayed unaware of her surroundings the rising tide threatened to sweep her down the ravine.

Her sobbing gave way to gasping for air. Instinct pressing inhale for survival. Inhaling led to sensing the current tugging at her. Without thought, her arms reached to higher ground. Her body unfolded and she pressed with her legs. And slowly at first and then with more desperate need, she crawled free of the ditch and lay panting on its ridge free of danger.



GREEN MOUNTAIN CEMETERY - MORNING

The sun was shining bright. It was one of those perfect days in Boulder. The temperature was soothing. The breeze mild and magical. The clouds were ornaments hanging in the sky. The air was clean, filtered by the forests as it cascaded across the Rockies and down the foothills to one of the oldest cemeteries in Boulder, the Green Mountain Cemetery. Tucked behind NIST, the National Institute for Standards and Technology, if you hadn't been in Boulder for a long time you might not even know it was there. You had to go West on Baseline to 20th, turn South to find access. If you hadn't been a part of Boulder for forever you wouldn't even have a chance of getting a plot there. So the fact that James Leigh was about to be put to rest there was its own silent testament of Boulder taking home one of its own.

There were easily a hundred mourners loosely gathered around the site. There were a couple limos. The cars that lined the grassy curbs had license plates from everywhere, and more than a few had the little emblems on their bumpers indicating rental cars from the airport.

There was a canopied section over chairs to protect from rain and sun. There would be no rain but some had their own umbrellas to shade the sun.

Dee sat in a chair, in a black dress that fit her once upon a time, with a pill box hat that had a veil attached to it. Her fingers from both hands held a tissue to her eyes. She was quiet but crying steadily.

Fanny and Paul were there sharing an umbrella. Each wore dress-up, with a little more color than a traditional funeral would bear.

Jennifer stood off to the side, Honey and Tosh at her sides. All three were dressed in black. Honey in a pants suit, her golden mane pulled back into a chignon. Tosh in a below the knee full skirt with a matching blouse. She wore a wide loose brimmed hat and large black rimmed sunglasses. And Jennifer wore a sheer sleeved jacket over a black silk blouse and matching skirt that hugged her hips



almost down to the knee. The simple onyx band on her head held her hair back from her ears, and then down across her back like a nun's veil.

Looking through her RayBan's Jennifer could see the family in the front row. Parents, a grandfather, what looked like a sister and her family. A man sat next to the grandfather, comfortable in his presence, but somber in his demeanor. His suit was a hand in glove fit, and he wore it like his life was spent in suits, so much so he seemed to come from someplace less casual than Boulder, New York, or Geneva maybe. The way he looked out to the West, beyond the Flatirons, you could tell his thoughts were filled with the past, of times long gone spent with a friend he had now come to bid farewell.

Tosh reached down and squeezed Jen's hand. "Are you doing okay?" Her smile of concern matched the tone in her voice. Honey's attention was with her, as well.

Jen squeezed back and then let go. "I'm fine. It's such a beautiful day. He would have liked this."

"Look at all these people!" Honey whispered. "He must have grown up here. I've never been to a funeral with this many people."

Brenda had been sitting in the group under the canopy. She stood, moved to the front of the congregation, pulled out a little sheet of paper she glanced at, and then took a deep breath.

Those nearby hushed their conversations, and those on the fringes gathered closer to be able to hear.

"James Mason Leigh was a good man." It didn't come out very well or very clearly the first time, so after another focused inhale, Brenda started over.

"James Mason Leigh was a good man. I've known him since we were both kids tubing down Boulder Creek. We went to Boulder High, CU and then off into the world of movement and Pilates. He was my best friend." Her voice cracked, and she paused before going on.Copyright 2008 Michael Miller


"James loved this town. He loved his life in this town. He loved all of you who have come here today." Brenda gestured in a wide circle, first in one direction with one arm, then in the other direction with the other arm.

Jennifer folded her arms across her chest and rocked ever so slightly forward and back. Her breath came shallow and she worked to keep it even.

"James also loved Pilates. Over the last few years he spent all of his energies supporting the University of Pilates, from its initial inception through to its existence today."

"His retreat from the forefront over the last couple years has only made the University stronger. In the process he made each of us stronger, to stand on our own, to not only help but to lead the way."

"He always lived his life, and talked about his life, in retrospect. So in many ways, today he got his wish." Many smiles emerged, some chuckles of confirmation rumbled.

Mandy, from Glenwood Springs was sitting in the audience. Her tears were unrestrained, Tosh observed, and remembered how she had wondered if there had been something between she and James.

"A gathering like this is for the living. We gather to acknowledge a loved one who has gone before us. We gather like this to bolster our strength to go on. Life will be emptier without James among us, but life will surely go on with James within us. He was a gift, he remains a gift. And with his blessing, and in his spirit, we shall go on." Brenda nodded agreement with herself. She might have had more to say, no doubt did, but recognizing a good ending, left it at that. She nodded again, looked down, looked at the casket she stood before. Her hand reached out for one last touch, and then she walked away, through the crowd and towards the mountains.

Other stuff happened. People came by, exchanged small talk. Honey and Tosh did most of the talking, never straying far from Jen's side.



Slowly people drifted away. James' family rode away in a limo. Friends hugged and waved goodbye.

Soon it was just some woman seated in the back row, the well dressed man standing close to the casket, and Jen flanked by her two friends. They stood in silence till Tosh leaned in and whispered, "We'll wait for you back at the car. You take as long as you want." Tosh gave her a soft squeeze at the shoulder and then moved away.

Honey rubbed the back of her fingers up and down the side of Jen's arm, took in a deep breath and followed Tosh.

Jen just stood there, arms by her sides, fingers laced in front of her. She looked at the casket, she looked at the sky, she saw a bird flying by. Part of her wished she were the bird, able to get up and fly away.

Then she saw the well-dressed man place both of his palms on the casket. She saw his head lower down between his arms. "One last communion," she thought. And then moments later, he pressed himself to standing, his arms falling to his sides.

He looked out at the Flatirons, down at the casket, turned and walked away.

He was headed past Jennifer. As he looked at her he stopped to face her, removed his sunglasses to reveal deep blue penetrating eyes. As a statement of fact rather than as a question, he said, "You must be Jennifer."

Jen made no acknowledgement, continuing to look straight ahead from behind the protection of her RayBan's.

"James and I were pretty good friends. He was like a brother to me."

Jen needed distance from this intrusion into her privacy. She kept things shallow and found herself wondering how much his haircut must have cost.



"James was always a private guy, and the last couple years he was more and more the hermit. He seemed impatient for this very day," the man half laughed, then continued, "until just recently."

The man looked over his shoulder, thinking of his friend, turned back to face Jen. "Something happened in his life that made him want more, look forward to more. Someone I should say."

At that Jen's head turned to look into his eyes.

"You. He spoke of you. Wanting more of life with you."

Jen looked away, put her palms on her hips, ran her fingers down her bottom. "I lose the men I love."

The man nodded ever so slightly to acknowledge hearing what she said. He put his glasses back on and looked out past her shoulder. "Well, I thought you should know. I think James would have wanted you to know." He looked back at Jen, felt he had said what he wanted to say, and stepped aside. He walked back to a waiting limo, disappeared inside and the limo glided away.

As Jen stood there she tried to melt into the moment. Not willing for it to end. Not willing to let go. The sun was warm without being hot. The air was cool and fresh. Alive was alive. And dead was dead. And time goes on.

Jen turned and marched back to Tosh and Honey waiting by the car. Her march made her think of marching up the sand and away from another man, away from losing the other man. She felt hollow and angry. She had sworn she would never again feel like this and here she was, destroyed again.

Without a word she got in the back seat. Tosh was driving, Honey rode shotgun. As they pulled away Jen saw the lady who had been sitting in back now standing near the coffin. Jealousy passed and sadness rushed in when Jen realized the woman was an employee of the cemetery on guard till the deed was done.



JENNIFER'S HOUSE - LATE MORNING

Jennifer was sun bathing on the back porch. The Beach Boys were crooning about the little surfer girl when the door bell rang. She never moved to go see who it was.

A few moments later her phone rang. She never looked to see who was calling.

After a minute or two Tosh appeared from around the corner. She had on hiking boots, jeans, and a grey zip up the front hooded sweat shirt. She stood next to Jen with her hands on her hips and an expressionless face, most of it hidden behind those big black framed sun glasses of hers.

"Where have you been?" Tosh demanded. "What about the Trials?"

Except for the twitch from one of Jen's feet to shoo off a fly Tosh might have believed that Jen was asleep.

"You just going to quit?!" There was a hard accusatory edge to Tosh's voice. Jen remained motionless, absorbing the sun, her RayBans hiding her eyes.

Tosh shifted position to stand more over Jen, looking down on her, blocking her sun. "What about all that baloney you were telling me about wants?" Tosh was mad. "What about reaching for what you want and going after it? About not letting anything or anybody get in your way? Huh?" With that last "Huh" Tosh nudged the lounge trying to provoke a response.

Jen rose to her elbows, looking out past her toes. Most of her hair streamed down and stayed on the cushion behind her. Still she said nothing.

Tosh sat down on the edge of the chaise and faced her friend. "Well, I've got something I want to do. And I want you to come with me." Her mouth was set, determination oozed.



Jen reached up with one hand and took off her RayBans, her dark green ocean eyes tried to see beyond the black pools of Tosh's glasses.

Tosh stood, stayed close. "Get dressed. I want you to come with me."

Jen looked back out into the trees. Her face made an indignant gesture as she mouthed Tosh's words without giving them sound, "I want."

With a sigh she sat up, forcing Tosh to give some ground. Jen pulled her hair into a tail, inserted a band to hold it in place and stood to face her friend.

Tosh only folded her arms to accentuate her stand.

Jen took in a deep breath, let it out slowly and surrendered. She went inside to get changed.

Tosh was sitting in her car, tapping the steering wheel, feeling like a woman to Shania Twain's beat when Jen emerged from the front door. She too, was in jeans, her desert boots, jeans jacket, and her hair pulled through that black cap of her's with the oversized bill. RayBans in place, but no smile on her face.

"Good," Tosh thought. "At least she's dressed for the occasion."

Jen got in, fastened her seat belt. When she returned Tosh's look, both in their shades, Jen looked out over the hood of the car, and with both hands threw her fingers out her fists to indicate a stubborn, "Let's go."

Tosh shifted into gear and they were off.

They headed down the hill East on Baseline. At 28th they took a left to go North. After going down most of the main drag through town Tosh took a right on Iris. A little more than a mile later another right on Independence.



Jen thought they were going hiking, or somewhere into the mountains. Instead, they were on the Northeast corner of town, an area she wasn't familiar with.

They were skirting around the far side of the Boulder Airport. Jen could see the hangars and planes on the South side across the runways. They were on a small frontage road bordered by trees and farmhouses running down the left, runways on the right.

Tosh slowed, and turned onto a dirt road access that went between the barbed wire fence onto what appeared to be airport property. She followed along the road to a small parking lot next to a couple of those all aluminum trailers called Airstreams. Beyond the parking lot were a few planes with long graceful wings scattered on the ground and appeared to be lying on their bellies grazing on the grass. They had no propellers.

The astonishment showed on Jen's face as she turned to look at Tosh.

Tosh pulled in beside the only other car in the dirt lot, shifted into park, and looked back.

"You're crazy."

Tosh smiled. Turned off the car and smiled back. "I know what I want" and got out of the car. Jen followed.

Tosh led the way to the nearest trailer. It's door was open, the overhead awning pulled out, and a man was rocking in one of those spring steel garden chairs.

Open for business, he seemed relaxed, taking in a beautiful sunny day, and all was right with the world. "Good morning, ladies." He didn't rise, but waited to see what their business was before he rose to break his reverie.

"My name is Macintosh McBride, are you Henry?"

Nodding in sync with the rocking of the chair the man in aviator glasses and ball cap that said NAVY on the front responded,



"That's me." He stood, held out his right hand to shake, "Henry Harrison at your service."

As they shook hands, Henry took off his sunglasses and added, "But you can call me Hawk. Everyone else does."

"Great. It's nice to meet you. We spoke on the phone and have an appointment with you." Tosh turned towards Jen. "This is Jennifer."

Hawk shook hands giving her an appraising look. It wasn't one of those from head to toe checking a woman out kind of look. It was in his eyes gauging her face, and the shake of his hand was more than a mild howdie do. He tightened his grip looking for a reaction. Jen gave him one. Nothing defensive, just meeting him with equal tension and willing to hold on.

The Hawk smiled as he release his grip, pleased in some way. Jen had the faint impression she had passed some kind of test.

"It's a good day for flying. Hot yesterday. There will be a lot of lift today." Hawk looked skyward and to the West. "We provide parachutes, as required by FAA regulations for all aerobatics flights. If you're in good health and have no fear, you'll love it!"

Jen's mouth opened. The Hawk's comments seemed to be directed at her. As she went to speak and hold out a hand towards Tosh to clear up the misunderstanding Tosh slipped a large zip lock bag into her hand.

With a tight smile and dead serious she took off her sunglasses, leaned in closer, hooked up eye to eye. "And this is if you're not as tough as you think," she said with a wink.

Jen looked down at the bag in her hand, up into Tosh's face, over to Hawk's, back to Tosh's.

"This is what I want. I want you to go flying. I want you to go flying with that bird you saw the last time we were with James."



The Hawk heard this, assumed that had settled things. "Today we'll be flying a Schweizer 2-33, a sweet bird, great for performing aerobatics."

The Hawk had headed off to the flock of gliders resting lazily in the grass. Jen just stood there, frozen in space, baggie in hand, looking at Tosh.

"It's what I want." Tosh reached out, gently turned Jen towards the Hawk and gave a slight push. "Give me what I want."

The Hawk was droning on oblivious to the undertows in play. Or maybe he was choosing to ignore them. In any event, Jen stumbled after, stuffing the baggie into a side pocket of her jacket. "These long strips along the back edge of the wing are called spoilers. They slow us down when we land and help us maneuver in the air. That little string there on top of the wing is a yawl string to tell you if we are flying straight."

Jennifer reached out with both hands, fingers making contact, as though she was introducing herself. Hawk noticed, understood, and continued on. "After we get the bonnet off I'll show you around."

He carefully folded off the cover to the canopy and tossed it to the side into the grass. He stood at the nose, reached down and grabbed a painter to pull the glider out away from the others, onto a grassy field that looked more like a football field than a runway. He swiveled the plane 90 degrees to face East. He did his checklist, detached the painter, tossed it aside as he walked around the wing closest to Jen and indicated for her to come closer.

He tilted open the glass bubble reached into the front seat and drew out a parachute. It was the kind you sit on. He held it open for Jen to slip on like it was an evening wrap and they were on their way out for a night on the town. Once arms were in he turned her to face him and buckled her in. His eyes watched everything his hands were doing to confirm he had accomplished each task at hand. Finally, he grabbed her harness at her shoulders, gave it a solid shake, and grunted in satisfaction.



As the Hawk pulled his parachute from the back seat and started strapping it on Jen looked inside.

"You'll sit in front. You've got your own complete set of avionics. That's your passenger control stick."

"Control stick?" Jen murmured.

"Sure, you want to fly it don't you?"

Jen looked up and over to Tosh. Her arms were crossed, feet in a wide stance, on guard. Jen found herself nodding to herself, acknowledging a feeling that came from her gut. "Yes, yes I do."

From that moment on, she never looked back, and was completely absorbed in her adventure.

Hawk thumbed the radio attached to his harness. "Tango Seven, ready in 10"

"Afirm." Came back.

Hawk helped Jen get in. Got in behind her and lowered the hatch.

From somewhere Jen heard an engine roar and from behind her a plane motored past in front of them.

It was pulling a line. Out from the Airstream trailer came a woman in her forties and a teen aged girl, Hawk's wife and daughter, Jen guessed. The woman ran past Tosh, grabbed the line and attached it underneath the nose of the glider. The young girl ran to the far wing tip, and the woman went to the other.

The tow plane's engine roared, the wing walkers kept the glider from hitting or dragging a wing tip on the ground allowing Hawk to maintain a straight path using the rudders. They ran along until the airspeed was sufficient enough for Hawk to keep the wings level on his own using the ailerons.

Jen and Tosh waved as the bird floated into the air and the world became new.



The tow plane was a little higher. It had struts connecting the fuselage to points out at a distance on the wings. "Must be for more stability," Jen thought.

The wind swooshed by, but it was relatively quiet, and Jen could easily hear the Hawk explain how to use the vent at the side of her head that was built into the canopy. She adjusted it to suit her and felt good to exercise control over some aspect of her experience.

Now Jen cast her attention out and down to see Boulder in a whole new perspective. They were being towed South along the Eastern edge of town, and then when they turned again to head West Jen was able to pick out a special spot.

Greenwood Cemetery lay off to her right and ahead of her. As they drew nearer she was surprised to see that same bird circling overhead, only now she was above the bird and gaining altitude.

Before she could fall into reflection Hawk flew in a "box", literally a square shape, around the wake of the tow plane, then directly through the wake in a vertical motion to ensure that everything felt normal and the controls were all responding okay before disengaging from the tow rope. It's usually the sign to the pilot of the tow plane to look for the 'all okay' sign and to expect release of the rope, or if there is no release forthcoming then a signal to tow the glider back to the field.

There was a loud click and the tow rope released.

"Right hand on the stick." Hawk instructed. "Match the pressure I'm placing on the pedals."

Jen fingers laced around the stick. Her feet felt the pressure Hawk was using to push them. Suddenly Jen flashed back upon that initial handshake with Hawk and she understood what he had been looking for.

"Nature provides the atmospheric engine, gives us the lift to go higher. We just have to turn in a tight enough circle to stay inside the column of air on its way up."



Jen's grip got more firm, her feet seeking to hold the pedals in place. The Hawk felt this and eased himself out of the tension. Jen was flying before she knew it.

"Tighter. More hand. More foot."

And Jen asserted herself. Responded to the feeling in her ass. That was the only way to put it. She was flying by the seat of her pants and falling in love with it.

"Good. What's your altitude?"

Flying by the seat of your pants is one thing. Having to look inside the cockpit and read instruments takes it up a level. "Seven hundred feet?"

"Try seven thousand. Much higher and we'd need oxygen. Break out and head West."

"West?"

"Towards the mountains."

Jen wasn't sure what "Break out" meant, but she shifted weight into her pedals, and moved the stick out of the direction of the turn they were in. The glider bumped and wobbled and Jen could feel some guiding influence coming from behind her but not overruling her. As they leveled out and the Rocky Mountains spread out beneath her, she looked closer to see what she could recognize.

She could pick out the lake by Nederland. Off to the North she could see Longs Peak. She knew it was over 14,000 feet tall, but from up here it looked pretty small.

"Press the nose down a little, gain a little speed. Good. Now pretend like you're on a snow board and sliding down the tube from one side to the other."

Jen was having fun, she felt like she was in control. She liked the connection between the pedals under her feet and the pressure on the stick in her right hand.

"Okay. Nose over a little more. Faster. Now rock all the way over."Copyright 2008 Michael Miller


Jen did as instructed, and went upside down like she was swirling down a drain. "Whoo Hoo!"

"Congratulations, little one, you just completed your first barrel role." There was pride in his voice, with a tinge of astonishment.

It felt like they hit a bump in the road. The controls moved beneath Jen and the glider made a tight turn, as if to go back and see what they hit.

This time the Hawk put the glider in a turn going the other way, and once established released to Jen's control. "This is called catching a ride." Jen watched the altimeter needle circle around and the ground grow smaller beneath them.

"Level off at 8,000. Head East."

Jen followed instructions. Pleased with herself. Absorbed in the moment.

"Okay, Jennifer." The tone in Hawk's voice sharpened Jen's attention. Imagine it's wartime. And "Tallyho!" a fighter has come out of the sun and is bearing down on your tail. The way she flies you know you won't shake this gal off."

"Gal?"

"Some of the fiercest fighter pilots in the sky these days are women," Hawk informed her. "You decide to dive and plan on looping up and around behind her coming to guns."

"Hawk, I don't know. Do you think I'm ready for this?"

"What I think doesn't matter. Do you think you are ready for this?" The question hung in the cockpit. "You're in control unless I override you."

Jen nodded, opened her grip on the stick, re-wrapped her fingers.

"Here she comes. Push the nose over, more, faster!"

The ground started rushing up into Jen's focused eyes.



"She's on you! Guns are blazing. More speed! NOW! Pull back, harder, into your gut. Use both hands."

The nose lifted above the horizon. Jen's seat sank into the cushion.

"Keep pulling! Push your head into the cushion. Look up over your head. Find your target." Hawk's voice was cool, clipped, and commanding.

Jen didn't even notice she was upside down. Maybe that's what Hawk intended. In any case, Jen's chin was up, eyes searching above her brows. She half expected to see her enemy.

As though she had come into view, the Hawk continued, "There she is. Ease off the stick. Come in behind her. Index finger...short burst, short burst."

Jen's finger flexed and she was surprised not to hear the boom boom boom of her guns.

"Got her! She's going to explode."

And did in Jen's imagination, into a black and orange fireball. She flew right through it, the explosion that was trying to kill her.

"Life is about survival," the Hawk said matter-of-factly, "and you don't survive unless you want you."

Jennifer realized her heart was beating wildly, and her breath was heaving. The thrill was unlike anything she had experienced. There was a tremble in her body. Her hand was shaking.

The Hawk must have felt her through the controls. "Okay, it's my airplane. I'll get us home. You sit back and enjoy the scenery."

Jen pulled her feet back from the pedals, let go the stick and rubbed her sweaty palms on her thighs.

"Way to go," Hawk said soothingly, "that loop pulled over 4 gees."



They were much lower now, taking a pass past the Flatirons. Low enough for Jen to pick out hikers at the base of the giant slabs of rock tilted up and jutting into the sky.

The Flatirons met and flowed out into the plains of East Boulder.

The University of Colorado was a splash of red stone brick and tile roofs. The horse shoe stadium was empty with a bright green rectangle manicured within.

Jen found it strange to recognize a golf course from the air. And soon the power plant on the Boulder reservoir came into view.

There was the airport and the farmhouses she had driven by to get there.

Their final approach took them over the soccer fields on the North edge of town, just the other side of the diagonal that led Northeast up to Longmont.

Jen sensed the expert hands at the controls as she felt they came in hot, faster than normal. They flew over the diagonal, pulled up to make it over the stand of trees and then down on the far side to just above the North end of the lake that edged the beginning of the runway.

It reminded Jen of the way the movie The Thomas Crown Affair started, when Steve McQueen made a similarly dramatic landing.

The rumble of the wheel on grass was evidence they had landed, but Jen's spirit was still soaring in the sky.

Out of plane, feet on the ground, Hawk didn't speak as he helped her out of her parachute. He set the chute in her vacant seat, stepped back and gave her a sharp, brief salute, and then another handshake.

The handshake took it back to where her adventure seemed to begin, in their first handshake. The grip was the same, only familiar now, and somehow like the control stick she had just relinquished.Copyright 2008 Michael Miller


She knew. She felt, she could walk away without a word, without another gesture, but she gave into her instinct and jumped up into his arms and buried her face in his neck. He held her there, feet above the ground.

She pulled her face back so she could whisper in his her, "Thank you." Kissed his cheek.

He lowered her down, let her go. Smiled. "My pleasure, way to fly."

Jen gave him one last beaming smile of appreciation. She turned looking for Tosh, but she, and her car, were nowhere to be seen. Only a taxi with a driver leaning against the front passenger door, back door open.

Jen looked back at Hawk, a question on her face. He gestured with his hand at the taxi. "That's your ride. It's taken care of." As Jen soaked in what he was saying, he continued, "That's quite a friend you've got."

Moved, Jen could only agree. "Yea, yea she is."

With that James Dean looping swoop of her hand she gestured goodbye, turned, entered the taxi. The driver shut the door, walked around to the other side. As the taxi pulled away the Hawk gave a rising banking gesture with the palm of his hand.

UNIVERSITY OF PILATES - DAY

The day had arrived. The Pilates Trials. Jen stood in the back of the University of Pilates auditorium. It was much like a Vegas theater, the kind that hosts America's Got Talent. Not that big but similar in scope, nature, and feel.

There was a wide stage. Above the stage, woven into the cyclotron were four jumbotron video screens, one big one in the middle, and two on each side.

The incline was steep, like the latest movie theatres, and the seats were high-backed, and rocked.



Many of the spectators were already in place, and there was a hum of conversation the fed the air of excitement.

In a semi-circle close to the stage were nine super-seats meant for the judges. Each judge competed. Each judge evaluated the other contestants. And their evaluations were simulcast on a screen so that everyone in the audience could see how the judges scored each other. It was the design of Ekim to make the judging transparent and accountable. It had its flaws, but it also had its advantages. And it made the judges accountable to the other observers, the audience. Evidently, Ekim thought that was important.

If Pilates is the complete coordination of body, mind and spirit, and spirit is the observer participating in the performance, then by connecting the observation of the broader audience to evaluation by the judges, the scoring was more likely to truly reflect the quality of the effort.

Brenda walked out onto the stage holding a microphone. She wore an black elegant dress, gold slippers and a matching gold band in her hair. "Welcome everyone, to the Pilates Trials."

A wave of applause swept through the auditorium. The jumbotrons were working and the center screen showed a close-up of Brenda's face. Her smile was warm and her eyes reached through the spotlights to those in the back row.

"Today we get to watch nine performances of the Pilates Matwork. The participants judge each other. The scores will be projected on the screen." Brenda glanced up and over her shoulder gesturing to one of the screens above.

"Each contestant has a start time and an end time in which they must complete their performance. Because of the length of each performance there will be a brief intermission after the 3rd and 6th performances."

"Please put your cell phones on silent, and keep your conversations to a minimum and toned down." A scattering of cell phones lit up as people complied with her request.



"And now, sit back, enjoy the show." Big smile. "We'll be getting started with our first contestant in just a moment.

The only problem was that the first contestant was Macintosh Macbride, and she was currently being held up by her husband.

"Tosh, you don't understand." Jeremy was pleading with her. They were standing off to the side of the entrance. Some people were still filing in to find their seats. Just as Tosh was ready to head to the stage and begin, Jeremy showed up unexpectedly and now had her by the elbow.

"I don't care who's in town, or what it might mean for your career," she said and she wrenched her arm out of his grasp.

"Maybe you should." Jeremy glared at her. "I'm your husband. What you do as a hobby shouldn't interfere with our opportunities."

"You mean your opportunities, don't you?" Tosh challenged.

"Look, we have the opportunity to spend the afternoon in the mountains with the Dean and his wife, and the president of the French university I've been trying to get a position in for years." Jeremy was terse, and standing very close. He didn't like having to explain himself, especially to her. "Won't you recognize priorities and give this up for me, for us?"

Tosh was wringing her fingers. "I can't. I'm due to go on. If I lose my time slot I lose my place. This is important to me."

"But our future is important to both of us. You should do this, for me, for yourself, for us," Jeremy was trying to assert his authority and use guilt to get his way. "How selfish, to be thinking only of yourself."

Tosh flared. "Oh bite me!" Her eyes burning into his. "Or should I say, Chu Me?"

Cold anger swept over Jeremy's face. He wasn't used to this kind of challenge from Tosh and wished he weren't in public so he could deal with her more directly.



Jen hadn't seen Tosh since her glider ride. They had talked over the phone, but not gotten together since then. Now, she was standing at a distance watching her friend obviously upset and delayed by her husband. She could also see Brenda looking out into the crowd for Tosh because she was due to begin, and the time frames were fixed.

Jen walked up to the feuding couple. She gave a cool nod to Jeremy, and pulled something out of her pocket to hand to Tosh. "Just in case you're not as tough as you want to be."

It was the plastic baggy Tosh had given to her. "You're up. Don't lose your slot. I've got to go get seated." She leaned in, lifted up on her toes, and kissed Tosh's cheek. "Knock 'em dead."

Jen walked away wondering how she'd meant that. Knock the audience dead is how it was meant, but knock him dead was just as appropriate.

Tosh watched Jen walk away. "That lady taught me that doing what you want for somebody else shows you that you must do the same for yourself. I want to live up to my god given talents, not what you or my father expect from me."

Jeremy was almost speechless. He didn't know where this rebellious streak was coming from and he didn't like it. "You should reconsider, you really should."

"I want more than living up to other people's shoulds, especially yours. I want more than living up to other people's expectations of me just to gain their approval. I want to approve of myself. That's why I'm going now to do what I set out to do."

"If you do this, you're on your own." His face was blank, his words an ultimatum.

"I know what I want, and I'm going for it, right now." Tosh squeezed the baggy in her hand and gave Jeremy one last look in the eye. Then she walked away.



She walked down the aisle, picked up a water bottle beside the stage, took a sip as she caught Jen's eye. As she screwed the top back on the bottle she smiled, held up the baggy, gave her a half wink, and then set the bottle down on the baggy before she stood tall and walked out to the single mat that was center stage.

As Tosh stood at the end of her mat, drawing together her calm and her focus, she heard her breath amplified out into the audience by the shotgun microphones pointed at her from above. The sound deepened her listening until that was all she heard. No extraneous thinking. No recent past being dragged along like a pile of sticks on your back. Just breath. Just now. Just being.

Her knees bent, she laid down, and began doing the first Pilates exercise - the 100s.

The sound of her breath was like a billows, a little quiver at first, but through her application of will it grew stronger, deeper, and with her breath, everyone seemed to syncopate with her.

Except for Jeremy. He turned to leave and almost ran over Madeline. She was with her husband, Dean Withers and another couple. Confused, Jeremy tried to catch up to who he was seeing from one environment, his campus crowd, to where he was, his wife's Pilates hobby world.

"Dean Withers, Madeline, how good to see you." He shook their hands. "How did you know to find me here?"

"Well, actually we weren't looking for you." The Dean explained. "Let me introduce you." Turning to his guests, "Dr. Trudeau, Trinket, may I introduce Jeremy Macbride, a professor in our department spending the summer with us."

Dr. Trudeau was the president of the French university where Jeremy hoped to teach. He was slight, short, and wore dark suit, with a white shirt and tie. He could have been a banker just as easily as an academic.

His wife, taller than her husband, came across as very French, whatever that meant. Her dress was sleeveless, gathered front and Copyright 2008 Michael Miller


back, a fabric and a cut you didn't get in the States. A gold bangle and matching earrings dripped from her wrist and ears. A purse delicately slung over one shoulder was sumptuous chocolate brown leather.

The Doctor's handshake was effeminate from a small hand. Her's was firm and long fingers and French cut nails.

"When the Dean mentioned that your wife was into Pilates and participating in the Trials, Trinket insisted we come and watch."

Jeremy felt the enthusiasm in Trinket's handshake and had to make a point of letting go. "She's on stage now."

Trinket looked to the focus of the spotlights. "Then we must get seated. I would hate to miss her performance."

Trinket let the way, husband, Dean, wife, in tow, and Jeremy fumed at the mix of good fortune and bitter resentment.

UNIVERSITY OF PILATES - LATER

When Tosh finished her mat her face was calm, her cheeks were rosy and everybody was clapping. She returned to her water bottle, drained it, looked up at the scores, and waved again, to the adulation of the crowd.

Her mat had been completely classical, 5 to 8 reps each exercise and had taken almost all of the 45 minutes allotted for each performance.

Her scores were high, even though she was first up. She had set the standard for the rest of the field to be judged. It would be interesting to see how the others compared.

Quickly, she moved behind the scenes to the locker room, showered and slipped into a pair of baby blue shimmery elastic dancer slacks and a white top.

When she came back out to take her judges seat, she felt refreshed and relieved to have her performance over. Now she could sit back



and enjoy the movement of others, and see how she fared when held up against them.

The same pattern of performance, short break followed by another performance happened two more times and then there was a 30 minute break after the third.

Tosh didn't know the woman who followed her mat. She had seen her at the preliminaries but not been able to observe her move. Introduced as Tammy Fay, she moved well enough but ended each exercise like a train making a stop, pausing, and then picking up steam to go on.

Tammy Fay's scores came in lower than Tosh's but still respectable. She waved, disappeared for her shower, and when she came back and slid into her judges seat, a few people clapped again.

Paul went next. He wore a one piece unitard. Mauve. He was in his own element, on stage, under the lights, dancing for the masses. Only this dance was highly choreographed, and he set out to do it with a keen focus.

His movements were sharp and quick. A straight mind to muscle delivery. There was something about the way a man performed the Pilates mat that led an observer to wonder about the inherent differences between the sexes.

He finished on time, barely. And his reception of applause had his self reflection in the front row clapping the loudest and longest.

He waited till his scores posted, pleased that he did better than Tammy Fay, hid his disappointment at not surpassing Tosh behind a plastic smile as he took one more deep bow before he tip toe skipped off the stage.

Like the intermission at a concert, some people rose and headed for refreshments or relief, others stayed seated and gossiped among themselves.



Jen gave Tosh an enthusiastic hug. "You did great! I'm so proud of you."

Tosh blushed and beamed all at the same time. "I wasn't about to miss my opportunity, even if he didn't like it."

"You did what you wanted, didn't you?" Jen looked inquiringly into Tosh's face.

Tosh pressed her lips together and nodded her head up and down.

"How did it feel?"

"Great, a lot better than worrying if I were doing what I should be doing." Tosh took a deep breath and let it go easily.

Jen looked over Tosh's shoulder. "Seems Jeremy has found some friends."

Tosh was surprised to see him still here, and her brow knitted at the sight of Dean Withers and his wife. "Why were they here? And who is the couple with them?" She wondered.

Madeline spoke first, while reaching out to shake Tosh's hand. "You were super! I'm so jealous of your strength and grace. You never told us you were so good at this."

Tosh glanced at Jeremy who stood back and said nothing.

Madeline reached an arm around Trinket to bring her closer. Trinket eyes were big, and in awe, and you could see she was thrilled to be getting introduced. "This is Trinket, Dr. Trudeau's wife, and a big fan of Pilates."

"A big fan of yours! Wow! Formidab! C'est magnifique!" Trinket held Tosh's hand in both of hers and had a hard time letting go.

"It's true," Dr. Trudeau echoed as he gave Tosh a more reserved hand shake. "Even for someone uninitiated it was easy to see your movement has mastery."

Tosh showed the confusion she felt. "Jeremy said we were supposed to get together. I'm so sorry I was committed here."



"Think nothing of it," Trinket waved her hand. "Once I heard what was going I had to come see."

Tosh reached back and all but dragged Jennifer into the conversation. "This is my good friend and work out partner Jennifer Desiree."

Jennifer wore her work out clothes under a oversized loose fitting shirt. Her hair was up in a ballerina's bun, feet in shower sandals.

"Ah, you are French!" Trinket stated as a question.

"Qui, mais pas beaucoup." Jen surprised everyone with the ease in her French response.

Before Trinket could launch into more French and leave everyone else out of the conversation, her husband gently reached under her arm and said, "Venez, mon petite bijou. Speak English and say your farewells. We have to be getting back." He looked at Jen, "Will you be performing as well?"

Jen smiled and nodded, "Yes, but I'm not till last."

"Oh, c'est dommage," Trinket lamented.

Dean Withers looked with admiration at Tosh. "It was great to see you move so beautifully. Jeremy can be very proud of you."

"She only does it as a hobby, to have something to do while I'm teaching," Jeremy said dismissively. The slight made everyone uncomfortable. It was obvious for anyone who watched her move that it was more than a hobby that stood in the shadow of his ego.

Like a fan being torn from her idol, Trinket's face exaggerated her pout. "I'm so glad we got to meet and see you move. I hope we see more of you!"

"Me too. I'm sorry I can't join you for your excursion into the mountains. They're beautiful, I'm sure you'll have a wonderful time."



A chime sounded, indicating the impending resumption of the Trials. Hands shook all the way around. Jeremy just graced Tosh with a brief nod, and they were off.

"Whew," Tosh looked at Jen, "that was unexpected."

"Yea, but you've got a new fan, and both she and her husband seemed very nice." Jen gave her friend a little nudge with her elbow. "Let's go sit down."

UNIVERSITY OF PILATES - lATER

The next three performances went by pretty fast, but every time Jennifer looked at Honey, who was sitting next to her because she went second to last, Honey looked the worse for wear.

"They all look so good," Honey said despondently. "I wish I could have gone first, like Tosh, and gotten it out of the way."

"Oh, come on!" Jen patted her wrist. "It's tough to go first. People forget and become overloaded. We're lucky to go towards the end."

"I'll be lucky to go at all," Honey confided. "My stomach is doing flips."

"Do you want me to get you something?" Jen was concerned. Honey seemed to be experiencing something more than a case of the nerves. "How about some 7-up? That will settle your stomach. Or an Alka Seltzer?"

"No, I'll be okay." She leaned back in her chair, drew a deep breath in through her nose. "I just need some air. And maybe stretch my legs."

"Step outside. Take a breather. We not scheduled to start for another 15 minutes."

Honey stood, smiled at Jen then turned, worked her way down the aisle, up the stairs towards the entrance.



In the meantime, Tosh came over sat in Honey's seat and gave Jen an appraising look. "How you feeling? Are you ready?"

Jen rolled her head, then nodded. "Better than Honey, she's a bundle of nerves."

"I saw her go out. I hope she'll be okay." Tosh looked in the direction that Honey had taken. "I'm more concerned about you. You've come so far, done so much. I know how badly you want this."

"Yes, I have, and I do," Jen said as she stared out onto the empty stage. "But you know, I've been thinking."

"Bout what?"

"About why I want to win the Trials so much. I mean you, and everybody are so good, and just to be in your company, in the celebration of doing Pilates, is such a thrill. I find myself asking, "Where does the wanting come from? Why do I want it so much?"

"You taught me wanting comes from within, not like shoulds that are externally imposed upon you." Tosh was sharing feelings that went deep and stirred her passion.

"Yes, wanting comes from within, but where within, and more importantly, why do they come?" Jen glanced at Tosh to see if she was making any sense and unsure if she was being too self revealing. When Tosh didn't answer, more taking in what Jen had said and mulling it around in her mind, Jen continued her reflection aloud. "When I lost Ekim I wanted him back. I had come to expect him in my life, we breathed the same air, surfed the same waves, watched the same sunsets. When he never returned from that sail, lost at sea wasn't enough. I wanted him back. I wanted him back badly."

Jen's eyes glistened. Tosh rubbed her arm with the back of her fingers.

"I think my wanting him back changed into wanting to win the Trials. If I win these Trials I will have him back insofar as I will



embody his passion for Pilates. I'll have him back inside me. Does that make any sense?"

"I guess. Does it make sense to you?"

"I didn't see things as clearly until after James died," Jen put her heart on her face for Tosh to take in. "until after my glider ride."

Tosh smiled the embarrassed grin of the giver of a gift that proved to be more precious than ever anticipated. She teared a little, too, but kept listening to Jen without looking away.

"The Hawk said something profound. It hit me right between the eyes. He said, 'Life is about survival. And you survive because you want to.'" Jen was nodding to herself now, feeling the truth of his words. "I want to survive. I want to win the Trials. For Ekim. For me. For us. The us that was and will never be."

After a big breath and trying to remove herself from the depth of her reflections Jen finished by saying, "And somewhere in there maybe I'll find peace."

"You will. I know you will. And win or lose, Ekim and James will always be with you, maybe not in the way you want, but maybe enough to help you find the peace you're looking for." Tosh turned to face the stage, feeling she had brought the conversation to an optimistic end. It was time to look forward, embrace the moment, be present.

She looked over her shoulder and spied Honey making her way down the aisle. "Here comes Honey. She doesn't look too good."

"She says she's okay. Just nerves. After raking through all my drama, I'm sure she has more than enough of her own."

"One more, and then it's her turn. Believe me, once you're out there, you forget everything else. That's the best part of doing Pilates, you get to disappear into the complete coordination of body, mind and spirit. No baggage, just presence."

Tosh stood and moved towards her assigned judges chair at the opposite end of Jen's. She turned slightly and gave Jen a thumbs Copyright 2008 Michael Miller


up. Jen mirrored the gesture and then stood to stretch a little before the Trials resumed.

UNIVERSITY OF PILATES - LATER

Honey sat very still during the mat performance that came right before her's. Jen kept an eye on her but wasn't sure how she was feeling.

The moment the mat ended, and she recorded her score, Honey took off for the toilet.

Time rolled by. Jen sat quietly thinking that soon it would be her turn. She was flooded with memories the led up to her being here. That first workshop when she heard Ekim speak. That shack on the beach. The sunrise surfing that washed the world clean each day.

She remembered the fear of forty days and forty nights they searched for Ekim, before they called the search off. She cold feel the sand strain her efforts to march away from news that they would look no more.

She remembered feeling the same way when she marched away from James' grave. Empty. Hollow. Only going on to survive, the naked wanting to survive. And somehow that wanting transformed into wanting to win the Trials. She wanted Ekim back. She wanted that life back. She wanted being loved that way back again.

"And in that wanting she came to Boulder to win the Trials. Her wanting drove her to James, and her wanting of James diminished her wanting of Ekim, until suddenly she didn't have either, and once again she was just left with naked wanting, wanting to survive. "Is there anything else? Is there anything more?" She asked herself.

Brenda was on stage, looking for Honey, who was nowhere in sight. It was time for her to start, and Brenda looked alarmed.

Jen stood and surveyed the crowd. A figure caught her eye, up above and off to the left. The fit of the suit gave him away. It was that same man who was at James' funeral.



He stood there, weight even on both legs, arms by his sides, one hand clasping the other in front of him.

He wasn't looking at Jen, just out into space, observing the affair.

Jen drew her attention back to looking for Honey. She moved along the aisle and headed for the ladies's room.

Honey wasn't there, and when Jen went a little further down the hallway she passed a door where she thought she heard something. A muffled sound. An animal sound.

The sign on the door said UTILITY CLOSET, a fancy name for janitor's room. When Jennifer opened the door at first all she saw were brooms and mops held clipped to the wall. When she looked down there was the expected yellow mop bucket, but next to the bucket was a mop of yellow hair that belonged to Honey.

She was curled up into a ball, hugging her knees, forehead pressed to the same. She was half crying and half in a delirious moan.

Jen sat down beside her, wrapped an arm over her shoulders.

Honey moaned louder having been discovered.

"Honey, Honey, what's wrong? Are you sick? Are you hurt?" Jen used her other hand's fingers to try and smooth away Honey's matted hair from the side of her face.

Honey's moan released into a sob and then a big inhale. She looked up into Jen's face. "I'm afraid!" Her head returned to her knees and she resumed sobbing.

"Oh, sweetheart, what are you afraid of?" Jen soothed her shoulders with her palm.

"I don't know. I'm just afraid." Mumbled through tears and a runny nose.

Jen reached to a roll of paper meant for the dispenser in the bathroom and tore off a sheet. "Here, blow your nose." Honey did so but stayed hunched over and wouldn't look at Jen.



Jen said, "You know what Ekim taught me about fear?" She continued to stroke her friends shoulders.

Honey gave a loud honk blowing her nose, and then shook her head from side to side.

"Ekim said that fear is one side of a coin. The coin is your attitude towards the future." Honey listened as she folded the towel repositioned it and blew her nose again.

"And choosing your attitude towards the future is the one thing a human being cannot escape from making. Even making no choice of attitude is choosing your attitude." Jen paused, then went on. "Ekim said he got this important truth from a book he read when he was a boy given to him by his teachers. The book was titled Man's Search for Meaning, and was written by Viktor Frankl, a holocaust survivor. He wrote that when desperate times are pressed upon you, the one freedom you have, perhaps the only freedom you have is your choice of attitude."

Just because Honey was crying and afraid didn't mean that her brain had shut down. With lightening bolt insight she looked into Jen's eyes and asked the question, "what's the other side of the coin."

Jen smiled, sharply inhaled to stifle tears of her own and said, "hope."

They looked at each other, and Jen started nodding to the internal conversation Honey was having with herself. "Hope. You've got to choose your attitude. It's either negative or positive. A negative attitude is fear. It's so easy to choose fear. That's why everyone sells through fear. But fear gets you nowhere. Fear is a self-fulfilling prophecy. So, Ekim used to say, when you experience fear, it's a negative attitude towards the future, and the only alternative to a negative attitude is a positive one, hope. It's a choice, your choice, what you choose. And once you recognize fear for what it is, choosing hope becomes much easier.



"Just choose. That's all there is to it?" Honey said in disbelief, like getting quoted a price you think is too low.

"Uh huh, that's all." Jen used both her hands to gather the substantial mop of Honey's golden locks into a mane she then held with one hand. "I wish it were more complicated than that but that's all there is to it. You either choose hope or you're stuck in fear. Either way, it's your choice."

Honey inhaled into a more upright position. She looked out seeing the opportunity to escape her fear. Jen had not only given her hope, but shown her that hope was a choice she could make on her own. A smile came to her face and a light came to her eyes.

"You know what really helps me choose my way out of fear and into hope?" Jen teased the question.

Honey shook her head, a smile tugging at the corners of her mouth.

"Applying my will doing Pilates." Jen's head tilted towards Honey ever so slightly, and her face tightened to make the point.

Honey broke into a full smile now. Jen took it as a sign it was time to stand up and helped Honey to her feet. She looked around at the close quarters they were standing in. "Only I like more space than this, and the more people observing the better. It helps me focus."

Honey giggled at Jen's levity.

"Shall we go out and do our thing?"

"Definitely!"

UNIVERSITY OF PILATES - MOMENTS LATER

As Honey and Jennifer approached the stage Brenda rushed up to them.

"Where have you been?" Her hands were up and open, fingers spread, eyes wide, lips pulled tight across her teeth.

"Honey just needed an attitude adjustment. She's ready now."



"But it's too late!" The alarm on Brenda's face was more statement than her words.

The hush of the audience was more apparent now. The three of them stood in the center of everyone's attention.

"Honey's entry has scratched. Jen, you're up next, if you don't begin in the next 60 seconds," Brenda looked up at the big clock on the wall, "you'll be scratched as well!"

Honey took a big breath trying to absorb the news. Jen just stared at Brenda.

Brenda moved in between the two and taking them by their arms escorted Honey to her judge's seat, and pressed Jennifer out onto the stage.

The audience began clapping, encouraging the show to go on. They didn't know what was happening, they just were ready to see more movement. The man in the suit hadn't moved and was still taking it all in.

Jen moved to the end of the mat on stage. The jumbotron zeroed in on her face, a face of hard lines and showed a mind racing in thought. She took a position with feet together toes apart, arms by her side and sought to calm her breathing. Her eyes closed, and her breathing continued to expand.

Then her eyes opened, and a smile came to her face, What happened next surprised everyone but Jennifer.

Jen walked away from her position, over to Honey seated in her chair. Honey looked startled, puzzled.

Jen reached out her hand to Honey. She took it, and Jen led Honey out onto stage. Brenda rushed up.

"What are you doing?" It was a harsh demanding whisper.

Jen gave her a warm calm smile. "I'm giving my space to Honey. There's nothing in the rules that say I can't."



Brenda's eyes almost crossed. "That's true. But, are you sure you want to do that?"

Jen looked at Honey and her smile grew deeper, warmer, calmer. "I've never wanted anything more in my life."

"Well, okay. It's your call." Brenda moved off stage.

Honey reached to hold one of Jen's hands. "Really?"

Jen nodded, "Just remember, you have to press the flow to find the fusion." With that, Jen went back to her seat and sat down.

"Press the flow to find the fusion," Honey whispered to herself. "Choose hope. Choose hope. Choose hope."

The crowd broke into a heavy round of applause. They weren't sure what was going on, but they obviously liked the idea of getting to see Honey's performance. And the fact that Jen had sacrificed her spot made it all the more special.

Honey didn't hear the applause. Her mind was already busy pressing her will through her breathing, anticipating what was to come next, sensing what she was feeling now.

She glided from standing into lying like a fairy landing a toe upon a flower's pedal.

Her 100s took on the sensation of a jet engine coming up to speed. The next exercise, the Roll Up, was the plane taking off. And from there the flow and the momentum to the flow steadily gained altitude.

It wasn't like she was in a hurry. It was like she was going over a check list for the 10,000th time. Each check vital, each check thorough, each check done completely in the present, only to give away into the flow of the next check. One, two, three, and move on; one, two, three, and move on. Beginning, middle and end. Beginning, middle and end. Discover, seek and express. Discover, seek and express.



People forgot what they were doing. Mesmerized hardly expresses what happened to everyone watching. It was more like they were absorbed into the black hole of Honey's concentration.

Time flew. She flew. At altitude. Over the arctic. And when she landed the plane that took off horizontal finished Push Ups and became the space shuttle, vertical ready for take off.

As she stepped away the stunned silence of the audience exploded into a thunderous applause. People leaped to their feet shouting, screaming, reaching out through their fingers trying to touch Honey through the air.

It took Honey a few moments to catch up to where she was, so disappeared she had gone into the depths of her own awareness, her own concentration. She seemed caught unaware of being observed, and tossed her blond mane in an embarrassed flick that only deepened the applause.

Honey walked over to Jennifer, held out her hand. Jen took it, rose, and they exchanged a hug. Jen was crying. Honey was crying.

Honey took Jen by the hand and led her out to the mat on the stage. She turned Jen to face the crowd, let go her hand, and gestured the crowd to encourage Jen to do the mat.

The applause shifted to a rhythmic clap. They knew what they wanted and their hands spoke loud and clear. Even the man in the suit way up on top had his hands going.

Jen tried to wave them off. She looked at Brenda for help, but Brenda only surveyed the entire auditorium and shrugged as if to say, "What are you going to do? Say no?"

So Honey went and sat down. Everyone else did as well. You would call it hushed anticipation.

Jen modestly pulled off the cover up she had on, tossed it off stage. She wore black tights and a forest green jog bra. Already barefoot, she moved to the head of the mat instead of the foot, and there collected herself.



Somehow Honey had changed her, brought her peace. She didn't feel the wanting anymore. She only felt peace, like a pebble sinking into deep blue water, warm and wonderful, embracing. The pebble in her mind's eye sank deeper and deeper, and Jen dove down with it. Her arms rose just like she was on a diving board. Her heels lifted so she was one taut line from balls of feet to fingertips. Everyone held their breath half expecting her to float up into point on her toes, but instead, her arms came down while she was still up on her toes, and she rolled down towards the floor.

Her palms went flat, her head tucked under, her shoulders touched and from there she rolled onto her back and into her 100s.

A peal of delighted applause filled the room.

There weren't 100 beats, only 10. Only one breath, and Jennifer moved on. Only one Roll Up, one Roll Over, and so it went, a one of each exercise mat, done within the pressing billows of breath.

It was like seeing Honey's mat in double time. What Tosh had so much earlier done in the competition in 5 to 8 reps, Honey had refined to 3. Now, here was Jennifer, showing a mastery of flow and execution like Mozart did for Salieri.

The crowd loved it.

When Jen transitioned from Control Balance to standing by going back up the way she had come down to the floor a collective "ouuu" came from the crowd.

Her body doing Push Ups was a smooth arc of tempered steel that circled out her arms, through the floor and up into her legs. Uniform usage, to get uniform development, to survive in a uniform gravity field. The gravity jungle.

Like Honey, Jen too, walked out and away from her performance catching up to the surface after having dove so deeply into the depths of her concentration.

A smile beamed from her face, she waved, first with one hand, and then with both, before she returned to her seat.



Brenda came out on stage, but she had to wait a while for the applause to settle down before she could say anything. As she waited she looked over her shoulder and was surprised to see Honey's scores appear in her column beside everyone else's who had performed that day.

The bottom row showed the combined score, and Honey's edged out the leader by two points. The leader had been Tosh, the bar had been set high from the very beginning, and no one else had topped it till Honey. Tosh clapped whole heartedly. Tears were running down her face.

Honey couldn't believe it and didn't know if it would count. But to her, it didn't matter. She had overcome her fear. Chosen hope. And that was her personal victory.

Just as the clapping was losing it momentum more scores appeared in Jennifer's column, and her total topped Honey's by 1 point.

Honey burst out laughing. Jen's mouth was open without her realizing it. And Tosh tried to wipe away a constant stream of joyous tears.

Brenda clapped. Three young girls came out bearing the awards to be handed out. They lined up a little behind and to the side of Brenda.

The crowd noise only subsided because they wanted to hear what she had to say and acknowledge the awards to be given.

"Ladies and gentlemen, the Pilates Trials are now completed." Applause followed.

"To present the awards I would like to introduce our one and only sponsor, the dot.com king of the internet, Mr. Mike Cubin!"

Now it was Jen who was surprised. It was the man in the suit who had spoken to her at James' funeral. He moved smoothly, shyly, modestly. When he took the microphone from Brenda he thanked



her for putting on such a spectacular Trials, and all those who helped.

"Furthermore, I'd like to remember James Leigh. He was, and still is a pivotal member of our community."

Passing the microphone back to Brenda, Mike stood by as Brenda announced the awards.

Tosh came up, Mike placed the ribbon around her neck, gave her a bouquet of flowers, and shook her hand. Tosh rose up into better posture when she felt the weight of her medal pressing against her sternum.

Honey rode a cloud up to receive her medal. Mike placed it around her neck. Went cheek to cheek for a perfunctory kiss. Handed her a bouquet and shook her hand.

Honey turned, and held up the bouquet. Everyone felt they had somehow won with her and applauded.

The applause rallied before Jen's name was even spoken. She came to the stadium like a monk head down, on her way to the temple. Her eyes stayed on the floor as she bent at the waist to let the man in the suit put the ribbon around her neck. As she straightened up there where those same deep blue penetrating eyes looking into hers. They weren't shining, and they weren't as sad as the last time she had looked into them. Something deeper now. Something more personal just between them.

He gave her a bouquet, shook her hand, went cheek to cheek with the kiss, and while still holding her hand said, "Congratulations. He would have been very proud."

The bond between them tightened, their grip only confirming the fact. As he let go, he put his hand to her arm and leaned in to say, "I'd like to discuss something with you later." He drew back, smiled, and joined the applause of her effort.

Jennifer turned, waved the bouquet above her head and brushed away a tear with her other hand. She felt joy and at peace.



AIRPORT -DAY

The Denver International Airport is 52 square miles in the extreme Northeast corner of the city. That means way out in the plains. E470 loops around from Boulder through those plains until you come upon the terminal that was designed to look like the snow capped mountains of the Rockies. It also looks like one giant circus tent.

Tosh and Jennifer were now standing underneath that tent just outside of security having a hard time saying goodbye.

Checked in, ticket and passport in hand, there wasn't much left to say, except everything and nothing.

"Imagine. Who would have ever thought?" Tosh said. She was facing Jennifer holding her hands.

Jen gave a little shake to Tosh's arms and replied, "I never could have come this far without you."

"The man in the suit, as you like to call him, knows what he's doing." Tosh was trying to assure her friend.

"I know," Jen nodded, "he certainly has the capability of producing a 24-7 HDTV Channel with nothing but Pilates."

"And picking you as the director of programming was a perfect choice." Tosh let go Jen's hands and held her by the shoulders. "You're going to do fine."

"Will you write?"

"Of course, but these days it will probably be in the form of telephone texting. And I won't survive if I don't hear your voice in English"

"Teach them to move the way you do and they'll know it all," Jen reassured. "You'll be fluent in French in no time."

"Can you believe it? Me? In Paris?" Tosh's eyes danced with excitement. "Jeremy is beside him self with jealousy. Threatening to divorce me, imagine that! I told him he'd be lucky if I don't



divorce him. This separation will be good for us. We'll see if he can get is head screwed on straight. If not, too bad. You can't deny a person their right to suffer."

Jen laughed. She thought about how far her friend had come from being so worried about everything she should do and be, to being who she wanted.

"When Trinket begged me to come stay with them and teach Pilates not only at her studio but at the university, I knew I wanted to go. Had to go." Tosh rubbed Jen's arms. "If I hadn't met you this would never have happened."

Jen hooked her hands on top of Tosh's arms. "Not true. I fell in love with the way you moved the first time I saw you. And now I've got a friend that has really seen me through."

Tosh tried to dismiss the praise but Jen wouldn't have it.

"Really. I was on a mission when I met you, driven and empty. Hurting. You helped me find peace with Ekim," she paused, "and James."

Tosh hugged her now. There was nothing to say.

Jen hugged back. They hugged for a long time. They squeezed the air out of each other and intentionally waited for instinctual inspiration to initiate their inhales. As it occurred they giggled at the intimacy of knowing their own bodies so well, at knowing each other so completely.

"Love you."

"I love you, too."

Tosh took hold of her bag, wheeled it through the ski lift-like maze and only had a short wait before presenting papers. She smiled at Jen whose hands were on her hips, fingers running down over the curve of her bottom. Then for Tosh it was shoes off, laptop out, coat in the bin. Walking through the portal of Homeland security.



After she reassembled, she looked for Jen one last time but she had left. Tosh headed towards the escalators that led down to the tram and as she stepped onto it looked up to see Jen standing right there on the other side of the glass. Her descent would take her right underneath and out of sight of Jen.

Their smiles were intense, eyes shimmery. Each of their right hands went to their hearts. Mouths silently synced "I love you." And then as Jen gave her James Dean hand gesture of little circle down and away, Tosh slid out of sight.

Jennifer stood motionless for a moment, savoring the departure. As she turned to leave she saw a man and a woman embracing where she and Tosh had just done the same. She smiled, felt the peace within her, and headed West, back to Boulder.

EPILOGUE AIRPORT - MOMENTS LATER

The couple Jen saw embracing finally released enough to face each other. The pain on her face was mirrored by the pain on his. He remembered back, to the last time they had made their departure standing here, at the airport, in front of the bookstore.

She had said, "Write. Write your story," as though he needed to go out and slay his dragon before he could ever claim her as his princess.

He hugged her one last time. In the letting go, he whispered in her ear, "Goodbye, Sweetheart." With hands gently on her shoulders he looked her deep in the eyes. There was a sad smile on his face. A surrender to the pain he felt.

He turned her around, she thought so they could see each other in the reflection of the bookstore's glass. She could see him looking at her, that same sad smile on his face, she smiled back. He was looking at her, she noticed, but more than that, he was looking through her, or rather through the glass. As her gaze went with his she saw all the display shelves filled with the same book. She



realized it must be the hot new release being promoted when the title of the book penetrated her heart.

"The Pilates Lounge" by Cornu.

The woman's jaw dropped. She stopped breathing. She stopped seeing even though her eyes were still open. When she refocused, the books were still there but he was gone. Gone.

She cried now. Her knees gave way with her knowing and her crying was unabated. Other travels came to console her, help her to her feet. She regained her composure, looked up into the peaks of the big top tent she stood under and couldn't help feeling like a trapeze flyer who had just lost her grip. "Send in the clowns," she whispered to herself.

She felt like she was in a movie she had seen when the clerk selling her the book asked if she wanted it wrapped. Following along with the line in the movie but her voice straining not to crack, "No, it's for me."

As she went to drop the change the clerk gave her into her coat pocket her hand came out with something unexpected. It was an airline ticket.

THE END



For the latest from

MICHAEL MILLER

go to this address:

www.hermit.com


http://www.hermit.com/

the elements of pilates - michael miller pilates home pages... · web viewthere's that word...

Documents