the five love languages of teenagers - the bear …...words of affirmation employee –notes and...
TRANSCRIPT
Words of Affirmation
Physical Touch
Quality Time
Acts of Service
Gifts
The Five Love Languages of
Teenagers
Words of Affirmation
Employee – notes and cards with specific thanks
Kate – notes instilling courage and highlighting love
Notes in lunches don’t work anymore
Sending through the post
Marker on the mirror
Physical Touch
Dad’s first love language was physical touch
Hugs, kisses, hold hands, pat on the back
Foot rub
On their terms
Jack
What happens
when it is not
yours?
Quality Time Charlie and the puzzle
Togetherness
Quality Conversation
A change in communication style
Maintain eye contact when your teenager is talking
Don’t listen to your teenager and do something at the same time
Listen for feelings
Observe body language
Refuse to interrupt
Ask reflective questions
Express understanding
Ask permission to share your perspective
Quality Time Continued
Quality Activities
The Right Environment for Quality Time
Choose Events Your Teen Likes
“Looks like you had a hard day. Do you want to talk about it?”
Acts of Service
Jack and his laundry
Kate: breakfast and packed lunches
Charlie’s trumpet
Lucy’s closet and bookshelves
Manipulation is not Love
Model and Guide
We want our teens to feel loved but also to know how to love
others
Gifts
Sarah and Christmas
What makes a gift a gift
Gifts and Materialism
The well-being of your children
Consider your teen’s interest
Fill all the buckets!
Primary Love Language
Identify and Model
Ask questions
Make observations
Experiment
Breaking destructive patterns
Admit the truth
Develop strategies
Engage the family member in conversation
Do we push away with our reactions
The silent teen
Do they feel controlled
Have our reactions taught them to not open up
Analyze your anger and look at your options
My own anxiety
My pride
What about when your teen is right?
Kate and the roller coaster
Process anger in a positive way
Work through anger to the point of resolution
Gary Chapman’s son’s poem – written in his twenties
To consider……
The need for independence…..and love
The desire for emotional space
“When you are ready, I am here to talk”
The desire for social independence
Listening to their own music
Wearing different clothes
The desire for intellectual independence
The desire for personal space
Kate in room drawing (processing)
Rules about Rules
Rules should be as few as possible
Rules should be as clear as possible
Rules should be as fair as possible
Rules about Consequences
Consequences should be determined before the violation
Consequences should be administered with love
Consequences should be administered consistently
Teens will fail
Failure to meet expectations
Moral failures
Parents
Don’t blame yourself
Don’t preach to the teenager
Don’t try to fix it
Give your teenager unconditional love
Listen to your teenager with empathy
Give the teenager support
Give guidance to the teenager