Issue 25. February 2007The magazine of the Federation of Cartoonists’ Organisations, UK section.

The

FOGHORN

THE FOGHORNIssue 25 - February 2007

Published in Great Britain by FECO UK

FECO UK CONTACTS

President

Andy Davey tel: +44 (0)1223 517737 email: feco@andydavey.com

Secretary

John Roberts tel: +44 (0) 1565 633995 email: john@mad-badger.com

Treasurer

Alex Hughes email: alex.hughes @alexhughescartoons.co.uk

Foghorn Editor

Tim Harries tel: + 44 (0) 1633 780293 email: tim@timharries.co.uk

Website co-ordinator

Noel Ford tel: +44 (0) 7041 310211 email: laugh@noelford.co.uk

Foghorn Sub-Editor

Bill Stott tel: +44 (0) 160 646002 email: billstott@lineone.net

International Liaison Officer

Roger Penwill tel: +44 (0) 1584 711854 email: roger@penwill.com

Web info

FECO UK website: www.fecouk.org.uk FECO Worldwide: www.fecoweb.net

Newport, Newport ... This issue has a particularly Welsh feel to it and I make no apologies for that. Rest assured we shall not be mentioning rugby but instead we have a fine interview with young Newportian Gerard Whyman (see cartoon opposite), there’s a tribute to Welsh favourite Gren Jones, The Dandy’s Steve Bright (who lives near Wales) lets us know his inky secrets, and Curmudgeon (that sounds like a Welsh word doesn’t it? Ok, I’m reaching now) looks to the future, while some fella with a suspicious-ly similar name to mine offers a quick guide to blogs. It sounds like a whole heap of fun, but then so did those PC/MAC adverts, and look how that turned out. For the record, I produced this is-sue on a Sinclair ZX81. It would have been here earlier, but the ram-pack wobbled and I lost 2 days work.

I want to be a part of it ...

I can’t let yet another Foghorn go without officially welcoming two new Committee members to FECO UK - ladies and gentlemen, please be upstanding (or at least stop slouch-ing) for our new Treasurer Alex Hughes and Website co-ordinator Noel Ford. Both are already hard at work making changes, getting things sorted and learning the secret hand-shake. Noel is working hand in hand with Ian Ellery and Matt Buck on a brand spanking new website (see Andy’s update on page 4 for more details) and as you can see from Alex’s pic-ture, if he ever runs out of digits to count on, he can use the spikes in his hair, making him an ideal Treasurer. Anyway, many thanks chaps - great to have you on board!

‘Yeah, the cat’s pretty territorial!’

Anyway, enjoy this issue - I’m sure the next one will be bigger, brighter and even better!

Tim Harries, Foghorn Ed.

New Committee members

CARTOONIST CALENDAR

December and January feature the following events:

“This is the Life, eh?”A Mike Williams cartoon exhibition14 February - 1 April 2007The Cartoon Museum.

For over 40 years Mike Wil-liams has been drawing some of the funniest cartoons around. This exhibition brings together 80 of his favourite jokes which have been redrawn in glorious colour.

Prints and postcards of the cartoons are available through the shop.

FROM MAJOR TO MINOR! A Satirical look at the last five Tory leaders through political cartoons31 January – 17 March 2007The Political Cartoon Gallery

This exhibition charts the fortunes and misfortunes of the last five Tory leaders from No-vember 1990 when John Major took over from Mrs Thatcher as Prime Minister through to his successors, William Hague, Iain Duncan Smith and Michael Howard to the present leader of the Party, David Cameron. Over fifty original cartoons will be on display featuring the work of leading cartoon-ists such as Peter Brookes, Steve Bell, MAC, Gerald Scarfe, Morten Morland, Nick Garland, Andy Davey, Peter Shrank, Dave Brown, Martin Rowson and Charles Griffin plus many more.

What nib/pen do you use?Gillots 303s mostly. I was given a couple of them, gift-wrapped, way back in 1983 by fellow comic cartoonist, Gordon Bell (most famous for Pup Parade in The Beano), at my leaving do in Dundee on the day I departed the company’s editorial staff pay-roll to embark on my drawing career. Up till that point, I hadn’t actually given a great deal of thought about what I was going to draw with, having used a Tempo for most of the samples that I drew to elicit promises of work. It was a lovely gesture from same man who several years earlier, smiling through gritted teeth, advised me to stick to writing, when I used to adorn the hand-scrawled scripts I wrote for Pup Parade with small sketches of how I saw the crucial pictures. It must have really got up his nose, and rightly so. Took me a while to stop my hand shaking during those early ‘inks’, but I’m glad I persisted.

How do you colour your work?I don’t normally – I have a beautiful woman who does that for me in exchange for great riches from the coffers of DC Thomson. Conveniently, we even live together. Sam has also coloured a growing number of other artists’ work, but she doesn’t live with them. She may be fickle with her Photoshop, but only to a point!

Do you use any software for your artwork?I still draw everything to the inked line stage on paper, but from there I scan it and fill the solid blacks in using Photoshop, after which Sam works her magic on the file with her colour palette. The finished page is then emailed to the office as a high-resolu-tion jpeg. I enjoy mixing the old and new technologies, particu-larly the benefit that my original drawings never leave the house these days, after nearly 20 years of posting them off to Dundee, never to be seen again.

Any other secrets?I wore boxers under my kilt at my brother’s wedding. Well it was in Leeds. But I feel so deeply ashamed.

Thank you, Steve Bright!

PCO-FECOUK Update

As you all know, the major change we are hoping to achieve with the Professional Cartoonists’ Organisation (FECO UK) is increasing the profile of British cartooning and cartoonists. This is no small ambition.

The mainstay of our plan is the website design and “ market-ing”; we consider that the design of the website is crucial. Time has rushed by, but you will all be surprised (surely “deeply sat-isfied” – ed.) to learn that the edifice that shall be called “The New Website” is almost complete – we’ve built the frame, had some fat blokes in to do the second fixing, and Noel is out buy-ing the curtains as we speak. We were hoping to get something up and visible by January, but we’ve all been arguing over the colour scheme, so it’s taken a little longer. Builder and builder’s mate Ian and Steve (not sure which is which) are twiddling their thumbs while we fight over the paint job, and who has the best handwriting. Soon, the Hard Hat Area signs will be taken down and all will be revealed.

Meanwhile, of course, the old FECO UK site is still online.

As we told you previously, we’ve secured the services of both Alan Coren and Libby Purves as Patrons. This is great news, since both have a high media profile and both are committed car-toon gag fans. You may have noticed that we have delayed asking you for your annual fees while the preparations for changeover were being made, but soon we will be asking you to put yer monies where yer mouths is. You will receive an official request for subs within the next few weeks. It will inevitably be a leap of faith for us all, but we’re hoping you will join as a full member.

Soon after you have signed up, we will be asking you to submit your details and your best artwork for display on the site.

Thanks again for your patience.

Andy DaveyFECO UK President

Tayo faces Stern interview

Once again FECO UK member Tayo Fatunla has been promoting the art of cartooning worldwide, with great success! On the occasion of UNICEF’s 60th anniversary, ‘DRAW ATTEN-TION INTERNATIONAL’, Ger-many, has united 60 political and editorial cartoonists with an inter-national reputation. Tayo Fatunla has been selected to join in this unique project, which will be sup-ported by one of Germany’s major news magazines, “STERN”. STERN, Germany’s largest cur-rent affairs and general interest weekly magazine featured the works of Tayo Fatunla and an in-terview with the cartoonist in the magazine published on 14 Decem-ber 2006. Around 7.5 million read-ers pick up STERN every week for in-depth coverage of the world’s key stories.

Tributes paid toHarry Horse

The Scottish cartoonist and illustra-tor Richard Horne, better known as Harry Horse, and his seriously ill wife were found dead together at their home on January 10th. Mr Horne was a regular contribu-tor to The Scotsman, Scotland on Sunday and the Sunday Herald with his editorial cartoons, and was an accomplished writer and il-lustrator of children’s books. Caroline Sheldon, Mr Horne’s lit-erary agent, said: “He was a genius, both in words and illustrations.” Tom Little, deputy editor of Scot-land on Sunday, said: “Harry was one of the most talented and inno-vative cartoonists of his generation. His work was admired throughout the country and he will be terribly missed.”

“Is that so - Agreed on boring old ‘University of Glamorgan’ then have they?”

“All I ever wanted was to draw. I have an almost childish love of cartoons. I always look for-ward to doing them. If it wasn’t my work, I’d be doing them as a hobby.”

Those words from Grenfell Jones sum up just why he will be greatly missed by the people of Wales and cartoon lovers the world over. His death on January 4th was a sad day for many of us; friends, fans and fellow cartoonists, and yet we can take consolation from the thought that after over 40 years of cartoon-ing, Gren was doing what he loved right up to the end, his last cartoon appearing in the South Wales Echo the day of his death, as was his wish. Gren spent his early years as a freelance cartoonist and illustra-tor before joining the South Wales Echo in 1968, providing a daily

topical cartoon. His success was due in no small part to his enthusiasm for cartooning, and he never took his success for granted - “I’m just as thrilled if I see a car-toon of mine in print today as I was 30 years ago” His fellow cartoonists were equally eager to acknowledge Gren’s skills, awarding him the Provincial Cartoon-ist of the Year award four times, while in 1989’s New Year’s Honours list he received an MBE. In typical Gren style he revealed ‘I’m absolutely delighted and I’m looking forward to going up to London, unless the Queen wants to come to Aberfly-arff and present it.’

Gren’s fictional valley town of Aberflyarff was home to some of his most popular and enduring cre-ations; Ponty, Pop, Bromide Lil, Neville and Nigel the Sheep - char-acters that were well loved by his many readers. Gren was most appreciative of his public too. Gren’s son Darryl told the South Wales Echo: “For the sec-ond year running, we had opened up a stall selling Dad’s brilliant car-toons in The Hayes (popular shop-ping area in Cardiff - Ed.) and we had more than 18,000 people visit us over Christmas.” “Dad loved seeing the visitors, and would sit quietly at the nearby Hayes Island snack bar watching them. He was chuffed to beans when, within a few seconds, they would start giggling at his cartoons. He would just sit and quietly smile to himself.” Many cartoonists speak of his su-perb draughtsmanship, his wicked sense of humour, others speak of a modest and friendly guy, and a tremendous ambassador for Wales, while his son told the Echo of a lov-ing family man: “He was a fantas-tic father, but he was more than that to Wales – he was the epitome of Welsh humour. He was the property of Wales, and part of Wales. As a family, we can never forget him and I don’t think Wales will either.”

Tim Harries

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Q&A This issue, Tim Harries get the lowdownon gag cartooning from Newport’s

finest, Gerard Whyman.

What’s the story behind you be-coming a cartoonist? What drew you to gag cartoons in particular?

That’s a good question. I’m trying to remember how I got here too! I didn’t plan on becoming a cartoon-ist, it wasn’t the first thing on my mind when I started art college all those years ago that’s for sure. I did a graphic design degree hoping to forge a career as an illustrator after-wards. Unfortunately college didn’t give me any sort of clear direction and I left with a mediocre degree and a overwhelming sense of disillu-sion – in retrospect it was the perfect foundation for a cartoonist! I found employment at the local newspaper, The South Wales Argus, as an editorial graphic artist so my degree came in useful after all. Fun-nily enough the art editor was a guy called Geoff Fowler who was once freelance cartoonist – he used to be editor of the CCGB’s ‘The Jester’. My newspaper career was short lived – I quickly tired of the excitement of doing annotated maps and getting the weather forecasts and still har-bouring the ambition to be an illus-

trator I quit the paper. It was a rash move in hindsight – the illustration world met my jolly coloured pencil drawings of parrots in amusing set-tings with complete indifference and I struggled to get work. Fed up, un-employed and depressed I needed to cheer myself up – and I wanted to draw quicker and far less elabo-rately. I combined the two needs and

started drawing cartoons with gags – and hence a new gag cartoonist was born! I’d always had an interest in car-toons and my style of drawing al-ways had that ‘cartoony’ look about them with quite bold outlines – even when I was trying to do ‘straight’ art. I remember doing an architectural drawing at my foundation course and a fellow student looking at it said I should be a cartoonist. I can’t recall my reply but inwardly I may have reeled back at the suggestion. I think I was in ‘denial’ for a long time. I honestly think that cartoon-ists are born and not made; it’s just that with me it took a long time for it to become apparent.

Where were you first published?

My first efforts were a bit ropey, I suppose like everyone else when they first start out. Amazingly I got an acceptance from the very first ever cartoon batch I sent which was to The Spectator, back in 1994. I think it’s been downhill ever since!

“I chose the decor and Maureen chose the furniture!”

I remember I was so surprised that I phoned Michael Heath to ask if he was sure he wanted it! I thought ‘this game is easy’ – but it was a case of beginner’s luck. I wouldn’t sell my next cartoon until 18 months later when Ingrams took one for The Old-ie. Then I had a good run for a few years with The Spectator, The Oldie and then a bit later on with Punch.

Who have been your main influ-ences with regard to your hu-mour?

I’ve always been attracted to surreal, absurdist humour so for me it was definitely people like Spike Milligan and shows like Monty Python and The Goodies – growing up in he 70’s they were always a tv fixture! I loved the Dave Allen shows too, especially the sketches – as a good Catholic boy his gentle stabs at religious authority were always appreciated! There’s an element of surrealism in lots of gag cartoons, I think – it’s just muck-ing about with reality after all. I like drawing off beat cartoons with that quirky angle – and the way I draw it often is a quirky angle! These days I like comics like Harry Hill and Bill Bailey who are carrying on that Mil-liganesque tradition. I like sketch

shows too as a sketch is really the tv equivalent of a cartoon - they’re aptly named!

And who has influenced your art?

I don’t think there’s a particular artist that has a great bearing on my style – I’ve always drawn in my own way and I’ve just developed that. I do ap-preciate good drawing skills; I love Posy Simmonds’ work which looks deceptively free and easy but I know that’s only been achieved through a solid grounding in drawing. Unfortu-nately there seems to be less impor-tance put on that these days but I’m doing my bit to keep my eye trained by attending a life drawing class regularly. Being interested in illus-tration I also love Raymond Briggs’ stuff and perhaps the lesser known

“They’re addicted to on-line gambling!”

but equally brilliant illustrator, Fritz Wegner. I used to get Punch and Pri-vate Eye now and then when I was a teenager in the late 70’s to look at the gag cartoons so I was aware of the brilliance of cartoonists like Ma-clachlan and Martin Honeysett from early on. But, overall, I’ve just tried to do my own thing and not be too influenced by other people.

What do you think of the state of the gag cartoon market these days?

It’s not good, is it? In the time I’ve been doing gag cartoons I’ve seen quite a few magazines stop tak-ing cartoons, ones cutting back on the number they buy or simply fold – like the ill fated resurrection of Punch. I was disappointed when that bit the dust but from day one it seemed doomed. I know it took a lot of flak, particularly from some of the older hands, but it did give new car-toonists like myself, Clive Goddard, PAK and NAF among others, a fair crack of the whip. That was largely due to Steve Way who was very en-couraging to me when he took over the reigns as cartoon editor. I man-aged to sell over 50 gags to Punch between 1997-2001, a fact that I’m quite proud seeing as it was the mag-azine that started the genre of gag cartooning. It’s a depressing situation overall though – the rates of pay have hardly changed since I started for one thing

and in some cases have remained the same. A lot of cartoons that get printed these days are ‘sound bite’ ones, very journalistic and snappy.

That’s fine but there doesn’t seem to be room for the more general – and genial – type of gag. I remember be-ing surprised to hear Ian Hislop be-ing quoted as saying that he loved the old type of Punch cartoon from the sixties. It’s a pity there isn’t room for that type of gentler, less acerbic gag these days. Actually I would have loved to have worked in that era – somehow I think I would have fitted in a lot better than today! I do wonder how cartoonists like Hoff-nung and Thelwell would have sur-vived in today’s world.

Over the years have you noticed a recurrent theme in your work and is there a favourite subject matter you like tackling?

“Huh! Don’t tell me she hasn’t had plastic surgery!”

“Really, Derek, do you have to make a big scene of everything?!”

Web infoWebsite:www.gerardwhyman.co.uk

I do like setting up surreal situations that can lead to some bizarre images sometimes. I like the flights of fancy that can occur when you think up gags – when I’m having a good day that is! I try and stay away from the talking heads sort of gag when one person is just telling the punchline to another. I remember Steve Way impressing upon on me to make the cartoon look funny as well as sound

funny. I noticed that I’ve done a lot of domestic set ups over the years – which is odd as I’m not married – and, having worked for trade & business magazines I’ve done a fair few men (and women!) in suits sit-ting behind desks. But, overall, I try and mix it up as much as possible subject wise.

So, how are you getting on? Is your

art confined solely to cartooning?

I don’t send much speculatively to magazines these days – Reader’s Di-gest is the only publication I send to on a regular basis; I’ve been doing quite well with them in recent times and fortunately they are good payers. I’m lucky to have a regular weekly editorial slot with a trade magazine which caters for bus and coach op-erators called routeONE. I also do two regular strips for supplements they publish. Up until last year I was used regularly by M&G Invest-ments as their cartoonist for in house magazines and such like. Besides cartoons I like drawing architectural scenes, usually in pen and wash – it’s something I’d like to do more of ac-tually and perhaps try and get into the print market. I have made it one of my New Year’s resolutions to do some of those international compe-titions that Tim sends out to FECO members – and at least I’ve managed two so far! It’s a sometimes precari-ous existence being a cartoonist and actually making any money at all out of it at all can be deemed a success. If I can stave off that call centre job for a little longer I’ll be happy!

“I think these bendi buses are beginning to affect passengers!” “Hi, I’m Andy from Hospital radio

- any last requests?!”

BLOGWATCH

Searching the net so you don’t have to

“Can’t I just email you a link to my blog, miss?”

Captain’s blog

In this issue’s Blogwatch:

Back to the drawing boardhttp://roystonrobertson.blogspot.com/

Matt Buck’s Hack Cartoonshttp://www-hack.blogspot.com/

Drawnhttp://drawn.ca/

Newyorkettehttp://newyorkette.com/

If you’ve spotted any interesting, informative and enjoyable blogs, please send the links to:tim@timharries.co.uk

Let’s get right to the point. There’s a lot of unmitigated garbage on the world wide web. Let’s get right to the other point. You’re busy people. In fact your prob-ably reading this while printing an in-voice, eating a sandwich, and waiting for your scanner to do something suit-ably scannerish. Or possibly you’ve got a laptop and your browsing this on the loo. If that’s the case, stop it at once - it’s not a pleasant experience for either of us. Apologies to the people still eating a sandwich. Anyway, I digress ... the point is, you haven’t got time to sit through the aforementioned garbage, searching for the occasional cartooning gem to leap out and dance a merry cyber-jig in your brain! That’s why the scien-tists at FECO HQ have come up with this - the handy stay-fresh, fully wipe-able BlogWatch, bringing you the

best the ‘blogosphere’ has to offer. (I apologise for the word ‘blogosphere’ and hereby vow to never use it again) So without further ado, we bring you this issue’s hot tips for an interesting browse. Keeping it in the fam-ily, we need look no fur-ther than two of FECO UK’s own members - Matt Buck’s ‘Hack Cartoons’ is regularly updated with editorial cartoons and drawings, and touches on a variety of interesting topics. Well worth a read and I’m sure Matt would welcome any comments unless you’re very weird. Next up is Royston Robertson’s ‘Back to the Drawing Board’ - an oc-casionally updated peek at Royston’s cartooning back catalogue, recently publish work and how he maintains that impressive hairstyle. One of these is a fib. That’s enough of the UK. Instead let’s stick a cardie on and head to Canada, home to one of the webs most popular blogs - ‘Drawn’. Billed as a multi-au-thor blog devoted to illustration, art, cartooning and drawing, its purpose is to inspire creativity by sharing links and resources. That’s what the blurb says anyway, and you know what? They’re right! I can guarantee* you’ll find at least one link on there every day that will impress/entertain or in-

spire you. Or even annoy you - but then you are probably reading this on the loo, so who are you to judge? A quick jump over the border and it’s time to check out our last blog with New Yorker cartoonist Carolita Johnson’s ‘NewYorkette’, where she posts her rejected and accepted car-toons, ruminations on life in the Big Apple and lots of great illos and pho-tos. It’s like reading someone’s diary without the pangs of guilt (or so I’m told ..ahem). That’s all for this time. Hope to see you on our next journey around the ‘blogosphere.’ Drat, I said it again ..

Tim Harries

*This is not a guarantee.

The Fog is alive with the sound of moaning! Curmudgeon wonders what this year will have in (DIY) store for us ... This issue: “2006 and all that”

That this isn’t a daily publication concerns me greatly. It means that the important social analysis provid-ed by this column can only be retro-spective. Nevertheless, the Foghorn editorial think tank feels that bang-ing on about stuff, however out of date, is vital. Without Curmudgeon, they say, there’d be a blank space which would have to be filled with – horrors ! - a decent cartoon, and, as we all know, contemporary news-paper style involves as few decent cartoons as possible. So, on we go into 2007, beyond a Christmas and New Year period which was rich in corporate and in-dividual stupidity. Even as I type, BBC’s P.M. programme reports that interviewees at B&Q were asked to pull funny faces and dance to Mi-chael Jackson’s “Never Mind the Boogie”. B&Q, for the uninitiated, is a na-tionwide DIY chain famous for huge checkout queues, compulsive gum chewers on the tills and a tendency to sponsor round – the –world yacht races featuring weeping Dames. B&Q is rich. People applying to drive one of their vans probably aren’t, and some, when asked to gurn’n’get down, actually did. Be-cause they needed the work. How sweet would it be to infiltrate the short list and tell the arrogant, cloned wannabes on the panel that they are elitist tossers But then, media manufactured elit-ism, is what we want, isn’t it? Tele-

vision abounds with shows based on the notion that the nation needs to see people who can’t do something being taught to do it and then to com-pete against each other and Brucie’s hairpiece. Over the hill cricketers and dumped soap stars, once elite, be-come elite once more. By boogieing. Tell that to the van driver. You might also inform the professional dancers who propped up Ramprakash and Gough. Anybody remember THEIR names?? Speaking of Soaps, I have really, honestly tried and tried to like the con-cept of telling ordinary people stories about ordinary people. True, the TV ordinariness is spiked now and then with a plane crash or dirty bombs in Emmerdale, or a dough-faced bruv-ver thought to have been incinerated in a Whelk Factory fire coming back from the dead, but mostly the story lines are about who’s humping who, often during brain surgery in Holby City, going to the pub, or not going to the pub. And they go on and on and on, every night, with omnibus editions late at night, just in case you missed old Wally finally managing to get the top off the pickle jar. Or drowning himself in the canal. What-ever. Its bor-ing – do you hear? BOR-ING! Weird, too. People who become part of the elite by im-personating those who are not. Maybe I’ve

got B&Q wrong.“Well Gary, I have to tell you, that was the funniest face I’ve ever seen pulled, and your dancing is out of this world. You thought you were applying to be a B&Q van driver, but now, let me come clean –we’ve been having you on. What we’d RE-ALLY like to offer you is a seat on the board and a salary of six hundred grand – all for being prepared to humiliate yourself in front of elitist tossers.” And what of humiliation? We can’t actually ask Saddam now, but de-spite him coming off worst in the Wicked Dictator versus Noose and Blokes with Guns Contest, he be-came elite because of stupid people who, despite seeing first hand all the despicable things Saddam had done, and that he was about to get his neck legally broken, shouted insults as the awful creature got knotted, thus ensuring martyrdom, lots more non- elite deaths and providing a great excuse for George Bush to carry on screwing up. Without bloody mo-

The editor and FECO UK accept no responsibility for the opinions expressed by contributors. All images and characters are copyright their respective authors.

bile phones, none of that would have happened. Well, maybe a bit – the insult shouting perhaps, but the mo-bile made it possible to show what went on to Lots of Other Blokes with Guns, one or two of whom see Saddam’s dropping off the radar as a vacancy. To be filled as soon as the Americans have pushed off to in-vade Guernsey. I made a late mistake of sorts in 2006 by watching a TV programme about David Icke, one time TV weather-person . I say of sorts because much of what he seems to say, I agree with. We ARE watched by the state all the time. Our phones can be tapped, our financial arrangements exam-ined, and our emails dissected. If we drive our cars over a certain speed in certain places, cameras, visible or otherwise, catch us. Four times and – blip – your licence disappears. If we put the “wrong” waste into a cer-tain wheelie bin, we are transported to Dunstable for life. Then Mr Icke spoiled it all by revealing that in his opinion [sincerely held – I’ve seen his website] many, if not all World Leaders, and generally elite types as a whole, are actually giant lizards from another time and place.

Too easy, Dave, too easy. And be-sides, all the lizards I’ve met seem fairly content being lizards. The iguana in our local pet shop is so laid back he’s got a sign on his tank say-ing. “Please don’t knock on the glass. I am not dead. Thank you. Max.” Unlike Gerald Ford, who is, and who, in death, has gone through an amazing metamorphosis, from bum-bling fool good at killing bystanders on golf courses and falling off aero-planes, to archetypal Great Ameri-can. Saddam will soon be a Great Iraqi. Watch this space.

And just to square the circle, there’s now an elitist grumblers programme on TV which I never miss because its rare to find a whole 30 minutes worth of opinions I agree with, ex-cept, of course, at least 75% of the grumbling elite featured are too young. Clarkson and co need at least another 10 years before they can legitimately empty their spleens all over my telly [except Des Lynham, who is 102] Do they hold auditions? Will I have to pull a grumpy face ?