the great experience

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The Great experience

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Acknowledgements

I take this time to thank my immediate family for looking after me in the way that

they did. My mum, Ayo, Tolu and Samson all contributed to the great experience.

Without you all, I would have never had the holiday that I had; you made the

experience what it was.

Mary Babajide, who edited this journal and worked hard in order to put this e-book

together, I am ever so grateful for your input. Your work has not gone unnoticed. It is

my prayer that God continues to mould you into that helper you was born to be. You

have a huge heart and your support is amazing.

Tunde, Honey, Tope and Lanre, I ought to thank you for preparing me for this

holiday; you equipped me with the fundamental information that I needed and if it

wasn’t for you I’m sure I would have been shaking in fear on the plane. You instilled

hope in me.

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Contents

1. Day 1: How do Nigerians do it?..............................................................4

2. Day 2: So expensive……………………………………………………………………………6

3. Day 3: The avalanche………………………………………………………………………….9

4. Day 4: ‘You gotta love em’…………………………………………………………………11

5. Day 5: Na long ting…………………………………………………………………………….13

6. Day 6: Nepa vs. The generator……………………………………………………………15

7. Day 7: General impressions………………………………………………………………..17

8. Day 8: Emotional tantrums…………………………………………………………………19

9. Day 9: Garden wedding……………………………………………………………….……..21

10. Day 10: Home sweet home……………………………………………………….………23

11. Day 11: Fabric galore…………………………………………………………………..…….24

12. Day 12: The engagement…………………………………………………………..………26

13. Day 13: Eve of the wedding…………………………………………………..…………..28

14. Day 14: Ayo weds Ayo…………………………………………………………..……………29

15. Day 15: I can only laugh…………………………………………………………..…………31

16. Day 16: Beginning of the end…………………………………………………..…………33

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Day 1

How do Nigerians do it?

First thing first, why is it so hot though? (Do you know what... that is a rhetorical

question, don’t answer that). This weather don pain me o! I no fit for such things. I

was fully informed that the weather here ti poju (is too much) but I never knew I was

in for this shocker, wowzers! The funny thing is, I stepped out of the airport, looked

at my sister, Ayo and said “this isn’t hot” – oh how I was fooled. She replied “wait

until 12pm”. I don’t think I have experienced such heat before. Having left the cold

snow in London and coming to ‘boiling sun’ in Naija, it wasn’t easy; but who’s

complaining? Not me....

1. How do Nigerians handle this heat? I really would like to know; this is

worse than the heat waves in London. It’s ridiculously hot but yet I saw 1 or 2

women wearing scarf’s and hats...... whaaaattt?! It really doesn’t make sense

how people can wear such things in this heat; I was rather perplexed when I

saw this actually.

2. How do Nigerians fit so many hot bodies into 1 danfo? Oh my days,

when I first saw these danfo’s, I thought I was starring in a Nolly movie. So

many hot and bothered humans rubbing shoulders (literally) with one

another; this 1 na bumper to bumper. It’s not even like you see 1 danfo every

10 minutes or something, they are everywhere and every one of them is jam

packed. I couldn’t help but singing the song ‘I am a danfo driver, swore!’ Am I

fresh for singing that song? Maybe just a little. For those who do not know, a

danfo is similar to a bus.

3. How do Nigerians hustle so well, like why are they so good at it? If you

are not tough, people are bound to ‘walk all over you’, especially the police;

as ironic as it may sound, the police are slightly corrupted. If you park in the

wrong place (like we did), prepare to bring out money. In London you would

get fined for doing wrong and police rarely get involved unless there is

trouble; here, in Nigeria, police officers will stand there and say “ah ah, small

money now” so casually as well. I could only laugh to be honest, how dare

people who supposedly work for the government be corrupted. I say

‘supposedly’ because it is as though the police work for themselves.

If somebody helps push your trolley, believe they want your money: we came out of

the airport today and some workers were quick to help us although we did not ask

for help. They seemed so genuine; after helping us we got ready to drive off and the

guys wasn’t allowing us to go. This was surprising to me because I had no clue of

what was going on, I am in a new country and a couple of men are not letting us

drive off. They were really hungry for money. I have never ever seen mankind offer

to help others like they do over here. If somebody offers you their service, it is not

because they thought you need help, it is because they want owo (money) in return.

It is very deep I know. People will bother you until you give them money; I guess it’s

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not a problem because you only have to give them 100 Naira or so. Don’t panic,

that’s around 50p, 40p (sterling)...... I guess in essence, it is nice of them as people

over here are very helpful; whether or not they have the right intentions, Nigerians

are ever so helpful.

4. How do Nigerians bathe in cold water? My mind refuses to

understand the type of bath I had today, it wasn’t easy at all. I cried out

“Jesus” every time the water hit my body; when I came out of the bath my

sister, Tolu, said she loves bathing in cold water. Whaaaattt?! Absolutely

emotional! There is no hot water whatsoever. In actual fact, Nigerians

probably wouldn’t use hot water even if they had it as cold water is more

refreshing for them. As for me, I came from the cold in London and so I need

hot water.

5. How do Nigerians balance their possessions on their head? I say

possessions because everything goes on their head. I see people do it in Nolly

films but it was nothing compared to what I saw today. It almost looks

magnetic how boxes, buckets and paper stay on people’s head; I think it’s

dodgy anyway. I guess its talent and something they have really trained

themselves to do over a period of time. My mind refuses to comprehend

some things.

Looking back at the day, Nigeria is a nice place. I never thought I would say this, but

it is quite entertaining over here. I can almost predict what life will be like for me in

the next 2 weeks. I'm sure I will really have a laugh in this country; the fun has just

begun. The lifestyle here is rather interesting, it is clear to see that I am in for a real

adventure. I believe TV has definitely misled many, but hey.... I was one of them who

were misled. The media has really depicted Nigeria to be a difficult place to live

simply because of the politics and corruption. This is information we all know and it

shouldn’t be a surprise but I must say it seems nice here. However, I don’t think it is

as great as people make it out to be – some folks act as though Nigeria is paradise,

they haven’t been here in like 7 years but yet they still brag; bias people.

Cammmmm orrrnnnn.

Word of the day: You cannot talk about what you do not know. An insider will

usually have different views to an outsider. One can either learn by experience or

knowledge but one is not greater than the other.

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Day 2

“Sooooo expensive”

The day started off pretty slow for me, having woken up at 1pm and all. I know, I

know, late right? My friends tell me off about it all the time; I'm beginning to think it

is a habit waking up at such times. Look on the bright side though, it’s a holiday; I

mean, these things are expected on holidays. Surely it is understandable and

acceptable to relax and sleep right? I just want to put my feet up, take a break from

the London life. Thinking about it now, I have been quite busy back in London with

one thing or another so it is good to get away. Not only that but I didn’t sleep the

night before as I was on the plane tossing and turning. It is ever so hard to have a

nice sleep on the plane for me; I don’t understand how some people can sleep on

the plane for hours. I really did see some people’s heads banging on the windows,

eyes closed and all, I actually tried to do what they did but it didn’t work.

May I quickly point out that nepa just went out as I write this, so I'm forced to use a

torch light; this nepa ‘ting’ is definitely not easy – Tope did warn me that I would be

doing something and “nepa just take de light”. Somebody is probably thinking, what

is nepa; nepa is what Nigerians call electricity. Nepa has always been known to cut

out when it wants, it is something we cannot control; one minute it is on and next

it’s gone......... They have turned on the generator – grand! A generator is a source

that generates electricity; it’s all in the name I guess.

They Say “if you have money you will love Naija” and as I'm currently here I am

beginning to make sense of that statement. If you have money you can enjoy

yourself here. Although it is a bit of an overstatement, in other words, I don’t know if

‘love’ is the word but you will fully enjoy yourself. However, money does go quickly

in this place; all of this 3,000 here and 4,000 there on taxi’s or drivers is not easy –

I'm talking nira by the way. Think about it, every journey you make, you are being

driven by someone; not many people in Nigeria have their own cars. Hence the

reason for why many people take okada’s, taxi and danfo. Round here there is no

oyster or monthly travel cards, which is what I am very used to.

Not only transport and food but people on the street always ask you for money and

sometimes you may give out a little 100 Naira here and there, chicken change? Yea,

but it adds up. Life is hard for many people in Nigeria by the looks of things; you

constantly have people walking on the roads asking for money and trying to sell you

things in order to make money.

Speaking of restaurants, I think the cashier in TFC (Tastee Fried Chicken) bumped me

because she saw my British face. Laugh with me please. I ordered three items (fried

rice, crispy chicken and Pepsi). Please tell me why the Madame now enter 4 figures

(african accent). 300 Naira for the rice, 380 Naira for the chicken and 150 Naira,

which I assume, was for the Pepsi; then 60 Naira as well. I really want somebody to

inform me of what that last figure was for, the funny thing is I saw her type in the

figure and I kept quiet. You know me though, I can be very jeje, like very calm, so I

didn’t say anything; I just let her have it. Thinking about it now, it slightly hurts that I

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let her have it; I could have done a lot with that actually. It is rather cheeky knowing

that another item was on my bill; I could have used that for something else I’m sure

– it is not even like I tipped or blessed her. I was robbed, knew that I was getting

robbed and let it happen. I think you ought to really clap for me.

Oh yea, I was going to go Abuja today for a couple of days to go see Sheun and Bola.

There is a conference going on in Sheun’s church and Myles Monroe is coming down to

minister; me and Tolu were going to attend. We didn’t end up going today though as we

wasn’t really sure of what to do exactly: tickets were very expensive; we were going

back and forth to different interstate airlines. We’re going tomorrow morning hopefully.

35,000 Naira- so expensive, that’s like £135 for one night, but hey…..when is the next

time Gabz will be back in Naija? (Rhetorical question, don’t answer that).

Some of us went to eat at a hotel in Lekki (the venue for my sister’s wedding). The

resort is amazing – it’s so huge, it’s a hotel/restaurant located on the beach. All we

wanted to do was go there, eat and go home, no wahala (wahala means trouble by

the way). Unfortunately, it didn’t quite go to plan and not the way I expected; the

memory is playing back in my head as I write this, I even laugh because now it seems

funny. Me and my family came out of the taxi with intentions to make our way into

the venue and some guys were ‘onto us’ – they really wanted money. We were held

up in our tracks for the mere reason that the driver was arguing with Ayo’s fiancée

about how much he deserves to be paid. This is where it began – the guys who were

standing there (as though they knew we were coming) approached us. In actual fact,

they were probably waiting there for whomever to pounce on. Obviously we’re in

Lekki and everybody knows, if you go there it means you have owo (money), so I

don’t blame these guys.

May I add, I was wearing a white linen outfit, sandals and sunglasses; considering the

fact that my clothes were creased, I was looking alright, like, slightly decent. So these

guys clocked me and said I looked nice – Tolu told me this because I didn’t

understand what they were saying as I was paying them no mind. All I know is they

were so fresh, like real tough African guys; I replied by saying “thank you”. Whether

they understood my reply or not, we would never know, they probably didn’t. One

other guy then came and said I looked like 9ice (Nigerian music artist) and 2Pac (Yea,

you know who he is). In my head I was thinking ‘spare me, so what, because I have

sunglasses tucked in my top on my neck I look like an artist? Don’t get me upset

please’. 2pac you know? That is a bit farfetched don’t you think? It was hard for me

to understand but I figured what they were saying in the end. I didn’t say anything,

then we started walking towards the hotel and they followed. Great! It is not even

like they were ‘onto’ my whole family; they were all behind and on the side of me. I

began to question what was going on. They all wanted me to give them a hi-5 as if

we went primary school together, they were really excited.

Before coming here I was well informed that guys would treat us like kings because

we are British but I didn’t think we would get mobbed like this. I was so close to

showing them ‘love’ but Ayo said “don’t do it” so I didn’t give them a hi-5 (Yea, Ayo

can be very, very protective) – thank God for older sisters. That’s how………… (I bet

you’re, thinking “Ahhh, thank God for Ayo” – if so, then “aww, you care”, well I hope

so anyway) That was all really; we kept on walking and made our way to the venue.

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It really is a nice and beautiful venue, rather spacious. Quite an expensive restaurant

as well, the prices were well extortionate. We just chilled and eat food really. I was

able to watch football at the restaurant which was a great thing, seeing as I never

thought I would able to watch football in this country. I make it sound like Nigerians

do not watch football; oh how I have some stuff to learn about Nigerians in this

country. I watched Newcastle destroy Liverpool with Andy Carroll scoring a belter.

What a beauty, left foot, 30 yards, keeper had no chance (English accent).

That’s not it though, 2 hours later, around 10pm we left the restaurant/hotel and as

soon as we got out of the venue, the same guys saw us and followed us. What

happens now...? Gabz gets clocked yet again; ‘argggghhh mate’. I didn’t understand

what one guy was saying, all I heard was “tallest one”. I wouldn’t lie! I got a little

scared, like, it’s only day 2, we can’t get attacked now, (not that we should ever get

attacked). I then thought “maybe this is my time”. Anyway, the guys started walking

behind me; I didn’t say anything – maybe because I have been robbed and chased

before, so it wasn’t that bad. Next minute, I think they started calling me 2face

(Nigerian artist), like, ‘give a guy a break will ya, call me Idris Elba, Taye Diggs or

Morris Chestnut, you are not getting any P’s’. We got to the car and one guy is

standing behind me like, ‘hello, body space’, Tolu got into the car, I was thinking,

‘Can Tolu get into the car any faster’. Eventually, we all got in the car and these guys

are surrounding the car like ‘Somebody tell them we have no money for them’.

Laugh with me please. I actually thought I was going to get kidnapped and held for

ransom; as soon as we drove off I was laughing in my head, looking back at it, it

seems funny. The fact I’m writing this goes to show I’m alright. Got home safely as

well, seeing as it was late at night by the way, you shouldn’t travel late in Nigeria -

Please be home by 7, 8pm latest. Thanks.

On a lighter note, I can’t get used to this ‘house girl’ business. I don’t know why, but I

found it difficult asking the house girl to make me noodles, like since when? It’s just

weird, I guess. Walking to the kitchen and my plate gets taken off me by the house

girl, walking into the house and my bags get taken off me by the house girl, bless her

colourful, cotton socks. She is great. I just pray she is a good girl; I know how house

girls can be. All in all, the service is great; I’m getting treated like a king.

By the way, I ate pounded yam for the first time today at the restaurant and it is so

overrated. It’s alright you know, however, it is slightly overrated I reckon. It’s alright

but it’s not that nice; like, it’s not ‘all that and a bag of chips’ I will pick pasta bake over

pounded yam any day. Those Nigerians in London who go on like pounded yam is the

best food on planet earth, make me laugh. Those university students on campus who

are excited to cook pounded yam to the extent that they will take pictures and put it

as their Blackberry messenger display picture, also make me laugh. The people who do

that know who they are, I won’t mention any names. Anyway sha, let me not continue

(African accent)

Word of the day: Don’t take what you have for granted because there are people

that will go to the extreme to have just a quarter of what you own. Use what you

have wisely and make the most of it. Do not complain about what you don’t have

but thank God and be grateful for what you do have; as well as what is on the way.

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Day 3

‘The Avalanche’

“Abuja baby”…. Yeah, I’m in Abuja at the moment; I’ll be here for a night, left Lagos

around 6:05am – so early. Anyway, let me get straight to the point; Abuja is ‘off the

chain’; it is actually ‘live’, an amazing city. I was told it is like London but I didn’t

believe, not only did I experience London here but I experienced ‘America’…….

The conference was actually amazing, all glory to God. Myles Munroe spoke a

wonderful word, which triggered many things in me – A word which came at a

perfect time as we are entering into the New Year. His sermon was titled ‘switch’

which was more or less about how we ought to move from one level to another; as

well as how we can go from one situation to another, a total switch, a total change, a

total transformation in the spirit realm. The service had a congregation of like 2,000

odd people; I didn’t know services were like this in Naija; God is really moving ever

so well in that church.

The church choir, titled ‘The Avalanche’ blew me away; I can honestly say I have

never experienced praise and worship like this in the 4 and a-half years of being a

Christian. It really was amazing – the sound, passion, professionalism was

spectacular. I never use the word ‘spectacular’ like, since when? I don’t even think I

have used that word in a sentence before but on this occasion, that is the best word

to describe the praise and worship today. I honestly felt like I was in America, to

think I used to say “Nigerians can’t sing”. The avalanche is a young and vibrant group

of 30 or so ministers whom God used mightily. We left service and Tolu said ‘They

definitely go abroad’ – by that statement, they must have sounded great. I don’t

think they go abroad, I believe they do their research really well; it was clear to hear

and see that they study YouTube and American choirs, especially Donald Lawrence

and Co.

‘The Avalanche’ also had their first ever concert this evening and that too blew me

away. They have that American sound, swag and finesse. They done ever so well

today, watch out for them – I told you here first – so inspirational, I tell ya. They

seemed so professional about things, oh how I was shocked to hear this sound

coming from a Christian choir. Jahdiel also performed at the concert, not sure if you

know her. The girl that sings “This 1 na my heritage, this 1 na my culture, this 1 na

my tradition, I go follow Jesus….” (‘Okaaaaayyyy’, maybe you don’t know it). I believe

you should ‘YouTube’ her as that song is a blessing indeed. A comedian performed –

ever so funny. Pidgin is the best language ever, I can confirm. Nigerian comedians

have a way of entertaining you; I do not think I have laughed so much at a

comedian’s jokes. There were a few skits which had me in ‘stitches’ as well – once

again, pidgin is the best language. I would tell you the jokes but it wouldn’t sound as

funny, phone me and I will bring you in.

The city is beautiful – spent the whole day with Sheun, Remi, Tolu and Segun, the

day was great! Sheun really did give us a tour of Abuja, bless his cotton socks. He

took us to one mall where he manages TM Lewin; Mango is there, cinemas, arcades

and many more. There are no okada’s as they got banned from Abuja. It is a neat

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and Peaceful area. I could actually live in this city, okay maybe not – I went too far

right! Yea, just a little! I could definitely visit this place often, however. Okay maybe

not ‘often’ but you know what I mean.

Had a wonderful conversation with Sheun for about 2 hours and went to bed around

12:30. We were talking about relationships and women, not your average chat

though, rather an intense conversation – brotherly love at its highest. He said some

thought provoking things which I’m sure will have a long lasting effect on me. One

important thing he said was “if you tell a woman your secrets, you are giving her

your heart”. Telling somebody all your secrets and what is in your heart creates an

emotional attachment. I could go on and preach a sermon but we won’t go there. I

love that guy; man of wisdom and inspiration; great thing I came to Abuja – tapped

into the wisdom and I’m sure I’ll go back to London on fire.

Word of the day: God can always put you in situations or a place that inconveniences

you in order for you to learn or be ministered to.

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Day 4

‘You Gotta Love ‘Em’

I flew back to Lagos this afternoon, Ikeja to be precise - the journey was like an hour

or so, apparently by car, the journey takes 6 hours; that’s why we flew, if you were

wondering.

It was a relaxed day today, rather funny to be honest. I have concluded that nobody

can make me laugh the way Nigerians do. I’m talking about real Nigerians here, not

those ‘Briticos’ who haven’t been to Nigeria in 7 years and when having a laugh, they

put on the African accent – off putting, they think they’re funny as well, I can only

laugh to be honest. Anyway, ‘joke No.1’: I got on the plane, walked to my seat and

one woman was sitting there, and so I said “Sorry ma, you’re in my seat” and she

replied, “So where do you want me to sit”. I wanted to laugh, like ‘what’s my

business with where you sit; possibly at the seat you was given’. I didn’t say that to

her obviously because Nigerians see the truth as rude when it comes from people

younger than them, I kept quiet after that. It wouldn’t be a nice thing for me to have

spoken, because she was in the wrong and I can be persistent when it comes to

proving my point. (My seat was 21F by the way). One of the cabin guys came and

asked her what her seat number was and she replied “23A, I think”. ‘Waaaaaaatttt’!

So she knew she was in the wrong seat, but she stayed in mine and acted as though

she was a foreigner to this world. She was speaking as if she was so innocent, like

she has never travelled before. I really did laugh in my head. That is all you can do in

this country when things like this happen; there really isn’t a need to get angry, you

just have to see the funny side if possible. Anyway…..

‘Joke 2’: The house girl, Bunmi, made my brother Garri to drink and I think the Garri

was about to absorb the water - my cousin looked at my brother, Samson and said,

“Drink it quickly before [the Garri] gets swollen” like Waaaaaaatttt!!. Let’s laugh

together, shall we! Where I’m from, we use words like soggy and absorb…. Swollen?

Since when does food swell? (Rhetorical question, don’t answer that)

Aww, I do love my cousin, mama though, she has really looked after me since I have

been here, and she has been like my big sister. I was so confused that I didn’t even

laugh at first. My brother was also confused, he asked me what she said and I told

him, he was still confused; he even tried to make sense of what she said but he

didn’t understand it. After thinking about it, he started laughing; I thought about it

and started laughing. He was in tears, literally – he couldn’t speak after that. My

sister, Tolu then got in on the act and started laughing. Oh the joy! She is a

wonderful cousin though, if you’re reading this, I love ‘yaaa’. Naija’s ‘ehh’, you

‘gotta’ love ‘em.

‘Joke 3’: My brother wanted to bath and there is no hot water over here as you

know. He asked the house girl to boil hot water but she didn’t understand his

language. So she went to Mama (cousin who lives in the house) to ask questions.

After they spoke in Yoruba, my cousin interpreted what the house girl said. My

brother originally asked “Can you boil hot water please?” but the house girl thought

he said “Can I have soap to wash the bathroom?” Cammmmm oorrrrnnnnnn! If you

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haven’t laughed yet (reading this journal), you have to laugh now, surely. I believe

that is the funniest thing ever. Absolutely emotional but hey, Naija’s, you ‘gotta’ love

‘em.

Before I finish, it’s so weird seeing people with only one arm or leg; they walk around

so casually as well – not in London. My heart slightly goes out to them; seeing this

really makes me appreciate life so much more than I did. When pastors say “thank

God for your hands and legs” I never really do so because I think ‘everybody has

these things’ as if it is normal to have them. Seeing these people with one arm had

really changed my views and perceptions of things; I believe God is really opening my

eyes to see many things in this country. He is taking me on a journey on this trip; I

have always known that my coming here was for more than just a wedding. There

are things God is showing me; now let’s see what else God has in store for me.

Word of the day: Relating with those around you is ever so important. God created

relationships for significant reasons, do not take them for granted or abuse them.

We need people in our lives for various reasons.

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Day 5

‘Na Long Ting’

Day 5 was a day of errands and travelling. Well, I wasn’t the one running the errands,

I was just there. A few of us went to a church service in the morning – It was a praise

celebration which was a bit of fun. You can never go wrong with African praise; I will

leave it as that. I spoke to the pastor after the service and he gave me some

prophecies, some which confirmed things. I believe prophecies are to confirm things

to be honest, that is just what I think. Some things that he said quickly got discarded

as God hadn’t said some things he told me. If I’m hearing things that God had not

previously told me, then I’m sorry to say but that is not a prophecy but him

informing me of a particular thing. I know you’re thinking, “Gabzzzzzzz” but like, he

said, he saw me playing basketball; I bet your laughing now as well. It is like me

acknowledging the fact that you can sing, then I say “by this time next year, you will

release an album”. Do you know what, I won’t even go there, catch the revelation. If

I was 4ft1 I wonder if his eyes would have seen that, who knows. I like the pastor, do

not get me wrong; I just think he got it wrong there. He really did confirm a few

things though but we won’t go there as this is a journal of my experience and not a

time to dig into the life of Gabriel Amadi.

We left the service and went to the bank as Tolu needed to make a transfer, we then

went to one place for her to change her money; you know, from pounds to naira. We

then left that place and went all the way to one busy market – it was ever so far. If

you know what Naija traffic is, you would know how I felt. The heat even made it

worse. The traffic is really terrible here. We bought some white material – I’m

getting an outfit made, ‘yay’ me. We then headed back home, thank God. The

journey home took us 3 hours all because of traffic, it wasn’t easy – I don suffer o! I

go say body don pain am like say bones go scatter for everywhere, ah na true.

I finally got home, needing to eat and take my tablet for the day, only to find out all

of my suitcases were gone. Okay, don’t panic, my cousin (who we were staying with)

was no longer able to keep us in her house, so we were left stranded, unfortunately.

My sister (who stays at her fiancée’s dad’s house) came to collect all the suitcases

and was on her way to where she was staying. I was not happy because I needed my

tablets; I wasn’t catching malaria for anybody, wetin (what). After everyone’s

emotions were running wild, the suitcases were on their way back as we prepared to

move to a different house. I began to find it funny – everyone was just stressed out,

like wow! To be honest, I felt stranded and I knew this was going to happen. From

London they were unorganised, so I wasn’t too surprised – it was however,

disappointing. I warned them back in London but you know, being the youngest in a

Nigerian household and all, your words go unheard.

After all the many phone calls and emotions running around, my mum came to the

rescue and sent two uncles to come and collect us and our suitcases. They took us to

where she was staying.

This sun is something else, but I’m not complaining because everyone in Jand

(London, I was so happy when I found out what that word means) is experiencing

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cold and snow. I can be sitting in the traffic and start sweating – I’m sure I’m losing

weight up in this place. I’m always drinking as well, Fanta, Coke and La Casera (tango

apple). I think I have an everlasting fetish for coke now; it’s so beautiful, I sound

weird, but who cares? Not me. It is only these three drinks they have here that are

nice. The Fanta is so sweet as well, better than the London one, to be frank.

Ahh, I tasted pepper chicken from tantalizer – best thing ever, wonderful chicken. Oh

the joy!

Random, but there are so many lizards here, the way I see them climbing and

running on walls. Today, I saw one doing press-ups – no exaggeration. Just thought

I’d share that with you.

Word of the day: Patience is a virtue. Exercise composure in an atmosphere where

no-one else has it, it keeps you sane.

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Day 6

‘Nepa vs. The Generator.’

Sometimes electricity can work out great for you and at times it could be a right

pain. You won’t really need electricity in the morning or afternoon, as the sun brings

in so much light. You’re probably thinking there is more to electricity than light, and

you’re right (that rhymes). I guess not being able to use the fridge is a bit of a

downer but other than that you’re sorted really. Other things are not really major

and you can survive without them; you can manage without things such as the kettle

and iron etc.

Nepa is the word Nigerians use for electricity; Londoners call it electricity, Naija's call

it nepa. The bad thing about nepa is that you never have it for 24hours; ‘argggghhh

mate’, today we only had nepa for 1 hour. We first had half an hour and then we had

another half hour, two hours later; it comes and goes when it likes. We weren’t in

total darkness all day, thank God because if so, life would have really been hard

today. I should really be grateful for the electricity I managed to have today because

I am sure there are many out there who are sometimes in complete darkness for a

day or two. I managed to get the generator to work which means in actual fact we

had electricity coming from somewhere, it just wasn’t nepa; I will get on to that

later.

The generator is quite self explanatory - it is a machine that generates power, it

generates electricity. As long as there is oil in it, it should work.

I had to make the generator work today, as nepa wasn’t really working; only God

knows why. It really isn’t easy making that thing work. My first few attempts, I

struggled to the extent that I walked away from the machine and contemplated

settling for darkness. That is the part where you say: “Aww” and feel sympathetic for

me. The funny thing is, one small guy showed me how to do it and it was easy for

him to put the generator on. After I gave up, I was thinking “No way can that African

man be stronger than me, na lie from hell”. My uncle tried around 7pm whilst I was

sleeping; I woke up just as he entered the house and he was sweating from head to

his stomach. Bless him, he really tried. We went to try again around 8 with my mum

watching. My uncle and I failed; she walked back in the house, probably thinking,

‘This is long’. Before she left, she said “we will just sleep in darkness”. After hearing

that, I turned around with the mentality that its bed time and took a step towards

the house. I then thought “nah, nah, nah, one more try” as my uncle wanted one last

try. I got back to the generator with the mentality to take ‘one for the team’ and

‘yep’ you guessed right, Gabz made it work. After putting all my strength (not that I

have much) and energy into it, I finally made it work; I must say, it took a lot out of

me but I was happy that I was able to do it – I felt like a hero. Well, not really but I

was proud of myself.

As a result of there not being much electricity and me staying at home all day, I

managed to get some reading done. This may actually be the first time I have had to

read the bible on this holiday to be honest. I hope nobody stones me for this; what

can I say, I am an honest guy, sometimes too honest. Well I try to be, as much as I

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can. Anyway, I read today, did some exercise which may have been a result of me

being bored. In saying that however, it actually was a good workout come to think

about it, something I should take back to London............. Doubt that actually.

Word of the day: In order for the light of God to constantly shine through you, you

ought to stay connected to the source.

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Day 7

‘General Impressions’

After 7 days in this place called Nigeria, there are many experiences I have had,

many differences to London. I can honestly say that my expectations have not been

met exactly, not as of yet anyway.

First thing first, the traffic is despicable – if that’s even the best word to use. In fact,

it is rather disrespectful. It has no respect for mankind whatsoever. I have slept in

every car journey, no exaggeration. I make at least 3 journeys a day as well; it’s not

easy. Only God knows where everybody is going every hour of the day; I believe

Lagos is just over populated. The roads don’t make things any better either. Whereas

in London, you can arrive at one location via 3 or 4 different routes; over here, there

is one single route to get to your destination, if you are lucky there can be 2,

depending on where you are going. This leads to the ridiculous traffic. Every journey

takes ever so long, even though it really shouldn’t – this is one thing many will find

terrible about this country. I am alright with it I guess, I use this time to sleep really

and I love my sleep so I shouldn’t complain at all. It is also quality time spending it

with family as well, being stuck in this traffic. You’re probably thinking I am trying to

make traffic a positive thing so I will stop right there. (I smile whilst writing this)

I do like some of the traffic lights however – they tell you how long you have until

the green light – truly amazing. I am yet to see that anywhere else in the world, not

that I travel much or anything. This way you will always know if the traffic lights are

working or not. You find in London, that some traffic lights do not work at times and

so you are stuck at a red light for an awful long time until [eventually] you are forced

to drive through it. (I do not encourage anybody to drive through red lights by the

way, so do not drive through a red light and act as though the lights were not

working, thanks) There are always officers in the middle of the road to help everyone

out. Although they are rough, they keep things moving, I guess and are very helpful.

The driving is just reckless as well, I would never be able to drive in this country; ‘I

love my life too much’.

I just remembered driver’s horn around 5 times a minute, no exaggeration. The

driving is so bad that people have to horn to make people aware of their

whereabouts – well at least they are using the horn appropriately. As opposed to just

overtaking other drivers, like most folks, people here would horn and change

lanes…… speaking of lanes, there are no road markings whatsoever. This leads to the

terrible traffic. Driving instructors and examiners in London stress on the fact that

drivers should constantly look at their mirrors every 6 seconds or so; drivers in

Nigeria rarely look at their mirrors, they horn their way through. It is actually quite

funny watching Nigerians drive because they get so emotional and angry very

quickly. The driving here is a little bad and therefore, many drivers or even

passengers get angry when something goes wrong. Even if it is just a little mistake,

people are quick to shout and be rude. The things I have heard whilst sitting in cars

are unexplainable, ever so funny. People need to relax a bit in this country.

Everybody is just shouting and cussing each other. The day I heard “ahhh ahhhh,

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carry your moto” I knew I was in Nigeria. I see it all as entertainment though, I am

sure they do too.

Another thing that stands out is how people are constantly after money; they are

willing to stand in the middle of crazy traffic just to ask you for money and sell you

things. It is almost as though people’s businesses are located in the middle of traffic

– people will be there from morning till night. This makes the traffic a lot worse by

the way. It sounds like everything contributes to the traffic here. If you want

anything, you can get it on the road, drinks, handkerchiefs, magazines, watches,

hats, peanuts etc. I guess it is a good thing that you can get things on the move

because sometimes you are really thirsty and you can get a drink in the next 5

minutes without getting out of the car – ever so convenient.

People walk around with 1 arm and some move around on skateboards (meaning

they have no legs) as if it’s the norm. This could never be seen in London. These

people will also ask for money as well. It was rather scary when I first saw someone

sitting on a skateboard, I’m sure my heart skipped a beat; I am ever so grateful for

what I have.

Everything is about money here.

It has been a wonderful experience so far. I didn’t expect to like it but I actually do so

far. God has opened my eyes and showed me many things. I see this not as a holiday,

but a vacation. One day I will come back for a holiday, maybe to Abuja. Abuja is the

place to live life; Lagos is the place to experience life.

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Day 8

‘Emotional Tantrums’

As the days of the engagement and wedding draw near, the pressure begins to kick

in. As pressure rises, emotions begin to run wild, leading to disputes, disagreements

and arguments. With only a few days till the engagement and just under a week until

the big day, things have started heating up.

I always knew planning a wedding is very stressful for those heavily involved.

However, I never had the full understanding as to why this was the case. Being in

and around those who are planning the wedding, I have seen things ‘first hand’, as

people would say. It’s almost as though everybody is stressed apart from me,

especially as I’m the quiet one in the family – being the youngest and all. The bride

(Ayo) is all over the place, mentally and physically. One day she is angry at her loved

ones, next day she loves us like there is nothing else in the world. The wedding

planner (Tolu) has gone and is going extra miles to make this work and nobody is

rewarding her. There have been tears from the both of them on occasions. My

mother tries to keep peace, but she too gets annoyed and takes it out one way or

another. My brother, Samson, is not feeling any stress, he is in a different town,

living life with ‘the guys’. He doesn’t even know what is going on, he is totally not

involved. He is ‘living life’ at the moment, clubbing, swimming; you name it, he is

probably doing just that. As for me, Gabz, I just sit back and observe – I learn. I do

not get involved in family affairs, there really isn’t a need.

It’s slightly funny, because almost everyone is stressed out for one thing or another

and stress doesn’t help anybody. I’m all for solutions and so I do not get tied down to

arguments or problems. So much is going on; the dresses were made wrong, ‘some

people’ are not paying for the material which my mum spent her hard earned cash

on, there is not enough material for the engagement – the list goes on. It is not

exactly funny as people are being affected mentally. There is a lot of arguing,

questioning and disputing between those contributing to the wedding. You would

think this is the time everyone rejoices over the wedding that is due to come; I think

it is only me that sees it that way. Someone is reading this thinking ‘you don’t get

involved probably because you do not care’, in actual fact I really do care; I look at

the bigger picture, I read between the lines. I knew before hand things will go wrong

as I know how people are in the build up of weddings; as a result of me knowing this

information, I can’t get sucked into the drama. Some are reading this thinking, ‘Not

at my wedding, I’m not getting stressed’. If you’re one of these, phone me a week

before your wedding and tell me how you are feeling (I am laughing right now

because the same people that will say it will never happen to them will be the ones

that will be complaining about one thing or another). The funny thing is, when the

wedding is over, this will all be forgotten about, why? Because everyone loves each

other.

I must say though, having a wedding in a different country to the place that you live

in is ever so difficult to pull off. I really am not surprised that there is a lot of

mayhem going on because nobody is used to this country and so it is harder to get

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things done. You see me, Gabz, I kick back and relax, why? Because I’m here on a

mission, I am not here just to see my sister get married. I am here to have an

experience, here to be inspired – many things should happen as a result of my

coming here.

Today has been a long but fun day; there are a whole lot of us staying together at

the moment. It’s great when many people come together like this, especially when

it’s family.

Word of the day: Together we stand, divided we fall.

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Day 9

‘Garden Wedding’

Today happened to be a day when several weddings were going on. They say there

are always weddings in Nigeria – I even went to a wedding yesterday in a hall. It was

okay, the decorations were pretty nice, and the service was nice as well. I believe the

music could and should have been better to be honest. Being at a Nigerian wedding

(in Nigeria) I expect the atmosphere and music to be electrifying. However, to be fair

to them, Tolu said that they hadn’t really started; well, I hope they hadn’t.

I went to a celebrity wedding today. The groom is a famous singer, who goes by the

name ‘Steel’ – I have never heard of him but in Naija he is a celeb. Obviously, he is

not a D’banj or 2face, but you know……. My sister’s fiancée is friends with him, hence

why I was able to get in. Believe they had bouncers at the entrances. The funny thing

is when you get to the entrance they ask you ‘Which side are you here for?’ In other

words, ‘Are you here for the bride or for the groom?’ Imagine if we didn’t know

either of their names, we wouldn’t get in. It’s a good idea though, stops intruders

from coming in.

I was at the wedding yesterday thinking, ‘I want a garden wedding, like Adam and

Eve, go back to the foundation, it will be very symbolic as the meaning is significant’.

Steel’s wedding today was a garden wedding. I have never been to one or really seen

one, so it was great to actually see what a garden wedding is like. It was quite weird

how things work. I thought I was a bit excited to think about having a garden

wedding as this has never been my idea, but seeing one today gave me hope.

However, one thing that can work against you is British weather – it could rain at any

time. Tolu advised me however, to have gazebos and canopies. Today’s wedding had

several tents, not tents per se, but you know what I mean. It’s not like they needed

the tents, as it was never going to rain over here, not in this season anyway. The

tents were decorated so it was quite nice.

The garden was really big and beautiful. ‘Argggghhh mate’, I sound like a woman, but

hey…… God is on the throne sha. The newlyweds did really well, because the venue

was nice – neat garden. It looks like my hopes of having a garden wedding are alive.

I’m sure Tolu can make it happen as well, I trust her. Please don’t steal my idea……

please; I would really appreciate it if you didn’t. (I laugh). That’s if it happens

anyway; I can be lazy and may opt for the easier route. I guess it depends on the

iyawo (wife, I hope I spelt that right)

There were a lot of people at the wedding, which was not a surprise as the groom is

a celeb. The thing that let them down though, is they ran out of the drinks. When we

got there, all the drinks were finished; all I drank was ice tea, like, since when?? It’s

not even like we got there late or anything, they clearly didn’t cater for everybody – I

guess this was bound to happen as we are dealing with a celeb here, you can never

really predict how many people would turn up. The same way the couple didn’t

invite us, I’m sure this was the case for many others.

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Solek and his band were the ones who performed. I always hear Bola talking about

this guy, so it was good to finally listen to him. He is quite good to be fair, probably

because he is slightly young, so he can appeal to young adults.

We left the wedding around 6:30pm as we needed to get home before it got dark.

Here in Nigeria, receptions start and finish early, simply because it gets dark around

7pm. Armed robbers are always out around these times as it is dark, so most people

left by 5:40. The traffic is ridiculous as well, took us like an hour and a half to get

home even though it took us 20minutes to get there.

I had a very long conversation with my cousins in the evening in my room, which

didn’t finish until 2am. We discussed history, which I hate. We then went on to

discuss philosophy and politics. We then went on to discuss God. It’s rather

interesting talking to those who don’t know God, as it tests my knowledge. I was the

minority and really had to defend my God and faith. My cousin Jonathan seems

really interested in history and philosophy, his girlfriend doesn’t believe in God and

really ‘laid into me’. She attacked me that night, (I’m laughing as I write this), with

me being a strong guy, however, my faith was well defended. If you are both reading

this, I love ya’ll; thanks for the chat.

I think I like it here you know, I enjoyed myself today really. I attended a nice

wedding, was surrounded by loved ones, I mean what more can I ask for? This is

exactly what I left London for, I mean, I need to have some sort of vacation here.

This is what I call life.

Word of the day: Your life is a display. Your life alone should be able to bear witness

to the beauty of God. People should know where you stand by your actions and not

just words.

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Day 10

‘Home Sweet Home’

I didn’t get up to much today; it has been a relaxing and very chilled day. It felt really

great getting out of bed at 12:30pm - haven’t done that for a few weeks or months

now. Especially in this country where everyone wakes up around 5 or 6am to start

their day early; Early right? They have to I guess, as it gets dark around 6:30/7pm;

which means an average day (to do things) may run from 6:30am to 7:30pm. So it

was great having a nice rest and sleep today.

There are a lot of us in the house at the moment and we had a laugh today: cousins

and all. There was no sitting in traffic for 4 hours or sitting in the dark – my uncle

who we are staying with ‘has money’ and his generator can stay on all day. His house

is big and great, you can’t ask for a better house to be honest. The houses you see on

Nolly is nothing compared to where I am staying at the moment; there is a huge

difference between seeing houses on TV and actually being present in one.

It’s too hot over here, on a serious note. The way I would sweat outdoors in England

is the way I sweat indoors in Nigeria, quite crazy. My nose was actually bleeding

today as a result of this heat. Those who really know me will know my nose is very

weak and sensitive; as a result, I always have nose bleeds, especially in the heat. (A

bit of information about me right there for those who didn’t know.) I went out to

play football with two of my troublesome little ones; 10mins after playing, ‘boom’

the blood starts coming out, too hot.

I remember once having a huge debate in 2008 or so; it wasn’t even a debate, it was

more like an argument. It is even funny, reflecting on it actually. I was arguing with

Bolatito, Sheun and Tope about Nigeria; me being me, I wasn’t in favour of Nigeria

whereas they were. I don’t know if they will remember but we really did argue; it

was obviously a friendly one as we are pretty much all loved ones. I found it funny

because as always, I was the minority and the argument went on for at least an hour.

A few other youths were putting their ‘2 pence’ in as well I think. Oh my goodness I

remember it so vividly as well, we really attacked each other. I really argued as

though I have no Nigerian in me. That was ever so funny. Oh my goodness, I

remember when I had a heated discussion with Toye as well in Wellingborough after

a ministration. (I laugh). You may be thinking why did I argue; well, I am far from bias

and will always speak the truth. Not only that, but I really did find it funny having

arguments with people about Nigeria; people really defend their country and go on

like it is the best one in the world even though they haven’t been here in 7 years.

Being here, I really am seeing Nigeria for what it really is, after this holiday I don’t

think I will be having those sorts of arguments again; I will be experienced.

Word of the day: Relaxation is not only good for the body for the mind as well. One

ought to constantly take time out of a busy schedule in order for the mind to process

information smoothly.

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Day 11

‘Fabric Galore’

What a long day it was, having woken up so early in the morning, 7am to be precise.

It really is ‘back to the early wake-ups’, if only I could do this in London.

A few of Tolu’s friends landed today as they came for Ayo’s wedding and they had a

terrible experience in getting here. They all had to stop off at one country (can’t spell

the name and I won’t attempt) and change flight in order to finish their journey;

Total calamity. To cut a long story short, Tolu’s friends landed in Nigeria without

their luggage. Yep you, you read correctly; they got here and their suitcases were

held back somewhere – only God knows where the suitcases are. Imagine travelling

to a country, you have never been before, having packed 2 suitcases and you end up

with no luggage. The ladies were really angry and devastated, I’m not surprised to be

honest; I mean who wouldn’t be upset, losing all your clothes and everything else.

Okay, that’s not the end; I’m sure you’re reading, thinking ‘So wait, they have no

suitcases for their stay?’ – Well, they went back to the airport today and still no

show. In saying that, I’m pretty much sure they will arrive eventually. Well let’s hope

so, by God’s grace init.

Moving on…. I left the house early today in order to go to Balogun Market – it’s on

the island. I have seen nothing like this market in the 21 years of my life. It is

absolutely chaos. Too many Africans in one place is mayhem. Before going to this

market, people told us to be careful, hold our bags tight etc, simply because a lot of

pick pocketing occurs in this market. Looking at how many people were in this

market, I’m sure it’s easy for thieves to rob here. This is no ordinary market I tell

ya…… the traffic is bad, security on the roads trying to organise cars, people making

noise because others are in their way. People are calling you to look at what they are

selling, people putting jeans in your face as if it is your size, laugh with me please.

People will put a pair of jeans in front of your face because they want you to buy it

‘but who told you that is my size’ and it is not even like you can take it and try it on

to see if it fits….. It was absolutely manic.

Anyway, I bought black fabric, (can’t spell the name and I won’t attempt) it’s not

Ankara or lace, if that’s what you’re wondering. I know that is all most Londoners

know (when it comes to Nigerian material) are those two materials (Ankara and

lace). I intend to make a Chinese outfit with the black fabric, a little something like

what Bruce Lee used to wear but I won’t give anymore away.

We also went to the city mall; it is a nice looking mall but not better than the one I

went to in Abuja. I went to the Da Viva shop, ‘what is Da Viva?’ I hear you ask, Da

Viva is a new African (style) material, yet to reach the UK. The style is quite funky so I

didn’t buy any for myself, just a few to give away to friends. In my opinion, Da Viva is

not for men. I did manage to buy Ankara for myself however, I intend on making a

caftan and trousers. Let’s just hope my designer (Ayo’s Fiancée) and his tailors do a

good job.

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Word of the day: in the midst of the crowd, one who is chosen will stand out.

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Day 12

‘The Engagement’

The day didn’t start off too good as the suitcases hadn’t arrived yet. I know right….

Another 24hours has gone but still another no show. We woke up early in the

morning in order to check the airport to see if they had come but they were not

here. Tolu’s wedding dress was in these suitcases, her friends’ clothes and

everything else is in there. This is all 2 days before the big day – not looking good.

Emotions began to really run wild.

I then had to get ready for the engagement; may I inform you that my outfit was not

yet ready, so “what preparations was I doing exactly?” I do not know. I put on

trousers and a shirt, with the hope that my clothes would be ready by the time I got

to the engagement. Emotions kept on ‘playing up’ – Chinese whispers occurring, lies

being told, all just to make the day run smoothly. I’m sorry but, I deal with honesty

and truth; as you guessed correctly, I was not involved, its times like this my quiet

side comes into action. It is almost as though everybody wants to deceive the bride

just so she could be kept happy. You’re probably thinking “Gabz, that’s what you

have to do”, but you know me, I usually think differently to everyone else. If you look

at it, that’s deception, ‘them Delilah antics’, I can only laugh.

From the last 5 days or so it’s been chaos – arguments, rudeness and attitude

coming out. I mean, I know this would happen, but not to this extent. There is always

stress lurking around before weddings.

The engagement itself was okay, I guess. It was a traditional one obviously, which

means there was a lot of money being pushed around. You know, Nigerians love

money, everything is money over here. It was quite funny watching Ayo dance as she

hasn’t danced in many years; she was really on it – bless her cotton socks. She tried

sha. The MC (host) was really funny, well not that funny, but you know what I mean.

The things she asked the couple to do…… Let’s just say she is a troublemaker. I guess

it’s her job to bring entertainment though.

My engagement outfit was pretty grand! The designer did a great job. I wasn’t too

keen on the hat however, but the clothes itself are nice. Looking in the mirror, I

thought I looked like Osoufia; you know the man from ‘Osoufia in London!’ Okay

slight exaggeration, but you know……

I wonder if I will have a traditional engagement – a lot of work goes into it I have

seen. All of this buying material and distributing it, people don’t pay you back, going

to the tailors; it is all too much stress. I guess it’s up to my wife’s dad so I may as well

stop there, init. I am not paying any dowry though, that is certain. I know some of

you may want to debate that with me, call me……..

Oh my goodness, I have an aunty who is 10 years old. I know right! Rather shocking, I

know. My mum’s dad had a child at the age of 68, ‘shandaaaa x 12! This means I

have to call a 10 year old (who prostrates to me) aunty. Aunty Bimbo, you may be

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thinking “you can call her Bimbo”, and you are right but in essence she is an aunty to

me.

It is so weird how when you get to Nigeria ‘everybody’ claims to be your uncle or

aunty; like where was you when I was born though. Joke. Okay, I won’t go there, but

it is rather interesting and funny.

Word of the day: It is not how you start but how you finish that counts. Have hope

and belief because the things you are planning will surely come to pass, it is just a

matter of when and how.

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Day 13

‘Eve of the Wedding’.

Do you know what, everyday is long so I won’t start with the usual today. Once again

though, we woke up at 5am to go to the airport and unfortunately, the suitcases still didn’t

arrive - leading to frustration yet again. It was getting a bit sad and upsetting now. It became

a serious case, which is not surprising. People have been sleeping in the airport for the last 3

days; desperate times call for desperate measures eh? Apparently, the airline which the

ladies took is not allowed to Nigeria until the suitcases come back. Wow! Hold on…this

decision doesn’t help those who lost their luggage in any way, shape or form like, we don’t

want any ultimatums, we want the suitcases.

I spent at least 6 hours in the salon today. Yep! I did, only God knows how I managed – this is

not the barbers, but the salon; imagine the concumbility. It was like a family day out in the

salon as so many of us just happened to be in the same salon and it wasn’t planned. I was

happy though; managed to get my 1st ever pedicure. Those who are thinking, “how can you

get a pedicure, it’s for women” need to get educated, like what school did you go? It was the

best feeling ever, wonderful experience. My wife will have the skills to do nails, by force and

by fire, joke.

I also started writing a song in the salon as well. It’s an African track called ‘I just de try’ –

you will hear it one day, if I actually release it, that is. After experiencing the lifestyle in Naija

and especially seeing people who actually live here, I was heavily inspired and led to write a

track about the ‘struggle’ – I’m more like a ‘voice of the people’. I will not give any more

away. I don’t know if it will be released because I will be singing (with auto tune obviously)

and you know that singing is something I’m not too confident in as it needs a lot of work.

Anyway, if it is what God requires of me, I will get there sha.

Things began to heat up big time, which is expected I guess. There just has to be minor

things that get blown out of proportion a day before big events. The bride was having little

disputes with one person or another, one person having disputes with someone else. Things

were becoming intense but the wedding has to go ahead tomorrow, regardless; it will be a

success, by God’s grace.

Do you know what, if Nigerians had bins on the road, Naija would be a better place. This is

also why the gutter and pollution is terrible as well, especially Lagos. This problem fully

explains why there are usually cleaners on the street. The cleaners are usually women as

well, don’t know why; women are not usually seen as important over here.

Word of the day: The devil will only come to steal, kill or destroy if you have something to

offer or if you are a threat to his kingdom. If Satan doesn’t attack you, search yourself.

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Day 14

Ayo Weds Ayo

The title was not a typo: both the bride and groom are called Ayo. My sister is

Ayodele and her husband is called Ayodeji.

“Assembly, Assembly”. This is how the day started and it shall be remembered. My

mother’s sisters, aunty and friends (of her aunty) slept at our house last night. There

were 6 of them here. I wasn’t too keen on them at first but today I got on with them

all, slightly miss them as well, I don’t know why. Anyway, before the aunties all

bathed, ‘Big aunty’ shouted “Assembly, Assembly” and everyone gathered in the

front room (where I was); I have never been so confused. They all started

worshipping; I put 2 and 2 together and clocked that “assembly, assembly” was ‘the

call’. The worship was quite great as well. I think ‘the call’ is amazing; it sounds fresh

but the manner in which it is done is great. Big aunty said one word and they all

came together, no questions asked. I definitely have to implement this when I’m a

family man. No need for “let’s pray” or “time to pray”. “Assembly” says it all.

The wedding; okay, let’s go…… Things were not going too good to start off with;

African time is totally a disaster, it’s crazy, in fact it is silly. I think you know where

I’m going with this. Unfortunately, the wedding started 3 hours late, terrible. The

wedding was meant to start at 11am but it didn’t start till after 2, terrible. My mum, I

and her ‘people’ didn’t leave the house until 12pm as we were waiting for the

minibus and so we didn’t arrive at the venue till 1:30pm. Disaster! The bride and

groom didn’t arrive until 2pm. I know right! The couple arrived 3 hours late to their

own wedding. “Who does that?!” I hear you ask ‘why?’….Basically, the suitcases still

hadn’t arrived, which meant Tolu had no wedding dress to wear; she broke down

and was an emotional wreck. After her and her friends slept in the car at the airport,

they woke up and still no suitcases. (They slept in the car? Emotional!) Due to my

sister’s break down and emotional state, Ayo’s husband felt ‘forced’ to make her a

wedding dress this very morning. (Ayo and her husband are both fashion designers

by the way, I know….interesting). My sister, Ayo, was not willing to get married

unless Tolu was happy – somebody say ‘aww’, sisterly love. The dress was ‘off the

chain’ as well – Tolu looked stunning. If you’re reading this Tolu, don’t get too

excited. Joke. To be honest, I really didn’t understand how Ayo would not want to

get married because Tolu was not happy but hey….. God is on the throne.

The lateness had people making noise, apparently a few people wanted to leave as

they have been there since 9am, wowzers. Thank God I arrived late because I

wouldn’t be impressed either. The groom’s dad was shouting, the bride’s dad was

shouting. We had the drinks as well so those at the venue must have really been hot

and bothered. As soon as I stepped out of the minibus, Ayo’s dad shouts “Gabriel,

where are the drinks” – no ‘hello’ or ‘thank God you made it’, I felt like I committed a

crime. How about we laugh together? Before we left the house, I was thinking we

didn’t have enough drinks – if only you saw how many drinks we took back home.

The funny thing is a few of us were in need of drinks; silly me, I forgot that the drinks

came with me.

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When everyone arrived there was quite a bit of running around as we all needed to

get ready. All the ladies were having their makeup done by Kweenz Beauty – she is

the best. The groomsmen had to get change into our suits. Oh my goodness, my suit

is smashing, wowzers; three piece suit, off white trousers and blazer, white shirt and

a velvet (satin) waist coat. I must say, Ayo and Ayo did a great job with the clothes.

The trousers were skinny as well – I have despised skinny trousers and jeans for

years but I must admit I liked this one. They went perfect with my shoes. What a

suit! A suit I can’t always wear. I like the suit so much that I have told them to make

me a grey suit which they should be bringing back for me in March, by God’s grace.

The wedding itself was great; it was a success, although the organisation was

terrible, well, not terrible, but it wasn’t good enough. There was no order when it

came to taking the photos. The bride was saying her order, everyone else was saying

their own order, like everyone wants to be a director, spare me please. The funny

thing is everyone else was shouting as if they were correct – they couldn’t handle the

pressure. Apart from that everything else was sweet as a nut.

The comedian, Seyi Law was quite funny and entertaining; he did have a few jokes

up his sleeve. He was the host for the reception – he did a good job. Solek and his

band also performed. Well, he had everyone going – serious African music; his fairly

young age meant he was able to relate with the younger generation. Wowzers, the

band who played at the service was ‘off the chain’. Pastor Tope and his band

ministered ever so wonderfully; a great praise session indeed. I have never danced

like the way I did in my whole life. I danced so much that people I never knew where

commending me, no vanity. I really tried you know. I definitely made a lot of money

from dancing. I got ‘sprayed’ nicely. (If you don’t know what that is, call me, it’s too

long to write, sorry) God really filled me with His joy. Seeing the first wedding in my

family was a great thing, which I can only thank God for. It was amazing to see the

couple get married. When Pastor Awolaja said ‘if there is anyone that does not want

them to get married’ etc. I was looking around thinking, ‘Nobody better speak’

I really felt for Tolu today at the reception – she was the one picking up all the

money off the floor, the one collecting all the money which was being ‘sprayed’ on

the bride and groom. She said to me “What’s the title for today...call it Double long

ting”. I could only laugh really. Bless her…..I don’t know why she didn’t get one of the

young ones to do it.

I’m sitting here thinking of what else I could write about the wedding and right now,

I’m tired…..

Word of the day: When 2 become 1 in a relationship, both parties should be willing

to give themselves up for the other. Save yourself for the one you will marry (if you

can)

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Day 15

I Can Only Laugh

I planned to do some last minute shopping today, to take gifts back to London but

that didn’t happen. Having been woken up around 8, it was ‘on the cards’. It’s so

unfortunate how plans change in Nigeria; I shouldn’t even be surprised to be honest

as it was the last day for everybody to actually have a holiday and relax. I may have

been asking for too much.

There was so much last minute things/journeys that needed to be done, I could

really only laugh. To cut a long story short, I spent at least 4 hours sitting down in

one seat with no nepa or generator. Within those 4 to 5 hours, I saw my mum get

bored and aggravated; this really made me laugh as she was very annoyed and

couldn’t stay seated to the extent that she was cussing and laughing. I saw an aunty

get angry and frustrated. Why were we waiting? We were waiting for two taxis to

come and get us as we had different destinations to go. We were patiently waiting, it

wasn’t funny but I could only laugh. Watching big women get frustrated or bored is

rather funny; the way they complain is hilarious. They saw the funny side afterwards

as they laughed with me eventually. We were so restless, just sitting and waiting, but

things like this, I can only laugh.

The journey to my sister’s house on the island was also funny. It was so long that I

could only laugh. We weren’t driving as fast as we could because of the heavy load in

the car (where as we would say “take your stuff”, Naija’s say “Carry your load”, funny).

We got lost and the calm driver got angry. This was so funny because he is so humble and

relaxed but today he just switched entirely; when Nigerians get angry and cuss it is funny – I

just never let them know I am laughing. We got stuck in sand and couldn’t move – the driver

had to ask some boys on the street to push the car. He had to pay them �1000. Although

they asked for �2,500 (Everything is money over here). Absolutely funny, I laughed my head

off when the driver got out of the car, bless him. Nobody would want to spend their

Christmas Eve the way he did. May God really bless him. Hold on..... How can we get stuck in

sand though? That was hilarious.

After all the errands, I went to meet the rest of the ‘gang’ on the island as they were all at a

beach party (on a private beach). I managed to speak to Tolu whilst I was on the way and she

said “Omds, I just saw 2face, he is sitting down”. Bless her, she wasn’t excited to see him,

she was happy for me, I guess. I have been singing one 2face song for the last month or so. I

was eager to get to this place; yep I was excited as you can tell.

Although I didn’t stay till the end, the event was alright. AY was the host of the event, he’s a

famous comedian. MI performed, but I missed him as I was in the toilet at the time. I don’t

even know who MI is, to be honest. Kaz performed, the man who sings, ‘Fi Mi Le’; the only

good song that he has, he gets no ratings from me. I should have never said that because

people may think I am rude right? Well, I will say what is really on my mind. That track is

decent though, to be fair to him. A few other artists performed; some people who are not

really known in London but have a bit of fame in Naija. Terry G and 2Face performed, but I

had left before they came on stage unfortunately. The bouncer let me back stage to

talk to 2Face; when I told people he is my guy, they didn’t want to listen.

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Oh my goodness, a fight broke out; one terrible artist threw his jacket into the crowd

and 2 minutes later, the fight started. Like, hold on, how dare a rubbish artist throw

his clothes into the audience?! Like ‘Who are you though?’ I could only laugh. I didn’t

understand why people were fighting over the red jacket though. I guess they all

wanted an early Christmas present.

Word of the day: ‘Live life’, ‘explore nature’, ‘let your hair down’, and ‘break a leg’.

There is a fun side to life, believe it or not.

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Day 16

Beginning of the End

My 1st time spending Christmas away from home and it wasn’t bad at all. There was so many

of us in this one house. My cousin Tayo did ever so well to look after us today. She fed us all

to the ‘T’. If you’re reading this Temitayo, I love yaaa.

We all chilled, had a laugh, played and entertained ourselves; as it is the last night we will all

spend together, it was fun. It really was a great day to end the holiday. I’m sure there was no

less than 18 of us here. We watched the BET ’10 awards for about 5 hours. If I was by myself,

I would have never watched it. It’s weird that I can’t watch things by myself, but it’s different

with company. Moreover, I can watch ‘The Bill’ ‘EastEnders’ with others, but never by

myself.

You may not believe but I have diarrhoea, so sickening. You’re thinking ‘Too much

information’ yeah? Sorry, I want to remember this pain I have gone through some years

later. Joke. This is why I told my friends, I won’t eat or drink over here, now look.

How can I forget, I broke the tap in this house; the tap connected to the bath tub. It was

absolutely emotional; I could have easily caused a flood, water was coming out of

everywhere, going all over the place. As soon as it broke, I started praying. Looking back

now, I can only laugh. I was there for at least 40 minutes trying to fix it; the way I panicked,

‘argggghhh mate’. You are probably laughing at me right now, but it is okay because if it was

you I may laugh as well. I had to call Tayo to help out, once we fixed it, she laughed at me, I

know……. She saw my face. I was just thinking ‘why me?’ after breaking Tolu’s camera here,

being responsible for the loss of mumzy’s camera and now this like, how bad can things

get?? (Rhetorical question, don’t answer that)

Anyways, I leave tomorrow morning and I need to prepare myself. It’s been fun here for me.

It’s been a great experience. God opened my eyes to many things and I am ever so grateful

that I came. For, me, this was not a holiday but a vacation; I say this simply because I did not

come here just to have fun but to experience life and see Nigeria for what it really is. Nigeria

is surely a place I never wanted to attend but now I’m happy and thankful I had this

experience. Why did I never want to attend this country? I was never really up for living this

lifestyle which is so different to what I am used to. I have always believed the corruption to

be terrible in this country; I never really did see the benefits of coming here, there is nothing

here for me is what I always believed. ‘The Nigeria’ portrayed in the media had me

disinterested to be honest as well as all the stories I have heard. Nigeria was an experience

for me, one that will definitely be remembered, especially with this journal being written.

I can honestly say however, that Nigeria is “not easy”. Everybody (well not everybody but

you know what I mean) wants to come here for a long holiday and some want to move

here..... I hope they all know that it is not easy at all, especially if you are coming from

London where the lifestyle is ever so different. If you are ‘well off’ and have family or

friends however, you will have a great time here – there are always events occurring which

are very cheap and some will cost you nothing; so you should always have fun. This journal

wouldn’t be complete if I didn’t tell you how amazing the food is; common meat is very

sweet (African accent). There is a difference between the food here and the food back in

London; simple jollof rice tastes a whole lot different, simple chicken tastes a whole lot

different over here. Are you wondering why? The ingredients are a tad bit different. The sun

is great and is something one would really love, the beauty of purchasing things whilst on

the move is simply a blessing, and the treatment one receives is also great. Oh my goodness,

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the houses are great, if you are a fan of nice houses like I am, Nigeria is a wonderful place for

you. Family and friends are ever so important to anybody having fun in this country,

however. You can have all the money in the world, but if you have nobody to share it with,

your time here will not be worth a remembrance.

Word of the day: The ending is far greater than the beginning.

Before I depart, I would like to thank you for taking the time out to read my experience. It

means ever so much to know that you completed the e-book and have read it all. I hope you

were kept intrigued and interested whilst reading. I appreciate you more than ever for

coming along this journey with me. The same way you have taken an interest in me and this

book, I will take a key interest in you also: I will be there at your album launch, book launch,

21st

birthday party, graduation, wedding, send-off, hospital when you have your first child,

child’s first birthday party and all your events or shindigs. You just let me know and I will be

there to support and do everything within me to make it a success. If nobody believes in

your dream, I will.

It will be ever so nice to hear your views on Nigeria and indulge in an edifying conversation

about the country; many of our views have been distorted as a result of what we hear from

others and see in the media. I look forward to hearing your feedback; feel free to attack me

with your many questions.

Will I come back to Nigeria? Yes!!

the great experience

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