the keys to happy - church of the eternal god · the keys to happy marriages and families 1 m ......

THE KEYS TO HAPPY

MARRIAGES AND FAMILIES!

This booklet is a free educational service, provided by the “Church of God, a Christian Fellowship inCanada,” in collaboration with the “Church of the Eternal God” in the United States of America.Printed in Canada in 2002. This booklet is not to be sold.

Scriptures in the booklet are quoted from the New King James version ((c)1988 Thomas Nelson, Inc.Publishers) unless otherwise noted.

Author: Norbert Link

Contents

Part 1

The Christian Marriage 1

The Role of a Husband 4

The Role of a Wife 10

There Is Always Hope! 17

Our Spiritual Marriage—Still Ahead! 18

Part 2

The Christian Family 18

Our Family Life Must Improve! 19

The Role of the Parents 19

The Roles of the Children 30

Use These Keys! 33

The Keys to Happy Marriages and Families 1

Many marriages and familiesare in desperate need of repair, especially in this

Western society where we haveendless cycles of marriage�di-vorce�remarriage. Living togetherwithout being married has come tobe the accepted norm while healthy,lasting marriages, and solid, happyfamilies are notable exceptions.

Why do we find marriages in sucha state of disarray in this Westernsociety, today? First, understand thathuman relationships in life are aproduct of the principles we apply�if we apply wrong principles, we getbad results and if we apply rightprinciples, we get good results.

Have we, then, overlooked vitalkeys that would unlock the under-standing of how to produce happymarriages and families? Indeed, wehave!

Surprisingly, these keys are notnew. They have been available, inwritten form, for thousands of years.They simply have not been uncoveredor understood, let alone practiced. Andmany who find these keys, �lose�them again by not having full regardin applying them to their lives.

These important keys can befound in a book that has been owned

by more people than any other book.That book is the Holy Bible�theWord of God in print. Yes, theknowledge of how to have happyand lasting marriages, and successfuland close families comes directlyfrom our Creator! For too manypeople the passages relevant tohuman relationships have been amystery. But it is time for this mysteryto be unlocked. Do you know wherein the Bible you can find these keys?

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Part 1

THE CHRISTIAN MARRIAGEWith regard to biblical principles

for a happy marriage, present-dayChristian churches teach a variety ofideas, some even to opposite ex-tremes. Some ministers advocatetotalitarianism of the husband andblind submission of the wife. Othersteach the opposite�blatant liberal-ism of the wife�casting asideleadership of the husband, and evenanarchy within the marriage. We seea lack of respect, a lack of love, andbrutal abuse of responsibilities. And inour �throw-away� society, we discardthe very thing that would make ushappy�our family relationships.

2 The Keys to Happy Marriages and Families

Too many marriages face seriousdifficulties based on an improperunderstanding and exercise of thedifferent roles and functions ofhusbands and wives, ending theirrelationship in divorce or legalseparation. But we are called upon toreturn to the clear teachings of theBible to produce happy, healthy,successful Christian marriages. Arewe willing to listen to God andactually do what He says?

Divorce—a Solution?Realize first of all, that God wants

our marriages to succeed. God hatesdivorce (Malachi 2:16). A couplethat faces difficulties and looks atdivorce as an easy �solution� to theirproblems may make a serious, andeven fatal mistake. Divorce is seldoma positive solution. Biblically, divorcewith the freedom to subsequentlymarry someone else is permitted onlyunder very limited circumstances.God created the marriage unit andHe intended that it should flourishand endure (Matthew 19:4�6). Twotruly converted married Christians(as long as both remain alive andconverted throughout their marriageto each other) must never divorceand subsequently marry somebodyelse! Their marriage, which has beenbound by God, is for life (1 Corinthians7:10�11; Romans 7:1�3; Luke 16:18).

What about a married couple

where one mate is a true Christian,making every effort to apply God�sprinciples, and the other mate is not?Even in such a case, divorce andsubsequent remarriage is not bibli-cally permitted, unless the �unbeliev-ing� mate departs from the marriage,by not fulfilling his or her marriageduties, and the �unbeliever� is nolonger willing to live with the convertedChristian mate (cp. 1 Corinthians7:12�16). Such total departure fromthe marriage by the �unbeliever� canbe seen in serious continuous violationsof his or her marriage duties andresponsibilities, such as the sinful practiceof �sexual immorality� (Matthew 5:31�32; 19:9). But even then, counselingwith one of God�s ministers is highlyrecommended, with the goal to restore,rather than to sever, the marriage.

The purpose of this booklet is tohelp the readers improve theirmarriages and family relationships bydirecting them to the clear instruc-tions given in the Word of God onthis subject. Application of thesespiritual principles in a marriage andin a family will assist in the avoid-ance of separation, divorce andbroken homes, thus helping these tobecome things of the past.

We All Need ImprovementIn exploring God�s instructions on

marriage in the Bible, let�s look atthe roles of husbands and wives


separately. Let�s be faithful in applyingthose principles which apply to us,and let�s not assume that one particularpoint only applies to our mate or toanother couple. Let�s not judge oneanother but rather examine ourselves.And, if we do have problems withour mates, let�s remember, first of all,to heed the admonition of James 3:2,�For we all stumble in many things.�

Recognize that we ALL need toimprove. No matter how long wehave been around, there is alwayssomething we can and should learnto make things better.

The Roles of Husbands andWives

Notice in Ephesians 5:2, 8, 10, 15,21, �(verse 2) And walk in love, asChrist also has loved us and given Himselffor us� (verse 8) For you were oncedarkness, but now you are light in theLord. Walk as children of light� (verse10) finding out what is acceptable to theLord� (verse 15) See then that youwalk circumspectly [or: carefully], not asfools but as wise, redeeming [or usingprofitably] the time, because the days areevil� (verse 21) submitting to oneanother in the fear of God.�

Let us carefully analyze this!Whatever the roles and responsibili-ties of husbands or wives are, theymust be examined and carried outbased on what we just read. Unlesswe walk in the �fear of God� and �in

love� toward the other person, any rolecarried out, even if done perfectlyaccording to the letter, will notproduce a happy marriage. Further,we must concentrate on how to carryout our roles. We must do so as �wise�persons�not as fools�and we musttry to find out what the �will of God�is in any given situation�not, whatwe may want to do. Finally, we mustmake the best use of the �time� that Godhas given us�again, using our time tothe glory of God and in submission toHis will, not to ours. In doing that, wewill �walk in love��in love towardGod and in love toward our mate.

And if we walk in this kind oflove, we will be able to �submit oneto another.� That is, we will be lookingat the interests and needs of the otherperson�not just at what we may beinterested in. Submitting one toanother does not mean that we haveanarchy�no leadership whatso-ever�but it does mean that the one whois to lead is the one who is expected toserve the most. Does that surprise you?

Notice Philippians 2:3�5, �Letnothing be done through selfishambition or conceit [desire for vainglory], but in lowliness of mind let eachesteem others better [higher, standingabove us] than himself. Let each of youlook out not only for his own interests,but also for the interests of others. Letthis mind be in you which was also inJesus Christ.�


THE ROLE OF A HUSBANDNow we can begin to examine the

biblically-ordained role of a husbandin a Christian marriage. As we will seefrom the pages of the Bible, thehusband is to be the leader in themarriage. But notice in what regardthe husband is to lead. Ephesians 5:25reads, �Husbands, love your wives justas Christ also loved the church...�

Husband Is to Love His WifeWhen husbands love their wives,

wives will respond in kind. God andChrist loved us FIRST (cp. Romans5:8). We are to respond in kind byloving Them back (cp. James 1:12;2:5). We just read that Christesteemed others, in lowliness of mind,as being �higher� than Himself. Hewas willing to lower Himself to thepoint of death, so that others couldlive. That�s the kind of love a husbandmust have for his wife. Greater love,Christ says, has no one than he whogives his life for his friends (John15:13). That�s the kind of love thatthe husband is to give to his wife�hisbest friend�in words and in deeds.The wife needs to know, and sheneeds to know that she knows, thather husband would even die for her toprotect her. With that kind of loveexpressed to her, the wife�s responsecan then be one of willing submissionto her husband.

The wife will see a loving husband

who is concerned for her�not atyrant who takes pleasure in exertingauthority over her. Wives havebecome very sensitive in that regardbecause authority has been abused bymen. When women get the impres-sion that the husbands are �lording itover them� they become discouraged,frustrated, and defensive. A husbandmust be aware of this. He shouldnever belittle his wife and he shouldnever speak harshly to her, trying toshow that he is in command.

Husbands are to love their wivesjust as Christ loved His church. Andhow did Christ love His church?Let�s continue in Ephesians 5:25,��and gave Himself for her��Christ was willing to die for her. Hewas willing to give up His state as aglorified, immortal God being tobecome a human. He was willing togo through the terrible ordeal ofsuffering as a human, of beingtempted in all points as we are, ofbeing forsaken by all his friends, ofbeing betrayed, tortured, and finallycrucified. He was willing to do thatfor the church. In fact, although Godthe Father and Jesus Christ hadcomplete confidence that Christwould not sin, it was neverthelesspossible for Him to sin. So we see thatChrist was even willing to give up Hiseternal Godhead for the church, Hisfuture wife. If Christ had sinned, theFather would not have resurrected


Him back to eternal life, as only thedeath of Christ�s sinless life wasdecreed by God as being sufficient toforgive human sin. If Christ had onlysinned once, He would not have beenrestored to His former glory as amember in the God Family, and therewould have been no hope for mankindto ever become born-again members inGod�s Family, either.

Can we really see how much Christloved the church, and to what extentHe was willing to prove to us His lovefor us? Fully understood, it should notbe too difficult for us to submit toJesus Christ, our Lord, seeing all thatHe went through for us. If a husbandloves his wife and gives his life for her inthe same way, then the wife shouldhave little or no difficulty submittingto her husband�s leadership.

What Does It Mean for aHusband to Give His Life forHis Wife?

For a husband to give his life forhis wife, as Christ gave His life forthe church, is so much more than tobe willing to die for her when, or if,the moment arises. Giving one�s lifethe way Christ did is a life-longpractice. Jesus Christ gave up Hisimmortal and eternal life as a Godbeing to live as a human. He lived asa human for over 30 years. Any sincommitted by Him would haveended it all. He, in the truest sense

of the word, gave His life for us.Likewise, a husband must do the

same for his wife. It is a life-longendeavor. If a husband wants to be�master� of his wife, then he must bethe �servant� of his wife (cp. Mat-thew 20:25�28). Christ said that Hecame to serve. He also taught Hisdisciples that if they wanted to begreat, they needed to serve.

Using this principle then, a hus-band gives his life for his wife byserving her�by looking after thethings that his wife wants, not just thethings that he wants. A husband is toview his wife with honor and respect,and he is to show it in the way hetreats her. A Christian husband is tohave one goal in mind�to help hiswife reach her full spiritual potential. Ifhe constantly criticizes her or scruti-nizes everything she does, she willbecome fearful of using her God-givenabilities and talents, and, indeed, hervery spiritual growth will be hindered.

Notice Ephesians 5:26�29,��that He might sanctify [set herapart] and cleanse her with thewashing of water by the word, thatHe might present her to Himself aglorious church, not having spot orwrinkle or any such thing, but thatshe should be holy and withoutblemish. So husbands ought to lovetheir own wives as their own bodies; hewho loves his wife loves himself. For noone ever hated his own flesh, but


nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lorddoes the church.� When a husbandloves his wife, he also loves himself. Weread in Ephesians 5:33, �Nevertheless,let each one of you in particular so lovehis own wife as himself.�

This includes, as we just read,nourishing her and cherishing her�both physically and spiritually. Barringextraordinary circumstances, thehusband is supposed to be the bread-winner�providing the financialsupport for the family�showing hiswife thereby how much he loves herand that he is willing to nourish herphysically.

And he is to cherish his wife�likea treasure�like the most precioustreasure this world has to offer. On aphysical level this means he is to lookafter her needs. He is to complimenther for the good things that she does.He should never take his wife, andwhat she does, for granted. And on aspiritual level, he is to teach his wife.This requires that he develop a closerelationship with God, learning tolead his wife and family in God�s wayby setting a right example himself.

The Proverbs 31 HusbandMuch can be said about the

Proverbs 31 wife, but notice what issaid about the husband in Proverbs31:28�29, �Her children rise up andcall her blessed; Her husband also, andhe praises her: �Many daughters have

done well, But you excel them all.� �When we study the famous

passage in Proverbs 31 on the�virtuous woman,� we might besurprised to learn all that thevirtuous wife does. But, notice alsothat her husband allows her to dothese things! He is not a controllingperson, preventing her from accom-plishing good things. Rather, we readthat he �safely trusts her.� (verse 11).She rises early to �provide food forher household,� (verse 15), and she�considers a field and buys it.� (verse16). She plants a vineyard �from herprofits.� (verse 16). Notice, it is shewho does that�not her husband.She is capable of making wisedecisions. �She makes linen gar-ments and sells them, And suppliessashes to the merchants.� (verse 24).Finally, she �watches over the waysof her household.� (verse 27). She isproductive and is capable of direct-ing the activities of her home.

We read that she acts �willingly�(verse 13). She cannot act �will-ingly� if her husband does not showhis love for her by giving her room toexpress herself in her personalinterests, again, manifesting the kindof love that submits one to the other.

Husband Is Not to Be Bitter!Let�s notice some additional

biblical admonitions and guidelinesfor the husband. Colossians 3:19


reads, �Husbands, love your wivesand do not be bitter toward them.�

We are told that we need to giveup all bitterness. All of us have to dothat. Bitterness is like cancer. It willeat us up internally, until our lightwithin us has become darkness. If welove another person, we cannotreally be bitter toward that person. Ifthere is still bitterness in our heartstoward another person, and especially,if a husband has bitterness toward hiswife, then one has not come to theperfect love that is required of us.Notice Ephesians 4: 31�32, �Let allbitterness� be put away from you�And be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving one another, evenas Christ forgave you.�

Are husbands kind and tender-hearted toward their wives? Are theywilling to forgive them? Or dohusbands feel offended, and do theyfeed on that offense? Will they allowbitterness to creep into their hearts?If husbands do that, then they arewalking on dangerous ground andunless quickly overcome andremoved, that bitterness will quenchtheir love for their wives. And then,it is the husbands who are in viola-tion of God�s commandments not tobe bitter towards their wives, and tolove them as themselves.

Notice the kind of love that Godrequires of the husbands toward theirwives. �Love does no harm to a

neighbor.� (Romans 13:10). If hus-bands really love their wives, they willnot hurt them physically nor emo-tionally�they will not harshly �lordit over them.�

How a Husband Should LoveHis Wife

Let�s look now at 1 Corinthians13, the famous �love� chapter of theBible, and see what we can learn fromit in regard to the relationship betweenhusbands and wives. Let�s analyze howthe husband is to love his wife.

We read in 1 Corinthians 13,beginning in verse 4, �Love sufferslong�� If husbands love their wives,they will have patience with them.They might even suffer for a while, oreven for a long time, enduring thewives� shortcomings without blowingup and responding in kind. God is verypatient with us. Husbands need toshare Godly patience with their wives.

�[Love] is kind�� Godly love iskind even in the face of trials causedperhaps by misunderstandings�when something does not go the waywe want it to go. Can husbands bekind to their wives when they forgetto do what they were asked to do?When they did something wrong?God is kind toward us. He does notcondemn us when our hearts areright. A husband needs to be kind tohis wife, appreciating what his wifedesired to do for him, even though it


might not have worked out as planned.�[L]ove does not envy�� How

much strife would cease, if thataspect of Godly love would bepracticed more often? The envy-lessspirit of a husband permits the wifeto continue in her efforts. The spiritof envy, however, is anxious to putdown and even stop her accomplish-ments. Godly love, though, does notknow envy. The husband�s lovepermits his wife to continue withwhat she is doing. Husbands need tohave that kind of Godly love fortheir wives. Husbands need to allowthem to do what they are good at.Husbands must not envy them for, orfeel threatened by, the qualities andabilities that God has given their wives.

�[L]ove does not parade itself��True love is not boastful. We are notto be boastful and proud of what WEcan do. Godly love is humble andlooks at the qualities and accom-plishments of others. When we dogood things, are we looking to makesure that others saw it too so that wecan get praise and glory from them?If so, God says we will then havereceived our reward�from men�not from God (cp. Matthew 6:1�4).Husbands need to have that kind ofboastless love for their wives. Hus-bands are to do good things for theirwives because they want to�becausethey love them�not BECAUSE theywant to be praised by their wives. We

should praise each other for accom-plishments, but that is not the reasonWHY we do good things for theother person.

�[Love] is not puffed up�� or�arrogant.� True Godly love isselfless. It wants the best for others.Arrogance, on the other hand, isintroverted. It�s the �me-me�attitude that says, �I�m first, and Idon�t care about others.�

�(verse 5) [Love] does not behaverudely�� This includes behavingwith good manners. Husbands are tobehave in a friendly, socially accept-able way towards their wives, and notjust when others are around to notice.

�[Love] does not seek its own��Love is not motivated by selfishness.Love entails the way of give, not ofget. Love wants to serve, not to beserved. Love will motivate others togive and contribute, yet, love does notknow envy or jealousy, but rejoiceswhen someone else accomplishessomething that is good. If love is notfocused on the good and welfare ofothers, it is empty, selfish and useless.

�[Love] is not provoked�� Godlylove is not easily angered. When awife does something wrong, herhusband who is living the way oflove, will not blow up like a volcano.If a husband truly loves his wife, asChrist loves us, he will be patientwith her, trying to understand whathappened, and why, and he will try


to help her to overcome whateverweakness caused the problem.

�[Love] thinks no evil�� Ifhusbands truly love their wives, theywill not treat them with suspicion,scrutinizing their every decision. Theheart of the husband �safely trusts�the virtuous woman, as we read inProverbs 31:11. The New Interna-tional Version translates this passagein 1 Corinthians 13:5 (Love �thinksno evil�) as, �Love keeps no recordof wrongs.� The Living Bible says,�Love holds no grudges.� Othertranslations have here, �Love keepsno score of wrongs,� or, �Love doesnot store up grievances.�

How true that is. We read thatlove covers all sins, but that hatredstirs up strife (Proverbs 10:12). It is theungodly person that digs up evil(Proverbs 16:27). On the other hand,it is the one who covers a transgressionwho seeks love (Proverbs 17:9). It is tohis glory to overlook a transgression(Proverbs 19:11). It is an honorablething for a man to stop striving(Proverbs 20:3). How much betterwould our marriages be if that principleof NOT keeping records of wrongwould be applied. But sadly, just theopposite is true in so many cases.

�(verses 6 & 7) [Love] does notrejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in thetruth; bears all things, believes allthings, hopes all things, endures allthings.� If husbands have such an

attitude of love toward their wives,and they show it, how could theirwives not respond in kind?

Husbands Need toUnderstand Their Wives

We have seen that husbands areexpected by God to express trueGodly love for their wives�the kindof love the world does not generallyknow. In order to really and trulylove someone, one must know his orher needs. One must understandhow the other person thinks�whathis or her desires are, his or herdreams, his or her wishes, his or herlikes and dislikes.

And so we read in 1 Peter 3:7,�Husbands, likewise, dwell withthem with understanding, giving honorto the wife, as to the weaker vessel, andas being heirs together of the grace oflife, that your prayers may not behindered.�

Husbands need to understandtheir wives. If a husband doesn�tunderstand his wife, he needs to askher, what she would like to do�what her dreams are, her prefer-ences, and her dislikes. A husbandneeds to spend a lot of time commu-nicating with his wife, as with hisclosest friend. He needs to respecther�to show her honor, to praiseher for what she does. A husbandmust never put her down beforeothers. Nothing hurts a woman more


than being shown disrespect by herhusband, especially in front ofothers. All husbands have done thatat times. All husbands must repentof such disrespect.

The husband�s guidance must begiven with love and honor and respectfor his wife. And, what is the purposefor such guidance? Is it so that HEcan be regarded by others as the�RULER� of the household? So thatHE can glory in front of others in thefact that he is �obeying God�s com-mandments� and his wife is obeyinghim? Far from it! That�s the kind ofvain glory that we must not have!

The reason why the husband is togive loving guidance to his wife isthat God ordained that the husbandand wife are one flesh�they are oneentity, spiritually. Their Christiangoal is to enter the kingdom of Godtogether�to become inheritors ofeternal life together, of which theyare already heirs. So, the husband isto act out of true Godly love for hiswife, and his wife, knowing that thisis the reason why he acts the way hedoes, will be much more willing tooverlook the shortcomings of herhusband. If her husband shows thathis love for her is so great that he iswilling to lay down his life for her, ona continuing, life-long basis, and thathe is concerned for her�spirituallyand physically�then what Christianwoman would not willingly respond

to the leadership of her husband?On the other hand, when the

marriage is on the rocks, then evenour individual and personal relation-ship with God is impaired. That�swhy Peter says to husbands to �dwellwith your wives with understanding,give them honor and respect, so thatyour prayers may not be hindered.� (1Peter 3:7). Peter places the responsi-bility on the shoulders of the husbandto see to it that the prayers of hus-bands and wives are not hindered.

THE ROLE OF A WIFEIf there is one area in the role of

a husband that is responsible forthe downfall of the marriage, it isthe lack of the husband�s expres-sion of true Godly love for his wife.

And if there is one area in therole of a wife that is responsible forthe downfall of the marriage, it isthe lack of the wife�s willingness tosubmit to her husband.

The Bible makes it very clear,however, that the husband is supposedto be the leader of the family�not adictator, not a tyrant, not a proud andarrogant brute�but rather, he wasmade by God to lead the family. And ifhe leads in a Godly way, the wife willhave little or no difficulty in following.

A Wife Needs to Submit toHer Husband

Notice 1 Corinthians 11:3, �But I


want you to know that the head ofevery man is Christ, the head ofwoman is man, and the head ofChrist is God.�

Notice what is being said here. AsGod the Father is the head of Christ, sothe man or husband is the head of thewoman or wife. God the Father andJesus Christ are totally one�totallyunited in mindset, in goal, inpurpose. And they love each otherperfectly. God the Father said, �Thisis My beloved Son, in whom I amwell pleased.� (cp. Matthew 3:17).God LOVED the Son (John 3:35).And Christ LOVED the Father(John 14:31). He submitted to theFather, even to the point of death,knowing that His Father loved Himdeeply, and that He would never askHim to do anything that would bebad for Him. If a man wants to be thehead of his wife and family, as he shouldbe, he needs to act as God the Fatheracted toward Christ, and, in turn, hiswife is to act toward her husband asChrist acted toward the Father.

In order to have the same kind ofrelationship that the Father and theSon had and have, we need to readand learn about that relationship andhow we can apply it to our marriagerelationship between husband and wife.

How Submission Is PossibleWe can glean much from the

book of John concerning the rela-

tionship that God the Father hadand has with His Son, Jesus Christ.Notice the principles of submissionrevealed in the following verses:� John 3:35, �The Father loves the

Son, and has given all things into Hishand.� Godly love shares! Hus-bands need to share their posses-sions with their wives. Thiswillingness to share creates mutualtrust. There cannot be an attitudeof �This is mine and that is yours!�Notice Christ�s words in John16:15, �All things that the Fatherhas are Mine.�

� John 5:20, �For the Father lovesthe Son, and shows Him all thingsthat He Himself does.� Godly lovecommunicates! The husbandneeds to let the wife know what heis doing. This openness createsmutual trust and a common bond.

� John 5:22�23, �For the Fatherjudges no one, but has committedall judgment to the Son, that allshould honor the Son just as theyhonor the Father.� A lovinghusband wants his wife to behonored by others. He is willing toshare his honor with her. He doesnot belittle her and put her down infront of others, thereby dishonoringher. And he does not stand idly bywhen others dishonor his wife.

� John 5:43, �I have come in MyFather�s name.� The wife acquiresthe name of her husband. This


shows the oneness of the two. Theyare no longer separate, but the twohave become �one.� That�s howGod intended it to be�ONEFamily�ONE marriage. TheTWO have become ONE flesh.And what did Christ say about Hisrelationship with God the Father?We read in John 10:30, �I and MyFather are one.� They were�andare�totally united in will, purposeand goal. And as Jesus could actfor His Father, so the wife can actfor her husband. This onenessbetween the two creates mutual trustand confidence in and for each other,and shows the world, �here is a happycouple that is truly united.�

� John 8:29, �The Father has not leftMe alone, for I always do thosethings that please Him.� A lovinghusband will not leave his wifealone either, if the wife does whatpleases her husband. And the wifewill do what she knows is pleasingto her husband, if her husbandshows her Godly love.

� John 8:49, �I honor MyFather.� Likewise, the wife is tohonor her husband. The wife doesnot honor her husband, though, ifshe belittles him or puts him downin front of others. The wife doesnot honor her husband, either, ifshe usurps his authority or leader-ship role, especially in front ofothers, or if she takes it upon herself

to make decisions that her husbandshould make. Christ LOVED theFather, and the Father LOVEDthe Son. Still, Christ knew thatthe Father was His Head, and Hehonored Him. He respected Him.He did what was pleasing to Him.And the Father honored Him for thatin return, as we see in the next verse.

� John 8:54, �It is My Father whohonors Me.� As Christ honoredHis Father, so His Father honoredHim. In the same way, bothhusbands and wives must honoreach other. This shows mutual loveand respect for one another. We doread in Ephesians 5:33, ��let thewife see that she respects herhusband.� We see, then, thathonor and respect must be mutual.It goes both ways. If the husband,though, behaves in a way thattotally abrogates his responsibili-ties�if he is a drunk, if he abuseshis kids, or if he constantly yells athis wife, then it is very difficult forhis wife to respect him. So,husbands must behave in such away that inspires respect by theirwives.

� John 10:15, �As the Father knowsMe, even so I know the Father.�How well do husbands and wivesactually know each other? Only ifthey really know each other, canthey grow in love of and respectfor each other. And they must do


so, if they want their marriage�arelationship of true Godly love�tosucceed. Christ accepted the Fatheras His Head because He knew Him.He knew that His Father wouldnever abuse His authority overHim. Do wives know the sameabout their husbands?

Submissive Women ARE toTeach—Here Is HOW!

Notice Titus 2:4, ��[Olderwomen are to] admonish the youngwomen to love their husbands��

Again, God demands mutual lovefrom both husband and wife towardeach other. As we read earlier,husbands are to love their wives.Now we are told that the wives areto love their husbands. If thehusband truly loves his wife, then hiswife WILL love her husband inreturn. The problem arises when thehusband does not love his wife, andwhen he instead abuses his authorityover his wife.

Continuing with verse 4, ��tolove their children, to be discreet,chaste, homemakers, good, obedientto their own husbands, that the wordof God may not be blasphemed.�

Notice the context. Paul is talkinghere about older women teachingYOUNG women with youngchildren. In such a case, it is notadvisable to work outside the home.Rather, it is better to stay at home�

to focus on being a mother andhomemaker. Young children needtheir mother at home. We also readthat older women are to teachyounger women to be obedient totheir husbands so that the word ofGod may not be blasphemed. Whywould the word of God be blas-phemed if wives were not obedientto their husbands? Because it is Godwho says that they should be obedientand submissive to their husbands!And, if their husbands love theirwives with Godly love, they will notrequire anything of their wives that isnot good for them and the family.Therefore, the wives CAN bejoyfully obedient to their husbands.

Can we see how all these com-mandments go together? Onecomplements the other. These arenot isolated rules. A husband and awife are a team, and a successfulmarriage requires a team effort.

Submissive Women Are Notto Preach in the Church

Notice 1 Timothy 2:11�15 wherePaul says, �Let a woman learn insilence with all submission. And I donot permit a woman to teach or tohave authority over a man, but to bein silence. For Adam was formedfirst, then Eve. And Adam was notdeceived, but the woman beingdeceived fell into transgression.Nevertheless she will be saved in


childbearing if they continue in faith,love, and holiness, with self-control.�

Notice, too, the parallel passagein 1 Corinthians 14:34�35, �Let yourwomen keep silent in the churches, forthey are not permitted to speak; butthey are to be submissive, as the lawalso says. And if they want to learnsomething, let them ask their ownhusbands at home; for it is shamefulfor women to speak in church.�

We find described here theaspects of the role of the woman thatdeal with submission, includingsubmission to her husband.

Wives are not to speak, teach orpreach in church, but they are to asktheir husbands at home. Thisrequires, of course, that the husbandcan be asked�that he is approach-able and not too busy to talk to hiswife, and that he is knowledgeableenough to give his wife the answersthat she needs. If he does not have theanswers, he should ask those who know.

It is true that there were prophet-esses in the Old Testament (Exodus15:20; Judges 4:4), and it is also truethat some women prophesied inNew Testament times (Acts 21:9).There will come a time, when youngwomen will prophesy again (Joel2:28). These passages cannot beused, however, to justify womenpreaching in church, as Paul made itclear that this should not be permitted.

Some quote Acts 18:24�26 as

authority to permit women to preachin church. In that passage, Aquillaand Priscilla took Apollos aside,whom they had heard preaching inthe synagogue, and �they explainedto him the way of God more accu-rately.� (verse 26). It is not clear fromthat passage, to what extent Priscilladid the teaching, or whether she wasjust agreeing with her husband. Inany event, it is noteworthy that theytook Apollos aside. Priscilla, especially,did not teach Apollos in front of others.

In today�s world of mass commu-nication, churches often use radio,television, the printing press or eventhe Internet to publish spiritualmaterial. Women should not deliversermons on radio or television, either,nor should they write biblical,prophetic, ecclesiastical or spiritualarticles. They could write articles inaddressing topics such as child rearing,homemaking, cooking, or othermatters relating more to our physicallives, thereby avoiding a possibleconflict in writing about spiritual matters.

Let�s take a look at some interest-ing commentaries on this subject.

Rienecker�s Lexikon zur Bibel pointsout, under �Women,� �The relation-ship between man and woman,ordained by God, can also be seen inthe role of service and functionwithin the church. Women doprophecy (1 Corinthians 11:5; Acts21:9), but only men are specifically


referred to as prophets (v. 10). Pauldoes not allow the women to teach,that is, to fill the office of teacher inthe church (1 Timothy 2:12). It isdifferent when Apollos is introducedmore fully, in a personal conversationwith Aquilla and Priscilla, to theteachings of God. (Acts 18:26).�

Jamieson, Fausset and Brown statein regard to 1 Corinthians 14:34�35,�For women to speak in public wouldbe an act of independence, as if theywere not subject to their husbands(cf. Chapter 11:3; Ephesians 5:22;Titus 2:5; 1 Peter 3:1)� Womenmay say, �But if we do not understandsomething, may we not �ask� aquestion publicly so as to �learn��?Nay, replies Paul, if you want informa-tion, �ask� not in public, but �at home�:ask not other men, but your ownparticular (so the Greek) husbands.�

Jamieson, Fausset and Browncomment on 1 Timothy 2:11�12,�Learn�not teach� She shouldnot even put questions in the publicassembly� She might teach, but notin public (Acts 18:26).�

The Scriptures make it very clearthat a woman is not to assertauthority over her husband. Godchided Old Testament Israel forhaving permitted women to ruleover men (Isaiah 3:12). Husbandsare to exert proper authority overtheir wives. They must do so withGodly love and they must never

abuse that authority. But, as it isshameful for a wife to exert authorityover her husband, and especially inpublic, so it is shameful for thehusband to let his wife exert author-ity over him.

In 1 Corinthians 11:7�8 we read,��woman is the glory of man. Forman is not from woman, but womanfrom man.� The woman was createdby God to be a helper of her husband�not to take over her husband�srole and exert authority over him.God did not create the wife to tellher husband what to do, and tobecome angry when her husbandselflessly decides, after carefuldeliberation, meditation, and prayer,not to do a particular thing.

Submission to God Comes First!Notice Colossians 3:18, �Wives,

submit to your own husbands, as isfitting in the Lord.� Note the factthat it would not be fitting or pleasingto the Lord, if the husband gaveunreasonable orders; if he actedselfishly; or if he ceased to love hiswife. Although the command to besubmissive is directed to the wife, itpresupposes that the husband himselfsubmits to God first and that he doesnot require of his wife things that areungodly. For instance, if a husbandasks his wife to lie, the wife is notto do that. God�s commands alwayscome first. We have to obey God


rather than man (cp. Acts 5:29).Wives must not sin in �submitting�to their husbands. They must notviolate their biblically-basedconscience (cp. Romans 14:23).The application of that principle cansometimes be difficult and mayrequire individual advice from one ofGod�s ministers. It is very importantto handle any such conflict with loveand respect for the mate, rather thanwith an arrogant, self-righteous attitude.

Notice Ephesians 5:22, �Wives,submit to your own husbands, as tothe Lord�� Note again that we donot submit to God if we break Hiscommandments. Likewise, wives arenot to submit to their husbands ifdoing so would mean breaking oneof God�s commandments in the letteror in the spirit.

Verse 23, ��For the husband ishead of the wife, as also Christ ishead of the church; and He is theSavior of the body�� Consider that,as Christ is Savior of the body�thechurch�so the husband is to be�savior� of his wife, in a manner ofspeaking. He is to do everything hecan to see to it that his wife will besuccessful in her spiritual life.

Verse 24, �Therefore, just as thechurch is subject to Christ, so let thewives be to their own husbands ineverything.� That is, as long as thatdoes not violate any of God�scommandments.

Let�s also note that this commandis directed to husbands and wives inthe Church�it does not require thatany man has authority over anywoman. Otherwise, consider theparadoxical conclusions, as thiswould mean that a grown son (aman) would have authority over hismother (a woman). We mustunderstand that the Bible does nottreat women as �second-classcitizens� in society. Rather, both menand women are �equal in Christ.�We read in Galatians 3:28�29, �Thereis neither Jew nor Greek, there isneither slave nor free, there is neithermale nor female; for you are all onein Christ Jesus. And if you are Christ�s,then you are Abraham�s seed, andheirs according to the promise.�

Submission to UnbelievingHusbands?

It is true that 1 Peter 3:1�6requires of the wives to be submissiveto husbands who are not obedient tothe word of God. Notice, though, thewording and the advice: �(verse 1)Wives, likewise, be submissive to yourown husbands, that even if some donot obey the word, they, without aword, may be won by the conduct oftheir wives, (verse 2) when theyobserve your chaste conduct accompa-nied by fear��

This is not talking about fear ortorment because of the husband, but


rather that women should live in thefear of God. Notice Proverbs 31:30,�But a woman who fears the LORD,she shall be praised.� We havealready read in Ephesians 5:21 thatwe are to submit to one another �inthe fear of God.� Peter is not sayinghere that wives need to live in fearand torment of their disobedienthusbands, but rather that they needto submit to their husbands in the fearof God. Again, they would not obeytheir husbands if the husbands requireof the wives to do something thatwould be contrary to the word of God.

Let�s continue with 1 Peter 3:3,�(verse 3) Do not let your adorn-ment be merely outward�arrangingthe hair, wearing gold, or putting onfine apparel�(verse 4) rather let itbe the hidden person of the heart,with the incorruptible beauty of agentle and quiet spirit, which is veryprecious in the sight of God��

Notice here a parallel passage in 1Timothy 2:9�10, �[I desire�] in likemanner also, that the women adornthemselves in modest apparel, withpropriety and moderation [or,discretion], not with braided hair orgold or pearls or costly clothing, but,which is proper for women professinggodliness, with good works.�

Continue with 1 Peter 3:5, �For inthis manner, in former times, theholy women who trusted in God[that�s the �fear� or respect talked

about here�fear of and respecttoward God] also adorned them-selves, being submissive to their ownhusbands, (verse 6) as Sarah obeyedAbraham, calling him lord, whosedaughters you are if you do good andare not afraid with any terror.�

Notice how the New RevisedStandard Version renders the last twoverses, �It was in this way long agothat the holy women who hoped inGod used to adorn themselves byaccepting the authority of theirhusbands. Thus Sarah obeyedAbraham and called him lord. Youhave become her daughters as longas you do what is good and never letfears alarm you.�

THERE IS ALWAYS HOPE!In light of these passages, we

should all realize that none of us�whether husbands or wives�havefulfilled our responsibilities perfectly.We ALL have failed in manydifferent ways. But there is alwayshope. God forgives, and He gives usthe power to go on and to do better.

If you have reached an erodedand troublesome relationship in yourmarriage because of mistakes thatmight have been made, please askGod for His help and for a change ofheart. If you can, do it together withyour mate by laying your situationbefore God in prayer. Please ask Himto help you with a willingness to


accept His guidance in order to forgivepast mistakes and to heal the relationship.

In that spirit, let�s read Philippians3:12�14, �Not that I have alreadyattained, or am already perfected;but I press on, that I may lay hold ofthat for which Christ Jesus has alsolaid hold of me. Brethren, I do notcount myself to have apprehended;but one thing I do, forgetting thosethings which are behind and reachingforward to those things which areahead, I press toward the goal for theprize of the upward call of God inChrist Jesus.�

OUR SPIRITUAL MARRIAGE—STILL AHEAD!

Our physical Christian marriageforeshadows a most glorious eternalmarriage relationship between JesusChrist, the bridegroom, and us, Hischurch and bride (CompareEphesians 5:30�32 where Paulapplies the institution of marriage toour spiritual relationship with JesusChrist, who is identified as thebridegroom in Matthew 25:1). Whata tremendous future lies ahead of us.Let�s see to it, then, that we makeevery effort to create and maintainhappy and successful marriages now,looking forward to the soon-comingfulfillment of our destiny�to marryour Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ,when He returns (cp. Revelation19:7�9; Hosea 2:19�20).

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Part 2

THE CHRISTIAN FAMILYAs the Bible gives clear instruc-

tions as to the individual roles andfunctions of husbands and wives, italso explains the duties and responsi-bilities of fathers and mothers towardtheir children, and of the childrentoward their parents.

As we have far too many marriageproblems, we also have FAR toomany family problems. Too often,parents know little about properparenting, and rebellious children arethe result. Children who are victimsof divorce are expected to beresilient when someone they lovesuddenly disappears from their life.More often than not, they grow upwith multiple mothers, fathers, andgrandparents due to remarriage, andyet are left to fend for themselves toomuch of the time, because no onehas time for them.

We read, in fact, a startling andsobering prophecy in the Bible forthe very last days�just prior to thereturn of Christ�that addresses thetragic reality of broken families.Sadly, this situation HAS alsoaffected the attitudes of true Chris-tians, and God says that unless theseconditions change, somethingterrible will happen to this planet.


OUR FAMILY LIFE MUSTIMPROVE!

Let�s read in Malachi 4:5�6,�Behold, I will send you Elijah theprophet Before the coming of thegreat and dreadful day of the LORD.And he will turn The hearts of thefathers to the children, And the heartsof the children to their fathers, Lest Icome and strike the earth with acurse [utter destruction].�

In verse 1, this �day of theLORD� is described as a day �Burn-ing like an oven, And all the proud,yes, all who do wickedly will bestubble. And the day which iscoming shall burn them up.�

We are reminded of Christ�swords in Matthew 24:22 that saysthat no one would be �saved,� orbetter, saved alive, if God would notintervene. In other words, if Godwould not shorten those days, noone would physically survive. Thatincludes you and me. We ALL woulddie! But God IS going to shortenthose days �for the elect�s sake�(same verse). There IS going to be agroup of people that WILL be sparedfrom the terrible days to come, andBECAUSE of them, the earth willNOT be totally destroyed.

Malachi 4:2 tells us more aboutthat group of people that will bedifferent, �But to you who fear Myname The Sun of Righteousnessshall arise With healing in His

wings.� If we fear God, we WILLexperience healing. Healing is stillnecessary. It requires God�s healingto bring about a turning of the heartsof the parents and children towardeach other. It is GOD who leads usto repentance (Romans 2:4; 2Timothy 2:25). Repentance towardGod and toward each other willbring about a restored or healedrelationship with God and with eachother.

This presupposes, then, that evenamong those who fear God, therelationship between parents andchildren NEEDS healing�it is NOTas it should be. And it will get worse,before it will get better! It is there-fore high time that we focus on theclear biblical instructions to parentsand children to see what we can andmust do to participate in the Godlyprocess of healing our marriage andfamily relationships.

THE ROLE OF THE PARENTSLet us begin with the role of the

parents toward their children. As wewill see, the biblical concept of thefather does include the mother aswell�that is, both parents are toparticipate in the process of childrearing and education.

Ephesians 6:4 tells us, �And you,fathers, do not provoke your childrento wrath, but bring them up in thetraining and admonition of the Lord.�


Train Up Your Child In TheLord!

Fathers and mothers are to raisetheir children in a Godly environ-ment. They are to continually teachtheir children God�s principles. How?Children learn by what they see. Weteach by our actions, as well as byour words. We are not teaching orproperly training if our actions donot match our words. We don�tteach Godly principles either, if ourwords and actions don�t correspondwith God�s commandments.

So, if we teach our children byour words or by our actions that it issometimes justified to lie, to steal, tokill, to commit adultery, or to useGod�s name in vain, then we are notteaching our children God�s word�we are not bringing them up in thetraining and admonition of the Lord.

Notice in Deuteronomy 6:25what parents should be teaching theirchildren, �Then it will be righteous-ness for us, if we are careful toobserve all these commandmentsbefore the LORD our God, as Hehas commanded us.�

This presupposes, of course, thatparents keep the commandmentsdiligently themselves (cp.Deuteronomy 6:17). If they do, thenthis will prompt the child to ASK theparents WHY they are doing whatthey are doing (verse 20). And oncea child asks, the parents are to

respond (verse 21). They are NOTto let this golden opportunity go by.In addition, parents are to teachtheir children even if they don�t ask.

In order to be able to teach God�sword effectively, it must first besettled in the hearts of the teachersthemselves. Notice Deuteronomy6:6�7, �And these words which Icommand you today shall be in yourheart. You shall teach them diligentlyto your children, and shall talk ofthem when you sit in your house,when you walk by the way, when youlie down, and when you rise up.�

If the words of God are NOT inour hearts, HOW CAN WE teachthem diligently to our children? If weourselves are not sure whether God�sinstructions always apply in everysituation without fail, how CAN weteach our children or teens that theydo? If we doubt whether it isALWAYS right NOT to lie, NOTto steal, NOT to kill, NOT tobreak the Sabbath, NOT to cheaton our wife or husband, how CANwe bring up our children or teensin the admonition of the Lord?

Don’t Provoke!Remember, we read in Ephesians

6:4 what NOT to do. We are NOTto provoke our children to wrath.We can do that in many differentways. At the same time, we often doprovoke them in such a way that


they become discouraged (Colossians3:21).

This could happen if parentsexpect too much from their childrenall at once. Our children are stilllearning, they are not yet mature,and we need to have patience withthem. If we give them the impressionthat we are never satisfied with whatthey do, they may become angry ordiscouraged. They may even cometo the point where they becomewilling to give up this way of life.They may say, �I can never please myparents, no matter what I do, so whyeven try?� Parents could also provoketheir children to wrath, leading to theirdiscouragement, by never complimentingthem for the good things they do, or bynot comforting them when they do badly,and by not encouraging them to do betternext time.

Notice how, according to theapostle Paul, a father and a motherSHOULD train their children in theadmonition of the Lord. We read in1 Thessalonians 2:10�12, �You arewitnesses, and God also, howdevoutly and justly and blamelesslywe behaved ourselves among youwho believe; as you know how weexhorted, and comforted, andcharged [or implored] every one ofyou, as a father does his ownchildren, that you would walkworthy of God who calls you into Hisown kingdom and glory.�

HOW To Train Up Your ChildIn The Lord!

A father and a mother who wanttheir children to walk worthy of Godneed to exhort, comfort and charge orimplore their children. But, first of all,fathers and mothers must themselveswalk devoutly and blamelessly andjustly. For instance, in walking�justly,� their judgments must be just.They can�t be based on preference,where one child is placed before theother. Then, children must see thattheir parents are walking �devoutly�before God�that their lives aredevoted to Him. And, parents need tokeep God�s Law themselves �blame-lessly,� because they want theirchildren to do likewise.

Following that, parents need to�exhort� and �implore� their children tofollow their right example, remember-ing to �comfort� their children alongthe way. When children feel downbecause they did not do well in schoolor in college, their parents need togive them a helping hand and encour-age them to go on and to do betternext time. Rather than discouragingthem, parents need to encourage them.At the same time, parents must neverever compromise with God�s Law.

The reason, then, why we parentsraise our children in the way we do,must be with the expectation andgoal that our children becomeobedient to God�s Word.


1 Timothy 3:4 tells us that abishop or a minister must be ruling�his own house well, having hischildren in submission with allreverence.�

Titus 1:6 tells us that a bishop or aminister must have �faithful childrennot accused of dissipation [lit.incorrigibility] or insubordination.�

HOW can a child become afaithful, reverent and submissivechild, rather than an incorrigible andinsubordinate one?

Just as there are keys for happy,successful marriages, there are alsokeys in the Bible for successfulparenting and happy families.

Keys For SuccessfulParenting!

Notice Hebrews 12:5�7, �Andyou have forgotten the exhortationwhich speaks to you as to sons, �Myson, do not despise the chastening[discipline] of the LORD, Nor bediscouraged when you are rebuked byHim; For whom the LORD loves Hechastens, And scourges every sonwhom He receives.� If you endurechastening, God deals with you aswith sons; for what son is therewhom a father does not chasten?�

We find listed here numerousprinciples that are to be applied by afather and a mother toward theirchildren. Let�s take a closer look.

Parents Must LOVE TheirChildren

First of all, father and mothermust LOVE their children becauseGOD acts with LOVE toward us.Whatever we as parents do with ourchildren, it must be because ofLOVE�because we LOVE them,because we want the best for them.We don�t act toward our childrenwith anger because they annoy usand because we want to have ourpeace. If our children know that weact toward them because of LOVE,as we know that God acts toward usbecause of LOVE, then, our childrenmay be less prone to despise ouractions toward them or to becomediscouraged because of them.

We sometimes need to correct ourchildren, or as the Bible says, chastenand rebuke and scourge our children.But what do those words mean?

Parents Need to �Chasten�Let�s start with the terms �chas-

tening� and �chasten.� The noun istranslated from the Greek �paideia,�and the verb is translated from theGreek �paideuo.� The literal meaningaccording to Young�s is, �instruction�or �training,� or �to instruct� or �totrain up.� Strong�s gives this defini-tion under Nos. 3809 and 3811,�tutorage, i.e. education or training;by implication disciplinary correc-tion�; to train up a child, i.e.


educate or (by implication) discipline(by punishment): chasten, instruct,learn, teach.�

There is nothing biblically wrongwith punishing a child if the childbehaves wrongly and deservespunishment. The punishment mustnever be excessive, however, but itmust be administered in a conse-quent fashion, as corresponding to,and fitting the infraction. We readthat Christ �rebukes and chastens�(Greek, �paideuo,� i.e. educates,trains, disciplines) everyone whomHe loves (Revelation 3:19). He doesit because He loves us. So we, asparents, must do it because we loveour children. But even then, wemust never forget to be merciful andforgiving. Christ chose at times not toinflict a certain punishment onpeople who had sinned. He did notcondemn the woman caught inadultery because He saw that thewoman did not need any furtherpunishment; she had learned herlesson (cp. John 8:1�11).

Parents Need to �Rebuke�What does it mean to �rebuke�?

Christ rebukes us, and so we need torebuke our children. But how do wedo it?

The Greek word for �rebuke� is�elegcho.� Young�s defines it with �toconvince� or �to convict.� Strong�sgives this rendering under No. 1651,

�to confute, to admonish, to convict,to convince, tell a fault, rebuke,reprove.�

We see from these definitions thatwe have to make it clear to ourchildren what they did wrong. It�snot good to punish them for wrong-doing, without explaining to them whatthey did and WHY it was wrong.

But note the problem if ouractions don�t back up our words. Forinstance, if we tell our child that heor she should not have lied and thechild responds by saying, �But youdid the same yesterday,� then wehave not been very effective teach-ers.

When our boy gets in a fight andwe rebuke him for that, and heresponds by saying, �But youwatched TV last night and yelled toshoot the bad guy,� then we have notbeen very effective teachers.

When our teenage son tells usthat he is thinking of joining thearmy, and we tell him not to do that,and he responds by saying, �But yousaid only yesterday that this countryneeds to attack other countries,�then we should not be surprisedabout our son�s reaction�becausewe have not been very effectiveteachers of God�s law.

When our teenage daughterconfesses to us that she wants to golive with her boyfriend and we reactwith anger and frustration, and she


reminds us of our affair with oursecretary or the neighbor, then wehave not been very good teachers.

When our pregnant daughterexplains to us that she wants anabortion, and we tell her not to have anabortion, and she responds by saying,�But you said that an abortion may bejustified in certain circumstances,�then�again�we have not been veryeffective teachers of God�s law.

All the effects that we see in ouryoung people today have deep-seatedroots in the past that have led totheir present ideas and conduct.Children follow the example of theirparents. Abraham lied repeatedly bysaying that Sarah was his sister(Genesis 12:11�13; 20:1�2, 13), andhis son Isaac later did exactly thesame regarding his wife Rebekah(Genesis 26:6�7).

Parents Need to �Scourge�We have also read in Hebrews 12,

that God scourges every son or childthat He receives. The Greek wordfor �scourge� is �mastigoo� andmeans, according to Young�s, �towhip, to scourge, and to flog.� Butbefore we draw hasty conclusions,consider how God is scourging us.He scourges us in many differentways. Notice how Strong�s defines theword under No. 3146, �to flog�literally or figuratively.�

There is never a justification for

physical abuse. On the other hand,to totally ban spanking and define itas physical abuse only shows howliberal and anti-biblical our Westernsociety has become. This is of coursethe fruit of the anti-authoritarianeducation that has brought about acurse on our Western world. Asparents, we must be aware, though,that in certain countries, spanking isillegal, and could result in theauthorities coming in and takingaway our children. And even incountries where spanking is notillegal, many governmental officialslook at such practice with greatdisfavor. There have been caseswhere Social Workers in the UnitedStates tried to take away childrenfrom Christians, because the Chris-tian parents believed and prac-ticed�in moderation and with greatlove and care�biblically-endorsedspanking.

Note what the Bible clearlyteaches in regard to corporal punish-ment in Proverbs 13:24, �He whospares his rod hates his son, But hewho LOVES him disciplines himpromptly [or early].�

Since using the rod is comparedwith prompt or early discipline, it isclear that this passage includes theconcept of spanking, where andwhen appropriate. Of course, wedon�t spank a teenager or an adult,so the spanking needs to be done


early in the life of the child. But note,again, we discipline our children,because we LOVE them. If wediscipline our children for any otherreason, or because of any other motive,we do NOT follow God�s instruc-tions. Spanking should never causephysical injury to a child. The intentis to break a rebellious spirit, not tobruise skin.

Note how the Ryrie Study Biblecomments on this verse, �Thediscipline referred to here is trainingeither by word ([Proverbs] 15:5;24:32) or deed (23:13).�

Proverbs 23:13�14 reads, �Do notwithhold correction from a child, Forif you beat him with a rod, he willnot die. You shall beat him with arod, And deliver his soul from hell.�The Ryrie Study Bible comments, �Awise teacher warns of neglectingchild discipline� Discipline maydeliver a child from an untimely death.�

We have heard a lot about childneglect. But one kind of childneglect is seldom ever mentioned�the neglect to discipline the child, inLOVE, when the child deserves, andmust have, discipline for his or herown good.

Proverbs 19:18 says, �Chastenyour son while there is hope, And donot set your heart on his destruc-tion.� Lamsa translates it this way,�Chasten your son while there ishope, and let not your soul share his

dishonor.� The Ryrie Study Biblecomments, �[D]o not neglect childdiscipline and thereby bring on yourson�s death.�

But why would that be? What is theconnection between lack of childdiscipline and the death of the child?Let�s note Proverbs 22:15, �Foolishness isbound up in the heart of a child; The rodof correction will drive it far from him.�

Remove the Child�s Foolishness!Foolishness, if not overcome, can

have terrible consequences. Thediscipline of a child must be adminis-tered by the parents with the desireand motivation to HELP the CHILDto get rid of foolishness. If we getangry with our kids and lock themup in their rooms because we �can�t�deal with them right now, then wehave missed the entire point of childrearing. Rather, as concernedparents, we must try to do whateverwe can do to see to it that thefoolishness in the child disappears.

Human nature is hostile againstGod because Satan has been puttinghis thoughts and his desires into ourhearts from our youth. Satan�sthoughts and desires are foolishness toGod. So, converted parents musthelp to reverse the process�theymust help the child to get rid of thatfoolishness. If the child lives withand feeds on his foolishness, it willget worse.


As mentioned, both father andmother have responsibilities when itcomes to child rearing. NoticeDeuteronomy 21:18�20, �If a manhas a stubborn and rebellious sonwho will not obey the voice of hisfather or the voice of his mother, andwho, when they have chastenedhim, will not heed them, then hisfather and his mother shall take holdof him and bring him out to theelders of his city, to the gate of hiscity. And they shall say to the eldersof his city, �This son of ours isstubborn and rebellious; he will notobey our voice; he is a glutton and adrunkard.� �

The final punishment at that timewas disastrous, as verse 21 explains,but it was ordained by God. Today,parents are not to inflict suchpenalties. God, however, might verywell decide, through manifold waysand circumstances, to directly bringabout harsh punishment for the childif foolishness remains in the child�sheart�and many times, such penaltiesand punishment are an automaticconsequence of the child�s bad conduct.

As we will discuss more fully laterin this booklet, no matter howperfect the child-rearing by bothfather and mother may be, whenchildren become adults they stillhave their role to play. They are freemoral agents and are responsible forthe choices they make. One could

not think of a better parent thanGod, but first Lucifer, and laterAdam and Eve chose to disobeyGod. And, in passing, one couldn�tthink of a better husband than God,but ancient Israel�pictured in theBible as being married to God(Jeremiah 3:14; 31:32)�also choseto disobey God.

Although children have to maketheir own decisions, it must still be theparents� ultimate objective to teachtheir children the ability to make rightchoices based upon God�s Word.

Shared Parental ResponsibilitiesDeuteronomy 21:18�20 taught us

that husband and wife have a sharedresponsibility in rearing their chil-dren. BOTH discipline. BOTH givecommands. And BOTH take actionsto deal with their children�s contin-ued transgressions.

Notice also in Proverbs 1:8, �Myson, hear the instruction of yourfather, And do not forsake the law ofyour mother.� It is the mother, aswell as the father, who passes on thelaw to the child. And her law mustof course be the law of God, and itmust not be contrary to it.

Now, notice Proverbs 29:15, �Therod and rebuke give wisdom, But achild left to himself brings shame tohis mother.� An unrestrained childbrings shame to his mother, as sheshould have restrained the child.


A Child Is A Child!We read in Proverbs 22:6, �Train

up a child in the way he should go,And when he is old he will notdepart from it.� The Ryrie Study Biblecomments, �[It says,] in the way heshould go. Lit. according to his way,i.e., the child�s habits and interests.The instruction must take intoaccount his individuality and inclina-tions, and be in keeping with his degreeof physical and mental development.�

Our children grow up too quickly.We give them hardly any time toplay and to enjoy their childhood.We don�t let them pursue theirinterests as children, but want themto be young men or young womenfar too early. This is especially true inthe entertainment industry, but thiswrong concept has permeated ourentire society and thinking. It iscustomary in the U.S. and in manyother Western nations to place achild at the age of five, or evenyounger, in a preschool for theconvenience of the parents. Manyeducators warn against such prac-tice, saying that this is far too early tobe separated from parents.

When we look at our societies,especially in the Western world, wefind a totally different way of lifethan what God intended. We readabout the kind of family life that Godintended, where the father would bepresent and available to teach his

son or his daughter. But in ourmodern world, the father is basicallygone all day, working somewhereaway from home.

In addition, children are beinghanded over to preschools at anearly age, thereby being separatedfurther from the benevolent teach-ings of their Christian parents. Andwhen, on top of it, young mothers goto work and place their kids in daycare centers, then even the lastremaining positive influence of theChristian parents on their childrenhas been abolished as well.

Remember that young women areadmonished to love their childrenand to be homemakers, so that theword of God may not be blasphemed(Titus 2:4�5). God tells youngwomen to love their children bystaying home with them. Theirpriceless influence on the children toteach them God�s way of life mustnot be left to others.

The point is, we need to dowhatever we can, in this world thatis presently ruled by Satan, to workagainst Satan�s influences. If thereare exceptional circumstancesforcing the young mother to workoutside the home, she should see toit that she can schedule her workhours in such a way as to be able tobe with her young children as muchas possible, spending as much qualitytime as possible with them.


Opportunity and Responsibility ofthe Young Mother

A young mother has a tremen-dous opportunity, as well as a hugeresponsibility to train up her childrenin the way that they should go. Andnotice how the Bible underscoresthat responsibility and challenge in 1Timothy 2:15 [in the literal render-ing], �But she shall be saved throughchildbearing, if they abide in faithand love and sanctification withdiscreetness.�

One way of understanding thispassage is, that women, through thecontinuation of bearing children, willbe saved (alive)�that is, they won�tdie prematurely. In addition, as theRyrie Study Bible points out, thephrase �saved in child bearing,� mayalso mean, �that a woman�s greatestachievement is found in her devotion toher divinely ordained role: to help herhusband, to bear children, and to followa faithful, chaste way of life.�

Paul might also have had themother�s satisfaction with herchildren in mind, if they continue in aGodly lifestyle. Notice, how thispassage is rendered in the Lamsatranslation, �Nevertheless, if herposterity continue in faith and haveholiness and chastity, she will livethrough them.�

In other words, it is truly a joy fora mother to see her children grow upwithin the guidelines of the Bible

and to remain loyal to the word ofGod. Rather than bringing shame tothe mother, the mother will have asense of fulfillment for having taughther children the way of God, andthereby experience joy and happi-ness to see her children remain onthe right track.

We can see, then, that the roleof the woman in child-rearing isextremely important. The mother isto teach her children good habitsand, most importantly, a goodunderstanding of God and His law.

The Role of Biblical Women InChildrearing

Let�s note the influence ofhistorical women on their children,as recorded in the Bible. In manycases, their belief in God was notshared by their husbands. Still, theywere able to bring up their childrenin �the fear of God.� When readingthose passages, we should not forgetthat the Scriptures tell us thatchildren ARE holy or sanctified, thatis, set apart for a holy purpose, even ifonly one parent is converted (cp. 1Corinthians 7:14). This means thatchildren of just one convertedChristian parent have access to God.God CAN be approached andreached by them�He hears themand they CAN expect answers fromGod.

Note the following example of


Ahaz in 2 Chronicles 28:1�4, �Ahazwas twenty years old when hebecame king, and he reigned sixteenyears in Jerusalem; and he did not dowhat was right in the sight of theLORD, as his father David haddone. For he walked in the ways ofthe kings of Israel, and made moldedimages for the Baals. He burnedincense in the Valley of the Son ofHinnom, and burned his children inthe fire, according to the abomina-tions of the nations whom theLORD had cast out before thechildren of Israel. And he sacrificedand burned incense on the highplaces, on the hills, and under everygreen tree.�

Here we have a description of avery evil and wicked king. But now,notice what happened when he diedand his son Hezekiah became hissuccessor in 2 Chronicles 28: 27, and2 Chronicles 29: 1�2, �So Ahaz restedwith his fathers, and they buried himin the city, in Jerusalem; but they didnot bring him into the tombs of thekings of Israel. Then Hezekiah hisson reigned in his place. Hezekiahbecame king when he was twenty-five years old, and he reignedtwenty-nine years in Jerusalem. Hismother�s name was Abijah the daughterof Zechariah. And he did what wasright in the sight of the LORD,according to all that his father Davidhad done.�

Surprisingly, perhaps, Hezekiahdid well even though he was the sonof a very wicked king. This has to beattributed to the positive influence ofhis mother, Abijah, who is mentionedby name.

The story continues in 2 Kings20:21; 21:1�2, �So Hezekiah restedwith his fathers. Then Manasseh hisson reigned in his place. Manassehwas twelve years old when he becameking, and he reigned fifty-five yearsin Jerusalem. His mother�s name wasHephzibah. And he did evil in thesight of the LORD, according to theabominations of the nations whomthe LORD had cast out before thechildren of Israel.�

Hezekiah had been a righteousking. His son Manasseh, however,turned out to be one the most evilkings in the history of Judah. Hebecame king when he was twelveyears old. His mother Hephzibah ismentioned by name. It is obviousthat her evil influence was highlyresponsible for the evil conduct ofher son Manasseh.

Manasseh was followed by his sonAmon, another evil king. But noticewhat happened when Amon�s sonJosiah became king, as recorded in 2Kings 22:1�2, �Josiah was eight yearsold when he became king, and hereigned thirty-one years in Jerusalem.His mother�s name was Jedidah thedaughter of Adaiah of Bozkath. And


he did what was right in the sight ofthe LORD, and walked in all the waysof his father David; he did not turnaside to the right hand or to the left.�

Josiah was eight years old when hebecame king. His mother is men-tioned by name�Jedidah. Althoughthe son of an evil father, he turnedout to be one of the most righteousand outstanding kings that have everlived (cp. 2 Kings 23:25). It isobvious that his mother Jedidahhad trained him up �in the fear ofthe Lord.�

Can we see the enormous positiveinfluence that a righteous motherCAN have on her children? Why,then, do so many Christian womenfeel today that there are morechallenging and rewarding tasks tobe found outside the home, than�just� being a mother and a home-maker? Women who don�t want tohave children because they don�twant to give up their jobs or theircareers do not follow God�s instruc-tions for them. Women who don�twant to stay at home with theiryoung children because they don�twant to give up their jobs and theircareers do not follow God�s instruc-tions for them, either. Understand, ofcourse, we are not talking aboutwomen who can�t have children orwho haven�t found a suitablehusband to marry. But barring that,in God�s eyes, being a mother and

being at home with her youngchildren, is the highest challenge,vocation, occupation, and career thatcould possibly exist for a woman.

THE ROLES OF THE CHILDRENIn order to have a happy and

successful Christian family, thechildren have a part to play also.And all of us are children, whetheryoung or old. We all have parents. Insome cases, our parents may be dead,but in many cases, our parents, or atleast one parent, are still alive. Justwhat responsibilities and functionsdo children have?

Are our hearts�the hearts of theparents and the children�turnedtoward each other, as we read inMalachi 4:6? Do we allow God toheal our family relationships if thoserelationships need healing? If wedon�t live close to our parents, do westill have regular contact with them?Do we write them or call them? Dowe make time to visit them? Do weshow respect for them? Are wethankful for them, and for what theyhave done�and still may do�forus? Do we honor them as Godcommands us to?

“Obey Your Parents in the Lord”Notice the clear instructions that

the Bible gives to us, the children, inrelationship to our parents. Paul saysin Ephesians 6:1�3, �Children, obey


your parents in the Lord, for this isright. �Honor your father and yourmother,� which is the first command-ment with promise: �that it may bewell with you and you may live longon the earth.� �

As children, we are to obey ourparents in the Lord. This means, weare not to obey them if it would notbe in the Lord�that is, if it would bein contradiction to God�s command-ments�either from a literal or aspiritual standpoint. Once a child isold enough to understand God�s wayof life, he or she must follow God.

Christ did just that. He told Hisparents, when He was twelve yearsold, that He had to be about HisFather�s business (Luke 2:49). Yet, asa young child, He remained obedientto His mother and His stepfather(Luke 2:51), when He could do sowithout violating God�s will for Him.Even as an adult, He honored Hismother�s wish to change water intowine (John 2:1�11). He did not obeyHis mother, however, when it wascontrary to the will of God. WhenHe was busy teaching and Hismother asked Him to come out ofthe house to see her, He refused(Mark 3:31�35; Matthew 12:46�50).Nevertheless, He always honoredHis parents. He saw to it, whilehanging on the cross, that Hismother would be taken care of byJohn, the disciple with whom He

had a very close relationship (John19:25�27). We must follow thatexample. There is never an excusefor not honoring our parents(Levitcus 19:3; Deuteronomy 5:16;Exodus 20:12). After all, withoutthem, we would not even exist.

Notice also in Colossians 3:20,�Children, obey your parents in allthings, for this is well pleasing to theLord.� We must obey our parents inall things, unless the instructions ofour parents contradict the letter orthe spirit of God�s Word. It is neverwell-pleasing to God if we disobeyHim. We discussed that wives cannotdisobey God by obeying theirhusbands. In the same way, childrenmust not obey their parents either, ifthis would violate God�s Law. Theyare not to lie or to steal or to kill orany such thing in �obedience� totheir parents� �orders.�

Harmony Between Parentsand Children IS Possible!

Notice Philippians 2:22, in theRevised English Bible, �But Timothy�srecord is known to you: you knowthat he has been at my side in theservice of the gospel like a sonworking under his father.�

Now, this is a very interestingpassage. It pictures a harmoniousrelationship between father and son.Both work together. Both are willingto work together. The son is not too


proud to be under his father�sauthority, and if the father is gentle,loving, and helpful, and at the sametime, just and Godly, then there is noreason why the son should not wantto be under his father�s authority,willing to honor him and to obey him.

Christian children must notdevelop the kind of attitude that isprevalent in the Western worldtoday, where children want to ruleover their parents. Realize what theconsequence would be, as recordedin Isaiah 3:5, if parents did not dealimmediately with such an attitude oftheir children towards them, �Thepeople will be oppressed, Every oneby another and every one by hisneighbor; The child will be insolenttoward the elder [aged], And thebase [despised, lightly esteemed]toward the honorable.�

We quoted Isaiah 3:12 earlier toshow that God does not want awoman to rule over her husband.God also tells us in that passage, �Asfor My people, children are theiroppressors, And women rule overthem��

True Christians are God�s people.Does this passage in Isaiah 3:12describe true Christians today? Arechildren our oppressors and do weallow our wives to rule over us? If so,we had better get this changed in ahurry! God�s ways are very clearlyrevealed to us. Women are not to

rule over their husbands, andchildren are not to oppress theirparents. Only if all of us understandand carry out our respective rolesproperly will there be truly happyand successful marriage and familyrelationships that are blessed by God.

Children Need to RespectTheir Parents!

Notice Hebrews 12:9, �Furthermore,we have had human fathers whocorrected us, and we paid them respect.�

Paul makes this statement as if itwere a self-evident and universallyaccepted fact of life. And apparentlyat the time of Paul�s writing it was so.Unfortunately, in our societies today,the respect for parents is not self-evident, and actually is rare. Howmany children respect their parentstoday? How many children respectthe teaching of their parents andaccept their correction? Do childrenrespect the rules of the house? Or dothey have total disregard for them?Even as full-grown adults, when wevisit our elderly parents, do werespect their desires? Or do we insiston conforming them to our way, forour convenience?

Let�s take a look at a few admoni-tions in the book of Proverbs that tellus how to have a right relationshipwith our parents. These valuableinstructions apply to all of us aschildren, young or old.


Notice Proverbs 19:26, �He whomistreats his father and chases awayhis mother Is a son who causesshame and brings reproach.� It is aterrible indictment against our so-called �Christian� Western societythat there are far too many cases ofabuse of parents, where sons anddaughters actually hit their parents,or refuse to help them, or even chasethem away when they are old anddependent. This conduct, if done bytrue Christians, brings reproach onthe word of God.

Proverbs 20:20 reads, �Whoevercurses his father or his mother, Hislamp will be put out in deep dark-ness.� Cursing our parents is theopposite of honoring them. We mustnever curse our parents, not even inour thoughts. If not repented of, wewill be suddenly visited by calamity,as the Scripture says.

Proverbs 23:22 points out,�Listen to your father who begot you,And do not despise your motherwhen she is old.� God used ourparents to give us life. Without them,we would not exist. We need tolisten to them. They have beenaround a lot longer than we have,and let�s not despise them or belittlethem when they are older. If ourparents have �strange� ways of doingthings�so be it. Let�s not develop anattitude of despising them. Thatwould be so dangerous for us,

spiritually speaking.Note Proverbs 30:11, �There is a

generation that curses its father, Anddoes not bless its mother.� Do webless our parents? Do we see to itthat they are happy? Do we take thetime to thank them for what theydid, and still do, for us? It�s one thingnot to curse them, but do we actuallybless them? And do we let themknow that we are blessing them? Dowe help them when they need it?Are we deeply appreciative of whatthey are doing and have done for us?

Proverbs 30:17 tells us, �The eyethat mocks his father, And scornsobedience to his mother, The ravensof the valley will pick it out, And theyoung eagles will eat it.�

Have you heard young people say,�What�you actually obey yourmother? You actually do what shetells you to do? Oh come on, in whatworld are you living? You have respectfor your �old man�? We are living inthe 21st century, you know. Thatkind of stuff is ancient.� But is it?God thunders at us, if the hearts ofthe parents don�t turn to theirchildren, and if the hearts of thechildren don�t turn to their par-ents, then God will not evenpreserve mankind alive! Thank-fully, some will respond to God�schallenge, as we are told that Godwill save mankind from utterdestruction (cp. Matthew 24:22).


USE THESE KEYS!We have seen from the Bible the

vital keys to happy marriages andfamilies. God wants mankind toapply His perfect laws for our owngood. In fact, if we do, God will be inour marriages and in our families,guiding and protecting us as we seekto follow His lead. In Isaiah 66:2,God promises to help us, if we havean attitude pleasing to Him, �But onthis one will I look: On him who ispoor and of a contrite spirit, Andwho trembles at My word.�

In the book of Malachi, Godtakes special note of those who fearor respect Him and who esteem Hisname. Consider what God says tothose people, ��And I will sparethem As a man spares his own sonwho serves him.�� (Malachi 3:17).

God is revealed in the Bible asour Father (cp. Matthew 6:9; 23:9).

He wants His family to be happy, andthe way for us to do that is to applyHis keys revealed to us for thistremendous purpose.

We have been given an awesomeprivilege of knowing HOW we canbetter our marriage and familyrelationships. But with knowledgecomes responsibility! We need toACT upon what we know! Ratherthan being forgetful hearers orreaders, let�s become DOERS of theWord of God (James 1:22�25). And ifwe do that, the product will be happyand successful relationships, and ourmarriages and families will stabilize andwill last.

It�s up to us now to respond toGod�s challenge�are we going toapply God�s Word in our lives, ornot? Our very physical and spiritualsurvival�as well as the survival ofour families�will depend on it!


United StatesChurch of the Eternal God

PO Box 270519San Diego, CA 92198

CanadaChurch of God, ACF

Box 1480Summerland B.C V0H 1Z0

United KingdomGlobal Church of God

PO Box 2111Derby DE1 1ZR

BelgiumLe Siecle A Venir

Allee du Grand Cheniat, 30B-6280 Loverval

The following booklets are available, upon request:

Europe in Prophecy: The Unfolding of End-Time Events

The Theory of Evolution—a Fairy Tale for Adults?

The Gospel of the Kingdom of God

Don’t Keep Christmas

Is God a Trinity?

Do We Have and Immortal Soul?

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