“What a happy and holy fashion it is that those who love one another should rest on the same pillow.”

- Nathaniel Hawthorne

The Marriage Bed

When we marry, we are choosing to share life more deeply with each other than with anyone else

This place of intimacy and exclusivity is where

God wants to live

“What melody does God like most? It is the sound of the laughter of an eternal married couple that like each other and rejoice.” - True Father

What is one of the best ways that married couples have to rejoice?

Sex is meant to be a deep encounter of body and soul and to enhance the quality of a marriage

It what ways does sexual intimacy enhance a marriage relationship?

Strengthens bond

Expresses love

Reinforces exclusivity

Helps heal conflicts and revitalizes

Connects us to God and to each other

It’sFun !

It’s fun !

Best sex is between happily married couples

Good lovemaking depends on attitude, connection andcharacter

Does my partner feel accepted and safe?

Is there real friendship between us?

Is there honest communication?

Am I thinking about my spouse’s needs before my own?

Our sexual relationship develops as the other aspects of our relationship grow and develop.

living from the inside out

What do we bring with us to the marriagebed?

our maturity and immaturity

bad habits mistakes secrets

our expectations

our hopes

our fears

our personality differences

our concepts about romance

our gender differences

our bodies

our hearts

our parents

our our in-laws

our principled education

Worldly education

“A man and a woman getting married and making love is not something you should be ashamed of. This is something most dignified, holy and beautiful.”

Can be hard to go from“sex is bad”to Father’s version

“In your family life during marriage, in order to feel true joy, you should bring God into the center and make a relationship where you can love each other while watching God rejoicing together with you.”

How do we do that?

Realize it has never really been done before

Begins with our own relationship with God

Make sure we clean up everything before we go into

the Blessing

requires vulnerability,

sensitivity,and courage

Sex reflects our relationship, our moods, our values, our comfortableness with each other.

Sex has many flavors and expressions.

loving, passionate, sensual, playful, tender, romantic, I’ve missed you, I’m sorry,

Heavenly Father is right here…

Our sexual relationship develops as we grow in love

Barriers to Good Sex

Unspoken likes and desires

Ignorance

Performance anxiety

Fears about appearance

Fear of pregnancy

Differences of desire

Unspoken anger and tension

Poor Communication• Vague - unsure what they want, expecting

spouse “should know”.• Afraid – of hurting each other/of painful

feedback.• Embarrassed• Assumes too much – doesn’t ask or listen/

projects own feelings.

Gender Differences

Men have a performance imperative

• Way more testosterone than women.

• Higher sex drive.

Women have an intimacy imperative

• 10 times as much oxytocin as men.• Called the ‘cuddle hormone’.• Puts emotional connection at a

premium.

Also, men tend to compartmentalize.

Men tend to be able to enjoy lovemaking even when they are upset or anxious.

Worry doesn’t affect sleep.

Arousal patterns are different.

Men are visual

Women are emotional

Timing is different too

Men heat up quickly, women simmer slowly

How do these differences play out in relationship?

She needs to feel loved, connected

and special

A women’s needs for love and security must be satisfied before she can experience a strong desire for sex.

This can be hard to understand for husbands as it is not their experience.

Wives can misunderstand their husbands and think

“he only wants one thing”.

Men often need sexual love before they can open up and receive their wives’ love.

Just as a wife needs love to open up to sex, a husband needs sex to open up to love.

The desire for sex often signals the desire to reconnect and share love.

So what do these differences mean?

sensitivity

What makes women feel loved?

When a husband takes care of things, a wife can relax and enjoy the feeling of being taken care of and that someone is there for her.

How do men feel loved?

When he knows he is being successful in making his wife happy and secure.

When a wife appreciates the little things he does for her.

Stress

Leave him in the cave –he’ll come out when he’s ready.

Women need to talk

and talk…

and talk…

If you let your wife talk thru’ her feelings, she will feel better, and feel connected to you.

needed and appreciated

loved and listened

to

Where you are at now

standards for matched couples

After the Blessing

Don’t slide - decide

Forty Day Condition

First night

Don’t take each other for granted

Daily investment

All about complementing each other:

The similarities draw you together and the differences provide you with opportunities to care for each other

As you learn to serve each other, you grow in your ability to serve others.

God wants to use your spouse to help you grow and to enhance your life.

Couples who have trust and honesty between them, and confidence in their spouses’ love and acceptance.

Recipe for great sex:

Best Attitude for Good Sex:• Help each other• Become an expert in what your spouse likes• Have a giving attitude• Include God

A happy marriage bed is built with love and trust

“Once they become one, the man’s heart is in the heart of the woman, the woman’s heart is in the heart of the man. The hearts of the man and woman are in the heart of God.”

True Father

The End

The End

standards for matched couples

it takes time

…and practice