THE

N.A.Way M A G A Z I N E^7

October 1988$1.75 U.S. $2.25 Canadian

The Mr. Hyde in each of usp. 2

What do gila monstersand the First Tradition

have in common? Find out!P.14

The Twelve Steps of Narcotics Anonymous

1. We admitted that we were powerless over ouraddiction, that our lives had becomeunmanageable.

2. We came to believe that a Power greater thanourselves could restore us to sanity.

3. We made a decision to turn our will and our livesover to the care of God as we understood Him.

4. We made a searching and fearless moral inventoryof ourselves.

5. We admitted to God, to ourselves, and to anotherhuman being the exact nature of our wrongs.

6. We were entirely ready to have God remove allthese defects of character.

7. We humbly asked Him to remove ourshortcomings.

8. We made a list of all persons we had harmed, andbecame willing to make amends to them all.

9. We made direct amends to such people whereverpossible, except when to do so would injure themor others.

10. We continued to take personal inventory and whenwe were wrong promptly admitted it.

11. We sought through prayer and meditation toimprove our conscious contact with God as weunderstood Him, praying only for knowledge ofHis will for us and the power to carry that out.

12. Having had a spiritual awakening as a result ofthese steps, we tried to carry this message toaddicts, and to practice these principles in all ouraffairs.

THE

N.A.Way M A G A Z I N E^/

volume six, number ten

meeting in printJekyll and Hyde

Freedom in prisonGrowing into the steps

The door's openMy gratitude speaks

when I shut upFighting the gila monster

Second Step strength

featureN.A. public information

viewpointSecond class member?

from our readersLetters and short articles

comin' upA worldwide N.A. calendar

Box 9999Van Nuys, CA 91409(818) 780-3951

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The N.A. Way magazine welcomes the participation of its readers. You are invited to share with the entire N.A. Fellowship in ourmonthly international journal. Send us your experience in recovery, your views on N.A. matters, and feature items. All manuscriptssubmitted become the property of World Service Office, Inc.

The N.A. Way presents the experiences and opinions of individual members of Narcotics Anonymous. The opinions expressed arenot to be attributed to Narcotics Anonymous as a whole, nor does publication of any article imply endorsement by NarcoticsAnonymous, the N.A. Way magazine or World Service Office, Inc.

U.S. and foreign subscription rates (except Canada), please remit in U.S. currency: 1 yr. $15, 2 yrs. $28, 3 yrs. $39, single copies$1.75. Canadian subscription rates (please remit in Canadian currency): 1 yr. $19.25, 2 yrs. $36, 3 yrs. $50, single copies $2.25. Pleaseinquire about bulk rates.

The N.A. Way Magazine, ISSN 0896-9116, copyrightc 1988, World Service Office, Inc. Permission to reprint from this publicationis granted to all Narcotics Anonymous service boards and committees, provided they cite the source. All other rights reserved. TheN.A, Way and Narcotics Anonymous are registered trademarks of World Service Office, Inc. Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditionsadapted by permission of Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

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Jekyll andHyde

The night was the same as nearlyevery other. I was driving home afterletting my girlfriend off at her house.It was around 11:30 pm, still a decenthour. Like every other night, I told her1 was going right home. And I was. Myfriends were probably hanging out inthe local spot, probably pretty high,probably still planning to get higheryet, but I was going home. I promised.

In front of me was the stop sign. If Iturned right at that corner I washeaded home. If I turned left I washeaded for my friends. Not to get high,just to get a soda. Maybe just one passthrough town. But I promised. I couldfeel Mr. Hyde down inside me as Ibraked for the stop sign. Work tomor-row. Can't be out all night. But maybejust a soda.

The night was the same as nearlyevery other. Dr. Jekyll had prom-ised—and meant it—that he washeaded right home. So Dr. Jekyll wentto take that right turn and go home asthe car began moving again, but Mr.Hyde now had control of the arms.The car turned left.

That aching sensation down deepinside meant that Dr. Jekyll still hadsome consciousness of what was goingto happen. Mr. Hyde's insistence thatthis was going to be one pass throughtown to get a soda was losing its powerto numb that.

2 'N.A. Way

A he car was coming to a stop again.Through the window I could see myfriends playing foosball. A rush ofexcitement went through me. Hydeknew that wasn't about foosball—orsoda. He was regaining full controlalready. With the blast of soundcoming through the door as I openedit, all vestiges of Jekyll's commit-ments, promises, hopes for a stablelife—all were forgotten.

The night was like nearly everyother. I was riding around town in theback seat of my friend's car. It wasaround 2:00 a.m., no longer a decenthour. Down inside the cave of oblivionthat Mr. Hyde had lustily stormedinto, Dr. Jekyll was stirring.

What am I doing? I promised! I haveto go to work in five hours. They'regoing to know. This is getting old.

The joint started coming my way,and even Dr. Jekyll was eager now.Eager to blank this out. Eager toforget that he was slowly losing thewar with Mr. Hyde. Both of me nowwanted only oblivion.

JL hat pattern eventually lost meeverything. The woman who had fallenin love with Dr. Jekyll had not bar-gained for Mr. Hyde. She finally hadthe good sense to get out of thatrelationship, but not before five yearsof a very painful roller coaster.

I still remember laying the guilt tripon her: "You'd leave me when I'mdown? You think it's hard to live withme—imagine living inside me!" Some-how that made sense to me. I wasstuck with these two people trying tolive inside my skin: Jekyll desperateto regain control and get my life ontrack, Hyde slowly gaining morepower.

I despaired of ever finding some-thing that would reverse that trend. Itried different things, from religion toNew Year's resolutions, but nothingbrought hope. The old familiar cyclekicked in again each time, and I got alittle further from the life Dr. Jekyllhad wanted. Jekyll's vision of that lifegrew steadily dimmer.

The day I attended my first N.A.meeting is forever etched in my mem-ory. For the first time in many years, Ifelt hope that this trend could bereversed. I heard people sharing in away I had never heard before. I hadnever related to people on the level atwhich I related to the people whoshared at that meeting. I went homeand wrote about it in my journal. Theentry for April 22, 1978 starts, "A new

spark of hope has entered my lifetoday..." That hopeful sensation downdeep inside meant that Dr. Jekyll hadsome vague consciousness about whatwas going to happen.

tJust a few days ago, over ten yearslater, I heard myself talking to anewcomer. He was sounding that fa-miliar lament, "I can't see any changein myself." I chuckled and chided him,"What! thirty days clean and yourwhole life hasn't turned around yet?"But what I heard myself say thatsparked these memories was, "Thebiggest change in your life is yourchange in direction. And that's a verybig change. Movement may be slow,but the horizon has changed a great

N.A. Way • 3

deal for you."And that's really it, isn't it? Hope

comes from the realization that thisprogram has the power to change ourdirection, a day at a time, so that overtime the change is amazing. Thehorizon full of possibilities beats thehell out of the horizon you didn't darelift your gaze from your shoelaces tocontemplate.

The woman who hadfallen in love withDr. Jekyll had notbargained for Mr.

Hyde.

It strikes me that the surest way toget moving along that new path is tostart feeding Dr. Jekyll and starvingMr. Hyde. It's not realistic to hopethat because we're in a spiritualprogram, Mr. Hyde is dead. In factsometimes he's very much alive andwell—particularly at first.

I'm a human being, and because ofthat I may never be rid of the Mr.Hyde that lives inside my skin, but Ican sure get him in a malnourishedstate. And I can sure nourish Dr.Jekyll.

I've learned to act on the Jekyllimpulses and not on the Hyde im-pulses. When I get honest, I knowwhich impulses are which. I've learnedthat Jekyll is nourished by the stepsand meetings and sponsorship, so Igive him a healthy diet of those. I'velearned that Hyde is nourished bydrugs, by dishonesty, by actions basedin pride and fear.

I have totally abstained from drugsfor years through the grace of theloving God I have come to knowthrough Narcotics Anonymous. Thatpart's now an easy but effective way ofkeeping Hyde at bay. I've learned touse that same power to avoid many ofthe other things I may do to feed Mr.Hyde.

Feed Dr. Jekyll and starve Mr.Hyde. It's become a simple guidingprinciple in my life. And the excitingthing is that at some point Dr. Jekyllbecame much stronger as a result.There is great joy in the awarenessthat the war is over, just for today, andthat Dr. Jekyll is calling the shots. Hisvision for what I could become, onceonly a fading dream, is now being livedout in my daily life. My daily commit-ment is to feed Jekyll, a spoonful at atime, to keep it that way.

M.E., Minnesota

We goofed!When we mailed last month's magazine, we enclosed someold "free trial" subscription cards left over from last spring--instead of our regular cards--by mistake. (You'll notice that thecard shows the offer expiring April 30, 1988!) We will honorany of these "free trial" orders with a 14-month subscription.We're sorry for any confusion this might have caused you.

Editor

4 »N.A. Way

Freedom inprison

I'm currently serving two prisonsentences for crimes I committedunder the influence of drugs to getmoney for more drugs. Yet I've foundfreedom through the help of NarcoticsAnonymous.

My family lives in a small rural townin Ohio, and I was brought up in agood home. At about the age of elevenI began smoking pot with some of theolder kids in school. By the time I wasfourteen or fifteen I began dealing tosupport my habit. Soon after that Istarted getting into trouble in schooland was expelled several times.

I began using harder drugs, to stealfrom stores and to break into homesto support my growing habit. By thetime I turned seventeen the policebegan to question me whenever acrime happened near my home. I feltas if I had to get away before I actuallygot caught either for the drugs or forthe crimes I was doing. In May of 1979,at the age of seventeen, I talked myparents into signing so I could join theArmy.

Weell I stayed off illegal drugsthroughout bootcamp and A.I.T., but Isubstituted alcohol for them. I wenthome after my training to be in areserve unit and kept on with thedrinking and dove right back intoother drugs. For awhile, my criminal

activity ceased except for a littledealing here and there.

I married a girl from my home townin November of 1979. I realized Icouldn't support her without a goodjob, so I changed my enlistment fromreserve to regular Army. In January of1980 I was sent to Maryland to beginmy four year enlistment.

Upon my arrival I met up with a guyI knew from basic training. He invitedme to a party, where I was introducedto intravenous drugs. I fell head overheels.

I found that I could get away fromthings with less of the drug at first, buteventually my addiction grabbed holdand I couldn't get enough. I got so farinto my addiction that I had no controlover my life anymore. I began to berebellious. Over a period of two yearsI was arrested seven times for drugs orbar room brawls. It ended with mygetting a general discharge for apathyand unmilitary-like behavior.

ll my addiction kept telling methat I was the one in the right and that

Still, my addictionkept telling me that Iwas the one in the

right and thateveryone else had a

problem.everyone else had a problem. My wifeand I were getting along pretty wellbecause we shared the same addic-tion. In December of 1982 we movedback to Ohio, and that was when myreal trouble began.

N.A. Way • 5

I didn't have enough practical ex-perience to get a job, so I began toburglarize homes and businessesagain. In March of '83 I was caughtbreaking into a business in Cincinnati.Since it was my first offense, I wasgiven probation and a fine. I continuedwith my addiction and with criminalbehavior, and I was arrested again fora burglary in May of '83.

This time my lawyer told me thatmy problem was drugs, and that Ishould get some help. Well, I thoughthe was the one in need of help. After Iwas released on bond, I started usingat a very excessive rate to get awayfrom my trouble. I ended up over-dosing on cocaine.

When my father found me I waslying on our bedroom floor with asyringe still in my arm. My wife wasout of town visiting with family, so hetook me to several hospitals, trying tofind one that would admit me. Hefinally found one which had a thirty-nine day program. I spent those thirty-nine days going through treatmentand A.A. meetings, and I hated it all. Ihad no desire to be helped.

Ly lawyer found out where I wasand came to see me. He said thatthere was a chance I could get proba-tion. I went for it, but I had to stayaway from drugs until my trial.

When I got out of treatment Iturned myself over to the police andbegan my trial. I was given conditionalprobation: I had to attend drug classeson a weekly basis and stay off drugs. Icontinued to use drugs, and to stealthe money to buy them. It went okayfor about a year and a half.

Then one day I was given a urinetest. I was found out and went back tocourt on a probation violation. The

6 • N.A. Way

court found me guilty and extendedmy probation. In 1985 I was convictedof a misdemeanor. My probation wasonce again violated, and I was sen-tenced to five to fifteen years.

In the beginning of 1986 I was triedfor another burglary, found guilty, andgiven an additional eight to twenty-

five years. At that time it finally beganto sink in: I had a problem and Ineeded help.

So when I got back to the correc-tional institution, I looked into theirsubstance abuse program and beganattending N.A. meetings. I couldn'tbelieve what I heard in those meet-

ings! Everyone who gave a talk wasalmost telling me about my ownexperiences. I related to how theiraddiction got them into trouble anddestroyed their lives. And it wasn'tjust other inmates, but people fromsupport groups on the streets too.

Ifound that I could deal with myproblem by using the fellowship andthe Twelve Steps, and through hear-ing others' experiences. I met a lot ofgood people, both inmates and visi-tors from the outside.

The outside support groups reallyhelped us get our meetings going.They shared their experiences withus, and we shared ours with them. It'sbeen about a year and a half since Ifirst got into the program. I work myprogram daily and attend every N.A.meeting I can, and I'm a changedperson because of it! I am workingtowards my associates degree in in-dustrial technology, and I can dealwith life's problems without drugs.

I use N.A. to help myself when I'mdown, and I share my experiences withothers in the hopes that they can findwhat I have: freedom in prison. Icontrol my life now—the drugsdon't—and my future is much brighterfor it. I still have four years on mysentence, but I'm using this time tobenefit myself for when I do get out.

I want to thank all my brothers inrecovery, both in prison and on theftreets, for bringing life into perspec-tive through N.A. Most of all, I want tothank the men and women who devotetheir time to supporting us addictsbehind bars. N.A. can really help us ifwe want it. It promotes honesty andlove in us.

H.K., Ohio

N.A. Way • 1

Growing intothe steps

It seems that every time I workthrough the steps I understand moreof what they mean. I get closer tomyself and find understanding at adeeper level.

I wrote my first Fourth Step intreatment at five weeks clean. I re-member thinking, "Is that all?" Isimply couldn't remember the pastand didn't know the difference be-tween right and wrong. The best Icould do at that time was to writeabout the things that I knew wereillegal.

My early Fourth and Fifth Stepswere full of your fault and my fear. Ittook me six times through the stepsbefore I was able to identify the exactnature of my wrongs. (It's amazinghow persistent our denial is!) I finallycould see how my character defectsdrove my behavior. So instead of justwriting about the things I had done, Imade the clear connections that ledme into the Sixth and. Seventh Steps.

What it took for me to get there wassome time struggling with Steps One,Two and Three. I spent several yearshaggling with God over my powerless-ness before I was finally defeated—inrecovery. I bargained by admitting Iwas powerless in one area of my lifewhile refusing to give up my efforts atcontrol in other areas. I would change

8 • N.A. Way

jobs within the same field, butwouldn't admit the possibility that Iwas doing the wrong kind of work. Istopped living with my boyfriend, butrefused to consider ending the rela-tionship. I would change my behaviorto look like I wasn't trying to controlother people; but the manipulationjust went underground and got moresubtle.

-L he Second Step was anotherstruggle. It took several years ofsearching and testing, and ultimatelysurviving, before I could honestly say Ifirmly believed in that Higher Power. Itried lots of different "definitions" ofGod, then measured my guilt feelingswhen I couldn't live up to the expec-tations I thought that God had of me.

I had to come to believe in a HigherPower who didn't have a personalitylike mine—a Higher Power who wasalways loving and compassionate-before I could trust God and act likeit. I had to develop a history ofsurviving my own self-induced insan-ity. Further, I had to hear that the

The Second Stepdidn't say, "God

absolutely would—we guarantee it—

restore me to sanity."Second Step didn't say, "God abso-lutely would—we guarantee it—re-store me to sanity." It said that Hecould. I learned that the Second Steponly works when I have fully admittedmy powerlessness so that I can get outof God's way.

It took that depth of belief to fullysurrender, not just the parts of my lifethat I knew were unmanageable, butmy entire will and life. Once I hadlearned to trust God and act like it, Icould surrender to the path unfoldingin front of me.

I ew career paths opened up infront of me. I no longer had the needto hang onto relationships that didn'twork. I could open up to the infinitepossibilities of life in recovery.

The result has been that I'm not sofirmly tied to my character defects.They're still with me, but I don't justinstantly act on them. They seem toappear in my head just a split-secondbefore I start to act. Then I can chooseto act differently (or not act dif-ferently).

I have recently moved to a new

state, and my thoughts have been fullof solutions to my feelings, even withmy character defects screaming at thetop of their lungs. My head will say,"we need to get into a relationship, thenwe'll be okay." Or it will say, "boy, adrink would sure be good to relaxwith!" The thoughts are still sneaky—the denial still hides in them—butthey're not firmly connected to mybehavior anymore. Today I have morefreedom of choice.

Every day that I stay clean is a giftand a miracle. I believe that when Istay clean and work the steps, the giftand the miracle grow and recoveryexpands. There are no walls aroundmy growth except the ones I put there.Expanded recovery has taken sometime for me. Growing into the stepswas the path that led me there.

A.R., California

N.A. Way • 9

The door'sopen

There was plenty of snow on theground. The meeting was scheduled tostart at 8:30 p.m. This was a newgroup, only about six weeks old. Whoin their right mind would get out of awarm house, battle the blizzard andthe roads to make such a new meet-ing? After all, there had to be at leastone good television show on tonight.Or maybe no one would show up andthe meeting would be cancelled.

The truth of the matter was that Ihad one of the keys to open the doorand was trying to rationalize a way outof going to the meeting. Even thoughit was less than four blocks away,maybe, just maybe, the other keyholder would open the door so I couldstay home. No? Oh well, nice try. I gotmy boots and coat on and made myway out the door.

On my way out I thought aboutstanding in the rain waiting to copdope. And I remembered drivingmiles around in the snow chasing thatbag. Remembering that, I couldn'tjustify my complaining. The journeyto the meeting turned into a joy. Ibegan to smile and felt warm on theinside.

VV here else but in N.A. would yougo trudging through bad weather justto sit around a table, drink coffee, and

listen to others share their experience,strength and hope? The spiritual valuesof willingness and enthusiasm werebeginning to flourish. I wouldn't tradetimes like these for any TV show.

There didn't seem to be anyone elseoutside that night. Cold as it was, mycommitment to the service of thisgroup was being fulfilled.

I thought about getting even withthe group by letting someone elsecarry the key next week, and hoped it

I took a look up atthe clock and it read"meeting time." No

one here but me andmy HP so far.

would snow twice as hard. Did youever get so wrapped up in yourdiabolical thoughts you'd wish thesekinds of terrible things? Well, I'm justbeing honest. These are the thoughtsthat had crossed my mind.

I didn't feel like painting an "S" onthe front of my shirt, nor did I feel thatN.A. couldn't go on without me. I justfelt trusted. The group members hadfaith in me. I accepted the trust theygave to me with an open heart. I hadthis opportunity to fulfill that trust,and it felt good. Gratitude is bestexpressed through service.

IV-Ly numbing fingers fumbled withthe keys and found the keyhole. It wasnice to see the inside of a warm anddry meeting place. I opened up thecabinet that stored the group's litera-ture and supplies. The meeting wasset up in about ten minutes.

Now it was 8:15 p.m. Well, let's see.

How much coffee should I make?None? Five, ten or twenty cups? Or fillthe whole pot? Seeing as I'm an avidcoffee drinker I thought about myselffor awhile, just to be self-centered,then discarded those thoughts andmade fifteen cups.

With the meeting all set up, thecoffee brewing and the heat turnedup, I sat down at the table and beganto read my Basic Text. I read onechapter, then another. I took a look upat the clock and it read "meetingtime." No one here but me and my HPso far. I began to read another chapter.

The coffee light turned red, whichmeans it's ready, so I indulged myselfin having the first cup. A little sugarand powdered cream. Mmmm! Every-thing was complete except that I wasthe only one there. Just then the dooropened. Another recovering addict!

We exchanged hugs and smiles, thentalked about the effort to get to themeeting. After some very brief smalltalk, we decided to start the meeting.

I asked him to chair, and he gladlyaccepted. We went through the entireformat: the readings, welcomes, anni-versaries, announcements, etc. Thetopic was "More Will Be Revealed," achapter from the Basic Text. We readthe chapter, had a discussion, took acoffee break, then opened the meetingup again. Believe it or not, we ran themeeting beyond the scheduled 10:00p.m. closing time by one-half hour!Both of us had that post-meetingattitude of gratitude. We closed in theusual manner, cleaned up and madeour ways back home.

Keep coming back: it works!

R.U., Pennsylvania

10 • N.A. WayN.A. Way • 11

My gratitudespeaks whenI shut up

At a Sunday morning meeting 1attended about a year ago, the topicwas gratitude. All during the "Who,What and How" readings at the begin-ning of the meeting, many members ofthe group stood outside. The talkingand carrying on was so loud that it wasdifficult to hear the readings insidethe room.

When the sharing started I raisedmy hand and was the first to be calledupon. I shared—in a very angry andsarcastic manner—my "gratitude" thatthose who had made it so difficult tohear the steps being read were finallyjust at that moment filing into themeeting. I said that apparently theyhad some message much better thanthat contained in "How It Works."

I stressed just how "grateful" I wasfor the fact that they had deigned tocome in and share with the rest of thegroup whatever message that mightbe. I really was hot about the lack ofrespect for the atmosphere of recov-ery at the meeting.

My emotions were running reallyhigh because of the fact that I wasright in the middle of making some bigchanges in my life. I was moving to adifferent part of the city, moving awayfrom a person with whom I had had a

12 *N.A. Way

ten year relationship. It was painfullyclear to me that my addiction wasmanifesting itself in my relationship,and that it was going to kill me if I didnot work the steps and change.

1 decided that the Ninth Step wouldinvolve my getting out of the situation.Even though the situation was un-bearable, the fear of letting go wasintense. I needed to believe thattrusting in God as I understood Godand following through with my deci-sion would work.

Actually, had I looked closer at thetime, I would have seen that the mir-acles were already happening. Througha friend in the fellowship I had found ahouse I could live in with my two dogs.I could afford it, and it was muchcloser to the meetings I attendedregularly.

So there I was in the middle of oneof the biggest and scariest changes ofmy life, and totally amazed and grate-ful for these steps of recovery. Morethan ever, I needed the fellowship to

There I was, in themiddle of one

of the biggest andscariest changes

of my life.

help me with what I was going through.I needed to hear again the steps thatwere saving my life. I needed to be inan atmosphere of recovery, and to giveback what I had been given.

But what I saw happening aroundme was so different from what washappening inside me. I wanted to hear

those wonderful words being read andbask in the healing truth they con-tained. But instead I heard a lot ofyakking outside, and then commotioninside as the "cool and hip" finallydecided to join the party. It shockedand upset me to be brought down bythe lack of respect those peopleshowed for the gift we have in thisprogram. I let my feelings be heard,loud and clear.

Weell, as you might imagine, mylittle spiel went over like a leadballoon. Another recovering addictlovingly reminded me of the saying,"Live and Let Live" (which onlyhappened to be the bumper sticker onmy car). I agree with that saying. Iknow I probably came on way toostrong, especially for someone who

isn't always totally attentive or quietall the time in meetings. I admit that Isometimes don't always do everythingI can to foster an atmosphere ofrecovery, but I'm trying.

For me the "live" in "Live and LetLive" means to follow the spiritualprinciples of this program to the bestof my ability. That means, for onething, to sit down and be quiet when ameeting starts, and to participate bylistening to the readings and thesharing of others.

The N.A. program is life itself forme. I know this today. But before I can"let live," I have to live. How I live isby letting my gratitude speak bycaring and sharing with others theN.A. way. Sometimes my gratitudespeaks loudest when I sit down, shutup, and listen.

M.M., California

N.A. Way • 13

Fighting thegila monster

I was driving one day in ruralArizona, between Cottonwood andCornville, when I saw several peoplein the middle of the road motioningme to slow down and pull over to theshoulder. In the middle of the roadthere were several people with broomssweeping something up. A wreck, Ithought to myself. So, with time on myhands, I fell back on one of mycharacter defects and began to taketheir inventories.

There was an old cowboy with hisjeans hangin' so low that you couldsee more than you cared to. He wasdriving a beat-up old truck that was heldtogether with baling wire. Another,newer truck, a four wheel drive withhuge tires and a dirt bike in the back,

It then dawned onme: I had been

looking only at thesepeople's differences,

not at what they hadin common.

must have belonged to the two shirt-less young studs with sunglasses.They were checking out two well-endowed teenage girls who must have

14 • N.A. Way

been driving daddy's caddy. Therewas also an older couple wearing :jpolyester driving a Travel-All pulling atrailer with Minnesota license plates.

hat an odd group, I thought. Ahh,the brooms must have come from thetrailer. Wait, they aren't using thosebrooms to sweep up glass; they areusing them to move a gila monsteracross the road! (For those of you whomay not know, a gila monster is one ofonly two types of poisonous lizards inthe world, both of which live inArizona, and both of which are pro-tected by state and federal laws.)

Here was a group of people whoseemed to have nothing in common

but had banded together for a com-mon goal: to chase that gila monsteracross the road. It then dawned on mejust what I had seen. I had beenlooking only at these people's dif-ferences, not at what they had incommon.

I arcotics Anonymous is much likethis to me. If I seek to find differences,I'll find them. Maybe I don't like- thisperson's tattoo, or their car, or the waythey style their hair. No matter whatdifferences we may have, we still havesome very basic things in common.First, our disease: addiction. Second,our recovery. If we keep looking fordifferences, all we will have in com-

mon is our disease and how we feed it.In N.A. we seek each other out; we

band together to chase that gila mon-ster (our disease) across the road nomatter what other differences we mayhave. We have a common cause:recovery.

Oh yeah, the gila monster. Well,once those people got it across theroad, wouldn't you know, it decidedthat it liked the other side better andcrossed over again.

Remember the First Tradition. Whoknows when you might need helpgetting your gila monster across theroad.

D.B., Arizona

N.A. Way • 15

Second Stepstrength

I'm a strong, hard-headed twenty-eight year old woman who was alwaystaught to stand on her own two feet.But in my first year attemptingrecovery, going in and out of N.A., I hitabout three different bottoms—finan-cial, sexual and emotional.

I first found out that I can't managemoney. I blew $5,000 clean. I almostgave up then, but I kept on crawlingbecause people kept saying, "Keepcoming back, it gets better."

Then I got into the relationships.Two of them just about killed me. Themen involved would say things niceabout me, but I'd only feel worse thanbefore. I hated myself. I kept relaps-ing, and I couldn't figure out why.

Up until a year ago I was married.For six and a half years that man toldme I was ugly and fat. So when thesemen said nice things, I didn't believethem. Then it hit me: I kept hearingthat I should stay out of relationshipsfor a year to get to know myself. HA! Iknow myself, I thought. If I stay clean Ican see when they're no good, thenleave.

W ell, I saw myself falling apart. Ialmost lost my daughter, and defi-nitely lost my self-pride. I used men. Itreally tore me up, what I did to other

16 »N.A. Way

people and to myself. I hated myselfat almost nine months clean. I used; Icouldn't handle the pain and guilt.See, N.A. had been teaching me tolove myself and care about others. ButI used a newcomer. I tried to sponsorhim, and him me, and it all backfired.

So in the end I surrendered to thefact that I'm powerless over my addic-tion, a disease that tells me to killanything good, even my program,had to take four white newcomer chipsin a month, but I never gave up. I keptcoming back.

e

ilJ- hen, finally, I hit another emo-

tional bottom. All the pain got me towhere I wanted to give up. I have atwo-year old daughter. I felt I couldn'tdrag her down anymore, so I was goingto give her back to her father. Thenmy sponsor gave me the number of awoman to call in Miami. She said thiswoman had made it in recovery, evenwith kids, and that I should call her! Ionly worked Step One, so I had nohope that I could make it. I knew Iwanted to, but that alone wasn't goingto do it.

/ had to takefour white newcomer

chips in a singlemonth, but I

never gave up. Ikept coming back.

I called the woman. She had theanswer. She said that without StepTwo at eight months, I was almostguaranteed to fail. She said thatwithout God in my life, what hope was

there? She explained why my rela-tionships never worked. Until I had asolid relationship with my HigherPower, God, I had no faith that thingswould get better. She told me to prayabout it all and the answers wouldcome.

Now that I see what I didn't dobefore, I have so much hope. N.A. hasbeen the only way for me; even when Irelapsed, I knew there was hope. Ilearned through relapsing that I'm not

bad, just an addict doing what anynormal addict does without workingand living the N.A. program.

People suggest things now, and I lis-ten. I may not like them, but at leastthey're clean. My way almost killedme. At least I can try doing what theysay. I love N.A., and give many thanksto all the members of my N.A. familyall over the world for accepting mejust as I am.

M. W., Florida

N.A. Way • 17

Publicinformationcommitteescarrythe NAmessageto thecommunity

NA publicinformation

P.I.—what is it?Public information work (or P.I.) is N.A.'s

way of letting people outside the fellowshipknow that we're here. P.I. is putting up aphoneline flier at the community center. It'smailing letters to people in the helpingprofessions, speaking to school groups, pro-viding radio and TV announcements aboutN.A. to local broadcasters, and a whole lotmore. P.I. carries the N.A. message to theaddict still on the street, and to those in thecommunity at large who may in turn point thestill suffering addict in our direction.

Early P.I.The first World Service Conference Public

Information Committee was formed in early1978. In March of the following year, thatcommittee gave the fellowship a small green-covered booklet, the N.A. Public InformationKit.

The purpose of the booklet, as the com-mittee wrote in the introduction, was to "givenew and existing groups [less than 400 at thetime, over 12,000 today] the information andsuggestions necessary for beginning and main-

taining a Twelfth Step phone service, and forgetting the word out to the local communityabout this service."

After that, not much P.I. activity went on atthe world level for awhile. Some individualN.A. areas set up phonelines, distributedposters, corresponded with their communitiesor contacted the local media. But P.I. coordi-nation at the conference level did not resumeuntil 1984.

P.I. rebornAt the 1984 World Service Conference, a

new chairperson for the Public InformationCommittee was elected. We spoke with herrecently about the task she faced in estab-lishing a P.I. approach at the conference level.

Kim: Our first feeling was that we shouldfocus on trying to develop tools for the localfellowship to use rather than doing publicinformation at the national or world level. Andthere was concurrence on this from othermembers of the committee that I talked to.

We developed an input questionnaire thatwent out to regions and areas, asking whatthey needed in the way of public informationtools. We gave them a whole list of possiblethings that they might want to have available.Did they want posters, did they want pressreleases—what did they want?

From the response that we got, it was realclear that people wanted PSA's [public serviceannouncements for radio and TV] very much.They also wanted a guide to phone services,desperately. It just started getting very clear,what our priorities ought to be.

We ended up developing those materials,right down the line, according to those that gotthe most response from areas and regions.That was really how it happened: we asked thefellowship what they needed; then we did it.

Gathering resourcesN.A. Way: In addition to the question-

"People werere-inventing

the wheelsimply

becausethere was no

contactbetween

them."

18 • N.A. WayN.A. Way • 19

"In order tocarry themessage, P.I.committeesneeded toestablishtheircredibility."

naires, did you get a look at the materials localcommittees had developed for their own use?

Kim: Yes. People in the areas and regionswere re-inventing the wheel all over the place,simply because they were not in contact withone another. The Guide to Phoneline Service,for example, was made from a composite ofabout three excellent local guides that hadbeen developed in different parts of the U.S.Most of the material was already there, and itwas just a matter of getting it in our hands andmaking it more generic, so that it wasn'tspecific to just the area that had developed it.

Developing PSA'sN.A. Way: You came on board in April

1984. The committee itself really began itswork at an October 1984 meeting in Denver.You presented completed public serviceannouncements (PSA's) just a few monthslater, at the 1985 conference annual meeting.How was it possible to turn that project

20 • N.A. Way

around so quickly?Kim: I kind of wonder myself! There was

tremendous, momentum behind us, pushing usto get this done. There was support from theWSC Administrative Committee, from theWorld Service Office and from the Board ofTrustees. It certainly wasn't just the PublicInformation Committee's effort alone. Every-body really wanted the PSA's. The office wasextremely instrumental in facilitating the con-tract we got with the production company thatmade the PSA's, and providing the support tomake it happen.

It was really an example of what can getdone when the incentive is there. I wasproud—and I'm still proud—of what thefellowship and world services were able to doin that situation.

The first N.A. censusN.A. Way: Another project that year was

the first N.A. census. What was the ideabehind that?

Kim: One of the things that every persondoing public information heard over and overagain when they would approach newspapersor health care professionals was, "Well, howbig is N.A.? Are people staying clean inNarcotics Anonymous?" And we'd reply,"Well, of course they are! And gee, we're reallygrowing." "But how big are you?" they'd ask.And we wouldn't have an answer.

People working in public information felt itwould be very, very useful to have somethingthat would say, we have this many meetings,we have this average clean time, you know, andit's increasing in this way. In order to carry themessage to the addict who still suffers, the P.I.committees working at the area and regionallevel needed to establish credibility, both withthe media and with community organizationsthe committees came in contact with.

N.A. Way: As I recall, the response to thecensus was pretty good. I read in one of your

The P.I.experience

Steve: My firstinvolvement in P.I. workwas when I had aboutsix months clean. Iwent over to speak at acommunity center. Oneof their counselorsapparently had somecontact with an N.A.member and wanted usto come over and tellthem about NarcoticsAnonymous. They hada lot of indigents andkids and stuff whocame to the communitycenter every day. Thestaff wanted to knowwhat we could do tohelp them.

I can still rememberit, almost like it wasyesterday. There weresix of them, and theysat there, and I sat upin the front and told mystory, not knowing anyother direction to take—I thought that's what Iwas supposed to do.They were all crying bythe end of it, and theyall came and gave mehugs and stuff.

With that, I knew thatwe had a greatopportunity. There wasjust an entire world ofpeople out there whodidn't know about us.(cont. next page)

N.A. Way • 21

(from prev. page)And here were peoplewho were in contactwith active addictsdaily. Some of themhad been doing thiskind of social work forten years and didn'tknow who to look for.

I was just talking todaywith one of the guys Isponsor. He asked mewhat the most upliftingfeeling was that I'd hadin service. I told him ithad to have been whenI picked this guy up atthis phone booth—he'dseen a poster or a PSAor had heard of ussomewhere and hadcalled the phoneline.

It was in the earlymorning hours, aboutsix o'clock, raining, andhe was standing therewith water dripping offhis hair and into hisface. I got out of thecar, walked up andasked him if he'd hadenough. He said yes.

And the best part isthat he's clean today,celebrating a couple ofyears. That first contactwith him, that rock-solidproof that P.I. reallyworks in carrying ourmessage to addictswho need it—that wasmy most upliftingexperience in N.A.

22 • N.A. Way

reports that almost 8400 individual responseswere recorded. All in all, twenty-nine of thethirty-three regions then in existence sent theforms back in.

Kim: Overall, I was very pleased with theresponse. It was statistically significant, aresponse that gave us enough information tobe able to generalize. In terms of making somekinds of basic assumptions about our fellow-ship, it was very helpful.

N.A. Way: Were the results ever analyzed?Kim: Some. But we didn't have the money

or the computer resources back then to havegotten as much information as we should have.And just not enough time.

Local P.I.: getting startedSteve, a current member of the Conference

P.I. Committee who is also active in his homearea's public information efforts, talked withus about what a new committee can start with.

Steve: One of the first things that anycommittee can do with very few members,even if it's only a group or two, is go out andput up posters providing phoneline or meetinginformation. They're inexpensive, easy toproduce, and anybody can do 'em. All it takesis a little legwork.

Then there's the mailouts—small infor-mation packages with cover letters explainingsomething about Narcotics Anonymous. P.I.committees do mailouts to schools, treatmentcenters, clergy, judges, like that. But you can'tsend out two-hundred letters and then nothave any sort of follow-up.

Follow-upN.A. Way: What kind of follow-up?Steve: Phone calls or personal visits. We

found that most of the letters you send go intothe circular file. But if you call them and makea personal contact and let them know some-thing's on the way; then they will read it. Afterit's there, you call them again and ask them if

they got it. They remember you.The doctors that we got the best response

from were those that had been called, andmany of them asked on the second call for usto bring by some literature that they could putin their offices. The same thing happened withthe judicial system.

Then we started blitzing the radio stations,calling the television stations. We got a coupleof PSA's on the radio and a couple ontelevision stations in the area.

And with all the response from the mailings,we started doing more speaking engage-ments—schools, community groups, thingslike that. So the mailings—and the follow-ups—really worked well.

PSA's: getting readyN.A. public service announcements can

reach large numbers of people with therecovery message. But there is one thing inparticular that must be given attention beforea P.I. committee runs PSA's in its community.

Kim: At the time when we first producedthe PSA's, phoneline services around theUnited States were abysmal. They were notreally set up in such a way that they couldrespond to much of anything. And consideringthat the PSA's were primarily serving asadvertisements for the phonelines, that wasreally a problem. I had traveled around thecountry and called enough N.A. hotlines andnever gotten any answer to know that thiscould really end up being a black eye for N.A.So that was a real concern of mine.

Swamping the phonelines?Kim: I was not so much concerned about

phonelines being able to handle any tremen-dous volume of calls as I was that whatevervolume there was would be responded to, evenif it was low.

N.A. Way: Well, it seems to have workedout. From what I've heard, what really counts

"We thoughtpeople

would seethe PSA's

and go,'Gosh, NA!

I've gottacall!' "

N.A. Way • 23

"By the timean addict isready, theyshouldalready haveheard aboutNarcoticsAnonymous."

is how often the PSA's get played on the air. Ifthey are repeated frequently, there is wide,immediate response. And if not so frequently,well, there are some calls that come in.

Kim: Yeah, exactly.

Oteve spoke with us further about PSAresponse levels.

N.A. Way: When an area or a region runs aradio or television PSA, does that significantlyincrease the number of calls the phonelinereceives immediately?

Steve: No.N.A. Way: That's a surprise. Any idea why

not?Steve: Well, I believe that the message we

transmit is one that is received slowly ingeneral. It's just like any of our members:when they finally came to that point in theirlives where they were ready to quit, usuallythey had already heard about N.A. a few timesfrom a few different people.

People see or hear the PSA and rememberit. They see it again, and it reinforces itself.But I think we thought that they would see thePSA's one time, and immediately they wouldgo, "Gosh, Narcotics Anonymous! I've gottacall!" What really happens is that they see us,and they think about it.

By and large, we've found that the numberof calls doesn't increase immediately when thePSA's are run, but the community's generalawareness of N.A. does. Somewhere down theline, that causes a friend, a relative, a co-worker of an addict to say, "Gee, maybe youcould look for help." And they look us up inthe phone book.

Reaching out to the pressSteve: For years, the order of the day was

that when contacted we would respond, but wewould not go out and initiate contact. When westarted doing that, we found that people werevery receptive to Narcotics Anonymous. They

would say, "Gee, that's great! We didn't evenknow you were there!"

T

24 • N.A. Way

he* current Guide to Public Informationoffers quite a lot of material on how to dealwith the media. Most of those materials weredesigned to lead the public information com-mittee member by the hand, step by step,through each phase of media work.

Detailed instructions on writing and distri-buting a news release, samples of the kinds ofquestions reporters might ask (along withappropriate responses), even a section entitled"Some Insight About Reporters" help ease thefear of the unknown for addicts unfamiliar withthis kind of service. And detailed contingencyplans—outlines of what to do and whom tocontact when someone calls from the press—are laid out.

In addition to the current P.I. guidebook, anew media information kit being produced bythe WSC P.I. Committee is close to comple-tion. It may be ready for approval at the nextWorld Service Conference annual meeting.The kit provides additional material for use bylocal P.I. committees in responding to mediainquiries about N.A.

The WSO assists in the fellowship's P.I.work by providing background information,when requested, for reports which mentionN.A. As a result, awareness and knowledge ofN.A. are slowly growing.

N.A. on exhibitionPresenting N.A. at international conferences

is an area of outreach that is expanding thisyear. N.A. was involved in a few such con-ferences last year, such as the Non-Govern-mental Organizations conferences in HongKong and Honolulu [see the November 1987and April 1988 issues of the N.A. Waymagazine for features on these events], andthe Anglo-American Congress meeting in theUnited Kingdom this spring.

"We foundthat people

were veryreceptive to

NarcoticsAnonymous."

N.A. Way • 25

"I couldbring myrecovery tomy servicework, butservicecouldn'treplace thesteps. Notever."

N.A. literature displays and other informa-tional activities are being arranged for severalmore international conferences in the monthsahead, including a professional convention inNorway. Contacts made through these con-ferences continue to stimulate interest in theN.A. program from countries which currentlyhave few or no N.A. meetings.

Locally, many public information commit-tees routinely put up N.A. displays at healthfairs and professional gatherings, often withthe coordination and support of both the WSCP.I. Committee and the WSO.

Attraction or promotion?Steve: The difference between attraction

and promotion is in keeping the presentationof our message very simple. We state who weare and where you can find us; we stay awayfrom promising anybody anything; and wedon't promote ourselves as being better thansomebody else. Our materials all say prettymuch the same thing, simply, directly: ifyou've got a drug problem, call NarcoticsAnonymous.

Personal rewards of P.I.Kim: There isn't a lot of personal recog-

nition in public information. It's not the kind ofthing that you get a lot of thanks for. It doesn'thave that tremendous gratification of sitting atan H&I meeting talking face-to-face with otheraddicts—and there's nothing that gives meenergy quite like that does. Public informationis a lot of behind the scenes mailing, paper-work, that kind of thing, and it takes a specialkind of person to do it.

One of the things that I have really learnedin P.I. is the difference between service workand recovery—that my recovery was in mymeetings, it was not in my service work. I couldbring my recovery to the service work, but theservice work couldn't ever replace the steps—ever.

26 • N.A. Way

VIEWPOINT

Secondclassmember?

At the risk of making some of youangry, I still go to "The Other Fel-lowship." I guess, according to somepeople, that makes me not quite a"real N.A. member."

I admit, I get defensive. I feeljudged and criticized. I'm particularlyirritated when fellow members look atme condescendingly, sigh, and say,"Keep coming back."

I understand, accept and whole-heartedly embrace the N.A. messageof unity. I'm not "cross-addicted.""I'm an addict" says it all for me. I justdon't get what I need when I attendN.A. meetings exclusively.

For a while I tried to blame my"double life" on the fact that I live in arural area. Then it was babysitters.Schedules. Anything. I did not want toadmit that, when I attended only N.A.meetings, I felt a little crazier.

JL feel a need to attend meetingswhere there is mature recovery. WhenI share that, people sometimes (usu-ally) tell me that I'm being arrogant,

that we all only have today. While Iknow that my primary purpose is tostay away from drugs today, I havealso been taught that recovery isprogressive.

Time is important. By the grace ofGod, I don't have the same problems Ihad when I walked through the doorsof N.A. I don't think about killingmyself, or panic at the thought ofgoing to a doctor's office. Those whohave come ahead of me tell me that Iwon't have these problems mostdays—provided I continue to do thethings that have worked for me sinceday one.

When I asked for help, people whohad been down the path before meshared experience, strength and hopewith me. I was told specifically whatothers had done to move from where Iwas into another stage of recovery.

If I truly accept the First Step, thenI must believe that what worked forme then is what will work for me now. Ineed the people who have been herebefore me to share what works forthem.

I know that they exist in this area.Why won't they come to NarcoticsAnonymous anymore? Have we driventhem all away by insinuating thatthey're not really N.A. members whenthey say and do things that we aren'tyet mature enough to understand? If Ican't find tKose people within our

N.A. Way • 27

fellowship, then I have a responsibilityto go elsewhere for that part of myrecovery. Otherwise, it won't be longbefore I have nothing to give away.

hy am I so sure that N.A. in myarea is not where I'll find maturerecovery? Because we're hung up onform rather than content. Just beforemy first anniversary, one of my firstsponsors suddenly died. I went to ameeting that was, at the time, myhome group, and I shared. Thatnight's topic was "unity/language." Allpresent identified themselves as ad-dicts, yet not one member of my groupcould tear themselves away from thetopic and acknowledge my intensegrief. I can't begin to tell you howmuch that hurt.

Although the language was "cor-rect," I did not come away with theN.A. message that night. The actionsof my fellow group members told methat using the right words matteredmuch more than my sadness at losinga dear friend, my fears about finding

"I'm an addict"says it all for me. Ijust don't get what Ineed when I attend

NA meetingsexclusively.

my way without my sponsor and theemptiness I felt about my first mile-stone.

It has been a few years and the"issue" is language—again. Recently,someone complained to me that acertain person shouldn't be allowed to

28 • N.A. Way

chair because he still used "streetlanguage." Patience, tolerance andgratitude that someone had achievedninety days clean and was able tochair should have settled that issue.

I hear outbursts and anger aboutpeople who use "A.A. language" in-stead of hope, encouragement andenthusiasm for the fact that anotherrecovering addict has developed enoughof a crack in his denial system to wantto recover in Narcotics Anonymous.

Lature recovery speaks the lan-guage of the heart, not asking anythingof a newcomer except that she try notto pick up one drug for one day. If wecan't help someone to do that, thenwhat good is it if they understandanything at all about a unified message?

Maybe it's my fault. I'm not toogood at placing principles before per-sonalities. I just don't know what to dowhen I see the principles that savedmy life being trampled on in the nameof N.A. unity. I o'nly know of one wayto "guard the traditions" without be-coming a crusader: that's by workingthe steps to the best of my ability andtrusting a Higher Power with the rest.

As I have grown in my recovery, Ihave come to believe that the twelvestep recovery programs have a unifiedmessage—individually or collectively.My second sponsor taught me thatthere is only one message: that, as aresult of these steps, we've had aspiritual awakening. The most criticalpart of awakening a spirit is to stopmedicating it. I hope that it won't bemuch longer before I can count on thatmessage in every meeting I attend.Does it really matter that much ex-actly how we say it?

A.P., Massachusetts

From our readersLife in the clean lane

I've always been afraid of reallystrong feelings, almost as though theywould do some kind of permanentdamage. Like I could never returnfrom them.

Last night I rode around frantically,getting upset, scared, trying to find aparticular N.A. meeting. I really, reallywanted to get there, to stand up at theend and get that hug when they say"multiples of years" at the instantwhen my fourth year began.

But I was beginning to convincemyself that it didn't matter. It wasokay to miss the meeting. "God'swill," you know, "acceptance." Butthen I realized that all that was in self-defense against being sad and disap-pointed and lonely and alone. So Iguess I kind of tried to just let myselffeel it, and I was trembling and crying.I dropped my bike in the parking lotwhen I got there.

Finally, after wandering around thelittle campus where the meeting wasbeing held, I saw a familiar face

through a window. I went into themeeting and listened and talked andgot my hug.

And you know what else? I wassitting in my apartment tonight andthat little feeling of wanting some-body's company started hurting, and Ididn't ignore it. I didn't convincemyself that it didn't matter. It doesmatter! I'm not alone anymore; I don'thave to live like I am.

What a trip this is! Life in the cleanlane. It does keep getting better.

J.D., New Mexico

Identify, don't compareI am an addict. I have been grate-

fully and humbly clean in this fellow-ship for five years. Throughout myrecovery, my Higher Power has putmany different addicts in my path toshare with and learn from. We all havedifferent war stories, different drugsof choice, different lifestyles and dif-ferent problems, but what binds me solovingly to all of you are the feelingswe've shared throughout our recoveryand the tools we have to deal withthose feelings.

I may not be able to relate to thesituation of a minor miracle (a recov-ering addict under the age of twenty-one) being upset at his parents fordemanding an early curfew, but I canunderstand his feelings of resentment.I may not be able to relate to thesituation of a recovering mother suf-

N.A. Way 29

fering from "child burnout," but I canrelate to her feelings of powerlessness.

I was told when I came into thisfellowship to identify, don't compare.This fundamental truth has probablyhelped me more than anything else inmy recovery. My disease still tries toisolate me from other addicts byfocusing on all our differences. Whatkeeps me feeling a part of this fellow-ship, instead of apart from, is mywillingness to see past all the differentsituations we're in and zero in on thefeelings we share.

I know from experience that theTwelve Steps of N.A. will help me sortout, identify, and deal with all thefeelings that my disease still tries tocamouflage or deny. Today, if I reallylisten to another addict share, I cansort out and identify the feelings he isexperiencing in his situation. I amthen able to share my experience,strength and hope with him and helphim deal with those common feelings.

The greatest feeling in this fellow-ship is when another addict, whetherhe be young, old, black, white, male,female, straight or gay, looks me in theeyes and says, "I know how you'refeeling, because I've felt that waybefore, and this is what worked forme..."

So, my family of recovering addicts:please see past my lifestyle or situ-ation and hear my feelings when Ishare. I need you. That is how Irecover.

Anonymous, Tennessee

No matter whatWarmest greetings from Thorne

Bay, Alaska—or, as I refer to it on lessspiritual days, "Hell on Earth."

I am a temporary loner (fourmonths). I found N.A. recovery in

30 • N.A. Way

Fargo, North Dakota, and continued itin Washington, D.C., and now Alaska.Perhaps the greatest gift I've found inmy recovery is hope. The idea that nomatter what—I can stay clean. Fur-thermore, no matter what—I can leada happy life. If my attitude is on thespiritual side of life I can face anythingand I can face it anywhere. Even in"Hell on Earth" Alaska.

This is probably bold talk for a guywho has the benefit of lots of meetingson his home ground and won't be aloner for very long. Nevertheless, I amconvinced that it applies across theboard.

It is popular in my home area topreach the essential nature of at-tending at least seven meetings perweek. I would find this dogma irri-tating if it weren't so laughable. Ibelieve that my recovery, my life, andmy happiness depend directly on myself-honesty and my spiritual attitudemore than on a quota of meetings toattend. If this were not the case,loners couldn't possibly recover.

I have a very serious disease—addiction. It will hound me until I amdead. But I am involved in a wonderfulprogram for recovery. And we dorecover. Narcotics Anonymous canraise us beyond a day-to-day struggleto stay clean. I guess what I'm ram-bling about is my belief that thevariety of tools in the program (spiri-tuality, meetings, steps, sponsorship,literature), when applied with vigilanthonesty, offers a life of recovery fromaddiction that can be enjoyed nomatter how many meetings a memberis able to or chooses to attend. Thepossibilities for growth in N.A. trulyare boundless, and the paths for thisgrowth infinite.

M.J., Alaska

Comin' upBAHAMAS: Nov. 4-6,1988; 1st Bahamas AreaConvention; Sheraton Grand Hotel, P.O. Box SS6307, Nassau, (809) 326-2011; N.A., P.O. Box CB11767, Nassau, Bahamas

FLORIDA: Oct. 7-10, 1988; 5th Keys RecoveryConvention; Marriott Casa Marina, Reynolds &Flagler, Key West, (800) 228-9290; Key RecoveryGroup, P.O. Box 4664, Key West, FL 330402) Nov. 17-20, 1988; 7th Annual Serenity in theSun Convention; Palm Hotel, 630 ClearwaterPark Rd., W. Palm Beach; Helpline (407) 533-3778; Serenity 7, P.O. Box 3151, W. Palm Beach,FL 33402IRELAND: Oct. 28-30, 1988; 3rd Annual IrishConvention; N.A. Ireland, P.O. Box 1368, SheriffStreet, Dublin 1, Ireland

KANSAS: Feb. 17-19, 1989; Second Mid-America Regional Convention; Holiday Inn Holi-dome Convention Center, Salina, (913) 823-1739;Mid-America Convention, P.O. Box 383, Salina,KS 67401

NEBRASKA: Oct. 7-9, 1988; 5th NebraskaRegional Convention; Holiday Inn Northeast,5250 Cornhusker Hwy., Lincoln; NRCNA-5, P.O.Box 80091, Lincoln, NE 68501-0091

NEVADA: Jun. 23-25, 1989; 2nd Sierra SageRegional Convention; Nugget Hotel, Sparks;phoneline (702) 322-4811; Sierra Sage RSC, P.O.Box 11913, Reno, NV 89510-1191

NORTH DAKOTA: Oct. 22, 1988; 7th Annual Fargo-Morehead Banquet; Oak Manor Hotel,1-94 and US-81, Fargo; Fargo-Morehead ASC,P.O. Box 3243, Fargo, ND 58108

OHIO: Oct. 14-16, 1988; 1st Ohio Regional 12Step Retreat; Tar Hollow State Park, Four HillsResident Camp, Laurelville; Ohio Regional Of-fice, 66 E. 15th Avenue, Columbus, OH

PENNSYLVANIA: Oct. 28-30, 1988; 6thAnnual Tri-State Regional Convention; VistaInternational Hotel, Pittsburgh, (412) 281-3700;Tri-State RSO, P.O. Box 110217, Pittsburgh, PA15232

QUEBEC: Oct. 7-9,1988; 1st Quebec BilingualConvention; Crown Plaza Hotel, 420 Sherbrooke

St. West, Montreal (514) 842-6111; QuebecConvention, P.O. Box 141, Succursale Youville,Montreal, Quebec, H2P 2V4

SOUTH CAROLINA: Nov. 11-13, 1988;Serenity Festival; Landmark Best Western,Myrtle Beach; Serenity Festival, P.O. Box 1198,Myrtle Beach, SC 29578

2) Dec. 3, 1988; "Just for Today" Mini-Confer-ence; Hilton Head Inn; Mini-Conference, P.O.Box 1837, Hilton Head Island, SC 29925

TENNESSEE: Nov. 23-27, 1988; 6th Volun-teer Regional Convention; Garden Plaza Hotel,211 Mockingbird Ln., Johnson City, (615) 929-2000; VRC-6, P.O. Box 353, Greeneville, TN37744

TEXAS: Oct. 14-16,1988; Texas Unity Conven-tion, Whitney; Texas Unity (Whitneys), 1612Second Street, League City, TX 77573

2) Nov. 4-6, 1988; Best Little Region Conven-tion; Koko Palace, 5101 Avenue Q, Lubbock TX79412; N.A. Helpline (806) 799-3950; BLRCNA-1,P.O. Box 3013, Lubbock, TX 79452-3013

3) Mar. 24-26, 1989; 4th Lone Star RegionalConvention; Hyatt Regency Riverwalk, 123Losoya, San Antonio 78205, (512) 222-1234;LSRCNA-4, 2186 Jackson Keller, Suite 327, SanAntonio, TX 78213

VIRGINIA: Jan. 6-8, 1989; 7th Annual VirginiaConvention; Williamsburg Hilton and NationalConference Center; Virginia Convention, P.O.Box 1373, Hampton, VA 23661

WASHINGTON: Oct. 7-9, 1988; EleventhPacific Northwest Convention; Red Lion Inn atthe Quay, Vancouver, (800) 547-8010; Helpline(206) 573-3066; Pacific-Northwest Conv., P.O.Box 5158, Vancouver, WA 98668

WEST VIRGINIA: Oct. 21-23, 1988; 7thTradition Convention; Cedar Lakes, Ripley (304)372-7000; Convention, 2408 9th Avenue, Hunting-ton, WV 25703

WISCONSIN: Oct. 28-30, 1988; 5th Wiscon-sin State Convention; Ramada Airport Inn,Milwaukee, (800) 272-6232; WSNAC-5, P.O. Box1637, Milwaukee, WI 53201-1637

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Address correction:If you have moved, fill in your new address below and attach yourold address label to this form.

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Allow four to six weeks for your first issue to arrive.

The Twelve Traditions of Narcotics Anonymous

1. Our common welfare should come first; personalrecovery depends on N.A. unity.

2. For our group purpose there is but one ultimateauthority—a loving God as He may expressHimself in our group conscience. Our leaders arebut trusted servants; they do not govern.

3. The only requirement for membership is a desireto stop using.

4. Each group should be autonomous except inmatters affecting other groups or N.A. as a whole.

5. Each group has but one primary purpose—to carrythe message to the addict who still suffers.

6. An N.A. group ought never endorse, finance, orlend the N.A. name to any related facility oroutside enterprise, lest problems of money,property or prestige divert us from our primarypurpose.

7. Every N.A. group ought to be fully self-supporting,declining outside contributions.

8. Narcotics Anonymous should remain forevernonprofessional, but our service centers mayemploy special workers.

9. N.A., as such, ought never be organized; but wemay create service boards or committees directlyresponsible to those they serve.

10. Narcotics Anonymous has no opinion on outsideissues; hence the N.A. name ought never be drawninto public controversy.

11. Our public relations policy is based on attractionrather than promotion; we need always maintainpersonal anonymity at the level of press, radio,and films.

12. Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all ourtraditions, ever reminding us to place principlesbefore personalities.

My gratitude speakswhen I care

and when I share with othersthe N.A. way

What Is Narcotics Anonymous?N.A. is a worldwide fellowship or society of men

and women for whom drugs had become a majorproblem. We are recovering addicts who meetregularly to help each other stay clean. It doesn'tmatter which drugs you used, or what you have donein the past. We are concerned only with how we canhelp addicts recover.

It costs nothing to belong to N.A.—there are nofees or dues. The only requirement for membershipis a desire to stop using drugs. Our program is a setof principles written so simply that we can followthem in our daily lives. The most important thingabout them is that they work.

For more information about N.A., see your localphone directory, or write us at the address inside.