The PathA Different ViewPart 1

First things first Arm folding exercise

Arm fold What did you learn? Great! What you should have learned is that

we all have set ways of doing things and when we are asked to do something different it won’t be automatic

It’s no different in the way we communicate and relate with others

The Path Principle What’s the path principle?

Your direction, not your intention, determines your destination

The Path Principle What areas of your life have you seen

the path principle play out? School Chores Work Heart/Sweat Punching your sibling

Example: Draw the comic

The Goal Take the Path Principle and apply it to

the way we relate to people Your direction not your intention

(intentioned communication) determines your destination (of those relationships)

Reality is your friend Perception is reality What we see is what we believe, but

often what we see isn’t true Example: Do you want to go to school

with your pants unzipped or would you rather your mom tell you before you leave the house?

Reality in relationships Everyone has different social styles We even interact differently with different

people How do you interact with:

Long time friends? New people? Siblings? Parents? Boss? HSM Leaders?

Reality in relationships Among those groups of people, do you

act differently when it’s time to: Work? Play? Eat? Relax? Party?

Communication What “makes” communication? 7% is based off meaning of words 38% based on the way we say those

words Tone

55% based on nonverbal cues Facial expressions

Example Turn to the person next to you. What are

the different ways this sentence could be interpreted?

I don’t kick my dog

Social Styles There is no right or wrong style Roughly 25% of the population falls into each

category Categories are created by cross examining

responsiveness (task vs. people) and assertiveness (ask vs. tell)

These are not directly related to Myers-Briggs, temperament, Strength Finders, DSST or any other test you may have taken. It’s another tool to help you understand yourself

and others

Responsiveness and Assertiveness This week we will discuss

responsiveness and assertiveness Next week we will discuss how each

style interacts and what it take to have the most productive interaction

Responsiveness and Assertiveness Responsiveness – The measure of

expressing Assertiveness – The measure of

influencing

Responsiveness and Assertiveness Responsiveness – The measure of

expressing Task Directed People Directed

Assertiveness – The measure of influencing Ask Directed Tell Directed

Responsiveness- Task Directed Usually more reserved in expressing emotions Focus on task at hand After work is done may take up interpersonal

topics Talk about the facts of a project Nonverbal cues

Composed posture Level tone of voice Contained gestures Limited facial expressions

Responsiveness- Task Directed Don’t hate you Still experience full range of emotions Express those emotions different

Responsiveness- People Directed Express emotions openly and freely Focus on feelings and relationship issues Talk about the people on their project Nonverbal cues

Broad and varied gestures Variable tone of voice More facial expressions

Responsiveness- People Directed Working relationships are highly valued

as well as building cooperation Believe that relating will help the task

get done at a higher level

Responsiveness and Assertiveness Responsiveness – The measure of

expressing Task Directed People Directed

Assertiveness – The measure of influencing Ask Directed Tell Directed

Assertiveness Clarification: Because we all want something we are

assertive The comparison here is how we go

about getting what we want Again, not good or bad but different.

Can be bad if used incorrectly I.e. Manipulation or overbearing

Assertiveness- Ask Directed More subtle and indirect Ask more question Tend to suggest or offer ideas Not make strong statements or present

conclusions Seldom interrupts others Rarely uses voice for emphasis Uses conditional statements

Assertiveness- Ask Directed Nonverbal cues

Lean back in chair when speaking Talk more slowly, allow pauses Appear calm and composed

Assertiveness- Tell Directed More up front in statements/body

language Speak at faster pace Take initiative Use voice for emphasis Uses declarative statements

Assertiveness- Tell Directed Nonverbal cues

More direct Leaning forward during conversation Louder and faster

Tell vs. Ask Tell – Push the boundary until they are

told to either stop, or they have found it Ask – Where’s the boundary of my

authority?

Versatility Ability to adjust your social style to

connect with the most people – JM Abbrev Vers

Plays out when you notice the differences in social styles of someone and can change to accommodate them

You are versatile if this begins to characterize you Talk to your leader about 7 Stages of

Character Development

Versatility Versatility is looking out for the best of

those involved in communication Application of Heart Attitude #1

Put the goals and interests of others above your own

Philippians 2:3-4 3 Do nothing from selfishness or empty

conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; 4 do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. (NASB)

Matthew 7:12 In everything, therefore, treat people

the same way you want them to treat you, for this is the Law and the Prophets. (NASB)

Next week We will look into the specific social

styles and how to relate to each on in a way that helps the other person Application of Heart Attitude #1

Conclusion Your direction not your intention

(intentioned communication) determines your destination (of those relationships)