The Power of Active Listening

Seek first to understand, then to be understood.

~Steven Covey

Communication Stats

Mode of Communication

Formal Yearsof Training

Percentage of Time Used

Writing 12 years 9%

Reading 6-8 years 16 %

Speaking 1-2 years 30%

Listening 0-few hours 45%

Fast Facts• We listen at 125-250 wpm, think at

1000-3000 wpm• 75% of the time we are distracted,

preoccupied or forgetful• 20% of the time, we remember what we

hear• More than 35% of businesses think

listening is a top skill for success• Less than 2% of people have had formal

education with listening

Active Listening (4 Steps)

1. Listen2. Question3. Reflect-Paraphrase4. Agree

Listening is the highest compliment one can pay to another human

being.

Listening attentively (actively):

•shows respect •builds trust •cements relationships

“Listening” involves an awareness of: Words (what) +

Tone of voice (how) +Body language (how)

What kind of behavior do you do when you’re not listening?

Look awayDo two things at onceShow looks of disapprovalFidgetSlouchRespond with disdain, sarcasm, or defensiveness

What is Active Listening?

Active Listening means that you seeking to understand. You make sure that you are getting the correct message without passing judgment.

It includes•“Opening the door” to good conversation•Drawing out a speaker with questions•Reflecting feeling that you hear and see•Paraphrasing to capture content

Opening door to good conversation shows an interest…. But it must be done sincerely, without judgment.

“I see”“Right”

“Uh huh”…“Okay”“Sure”“Yeah” “Yes”

“Wow”“Really?”

Probing with open-ended comments / questions draws the speaker out.

• Ask to –– Show interest (I’d like to hear your

opinion on this.”)– Encourage more

explanation (What do you think the

problem is?) – Keep the person

talking (Tell me more…)

Act like a mirror and reflect feelings that you see and hear. This is particularly

useful when the person’s tone of voice or gestures don’t match her words.

OR just as a check…– “Seems like you had a fun time, right? OR– “I sense you’ve become worried. Is that so?”

Someone may say: “Don’t worry. I’m fine” (when she actually looks very upset)… Reflecting, you say

–“You say you’re OK, but by the tone of your voice, you seem upset, correct?”

PARAPHRASE the speaker to acknowledge the story and capture the content.

EXAMPLE: “Let’s see if I got this right. You’re upset because you think we’re going off in the wrong direction and you want to clarify our objective before we write this assignment. Is that right”

CAUTION: Don’t parrot back; be sure to put the message in your own words – that’s active listening.

Use paraphrasing to:

Avoid confusion (It sounds like…)

Bring out the speaker’s intent (Let me see if I heard you right…)

Confirm understanding (Are you saying that…?)

See situation as speaker sees it(In other words, what you mean

is…)

Remember that the objective of

all of this is increase

understanding of the other’s point of view,

not necessarily to agree with it or support it.

Credits

• International Listening Association (ILA)– http://listen.org – March -- Listening Awareness Month

• HighGain, Inc. (http://highgain.com)• Monster (http://monster.com)• OnPoint Services

Communication Resources

• The Core Rules of Netiquette: http://www.albion.com/netiquette/corerules.html

• Netiquette Rules for E-Mails, Newsgroups, Bulletin Boards and Chat: http://randomnetstuff.com/netiquette.html

• Netiquette for Students: http://www.bpl.org/kids/Netiquette.htm • Net Manners: http://www.netmanners.com/ • Electronic Mail Emoticons (Smilies) & Shorthand (Abbreviations):

http://www.kassj.com/netiquette/smilies.html• Newsletter Tips for Administrators: http://www.education-

world.com/a_admin/columnists/pawlas/pawlas003.shtml • Listening Self-Assessment: http://www.highgain.com/SELF/index.php• Communication Activities:

http://www.ag.ohio-state.edu/~bdg/communication.html • Body Language:

http://totalcommunicator.com/body_article_print.html• Tomlinson, Gerald, ed. 2003. The School Administrator's Complete

Letter Book with CD-ROM. 2nd ed. San Francisco: Jossey-Bass.

A Few Quotes on Communication Worth Remembering:

• If you wouldn't write it and sign it, don't say it.  ~Earl Wilson

• Two monologues do not make a dialogue.  ~Jeff Daly

• Silence can’t be quoted. ~Unknown

• Good communication is as stimulating as black coffee, and just as hard to sleep after. ~Anne Morrow Lindbergh

• No one would talk much in society, if he knew how often he misunderstands others. ~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

• Today, communication itself is the problem. We have become the world's first over communicated society. Each year we send more and receive less. ~Al Ries

• Seek first to understand, then to be understood. ~Steven Covey