ThePROCRASTINATIONCURE

ThePROCRASTINATIONCURE7StepstoStopPuttingLifeOff

JefferyCombs

Copyright©2012byJefferyCombs

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CONTENTS

Preface

Introduction

PartOne:WhatIsProcrastination?

ChapterOneAnOverviewofProcrastination

PartTwo:TheSixTypesofProcrastinators

ChapterTwoTheNeuroticPerfectionist

ChapterThreeTheBig-DealChaser

ChapterFourTheChronicWorrier

ChapterFiveTheRebelliousProcrastinator

ChapterSixTheDramaAddict

ChapterSevenTheAngryGiver

PartThree:ChangingYourLife

ChapterEightTheRecoveryProcess

ChapterNineTheSevenHabitsofRecoveringProcrastinators

AppendixTheProcrastinationQuiz

Index

AbouttheAuthor

PREFACE

Thisbookisdedicatedtoprocrastinatorseverywhere:thosewhosufferfrominfrequentprocrastinationaswellaschronicprocrastinators.Forthelast20-plusyears,Ihavewitnessedmanyquality,capablepeoplewithlotsoftalentsabotagethemselvesbyprocrastinating.Formorethan10yearsofmyentrepreneurialcareer,Idevelopedsalesteamsandsalesorganizations.Iwasamazedathowmanypeopleputoffand/oravoidedlearningthehabitsandskillsassociatedwithselling.Ibegantotakenoteofhowmanyofthemprocrastinatedaboutmasteringthesalesprocess,andevenquittoavoidtheperceivedpainassociatedwithselling.Thisbeganmyjourneyintounderstandingthereasonsandthesciencebehindwhysomuchofthepopulationprocrastinates.

Morethan13yearsago,Istartedpersonallymentoringandcoachingentrepreneurs,businessowners,athletes,entertainers,peoplewithaddictions,andindividualsfromallwalksoflife.Ihavesincecoachedmorethan6,000clientsanddevoted60,000hoursofmypersonaltimetocoaching.Ihavepersonallywitnessedhowmanypeopleprocrastinate.Ialsofoundthatthereisverylittlewrittenandunderstoodonthistopicthataffectssomuchofthepopulation.Thisbookisahandbookbasedonmypracticalexperience,myresearch,andmycommittedstudyonwhyweprocrastinate.Iofferspecificmethodstoassistyoutoreleasethecausesofprocrastinationsoyouwilllivelessfrequentlyintheeffectsofprocrastination.Iprovideinsightintothesixmainprocrastinatortypesandtheirsharedcommonalities,andIpresenttechniquesandskillstoassistyouinlettinggooftheevents,people,andsituationsthatkeepyouprocrastinating.

Inthefollowingpages,youwillgainunderstandingaboutwhyyouprocrastinateandyouwilllearndetailedstepsonhowtoletgo.Bepatientasyoubegintounderstandyourprocrastinatortype(s)andthereasonswhyyoudowhatyoudo.Persevere,becausetransformationfromoccasionalandchronicprocrastinationisnotanovernightprocess.Youmustbecommittedandseriousaboutlettinggoofthecausesthatcreateandperpetuateyourprocrastination.

Ifyouarereadingthisbook,youaretakingthefirststepstobecomearecoveringprocrastinator.Congratulations!Youdeservetoreceivethebenefitsofdroppingtheprocrastinatoridentity,andreinventingyourselftobecomethe

personyoudeservetobe.

Withgratitude,JefferyCombs

INTRODUCTION

Beforewebegin,Ihaveaconfessiontomakerightupfront:I,JefferyCombs,thepresidentandfounderofGoldenMastermindSeminars,Inc.,procrastinatedaboutwritingthisbook.IcameupwiththeideaforthisbookseveralyearsagowhenIrealizedthattherewasverylittlecontentavailableonthesubjectofprocrastination—payavisittoanybookstoreinAmerica,andyouwillbehard-pressedtofindbooksandCDsthatspecificallyfocusonprocrastination.Thereason?Procrastinationisaverymisunderstoodtopic—there’sverylittleunderstandingofhowtoletgoofprocrastination,howtorecognizeanddiffusethefeelingsthatleadtoprocrastination,and,mostimportantly,howtodeveloptheabilitytoproduce,aswellasrelax,withoutguilt.

ProcrastinationIsanEffect—NotaCauseWeallprocrastinateoccasionally.Procrastinationcanbedefinedasdelayinga

project,atask,oranintendedcourseofaction,despiteexpectingtofeeltheguiltorshameofthedelay.Fifteento20percentofadultsroutinelyputoffactivitiesthatwouldbestbeaccomplishedassoonaspossible.Inindependentsurveysconductedin2007,80to90percentofallcollegestudentsadmittedthattheyhadmajorissueswithprocrastination.

Procrastinationisaneffect,notacause.Youdon’tprocrastinatebecauseyou’reaprocrastinator.Youprocrastinatebecausetherearecausesthathavecreatedtheeffectofprocrastination.Tobegintoletgoofyourprocrastination,it’simportanttounderstandwhyyouprocrastinate.

Asyoucoverthematerialinthisbook,Iwouldliketointroduceyoutoanimportantdistinction:Ifyoucallyourselfaprocrastinator,thiswordbecomesyouridentity.Nooneisacut-and-driedprocrastinatorinallareasofone’slife.Instead,weprocrastinateinisolatedareaswhereweperceivepain,weprocrastinatetorebel,orweprocrastinatetocontrolasituation.Manypeoplewhoarerebelliousintheirprocrastinationoftenwinduprebellingagainsttheirownsuccess.Thisistakingprocrastinationtotheextreme.

Themostcommonformofprocrastinationoccurswhenyoucreateanexcuseinordertoeliminatetheperceptionofpain.Ifjustthinkingabouttomorrow’s

tasksandchoresbringsupfeelingsofanxiety,pain,ordiscomfort,thereisahighprobabilitythatyouwillcreatesomethingmoretrivialtodotoavoidthepain.Inotherwords,youwillmostlikelynotscheduleless-criticaltasksforlater.Thisistheprimaryreasonthatyougetsidetracked.It’sthereasonthatyouplantomakebusinesscallsandsuddenlyfindyourselfattherefrigerator.

ProcrastinationIsanEpidemicProcrastination,quitefrankly,isanepidemic,andanepidemiccanonlybe

curediftheunderlyingrootcauseisdiscovered.Mygoalforthisbookistoteachyouhowtoidentifywhatcausesprocrastinationandneutralizetheresultingfeelings.I’llshowyouhowtogofromprocrastinatortoproducer.Nomatterwhoyouare,thisbookwillhelpyoutoovercomeprocrastinationandachievethelifeofyourdreams.

PartOneWhatIsProcrastination?

CHAPTERONEAnOverviewofProcrastination

Earlyinmyentrepreneurialcareer,Ibecameawareofaprevalenttendencytowardprocrastinationthatwasbuiltintolargesalesteamsaroundthecountry.Peoplewouldattendmyrallies,events,seminars,conventions,trainings,andmastermindgroups,andtheywouldleaveinspiredandexcited.Thentheywouldreturnhome,backtotheirfamiliarsurroundings,andprocrastinateratherthanproduce.

TheseindividualsjoinedwhatIcalltheWitnessProtectionProgram,meaningthattheywouldnotreturnmyphonecallsorrespondtomye-mails—Iwouldneverhearfromthemagain.Atfirst,thisusedtobaffleme;Iwasshockedatthesmallnumberofpeoplewhoactuallyfollowedthroughontheirintentions.Theywouldintendtocreatetheactionrequired,buttheywouldn’tactuallycommit.

Eventually,Ilearnedthatthiswasnormalbehaviorformostofsociety.Alargepercentageofthepopulationseekschange,yettheseindividualsfailtotakeactionbecausestruggleandhardshiphavebecometheiridentity,sochangeandsuccesswouldcontradicttheirveryselves.Todatein2011,Ihavepersonallycoachedandmentoredaround6,000individualclients.Thisaddsuptoapproximately60,000personalhoursspentmentoringandcoachingpeopletounderstandthewaytheyfeelsotheycanchangethosefeelingsinordertochangethewaytheyact.Predictably,80to90percentofmyclientsarestuckinprocrastination.

Thesedays,I’mpassionateaboutassistingindividualstounderstandnotonlythereasontheyfeelthewaytheyfeel,butalsotorecognizetheeventsthatcreatedthosefeelings.Ifallyoudoisaddresstheeffect,you’llnevergettothecause—andthecauseiswhereyoulearntoliveinthesolution.Ifyouliveintheeffect,you’llcontinuetoliveintheproblem.

Takedietandexercise,forexample.Iffoodisasituationthataffectsyou,goingonadietandbeginninganexerciseprogramaregoingtobecomponentsofreleasingweight.Butintheend,they’reonlythesuperficialcausethatcreatestheeffect.Ifyoufirstbegintoaddressthereasonsyouovereat,thenyoucangettothecauseofyourprocrastinationandresistancetoweightloss.ManyofusstartadietinlateDecemberorJanuary,yetsomewherearoundMarchandApril

thelusterwearsoff.WegotothegyminJanuaryandFebruary,butthenenrollmentsdropinMarchandApril.Thesuncomesout,theweathergetsnicer,andwelosesightofourgoal.

AShortHistoryofProcrastinationProcrastinationhasbeenaroundaslongashumanshavebeeninexistence,

eventhough,inearlysocieties,alatecropcouldleadtostarvation.Goingbackto800BC,theGreekpoetHesiodequatedprocrastinationwithsinorsloth.Associetymovedintotheindustrialage,itbecameeasiertoprocrastinatebecausemachinesallowedpeopletoperformlesswork.

Today,intheeraoftechnology,procrastinationisthriving.Notpayingattention,gettingreadytogetready,surfingtheWeb,playingcomputergames,watchingtheelectronicincomereducer(thatis,television),arejustsomeofthewaysthevastmajorityofthepopulationavoidsdoingwhattheyintendtodobutareneverfullycommittedtoachieving:theirdreams,theirobjectives,andevensomeoftheircommitments.Facebook,Twitter,andotherformsofsocialmediahavecreatedawholenewwaytostayconnected—andawholenewwaytoprocrastinate.

“I’mgoingtoprospectonFacebook,”yousaytoyourself.Instead,whathappensisthatyoucatchuponalltheposts,butyoudon’tdoanyconnectingbecauseyougetseducedintoavoidingthepainofrejectionyouperceive.Thisisagreatexampleofbeingbusyratherthanproductive.Theseductionofsocialmediaallowsyoutoputoffwhatyoushoulddowhilespendingmoretimedoingwhatyoumerelywanttodo.Succumbingtotheseenticementscanabsolutelybecostly.Itcancostyoutime;itcancostyoumoney.Moreimportantly,itcancauseyoutoexperienceguiltandshame,thelowestleveloffeelingthatwetransmittootherstelepathicallythroughouremotionalvibrations.Someofthehighestlevelsoffeelingfromwhichwecanvibratearelove,serenity,andbliss—Ibelieveyoucanagreethatthesearechallengingemotionsfromwhichtooperatewhileinthemidstofprocrastination!

TheFinancialCostsofProcrastinationFinancialexpertsestimatethat40percentofourpopulationhasexperienceda

financiallossduetoprocrastination—andinmanycases,thelossesweresevere.In2002,Americaoverpaid$473millionintaxesasaresultofrushingandcreatingcostlyerrors.Eachyear,alargepercentageofthepopulationwaitsuntilthelastminutetofiletheirtaxreturns.Analarmingnumberofpeoplefile

extensionsandthenoperateinapanickedrushtomeettheextensiondeadline.Keepinmindthatthisisinadditiontothoseindividualswhoputofffilingtaxesaltogetherandfallyearsbehind.

Ioncecoachedaclientwhohadn’tpaidtaxesin15years.Shewassoanxiousabouttherepercussionsofhersituationthatshecouldn’tfilehertaxesforfearoftheunknown,andshewasunabletosleepatnight.Shekneweventuallyshewouldhavetofacethemusic.Now,thiswomanwasn’tataxprotestor,anditwasn’tthatshedidn’twanttopayhertaxes.Shewasn’tdishonestordisloyaltoourcountry.Shewassimplyachronicprocrastinator.

OccasionalProcrastinatorsThere’sahugedifferencebetweensomeonewhoprocrastinatesoccasionally

andsomeonewhoprocrastinateschronically.We’llcoverthechronicprocrastinatoralittlelaterinthisbook.Fornow,I’mgoingtoassumethatmostofyouwhoarereadingthisbookareoccasionalprocrastinators.You’reaverageprocrastinators.You’renotaddictedtoprocrastination,butthereareareaswhereprocrastinationhindersyou.

Takealookatyourbankaccount.Doesprocrastinationhinderyouthere?Takealookatyourphysiqueandyourhealth.Doesprocrastinationholdyoubackthere?Takealookatyourdesk.Isitpiledhighwithpapersthatyoucan’tletgoof?Isyourhouseamazeofclutter?Howaboutyourcloset?Whenyouopenthedoor,doeseverythingfalldownonyou?Ormaybeyou’reoneofthosepeoplewhosegarageissofilledwithstuffthatthere’snoroomforthecars.Nowthat’sprocrastination!

KeyQuestionstoAskYourself:∞Whatisthebyproductofmyprocrastination?∞Doesprocrastinationcausemeguiltandshame?∞DoIfeeloverwhelmedwhenitcomestotheprocessofchange?∞Domyabandonmentandrejectionissueskeepmefromusingtheelectronicincomecreator(thatis,thetelephone)?

∞Doesprocrastinationkeepmefromavoidingproduction?∞Doestheperceivedpainofproducinghinderme?∞Wouldactuallyproducingliberateme?

Perfection—orMastery?

Nomatterwhatyoudo,youwillneverbe100percent.Thisisn’taboutbeing100percentanything.Thisisn’taboutbeing“thebest.”Thisisaboutbeingyourbest.Youwillalwayshavechallenges.Youwillhaveupsanddowns.However,yourabilitytobouncebackwilldeterminewhetheryouarebarelyinthegameorwhetheryoumasterthegame.

Youarebrilliant.Youarealreadyperfect.Yoursoulishavinghumanexperiences.Youareexceptional.Youhavewhatisrequired.Youhavetheguts.Youhavethejuice.YouhavetheG-A-M-E,baby.Mostofyoujusthaven’tplayedityet.Youhaven’tcommitted,andyouhaven’tdecided.Thegoodnewsisthateachandeverydayyouaregrantedanewgiftcalled“time,”andthatequals86,400seconds,or1,440minutes.

Whenitcomestoproductionandprocrastination,oneliberatesyouandoneintoxicatesyou.Theliberationfromproduction—fromataskwelldone;fromreceivingareward,apaycheck,apayment,anoverridebonus,orabigcheck;fromataskaccomplished;fromwalkingacrossthestage,gettinganaward,gettingahugfromateammateorafamilymember—isexhilaratingtoexperience.Ontheotherhand,theintoxicationwederivefromprocrastination—theguilt,theshame,theoverridingfeelingsofunworthiness(“I’mnotgoodenough,”“Ican’tbelieveI’vedoneitagain,”“It’ssobigIcan’tpossiblystart”)—isoneofthebiggestchallenges.

ProcrastinationIsaLeft-BrainIssueWhat’sfascinatingaboutprocrastinationisthatitallhappensintheleftside

ofthebrain.Theleftsideofthebrainistheegotisticalmind,themindofcontrol.It’simportanttounderstandthatprocrastinationisnonphysical.Itsresultsshowupphysically,butitallstartsoutemotionally.Thisiswheretheleftbrainkicksin.Itbeginstoreleasedopamine,andyoubegintofeelbad.Theleftbraincontrolsyourself-talk,tellingyouwhatyoucan’tdo.Itstartstalkingaboutthepainthatmightbecreated.“I’llprobablyfailatthis,”“There’snowaythatwillhappen,”“IfIdothis,thatmighthappen,”“Theyprobablywon’t,”“I’mnotevengoingtogo,”“Itwillrain”—thisisalltheegotisticalmindtalking.Thisistheself-talkofabodythatcontinuestostayinpain.

Bycontrast,abodythatisexperiencingpleasurereleasesawholedifferentbiochemicalcalledseratonin.Thisisthefeel-goodfactor.IfIcouldgiveyoujustoneinsightthatwillallowyoutobeginreleasingseratonin,it’sthis:Startwithasimplesmile—agenuinesmile.Thissmallactionwillcreatesomewarmthinyourbody,allowingyoutosay,“Iamenough.Iamlovable.Iamcapable.”Affirmationsarepowerful,buttheymustbefollowedbyaction,becausewords

withoutactionarejustemptystatements.Affirmationswithoutfollow-througharejustanothersetofstatementsthatwillleadtodisappointment.Accomplishingyourobjectivesbeginswithpositiveself-talkcombinedwithaffirmativeaction.Thispatternrepeatedconsistentlyanddiligentlyintimewillalwaysleadyouforwardineveryaspectofyourlife.

BeyondMotivationWhatwillallowyoutoovercomeprocrastination?Twosituations:

1.Understandingwhyyouprocrastinateandwhyyoudowhatyoudo2.Creatingreasons,goals,purposes,andobjectivesthatarebiggerthanyourprocrastinationissues

Youmustdevelopsomethinginyourmind’ssight,somethinginyourvision—somethingthat’sclear,somethingthatmotivatesyou.

Butbeyondmotivationisinspiration.Inspirationisthatfireinyourgut.It’sthatpassioninyourcoremuscles,inyourgroin.Inspirationresidesinthelowerhalfofyourbody,whereallyouremotional,ethericenergyis.It’sthewhite-lightenergycalledcharismathatothersaroundyoucanfeel.Theysenseit,andtheywanttobeapartofit.

Inspirationisasilentpowerthatwillcarryyouthroughyourchallenges.Itwillallowyoutogetbackonahorsewhenyou’vebeenthrownoff.Itwillallowyoutogetbackoncoursewhenyourbrain’sreticularactivatingsystem,otherwiseknownasyouremotionalGooglesearchengine,hastakenyouoffcourse.Nomatterhowgoodyouget,youwillstillprocrastinateinisolatedareas.Procrastinationisaneffectyoucanlearntoaddresssoyoucaneventuallydiscoveritscause.

YouAreNotaProcrastinatorHere’sthekeytounderstandinghowcauseandeffectworks:Youthink

thoughtsthatbecomefeelings…feelingsbecomemoods…moodsbecomeyouridentity.Thisisthebeginningofunderstandingthatyouarenotaprocrastinator.Somanypeoplesay,“Oh,I’llbethefirstpersontobuythatbook!Ican’twaitforJeff’snewConfessionsofaRecoveringProcrastinatorCDtocomeout,becauseI’msuchaprocrastinator.”Procrastinationhasbecomethatindividual’sidentity.

Instead,practicesayingtoyourself,“IprocrastinateinisolatedareasthatI:

(1)don’tunderstand,(2)amlearningtoletgoof,and(3)perceivepain.”Insteadofcallingyourselfaprocrastinator,affirmthatyouarearecoveringprocrastinator.It’sthe12-stepprogramtoliberation,wealth,andjoy.

Themostvaluablecommodityyoupossessinthislifeistime.Thekeyisturningyourtimeintovalue,intoservice,intoresults,intojoy,intorelaxation,intoproduction,intoconnection.Wespendourtimeintwoprimaryways:relaxationandproduction.Whenyouspendtimeexperiencingeitheroneofthesemodalities,thereissomuchmoretogainwhenyouareguilt-free.

Procrastinationhasahugeeffectonbothhealthandwealth.Haveyoueverputoffgoingtothedentistordoctor?Mostofushavebecauseoftheperceivedanxietyoftheoutcome.Imustadmit,Iprocrastinateaboutgoingtothedentist.Justthethoughtofitisenoughtokeepmefrommakingtheappointment.EventhoughIhaveareallyawesomedentist,that’sstillnotenoughformetoscheduleacheckup.Once,Iwaited12yearsbetweendentalappointments!WhenIfinallywent,Ihadtohavearootcanalandacrown;thatprocrastinationcostmeabout$5,000.

AddressYourEmotionalAddictTheUniversityofWindsorinOntarioreportedthatadultprocrastinatorshad

higherstresslevelsandmoreacutehealthproblemsthanindividualswhocompletedtheirtasksinatimelymanner.Apersonismorepronetoprocrastinateifthetaskathandseemsdull,tedious,orpainful.Let’sfaceit:Whogetsexcitedabouttacklingagaragesofulltheycan’tgettheircarintoit?WhowantstospendtheirSaturdayundoingallthedamagethey’vedonetotheirhousehold,dealingwithallthemagazines,memorabilia,andclutterthey’vecollectedthroughouttheyears?

Thereisatendencyfortheprocrastinatortoputoffmajorprojectsuntiltheverylastminute.Remembercrammingforyourfinalexamswhenyouwereincollege?Iwenttocollegeinthe1970s,anditwasn’tuncommonformyfellowstudentsandmetotakeNoDoz,drinkcoffee,anduseotherbannedsubstancestoassistuswithprocrastinating.

Haveyoueverrushedtotheairport,gettingthereinthenickoftimetomakeyourflight?Doyoushowuplatetoevents,operatingontheadrenalinerushthatcomesfromjustmakingthedeadline?Thisisacommonwayofoperatingformanypeople.Theyattractattentionbybeinglate.Theyreceiveahugejoltofadrenalinebygettinginjustunderthewire.Theywaituntilthepainisgreatenough.Iknow—I’veexperiencedallofthismyself.

IrealizedthatIhadadrinkingprobleminmy20swhenIbegantoconsumelargeamountsofalcohol.ItwasproblematicenoughthatIstartedtogetDUIsandhadepisodesofpublicintoxication.IknewinmycreativerightbrainthatIhadaproblem,butmyleftbrainkeptmeindenial.Mylogical,egotisticalmindkeptmefromfacingitandseekingasolution.Inthemeantime,IkeptpromisingmyselfthatIwouldnotdrink,butittookmesixyearstoachievemyfirstdayofsobriety.Fortunatelyforme,sincethatveryfirstday,I’veneverhadanotherdrink.Thisisanexampleofallowingprocrastinationtoreachaproblematicstage,tothepointthatIalmosthadtodietochange.Thisisnottheidealwaytoaddressanemotionaladdiction.

RiskandRewardTheamountoftimebeforeaprojectduedatealsoimpactstheprobabilityof

procrastination.Wearemorelikelytoputoffataskwhenthedeadlineisfaraway.Thishappensbecauseofthephenomenaknownas“temporaldelay,”whichmeansthatthefartherapersonisfromarewardorafeelingofaccomplishment,andthelesscertainthatpersonfeelsaboutreachingtheendresult,themorelikelyheorsheistoresistperformingtherequiredactionnecessarytoearnit.Anotherwayofsayingthisisthatimmediategratificationismoremotivatingthanprizesoraccoladesreceivedasarewardfortasksaccomplishedinthefuture.Theriskorrewardfactorismuchgreaterwhentherewardiscloser,rightthereinfrontofyou.

Thecharacteristicmostcommonlylinkedtoprocrastinationisalackofconscientiousness.Apersonwhoishighlyconscientiousandorganizedisusuallyindustriousandproductive.Thisdescribesme.I’mveryorganized.I’mveryproductive.Ihaveamethod;Ihavearoutine.ButnoteveryoneinmyfamilyisasperfectionisticororganizedasIam.Individualswhoarenotconscientioushaveahighprobabilityofprocrastinating.

Ifyouhavealotofchaosandalotofdramainyourlife,thefirststepyouwanttotakeistoforgiveyourself.Don’tjudgeyourself.Ifyouhaveamountainofcluttertotackle,don’tlookatitandhyperventilate.Whenyoureactthisway,yourbodygoesintofight-or-flightmode.

Highlyimpulsivepeoplearealsopronetoprocrastinate.Temptationisaneasywaytoleadtheprocrastinatoroffcourse.Procrastinatorsareconstantlybehindtheirown8-ball,waitinguntilthelastminutetoruninandrescuethemselves.Theylivefortheadrenalinerushfollowedbyamajorletdown.Theyareaddictedemotionallyandchemicallytoexperiencinghighhighsandlowlows.Brainchemistry—adrenaline,cortisol,dopamine,serotonin,andthe

emotionalmind/bodyconnection—canexplainthis.Thebraingetsaddictedtothechemicalsreleasedinourbodiesduringhighlyemotionalstates,aswellasthechemicalsreleasedimmediatelyoncetheseeventshavetranspired.

ProcrastinationandAnxietyProcrastinationisalsodirectlylinkedtoanxiety,whichisanoffshootof

neuroticism.Gettingstartediseasilypostponedbecauseoftheanxietyoffailure.Thesubconsciousinternaldialoguesoundssomethinglike,“I’mafraidIwon’tdoitperfectly;I’llmakeamistake.I’lllosetheprospectorfriend.Iwon’tbeabletoliveuptomystandards.I’mnotpreparedenough.”Therearemanyotherreasons,justifications,validations,andjustflat-outexcuses.Andanexcuseisjustawell-plannedlie.

Thewords(andsometimeseventhesounds)weusecreateourprocrastination.Haveyoueveraskedsomeoneaquestionandthefirstsoundoutofhisorhermouthwas“Um,”followedbythepreposition“well…”?Inthissituation,thepersonisactuallyprocrastinatingbeforearticulating.Whenyouaskhimaquestion,heimmediatelychecksoutandgoesintohisleftbrain.Insteadofsayingwhathefeels,hegoesintothinkingmode;insteadoffeeling,he’slogical.Whenhefinallystartstalking,heusuallybeginstojustifyandvalidatehimselfratherthanspeakfromhistrueintuition.

NeuroticPerfectionismTherearetwoformsofperfection:practicalperfectionandneurotic

perfection.Youcanbeneuroticinyourownperfection.Youcanbeanabsolutelyorganized,detailed,neuroticperfectionist.We’llbeexploringthistypeofprocrastinatorinmuchmoredetailinChapter2,butfornow,sufficeittosay,ifyourdesireforperfectionkeepsyoufromproduction,thenthere’sahighprobabilitythatit’saneurosis.

Ifyoucanturnyourneuroticperfectionintoapracticalperfectionthatrewardsyou(forataskwelldone,feelinggoodaboutasituation,beingmeticulousonlyincertainareas),thenit’shealthy.Butifyou’resoneuroticthatyoucan’tstart,ifyou’resoneuroticyoucan’tleave(andyou’veprobablyheardofpeoplewhohaveafearofflying,orafearofdrivinginacar,orafearofleavingtheirhouse),thesearephobiasthatarealsosymptomsofprocrastination.

Individualscaughtinsideoneofthesephobiasdon’tfeelincontrolofaparticularsituation,butwhattheycancontrolisstayinghome.Iftheydon’tfly,theywon’tgetkilledinanairlineaccident.Iftheydon’tgetonatrain,they

won’tbeinvolvedinatrainwreck.Iftheydon’tdrive,theywon’tgetintoacarwreck.Insteadofexperiencingtheseformsoftransportation,theypracticeprocrastination.Theycancontroltheoutcomebystayinghome,butthentheysay,“Ican’ttakeatrip,”“Oh,IwishIwouldhave,”or“I’vegottofindapillto‘cure’mycondition.”

RememberthelinefromthatHueyLewisandtheNewssong,“Iwantanewdrug,onethatdon’tmakemenervous”?That’swhathappenstoalotofus.Weareconditionedtotakeanynumberofover-the-counterorprescriptionmedicationstoaddressouranxietiesandmaskourfeelings.Someofusaretoldthatwe’retoocreative.WehaveADHD.Wehaveanxiety.Wehavesleepdisorders.Wearegivenaseriesofpillstoaddressourfeelings,andweendupdampeningourcreativity.

AddressingtheReasonsWhyToreallyletgo,itisyourresponsibilitytounderstandwhyyoudowhatyou

do.Didyougrowupwithprocrastinators?Didyougrowupwithneuroticperfectionists?Didyougrowupwithapracticalperfectionist?Wereyoualwaystoldwhatyouhadtodo?Wereyoureprimandedifyoudidn’tdowhatyouweretold?Didyourebelagainstorder?Whenyouwenttocollegeormovedoutofyourhouse,didyoustopmakingyourbedoutofrebellion?

Thesearesomeoftheareasyoumustaddress.Ifyoudon’t,you’lljustcontinuetoputoffthesituationuntilthelastminute,validatingyouractionsbythinkingthatifitisdonepoorly,theexpectationswon’thavetobesohighthenexttime,thusreducingthepressuretosucceed.

Twokeyelementsplayalargepartintheurgetopostponeprojects:Uncertainfeelingsaboutanactivityandthedesiretoavoiddiscomfort.Theprocrastinator’sself-talksays,“I’mnotsureifthetimingisright,”thusavoidingtheriskoffailure.Indecisionalsoplaysalargeroleintheconscious/unconsciousmindoftheprocrastinator.Thispersoncannotmakeuphermind.Actually,shecanmakeuphermind,butshetellsherselfthatshecan’t.Shechoosesnottodecide.It’snotthatshecan’t;it’sjustthatshedoesn’t.

Procrastinatorsdecidethattheyrequiremoretraining,anewwebsite,aweekendseminar,alifecoach,amentor,orsomeonetomodelthemselvesafter.Allofthesethingscanbeliberatingiftheyareappliedpractically,butmerelygoingthroughthestep-by-stepprocessandneverapplyingtheknowledgejustproducesaseminarjunkiewhocontinuestoprocrastinate.

Nothingiseverperfectenoughforalargepercentoftheprocrastinatorsinthe

world,allowingthemtojustifytheirconstantlackofcommitment.Manyprocrastinatorsbelievetheyrequirethepressureofalast-minutedeadlinetojustifythedraggingoftheirfeet.Theyjustifythemselvesbysaying,“IfIwould’vestartedearlier,thenIwouldhaveexecutedperfectly.”Thisjustificationmaskslowself-esteemthatisakeycomponenttotheirperformanceanxiety,whichinturncausestheprocrastinationinthefirstplace.

BreakingtheProcrastinatorIdentityMostprocrastinatorswouldlovetobreaktheirprocrastinatoridentity,butit

hasbecomesoengrainedinthemthatitisautomatic.Inordertobreakthisidentity,beginrightnowbysaying,“IprocrastinateinisolatedareasinwhichIperceivepainorthatIrebelagainst.Iamnotaprocrastinator.Ihavestartedtheprocessofbecomingarecoveringprocrastinator.”

Ifyousaytoyourself,“Oh,thisalwayshappens,”thenitbecomesacertainty.Acertaintyisabelief,whichthenbecomesanexpectation.Ifyouallowyourexpectationstodefineyou,theywilleitherliberateyouorintoxicateyou.Caseinpoint:Ifyouareverygoodatattractingmoney,andyouexpecttoattractmoney,there’sahighprobabilitythatyouwillattractmoney,especiallyifyouhavehadsuccessindoingthat.Andifyouhavebecomeamoneymagnet,there’sahighprobabilitythatpeoplewillshowuptoreinforceyourfeelings.

Youattracttoyourrealitysituationsandpeoplethatfulfillabiochemicalcravingtowhichyouareaddicted.Telepathicallyandemotionally,yousendasetofsignalsbasedonwhatyou’rethinkingand/orfeeling.Ifthefeelingsyouaresendingcomefromaself-esteemthat’sverylow—youhavebeenabandonedandneglected,you’vebeenabused,you’vebeentraumatized—youwillattracttheperpetratorsandothertypesofpeoplewhoyoudon’twanttoshowup.Youwillattractthekindofpeoplewhowillbringconflictratherthancollaboration.

Eventhoughyouwouldlovetobreakyourfeelingsofprocrastination,doingsorequiresawholenewphilosophy.Ifyoujusttrytobepositive,allyou’rereallydoingistakingaspraycanofmotivationandcoatingyourprocrastinatorrust.Toreallychange,yourequiretransformation.Onanemotionallevel,youmustlearntotransformthosefeelingsthatcreatetheverysituationthathindersyou.Whenprocrastinationbecomeschronic,youareessentiallyrunningonautosuggestion.Tobreaktheprocrastinationhabit,youmustbeginbyaddressingthecauses,nottheeffects.

RaisingYourConsciousnessLevel

Whateventsbeganyourprocrastinationhabit?Intime,themoreyouunderstandwhyyoudowhatyoudo,themoreawarenessyoudevelop.Thewordawarenessissynonymouswithconsciousness.Raisingyourlevelofawarenessraisesyourlevelofconsciousness,yourlevelofenergy,andthelevelofhowyoufeelaboutyourself.Whatyourequireislove—self-love—andnoonecangiveittoyoubecauseitispermission-based.Andtheonlypersonwhocangiveyoupermissionisyou.

Whatyourequireisself-esteem,notself-confidence.Confidenceishowyoufeelaboutsomething.Self-esteemishowyoufeelaboutyourself.Therealquestionsare,“Whatdoyoudowhileyou’reliving?Whoareyou?Andwhatareyoubecoming?”Youwanttobeabletoliveyourlifeasavocation.

Formostpeople,theultimatedesireisowningalifethatdoesnotownthem.Yourmostvaluablecommodityistime,butifprocrastinationisthethiefofyourtime,thenwhatyouhaveisadevelopingsituation.Andthatdevelopingsituationwillcreateanothersituation—NFL:NoFriendsLeft,NoFundsLeft,andNotForLong.Thatiswhathappenstoalargepercentageofthepopulation.Theyhaveanintention,butanintentionisnotthesameasacommitmentoradecision.Oncetheyfollowthroughonatruecommitment,theycancreateanyresulttheytrulydesire.Butthedownfallformanyindividualsisthattheyjusttakeonmorebusinesses,moreobligations,andmoresituations.Theygetoverwhelmed,andthentheyprocrastinate.

Let’sGetRealisticThesolutionistocreateclearlydefinedgoals,notoverwhelming,overstated

goalsthatcauseyoutoprocrastinatebeforeyouevenstart.Iaskedoneofmyclientsrecently,“Howmuchincomedoyoudesiretoachievefromthecomfortofyourhomeduringthiscalendaryear?”

Hereplied,“Well,let’sshootfor$200,000.”Isaid,“Let’snot.”Icontinued,“Let’sgetrealistic.Doyouhavea$200,000-a-yearhabit?”“DoIhavea$200,000-a-yearhabit?”“Youarerepeatingmyquestion.”“Whatwasyourquestion?”Thisisaperfectexampleofsomeonewhois“lostinhissauce.”He’s

someoneIreallycareabout,buthecreatedagoalthatwassobigthathecouldn’tpossiblybegintoachieveit.HehadnoideawhatImeantwhenIsaid,“Doyouhavea$200,000-a-yearhabit?”

In2008,psychologistShaneOwensandhiscolleaguesatHofstraUniversitydemonstratedthatprocrastinatorswhoperformimplementationcommitmentswerenearlyeighttimesmorelikelytofollowthroughonacommitmentthanthosewhodidnotcreatethem.Whenyoubecomeclearandconciseinyourwordsandyourlanguage,youwillbegintoexudeasenseofsilentpower.Thisisknownasemotional,ethericenergy,orcharisma.Otherssensewhenthistypeofenergypermeatesyou.It’syourjuice,yourdrive.It’stheinspirationthatwillcarryyouthroughobstacles,challenges,andentrepreneurialseizure.

JustDoItMyadvicetoprocrastinatorsistofollowNike’ssimple,effectiveadvice:

“Justdoit.”ThewordprocrastinationcomesfromtheLatinverbprocrastinare,meaning“toputoffuntiltomorrow.”Fortheprocrastinator,avoidancebecomesawayoflife.Tobeproductiveinliferequiresunderstandingandreleasingprocrastination.Survivaloftendependsoncompletingsimpletasks,suchasplantingandharvestingcropsinatimelyandeffectivemanner.Thisisthedifferencebetweensurvivalandflourishing,betweenjustgettingbyandbeingextremelyprosperous.

Procrastinationisreflectedinthefolkloreandproverbsofmanycultures.Youareprobablyfamiliarwithafewofthefollowingsayingsthatreflectourfeelingsaboutprocrastination:

“Don’tputoffuntiltomorrowwhatyoucandotoday.”“Astitchintimesavesnine.”

“Oneofthesedaysisnoneofthesedays.”(Englishsaying)

“Betweensayinganddoing,manyapairofshoesiswornout.”

(Italiansaying)

“Procrastinationisthethiefoftime.”(EdwardYoung,1742)

Procrastinationismorethanatime-managementissue.Asmanyofyouhavediscoveredwhenyou’veattemptedtoreduceprocrastination,improvedtime-managementtechniquestypicallyproveineffective.Why?Becauseyoucan’tmanagetime.Timeismuchmoreaboutmanagingyourselfdailythanarbitrarilymanagingaclock.

Procrastination,Indecision,andDisappointmentProcrastinationisnotthesameasindecision.Whereasindecisionimpliesthe

inabilitytodecide,procrastinationoccurswhenapersoncreatesadecisionbutdoesnotfollowthroughwithit.Itispossibletoprocrastinateduringthedecision-makingprocess.However,thistypeofprocrastinationisnotseenasinherentlydifferentfromotherpostponedtasks.Procrastinationisacomplexbehaviorcomposedoflogical,emotional,andbehavioralcomponents.Procrastinationisthetendencytopostponeoravoidreachingadescribedgoal,withthesubconsciousintentionofremainingdisappointed.Ofcourse,that’salsothedefinitionofinsanity:doingthesamethingoverandover,andexpectingadifferentresult.

It’sahardpilltoswallowwhenyourealizethatyou’readdictedtodisappointment.Youhavegoodintentions,butyouhavenodecision,nocommitment,andsoyouendupdisappointed.

Goalsarepersonal,andtheyarealotarelikebeauty—theyareheldintheeyeofthebeholder.Whatseemslikeaworthygoaltoyoumightnothavethesamepriorityforsomeoneelse.However,whenataskhasvaluetoyou,butyourbehaviordoesnotfollowthroughwithactiontocompletethetask,procrastinationisoccurring.

Procrastinationalsooccurswhensmallstepsarenottakentoachieveimportant,long-termgoals.Thisillustratesagainwhysomanypeoplesetlofty,colossalgoalsthatarenotachievable,thuscreatinganexcusetoprocrastinate,feelbad,andremaindisappointed.InthebookOvercomingProcrastination,psychologistsAlbertEllisandWilliamKnausdefineprocrastinationas“delayingtaskcompletiontothepointofexperiencingdiscomfort.”

OvercomingProcrastinationOneDayataTimeProcrastinationisatendencytoavoidcommitment,decisioncreation,

discomfort,pain,failure,and,mostofall,success.Deadlinesgetmissed.Latefeesbuildup.Commitmentsareavoided.Familyandfriendsgetupset.Disappointmentandresentmentbuild.Guiltandshamemount,andwhatwereoncegoodintentionsbecomeasourceofdisappointment.Doesthissoundfamiliar?

Procrastinationoccurswhenthereisnorealpassiontoaction.Itisdifficulttoassesswhyanyofusprocrastinatebecauseoftheself-defeatingnatureoftheoutcome.Itisirrationalnottodesirechangeintheareasofourlivesthatdonotserveus.

Alackofplanningiscommonamongthosewhoarehabitualprocrastinators.Thosewholivewithverylittlestructuretendtoendupoverwhelmedwithalltheirdelayedprojectsandgoals.Therebelliouspersonalityisproudofnonconformitytotheextreme—somuchsothatherebelsagainsthisownsuccess.Rebellingtothepointofhavingnoplanis,infact,planningtofail.

Procrastinationisperpetuatedbygoodintentionscombinedwithbadhabits.Overcomingprocrastinationislikeaddressinganyaddiction—itisaccomplishedonedayatatime.Youcommittochangeonedayatatime,toletgoonedayatatime.Youteachyourselftoletgooffeelings,events,people,violations,abandonment,situations,andrejection.Itcantakeoneday,oneblockoftime,onehour—whateverisrequiredforyoutoreleasethefeelingsthatcreatethecause.

Remember,it’sthecausethatcreatestheeffect.Whenyoubegintoaddressthecause,lettinggoofprocrastinationopensupawholenewawarenessforyou.It’swhatevercausesprocrastinationinthefirstplacethatkeepsyoudoingthesamethingoverandover,alwaysexpectingadifferentresult.Overcomingprocrastinationbecomeseasierwhenthecauseisidentifiedandnewsystemsareimplementedtobeginchangingonedayatatime.Theactionmustfollowtheplan,orallyouhaveaccomplishedisestablishinganothersituationforprocrastination.

Routinedailytasksmaynotseemlikegoals,yetsimplesituationssuchasfinishingthelaundry,takingoutthetrash,gettingthegroceries,walkingthedogs,andexercisingareactuallysub-goalswithinthemaingoalofmaintainingalevelofdailyorder.Andbeassured,thatdailyorderwilldefinitelyshowupinyourcareeroryourenterprise.

Lifeimitatesbusiness,andbusinessimitateslife.Ifyouhavebadhabitsinyourlife,thosehabits,unfortunately,willfollowyouintoallofyourotherendeavors.Butdon’tdespair.Everysingleoneofushastheabilitytotransformrapidly.TheLatindefinitionofprosperityis“intheflow.”Procrastinationoccurswhensmallstepstowardlargergoalsareavoided,andprocrastinationisneutralizedwhensmallstepsareconsistentlyimplementedwithagreaterpurposeinmind,andaclear,manageable,attainablegoalasthedesiredoutcome.

Procrastinationisalearnedbehavior,butcertainhardwiredpersonalitytraitsincreasethelikelihoodthatapersonwillassumethisbehavior.Procrastinationisthedancebetweenthebrainandthesituation.

Inthenextchapters,we’lllookattheprofilesofsixtypesofprocrastinatorsanddiscoverstrategiesforovercomingprocrastination,nomatterwhoyouare.

PartTwoTheSixTypesofProcrastinators

CHAPTERTWOTheNeuroticPerfectionist

Thefirsttypeofprocrastinatoristheneuroticperfectionist.Theneuroticperfectionistisaveryuniquetypeofprocrastinator,andImyselfhavebeeninthisverysituationatimeortwo...hundred.Itendtobecritical.Itendtobeall-or-nothing.Itendtoputalotofjudgmentonmyselfandendupjudgingothers.Thisallcomesbacktocontrol.

Justtobeclear,Ihavejustasmanyflawsasthenextperson.Throughoutthelast25years,however,I’vetakenacloselookatwhyIdowhatIdo.Mymotivationnowistoassistyou,aswellasmyself,inunderstandingthesetwoverykeywordswhenitcomestotransformation:lettinggo.

CharacteristicsofNeuroticPerfectionistsNeuroticperfectionistsareverycriticalandveryjudgmentalofotherpeople

—buttheyareespeciallycriticalofthemselves.Thesepeoplecan’tstartsomethinguntilit’sabsolutelyperfect.Neuroticperfectioniststendtohaveanall-or-nothingtypeofpersonality.

Neuroticperfectionistswanttobeflawless—soflawlessthattheybecomeparalyzed.Thispersonisusuallyextremelymeticulousintheirstyleandmannerisms.They’reveryneat;they’reverycontrolled.Theytendtoweardarkcolors—darkgray,black,navy.Theyoftenwearglasses.Theyareveryintelligent.Theirdesiretobeflawlessmakesthemveryanxious.Ofalltheprocrastinatortypes,theyusuallyhavethemostanxiety,andtheyarethemostpronetodepression.

Neuroticperfectionistshaveapsychologicaldesireforcontrol,butthisdoesn’tmeanthattheywanttocontrolothers.Instead,theywanttobeincontrolintheirleftbrain.Thisiswhyprocrastinationbecomessoprevalentforneuroticperfectionists—they’resoneuroticthattheycan’tstomachthethoughtoffailing,andsotheystayperfectintheirheadsbynevereventrying.Theybecomeneuroticintheirperfectionbycontrollingeverythingbetweentheirtwoears.Inthisway,theydon’tfail,buttheydoendupdisappointed.

Neuroticperfectioniststakeperfectiontosuchadegreethattheydon’thave

timeforanyoneelse.Thispersonalitycan’tpossiblyhavetruerelationshipsbecausetheonlyrelationshipstheyexperiencearetheonesthatdisappointthem.Neuroticperfectionistsoftenendupindivorcebecausethey’resocompulsiveaboutthethingstheyhavetodotobeperfectbeforebeginningthatnoonecanconnectwiththem.There’snoroomforanotherpersoninaworldwhereeverythinghastobeperfect.It’sacontrolissue.Iknow—I’vebeenthere.

Iusedtointellectualizepeopleoutofmylifebecausetheyweren’tperfectenoughforme.Becauseofthis,Iwaitedalongtimetogetmarried.WhenIfinallydidmarry,Iexperiencedsomechallenges:Ihadbeenabachelorforsolongthatnoonecouldeverfitintomybox.EventuallyIlearnedthat,ifIwasevergoingtohavepeaceorlove,Ihadtoadapt,change,andletgoofcontrol.It’salmostfunnytolookbackonnow,butitwasn’tthen—dirt,hair,andallkindsofthingsusedtodrivemecrazy.Everythinghadtobeperfect.Iwouldvacuuminrows.Ihadavacuumcleanerineveryroominmyhouse.Iknowitsoundsridiculous,butformeitwasalevelofcontrol.AsIlearnedtoletgoofsomeofthisneuroticperfection,Idiscoveredsomeamazingpeopleinmylife.Theyhadalwaysbeenthere,butIwasn’temotionallyavailabletoletthemin.AsIstartedtoletgo,thepeoplewhowerealwaystherestartedtorewardme.Ibegantoexperiencecollaborationinsteadofcompetition.

Experiencingthisisveryliberating.I’llneverforgetoneofthebiggestyearsIeverhadinmycareerfinancially.Peopleasked,“Whathappenedtoyou?”Ijustsmiledandsaidtomyself,“Well,Iletgo.”Onlysomeonewhohadbeenthroughthesamesituationwouldhaveunderstoodthis.Ihopethat,asyoureadthis,youwillgetmymessagethat,inordertoachievesuccess,youabsolutelyrequirecollaborationwithotherpeopleinyourlife.

Neuroticperfectionistsprefertoworkalone.That’swhytheytendtogravitatetocareerswheretheyareisolated.Alotofneuroticperfectionistsworkinthecomputerindustry,ortheybecomearchitectsorscientists.Theyaretheclassicdoers,buttheytendtooverwork,yetnotgetalotdone.Theygetintoxicatedbyhowmuchthey’reaccomplishing,butinreality,theydon’taccomplishverymuchbecauseittakesthemsolongtocompleteatask.

Neuroticperfectionistsbecomesoabsorbedinwhatthey’redoingthattheydon’taccomplishmuchintheend.Theydevelopanaddictiontobusyness.However,allthisbusynessdoesnotusuallyresultinprofit.Asbusinessowners,neuroticperfectionistsusuallyhavehugechallenges.Inacontrolledenvironment,wherethey’reemployees,anemployercansometimesgetalotoutofthem.However,whentheyareontheirown,theytendtoobsess.

Neuroticperfectionistshavetroublesettingreasonable,realistictimelimitstocompleteprojects.Theytypicallydon’toperatewellondeadlinesbecausetheyobsessabouthavingeverythingperfect.Theywriteandrewrite.Theygothroughrevisionafterrevision.Theycan’tturnitin.Ortheycan’tstartbecauseofthepressureofbeingabsolutelyperfect.Theyhavetohavetherightscript.Theyhavetohavetherightstory.Theyhavetohavetherightdetails.Theyhavetocreatetherightsituation.Ithastobetheperfectsetting.Theyhavetojointherightcompany,andconsequently,theywilljumpfromcompanytocompany,situationtosituation.It’sabsolutelyexhausting.

Neuroticperfectionistswaituntilthelastminutetocompletethings.Theygetagreatdealofadrenalinefromrushingintorescuethemselves.Theywaituntilthelastminutetodotheirtaxes.Theywaituntilthelastminutetowritetheircontentfortheirblogs.Theywaituntilthedeadlineisuponthemtofinishaproject.Theywaituntilthelastminutetoleavefortheairport.Thisbecomesahugepartoftheirpersonality,andtheyarealwayslateforeverything.

Thismightstemfrombeingtheyoungestchildinafamily,orbeinganonlychildwhowasneglectedandforgotten.Aschildren,whentheywaiteduntilthelastminute,peoplenoticedthem.Andintheirminds,“badlove”isbetterthannolove.

Forinstance,oneofmyclientsconfidedtomethathewasthelastchildofeight,withseveralyearsbetweenhimandhissiblings.Bythetimehewasborn,hismotherandfatherwerejustwornout.Helearnedthatthewaytogetattentionwastobelateforeverything.Hewaslateforchurch;hewaslateforschool.Hewasalwaysgettingreprimanded,eventhoughhewashighlycapable.Asanadult,hewaslategettingtotheairport,lateforwork,lateforappointments.Althoughhealwaysseemedtogetagreatdealofattention,thisdidn’tservehimlaterinlifebecausehetendedtogetfired.

Neuroticperfectionistssetunrealisticgoalsandthenbecomeparalyzedbythem.Ifthisdescriptionfitsyou,it’stimetobecomeobjective.There’sahugeamountofpressureonentrepreneurs,self-employedsalespeople,andthoseindirectsalestosetgoals.Wearetaughttowriteourgoalsdown.Havebig,hairy,audaciousgoals.Havegoalsbiggerthanourproblems.And,ofcourse,thereismerittothat.However,ifyousetgoalsthataresobigtheyparalyzeyou,it’snotconducivetoyourprogress.

Neuroticperfectionistsrelyonskillsandtalentalone.Thispersonalitytypetendstohaveabigegoandasmallerbankaccount.Thisisageneralization,ofcourse,butasageneralrule,thesetypeofpeoplearesosmartthattheyrelyonintelligenceandtalent,andtheydon’ttypicallymanifestthehabitsrequiredto

becomesuccessful.Neuroticperfectionistsvacillatebetweengivingeverythingandgiving

nothing.Beingall-or-nothinggivesthemabigrush.Theyrushtotheairport,andtheygiveiteverythingtheyhavejusttomakethatgate.Theycrossthatfinishlineandtheygetinthatseat,buttheydon’tgetthereontime.Truesuccessisnotlikethat;successisamethodicalprocess.Successismuchmoreofarelaxedintensityratherthananintenseintensity.Intenseintensitycreatesadrenaline,andneuroticperfectionistscanvirtuallygetaddictedtothatadrenaline.

Thisiswherethetermadrenalinejunkiecomesfrom.Thesearepeoplewholovetoskydive,bungeejump,andengageinallsortsofotherdaredevil-typeactivities.Theyliketoskioffcliffs.Butthatkindofattitudeinbusinessdoesn’tleadtosuccess.We’veallseenfootballplayersbangtheirheadsagainsteachother.Thisfuelstheiradrenaline,andhelpsthemgooutandwinachampionship.Buttheycan’tliveeverydaylikethat,givingeverything,andthat’swhysomanyathletesandperformersexperiencechallengeswhentheircareerisover:Beingoverwhelmedkeepsthemfrombreakingthrough.Thispersonalitytypewakesupoverwhelmedandgoestobedoverwhelmed.Theygetoverwhelmedbyalltheenergytheyhave.Eventually,inthisstateofoverwhelm,theyshutdown.

Neuroticperfectionistsconsistentlyturnpotentialalliesintoadversaries.Theyoftenalienatetheverypeopletheydesiretohaveintheirlivesbecauseoftheirinsistenceonbeingright.Theyliketoargue.Theyliketoberight.Alotoftimes,greatpeopleshowupintheirlives,buttheyendupalienatingthembecausetheyliketobeinconflict.

Thiswasahugepartofmyownstruggle.Iwasverygoodatsalesandclosing,andduringthefirstseveralyearsofmybusinesscareer,Ilookedatmysalesorganizationanddiscoveredthatnoonewasproducing.IrealizedIattractedthekindsofindividualswhomIcouldtakecareof,whomIcouldrescue,whomIcoulddoeverythingfor.Unfortunately,IalienatedthekindofpeopleIreallyrequiredinmylife;Iwouldcreateconflict,andthenIwouldendupresentingthembecausetheydidn’tseethingsmyway.

Neuroticperfectionistsstriveforperfectionratherthanexcellence.Neuroticperfectionistsarehumandoings,ratherthanhumanbeings—theydefinethemselvesbyallthecompulsivethingstheydo,ratherthanwhotheyare.Theyaremachines;mechanical,notemotional.Thisisusuallybecausetheytriedtoliveuptotheexpectationsofsomeoneintheircircleofinfluence.It’snotalwaysaparent—itmightbeaclergyman,acoach,anoldersibling,orateacher.MaybetheybroughthomeanA,butitwasn’tanA+.Theyscored20pointsina

basketballgame,butitwasn’t30.Ifsomethingwasn’tperfect,thenitwasn’tenough.Asthispatterndeveloped,theybegantobelieve,“Iamnotenough.”Ifthisstrikesachordwithyou,begintoaffirm:“Iamenough.”

Neuroticperfectionistsfearfailure,andthisfearbecomesthereasontoputoffgettingstarted.Theyareseldomsatisfied.Onceagain,theystriveforperfectionratherthanexcellence.Perfectionisdisappointmentbeforeitstartsbecausethereisnoperfectionunlessyourperfectionisrelaxed.Remember,100percentperfectionisimpossible.

Neuroticperfectionistsprocrastinatebecausetheyjustmightnotbeabletoliveuptotheirownexpectations.Neuroticperfectionistsgetseducedbyhowbrillianttheyare,howintelligenttheyare,howsmarttheyare,howgood-lookingtheyare…andtheydolookgood.Theyhavealotofentitlementissuesbecauseoftheirintelligence,theirskills,andtheirtalent.Didyoueverscoresohighinaclassthatyougotnoticed?Didyoueverdosowellthatyougotostracized?Wereyoubetterthanotherpeopleinyourclassinschool?Didyougetmovedahead,andthenthepressurebecamesogreatthatyoucollapsed?

IoncecoachedaclientwhosesonwasonDavidLettermanasasaxophonistwhenhewas9yearsold.Isawthewomanseveralyearslater,andIaskedherwhateverhappenedtoherson.Shesaidhewentintosoftwareengineering.Hewasavirtuososaxophoneplayer,buthewassoburnedoutonmusicbythetimehewas18thathejustwantedtogotocollegeandfitin.

Often,eventhoughneuroticperfectionistslookgood,theyfeelbad,andtheycoverthatupwithego.Havinganegodoesn’tnecessarilyentailbeingarrogant,rude,orabrasive;instead,it’stypicallyamaskthatkeepsotherpeopleatadistance.Anegoisawaytostayhiddenbehindyourfalseselfandnotreallyletpeoplefeel,sense,orbeapartofyou.Anegoishowyouliveinyourpain.Anegoishowyouliveinyourpast.Itisincrediblyliberatingtoletgoofyourego.

Thewordegodoesn’tmeanwhatyoutypicallythinkitmeans.EckhartTollesaiditsowellinhisbrilliantbook,ThePowerofNow.Hecallsitthe“painbody.”Theegoisreallytheunconscious,whereyoustayinpain.Youdon’tfeelcomfortableriskingpleasure,soyouprocrastinate;youendupdisappointed,yetyouneverfail.

Neuroticperfectionistshavetroublemeetingdeadlines.Theyovercomplicatesituations.Theyfallbehind,andthentheyhavetorushintorescuethemselves.Icallthisthe“SirGalahadcomplex.”Oneoftheirmainexcusesisthattheydon’tallowenoughtime.However,theyendupkillingtimebecauseoftheirprocrastination.

Ioncehelpedaclientwritecontentforanawardhewasgoingtoreceive.I

gavehimtheoutlineforthecontent,andheworkedonit,andworkedonit,andworkedonit.Hekeptcallingme—tothepointthatitbecameexhausting.Hewouldaskmethesamequestionoverandover.Iwouldsay,“Ialreadydidthatforyou.Ididthatforyouaweekago/twoweeksago/threeweeksago/amonthago/twomonthsago.”

ThenIdidn’thearfromhimforawhile,andwhenIdid,Iaskedhimhowhedidonhisspeech.Hesaid,“Oh,Iblewit—Ididn’thaveenoughtimetocompleteit.”Ijustshookmyhead.Hehadtwomonthstodoit,buthewaiteduntiltheverylastminute.Hekeptrewritingit,startingcompletelyover.Finally,heslappedsomethingtogetheratthelastminute.

KeystoReleasingtheNeuroticPerfectionistNow,let’stakealookathowtoreleaseandletgoofallofthesebehaviors.

Firstofall,takealookinthemirrorandaskyourselfsomequalityquestions:“IfI’maneuroticperfectionist,that’saneffect.Whatismycause?Whendidthisbecomemyidentity?HowdidIgettrappedinthissituation?WhatamIwillingtodotoletgo?”

Youmaynothavetheanswersrightnow,butasyoubegintounderstandwhyyoudowhatyoudo,you’lldevelopanentirelydifferentlevelofawareness.Whenyouhaveoneofthose“Aha”moments,it’sGodwinking.That’ssynchronicity…synchrodestiny…abreakthrough…aquantumleap.Transformationistherealpowerthatallowsyoutoletgo.Thisrequireschanginghowyou’vebeenfeeling,andchanginghowyou’vebeenchanging.

Ifyoucontinuetodowhatyoudo,thenyouwillcontinuetooperateinthatwhichisfamiliar.Lettinggoofthisrequiresinspiration.Youalsomustbecomeseriousaboutlettinggo.Youmusthavereasonstochangethatarebiggerthanyourproblems.Ifyourproblemsarebiggerthanyourreasons,there’sahighprobabilitythatyou’llcontinuetotiptoequietlythroughlife,arrivingsafelyatyourgrave.Youwillhavelivedthegreatestpainyoucanpossiblylive:thepainofregret.

Youhavepotential.Youareintherightplaceattherighttime,butyoumustrecognizeit.Thisrequiresenergyandsynergy,feelingsandemotions.Youhavetobewillingtotraderiskforreward.Youhavetostepintothebigleagues.Youhavetothrowthepass.Youhavetoruntherace.Youhavetorisknotbeingperfect.

Peopledon’tcareifyou’reperfect;theycareifyougetresults.Theycareifyoucare.Theycareifyou’rehuman.Peoplearen’tlookingforrobotsand

machines;they’relookingforemotionalbeings.Theywanttoseeyourrawness,notyourperfectstate.Theywanttoseeyourhairmessedup.Theywanttoseeyouwithyourmascararunningdownyourface.Believeitornot,peoplelovetoseeyoucry.Notthecryofregret,notthecryofbeingavictim,buttherealtearsthatrolldownyourfacewhenyou’rehavingabreakthrough—tearsofjoy,tearsofcompassion.Thiskindoftransparencyinspirespeople.

BeingtheBestIsOverratedIhavelearnedthatgoodisenough.Beingthebestisoverrated.It’sastateyou

canneverreachbecausethere’salwayssomeonebetter,someonebetter-looking,someonemoretalented,orsomeonemoreintelligent.

Youdon’thavetobethebest.Howaboutbeingyourbest?Andyourbestdoesnothavetobe100percent.Ratherthanbeinganeuroticperfectionist,beapracticalperfectionist?Beaproductiveperfectionist.

ChangeYourPhilosophytoAchievePracticalResultsIfyou’reaneuroticperfectionist,rightnowyoucanbegintoaffirmthatyou

area“practicalperfectionist.”WhenIwas40yearsold,Iheardthephraserelaxedintensity,asopposedtointensity.Thosetwowordschangedmylife.Forthefirsttime,IrealizedthatIdidn’thavetogrindtheenameldownontheleftsideofmyteeth.Wordssuchaspeacewereforeigntome—theonlypeaceIeverheardinmyentirevocabularywaspeacetreaty.Ithoughtthatsurrenderingwasasignofweakness.

WhenIfirstheardthewordsurrenderusedinpersonaldevelopmentcircles,Ithoughtonlyweakpeopleorcountriesthatlostinbattlesurrendered.WhenIlearnedthatsurrenderreallymeanssurrenderingmywillandsurrenderingmyego,surrenderingmydesiretoberightandhavingtobesoperfectthatnoonecouldconnectwithme,IstartedtochangethewayIlookatsituations.Andyoucandothesame!

Ifyouaresoperfectthatyouhavenooneinyourlife,Ihaveahotflashforyou.Perhapswhatyou’redoingisn’tgettingyourewards.Ifyouhave“penniesinyourpocket,zeroinyourbankaccount,andthecreditorscalling,”asthegreatJimRohnusedtosay,thenperhapsit’stimetochangeyourphilosophy.

MethodicallyLettingGoIfyouseeyourselfinthesepages,whatisthenextstep?First,recognizethat

youdidn’tgetthiswayovernight.Ifyouhavealotofclutter,alotofchaos,alotofdrama,andmostimportantly,alotofstuff,it’snotgoingtogoawayovernight.

Createasystematic,detailed,methodicalapproachtorelievingyourselfofthissituation.Forexample,inthecaseofhavingtoomuchstuff,juststartwithonecorner.Getyourselftwo33-gallonbagsandthrowawayeverythingyouarewillingtoletgoofina15-minutetimeframe.It’sveryliberating,believeme.Ihaveassistedmany,manyclientstodothis.Continuetodoalittlebitmorethroughoutanextendedperiodoftime.

It’ssimilartowritingabook.WhenIwroteoneofmypreviousbooks,Istartedbywritingtwopagesanightfor20consecutivenights,andvoilà,after20nightsIhad40pages!After100nightsinarow,Ihada200-pagebook.Successisachievedthroughoutaperiodoftime.Theimportantthingiswhatyoudodaily.

ObjectivityIstheObjectiveThere’salotofcontentinthischapterbecauseneuroticperfectionistshavea

lotofenergy.Theyhavealotofexcitement,alotofadrenaline,alotofjuice—buttheymustlearnhowtocontainit.Thegoalistohavelowhighsandhighlows,nothighhighsandlowlows.

Fortheneuroticperfectionist,gettingstartediskey.Ifthisisyourpersonality,askyourself,“WhatdidIaccomplishtoday?”Writeoutjustafewsimpletasksthatyoudesiretoaccomplishtomorrow.Don’thave25taskstoaccomplishinaday.Thatdauntingamountbecomestheperfectexcusenottostart.

Youmightalsofindyourselfdoingtoomuchforotherpeople,whichsetsthoseindividualsuptodisappointyousothatyoucanthenresentthem.Veryfewpeoplewillperformtoaneuroticperfectionist’scapabilitiesandstandards.Asyoubegintounderstandthat,youwon’tputsomuchpressureonyourselfandothers.

Beinganeuroticperfectionistmeanslivingwithalotofguiltandshame,becausethistypeofprocrastinatorcanneverbeasperfectastheplansintheirheads,andtheycan’tstomachmakingmistakes.Thereareoftenunderlyingissuesfrompasteventsthatcreatethisbehavior.Butwhenyoulearntoletgoofyourpast,you’llnolongerbestuckinit,andyoucanlivefullyinthepresent.Themoreyouliveinthepresent,themoreyou’llliveinamorerelaxedtypeofperfection.

BecomingPracticallyExcellentIt’stimetoberealistic.Letgoofanyentitlementissues—justbecauseyou’ve

beensuccessfulinoneareadoesn’tmeanyou’reentitledtobesuccessfulinanewvocation,anewmodality,anewwayofliving,oranewwayofhealing.Successrequirespracticality,objectivity,and,mostofall,thecouragetobeyou.

Youcan’tbeasuperstarovernight.Thisrequirespatience.Progressisonlycreatedbywhatyoudodaily.Onethingisforsure—youwon’tgettherebyprocrastinating.You’llgettherebyproducing.Insteadofbeinganeuroticperfectionistwhoaccomplishesnothing,yourgoalistobecomeapracticalperfectionistwhoproducesresults.

Soletgoofthewordperfectionandsubstitutethewordexcellence.Youcanalsoexploreusingthewordsgood,great,realistic,orobjective.Thesewordsallowyoutoreleasethepressureyouputonyourselffromyourlogical,practical,egotisticalmind.Successisaboutbeingrealistic.Successismethodical.Successisasystem.Successisascience.

Takewhatyou’velearnedfromthischapterandfindawaytoapplyitpractically.Theneuroticperfectionisthasatendencytoreadmaterialoverandover,takingnotesandwritingeverythingdown—takingnotesisoverrated,andapplyingpracticalknowledgeisunderrated.Thisinsightwillallowyoutotransformthewayyoufeelaboutyourself,sothatyoucanbecomeamuchmorepracticalperfectionist.

CHAPTERTHREETheBig-DealChaser

Procrastinatortypenumbertwoisthebig-dealchaser—thepeoplewith“bighat/nocattlesyndrome.”(ForthoseofyounotfromTexas,thisisthepersonwhohasallthebigtalk,withoutthegoodstobackitup.)Thisisoneofthemostinterestingidentitiesofallsixprocrastinatortypes,andoneofthemostseductive.Big-dealchasershavegreatenergy.They’reverywitty.They’reintelligent.They’resuave.Theylookgood,butunderneaththeirgoodlookstheyreallyfeelbad.Big-dealchasersarethebiggestdreamersofthesixprocrastinatortypes.

CharacteristicsoftheBig-DealChaserBig-dealchasershavelotsofenergyandgoodpeopleskills,buttheyapply

thosepositivequalitiesonlytothekindofenterprisethatwillrewardthem.Bighat/nocattleprocrastinatorsusuallyhavegoodintentions,above-averageskills,andpoorhabits.Theyhavelowself-esteem,whichtheymaskwithhighconfidence.Beingarticulatepromoters,theyareoftenabletopersuadeotherstobuyintotheiridealisticdreams.However,thedreamstheydreamaresobigthattheideaofachievingthemcreatesparalysisandprocrastination.Theircapacitytodreamturnsintoaliabilityratherthananasset.

Big-dealchasersareidealistic.Theyliveintheirvisionandtheirdreams,but

theyhavedifficultydevelopingthehabitsandskillsrequiredtoactualizeeither.Inotherwords,theyhaveentitlementissues.Theyembracehugecauses.Theyhavebigrealestateprojects.They’regoingtochangetheworld.Whenitcomestotheiremotionalstyle,they’reoftenvague.Theyhavebigdreams,buttheyusuallydon’thaveaplanorasystemtoachievethosedreams.Big-dealchasersthinkthatfatewillinterveneandeliminatetherequiredeffortforthemtobecomesuccessful.Theyfeelblessed,special,unique,chosen,andangelic.They’reintoxicatedbytheirowngreatness,andtheyliveindelusionanddenial.Theyliveonwishes.Iusedtositaroundandsay,“IfIhadthreewishes,oneofthosewisheswouldbeathousandwishessoI’dneverrunoutofwishes.”

Big-dealchasersarepassive.Eventhoughthey’reidealistic,theyareoftenpassiveabouttheirdreams.Theysoundpassionate,butjustunderneathallthosebigdreamsisalowself-esteem—theydon’treallybelievetheydeservesuccess.Butdreamsareintoxicating,andsotheymovefromprojecttoproject.Theirtalkisbig,buttheirresultsarefew,andthosewhoknowthemhavewitnessedapatternofprojectsstartedandthenabandonedbeforecompletion.Big-dealchasersoftenareverycharismaticandhaveateamofdevotedfollowerswhopickupthepiecesandneutralizethedamageaftertheyhavemovedontothenext“bigthing.”

Big-dealchasersarenotdetail-oriented.Theyareveryunrealisticaboutwhatisrequiredtodevelopdailyhabits,orperformdailydisciplines.Intheirminds,theydon’thavetomastertheordinaryskillsthatsuccessfulpeople—normalbusinessownersandentrepreneurs—master.Theyavoidproblems,hardships,andresponsibilitiesthatarenecessarytobecomesuccessful,prosperous,andfulfilled.

Big-dealchasershaveentitlementissues.Theytypicallythinkthattheyarebetterthantherestofsociety—notbetterhumanbeings,buthavingsuperiorideas.Theythinktheydon’thavetodowhateveryoneelsedoes.Theydriftfromcareertocareer,waitingforthatmythicalmomentwhensomeonewillrecognizetheirbrilliance,when,magically,theworld’stalentscoutswillspottheirpotential.Theydreamofmakingitbigasspeakersorauthors.They’regoingtowriteahitsong.They’regoingtobediscovered.

Big-dealchasershavea“SirGalahadcomplex.”Theytakeonbigprojectsandbigcauses.Theywanttobetheonestorideintotownandrescueeveryone.Oneoftheirideasisgoingtobetheonethatbailseveryone—includingthemselves—out.Sowhentheyhitrockbottom,theytypicallyhititthehardest.Big-dealchaserssufferagreatdealoffrustrationandself-doubtbecauseofthespacebetweentheirbig-dealdreamsandwhatisreallyrequiredtoachievethose

dreams.Theywanttheirdreamswithouttheeffort,andtheyquiteasilywhendifficulty,challenges,andadversityarise.

Doesthissoundlikeyou?Orperhapsyouhaveafamilymemberwho’sabig-dealchaser:someonewhoalwayshasaschemethat’ssobig,it’sgoingtorescuethewholefamily.Thishappenedtomebackinthemid-1990s—IgotseducedintoaninvestmentsituationthatIbelievedwouldrescuemefromthecreditcarddebtIhadacquiredthroughafailedbusinessventure.Insteadofitrescuingme,Iendedupmorethan$100,000indebt.Iwentfromonefailedbusinessventuretoanother,seekingtoberescuedinsteadofmethodicallymakingthegood,old-fashionedeffortrequiredthroughoutalongperiodoftime.Ispentanentireyearchasingthatbigdeal,buteventuallythebottomfellout.

Big-dealchasersarepronetoaddiction.Thispersonalitytypeisveryaddictive.Thisiswhypeoplegetintoxicatedbythelottery,daydreamingaboutwhatthey’regoingdowhentheyhitthatjackpot.Ofcourse,someonewinsthelottery,soI’mnotsayingthatyoushouldn’tplay.Butyoucan’tbaseyourattitudeontheideathatyou’regoingtobethatoneinatrillionwhowinsthebigmoney.

Big-dealchaserstendtobegreattalkers.Wordssuchaship,slick,andcoolapplytothistypeofpersonalitytype.OneofthemostinterestingpeopleI’veevercoachedwassomeonewhofooledevenme.Thisgentlemanwasveryhandsome.Hewasamilitaryprofessionalwhohadgraduatedfromoneoftherenownedacademies.Hethenwentontohaveaverydistinguishedservicecareer,orsohesaid.Asanentrepreneur,hewasagreatpresenter,arealshowman.Hecouldmotivateanaudience,keepingthemontheedgeoftheirseats.ButayearorsoafterImethim,Istartedtoseeacrackinhisveneer.Inoticedthathehadalotoffinancialchallenges.Ifoundoutlaterthathehadborrowedlotsofmoney.Youguessedit—hewasabig-dealchaser.Big-dealchaserscanleavealotofpeopleintheirwake.Theydon’tmeantohurtpeople.Theydon’tmeantoburnpeople.Iftheyborrowmoneyfrompeople,theydefinitelyintendtopayitback.Theycarryalotofdebt,andtheyoftencreatealotofdebtfortheirfamilyandfriends.

IfYouCreatedIt,YouCanUn-CreateIt!MaybeyourecognizeyourselfinthesedescriptionsofMr.orMs.Big-Deal

Chaser.Perhapsyou’reintheprocessofrecoveringfromabigdeal,andyouhavelotsofdebtleftoverfromthissituation.Eitherway,takeadeepbreathbeforeyougoonreading.Nomatterwhatyoucreated,youcanun-createit.

I’mnottalkingabouttakingtheeasywayout.Theeasywayoutwouldbetowalkawayfromyourproblemsbyfilingbankruptcy,orwalkawayfromyourhomebygoingthroughforeclosure.I’mtalkingaboutdevelopingthecharacterandthecouragetoreallyengageinarecoveryprocess.

Whatifyou’remarriedtoabig-dealchaser?Don’tdespair,becauseoftenthesepeoplecanbecomesomeofthetopproducersintheworld.Everysingleoneofuscanchange.

Isn’tittimetoletgo?Isn’tittimetochange?Youcan’tprocrastinateforever.Youcan’tgetreadytogetreadyforever.Thisisn’taboutperfection.It’snotaboutknowingallthedetails.It’saboutpracticingtheartofsimplediscipline.Youdon’tdevelopwealthhabitsbybig-dealchasing;youdevelopwealthhabitsbygettingmoneyright.Fameisoverrated.Successishowyoufeelaboutyourself.

Don’tJustSettheGoal—GettheGoalOfcourseit’simportanttodreambigandsetgoals.Butifyousetagoal,it’s

equallyimportanttogetthegoal.Thereisn’tanyonereadingthisbookwhocan’tclimbMountEverestorwriteahitsong.Youcouldpotentiallywriteabest-seller.Butyou’llneverwriteabest-sellerunlessyoustartwritingthosefirsttwopages.

Doyourealizethatsimple,methodicaldisciplinesinthroughoutalongperiodoftimeiswhatwillallowyoutowriteyourfirstbook?Ifyoujustwrotetwopagesadayforahundredconsecutivedays,you’dhaveyourfirstbook.Now,ifyoureadthosewordsandautomaticallythoughttoyourself,Well,thatsoundseasy,butIdon’tliketowrite,Icanappreciatethat.Isaidthatforyears,andthenIrealizedthattoeverfinishwritingabook,I’dhavetopracticeadifferentlevelofdiscipline.

Weallprocrastinateinisolatedareaswherewefeelanxiety.Areyoureadytoaddressyourprocrastinationissues?Areyourealisticallyreadytoletgoofthefeelingsthatcreateyourprocrastinationidentity?Areyouwillingtotakealookatthecausethatcreatestheeffect?Ifyouare,that’savictory.Forinstance,ifyoucarryexcessweight,it’snotjustdietingandexercisethatwillallowyoutoliveinthephysiquethatyoudeserve.It’sbeingabletoletgoofthefeelingsthatkeepyoudoingthesamethingoverandover,expectingdifferentresults.

RebuildYourBridgesInthetraditional12-stepprogram,onestepistotakeafearlessmoral

inventoryofyourselfandhowyouapproachothers,andthenaskforforgiveness.Iputthatinmyownwords,butthat’stheessenceofit.Ifyouareabig-dealchaser,takeamoralinventoryofyourself.Askyourselfiftherearepeopleyou’vehurt,orbridgesyou’veburned.Ifit’spossible,gobacktothosepeopleandaskthemtoforgiveyou.Ifyou’vecreatedunfavorablesituations,atanopportunetimeyou’llwanttobeabletorectifywhateveryoucan.

Iwasabig-dealchaserforabout15monthsofmylife.AsImentioned,Ibecameintoxicatedbyabigdeal.WhenIhitrockbottomfinancially,Irealizedthattheonlywayoutofthatsituationwastoproducemyselfoutofit.Ihadtoperformsimpledisciplinesthroughoutalongperiodoftime.

Lookingatmyliabilitydebt,Ihadthreeoptions.Optionnumberonewasbankruptcy.Asarecoveringalcoholicandaddict,IrealizedIhadreinventedmyaddiction;Ihadbecomemoneydrunk.Formetorectifythatsituation,bankruptcywouldjustbeanotherdenial.Instead,Ichosetheold-fashionedAmericanway—Iproducedmywayout.Ibuckledmyseatbelt,andIsatinachairforthenext12months,puttingin14-and16-hourdaysdoingwhatwasrequiredtoovercomethatsituation.

Ifyou’rearecoveringbig-dealchaser,thisisthelessonyoumustlearn.Youdon’twanttojustgetoutofdebt;youdon’twanttojustgetoutofthehole.Youwanttointernalizethelessonsoyoudon’tcontinuetoreinventthesamesituationoverandover.

TheBreakthroughFactorHowmanyofyousayonJanuary1st,“Thisistheyear.Thisismy

breakthroughyear.ThisistheyearthatIarrive”?Thosestatementscouldbetrue,butifyoufindyourselfstillprocrastinatinginJuly,thenallyou’redoingisbig-dealchasing.Allyou’redoingissayingthesamethingyousaidthelastyear,anddoingthesamethingoverandoveragain.

Sowhatisthebreakthroughfactorwhenyou’reabig-dealchaser?Howdoyoubreakthroughyourprocrastination?First,youhavetorecognizethatyouhaveissueswithprocrastination—andyou’vegottostopjokingaboutit.WheneverItoldpeopleIwaswritinganewbookcalledTheProcrastinationCure,someonewouldinvariablylaughandsay,“I’llbethefirstonebuyingit.”Thatpersonislaughingthroughhisorherpain.

Youmustbecomeobjective.Youmustbecomeawareofthepainyouareexperiencing,becauseinthemiddleofthatpainiswhereyoucanfindyourpassion,yourpleasure,andyourjoy.Youmustlookintotheheartofdarknessat

somepointandrealizethataseriesofeventscreatedthisidentityyouarelivingin.Nomatterwhereyouareonyourjourney,nomatterwhatcityyoulivein,ifyou’relivingindenial,it’stimeforyoutochange.It’stimeforyoutobegintoletgo.Itisinlettinggothatyouwillfindthelightintheheartofthedarkness.Thereisanendtoeverytunnel—thekeyistofindthelight,focusonit,andcreateapracticalplantojourneytowardit,stepbystep,daybyday.

TheLong-TermGamePerhapsyouhavedreamsofbecomingamillionaire,asix-figure-income

earner,asuccessfulbusinessmanorbusinesswoman,oraphilanthropist—youwanttobecomesomeonewho’sapersonofinfluenceandaffluence.Butyouhavetogetrealistic.Letgoofbeingpositiveandbecomeobjectiveinstead.

Iseesomanypeopleattempttotakeonthreeorfourprojectsorbusinessesatonce.Thisisjustanotherformofbig-dealchasing.Irecentlyhadoneofmyclientstellme,“Italkedtoso-and-so,andtheysaidthatIcouldmakeacoupleofthousanddollarsinfourhoursaweekdoingthisbusiness.”

Iresponded,“It’snotgoingtohappen.”Shewastakenaback,asking,“Whynot?”Isaid,“Well,let’stakealookatyoursituation.Firstofall,youaremarried

withchildren,andyouhaveademandingcareer.Youhaveadailycommutebackandforthfromwork,andyoualreadyhaveonebusinessyou’rejuststartingtomaster.Whywouldyouconsidertakingonanotherbusinesswhenyou’rejuststartingtobreakthroughinthebusinessyoualreadyhave?”

Thisisaverytypicalsituationforsomanysincerepeople.Fortunately,thistalentedyoungwomantookadeepbreathandsaid,“Yes,you’reright.”Likemanyofus,shebecameintoxicatedwiththebigdeal:“Wow,$2,000amonth,andIonlyhavetodevotefourhoursofeffort.”

I’mnotsuggestingthatit’simpossibleatsomepointinyourlifetocreateacouplethousanddollarsamonthonfourhoursofeffort.Butthattypicallywon’thappenunlessyou’vemasteredtheemotions,thedisciplines,andthehabitsofaparticularvocationthatyoucannowduplicate.

Butyoucan’tpossiblywinthegamebybig-dealchasing.Youcan’tsitathomewishingandhopingandtrying.Youhavetocommit,youhavetodecide,andyouhavetodecidedaily.Successisn’tbasedsomuchonwhatyoudo,it’swhatyoudodaily.It’sdailydiscipline.

Howmanyofyouhaveanexerciseroutine?Didyoupracticethatsimpledisciplinetoday?Doyouexercisethreeorfourdaysaweek,rainorshine?Is

exercisepartofyourdailyhabit?Howmanyofyouhavesomekindofdisciplinewhenitcomestoyourdiet?Areyoueatingmorerawfoods?Areyoueatingmoreorganicfoods?Areyoudrinkingmorepurifiedwater?Areyoureleasingyourselffromsugar,transfats,andotherfoodsthatdonotserveyou?

Whenitcomestosuccess,moderationiskey,andsoishavingamethod.Why?Ifyoudon’thaveamethod,thenyouhaveamethodoffailure.It’svitalthatyouemployasystematicapproachtobecomingsuccessful.Itjustwon’thappenovernight.

CreateEmotionalStabilityIfyouseeyourselfinthisprofileofthebig-dealchaser,insteadofalways

creatingbigdeals,goaftersomesmalleronesfirst.Createsomesmallervictoriesthatcancompound,thatyoucantakesomepridein.Insteadofhittingahomerunandswingingforthefenceseverytime,justfocusongettingonbase.Thenyou’llbegintoseesomeprogress.Occasionally,lookoveryourshouldertomeasurethegroundyou’vecovered.You’veheardtheoldadage,“Inchbyinch,it’sacinch;yardbyyard,it’shard.”

Usingtheanalogyofthetortoiseandthehare,Iusedtobethehare.Icouldn’twaittogettothefinishlinesoIcouldgettothenextfinishline.Iusedtobelievethatbeingthatgoal-orientedwashealthy.ButIdiscoveredthatnomatterwhatgoalIhadachieved,itwasneverenoughbecauseIwasn’tenough.Thisisverycommoninbig-dealchasers—theyseeksuccesstoprovetoeveryoneelsethatthey’reenough.Ifyougiveabig-dealchaseracompliment,heorshetypicallydoesn’tevenhearit,becauseheorsheisalreadyontothenextbigdeal.

Emotionally,ifyouhavehighhighsandlowlows,youpeakandcrash,peakandcrash,overandover.Thekeytosuccessisemotionalstability.Ifyouhavealessthanfavorableday,youdon’tletitkeepyoufromgettingagoodnight’ssleep.Ifyouletitaffectyoursleep,you’llwakeupwithaheadachebecauseyouweregrindingyourteethatnight.You’llwakeupwiththeconstantpressurethatyou’vegottoprovetotheworldthatyou’reenough;youhavetogooutandconquertheworldandbeabigdeal.Iknowalotaboutthis—Ilivedit.

I’llneverforgettheveryfirstMercedesBenzIboughtbackin1984.Iboughtitfromaverygoodfriendofmine,andthereasonIboughtit(Iknowthisnow)wassothatIcoulddriveupinfrontoffour-andfive-starrestaurantsandnightclubsandhaveitvalet-parked.

Ihavealwaysbeengoodatattractingmoney,butasabig-dealchaserinmy20s,IattemptedtobuyfriendsandlovewithmoneybecauseIfeltIwasn’t

enough.EverytimeIranoutofmoney,Iseemedtorunoutoffriends,andI’dhavetoreinventmyselfinanothercityoranotherbusinessbecauseIwouldconstantlyburnbridges.Myoutletforallofthisangstwasdrugsandalcohol.Iwouldhavebigsuccessesandequallybigcrashes.ThesuccesseswouldbesobigthatIcouldn’tpossiblymanagethembecauseIwassoself-destructive.Finally,Ilearnedtoletgo.IrealizedthatsuccessisnotsomuchaboutwhatIdid—itwaswhatIwasbecoming,whatIwasfeeling.

Doyourealizethatyoudon’trequiremoneyorsuccesstofeelgoodaboutyourself?Youcanfeeljustasgoodaboutyourselflivinginasmallhomeasyoucaninamansion.Alotoftimes,thosemansionsendupbeingsterileandcold—theydon’thavethesamefeelingasaquaintlittlehomewithahumantouch.Andwhatgoodisacastleifyoudon’thaveanyonetoshareitwith?Whatgoodissuccessifyoudon’thaveloveinyourlife?

Now,Ihavealsolearnedthatalthoughit’slovethatmakestheworldgo‘round,moneypaysforthetrip.Justmakesurethatyou’renotdoinganythingmerelyfortheloveofthemoney.Makesureyoudoitbecauseyouloveyourself.Makesureit’saboutexpressingyourcreativity.Makesureit’saboutwhoyouareandwhoyouarebecoming.Whenyouachievesuccessfromthisperspective,youdon’thavetobeabig-dealchaser.

Youcanstillbeabigproducer,butbesurethatyou’renotproducingsothatyoucanreachacertainpinlevelorgetsomekindofmeritbadge.Eventhoughyoumightnotbethebest,youcanbeyourbest.Andbeingyourbestismuchmoreimportantthanbeingthebest.Beingthebestisoverrated;there’salwayssomeonesmarter,brighter,betterlooking,moretalented,ormoreintelligentrightaroundthecorner.

GetIntoxicatedByProductionAlthoughyoudon’thavetohitrockbottomtoturnaroundandbesuccessful,

wealllovestoriesofpeoplewholivedintheircar,dugquartersoutoftheircouch,ateramennoodlesforayear,orlivedonpeanut-butter-and-jellysandwiches.

IrecentlycoachedaclientwhoenteredtheMissTeenAmericapageant.NooneknewshehadbeenabletogetthatfarbecauseshehadbeenlivinginacarbehindaPizzaHut.Nowthat’sthekindofdisciplinethatbreedscharacter.Goingthroughcharacter-buildingmomentsandovercomingthechallengesyoufacegivesyouagreatsenseofpride—aswellasagreatsenseofhumility.

Whenyouovercomeanoverwhelmingsituationthathashinderedyouand

heldyoudown,whenyouhaveactuallyhadthecouragetolookintotheheartofdarknessandovercomeanaddiction,whenyou’vecomebackfrombeingdestituteorinfinancialruins,thatinitselfisoneofthegreatestrewardsyoucanreceive,becausenoonecanpayyouforthefeelingsyougetfromthatsenseofaccomplishment—andyoucan’tbuyiteither.

Anaccomplishmentiswhatyoudothroughyourphysicalandemotionaleffort.Entitlementiswhatyoufeelpeopleoweyou.Youmaydeservesuccess,butyouhavetoearnit.Successisapplieddisciplinethroughoutalongperiodoftimeinavocationforwhichyouhaveanaffinity.Ifyou’reinabusinessjustforthemoney,andyoukeepavoidingtheactionsthatwillcreatetheresultsyouseek,perhapsyoushouldtakeagoodlookatthatvocation.

HaveBigGoals,butBiggerHabitsAtleast90percentofthepeopleI’vecoachedhavebiggergoalsthanthey

havehabits.Theyhavebiggerexpectationsthantheyhaveskills.Theystartabusinessexpectingtomake$10,000or$20,000amonthintheirfirstyear.Thisdoeshappenoccasionally,butmoreoftenthannot,theonlypeoplewhorealizethiskindofsuccessarepeoplewhohavealreadypaidthepricesomewhereelse.Overnightsuccessesareseldom,ifever,thecase.

Justrecently,oneofmyclientstoldmeabouthermentorwhoisachievingamultiplesix-figureincome.Thismentorwasinherlate20s,andit’stemptingtothink,“Wow,shejustfellofftheturniptruckandbecamesuccessful.”However,shestartedherentrepreneurialcareerwhenshewasinherearly20s.Shehadeightyearsofexperiencealready.Thisissimilartomystory.

IgotcleanandsoberwhenIwas32yearsold,startedmyentrepreneurialcareer,andwentthroughaseriesofupsanddownsearlyon.Ittookmeeightyearstohitmultiplesixfiguresinadirect-salesnetwork-marketingcompany.Iwouldn’tbewhereIamtodayifIhadn’tgonethroughthoseeightyears.Duringthoseyears,Ialsowentthroughtwoyearsofbig-dealchasing,endingup$100,000indebt,absolutelyatfinancialrockbottom.

MoreHeartThanTalentHittingrockbottomisoverrated—Icantellyoufrompersonalexperience.If

you’rethererightnow,don’tdespair,becauseyouhavetheskill,youhavethetalent,andmostimportantly,youhavetheabilitytotapintothatemotionalareacalledheart.Youhavemoreheartthantalent,andthat’swhatyoumusttapinto.Ifyoudon’thavetheheart,you’reprobablyinthewrongplaceatthewrong

time.Butifyoudohavetheheart,andyouknowyou’reintherightplaceattherighttime,thenit’syourresponsibilitytorecognizewhereyouareandcapitalizeonit.

Luckiswhenopportunitymeetspreparation.Luckdoesnotleadtosuccess.I’vemetafewpeoplewhogotluckyandinheritedmoney,andtheygotjustasunluckyandlostit.I’veencounteredafewpeoplewhowereheirstolargefortunesandfeltsoguiltybecausetheydidn’tearnthemoneythattheyendeduplosingitall.It’sthesamewithmanypeoplewhowinthelottery—becausetheyfeeltheydon’tdeserveit,theyhavechallengesusingtheirnewlyfoundleveragetomanifestcontinuingprosperity.

IntoxicatedByProductionHere’stheremedyifyouareabig-dealchaser:Insteadofgettingintoxicated

byallyourdreams,getintoxicatedbyproduction.Thiswillabsolutelyserveyou.Evenifyouarestilloutofbalanceinyourlife,atleastyou’llbemovingforward.Youcanfigureouthowtobecomemorebalancedlater.Yourlawofalignmentwillchangeifyoubecomeproductive.

Sofocusonsomethingproductive.Focusonsomethingthatyouhaveanaffinityoranaptitudefor,orarewardyoufeelyoucanaccomplish.Ifyou’vestartedanewtypeofbusiness,firstmasterthebasicskillsthatgoalongwithyournewvocation.Ifyouwanttobeaguitarplayer,don’tfocusonbeingonstage.Thatmightbeadream.Instead,focusonlearningthechords.Focusonlearningthenotes.Focusonmasteringthestrings.

Successisaprocess.Ifyou’renotwillingtodevotetwotofourhoursadayonapart-timebasistoyourfuturefreedom,orsixto10hours(ormore)ifyou’refull-time,thenyou’reprobablydelusional,andyou’llendupindenial.Thepriceofsuccessitselfisaprivilege—andthereisnopricewhenyouunderstandit’saprivilege.Backin2001,onaconferencecall,IsaidtoBurkeHedges,authoroftheempoweringbookWhoStoletheAmericanDream?,“Burke,Iampayingtheprice.”I’llneverforgethisanswer.Hesaid,“Jeff,itain’tnoprice;it’saprivilegetodowhatwedo.”

PositiveCharacteristicsofaBig-DealChaserBig-dealchaserspossesscertainqualitiesthattheycanapplypracticallyto

createresults.Ifyouhaveabig-dealchaserinyourfamilyoryourorganization,lookforthesequalitiesandaffirmthem.

Firstofall,big-dealchasershavenatural,emotional,ethericenergy,andwhen

thatenergyischanneled,theyhavetheabilitytoattractgreatpeopleandformstrongrelationships.Big-dealchasersareoftengoodspeakers.They’remotivated,andtheyhavecharisma.Theyareoftenbeautiful,charming,witty,andtalented.Whenchanneledproperly,abig-dealchasercantransformintoabigproducer.

ChannelYourEnergyThemovieWallStreetwasallaboutbig-dealchasing.ThecharacterofBuddy

inWallStreetwasaclassicbig-dealchaser.Thatmoviehadagreatending:Buddywisedup—heletgoofbeingabig-dealchaser.

Doyouspendtoomuchtimedreaming?Doyouspendtoomuchtimeromancinghowit’sgoingtobeinthefuture?There’sabigdifferencebetweencreativevisualizationandchasingbigdeals,betweenidealisticbigdreamingandrealisticbigdreaming,betweendaydreamingandactualvisualization.Andthat’sthekindofseparationthatyoumustbeginteachingyourselftocreate.

Thebig-dealchasermustcomedowntoearth,andwhenhedoes,hehitsrockbottomharderthananyotherprocrastinatortype.Ifyourecognizeyourselfasabig-dealchaser,thegoodnewsisthatyoucanchangewhenthepainisgreatenough.Youmightrequiretherapy,counseling,ora12-stepprogram.Youmighthavetogeta“real”job.Youmighthavetopaybackdebts,creditors,andfamilymembers,butyoucanbecomerealistic,specific,truthful,andhonest.Youcanchangeyourlanguageandthewordsyouuse.Youcanlearntoproduceintimeframes.And,mostimportantly,ifyou’reabig-dealchaser,youcanbegintoloveyourself.

Ifyou’reabig-dealchaser,don’tdespair,becauseyouhavealotoftalent.Youhavealotofcharisma.Youhavealotofenergy.Butitisyourresponsibilitytolearnhowtochannelthatenergyintoproduction.Thisisnotaboutforcingyourself.Thisisnotaboutwillingyourselftochange.Changingisaboutbeingreadytobecomerealistic,becomeobjective,andrealizethatanythingworthachievingisworthgoingthroughtheprocess.

CHAPTERFOURTheChronicWorrier

Asweexplorethevarioustypesofprocrastinators,you’llprobablyrecognizeyourselfineveryoneofthem,becausemostofushavepiecesofallofthetypeswithinourselves.We’reallcomposedofmanydifferentfeelingsandemotions.Forinstance,weallworryfromtimetotime:Weworrythatwemightoffendsomeone.Weworrythatwe’llsaythewrongthing,orthatwewon’tknowwhattosay.Weworryaboutfailinginourenterprise.Butsomeindividualsworrysomuchthatitbecomeschronic;itbecomesanidentity.Icallthistypeofprocrastinatorthechronicworrier.

Chronicworriershavemoredeep-seatedemotionalchallengesthananyoftheotherprocrastinatortypes.Thistypeofprocrastinatorlivesinthe“whatifs.”Chronicworrierslovethefamiliar.Theycravethepredictable.Theyclingtotheconfinesof“averagism.”Theyareveryinsecurewithnewchallengesthatcouldpotentiallytakethemoutoftheircomfortablyuncomfortablezone.

Didyougrowupwithaworryingparent?IfyouareaBabyBoomerwhogrewupinthe1960s,didyouhaveamotherorgrandmotherwhoconstantlyworried,waitingfortheothershoetodrop?Ifyouareinyour40snow,there’sahighprobabilitythatyourgrandparentswerebornsometimeshortlyaftertheturnofthecentury.TheywentthroughtheGreatDepression.Wecanonlyimaginewhatitwouldhavebeenliketoliveduringthattime.

Worrygetspassedonhereditarilyfromgrandparentstoparentstochildren.Sometimesweworrysomuchthatwedon’tevenknowwhatwe’reworryingabout.Maybeyouweretoldnottodreamtoobigbecauseyou’donlybedisappointed.Aschildren,mostofusheardmanystatementsthatcausedworry.Worrycreatespanic.Paniccreatesanxiety.

Ofalltheprocrastinatortypes,thechronicworrierusuallyhasthemostanxietyissues.

CharacteristicsofChronicWorriersChronicworriersareeasytospot:they’refidgety.Theirenergyissomewhat

frantic.Theireyesdartaround;theydon’tlookyouintheeye.Theysometimesbitetheirfingernails,taptheirpen,compulsivelyjiggletheirfoot,checkthetime,orchooseanymultitudeofwaystoexpresstheirnervousenergy.

Chronicworriershavetroublechanging,deciding,andcommitting.Whenyouaskchronicworriersaquestion,you’llhearalotof“um,”“ah,”“well,”and“okay.”Thistypeofvocabularycomesoutoftheirmouthbecausethey’reveryconcernedaboutsayingtherightthing.Theydon’twanttomakeamistake.Theydon’twanttooffendanyone.They’reafraidtogetoutoftheircomfortzone.Theytendtohavechallengesgettingstarted,especiallyinsalesandmarketing.

Chronicworriershavetoprocesseverything.Thesearethetypesofpeoplewholiveintheirhead.Chronicworriersgetslockedintoanidentity,andthentheyagonizeaboutrelationships.It’sachallengetoconnectwithothers.Theytendtobecommitment-phobic.Inrelationships,theyaresoanxiousabout

choosingthewrongpersonthattheydon’tchooseanyone.Chronicworriersemergeoutofthemostintelligentsectorofoursociety.

Eventhoughthey’reveryintelligent,manytimestheiremotionalintelligenceisverylowbecausetheyhavenoself-esteem.However,letmestateagainunequivocally:Weallhavetheabilitytochange.Don’tstartworryingthatyouwon’tbeabletoovercomeworrying!

Chronicworrierstypicallyareveryfearfulandanxious.Theiranxietycanoftenleadtopanicattacks.Chronicworriersareveryindecisive;theyareterrifiedofmakingmistakes.Thisusuallystemsfrompastsituationswhentheyexperiencedalotofjudgment.Theirindecisivenessisacontrolissue.Theycan’tcontrolthewhat-ifsoflife,buttheycancontrolstayingstuckintheirworry,eventhoughthisusuallyleadstodisappointment.They’reverycautious,andtheyliveforsecurity.Theydon’tliketheunknown.Theydon’tliketheideaofriskforreward.

Chronicworrierscaneasilygetcaughtin“theparalysisofanalysis.”Theytendtobecomefrozenwheretheyare,thusmissingopportunitiesandpeoplewhowouldallowthemtomoveforward.Chronicworriersusuallyexperiencechallengeswithselling—morechallengesthanalmostanyotherpersonalitytype.Theyaren’tabletojustbeinthemoment;theyhavetroublebeingspontaneousorbeingintuitive.Chronicworriershavetoknowalltheanswers.Thesearethetypesofpeoplewhojoinanorganization,attendalltheevents,takenotes…buttheydon’tdoanything.Why?They’restuckintheparalysisofanalysis.

Chronicworrierscomeacrossasunemotional.Theyhaveastrongtendencytostufftheirfeelings.Theyattempttoappearasiftheyaren’treadingascript,butinactualitytheyareveryscripted.Chronicworriersoftenseemaloof;theytendtobeloners.

Chronicworriershaveatendencytobedepressed.Oftenchronicworriersaremisreadasbeingnegative,butit’smorethattheyareindecisiveanddepressed.

Chronicworrierstypicallyarepronetosomeofthemostdebilitatingdiseases.Chronicworriersaresomeofthebiggesttime-wasters,andthisalwaysleadstodisappointment.Intime,disappointmentwearsouttheadrenalsystemandtheimmunesystem.Inaddition,chronicworrierscreatelacticacidintheirmusclesorscartissuethatbuildsupintheneckandback.Allthisisduetochronicworryheldinthebody.However,thehumanbodyisoneofthegreatestmachinesevermade,andnomatterwhathashappenedinthepast,ithastheabilitytoheal.

Chronicallyworriedprocrastinatorsconstantlyseekapprovalandaretypicallydependentuponothersforinsight,advice,andassurance.Theyrelyonotherswhohavemoreself-esteem,moreself-confidence,andmoreself-

assurance.Theyseekdirectionfrompeoplewhoaredirected.Unfortunately,thesetypesofprocrastinatorstendtobeemotionalandspiritualvampires.Ifyourecognizethispatterninyourlife,youwanttolearntoletgoofthenecessityofbeingtoldwhattodo.

Chronicworrierstendtobethebiggest“stuff”collectors.Theyhavechallengesdecidingwhattodowithallthestufftheyholdonto,andthentheyhavetodecidewhattodowithalltheclutterthatdoesn’tservethem.Ifyouwalkintosomeone’sofficeandit’soverflowingwithpapers,boxes,andbooks,there’sahighprobabilitythatthisindividualisachronicworrier.

WhyWeWorryWhatmakesthechronicworrierworry?Whatisitthatcausesthissituation?

Wearen’tbornworriers;we’rebornwithacleanslate.Typically,though,somewhereduringchildhood,aseriesofeventsbeginstoformamoodthatbecomesafeeling,andthatfeelingeventuallybecomesanidentity.

Chronicworrying,likeanytypeofprocrastination,isaneffect.Whatistheunderlyingcause?Forchronicworriers,thecauseisoftenaneuroticperson(possiblyaparent)intheircircleofinfluencewhomtheycouldn’tplease.Thismightcomefrombeinganunwantedchild,orfrombeingachildwithbrilliantparentswhopressuredthechildtoduplicatethatsuccess.

Oneclientofminewasadoctorwhowenttooneofthefinestmedicalschoolsinthenation.Eventhoughhedidn’twanttobecomeadoctor,hecompliedwithhisparents’wishes,gotadegree,ranupmedicalschoolexpensesthattotaledmorethanaquarterofamilliondollars—andthenproceededtofailmiserablyasadoctorbecauseitwasavocationthathehadnoaptitudeoraffinityfor.Hedidallthistopleasehisparents,butinrealityheendedupresentingthem.Eventually,hewassoconsumedwithnotmakingmistakesthathemadeacolossalblunderandwassuedforit—allbecausehewasinaprofessionheneverwantedtobein.WhenIcoachedhimlaterinlife,afterhisquarter-of-a-million-dollarsofdebtandalawsuitthatdidn’tservehim,hesharedthatallhereallywantedtobewasamusician,andhewasfinallypursuingthat.

Anotherclientofmine,John,wasanaverageinsurancesalesman.Hehadbeenabletoachievesomewherebetween$40,000and$60,000.WhenImethim,hewasintheprocessofchangingvocations.Ineveryoneofourcoachingsessions,Johnwouldtellmeallaboutallthe“gettingreadytogetready”hewasdoing.HewaslisteningtoCDs,hehadattendedaWebinar,andhewasgoingregularlytoevents,seminars,rallies,andconventions.Hewassurrounding

himselfwithacircleofinfluencemadeupofexceptionalandintelligentindividuals.Throughthiscircleofinfluence,hehadattractedsomeofthegreatestcoachesintheworld.Unfortunately,hewasdoingallthisonliabilitydebt.Hehadspentaboutthreeyearsgettingreadytogetready,gettingallofhisducksinarow.Heusedtospendhourswritingandrewritingscripts.Henevermadeaprospectingcallbecausehehadbecomesoneurotically“perfect”thathecouldn’tproduce.

Duringoneofourcoachingsessions,wefinallyuncoveredthecausethatdrovehiseffect:Hehadbeenanunwantedchild.Hewasthelastofeightchildren—andnotonlywashethelastchild,butthereweresevenyearsbetweenhimandhisnextsibling.Hismotherusedtosaytohim,“WhenIfoundoutIwaspregnantwithyou,Icriedeverynightforsixmonths.”Hisparentspaidverylittleattentiontohim;hereallygotleftbehindinthatfamily.BythetimeJohnwas35,hewasachronicworrier.IntheyearIspentcoachinghim,Ihadtheabsoluteprivilegeofassistinghimtoturnhislifearound.

Atthispoint,Johnisn’tamillionaire,butheisnolongeraseminarjunkie.Johnisintheprocessofbecomingaproducer.Herealizesthathedoesn’thavetobeasuperstartobesuccessful.Mostimportantly,whatIhelpedJohnrealizeisthatheisenough.

IntellectualizingtoExhaustionIfyourecognizeyourselfasachronicworrier,isn’tittimetoletgo?Chronic

worryingisreallyaboutcontrol.Chronicworryingisanout-of-bodyexperienceaboutthe“whatifs”ofwhatmighthappen.Theleftsideofyourbrainbeginstoprocessthiskindofinformationtothepointatwhichyouarenotabletoperformbecausewhatyouwillbeabletodowillneverbegoodenough.Youholdyourselfbackinjobsandbusinessventuresbecauseoftheanxietythatyoumightnotbeabletohandlethepressuresoftheoutcomes.Youstarttointellectualizeandemotionalizewhatwillhappenmagicallyonedaywhenyouachievesuccess.Youbegintotalkyourselfoutofthesuccessyoudon’tyethavebecauseyou’reafraidyoumightnotbeabletohandleitperfectly.Youmightnotbeabletohandleitlogically;youmightnotbeabletohandleitemotionally.Suddenly,you’resoexhaustedthatyounowhaveanexcusetoshutdownandprocrastinate.

For10yearsnow,Ihaveheldworkshopsfor30participantscalledBreakthroughstoSuccess.I’vecreatedsuchasafeenvironmentthat,duringthecourseoftheevent,thechronicworriersforgetthattheydon’thavetobeperfect.There’ssomuchloveandwarmthintheroomthatitstartstobreakdownsome

ofthoseemotionalwalls,andsomeofthatprocessingbeginstogetreleased.“Processing”iswhenyouthinkandintellectualize;insteadofbeinginyour

emotionalrightbrain,youspendalotofyourtimeinyourlogicalleftbrain.Youprocrastinateinisolatedareasthatyoufeelyouhavetocontrol,areasyourebelagainst.Ifchangingidentities,changingvocations,changingcities,changingcareers,changingmates,andchanginghowyou’vebeenchangingbringsoutalotofanxiety,perhapsit’stimetochangeyourphilosophy.

Thewaytochangeistodecidethatyou’resickandtiredofbeingsickandtired.Oneofmyfavoriteactors,thegreatLeeMarvin,wasaskedneartheendofhislifewhyhequitdrinking.Hesaiditwasbecausethepainwasgreatenough.WhenanintervieweraskedBonnieRaittwhyshechosesobriety,shesaid,“Becauselifeispreciouswhenthere’slesstolose.”

Ifyouspentalotofyourtimebeingperfectanddisappointed,it’sdefinitelytimetochange.Everysingleoneofushastheabilitytochangethepowerofadecision,thepowerofacommitment.Weallhavetheabilitytomovethroughthefourphasesofbelief:impossible,possible,probable,anddefinite.Atanygivenmoment,youcanmoveintodefinitenessofpurpose.Youdeservetoletgooftheexhaustingenergythatsurroundsworrying.

WorryingasaControlMechanismIknowalotaboutbeingdisappointed.Iknowalotaboutworrying.Igrewup

withafatherwhoconstantlyworriedaboutpleasingotherpeople.Hewasanexceptionalcoach,butunfortunatelyItookonsomeofhisworry.EventhoughIdidn’twanttobethisway,thereweremanytimesinmylifewhenIhavebeenapeople-pleaser.

WhenIwasabsolutelyatrockbottomat32yearsold,IwassochronicallyworriedthatIwantedtotakemylife.OneofmybiggestworrieswasthatIcouldn’tgotosleepwithoutalcohol.Iwouldspendtheentiredaymassagingmyemotions,talkingmyselfoutofnotdrinkinghourbyhour.Thiswasexhausting.ItwassoexhaustingthatI’deventuallygiveinandhavethatfirstdrink.

Ittookmesixyearstogettothatfirstdayofsobrietyatage32.Myfirstdayofsobrietywassoliberating,thetearsjustfloweddownmyface.Inthebeginning,Ialmostcouldn’tbelieveit.WhenIwenttomyfirstAAmeetings,itwasextremelyliberatingnottobeinthatkindofcontrolallday.

Inowhavemorethan20yearsofsobrietythroughthegraceofGod,butI’dbelyingifItoldyouthatIneverworry,orthatIdon’ttrytocontrolcertainsituations.Buthere’sanaffirmationthatwillgreatlyassistyou,asithasme:“I

neverhaveabadday,onlyafewchallengingmoments.”I’mregularlyasked,“Whatisthatonesignificantmoment?Whatisthe

breakthroughfactor?”Inmyownlife,itwaswhenthepainwasgreatenough.Ihitabottomthatwassodeeptherewasnootherwaytogobutup.

KeystoLettingGoofChronicWorryAnytypeoftransformationrequiresawareness;ifyoudon’tunderstandwhy

youdowhatyoudo,there’sahighprobabilitythatyouwillcontinuetodoit.Herearesomehealingmodalitiesthatcanbegintoassistyou.

Loosenupyourmuscles.Starttoseeachiropractorrelativelyregularly,evenifyoudon’thaveneckandbackchallenges.AtleastgetanX-ray,orgetyourselfadjustedonceamonthtoloosenupthemusclesinyourneckandback.Ifyouareachronicworrier,there’sahighprobabilitythatyougrindyourteethatnight,orthatyouhavelowerbackpain.Manytimes,yourlowerbackpainisconnectedtoemotionalfeelingsaboutreceiving,asking,anddeserving,andthisisalsoconnectedtoyourfinances.Ifthisdescribesyou,findsomewaytoloosenupyourbody.

Youcandothisthroughphysicalornonphysicaladjustments.Exploredifferentkindsofmassage,yoga,taichi,oranykindofmartialartstypeofmodalitythatgivesyoutheopportunitytopracticesomeemotionaldiscipline.

Begintogetoutofisolation.Starttogetoutmore,evenwithsomethingassimpleasgoingandsittinginamallandjustpeople-watchingforhalfanhouraday.Stopobsessing.Spendlesstimeonline.Takeawalk.Getadogorcatifyou’realone—apetthatyoucansharesomeemotionalspacewith.Joinanetworkinggroup,abookclub,oranexerciseclass.Itreallydoesn’tmatterwhatyoudo,butfindawaytosharesomekindofactivitywithsomeoneelse!

Developnewperceptionsaboutyourselfandaboutthewayyouperceivetheplanetandtheworld.Letgoofyourneuroticperfectionsandmoveintoapracticalapplicationwithperfection.Takealookatyourpasthistory.Alotofyourchronicworryingmaybeduetoeventsfromyourpast.Dosomevisualizationexercises.Buildadreamboard.BuyTheRobbReportmagazine.Starttodreamagain.

Letgoofintellectualizing.Begintolivemorefromyourheart,notyourhead.Insteadofoverthinkingeverything,learntolivefullytoday.Tomorrowhasn’tevenhappened.Manychronicworriersgetcaughtupintheirownpsychosisof“whatif.”“WhatifIsucceed?WhatifIfail?Whatifthisrelationshipgetsserious?Whatifitdoesn’t?IfIdothistoday,then…IfIdon’tdothistoday,

then...”Thistypeofinternaldialoguegoesonandontothepointwhereitbecomeseasiertodonothingthantodosomething,andyetthisprocrastinatortypewilltypicallybegintoworryaboutdoingnothing,justtohavesomethingtoprocess!Letgoofattemptingtoprocesslifeandallowyourselftodothebestyoucanfortoday.Believeme,tomorrowwillcomenomatterwhathappenstoday,anditwillpresentyouwithawholenewsetofexperiencesfromwhichtolearnandgrow.

Practicevulnerability.Practicesaying,“NowthatI’mgrownup,Igivemyselfpermissiontobemorevulnerable.NowthatI’mgrownup,myvulnerabilityismygreatestasset,notmygreatestweakness.”I’mnottalkingaboutbeingsovulnerablethatyougethurt.I’mtalkingaboutbeingvulnerableenoughthatpeoplecanconnectwithyou.Thismeanstakingeducatedrisksaboutbeinganemotionalbeingandexpressingyourfeelingsaboutsituations,notjustyourthoughts.Everyonemaynotagreewithyou,butIbelieveyouwillbesurprisedathowwellpeoplerelatetoyouandchoosetobearoundyouoncethe“real”youisrevealed.

Liveinthepresent.Isn’tittimeforyoutostepintothatspacecalledthepresent?Livinginthepresentiswhatwillallowyoutoletgoofprocrastination.That’swhatwillallowyoutoletgoofyourchronicworrying.Allanyofuscandoisthebestwecaninanygivenmomentusingthetoolswealreadyhave.Perfectionissooverrated!Whenweliveinthemoment,roadblockscanbecomebuildingblocks.Howcanweeverchangeifwestopgrowing?Everymoment,everysituation,isanopportunitytolearnsomethingnew,expandourhorizons,andchangejustalittle.Thepresentmomentiswherewecanletgoofjudgmentandfreeourselvestolivelifelikeavoraciouschildwhojustcan’tgetenough.

SomeQuestionsandAnswersChronicworriersarefullofquestions.Thekeyistolearntoaskquality

questions,notobsessive,anxiousquestions.Herearemyanswerstothosetypesofquestions.

Q.CanIreallysucceedinmyenterprise?A.I’mnotsureifyoucanmakeit,becauseyouhaven’tevenstarted.How

canyoueversucceedifyoudon’tstart?Letgoofaskingwhetheryoucanmakeit,andputmoreenergyintowhatyoudotoday;successisn’tsomuchaboutwhatyoudo;it’swhatyoudodaily.

Q.WhathappensifIfail?

A.Evenifyoudogothroughsomechallenges,it’sthoseverychallengesthatwillprovideyouwithlife’slessons,thatwillgiveyouexperiencesthatwilldevelopcharacter,andthatwillhelpyoutodevelopawholenewpersonality.

Q.Whatifnoonebuysfromme?A.Whatifsomeonedoes?Ifsomeonedoes,thenisn’tthattheyinofthe

yangyou’vecreated?

Q.Whatifmyfamilydoesn’tloveandsupportme?A.Ifyou’vealreadysteppedintoentrepreneurshipandtheyhavejobs,

there’sahighprobabilitythattheythinkyou’reaflakeanyway.Youcan’tpickyourfamily,butyoucandefinitelypickyourfriends.Ifyourfamilydoesn’tendorseyou,ifyourfamilydoesn’tloveyou,ifyou’redisassociatedinyourfamily,there’salwaysagreatnewcircleoffriendswaitingtoconnectwithyou.Joinbusinessesandgroupswhereyoucancreatethatheartfeltconnection.Toastmasters,BNI,networkmarketing,anddirectsalesarejustsomeofthegroupsyoucanjoin.A12-stepprogramcanalsointroduceyoutothosekindredspiritsyourequiretocreateanemotionalspiritualitythatmaybemissingforyourlife.

ReceivetheRewardsAgentlemangavemeasupremecomplimentrecentlyafterhearingmespeak.

Hesaid,“Whenyouwalkedintothatroom,Icouldfeelyou!”Thathasn’talwaysbeenapositivething.Ifyoucouldhave“felt”me20yearsago,youwouldhavefeltmyanger.Ifyoucouldhavefeltme10yearsago,youwouldhavefeltmyresentment.

Eventoday,Icarrysomeofthatresentmentfrombeinghurt,abandoned,andneglected.Istillfeelshameandguiltfromsomeofthefailures,upsanddowns,andembarrassingmomentsI’vecreatedthroughmyaddictions.Idroppedagame-winningpassinafootballgamewhenIwasasophomoreinhighschool.Idroppedthebatoninastatetrackmeet.I’vedonelotsofthingsinmybusinesslifeandpersonallifethatIregret.I’vealienatedothersandhurttheirfeelings.Butwhenit’sallsaidanddone,I’velearnedtoforgivemyself.That’sapermission-basedexercisethatwealldeservetoexperience.

Ifyou’reinasimilarsituation,there’snotimelikethepresenttoletgoofyourchronicworrying.Therearealotofdisadvantagestobeingachronicworrier.Youabsolutelydeservetoreceivetherewardsyourbrilliancecanattract.

Youunequivocallydeservetoreceivethesoulmateyouareseeking.Youdefinitelydeservetobuildthatbusinessmodelyou’vewaitedfor;youdeservetodesignyourlife.Youdeservetoliveyourdreams,andtheonlywaytodothisistoletgoandreceivetherewards.

Nomatterwhatyou’vedone,youcanchange.Nomatterwhatyou’vecreated,youcanundoit.Nowmatterhowstuffedyourgarageis,youcancleanitout.Nomatterhowchallengingyourfinancesare,youhavetheabilitytoovercomethissituationandcreateprosperity.Butifyoudon’tchangethewayyou’vebeenchanging,thenyouwillcontinuetogetwhatyou’regetting.Andifwhatyou’regettingdisappointsyou,isn’tittimetochangeyourphilosophy?

Ifyouarereadytodothat,congratulationsandwelcomeaboard.You’vesteppedintoanewleaguecalledthebigleague.Insteadofbeingachronicworrier,youareonyourwaytobecomingapersonofinfluenceandaffluence.Youcanbethepersonyou’vealwayswantedtobe.

CHAPTERFIVETheRebelliousProcrastinator

Thenextprocrastinatortype,therebelliousprocrastinator,reallyhitsclosetohomeforme.ThetwoprocrastinatortypesthatIidentifywiththemostarethebig-dealchaserandtherebelliousprocrastinator.Thecharacteristicsofthesetwopersonalitytypeshavecontributedtomytendencytoprocrastinateinisolatedinstances.WhatIhavelearnedthroughmyowngrowthanddevelopmentisthatthemoreweunderstandwhywedowhatwedo,theeasieritistochange.Regardlessofwhichprocrastinatortypeortypesyouidentifywithmost,youarenowtravelingontherightpathtounderstandyourselfmoreclearlyandthenchangeyourbehavior.

CharacteristicsoftheRebelliousProcrastinatorRebelliousprocrastinatorsexhibitpassive-aggressivebehavior.Theysaywhat

theywantpeopletohear,buttheyonlydowhattheywanttodo.Theymayagreetosomething,butthatdoesn’tmeanthattheywilldowhattheysay.Theygettheirattentionthroughcreatingconflict.Theydomoretocreateconflictthantheydotoproduce.

Rebelliousprocrastinatorsoftencomeacrossaship,slick,andcool.Theymaylooksuaveanddebonair,andtheymayevencomeacrossasanamiable-relatertypeofpersonality.Rebelliousprocrastinatorsmightappeartobegreatgivers.(Thistypeofpersonalityalsoshowsupinanotherprocrastinatortype,theangrygiver.Theangrygiver,therebelliousprocrastinator,andthebighat/nocattleprocrastinatortypesallhavesomesimilarities,buttherearealsodistinctdifferences.)Rebelliousprocrastinatorslookasthoughtheyreallyhaveitalltogether,andinitiallyyoumightbeenviousofthem,butthemoreyougettoknowthem,themoreyouunderstandthemandseethatthereisalotofemotionalchaosbehindtheirshinyveneer.

Ioncehadanemployeewhoseemedveryattractive,outgoing,andpleasant,butthemoreIgottoknowher,thelesslikableshewas.ThewarmsmilethatIfirstsawwhenIhiredhermaskedthefactthatshehadaverycontrollingmother.Nothingshedidwasevergoodenoughforhermother.Becauseofher

underlyingperceptionofnotbeinggoodenough,thiswomancontinuouslycreatedsituationsofconflictandcontroltofulfilltheidentitythatshewaslivingin—tomakeitsothatshetrulywasn’tgoodenoughatherjob.

Conflictanddefianceisabigpartofrebelliousprocrastinators’identities.Thiskeepsthembusyratherthanproductive.Theirdefiancebecomestheirprocrastination.Likethebig-dealchaser,theyhaveentitlementissues.Theydon’trefusetodothingsoutright;theysimplydon’tdothematall.Whattheydoisusuallyaccomplishedinaveryinefficientmannerinthemidstoftheirrebelling.Beinganonconformistisfine,butdon’tbesuchanonconformistthatyoucan’tconformtoyourownsuccess.Don’tbesorebelliousthatyouenduprebellingagainstyourownsuccess.

Rebelliousprocrastinatorsareverytalented,buttheylivebythelawofentitlement.Theirassetsvirtuallybecometheirliabilities.Oftentheyaresotalentedthattheydon’twanttopracticewhenitcomestoasport.Alltheywanttodoisshowupandplaythegame.

Rebelliousprocrastinatorsdon’tfeelasthoughtheyhavetoengageintheemotionaldiscipline,repetition,andexperiencethatleadtomastery.Theydon’tthinktheyhavetopaytheprice.Theydon’twanttogothroughtheprocess;theyjustwantthepayoff.

Rebelliousprocrastinatorsmasktheirlowself-esteemwithhighself-confidence.Theyfallintothe“lookgood,feelbad”category.Underneathitall,theyarevictims,livingindenial,andtheyuseangertomasktheirlowself-esteem.Oncerebelliousprocrastinators’angersetsinandtheyhavecreatedtheconflicttheyareaddictedto,theycannowjustifyprocrastinating.Theybroodandpoutandexudeaveryhostile,toxicenergy.Whenrebelliousprocrastinatorsaskquestions,theydoitwithanunderlyingedgeofangerandcontrol.Theyusuallyinterruptotherpeoplebeforetheyevengettheirfirstanswer.Theylovetocausescenesandconflicts.

Rebelliousprocrastinatorshavethepotentialtobeveryproductiveandoftenareneatandorderly.However,rebelsstaystuckintheemotionsofangerandresentment;theyareeasytospotandeasytoreadbecauseofhowuptight,angry,andrigidtheyare.Youcanseethisinthewaytheyholdthemselves.Theyareverytoxic.Theyareveryobsessive/compulsive.

Rebelliousprocrastinatorstendtobefullofanger.Inadditiontohavingstrongaddictivetendencies,rebelliousprocrastinatorshavethegreatesttendenciestobreakdownemotionallybecauseofalltheragetheirprocrastinationcreates.Theirangercancausecancerifheldontolongenough.Itcancreatedebilitatingneurologicaldiseases.Rebelliousprocrastinatorsare

constantlyAATT(AngryAllTheTime),fullofspitetowardanyonewhochallengestheirideas,power,orauthority.Theygetfrustratedveryeasily.Theyflyoffthehandle.Theyliketomakescenes.Angerbecomeshate.Hatebecomesresentment,andthiscreatesafullcycleofholdingontoprocrastination.

Thereistremendousenergyinanger.Ifrebelliousprocrastinatorslearntochanneltheiranger,theyhavethehighestpotentialtobecomeproducers;theybecomeaforcetobereckonedwith,justastheywereintheirrebellion.

I’velivedmuchofmylifeinanger,goingoutofmywaytocreatesituationsthatwouldendupcreatingresentment.Infact,resentmentistheemotionthathasfueledmethemost.I’vedonetoomuchforpeople,settingthemupinpositionswheretheycouldn’tpossiblyfulfilltheexpectationsI’dcreated,whichthenallowedmetobeangryandresentful,whichthenfueledthefeelingthatkeptmestuck.

Inthemiddleofallthischaos,drama,andangerisajuice,afire,apassion—andmanytimespeoplewiththistypeofpersonality,iftheirpassionischanneledorharnessed,canturnthingsaround.I’maperfectexample.I’vehitrockbottomacoupletimes;I’vebeenavictim,fullofanger,spite,andindignation.Fortunately,Ifinallygottothepointwherethepainwasgreatenough,andIchosetoletgoandchange.

Rebelliousprocrastinatorsaresobrilliantthattheybecomestuckintheirownbrilliance.Manyathletes,entertainers,andartistsarerebelsandnonconformists.Theycangothroughyears,sometimesdecades,betweenanartisticorcreative

endeavorthatbringsthemsuccess.Theymightcreateaninflatedegoandfeeltheydon’thavetogothroughtheprocessthewayothersdo.

Ofcourse,inmanyways,beingarebelisappealing.It’sempoweringtosay,“Icouldneverworkanotherjobagain.”That’sgreat,butyoumustbeabletocreateprofit.Ifyouhaveanonprofitorganizationfromthediscomfortofyourhomebecauseyou’rerebellious,yourrebellionisn’tservingyou.Ifyourrebellionischanneledintoprocrastination,thenallyou’llproduceisdisappointmentandanger.

Rebelliousprocrastinatorsalienatepeopleandthenjustifythisbyblamingothers,whichgivesthemareasontoshutdownandbeangryvictims.Theyfeelvictimizedandrespondinoppositionalways.Thesearethekindsofpeopleyou’llseeinarestaurantberatingthewaitstaff.Theyperceivedemandsontheirtimeandenergyasthreatstotheirindividuality.Rebelliousprocrastinatorsmayrespondtothisperceivedthreatwithindignationordefiantacceptance,whichonceagainleadstoprocrastination.

Rebelliousprocrastinatorstendtobegreatstarters,butusuallyaverage-to-poorfinishers.Theycomeonlikegangbusters,andthentheyexpecttocoast.Theyavoidtaskstheydon’tlike,sayingtheyaremenialandunimportant.It’sverycommontoseesomeonewithalotofskillsandtalent,especiallyinsalesandmarketing,tosay,“Well,Ireallydon’twanttoprospect.That’snotreallywhatIdo.I’msogoodthatpeoplewillautomaticallybuyfromme.IcansellicetoanEskimo.”

Insteadoftakingthewordsalesseriously,turningitintotheprofessionthatitreallyis,rebelstendtobeamateursalespeoplewhoexpecttosellbasedonentitlementandmanipulation.There’sahugedifference,however,betweenmanipulationandpersuasion.Manipulationiscoercingsomeonetocomplywithyouanddowhatyouwant.Persuasionisshowingsomeonevalueandhowtobenefitthroughtheservicesyou’reproviding,whichleadstoWOO(WinningOthersOver).

Toreallyconnectwithpeople,wemustbeabletoconnectwithourselvesfirst.Ifweareconstantlyangrywitheveryoneelse,we’reactuallyangrywithourselves.Thisisusuallybecausesomeviolationputusinasituationandwehaven’tyetforgiventhecausethat’screatedtheeffect.Weholdontothatsituation,andthenwejustifyeveryonenotlikingusbyalienatingthem.Thatwaywecanprocrastinate.Thisisadescriptionofarebelliousprocrastinator.

Rebelliousprocrastinatorsareaddictedtoadrenaline.However,it’sreallynotnobletowalkaroundtheplanetsaying,“I’manadrenalinejunkie.”Thesetypesofprocrastinatorsgetanimmediaterush,anemotionalhighfromnotonly

creatingconflictanddrama,butalsofromhowtheywillhavetoperformtoresolvethecrisistheyhavecreated.

Rebelliousprocrastinatorsexperiencechallengeswithrelationshipsandendupsabotagingmostofthem.Eventhoughtheyhavesomegreatqualities,theiranger,brooding,andpoutingoftenoverridethosequalities.Rebelliousprocrastinators’long-termrelationshipsposeseriouschallenges,becausetheyultimatelyantagonizeandalienatealmosteveryseriousprospect.Potentialmatesareputoffbytheirarroganceandinsensitivity.

Rebelliousprocrastinatorstendtousepeoplebyborrowingmoney.Ofcourse,theyplantopaythembacksomedaybecausetheyaresocoolthattheirshipisboundtocomein.Thereallyhip,slick,good-lookingrebelsaretheoneswiththebigideas,thebigtalent,andtheabilitytoseduceotherpeopleintobuyingintotheirnextbigproject.Then,ifthebigprojectdoesn’thitahomerun,rebelliousprocrastinatorshavetofindanewsocialgroup,anewtown,anewcity,oranewplacetoplay.

There’sanothertypeofpassive-aggressiverebel:theweak-meekrebel.Women,especiallymothers,oftenfitthisdescription.Theyoftenbecomeoverweight,addictedtodisappointment,turningtofoodforcomfort.Theytendtoover-givesothattheycanlaterbeindignantanddisappointed.Theyblameotherswhentheydon’tgetthepeacetheyseek.Theyrebelagainstperceivedauthorityandfocusonblamingotherpeople.Theirself-protectiveattitudesrepelotherpeoplesotheycanjustifybeingdisappointed,andthentheyprocrastinate.

Rebelsaretypicallypessimisticbynature.Thisunderminestheirinspirationtoproduceinatimelymanner.Theyfeelputupon,whichgivesthemarighttorebelandthenprocrastinate.Theyalsoperceivethemselvesasmisunderstood,peoplewhoshouldn’thavetoperformandproducelikeeveryoneelse.Theyfeelatthemercyofthebadguys.Theyhaveawarpedsenseoftheworldinmanysituations.

PositiveQualitiesofRebelliousProcrastinatorsRebelliousprocrastinators’bestqualitiesaretheirpassionandtheirenergy.

Evenifrebelliousprocrastinatorsaretoxic,theyareusingalotofenergytobethatway.Evenifthey’rereallyangry,angerchanneledcanmoveamountain,pickupacar,orleadateamtovictory.

I’maclassicexampleofsomeonewhousedtobearebelliousprocrastinatorwithapassive-aggressivepersonality,addictedtoresentment.It’sinmygenes.It’sinmycells.EventhoughIwasabletoturnmylifearound,Istill

procrastinateincertainareas.Istillrebelincertainareas.Istillcauseconflict,andIstillhaveresentmentissues.

TakealookatMikeTyson.Inthepast,hewastheabsoluterolemodelforapassive-aggressiverebelliousprocrastinator.LookatRobertDowney,Jr.,andallthesituationshewentthroughinhis20sand30s.Noticehowhe’stransformedhislifeashesteppedintohis40s.Headdressedhisaddictions,andsuddenlyhismoviecareerstartedtocometogether.He’sbeenoutofthetabloidsandlivingaprettycreativelifeduringthepast10yearsorso.

Manypeopleareabletoovercometheirangerissues.I’veseenmanyindividualschanneltheirangerintoreligion,spirituality,business,athletics,andphilanthropiccauses.Thegoodthingaboutlettinggoofyourangeristhatyoucanthenteachothershowtoletgooftheiranger;youcanshowthemthewayoutofangerandprocrastination.

AMagicalProcessIt’stimetotakeanobjectivelookatthecausethatcreatestheeffect—an

honestlookattheheartofdarkness.It’stimetolookinthemirrorandbegintoputthepiecestogethertofigureoutwhyyoudowhatyoudo.

Forgivenessisalwaysthebeginning.Choosetoforgivethesituationsthatcreatedthecausethatisnowtheeffect.Createforgivenesssoyoucanletgoofthepeoplewhoabandonedyou,whorejectedyou,whotraumatizedyou.Nomatterwhatprocrastinatortypeyouare,it’syourresponsibilitytounderstandandembracethepowerofforgiveness.Forgivenesscanvirtuallytakeyouoffthehook.

Seeifyoucanidentifythecauseofyourrebellion.Takeahardlookatyourselfandbegintobridgethegapbetweenyourprocrastinationandyourrebellion.Whenyoucandothiswithanyofthesixprocrastinatortypes,it’sarealvictory.Thewholepurposeofthisbookistoempoweryoutoidentifycauseandeffectandthenbeabletoletgo.Whenyoubegintodothis,suddenlyawholenewgroupofpeopleappearsinyourreality;youareawakenedtoawholenewsetofcircumstances.

Itseemsalmostmagical,butit’sreallycreationondemand.Whenwecreateondemand,weattracttoourrealityareflectionofthewaywefeelandthepersonweareintheprocessofbecoming.Thisiswhenpeopleandsituationsbegintoappear,seeminglyoutofnowhere,toemphasizethepositivesweseeinsideourselves.Itseemsmagicalbecausewehavebecomeaccustomedtoattractingthatwhichemphasizesthenegativesweseeinsideourselves,untilour

journeyofgrowthbegins.Aswegrow,ithappenslikethis:Weletgo;weletGodin.Weletthepeoplewedeserveintoourlives.Weletgo,andsuddenly,thetypeofpersonwehavebeenseekingshowsupwithoutmucheffortonourpart.It’ssynchronicity,it’ssynchrodestiny,anditcananddoeshappen.

Oneofmyclientssaidtomerecently,“IwassittingintheairportonthewayhomefromBreakthroughstoSuccess,andthisguycameuptomeandsaid,‘Idon’tknowwhoyouare,andthismaysoundoffthewall,butIfeelcompelledtogiveyouthisbook.’Later,anolderbusinessmanapproachedmeandsaid,‘Idon’tknowwhatitisaboutyou,butIwanttogiveyoumycard.Woulditbepossibleforyoutogivemeacallatsomepoint?Ijustfeelthatyouhavesomethingforme.’”

Maybeyou’rethinkingasyoureadthis,“Thatneverhappenstome.”You’reright,becausetheminuteyousayitneverhappenstoyou,thatbecomesyourexpectation.Toexperiencethisinyourreality,youwouldhavetobelievethatitisareality.Youwouldhavetoletgoofattractingthepeoplewhodon’tserveyousoyoucancontinuetobeangryandprocrastinate.Youwouldhavetobeabletoletsomepeaceandprosperityin,toletpeopleseesomeofthelightbehindyoureyes,toseethatgoodnessinyourheart.It’syourhearttowhichpeoplewanttoconnect.

KeyQuestionstoAskYourselfIfyoufindyourselfrebellingandprocrastinating,herearesomevital

questionstoaskyourself.

∞Inthenexttwotofiveyears,whatdoIdesiretobecome?∞WhatprocessamIwillingtogothroughsoIcanbecomethepersonIdeservetobecome?

∞WhatamIreallywillingtogive?∞WhatamIwillingtoreceive?∞WhatamIwillingtocreate?∞WhydoIprocrastinate?∞Whatisthecauseofmyprocrastination?∞WhyamIsodefiant?∞WhyamIsoindignant?∞WhyamIsoimpatient?∞WhydoIresentpeople?∞WhydoIcontinuallysetmyselfupsothatIendupresentingpeople?

∞Whydoesthisconsistentlyhappentome?∞WhydoIattractthesecatastrophes?∞WhydoIfindmyselfprocrastinatingmorethanproducing?

Theseareobjective,honestquestionsthatyoucanlearntoaskyourselfthroughoutalongperiodoftime.Anythingworthachievingisunequivocally,absolutely,definitelyworthgoingthroughthiskindofaprocess.

Iwentthroughthisverysameprocess.IhadfinallyrealizedthatnothingwouldgivemereliefexceptunderstandingwhyIdidwhatIdid,soIstartedtotakeagoodlookatmyanger.Istartedtobuybooksonanger.OneofthefirstbooksIeverboughtwasbyRonaldT.Potter-Efron,calledAngryAlltheTime.Idiscoveredabookonforgiveness,oneofthefewI’veeverseen,calledRadicalForgivenessbyColinTipping.Ibegantorealizehowimportantforgivenessis.Istartedtolookatthecauseofmyanger,andIbegantounderstandthatIhadmisreadsomesituationsthathappenedtomeinmychildhood.IstartedtorealizethatIwasblamingthewrongpeople.Istartedtorealizethatformetoeverliveinthelandoffreedomandpromise,Iwouldhavetoletgoofsomeofthesituationsthatkeptmeavictim.

EventhoughIhadachievedsobriety,IcametotherealizationthatIwasnowadrydrunk.About10yearsintomysobriety,IlearnedthatIhadtolearnadifferentwaytolivesothatIwasn’tangryallthetime.Itwasn’tmyintentiontobeangry,butithadbecomemyidentity.IrealizedthatIwasproudofbeinganonconformist,andsofullofpridethatIthoughtruleswereforotherpeople.

Rightnow,takeadeepbreathifyourecognizeyourselfasarebelliousprocrastinator.Yourangerispassionturnedinsideout.Yourangercanbeturnedintocreativity.Youcanbegintoletgoofyourangerandbegintoloveyourself.Otherwise,howcanyoueverreceivelove?

ChooseCollaboration—NotConflictDidyoucreateaconflicttoday,ordidyoucreatecollaboration?Wereyou

warmandfriendly,orwereyouangry,upset,andresentful?Didyougenerouslytipsomeone,orwereyouupsetthatyoudidn’tgettheservicethatyoufeltyoudeserved?Youhavetheabilitytounderstandyourowndualityandbegintoliveinpeace,inthepresent,inthemoment,andinthenowinsteadofholdingontothepastthatcreatesrebellionandnonconformity.There’snothingintrinsicallywrongwithbeinganonconformist,butit’stimethatyouchannelthatenergyintoproductivity,passion,creativity,collaboration,andtheabilitytoconnectwithpeople.

Ratherthanalienatingpeople,it’stimetoconnectwithpeople.Irecentlyhadsomeonecomeuptomeataneventandsay,“So,isspeakingandcoachingallyoudo?”ThispersonwasputtingmeinapositionwhereIwouldhavetodefendmyselfandvalidatemyexistenceandwhatIdo.Butinsteadoffallingpreytotherebelliousprocrastinator(becauseI’marecoveringrebel),Isaid,“Whatdoesthatmean?”Andthepersonsaid,“I,I,I,I...Ididn’tmeananything!”

I’velearned,asarecoveringrebel,nottotakesituationslikethispersonally.I’velearnednottosetmyselfupforfailure.I’vebecomeconflictconscious,meaningthatI’mabletospotconflict.Thisisaskillthatyoucanchoosetodeveloptoo.Youcanlearntorecognizethosewhoareattemptingtodrawyouintoconflict.Youcanletgoofbeingrightsoyoucanberich.Youcandeveloptheabilitytostepintothepresentandrecognizewhenthatsituationoccurs.Insteadofsteppinginanotherconflict,youstepback,andyourwholeawareness,yourwholeenergy,yourwholebeing,andyourwholepresencebegintochange.

Whenyoulivethiskindofaninspiredlife,peoplewanttobeapartofit.Ifyouarearebelliousprocrastinator,youcanrejoiceinthefactthatyoucanfindanoutletforthatangst,thatenergy,thatrebellion,thatnonconformity,thatjuice,andthatdesire.

Youdon’thavetobeavictim.Youdon’thavetobeaprocrastinator.Youhavetheabilitytobecomeaproducer,tobecomesomeoneofinfluenceandaffluence.Youcanbecomearolemodel,amentor,amessenger,anambassadorofchange.Youcanbecomeapastor,aminister—anyonewhomyouthinkpeoplelookuptoinsteadoflookawayfrom.

CHAPTERSIXTheDramaAddict

Nowwe’lltakealookatthedramaaddict.Thisisthelast-minuteprocrastinator,thetypeofpersonwhobelievesheworksbestunderpressure.Hetakesprideinthis,believingthatitisnobletocreateallthatfranticenergyandadrenalineandthen,atthelastminute,savethedayandrescuehimself.

Haveyoueverdonesomethinglikethis?Youwaituntilyourbackisagainstthewall.It’sraining,it’spouring,it’satornado,it’sahurricane,it’samonsoon,it’satyphoon.Youhavenomoremoneyleftinyourbankaccount.You’reemotionallyandspirituallybankrupt,butsuddenlyyougointoyourclosetandputonyoursuperherouniform.Youlookatyourselfinthemirror,andyoutakeprideinknowingthatyouhavewhatittakestoovercomethecrisisyou’vecreated.Youdigdeepintoyoursoul;youovercome,youbecomevictorious!Andthen,whenit’sallsaidanddone,you’reexhaustedbyalltheenergyyouhaveexertedtoovercometheveryconditionsyouhavecreated.

Ormaybeyougrewupwithadramaaddictinyourhousehold,someonewhowasalwaysinthemiddleofacrisisorameltdown.Dramaaddictscan’tconceiveofanyotherwayoflife,andtheydeludethemselvesabouthowmuchenergythisdramarequires.Theybragaboutovercomingobstacles,hurdles,challenges,andadversesituations,andtheyareproudofthenobleeffortrequiredtoovercomethesesituations.Butinreality,theyarechronicprocrastinatorswhowaituntilthepainisgreatenoughtoperformbecauseofhowlazyandhowentitledtheyfeel.

Inmyownexperience,Iusedtosaythingssuchas,“I’llsucceedifitkills

me,”anditalmostdid.IlivedwithmigraineheadachesforeightyearsbecauseofthepressureIputonmyself.Ilearnedlaterinlifethatpressureisanillusion.Wecreateourownpressure,andwestayinthatpressureinordertoreleaseallthecortisolthatkeepsusstuckandalltheadrenalineittakestoconjureupthosesuperherofeelingstoovercomethesituationsweourselveshavecreated.

Dramaaddictsareoneofthemostdestructiveofallprocrastinatortypes.However,thelightthatshineswithinthisprocrastinatortypeisthattheyarehighlycreativeindividuals—ittakesalotofcreativitytoproducethekindofdramathatmanyofushavelivedin!Therearemanysimilaritiesbetweentherebelliousprocrastinatorandthedramaaddict,butwe’llexaminesomekeydistinctions.

CharacteristicsofDramaAddictsDramaaddicts’egoscontinuallyattractandcreatedrama,andtendtoweather

thestormsofcrisisandchaos.Dramaaddictsareresponsibleforthedramatheycreate.They’readdictedtotheirfeelings,andtheythriveontheadrenalinerushofsavingthedayunderemergencyconditions.

Dramaaddictsareeitherverymeekandtimidorhostileandenergetic.Otherpeoplehavetoconstantlytakecareofdramaaddicts’personalandprofessionalbusinesswhiletheypursueonedistractionafteranotherjusttokeeptheirlifedramaticandentertaining.Dramaaddictsliveintheirownmovie.They’realwaysonthego,keepingintouchwithfamilyandfriends—butseldomontime.Theyliketomakedramaticappearances.

Dramaaddictsarecodependent.Drama-addictprocrastinatorsarepreoccupiedwiththeadrenalineofdrawingattentiontothemselvesandgettingothersinvolvedintheirchaoticlives.Theyliveindenialandseldomfacethewaytheywastetimeprocrastinatingandexhaustingtheirenergyindramaandchaos.Dramaaddictsattractpeopleandsituationsthatwillconstantlysendthemintocrisismode.

Now,thatjustdefinedthewayIusedtobe.Inrecovery,IdiscoveredthatnotonlywasIanaddict,butIwasalsoverycodependent.Inotherwords,IcouldgointocrisismodeandIcouldalsogointorescuemode.Icouldbeadramaaddict,andIcouldrescuedramaaddicts—eitherwayitfueledmyself-esteem.

Dramaaddictsaredreamers.Intheirpersonality,there’susuallyverylittleseparationbetweensabotageandsuccess.Dramaaddictsattractpeopleandsituationsthatconstantlysendthemintothiscrisismode.Theybouncefromoneextremetoanother—ahighhightoalowlow.Eveninhigh-highmode,theycan

procrastinate,becauseheredramaaddictsstarttopaintpictures.Theyromancetheoutcome.Theyseevividlyandthey’reverycreative;theyhavemanysimilaritiestotherebelliousrebel.They’reabletocreatedramawithsomeone,orthey’reabletorescuethatsamesomeonefromdrama.Thewordspractical,methodical,andrealisticdon’tfittheirvocabulary.Theyareloftydreamersandextremelyidealistic.Theydon’thavethetimetoberealisticorpractical;it’stooboring.

Dramaaddictslivefordisappointment.Thisiswhyprocrastinationbecomessuchawayoflifeforthem,becausebyprocrastinatingtheydonotfail.Byprocrastinating,theycanendupeventuallyblamingsomeoneelseandthenjustifynottakingresponsibilityfortheirownfeelings.Theyoverlookthemundane,day-to-dayroutineaspectsoflife(payingbills,filingtaxes,eatinghealthy,exercising).Drama-addictprocrastinatorsarenotdetail-oriented.Theyliveinaconstantdreamstate.Theydropcrisisstatementssuchas,“Oh,mylifeisover;Iwanttokillmyself.I’mbesidemyself.HowamIgoingtopaymybills?”They’revictimsstarvedforattention.Bydroppingdramaticstatements,theynotonlyattractattentionfromotherpeople,buttheyalsogainareasontoprocrastinate.Theygetintoxicatedwithhowbadthesituationis,andtheyoperatefromaverydeeppain-and-pleasureprinciple.

Whenthepainisgreatenough,thedramaaddictsometimescanfindaspacewheretheyarecomfortableenoughtoletgo.Theygointoasuperstarmodewheretheyovercometheirchallenges,buttheyneverhavebalancewhenthey’reinthistypeofprocrastination.Theygofromprocrastinationtoproduction,procrastinationtoproduction,andoftentheirprocrastinationcanlastforyears.Theyattractattentionbyappearingpowerlessanddepressed.Thisgivesdramaaddictsaconsistentreasontoprocrastinate.

Dramaaddictshaveveryintoxicatingpersonalities.Eventhoughtheyalienateotherpeoplebecauseoftheirdrama,manyofthemhavegreatpeopleskills,andsothey’reabletopersuadepeopletorescuethem.(Remember,Ispeakfromexperience.)Thistypeofpersoncanbaffleyou.Theyappeartohavethegoods—allthequalitiesofsuccess.They’rethepeoplewho“shouldbe”butaren’t.Eventhoughthey’reusuallythemosttalented,mostcreativeindividualsyouknow,they’veoftenalsobeenthemosttraumatized,themostwounded,anddefinitelythemostbroken.Thegoodthingisthat,becauseoftheircreativity,nomatterwhatstatedramaaddictsarein,theycanovercomeit.

Dramaaddictscreatealotofresentmentintheirfamiliesandcircleofinfluence.Dramaaddictsareverygoodatturningsituationsaroundsotheycancontrolotherpeople’sfeelings,whichthenallowsthemtojustifyfeelingas

victims.Whentheyareinvictimmode,theytypicallybegintoprocrastinate.Andinprocrastination,theycanhaveamajormeltdown;theymightseducefamilymembersorothersintheircircleofinfluencetorescuethemortakecareofthem.Afteroutbursts,blowups,meltdowns,ormanipulations,theynowhaveareasontostayinbedthenextday.Theyhaveareasontopullthecoversupovertheirheads,avoidingreality.Afterallthey’vebeenthroughintheirmostrecentcrash,itoftentakesthemdaystorecoverandgetbacktosomesenseofproduction.It’snotuncommonforthemtotaketwoorthreedaysjusttogetbackinthegamebecausetheyholdontotheirfeelings,theyholdontotheevents.Itisalsonotuncommonfordramaaddictstohavepuffyorswollenfacesafteroneoftheseepisodes.

Dramaaddictsstrugglewithbalanceandconsistency.Becauseofthedramacreatedbyprocrastination,theyproduceonadrenalineandfrenziedenergy.Theirmajorchallengeisstayingconsistentlyproductiveduetotheiraddictedfeelingsthatleadthemtodrama,thenprocrastination.Theyeasilybecomeexhaustedandoverwhelmedbecauseofalltheirbottledupemotions.Thesearethefeelingsthatkeepdramaaddictsindrama.

It’sverycommonfordramaaddictstoendupeithercompletelyoverweightorcompletelyundernourishedduetothedualityandcontradictiontheylivein.Dramaaddictsmightbouncefromaweightgaintoahugeweightloss.Theydon’tknowwheretofindthemiddleground.Thatmiddlegroundiswhatyou’reseekingifyouidentifywiththispersonalitytype:balance,harmony,spirituality,reality,andobjectivity.

Dramaaddictsgofromonebehavioralextremetoanother.They’reunderachieversandunderproducers.Theybroodandpout,andthentheycreatemoreintensecrises,dramas,andscenestojustifytheirvictim-hood.Theyhavenotlearnedtheseparationbetweenbeingavictimandavictor.Tocreatetheintensepressuretheythriveon,dramaaddictsprocrastinatetothelastminute—untilthebuildupissointensethatitrequiresasuperhumanefforttoevenfinishatask.Theyliketotellstoriesaboutthesuperhumaneffortittooktobecomeexhausted.Attheendoftheday,you’lloftenhearthisrefrain:“I’msoexhausted!YouhavenoideawhatI’vebeenthrough!”or,“WhatIhadtogothroughtogethere!Thetrafficwashorrendous.”Theirwordsarelacedwithdrama.Alotoftheirconversationisallaboutthem.

Dramaaddictsareintoxicatedwiththeirownstories.Thesetypesofprocrastinators’dramaisattachedtothestoriestheyusetomaintaintheiridentity,whichcreatestheexcusetoprocrastinate.Procrastinationallowstheirlowself-esteemtorule;itenablesthemtonotfail.Dramaaddictsdon’tseethis,

though,becausetheirstoriesbecometheiridentity.Ihaveempathyforthistypeofprocrastinatorbecauseallofthemhavebeenwounded,hurt,broken,traumatizedbysituationsandeventsthathaveshapedtheirfeelingsintosuchanidentity.Theirfeelingshavebecometheirmood,andtheirmoodbecomestheiridentity.Nowtheyidentifywithbeingadramaaddict,withbeingadramaprocrastinator.Theytendtocreatedramasothattheycanbethecenterofattention.

Dramaaddictsareverytheatrical;theycravethespotlight.ThemovieSunsetBoulevardstarringGloriaSwansonandWilliamHoldentellsthestoryofaclassicdramaaddict,afadingactresswhowantedtobebackinthespotlight.Shehadn’tactedinyears,spendingthoseyearshiddenawayinhermansionbecauseshewasn’tabletocrossthebridgefromsilentfilmtotalkies.Sheprocrastinatedforyears,andthenshecreatedthisbig,dramaticeventthatledtoamajoroutcome.Dramaaddictsthriveonpullingotherpeopleintotheirdramas.Theythriveongettingattentionfromeveryoneelse.Theygeneratesuspense,andprocrastinationisthetooltheyusetoperformtheirdramaticfeats.

Drama-addictprocrastinatorstendtocarryalotofunresolvedangerandresentment,creatingblowupsandconfrontations.Theyslamdoors,stalkoutofrooms,andshoutloudthreats.Procrastinationbecomesthereasontoblameotherpeople.Dramaaddictsconsistentlypointthefingeratotherpeople.Thistypeofenergycreatesthehighhightheyunconsciouslyseek.Theygetashotofadrenaline,andwhenitallblowsover,remorse,guilt,andshamesetin,followedbyalowlow,leadingtostabilizationuntilthenexteruptionoccurs.Betweenstabilizationandthateruption,procrastinationsetsin.

Dramaaddictsoftenturntoalcoholanddrugstotaketheedgeoffoftheirunresolvedfeelings.Thisgarnerslotsofattentionfromspouses,friends,andfamilymembers.Theirbehaviorisnotintentional—theyaresimplylookingforaneasy,painlesswaytoreleasesomeoftheemotionalpressuretheycreateandcannotescapeonaday-to-daybasis.Theyoftenconvincethemselvesthattheyarechemicallyorhormonallyimbalanced,andwillpursueeveryavenuetheypossiblycantofindacure—anythingexcepttolookinsideandchange.TheyruntodoctorsforprescriptionmedicationsbecauseoftheirADD,theirmoodswings,ortheirbipolarsituation,andeventuallytheybecomeaddictedtopainpills—uppers,downers,whatever.Unfortunately,drama-addictprocrastinatorshavethehighestrateofsuicide,becauseittakesalotofenergytostayinthiskindofstate.Itwearsouttheirimmunesystemandtheiradrenalsystem;itcanleadtodebilitatingdiseasesbecauseofhowmuchenergytheyexhaustinthiskindofmodality.

AffirmationsforRecoveringDramaAddictsManyyearsagoIcreatedaffirmationsformyselfthatIbegantouseto

neutralizemyowndrama.Herearejustafewofthem:

“Struggle-aholicnomore!”

“I’mtiredofthedrama.Iamdroppingthedrama.”

“Iamarecoveringdramaaddict.I’marecoveringchaoscreator.Inolongerrequirethisdrama.”

“Iamawareofotherpeople’sdrama.I’mlearningtobecomeobjective.”Askyourselfwhichemotioncreatesyourdrama—isitanger,hate,guilt,

resentment,abandonment,rejection,orfeelingsofoverwhelm?Next,recognizehowthisdramaleadstoprocrastination,howprocrastinationleadstodisappointment,howdisappointmentleadstoguiltandshame,andhowitallleadstoalifeofunrealizedpotential.

DevelopanObjectiveAwarenessIknowexactlywhatitfeelsliketocreatethiskindofdrama,becauseitisso

closetomysoul.Here’srecentexample:Someonenolongerwantedtousemyspeakingservices,andIheldontotothissituationforafewmoments,afewhours,evenintothenight—andforthefirsttimeinmanyyears,Iactuallywokeupinthemiddleofthenightfeelingallworkedupoverit.Iwokeupinasweat,andthenIrealizedhowmuchenergyIwasgivingtosomeoneelse.

Youmustdevelopanawarenessaboutwhyyoudowhatyoudowhenyouknowthatitabsolutely,unequivocally,nolongerservesyou.Iwentthroughthismyself.Ispentthelasttwoyearsofmyalcoholaddictioninprocrastination.Ihadajob,butIdidjustenoughtogetby.Ibarelymademyquotas,yetIwoulddrinkmyselfintooblivioneverysinglenight.Everyday,Iwouldwakeupwithahangover,anditwouldtakeamiraculouscomebackearlyintheafternoonforthefogtolift.ThenIwouldgointooverdriveandmakeupintheafternoonwhatIdidn’tdointhemorning,becomingexhaustedby5p.m.At5p.m.,mydrinkingbellwouldgooffandI’drepeatthepatternalloveragain.

Ifyouhavealotofchaosinyourlife,it’stimetoletgoofitoneminuteatatime.Takesometimetoobjectivelyandrealisticallyevaluateyoursituation.Didyoucreatedramatoday?There’salwaysgoingtobesomemeasureofdramaandchaos—that’slife.Butdidyouusedramaandchaosasawaytogetattentionandeventuallyprocrastinate?

Ifthatisthecase,begintogetrealwithyourself.Learntobecomeobjective.Youcanchangethewayyoufeel.Youcanchangethewayyouoperate.Morethananythingelse,ifyouareadramaaddict,youmustlearnhowtorelax.Trappedinself-destructivecyclesofexcitement,ofadrenalinerushesfollowedbycollapses,you’llneverappreciatetheenergizingvaluethatgenuinepeaceofmind,thestateofflow,offers,untilyouconsciouslyreinventyourselftoachieveit.ThisisexactlywhatI’vebeenlearningforthelast23years.

Ifthatdescribesyou,isn’tittimetostepintoyourpowerratherthancontinuingtobepowerless?Whenyoustarttounderstandthis,younolongergivepowertothesefeelings.Insteadofbeinganaccidentwaitingtohappen,youbecomeapersonwho’sliberated.Youbecomeapersonofinfluenceandaffluence.

NeutralizetheDramaWewillalwayshavepeoplewhoshowupinourlivestoremindusofpast

events;nomatterhowadvancedweare,wewillalwayshavesomedramaandchaos.Thekeyistolearntoneutralizethefeelingsthatcreatethecausesoyoucanliveintheeffect.Thisrequiresautonomy(inotherwords,independence).Thenexttimeyoufeelyourselfgoingintodrama,seeifyoucancatchyourselfbeforeyougoovertheedge.Startbytakingadeepbreath.

Toovercomedrama,youfirstlearntospotitinyourself,andthenyoucansense,feel,andseeitinotherpeople.Youbecomearecoveringdramaaddict.Insteadofbeingadrama-addictprocrastinator,youbecomeaproducer.Theoppositeofprocrastinationisproduction.

SomeonerecentlycalledmeandbeganlecturingmeonsituationsheperceivedIhadcreated.Inreality,thispersonwasusingmeasanexcuseforhisownlackofself-esteemandthechallengeshehimselfhadcreated.Duringthisconversation,Istartedtofeelthosesameoldfeelings,butbeforeIwentintofulloverreactmode,Iwasabletoneutralizethembeforeheseducedmeintohisdrama.

ChooseYourWordsCarefullyBegintochangeyouroutlookbyavoidingoverlydramaticlanguage.The

mostimportantstatementsthatIteachmyclientstoletgoofishowtiredtheyare,howexhaustedtheyare,howwornouttheyare,becauseyourunconsciousmindseesnoseparationbetweenfactandfiction.

Throughoutmylongcareer,I’velearnedtorestandnotputsomuchenergy

intosleeping.IseldomwakeupinthemiddleofthenightthewayIusedto.Iusedtohavenightsweats.Iusedtotossandturn.Iusedtorequiremedicationtogotosleep.Peacehasnowbecomeawayoflife,andmyenergyhaschanged.

Thewordsthatwespeakbecomeourreality.Isn’titimportantatthispointinyourlifetobegintochangeyourwordchoices?Speakintoexistencethatyouarenotadramaaddict,thatyouarenotaprocrastinator.Youmerelyprocrastinateinisolatedareaswhereyouperceivepain.Asyouidentifytheareaswhereyouprocrastinate,youwilldeveloptheawarenessrequiredtoletgoofthefeelingsthatcreatethepaineffect.Understandingthecausethatcreatestheeffectisthekeytoreleasingyourprocrastination.

Atthesametime,realizethat,nomatterhowgoodyouget,therewillbetimeswhenyouwillprocrastinate.Beingperfectisoverrated—beinggoodisenough.Whenyourealizethatbeinggoodisenough,thenyoucanbecomegreat.Butifyouhavetobeasuperstarwithoutgoingthroughtheprocess,youwillsetyourselfuptobedisappointed.Anddisappointmentalwaysleadstoprocrastination.

TipsforDroppingtheDramaHerearesomeinsightsabouthowtoreleasethefeelingsthatkeepyou

creatingthesamesituationsoverandover.Ifyouidentifywithcreatingdrama,whichthenprovidesyouwithanexcusetoprocrastinate,visualizewhatitwouldlookandfeelliketobeaproducer.Whatwouldhappenifallyourclutterandchaosbegantodriftaway?Whatwoulditfeelliketonothavedrama?

Ifyoufindyourselfcreatingdrama,chaos,andcrisis,imaginethetollit’stakingonyourbody,yourlife,andthepeopleinyourcircleofinfluence.Visualizewhatitwouldlooklikeifallthedramadisappeared.Youpossesstheabilitytobecomeaphilanthropist.Youhavetheabilitytoheal.Youcandeveloptheabilitytoteachandlead.Youowntheabilitytocreatewealth.Everythingthatyourequireiswithinyou.

Withallthecreativityitrequirestocreateallthisdrama,imaginetheproductionyoucouldcreate—imaginethelivesyoucouldchange.Imaginewhatyourlifewouldlooklikeifyoubegantoeliminatemuchofthedrama.Askyourself,“AmIreadytotransform?”

Stressisanessentialpartoflife.We’reinclinedtothinkofstressinnegativetermssuchasanxiety,pressure,ortension,butitalsohaspositiveconnotationssuchasexcitement,intensity,andstimulation.Begintolookatstressasenergy,theenergyyouhaveusedtocreatedrama,andchannelthatenergyintopassion

instead.Lovewhatyoudo,andyouwon’tprocrastinate.Findsomethingbiggerthan

yourproblems.Findgoalsbiggerthanyourchallenges.Createanddevelopyourpurpose.Findsomethingthatmotivatesyou.Liveaninspiringlife.Whenyoubegintodothis,you’llbegintoplayawholedifferentgame.

Dramaandprocrastinationtakealotofenergy,butit’sthesamekindofenergythatproductionrequires.Youcanlearntoturnthisenergyaround.Insteadofbeingavictim,youbecomeavictor.Insteadofbeingaloser,youbecomeachooser.Insteadofsuckingair,youbecomeamillionaire.Andinsteadofbeingexhausted,you’reliberated.Insteadofbeingintoxicated,you’reinspired.Insteadofbeingseduced,you’reliberated.You’reahighlyproductivepersoninsociety,creatingresultsforyourselfandothers.Youdeservetoreceiveitall!

CHAPTERSEVENTheAngryGiver

Nowwe’llexaminetwoprocrastinatortypesthatreallyfitoneidentity:theangrygiverprocrastinatorandtheovercommittedprocrastinator.Inbothcases,thisprocrastinationidentityisbasedonproduction.Angrygiversproducefromagivingperspective,oftenwithunderlyingangerissuesbeneaththesurface.Theytendtogive,give,andgive,buttheirgivingstemsfromaneedforapproval.Theytypicallytakeonwaytoomuchintheirroleasagiver,becomingoverwhelmed…andthentheyprocrastinate.

Angrygiversaresofocusedontakingcareofeveryoneelsethattheyneglectthemselves,resultinginoverwhelmandprocrastinationinkeyareas.Theyprocrastinateabouttheirhealthandfitness.Theyexperiencechallengescreatingmoneyforthemselvesbecausethey’resocommittedtoeveryoneelse;theyalsohaveissueswithguilt.It’sverycommonforthemtohaveissueswithintimacyintheirpersonallivesbecausethey’resobusytakingcareofothers.Inamarriagerelationship,theytendtogivesomuchthattheyattractsomeonewhodoesn’treceive,andthentheyfeelresentful.

Highlyproductive,overcommittedprocrastinatorsareverysimilartoangrygivers.Theytakeproductiontoanextreme,tothepointthattheytoohaveverylittlebalanceintheirlives.Overcommittedproducerstypicallytendtobasetheirwholeidentityonproduction.Theyusuallydon’tcomefromadesiretogivebutfromadesiretoproduce.Bothoftheseprocrastinatortypestendtoputin10,12,14,even16hoursaday.They’lldowhateverisrequiredtogetitdone.

CharacteristicsofAngryGiversAngrygiverssayyestoeverything;theycan’t(anddon’t)saynotoanything.

Theypridethemselvesongivingandserving.Theygive,andgive,andgive.Theyover-givetothepointthattheyalienatetheveryindividualstheyattempttoserve.

OnceIwashostinganeventinLosAngelesandaveryhandsomeyoungmancameflyingacrossthelobby.Hesaid,“Letmetakeyourbagforyou.”

Isaid,“That’sokay.I’lltakeitmyself.”

Heinsisted,“No.No.Letmegetit.Itwouldbeanhonor.”ItactuallybecameawrestlingmatchtothepointthatIwantedhimtogetawayfromme.

Hekeptasking,“Whywon’tyouletmetakeyourbag?”Ifinallysaid,“Becauseyou’restartingtoupsetme.Wouldyoumindjust

movingon?”Hejustdidn’tgetit.Hisidentitywassobasedongivingthatitwaspractically

offensive.Yearsago,Ispoketoanorganizationthatwasbasedonserving,andIbegan

tonoticeaveryinterestingdynamic:Althoughitsmembersweregreatgivers,veryfewofthemwereproducers.Theyweresoconsumedwith“serving”thatalargepercentageoftheirleadershipneverproduced.Itwasnoaccidentthat,lateron,theleaderofthisgroupandhisentireteamcollapsedbecausetherewasnoproduction.Thisistakingservicetoanextreme.Therehastobeabalancebetweenservingandproducing.

Angrygivers’givingisoftendisguised;becauseoflowself-esteem,theirgivingisreallyaboutcontrol.Thisisanexampleofcodependency.Thistypeofgivingallowsthemnottotakecareofthemselves.Theirwholeidentityistakingcareoftheirkids,theirparents,theirgrandkids.Iftheyhavejobs,theytendtotakecareoftheirsuperiorsortheownersofthecompany.Theyaretheserversoftheworld.Ifthey’renottakingcareofsomeoneelse,theyhavenoidentity.Thisisoftenthecasewhenthere’samomathomewhotakescareofeveryoneinalargefamily:Whenthelastchildleavesthehome,thatmotherhastorediscoverheridentity.Butservingherselfcausesfeelingsofguilt,andthisleadstoinactionandprocrastination.

There’snothingwrongwithgivinggreatservice,butifservicebecomesyouridentity,withnobalanceandverylittleproduction,thenit’sreallyanaddiction.Bynowyouknowthataddictionturnsintoprocrastination.

Angrygiverstendtoover-giveasawaytoseekapprovalandrecognition.Unfortunately,theyneverfeelrecognizedandrewardedfairlybecausealargepercentofthepopulationwon’treciprocate.Angrygiversfeelresentfulbecausethey’renotrecognizedfortheirservice.Theybroodandpout,causingdramaandconflictbecausetheyfeelslighted.Theirmotivationingivingandservingistoberecognized.

Angrygiversencountermajorchallengeswhentheymovefrombeingemployeestoentrepreneurs.Theyaresopronetogivingthattheydon’tknowhowtoproduceforthemselves.Theirwholeidentityasanemployeeisworkingforotherpeopleandtakingcareoftheirjobs.I’vecoachedthousandsofpeoplewhoweregreatemployees,butfoundthemselvesflounderingasentrepreneurs.

Typically,thesetypesofpeoplespendalargepercentoftheirearlyentrepreneurialcareergettingreadytogetready—inotherwords,procrastinating.Theyalwaysseemtobebusy—theylistentocalls,theyattendWebinars,theygettrained,andtheygotoevents,seminars,rallies,andconventions.Theydoeverythingbutproduce.

Angrygiversovercommittotheirtraining;theybecomeseminarjunkies.TheymightgotoaTonyRobbinsevent,followedbyaJackCanfieldevent,followedbyaMarkVictorHansenevent,followedbyaGoldenMastermindevent,followedbyanotherspeaker’sevent.Althoughtheygetgreattrainingthatismeanttopropelthemtosuccess,whatthey’rereallycreatingiswhatIcall“anonprofitorganizationfromthediscomfortoftheirhome.”Creatingaprofitableorganizationfromthecomfortofhomeisthedream.However,thiscreationrequiresapplicationofknowledgegainedintheformofproduction.Withoutproduction,procrastinationtakesover—thusthediscomfort,thusthenonprofit.

Overcommitted,angrygiverstendtonothavealife.Byover-giving,overcommitting,andoverdoing,otherareasoftheirlifefallapart.Theybecomesooverwhelmedbythemanyobligationstheytakeonthattheyendupneglectingandprocrastinatingaboutotherimportantareasoftheirlife.

Overcommittedgiversallowtheircareerstoconsumethem;theyhavenoidentityotherthantheirprofession.Relaxingisoutofthequestionbecausetheyhavesomuchtodo.Guiltisadrivingforcebehindtheirbusyness.Theyaretoobusytorelax…tooguiltytoslowdown…toobusytohavearelationship…tooguiltytotakeavacation…toobusytovisittheirrelatives.Evenproductivegiversneglectareasoflifethatwillbringthemjoy,happiness,peace,relaxation,and—mostimportantly—love.

It’sverycommonforthesetypesofpeoplenottobeinarelationshipbecausetheircareerbecomestheirrelationship.Theydevelopalove/haterelationshipwiththeircareer.Theylovewhattheydo,buttheytakeonsomanyrolesthattheygetoverwhelmedandeventuallytheyendupresentingwhattheydo.Atthispoint,theirproductionstartstofallapart,andtheyendupbeingmerelybusy.Theyendupprocrastinatingabouthavingalife.Theyfeeltrappedinbusynessandproducing,notallowingthemselvesanytimeforenjoyinglifeandrelaxing.

Angrygiversareeasilyseducedintosayingyeswhentheirintuitionistellingthemtosayno.Peopleinangrygivers’circlesofinfluenceknowtheycancountonthegiversbecausetheyaresodependable.“Canyourunanerrandforme?”“Couldyoupossiblytakemetotheairport?”“Isthereanywaythatyoucouldloanmesomemoney?”Theangrygivershearthemsay,“I’vebeenthroughsomeupsanddowns,anditwouldreallybeawesomeifIcanseduceyouinto

givingmemoneythatIwillneverpayyoubacksothatyoucanfeeldisappointedandeventuallyresentful,andthanksforthewholesituation.”Later,theyresentthefactthattheycouldn’tsayno.

Angrygiverscanappearhighlyproductive,buttheyarebusilyoverwhelmed.Theirworkloadcontinuestopileup.Theybegintomissdeadlinesandappointments.Theyover-book,over-schedule,andarecontinuouslylate,fallbehind,andforgetimportantinformation.Thisleadstoamoreundetectedkindofprocrastination.Itiscommonforovercommittedgivers’livestofallapartinmanyareas.

Ioncecoachedagentlemanwhohadajob,butwasintheprocessofbecominganentrepreneur.Hisfathermadehimtheexecutorofhiswill,andthenproceededtodemandmuchofhisson’stime.Myclientbeganspendingthreetosevenhoursadayjustgoingthroughallofhis90-year-oldfather’spaperwork.Now,ifthisonlylastedafewweeks,itwouldhavebeenunderstandable,butthishadgoneonforyears.Insteadofbeingproductiveandrunningabusiness,myclientspentalmostallofhistimetakingcareofhisfather.Tothisdate,hisfatherisstillalive,wellintohis90s,andveryhealthy.

Angrygiverstypicallydon’teatproperly,insteadconsumingfastfoodandfoodswithtransfat,sugar,andcaffeine.Exerciseisoftenputoffbecausethisisanareathatrequirescommitment,asispropernutrition.“Ijustdon’thavethetime.There’sjustnowheretofititin.Myplateissofullthatthere’snowayIcanexercise.IrealizethatI’mcarrying240poundsona5-foot-8frame,butyoudon’tunderstand.Ihavesomuchtotakecareof.Ican’tpossiblychangemydiet.Ijustdon’thavetime.Ican’tplanahead.Ican’tpackalunch.Ihavenotimetoprepareanythingformyself.IhavetograbwhatIcanandeatatmydesk.”Angrygiversfeeltakenadvantageofinsituationsthattheythemselveshavecreated.

Angrygivershaveaninabilitytodelegateduetoperfection.Angrygivershavetodotasksperfectly,andbecauseoftheirinabilitytodelegate,ittypicallytakesthemalotlongertodowhatisrequired.Earlyinmyentrepreneurialcareer,Ihiredoneofmyveryfirstemployees—abrilliantyoungmanwhoshowedlotsofpotential.Inthebeginning,Iwaseasilyseducedbyhiscommitment.Afterafewmonthsofwatchinghimperform,itdawnedonmethatthetimehewasgivingmewasveryineffective.Eventhoughhewasstayingverylateandtellingmehowcommittedhewas,itwastakinghimalotlongertofinishtasksthanitshouldhave.EventuallyIhadtolethimgo.Heshouldhaveeasilyfinishedhistasksby5p.m.,buthewouldendupstayinguntil9or10p.m.Heobsessedaboutcertainsituations.Iwasn’trequiringthis,andinfact,hisworkloadwasn’t

allthatheavy.Hespentwaytoomuchtimeoveranalyzinginaparalysisofanalysis.HewoulddothingsthatIdidn’taskhimtodoandthenneglectthethingsIdidrequest,feelingresentfulthatIwouldcallhimoutonthosesituations.

It’sverycommonforangrygiverstogivemorethanisrequiredandthenprocrastinateondoingwhat’sactuallyimportant.Thisoftenshowsupintheirbodies:Angrygiverstendtogainphysicalweightbecauseofhowweigheddowntheybecomeintheirovercommittmentsandtheirlackofdiscipline.Over-giverstendtooverstuffthemselves;theyalsostufftheirfeelingsofhurtandresentment.Theystufftheirfeelingswithpillsandalcohol,butprimarilywithfood.

Angrygivershavetroublewithbalance.Insteadofoverstuffingthemselves,it’snotuncommonforthemtogototheotherextreme,byneglectingtheirhealthandbecomingextremelythinbecausetheydenythemselvesjoy,nourishment,andrelaxation.Theyaresoproductivethattheydon’thavetimetoenjoytheirsuccess;theyalwayshavetheirsightsonthenextgoaloraccomplishment.Theyneverseemtohaveenoughbecausetheyaren’tenough—intheiropinion.

Angrygiversoftentakeonservice-orientedcareers—counselors,healers,medicalprofessionals,andsoon.Thentheyhavechallengeschargingfeesbecausetheyareconflictedaboutreceiving.Theygivegreatservice,butthere’sincongruencebetweenattractingclients,keepingthebusinessgoing,andgettingpaid.Theymighthavechallengescollecting.Ihavecoachedtalentedcontractorswhoendedupgoingbankruptbecausetheycouldn’tcollectontheirinvoices.Theydidgreatwork,performedgreatservice,anddeliveredgreatvalue,buttheyhadtremendousissuesinreceivingcompensationforthevaluetheyprovided.

Mostofushavegrownupwiththeideathatit’sbettertogivethantoreceive.Whyistheresomuchdistancebetweenreceivingandgiving?Whyisn’titgreattodoboth?Ifthisissomethingyoustrugglewith,thisseriesofaffirmationswillassistyou:

NowthatI’manadult…

∞I’mgettingcomfortablewithgivingandreceiving.∞Iamabletodevelopbalanceinmygivingandreceiving.∞I’mgettingcomfortablewithbecomingagreatreceiver.∞I’mfeelingbetteraboutmyselfandaboutaskingforwhatIdeserve.∞I’mcapableofaskingforwhatIfeelIhaveaccomplished.

Angrygiversmayhavebeenforcedintoaparticularroleasachild.Ihadthe

privilegeofcoachingaonetimetennischampion.Shehadbeenthechampionofcitytournamentsinalargemetropolitancitythroughoutherteenageyears.Oneofherbiggestchallengeswasbeingabletoreceive,andsheputanincredibleamountofpressureonherself.Idiscoveredthat,afterhighschool,shetoreherACL,effectivelyendinghertenniscareer.Shewasabletogetacollegescholarshiptoaminoruniversity,butsheneverexcelledthewayherparentswantedherto.Whenshegraduatedfromcollegeandwasnotabletoplayprofessionallybecauseoftheinjury,herparentswereextremelydisappointedinher.Herfatherletherknowthathefelthe’dwastedhisentirelifesavingssoshecouldbeaprofessionaltennisplayerandtakecareofthefamily.Asanadult,shefeltobligatedtopayherparentsbackforallthemoneytheyhadspentonher.Duringourcoachingsessions,Iwasabletoempowerhertoexerciseforgivenessandletgooftheresentmentshefeltforhavingtotakecareofherparents.

Ihavecoachedcountlessclientswhowereforcedintolawschoolormedicalschool,eventhoughtheyreallywantedtobeartists,athletes,ormusicians.I’vecoachedseveraldoctorswhoneverwantedtobecomedoctors.Butinsteadoffollowingtheirtruepassion,theywereforcedintocareerstheirparentschoseforthem.Oneofthemfiledbankruptcyatage40becausehejustdidn’thavethepassiontorunthebusiness,andthusletthebusinessrunhim.Hisbusinesseventuallygotrunintotheground.

ProduceaholicProcrastinatorsAsubtypeoftheangrygiveristheproduceaholicprocrastinator.Thatsounds

likeacontradiction,doesn’tit?Wedon’tusuallythinkofaproducerstrugglingwithprocrastination,butreadon.

Produceaholicsbecomeoverlycommittedtotheirownsuccess;productionhasbecometheiridentity.Theybecomesosuccessfulthatsuccessbecomestheiridentity.Theyaresodriventhattheyavoidotherareasintheirlives—specificallyintimacy,spouses,andimmediatefamilymembers.Eventhoughtheymaygetstandingovationsonthestage,oftentheyfeelveryemptywheneveryone’sgonebecausetheyhavenoonearoundthemtocheerthemon.Successhasbecometheiridentity.Moneyhasbecometheiridentity.Butwhenthesuccessorthemoneygoesaway,theiridentitydisappearstoo.

Now,Iwillbequitecandidwithyou:Ihavefoundmyselfinthissituationmanytimes.I’vebeenjustasguiltyassomeoftheproduceaholicswhomIhavemetandcoachedinmycareer.Thesedays,however,I’mgivingmyselfpermissiontospendlesstimeproducingandmoretimeexperiencingintimacywithmylovedones.

Iusedtofeelguiltytakingvacations.Iusedtoprocrastinateabouthavingalife.Thekeytoovercomingthissituationisrealizingthatsuccessisworthlessifyoudon’thaveanyonetoshareitwith.Whatgoodismoneyifyoudon’thaveanyoneinyourcircleofinfluence?Ihavewatchedmanypeopleturnabusinessintoanaddiction.I’llbethefirsttoadmitthatthishashappenedtomeatimeortwo,andtherearetimesthatIstillwrestlewiththis.Earlyinmycareer,Iwouldproducealldayandlateintotheevening,andthenbeforeI’dgotobed,I’dreadpersonal-developmentandself-improvementbooks.

I’llletyouinonalittleknownsecret:Todevelopbalance,Ilovetoreadfiction.Ilovefictionbecauseitallowsmetoescape.Inatwo-yearperiod,IreadeveryLouisL’Amourwesternheeverwrote,andtheseweresomeofthemostenjoyablemomentsIhavespent.Initially,ifIwasonanairplanewithmyemployees,Iusedtofeeltooguiltytoletthemseemereadingfiction.Finally,ononeflightIjustcamecleanandsaid,“Hey,fellas,lookatthis.ThisiscalledLastoftheBreed.ItwasoneofLouisL’Amour’slastbooks.Andthisone’scalledTheHauntedMesa;it’soneofthegreatestspiritualbookseverwritten.It’sanawesomebook,eventhoughit’sfiction.”Ilovefiction—crimefiction,warfiction,andhistoricalfiction.IenjoytheHistoryChannel,DVDs,movies,experiences,andtravel.

Ihaveacollectionofclassiccars.Foryears,Ijustletthemsitinthegarage,butnowI’velearnedtobeabletotakeoneofmyclassiccarsoutlateatnight,putthewindowsdownandfeelthebeautifulCaliforniaair.Whatgoodishavingtheclassiccarthatyoualwaysdreamedofifyouneverdriveit?It’stimetosmelltheroses.

Mywifeisanavidequestrianwithtwobeautifulhorses,anditempowershertocreatethetimetoridethemfourdaysaweek.Eachyear,sheattendsseveralhorseshowswheresheridescompetitively.Shecomeshomefromtheseexperiencesabsolutelyglowingassherelaysherlatestprogressandbreakthroughsinherriding.Itisgratifyingtometoseethat,asIcreatemorebalanceinmylife,itisopeningspaceforhertoenjoyherpassionswithoutguilt.

Iusedtohatethewordbalance.Iusedtocringewhensomeonewouldtalkaboutbalance;Iwouldgointofight-or-flight.I’llneverforgetthetimethattwowomenpickedmeupinacaronthewaytoanevent.Theyaskedme,“Whatdoyoudoforfun?”Iwasbaffled.Whatthehellwasfun?Ihadn’thadfunsincethelate1970s.“I’maproducer.Iproduce.”Ireallydidsaythis,andIlookbacknowandlaugh.IknowtheythoughtIwasafreak,andtheywereright,becausebackthenthatwasmywholeidentity.Beingaproduceaholichascostmerelationshipsinmanyareasofmylife,butinthelastseveralyearsIhavelearnedtoletgoof

control.

TakingTimeforYouIfover-giving,overdoing,orovercommittinghasbecomeyouridentity,it’s

timetotakeagoodlookatwhyyoudowhatyoudo.

∞Whenwasthelasttimeyoutookavacation?∞Whenwasthelasttimeyouactuallygaveyourselftheluxuryandthelatitudetotakealittletimeoffanddevotesometimetoyourself?

∞Whenwasthelasttimeyoupamperedyourself?∞Whenwasthelasttimeyoudidsomethingforyourself?

It’stimetoletgooftheguiltandbegintounderstandthatbecomingahighlyeffective,productivepersonrequiressomebalance.

RecoveringAngryGiversandFreeEnterpriseIfyourwholeidentityhasbeenbasedontakingcareofotherpeopleand

suddenlyyouentertheworldoffreeenterprise,youmightbewalkingawayfromyourjobmentalityandyourtendencytotakecareofeveryoneforthefirsttimeinyouradultlife.Ifyouarebuildingaleveragedenterprisethatrequirestheabilitytoleadateamanddevelopasalesforceinordertobeabletogetpaidthroughmultiplelevelsofotherpeople’sefforts,thisrequiresbringingalotofpeopleintoyourcircleofinfluence.Thefailurerateisextremelyhigh,becausemostpeoplehavebeenseducedintotradingtimefordollars.

Ifyourwholeidentityhasbeenserving,giving,andtakingcareofotherpeople,there’sahighprobabilityyou’llfeeloverlyresponsibleforyourteam’ssuccess;you’llstarttofeelguiltywhenindividualsfail,andyou’llusethatguiltasanexcusetoprocrastinate.Whenyoubringpeopleintoanenterprise,it’snotyourresponsibilitytomakethemsuccessful.Ifyoutakeonthatrole,you’llsetyourselfupfordisappointment.You’llfeelresentfulthatthepeoplewhojoinedyoufailed,eventhoughthatfailurehadnothingtodowithyou.Therealreasonindividualsfailinfreeenterpriseisthattheydon’tstayinthegamelongenoughtomasterthelifeskills,thehabits,orthemindsettobecomesuccessful.

Americaisnotonlythelandofthefree,it’sthelandofthebroken.Alargepercentofthepopulationischallengedfinancially,physically,andemotionally.Theyhavemoreliabilitiesthantheyhaveassets.They’renotpreparedtosucceed.Andifyouarearecoveringangrygiver,youmustunderstandyourrole

inmentoringpeople,infacilitatingtransformation.It’sneveraboutyou;it’salwaysaboutthem.Youhavetoflipthesituationaroundsothatwhatyoudoismentor,leadbyexample,facilitate,direct,andassistpeopletosuccess,knowingtheirsuccessisnotaboutyou.

Whenitcomestobeingabletomentorothers,it’snotjustaboutgivingandserving.It’saboutleadingbyexample.Areyoubeingahealthyexample?Areyoudoingwhatyouaskotherpeopletodo?Ifyou’renot,thenyou’rejusttakingawalk.Instead,devoteyourenergywhereit’sdeserved,neverneeded.Timeisyourmostvaluablecommodity,and80percentofyourtimeshouldbedevotedtoproducing.Theother20percentofyourproductivetimeshouldbespentonmentoring,developing,assisting,andstartingpeopleoffontherightfoot.

Angrygiversflipthisaroundsothat80percentoftheirtimeisdevotedtohelping,rescuing,andsaving.Ifthishasbeenyourpattern,youareprobablysodisappointed,soexhausted,andsowornoutthatyoudon’tremotelyhaveanopportunitytosucceed.Youmustdevelopboundaries.Whenitcomestotime,recognizehowvaluableyoursisandlearntosaythattwo-letterword:No.

KeystoBecomingaHealthyGiverIfyouseeyourselfintheprofileoftheangrygiver,therearesomespecific

keystoletgoofthisidentityonceandforall.BeforeIsharethemwithyou,hereisanaffirmationIcreatedtoassistmyselfthatyoumightfindvaluable,too.

Moreproduction;lesseffort.Moremoney;lessproduction.

Moremoney;moretimetoenjoyit.Moreprosperity;moreopportunitiestodispenseit.

Learntolimityourtimebydeterminingitsvalue.Youcanlearntoletgoofyourtendencytoover-giveandturnyourtimeintovalue.Beinganentrepreneurrequireslearninghowtodevotelesstimetomorepeople.Ifyouwanttocreatemorevaluethroughyourservice,youhavetolearnhowtoservemoreindividualsmorequickly,andthewaytodothisisbynotspendingsomuchtimetakingcareofeveryone.

WhenIstartedtobuildlargesalesorganizationsallovertheworld,IlearnedveryquicklythatIcouldn’tpossiblytakecareofeveryone.Ifpeoplewantedmytime,itwasuptometoplacethevalueonit.IfIletothersdeterminethevalueofmytime,theywouldtakeupmyentireday.Learntolimityourtime.Teachpeoplehowtoconversewithyou.Tellpeopleupfronthowmuchtimeyouhave

available.“Hey,Jim.Youjustcaughtmebetweenacall.WhatcanIassistyouwithinthenexttwominutes?”

WhensomeonegoesintowhatIrefertoasadrunk-alog,youhavetobeabletocuthimorheroffdiplomatically.Youcandothisbyusinghisorherfirstname.“Steve.Steve.”“Steve,specifically,whatcanIassistyouwithinthenexttwominutes?”“Steve,I’mjustabouttostepintoameeting.”IfStevebeginstotellyouastory,youcansay,“Steve,doyouhaveaquestion?”Itakequestionsinlargeeventsallthetime,andinvariablypeoplewanttotellastory.Ifyou’reanangrygiver,youmustlearntobeempathetic,notjustsympathetic.Sympathyiswhenyoutakeonsomeoneelse’spain.Empathyiswhenyoufeelanother’spain,massageit,andassistthatindividualtoaresult.

Knowthedifferencebetweenprioritiesanddemands.Prioritiesareeventsandsituationsthatarepersonallyimportanttoyouandthatonlyyoucanaccomplish.Prioritiesarepersonal.Demands,ontheotherhand,areeventsandsituationsthatareimportanttosomeoneelsebutrequireyourtime.

Monitorhowlongittakesyoutofinishprojects.Doyouoveranalyze?Doyouoverestimate?Doyouoverdoandspendtoomuchtimeonperfectionthatleadstoprocrastination?Recallsituationsandeventsthatyoutrulywantedtoexperiencebutnevergotaroundtobecauseofyourguiltaboutrelaxationandjoy.Takesometimetosmelltheroses.

Insteadofbeingaproducer,becomearelaxer.Becomearelaxedproducer.Duringthisyear,planatleastathree-dayvacation.Takeminibreaks.Insteadofbeingconsumedwithproduction,focusonresultsandthetimerequiredtogetthoseresults.Developtheabilitytoproducemorewithlesseffort,andthenspendthatvaluabletimewithyourlovedones,thepeoplewhoreallydeservetofeelyourwarmth,yourspirit.Learntoputthesameenergyyouputintoserving,giving,andproducingintorelaxing,becauseyouunequivocallydeservetoreceiveitall.

Giveyourselftheluxuryandtheopportunitytocreatesomenewexperiencesforyourself.Gotomoreconventions.Attendaconcert.Visitamuseum.BuyamovieonDVD—andthentakethetimetowatchit.Developanewhobby.Takeavacation.Walkyourdogmore.Spendmoretimewithyourlovedones.

Beforegoingontothenextchapter,pickupthephoneandcallsomeoneyouhaven’ttalkedtoinalongtime.Sendsomeoneane-mail.Writearealletter.ReachouttosomeoneonFacebookorTwitter.Mostimportantly,enjoyspendingtimewithyourself.Liveinthepresentandreallyletgo.LetGod.Youdeservetoletothersserveandproduceforyouthewayyou’veservedandproducedforthem.

Filloutthis“todo”listforyourself,togetstarted.

ToDoforME

1.________________________2.________________________3.________________________4.________________________5.________________________6.________________________7.________________________8.________________________9.________________________10._______________________

PartThreeChangingYourLife

CHAPTEREIGHTTheRecoveryProcess

Sofar,we’vecoveredthesixprocrastinatortypes,we’veidentifiedwhatcausesprocrastination,andwe’vetouchedonsomeofthewaystoovercomeprocrastination.Inthischapter,we’llexploreinmoredepthhowtoletgo,transform,andtrulybecomearecoveringprocrastinator.

IdentifyYourProcrastinationPointsYouarenotaprocrastinator;that’safalseidentitythatyou’veadopted.

Procrastinationisonlyyouridentityifthisiswhatyoucontinuetotellyourself.Theidentityofprocrastinationgivesyouthejustification,thevalidation,andtheexcuseyourequiretostaystuck.

However,ifyouarereadingthisbook,youaresomeonewhohasdecidedtogofrombeingaprocrastinatortobecomingarecoveringprocrastinator.Congratulations!Thisisthefirststepinyourrecovery.Justlikea12-stepprogram,therearemultiplestepsinvolvedinlettinggoofprocrastination.Itallbeginswithacommitmentandadecision—andmostimportantly,awareness.Itrequirescomingtotermswiththeareaswhereyouprocrastinate.Remember,youprocrastinateto(a)controlasituationand(b)rebelagainstasituation.

Thisisarecoveryprocess.Youwon’tbeconsistentovernight.Youwillgothroughupsanddowns,butdon’tgiveup,anddoyourbesttobeobjectiveasyougothroughtheprocess.Continuouslyseekimprovement,andremembertolookatthewholepicture.

Thefirststepistoadmitthatyouhaveanissuewithprocrastination.Thefirststepissaying,“Iamarecoveringprocrastinator.”Withthisrealization,youcanbegintoaddressthecause.

Steptwoisbecomingawareofwhyyouprocrastinate.Thisbeginsbycatchingyourselfinsituationsinwhichyouhaveatendencytoprocrastinate.Thisallowsyoutofirstbecomeawareofandthenneutralizethefeelingsthatleadyouintoprocrastination.Thenyoucanmovefromintenttocommitment.

OvercomingOverwhelm

Amajorcontributingfactorofprocrastinationisgettingoverwhelmed.Howdoyouovercomethis?Youmovefromdenialtoawareness.Denialisputtingtheblameonsomeoneelse.Begin—justbegin—tocleanoutonecornerofyourlifeatatime.Youcan’tdoitallovernight.Youhavetotakeonebiteatatime,onebreathatatime—otherwiseyou’llstayoverwhelmed.Begintotakeresponsibilityforwhatyoudoandwhyyoudoitinsteadofvalidatingandjustifyingyourprocrastinationandtheissuesitcauses.Tochange,youbeginbynotputtingthingsoffasfrequently.

Themoreyouunderstandwhyyoudowhatyoudo,thegreatertheopportunityyouhavetoneutralizethefeelingsthatleadtodenial.Denialleadstodisappointment,disappointmentleadstoguiltandshame,andtheseareallcomponentsofprocrastination.Procrastinationalwaysbeginsinyourthoughtsandfeelings,anditismanifestedinyourself-talk.

BecomeAction-OrientedAsIwasgettingreadytoboardaplanetoAtlantarecently,Iencounteredan

exceptionalflightattendant.Apassengerhadleftabagontheairplane.Thegateagentwasmakingabigordealoutofthesituation,tryingtoprovethepassengerwrong.Thegateagentcontinuedtotellthepassengerhowdifficultitwouldbetoretrievethebag,andhowhe’dhavetocontactcustomerservice.

Suddenly,theflightattendantwhowasscheduledtobeonboardthatplaneformyflightaskedthepassengerwhatthesituationwas.Thenshecalmlysaid,“I’llgogetit.”Andthat’sexactlywhatshedid.Shewalkedontotheplaneandafewminuteslatercameoutwiththebag.Upuntilthispoint,therewasahighprobabilitythatthegateagentwouldhavedelayedthewholeflightbecausehehadtoberight;hewasmoreconcernedwithprovingthecustomerwrongthancreatingaresult.

Onthatflight,Icontinuedtoobservethewaythisflightattendantoperated.Shewasaction-oriented.Ifoundoutthatshehadbeenareal-estateinvestorsince1993,andtheonlyreasonshewasaflightattendantwasforthetravelbenefits.Duringherfull-timecareerasareal-estateinvestor,shealsohadafull-timecareerformorethan30yearsasaflightattendant.Hereissomeonewhoisaproducer,notaprocrastinator.

Therewasanotherflightattendantonboardwhowascompletelytheopposite.Westartedtalking,andsheaskedmealittlebitaboutmycoaching.WhenItoldherwhattheinvestmentinherselfwouldbetohiremeashercoach,herresponsewas,“Oh,wow,Ican’tbelievehowexpensiveyouare.”Thatwas

herself-talk.Thisillustratesthedifferencebetweenaproducerandaprocrastinator.Procrastinatorsfindreasonsnottodo;producersfindreasonstodo.

Toeliminateprocrastination,youmustliveinthemoment.Youmustbeinthepresent.Thetimeofyourlifeis“nowo’clock.”Developanawarenessoftime—learntoborrowtime,leveragetime,createtime,andusetime.Becomeaction-oriented.

Createchangesbecauseyouwanttochange,notbecauseyouareforcedorarethreatened.Begintofeelthatjuice,thatinternalenergy;recognizethatyou’restartingtofeeldifferent.Begintofeelthatelectricity.You’restartingtofeelanewsenseofpurpose,abelonging.You’rebeginningtofeelconnected.Mostimportantly,you’rebeginningtooperatefromaspirituallevel.You’rebeginningtoletgoandletGod.You’relivinginthatspacecalled“infiniteintelligence.”You’restartingtosay,“Iam.”You’restartingtosayaffirmationslike,“NowthatI’mgrownup,Iamcomfortablereceivingmoney.NowthatI’manadult,IfeelcomfortablebeingthepersonthatI’vealwaysdeservedtobe.”You’lldiscoverthatwhenyoustarttooperateinthisspace,procrastinationisn’tnearlyasprevalent.

LiveintheSolutionProcrastinationisbasedoncontrollinganillusoryoutcome.Thereasonyou

procrastinateisthatyouaremistakenlyattemptingtocontrolanoutcomethatyoucan’tcontrol.Butwecancontroldisappointment,andwecancontrolnotfailing.Wecancontroltheconversationsthatweneverhave.Wecancontrolbeingright.However,controlalwaysleadstodisappointment.Itleadstothepainofregret.

TiptoeingquietlythroughlifeandarrivingatyourgravesafelyisnotgoingtogetyoutothePromisedLand.Youmustchange;youmustbegin.Manyfirst-timeentrepreneursfacethisdilemmaastheyattempttochangetheirvocation,whichoftenrepresentschangingtheiridentity.Itiscommonforprocrastinationtobeginveryearlyintheirentrepreneurialcareerbecausetheirleftbrainkicksin,andtheytellthemselves,“I’vegottogetreadytogetready.I’vegottohaveallmyducksinarow.”Thiscangoonfordays,weeks,months,andevenyears.

Youcan’tcreateresultswithoutaction.Youcan’tcreateresultswithoutproduction.Youcan’tcreateresultswithoutbeinginthegame.Ifyousitonthebench,allyou’llcollectissplintersanddisappointment.

Toovercomeprocrastination,youhavetohaveastrongawarenessandan

evenstrongerreasontochange.Youhavetheabilitytotransformandchange,butyoumustdevelopreasonsthatarebiggerthanyourproblems.Ifyoulookathowoverwhelmedyouare,you’llcontinuetoexperienceoverwhelm.Butinstead,ifyoulookaroundandseetheclutter,thechaos,thedrama,thedebt—whateverthesituationis—andyoudecidetofindasolution,youwillovercomeit.Winnersalwaysfindaway.Averagepeoplealwaysfindanexcuse.

Ihopethat,inthesepages,youcanfeeltheenergythat’sradiatingthroughme,becauseIamverypassionateaboutassistingpeoplewithreleasingandlettinggoofprocrastination.Procrastinationisthethiefofoursociety;it’sthethiefofoureconomy.It’swhypeoplegobankrupt.Manypeoplegivetheirhomesbacktothebankbecause,quitefrankly,theytaketheeasywayout.Theyfindwaystoliveintheproblemratherthanliveinthesolution.

ListentoYourWordsThemoreyoucatchyourselfusingwordsofhesitationandindecision,the

higherthelikelihoodofchange.Thistypeofawarenessacceleratestheprocess.Thisrequiresattentiontodetail:payingattentiontoyourwords,actions,thoughts,andfeelings.Becomeamasterquestioner.(Onmywebsite,Ioffera10-CDsetcalledThePsychologyofAsking,whichcovershowtoaskbiggerandbetterquestions.)Regardingprocrastination,begintoaskyourself:

∞WhyamIprocrastinating?∞WhydidIavoidperceivedpain?∞WhydidIsaywhatIwasgoingtodosuchandsuch,andthennotdoit?

Atthisstage,therecanbeaconflictemotionally.Youroldself-talkwilltrytotalkyouintoprocrastinationbecauseitisafamiliaridentity,onethatwillkeepyoufromperceivedpain.Onceyoucommit,decide,anddeterminethatyouwillnotbedenied,thewrestlingmatchbegins,especiallyearlyinthejourney.

Thisisaone-day-at-a-timeshift.Ifyoutrytochangeeverythingallatonce,you’llgetoverwhelmed,you’llshutdown,andyou’llgorightbackintoprocrastination.

“God,grantmetheserenitytoacceptthethingsIcannotchange,thecouragetochangethethingsIcan,andthewisdomtoknowthedifference.”

Thislittleserenityprayerhasbroughtmemanymomentsofpeaceandstillness,anditisveryappropriatetoovercomingprocrastination.

IhighlyrecommendreadingThePowerofNowbyEckhartTolle.Thisbook

goesintogreatdetailabouttheego,theleftbrain,thepainbody,andperceivingpainorpleasure.Yoursubconsciouswilldoeverythingitcantomoveyouawayfromperceivedpain,youregowilldoeverythingitcantokeepyoustuckinyourperceivedpain,andyetyourrightbrainwilldoeverythingitcantotakeyouintopleasure.Wegotogreatlengthstoavoidpain,evenifthatpainisjustanillusion.

ThePainandParalysisofRegretYouwillrelapsebackintothefamiliarifyouarenotawareofwhyyoudo

whatyoudo.Don’tbetoohardorjudgmentalonyourself—neverforgetthatyouarehuman.Yourequirepeaceandapproval,notcondemnationandjudgment.Giveyourselfcreditforsomeofyourvictories.

Whenitcomestolettinggoofprocrastination,thegreatestparalysisisregret.Regretispainfulbecauseyouwasteyourtimeanddepleteyourenergygoingoverandoverthepastinsteadoflivinginthepresent,livinginthesolution.Itisawasteoftimeandenergytofixateonpastrelationships,jobs,careers,people,andevents.

Byfocusingonregret,youavoidchanginghabitsandpatterns.Regretiseasy;regretisfamiliar.Regretcanbecomeanidentity.

Ontheotherhand,transformationischallenging.Themostdifficultpartistheinitiallettinggoofcontrol.Regretismourningaloss;it’sholdingontothepast.Thepainofregretisdebilitating.Whenyouletgoofregretandliveinthepresent,youareabletochangeyourperceptionsandfeelingsaboutapastevent.Don’tletyourregretsbecomeyourexcusetocontinueprocrastinating.Spirituallyenlightened,prosperouspeopledon’tstaystuckinthepastbycontinuingtorepeatwhattheyregret.Studyyourregrets,andstarttorealizewhatanegativepayoffyoureceivebylivinginthem.

Askyourself,“Whatismypayoff?”Thepayoffisthatyou’reangry.You’reresentful.You’restuck.You’redisappointed.Youfeellessthan.Yougettobeavictim.Youcanjustifywhyyouaren’tsuccessful.

Perhapsyouexperiencedanemotionalorphysicaltrauma.Ifyoublameyourselfforthatwhichyouhadnocontrolover,thenyouwillcontinuetoattractsituationstofulfillthosefeelings.Insteadoffocusingonwhathappenedtoyou,thinkaboutwhatthateventcandoforyoutoday.Itcanallowyoutobethepersonthatyouaredestinedtobe.Anadversesituationcanbeahugepartofyourstory,onethatcanimpactandinspireothers.

ConnecttheDotsTakealookatsomeofyourpasteventsandseeifyoucanconnectthedots

aboutwhyyouprocrastinate.Forinstance,manypeopleprocrastinatebecausetheyhaveanxietyaboutsayingthewrongthing.Whatistheunderlyingemotionalcause?Alotoftimes,ithassomethingtodowithourparents,orperhapsoneofourteachers.Maybeitwassomeonedownthestreetwholecturedus,judgedus,beatusup,traumatizedus,ormadefunofus.Therefore,wehaveanxietyaboutthewordswesay.Forfearofmakingamistake,wetemperourwords,orsaynothingatall.I’vewrittenaboutthisintwoofmypreviousbooks,MoreHeartThanTalentandPsychologicallyUnemployable,becauseI,too,havebeenavictim.Ispentmanyyearsofmylifelivinginmyhead,tryingtoovercomealltheeventsthathadhappenedtome.

ReasonstoSucceedCreatesomereasonstosucceed,letgoofprocrastination,letgoofdenial,

becomeasix-figure-incomeearneroraseven-figure-incomeearner,becomeapersonofinfluence,andbecomearecoveringprocrastinator.Thesereasonsrequiresomeclarity;justsaying,“Freedom—Iwantfreedom”isnotenough.Yourreasonsmusthavesomepassion,someenergy,somejuice,andsomevigor.Youwantotherstofeelthatinyou.Becauseiftheysenseyourscarcity,yourlack,oryourpovertyconsciousnessinstead,theywilldoeverythingintheirpowertogetawayfromyou.Peopleareattractedtopeopleofinfluenceandaffluence.Theywanttobearoundpeoplewithjoyandpeace,peoplewithintegrity,peoplewhosewordmeanssomething.Thisrequiresadailymethodofoperation,clearlydefinedgoals,andagameplan.

BeConsciousofYourWordsandActionsCreateaffirmationsforyourselfthatdescribewhoyouareandwhoyouare

becoming,nowthatyouarearecoveringprocrastinator.

“Iamtheleaderpeoplearelookingfor.”

“Iamlettinggoofprocrastinationonedayatatime.”

“Iwillisolatemyprocrastinationtothecausethatcreatestheeffect.”

“Iamnolongerprocrastinating.”

“Iamlettinggoofmyprocrastination.”

“Procrastinationisnolongermyidentity.”

Wordsarethebeginning,butactionsmustfollow.Learntobreaktimedownintoincrements.It’sadvantageoustowriteafewthingsdown,tohaveadailymethodyouoperatein.Itdoesn’thavetobecomplicatedoroverlyregimented,buttherehastobesomeorderinthechaos.Becomecompletion-consciousanddecision-conscious.Becomeproduction-oriented.

Mostprocrastinatorsarequitters.Mostprocrastinatorsdonotfinishprojects.Theymightstart,buttheydabble.Theygetreadytogetready.Asarecoveringprocrastinator,youcandeveloptheabilitytodelegatetoyourself.Developtheabilitytoisolateproblemsandliveinsolutions.Oneexampleistocommittocompletingyourtaxreturnsontimethisyear.Becometime-conscious.

DevelopaNewIdentityNow,takeadeepbreath.Begintoseeyourselfasaproducer,ahighly

productiveentrepreneur,ahighlyproductivesalesperson,ahighlyproductiveperson,asoulhavingahumanexperience,andapersonwhoexperiencespeaceandjoy.

Youareapersonwhocompleteswhatyousetouttoaccomplish.Youareapersonwhomotherpeoplecancounton,buttheydon’tuseyou—theyrewardyou.Youhavebecomeapersonofinfluencewhomothersseeasamentor,aproducer,someonewhoisnolongeraprocrastinator.You’reawriter,aspeaker.You’realeaderofwomenandmen.You’releadingchildren.Youarealeader,andnowyou’regrowingleaders.Youarenolongeraprocrastinator.It’snotyouridentityanymore.

Younowliveinaplacethathasverylittleclutter.Younotonlycangetyourcarsinthegarage,butyounowhavemultiplecarsinmultiplegarages.Youhaveahangarforyourairplaneandyourhelicopter.Youhavemanyzipcodesthatyouresideinbecauseyouarearecoveringprocrastinator.

Youareaproducer,andyourhabitsarebasedonsolutionsandproduction.Peopleseeyouasatransformationalexpert.Whenyoulookinthemirror,younolongerseeyourselfasaloser.Younolongerseeyourselfasaprocrastinator.Younolongerseeyourselfassomeonewhojustcan’tgetitdone.Insteadofsleepingin,yougetupearly,andyoufeelinvigoratedratherthanexhausted.Youaresomeonewhoaccomplishesyourgoals.Youhavebecomeagoal-getter.

Asyoulearntoletgo,youareoffendedlessoften.Youarenoteasilyhurt.

Peopledon’tupsetyou.Youdon’tflyoffthehandle.Youdon’tresentpeoplethewayyouusedto.Youhavenowlearnedtoletothersberightsoyoucanberich.Youdon’tholdontosituations.Youdon’tvalidateandjustify.Youliveinthepresent.

Howcanyouaccomplishallofthis?Youbegin.Youbeginrightnow.Youstarttobreakdownyourareasofprocrastination,andyoudecidethat,insmallincrements,youwillbecomeachievement-oriented.

Youdon’tsetsuchbiggoalsthatyouhaveareasontoprocrastinate.Iseethissooften:

“Whatisyourfinancialgoalforthisyear?”“$500,000.”“That’sgreat.Haveyouevermade$1,000asanentrepreneur?”“Well,no.”Don’tsetsuchbiggoalsthatyoucan’tpossiblybegin.Setsmallergoals.A

keywordthatmustenteryourvocabularyisconsistency.“Iconsistentlyproduce.”“Iamconsistent.”“Iammethodical.”

Developgreathabits—notjustinproduction,butalsowhenitcomestorelaxation,diet,andrest.Successisbalance.

KeyAreasofChangeWe’velookedatthesixprocrastinationtypes.Now,asyoulearntodropyour

procrastination,let’slookatthesixkeyareasofchange:addictions,clutter,engaginginanewenterprise,healthandfitness,relationships,andspirituality.

1.Addictions“IpromiseI’mgoingtoquit.”“IpromiseI’mgoingtogoonadiet.”“I

promiseI’mgoingtostopsmoking.”“IpromiseI’mgoingtostopovereating.”“I’mdefinitelygoingtopayoffmycreditcards.I’mgoingtodoittoday.”“Well,Ican’ttoday;I’mbusy.I’lldefinitelydoittomorrow.”Thisisthelanguageofaddiction.

Addictionsendupmanifestingphysically,butalladdictionsbeginemotionally.Whataddictionsdoyouhavethatkeepyoudoingthesamethingoverandover,livingindenial,livinginpovertyconsciousness?Whataddictionskeepyoustuck?

2.ClutterDoyouhavealotofclutter?Isyourdesk,yourgarage,oryourcloset

overflowing?Howaboutyourbookkeeping,youraccounting?Areyouorganized?Aremanyareasofyourlifeaclusterofclutter?Isyourhouseamazeofclutter?Doyoutakeonsomuchthatyoucan’tpossiblybegin?Createabrieflistofthreesituationsinyourlifeinwhichyourclutternolongerservesyou.Nexttoeachsituation,chooseadatetoaddressthesituation.Takeadeepbreathandapproachthisexercisewithoutjudgmentornegativity.Thisishowyoubegincreatingawindowtolookintoyoursoulasarecoveringprocrastinator.

3.EngaginginaNewEnterpriseDoyouhavechallengesselling,closing,followingup,followingthrough,

developingateam,andmarketing?Eventhoughyoumightbedreamingofsuccessinanewenterprise,whatyouarecommunicatingis,“Iamanoblestruggler.Iamastruggleaholic.”Insteadoffocusingonalloftheareaswhereyourequireimprovement,usethistimetoacknowledgewhatyoualreadydowell.“Iamgoodat____________________.”“Mystrengthsare____________________.”Great!Nowhowcantheseskillsandstrengthsbeincorporatedintoyourenterprise?Youhavealifetimeofdevelopmentinfrontofyou!Greatproducersusetheirstrengthstocreateresultswhiledevelopingtheareasoftheirlivesthatrequireattentionandimprovement.

4.HealthandFitnessTakealookatyourphysique:Areyoulivinginthebodyyoudeservetolive

in?Areyoucarryingextraweight?Ifyouare,that’sexhausting.Imaginewearingabeltwithtwogallonsofwaterattachedtoitallday—howwouldthatextraweightimpedeyourprogress?Whatdoestheextraweightrepresent?Whatemotionsareyoucarryingaroundfrompasteventsthatnolongerserveyou?Whatwillyouletgooftodaysoyoucancarryalighteremotionalandphysicalload?Youhaveloftydreams,don’tyou?Youdeservetheemotionalandphysicalbodythatwillserveyouinachievingthosedreams.Notsurewheretostart?ContactmeandIwillconnectyoutosomegreatresourcestoassistyouinyourtransformation!

5.RelationshipsDoyouhavechallengeswithintimacybecauseyou’reangry,orbecauseyou

don’tthinkyoudeserveit?Areyouresentful?Doyouhavefeelingsofhatebecauseofpastabandonment?Doyouhavechallengeswithrelationshipsbecauseyoufeellikeyou’renotgoodenough,orbecauseyou’vebeenviolated,hurt,neglected,orabused?

Doyouhavechallengesdevotingtimetoyourintimaterelationships?Doyou

procrastinateabouttakingvacationsortakingtimeoff?Areyousoproductivethatyoucan’ttaketimefordinner?Isallyourtimedevotedtosuccesstothepointthatthere’snotimeforromance?

IhavefoundinmyjourneythatthetruericheshavebeenintherelationshipsIhaveforgedanddevelopedintime.Livethisnextyearinawaythatyouwillbeproudofwhenyouare80,90,or100;learntocelebratethejoyoflivingaswellasthejoyofaccomplishment.

6.SpiritualityHowaboutyourrelationshipwithyourself?WithGod?Doyoutaketimeto

meditate?Doyouhaveanyalonetime?Doyougetarestfulnight’ssleep?Doyouhavespiritualbeliefs?Doyouunderstandtheuniversallaws?Yourspiritrequiresatleastasmuchattentionasyourbankaccount.Infact,formanyofus,ourbankaccountbecomesareflectionofourspiritualself.Investsomeenergyeachdayinbecomingthepersonyouwouldseekasamentor.Youwillfindthatwhenyouarewillingtofollowyourownfootstepsinthejourneyoflife,othersarenaturallyattractedtoyou.

BecomeaStudentofPersonalDevelopmentIfyou’redeterminedtochange,youmustbecomeastudentofchange.Begin

tounderstandthevalueofpersonaldevelopmentandself-improvement.Stopgivinglipservicetoit.Stopskimmingthebooks,andstarttoputwhatyoureadintopracticalapplication.Youcan’tjustlookatabookandgetthecontentbyosmosis.

IrecentlytoldmywifethatwhenIstartedmyfirst12-stepprogram,Iknewnothingaboutpersonaldevelopment.Shelookedatmeinshock,andsaid,“You?You,Mr.PersonalDevelopment,knewnothingaboutit?”Ididn’tbeginmyspiritualjourneyuntilIwas32yearsold.Inmyearly20s,IpurchasedthebookHowtoMastertheArtofSellingbyTomHopkins.Iscanneditandmemorizeditbecausemysalesmanagerwasgoingtogivemeatestonit.Iputitdownafterthat.

ThegreatLouiseHay’sbookYouCanHealYourLifewasrecommendedtomein1988,butonceagain,Ineverreadit.Itcollecteddustonmyshelfforyears.IwasthengivenagiftofTheRoadLessTraveledbyScottPeck.Next,IboughtmyfirstTonyRobbinsbook.Afterthat,IhadtheopportunitytoseeJimRohn,thefatherofpersonaldevelopmentandself-improvement.Ifeelblessedtohavesharedthestagewithhimonfiveoccasions,andIbookedhimtospeakatfourofmyevents.

IfIhadprocrastinatedaboutmeetingJimRohn,IwouldneverbethepersonthatIamtoday.TherewasamomentwhenIsaidtomyself,“He’llnevershakemyhand.I’llneverbeabletogetthroughthiscrowd.”However,winnersalwaysfindaway,andasenseofpurposegreaterthanself,calledGod,cameovermeandIwasabletogetmypicturetakenwiththegreatJimRohn.Thatwasabigturningpointinmylife,becausethatdayIsaid,“Someday,I’mgoingtosharethestagewithJimRohn.”Ididjustthat15yearsafterIsaidthis.

Yousee,dreamscancometrue,butyouhavetobelieveinthebeautyofyourdreams.Youhavetogetinthegame.Youhavetoplaythegame.Youhavetoletgoofprocrastination.Youdon’thavetobeproductive99percentofthetime;ifyoucanbeproductivesomewherebetween50to85percentofthetime,yourtransformationwillbegin.

Giveyourselfapatontheback.Giveyourselfahandupratherthanwaitingforsomeonetogiveyouahandout.There’salwaysahandup—thathandiscalledthehandofGod,andHeisalwaystherewhenyouareready.Butifyou’renotready,thenhowcanHeeveracknowledgeyou?Youmustbeabletostepintothatpresence.Youhavetoletgoofsituationsthatnolongerserveyou.Youhavealltheskills,allthetalent—everythingyourequire.

Patienceisoneofthegreatestwordsyoucanincludeinyourvocabulary.Ifyoudon’thavepatience,developit.Youcan’tbuyit,andyoucan’tborrowit.It’ssomethingyoubecome.Intheprocess,you’lldevelopyouruniquestory.Butyouwon’tbeabletotellyourstoryifyouprocrastinate.Youwanttoshareyourstoryofvictory,yourstoryofovercomingthechallenges,yourstoryofovercomingtheodds.Peoplelovestories.Howaboutthestoryofasinglemother,withthreesmallkids,whodidn’tbuyintoherexcuses,orthestoryofsomeonewhoissostrappedindebtthat,insteadofdoingwhateveryoneelsedoesandfilingbankruptcy,hadtheguts,thecourage,andtheintestinalfortitudetosteptotheplateandpayoff$250,000ofunsecureddebt?Thesestorieshavesignificance—theyhavemeaning.

Ifyoucontinuetoprocrastinate,you’lljustbeanothervictimtiptoeingquietlythroughlife,livingwiththepainofregret,andarrivingatyourgravesafely.Youdeservetolivethegoodlife,andlivingthegoodliferequirespassion,dignity,andclarity.

Courageisaqualitythatnevergoesoutoffashion;thereisalwaysamarketforit.Inaddition,youmustbeinspired,notmotivated.ComeMondaymorning,you’dbetterbeinspired.Thisrequireshavingreasonsbiggerthanyourproblems.Nothingwillovercomeprocrastinationlikehavingadream.Nothingwillovercomeprocrastinationlikefindingapurposebiggerthanyourself.

Letmeexplainsomething:“Purpose”doesn’talwayshavetomeanlifepurpose.“Purpose”canbeadailypurpose.“Purpose”doesn’thavetobesomebigger-than-lifephilanthropicpurpose,withwhichyou’regoingtochangetheworld.Whenyoumakeabusinesscall,whatisthepurposeofthecall?Ialwayssay,“MynameisJefferyCombs.Ireceivedyournameandnumberfrom_______,”andIstatethepurposeofmycall.Yousee,Ihaveapurpose.Ifyoudon’thaveapurpose,you’llendupfulfillingsomeoneelse’spurposeinacareercalledajob.TradingtimefordollarswillnevergetyoutoyourPromisedLand.

LivetheSpiritofFreeEnterpriseThespiritoffreeenterpriseiswhyyoupickedupthisbook.Youknowin

yourheartofheartsthatyou’reanentrepreneur.Youknowthattherearenolimitsinfreeenterpriseexceptthelimitsyouplaceuponyourself.Asyoulearntoletgoofyourlimitingthoughts,youstepintothe“nolimitationszone.”Whenyouareinthatspace,thereisnoprocrastinationbecauseyouarelivinglifethewaylifewasmeanttobelived—lovingpeople,lovingGod,lovingwhatyoudo,and,mostimportantly,lovingyourself.Icallthese“TheFourLs.”WhenyouarelivingTheFourLs,youdon’thavetimetoprocrastinate.Youhavegoalsandobjectives,soyoudon’tprocrastinatebecauseitcostsyoutoomuchmoney.ThereasonInevergetsickisbecauseIcan’taffordit.ThereasonthatI’mseldomavictimisthatIspenttoomuchofmylifethatway.

Takealookathowmuchtimeyouhavedevotedtoprocrastinating.Isn’tittimeyougotonwithit?Isn’tittimeyougotinthegame?Isn’tittimeyoudevelopedyourpurpose?Isn’tittimethatyoubecamethepersonyou’vealwaysdeservedtobe?Isn’tittimeforyoutolivethegoodlife?Isn’tittimetoletgo?Isn’tittimetobecomeproductive?It’stime,becausetodayyouarearecoveringprocrastinator.

CHAPTERNINETheSevenHabitsofRecoveringProcrastinators

Ihavedevelopedsevenhabitsthatwillallowyoutoliveinthepresent,bemuchmoreproductive,andeliminatetheprocrastinationthatnolongerservesyou.

Habit#1—ManageYourselfinTimeThisfirsthabitinvolvesworkingwithtimeframes.Becomingarecovering

procrastinatorrequiresdevelopingamuchgreatersenseoftime—onehour,oneday,oneweek,onemonth,onequarter,oneyear.Thisisbreakingtimedownintomanageabletimeframes.

Ifyouhaveafull-timeoccupation,afamily,asignificantother,pets,spiritualobligations,orchildren,there’sahighprobabilitythatyouareoverwhelmed.Andifyouareoverwhelmedemotionally,there’sahighprobabilitythatitwillshowupasprocrastination.Toeliminatebeingoverwhelmed,it’simportantthatyouunderstandwhatcausesit.

Thecauseofoverwhelmthatcreatestheeffectofprocrastinationisamultilayeredsubject,butingeneral,thereasonmostofusgetoverwhelmedisthatourbodiesgointofight-or-flightwhenfacedwithsomanydemandsonourtime.Thereischaosintheworld,andtheworldwillgladlyvolunteertodragyouintoit.Youhavetocreateorderinincrementsoftime.

Theconceptof“timemanagement”isamisnomer.What’simportantisthatyoumasteryouremotions.Youwanttobeabletomanageyourselfinframesoftime.Youwanttolivemuchmoreinthepresent,withoutbeingsorigidabouttime.Youdon’twanttohavetoalwayslookattime.Maketimeyourally,notyourenemy.

ThePowerof15MinutesHere’saverysimplewaytochangeyourwholeperspectiveontime:Break

timedowninto15-minuteincrements.Begintopracticethis;seewhatyoucanaccomplishin15minutes.Takeanareaofyourlifewherethere’salotofclutter.

Theclutterrepresentsbeingoverwhelmed.In15minutes,ifyouareeffective,youcanaccomplishalot.Whetherit’sa

closet,aworkbench,adesk,arefrigerator,oracabinet,takeadeepbreath,geta33-gallontrashbag,andthrowawayeverythingyoucanpossiblythrowawayinthose15minutes.Organizeeverythingyoucanpossiblyorganizeinthose15minutes.

Makesureyoudon’tdothisfrantically,becausethenyou’llbeoverwhelmedinyouroverwhelm.Asyoudothisexercise,doyourbestnottolettheoldvoiceofthepastinterjectandinterruptyourpresentbysaying,“Oh,thisissobig.What’stheuse?I’llnevergetitallcleanedup.”

Doyourealizethat,duringasportingevent,anentiregamecanchangeinthelastquarter?Teamshaveactuallyovercome20-pointdeficitsandmoreinasinglequarterofagame—15minutesofmeasuredtime.Fifteenminutesisalongtimewhenmeasured,evaluated,andturnedintoproductiveenergy.

Thenextstepistotakeonehour.Whatcanyouaccomplishinonehour?Lookatthegarage.Lookatwhatadisasteritis.Lookatyourtaxes.Lookatyourdrawers.Lookatacloset.Lookatanysituationinwhichyoufeeloverwhelmed.

Typically,whenwegointooverwhelm,ourshouldershunchupandournecksinksdownintoourbody.Wegrindourteeth;weshutdown,meltdown,liedown—quitefrankly,wearedownbecausewehavenoself-esteem.Beingoverwhelmedisaveryhelplessfeeling,andtoovercomethissituation,youlearntobreaktimedownintorealisticincrementsthatmeasureproduction.

Ifyouwanttoachievemore,youmustbecomemore.Yourself-talkwilleitherleadyoutoprosperityorpoverty—youdecide.Onewillrewardyou,andonewillendinregret.Whichonewillyouchoose?Theanswerisobvious.Tobecomearecoveringprocrastinator,youmustvaluetimedifferently.

Everyday,whenyoureyesflutteropen,youaregrantedanewgiftcalledtime—24hours,86,400seconds.Imaginethatyoureceived$86,400eachandeverysingleday,andyouwererequiredtouseeverypennyofit—spendit,contributeit,giveittocharity,enjoyit—butyouwouldn’tgetanyofitback.Youwouldprobablygetboredwithitatsomepoint,butitwouldbealotoffuntogiveityourbesteffort.

So,whenitcomestotime,changeyourperspective.Begintovaluetime.Borrowtimefromareasthatdon’tserveyou.Becomeamultitasker,amulti-doer—ahighlyproductivesoulhavingaproductivehumanexperience.

Habit#2—SetSmallGoals;TakeSmallStepsOneDayataTimeIt’sverycommonforprocrastinatorstosethugegoals.They’regoingtohave

ahalf-a-million-dollaryearintheirfirstyearasabusinessowner.They’regoingtogofromhigh-schoolactortowinninganOscar.Instead,whattypicallyhappensisthattheyimplodeemotionallybecausetheygetoverwhelmed.Thoseoverwhelmedfeelingscreateguilt,shame,resentment,anddisappointmentthatdepletestheemotionalenergyrequiredtomoveforwardtowardagoal.

Whenitcomestogoal-setting,therealvalueinagoalisgettingit.Thegoalsyougetarethegoalsyouaccomplish.Thegoalsthatyougiveyourselfpermissiontoenjoyaretheonesthatgiveyouasenseofpurpose,asenseofpride.

Thegoalsthatmostpeopledon’tgetaretheonesthatleadtoregret.“I’llgoaheadandsetthegoal,butthesethingsusuallydon’thappentome.”“Yeah,I’llgiveitashot;I’lltry.”“Ihopeitworksout.”Withthatkindofattitude,youmightaswellpackitinbeforeyouevenbegin.Ifyoudon’thaveaclearlydefinedgoal,there’sahighprobabilitythatyouwillneverachieveit.

Certaingoalsmustbespiritual.Whenyouhavethatkindofspiritualfeeling,thatinternalinspiration,andthatkindofconnection,youwillnotbedenied.However,insteadofsettingbig,loftygoals,think“realistic”—think“objective.”Plantoaccomplishyourgoals;plantoachievethem.Don’tleaveanymarginformajorerrorwhenyousetagoal.That’swhymyadviceisnottosetagoalsobigthatyoucan’tpossiblyachieveit,becausethenallyou’vedoneissetyourselfupfordisappointment…andprocrastination.

Manyspeakers,authors,andwritershavetheirownvariationsofgoal-setting.Here’smyversion:“Don’tsetsomanygoalsthatyoulosesightofthemostimportantones.”I’veheardspeakerssay,“Write100goalsdownonapieceofpaper,andwhenyouaccomplishyourfirst100,writeanother100.”Now,there’smerittoanexerciselikethis,butinreality,alargepercentageofthepopulationcan’tevencomeupwith100goals,andtheyseldomachievetheonestheydowritedownbecausethey’readdictedtodisappointment.

Disappointmentalwaysleadstosomelevelofprocrastination.Procrastinationallowsustofeelbad,whichleadstomoredisappointment—hencethetermaddictedtoafeeling.Accomplishinggoalsrequiresyoutoberealistic.

Oneofmyclients,whoisinadirect-salesbusiness,setagoalofenrolling30peopleinacalendarmonth.Now,thatwouldbeastretchevenforasuperstar,butforher,eventhoughshewasabright,articulatewoman,theoddswereslimtonone.Priortosettingthisgoal,shehadneversignedupmorethanacoupleofpeopleorclosedmorethanacoupleofsalesinacalendarmonth.

Iaskedherwhatinspiredhertosetsuchabiggoal.“Well,Iseeeveryoneelseinmycircleofinfluencecreatingthesegiantnumbers.IfIcan’tcreatethosekindofnumbers,thenI’mjustaloser.”

Isaid,“Actually,you’renotaloser.Firstofall,don’tevercompareyourselftosomeoneelsewhenitcomestosettingagoal.Youhavenoideawhatsomeoneelsehasbeenthrough.Youhavenoideaoftheirskills,theirhabits,ortheirmindset.Inaddition,justbecausesomeonehascreatedaresultdoesn’tmeanthatheorsheisgoingtocontinuetocreateresults.”

Manypeoplewhohaveachievedbigaccomplishmentshavealsoexperiencedbigdisasters,bigsabotages,andbigfailures.Don’tcompareyourselftootherpeople—it’snotfairtoyou,andit’snotfairtothem.Acknowledgeothers,endorsethem,beproudofthem,butdon’tfeelresentfulbecausethey’reachievingsomethingyou’renot.Ifyouusethisasanexcusetoprocrastinate,livingthelawofentitlementandfeelingthatyou’reentitledtosuccesswithoutgoingthroughtheprocess,thenonceagainallyou’redoingissettingyourselfupforfailureanddisappointment.

Setsmallgoals.Ifyourgoalistobecomeamillionaire,beforeyoueverbecomeamillionaire,firstyouhavetostopsuckingair.Therealityisthatyou’lleithersuckairorbecomeamillionaire;youdecide.Buttobecomeamillionaire,youmustdevelopthehabitsofamillionaire,whichrequireyoutobehighlyproductiveinthehoursyoudevotetoproducingresults.Thisiswhysmallgoalsareagreatwaytobuildasolidfoundation.

Whenyoureachagoal,rewardyourself.We’llcoverthisindetailinHabit#6,butasitrelatestoachievinggoals(nomatterhowsmall),whenyouaccomplishagoal,patyourselfontheheart.Say,“Iamenough.Iamcapable.”Giveyourselfsomecreditforwhatyouaccomplish.Don’tjudgeyourself.

It’simportanttowriteyourgoalsdown,butit’salsoessentialtohaveavisionoftheiroutcome.Whenyousetagoal,whatyou’rereallydoingisdescribingtheoutcome.Makesurethatyoucreatesomepassionandmeaningaroundyourgoal.Ifyoudon’t,itwillbejustanotherho-humgoal.Becauseyou’llmostlikelyhavetoovercomeobstacles,challenges,emotionalbrickwalls,andpossibleoppositionfromfamilymembers,energy,passion,andvisionarecrucial.

Habit#3—PerformtheTaskItselfBeingorganizedisaskill.Ifyou’renotorganized,there’sahighprobability

thatyouarerebellingagainstyourownsuccessandonyourwaytobecomingarebelliousprocrastinator.

Gettingorganizedmeanskeepinglists.YoumightuseaDay-Timer,oryoumightprefertokeepyourlistsandappointmentsonline.YoucanuseaBlackBerryoraniPhone,butwhateveryoudo,getorganized.Youcan’toperateonascrapofpaper.Youhavetohaveamethod.

IuseaverysimpleAt-a-GlanceblackspiralbookthatIcanpickupatanyofficestoreeveryyear.Ihaveastackofthemgoingbackallthewayto1998.Intheirpages,Ibreakmytimedownbythehour.Igetupatacertaintimeeverysingleday;Iamacreatureofhabit.

Tobecomesuccessfulinanyendeavor,youmustunderstandsuccessprinciples.Youmustlivethelawsofsuccess.Youmustdevelophabits,routines,skills,andamindsetthatwillallowyoutosucceedintheparticularvocationthatyouhavechosen.Ifyoudon’t,yousetyourselfuptobecomeaprocrastinator.

Manyofmyclientscallmetotellmetheyhaveforgottenourcoachingappointment,ortheircomputercrashed,ortheyhavelosttheirBlackBerry.Fortunatelyforthem,Iamorganized.Ihaveallofmycoachingclientsorganizedinmycalendar.Iamlow-tech,bigcheck.I’moneofthoseold-schoolkindofguys.Istilllikegoodold-fashionedlegalpadsandCrosspens.Iloveblackinkonyellowpaper.Thismightnotbeyourniche,butyouhavetofindawaytobeorganized.Writingeverythingdownisoneway.You’llbegintoliveoffyourlist.Createasystemtokeepyourdailylists.

IupdatemylistbeforeIgotobed.Iputitrightonthecornerofmydesk.WhenIgetup,it’savailable.Ileavemyassistantaseriesofvoicemailsattheendoftheeveningfrommylist;thiseliminatesalotofchaos,insteadoflettinghimjustwingit.Idothissohecanbeorganized.Becausehe’salreadyanorganizedperson,thisiswhenorganizationmeetsorganization.

Youshouldbeproudofbeingorganized.Ifyouareaddictedtoprocrastination,thisisdefinitelyasituationthatyoumustrelease.

Begintoaffirm,“Iamorganized.Organizingmylifeiseasy.”Thewayyouliveandthewayyouoperateusuallyareindirectproportiontothepersonyouhavebecome.

Habit#4—WriteThingsDownEspeciallyifyouarepronetoprocrastinate,keepinganorganizedlisthelps

youtodevelopmuchmoreclarity.Waytoomanypeopleoperatelikeaspinningtop,scatteredinalldirections.Theyendupbeinglateformeetings,they’relatefortheairport,theyforgetappointments,theycan’tfindtheircellphonewithalltheircontacts,theyforgettopayabill,ortheyexperienceamultitudeofother

situationsbecauseoftheirdisorganization.Beingorganizedisaskill.Ifyou’renotorganized,there’sahighprobabilitythatyouarerebellingagainstyourownsuccessandonyourwaytobecomingarebelliousprocrastinator.

Gettingorganizedmeanskeepinglists.YoumightuseaDay-Timer,oryoumightprefertokeepyourlistsandappointmentsonline.YoucanuseaBlackBerryoraniPhone,butwhateveryoudo,getorganized.Youcan’toperateonascrapofpaper.Youhavetohaveamethod.

IuseaverysimpleAt-a-GlanceblackspiralbookthatIcanpickupatanyofficestoreeveryyear.Ihaveastackofthemgoingbackallthewayto1998.Intheirpages,Ibreakmytimedownbythehour.Igetupatacertaintimeeverysingleday;Iamacreatureofhabit.

Tobecomesuccessfulinanyendeavor,youmustunderstandsuccessprinciples.Youmustlivethelawsofsuccess.Youmustdevelophabits,routines,skills,andamindsetthatwillallowyoutosucceedintheparticularvocationthatyouhavechosen.Ifyoudon’t,yousetyourselfuptobecomeaprocrastinator.

Manyofmyclientscallmetotellmetheyhaveforgottenourcoachingappointment,ortheircomputercrashed,ortheyhavelosttheirBlackBerry.Fortunatelyforthem,Iamorganized.Ihaveallofmycoachingclientsorganizedinmycalendar.Iamlow-tech,bigcheck.I’moneofthoseold-schoolkindofguys.Istilllikegoodold-fashionedlegalpadsandCrosspens.Iloveblackinkonyellowpaper.Thismightnotbeyourniche,butyouhavetofindawaytobeorganized.Writingeverythingdownisoneway.You’llbegintoliveoffyourlist.Createasystemtokeepyourdailylists.

IupdatemylistbeforeIgotobed.Iputitrightonthecornerofmydesk.WhenIgetup,it’savailable.Ileavemyassistantaseriesofvoicemailsattheendoftheeveningfrommylist;thiseliminatesalotofchaos,insteadoflettinghimjustwingit.Idothissohecanbeorganized.Becausehe’salreadyanorganizedperson,thisiswhenorganizationmeetsorganization.

Youshouldbeproudofbeingorganized.Ifyouareaddictedtoprocrastination,thisisdefinitelyasituationthatyoumustrelease.

Begintoaffirm,“Iamorganized.Organizingmylifeiseasy.”Thewayyouliveandthewayyouoperateusuallyareindirectproportiontothepersonyouhavebecome.

Habit#5—EliminateDistractionsDistractionsarewhatkeepusinprocrastinationmode.“Youdon’thaveany

ideaofwhatit’slike—I’mhomeschoolingmychildren,”I’vehadclientstellme.

They’reright;I’veneverhadchildren.However,Ihaveaprettygoodideaofwhatit’sliketobedistracted.Manyparentsusetheirkidsasanexcusetostaydistracted.Theydon’tdisciplinethemselves.Theydon’tdisciplinetheirchildren.Theyletthemwalkinandoutoftheirofficeanytime,andthat’snowaytorunanenterprise.

Ifyouhavealotofdistractionsinyourlife,ahugepercentageofyourmostvaluablecommodity—time—isbeingborrowed,strippedaway,orotherwisetakenfromyou.Ifyoudon’teliminatedistractions,thedistractionsactuallyendupbecomingyouridentity.

Whataresomeofthemaindistractionsthataffectus?Weprocess.We’renotreallypresentinaconversation.We’relookingoutthewindow.Wepayattentiontoeverysituationthat’srequiredexceptthetaskathand.

Thewordsweusekeepusdistracted:“Uh,huh.”“Yeah…”“Okay.”“Sure.”ThemostpowerfulwordintheEnglishlanguagewhenitcomestotransformationisyes.Getcomfortablesayingyes.Sayingyeswillhelpyoutoeliminatealotofdistractions.

Doyoudeservetoletgoofthatclutter?“Yes!”Areyougoingtoyourcompany’sconventionthisyear?“Well,ifsomethingdoesn’tgetintheway,I’llbethere.”“Um,I’llgiveitashot.”“Okay,I’lltry.”Somanyofusletlifegetintheway.Ifthisistrueofyou,timeisyourenemyratherthanyourally.

Spendingexcessiveamountsoftimeonlineisamajordistraction.FacebookandTwitterhavebecomehugedistractionsforalargepercentageofthepopulation,bothmenandwomen.Althoughsocialmediaisimportant,youdon’twanttobedistractedbyitwhenyouareproducing.Ifyouletthattakeyououtofyourrhythm,you’llhavetroublegettingbackintoit.

Eliminatingdistractionswillgiveyouadirectexperienceofthewordslettinggo.Whenyouletgoofdistractions,you’reinthepresent.You’reinthemoment.Youunequivocally,absolutelydeservetoreceive,andyou’reintheplacetodoso.

Distractionsrobyouofyourenergybecausetheyrobyouofyourfocus.It’syourresponsibilitytostayinthepresentandeliminateasmanydistractionsasyoucan.Whenyoudecidetochange,it’samazing,becausealotofthepeopleinyourcircleofinfluencesenseit.Theymaynotknowexactlywhatitmeans,buttheydefinitelyfeelitandrespondaccordingly.Ontheotherhand,ifyouletdistractionsbecomeyouridentity,whatyou’vecreatedtellsothers,“Iamdistractible.”

Eliminatingdistractionsisacommitment.Itisadecision.Andit’sabsolutelyaskillyoumustmaster,becauseifyoudon’t,youwillletthewindblow,andall

ofasuddenyouwillbeoffcourse.Youhavetohavebounce-backability.Youhavetohavegutsandwill.Youhavetohaveanattitude.Youhavetofeelcomfortableaboutwhoyouareandwhatyou’rebecoming,sothatyoucaneliminateyourdistractions.

Habit#6—BecomeReward-ConsciousBecomereward-conscious—thisispartofABR:AlwaysBeReceiving.We

aresoconditionedtogivethatweenduphavingtroublereceiving.Receivingisaskillthatabsolutelyenhancesyourpeopleskillswhenitcomestomarketingandselling.Tobeabletoconnectwithothersandclosesales,youfirstmustfindsomegoodpeople.Onceyoufindthem,youmustdevelopand/orattractthem.

Therewardisthepayoff.Therewardiswhatyougetfortherisk.Ifyounevertakearisk,there’sseldom,ifever,areward.Learntobecomereward-conscious.Rewardiswhatyouenvisioninthefuture.Thereasonyougofortherewardissothatyouhavegoalsandobjectivesbiggerthanyourproblems.Inadditiontobecomingreward-conscious,learntobecomeproduction-conscious.

Focusonresults.Ifyouarereward-conscious,youwillabsolutelyberewarded.Mostoflifeisa“contactsport”—it’sanonphysicalsport,butmanycontactshavetobecreated.Youhavetolearntoconversewithpeople,askthemquestions,showthemproductsandservices,anddelivervalue.Youmustbeabletogetpaid,becauseifyoudon’t,youwillendupwithanonprofitorganizationfromthediscomfortofyourhome.

Iftherewardisbigenough,andyou’repassionateenoughaboutit,there’sahighprobabilitythatyouwillovercomeyourprocrastinationtoreceivethatreward.Andyouabsolutelydeservetoreceivethereward!

Habit#7—LearntheSkillofSelf-EvaluationThelaststepinbecomingahighlyeffectiverecoveringprocrastinatorisself-

evaluation.Self-evaluationmeansthatyouareastudent,alifelonglearner.Youcanoffendsomeone,youcanmakeamistake,youcansabotageyourself,butwithself-evaluation,youcantakealookatthewholepicture.Youcanlookatsituationsobjectively.

Youcanforgiveyourself.Youcanaskforgivenessofothers.Youhavesomehumility,somedignity,andyou’reabletolookatsituationsforwhattheyare,insteadofwhattheyaren’t.You’reabletobecomfortablewiththeprocess.Inthemiddleofafeeling,youcantakeadeepbreathandnotcollapse.Youspendlesstimebeingoverwhelmed.You’reabletoseeasituationandchoose,rather

thantoengageit,towalkawayfromit.Youdon’thavetoargueforthesakeofarguing.Whenyou’reabletoevaluateyourself,youcan,withhumility,admitwhenyoucreatedamistakewithoutjudgingyourself.

Self-evaluationgivesyoubounce-backability,whichallowsyoutostayinthegame.Withoutself-evaluation,there’sahighprobabilitythatyouwillblameothers.Youwillpointthefingeratsomeoneelse.

Self-evaluationenablesyoutobeobjective.Beingobjectiveisabsolutelyareward.Beingobjectivewillallowyoutoevaluateasituationforwhatitisratherthanblamingsomeoneforwhatitisn’t.Thiskindofinsightallowsyoutobecomearecoveringprocrastinator.

Ifyou’renothonest,youwillliveindenial.Apathologicalliarissomeonewhoactuallybelieveshisorherownlies.Manyindividualslietothemselvesaboutprocrastination.Theymayadmittoprocrastinating,buttheyrefusetolookatthecausethatcreatestheeffect.Movingoutofdenialandintoawarenessisaliberatingexperiencebecauseitopensyouuptoahigherlevelofconsciousness.Self-evaluationisthekey.Anger,hate,guilt,resentment,abandonment,rejection,feelingsofbeingoverwhelmed—whichoneoftheseemotionshavethegreatesteffectonyou?

Self-evaluationallowsyoutounderstandthecausethatcreatestheeffect.Self-evaluationisliberating;denialisintoxicating.Beingaproducerwillrewardyou.Beingaprocrastinatorleadstolivinglifefullofregret.

Thesesevenstepsofthehighlyeffectiverecoveringprocrastinatorarethefoundationofyourjourneyfromchronicallyprocrastinatingtoproducingtheresultsthatwillsetyoufreeinlife.

First,manageyourselfintime.Realizethattimedoesnotgetawayfromyou;youloseyourselfinsituationsthatdistractyouandshiftyourattentionandfocusawayfromyourgoal.Begintoallotsmallincrementsoftimeinwhichyoucommittoonetask,andbecommittedtocompletingthattaskwithinthetimeyouhavesetaside.

Second,setsmallgoalsthatyoucanaccomplishinoneday,oneweek,onemonth,oronequarter.

Third,practiceperformingtheactionsthatwillmoveyoutowardaccomplishingthegoalsyouhaveset.Settinggoalsiseasy;gettinggoalscanalsobeeasy,butyoumayrequireashiftinperspectiveandashiftinyourhabitsforthistransformation.

Fourth,keepanorganizedlistofyourobjectivesandresponsibilities.Markitemsascompletedandrewardyourselfforajobwelldone.

Fifth,doyourbesttoeliminatedistractionsfromyourproductivetime.This

mayrequirediscipliningbothyourselfandthosearoundyouasyouchangeyourhabits.

Sixth,rewardyourselfforeverystrideforwardthatyoutake,nomatterhowbigorsmallitmayseematthetime.Changeisprogressive,andyouhavethecouragetoembarkonthejourney.Youdeservecredit—givecreditwherecreditisdue!

Finally,beobjectiveasyouevaluateyourprogress.Perfecttransformationisanimaginarypressureweputonourselves.Youwillprobablycreatesomemistakesorslipbackintooldhabitpatternsasyoustriveforchange.Objectiveself-evaluationwillallowyoutomoveveryquicklybackintothespacewhereyouareinalignmentwiththegoalsyouhavesetandthecontractsyouhavecreatedwithyourselfandothers,andkeepyoumovingforwardtowardbecomingtheproductive,peacefulpersonyouwereborntobe.

APPENDIXTheProcrastinationQuiz

Thisappendixwillprovideyouwithaseriesof40true-or-falsequestionstoassistyouinidentifyingyourcurrentlevelofprocrastination,aswellasgiveyouaclearunderstandingofwhatstepsarenecessarytoexecuteyourrecoveryplan.Takethisquizwhileyou’reinarelaxedenvironmentwhereyoucancontemplateandanswerthequestionsobjectively.Attheendofthequestionnaire,you’llbeabletoevaluatewhetheryou’reaprocrastinatororaproducer,andyou’llbeabletodetermineifyourprocrastinationbordersonbeingchronic,orifyou’reamoderateprocrastinator.Areyouready?

TheProcrastinatorQuiz

1.Ireturnphonecallspromptly.T/FDoesittakeyoualongtimetogetbacktopeople,ordoyoudoreturnphone

callspromptly?Doyouletyourphonecallspileupinyourvoicemail,takingseveraldaystogetbacktothem?Orperhapsyoudon’tevergetbacktothematall.Ifyou’rereallyinthegame,you’rethekindofpersonwhoreturnsallphonecallspromptly.

2.Imakedecisionsquicklyandpromptly.T/FDoyoupontificate,hesitate,levitate,ormeditatewhenitcomestodeciding?

Doyouagonizeoveryourdecisions?Doyouaskotherpeopleforinsightondecisionsyou’reabouttomake,ordoyoudecidequickly?Doyoupromptlyletgoofthedecisionsyoumake?Doyoudoubtandundoubt,doandundothedecisionsyoumake?Doyoutossandturnbecauseofwhatyoudidordidn’tdecide?

3.Ineverincurlatefeesforcreditcardsoroverduebills.T/FDoyoupaycreditcardbillsontime,ordoyouletyourstatementsstackupin

adraweruntilit’soverwhelming?Doyouonlypaytheminimumdueonyourcreditcardstatement,therebyincurringinterestfees?Areyouchargedlatefees

forpast-duebills?Areyourfinancesorganizedsothatyouareawareofwhenabillisdue?

4.IdomyChristmasandbirthdayshoppingpromptlyandaheadoftime.T/F

Doyouwaituntilthelastminutetobuygifts,ordoyouplanaheadforupcomingevents?Doyouoperateincrisismode?DoyousendChristmascardsafterChristmas?Doyousendbelatedbirthdaycards,ordoyoumissbirthdaysaltogether?

5.WhenIcook,Idomydishesquickly,notlettingthempileupinthesink.T/F

Doyoucleanupafteryourself,ordoyouallowdirtydishestostackupinthesinkandoverflowontothecounters?Doyoudryyourdishesandputthemawayimmediately,ordoyouletyourdishesairdryinthesink,leavingthemthereuntilthenexttimeyouusethem?

6.Idon’tdelaystartingonprojectsIhavetodo.T/FDoyouputoffyour“honey-do”projectsuntiltheybecome“honey-I-don’t-

dos”?Doyouwaituntiltheweekend,theendofthemonth,theendofthequarter,theendofsixmonths,ortheendoftheyearoruntilyoucannolongergetyourcarinthegarage?DoyouhavegoodintentionsatthebeginningofaSaturdayandthensuddenlyfindthatyou’veprocrastinatedthedayaway?Ordoyougooutandstartaproject,completingitsoyoucantaketherestofthedayoff?

7.Ipaymybillsassoonastheyarrive.T/FDoyoupayyourbillsrightaway,whentheyarrive?Ifyou’relikeme,you

paythebillstheverydayyougetthem,evenputtingthestampontheenvelope.Doyouallowyourbillstocompound?Dotheypileup?Doyouforgetaboutthem?Doyoustufftheminadrawer?Doyoulosethem?Doyouhaveasystemforpayingyourbills,ordoyouwaituntiltheverylastminutewhenyou’reinchroniccrisismode?

8.Idon’tmissconcertsandsportingeventsbecauseIremembertobuyticketsaheadoftime.T/F

Doyouwaituntilthelastminutetobuyticketsforconcertsorsportingevents,onlytobedisappointedbecauseallthegoodseatsarealreadytaken?Ordoyoupurchasethemaheadoftime,gettingthebestprices,thebestvalue,and

thebestseats?

9.WhentherearerecurringtasksthatIshouldbedoing(suchasprospecting,marketing,andgeneralbusinesstasks),Idon’tavoidthembecauseofperceivedpain.T/F

Areyouabletosetatime,jumprightin,andenjoywhatyoudo?Ordoyouspendtimeavoidingthepain,inventingreasonstoputoffwhatyouperceiveasunpleasant?Doyougoaheadanddowhatyousayyou’regoingtodo?

10.IsetregulardentalcheckupsandmedicalappointmentsandIkeeptheseappointments.T/F

Doyouavoidthedentistbecauseofperceivedpain,puttingoffregularcheckupsuntilyoureallyareinpain?Doyougetregularphysicalcheckups,followingthroughwithtestsandbloodworkyourphysicianrecommends?Areyouproactiveaboutyourhealth,ordoyouoperateindenial?

11.WhenItravel,I’mattheairportwellinadvanceofmyflight.I’mneverlate,andInevermissmyflights.T/F

Areyouontimeforyourflight,ordoyoucreateadrenalinebyfranticallyrushing?Doyouarriveattheairportatthelastminute?Whenthere’salonglineforsecurity,doyoufidget,worryingthatyou’renotgoingtomakeyourflight?Doyouabsolutelyhavetoruntothegate?Haveyoueverbeenthelastoneontheplane,notbecausetheplane’sdelayedbutbecauseyou’redelayed?Orareyouprompt,conscientious,ontime,andrelaxedwhenyouarriveattheairport?

12.I’mabletoparkmyvehicleinmygaragecomfortablywithoutalotofcluttergettingintheway.T/F

Doyouhavefloor-to-ceilingclutterinyourgarage?Doesone(ormore)ofyourcarshavetositoutsideyourgaragebecauseyourgarageisfullofstuff?

13.Myworkspaceisneatandorderly;it’saverycomfortableplacefromwhichtoproduceresults.T/F

Isyourdeskcleanandtidy,orisitanabsolutedisaster?Isyourofficeinchaos?Wouldyoubeproudtoletsomeoneseeyourdesk,orareyouembarrassedtohaveanyoneinyouroffice?

14.Imakelists,completingandcrossingoffitemsinatimely,relaxed,precisemanner.T/F

Doyouwritedownalistofwhatyouintendtoaccomplishonadailybasis?

Ordoyouresistmakinglists?Areyououtofcontrol?Doyouforgetwhatyou’resupposedtobedoing?Doyouendupbeinglate,missingappointments,andrelyingonotherstoremindyou?

15.Iamgoodaboutorganizingmyerrands,necessitatingasfewtripsaspossible.T/F

Doyourunaroundlikeachickenwithitsheadcutoff?Ordoyouefficientlyplanyourerrands?Areyouconstantlygoingbackandforth,pickingupitemsthatyouforgot,orareyouthoroughandorganizedwitharoutineandasystem?

16.Ianswerquestionsquicklywithouthavingtothinkabouttheanswer.T/F

Doyouanswerquestionsdecisively,ordoyouhemandhawuntilyoucancomeupwithananswer?Areyouapersonwhocanansweraquestiondirectly,orareyouapersonwhotellsastory?

17.Iseldomrepeataquestionwhensomeoneasksmeone.T/FHaveyoutrainedyourselfnottorepeataquestion?Ordoyourepeatthe

questionsomeoneasksyousoyoucanstopandthinkabouthowtoanswerperfectly?Canyoureceiveaquestionandthenjuststatetheanswer,ordoyouhavetothinkaboutit,repeatit,andtakethreetoeightsecondstoanswer?

18.Iseldomsay“um”whenansweringaquestionorstartingasentence.T/F

“Um”isnotaword;“um”isasound.Doyoufallintothehabitofusingthissoundtobuyyourselftime,orareyoudecisiveandcongruentenoughtodropthissoundfromyourvocabulary?

19.I’mdetailedandpreparedwhenIshop,andIseldomforgetitems.T/FAreyousomeonewhogoestothegrocerystorewithoutalistandthen

wonderswhyyouspent$300whenyouonlyintendedtospend$100?Areyouasunorganizedinyourshoppingasyouareinyourgarageoryourclosets?Doyoulookatpricesandhaveanideawhatyou’rebuying,ordoyoujustbuyrightofftheshelfwithoutanyintuition?Doyoucarryalistwhenyoushop?Doyouonlygettheitemsonthatlist?Whenyouarrivehome,doyouputawayyourpurchasesefficiently?

20.IamathoroughpackerwhenIgoonabusinesstriporavacation.T/FDoyouplanwhattopack,ordoyoucrameverythingintoyoursuitcaseatthe

verylastminute?Isyoursuitcasesofullthatyouactuallyhavetositonittozipit,andthenwhenyougettotheairportitweighstoomuchandyouhavetopayanextrafee?Youmaynotrealizeit,butyoursuitcaserepresentsyouremotionalstate.Areyouneatandthorough?Doyouconsideryourselftobeanexceptionalpacker?

21.Idomylaundryregularly;itneverbuildsup,andIneverfallbehind.T/F

Doyoudoyourlaundryonlywhenyou’reoutofclothes?Doyouhavestacksofclothesinyourbedroomandinthelaundryroom?Doyourequiremorethanonelaundrybasketbecauseit’soverflowing?Ordoyoutakealotofprideinthewayyouhangandfoldyourclothes?

22.Iamgoodatmeetingdeadlines,andoftencompletetaskslongbeforetheirdeadlines.T/F

Areyoudeadline-conscious?Doyoufinishprojectswayaheadoftime?Doyouhaveaplan,amethod,andaroutine?Orareyoualloverthemap,alwaysrunningbehindschedule,receivingnegativefeedbackfornotbeingabletomeetyourdeadlines?

23.Myhomeisexceptionallyneat,clean,andorganized.T/FIsyourhousecleanandorganized,orisitabattlezone,apigpen,andarecipe

fordisaster?Doyouoftenmisplaceitemsorfindyourselfunabletolocateimportantpapersduetotheclutter?Orisyourhomeclean,clutter-free,andcalm?

24.Idon’toverstuffmyclosets.T/FIsitdifficultforyoutohangagarmentbecauseofhowpackedyourclosetis?

Doyouhaveboxesontopofboxesinthecloset?Doyouhavepilesofshoesstackedontopofeachother?Areyouashamedofyourcloset,orareyouproudofhowneatandorderlyitis?

25.WhenIgooutfortheevening,Iseldomhavetodosomethingatthelastminute.T/F

Doyouhavetoconstantlycallotherpeopletotakecareofsituationsyouforgot?Doyouwaituntiltheverylastminutetogetdressed?Areyoutryingtodotwoorthreethingsatthesametime,ordoyoucalmlyleaveyourhousewithoutanyconcernsaboutwhetheryouturnedtheironofforlockedthedoor?Areyouinarelaxedstateorafranticstatewhenyouleavethehouse?

26.Iseldomfallbehindinmyday-to-daytasks.T/FDoyouhaveamethodofoperation?Doyouhaveadailyroutine,onethat

youstickto?Doyouhavesimplehabitsthatyouperformconsistentlyeverysingleday?Areyouacreatureofhabit?Doyougetupatthesametimeeachday?Ordoyoulivehaphazardly,withnosenseofadailyplan?

27.Iseldomfeeloverwhelmedemotionally.T/FDoyouoperatefromacalm,relaxedstate?Doyoutakelifeasitcomes,ordo

youoftengetrattled?Doyoutrytocontrolsituations,ordoyoustayinthemoment?Areyouoftenangry,resentful,andoverwhelmed?Doyoucausedramaandchaos?Areyoualloverthemap,orareyourightinthemiddleofthemoment?

28.Iusuallykeepmygastankfull;Irarelydriveuntilthetankisalmostempty.T/F

Doyouwaituntiltheverylastminutetogetgas?Haveyourunoutofgasmorethantwotimesinyourlife?Doyouliketoliveontheedgeoftheedgebecauseoftheadrenalinerushitgivesyou?Orisyourdrivingexperiencecalmandpleasurable,withnounnecessarydrama?

29.Itakethegarbageoutfrequentlysoitdoesn’tpileup.T/FDoyouwaituntilyourgarbageisoverflowingbeforeyoutakeitout,ordo

youtakeyourtrashoutatleastonceaday?Doesyourtrashsmellbecauseyouemptyitinfrequently?Doyouforgettoputthetrashouttogetpickedup,ordoyoumakesureit’sreadythenightbeforefortrashpickup?

30.Iamcommittedtoanexerciseroutineatleastthreetofourdaysaweek.T/F

Doyouhaveaconsistentexerciseroutine?Areyouoverweight?Doyoustuffyourfeelingswithfood?Doyouconstantlytellyourselfthatyou’regoingtogetinshape,orthatyou’regoingtoloseweight?Doyouhaveasimpleexerciseroutinethatyoufollowregularly?Areyoustructuredorunstructured?Areyouaconformistoranonconformist?Areyouarebeloraproducer?

31.Idon’tletmye-mailmessagespileup.T/FDoyoucleanoutyoure-mailinboxeverycoupleofhours,ordoyouallow

unreadmailtoaccumulatetothepointthatyounevergettoit?Areyourcustomerserviceskillsexceptional?Doyouhaveasystemforfilinge-mailsyouwanttoreferencelater?Ordoyouprocesse-mailsinarandom,unfocusedway?

32.I’mgoodatansweringe-mailsandFacebookmessagesquickly.T/FDoyouallowcorrespondencetoaccumulatetothepointofoverwhelm?Or

doyousystematicallykeepontopofmessages,answeringthemquicklyandefficiently?Doyouwastetimeonsocialmediasites,allowingyourselftobecomedistracted?Ordoyouutilizesocialmediainawaythatenhancesyourgoalsandyourlife?

33.Whenmyalarmgoesoff,Igetuppromptly,andIstartmydayfresh,alert,andreadytoproduce.T/F

Doyoustayinbedafteryouralarmgoesoffandthencreateexcusestonotgetup?Doyouhitthesnoozebuttonmorethanonce?Doyougetupatasettimewithoutanalarmclock?Doyouwakeupbeforethealarmevengoesoff?Doyouforgettosetthealarm,thuscausingdramaandchaosbeforethedayhasevenreallybegun?Doyougettobedatareasonabletimeeachnightsoyoucancreatearestfulnight’ssleep,ordoyouhabituallyburnthecandleatbothends?

34.Whenplanningparties,events,seminars,andsoon,Idosowellinadvance.T/F

Doyouwaituntilthelastminutetoplanthedetailsconcerningeventsorparties?Doyoufindyourselffranticallytryingtobookahotelatthelastminute?Doyouoftenhavetopaymorebecauseyou’reforcedto–notbecauseyouchooseto?Areyouthetypeofpersonwhoalwaysgetsthebestroom,atthebesthotel,atthebestratebecauseyou’vedoneyourhomeworkandplannedahead?

35.Iseldomletfoodspoilintherefrigerator;myrefrigeratorisorganizedandspotless.T/F

Areyouapackratwhenitcomestoyourrefrigerator?Isitsofullofitemsthatyoucan’tfindthingseasily?Doyoubuymorethanyourequireatthegrocerystoreandthenfindthatyoucan’tpossiblyuseit?Areyouagrocerystoreshopaholic?Doesthefoodthatyoubuyendupspoiling?Ordoyoukeepalightlybutwell-stockedrefrigeratorthat’sneatandclean?Doyouregularlycleantheshelves,thedoors,andthebins?Isitsocrowdedthatyouhateopeningthedoor?

36.Isetgoalsthatarerealisticandachievable,andIfrequentlyaccomplishthem.T/F

Doyousetgoalsthataresobigthatyoucan’tpossiblyachievethem?Doyousetgoalsthataresooverwhelmingthatyoudon’tevenstartthem?Doyoucreategoalsthatjustgiveyouareasontoprocrastinate,ordoyousetrealistic,

attainablegoalsthatyouareabletoachieve,evenifyouhavetostretchalittle?Doyourashlysetgoalsthatyoudon’taccomplish,ordoyoucarefullysetgoalsthatyouintendtoachieveandthenachievethem?

37.ItakecareofallnecessarytasksbeforeIrelaxandgotobed.T/FAreyougoodaboutplanningyourdaythenightbefore?Areyougoodabout

cleaningupbeforeyougotobed?Doyouperformroutinetaskssoyoudon’thavetodotheminthemorning?Ordoyoufallintobedexhausted,leavingmanyroutinethingsunfinished?Areyouamultitaskeroramulti-procrastinator?

38.Iregularlybalancemycheckbook,andIhaveagoodhandleonmyfinances.T/F

Doyouneglecttoenterchecksinyourcheckbookregister?Areyouunawareofhowmuchisinyourcheckbook?Areyououtofmoneywhenyou’reoutofchecks?Isyourbookkeepingintotalchaos?Doyouhandyouraccountantaboxwithunsortedreceiptsattheendoftheyear,orareyourreceiptscategorizedandorganized?DoyouuseQuickbooks?Doyouenterthedatayourself,savingmoneyattaxtime?

39.Iknowmymonthlyfinancialoverheadforbothmybusinessandpersonalexpenses.T/F

Areyouawareofwhatmoneycomesinandwhatmoneygoesout?Doyouhaveasavingsstrategyforthenextseveralyears,orareyoulivingfrompaychecktopaycheck?Doyouhaveahouseholdbudget?Doyouspendmoneywithoutanyideaofwhetheryoucanaffordto?Doyoufrequentlyincuroverdraftfeesinyourcheckingaccount?Doyouplantimetomapoutataxstrategyfortheupcomingyears?Areyouawisestewardwithyourmoney?

YourProcrastinatorScoreNowthatyou’vetakentheprocrastinatorquiz,let’sseewhereyoureally

standasaprocrastinator.Remember,youonlyprocrastinateinisolatedareaswhereyouperceivepainand/orrebel,soeventhoughyourscoremaynotbefavorable,keepinmindthatyoucanbreakdownanyaddictionsand/oremotionsonedayatatime.Breakinganyhabitrequiresthatyoufirstbegintoaddressthefeelingsthataffectthecause.

Toscorethequestionnaire,giveyourselfonepointforeachquestionyouansweredfalse,andthentotalupthepoints.

∞24orabove:Youareachronicprocrastinator,andprocrastinationkeepsyoustuckinmanyareasofyourlife.

∞14to23:Yourprocrastinationbordersonbeingchronic,andyourequireanoverhaulsessioninwhichyoureleaseasmuchclutterandprocrastinationaspossible.

∞6to13:Youareamoderatetoaverageprocrastinatorwhodefinitelyrequiressomefine-tuning,butyou’rewellonyourwaytobecomingarecoveringprocrastinator.

∞5orless:Youarehighlyproductive,andprocrastinationisaminorissueinyourlife.However,there’salwaysroomforimprovement.

Remember,you’llneverreceive100percentonanyscoreofthisnature.Procrastinationisaneffect,notacause.Tobecomearecoveringprocrastinator,youmustbeawareofwhyyoudowhatyoudo.Yourfocusmustbeonlettinggooftheareaswhereprocrastinationshowsupinyourlife.Yourgoalistobecomeawareofthefeelingsthattakeyouintoprocrastination.Onewaytobeginistotakedeepbreathsfromdeepdowninyourdiaphragmandevendeeperintoyourgroinsoyoucanreleasethepainthatkeepsyoudoingthesamethingoverandover,stuckinprocrastination.

Congratulationsonreachingtheendofthisbook.Icelebratethesuccessyouwillcreateonyourcontinuingjourneyofrecoveryfromprocrastination.Youabsolutelydeservetobefreeofthelimitationsprocrastinationhasintroducedinyourlife—youdeservetohaveitall!

INDEX

Aachievingpracticalresults,57–58action-oriented,becoming,156–157actions,beingconsciousof,163–164addiction,changing,166addressingemotionaladdict,26–28affirmationsfordramaaddicts,124angrygiver,132–142angrygivers,andfreeenterprise,145–146anxiety,andprocrastination,29–30

Bbecomingahealthygiver,147–150becomingaction-oriented,156–157becomingpractical,60–61becomingreward-conscious,187–188biggoals,77–78bighabits,77–78big-dealchaser,65–68big-dealchaser,positivecharacteristicsof,80breakingtheprocrastinatoridentity,33–34breakthroughfactor,71–72bridges,rebuilding,70–71

Ccauseandeffectsofprocrastination,12change,keyareasof,166–170changingaddiction,166changingclutter,166–167changinghealthandfitness,168

changingrelationships,168–169changingspirituality,169channelyourenergy,80–81choosingwordscarefully,127chronicworrier,83–88clutter,changing,166–167collaboration,113–114conflict,113–114consciousnesslevel,raisingyour,34–35controlmechanism,andworry,92–93creatingemotionalstability,74–76

Ddevelopanewidentity,164–165developingobjectiveawareness,124–126disappointment,andprocrastination,38–39distractions,eliminating,185–187dramaaddict,117–124dramaaddicts,affirmationsfor,124drama,neutralizing,126drama,tipsfordropping,128–129droppingdrama,tipsfor,128–129

Eeliminatingdistractions,185–187emotionaladdict,addressing,26–28emotionalstability,creating,74–76energy,channelyour,80–81engaginginnewenterprise,167epidemicofprocrastination,13exhaustion,andintellectualizing,90–92

Ffinancialcostofprocrastination,20–21freeenterprise,andangrygivers,145–146spiritof,173

Ggame,long-term,72–74goals,big,77–78settingsmall,178–181

goal-setting,69–70

Hhabits,big,77–78healthandfitness,changing,168healthygiver,becominga,147–150historyofprocrastination,19–20

Iidentifyyourprocrastinationpoints,154–155indecision,andprocrastination,38–39intellectualizing,andexhaustion,90–92

Kkeyareasofchange,166–170keyquestionsforrebelliousprocrastinator,111–113learningself-evaluation,188–190

Lleft-brain,andprocrastination,23–24lettinggo,methodically,58–59lettinggoofworry,93–96listentoyourwords,159–160long-termgame,72–74

Mmethodicallylettinggo,58–59

Nneuroticperfectionist,30–31,46–55neuroticperfectionist,releasingthe,55–57neutralizingdrama,126

newenterprise,engagingin,167newidentity,developa,164–165

Oobjectiveawareness,developing,124–126objectivity,59–60occasionalprocrastinators,21–22overcomingoverwhelm,155overcomingprocrastination,39–40overwhelm,overcoming,155

Ppainandparalysisofregret,160–162perfectionist,neurotic,30–31,46–55performingtasks,182–183personaldevelopment,170–172positivecharacteristicsofbig-dealchaser,80positivequalitiesofrebelliousprocrastinator,109–110practicalresults,achieving,57–58practical,becoming,60–61procrastinationepidemic,13procrastinationpoints,identifyyour,154–155procrastination,andanxiety,29–30anddisappointment,38–39andindecision,38–39andleft-brain,23–24causeandeffect,12financialcostsof,20–21historyof,19–20overcoming,39–40reasonswhy,31–33identity,breakingthe,33–34

procrastinator,produce-aholic,143–144rebellious,102–109

occasional,21–22produce-aholicprocrastinators,143–144

production,76–77

Rraisingyourconsciousnesslevel,34–35reasonsforprocrastination,31–33reasonsforworry,88–90reasonstosucceed,162–163rebelliousprocrastinator,102–109rebelliousprocrastinator,keyquestionsfor,111–113positivequalitiesof,109–110

rebuildingbridges,70–71regret,painandparalysisof,160–162relationships,changing,168–169releasingtheneuroticperfectionist,55–57reward,28–29reward-conscious,becoming,187–188risk,28–29

Sself-evaluation,learning,188–190settingagoal,69–70settingsmallgoals,178–181spiritoffreeenterprise,173spirituality,changing,169succeed,reasonsto,162–163

Ttakingtimeforyourself,144–145task,performing,182–183timemanagement,175–178time,takingforyourself,144–145

Wwords,

beingconsciousof,163–164carefullychoosing,127listentoyour,159–160

worrier,chronic,83–88worry,asacontrolmechanism,92–93lettinggoof,93–96reasonsfor,88–90

writingthingsdown,183–185

ABOUTTHEAUTHOR

JefferyCombsisthepresidentofGoldenMastermindSeminars,Inc.,andisaninternationallyrecognizedspeaker,trainer,andauthor,specializinginprospecting,leadership,personalbreakthroughs,prosperityconsciousness,spiritualenlightenment,mindsettraining,andeffectivemarketing.Histrainingrevolvesaroundpersonalgrowthanddevelopment,cutstothechase,anddeliversinformationthatmakesanimmediateimpactonyoursuccess!

Jeffistheauthorofnumerousbooksandmotivationalandpersonaldevelopmentproducts,includingthebest-sellingaudioCDseries,ConfessionsofaRecoveringProcrastinator.Jeffisavailableforconsulting,mentoring,andpersonalone-on-onecoaching.Hisprofessionalguidancewillhelpyoutocreatemaximumresultsnow.

Forfurtherinformation,pleasecall(800)595-6632orvisithiswebsiteatGoldenMastermind.com.

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