the solitude of swimming: a one-act play
TRANSCRIPT
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THE SOLITUDE OF SWIMMING
A Play in One Act
By K.C. Sharpe
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THE SOLITUDE OF SWIMMING
Character List
CHARLIE A handsome middle-aged man
SD Twenty-year old college male
“Dive in and deal with it.”
Synopsis
Following the relationship between a middle-aged bartender and a
frat boy, this one-act play introduces two strangers who become
friends as they share a pool together swimming laps. Both have
their own goals, but together they help each other out of their
comfort zones as their lives transform toward new beginnings.
There are eight scenes that take place within a year.
Charlie - on his own and alone, considers himself a has-been
bartender facing his forties while college student SD deals with
having the mind of a jock, but the body of a mathlete. As they
start training together in the pool, Charlie struggles to keep
SD focused on swimming while SD works on ways to get Charlie
excited about the world out of the water. By the time they take
a once-in-a-lifetime trip to Paris, they experience the benefits
of riding the motion of the moment.
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SCENE 1
SETTING: At the shallow end of anindoor swimming pool.
AT RISE: SD is recovering after
struggling to swim laps while
CHARLIE rests after swimming
multiple laps.
SD
You look like you know what you’re doing.
CHARLIEIt doesn’t feel like it. Really out of practice.
SD
How many laps was that?
CHARLIE
Lost track at twenty-six. I was shooting for fifty. Hope I
finished forty.
SD
Wow! That’s amazing man. It looks like you’re practicallygliding on the surface. Seriously, I don’t think I’m even
moving. I’m all choppy and sloppy, struggling to float — just
splashing and sinking. And there you are. You’ve got strong,
solid strokes.
CHARLIE
Hang in there.
SD
You make it look easy. I’ve been sort of watching you, I meanobserving. Nothing creepy. Just trying to learn from a pro. It
probably sounds creepy.
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CHARLIE
It does.
SD
How do you coordinate kicking and breathing with stroking and
floating? It feels like I’m struggling to save myself fromdrowning instead of swimming across the pool.
CHARLIE
(lifting his goggles off his eyes)
You’re lifting your head out of the water to breath. That’s
dragging your body downward. When you do that, you sink to a
stop.
SD
Ah ha. So you’ve been watching me too! So. What do I do?
CHARLIE
Don’t do that.
SD
Then what do I do?
CHARLIE
Keep your face in the water. Turn your head slightly at the neck
until just one cheek soaks on the surface. Then after you catch
some air, turn your face back into the water.
(demonstrates)Here. Grab the wall. Put your face in the water. Keep your ears
out so you can hear me.
SD
What?
CHARLIE
Keep your ears out so you can hear me.
SDWhat? I’m kidding. I’m kidding.
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CHARLIE
Twist your neck to the right until your face comes out of the
water. Suck up some air. Twist your neck back so your face is
back into the water. There you go. Blow bubbles.
SDWhat? No seriously. What?
CHARLIE
Don’t hold your breath. Blow bubbles. Slowly exhale, then turn,
inhale and stroke. Find a rhythm.
(demonstrates)
Stroke, stroke, stroke, turn, inhale. Stroke, stroke, stroke,
turn, inhale.
(stops and stands)
What’s so funny?
SD
It’s hard not to laugh every time you say stroke.
CHARLIE
I need to get back to my workout.
SD
I’m kidding. I’m kidding. This is really helpful man. I’m
training for a triathlon. Seems like I really overestimated my
swimming skills.
CHARLIE
Good luck with that.
SD
My fraternity brothers call me SD. That’s short for Slumdog.
CHARLIE
Isn’t that kind of racist?
SD
Is it supposed to be?
CHARLIE
Well. You from India?
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SD
I was born a Texan. So’s my mom. Her parents were from India.
Mom met my dad after he immigrated from India to study computers
here in Texas. And no, it wasn’t an arranged marriage.
CHARLIE
Oh wow. Your whole family history. Wasn’t expecting that. I’m
going to swim a few more laps.
SD
All good man. I’ll practice blowing bubbles. And my stroking.
Yup. Just gonna blow and stoke. Stroke and blow.
(BLACKOUT)
(END OF SCENE)
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SCENE 2
SETTING: Outside the pool, near a
bench on the deck.
AT RISE: CHARLIE and SD cross paths onthe deck as CHARLIE dresses
to leave while SD undresses
before getting ready to swim.
SD
Morning man. Looks like you’re off to a late start. Just getting
here too, huh?
CHARLIE
Morning.
SD
Oh wow. Done already? You are one hell of a morning person. Me
too. When did you start?
CHARLIE
Around five this morning.
SD
Damn, that’s early. Thanks again you for the advice from the
other day. I’m that pain in the ass in the other lane? You
showed me how to breathe from the side?
CHARLIE
Oh. That’s right. Not a problem. You’re welcome.
(continues to dress)
SD
Let me ask you, you said to turn and breathe when I run out of
air. It looks like you breath every three strokes.
(CHARLIE stops and faces SD)
I’m sorry. I’m still observing your techniques and stuff. Swear
to God, I’m not stalking. I’m just standing around in the pool watching, trying to teach myself what to do. Looks like I’m not
the swimmer I need to be. For triathlons.
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CHARLIE
(Done dressing and back to packing)
It’s all good. Have a good work out.
SD
You told me it was like,(Pretending to swim)
‘Stroke, stroke, stroke, breathe. Stroke, stroke, stroke,
breath.’ So like I turned right, and then left. Is that a good
thing? ‘Stroke, stroke, stroke, breath. Stroke, stroke, stroke,
breath.”
(Watching CHARLIE try not to laugh)
What am I doing wrong?
CHARLIE
Nothing. You’re right — it is hard not to laugh when you say
stroke.
SD
I know, right?
CHARLIE
(stops packing to leave and starts
demonstrating some swimming techniques)
You’re swinging your arms around aimlessly, slapping into the
water without purpose. That’s slowing you down. You’re
struggling against the resistance you’re creating, splashing
around like that.
SD
Got it. Splashing bad.
CHARLIE
If you want to power forward further and faster — you’ve got to
coordinate efficiency with endurance. That way, you can manage
the strength of each stroke.
SD
I knew it. Even you know I suck.
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CHARLIE
Reach out with hands cupped. Then you slice into the surface and
cut the water with the side of your hand. Scoop up as much water
as you can and push it down from your chest to your waist. Then
out. Then over. Then in again.
SD
You coach?
CHARLIE
I bartend.
SD
Wanna coach?
CHARLIE
I’ve been out of the the water for years. Just trying to buildup some stamina and get back into shape.
SD
You know your stuff. I can really use your help.
CHARLIE
Kid, believe it or not, I’m not here to help you.
(rushes to leave, then stops)
Sorry, I didn’t mean to pop off like that. I’m just frustrated
focusing on me. I’m recovering from a broken ankle and put on a
lot of weight. Dealing with a body that’s melting from fit toflabby.
SD
That sucks man. What happened?
CHARLIE
After I broke my ankle, there were some surgeries and stitches —
then a cast and crutches. After a couple of weeks in a boot,
another operation festered an infection.
SDI meant, how did you break your ankle?
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CHARLIE
It was nothing exciting. Before the broken ankle, I was running
six or seven miles a morning. So when the doctor said I was good
to go, I started on the treadmill.
SDSort of like easing back into your routine, right?
CHARLIE
It was supposed to be easing back into my routine. Instead, my
ankle swelled, my knees ached, my back spasmed. A physical
therapist put me on an elliptical machine, but I got bored not
going anywhere.
SD
I love running outdoors too.
CHARLIE
Before I knew it, I was a brand new me in my middle age. I
stopped being driven and disciplined and became unconditioned
and uninspired.
SD
Try a trainer?
CHARLIE
Tried a lot. Weights weren’t working. Extreme boot camp was
excruciating. Yoga’s awkward and Zumba sounded goofy.
SD
What about the pool? You’re a solid swimmer. I’m impressed.
CHARLIE
That’s shame, not stamina. Being being seen shirtless sucks, so
I stay and swim until there’s no one to see me get out of the
water. Before you started showing up in the mornings, my
workouts were much more shorter.
SDIt sounds like I’ve been your motivation.
CHARLIE
Actually, I’m pretty much trapped swimming laps until you leave.
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SD
Oh, sorry. So, it sounds like you’re shy. I just thought you
don’t like to share.
CHARLIE(finishes dressing and packing,
ready to leave)
What a winner, huh? Don’t mean to be selfish. Just trying to get
back in shape. Doing it alone and on my own.
SD
(finishes undressing and unpacking,
ready to swim.)
Dude, I get it. You swim solo. Sorry I’m so greedy — asking for
all this advice. I’m going to get in the water and try it out.
Thanks again. Your help’s working.
CHARLIE
It’s SD, right? Slumdog?
SD
That’s right.
CHARLIE
Man. That really feels racist.
SDI don’t think it is. I mean, it won an Oscar.
CHARLIE
Have a good workout. I’ll probably see you tomorrow. I’m
Charlie.
(BLACKOUT)
(END SCENE)
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SCENE 3
SETTING: At the shallow end of the
indoor swimming pool.
AT RISE: Finished swimming his laps,CHARLIE watches and waits as
SD swims back.
CHARLIE
That’s much better.
SD
You beat me again.
CHARLIE
You’re not winning any races for awhile, especially against me.
SD
Still, I’m a quick learner, right? Plus, you peaked past your
prime long ago, before I was even born.
CHARLIE
And yet, I still beat you! Focus on finishing, fella. That was
twenty laps. Do that next week, then — when you get across the
lake, that’s when you start dealing with how to win the
triathlon.
SD
There’s got to be worse swimmers than me in that triathlon,
right? It’s not like I’m gonna finish last, right? Wait, what if
I don’t get across the lake? What if I stop swimming?
CHARLIE
You drown. You die. You finish last. Well, you don’t even
technically finish. You just drown and die.
SD
Ah, so this is more about survival! Got to swim to stay alive.
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CHARLIE
That’s right. Pretend you’re being chased by sharks. But save it
until you’re finishing. Start too soon and you’ll burn out. Just
pace yourself.
(preparing to start swimming again)
Let’s do another twenty. And start kicking. You’re all stroke,no kick.
SD
Saving up strength for the cycling.
CHARLIE
If your legs aren’t conditioned yet… the triathlon’s next week.
When you finish the swimming, you going to be able to pedal and
run when you’re done?
SD A couple of days ago, when after we finished swimming, I went
riding my bike. I couldn’t push the pedals about a mile in.
CHARLIE
That’s not good. You need to rehearse.
SD
Rehearse? It’s a triathlon, not a recital.
CHARLIE
I mean practice. Have you done all three? Together? Back-to-back?
SD
Sure. Over the weekend.
CHARLIE
Look how exhausted you are now. You ready to hop out of this
pool, right now, ride a few miles on a bike and finish up with a
run after that?
SDThat sounds like something I should be able to do, huh?
CHARLIE
Are you serious? Really? Are you serious about this race?
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SD
Yes I’m serious. It’ll be fine. I’m fine. It’s going to be fun.
This is fun.
CHARLIELet’s go. Twenty more.
SD
You’ll be there, right?
CHARLIE
Where?
SD
The triathlon. You’re coming?
CHARLIE
I don’t know. Weekends are hard on me. I work nights at the
club. After last call, I’m beat and go home and crash.
SD
Come on man. What kind of coach are you?
CHARLIE
I’m no coach. What am I supposed to do? I mean, I’ve never
watched a triathlon before. Or a marathon. Do I go and wait at
the finish line? Sit there while you’re swimming and riding yourbike? How’s it work?
SD
My fraternity brothers are going. You can hang with them. So’s
my girlfriend. You get to finally meet her. I told her how much
you’ve helped.
CHARLIE
Come on. Twenty more.
SDWait a minute, Charlie. Why not?
CHARLIE
Okay. Okay, I’ll think about it.
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SD
You’re coming. Okay?
CHARLIE
I’ll see what I can…
SD
How come after all these weeks working out together, I tell you
everything about me…
CHARLIE
Yes. You do.
SD
I don’t know anything about you? I mean, you married? Got kids?
CHARLIE
I’m a bartender. Of course I’m not married. At my age, I
wouldn’t be working at a club raising kids at home. Well, I
shouldn’t be working at a club if I had kids.
SD
I don’t even know what club you work at. I’ve never seen you at
any of the ones I’ve been to.
CHARLIE
Wait. You said you’re twenty. How you getting into clubs ifyou’re not…
SD
That’s not the point. We never talk about stuff going on outside
the pool. Well, I do. My girlfriend. My fraternity brothers. My
family.
CHARLIE
That’s because you talk and talk and talk. You’re stalling. Less
talking. More swimming. Twenty more, then we’re done for the
morning.
SD
You still haven’t even told me how you broke your ankle.
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CHARLIE
I told you it wasn’t anything sexy. It wasn’t like I broke it
sky diving or mountain climbing or…
SD
Or running with the bulls or bungie jumping. What was it? What was this life-changing crisis that traumatized you into becoming
a big, fat…
CHARLIE
A big, fat, what?
SD
Mystery. A big fat mystery.
CHARLIE
You’re stalling.
SD
Yeah, I’m stalling. Dude, seriously. Why’s swimming got to be so
boring? No music. No scenery. Swimming solo sucks.
CHARLIE
Embrace the solitude of swimming. Think of it like you’re
traveling through a time warp.
SD
It feels more like I’m in a test tube.
CHARLIE
Rocket underwater. Listen to the silent splashes beneath the
surface, the muffled vibrations coming from out of the water.
SD
I need tunes. I want to talk. There’s nothing to see.
CHARLIE
Let the water and the waves wash away the world and take some
time and deal with yourself alone.
SD
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Swimming should be social. You know, pool parties, boating,
beach vacations.
CHARLIE
When you’re swimming, all that matters is the motion of the
moment.
SD
I’m sick of swimming laps. Back and forth. Back and forth.
CHARLIE
You know about runner’s high, right? I swear I slip into a
swimmer’s coma when I get lost in the privacy of the pool.
SD
Not enough distractions. I need some external simulation.
CHARLIE
There’s no anxiety. I’m mindlessly moving every muscle in my
body. Stretching and pulling, not wondering and worrying about
regrets or fixing mistakes. Sometimes it feels like I’m actually
getting taller.
SD
It’s lonely.
CHARLIE
I only feel lonely out of the pool, back to feeling flabby andforgettable — blending in with all the other middle-aged men who
should be fathers or have a family of friends.
SD
So far, swimming keeps me from drowning.
CHARLIE
Let’s go. Twenty.
SD
Total team player here. But most of the time, I’m on thesidelines.
CHARLIE
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Probably because you never stop talking.
SD
I got the mind of a jock, but the body of a mathlete.
CHARLIEYou’re not going to swim any better gabbing like this.
SD
My competitiveness comes from Mom. Dad’s DNA’s to blame for the
physique. She’s the athlete. He’s the academic.
CHARLIE
A little bit from the best of both worlds, huh?
SD
I’m just like Dad says. I’m neither champion nor scholar, justaverage. No brains. No brawn. But with this face, with these
eyes. This smile. I’m set!
CHARLIE
Nothing wrong with striving to be awesomely average.
SD
Hey, chicks dig me, even if I don’t have much mass. I wish I
could have pecs.
CHARLIESo, yeah. Anyway, careful what you wish for kiddo. You’ll put on
pounds and get your pecs before you hit your thirties.
SD
I just think it would be nice to…
CHARLIE
Then, the closer you get to forty, you’ll hate love handles when
you grow a gut and back fat too.
SDJeeze, Charlie. I’m just talking about how much it sucks being
skin and bones.
CHARLIE
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Those chiseled cheekbones and your jawline, those’ll disappear
as your face gets puffy when you get closer to middle age. Then
you’re left coping with karma — dealing with the consequences of
what you did when you were younger.
SDYou are so hard on yourself.
CHARLIE
I’m losing tips at the club.
SD
It good money?
CHARLIE
Not since I broke my ankle. Nothing’s sadder than a creepy has-
been in his forties working behind the bar.
SD
You can’t be that old.
CHARLIE
I am now since I’m so out of shape. Used to fool everyone since
I looked younger than I really am — was. Now I’m like the tribal
elder compared to the younger bartenders who are attracting all
the business.
SDDidn’t realize bartenders were that big of a deal.
CHARLIE
Good bartenders gotta stay sexy. Learned that when I started
cooking cocktails and cracking longnecks in my twenties. Found
out it pays to be nice to the lonely and the homely — for a
price.
SD
How come?
CHARLIE
For a buck a beer, I smile and say they’re looking good if
they’re not good looking. I get a dollar a drink just squeezing
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a lime into gin and tonics as long as customers think they’re
turning me on when I’m turned off.
SD
Look at you, you gigolo you!
CHARLIE
Gigolo’s charge. I get rewarded. I’m talking tips. Got to keep
them coming back for another round and another dollar.
Flirting’s the most important part of the job — navigating
between tempting without teasing.
SD
You freak’n stud you. Bet you got stories.
CHARLIE
Let’s just say… I never take anyone home to entertain, but working behind the bar — I am entertaining.
SD
So you are social.
CHARLIE
You going to swim or gossip? You’ve got a lot of conditioning to
do if you want get across that lake next week.
SD
So where do you work? What club is it?
CHARLIE
You just don’t want to swim, do you?
SD
This is fun. Tell me more. What club? I turn twenty-one in
another month. It would be cool to hang. Party. Shots.
CHARLIE
It’s not that kind of club.
SD
Where’s it at?
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CHARLIE
Uptown. Near, Uptown.
SD
There clubs in Uptown?
CHARLIE
Down in Oak Lawn.
SD
Which one? There are a bunch of them down in Oak Lawn, right?
CHARLIE
It’s KC’s.
SD
Aah, KC’s Cha Cha Club. My girlfriend’s sorority sisters gothere all the time. They feel safe around all those gay guys.
CHARLIE
Yup. We get lots of them and bachelorette parties too. Drunk-
ass, high maintenance no-tipping messes. Always asking about
specials and ordering blended drinks.
SD
Got a boyfriend?
CHARLIENaw man.
SD
Why not?
CHARLIE
Bad for business.
SD
Because they don’t tip?
CHARLIE
If word gets out a bartender’s tied down, boyfriends turn off
the tippers.
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SD
You date?
CHARLIE
Not lately.
SD
Since you broke your ankle?
CHARLIE
Sounds about right.
SD
But what about before?
CHARLIE
You’re done swimming for the day, aren’t you?
SD
We’re just taking a break. So what’s the deal? No boyfriend? No
dates? You work at the hottest gay club in Texas. You’re not
into girls, are you?
CHARLIE
Naw man. I dig dudes. Just outta-towners. Visiting businessmen.
Trampy tourists. Guys who got other places to go or different
lives to live.
SD
What makes them so hot?
CHARLIE
Hooking up in hotels is hot — like honeymoons and affairs,
temporary and no strings. Sorry, I sound slutty.
SD
I’m a date slut myself. Being non-threatening and super sweet
has its advantages.
CHARLIE
Use it or lose it, right?
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SD
Last semester, I went to like every sorority date dash and
formal. Girls know I’m a sure thing, at least when I was single.
CHARLIE
But no more?
SD
Well, word travels fast on a small campus, so it’s nice to have
a break with a steady.
CHARLIE
Smart. You don’t want to get overexposed. So, you going to swim?
SD
You think if you got some you wouldn’t be such a douche?
CHARLIE
I’m only a douche around you. Anyway, I’m on a break until I’m
better.
SD
Better than what?
CHARLIE
Than I am now. At first I thought I could get back to the way I
was. Now I just want to be better than how I feel now.
SD
How to you feel?
CHARLIE
Like a fool.
SD
What for?
CHARLIE
There’s this grad student visiting from Boston I met up with a while back. Actually invited me back to Boston to visit, but I
broke my ankle. After I healed up and put on about twenty
pounds, he’s back in Dallas and stopped by the club. He was
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nice, but it got awkward when he noticed the weight. By last
call, he was out the door with some other dude.
SD
What a dick!
CHARLIE
Can’t blame him. I never reached out or kept in touch. That’s
when I learned I won’t get away with that behavior without the
body to back it up.
SD
Getting your build back to be a heartbreaker again?
CHARLIE
There’s no more time left to be a heartbreaker. At this age, I
don’t getting what I want. Now, it’s take what I can get. Yougoing to swim any more laps?
SD
You going to make it to the triathlon?
CHARLIE
I’ll see what I can do. Enough chit chat. Get your goggles and
go.
SD
But I’m…
CHARLIE
Enough. I don’t want to hear any excuses, I want to see
progress. Swim.
(BLACKOUT)
(END SCENE)
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SCENE 4
SETTING: Outside the pool, near a
bench on the deck.
AT RISE: CHARLIE is getting ready toswim when SD appears without
swim gear.
CHARLIE
Hey Iron Man! Didn’t think you’d be back. Recovered?
SD
I was dead for days.
CHARLIEBut at least you finished?
SD
I don’t know what I was thinking.
CHARLIE
So what happened?
SD
Running with the swimmers, it felt so wild racing from the shore
into the water. I remember smiling and drowning in adrenalinenot knowing what to expect.
CHARLIE
I should have warned you.
SD
That cold, muddy water shocked the hell out of me. I panicked
when the waves from the other swimmers pushed me back against
the shore. I totally forgot to float.
CHARLIERunning into a lake is a hell of a lot harder than diving off
the side of the pool.
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SD
It hurt too. I couldn’t find my focus when all the faster
swimmers crashed into me and pushed me under as they crawled
over me — actually crawled over me!
CHARLIEPoor guy.
SD
I couldn’t process through the panic. It was like I wanted
everyone to stop so we could start all over again. I actually
wondered why no one was being nice.
CHARLIE
Pretty intense competition out there, huh?
SDCompetition? I wasn’t trying to compete. I was trying to
survive.
CHARLIE
Told you it wasn’t going to be a day at the beach. Sorry,
couldn’t help it.
SD
Finally, when I found room to face forward, I stretched my
strokes and crawled out of the chaos. I thought for sure I was
in last place, but swimmers kept creeping up from behind me.
CHARLIE
You weren’t getting chased down by senior citizens, were you?
SD
Who knew you had such a sense of humor? Cheesy as hell, but
still.
CHARLIE
I just can’t help but wonder if you had seriously practiced
instead of all the talking.
SD
Nothing could have prepared me for any of it.
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CHARLIE
I just think that…
SD
My arms reached out in front of me and my legs kicked behind me,but I wasn’t moving. Then I like mentally pushed my mind to
physically pull my body closer to the middle of the lake.
CHARLIE
See, mind over matter. That’s great.
SD
No man, that sucks. I wasn’t prepared for the panic, crashing
into swimmers and choking down water.
CHARLIENow you know?
SD
Finally, when I made it to the middle between both shores, I
felt some peace. Everything’s calm and the lake’s smooth. That’s
when I re-calibrated my strokes and finally reached a rhythm I
could ride to the other side.
CHARLIE
It’s a totally different world out there, isn’t it?
SD
Way out there in the water like that? Felt like I was lost in a
field. I could see everything around me, but distance kept me
from escaping. I had to break through all the openness and reach
my own route to get where I needed to go.
CHARLIE
At least all that space gives you time to get your head back
into the race.
SDI got moving and started chasing the other swimmers. Then I
heard muffled cheers coming from the shore. Talk about
motivation. To get out of that lake alive, it felt like I had to
escape the loneliness.
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CHARLIE
Well, if that worked better than pretending you were being
chased by sharks.
SDI heard the guys in my fraternity chant my name the closer I got
to shore. By the time I crawled out of the water, I was so
exhausted and fatigued…
CHARLIE
You actually had to work up enough energy to rest, right?
SD
I know. I was catching my breath, bending over and leaning onto
my knees. I didn’t have any strength to move on, change into my
gear and get on my bike. Mentally, I was checking out and readyto go home. Then, on the shore, there you were.
CHARLIE
Figured the least I should do was watch you swim. I just
followed your fraternity brothers. They really stood out
carrying “Swim Slumdog” signs. I really think some people might
get offended…
SD
You need to let that go, man. You really surprised me. Seeing
you there got my mind back in the race. Thank you.
CHARLIE
I forgot watching swimmers swim sucks. Watching bikers bike
sucks. Watching runners run sucks. Confirmed I am not a sports
fan. At least some of your fraternity brothers were pretty hot.
SD
Well, if you would have hung out at the finish line, I could
have introduced you.
CHARLIEThat was enough outside time for me. Ready for the next race?
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SD
Man, I’m taking a time out from triathlons. I don’t think I’ve
got the discipline it takes to be racing out on my own. I’m
better being on a team.
CHARLIEBut when you’re on your own, you own it.
SD
What about sharing it?
CHARLIE
Independence is important.
SD
Tried it, didn’t like it. Independence isn’t much fun. There’s
no — you know, a ‘We’re-all-in-this-togther’ kind of vibe.
CHARLIE
You said it yourself, what’s the point of being on a team if
you’re always on the sidelines? What about all the attention you
got swimming out of that lake? You actually had fans cheering
for you. Didn’t you get a rush from the spotlight?
SD
Kinda felt a lot of panic from the pressure. Didn’t like
everyone watching me. I wanted to blend in and get lost so no
one noticed me losing.
CHARLIE
They’re watching you finish what you started — see you out there
competing against yourself. No one’s expecting you to win…
SD
What do you think about rowing? There’s a club on campus for
crew.
CHARLIE
Never thought about it.
SD
Thinking about joining. Could be fun.
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CHARLIE
You think so?
SD
Gonna go work out the rowing machine and see what it’s like.
Figure at least it’s gotta be good for the lats.
CHARLIE
Swimming’s good for the lats, too.
SD
The club raises money posing for a beefcake calendar. I bet my
skinny ass would be perfect for October since it’s so scary.
CHARLIE
Done swimming?
SD
Naw man. Just wanna try something new.
CHARLIE
Too bad. Having you here keeps me committed.
SD
Thought I was distracting with all my stalling.
CHARLIE
Actually, all your triathlon training inspired me to focus onfinding my own race.
SD
Nice. Got anything in mind?
CHARLIE
There’s less competition in distance categories, and in my age
group too.
SD
I’m sure there’s even a lot less competition for swimmers as oldas you. Dude, I got no desire to get back into that pool.
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CHARLIE
I get how terrified you must have been swimming across the lake
like that.
SD
I wouldn’t go that far. It was shocking. Putting up with pain wasn’t the problem. Listen, it’s lonely. Surrounded by those
swimmers — it felt like, everyone was so selfish and no one
showed any consideration.
CHARLIE
You were in their way. You were keeping them from where they
wanted to go.
SD
But, I was expecting… Why couldn’t it be like…
CHARLIE
Seriously, get serious. They’re there to compete, race against
personal bests. You’re either way too sheltered or too self-
centered. Don’t confuse sharing with taking.
SD
I guess I’m taking up too much of your time.
CHARLIE
I was doing drag.
SD
What?
CHARLIE
When I broke my ankle, I was doing drag.
SD
You do drag too?
CHARLIE
The bartenders compete in an annual drag pageant. Did a bunchof shots before the show. Went out on stage drunk in heels. Fell
and broke my ankle.
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SD
Didn’t win?
CHARLIE
I won. Broke my ankle, but won.
SD
Well, congratulations. Sucks you broke your ankle, but you won.
So, do you compete a lot?
CHARLIE
It was a fundraiser. Whoever got the most tips won two plane
tickets to almost anywhere.
SD
Wow. Almost anywhere? In the world?
CHARLIE
I don’t know. Probably not like Antartica or North Korea. Or
terrorist nations. Hell, I don’t know. Haven’t used it yet.
Really got no where to go.
SD
Well, still. Way to go!
CHARLIE
All the bartenders partnered up with all the regular drag queens
from the club. This time I got Carol Christmas — who took thepageant very seriously. She put me in her best wig and dress —
and the shoes were like really, really high heels.
SD
Carol Christmas? Oh I get it. Christmas Carol. Carol Christmas.
That’s funny.
CHARLIE
After I fell, she ran out on stage screaming, ‘How the heels?
The heels okay?’ When I said I thought I broke my ankle, not my
heel, she was relieved her shoes were fine.
SD
So when you went to the hospital, were you like…
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CHARLIE
No! I wasn’t in the emergency room in a wig and a dress or
anything like that. So, I broke my ankle in heels doing drag.
Told you it wasn’t sexy.
SDIt sounds pretty sexy if you’re into drag queens.
CHARLIE
When I fell, I found out how shallow my world really was. All my
friends from the club hung around long enough to sign my cast.
Then the all dropped off and moved on when I was recovering.
SD
That sucks.
CHARLIEEven Carol Christmas took off with one of the almost anywhere
plane tickets we won. She got a full-time cabaret gig in
Provincetown.
SD
Good for her?
CHARLIE
I lost buddies and business. I got all puffy and pasty. My
attitude hurt tips as much as my looks. Lost all my discipline.
Woke up too hung over for the gym. Even embarrassment didn’t motivate me back into shape.
SD
You know, when we met, I never would have thought you were a
bartender. You didn’t come across as the kind of guy with a lot
of friends.
CHARLIE
Sorry I was such a dick. Recovering from my recovery really
sucked.
SD
It makes sense now. You’re just an award-winning drag queen with
attitude.
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CHARLIE
I’m already starting to regret telling you what happened.
SD
It’s all good. You’re back to a routine and kicking ass in the
pool.
CHARLIE
I grew up in pools. Swimming on teams. Lifeguarding. Teaching
lessons. Even coaching. But when I stared swimming again after I
broke my ankle, I really hated it.
SD
What? Swimming? Why?
CHARLIE
It really does suck dealing with all that nothingness in the water. How swimming forces you to wander and wonder. Swimming in
solitude — without distractions, you’re alert and aware of your
life and how you got there.
SD
Until you find the motion of the moment.
CHARLIE
Until you struggle through the motion of the moment.
(struggling to structure his thoughts)
When I show you, I see… I mean, when I tell you, I hear…um.(giving up and starting over)
As soon as you dive in, commit to the moment. Finish what you
start. Swim or sink. Fight or float. Drift aimlessly or drive
forward. Ride the waves or crash through them.
SD
I’m dying to see you in drag.
CHARLIE
Well, that ain’t gonna happen any time ever.
SD
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I better let you get to swimming.
(getting ready to leave the pool)
You up for meeting up for coffee sometime soon?
CHARLIE
Yeah, man. Sounds good. Let’s do that sometime.(motioning toward the pool exit)
Good luck with the rowing machine out there.
SD
(stopping before leaving the pool)
So, what are you doing after this? I don’t have class until this
afternoon. Want to do pancakes or something like that?
CHARLIE
I can’t eat pancakes. How am I going to get in shape if I eat
like a skinny ass college frat boy?
SD
Then get the fruit plate or whatever the hell you want. You
wanna grab a bite or not?
CHARLIE
Okay, fine. Let’s meet up after I’m done. You go ahead and go
row, row, row your boat.
SD
And I’ll let you get to stroking and blowing.
(BLACKOUT)
(END SCENE)
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SCENE 5
SETTING: Outside the pool, near a
bench on the deck.
AT RISE: CHARLIE is in the middle of working out while a bearded
and fully clothed SD is in
the middle of visiting.
SD
I’ve never been to Europe. Hell, I’ve never left the country.
CHARLIE
Me neither, but what’s the point of winning a plane ticket to
almost anywhere if you don’t go anywhere awesome?
SD
But France? Do you know French?
CHARLIE
No. It’s not like I’ll be there alone. Lots of other Americans
from all over the U.S. will be there too.
SD
But still, Paris. Wow! That sounds amazing. Do you got to be gay
to be in the Gay Games? It sounds like reverse discrimination or
something like that.
CHARLIE
I’m sure any straight guy is more than welcome to compete if
they’re confident enough to risk losing to queers.
SD
Don’t say queer, man. How do you expect to stop homophobia if
you talk like that.
CHARLIE
Sorry, Slumdog. Did I offend, Slumdog? Anyway, it’s not likethey’re going to have a screener forcing men to make out with
each other to prove they do dudes.
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SD
You consider making out an Olympic sport?
CHARLIE
Why not? You ever heard of tonsil hockey?
SD
So what about lesbians? They compete too?
CHARLIE
Of course. Wait, probably not in figure skating.
SD
Olympics for homosexuals. Wow. When you gays go big, you gays…
CHARLIE
Watch it, Slumdog.
SD
Well, never mind. Couldn’t find anything more local? Nothing on
this continent?
CHARLIE
Almost competed in the Gay Games when it was here in the states
awhile back. I was on a pretty intense volleyball team, but we
couldn’t get our act together. Plus, it was in Cleveland.
SDOhio? You mean all those gay athletes from all over the world
come to the United States and they have to go to Cleveland?
CHARLIE
I know. Pretty much the reason why my volleyball team wasn’t all
that motivated to go.
SD
Homos aren’t the hosts the appear to be. There some kinda gay
mecca thing in Cleveland you’re keeping from us straights?
CHARLIE
Don’t know. Never been.
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SD
But Paris. Oh la la!
CHARLIE
I’ve got four months to go. Paid for my passport, saving up for
registration and paying for a place to stay.
SD
Who knew being a drag queen could be so rewarding? It’s a good
thing you won that plane ticket to almost anywhere.
CHARLIE
This free flight’s costing a fortune. I’m overreaching. Maybe I
should just go back to the Virgin Islands or do something
Caribbean instead.
SD Any swim meets down in the Caribbean?
CHARLIE
No, but there are some amazing resorts. Maybe a cruise?
SD
You said you wanted to train for something, right? This is the
freak’ing Gay Games man. You could end up being a Gay Games
champion. That’s bound to get you laid, right?
CHARLIEI’m not going all the way to Paris to party. Sure as hell not to
get laid either.
SD
Come on buddy. Keep your eyes on the prize. Focus on the three
Ps.
CHARLIE
What three Ps?
SDParis. Pools. And pricks.
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CHARLIE
You’re spending way too much time down at the club. Maybe you
should start hanging out with your own kind. You need to
straighten up.
SDI love all that wit. Can’t help absorb all that attitude. Why
should you gay guys get all the…
CHARLIE
If you even say fabulousness, I’m barring you.
SD
Glamour. Why should all you gay guys get all the glamour?
CHARLIE
That sounds like something a drag queen would say. You need tostop flirting with them so much. Tease ‘em too much and they’ll
kick your ass.
SD
Who’s flirting? It’s fraternizing. So you’ve been to the
Caribbean before?
CHARLIE
Way back in my twenties. Dated a guy who took me to the British
Virgin Islands with a bunch of his friends for the holidays.
SD
Wow! That’s one hell of a date.
CHARLIE
On New Year’s Eve day, we weighed anchor on the coast off this
island called Jost Van Dyke.
SD
For real? What a name.
CHARLIE A few of us took some mushrooms, and when they kicked in, I
heard this woman with a Brooklyn accent yell from a megaphone,
“Ahoy Matey.” It was freak’n Joan Rivers in a dingy with a group
of guys.
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SD
What’s a dingy?
CHARLIE
It was Joan Rivers! Who cares about the dingy. That’s not thepoint. It’s a small boat. So Joan Rivers points up at the gay
pride flag flying from our mast and said, “Does that rainbow
flag mean Diana Ross is on board?”
SD
Who’s Diana Ross?
CHARLIE
Never mind. So there I am, middle of winter, from the Midwest in
the middle of the Caribbean, tripping on ‘schrooms with Joan
Rivers. When she and her posse boated back to her yacht, Ilooked around, giggling on the mushrooms, wondering if I had
hallucinated Joan Rivers.
SD
See, I knew you had stories.
CHARLIE
Before all that, when the guys raised up that rainbow flag, I
got scared. I was embarrassed. They’d all been out and proud on
the coasts in New York and L.A. while I was in the middle of the
U.S., barely out a year. That was the first moment I really felthow good it was to be gay.
SD
What about your boyfriend?
CHARLIE
He’s a trust-fund baby who wanted to be someone’s sugar daddy.
At that moment, it felt inappropriate, being some young, dumb,
poor bartender using him for a trip to paradise. Then I took
another moment and figured it’s better to be used and be
something someone wants rather than use someone to get what you want.
SD
And now, at this moment?
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CHARLIE
I’m not really something someone wants, now am I?
SD
What about the trust-fund baby?
CHARLIE
Well, he was the first of a few sugar daddies. We hooked up a
couple more times after the trip before I took off for Dallas.
SD
Where’d you been living?
CHARLIE
Kansas City. That paradise vacation motivated me to start over
and get the hell out of the middle of nowhere. So I moseyed ondown to the Big D.
SD
So you’re not a Texan?
CHARLIE
That was twenty years ago. I think I’ve earned my boots by now.
SD
Well, I just thought I’d check in on ya and see how you were
doing. Show off the beard too.
CHARLIE
Yea, I noticed. You better be careful. Some people around here
might think you're a terrorist with that beard.
SD
Look who’s being racist.
CHARLIE
I’m not the racist — just a concerned friend, who’s warning you
about all the racists out there. What’s the girlfriend thinkabout the beard? Any bitching about whisker burn?
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SD
We’re taking a break. Well, she is. Said I wasn’t serious
enough.
CHARLIE
So, she was having too much fun?
SD
I know. I’m too hard to handle.
CHARLIE
I think you mean ‘hot.’ You’re too ‘hot’ to handle.
SD
I wouldn’t be so sure.
CHARLIEThat’s like your second breakup since the triathlon.
SD
I got to stop goofing off.
CHARLIE
It’s good to goof off at your age. It’s more fun finding
girlfriends than having girlfriends. You should be marketing
yourself in your twenties.
SDWhat you know about dating girls?
CHARLIE
I dated girls before guys. I’ve been the dater and the datee.
I’ve been dated and have dated.
SD
A real pro, aren’t ya?
CHARLIE
Never been paid…
SD
Right. Just rewarded.
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CHARLIE
Get out there and flirt like it’s a focus group. Find out what
works.
SD And get down to business?
CHARLIE
Anyway, what about you has ever given anyone the impression
you’re capable of being serious?
SD
I give good pillow talk.
CHARLIE
Atta boy!
(BLACKOUT)
(END SCENE)
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SCENE 6
SETTING: A coffee shop table
AT RISE: SD is sitting, waiting for
CHARLIE to bring coffee from
the counter. CHARLIE enters
with two cups of coffee.
CHARLIE
I’m starting to like this ‘daddy’ stage. That twink making my
cappuccino asked if I like it extra frothy.
SDOkay. I don’t know what any of that means.
CHARLIE
Gaydars are colliding. Just some friendly flirting between
family.
SD
Your family?
CHARLIE
Sorry. That’s code from way back. Family’s gay for gay.
SD
So what’s gay for gay now?
CHARLIE
I don’t know. Gay?
SD
Maybe he’s flirting for tips. What did you leave him?
CHARLIEHalf what he’ll tip me back at the club, assuming I’m still
working there.
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SD
Retiring?
CHARLIE
No. Just transitioning. Exploring options.
SD
What did you find?
CHARLIE
Therapy.
SD
Think you need it?
CHARLIE
Not personally. Therapy as a career. I’m volunteering at the VA.
SD
Wow. Look at you. Wait. What are you volunteering?
CHARLIE
Believe it or not, helping out with some hydrotherapy.
SD
What’s that? Swim lessons?
CHARLIEFloating lessons. Swimming takes us somewhere. Floating helps us
control where we are.
SD
That sounds kinda Zen.
CHARLIE
It’s not physical therapy. It’s therapy therapy. For vets coming
home with PTSD.
SDYou teach them to float?
CHARLIE
It’s more like exercises.
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SD
Floating’s an exercise?
CHARLIE
It’s a little bit team-building, a little bit trust-building, alittle bit focus-building.
SD
Yep, that’s Zen.
CHARLIE
Totally hippy. But, it helps. They’re soldiers trained to be
alert and ready for action. The therapy challenges them to relax
and recharge. Shows them how to cope with anxiety. Instead of
tensing up, keeping calm when they’re feeling overwhelmed.
SD
So much Zen.
CHARLIE
I know. But really, it’s teaching them to center on what they’re
doing instead of reacting to what they’re feeling.
SD
Yoga much?
CHARLIEYou’re right. It is pretty cosmic, especially for the military.
But seriously, it feels like a fit.
SD
Where’d all this come from?
CHARLIE
Honestly, it’s actually politically inspired.
SD
Oh no. What are you up to?
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CHARLIE
It started that way. All those pseudo-patriots who so-proudly-
they-hail superficial support for the troops. I just wanted to
show them how it’s really done.
SDWhat did you do?
CHARLIE
Actually, you and your fraternity brothers and your philanthropy
inspired me. Just followed in your footsteps — volunteering at
the VA.
SD
My fraternity fundraises for the VA. We visit the vets. Our
alumni’s got military. The chapter’s founded by World War II
vets.
CHARLIE
‘Homo helps heroes heal.’ Came up with it swimming one morning.
SD
You need to stop scheming when you’re swimming.
CHARLIE
Figured that’ll put those right-wingers in their place. Bragging
about greeting soldiers in airports, their bumper stickers, all
that goddamned weepy-washy country music.
SD
Why so spiteful?
CHARLIE
It started out of spite. Come on, those ‘wounded warriors,’
really? Let’s face it. They’re hopeless heroes broken by bullets
and bombs.
SD
Right. They sacrificed…
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CHARLIE
It was the Cold War. Who needed boots on the ground when there’s
bombs bunkered underground ready to launch? The movies made the
military look like a lot of fun. It was all Top Gun and War
Games, Stripes and Private Benjamin.
SD
Why the military?
CHARLIE
So I could be an Officer and a Gentleman. There were bases built
all around the world. Thought it’d be awesome to be stationed
over in Europe. Be a pilot. Get away from where I came from.
SD
What stopped you?
CHARLIE
The military. The government. Democracy. The good ol’ U.S. of
A..
SD
I’m confused.
CHARLIE
It was right before ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.’ Gays weren’t
allowed in the military. I wasn’t out. Hadn’t done anything with
any dudes. Even thought the military might keep me from actingon my… attractions.
SD
Were you sure you were gay?
CHARLIE
Since I was six.
SD
So you’re bitter?
CHARLIE
Growing up listening to grown ups defend their fear of fags.
Debating gays in the military. Gay teachers. Coaches. All I
heard was hate.
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SD
That sucks man.
CHARLIE
It started sounding silly when they started shouting about
showers.
SD
What about showers?
CHARLIE
Men in the military actually testified they’re terrified to
shower with gays. Brave enough to kill commies, but creeped out
by queers.
SD
But it’s different now.
CHARLIE
Now that I’m in my nearly fifty and seriously flabby. I never
got to live the life I thought I’d like. Never got to leave the
Midwest. Never got to see the world. Never got to be a pilot.
SD
But volunteering at the VA? To prove political points?
CHARLIE
Not anymore. I told you the therapy program is pretty importantand I want to help. It started as poetic justice. Challenging
hypocrisy. Confronting all those ignorant and naive bigots and
homophobes.
SD
You’re such a snob. Can’t you just be nice? Oh that’s right,
only for a price. I get it. At least you admit you use people.
Why would those vets be any different? Too bad they can’t tip
you.
CHARLIEListen. I better get going.
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SD
Wait. We’re supposed to be talking about Paris. Should I buy my
plane tickets now?
CHARLIE
You still want to go?
SD
Hell yeah. Why wouldn’t I?
CHARLIE
I figured you’d change your mind.
SD
No way. This is gonna be wild. My first trip out of the country.
To Europe. With Olympic homosexuals.
CHARLIE
Homosexual Olympians.
SD
What’s the difference?
CHARLIE
Homosexual Olympians are athletes who just happen to be gay.
Olympic homosexuals compete to be a champion in all things gay.
SD
What’s the difference?
CHARLIE
Never mind. Listen, I wasn’t sure you were serious about going.
SD
Of course I was serious. I can still go, right?
CHARLIE
I’m just having second thoughts.
SD
Is it because I’m straight?
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CHARLIE
No, it’s because I’m not sure I should be competing.
SD
Because?
CHARLIE
Look at me. I’m in no condition to travel around the world to
race in swim meets.
SD
Dude, this ain’t the real Olympics.
CHARLIE
I mean, if I’m serious about focusing on this therapy program at
the VA center, I shouldn’t be flying off to Europe. There’re
training programs I got to go to and certification classes.
SD
So what? I’m trying to graduate too. We’ll be gone a week. It’s
still two months away.
CHARLIE
I have no clue what my schedule’s going to look like.
SD
It’s Paris. With gay athletes. From around the world. A
smorgasbord of guys into guys. A buffet of buff boys!
CHARLIE
It’s not a meat market. It’s a swim meet.
SD
It’s what you’ve been training for.
CHARLIE
Now you bring it up, I’ve kind of been slacking off. I haven’t
been in the pool for weeks.
SD
That’s okay. There’s time. I’ll start swimming again in the
mornings. Tell you what, every morning you miss, I fine you
twenty bucks. You skip a work out, I get cash for Paris.
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CHARLIE
What about rowing? How’s it going with that crew club on campus?
SD
I quit a month ago, after my twenty-first. I’m playing on a sandvolleyball league downtown around Fair Park and Deep Ellum. It’s
called ‘Beachellum.’ It’s bisexual.
CHARLIE
What?
SD
Well, it’s more fun since girls and guys play together. On the
same teams.
CHARLIEYou mean co-ed?
SD
Sure, what did I say?
CHARLIE
Never mind. It wasn’t what you meant.
(BLACK OUT)
(END SCENE)
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SCENE 7
SETTING: An airport terminal
AT RISE: CHARLIE and SD are sitting
and waiting for to board
their flight to Paris. SD is
silent, sunken, stunned and
humiliated.
CHARLIE
Assholes are everywhere.
SD
And when we land in Paris? Will I go through that again?
CHARLIE
Don’t let a bunch of red neck TSA agents ruin Paris for you.
They’re nobodies with no where to go. They sit and simmer,
watching everyone else go everywhere they won’t.
SD
That was more than profiling. That was an interrogation.
CHARLIE
They were pissed. They didn’t feel you were taking themseriously.
SD
That fat ass racist pig mumbled I might be Muslim.
CHARLIE
I heard.
SD
So I get pulled aside, patted down and then put in a room
because I look Muslim? Jesus Christ, I’m freakin’ Baptist.
CHARLIE
An airport security checkpoint isn’t the place to be funny. You
were goofing off. They were getting insulted.
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SD
So what if I wasn’t shaking in my socks? Frightened by their
authority? Why should I be afraid of losers like them?
CHARLIEYou should have stopped smiling.
SD
I always smile.
CHARLIE
It added to the tension. I tried helping them understand the
misunderstanding.
SD
Why? They’re the professionals. They should understand.
CHARLIE
This is the best they’ll do in life. They stay behind, patting
down passengers passing them on their way to promising business
trips and exciting vacations.
SD
I hope they choke on their pork rinds and rot in their trailers.
CHARLIE
This is what life is like for boogiemen. Guys like us piss offguys like them. It’s bad enough we’re different, but it’s even
worse that we beat them at life.
SD
So I have to feel shame from from someone so insignificant?
CHARLIE
When I taught high school right out of college, there was
delusional senior girl who spread rumors we were secretly
dating.
SD
Didn't she know you were gay?
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CHARLIE
No one did. They put me on paid leave during an investigation. I
thought I could explain away the gossip by admitting I was gay.
SD
So they knew she lied.
CHARLIE
So they fired me. I told the truth and got fired. The school
board cited a morality clause I signed back when I accepted the
district’s job offer. Hip hip hooray for honesty, huh?
SD
Where was this?
CHARLIE
More like when was this. I was teaching in a farm town about twohours from Kansas City. Out there back then, everyone thought
gays were far away in cities killing each other off with AIDS.
SD
What the hell were you doing in a farm town anyway?
CHARLIE
Up until then, I had never told anyone. Never acted on it. Never
been to a gay bar or kissed another man.
SDSeriously man, sounds like you were a late bloomer.
CHARLIE
Thought I was being brave - standing up to the community
accusing me of being a child molester. My career ended once I
finally began being honest. That’s my coming out story.
SD
My parents told me not to be acceptable but exceptional. What I
wouldn’t do to avoid standing out. Just blend in. Be a part of
something bigger.
CHARLIE
Why contribute when you’re not wanted? You’re better off
thriving on your own.
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SD
No one really wins alone. Lift someone, get somewhere.
CHARLIE
Lifting is a struggle. So is getting through the day. Screw whoever says every day is a gift we get. Every day is a prize we
win. A prize for surviving the day before. We won today
yesterday. Tomorrow’s for winning today.
SD
Does every day have to be a competition? What’s wrong with
relaxing and feeling comfortable like I’m at home around people
who like me for being me.
CHARLIE
Settling and staying still? The older you get, the harder toheal. Our bodies get weaker and decay. Experience gives us
courage to build strength to survive. Staying still doesn’t give
us the experience we need to succeed.
SD
There’s always going to be someone who will make me feel small.
CHARLIE
We move forward learning what hurts. Fire, poisonous plants,
dangerous animals, cruel villains. So many scary and vicious
threats. Always avoiding risk, we watch for cues and clues wecan read for signs and signals.
SD
Smiling through the hurt and pain, talking my way around bullies
and bigots.
CHARLIE
Fight or flight doesn’t help when people hurt us so we have to
face the fear. We’re done if we don’t deal with the
disappointment.
(BLACK OUT)
(END SCENE)
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SCENE 8
SETTING: Poolside in Paris during the
Gay Games.
AT RISE: CHARLIE is preparing SD to
step in and race in a relay.
CHARLIE
Think of this as your chance to be exceptionally acceptable.
SD
What did you tell them?
CHARLIEThat you were awesomely average.
SD
Did you say I’ve never raced before? Seriously, the triathlon
doesn’t count.
CHARLIE
The first two swimmers will build a lead for you. You’re third
in the relay. The anchor follows you. It’s up to him to finish
hard. He wins, you all win.
SD
You told them I wasn’t gay, right?
CHARLIE
They’re not heterophobic. You’re from the United States. You’re
under thirty. You fit in the suit. You qualify.
SD
What if I can’t finish?
CHARLIEThen you return to the United States in disgrace. Gays all
across the country will crush you for failing our nation. You’ll
finish. Swim down the lane and back. All done.
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SD
Sure there’s no one else to be a replacement for their relay?
CHARLIE
Those Vegas twinks are the only athletes under thirty from the
U.S. who could afford traveling to Paris.
SD
What if we find the other swimmer? The one who came with them?
There’s still time.
CHARLIE
Their teammate left that party last night with some weightlifter
from Spain. Even if he does show up, he won’t be in any
condition to swim. Hell, doesn’t look like any of his teammates
have been to bed either. I can smell the booze on their breath
even with all this chlorine. Go warm up.
SD
I don’t even know these guys. What do I say?
CHARLIE
Since when are you unable to strike up conversations with
strangers? Just dive in.
SD
I don’t want to look like I don’t know I’m doing. I swear I’m
going to blow this.
CHARLIE
It never gets old, does it?
SD
You mean when I say blow? I know, right?
CHARLIE
That’s the risk you take when you’re on a team. You’re in on the
win, or you take them down.
SD
I sure as hell don’t want to go down on the team.
CHARLIE
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Really? That’s so lame, even for a straight guy.
SD
What’s in it for you?
CHARLIEIt’s all for the love of God and country. Purple mountains
majesty. Let’s go. Get down there.
SD
The blonde seems to like you. You guys spent a lot of time
together since the opening ceremonies. You using me to get into
his pants?
CHARLIE
I don’t need your help getting into anyone’s pants. Plus, I
kinda like the Italian we met when we were watching thegymnastics competition. The pole vaulter. Sitting in the
bleachers behind us.
SD
He can barely speak a word of English.
CHARLIE
Which is good. Silence is sexy.
SD
The only thing he understood was when you said we’re from Texas.He smiled and shouted, “Go Cowboys!” He probably thinks you’ve
got a ranch back home with horses waiting for your return.
CHARLIE
Nothing wrong with a little friendly fantasy. I’ll be his cowboy
and he can by my curly haired Italian Stallion. Plus, he’s
closer to my age. The Vegas blonde’s way too young.
SD
You a bear?
CHARLIE
Not intentionally. Wait. What do you know about bears?
SD
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Heard the blonde’s into bears.
CHARLIE
Who said? Whatever. Really?
SDLook at you.
CHARLIE
What’s wrong?
SD
Bears blush!
CHARLIE
You’re stalling.
SD
I’m stalling.
CHARLIE
When you get on the platform, when the swimmer before you
touches the wall, spring out and stretch like you’re reaching
for the wall on the other side.
SD
Wait. What?
CHARLIE
Just dive in and deal with it. You’ll be underwater for a while,
but you’ll raise to the surface. That’s when you swim from the
sharks. And stroke. Stroke like your life depends on it.
SD
It’s still hard not to laugh every time you say stroke.
CHARLIE
And don’t forget to blow when you stroke.
SD
What about sucking? Can’t blow until you suck in some air!
CHARLIE
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No more gay bars for you when we get home. Now go. Less
stalling. More swimming.
SD
Does it look like I know what I’m doing?
CHARLIE
Does it feel like you know what you’re doing?
SD
I guess we’ll find out as soon as I hit the water. Hey! What’s
happening here? How’d you talk me into this?
CHARLIE
I learned from a real pro.
(CURTAIN)