The Wizard of Oz

(The Ghetto Version)

By

Taylor Adams

Based on:

The Wizard of Oz

and ideas by

Alex, Charlotte, Ryan, Alyssa

ACT I

Scene 1

NYC ALLY & METH LAB

The curtain rises to reveal an empty New York ally

way with a brown metal door on one side of the

walls. The sound of a large dog barking is heard

which is the cue for DOROTHY GALE, a young,

stupid, New York girl, to run onstage

DOROTHY

O.M.G., I don’t think I’ve ever ran that far in my

life. Where’s Toto? Toto?

(She sees TOTO, a large bull dog,

off-stage)

Oh Toto! Come here, I promise that mean lady isn’t

following us anymore!

TOTO runs onstage and sits beside DOROTHY

DOROTHY

Oh there you are Toto! She tried to hurt you didn’t

she?

(DOROTHY hugs the dog)

Why she must be the most ratchet lady I’ve ever had to

lay my eyes on.

(DOROTHY puts a leash around TOTO)

Come on, lets go tell Aunt Em and Uncle Henry what

happened, they’ll take care of her.

DOROTHY runs to the brown metal door and starts

banging on it. On the other side of the door, in

the meth lab, AUNT EM and UNCLE HENRY are seen

counting bags of crystal meth.

AUNT EM

Thirty four, thirty five-

AUNT EM’S counting is disrupted by DOROTHY

knocking on the door. UNCLE HENRY covers the

makeshift meth lab and meth with a blanket and

moves cautiously towards the door.

UNCLE HENRY

(Exchanging looks with AUNT EM)

Who’s there?!

DOROTHY

Uncle Henry open up!

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 2.

TOTO barks, UNCLE HENRY opens the door in anger

UNCLE HENRY

Why Dorothy you just about scared me half to death! I

thought you was a pig or something!

(Uncovers meth lab and gets back to

work)

DOROTHY

Uncle Henry, Aunt Em, listen to what Miss Gulch and her

gang did to Toto! She-

AUNT EM

Dorothy we are trying to count these bags! Thirty six-

DOROTHY

No listen Aunt Em! She pulled a gun out on him!

UNCLE HENRY

Honey I don’t care what that ratchet hoe pulled on

Toto! We’re suspecting this batch turned out bad and

we’re likely to lose a lot of profit off of it!

DOROTHY

Oh no...

(Dorothy reaches into the pile of bags

of meth and inspects one of them)

Oh, but Aunt Em, Miss Gulch tried to hit Toto right

over the head with a baseball bat just because she said

he got into her weed supply and... well, relieved

himself on it.

AUNT EM

Dorothy we have a dilemma of our own right now!

(AUNT EM takes the bag from DOROTHY and

puts it back in the pile)

DOROTHY

But it’s not Totos fault Aunt Em! The smell of its just

so attracting to him, and now Miss Gulch says she’s

going to get her gang to-

AUNT EM

Dorothy! We’re Busy!

(AUNT EM picks up the box of meth bags

and hurries off-stage)

DOROTHY

Uncle Henry aren’t you going to do something?

UNCLE HENRY

I tell ya what I’m going to do honey, a few lines of

this crystal to help me get through this mess your Aunt

and I got into.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 3.

(UNCLE HENRY hurries off-stage behind

his wife)

DOROTHY

Oh fine!

DOROTHY sits on a stool placed at the meth table,

she turns at the sound of ZEKE(Lion),

HICKORY(Tinman), and HUNK(Scarecrow) entering the

room pushing a shopping cart with only three

wheels. There is a cover ontop of it covering

various meth lab components.

HICKORY

Now whos smart ass idea was it that we grab the

shopping cart with three wheels instead of four?

HUNK

Well it’s not as heavy with one less, am I right?

HICKORY

Who gives a shit about weight, Zeke, there’s a spare

wheel on that shelf over there, when I lift up the axle

you guys shove her on.

HICKORY grabs on to the back of the shopping cart

and lifts it. ZEKE runs back to the shelf and

finds the extra wheel then closely examines it.

DOROTHY

Zeke, Hickory... Guess what Miss Gulch did to Toto

today.

ZEKE

Are you sure this wheel is the right size for that

cart?

DOROTHY

Her and her gang nearly killed him!

HICKORY

Who gives a shit about size, shove it on there before

my arms get mangled out of my sockets you knob! Its not

like I’m Iron Man over here!

ZEKE

Okay, alright.

HUNK takes the axle as ZEKE pushes the wheel into

place

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 4.

DOROTHY

Aren’t any of you going to listen to me!

HUNK jumps away flapping his hand vigorously

HUNK

OUCH! You asshole you got my finger!

ZEKE and HICKORY start laughing at HUNK, as HUNK

moves away, but then HUNK quickly steps back and

grabs ZEKE by the collar. DOROTHY crosses and

pulls HUNK away sitting him down next to her.

DOROTHY

Hunk what am I going to do about Miss Gulch, just

because Toto goes peeing on her dank weed.

HUNK

Dorothy listen to me, you’re just not thinking straight

about Miss Gulch. Don’t you have brains girl?

DOROTHY

Why sure I do!

HUNK

Then why don’t you use them? Next time you come home,

you bring your Uncles gat with you and you sneak up on

that slut and *BRAP*BRAP*BRAP*, the hoe won’t see it

coming. Then you won’t have to worry about where Toto

pisses no more-

UNCLE HENRY re-enters

UNCLE HENRY

Hey now quit all this standing around and lets get

stuff done! Chop chop! Rumour has it Gulches gang has

been closing in on where we’re runnning this and I’d

like five more batches done before we have to move!

Lets go!

HUNK

Yes Boss!

HUNK turns back to the shopping cart and helps

HICKORY emty it. ZEKE crosses over to the table

that DOROTHY is seated at.

DOROTHY

Zeke, what do you think I should do?

ZEKE

Well first off kid, you can’t let that worthless hoe

and her gang try and scare you like that. It’s a tough

(MORE)

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 5.

ZEKE (cont’d)life out here and you gotta learn to let nobody bring

fear to you!

DOROTHY

But I’m not afraid of her.

ZEKE

That’s the spirit! You could stomp that slut anyday.

Just stroll right on into her territory and claim it

for your own, that’s what I’d do!

DOROTHY

That’s what Toto already tried to do.

Behind DOROTHY and ZEKE, HUNK and HICKORY have

found a gun in the shopping cart, and they start

playing with it.

ZEKE

So you should to! You just gotta be tough like me and

nobody will be messing with you in this neighborhood!

Not nobody!

HICKORY accidentally fires off the gun into the

air, producing a large sound. ZEKE leaps off of

his seat with terror.

DOROTHY

Oh Zeke! Are you okay?

HUNK and HICKORY collapse with laughter

ZEKE

Are you guys trying to kill somebody or something!?

DOROTHY

(To HUNK and HICKORY)

How can you be so immature!

HICKORY

Oh Dorothy, it was just an acciedent.

DOROTHY

Accident or no accidnet, you really scared him.

ZEKE

Who was scared?

HUNK

You we’re scared! If you was a cop you’d be working at

a desk job by now!

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 6.

AUNT EM runs in with a large box of pizza

AUNT EM

Now what in the world was that sound! You boys

shouldn’t be fooling around when there is work to be

done or you’ll be dead in the street before you know

it!

HICKORY

It was just a little accident Mrs. Gale.

AUNT EM

A meth lab is no place for accidents like that! If you

want to shoot people at random you might as well join

the NYPD

HICKORY

Might just do that.

(HICKORY slumps down in a chair and acts

fat)

Be a slob, sit at a desk all day.

AUNT EM

Well don’t start practicing for it when there’s work to

be done. Here..

(Places the box of pizza on the table)

Can’t work on an empty stomach, eat!

HUNK

Oh gee Mrs. Gale

AUNT EM

Just arrived from the pizzariea

HICKORY

Thanks.

HUNK

This is great

(Sits down with a slice in hand)

AUNT EM

No need to sit down and eat!

(The boys get to their feet again)

Especially you Hickory... Get that shopping cart in the

ally, Zeke you go get this mornings batch ready for

shipments.

ZEKE

Yes, Ma’am

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 7.

ZEKE runs off-stage in one direction, while HUNK

and HICKORY wheel the shopping cart back out into

the allyway and off-stage the way they came. AUNT

EM starts to exit with ZEKE, DOROTHY starts after

her.

DOROTHY

Aunt Em listen, did you hear what Miss Gulch said she

would do to Toto, she said she would-

AUNT EM

Dorothy, quit the bitching! You’re always making a big

deal out of nothing!

DOROTHY

But-

AUNT EM

Now can you please just help your auntie and uncle out

today by quietly sitting in a place where you won’t get

into any trouble!

AUNT EM exists leaving DOROTHY and TOTO alone in

the lab.

DOROTHY

Some place where there isn’t any trouble...

Scene 2

NYC ALLY

DOROTHY crosses the room with TOTO and leaves out

the brown metal door back into the ally way. She

gazes down the ally into the distance. Siren and

gunshot sound effects are heard.

DOROTHY

By the looks of this place I’m not sure if there is a

place like that Toto. But there must be. You can’t get

there by the bus, and a pimp won’t bring you there for

looking pretty.. It’s far far away beyond this ghetto,

beyond this city.

(Sings)

"Over The Ghetto"

(DOROTHY)

When all the hood is a wreckless jumble,

And the bullets tumble all around,

The ally opens a magic lane.

When all the gangs fill up every roadway,

There’s a ghetto highway to be found.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 8.

Leading from your ally way,

To a place behind the meth

Just a step beyond this pain

Somewhere, over the ghetto, way up high.

There’s a land that I heard of, where everyones high all the

time

Somewhere, over the ghetto, skies are blue

And the gangs in this ghetto never try to hurt you

Someday, I’ll snort a line so long and wake up where

This hood is gone behind me

Where skanky bitches never try

To mess with you and then get high

That’s where you’ll find me

Somewhere, over the ghetto, meth heads fly

Meth heads fly over the ghetto

Why, then-Oh, why can’t I?...

If crazy little methheads fly beyond this ghetto

Why, oh, why can’t I?

At the conclusion of the song, DOROTHY brings TOTO

and herself inside and then exits off-stage.

Scene 3

NYC ALLY

MISS GULCH rides onstage on her longboard (Because

a motorcycle isn’t possible). As she rides by the

brown metal door, UNCLE HENRY steps out of it.

MISS GULCH comes to a halt.

MISS GULCH

Henry Gale, is that you sneaking out in the ally’s?

UNCLE HENRY

I’ve never sneaked in my life Gulch, and I sure as hell

ain’t gonna start now, now what do you want?

MISS GULCH picks up her longboard and leans it

against the wall. UNCLE HENRY blocks the door

leading into the meth lab.

MISS GULCH

I want to see you and your skanky wife right away about

that slut of a niece you have.

UNCLE HENRY

You mean Dorothy? What did she do?

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 9.

MISS GULCH

What did she do? My supply is smelling danker than

usual thanks to her!

UNCLE HENRY

You saying that our Dorothy pissed on your weed, Miss

Gulch?

MISS GULCH

No, her mutt!

UNCLE HENRY

Listen here you crack hoe, Dorothy is not the type of

girl to go pissing on her own dog.

AUNT EM

(Entering through the door, knocking

UNCLE HENRY out of the way in doing so)

Miss Gulch? Why this ally way isn’t part of Gulch

territory, but I suppose if you were in the

neighbourhood I might as well invite you in for some

pizza?

MISS GULCH

Quit the crap Emily, after watching what your nieces

dog did to my supply, I may never eat again.

UNCLE HENRY

Miss Gulch, you’re already the skinniest hoe in New

York, I’d hate to see you waste away even more like

that.

MISS GULCH gives UNCLE HENRY a look that’s dirtier

than MISS GULCH herself, AUNT EM calls into the

meth lab.

AUNT EM

Dorothy could you come out here with Toto for a second?

(Comes back out to MISS GULCH)

If Dorothys upset you in any way Gulch, I’m sure she

can make it up with an apology.

MISS GULCH

No apologies accepted, Emily. I’ve talked to my husband

about this matter and he gave me word on how to handle

this.

UNCLE HENRY

What was he on?

DOROTHY enters the meth lab with TOTO. TOTO barks

and MISS GULCH hears it from out side. MISS GULCH

bursts past UNCLE HENRY and AUNT EM into the meth

lab.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 10.

UNCLE HENRY

No not in there!

(Trying to stop GULCH)

MISS GULCH

That dog is a menace to my operations!

DOROTHY

You’re a liar, a skanky liar!

MISS GULCH

(Looking around, realising its a meth

lab)

Now what I was going to do was just kill the dog, but

now that I know whats going on here I think my plans

can be changed.

DOROTHY

No you can’t kill Toto! Uncle Henry, Aunt Em, you won’t

let her do that will you?

UNCLE HENRY

Oh course not honey. You get out of here Gulch you have

no buisness, this is private property.

MISS GULCH

Private property that also happens to have a meth lab

built in it Gale, a meth lab that I now know exists.

AUNT EM

So be it, You see what you’re doing to this child,

she’s sorry and now its your time to go!

MISS GULCH

But wait Emily, I’ll offer you an ultimatum. Hand the

dog over now and everything will be fine in your cute

little meth lab you have going on here, I’ll let you

cook, stay out of my territory, and we can all just go

on with our lives. But if you don’t hand the dog over,

I’ll bring my whole gang over here, and take every last

thing you own from you!

DOROTHY

Oh no!

AUNT EM silently stares at UNCLE HENRY

MISS GULCH

It’s your choice Gale’s... The dog, or your lives.

UNCLE HENRY

Okay Gulch you win.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 11.

UNCLE HENRY goes to take TOTO’S Leash

DOROTHY

No, I won’t let you take him!

ZEKE, hearing the commotion, enters from offstage,

HICKORY and HUNK are seen walking down the ally

way, eventually hearing the noise and listening

through the door.

AUNT EM

We can’t lose our lives, Dorothy. I’m sorry but Toto

has to go.

MISS GULCH

Good choice.

DOROTHY

No!

DOROTHY runs out the door

MISS GULCH

Stop! Slut!

HICKORY catches DOROTHY in the ally way as she

tries to run off.

HICKORY

Dorothy, you’re just not fast enough

DOROTHY

Hickory you jerk, I thought we were friends

HUNK

Girl he is, we’re all tight around here.

ZEKE

Dorothy, ain’t nobody gunning us down any time soon,

you just gotta give it up.

UNCLE HENRY

(Grabbing for TOTO’S leash)

Give me that Dorothy

DOROTHY

No, please!

UNCLE HENRY takes TOTO’S leash and hands it to

MISS GULCH

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 12.

MISS GULCH

That’s what I’m talking about

DOROTHY

Oh Toto...

AUNT EM

Gulch you slutty street corner hooker, just because you

own half the territory in New York doesn’t mean you and

your shit gang can run the rest of us! For fourteen

years I’ve been trying to tell you what I think of you

and now... Well even Dorothys not old enough to hear it

so I better not say it.

UNCLE HENRY

So block your ears Dorothy because I just might say it.

And if you don’t want to hear it Gulch you better take

you and your flat chested brittle boned body out of my

ally way!

MISS GULCH

That kind of chirping is not appreciated Henry Gale.

(Gets on longboard)

Just remember, my gang is in high places

(Pushes off)

UNCLE HENRY

Than why don’t you smoke some of your pissy weed and

join them!

MISS GULCH exits off with TOTO, and flips the

entire Gale family and the methhands the bird on

her way out.

UNCLE HENRY

You got that truck stocked with the goods yet?

HUNK

Almost done, Boss

UNCLE HENRY

Well almost isn’t good enough, get off your lazy ass

and do it! Gulch’s whole gang knows where we are now

and I want us all to be prepared for the worst!

AUNT EM

(To DOROTHY)

Get inside Dorothy

DOROTHY

I’m not going in that broken home with you! If you

really loved me you wouldn’t have let Toto go.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 13.

AUNT EM

Honey, she threatened our lives, what did you expect me

to do? Wave a crack pipe in the air and make her

disappear?

DOROTHY

You couldn’t at least done something!

AUNT EM stomps off, DOROTHY looks at HUNK

And you just stood there like a big dumb stuffed

asshole!

HUNK

I just didn’t know what to do Dorothy, I’m sorry.

(Exits through the meth lab)

DOROTHY

(To ZEKE)

The skinniest bitch in Brooklyn and you were scared of

her?

ZEKE

She smelt bad Dorothy, I didn’t want to interfere.

(Starts to exit)

DOROTHY

(To HICKORY)

And you, Toto could’ve gotten away if it wasn’t for

you, I hate you!

HICKORY

Oh Dorothy, don’t say that. You’re breaking my heart

right now.

DOROTHY

I don’t give a shit! I hope I never see any of you

again, fuck you, fuck you all!

HICKORY slowly exits

DOROTHY

Toto was my only friend around this cold dark ghetto,

now I’ve got no-one, I sure as hell aint hanging out

with those ratchet girls from school. She’s going to

kill him, I’m never going to see him for the rest of my

life.

TOTO’S deep bark is heard off-stage

DOROTHY

Toto?

TOTO comes running onstage. DOROTHY hugs him

tightly.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 14.

DOROTHY

Oh Toto! I knew you’d come back I didn’t doubt it at

all! You got away from that ratchet hoe! But she’ll be

coming back here, and she’s going to bring her whole

gang too. Toto we’ve got to get out of here, I’ll grab

the pizza for the both of us and than we’ve got to go,

that skanks longboard is too fast, we can’t waste any

time!

DOROTHY grabs the pizza box from inside the meth

lab and then her and TOTO run down the ally and

offstage. MISS GULCH is heard offstage calling.

MISS GULCH

Where did that mutt go! Doggie!? Here doggie!

Goddamnit.

UNCLE HENRY

(Hears MISS GULCH in the ally way and

steps out into it)

I thought I told you to get the hell out of here Gulch

MISS GULCH

Calm down Gale, I did, but the dog got away.

UNCLE HENRY

Well maybe if you didn’t smell so bad he wouldn’t have

ran from you.

MISS GULCH

Whereever your little slut is, that’s where I’ll find

the dog! Bring her out of the lab!

UNCLE HENRY

Does this bitch ever give up

(Calls offstage)

Dorothy! Get down here!

AUNT EM enters from the meth lab.

AUNT EM

She’s not in here Henry. The pizza box it’s gone too.

MISS GULCH

Sounds like you’ve got a missing girl in the middle of

New York. If she’s in the allys, I’ll find her, then

I’ll take that mutt back for good.

UNCLE HENRY

If you want it so bad Gulch you should’ve just taken a

shower this morning.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 15.

MISS GULCH

Don’t blame my hygene Gale, the grip on that leash is

shit, that explains how the dog gets into my supply so

often.

GULCH exits on the longboard. HENRY puts his arm

around AUNT EM and the go back into the house.

Scene 4