the working relationships pocketbookp… · the working relationships pocketbook by fiona elsa dent...

THEWORKING RELATIONSHIPSPOCKETBOOKBy Fiona Elsa Dent Drawings by Phil Hailstone

"The world of work has rightly turned its attention to relationships. The healthy tension between the relationship with oneself and with others, both personally and professionally, is at the hub of afulfilling life. When these relationships are fruitful, there is dynamic movement and progress.When there is difficulty, the resulting dilemmas can provide the route map for the changes needed.This book provides a valuable outworking of some of these principles and I commend it to you." Philippa Morrison, Faculty and Senior Staff Development Advisor, London Business School

Copyright protected – Management Pocketbooks Ltd

CONTENTS

INTRODUCTION 5Improving the soft skills, who this book is for, typical problem areas,definition of a working relationship

CREATING RELATIONSHIPS 13Understand your relationships, why we start relationships, part of the work team, functional relationships, social relationships, where do your relationships fit?, another way tocategorise, personal reflection

DEVELOPING & 23SUSTAINING RELATIONSHIPS Emotional connection, a relationship 4-box model, personal reflection, analysis of the chart, case study – Jim

RELATIONSHIP STYLE 37A model to identify styles, four styles,identifying your style, style overview, style characteristics, personal reflection,working with others, case study – Sanjoy

FEATURES OF SUCCESSFUL 57RELATIONSHIPS Relationship management competencies, six self-focus features, six ways to focus on others, personal skills audit, case study – Carmen & James

WHAT MAKES RELATIONSHIPS 95UNSUCCESSFULFinding a way, misunderstanding, 10factors, developing coping strategies, case study – Jocelyn & Amanda

THE RELATIONSHIP TOOLKIT 107The tools, skilful dialogue, impression management, appreciative focus, from problem talk to solution talk, giving & receiving feedback, observation

hello!

DEVELOPING & SUSTAINING RELATIONSHIPS

EMOTIONAL CONNECTION

It appears that relationships at work are notimmune from the rules that apply elsewhere, iethat for relationships to develop and grow, apersonal or emotional connection needs to beestablished, usually through having something incommon, either at work or socially.

It is clear that personal or emotional attachment isof particular importance in establishing qualityrelationships that are mutually beneficial andrewarding. Relationships developed purely forwork based reasons can be useful but, notsurprisingly, tend to be more transient and lesslong lasting.

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Work based need

Personalconnection


4-BOX MODEL

Combining the personal/emotional aspect with the work based transactional need, leadsus to a model of work based relationships that suggests four basic approaches torelationships at work:

● Casual● Transactional● Social● Mutually dependent

These approaches are all possible ways of relating to others.

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Socialrelationship

Casualrelationship

Mutually dependentrelationship

Transactionalrelationship

High Low SOCIABILITY NEED

Hig

h Lo

wW

OR

K N

EE

D


4-BOX MODEL

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4-BOX MODEL EXPLAINED

Casual relationships (low work need, low sociability need) – these relationships are notrelevant to core activities and are therefore peripheral and superficial.

Social relationships (low work need, high sociability need) – the main motivation for therelationship is the existence of an emotional connection which leads to friendliness.

Transactional relationships (high work need, low sociability need) – these areprofessional relationships necessary to get a job done.

Mutually dependent relationships (high work need, high sociability need) – these arethe most productive and valuable work relationships.

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EXAMPLES

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Transactional relationship –Someone with whom you mustwork to get the job done but not anatural friend, more often a personyou are thrown together with on aproject.

Mutually dependent relationship –Respect and enjoyment are key inthis type of relationship. Youchoose to work and socialise withthese people: you are on the samewavelength.

Social relationship – The personyou turn to in challenging times:you share ideas, moans andgroans, gossip and actively chooseto spend work social time together.

Casual relationship – Someone youencounter regularly and exchangepleasantries with, eg the receptionist,security staff, a senior manager fromanother department, etc.


PERSONAL REFLECTION

Stage 1 Draw a copy ofthe chart (withoutthe names/scoresin our example)and make a list ofall your currentrelationships. Nowanalyse them anddecide for eachperson the level ofwork and socialneed that appliesto them.

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Name

Ben

Sonja

Garth

Marc

Alex

Work needScore on a scale of 1 – low to 10 – high

Social need

7

3

9

4

1

3

9

8

6

2

High 101

10

Low SOCIABILITY NEED

Hig

h Lo

wW

OR

K N

EE

D


PERSONAL REFLECTION

Stage 2 Plotting your relationships on to the model:

● Draw a chart on a sheet of paper

● Mark each relationship on the chart (see example here)

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�Ben

� Alex

�Garth

�Marc

�Sonja


ANALYSIS OF THE CHART

Typically, one would expect to see a spread of relationships throughout the four boxes.While the spread may not be even, most of us should have relationships in each box.

What does this information tell you? Questions you may like to consider:

● Are you happy with the scatter of the relationships?

● Are there any relationships you would like to move fromone box to another? How might you do this? (Try outsome of the techniques later in this book.)

● What does the overall pattern tell you aboutyour attitude to relationships at work?

● Do you think the other people wouldposition your relationship with them inthe same place? If not, why not, andhow might this affect yourrelationship?

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About the Author

Fiona DentFiona works at Ashridge Business School where she is a Director of Executive Education. She has over 20 years’ experience in the management development business and prior to joining Ashridge she held various management development positions in financial services organisations.

Fiona teaches, coaches, researches and consults in the areas of influencing, interpersonal skills, leadership, lifelong learning and personal skills development. She is the author of several books including The Leadership Pocketbook and The Self-managed Development Pocketbook.

ContactIn addition to her work at Ashridge Fiona also runs her own consultancy and can be contacted at:[email protected]

the working relationships pocketbookp… · the working relationships pocketbook by fiona elsa dent...

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