the works of edgar allan poe, volume 5 (with poetry)

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Title:TheWorksofEdgarAllanPoeVolume5(of5)oftheRavenEdition

Author:EdgarAllanPoe

ReleaseDate:May19,2008[EBook#2151]LastUpdated:November10,2012

Language:English

Charactersetencoding:ISO88591

***STARTOFTHISPROJECTGUTENBERGEBOOKTHEWORKSOFEDGARALLANPOE***

ProducedbyDavidWidger

THEWORKSOFEDGARALLANPOEINFIVEVOLUMES

TheRavenEdition

CONTENTS

PHILOSOPHYOFFURNITURE.

ATALEOFJERUSALEM



THESPHINX

HOPFROG

THEMANOFTHECROWD.

NEVERBETTHEDEVILYOURHEAD

THOUARTTHEMAN

WHYTHELITTLEFRENCHMANWEARSHISHANDINASLING

SOMEWORDSWITHAMUMMY.

THEPOETICPRINCIPLE

OLDENGLISHPOETRY

POEMSPREFACE

POEMSOFLATERLIFE

THERAVEN.

THEBELLS.

ULALUME

TOHELEN

ANNABELLEE.

AVALENTINE.

ANENIGMA

FORANNIE

TOF.

TOFRANCESS.OSGOOD

ELDORADO.

TOMARIELOUISE(SHEW)

TOMARIELOUISE(SHEW)

THECITYINTHESEA.

THESLEEPER.

NOTES

POEMSOFMANHOODLENORE



TOONEINPARADISE.

THECOLISEUM.

THEHAUNTEDPALACE.

THECONQUERORWORM.

SILENCE

DREAMLAND

HYMN

TOZANTE

SCENESFROM"POLITIAN"

POEMSOFYOUTH

INTRODUCTIONTOPOEMS1831

LETTERTOMR.B.

SONNETTOSCIENCE

ALAARAAF

TAMERLANE

TOHELEN

THEVALLEYOFUNREST

ISRAFEL

TO

TO

TOTHERIVER

SONG

SPIRITSOFTHEDEAD

ADREAM

ROMANCE

FAIRYLAND

THELAKETO

EVENINGSTAR

"THEHAPPIESTDAY."

IMITATION

HYMNTOARISTOGEITONANDHARMODIUS

DREAMS

"INYOUTHIHAVEKNOWNONE"



NOTES

DOUBTFULPOEMSALONE

TOISADORE

THEVILLAGESTREET

THEFORESTREVERIE

NOTES

PHILOSOPHYOFFURNITURE.

Intheinternaldecoration,ifnotintheexternalarchitectureoftheirresidences,theEnglishare supreme.The Italians have but little sentiment beyondmarbles and colours. In France,meliora probant, deteriora sequunturthe people are too much a race of gadabouts tomaintainthosehouseholdproprietiesofwhich,indeed,theyhaveadelicateappreciation,oratleasttheelementsofapropersense.TheChineseandmostoftheeasternraceshaveawarmbut inappropriate fancy. The Scotch are poor decorists. The Dutch have, perhaps, anindeterminateideathatacurtainisnotacabbage.InSpaintheyareallcurtainsanationofhangmen.TheRussiansdonotfurnish.TheHottentotsandKickapoosareverywell intheirway.TheYankeesalonearepreposterous.

How thishappens, it isnotdifficult to see.Wehavenoaristocracyofblood,andhavingthereforeasanatural,andindeedasaninevitablething,fashionedforourselvesanaristocracyof dollars, the display of wealth has here to take the place and perform the office of theheraldicdisplayinmonarchicalcountries.Byatransitionreadilyunderstood,andwhichmighthavebeenasreadilyforeseen,wehavebeenbroughttomergeinsimpleshowournotionsoftasteitself.

Tospeaklessabstractly.InEngland,forexample,nomereparadeofcostlyappurtenanceswould be so likely as with us, to create an impression of the beautiful in respect to theappurtenances themselvesorof taste as regards the proprietor:this for the reason, first,thatwealth isnot, inEngland, the loftiestobjectof ambitionasconstitutinga nobility andsecondly, that there, the true nobility of blood, confining itself within the strict limits oflegitimatetaste,ratheravoidsthanaffectsthatmerecostlinessinwhichaparvenurivalrymayatanytimebesuccessfullyattempted.

The peoplewill imitate the nobles, and the result is a thorough diffusion of the properfeeling.ButinAmerica,thecoinscurrentbeingthesolearmsofthearistocracy,theirdisplaymaybesaid,ingeneral,tobethesolemeansofthearistocraticdistinctionandthepopulace,lookingalwaysupward formodels,are insensibly led toconfound the twoentirelyseparateideas ofmagnificence and beauty. In short, the cost of an article of furniture has at lengthcometobe,withus,nearlythesoletestofitsmerit inadecorativepointofviewandthis



test,onceestablished,hasledthewaytomanyanalogouserrors,readilytraceabletotheoneprimitivefolly.

Therecouldbenothingmoredirectlyoffensive to theeyeofanartist than the interiorofwhat is termed in the United Statesthat is to say, in Appallachiaa wellfurnishedapartment.Itsmostusualdefectisawantofkeeping.Wespeakofthekeepingofaroomaswewouldofthekeepingofapictureforboththepictureandtheroomareamenabletothoseundeviatingprincipleswhich regulate allvarietiesof art andverynearly the same lawsbywhichwedecideonthehighermeritsofapainting,sufficefordecisionontheadjustmentofachamber.

A want of keeping is observable sometimes in the character of the several pieces offurniture,butgenerally in theircoloursormodesofadaptation touseVeryoften the eye isoffendedbytheirinartisticarrangement.Straightlinesaretooprevalenttoouninterruptedlycontinuedor clumsily interrupted at right angles. If curved lines occur, they are repeatedintounpleasantuniformity.Byundueprecision, theappearanceofmanyafineapartment isutterlyspoiled.

Curtains are rarely well disposed, or well chosen in respect to other decorations. Withformalfurniture,curtainsareoutofplaceandanextensivevolumeofdraperyofanykindis,underanycircumstance, irreconcilablewithgood tastetheproperquantum,aswell as theproperadjustment,dependinguponthecharacterofthegeneraleffect.

Carpetsarebetterunderstoodoflatethanofancientdays,butwestillveryfrequentlyerrintheirpatternsandcolours.Thesoulof theapartment is the carpet.From it arededucednotonly the hues but the forms of all objects incumbent.A judge at common lawmay be anordinarymanagoodjudgeofacarpetmustbeagenius.Yetwehavehearddiscoursingofcarpets,with theair"d'unmoutonqui reve," fellowswho shouldnot andwhocouldnotbeentrustedwiththemanagementoftheirownmoustaches.Everyoneknowsthatalargefloormayhaveacoveringoflargefigures,andthatasmallonemusthaveacoveringofsmallyetthisisnotalltheknowledgeintheworld.Asregardstexture,theSaxonyisaloneadmissible.Brussels is the preterpluperfect tense of fashion, and Turkey is taste in its dying agonies.Touching patterna carpet should not be bedizzened out like a Riccaree Indianall redchalk, yellow ochre, and cock's feathers. In briefdistinct grounds, and vivid circular orcycloid figures, of no meaning, are here Median laws. The abomination of flowers, orrepresentationsofwellknownobjectsofanykind,shouldnotbeenduredwithinthelimitsofChristendom. Indeed,whetheroncarpets,or curtains,or tapestry,orottoman coverings, allupholsteryofthisnatureshouldberigidlyArabesque.Asforthoseantiquefloorcloth&stilloccasionally seen in the dwellings of the rabblecloths of huge, sprawling, and radiatingdevises,stripeinterspersed,andgloriouswithallhues,amongwhichnogroundisintelligiblethesearebutthewickedinventionofaraceoftimeserversandmoneyloverschildrenofBaalandworshippersofMammonBenthams,who,tosparethoughtandeconomizefancy,firstcruellyinventedtheKaleidoscope,andthenestablishedjointstockcompaniestotwirlitbysteam.

Glare is a leading error in the philosophy of American household decorationan erroreasily recognised as deduced from the perversion of taste just specified.,We are violentlyenamouredofgasandofglass.Theformeristotallyinadmissiblewithindoors.Itsharshandunsteadylightoffends.Noonehavingbothbrainsandeyeswilluseit.Amild,orwhatartiststerm a cool light, with its consequent warm shadows, will do wonders for even an illfurnishedapartment.Neverwasamorelovelythoughtthanthatoftheastrallamp.Wemean,ofcourse, theastral lampproperthe lampofArgand,with its original plaingroundglassshade,anditstemperedanduniformmoonlightrays.Thecutglassshadeisaweakinventionof the enemy. The eagerness with which we have adopted it, partly on account of itsflashiness, but principally on account of its greater rest, is a good commentary on thepropositionwithwhichwebegan.Itisnottoomuchtosay,thatthedeliberateemployerofacutglassshade,iseitherradicallydeficientintaste,orblindlysubservienttothecapricesoffashion.Thelightproceedingfromoneof thesegaudyabominationsisunequalbroken,and



painful. It alone is sufficient tomar aworldof good effect in the furniture subjected to itsinfluence.Femaleloveliness,inespecial,ismorethanonehalfdisenchantedbeneathitsevileye.

In thematter of glass, generally,we proceed upon false principles. Its leading feature isglitterand in thatonewordhowmuchofall that is detestable dowe express!Flickering,unquiet lights, are sometimes pleasingto children and idiots always sobut in theembellishmentof a room they shouldbe scrupulously avoided. In truth, evenstrongsteadylights are inadmissible. The huge and unmeaning glass chandeliers, prismcut, gaslighted,andwithoutshade,whichdangleinourmostfashionabledrawingrooms,maybecitedasthequintessenceofallthatisfalseintasteorpreposterousinfolly.

Therageforglitterbecause its ideahasbecomeaswebeforeobserved, confoundedwiththat of magnificence in the abstracthas led us, also, to the exaggerated employment ofmirrors.WelineourdwellingswithgreatBritishplates,andthenimaginewehavedoneafinething.Nowtheslightestthoughtwillbesufficienttoconvinceanyonewhohasaneyeatall,of the ill effect of numerous lookingglasses, and especially of large ones. Regarded apartfrom its reflection, themirrorpresents a continuous, flat, colourless, unrelieved surface,athingalwaysandobviouslyunpleasant.Consideredasareflector,itispotentinproducingamonstrous and odious uniformity: and the evil is here aggravated, not in merely directproportionwiththeaugmentationofitssources,butinaratioconstantlyincreasing.Infact,aroomwithfourorfivemirrorsarrangedatrandom,is,forallpurposesofartisticshow,aroomofnoshapeatall.Ifweaddtothisevil,theattendantglitteruponglitter,wehaveaperfectfarragoofdiscordantanddispleasingeffects.Theveriestbumpkin,onenteringanapartmentsobedizzened,wouldbeinstantlyawareofsomethingwrong,althoughhemightbealtogetherunable to assigna cause forhisdissatisfaction.But let the samepersonbe led intoa roomtastefullyfurnished,andhewouldbestartledintoanexclamationofpleasureandsurprise.

It isanevilgrowingoutofourrepublicaninstitutions,thathereamanoflargepursehasusuallyaverylittlesoulwhichhekeepsinit.Thecorruptionoftasteisaportionorapendantofthedollarmanufacture.Aswegrowrich,ourideasgrowrusty.Itis,therefore,notamongouraristocracy thatwemust look (if at all, inAppallachia), for the spiritualityofaBritishboudoir.But we have seen apartments in the tenure of Americans of moderns [possibly"modest"or"moderate"]means,which,innegativemeritatleast,mightviewithanyoftheormolu'dcabinetsofour friendsacross thewater.Evennow, there ispresent toourmind'seyeasmallandnot,ostentatiouschamberwithwhosedecorationsnofaultcanbefound.Theproprietorliesasleeponasofatheweatheriscoolthetimeisnearmidnight:wewillmakeasketchoftheroomduringhisslumber.

Itisoblongsomethirtyfeetinlengthandtwentyfiveinbreadthashapeaffordingthebest(ordinary)opportunitiesfortheadjustmentoffurniture.Ithasbutonedoorbynomeansawideonewhichisatoneendoftheparallelogram,andbuttwowindows,whichareattheother.Theselatterarelarge,reachingdowntothefloorhavedeeprecessesandopenonanItalianveranda.Their panes are of a crimsontintedglass, set in rosewood framings,moremassivethanusual.Theyarecurtainedwithintherecess,byathicksilvertissueadaptedtotheshapeofthewindow,andhanginglooselyinsmallvolumes.Withouttherecessarecurtainsofanexceedinglyrichcrimsonsilk,fringedwithadeepnetworkofgold,andlinedwithsilvertissue,whichisthematerialoftheexteriorblind.Therearenocornicesbutthefoldsofthewholefabric(whicharesharpratherthanmassive,andhaveanairyappearance),issuefrombeneathabroadentablatureofrichgiltwork,whichencirclestheroomatthejunctionoftheceilingandwalls.Thedraperyisthrownopenalso,orclosed,bymeansofathickropeofgoldlooselyenvelopingit,andresolvingitselfreadilyintoaknotnopinsorothersuchdevicesareapparent.Thecoloursofthecurtainsandtheirfringethetintsofcrimsonandgoldappeareverywhere in profusion, anddetermine thecharacterof the room.The carpetofSaxonymaterialisquitehalfaninchthick,andisofthesamecrimsonground,relievedsimplybytheappearanceof agoldcord (like that festooning the curtains) slightly relieved above thesurfaceoftheground,andthrownuponitinsuchamannerastoformasuccessionofshort



irregularcurvesoneoccasionallyoverlayingtheother.Thewallsarepreparedwithaglossypaper of a silver gray tint, spotted with small Arabesque devices of a fainter hue of theprevalentcrimson.Manypaintingsrelievetheexpanseofpaper.Thesearechieflylandscapesof an imaginative castsuch as the fairy grottoes of Stanfield, or the lake of the DismalSwamp of Chapman. There are, nevertheless, three or four female heads, of an etherealbeautyportraitsinthemannerofSully.Thetoneofeachpictureiswarm,butdark.Thereareno"brillianteffects."Reposespeaksinall.Notoneisofsmallsize.Diminutivepaintingsgivethatspottylooktoaroom,whichistheblemishofsomanyafineworkofArtovertouched.Theframesarebroadbutnotdeep,andrichlycarved,withoutbeingdulledorfilagreed.Theyhavethewholelustreofburnishedgold.Theylieflatonthewalls,anddonothangoffwithcords.Thedesignsthemselvesareoftenseentobetteradvantageinthislatterposition,butthegeneralappearanceofthechamberisinjured.Butonemirrorandthisnotaverylargeoneisvisible.Inshapeitisnearlycircularanditishungsothatareflectionofthepersoncanbeobtained from it innoneof theordinarysittingplacesof the room.Two large lowsofasofrosewoodandcrimsonsilk,goldflowered,formtheonlyseats,withtheexceptionoftwolightconversationchairs,alsoofrosewood.Thereisapianoforte(rosewood,also),withoutcover,andthrownopen.Anoctagonaltable,formedaltogetheroftherichestgoldthreadedmarble,isplacednearoneof the sofas.This is alsowithout coverthedraperyof the curtainshasbeenthoughtsufficient..FourlargeandgorgeousSevresvases,inwhichbloomaprofusionofsweetandvividflowers,occupytheslightlyroundedanglesoftheroom.Atallcandelabrum,bearing a small antique lamp with highly perfumed oil, is standing near the head of mysleepingfriend.Somelightandgracefulhangingshelves,withgoldenedgesandcrimsonsilkcords with gold tassels, sustain two or three hundred magnificently bound books. Beyondthesethings,thereisnofurniture, ifweexceptanArgandlamp,withaplaincrimsontintedground glass shade,which depends fromHe lofty vaulted ceiling by a single slender goldchain,andthrowsatranquilbutmagicalradianceoverall.

ATALEOFJERUSALEMIntensosrigidarninfronternascenderecanos

PassuseratLucanDeCatone

abristlybore.

"LETushurrytothewalls,"saidAbelPhittimtoBuziBenLeviandSimeonthePharisee,onthetenthdayofthemonthThammuz,intheyearoftheworldthreethousandninehundredandfortyoneletushastentotherampartsadjoiningthegateofBenjamin,whichisinthecityofDavid,andoverlooking thecampof theuncircumcised for it is the lasthourof thefourthwatch,beingsunriseandtheidolaters,infulfilmentofthepromiseofPompey,shouldbeawaitinguswiththelambsforthesacrifices."

Simeon, AbelPhittim, and DuziBenLevi were the Gizbarim, or subcollectors of theoffering,intheholycityofJerusalem.

"Verily,"repliedthePharisee"letushasten:forthisgenerosityintheheathenisunwontedandficklemindednesshaseverbeenanattributeoftheworshippersofBaal."

"'ThattheyareficklemindedandtreacherousisastrueasthePentateuch,"saidBuziBenLevi, "but that is only toward the people of Adonai. When was it ever known that theAmmonites proved wanting to their own interests? Methinks it is no great stretch ofgenerosity toallowus lambs for thealtarof theLord, receiving in lieu thereof thirty silver



shekelsperhead!""Thouforgettest,however,BenLevi,"repliedAbelPhittim,"thattheRomanPompey,who

isnowimpiouslybesiegingthecityoftheMostHigh,hasnoassuritythatweapplynot thelambsthuspurchasedforthealtar,tothesustenanceofthebody,ratherthanofthespirit."

"Now,by the fivecornersofmybeard!" shouted thePharisee,whobelonged to the sectcalledTheDashers(thatlittleknotofsaintswhosemannerofdashingandlaceratingthefeetagainstthepavementwaslongathornandareproachto lesszealousdevoteesastumblingblocktolessgiftedperambulators)"bythefivecornersofthatbeardwhich,asapriest,Iamforbiddentoshave!havewelivedtoseethedaywhenablasphemingandidolatrousupstartofRome shall accuse us of appropriating to the appetites of the flesh the most holy andconsecratedelements?Havewelivedtoseethedaywhen"'

"LetusnotquestionthemotivesofthePhilistine,"interruptedAbelPhittim'"fortodayweprofit for the first time by his avarice or by his generosity but rather let us hurry to theramparts,lestofferingsshouldbewantingforthataltarwhosefiretherainsofheavencannotextinguish,andwhosepillarsofsmokenotempestcanturnaside."

ThatpartofthecitytowhichourworthyGizbarimnowhastened,andwhichborethenameof its architect,KingDavid,was esteemed themost strongly fortifieddistrictofJerusalembeing situated upon the steep and lofty hill of Zion. Here, a broad, deep, circumvallatorytrench,hewnfromthesolidrock,wasdefendedbyawallofgreatstrengtherecteduponitsinneredge.Thiswallwasadorned,atregularinterspaces,bysquaretowersofwhitemarblethelowestsixty,andthehighestonehundredandtwentycubitsinheight.But,inthevicinityof thegate ofBenjamin, thewall arosebynomeans from themarginof the fosse.On thecontrary, between the level of the ditch and the basement of the rampart sprang up aperpendicular cliff of two hundred and fifty cubits, forming part of the precipitous MountMoriah.So thatwhenSimeonandhisassociatesarrivedon the summit of the tower calledAdoniBezekthe loftiest of all the turrets around about Jerusalem, and the usual place ofconferencewiththebesiegingarmytheylookeddownuponthecampoftheenemyfromaneminenceexcellingbymanyfeetthatofthePyramidofCheops,and,byseveral, thatofthetempleofBelus.

"Verily,"sighed thePharisee,ashepeereddizzilyover theprecipice,"theuncircumcisedareasthesandsbytheseashoreasthelocustsinthewilderness!ThevalleyoftheKinghathbecomethevalleyofAdommin."

"And yet," added BenLevi, "thou canst not point me out a Philistineno, not onefromAlephtoTaufromthewildernesstothebattlementswhoseemethanybiggerthantheletterJod!"

"Lower away the basketwith the shekels of silver!" here shouted a Roman soldier in ahoarse, rough voice, which appeared to issue from the regions of Pluto"lower away thebasketwiththeaccursedcoinwhichithasbrokenthejawofanobleRomantopronounce!Isit thus you evince your gratitude to our master Pompeius, who, in his condescension, hasthoughtfittolistentoyouridolatrousimportunities?ThegodPhoebus,whoisatruegod,hasbeenchariotedforanhourandwereyounottobeontherampartsbysunrise?Aedepol!doyouthinkthatwe,theconquerorsoftheworld,havenothingbettertodothanstandwaitingbythewallsofeverykennel,totrafficwiththedogsoftheearth?Loweraway!Isayandseethatyourtrumperybebrightincolorandjustinweight!"

"ElElohim!"ejaculatedthePharisee,asthediscordanttonesofthecenturionrattledupthecrags of the precipice, and fainted away against the temple"ElElohim!who is thegodPhoebus?whom doth the blasphemer invoke? Thou, BuziBenLevi! who art read in thelawsof theGentiles,andhastsojournedamongthemwhodabblewith theTeraphim!isitNergal of whom the idolater speaketh?or Ashimah?or Nibhaz,or Tartak?orAdramalech?or Anamalech?or SuccothBenith?or Dagon?or Belial?or BaalPerith?orBaalPeor?orBaalZebub?"

"Verily it is neitherbut beware how thou lettest the rope slip too rapidly through thy



fingers for should thewickerworkchance tohangon theprojectionofYondercrag, therewillbeawofuloutpouringoftheholythingsofthesanctuary."

Bytheassistanceofsomerudelyconstructedmachinery,theheavilyladenbasketwasnowcarefullylowereddownamongthemultitudeand,fromthegiddypinnacle,theRomanswereseengatheringconfusedlyrounditbutowingtothevastheightandtheprevalenceofafog,nodistinctviewoftheiroperationscouldbeobtained.

Halfanhourhadalreadyelapsed."We shall be too late!" sighed thePharisee, as at the expirationof thisperiodhe looked

overintotheabyss"weshallbetoolate!weshallbeturnedoutofofficebytheKatholim.""Nomore,"respondedAbelPhittim"nomoreshallwefeastuponthefatofthelandno

longer shall our beards be odorouswith frankincenseour loins girded up with fine linenfromtheTemple."

"Racal" sworeBenLevi, "Racaldo theymean todefraudusof thepurchasemoney?or,HolyMoses!aretheyweighingtheshekelsofthetabernacle?"

"Theyhavegiventhesignalatlast!"criedthePharisee"theyhavegiventhesignalatlast! pull away, AbelPhittim!and thou, BuziBenLevi, pull away!for verily thePhilistineshaveeitherstillholduponthebasket,ortheLordhathsoftenedtheirheartstoplacetherein a beast of goodweight!"And theGizbarimpulled away,while their burden swungheavilyupwardthroughthestillincreasingmist.

"Booshohhe!"as,attheconclusionofanhour,someobjectattheextremityoftheropebecameindistinctlyvisible"Booshohhe!"wastheexclamationwhichburstfromthelipsofBenLevi.

"Booshohhe!forshame!itisaramfromthethicketsofEngedi,andasruggedasthevalleyofjehosaphat!"

"Itisafirstlingoftheflock,"saidAbelPhittim,"Iknowhimbythebleatingofhislips,andtheinnocentfoldingofhislimbs.HiseyesaremorebeautifulthanthejewelsofthePectoral,andhisfleshislikethehoneyofHebron."

"ItisafattedcalffromthepasturesofBashan,"saidthePharisee,"theheathenhavedealtwonderfully with uslet us raise up our voices in a psalmlet us give thanks on theshawmandonthepsalteryontheharpandonthehuggabonthecythernandonthesackbut!"

Itwasnotuntil thebaskethadarrivedwithinafewfeetoftheGizbarimthata lowgruntbetrayedtotheirperceptionahogofnocommonsize.

"NowElEmanu!" slowly andwith upturned eyes ejaculated the trio, as, letting go theirhold, the emancipatedporker tumbledheadlong among thePhilistines, "ElEmanu!Godbewithusitistheunutterableflesh!"

THESPHINX

DURINGthedreadreignof theCholera inNewYork, Ihadaccepted the invitationofarelativetospendafortnightwithhimintheretirementofhiscottageorneeonthebanksoftheHudson.Wehadherearoundusalltheordinarymeansofsummeramusementandwhatwithramblinginthewoods,sketching,boating,fishing,bathing,music,andbooks,weshouldhavepassed the time pleasantly enough, but for the fearful intelligencewhich reached us everymorningfromthepopulouscity.Notadayelapsedwhichdidnotbringusnewsofthedeceaseofsomeacquaintance.Thenas the fatality increased,we learned toexpectdaily the lossofsomefriend.Atlengthwetrembledattheapproachofeverymessenger.Theveryairfromthe



Southseemedtousredolentwithdeath.Thatpalsyingthought,indeed,tookentirepossessionofmysoul.Icouldneitherspeak,think,nordreamofanythingelse.Myhostwasofalessexcitable temperament,and,althoughgreatlydepressed inspirits,exertedhimself tosustainmyown.Hisrichlyphilosophicalintellectwasnotatanytimeaffectedbyunrealities.Tothesubstancesofterrorhewassufficientlyalive,butofitsshadowshehadnoapprehension.

HisendeavorstoarousemefromtheconditionofabnormalgloomintowhichIhadfallen,werefrustrated,ingreatmeasure,bycertainvolumeswhichIhadfoundinhislibrary.Thesewere of a character to force into germinationwhatever seeds of hereditary superstition laylatentinmybosom.Ihadbeenreadingthesebookswithouthisknowledge,andthushewasoftenatalosstoaccountfortheforcibleimpressionswhichhadbeenmadeuponmyfancy.

Afavoritetopicwithmewasthepopularbeliefinomensabeliefwhich,atthisoneepochof my life, I was almost seriously disposed to defend. On this subject we had long andanimateddiscussionshemaintaining the utter groundlessness of faith in suchmatters,Icontendingthatapopularsentimentarisingwithabsolutespontaneitythatistosay,withoutapparent traces of suggestionhad in itself the unmistakable elements of truth, and wasentitledtoasmuchrespectasthatintuitionwhichistheidiosyncrasyoftheindividualmanofgenius.

Thefactis,thatsoonaftermyarrivalatthecottagetherehadoccurredtomyselfanincidentsoentirelyinexplicable,andwhichhadinitsomuchoftheportentouscharacter,thatImightwell have been excused for regarding it as an omen. It appalled, and at the same time soconfoundedandbewilderedme,thatmanydayselapsedbeforeIcouldmakeupmymindtocommunicatethecircumstancestomyfriend.

Nearthecloseofexceedinglywarmday,Iwassitting,bookinhand,atanopenwindow,commanding,throughalongvistaoftheriverbanks,aviewofadistanthill,thefaceofwhichnearestmypositionhadbeendenudedbywhatistermedalandslide,oftheprincipalportionofitstrees.Mythoughtshadbeenlongwanderingfromthevolumebeforemetothegloomanddesolationof theneighboringcity.Upliftingmyeyes fromthepage, they fellupon thenaked face of the bill, and upon an objectupon some living monster of hideousconformation,whichveryrapidlymadeitswayfromthesummittothebottom,disappearingfinallyinthedenseforestbelow.Asthiscreaturefirstcameinsight,Idoubtedmyownsanityorat least theevidenceofmyowneyesandmanyminutespassedbeforeIsucceededinconvincingmyselfthatIwasneithermadnorinadream.YetwhenIdescribedthemonster(which Idistinctly saw,andcalmlysurveyed through thewholeperiodof itsprogress),myreaders, I fear,will feelmore difficulty in being convinced of these points than even I didmyself.

EstimatingthesizeofthecreaturebycomparisonwiththediameterofthelargetreesnearwhichitpassedthefewgiantsoftheforestwhichhadescapedthefuryofthelandslideIconcluded it to be far larger than any ship of the line in existence. I say ship of the line,because the shape of themonster suggested the ideathe hull of one of our seventyfourmightconveyaverytolerableconceptionofthegeneraloutline.Themouthoftheanimalwassituatedattheextremityofaproboscissomesixtyorseventyfeetinlength,andaboutasthickasthebodyofanordinaryelephant.Neartherootofthistrunkwasanimmensequantityofblackshaggyhairmorethancouldhavebeensuppliedbythecoatsofascoreofbuffaloesandprojectingfromthishairdownwardlyandlaterally,sprangtwogleamingtusksnotunlikethoseofthewildboar,butofinfinitelygreaterdimensions.Extendingforward,parallelwiththeproboscis,andoneachsideofit,wasagiganticstaff,thirtyorfortyfeetinlength,formedseemingly of pure crystal and in shape a perfect prism,it reflected in themost gorgeousmannertheraysofthedecliningsun.Thetrunkwasfashionedlikeawedgewiththeapextotheearth.From it therewereoutspread twopairsofwingseachwingnearlyonehundredyards in lengthonepair beingplaced above theother, and all thickly coveredwithmetalscaleseachscaleapparentlysome tenor twelve feet indiameter. Iobserved that theupperand lower tiersofwingswereconnectedbyastrongchain.But thechiefpeculiarityof thishorrible thing was the representation of a Death's Head, which covered nearly the whole



surface of its breast, and which was as accurately traced in glaring white, upon the darkgroundofthebody,asifithadbeentherecarefullydesignedbyanartist.WhileIregardedtheterrificanimal,andmoreespeciallytheappearanceonitsbreast,withafeelingorhorrorandawewithasentimentofforthcomingevil,whichIfounditimpossibletoquellbyanyeffortof the reason, Iperceived thehuge jaws at the extremityof theproboscis suddenly expandthemselves,andfromthemthereproceededasoundsoloudandsoexpressiveofwo,thatitstruckuponmynerveslikeaknellandasthemonsterdisappearedatthefootofthehill,Ifellatonce,fainting,tothefloor.

Uponrecovering,myfirstimpulse,ofcourse,wastoinformmyfriendofwhatIhadseenandheardandIcanscarcelyexplainwhatfeelingofrepugnanceitwaswhich, in theend,operatedtopreventme.

At length, one evening, some three or four days after the occurrence, we were sittingtogether in the room inwhich I had seen the apparitionIoccupying the same seat at thesamewindow,andheloungingonasofanearathand.Theassociationoftheplaceandtimeimpelledme to give him an account of the phenomenon.He heardme to the endat firstlaughedheartilyandthenlapsedintoanexcessivelygravedemeanor,asifmyinsanitywasathingbeyondsuspicion.AtthisinstantIagainhadadistinctviewofthemonstertowhich,with a shout of absolute terror, I now directed his attention. He looked eagerlybutmaintainedthathesawnothingalthoughIdesignatedminutelythecourseofthecreature,asitmadeitswaydownthenakedfaceofthehill.

I was now immeasurably alarmed, for I considered the vision either as an omen ofmydeath,or,worse,astheforerunnerofanattackofmania.Ithrewmyselfpassionatelybackinmychair,andforsomemomentsburiedmyfaceinmyhands.WhenIuncoveredmyeyes,theapparitionwasnolongerapparent.

My host, however, had in some degree resumed the calmness of his demeanor, andquestionedmeveryrigorouslyinrespecttotheconformationofthevisionarycreature.WhenI had fully satisfied him on this head, he sighed deeply, as if relieved of some intolerableburden, and went on to talk, with what I thought a cruel calmness, of various points ofspeculative philosophy, which had heretofore formed subject of discussion between us. Irememberhisinsistingveryespecially(amongotherthings)upontheideathattheprinciplesourceoferrorinallhumaninvestigationslayintheliabilityoftheunderstandingtounderrate or to overvalue the importance of an object, throughmeremisadmeasurement of itspropinquity."Toestimateproperly, forexample,"hesaid,"the influence tobeexercisedonmankindatlargebythethoroughdiffusionofDemocracy,thedistanceoftheepochatwhichsuchdiffusionmaypossiblybeaccomplishedshouldnotfailtoformanitemintheestimate.Yet can you tell me one writer on the subject of government who has ever thought thisparticularbranchofthesubjectworthyofdiscussionatall?"

Heherepausedforamoment,steppedtoabookcase,andbroughtforthoneoftheordinarysynopsesofNaturalHistory.Requestingmethentoexchangeseatswithhim, thathemightthebetterdistinguishthefineprintofthevolume,hetookmyarmchairat thewindow,and,openingthebook,resumedhisdiscourseverymuchinthesametoneasbefore.

"But for your exceedingminuteness," he said, "in describing themonster, Imight neverhavehaditinmypowertodemonstratetoyouwhatitwas.Inthefirstplace,letmereadtoyou a schoolboy account of the genus Sphinx, of the family Crepuscularia of the orderLepidoptera,oftheclassofInsectaorinsects.Theaccountrunsthus:

"'Fourmembranouswingscoveredwithlittlecoloredscalesofmetallicappearancemouthformingarolledproboscis,producedbyanelongationofthejaws,uponthesidesofwhicharefoundtherudimentsofmandiblesanddownypalpitheinferiorwingsretainedtothesuperiorbyastiffhairantennae in the formofanelongatedclub,prismaticabdomenpointed,TheDeath'sheaded Sphinx has occasioned much terror among the vulgar, at times, by themelancholy kind of cry which it utters, and the insignia of death which it wears upon itscorslet.'"



Hehereclosedthebookandleanedforwardinthechair,placinghimselfaccuratelyinthepositionwhichIhadoccupiedatthemomentofbeholding"themonster."

"Ah,hereitis,"hepresentlyexclaimed"itisreascendingthefaceofthehill,andaveryremarkablelookingcreatureIadmitittobe.Still,itisbynomeanssolargeorsodistantasyouimaginedit,forthefactisthat,asitwrigglesitswayupthisthread,whichsomespiderhaswroughtalongthewindowsash,Ifindittobeaboutthesixteenthofaninchinitsextremelength,andalsoaboutthesixteenthofaninchdistantfromthepupilofmyeye."

HOPFROG

Ineverknewanyonesokeenlyalivetoajokeasthekingwas.Heseemedtoliveonlyforjoking.To tell a good storyof the jokekind, and to tell itwell,was the surest road to hisfavor.Thusithappenedthathissevenministerswereallnotedfortheiraccomplishmentsasjokers. They all took after the king, too, in being large, corpulent, oily men, as well asinimitable jokers.Whether people grow fat by joking, orwhether there is something in fatitselfwhichpredisposestoajoke,Ihaveneverbeenquiteabletodeterminebutcertainitisthataleanjokerisararaavisinterris.

About therefinements,or,ashecalled them, the 'ghost'ofwit, theking troubledhimselfverylittle.Hehadanespecialadmirationforbreadthina jest,andwouldoftenputupwithlength, for the sake of it. Overniceties wearied him. He would have preferred Rabelais''Gargantua'tothe'Zadig'ofVoltaire:and,uponthewhole,practicaljokessuitedhistastefarbetterthanverbalones.

At the date ofmy narrative, professing jesters had not altogether gone out of fashion atcourt.Severalofthegreatcontinental'powers'stillretaintheir'fools,'whoworemotley,withcaps and bells, and who were expected to be always ready with sharp witticisms, at amoment'snotice,inconsiderationofthecrumbsthatfellfromtheroyaltable.

Ourking,asamatterofcourse,retainedhis'fool.'Thefactis,herequiredsomethinginthewayoffollyifonlytocounterbalancetheheavywisdomofthesevenwisemenwhowerehisministersnottomentionhimself.

Hisfool,orprofessionaljester,wasnotonlyafool,however.Hisvaluewastrebledintheeyesoftheking,bythefactofhisbeingalsoadwarfandacripple.Dwarfswereascommonat court, in those days, as fools and many monarchs would have found it difficult to getthrough their days (days are rather longer at court than elsewhere)without both a jester tolaughwith,andadwarftolaughat.But,asIhavealreadyobserved,yourjesters,inninetyninecasesoutofahundred,arefat,round,andunwieldysothatitwasnosmallsourceofselfgratulationwith our king that, inHopFrog (thiswas the fool's name), he possessed atriplicatetreasureinoneperson.

Ibelievethename'HopFrog'wasnotthatgiventothedwarfbyhissponsorsatbaptism,butitwasconferreduponhim,bygeneralconsentoftheseveralministers,onaccountofhisinability to walk as other men do. In fact, HopFrog could only get along by a sort ofinterjectional gaitsomething between a leap and a wrigglea movement that affordedillimitable amusement, and of course consolation, to the king, for (notwithstanding theprotuberanceofhisstomachandaconstitutionalswellingofthehead)theking,byhiswholecourt,wasaccountedacapitalfigure.

ButalthoughHopFrog,throughthedistortionofhislegs,couldmoveonlywithgreatpainanddifficultyalongaroadorfloor, theprodigiousmuscularpowerwhichnatureseemed tohave bestowed upon his arms, byway of compensation for deficiency in the lower limbs,enabled him to perform many feats of wonderful dexterity, where trees or ropes were in



question,orany thingelse toclimb.Atsuchexerciseshecertainlymuchmoreresembled asquirrel,orasmallmonkey,thanafrog.

Iamnotabletosay,withprecision,fromwhatcountryHopFrogoriginallycame.Itwasfromsomebarbarousregion,however,thatnopersoneverheardofavastdistancefromthecourtofourking.HopFrog,andayounggirlverylittlelessdwarfishthanhimself(althoughofexquisiteproportions, andamarvellousdancer),hadbeen forcibly carriedoff from theirrespectivehomesinadjoiningprovinces,andsentaspresentstotheking,byoneofhisevervictoriousgenerals.

Underthesecircumstances,itisnottobewonderedatthatacloseintimacyarosebetweenthetwolittlecaptives.Indeed,theysoonbecameswornfriends.HopFrog,who,althoughhemade a great deal of sport, was by no means popular, had it not in his power to renderTrippettamanyservices but she, on account of her grace and exquisite beauty (although adwarf), was universally admired and petted so she possessed much influence and neverfailedtouseit,whenevershecould,forthebenefitofHopFrog.

OnsomegrandstateoccasionIforgotwhatthekingdeterminedtohaveamasquerade,andwheneveramasqueradeoranythingofthatkind,occurredatourcourt,thenthetalents,bothofHopFrogandTrippettaweresuretobecalledintoplay.HopFrog,inespecial,wassoinventive in the way of getting up pageants, suggesting novel characters, and arrangingcostumes,formaskedballs,thatnothingcouldbedone,itseems,withouthisassistance.

The night appointed for the fete had arrived.A gorgeous hall had been fitted up, underTrippetta'seye,witheverykindofdevicewhichcouldpossiblygiveeclat toamasquerade.Thewholecourtwasinafeverofexpectation.Asforcostumesandcharacters,itmightwellbesupposedthateverybodyhadcometoadecisiononsuchpoints.Manyhadmadeuptheirminds(astowhatrolestheyshouldassume)aweek,orevenamonth,inadvanceand,infact,therewasnotaparticleofindecisionanywhereexceptinthecaseofthekingandhissevenminsters.Why they hesitated I never could tell, unless they did it bywayof a joke.Moreprobably, they found itdifficult,onaccountofbeingso fat, tomakeup theirminds.Atallevents,timeflewand,asalastresorttheysentforTrippettaandHopFrog.

Whenthetwolittlefriendsobeyedthesummonsofthekingtheyfoundhimsittingathiswinewiththesevenmembersofhiscabinetcouncilbutthemonarchappearedtobeinaveryillhumor.HeknewthatHopFrogwasnotfondofwine,foritexcitedthepoorcripplealmosttomadnessandmadnessisnocomfortablefeeling.Butthekinglovedhispracticaljokes,andtookpleasureinforcingHopFrogtodrinkand(asthekingcalledit)'tobemerry.'

"Comehere,HopFrog," saidhe, as the jester andhis friendentered the room "swallowthisbumpertothehealthofyourabsentfriends,[hereHopFrogsighed,]andthenletushavethebenefitofyourinvention.Wewantcharacterscharacters,mansomethingnoveloutof the way. We are wearied with this everlasting sameness. Come, drink! the wine willbrightenyourwits."

HopFrogendeavored,asusual, togetupajest inreplytotheseadvancesfromthekingbuttheeffortwastoomuch.Ithappenedtobethepoordwarf'sbirthday,andthecommandtodrinktohis'absentfriends'forcedthetearstohiseyes.Manylarge,bitterdropsfellintothegobletashetookit,humbly,fromthehandofthetyrant.

"Ah!ha!ha!"roaredthe latter,as thedwarfreluctantlydrainedthebeaker."Seewhataglassofgoodwinecando!Why,youreyesareshiningalready!"

Poor fellow! his large eyes gleamed, rather than shone for the effect of wine on hisexcitablebrainwasnotmorepowerfulthaninstantaneous.Heplacedthegobletnervouslyonthe table, and looked round upon the companywith a halfinsane stare. They all seemedhighlyamusedatthesuccessoftheking's'joke.'

"Andnowtobusiness,"saidtheprimeminister,averyfatman."Yes,"saidtheKing"Comelendusyourassistance.Characters,myfinefellowwestand

inneedofcharactersallofusha!ha!ha!"andasthiswasseriouslymeantforajoke,hislaughwaschorusedbytheseven.



HopFrogalsolaughedalthoughfeeblyandsomewhatvacantly."Come,come,"saidtheking,impatiently,"haveyounothingtosuggest?""Iamendeavoringtothinkofsomethingnovel,"repliedthedwarf,abstractedly,forhewas

quitebewilderedbythewine."Endeavoring!"criedthetyrant,fiercely"whatdoyoumeanbythat?Ah,Iperceive.You

areSulky,andwantmorewine.Here,drinkthis!"andhepouredoutanothergobletfullandofferedittothecripple,whomerelygazedatit,gaspingforbreath.

"Drink,Isay!"shoutedthemonster,"orbythefiends"Thedwarfhesitated.Thekinggrewpurplewithrage.Thecourtierssmirked.Trippetta,pale

asacorpse,advanced to themonarch'sseat,and, fallingonherkneesbeforehim, imploredhimtospareherfriend.

Thetyrantregardedher,forsomemoments,inevidentwonderatheraudacity.Heseemedquiteatalosswhattodoorsayhowmostbecomingly toexpresshis indignation.At last,withoututteringasyllable,hepushedherviolentlyfromhim,and threwthecontentsof thebrimminggobletinherface.

Thepoorgirlgotupthebestshecould,and,notdaringeventosigh,resumedherpositionatthefootofthetable.

Therewasadeadsilenceforabouthalfaminute,duringwhichthefallingofaleaf,orofafeather,mighthavebeenheard.Itwasinterruptedbyalow,butharshandprotractedgratingsoundwhichseemedtocomeatoncefromeverycorneroftheroom.

"Whatwhatwhatareyoumakingthatnoisefor?"demandedtheking,turningfuriouslytothedwarf.

Thelatterseemedtohaverecovered,ingreatmeasure,fromhisintoxication,andlookingfixedlybutquietlyintothetyrant'sface,merelyejaculated:

"II?Howcouldithavebeenme?""Thesoundappearedtocomefromwithout,"observedoneofthecourtiers."Ifancyitwas

theparrotatthewindow,whettinghisbilluponhiscagewires.""True,"repliedthemonarch,asifmuchrelievedbythesuggestion"but,onthehonorofa

knight,Icouldhaveswornthatitwasthegrittingofthisvagabond'steeth."Hereupon the dwarf laughed (the kingwas too confirmed a joker to object to any one's

laughing), and displayed a set of large, powerful, and very repulsive teeth. Moreover, heavowed his perfect willingness to swallow as much wine as desired. The monarch waspacified and having drained another bumperwith no very perceptible ill effect, HopFrogenteredatonce,andwithspirit,intotheplansforthemasquerade.

"Icannottellwhatwastheassociationofidea,"observedhe,verytranquilly,andasifhehadnevertastedwineinhislife,"butjustafteryourmajesty,hadstruckthegirlandthrownthewineinherfacejustafteryourmajestyhaddonethis,andwhiletheparrotwasmakingthatoddnoiseoutsidethewindow,therecameintomymindacapitaldiversiononeofmyowncountry frolicsoften enacted amongus, at ourmasquerades: but here itwill be newaltogether.Unfortunately,however,itrequiresacompanyofeightpersonsand"

"Hereweare!"criedtheking,laughingathisacutediscoveryofthecoincidence"eighttoafractionIandmysevenministers.Come!whatisthediversion?"

"We call it," replied the cripple, "the Eight Chained OurangOutangs, and it really isexcellentsportifwellenacted."

"Wewillenactit,"remarkedtheking,drawinghimselfup,andloweringhiseyelids."Thebeautyofthegame,"continuedHopFrog,"liesinthefright itoccasionsamongthe

women.""Capital!"roaredinchorusthemonarchandhisministry."I will equip you as ourangoutangs," proceeded the dwarf "leave all that to me. The



resemblance shall be so striking, that the company ofmasqueraders will take you for realbeastsandofcourse,theywillbeasmuchterrifiedasastonished."

"Oh,thisisexquisite!"exclaimedtheking."HopFrog!Iwillmakeamanofyou.""The chains are for the purpose of increasing the confusion by their jangling. You are

supposed tohaveescaped,enmasse, fromyourkeepers.Yourmajestycannotconceive theeffectproduced,atamasquerade,byeightchainedourangoutangs,imaginedtoberealonesbymostofthecompanyandrushinginwithsavagecries,amongthecrowdofdelicatelyandgorgeouslyhabitedmenandwomen.Thecontrastisinimitable!"

"Itmustbe,"saidtheking:andthecouncilarosehurriedly(asitwasgrowinglate),toputinexecutiontheschemeofHopFrog.

Hismodeofequippingthepartyasourangoutangswasverysimple,buteffectiveenoughforhispurposes.Theanimalsinquestionhad,attheepochofmystory,veryrarelybeenseeninanypartofthecivilizedworldandastheimitationsmadebythedwarfweresufficientlybeastlikeandmorethansufficientlyhideous,theirtruthfulnesstonaturewasthusthoughttobesecured.

Thekingandhisministerswerefirstencasedintightfittingstockinetshirts anddrawers.They were then saturated with tar. At this stage of the process, some one of the partysuggested feathers but the suggestion was at once overruled by the dwarf, who soonconvinced the eight, by ocular demonstration, that the hair of such a brute as the ourangoutang was much more efficiently represented by flu. A thick coating of the latter wasaccordinglyplastereduponthecoatingof tar.Alongchainwasnowprocured.First, itwaspassedaboutthewaistoftheking,andtied,thenaboutanotheroftheparty,andalsotiedthenaboutallsuccessively, in the samemanner.When thischainingarrangementwascomplete,andthepartystoodasfarapartfromeachotheraspossible,theyformedacircleandtomakeallthingsappearnatural,HopFrogpassedtheresidueofthechainintwodiameters,atrightangles,acrossthecircle,after thefashionadopted,at thepresentday,by thosewhocaptureChimpanzees,orotherlargeapes,inBorneo.

Thegrand saloon inwhich themasqueradewas to takeplace,was a circular room,verylofty, and receiving the lightof the sunonly througha singlewindowat top.At night (theseasonforwhichtheapartmentwasespeciallydesigned) itwas illuminatedprincipallybyalarge chandelier, depending by a chain from the centre of the skylight, and lowered, orelevated, bymeans of a counterbalance as usual but (in order not to look unsightly) thislatterpassedoutsidethecupolaandovertheroof.

The arrangements of the roomhadbeen left toTrippetta's superintendence but, in someparticulars,itseems,shehadbeenguidedbythecalmerjudgmentofherfriendthedwarf.Athissuggestionitwasthat,onthisoccasion,thechandelierwasremoved.Itswaxendrippings(which, inweather sowarm, itwasquite impossible toprevent)wouldhavebeenseriouslydetrimental to the rich dresses of the guests, who, on account of the crowded state of thesaloon,couldnotallbeexpected tokeep fromout its centre that is to say, fromunder thechandelier. Additional sconces were set in various parts of the hall, out of the war, and aflambeau, emitting sweet odor, was placed in the right hand of each of the Caryaides[Caryatides]thatstoodagainstthewallsomefiftyorsixtyaltogether.

Theeightourangoutangs,takingHopFrog'sadvice,waitedpatientlyuntilmidnight(whenthe room was thoroughly filled with masqueraders) before making their appearance. Nosooner had the clock ceased striking, however, than they rushed, or rather rolled in, alltogetherfor the impediments of their chains caused most of the party to fall, and all tostumbleastheyentered.

Theexcitementamong themasqueraderswasprodigious, and filled theheartof thekingwith glee. As had been anticipated, there were not a few of the guests who supposed theferociouslooking creatures to be beasts of some kind in reality, if not precisely ourangoutangs.Manyofthewomenswoonedwithaffrightandhadnotthekingtakentheprecautiontoexcludeallweaponsfromthesaloon,hispartymightsoonhaveexpiatedtheirfrolicintheir



blood.Asitwas,ageneralrushwasmadeforthedoorsbutthekinghadorderedthemtobelocked immediately upon his entrance and, at the dwarf's suggestion, the keys had beendepositedwithhim.

Whilethetumultwasatitsheight,andeachmasqueraderattentiveonlytohisownsafety(for,infact,therewasmuchrealdangerfromthepressureoftheexcitedcrowd),thechainbywhich the chandelier ordinarily hung, andwhichhadbeendrawnupon its removal,mighthavebeenseenverygraduallytodescend,untilitshookedextremitycamewithinthreefeetofthefloor.

Soonafterthis,thekingandhissevenfriendshavingreeledaboutthehallinalldirections,foundthemselves,atlength,initscentre,and,ofcourse,inimmediatecontactwiththechain.Whiletheywerethussituated,thedwarf,whohadfollowednoiselesslyattheirheels,incitingthemtokeepupthecommotion, tookholdof theirownchainat the intersectionof the twoportionswhichcrossedthecirclediametricallyandatrightangles.Here,withtherapidityofthought,heinsertedthehookfromwhichthechandelierhadbeenwonttodependand,inaninstant,bysomeunseenagency,thechandelierchainwasdrawnsofarupwardastotakethehookoutofreach,and,asaninevitableconsequence,todragtheourangoutangstogetherincloseconnection,andfacetoface.

Themasqueraders, by this time, had recovered, in somemeasure, from their alarm and,beginning to regard thewholematterasawellcontrivedpleasantry, set up a loud shout oflaughteratthepredicamentoftheapes.

"Leave themtome!"nowscreamedHopFrog,hisshrillvoicemaking itselfeasily heardthroughallthedin."Leavethemtome.IfancyIknowthem.IfIcanonlygetagoodlookatthem,Icansoontellwhotheyare."

Here,scramblingovertheheadsofthecrowd,hemanagedtogettothewallwhen,seizinga flambeau fromoneof theCaryatides, he returned, ashewent, to thecentreof the roomleaping,withtheagilityofamonkey,uponthekingshead,andthenceclamberedafewfeetup the chain holding down the torch to examine the group of ourangoutangs, and stillscreaming:"Ishallsoonfindoutwhotheyare!"

Andnow,whilethewholeassembly(theapesincluded)wereconvulsedwithlaughter,thejestersuddenlyutteredashrillwhistlewhenthechainflewviolentlyupforaboutthirtyfeetdraggingwithitthedismayedandstrugglingourangoutangs,andleavingthemsuspendedinmidairbetweentheskylightandthefloor.HopFrog,clingingtothechainasitrose,stillmaintainedhisrelativepositioninrespect to theeightmaskers,andstill(as ifnothingwerethematter)continuedtothrusthistorchdowntowardthem,asthoughendeavoringtodiscoverwhotheywere.

So thoroughly astonishedwas thewhole company at this ascent, that a dead silence, ofaboutaminute'sduration,ensued.Itwasbrokenbyjustsuchalow,harsh,gratingsound,ashadbeforeattractedtheattentionof thekingandhiscouncillorswhen the former threwthewineinthefaceofTrippetta.But,onthepresentoccasion, therecouldbenoquestionastowhencethesoundissued.Itcamefromthefangliketeethofthedwarf,whoground themandgnashedthemashefoamedatthemouth,andglared,withanexpressionofmaniacalrage,intotheupturnedcountenancesofthekingandhissevencompanions.

"Ah,ha!"saidatlengththeinfuriatedjester."Ah,ha!Ibegintoseewhothesepeoplearenow!"Here,pretendingtoscrutinizethekingmoreclosely,heheldtheflambeautotheflaxencoatwhichenvelopedhim,andwhichinstantlyburstintoasheetofvividflame.Inlessthanhalfaminute thewholeeightourangoutangswereblazingfiercely,amid theshrieksof themultitudewhogazedat them frombelow,horrorstricken, andwithout thepower to renderthemtheslightestassistance.

Atlengththeflames,suddenlyincreasinginvirulence,forcedthejestertoclimbhigherupthechain,tobeoutoftheirreachand,ashemadethismovement,thecrowdagainsank,forabriefinstant,intosilence.Thedwarfseizedhisopportunity,andoncemorespoke:

"Inowseedistinctly."hesaid,"whatmannerofpeoplethesemaskersare.Theyareagreat



kingandhissevenprivycouncillors,akingwhodoesnotscrupletostrikeadefencelessgirlandhissevencouncillorswhoabethimintheoutrage.Asformyself,IamsimplyHopFrog,thejesterandthisismylastjest."

Owingtothehighcombustibilityofboththeflaxandthetartowhichitadhered,thedwarfhadscarcelymadeanendofhisbriefspeechbeforetheworkofvengeancewascomplete.Theeightcorpsesswungintheirchains,afetid,blackened,hideous,andindistinguishablemass.The cripple hurled his torch at them, clambered leisurely to the ceiling, and disappearedthroughtheskylight.

ItissupposedthatTrippetta,stationedontheroofofthesaloon,hadbeentheaccompliceofher friend in his fiery revenge, and that, together, they effected their escape to their owncountry:forneitherwasseenagain.

THEMANOFTHECROWD.Cegrandmalheur,denepouvoirtreseul.

LaBruyre.

ITwaswell said of a certainGerman book that "er lasst sich nicht lesen"it does notpermit itself tobe read.Thereare somesecretswhichdonotpermit themselves tobe told.Men die nightly in their beds,wringing the hands of ghostly confessors and looking thempiteously in theeyesdiewithdespairofheartandconvulsionof throat,onaccountof thehideousnessofmysterieswhichwillnotsufferthemselvestoberevealed.Nowandthen,alas,theconscienceofmantakesupaburthensoheavyinhorrorthatitcanbethrowndownonlyintothegrave.Andthustheessenceofallcrimeisundivulged.

Notlongago,abouttheclosinginofaneveninginautumn,Isatatthelargebowwindowof theDCoffeeHouse inLondon.For somemonths Ihadbeen ill inhealth,butwasnowconvalescent, and,with returning strength, foundmyself inoneof thosehappymoodswhicharesopreciselytheconverseofennuimoodsofthekeenestappetency,whenthefilmfromthementalvisiondepartsthe[Greekphrase]andthe intellect,electrified, surpassesasgreatlyitseverydaycondition,asdoesthevividyetcandidreasonofLeibnitz,themadandflimsyrhetoricofGorgias.MerelytobreathewasenjoymentandIderivedpositivepleasureevenfrommanyofthelegitimatesourcesofpain.Ifeltacalmbutinquisitiveinterestineverything.Withacigarinmymouthandanewspaperinmylap,Ihadbeenamusingmyselfforthegreater part of the afternoon, now in poring over advertisements, now in observing thepromiscuous company in the room, and now in peering through the smoky panes into thestreet.

This latter is one of the principal thoroughfares of the city, and had been very muchcrowdedduringthewholeday.But,asthedarknesscameon,thethrongmomentlyincreasedand,bythe timethe lampswerewell lighted, twodenseandcontinuous tidesofpopulationwererushingpastthedoor.AtthisparticularperiodoftheeveningIhadneverbeforebeenina similar situation, and the tumultuous sea of human heads filled me, therefore, with adelicious novelty of emotion. I gave up, at length, all care of thingswithin the hotel, andbecameabsorbedincontemplationofthescenewithout.

Atfirstmyobservationstookanabstractandgeneralizingturn.Ilookedat thepassengersinmasses, and thoughtof them in their aggregate relations.Soon, however, I descended todetails,andregardedwithminuteinteresttheinnumerablevarietiesoffigure,dress,air,gait,visage,andexpressionofcountenance.

Byfarthegreaternumberofthosewhowentbyhadasatisfiedbusinesslikedemeanor,and



seemedtobethinkingonlyofmakingtheirwaythroughthepress.Theirbrowswereknit,andtheireyesrolledquicklywhenpushedagainstbyfellowwayfarerstheyevincednosymptomofimpatience,butadjustedtheirclothesandhurriedon.Others,stillanumerousclass,wererestlessintheirmovements,hadflushedfaces,andtalkedandgesticulatedtothemselves,asiffeelinginsolitudeonaccountoftheverydensenessofthecompanyaround.Whenimpededintheir progress, these people suddenly ceasedmuttering, but redoubled their gesticulations,and awaited, with an absent and overdone smile upon the lips, the course of the personsimpeding them. If jostled, theybowedprofusely to the jostlers, and appearedoverwhelmedwith confusion.Therewas nothing very distinctive about these two large classes beyondwhat I have noted.Their habiliments belonged to that orderwhich is pointedly termed thedecent.Theywereundoubtedlynoblemen,merchants,attorneys, tradesmen, stockjobberstheEupatridsandthecommonplacesofsocietymenofleisureandmenactivelyengagedinaffairsoftheirownconductingbusinessupontheirownresponsibility.Theydidnotgreatlyexcitemyattention.

The tribe of clerks was an obvious one and here I discerned two remarkable divisions.Therewerethejuniorclerksofflashhousesyounggentlemenwithtightcoats,brightboots,welloiled hair, and supercilious lips. Setting aside a certain dapperness of carriage,whichmaybetermeddeskismforwantofabetterword,themannerofthesepersonsseemedtomean exact facsimile of what had been the perfection of bon ton about twelve or eighteenmonthsbefore.Theyworethecastoffgracesofthegentryandthis,Ibelieve,involvesthebestdefinitionoftheclass.

Thedivisionoftheupperclerksofstaunchfirms,orofthe"steadyoldfellows,"itwasnotpossibletomistake.Thesewereknownbytheircoatsandpantaloonsofblackorbrown,madeto sit comfortably,withwhite cravats andwaistcoats, broad solidlooking shoes, and thickhoseorgaiters.Theyhadallslightlybaldheads,fromwhichtherightears,longusedtopenholding, had an odd habit of standing off on end. I observed that they always removed orsettledtheirhatswithbothhands,andworewatches,withshortgoldchainsofasubstantialand ancient pattern. Theirs was the affectation of respectabilityif indeed there be anaffectationsohonorable.

There were many individuals of dashing appearance, whom I easily understood asbelongingtotheraceofswellpickpocketswithwhichallgreatcitiesareinfested.Iwatchedthesegentrywithmuchinquisitiveness,andfounditdifficulttoimaginehowtheyshouldeverbe mistaken for gentlemen by gentlemen themselves. Their voluminousness of wristband,withanairofexcessivefrankness,shouldbetraythematonce.

The gamblers, of whom I descried not a few, were still more easily recognisable.Theywore every variety of dress, from that of the desperate thimblerig bully, with velvetwaistcoat, fancy neckerchief, gilt chains, and filagreed buttons, to that of the scrupulouslyinornate clergyman, than which nothing could be less liable to suspicion. Still all weredistinguished by a certain sodden swarthiness of complexion, a filmy dimness of eye, andpallorandcompressionoflip.Thereweretwoothertraits,moreover,bywhichIcouldalwaysdetectthemaguardedlownessoftoneinconversation,andamorethanordinaryextensionof the thumb in a direction at right angleswith the fingers.Very often, in companywiththesesharpers, Iobservedanorderofmensomewhatdifferent inhabits,but stillbirdsofakindredfeather.Theymaybedefinedasthegentlemenwholivebytheirwits.Theyseemtopreyuponthepublicintwobattalionsthatof thedandiesandthatof themilitarymen.Ofthefirstgradetheleadingfeaturesarelonglocksandsmilesofthesecondfroggedcoatsandfrowns.

Descendinginthescaleofwhatistermedgentility,Ifounddarkeranddeeper themesforspeculation.IsawJewpedlars,withhawkeyesflashingfromcountenanceswhoseeveryotherfeature wore only an expression of abject humility sturdy professional street beggarsscowlinguponmendicants of a better stamp,whomdespair alonehaddriven forth into thenightforcharityfeebleandghastlyinvalids,uponwhomdeathhadplacedasurehand,andwhosidledandtotteredthroughthemob,lookingeveryonebeseechinglyintheface,asifin



searchofsomechanceconsolation,somelosthopemodestyounggirlsreturningfromlongand late labor to a cheerless home, and shrinkingmore tearfully than indignantly from theglancesofruffians,whosedirectcontact,even,couldnotbeavoidedwomenofthetownofallkindsandofallagestheunequivocalbeautyintheprimeofherwomanhood,puttingoneinmindofthestatueinLucian,withthesurfaceofParianmarble,andtheinteriorfilledwithfilththe loathsome and utterly lost leper in ragsthe wrinkled, bejewelled and paintbegrimedbeldame,makingalasteffortatyouththemerechildofimmatureform,yet,fromlong association, an adept in thedreadful coquetries of her trade, andburningwith a rabidambition to be ranked the equal of her elders in vice drunkards innumerable andindescribablesomeinshredsandpatches,reeling,inarticulate,withbruisedvisageandlacklustreeyessomeinwholealthoughfilthygarments,withaslightlyunsteadyswagger,thicksensuallips,andheartylookingrubicundfacesothersclothedinmaterialswhichhadoncebeengood,andwhichevennowwere scrupulouslywellbrushedmenwhowalkedwithamorethannaturallyfirmandspringystep,butwhosecountenanceswerefearfullypale,whoseeyeshideouslywildandred,andwhoclutchedwithquiveringfingers,astheystrodethroughthecrowd,ateveryobjectwhichcamewithintheirreachbesidethese,piemen,porters,coalheavers,sweepsorgangrinders,monkeyexhibitersandballadmongers,thosewhovendedwiththosewhosangraggedartizansandexhaustedlaborersofeverydescription,andallfullofanoisyandinordinatevivacitywhichjarreddiscordantlyupontheear,andgaveanachingsensationtotheeye.

As thenightdeepened, sodeepened tome the interest of the scene fornot onlydid thegeneral character of the crowd materially alter (its gentler features retiring in the gradualwithdrawalof themoreorderlyportionof thepeople, and itsharsherones comingout intobolderrelief,asthelatehourbroughtfortheveryspeciesofinfamyfromitsden,)buttheraysofthegaslamps,feebleatfirstintheirstrugglewiththedyingday,hadnowatlengthgainedascendancy,andthrewovereverythingafitfulandgarishlustre.AllwasdarkyetsplendidasthatebonytowhichhasbeenlikenedthestyleofTertullian.

The wild effects of the light enchained me to an examination of individual faces andalthoughtherapiditywithwhichtheworldoflightflittedbefore thewindow,preventedmefromcastingmore thanaglanceuponeachvisage, still it seemed that, inmy thenpeculiarmentalstate,Icouldfrequentlyread,eveninthatbriefintervalofaglance,thehistoryoflongyears.

Withmybrow to theglass, Iwas thusoccupied in scrutinizing themob,when suddenlytherecameintoviewacountenance(thatofadecrepidoldman,somesixtyfiveorseventyyearsofage,)acountenancewhichatoncearrestedandabsorbedmywhole attention,onaccountof theabsolute idiosyncrasyof its expression.Any thingeven remotely resemblingthat expression I had never seen before. I well remember that my first thought, uponbeholding it,was thatRetzch,hadheviewed it,wouldhavegreatlypreferred it tohisownpictural incarnations of the fiend.As I endeavored, during the briefminute ofmy originalsurvey, to form some analysis of the meaning conveyed, there arose confusedly andparadoxicallywithinmymind,theideasofvastmentalpower,ofcaution,ofpenuriousness,ofavarice,ofcoolness,ofmalice,ofbloodthirstiness,oftriumph,ofmerriment,ofexcessiveterror, of intenseof supreme despair. I felt singularly aroused, startled, fascinated. "Howwildahistory,"Isaidtomyself,"iswrittenwithinthatbosom!"Thencameacravingdesiretokeepthemaninviewtoknowmoreofhim.Hurriedlyputtingonanovercoat,andseizingmyhatandcane,Imademywayintothestreet,andpushedthroughthecrowdinthedirectionwhich I had seen him take for he had already disappeared.With some little difficulty I atlengthcamewithinsightofhim,approached,andfollowedhimclosely,yetcautiously,soasnottoattracthisattention.

Ihadnowagoodopportunityofexamininghisperson.Hewasshortinstature,verythin,and apparently very feeble.His clothes, generally,were filthy and ragged but as he came,nowandthen,withinthestrongglareofalamp,Iperceivedthathislinen,althoughdirty,wasofbeautifultextureandmyvisiondeceivedme,or,througharentinacloselybuttonedand



evidently secondhanded roquelaire which enveloped him, I caught a glimpse both of adiamond and of a dagger. These observations heightened my curiosity, and I resolved tofollowthestrangerwhithersoeverheshouldgo.

Itwas now fully nightfall, and a thick humid fog hung over the city, soon ending in asettledandheavyrain.Thischangeofweatherhadanoddeffectuponthecrowd,thewholeofwhichwasatonceputintonewcommotion,andovershadowedbyaworldofumbrellas.Thewaver,thejostle,andthehumincreasedinatenfolddegree.FormyownpartIdidnotmuchregard therainthe lurkingofanoldfever inmysystemrenderingthemoisturesomewhattoodangerouslypleasant.Tyingahandkerchiefaboutmymouth,Ikepton.ForhalfanhourtheoldmanheldhiswaywithdifficultyalongthegreatthoroughfareandIherewalkedcloseathiselbowthroughfearoflosingsightofhim.Neveronceturninghisheadtolookback,hedidnotobserveme.Byandbyehepassedintoacrossstreet,which,althoughdenselyfilledwithpeople,wasnotquitesomuchthrongedasthemainonehehadquitted.Hereachangeinhis demeanor became evident. Hewalkedmore slowly andwith less object than beforemorehesitatingly.Hecrossedand recrossed theway repeatedlywithout apparent aim andthepresswasstillsothickthat,ateverysuchmovement,Iwasobligedtofollowhimclosely.Thestreetwasanarrowandlongone,andhiscourselaywithinitfornearlyanhour,duringwhichthepassengershadgraduallydiminishedtoaboutthatnumberwhichisordinarilyseenatnooninBroadwayneartheParksovastadifferenceistherebetweenaLondonpopulaceand that of the most frequented American city. A second turn brought us into a square,brilliantlylighted,andoverflowingwithlife.Theoldmannerofthestrangerreappeared.Hischin fell upon his breast,while his eyes rolledwildly from under his knit brows, in everydirection,uponthosewhohemmedhimin.Heurgedhiswaysteadilyandperseveringly.Iwassurprised,however,tofind,uponhishavingmadethecircuitofthesquare,thatheturnedandretracedhissteps.StillmorewasIastonishedtoseehimrepeatthesamewalkseveraltimesoncenearlydetectingmeashecameroundwithasuddenmovement.

Inthisexercisehespentanotherhour,attheendofwhichwemetwithfarlessinterruptionfrompassengersthanatfirst.Therainfellfasttheairgrewcoolandthepeoplewereretiringto their homes. With a gesture of impatience, the wanderer passed into a byestreetcomparativelydeserted.Downthis,somequarterofamilelong,herushedwithanactivityIcould not have dreamed of seeing in one so aged, and which put me to much trouble inpursuit.Afewminutesbroughtustoalargeandbusybazaar,withthelocalitiesofwhichthestrangerappearedwellacquainted,andwherehisoriginaldemeanoragainbecameapparent,asheforcedhiswaytoandfro,withoutaim,amongthehostofbuyersandsellers.

Duringthehourandahalf,orthereabouts,whichwepassedinthisplace,itrequiredmuchcautiononmyparttokeephimwithinreachwithoutattractinghisobservation.LuckilyIworeapairofcaoutchoucovershoes,andcouldmoveaboutinperfectsilence.Atnomomentdidhesee that Iwatchedhim.Heentered shopafter shop,pricednothing, spokenoword, andlookedatallobjectswithawildandvacantstare.Iwasnowutterlyamazedathisbehavior,and firmly resolved that we should not part until I had satisfied myself in some measurerespectinghim.

Aloudtonedclockstruckeleven,andthecompanywerefastdesertingthebazaar.Ashopkeeper,inputtingupashutter,jostledtheoldman,andattheinstantIsawastrongshuddercomeoverhisframe.Hehurriedintothestreet, lookedanxiouslyaroundhimforaninstant,andthenranwithincredibleswiftnessthroughmanycrookedandpeoplelesslanes,untilweemergedoncemoreuponthegreatthoroughfarewhencewehadstartedthestreetoftheDHotel.Itnolongerwore,however,thesameaspect.Itwasstillbrilliantwithgasbuttherainfellfiercely,andtherewerefewpersonstobeseen.Thestrangergrewpale.Hewalkedmoodily some paces up the once populous avenue, then, with a heavy sigh, turned in thedirection of the river, and, plunging through a great variety of deviousways, came out, atlength, inviewofoneof theprincipal theatres. Itwasaboutbeingclosed,and theaudiencewerethrongingfromthedoors.IsawtheoldmangaspasifforbreathwhilehethrewhimselfamidthecrowdbutIthoughtthattheintenseagonyofhiscountenancehad,insomemeasure,



abated.HisheadagainfelluponhisbreastheappearedasIhadseenhimatfirst.Iobservedthathenowtookthecourseinwhichhadgonethegreaternumberoftheaudiencebut,uponthewhole,Iwasatalosstocomprehendthewaywardnessofhisactions.

Asheproceeded,thecompanygrewmorescattered,andhisolduneasinessandvacillationwereresumed.Forsometimehefollowedcloselyapartyofsometenortwelveroisterersbutfromthisnumberonebyonedroppedoff,untilthreeonlyremainedtogether,inanarrowandgloomylanelittlefrequented.Thestrangerpaused,and,foramoment,seemedlostinthoughtthen,witheverymarkofagitation,pursuedrapidlyaroutewhichbroughtustothevergeofthe city, amid regionsverydifferent from thosewe had hitherto traversed. Itwas themostnoisomequarterofLondon,whereeverythingworetheworstimpressofthemostdeplorablepoverty,andofthemostdesperatecrime.Bythedimlightofanaccidentallamp,tall,antique,wormeaten,wooden tenementswere seen tottering to their fall, in directions somany andcapriciousthatscarcethesemblanceofapassagewasdiscerniblebetweenthem.Thepavingstones lay at random,displaced from their bedsby the ranklygrowinggrass.Horrible filthfesteredinthedammedupgutters.Thewholeatmosphereteemedwithdesolation.Yet,asweproceeded,thesoundsofhumanliferevivedbysuredegrees,andatlengthlargebandsofthemostabandonedofaLondonpopulacewereseenreelingtoandfro.Thespiritsoftheoldmanagainflickeredup,asalampwhichisnearitsdeathhour.Oncemorehestrodeonwardwithelastictread.Suddenlyacornerwasturned,ablazeoflightburstuponoursight,andwestoodbeforeoneof thehugesuburban templesof Intemperanceoneof thepalacesof the fiend,Gin.

Itwasnownearlydaybreakbutanumberofwretchedinebriatesstillpressedinandoutoftheflauntingentrance.Withahalfshriekofjoytheoldmanforcedapassagewithin,resumedat once his original bearing, and stalked backward and forward, without apparent object,amongthethrong.Hehadnotbeenthuslongoccupied,however,beforearushtothedoorsgavetokenthatthehostwasclosingthemforthenight.Itwassomethingevenmoreintensethan despair that I then observed upon the countenance of the singular beingwhom I hadwatched so pertinaciously. Yet he did not hesitate in his career, but, with a mad energy,retracedhisstepsatonce,totheheartofthemightyLondon.Longandswiftlyhefled,whileIfollowedhiminthewildestamazement,resolutenottoabandonascrutinyinwhichInowfeltan interest allabsorbing.The sunarosewhileweproceeded,and,whenwehadonceagainreached that most thronged mart of the populous town, the street of the D Hotel, itpresentedanappearanceofhumanbustleandactivityscarcelyinferiortowhatIhadseenontheeveningbefore.Andhere,long,amidthemomentlyincreasingconfusion,didIpersistinmypursuitofthestranger.But,asusual,hewalkedtoandfro,andduringthedaydidnotpassfromouttheturmoilofthatstreet.And,astheshadesofthesecondeveningcameon,Igrewwearieduntodeath,and,stoppingfullyinfrontof thewanderer,gazedathimsteadfastlyinthe face. He noticed me not, but resumed his solemn walk, while I, ceasing to follow,remained absorbed in contemplation. "This oldman," I said at length, "is the type and thegeniusofdeepcrime.Herefusestobealone.[page228:]Heisthemanofthecrowd.ItwillbeinvaintofollowforIshalllearnnomoreofhim,norofhisdeeds.Theworstheartoftheworldisagrosserbookthanthe'HortulusAnim,'{*1}andperhapsitisbutoneofthegreatmerciesofGodthat'erlasstsichnichtlesen.'"

{*1}The"HortulusAnimcumOratiunculisAliquibusSuperadditis"ofGrnninger

NEVERBETTHEDEVILYOURHEAD



ATaleWithaMoral.

"CONtalquelascostumbresdeunautor,"saysDonThomasdelasTorres,intheprefaceto his "Amatory Poems" "sean puras y castas, importomuy poco que no sean igualmenteseverassusobras"meaning,inplainEnglish,that,providedthemoralsofanauthorarepurepersonally, it signifies nothing what are the morals of his books. We presume that DonThomasisnowinPurgatoryfortheassertion.Itwouldbeacleverthing,too,inthewayofpoetical justice, to keep him there until his "Amatory Poems" get out of print, or are laiddefinitelyupontheshelfthroughlackofreaders.Everyfictionshouldhaveamoraland,whatismoretothepurpose,thecriticshavediscoveredthateveryfictionhas.PhilipMelanchthon,some time ago, wrote a commentary upon the "Batrachomyomachia," and proved that thepoet'sobjectwastoexciteadistasteforsedition.PierrelaSeine,goingastepfarther,showsthattheintentionwastorecommendtoyoungmentemperanceineatinganddrinking.Justso,too, Jacobus Hugo has satisfied himself that, by Euenis, Homer meant to insinuate JohnCalvin by Antinous,Martin Luther by the Lotophagi, Protestants in general and, by theHarpies,theDutch.OurmoremodernScholiastsareequallyacute.Thesefellowsdemonstratea hidden meaning in "The Antediluvians," a parable in Powhatan, "new views in CockRobin,"and transcendentalism in"HopO'MyThumb." Inshort, ithasbeenshownthatnomancansitdowntowritewithoutaveryprofounddesign.Thustoauthorsingeneralmuchtroubleisspared.Anovelist,forexample,needhavenocareofhismoral.Itistherethatistosay,itissomewhereandthemoralandthecriticscantakecareofthemselves.Whentheproper time arrives, all that the gentleman intended, and all that he did not intend,will bebroughttolight,inthe"Dial,"orthe"DownEaster,"togetherwithallthatheoughttohaveintended,andtherestthatheclearlymeanttointend:sothatitwillallcomeverystraightintheend.

There is no just ground, therefore, for the charge brought against me by certainignoramusesthatIhaveneverwrittenamoraltale,or,inmoreprecisewords,atalewithamoral.Theyarenotthecriticspredestinedtobringmeout,anddevelopmymorals:thatisthesecret.Byandbythe"NorthAmericanQuarterlyHumdrum"willmakethemashamedoftheir stupidity. In the meantime, by way of staying executionby way of mitigating theaccusations againstmeI offer the sad history appended,a history aboutwhose obviousmoraltherecanbenoquestionwhatever,sincehewhorunsmayreaditinthelargecapitalswhichformthetitleofthetale.Ishouldhavecreditforthisarrangementafarwiseronethanthat of La Fontaine and others, who reserve the impression to be conveyed until the lastmoment,andthussneakitinatthefagendoftheirfables.

Defuncti injuria ne afficiantur was a law of the twelve tables, and De mortuis nil nisibonum is an excellent injunctioneven if the dead in question be nothing but dead smallbeer.Itisnotmydesign,therefore,tovituperatemydeceasedfriend,TobyDammit.Hewasasaddog,itistrue,andadog'sdeathitwasthathediedbuthehimselfwasnottoblameforhisvices.Theygrewoutofapersonaldefect inhismother.Shedidherbest in thewayofflogginghimwhileaninfantfordutiestoherwellregulatedmindwerealwayspleasures,andbabies, like tough steaks, or themodernGreekolive trees, are invariably thebetter forbeatingbut,poorwoman!shehadthemisfortunetobelefthanded,andachildfloggedlefthandedlyhadbetterbeleftunflogged.Theworldrevolvesfromrighttoleft.Itwillnotdotowhipababyfromlefttoright.Ifeachblowintheproperdirectiondrivesanevil propensityout,itfollowsthateverythumpinanoppositeoneknocksitsquotaofwickednessin.Iwasoften present at Toby's chastisements, and, even by the way in which he kicked, I couldperceivethathewasgettingworseandworseeveryday.AtlastIsaw,throughthetearsinmyeyes,thattherewasnohopeofthevillainatall,andonedaywhenhehadbeencuffeduntilhegrewsoblackinthefacethatonemighthavemistakenhimforalittleAfrican,andnoeffecthadbeenproducedbeyondthatofmakinghimwrigglehimselfintoafit,Icouldstanditnolonger,butwentdownuponmykneesforthwith,and,upliftingmyvoice,madeprophecyofhisruin.



Thefactisthathisprecocityinvicewasawful.Atfivemonthsofageheusedtogetintosuchpassionsthathewasunabletoarticulate.Atsixmonths,Icaughthimgnawingapackofcards.Atsevenmonthshewasintheconstanthabitofcatchingandkissingthefemalebabies.AteightmonthsheperemptorilyrefusedtoputhissignaturetotheTemperancepledge.Thushewentonincreasingininiquity,monthaftermonth,until,atthecloseofthefirstyear,henotonly insisted upon wearing moustaches, but had contracted a propensity for cursing andswearing,andforbackinghisassertionsbybets.

Through this lattermost ungentlemanly practice, the ruinwhich I had predicted toTobyDammitovertookhimatlast.Thefashionhad"grownwithhisgrowthandstrengthenedwithhisstrength,"sothat,whenhecametobeaman,hecouldscarcelyutterasentencewithoutinterlardingitwithapropositiontogamble.Notthatheactuallylaidwagersno.Iwilldomyfriendthejusticetosaythathewouldassoonhavelaideggs.Withhimthethingwasamereformulanothing more. His expressions on this head had no meaning attached to themwhatever. They were simple if not altogether innocent expletivesimaginative phraseswherewithtoroundoffasentence.Whenhesaid"I'llbetyousoandso,"nobodyeverthoughtoftakinghimupbutstillIcouldnothelpthinkingitmydutytoputhimdown.Thehabitwasanimmoralone,andsoItoldhim.ItwasavulgaronethisIbeggedhimtobelieve.Itwasdiscountenanced by societyhere I said nothing but the truth. It was forbidden by act ofCongresshere I had not the slightest intention of telling a lie. I remonstratedbut to nopurpose.Idemonstratedinvain.Ientreatedhesmiled.Iimploredhelaughed.Ipreachedhe sneered. I threatenedhe swore. I kicked himhe called for the police. I pulled hisnoseheblew it, andoffered tobet theDevilhishead that Iwouldnotventure to try thatexperimentagain.

PovertywasanothervicewhichthepeculiarphysicaldeficiencyofDammit'smother hadentailed upon her son.Hewas detestably poor, and thiswas the reason, no doubt, that hisexpletiveexpressionsaboutbetting,seldomtookapecuniaryturn.IwillnotbeboundtosaythatIeverheardhimmakeuseof sucha figureof speechas "I'll betyouadollar." Itwasusually"I'llbetyouwhatyouplease,"or"I'llbetyouwhatyoudare,"or"I'llbetyouatrifle,"orelse,moresignificantlystill,"I'llbettheDevilmyhead."

ThislatterformseemedtopleasehimbestperhapsbecauseitinvolvedtheleastriskforDammit had become excessively parsimonious. Had any one taken him up, his head wassmall,andthushislosswouldhavebeensmalltoo.ButthesearemyownreflectionsandIamby no means sure that I am right in attributing them to him. At all events the phrase inquestion grew daily in favor, notwithstanding the gross impropriety of a man betting hisbrains like banknotes:but this was a point which my friend's perversity of dispositionwouldnotpermithimtocomprehend.Intheend,heabandonedallotherformsofwager,andgave himself up to "I'll bet the Devil my head," with a pertinacity and exclusiveness ofdevotion that displeased not less than it surprised me. I am always displeased bycircumstancesforwhichIcannotaccount.Mysteriesforceamanto think,andso injurehishealth.Thetruthis,therewassomethingintheairwithwhichMr.Dammitwaswonttogiveutterancetohisoffensiveexpressionsomethinginhismannerofenunciationwhichatfirstinterested, and afterwards made me very uneasysomething which, for want of a moredefinite termat present, Imust bepermitted to call queer butwhichMr.Coleridgewouldhave called mystical, Mr. Kant pantheistical, Mr. Carlyle twistical, and Mr. Emersonhyperquizzitistical.I begannot to like it at all.Mr.Dammits soulwas in aperilous state. Iresolvedtobringallmyeloquenceintoplaytosaveit.IvowedtoservehimasSt.Patrick,intheIrishchronicle,issaidtohaveservedthetoad,thatistosay,"awakenhimtoasenseofhis situation." I addressed myself to the task forthwith. Once more I betook myself toremonstrance.AgainIcollectedmyenergiesforafinalattemptatexpostulation.

When I had made an end of my lecture, Mr. Dammit indulged himself in some veryequivocalbehavior.Forsomemomentsheremainedsilent,merelylookingmeinquisitivelyinthe face.Butpresentlyhe threwhishead toone side, andelevatedhis eyebrows to agreatextent.Thenhe spreadout thepalmsof his hands and shruggeduphis shoulders.Thenhe



winkedwith the righteye.Thenhe repeated theoperationwith the left.Thenhe shut thembothupverytight.ThenheopenedthembothsoverywidethatIbecameseriouslyalarmedfor the consequences.Then, applyinghis thumb tohis nose, he thought proper tomake anindescribable movement with the rest of his fingers. Finally, setting his arms akimbo, hecondescendedtoreply.

Icancall tomindonlythebeadsofhisdiscourse.Hewouldbeobligedtome if Iwouldholdmytongue.Hewishednoneofmyadvice.Hedespisedallmyinsinuations.Hewasoldenough to takecareofhimself.Did I still thinkhimbabyDammit?Did Imean to sayanythingagainsthischaracter?DidIintendtoinsulthim?WasIafool?Wasmymaternalparentaware, in aword, ofmy absence from the domiciliary residence?Hewould put this latterquestiontomeastoamanofveracity,andhewouldbindhimselftoabidebymyreply.OncemorehewoulddemandexplicitlyifmymotherknewthatIwasout.Myconfusion,hesaid,betrayedme,andhewouldbewillingtobettheDevilhisheadthatshedidnot.

Mr.Dammitdidnotpause formy rejoinder.Turninguponhisheel, he leftmypresencewith undignified precipitation. It was well for him that he did so. My feelings had beenwounded.Evenmyangerhadbeenaroused.Foronce Iwouldhave takenhimupuponhisinsultingwager.IwouldhavewonfortheArchEnemyMr.Dammit'slittleheadforthefactis,mymammawasverywellawareofmymerelytemporaryabsencefromhome.

ButKhodashefamidhedHeavengivesreliefastheMussulmanssaywhenyoutreadupontheirtoes.ItwasinpursuanceofmydutythatIhadbeeninsulted,andIboretheinsultlikeaman.Itnowseemedtome,however,thatIhaddoneallthatcouldberequiredofme,inthecaseofthismiserableindividual,andIresolvedtotroublehimnolongerwithmycounsel,but to leavehim tohisconscienceandhimself.Butalthough I forebore to intrudewithmyadvice, I couldnot bringmyself to giveuphis society altogether. I evenwent so far as tohumorsomeofhislessreprehensiblepropensitiesandthereweretimeswhenIfoundmyselflaudinghiswickedjokes,asepicuresdomustard,withtearsinmyeyes:soprofoundlydiditgrievemetohearhiseviltalk.

Onefineday,havingstrolledouttogether,arminarm,ourrouteledusinthedirectionofariver.Therewasabridge,andweresolvedtocrossit.Itwasroofedover,bywayofprotectionfrom theweather, and thearchway,havingbut fewwindows,was thusveryuncomfortablydark. As we entered the passage, the contrast between the external glare and the interiorgloomstruckheavilyuponmyspirits.NotsouponthoseoftheunhappyDammit,whoofferedtobettheDevilhisheadthatIwashipped.Heseemedtobeinanunusualgoodhumor.HewasexcessivelylivelysomuchsothatIentertainedIknownotwhatofuneasysuspicion.Itisnotimpossiblethathewasaffectedwiththetranscendentals.Iamnotwellenoughversed,however,inthediagnosisofthisdiseasetospeakwithdecisionuponthepointandunhappilytherewerenoneofmyfriendsofthe"Dial"present.Isuggesttheidea,nevertheless,becauseofacertainspeciesofaustereMerryAndrewismwhichseemedtobesetmypoorfriend,andcausedhimtomakequiteaTomFoolofhimself.Nothingwouldservehimbutwrigglingandskippingaboutunderandovereverythingthatcameinhiswaynowshoutingout,andnowlispingout,allmannerofoddlittleandbigwords,yetpreservingthegravestfaceintheworldall the time.I reallycouldnotmakeupmymindwhether tokickor topityhim.Atlength,havingpassednearlyacrossthebridge,weapproachedtheterminationofthefootway,whenourprogresswasimpededbyaturnstileofsomeheight.ThroughthisImademywayquietly,pushingitaroundasusual.ButthisturnwouldnotservetheturnofMr.Dammit.Heinsistedupon leaping the stile, and said he could cut a pigeonwing over it in the air. Now this,conscientiouslyspeaking,Ididnotthinkhecoulddo.ThebestpigeonwingeroverallkindsofstylewasmyfriendMr.Carlyle,andasIknewhecouldnotdoit,Iwouldnotbelievethatit could be done by TobyDammit. I therefore told him, in somanywords, that hewas abraggadocio,andcouldnotdowhathesaid.ForthisIhadreasontobesorryafterwardforhestraightwayofferedtobettheDevilhisheadthathecould.

I was about to reply, notwithstandingmy previous resolutions, with some remonstranceagainst his impiety,when I heard, close atmy elbow, a slight cough,which sounded very



much like theejaculation"ahem!" I started, and lookedaboutme in surprise.Myglanceatlengthfellintoanookoftheframeworkofthebridge,anduponthefigureofalittlelameold gentleman of venerable aspect. Nothing could be more reverend than his wholeappearanceforhenotonlyhadonafullsuitofblack,buthisshirtwasperfectlycleanandthecollarturnedveryneatlydownoverawhitecravat,whilehishairwaspartedinfront likeagirl's.His handswere clasped pensively together over his stomach, and his two eyeswerecarefullyrolledupintothetopofhishead.

Upon observing himmore closely, I perceived that hewore a black silk apronover hissmallclothesandthiswasathingwhichIthoughtveryodd.BeforeIhadtimetomakeanyremark,however,uponsosingularacircumstance,heinterruptedmewithasecond"ahem!"

To thisobservation Iwasnot immediatelyprepared to reply.The fact is, remarksof thislaconicnaturearenearlyunanswerable.IhaveknownaQuarterlyReviewnonplussedbytheword"Fudge!"Iamnotashamedtosay,therefore,thatIturnedtoMr.Dammitforassistance.

"Dammit," said I, "what are you about? don't you hear?the gentleman says 'ahem!'" IlookedsternlyatmyfriendwhileIthusaddressedhimfor,tosaythetruth,Ifeltparticularlypuzzled,andwhenamanisparticularlypuzzledhemustknithisbrowsandlooksavage,orelseheisprettysuretolooklikeafool.

"Dammit,"observedIalthoughthissoundedverymuchlikeanoath,thanwhichnothingwasfurtherfrommythoughts"Dammit,"Isuggested"thegentlemansays'ahem!'"

IdonotattempttodefendmyremarkonthescoreofprofundityIdidnotthinkitprofoundmyself but I have noticed that the effect of our speeches is not always proportionatewiththeirimportanceinourowneyesandifIhadshotMr.D.throughandthroughwithaPaixhanbomb,orknockedhimintheheadwiththe"PoetsandPoetryofAmerica,"hecouldhardlyhavebeenmorediscomfitedthanwhenIaddressedhimwiththosesimplewords:"Dammit,whatareyouabout?don'tyouhear?thegentlemansays'ahem!'"

"Youdon'tsayso?"gaspedheatlength,afterturningmorecolorsthanapiraterunsup,oneaftertheother,whenchasedbyamanofwar."Areyouquitesurehesaidthat?Well,atalleventsIaminforitnow,andmayaswellputaboldfaceuponthematter.Heregoes,thenahem!"

AtthisthelittleoldgentlemanseemedpleasedGodonlyknowswhy.Helefthisstationatthe nook of the bridge, limped forwardwith a gracious air, tookDammit by the hand andshook it cordially, looking all the while straight up in his face with an air of the mostunadulteratedbenignitywhichitispossibleforthemindofmantoimagine.

"Iamquitesureyouwillwinit,Dammit,"saidhe,withthefrankestofallsmiles,"butweareobligedtohaveatrial,youknow,forthesakeofmereform."

"Ahem!" replied my friend, taking off his coat, with a deep sigh, tying a pockethandkerchiefaroundhiswaist,andproducinganunaccountablealterationinhiscountenancebytwistinguphiseyesandbringingdownthecornersofhismouth"ahem!"And"ahem!"saidheagain,afterapauseandnotanotherwordmorethan"ahem!"didIeverknowhimtosayafterthat."Aha!"thoughtI,withoutexpressingmyselfaloud"thisisquitearemarkablesilenceonthepartofTobyDammit,andisnodoubtaconsequenceofhisverbosityuponaprevious occasion. One extreme induces another. I wonder if he has forgotten the manyunanswerablequestionswhichhepropoundedtomesofluentlyonthedaywhenIgavehimmylastlecture?Atallevents,heiscuredofthetranscendentals."

"Ahem!"hererepliedToby,justasifhehadbeenreadingmythoughts,andlookinglikeaveryoldsheepinarevery.

Theoldgentlemannowtookhimbythearm,andledhimmoreintotheshadeofthebridgea few paces back from the turnstile. "My good fellow," said he, "I make it a point ofconsciencetoallowyouthismuchrun.Waithere, till I takemyplacebythestile,sothatImay see whether you go over it handsomely, and transcendentally, and don't omit anyflourishesofthepigeonwing.Amereform,youknow.Iwillsay'one,two,three,andaway.'Mindyou,startattheword'away'"Herehetookhispositionbythestile,pausedamomentas



if inprofoundreflection, thenlookedupand,I thought,smiledveryslightly, thentightenedthestringsofhisapron,thentookalonglookatDammit,andfinallygavethewordasagreedupon

Onetwothreeandaway!

Punctuallyattheword"away,"mypoorfriendsetoffinastronggallop.Thestilewasnotveryhigh,likeMr.Lord'snoryetverylow,likethatofMr.Lord'sreviewers,butuponthewhole Imade sure that hewould clear it. And thenwhat if he did not?ah, thatwas thequestionwhatifhedidnot?"Whatright,"saidI,"hadtheoldgentlemantomakeanyothergentlemanjump?Thelittleolddotandcarryone!whoishe?Ifheasksmetojump,Iwon'tdo it, that's flat,andIdon'tcarewho thedevilhe is."Thebridge,as Isay,wasarchedandcoveredin,inaveryridiculousmanner,andtherewasamostuncomfortableechoaboutitatalltimesanechowhichIneverbeforesoparticularlyobservedaswhenIuttered the fourlastwordsofmyremark.

ButwhatIsaid,orwhatIthought,orwhatIheard,occupiedonlyaninstant.Inlessthanfivesecondsfromhisstarting,mypoorTobyhadtakentheleap.Isawhimrunnimbly,andspringgrandlyfromthefloorofthebridge,cuttingthemostawfulflourisheswithhislegsashewentup.Isawhimhighintheair,pigeonwingingittoadmirationjustoverthetopofthestileandofcourseIthoughtitanunusuallysingularthingthathedidnotcontinuetogoover.But the whole leap was the affair of a moment, and, before I had a chance to make anyprofoundreflections,downcameMr.Dammitontheflatofhisback,onthesamesideofthestilefromwhichhehadstarted.AtthesameinstantIsawtheoldgentlemanlimpingoffatthetopofhisspeed,havingcaughtandwraptupinhisapronsomethingthatfellheavilyintoitfromthedarknessofthearchjustovertheturnstile.AtallthisIwasmuchastonishedbutIhadnoleisuretothink,forDammitlayparticularlystill,andIconcludedthathisfeelingshadbeenhurt,andthathestoodinneedofmyassistance.Ihurrieduptohimandfoundthathehadreceivedwhatmightbetermedaseriousinjury.Thetruthis,hehadbeendeprivedofhishead,whichafteraclosesearchIcouldnotfindanywheresoIdeterminedtotakehimhomeandsendforthehomoeopathists.Inthemeantimeathoughtstruckme,andIthrewopenanadjacentwindowofthebridge,whenthesadtruthflasheduponmeatonce.Aboutfivefeetjustabovethetopoftheturnstile,andcrossingthearchofthefootpathsoastoconstituteabrace,thereextendedaflatironbar,lyingwithitsbreadthhorizontally,andformingoneofaseriesthatservedtostrengthenthestructurethroughoutitsextent.Withtheedgeofthisbraceitappearedevidentthattheneckofmyunfortunatefriendhadcomepreciselyincontact.

Hedidnotlongsurvivehisterribleloss.Thehomoeopathistsdidnotgivehimlittleenoughphysic,andwhatlittletheydidgivehimhehesitatedtotake.Sointheendhegrewworse,andatlengthdied,alessontoallriotouslivers.Ibedewedhisgravewithmytears,workedabarsinisteronhisfamilyescutcheon,and,forthegeneralexpensesofhisfuneral,sentinmyverymoderatebilltothetranscendentalists.Thescoundrelsrefusedtopayit,soIhadMr.Dammitdugupatonce,andsoldhimfordog'smeat.

THOUARTTHEMAN

IwillnowplaytheOedipustotheRattleboroughenigma.IwillexpoundtoyouasIalonecanthesecretoftheenginerythateffectedtheRattleboroughmiracletheone,thetrue,theadmitted, the undisputed, the indisputable miracle, which put a definite end to infidelityamong theRattleburghers and converted to the orthodoxy of the grandames all the carnalmindedwhohadventuredtobescepticalbefore.

ThiseventwhichIshouldbesorrytodiscussinatoneofunsuitablelevityoccurredin



thesummerof18.Mr.BarnabasShuttleworthyoneofthewealthiestandmostrespectablecitizensoftheboroughhadbeenmissingforseveraldaysundercircumstanceswhichgaverise to suspicionof foulplay.Mr.Shuttleworthyhadsetout fromRattleboroughveryearlyoneSaturdaymorning,onhorseba

the works of edgar allan poe, volume 5 (with poetry)

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