Theories of Congruent Communication

Haim G. Ginott (1922–1973)

School teacher

Child psychologist

Psychotherapist

Parent educator

Strengthening Communication?

• Refers to speaking with others in ways that foster goodwill.

Communication?

• Speaking in ways that show

• consideration

• Support

• Validates them as individuals

Why?• Pupils get along better

• Cooperate with you and each other

Congruent Communication

• Saying things that are helpful to students

while harmonious with their feelings about

situations and themselves.

• Addresses misbehaviour & accidents

WITHOUT embarrassing students or putting

them on the defensive.

Teachers at their best...

• Do NOT

– Preach

– Moralise

– Impose guilt

– Demand promises

• Confer dignity by treating them as social

equals capable of making good decisions

Teachers at their worst...

• Label students

• Belittle them

• Denigrate their character

• Do these inadvertently, unaware of the

detrimental effect on students

How Congruent Communication

Works?

What are the examples?

“Why” Questions

• Makes no use of “why” questions that

carry blame!

– Examples:

• “Why didn’t you finish this work?”

• “Why am I having to tell you again?”

• Alternative?

– Example:

• “When do you think you can have the work

completed?”

Moralistic Lectures

• Avoid this type of lecture!

– Examples:

• “You’re not making any efforts...”

• “You will never get anywhere in life...”

• It should be...

– Example:

• “Have another try. Let’s see what you can do”

Caustic @ Sarcastic Remarks

• DO NOT USE these remarks!

– Example:

• “That’s odd...that’s the fourth time you’ve lost your

exercise book.”

• Congruent statement should be...

• Example:

• “It is important that this work be done well. When do you think you will have it?”

Students’ Feelings

• Does not deny students’ feelings with

these statements...

– Examples:

• “You are too big to cry.”

• You have absolutely nothing to worry about.”

• Alternative...

– Example:

• “I can see this is troubling you quite a bit.”

Student Cooperation

• Does not demand student cooperation by

saying...

– Example:

• “Get back in your seat and get to work. It’s time

you carried your end of the load.”

• It should be...

– Example:

• “I could really use your help”

Patience!

• Never lose your temper @ self-control

– Example:

• “Sit down and shut your mouth!”

• You should...

• Take a deep breath

• Say nothing for a few seconds...– Example:

• “Let’s think for a moment about this.”

I-messages VS you-messages

• The best way to correct behaviour is simply to

remind students how to behave properly.

• Use I-messages instead of you-messages.

• I-messages: Tell you how you feel personally

• “I feel the noise level is a bit too high.”

• you-messages: Attack or blame the student

• “You are so noisy nobody can think.”

Remember...

• Never deny or ignore a child's feelings.

• Only behavior is treated as unacceptable,

not the child.

• Depersonalize negative interactions by

mentioning only the problem. "I see a

messy room."

• Attach rules to things, e.g., "Little sisters are

not for hitting."

• Dependence breeds hostility. Let children

do for themselves what they can.

• Children need to learn to choose, but

within the safety of limits. "Would you like

to wear this blue shirt or this red one?"

• Limit criticism to a specific event—don't

say "never", "always", as in: "You never

listen," "You always manage to spill things",

etc.

• Refrain from using words that you would

not want the child to repeat.

Quotes from Teacher and Child“I have come to a frightening conclusion.

I am the decisive element in the classroom.

It is my personal approach that creates the climate.

It is my daily mood that makes the weather.

As a teacher I possess tremendous power to make a child's life miserable or joyous.

I can be a tool of torture or an instrument of inspiration.

I can humiliate or humor, hurt or heal.

In all situations, it is my response that decides whether a crisis will be escalated or de-escalated, and a child

humanized or de-humanized.”