thirty days to unlock fcat writing success - polk … document contains thirty days’ worth of...

You are the key to your students’ success on FCAT Writing. No textbook, program or training can match the power of a writing teacher with a plan. The work of many researchers- Robert Marzano and Judith Langer among them- has provided the research base for educators to finally appreciate the muscle that a strategic teacher wields.

This document contains thirty days’ worth of suggested strategic writing instruction. It will be most effective when used as part of an active writing process classroom. The writing process provides the general background and flexibility young writers need to successfully navigate various writing tasks, FCAT Writing included. 30 DAYS TO FCAT WRITING SUCCESS provides suggested lessons and activities targeted to the areas students struggle with on the FCAT Writing Assessment. Each week’s lessons address a specific area of the Sunshine State Language Arts Standards, the FCAT Writing Assessment Rubric and the Traits of Writing Rubric. The lessons are suggested for eighth and tenth grade language arts classrooms. Teachers may pick a few gems to use, or use the entire combination of lessons.

THE

RIG

HT

COM

BIN

ATI

ON

30 –

02

- 06

Thir

ty D

ays

to F

CAT

Wri

ting

Succ

ess:

2

Contents Week 1: Writing with Purpose, Audience, & Context in Mind ..................................................................... 6

Week One: Sunshine State Standards Benchmarks by FCAT Writing Measurement Categories ............. 7

Day One: Introduction / Review of P-A-C ......................................................................................... 9

Analyzing and Creating FCAT Writing Prompts ..................................................................................... 9

Raft Strategy ......................................................................................................................................... 9

Introduction / Review of P-A-C ............................................................................................................. 9

Analyzing and Creating Writing Prompts ............................................................................................ 10

Descriptions of the FCAT Writing Prompts: From the Florida Writes! Report on the 2007 FCAT Writing Assessment ............................................................................................................................ 10

The RAFT Strategy: with Carousel Brainstorming Activity .................................................................. 11

Carousel Brainstorming Directions ..................................................................................................... 11

Use RAFT to Create Content-Specific Prompts ................................................................................... 13

Day Two: Customizing and Personalizing ........................................................................................... 13

Day Three, Four and Five: Writing Radio Ads .................................................................................... 15

Week One Additional Activities: ......................................................................................................... 17

The SOAPS Strategy: Speaker, Occasion, Audience, Purpose, Subject .............................................. 18

Additional Instructional Extensions for SOAPS: .................................................................................. 19

SOAPS Organizer, With Explanations .................................................................................................. 21

SOAPS Organizer- Blank for Student and Teacher Use ....................................................................... 22

Week Two: Planning and Organizing, Writing Introductions and Conclusions.......................................... 23

Week Two: Sunshine State Standards Benchmarks by FCAT Writing Measurement Categories ........... 24

Day One: Review the Writing Process: ............................................................................................... 27

Prewriting Options: Circle Map, from Thinking Maps ........................................................................ 28

FLEE Map ............................................................................................................................................. 29

Day Two: Introductions ...................................................................................................................... 31

Right from the Start: Effective Leads ................................................................................................. 31

Famous First Movie Lines .................................................................................................................... 32

Introductions: A Few Words for Students.......................................................................................... 33

3

Day Three, Four and Five: Conclusions .............................................................................................. 33

Examining Essays: Leads and Conclusions .......................................................................................... 33

Get Yourself a Tuba ............................................................................................................................. 34

I am Capable of More Than I Think I Am ............................................................................................. 35

The True Source of Love ..................................................................................................................... 36

Dirt Bike ............................................................................................................................................... 37

Click It or Lose It .................................................................................................................................. 38

Leave the Last Cookie ......................................................................................................................... 39

Essay Conclusions: A Kinesthetic Approach ........................................................................................ 40

Famous Last Movie Lines .................................................................................................................... 41

Additional Activities: ........................................................................................................................... 42

Listing for Prewriting ........................................................................................................................... 42

Directed Free Writing .......................................................................................................................... 43

Rough Draft: Focus on Your Organization Skills .................................................................................. 44

A Six Traits Classroom Resource From WritingFix: Organization Revision Notes ............................... 46

Conclusions ......................................................................................................................................... 46

To Conclude, a Few Strategies for Students ....................................................................................... 47

Weeks Three and Four: Support and Elaboration ...................................................................................... 48

Weeks Three and Four: Sunshine State Standards Benchmarks by FCAT Writing Measurement Categories ............................................................................................................................................... 50

Week Three, Day One: ........................................................................................................................ 53

Defining and Understanding Support and Elaboration ....................................................................... 53

Practice Using Imagery For Elaboration .............................................................................................. 54

Elaboration Using Sensory Language .................................................................................................. 55

Hershey Kiss Discovery ........................................................................................................................ 55

The Naming of the Shoe ...................................................................................................................... 55

Sense(ability) Sense(itivity) ................................................................................................................. 55

Sensory Word Chart .......................................................................................................................... 56

Week Three, Day Two: More Strategies for Elaborating on Ideas ...................................................... 57

Focusing the Binoculars ...................................................................................................................... 57

Week Three, Day Four and Five: ......................................................................................................... 58

Five Strategies for Supporting and Elaborating on ideas: Know it & Show it ..................................... 58

4

Using “DRAPES” for Elaborating Persuasive Writing: Draw and Shade Your Ideas ............................ 59

Week Four, Day One and Two: ........................................................................................................... 60

Practice Persuasion: The Outrageous Opinions Letter ....................................................................... 60

Week Four, Day Three: ....................................................................................................................... 62

You Have an Opinion, and You Want to be Heard! .......................................................................... 62

Week Four, Day Four: ......................................................................................................................... 63

Revise Outrageous Opinion Letter ...................................................................................................... 63

Rewriting for Elaboration Worksheet ................................................................................................. 64

Sentences (Ask these questions of every sentence) ........................................................................... 64

Week Four, Day Five: .......................................................................................................................... 65

Gallery Walk Activity: Directions ....................................................................................................... 65

Week Five: Voice ......................................................................................................................................... 66

Week Five: Sunshine State Standards Benchmarks by FCAT Writing Measurement Categories ........... 67

Week Five, Day One: The Exploding Whale Lesson .......................................................................... 70

Article B: Son of Blubber .................................................................................................................... 71

Article C: The Farside Comes to Life in Oregon ................................................................................. 73

Lesson: Identifying Voice, Audience and Purpose .............................................................................. 74

Week Five, Day Three: Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road? ......................................................... 76

Week Five, Day Four: Choose Choice Words ..................................................................................... 78

Through Different Eyes ....................................................................................................................... 79

Week Five, Day Five: Believe It or Not Activity .................................................................................. 80

Additional Combinations of Activities for Week Five: ........................................................................ 81

Ten Teacher or Student-Led Activities for Word Choice .................................................................... 81

A Traits of Writing Classroom Resource: ............................................................................................ 82

Voice Response & Revision Notes ....................................................................................................... 82

A Traits of Writing Classroom Resource: ............................................................................................ 82

Word Choice Response & Revision Notes ........................................................................................... 82

One Syllable Words ............................................................................................................................. 83

Week Six: 30-02-06(Thirty Days to FCAT Writing Success) ......................................................................... 84

Week Six: Sunshine State Standards Benchmarks by FCAT Writing Measurement Categories ............ 85

Week Six, Day One: ............................................................................................................................. 88

FCAT Writes Plan of Action .............................................................................................................. 88

5

Week Six, Day Two and Three: ............................................................................................................ 90

Fun Things to do With FCAT Writing Prompts ................................................................................... 90

Week Six, Day Four and Five: Fine-tune Your Powers of Observation and Description ..................... 91

Stepping Into a Painting ...................................................................................................................... 91

The Four Step Critical Method of Observing Art ................................................................................. 92

Additional Combinations of Activities: .............................................................................................. 102

Rewrite to Elaborate ......................................................................................................................... 102

S t r e t c h and Write More ...................................................................................................... 104

Sentence ElaborationWorksheet: ..................................................................................................... 105

How to Use This Document: These lessons are suggested for use in the thirty class days leading into the FCAT Writes Assessment. Students need the foundation that a writing process classroom provides for these lessons to be truly effective. Eighth and tenth grade language arts classes are the suggested target audience. It is worthwhile saving the activities in this document for those grade levels. Other grade levels in a department may use some of the Thirty Days to FCAT Writing Success activities, as long as it is part of an overall, intentional, department-wide plan.

6

Week 1: Writing with Purpose, Audience, & Context in Mind

• Day One:

• Introduce / Review PAC activity • Analyzing and Creating FCAT Writing Prompts • Raft Strategy

• Day Two:

• Customize your response to a generic prompt

• Day Three, Four and Five:

• Writing Radio Ads

• Additional Combinations of Activities:

• Group Drafting, Revising and Evaluating • The SOAPS Strategy

7

Week One: Sunshine State Standards Benchmarks by FCAT Writing Measurement Categories

LA.B.1.3.3

LA.B.1.3.2

LA.B.1.3.1

Grade 8

Benchmark

The student drafts and revises w

riting that is focused, purposeful, and reflects insight into the w

riting situation; conveys a sense of com

pleteness and wholeness w

ith adherence to the m

ain idea; and dem

onstrates a comm

itment to

and an involvement w

ith the subject. N

ote: The conventions portion of this benchm

ark is assessed by LA

.B.1.3.3. (Also assesses

LA.B.2.3.3)

The student organizes information

before writing according to the

type and purpose of writing.

Focus


riting that has an organizational pattern that provides for a logical progression of ideas.

Organization


riting that has support that is substantial, specific, relevant, concrete, and/or illustrative; has clarity in presentation of ideas; uses creative w

riting strategies appropriate to the purpose of the paper; and dem

onstrates a com

mand of language

(word choice) w

ith freshness of expression.

Support

8

The student produces final documents

that have been edited for correct spelling; correct punctuation, including com

mas, colons, and sem

icolons; correct capitalization; effective sentence structure; correct com

mon usage,

including subject/verb agreement,

comm

on noun/pronoun agreement,

comm

on possessive forms, and w

ith a variety of sentence structures, including parallel structure; and correct form

atting. N

ote: This benchmark assesses the

conventions portion of LA.B.1.3.2.

Correct formatting is not assessed.

Conventions

LA.B.1.4.3

LA.B.1.4.2

LA.B.1.4.1

Grade 10

Benchmark



riting situation, and dem

onstrates a comm

itment

to and involvement w

ith the subject. N




LA.B.2.4.3)

The student selects and uses appropriate prew

riting strategies, such as brainstorm

ing, graphic organizers, and outlines.

Focus


riting that has an organizational pattern that provides for a logical progression of ideas, and has effective use of transitional devices that contribute to a sense of com

pleteness.

Organization


riting that has support that is substantial, specific, relevant, and concrete; uses creative w

riting strategies as appropriate to the purposes of the paper; and dem

onstrates a mature

comm

and of language with

freshness of expression.

Support

9

The student produces final documents that have

been edited for correct spelling; correct punctuation, including com

mas, colons, and

comm

on use of semicolons; correct capitalization;

correct sentence formation; correct instances of

possessives, subject/verb agreement, instances of

noun/pronoun agreem

ent, and the intentional use of fragments

for effect; and correct formatting that appeals to

readers, including appropriate use of a variety of graphics, tables, charts, and illustrations in both standard and innovative form

s. N

ote: This benchmark assesses the conventions

portion of LA.B.1.4.2. Correct form

atting and use of graphics are not assessed.

Conventions

Day One: Introduction / Review of P-A-C

Analyzing and Creating FCAT Writing Prompts

Raft Strategy

Introduction / Review of P-A-C Purpose: Why am I writing this? (To explain, to give reasons why, to persuade, to inform, to describe, to compare & contrast) Audience: To whom am I writing? (This influences word choice, sentence structure & content) Context: Is this a letter, editorial, article, essay, speech? What is the social, historical, cultural setting?

Example: Write an editorial to your local newspaper to persuade local citizens to become more involved in the Red Cross in your town.

P- to persuade local citizens to become more involved in the Red Cross in your town A- local citizens C- an editorial to your local newspaper

10

Analyzing and Creating Writing Prompts • As a class, or in small groups, students examine FCAT Writing prompts and share with the whole

class what they notice. Post responses on chart paper. o NOTE: Teacher should help students to identify the following:

types of writing assessed at their grade level (expository & persuasive)

different purposes for writing elicited from prompts (to explain, inform, clarify a process, define a concept, convince/persuade)

two basic components of all prompts: the writing situation and directions for writing audience identified in persuasive writing

• Read Descriptions of the Writing Prompts with students, next page. Emphasize the Department

of Education’s focus on avoiding bias in FCAT Writing prompts. Make the explicit connection for students between the vague language in the prompts and the goal of avoiding bias.

• Working in groups, students create prompts that are similar to FCAT prompts. Be sure they

model the criteria of the prompt. It must be general enough so that it does not provide bias. Must be worded in the same format. Must have an expository and a persuasive prompt.

• Evaluate prompts in small groups or as a class for their effectiveness in meeting the prompt

criteria. Students should use the P-A-C activity to analyze the prompt.

Descriptions of the FCAT Writing Prompts: From the Florida Writes! Report on the 2007 FCAT Writing Assessment

Each student taking the FCAT Writing+ assessment is given a booklet in which the topic for writing, called a prompt, is printed. The prompt serves as a stimulus for writing by presenting the topic and by suggesting that the student think about some aspect of the topic’s central theme. The prompt does not contain directives concerning the organizational structure or the development of support. Prompts are designed to elicit writing for specific purposes. For instance, expository prompts ask students to explain why or how, while persuasive prompts require students to convince a person to accept a point of view or to take a particular action. Prompts have two basic components: the writing situation and the directions for writing. The writing situation orients students to the subject, and the directions for writing set the parameters, such as identifying the audience to whom the writing is directed. The prompts for the FCAT Writing+ assessment are selected to ensure that the subject matter is appropriate for eighth grade students. In addition, prompts are reviewed for offensive or biased language relating to religion, gender, and racial or ethnic backgrounds. All prompts are reviewed by members of the Eighth Grade Writing Assessment Advisory Committee and are pilot tested on a small group of students, then field tested on 1,000 students statewide. The DOE annually writes, reviews, pilot tests, and field tests prompts for potential use.

11

The RAFT Strategy: with Carousel Brainstorming Activity

RAFT Carousel Brainstorming Activity: R = Role (Whose perspective are they writing from? Are they a student? A character?) A = Audience (Who are they writing to?) F = Format (Is it an essay? A letter? A brochure?) T = Topic (What are they writing about?) Model for students how you can use RAFT to determine the writer’s role, audience, format, and topic for an FCAT Writing prompt. In small groups, students will create an original approach to FCAT Writing prompts. Create a Carousel Brainstorming activity for students by posting FCAT Writing prompts on chart paper around the room. Students will have 1-2 minutes at each station to create an original RAFT plan for the prompt.

Carousel Brainstorming Directions Rationale: To activate students' prior knowledge of a topic or topics through movement and conversation. Description: While Carousel Brainstorming, students will rotate around the classroom in small groups, stopping at various stations for a designated amount of time. While at each station, students will activate their prior knowledge of different topics or different aspects of a single topic through conversation with peers. Ideas shared will be posted at each station for all groups to read. Through movement and conversation, prior knowledge will be activated, providing scaffolding for new information to be learned in the proceeding lesson activity. Procedure: 1. Generate X number of questions for your topic of study and write each question on a separate piece of poster board or chart paper. (Note: The number of questions should reflect the number of groups you intend to use during this activity.) Post questions sheets around your classroom. 2. Divide your students into groups of 5 or less. For example, in a classroom of 30 students, you would divide your class into 6 groups of five that will rotate around the room during this activity. 3. Direct each group to stand in front of a homebase question station. Give each group a colored marker for writing their ideas at the question stations. It is advisable to use a different color for tracking each group. 4. Inform groups that they will have X number of minutes to brainstorm and write ideas at each question station. Usually 2-3 minutes is sufficient. When time is called, groups will rotate to the next station in clockwise order. Numbering the stations will make this easy for students to track. Group 1 would rotate to question station 2; Group 2 would rotate to question station 3 and so on. 5. Using a stopwatch or other timer, begin the group rotation. Continue until each group reaches their last question station. 6. Before leaving the final question station, have each group select the top 3 ideas from their station to share with the entire class. Lipton, L., & Wellman, B. (1998). Patterns and practices in the learning-focused classroom. Guilford, Vermont: Pathways Publishing.

12

Sample Room Layout for Carousel Brainstorming

from Instructional Strategies for Engaging Learners Guilford County Schools TF, 2002 http://its.guilford.k12.nc.us/act/strategies/carousel_brainstorming.htm

Question Station #1

Question Station #2

Question Station #3

Question Station #4

Question Station #5

Question Station #6

http://its.guilford.k12.nc.us/act/strategies/Carousel_Brainstorming.doc�

http://its.guilford.k12.nc.us/act/strategies/carousel_brainstorming.htm�

13

Use RAFT to Create Content-Specific Prompts The RAFT strategy helps students create writing prompts or topics that relate directly to the curriculum they are studying. Using this format, teachers or students can create meaningful prompts that students enjoy, while their writing assists the teacher to assess mastery of material.

RAFT R = Role (Whose perspective are they writing from? Are they a student? A character?) A = Audience (Who are they writing to?) F = Format (Is it an essay? A letter? A brochure?) T = Topic (What are they writing about?) After they have identified the four elements of RAFT, have them write it out in sentence form. This way, it looks more like the prompts (or writing topics) that they are familiar with. I am a (Role) writing a (Format) to (Audience) about (Topic). My purpose for writing is to (Expand on topic using a strong verb).

Day Two: Customizing and Personalizing Rationale: We customize and upgrade everything from our homes, our cars, our coffee, to our cellphones, and laptops. We should customize and personalize our writing. Let your unique voice shine through your writing! Think about the FCAT Assessor audience. They read essays from thousands of Florida students who are limited to two prompts. How can a student customize his/her writing so it appears original, yet stays on topic? Description: Brainstorm strategies for addressing vague prompts. For example, in 2009 the expository prompt directed the student to think about and explain why he, she, or someone else saves something. There are many ways to approach “saving” something (save money, save lives, save the planet, save your soul, save time, etc…). This activity will help students find the right combination of elaborated detail and vivid language to unlock success on the FCAT Writing Assessment. Complete the But the Prompt is so BORING activity.

14

Name:_____________________________ Period & Date: ______________________

But the Prompt is so Boring! Follow these directions and realize that ANY FCAT Writing prompt can come alive. See if you have what it takes to make a boring topic come alive.

Write the most boring topic you can imagine here:

Pass this paper to the next person.

Write a question about the prompt. DO NOT ask the very first thing that comes to your mind.

Make it a question that nobody else could create.


Write down five words that relate to the prompt but are NOT OBVIOUS.

Think of some unusual connections to the prompt.

______________ _______________ _______________ ________________ ___________________


Make up a brief anecdote, quote, or statement to grab the reader’s attention as the first line based on this topic.

Pass the paper back to the original prompt creator.

15

Day Three, Four and Five: Writing Radio Ads Rationale: To practice writing for a variety of audiences and purposes, students will create four 30-second radio advertisements geared toward different radio stations and audiences. Materials: Teacher will need enough product advertisements individually cut out from the local Sunday/holiday newspaper for each student to receive two items. It is helpful for students to see the product description and price when they are creating their advertisements. Teacher may choose to have students bring these in to create an “ad bank” on the first day of the activity then call students up to pick out two from the collection.

Day Three-Discuss & Post the following criteria for advertisements- Purpose: to convince your chosen audience to purchase your product Audience: choose from one of the following -children -teens

-adults -senior citizens Context: the 30-second advertisement will be played on a local radio station during a tough economic time. Students will glue/attach the picture of their product to a sheet of paper. On the paper students must state their chosen audience, radio station chosen from the Central Florida Radio Stations list and write out their radio commercial.

Day Four-Writing for a Different Audience Students choose a different audience from the list and create a second radio advertisement for each of their two original products. Students need to state their second audience choice and radio station, and include their new commercial on the same sheet of paper as their first one. Students should share their commercials with a partner and decide which one they want to share with the class.

Day Five- Radio Commercial Performances Each student will share their favorite original radio advertisement with the class without identifying the audience they are targeting. Each student will guess the Purpose, Audience & Context the commercial was written for, and write them down on a 3 X 5 index card. Students can hand in their written radio ads and the 3X5 index cards for assessment.

16

Central Florida Radio Stations:

Call Letters Description City Audience /Format

WPOZ 88.3 FM Z88.3 - Positive Hit Music Union Park, FL

Christian Contemporary, Radio

WLAZ 89.1 FM

Kissimmee, FL Spanish, Radio

WPIO 89.3 FM

Godsquad Radio-Alternative Christian Music & Talk

Titusville, FL Religious, Radio

WUCF 89.9 FM University of Central Florida Orlando, FL Jazz, Radio

WMFE 90.7 FM

Orlando, FL Classical, Radio

WPRK 91.5 FM Rollins College Winter Park, FL College, Radio

WWKA 92.3 FM

K92 - Central Florida's Country Connection

Orlando, FL Country, Radio

WPYO 95.3 FM

Power 95.3 - The New #1 for Hip Hop and R&B

Maitland, FL Hip Hop, Radio

WHTQ 96.5 FM

96.5 Classic Rock - Orlando's Rock Experience

Orlando, FL Classic Rock, Radio

foxy 98.9 FM soft rock 34715, FL

Rock, Oldies, Classic Rock

WEBG 100.3 FM Big 100.3 - Playing the Biggest Hits Orlando, FL Oldies, Radio

WTKS 104.1 FM Real Radio 104.1 Cocoa Beach, FL Talk, Radio

WOMX 105.1 FM

Mix 1051 - The Best Mix of the 80s, 90s & Today

Orlando, FL Hot AC, Radio

WXXL 106.7 FM XL 106.7 FM - Today's Hit Music Tavares, FL Top-40, Radio

WDBO 580 AM

AM 580 Central Florida's News, Weather, & Traffic

Orlando, FL News/Talk, Radio

WDYZ 990 AM

Radio Disney. Your Music. Your Way

Orlando, FL Children's, Radio

WHOO 1080 AM ESPN 1080 - Sports Radio Kissimmee, FL Sports, Radio

WKIQ 1240 AM

Eustis, FL Talk, Radio

http://www.ontheradio.net/radiostations/wpozfm.aspx�

http://www.ontheradio.net/cities/union_park_fl.aspx�

http://www.ontheradio.net/radiostations/wlazfm.aspx�

http://www.ontheradio.net/cities/kissimmee_fl.aspx�

http://www.ontheradio.net/radiostations/wpiofm.aspx�

http://www.ontheradio.net/cities/titusville_fl.aspx�

http://www.ontheradio.net/radiostations/wucffm.aspx�

http://www.ontheradio.net/cities/orlando_fl.aspx�

http://www.ontheradio.net/radiostations/wmfefm.aspx�


http://www.ontheradio.net/radiostations/wprkfm.aspx�

http://www.ontheradio.net/cities/winter_park_fl.aspx�

http://www.ontheradio.net/radiostations/wwkafm.aspx�


http://www.ontheradio.net/radiostations/wpyofm.aspx�

http://www.ontheradio.net/cities/maitland_fl.aspx�

http://www.ontheradio.net/radiostations/whtqfm.aspx�


http://www.ontheradio.net/radiostations/foxyfm.aspx�

http://www.ontheradio.net/cities/34715_fl.aspx�

http://www.ontheradio.net/radiostations/webgfm.aspx�


http://www.ontheradio.net/radiostations/wtksfm.aspx�

http://www.ontheradio.net/cities/cocoa_beach_fl.aspx�

http://www.ontheradio.net/radiostations/womxfm.aspx�


http://www.ontheradio.net/radiostations/wxxlfm.aspx�

http://www.ontheradio.net/cities/tavares_fl.aspx�

http://www.ontheradio.net/radiostations/wdboam.aspx�


http://www.ontheradio.net/radiostations/wdyzam.aspx�


http://www.ontheradio.net/radiostations/whooam.aspx�

http://www.ontheradio.net/cities/kissimmee_fl.aspx�

http://www.ontheradio.net/radiostations/wkiqam.aspx�

http://www.ontheradio.net/cities/eustis_fl.aspx�

17

Week One Additional Activities:

Group Drafting, Revising, and Evaluating

Each student needs two sheets of paper and one prompt (student generated or otherwise). Have students get into groups and number each piece of paper consecutively. Students should remember the number they started on. They must be in a circle and go in order. Each student adds one line to the essay until they have gone all the way around; being sure their writing is still focused on the same audience, for the same purpose, and in the same format (context). The purpose is to continue to support the main message, keeping in mind that they want to complete the essays by the end of class. Students should add detail, support, elaborations, and transitions. Students should try to write with a unified voice so that it sounds like the same person wrote the essay. If you are doing the extension activity, make sure students write double-spaced. Extension #1- Next day, pass papers to other group and have them revise one or two of the pieces directly onto the paper. Note areas of support. Use the Traits of Writing in order to address issues direct students to spend five minutes each looking at: Word Choice, Sentence Fluency, Ideas. Extension #2- Give the essay back to the original group and they can edit/type and turn in for a grade. Also, have them write a brief reflection about the original piece compared with the last, edited and revised piece.

18

The SOAPS Strategy: Speaker, Occasion, Audience, Purpose, Subject Rationale: What do good readers do? What is important for reading comprehension? Active reading is important for comprehension. Research has shown that good readers activate prior knowledge, establish purpose while reading, make connections, determine the most important ideas, ask questions, question the author, visualize and create mental images of the text, make inferences, synthesize information, and use fix-up strategies (e.g., Keene and Zimmerman, 1997; Pearson & Fielding, 1991; Pressley, 2000). Reading comprehension is the process of constructing meaning from text (Durkin, 1993). According to the RAND group, comprehension is: “the process of simultaneously extracting and constructing meaning through interaction and involvement with written language. It consists of three elements: the reader, the text, and the activity or purpose for reading” (RAND Reading Study Group, 2002, p. 11). A major goal of reading comprehension is to help readers develop the knowledge, skills, and they strategies they need to know and be able to use to become proficient and independent readers (e.g., RAND Reading Study Group, 2002). The SOAPS strategy can be used to teach students how to read and understand narrative and expository texts. Each text structure has unique characteristics and students can benefit from instruction on how “to read” and understand text. This becomes particularly important with implicit text and messages as many students have underdeveloped inferential skills. The SOAPS comprehension strategy includes the following:

SOAPS- Speaker; Occasion; Audience; Purpose; and, Subject. SOAPS can help students understand the author’s craft by analyzing certain text elements. Students will be able to discuss and identify the SOAPS. This will help them to learn how to “read the text”, identify who the speaker is in a text, what the occasion is, who is the audience for the text, identify the purpose of the author for writing this text, and what is the subject of the text; all of these pieces of information are important factors that can help shape a student’s understanding of a text.

Steps: 1. Start by explaining the purpose and discuss what happens when at times we start to read a piece of text without paying attention to some important pieces of information that are at times hidden in the text. As a result, sometimes we read without developing much comprehension. Share with students that they can take a piece of text apart and look for certain elements that are sometimes not explicitly stated by the author. Explain that when they learn how to identify these elements it will help them to better understand who the speaker is and what his/her intentions and purpose are for sharing this text/topic, what the occasion for this text is, for whom this information is written, why the author wrote it, and what the subject of the text/topic is. Share with them that all of these elements make a big difference for their comprehension. They will provide them with “a roadmap for reading and understanding the text”.

19

2. Teach (Model). Select a piece of text for the purpose of teaching this strategy. Provide every student with a copy of that text and a copy of the SOAPS template. Explain each element of the SOAPS strategy and what it involves. Show students how you identified each element in the text. Demonstrate using an overhead projector, a board, a whiteboard, or a computer (whatever resources might be available to you). Use think alouds and explain your thinking process and how you used the SOAPS strategy to identify different pieces of vital information in the text. The following is an example for secondary grades (use the SOAPS blank line master to demonstrate the following and adjust text level to match the appropriate grade level). The forced migration of Greek intellectuals and businessmen from Asia Minor to Greece in 1921 (due to the Great Fire of Smyrna and the persecution by the Turks) prompted an explosion of culture, language, and literature in Greece. Use think alouds and use a whole group approach. Now, ask yourself: Who is thespeaker? What is the occasion? Who is the audience? What is the purpose? What's the subject/topic?

“Well, the speaker here is the author of our World History textbook. The occasion is the forced migration of Greeks in Asia Minor to the mainland in 1921. That's clear; it is stated in the text. The audience is…us…the world who needs to know about historical events. The author’s purpose is to present us with facts, causes and effects of social events on Greek culture, language and literature in the 1920s. The subject is the Greco-Turkish war and its effects on Greece.”

Explain to students that by quickly determining the speaker, occasion, purpose, audience, and subject/topic while reading, we can easily deduce why the author is writing this text and even predict of what will follow. Help students to understand (through experiences with texts and with using the SOAPS strategy) that actively reading passages can build understanding and save them much precious time when they get to the questions. 3. Allow time for students to practice using the SOAPS strategy and provide feedback and support as needed. Provide them with a different piece of text and ask them to work together in small groups using the strategy. Monitor their work and at the end, have a class discussion on their findings and a reflection on what this process did for their understanding.

Additional Instructional Extensions for SOAPS: Teaching students how to identify the “author’s tone” will help them to “listen for the author’s tone” in written text. This is a challenging task and it requires critical thinking skills. Students often have difficulties with identifying tone as it is not stated explicitly in written text. A reader will have to infer the author’s tone by looking at certain details while reading the text. As students learn how to identify the author’s tone, they will develop a better understanding of text. Identifying the author’s tone will help readers to:

Clarify the author’s attitude toward the topic/subject. Decide: is the author emotional, objective, or biased about this topic/subject?

20

Identify what types of details, language, and sentence structure “tell” the author’s feelings about the topic/subject.

If you were the author and were to read the passage aloud, describe the tone you would use.

Assessment: Focus on observation, anecdotal note taking, and listen to students as they use and discuss SOAPS individually or in their small group. Use the SOAPS template as a form of informal assessment and assess what aspects of the SOAPS are more challenging for students to identify. Then, teach those elements of text using a variety of texts (narrative and expository). Review students’ discussions and reflections to provide additional feedback, teaching, and support as needed.

Resources: A lesson for Grades 9-12 using the SOAPs strategy. http://www.readwritethink.org/lessons/lesson_view.asp?id=942 Strategies for reading comprehension. http://www.readingquest.org/strat/ A report on the benefits of questioning the author reading strategy. www.fcrr.org/FCRRReports/PDF/QuestioningAuthorFinal.pdf

References: Durkin, D. (1993). Teaching them to read (6th Ed.). Boston: Allyn & Bacon. Keene, E.O., & Zimmermann, S. (1997). Mosaic of thought: Teaching comprehension in a reader’s workshop. Portsmouth NH: Heinemann. Pearson, P.D., & Fielding, L. (1991). Comprehension instruction. In R. Barr, M.L. Kamil, P.B. Mosenthal, & P.D. Pearson (Eds.), Handbook of reading research: Volume II (pp. 815-860). White Plains, NY: Longman. Pressley, M. (2000). What should comprehension instruction be the instruction of? In M.L. Kamil, P.B. © Copyright 2003-2008 for FOR-PD by the Florida Department of Education and the University of Central Florida. All rights reserved.

http://www.readwritethink.org/lessons/lesson_view.asp?id=942�

http://www.readingquest.org/strat/�

21

SOAPS Organizer, With Explanations SOAPS Strategy

Who is the Speaker?

- Who is the speaker? Identification of the person (or group

of people) that wrote this text: what is the speaker’s age, gender, class, or education?

- Identify the main voice within the text. - What can you tell or what do you know about this person’s

role in the text?

What is the Occasion?

- Identify the time and place of the text. What is the current

situation? - Is it a personal event, a celebration, an observation, a

critique, or…? - Identify the context of the text.

Who is the Audience?

- The readers to whom this text is directed. - The audience may be one person, a small group, or a

large group. - Does the speaker specify an audience? - What assumptions exist in the text about the intended

audience of this text?

What is the Purpose?

- What is the purpose for the passage/text? - What is the message? - Why did the author write it? What is the author’s goal? - How does the speaker convey the message?

What is the Subject?

- The topic, content, and ideas included in the text. - Can you identify and state the subject in a few words? - Is there one or more than one subject? - How does the author present the subject? Does s/he

introduce it immediately or not? Is the subject explicit or implicit?

© Copyright 2003‐2008 for FOR‐PD by the Florida Department of Education and the University of Central Florida. All rights reserved.

22

SOAPS Organizer- Blank for Student and Teacher Use

© Copyright 2003‐2008 for FOR‐PD by the Florida Department of Education and the University of Central Florida. All rights reserved.

SOAPS Strategy Who is the Speaker?

What is the Occasion?

Who is the Audience?

What is the Purpose?

What is the Subject?

23

Week Two: Planning and Organizing, Writing Introductions and Conclusions

• Day One:

• Review the Writing Process • Some Prewriting Options

• Day Two:

• Little Red Riding Hooks • Right from the Start • Famous First Movie Lines • Introductions Handout

• Day Three, Four and Five:

• Essay Conclusions: A Kinesthetic Approach • Examining Essays: Leads and Conclusions • Conclusions Handout • Famous Last Movie Lines


• This I Believe Essays • Listing for Prewriting • Directed Free Writing • Rough Draft: Focus on Organizational Skills • 6 Traits Organization Revision Notes • Conclusions

24

Week Two: Sunshine State Standards Benchmarks by FCAT Writing Measurement Categories

LA.B.1.3.3

LA.B.1.3.2

LA.B.1.3.1

Grade 8

Benchmark






ain idea; and dem

onstrates a comm

itment to


ith the subject. N




LA.B.2.3.3)




Focus



Organization




onstrates a com

mand of language

(word choice) w


Support

25





mon usage,


comm


comm



atting. N




Conventions

LA.B.1.4.3

LA.B.1.4.2

LA.B.1.4.1

Grade 10

Benchmark




onstrates a comm

itment


ith the subject. N




LA.B.2.4.3)




Focus



pleteness.

Organization




onstrates a mature

comm



Support

26



mas, colons, and

comm

on use of semicolons; correct

capitalization; correct sentence formation;

correct instances of possessives, subject/verb agreem

ent, instances of noun/pronoun agreem




s. N




Conventions

The right combination of strategies and writing lessons will propel your students to excellence on FCAT Writing, and in all the writing they do!

27

Day One: Review the Writing Process:

A Quick LOOK at the Writing Process

Observing: question and notice details in the world Pay special attention to the little details in your surroundings and think about something you can write about in class.

Brainstorming/Prewriting Brainstorm a list of all the things you noticed that you could write about. Choose a few from your list and add a few more details or ideas to each.

Drafting Write a brief paragraph about one of the ideas you wrote down.

Revising Look over your piece and change to better verbs and nouns. Add any details you might have left out. Remove anything that seems unnecessary.

Sharing Ask a peer to look at your paragraph and suggest a way to improve. Read it aloud to hear the fluency.

Second Revision Make changes suggested by peers and any other changes you feel are necessary. Read aloud again to listen for fluency--change sentence structure and/ or length to improve fluency.

Final Revision and Editing Check carefully for any spelling and/or grammatical mistakes.

Publishing Write a final version as neatly as possible and place a copyright symbol next to your name.

28

Prewriting Options: Circle Map, from Thinking Maps

29

FLEE Map Write For the Future

Com

plet

e H

eadi

ng

Tran

sitio

n:

Tran

sitio

n:

Tran

sitio

n:

Tran

sitio

n:

30

Little Red Riding Hooks… From the amazing classroom of Dena Harrison, Mendive Middle School

Great alternatives to introductions, hooks, and leads "Once upon a time, there lived a little girl with a red riding

hood…" A BORING, CLICHÉ INTRO! There are more interesting ways to start off this famous story.

Below are eight techniques to consider:

This writers' handout was designed to accompany one of WritingFix's on-line, interactive writing prompts.

Technique one: Start with a short (four- or five- word maximum), effective sentence:

Her hair shone gold.

Technique two: Start with an interesting metaphor or simile:

The wolf was a tornado, changing the lives of all who

crossed his path. Technique four: Start with a subordinate clause or other complex sentence form:

Though the road to Grandma's house was spooky, Red skipped along with an air of confidence.

Technique six: Fill in these blanks: "___ was the kind of ___ who/that ___"

Little Red was the kind of girl who thought wolves would

never bother her. Technique eight: Use a string of adjectives:

Tall, dark, and with an air of confidence, the woodsman

entered the house.

What fairy tales, fables, or stories are your students familiar enough with to write eight new introductions for?

©2006 Northern Nevada Writing Project. All rights reserved. This resource comes from the best website for writers and writing teachers: http//writingfix.com and http://writingfix.org

Use of this document in the classroom is encouraged and supported. Others must request permission from the website to reproduce. This handout is featured in the NNWP's "Going Deep with 6 Trait Language" print guide. Visit http://nnwp.org for information on ordering the

complete guide.

Technique three: Start with an interesting question for the reader to ponder:

Who could have thought that a simple trip to Grandma's

house could end in tragedy? Technique five: Start with a riddle:

Who has big eyes, big teeth and is dressed in Grandma's clothes? Yes, you guessed it, the Big Bad

Wolf. Technique seven: Capture a feeling or emotion:

You might be surprised to learn that a little girl couldn't

recognize her own grandmother.

http://nnwp.org/�

31

Day Two: Introductions

Right from the Start: Effective Leads

Read examples of effective leads, and then use selected examples to write your own. Effective leads pull readers into any piece of writing. Good leads fit the topic, and hook the reader's attention from the start. Directions: Read each of the leads below, studying both the organization and wording. Then, choose three styles and write your own examples. Setting: It was one of those dark, muggy, misty New Orleans nights when gentle people avoid the back alleys. Situation: Willie and Sarah looked dumbfounded at each other; their television picture had just gone black. Former Action: Willie and Sarah had longed for a house in the suburbs, yet each time they had accumulated a few dollars in their savings account, they had to bail Sarah’s no-good step brother out of jail. First incident: Joe stopped the truck and, against company orders, picked up the hitchhiker. Effects: Two cars were completely wrecked, seven people were hospitalized, and three bodies were in the morgue just because Joe had gazed a bit too long at a passing blonde. Establishment of the point of view: As I was walking down Main Street last night, I saw... Importance of subject: Knowing how to ....may save your life one day. Quotation: "Use it up; wear it out; make it do; or do without"—that's a saying that helped my grandmother learn to manage money. Evaluation of the subject: Alexander Pope was probably the most arrogant and powerful literary dictator, and yet the most.... An explanation of the writer's qualification: For seventeen years I have studied the effects of poor diet on the human body. Your Examples:

32

Famous First Movie Lines

Students can analyze these first lines, or perhaps model some of their own sentences on them.

• “Who am I? You sure you want to know? The story of my life is not for the faint of heart. If somebody said it was a happy little tale... if somebody told you I was just your average ordinary guy, not a care in the world... somebody lied.”

– Peter Parker, Spiderman • “Before time began, there was the Cube. We know not where it comes from, only that it holds the

power to create worlds and fill them with life. That is how our race was born. For a time, we lived in harmony. But like all great power, some wanted it for good, others for evil. And so began the war. A war that ravaged our planet until it was consumed by death, and the Cube was lost to the far reaches of space. We scattered across the galaxy, hoping to find it and rebuild our home. Searching every star, every world. And just when all hope seemed lost, message of a new discovery drew us to an unknown planet called... Earth. But we were already too late...”

– Optimus Prime, Transformers • “Too much garbage in your face? There's plenty of space out in space! B ’n L StarLiners leaving each

day. We'll clean up the mess while you're away.” – Voice in Commercial, WALL-E

• “I feel like you're driving me to court martial. This is crazy. What did I do? I feel like you're gonna pull

over and snuff me. What, you're not allowed to talk? Hey, Forest...” – Tony Stark, Iron Man

• “Legend tells of a legendary warrior whose kung fu skills were the stuff of legend.”

– Po, Kung Fu Panda

• “Once upon a time, in a magical kingdom known as Andalasia, there lived an evil queen. Selfish and cruel, she lived in fear that one day her stepson would marry and she would lose her throne forever. And so she did all in her power to prevent the prince from ever meeting the one special maiden with whom he would share true love's kiss.”

– Narrator, Enchanted

33

Introductions: A Few Words for Students Introductions may seem difficult to write. After all, there is nothing worse than staring at a blank page waiting for an idea to strike. But, with a few simple strategies under your belt, you will find that your introduction can give you a chance to creatively grab the reader’s attention so that they will read the rest of your essay. Your introduction must include a

“Hook” or attention-getter. Statement that answers the prompt, states your thesis. Road map for the reader – You need to give the reader an idea where you are going. It could

include giving your three reasons, but it doesn’t have to. Some tips before we start:

Be creative. Make it interesting. Part of the fun of the introduction is it gives you a chance to have fun and share your voice.

DON’T start with, “Hi, my name is _______ and I am going to write about ________.” Your reader is pretty smart. If they want to know your name they can look at the top of the page. As for what you are writing about, there are more interesting ways to tell the reader your topic without using the words “I am going to write about...”

Day Three, Four and Five: Conclusions

Examining Essays: Leads and Conclusions Comparing and contrasting the leads and conclusions in a few of these samples either as a class and/or in a small group would be helpful for students to draw conclusions about effective leads and conclusions. After teaching students the Essay Conclusions: A Kinesthetic Approach lesson, create a packet of 4-6 essays that contain one of the four essay conclusion types. Have students work in pairs and/or individually to identify the types of conclusions used. Share the results with the class. Here are some examples: Get Yourself a Tuba (touch back) I Am Capable of More Than I Think I Am (go to the heart) Other Essays from This I Believe: The True Source of Love, Dirt Bike, Click it or Lose it. Information and lesson plans on using This I Believe in your classroom: http://thisibelieve.org/educators/

http://thisibelieve.org/educators/�

34

Get Yourself a Tuba Bonnie-Tucson, Arizona Okay, that needs explanation, so I’ll backtrack. My first novel was published a year ago. I’d always been an artist and never planned on writing a book. Then I wrote my first short story, which won a prize. Encouraged, I started a second story, but I abandoned it after seven pages. I forgot all about it for several years, until my friend Deborah read it and said, “just write it ’til it’s finished.” So I did. I poured out my story, one page a day, until it was finished. That took about a year, which added up to a book. Since I’d had luck with my first short story, I sent my manuscript into the literary world. I quickly found an agent who quickly sold it to Random House, then made a movie deal with Paramount. I still get goose bumps saying that. I’ve thought a lot about making that shift from artist to author, a process that was almost complete before I even noticed. Something big had happened, and I missed it. But, of course, life’s big moments don’t wear blinking red lights; sometimes they’re not visible for years, not until you’ve seen all the ripples and reflections. Though I didn’t spot it at the time, I can look back now and pinpoint the moment things changed for me. It was when Deborah said “write it ’til it’s finished.” Honestly, if she’d said write a book, I would have said she was nuts, I could never do such a thing. But in that quiet moment with those careless, perfect words, I forgot to be afraid. “Sure,” I said, “why not?” I give frequent talks now at book events, and the effect is startling. My novel is called “Sleeping With Schubert,” about a Brooklyn woman who gets inhabited by the spirit of Franz Schubert, composer of the “Unfinished Symphony.” It’s based on a common fantasy – If only I could sing like that person, dance like that one, play like the other. At these talks, the combined effect of my novel’s theme and my own unpremeditated career change inspires people to think about their own possibilities. I often invite them to imagine doing something totally new or different. They jump right in. I’m climbing in the Andes … learning to paint … volunteering at a school … And my favorite, the 75-year-old man – very successful in business – who said, “I’ve always wanted to play the tuba.” “Where do you live?” I said. “San Diego.” “They have tubas in San Diego,” I said. “Go get yourself a tuba!” And he did. Oh, I should probably mention I was 50 when I sold my first book. And I’ve learned some lessons in the last few years. First, forget to be afraid; fear will never help you. And say “yes” more often than “no.” Most of all, this I believe: Today is always the perfect day to get yourself a tuba. © http://thisibelieve.org/

http://thisibelieve.org/�

35

I am Capable of More Than I Think I Am Gregg Rogers is an English professor at Pennsylvania State University. “It is Trisomy 21. It is Down Syndrome.” Beyond those words I heard nothing, sitting in the obstetrician’s office. The doctor was talking about my unborn daughter, and the results of an amniocentesis. I know there were words after that statement, but I don’t remember them. I do remember returning home with my wife and crying on the sofa. I distinctly remember saying, “I don’t want this.” I didn’t want this situation. I didn’t want this responsibility. I didn’t want to become one of those parents — the parents of a child with a disability. People told me, “If anyone can handle it, you can.” “Easy for you to say,” I thought. “God never gives you more than you can handle,” they reassured me. “Really? Then why do people have nervous breakdowns?” “We’ll help however we can,” they said. “Fine,” I thought. “You have the kid with the developmental delay, and I’ll help you out.” For months I was terrified. My wife Lucy and I now refer to the period of time leading up to my daughter’s birth as “The Pit.” We barely spoke to each other because we didn’t know what to say. We simply suffered through each day, together, but feeling terribly alone. And then Genevieve was born. She spent her first eight days in the neonatal intensive care unit at a regional medical center. On each of those eight days I made the 150-mile round trip to see her, because she was my daughter. I sat in a surgical gown in intensive care, holding her in a tangle of tubes and wires, singing the same songs I had sung to other daughters. On the ninth day, she came home, and I began to realize that my feelings of fear and anxiety had changed in a way that no prenatal screening could ever have predicted. I now believe Genevieve is here for everyone. I believe Genevieve is taking over the world, one heart at a time — beginning with mine. I believe that what was once our perceived damnation has now become our unexpected salvation. Genevieve recently turned three and is doing very well for herself. She runs and climbs on everything and loves to wrestle with her two older sisters and her younger brother. She doesn’t have a lot of spoken words yet, although her first full sentence turned out to be, “What’s up with that?” She does have over 100 signs that allow her to ask for strawberries, pizza, or ice cream, or tell us when she wants to sleep or play on her computer. She goes to a regular preschool three days a week and seems to know more people around town than I do. I laugh every day because of Genevieve.

36

On my right wrist, I wear a simple silver chain with three little beads on it. I used to say the three beads signified the third chromosome that results in Trisomy 21, Down Syndrome. Now when I look at those beads, they simply remind me that I don’t ever know as much as I think I do, but I’m always capable of more than I think I am. © http://thisibelieve.org/

The True Source of Love

Kristen - Huntington, West Virginia My grandma, my hero, my life-long confidant and the receiver of my biggest regret: I hated her, she was an embarrassment, she was such a hassle. Why couldn’t I have a normal grandmother, the one who bakes cookies and tells stories? I had a grandmother who couldn’t even put together a sentence let alone bathe herself and it was all my responsibility. I had to bathe her, dress her, make her food and clean everything in her house. The funny thing is, I now feel like I didn’t do enough, if I had only known what I know now she wouldn’t be so bad. My life lesson is that people don’t have to be perfect to be loved. When I was younger she was healthy, we used to have sleep-overs and used to make home-made bread together. Then things started to get bad. She always had a little bit of a speech problem, but it was getting worse. On top of that, she was getting mean. I didn’t think she loved me, and worse of all I didn’t think I loved her. I hated going to her house, I would beg to stay home, anything but going to her house was fine with me. I cried every night for my old grandma, it was like she died, that person was not my grandma. As I got older, I had to do more. I had to bathe her, dress her, pretty much do her shopping and clean for her. I hated it, I wanted to just move to another town and never see her again. One day she fell down the steps and had to go to the hospital. We took her to many doctors before, but none had discovered what was truly wrong with her. It was three o’clock in the morning and the doctor told my mom and me that she had dementia, a disease somewhat like Alzheimer’s disease. He explained that it would only get worse and she needed to be in a nursing home. He told us that part of the disease makes people confuse their emotions. So all the times she was mean to me she was trying to show me how much she loved me. I couldn’t believe that I hated her for loving me. I spent the better part of a year crying myself to sleep and hating myself for not loving her. Not accepting my grandmother made me make the biggest mistake of my life –making me believe that people should be perfect to be loved. I now hope that everyone can learn that it is not about that. I hope people learn that love shouldn’t be decided from people’s flaws, but from their hearts. I hope that no one has to make the mistake that I made, I hope that people take my advice. If I would have learned this sooner, I wouldn’t hate myself and live in regret. Why couldn’t I have the perfect grandmother? I do, I was just too blind to see it before. © http://thisibelieve.org/



37

Dirt Bike Daniel-Oxford, Connecticut For as long as I can remember I have wanted a dirt bike. It might have been since birth. Possibly it could have started when my friend up the street got a quad. Personally I believe i was born twisting my right wrist and making engine noises but that’s (slightly) irrelevant. By the time I was in fourth grade u decided I had to have a dirt bike no matter what it took. I looked around to see what a bike cost and to my dismay there were none available in my price range (that would be fifty dollars or less). At that age I worked day in and day out doing chores endlessly for five dollars a week in allowance. That adds up (slowly) to twenty dollars a month. My friend’s shiny new blue quad cost $1800. Some people might have been discouraged by this situation. Luckily, I was never all that bright. For three years I barely spent a dime. My friends went to the movies and I went to television. In school i heard my friends talk about the movies they saw and watched as my neighbor limped around from his quad fighting back against his abuse. By seventh grade I had saved up nearly three hundred dollars. My parents eventually realized what having a bike meant to me and agreed to match whatever I could pay. I searched the local papers and bargain news with a passion for a few weeks before I saw a bike I could afford. It was old, not very shiny and it had bright pink shocks on the back of the bike. That same day I saw the bike we went and got it. It was not a shiny blue, brand new quad but it was still everything I imagined it would be. It was loud, wonderfully smelly, and it moved. I rode it up and down my dirt driveway until I knew every inch of it — the bike and the driveway. My hands must have soon gone numb since the weather was turning cold at the time but I don’t recall noticing. I had everything I had dreamt of. At roughly the same time as this I began to notice a few things about my neighbor’s quad. It did not seem so shiny anymore even though it was only a few years old, much younger than my bike. A lot of the parts were bent or broken and there always seemed to be a flat tire somewhere on it. It sat outside all alone and uncovered in the rain. The dirt on it was months old and quickly turning to rust. None of this bothered my friend. It was just a toy to him. If it broke someone would have it fixed for him. Or he might just get a brand new one. This is not to say my bike was perfect. There were a few times where I might not have had time to wash it after I rode it because it was too dark to see the end of my nose, never mind dirt. I did the best I could, however. My bike got the best possible treatment I could provide for it. I took care never to crash it becaue there was no extra money for parts in my pocket. I still didn’t have much money to go to the movies but i no longer ever wanted to. I had something far better. I’ve grown a few feet since those days and I’ve gotten newer and better and bigger bikes. I even got got a quad. I had to wait for my next bike even when it was long overdue because I had to save my money again. The smart thing to do would have been to sell my first bike to pay for the second. Perhaps you’ve guessed this by now but that bike is still sitting in my driveway. And I still smile every time i see it and think of all I went to through to get it, and then all I went through on it. Sometimes I wonder if my neighbor smiles when he sees what’s left of his quad in the back of his yard. © http://thisibelieve.org/


38

Click It or Lose It Andrea-Seminole, Florida

What is the first thing you do when you get into a car? Turn on the radio? Adjust your mirrors? Start dialing a friend’s number on your cell phone? The first thing I do is buckle up. Call me crazy, but I firmly believe that seatbelts can save your life. Why believe it? Well, because I have seen what happens when a person’s safety belt has been neglected. I was 12-years old and it was the first time I could go with my mother on “Bring Your Daughter to Work” Day. My mom worked the night shift in the Intensive Care Unit at the hospital. Years previous I had gone with my dad because of my tender age. At first I thought I was banned because of the long late hours the job required. I realize now it was because I was not yet mature enough to handle what I saw. I saw people on the worst day of their lives. They were lying on a cold bed with tubes coming out of every orifice. Seeing this is hard to handle, especially for a 12-year old. However, once I started working with my mom, I found it easier to deal with her elderly patients. Their pain was easier to come to terms with. They were old. They had lived a full life. What I could not understand was that poor 17-year old kid. He was in the prime of his life. This boy had his whole life ahead of him. Only now it was changed drastically. He had been driving his car without a seatbelt and somehow had gotten into an accident. I do not know the details and I probably never will. All I know is that this 17-year old kid was now a quadriplegic. If he moved his back at all, he could die. So the nurses strapped him to a board. He had to spend the entire night in an uncomfortable position, in a very scary place and he was very alone. I can never forget the tears in his eyes or how his voice quivered when he spoke. I wished desperately then that I could make his pain, his fear and his problem go away. I soon realized the only way to prevent that pain and fear is to go to the root of the problem. Now at 17, I do not start my car without clicking my seatbelt in place and without making sure my passengers do the same. This way if I do get in an accident, I know everyone has a greater chance of walking away. I am sorry that young man did not get that chance and I pray everything worked out for him. I just wish I could thank him for showing me that if you do not click your seatbelt, you could lose a lot.

© http://thisibelieve.org/


39

Leave the Last Cookie Emily- Austin, Texas One cookie left. Only one sweet, tantalizing, perfect cookie left. It’s the unspoken prize that everyone wants and no one will take. It would be so simple for me just to grab it. I mean, it is barely three feet from the plate to my mouth. One tiny movement of my arm and I’ll be enjoying the gooey-goodness that only a chocolate-chip cookie can bring. I can see myself throwing all self-control to the wind and gleefully cramming that last precious cookie into my face, my grunts of delight audible through the storm of crumbs flying from my mouth… but I leave the last cookie. I can’t pretend I haven’t noticed my friend’s furtive glances at the tempting treat. I can’t trick myself into believing that I, out of all these people, deserve this cookie any more than they do. So I leave the last cookie. After all, a cookie is simply food that will bring me momentary pleasure (alright, sheer delight, bliss, heaven!). But then it will pass through my body unnoticed leaving me with nothing but a little extra padding around the stomach. On the other hand, leaving the cookie for someone else means much more. It is a gesture of humility, respect, and simple thanks. Sometimes I feel like everyone cares only for themselves, racing through life with their heads down and eyes averted, worrying about nothing more than their own desires and goals. I get caught up in this selfish race too easily. I won’t be taken advantage of! I need to take the last cookie! Why should I show kindness when I know for a fact that it will only be exploited by the self-centered people around me? Why would I ever step back and let my competitors have what is rightfully mine? However, the simplest things can snap me back to reality — a homemade gift from a friend with a hectic schedule, or a stranger who goes out of her way to compliment my new skirt. All it takes is one kind gesture for me to realize that this egocentric competition is all in my head and incredibly enough I am still losing. I leave the last cookie because I know everyone deserves it. I leave the last cookie for the stranger who complimented my skirt. I leave the last cookie for my best friend who took the time to show that she cared. I leave the last cookie for my worst enemy because they have taught me what it is to feel hate and thereby made me appreciate love all the more. I leave the last cookie out of thanks to everyone who has made me cry tears of laughter, tears of grief, tears of joy, and tears of anger. I leave the last cookie to show that I am humbled by the people around me whose lives have inevitably shaped mine. I leave the last cookie knowing that by doing so I have made myself worthy, and someday someone will leave the last cookie for me. © http://thisibelieve.org/


40

Essay Conclusions: A Kinesthetic Approach By - Marcy Winograd Goal: Students will understand the essential elements of a conclusion. Objective: Students will identify the elements of a strong conclusion and write conclusions for essays that need them. Materials: Sample essays with and without conclusions. Lead-in: The teacher stands in front of the class with his/her hand on her forehead, as though looking at an approaching subway train. The teacher asks, "What am I doing?" After students comment, the teacher tells them s/he is demonstrating one of the essential elements of a strong conclusion; the writer must look to the future. Procedure: The teacher uses gestures to explain the four elements of a conclusion. First, s/he uses her hand to reach over her shoulder and pat her back. This represents the need to "touch back" to the main idea of the essay, as stated in the thesis paragraph. Second, s/he puts her hand on her forehead to demonstrate the importance of looking to the future. Third, s/he hits her heart with her fist to signify the importance of going to the heart of the matter; What difference does it all make? Why should the reader care? Finally, s/he pulls her arm back like she is about to let go of a sling shot. This is the "zinger" or final statement that leaves the reader thinking, "Wow!" After explaining the four conclusion elements, the teacher asks the class to join in and gesture along with her as she shouts, "Touch back; look to the future; go to the heart; end with a zinger." To add to the fun, the teacher can then invite students to come up in groups of four and time them to see how fast they can touch back, look to the future, go to the heart and end with a zinger. Once students have acted out the gestures, the teacher can pass out examples of essay conclusions that address all four elements. Students label each part of the conclusion. Next, the teacher passes out conclusions that are clearly lacking one or more of the elements. Students identify the weaknesses and rewrite the conclusions. Assessment: Students can be assessed on the conclusions they write or rewrite. The top score on the rubric indicates the conclusion touches back to the main idea or thesis, looks to the future, explains the importance of the issue and ends with a zinger or statement that makes the reader say, "Wow!" http://www.lessonplanspage.com/LAKinestheticApproachToWritingEssayConclusions58.htm

http://www.lessonplanspage.com/LAKinestheticApproachToWritingEssayConclusions58.htm�

41

Famous Last Movie Lines “Because he's the hero Gotham deserves, but not the one it needs right now...and so we'll hunt him, because he can take it. Because he's not a hero. He's a silent guardian, a watchful protector...a dark knight.” Lt. James Gordon, The Dark Knight “With the All Spark gone, we cannot return life to our planet. And fate has yielded its reward: a new world to call home. We live among its people now, hiding in plain sight, but watching over them in secret, waiting, protecting. I have witnessed their capacity for courage, and though we are worlds apart, like us, there's more to them than meets the eye. I am Optimus Prime, and I send this message to any surviving Autobots taking refuge among the stars. We are here. We are waiting.” Optimus Prime, Transformers “This is called farming! You kids are gonna grow all sorts of things! Vegetable plants, pizza plants... it's good to be home!” Captain, WALL-E “I sometimes catch myself looking up at the moon, remembering the changes of fortune in our long voyage, thinking of the thousands of people who worked to bring the three of us home. I look up at the moon, and wonder: When will we be going back? And who will that be?” Jim Lovell, Apollo 13 “Whatever life holds in store for me, I will never forget these words: 'With great power comes great responsibility.' This is my gift, my curse. Who am I? I'm Spider-man.” Peter Parker, Spiderman “After all, tomorrow is another day.” Scarlett O’Hara, Gone with the Wind “Kevin, what did you do to my room?” Buzz, Home Alone “Do I still have to sleep in the cupboard?” Chip, Beauty and the Beast “I never had any friends later on like the ones I had when I was 12. Jesus, does anyone?” Stand by Me “Roads? Where we're going, we don't need roads.” Dr. Emmett Brown, Back to the Future

42

Additional Activities:

Listing for Prewriting Listing is a powerful tool for generating ideas and for seeing connections between the ideas and your assigned topic. Directions: 1. Write your topic at the top of the page. 2. Write single words or short phrases that come to mind after reading and rereading your topic. Do not worry about connections or relevance; simply jot down everything that occurs to you. 3. Read the list carefully. Are there some items that seem to belong together? Group them, and assign a name to that group. Feel free to add to the list at any time and eliminate items that do not fit. 4. Write an assertion about each group: a description, its use, a saying associated with the topic, myths or legends associated with the topic. NOTE: Each of the above groups might become a section and/or major idea in the first draft of your paper.

Topic: Topic: apple pie cider William Tell tarts the Big Apple apple for the teacher “an apple a day keeps the doctor away” applesauce Apple computers Adam and Eve red green apple butter core stem Delicious Granny Smith Cortland apple juice crab apple apple jelly Snow White

43

Directed Free Writing

Directed Free Writing is a variation of free writing used when you have a topic but do not have any ideas about it. By freely writing ideas, phrases, sentences, words down, something specific usually comes to mind to help you develop your assigned essay topic. Directions: 1. Write the assigned topic at the top of a blank sheet of paper or in the space below. 2. Write nonstop for 10 minutes. No rules. Use words, phrases, ideas or sentences. 3. Reread the topic several times during the 10 minutes for some focus to your word association.

4. Use your highlighter to mark interesting words and ideas from this free writing. 5. Choose one of the ideas you have marked to develop and support your topic. 6. Write your first draft on a clean piece of paper or the back of this exercise.

Your Assigned Topic:

44

Rough Draft: Focus on Your Organization Skills

Instructions: Compose your rough draft on these two pages; use an additional piece of paper, if you need more room to complete your writing. When you have written your rough draft, complete the self-rating checklist on the second page to think about your organization skills. Use your self-ratings as a conversation starter when you go into a response group.

Rough Draft

Name:___________________________________

45

Reflecting on your Rough Draft: Read over your rough draft before rating yourself on these five organization skills. Put a “1”next to your strongest two organization skills, a “2” next to the two skills you might still need to work on, and a “3”next to the one skill you promise to think harder about when you write your second draft. _____ My introduction should “hook” my reader. _____ I divided the writing’s parts with paragraphs. _____ I used more interesting transition words than

and and then as I moved from idea to idea. _____ It’s very easy to identify where my writing’s

beginning, middle, and end are. _____ My conclusion wraps up my entire writing in a satisfactory way. 2008 Corbett Harrison. (http://corbettharrison.com) All rights reserved. Found at http://writingfix.com Teachers

may freely reprint for classroom use; for use outside of the classroom, please request permission to reprint at either web

http://corbettharrison.com/�

46

A Six Traits Classroom Resource From WritingFix: Organization Revision Notes

Organization: Rank each skill from 1 (low) to 5 (high):

My introduction grabs the reader’s attention. My conclusion links back to my introduction. I used transition words to move from idea to idea. My paragraphs show where my sub-topics begin & end. My title stands for my entire draft, not just a part of it.

Free 6-Trait resources come from WritingFix! This document was downloaded from http://writingfix.com/ ©2006 Northern Nevada Writing Project.

Conclusions Concluding paragraphs and sentences are sometimes the hardest to write. By the end you are tired and ready to be done, yet you aren’t sure how to tell the reader “That’s All, Folks.” However, your conclusion can be one of the most powerful parts of your entire essay. Your conclusion must

• Restate your opinion/topic. • End your essay.

Your conclusion is very important. It gives you a chance to

• Remind your reader of your main idea or opinion. • Give the essay a sense of completeness. • Leave a lasting impression with the reader.

Some tips:

• Answer the question, “So what?” Why is your paper important? What do you want the reader to do with the information you just gave them?

• Make your conclusion a complete paragraph. Make sure you write more than just one or two sentences.

• DON’T just repeat your main idea and three reasons. The reader already read your paper. Show them how your reasons fit together to prove your main point.

• DON’T write, “The End.” This isn’t a fairy tale and we aren’t in 3rd grade anymore. We need a more sophisticated way of telling the reader that we are concluding a well-thought-out essay.

• DON’T leave the reader hanging. Have you ever watched a movie or T.V. show that just suddenly ended? You want the reader to have a sense of closure at the end so that they aren’t wondering if they are missing the final page.

Real Life Examples: • Essays from “This I Believe” website, included. There are thousands more on the website.

• Last movie lines also provide great ideas for how to end without leaving the audience hanging. See the “Famous Last Movie Lines” handout for movie examples.

http://writingfix.com/�

47

To Conclude, a Few Strategies for Students

Quote, Saying, or Song Lyrics

• Think of a quote or saying that relates to your main idea. o Example: In Spiderman, the movie ends with Peter Parker (AKA Spiderman) quoting his

uncle: “Whatever life holds in store for me, I will never forget these words: ‘With great power comes great responsibility.’ This is my gift, my curse. Who am I? I'm Spider-man.” This quote ties up the main idea of the movie quite nicely, don’t you think?

o Example: Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl ends with Captain Jack Sparrow looking at his compass while singing, “Drink up me 'earties. Yo ho!” (the song from the Pirates of the Caribbean ride at Disney World).

Call to Action

• This is particularly effective for persuasive essays. In your conclusions, tell the reader what you want them to do as a result of your essay.

o Example: If you are writing a persuasive essay about the need to recycle, your final line might look like this: So, the next time you finish your 20 ounces of Pepsi, make sure you toss that plastic bottle into a recycling bin. Your contribution can help make our planet a healthier and greener place to live.

Question

• It’s OK to occasionally talk to the reader in your essay. End with a question that makes the reader connect your main idea to their lives.

o Example: In The Cat in the Hat, Dr. Seuss ends his mad cat-filled caper with the mother asking her two children what they did that day. The two kids look at each other but we never find out if they told their mother the truth. Instead, Seuss ends with a question to the reader: “Well . . . What would YOU do if your mother asked you?” Somehow that works even better.

Echo the Introduction

• If you began your essay with a scenario or dialogue, you can end your essay the same way. It is almost like you are bookending your essay with another story. If you enjoy writing stories or dialogues, this is your chance to strut your stuff. Be careful to make sure your scenario relates to the essay topic!

o Example: At the end of Titanic, the boat is sunk at the bottom of the ocean, filled with water and rotted wood. Yet, as the camera moves through the sunken ship, the boat slowly changes so that it looks the same as it did on its maiden sail almost 100 years before. People who died on the Titanic are suddenly alive and we see Jack and Rose (young again) reunited with all the passengers and crew looking on. It’s the ending everyone would like to see.

48

Weeks Three and Four: Support and Elaboration

• Week Three, Day One:

• Define and Understand the Purpose of Support and Elaboration • Strategies for Supporting and Elaborating Ideas

• Explain • Exemplify

• Week Three, Day Two:

• Strategies for Supporting and Elaborating Ideas, Continued • Describe using imagery • Describe using figurative language

• Week Three, Day Three:

• Elaboration Using Sensory Language

• Week Three, Day Four:

• Elaboration Using Sensory Language, Continued

• Week Three, Day Five:

• Elaboration Using Figurative Language


• General Support and Elaboration Activities

• Week Four, Day One and Two:

• Outrageous Opinion Letter • Analyze models • Brainstorm • Write an Outrageous Opinion

• Week Four, Day Three:

• Provide Support for Arguments

• Week Four, Day Four:

• Revise Outrageous Opinion Letter for Support and Elaboration Peer Revision using Traits of Writing Rubric, or other Rubric

49

Using peer editing comments, revise and draft in personal letter format

• Week Four, Day Five:

• Students participate in a Gallery Walk, reading the final drafts of the Outrageous Opinion Letter, leaving positive comments about the quality of support and elaboration with Post-It Notes.

Additional Combinations of Activities:


50

Weeks Three and Four: Sunshine State Standards Benchmarks by FCAT Writing Measurement Categories

LA.B.1.3.3

LA.B.1.3.2

LA.B.1.3.1

Grade 8

Benchmark






ain idea; and dem

onstrates a comm

itment to


ith the subject. N




LA.B.2.3.3)




Focus



Organization




onstrates a com

mand of language

(word choice) w


Support

51





mon usage,


comm


comm



atting. N




Conventions

LA.B.1.4.3

LA.B.1.4.2

LA.B.1.4.1

Grade 10

Benchmark




onstrates a comm

itment


ith the subject. N




LA.B.2.4.3)




Focus



pleteness.

Organization




onstrates a mature

comm



Support

52



mas, colons, and

comm








s. N




Conventions

53

Week Three, Day One:

Defining and Understanding Support and Elaboration

Discuss purpose of Support and Elaboration:

Give students Legos, Jenga blocks, or any kind of block. Have them

build the tallest structure they can. However, they can have no more than two blocks on the bottom and one block on the top and as many as they want in between. (Represents giving the idea without supporting it) Once all blocks fall, have the students build the tallest structure they can. This time, there are no limitations except that at the top they must have only one block. They can have as big of a base as they want (even joining with other teams if they want). This structure represents a properly supported idea. It would be great to take pictures of this activity for a visual reminder of the importance of supporting ideas for students.

Key Commands in Elaboration:

Tell me more Prove it

54

Practice Using Imagery For Elaboration Use imagery to place the reader in a scene by evoking the five senses. Think of a particular place. (the mall, your kitchen, a classroom, a doctor's office, etc.) Spend a few moments focusing on the details that most people do not notice. Then, complete these lines below. I see I hear I smell I taste I feel Now, write a passage to describe the place using some of the images from your list. DO NOT use the words see, hear, smell, taste, or feel.

55

Elaboration Using Sensory Language

Hershey Kiss Discovery • Students create a writing piece using their senses of sight, touch, smell and taste to describe

the outside and inside of a Hershey Kiss without using the words chocolate, Hershey, or Kiss.

The Naming of the Shoe • Foster different modes of writing focusing on elaboration strategies.

Build curiosity the day before the assignment by telling students to be sure to wear socks with no holes the next class day. The day of the assignment, have students take out paper and pen. Assign them an identifying number- students are NOT to put their names on their papers. Next, have them take off both shoes and place the right one inside a large plastic bag which you will keep at your desk. Instruct students to place the left one on top of their desks. Allow students 10-15 minutes to describe in detail their left shoe. After they have described their shoe, they may give it a personality, name, tell where the shoe has been, how they value their shoe, or why they chose that type of shoe (encourage creativity). After allowed time, collect all papers. Students place their left shoe in a pile centrally located in the room. Be sure shoes are "mixed up" and the right shoes remain hidden. A volunteer selects a paper and reads it aloud to the class. Volunteers may NOT read their own paragraphs. The teacher monitors this by the assigned identifying numbers. If the volunteer/reader can find the correct shoe from the DESCRIPTION, the owner of the shoe gets to put on both shoes. Should the reader not choose the correct shoe, the paper goes back in the stack and no shoe is taken from the pile. The student whose paragraph was written well enough to regain his/her shoe, selects and reads the next paper. This continues until all shoes are gone from the pile. This activity could also be conducted in small groups, so that students would get their shoes back faster!

Sense(ability) Sense(itivity) • Use the SENSORY WORD CHART to create paragraphs and essays that include sight,

sound, touch, taste, and smell. Hand out the SENSORY WORD CHART to each student. Ask students to use one word from each column to write a short paragraph. After five minutes, ask for student volunteers to read their work. Explain how the addition of this sensory elaboration increases the substance of the piece. Continue the activity by asking students to select one more sensory word from each column to add to the first paragraph. Start a second paragraph that extends the ideas presented in the first paragraph. Use more sensory words in this paragraph. Use as many of the words from each column as needed to reinforce adding sensory elaboration to the writing.

• Extension:

Assign a row from the list of SIGHT words from the chart to create a SIGHT poem using all of the words. Assign each of the other rows one of the sensory topics: SOUND, TOUCH, TASTE & SMELL. Tell each row they need to create a poem specific to that sensory topic. Ask for volunteers to read the sensory poems. Illustrate the poems with related sensory images or symbols. Keep the SENSORY WORD CHART in a writing portfolio for future use.

http://alex.state.al.us/lesson_view.php?id=10420�

56

Sensory Word Chart

SIGHT RADIANT COPPERY LOFTY LANKY SCRAWNY SHUFFLE MISERABLE SKULKING MERRY OVAL SPINNING PUFFY STOUT MINIATURE GARGANTUAN SLIGHT DENSE STIFF WADDLE COLD DREAMY ELUSIVE MEAN KIND SOMBER RUDE PROUD TIMID WISTFUL WILLFUL YOUTHFUL OBESE COLOR WORDS

SOUND RAUCOUS ROAR BLEAT BABBLE TRUMPET WHISPER CLANGING SERENADE GIGGLE PULSING GRATING LITLING SQUEAL CHATTER BRAY SPUTTER BOISTEROUS CLANK CREAK RINGING THUNDEROUS UPROARIOUS ANGRY BITTER GIDDY SAD RAUCOUS SARCASTIC SHOCKING CHATTY BOMBASTIC TINKLING THUMPING

TOUCH PRICKLY DRY RIDGED GRITTY DANK CLAMMY SATINY BRISTLY GNARLED POWDERY OILY WAXY CRUMPLED DOWNY WOOLY FROZEN VELVETY SCORCHING SLIPPERY STICKY YIELDING ICY SOFT TACKY ROUGH SCRATCHY COLD FRIGID KIND SEDUCTIVE SWEET SYMPATHETIC SHOCKING

TASTE & SMELL SALTY SUGARY FERMENTED ACIDIC FRUITY TART SAVORY SCORCHED ZESTY MEATY CHARRED PUTRID SMOKY MEDICINAL BITING EARTHY MUSTY FLORAL FRAGRANT WOODSY NUTTY SPICY BARBEQUE CHARCOAL ROTTEN PERFUMED RANCID CINNAMON MUSHY RUBBERY AROMATIC CHOKING FLOWERY

57

Week Three, Day Two: More Strategies for Elaborating on Ideas

Focusing the Binoculars

1. List 5 places you love a. Examples (Key West, posh resort hotel

room, Manhattan, my porch) 2. Choose one place to write about and focus the

binoculars, narrowing down a topic a. Key West b. (focus the binoculars) The reef c. (try to get even smaller) Coral reef five

miles from shore in the Atlantic Ocean 3. Choose a new location from your list, repeat step #2.

Extension using Sensory Language 1. Think of your special place and what sights, sounds, and smells come to mind

a. I see the endless expanse of ocean, extending far beyond my vision. b. I hear the water lapping against the hull of my boat. c. I smell the salty air and the dead fish floating past. d. I taste the ocean water and spit it out, wincing. e. I feel the weightlessness of the water surrounding me.

2. Students write a paragraph about their favorite place using as many sensory details as possible.

a. The boat speeds toward what seems to be a lot of nothing. Nothing but the vast expanse of ocean in front of, behind, all around us. The eye can see forever, seeing only water as we continue on. We reach our destination, five miles from shore and I immediately breathe in the salty air, letting it cleanse my lungs of the pollutants of city life. I feel the Key West heat and humidity dissipate as I am surrounded by a weightless cool liquid. My body effortlessly floats face down in the middle of the Atlantic, and I begin to see the aquatic city come alive beneath my body. From this point I feel nothing, hear nothing, taste nothing, and see everything.

3. Teachers- it is important to model this entire process. Write about your favorite place! Stress sentence variety in conjunction with imagery.

58

Week Three, Day Four and Five:

Five Strategies for Supporting and Elaborating on ideas: Know it & Show it List for students the following types of elaboration: Type Definition Two Examples: Facts/Statistics Statements that can be proved Sensory details Words that appeal to the five senses Incidents Events that illustrate a main idea Examples Specific cases or instances that

illustrate a main idea Quotations The words of an expert, authority,

famous person, author, or poet Discuss and explain the types of elaboration:

• Brainstorm a topic together that will interest students, for example: football, baseball, winter vacation.

• Ask students to share and record 2 examples of each type of elaboration from the chalkboard that relate to the topic.

• Have students copy the chart. Individual Activity: Students will write a paragraph on one of the topics below.

• An incident that taught you something about yourself • How to play a sport you enjoy • A place that has a special meaning • A special person who has positively influenced you • A police car screamed down the street. • Crime does not pay.

Instruct students to develop the paragraph by using at least two of the five types of elaboration.

• Students will take turns sharing their writing. • Discuss the types of elaboration used in the paragraph and ways to improve the writing. • Highlight and label the elaboration techniques in the paragraph. • Instruct students to revise the paragraph. • Ask for volunteers to share their writing. • Collect the students’ examples, and display the best examples.

Students will generate ideas on a given persuasive topic, to prepare for Day Five. (e.g. High school football programs should be abolished.)

• Students are to take a position on the issue and develop 3 – 5 reasons to support their position.

59

Using “DRAPES” for Elaborating Persuasive Writing: Draw and Shade Your Ideas Objective: Students will produce a layered paragraph or essay using the DRAPES strategy to elaborate their initial ideas. • The day before, direct the students to generate ideas on a given persuasive topic. (e.g. High school football programs should be abolished.)

• Students are to take a position on the issue and develop 3 – 5 reasons to support their position.

• The next day, write out the following explanation of DRAPES and discuss the meaning of each:

• D = Dialogue • R = Rhetorical question • A = Analogy • P = Personal example • E = Example • S = Statistics

• Ask for student volunteers to share one of their reasons for their position on abolishing football programs. Write it down so everyone can see it. (e.g. Football is a big money-maker.) • Explain that once they have given a reason for their position, that reason then needs explanation which proves this reason to be true. This provides needed elaboration for a well written essay. • Next, ask the class to generate ideas that relate to DRAPES to prove that football makes money and to show how they know that. • Write their responses next to the appropriate letter from DRAPES. • A sample response to each would be: • D (Dialogue): Carlos Rodriguez, our athletic director, said, “Last year, profit from football tickets alone

made $18,000 for the school.” • R (Rhetorical question): Do you know how much an average spectator spends at a game? • A (Analogy): Football games bring in cash the same way that rain brings in crops. • P (Personal example): Last Friday, my friend Ebony and I went to a football game, and

this is what we spent… • E (Example): One example of profit is from concessions. Hot dogs alone bring in… • S (Statistics): 62% of our student body bought at least one ticket to a game this month at

the cost of $3 each.

• Instruct students to use DRAPES to write a well-developed paragraph supporting their position on abolishing football. Note: this can be expanded into a full essay by using a different reason for each successive paragraph.

60

Week Four, Day One and Two:

Practice Persuasion: The Outrageous Opinions Letter

Analyze Models, Brainstorm, Then Write Your own Outrageous Opinion. Day One: Give students a few examples of outrageous opinions, such as: “Everybody should start saving cat hair”, No one should be allowed to eat strawberry yogurt.” Students (with the teacher’s help) brainstorm crazy opinions on their own. These ideas are then compiled into a class list. Statements with “always” and “never” are particularly good. Examples: All people should live in caves. People should be allowed to drive as soon as their feet can reach the pedals. Schools should be outlawed. The President of the United States cannot be older than 30 when elected. People should be allowed to live in Walmart. Using PAC or RAFT, students write out their entire prompt. Be sure that they identify a specific audience/person who has the power to make their opinion happen. Pre- write on their topic, focusing on support and elaboration. Remind the students to use the strategies they learned last week. (You may want to spend one day doing only prewriting to make sure the support and elaboration is quality.) Day Two: Students write a persuasive letter to their intended audience.

Example Creating the Prompt RAFT PAC

Role: Taco Bell Fan

Purpose: To convince Zagat that Taco Bell is authentic ethnic food

Audience: Editor of Zagat Dining Guide Audience: Editor of Zagat Dining Guide

Format: Letter Context: Letter

Topic: To convince Zagat that Taco Bell is authentic ethnic food

61

Dear Zagat Guide, I have a bone to pick with you. Last night, as I do many nights, I sat down to choose a dinner restaurant. I was in the mood for Mexican, so I perused your ethnic foods section. To my shock, I discovered that Taco Bell was not listed. No problem. I figured it was simply an oversight; some editor had clearly mistakenly removed the page with the Taco Bell listing. I figured it was my civic duty to make you aware of the situation. So I called the 800 number on the back of the book. To my shock, Tammy, your not-so-helpful customer service representative, informed me that Taco Bell was not included because it is not “real” Mexican food! Well, I beg to differ. Taco Bell is clearly real Mexican food. I mean, have you looked at the menu? Every item is in Spanish. Tacos, burritos, quesadillas . . . there isn’t an English word to be found. Having a menu in a language the typical American doesn’t understand is the very definition of an authentic ethnic restaurant. Taco Bell surely qualifies. Furthermore, even their mascot is Mexican! Taco Bell’s Spanish-speaking Chihuahua should be proof enough. For goodness sake, the “Yo quiero Taco Bell” puppy is even named after a Mexican state! What more do you want? If you still aren’t convinced, compare the Taco Bell menu to the offerings of any given “authentic” Mexican restaurant. Notice any similarities? Tacos? Check. Burritos? Check. It seems to me that there are more similarities than differences. Even where there are culinary differences, Taco Bell still steps up to the plate. Sure, they don’t serve sopapillas, but they have those crunch cinnamon twists, right? They are practically the same thing. Sure, Taco Bell might serve Pepsi instead of Horchata, but does that make my friendly drive-thru restaurant any less Mexican? I think not! Do you now see that you have unfairly excluded a bona fide culinary treasure? Every year, millions visit Mexico via their taste buds with a Taco Bell taco, and I believe they deserve to have their voices heard. Be reasonable. To my mind, Taco Bell is as authentic Mexican as you can get. Please add them to your world famous dining directory. Millions of Americans will thank you. Sincerely, Ms. Rehceat PS. Would you also consider adding Dominoes Pizza under your Italian dining section?

62

Week Four, Day Three:

You Have an Opinion, and You Want to be Heard! Students will use questioning strategies to provide evidence to expand opinion statements with concrete examples. • Model a personal statement. [e.g. I am good at quilting.] • Instruct students to write a sentence about something they are good at. • Ask student volunteers to share their opening statements of opinion. • Tell all students to “Prove It”: to prove their statement. Ask if they have any trophies, honors,

compliments, prizes or products. Show students by modeling. [e.g I was invited to exhibit my quilts at our local public library.]

• Invite students to share their written proof to show possibilities to those who are slower in responding.

• Then ask them “Who Says So?”, modeling with the teacher’s example. [e.g My friends and family say my quilts are beautiful and ask me to make them one.]

This step adds detail and personalizes the example. Extension: • Students write a narrative vignette. A teacher model might begin: [Last year I made a quilt for my

sister’s baby. She loved it. . . . etc.] Invite students to exchange with a peer or read aloud to the class. • Finally, ask students to make a comparison. The teacher might model: [e.g. I’d rather make

quilts than crochet.] Once more, students share.

Elaboration skills targeted in this lesson: • DEFINITION: What do you mean? • PROVE IT: Give a specific detail. • AUTHORITATIVE QUOTE: Who says so? • NARRATIVE VIGNETTE: Tell a one or two-sentence story. • COMPARISON: Use an –er or –est word or a “rather than” sentence.

63

Week Four, Day Four:

Revise Outrageous Opinion Letter Students will revise draft essays using questions to guide their elaboration. • Distribute the REWRITING FOR ELABORATION worksheet (next page), and students’ Outrageous Opinion letters. Students will reread their essays, making sure all relevant questions are answered or addressed. If the questions are not answered or addressed, the students should incorporate these new ideas.

Note to Teacher: Students need to view rewriting as more than editing, polishing, or proofreading. Rewriting is more than correcting flaws in papers that have already been graded. Although a draft represents an initial attempt to express a message, most writers don’t find its meaning and form until they’ve reviewed the draft. Students need time to let their compositions grow. They need to examine every level of the discourse, review the decisions they made, and incorporate responses from teachers and other students. They may need to rewrite the piece several times until they’re satisfied that it says what they mean. The questions on the worksheet will help them do so.

64

Rewriting for Elaboration Worksheet Student Directions: Use the following questions to revise and further elaborate your Outrageous Opinion letter in a small group. Revise your letter, including your new elaborations.

Subject, Audience, Purpose 1. What’s the most important thing I want to say about my subject? 2. For whom am I writing this paper? What would my reader want to know about the subject? What

does my reader already know about it? 3. Why do I think the subject is worth writing about? Will my reader think the paper was worth

reading? 4. What verb explains what I’m trying to do in this paper (tell a story, compare X and Y, describe Z)? 5. Does my first paragraph answer questions 1 – 4? If not, why not?

Organization 6. How many specific points did I make about my subject? Did I overlap or repeat any points? Did I

leave any points out or add some that aren’t relevant to the main idea? 7. How many paragraphs did I use to talk about each point? 8. Why did I talk about them in this order? Should the order be changed? 9. How did I get from one point to the next? What signposts did I give the reader? Paragraphing (Ask these questions of every paragraph) 10. What job is this paragraph supposed to do? How does it relate to the paragraph before and after it? 11. What’s the topic idea? Will my reader have trouble fi nding it? 12. How many sentences did it take to develop the topic idea? Can I substitute better examples,

reasons, or details? 13. How well does the paragraph hold together? How many levels of generality does it have? Are the

sentences different lengths and types? Do I need transitions? When I read the paragraph out loud, did it flow smoothly?

Sentences (Ask these questions of every sentence) 14. Which sentences in my paper do I like the most? The least? 15. Can my reader “see” what I’m saying? What words could I substitute for “people,” “things,” “this/

that,” “aspect,” and so forth? 16. Is this sentence “fat”? (e.g. sentences that are lengthened unnecessarily which obscures meaning) 17. Can I combine this sentence with another one? 18. Can I add adjectives and adverbs or find a more lively verb?

Things To Check Last 19. Did I check spelling and punctuation? What kinds of words do I usually misspell? What kinds of

punctuation problems did I have in my last paper? 20. How does my paper end? Did I keep the promises I made to my reader at the beginning of the

paper? 21. When I read the assignment again, did I miss anything? 22. What do I like best about this paper? What do I need to work on in the next paper?

65

Week Four, Day Five:

Gallery Walk Activity: Directions The teacher chooses four letters with great examples of elaboration and support for the outrageous opinions. If possible, enlarge them for posting on a wall, and remove student names, using a number to identify specific papers. Students rotate in small groups to each station, looking for specific kinds of elaboration, such as students used in the You Have an Opinion, and You Want to be Heard! activity. Each time they find support for an opinion, they should copy the example and label it, or use the chart below.

Letter #

Type of Elaboration: From You Have an Opinion and You Want to be Heard Activity- Definition, Prove It, Authoritative Quote, Narrative Vignette, Comparison

Example:

66

Week Five: Voice

• Week Five, Day One:

• Lessons in Voice • The Exploding Whale story

• Week Five, Day Two:

• Analyzing for Voice • Rewriting to add voic

• Week Five, Day Three:

• Elaboration Using Sensory Language

• Week Five, Day Four:

• Word Choice: Choose Choice Words • Use Choice Words: Through Different Eyes

• Week Five, Day Five:

• Elaboration Using Layered Language: Believe it or Not Activit



67

Week Five: Sunshine State Standards Benchmarks by FCAT Writing Measurement Categories

LA.B.1.3.3

LA.B.1.3.2

LA.B.1.3.1

Grade 8

Benchmark






ain idea; and dem

onstrates a comm

itment to


ith the subject. N




LA.B.2.3.3)




Focus



Organization




onstrates a com

mand of language

(word choice) w


Support

68





mon usage,


comm


comm



atting. N




Conventions

LA.B.1.4.3

LA.B.1.4.2

LA.B.1.4.1

Grade 10

Benchmark




onstrates a comm

itment


ith the subject. N




LA.B.2.4.3)




Focus



pleteness.

Organization




onstrates a mature

comm



Support

69



mas, colons, and

comm








s. N




Conventions

70

Week Five, Day One: The Exploding Whale Lesson

Article A: Friday, November 13, 1970 By Larry Bacon The sun was shining and there was a gentle breeze on the beach south of the Siuslaw River Thursday as State Highway Division workers placed twenty 50-pound cases of explosives under the 45-foot whale which washed up on the beach Monday. Coast residents, as well as many from Eugene, walked over the sand dunes to the beach to see the show. Cameras dangled from nearly everyone. The crowd included a sprinkling of television cameramen. As workmen excavated the holes for the dynamite, shutterbugs took pictures of each other in front of the beached whale — lying on its side displaying a gaping red and white expanse of flesh and bone where someone had sawed away its lower jaw. Everybody stayed upwind. One woman onlooker suggested the highway division should wait until Monday to blow up the whale. That way, she reasoned, the people who come to the beach for the weekend could have an opportunity to see it. For safety reasons, George Thornton, assistant district highway engineer, ordered everyone back as demolition experts from his Eugene office placed the charges. He said his plan was to place the explosives so the force of the blast would throw most of the pieces of the whale toward the ocean. Then when the tide washed it back in, he said, highway crews would haul away or bury what the seagulls didn’t eat. It took an hour and 45 minutes to place the dynamite. As final preparations were made, a green-helmeted sheriff’s deputy moved the ranks of onlookers back. The dunes a quarter mile south of the whale were dotted with spectators — most of them watching through binnoculars [sic] or telescopic camera lenses. Thornton gave the signal to push the plunger. The beach erupted in a 100-foot high column of sand and whale. Chunks of the animal flew in every direction and spectators began to scream and run for cover when they glimpsed the large pieces soaring directly overhead. No one was hit, but a piece about three feet long caved in the top of a late-model car in a South Jetty Road parking lot. Walter Umenhofer, a Springfield businessman, stood in the middle of a crowd around his damaged car and ruefully watched a hard-hatted highway worker remove the piece of blubber with a shovel. “My insurance company’s never going to believe this,” he said.

71

After the large pieces had fallen, it began to rain small particles of foul-smelling blubber. Many in the crowd ran for their cars and drove away. But they wouldn’t be rid of the nauseating odor until they bathed and washed their clothes and cars. Down on the beach, Thornton inspected the blast area — strewn with pieces of whale and sprinkled with blubber powder. Where the whale had been, there was a large hole. The only recognizable part of the whale was its tail, a few feet from the blast area. The smell had improved, but not much. “It went just exactly right,” Thornton said. “Except the blast funneled a hole in the sand under the whale.” As a result, he said, part of the whale was thrown away from the ocean toward the parking lot. He added the result of the blast justified the precautions taken in moving the crowd so far away. As Thornton walked away, a bulldozer began moving in to bury some of the larger chunks. A small boy ran down the beach ahead of his father. “Look,” the boy cried. “A piece of the whale.” A long-haired young man wearing an Army field jacket and carrying a movie camera stood watching. “Unbelievable,” he muttered. “So incredibly surrealistic.” © 1970 Eugene Register-Guard

Article B: Son of Blubber “My insurance company is never going to believe this,” said Springfield, Ore., businessman Walter Umenhofer as he surveyed the crushed remains of his big Buick. A 3-foot by 5-foot piece of foul-smelling, rotting whale blubber had moments before soared a quarter-mile through the air, arching gracefully over a crowd of spectators perched on the sand dunes overlooking the Pacific Ocean, only to totally crush the top of Umenhofer’s car. That was the scene on the central Oregon coast nearly 25 years ago — Thursday Nov. 12, 1970 — a day that still lives in America’s collective memory. That’s the day the state Highway Division tried to blow up a beached whale south of Florence, Ore. But the plan went awry, creating one of the most interesting stories ever reported in newspapers, on radio and TV. It was even voted Oregon’s best news wire service story of the year. And thanks to a pirated video and electronic bulletin boards, the story not only won’t die — it’s taken on a life of its own. The flying blubber incident survives today as an Oregon legend, kept alive by a film-video of the event that has found its way to an east coast think-tank. Last spring, a vivid description of the whale blowup, titled The Farside Comes To Life In Oregon, appeared on subscriber electronic bulletin boards nationwide. Its author describes in detail his video copy of a TV film news report of the day by (Portland,

72

Ore.) Channel 2’s Paul Linnman. But the electronic bulletin board story left out one important detail — the fact that the blubber blowup happened a quarter- century ago. To top it off, a columnist for the Daily News in Moscow-Pullman, (Idaho-Wash.), reprinted the electronic bulletin board article word-for-word, oblivious to the age of the story. “We started getting calls from curious reporters across the country right after the electronic bulletin board story appeared,” said Ed Schoaps, public affairs coordinator for the Oregon Department of Transportation. “They thought the whale had washed ashore recently, and were hot on the trail of a governmental blubber flub-up. They were disappointed that the story has 25 years of dust on it.” Schoaps has fielded calls from reporters and the just-plain- curious in Oregon, San Francisco, Washington, D.C., and Massachusetts. The Wall Street Journal called, and Washington, D.C.-based Governing magazine covered the immortal legend of the beached whale in its June issue. And the phone keeps ringing. “I get regular calls about this story,” Schoaps said. His phone has become the blubber hotline for ODOT, he added. “It’s amazes me that people are still calling about this story after nearly 25 years.” Here’s what really happened in November 1970. Remember, we are not making this up. An 8-ton, 45-foot-long sperm whale, dead for some time, washed up on the Pacific Ocean beach south of Florence, Ore. At first it was a curiosity for local residents and visiting beachcombers. But the beached behemoth became a stinking mess as the foul smell of rotting whale wafted through the dunes. The state Highway Division was given the task of cleaning up the mess. But how? If buried, the carcass would soon be uncovered by the ocean tides. Officials at the Department of the Navy were consulted, and a plan was hatched to blast the blubber to smithereens using a half-ton of dynamite. What little was left would be eaten by seagulls. (Remember, we are not making this up.) Needless to say, it didn’t go well. The blast pulverized only part of the whale, sending pieces soaring — not toward the ocean, as planned, but toward people watching from the dunes. Luckily, although a car was crushed by a large piece of flying blubber, no onlookers were hurt, unless you count being covered by a rain of smaller particles of the foul-smelling flesh. That’s when most onlookers left and the Highway Division crew buried the balance of the beached whale. “I can remember it vividly,” said George Thornton, then assistant district engineer, who got the whale cleanup task by default. “I got designated because district engineer Dale Allen (now ODOT Region 4 manager in Bend, Ore.) and others took off hunting when this thing broke — conveniently, I think,” Thornton said, laughing. “To be fair, they had [already] planned on going [hunting], but this thing made them all the more anxious to go.” “I said to my supervisors, usually when something happens like this, the person ends up getting promoted,” Thornton added. “Sure enough, about six months later, I got promoted to Medford.” Thornton retired from ODOT in 1990. Epilogue: When a pod of 41 sperm whales washed ashore in nearly the same location in 1979, State Parks officials burned and buried them. © 1994 Oregon Department of Transportation

73

Article C: The Farside Comes to Life in Oregon By Dave Barry (1990) I am absolutely not making this incident up; in fact I have it all on videotape. The tape is from a local TV news show in Oregon, which sent a reporter out to cover the removal of a 45-foot, eight-ton dead whale that washed up on the beach. The responsibility for getting rid of the carcass was placed upon the Oregon State Highway Division, apparently on the theory that highways and whales are very similar in the sense of being large objects. So anyway, the highway engineers hit upon the plan — remember, I am not making this up — of blowing up the whale with dynamite. The thinking here was that the whale would be blown into small pieces, which would be eaten by sea gulls, and that would be that. A textbook whale removal. So they moved the spectators back up the beach, put a half-ton of dynamite next to the whale and set it off. I am probably not guilty of understatement when I say that what follows, on the videotape, is the most wonderful event in the history of the universe. First you see the whale carcass disappear in a huge blast of smoke and flame. Then you hear the happy spectators shouting “Yayy!” and “Whee!” Then, suddenly, the crowd’s tone changes. You hear a new sound like “splud.” You hear a woman’s voice shouting “Here come pieces of… MY GOD!” Something smears the camera lens. Later, the reporter explains: “The humor of the entire situation suddenly gave way to a run for survival as huge chunks of whale blubber fell everywhere.” One piece caved in the roof of a car parked more than a quarter of a mile away. Remaining on the beach were several rotting whale sectors the size of condominium units. There was no sign of the sea gulls, who had no doubt permanently relocated in Brazil. This is a very sobering videotape. Here at the institute we watch it often, especially at parties. But this is no time for gaiety. This is a time to get hold of the folks at the Oregon State Highway division and ask them, when they get done cleaning up the beaches, to give us an estimate on the US Capitol. © 1990 Miami Herald

74

Lesson: Identifying Voice, Audience and Purpose

Using the three preceding articles students create two separate tree maps identifying the voice within the articles and the intended audience. Tree Map One: Examples of Voice At the top write "Exploding Whale". The three stems are the three article titles. Under each of the article titles, students pick out specific examples of voice. They write the exact quote. It could be a word, phrase, or sentence.

Exploding Whale Articles: Examples

of Voice

Article A

Example of Voice

Article B

Example of Voice

Article C

Example of Voice

75

Tree Map Two: Categorizing by Audience and Purpose At the top write "Audience and Purpose" The four stems are: Article title, Writing Format (article, column, etc), Audience, and Purpose After reading the articles, fill in the tree map, working across so that the students see how audience and purpose influence voice.

Article C

Article B

Article A

Stems

Tree Map Audience and Purpose

Article Title

(Examples)

(Examples)

(Examples)

Writing Format

(Examples)

(Examples)

(Examples)

Audience

(Examples)

(Examples)

(Examples)

Purpose

(Examples)

(Examples)

(Examples)

76

Week Five, Day Three: Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?

An Exercise in Voice. Read through these examples with students. Help them analyze each different “voice”, and describe how it impacts word choice. Then have students brainstorm other “voices”, such as Paris Hilton, Homer Simpson, Batman, etc. Students should rewrite the original in three new voices

The Original Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side. Dr. Seuss Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes! The chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed, I’ve not been told!

Ernest Hemingway To die. In the rain. Colonel Sanders I missed one? Martin Luther King, Jr. I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross without having their motives called into question. Grandpa In my day, we didn’t ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road and that was good enough for us. Aristotle It is the nature of the chicken to cross the road.

Karl Marx It was a historical inevitability. Saddam Hussein This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it. Captain Kirk To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

77

Bill Gates I have just released eChicken 2000, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken. The Bible And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, “Thou shalt cross the road.” And the chicken crossed the road and there was much rejoicing.

Use this form each time you rewrite the original version

Identify the voice: (i.e., President Obama):

Rewrite the Original:

Analyze your writing and list the specific words you used to indicate your character’s voice:

78

Week Five, Day Four: Choose Choice Words

Remind students of the importance of word choice by reviewing the Chicken Crosses Road stories they wrote. Model some examples of switching out words to change the voice of a piece of writing. Use some of their Chicken Crosses Road rewrites, and switch out specific words to illustrate.

Students will need to fold a piece of paper into three columns. Label the columns “My Choice Words”, “My Friend’s Choice Words”, and “Choice Words I’ve Read”. Direct students to look back at the writing they have done this week. In the first column, list “choice words” they have used in their own writing. Next, switch papers with someone. On a piece of extra paper, copy the words in their first column. Give papers back. Add any different words found in someone else’s first column to the second column. Lastly, look over the Chicken Crosses Road stories, and the Exploding Whale articles, hunting for choice words. Write down any found in the third column. Do not repeat any words.

My Choice Words My Friends’ Choice Words Choice Words I’ve Read

79

Through Different Eyes

Directions: Write a brief description from the varied perspectives listed below. Use your choice words!

slice of pizza: o described from the perspective of a Survivor cast member, who has run out of rations. o described from the perspective of a dietician. o described from the perspective of the pizza chef.

rowdy classroom: o described from the perspective of the popular kid in the class o described from the perspective of a new student to the class o described from the perspective of a substitute teacher.

hurricane: o described from the perspective of a television reporter, getting her first national story o described from the perspective of a homeowner who lives two blocks from the beach. o described from the perspective of an insurance agent.

the family dog: o described from the perspective of the mail carrier o described from the perspective of the family’s mother o described from the perspective of the vet

high-diving board: o described from the perspective of an Olympic diver o described from the perspective of a seven year-old child. o described from the perspective of a parent watching his/her child prepare for the first dive.

homemade apple pie: o described from the perspective of a person who is on a strict diet. o described from the perspective of a hungry lumberjack who has been cutting wood all day.

deer: o described from the perspective of a hunter. o described from the perspective of a animal rights activitist.

the game winning shot during the last second of a basketball game: o described from the perspective of a fan from the winning team o described from the perspective of a fan from the losing team

the top of a bungee jumping platform: o described from the perspective of a thrill seeker who loves an adrenaline rush o described from the perspective of a first time jumper

80

Week Five, Day Five: Believe It or Not Activity

Believe It or Not Objective: Students will create a personal narrative or reflective essay using revision and elaboration techniques to create a more layered piece of writing. Time: 20 minutes to a full class period • Assign groups or rows of students the following sentence beginnings to produce a personal narrative or reflective essay (100-150 words): A. I can’t believe I was afraid of… B. I can’t believe I was intimidated by… C. I can’t believe he/she never told me… D. I can’t believe how many months it’s been since… E. When I first heard the bad news, I… • Inform students that • The writing content may be true or fiction • They are to write for only 10 minutes • They are to write on every other line • Their writing will be shared with the class • Tell the students to begin writing. At the end of 10 minutes, instruct them to STOP. Instruct the students to add the following to their original piece of writing using a pen with a different color ink each time they make an addition. • 5-10 new adjectives • 5-10 action verbs • 5-10 concrete nouns • 3-5 “color” words • This should take no more than 5 minutes; however, it can be challenging because no new sentences can be added. • After they add the new words, ask students to share their writings with the rest of the class. • Put the pieces into the students’ portfolios for future elaboration.

81

Additional Combinations of Activities for Week Five:

Ten Teacher or Student-Led Activities for Word Choice

1. Build a word bank (in your notebook,, bulletin board, classroom word wall, etc.) of words you like. 2. Build a memorial to DEAD words. Find a mutual place in the classroom to get rid of all dead words such as good, nice, very, etc. 3. Find HEAVY words. In any piece of writing, some words and phrases are asked to carry most of the weight, most of the meaning. Get an excerpt from any piece that is rich with HEAVY words. Students should circle those words that carry the most weight then compare to see if others chose the same. Look through your own writing to see if you can identify HEAVY words. You should be able to do so. 4. Connotation/Denotation Thesaurus work. Students work in groups to look up a word (from a list of words that have multiple meanings) provided by the teacher. Ask students to choose 6-10 of the most interesting diverse variations on their word theme, and create a lesson in which they make the nuances of meaning clear. They can do written or oral definitions, give a quiz, dramatize the meanings—or do anything they wish to make the meanings clear, and to make the point that synonyms are not all interchangeable. 5. Talk about the life of language. Have a discussion about some words that are no longer in use and new words that have just been created. Make a list of words that we use now that will most likely be gone in the next fifty years. 6. Take out JARGON. Again, the books for dummieshas grown popular because of their ability to remove jargon from typically difficult text. Bring in a piece of technical writing and have students (possibly in pairs) work on revising it to make it more user-friendly and less jargonistic. 7. Collect quotations with really great language in it. One of my favorites is by Mark Twain, “Loyalty to petrified opinion never broke a chain or freed a human soul.” I love this quote because the words are so rich. They are simple enough words individually, but together in this sense it becomes very rich. 8. Play word games so that students become fascinated with words. Tell about the origins of words such as Bikini (named after the island where the atomic bomb was tested—recognizing the bathing suit could create the same reaction). Talk about cliches and their origins. Ask about words or sayings that are specific to family members. What colloquial sayings do your students know? 9. Highlight all the verbs and nouns in your writing and revise at least half of them to improve. Changing verbs often requires rewriting or restructuring the sentences. Make sure they are well-aware of all the “be” verbs. 10. Pay close attention to adverbs, especially used as taglines in dialogue. Use “said.” As Strunk and White so eloquently say “Do not dress words up by adding -ly to them, as though putting a hat on a horse. “ -- Elements of Style, 4th ed..

82

A Traits of Writing Classroom Resource:

Voice Response & Revision Notes

Rank Each Skill from 1(low) to 5(high):

1 2 3 4 5 I really tried to show passion about my topic. 1 2 3 4 5 If read aloud, it sounds like something I might really say. 1 2 3 4 5 I did things in my writing to help my audience understand. 1 2 3 4 5 I captured a tone or mood with my words. 1 2 3 4 5 Any use of humor or sarcasm is appropriate for this assignment.

A Traits of Writing Classroom Resource:

Word Choice Response & Revision Notes

Rank Each Skill from 1(low) to 5(high):

1 2 3 4 5 My adjectives are excellent and thoughtful. 1 2 3 4 5 I use a good balance of action and linking verbs. 1 2 3 4 5 My nouns are precise; I don’t overuse pronouns. 1 2 3 4 5 It is clear that I am not afraid to take risks with new words. 1 2 3 4 5 I used a few color and texture words to describe.

Free 6-Trait resources come from WritingFix! This document was downloaded from http://writingfix.com/ ©2006 Northern Nevada Writing Project.

http://writingfix.com/�

83

One Syllable Words

Big words can make the way dark for those who read what you write and hear what you say. Small words cast their clear light on big things—night and day, love and hate, war and peace, and life and death. Small words are the ones we seem to have known from the time we were born, like the hearth fire that warms the home.

Writing Magazine, March 1994

Directions

Write a piece using only one syllable words. This does not mean you only use simple words. Think of concrete words that have depth and are single syllable. It might help to first make a list of words. Nouns: brute, range, clay, dawn, mast, Verbs: rhyme, slice, shear, prove, lure, Adjectives: slim, beige, weak, bronze,

Student example:

Not once this week, but twice he woke at four a.m. just to see her. The dawn came too quick, like their love for each other had—in what seemed like an hour. The girl crept from the glass pane like a bold thief and sat with him in the wet grass, her skin chilled and yet her core warm. They spoke in a soft hush as they each kept their eyes to the house. When the light came on and a dark gray moved past the shades, the boy kissed the girl once more, soft, soft. And she felt full, like the star-crossed pair they knew from the play.

Now, it’s Your Turn!

84

Week Six: 30-02-06(Thirty Days to FCAT Writing Success)

• Week Six, Day One:

• FCAT Writes Plan of Action

• Week Six, Day Two and Three:

• Fun Things to do With FCAT Writing Prompts

• Week Six, Day Four:

• Stepping into a Painting Activity

• Week Five, Day Five:

• Elaboration Using Layered Language: Believe it or Not Activity



85

Week Six: Sunshine State Standards Benchmarks by FCAT Writing Measurement Categories

LA.B.1.3.3

LA.B.1.3.2

LA.B.1.3.1

Grade 8

Benchmark






ain idea; and dem

onstrates a comm

itment to


ith the subject. N




LA.B.2.3.3)




Focus



Organization




onstrates a com

mand of language

(word choice) w


Support

86





mon usage,


comm


comm



atting. N




Conventions

LA.B.1.4.3

LA.B.1.4.2

LA.B.1.4.1

Grade 10

Benchmark




onstrates a comm

itment


ith the subject. N




LA.B.2.4.3)




Focus



pleteness.

Organization




onstrates a mature

comm



Support

87



mas, colons, and

comm








s. N




Conventions

88

Week Six, Day One:

FCAT Writes Plan of Action 1. What are the first three things I need to do when I get my FCAT Writing prompt? Step 1 Step 2 Step 3 This should take ______ minutes or less. 2. Five AWESOME transitions are: ____________________ it means/ can be used _____________________ ____________________ _____________________ ____________________ _____________________ ____________________ _____________________ ____________________ _____________________ 3. My introduction must include: My conclusion must include: __________________________ ________________________ __________________________ ________________________ __________________________ 4. Three ways I can start my essay are: Three ways I can end my essay are: ________________________________ ______________________________ ________________________________ ______________________________ ________________________________ ______________________________

89

5. During the last 10 minutes I will: __________________________________________ 6. Five POWERFUL words and five ways to elaborate are: POWERFUL Words Ways to Elaborate _____________________ ____________________________________ _____________________ ____________________________________ _____________________ ____________________________________ _____________________ ____________________________________ _____________________ ____________________________________

90

Week Six, Day Two and Three:

Fun Things to do With FCAT Writing Prompts Pick one prompt from a list provided. Everyone writes the BEST first line to this prompt. Pick one from a list provided. Everyone writes the BEST last line to this prompt. Working in groups, students create prompts that are similar to FCAT prompts. Be sure they model the criteria of the prompt. It must be general enough so that it does not provide bias. Must be worded in the same format. Must have an expository and a persuasive prompt. Each student has two sheets of paper and one prompt (student generated or otherwise). Get into groups of 5 or 6 and number each paper. Students should remember the number they started on. They must be in a circle and go in order. Each student adds one line to the essay until they have gone all the way around. The purpose is to continue to support, keeping in mind that they want to complete the essays by the end of class. Add detail. Add support. Consider transitions. Stay with the voice so that it sounds like the same person wrote it. If doing the extension activity, make sure they write double-spaced. Extension- Next day, pass papers to other group and have them revise one or two of the pieces directly onto the paper. Note areas of support. Use the traits in order o address issues: 5 minutes look at Word Choice, 5 minutes look at Sentence Fluency, 5 minutes look at Ideas , etc Another Extension- Give back to the original group and they can edit/type and turn in. Also, have them write a brief reflection about the original piece compared with the last, edited and revised piece. Post the prompts on large sheets of paper around the room. Have the students walk around and write on sticky notes the MOST unique angle they could take with each essay. They will be reading others’ ideas as they stop to read and write their own. Choose a prompt and put on the board. Give students five minutes to write a list of possible angles to take with the essay. Share with class to see who had the best and most unique. Explain topic Writing (Teacher must write) Share writing (Teacher must share) Self Evaluation Rubric Reflection Exit Slip

91

Week Six, Day Four and Five: Fine-tune Your Powers of Observation and Description

Stepping Into a Painting Objective: Students will use the "Stepping into a Painting" handout to create a descriptive essay. Time: One class period

• Instruct students to select a fairly large picture from the following art pieces. • Ask students to take out a clean sheet of paper and copy the sentence frames below

from an overhead transparency as they examine the picture. • After filling out the handout, students will use the information to write a descriptive

essay in first person point of view.

STEPPING INTO A PAINTING HANDOUT 1. What is your first response or reaction to the picture? What emotions are awakened in you? 2. I am standing_________________. (Tell exactly where.) 3. From here I can see________, but I can't see.____________. 4. I notice the temperature is ______, and I think the time of day is ____because______. 5. I am able to identify the figures of ________, and I imagine he/she (they) is (are) saying, "____." 6. Tasting the scene reminds me of the taste of _____and when I touch ( any part of the scene; name one)_____it feels like_______. 7. I do ( do not) feel comfortable and safe in my surroundings because_____; furthermore, it reminds me of_____(perhaps a place you've been). 8. As I take a closer look at the scene, I notice that at first I overlooked_____. 9. Standing in these surroundings, I recall memories of _____(people, places, events, sights, or ambiguous things like memories). 10. As I take a final look at this scene, I notice_____which I had not noticed before. 11. Give the painting/picture a title.

92

The Four Step Critical Method of Observing Art

Objective: Students will use the "Four-Step Critical Method of Observing Art” to ramp up their observation and description of detail in artwork. Time: One class period

Also known as “The Feldman Model”: how to talk about art using the four step critical method. Step One: Describe exactly what you are looking at. Step Two: Analyze the artists’ use of the art elements/principles (i.e. colors, shapes, textures, balance, value, contrast…..) Step Three: Interpret….what do you think the artist was trying to “say” to you through this art, what story does it tell, how does it make you feel(there is no right or wrong). Step Four: Evaluate/Judge…what makes this a successful/unsuccessful art work? Use one of the three theories for judging art, choose one….Imitationalism, Formalism, or Emotionalism

• Imitationalism – artist did a great job making it look like what it is

• Formalism – artist really was successful with the way he used colors, lines, shapes, forms, textures

• Emotionalism- artist was able to get a strong sense of feeling/emotion from the viewer

Remember that each one of you may decide to judge/evaluate the artwork using a different theory….and that is fine….it is just a great way to get people to really think about the artwork they are viewing (or the music they hear, the play they see, the ballet or opera they view, a story they read, a movie they saw…… you can use this process in many different ways in your classrooms.

93

Verda, by Albert Guasch. Used by permission of the artist.

94

Junk Food Vertumnus, by Andy Council. Used by permission of the artist.

95

The Optimist, by Chris Scarborough. Used by permission of the artist.

96

AnimeSara, by Chris Scarborough. Used by permission of the artist.

97

Chiaroscuro 2, by Igor Kraguljac. Used by Permission of the artist.

98

G 5, by Igor Kraguljac. Used by permission of the artist.

99

Nathan, by Igor Kraguljac. Used by permission of the artist.

100

Lauren, by Igor Kraguljac. Used by permission of the artist.

101

Uri, by Igor Kraguljac. Used by permission of the artist.

102

Additional Combinations of Activities:

Rewrite to Elaborate Objective: Students will revise draft essays using questions to guide their elaboration. Time: One class period • Distribute the following REWRITING FOR ELABORATION worksheet, and instruct

students to reread their essays, making sure all relevant questions are answered or addressed. If the questions are not answered or addressed, instruct the students to rewrite their essays to incorporate these new ideas.

Note to Teacher: Students need to view rewriting as more than editing, polishing, or proofreading. Rewriting is more than correcting flaws in papers that have already been graded. Although a draft represents an initial attempt to express a message, most writers don't find its meaning and form until they've reviewed the draft. Students need time to let their compositions grow. They need to examine every level of the discourse, review the decisions they made, and incorporate responses from teachers and other students. They may need to rewrite the piece several times until they're satisfied that it says what they mean. The questions on the worksheet will help them do so.

Rewriting for Elaboration Worksheet Use the following questions to revise and elaborate your essay. Subject, Audience, Purpose 1. What's the most important thing I want to say about my subject? 2. For whom am I writing this paper? What would my reader want to know about the subject? What

does my reader already know about it? 3. Why do I think the subject is worth writing about? Will my reader think the paper was worth

reading? 4. What verb explains what I'm trying to do in this paper (tell a story, compare X and Y, describe Z)? 5. Does my first paragraph answer questions 1 - 4? If not, why not? Organization 6. How many specific points did I make about my subject? Did I overlap or repeat any points? Did I

leave any points out or add some that aren't relevant to the main idea? 7. How many paragraphs did I use to talk about each point? 8. Why did I talk about them in this order? Should the order be changed? 9. How did I get from one point to the next? What signposts did I give the reader? Paragraphing (Ask these questions of every paragraph) 10. What job is this paragraph supposed to do? How does it relate to the paragraph before and after it? 11. What's the topic idea? Will my reader have trouble finding it?

103

12. How many sentences did it take to develop the topic idea? Can I substitute better examples, reasons, or details? 13. How well does the paragraph hold together? How many levels of generality does it have? Are the sentences different lengths and types? Do I need transitions? When I read the paragraph out loud, did it flow smoothly? Sentences (Ask these questions of every sentence) 14. Which sentences in my paper do I like the most? The least? 15. Can my reader "see" what I'm saying? What words could I substitute for "people," "things," "this/

that," "aspect," and so forth? 16. Is this sentence "fat"? (e.g. sentences that are lengthened unnecessarily which obscures meaning) 17. Can I combine this sentence with another one? 18. Can I add adjectives and adverbs or find a more lively verb? Things To Check Last 19. Did I check spelling and punctuation? What kinds of words do I usually misspell? What kinds of

punctuation problems did I have in my last paper? 20. How does my paper end? Did I keep the promises I made to my reader at the beginning of the

paper? 21. When I read the assignment again, did I miss anything? 22. What do I like best about this paper? What do I need to work on in the next paper?

104

S t r e t c h and Write More Objective: Students will revise weak and/or simple sentences into well-developed, expanded sentences. Time: 20 minutes (30 if sentences are to be shared) Directions: • Explain that sentences may be expanded and elaborated in a number of specific ways. For example, writers may add adjectives, adverbs, phrases, and/or clauses to an original simple sentence. • Instruct students to write a simple subject/action verb sentence. (The duck quacked. The woman screamed. The ball fell.) • Distribute the SENTENCE ELABORATION worksheet. • Instruct students to rewrite their own sentences following the examples given. • Sentences may be shared with the class as a small group or whole class activity.

Sample: The boy ran.

Add an adjective

Add an adverb

Add a prepositional

phrase

Add a participial

phrase

Add an infinitive phrase

Add a definitive clause

The foolish

boy ran.

Finally the foolish boy

ran.

Finally, the foolish boy

ran across the broken bridge.

Showing off for his friends, the foolish boy ran across the broken bridge

To prove he was brave, the foolish

boy ran across the broken

bridge.

After the neighborhood bully called him a

coward, the foolish boy ran across the broken

bridge.

105

Sentence ElaborationWorksheet:

Write your simple subject/action verb sentence here.

Add an adjective Add an adverb Add a prepositional phrase

Add a participial phrase Add an infinitive phrase Add a dependent clause

thirty days to unlock fcat writing success - polk … document contains thirty days’ worth of...

Documents