Three types of Behaviour

Non-assertive

Aggressive

Assertive

Non-Assertive Behaviour

Behaviour that involves:

failing to stand up for your rights or doing so in such a way that people can disregard them

expressing your needs, wants, opinions, feeling or beliefs in apologetic, diffident of self-effacing ways

failing to express honestly your needs, wants, opinions, feelings or beliefs.

Aggressive Behaviour

Behaviour that involves:

Standing up for your own rights, but doing so in such a way that you violate the rights of others

Ignoring or dismissing the needs, wants, opinions, feelings or beliefs of others

Expressing your own needs, wants etc. inappropriately

Assertive Behaviour

Behaviour that involves:

Standing up for your own rights without violating the rights of others.

Expressing your needs, wants, opinions, feelings and beliefs in a direct, honest and appropriate way.

The Effects of Non-Assertive Behaviour on You

A growing loss of Self Esteem

Increase in Anger, Hurt, Self Pity

More Internal Tensions(e.g. nervous energy)

and/or

increasing inability more healthto act assertively problems

The Effects of Non-Assertive Behaviour on Others

Others feel sorry for you

They feel guilty/indifferent (about taking advantage)

They feel irritation

They cease to respect you

They restrict their contact with you

The Effects of Aggression on You

Aggression

Guilt or shame Blaming others

Constant state of alert

Apologising profusely or Drained of energybeing over helpful

Hate and mistrust against large groups of people

Isolation

The Effects of Aggression on Others

Others may admire you or They may feel anger, hurt or humiliation.

They retaliate or go underground.

They take fewer risks

They become resigned

or they leave

The Effects of Assertion

You have made clear what your needs, feelings, opinions are.

The other person is clear where you stand.

You can be clear where the other person stands.

Problems can be resolved and decisions made openly

Assertive Communication

Decide what you want to say

Say it clearly

Support what you say by the way that you say it

Do not get side-tracked

Listen

Aim for “Win Win”

In Order to Buy Time We must Realise that:

We do not have to respond immediately and positively to request demands or criticism.

And We can refuse to be rushed into a quick or automatic response to someone else’s apparent crisis or emergency.